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#mental illness and creativity
aur-el-ias · 10 months
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me, in a moment of critical self-loathing, crying in the centricide club: I'M MAKING WHAT ART IS IN MY HEART
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dannnnnnnnnnnnex · 2 years
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i really dislike it when people don’t understand perfectionism.
like, it isn’t always “person who has tons of motivation and spends a ton of time making this thing *just* right”
wayyyyyy more often than not it’s:
”I know that if I try to make this thing, it won’t be perfect, so I simply won’t try.”
which definitely sounds bad, right? but when you realize that it doesn’t just apply to voluntarily making art, then you realize how perfectionism is not at all a good thing in any context. 
“i know that if I try to work on this assignment right now, it won’t be good enough, so i’ll wait until the last possible moment so that I have something forcing me to do it.”
”i know that I should start going to the gym, but I won’t see any improvement right away, so I just won’t.”
”i know that i should brush my teeth tonight, but that won’t be good enough to undo the fact that i haven’t brushed them 4 days in a row, so I just won’t.”
perfectionism isn’t the uncontrollable impulse to make things “just right”. (although it can occasionally manifest as this.)
perfectionism is the absolute, psychological inability to accept the concepts of “good enough” and “better than nothing”.
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borderlinebelle · 1 month
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ARE YOU OR SOMEONE YOU LOVE LIVING WITH MENTAL ILLNESS?
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Cool, me too.
I’m assembling a community of like minded humans who can relate to the feeling of their own flesh+bone matter constantly contending with their sentient consciousness in a bid for power and control over their decisions and emotions… and/or humans who love other humans who continuously battle their own prefrontal cortex and endorphin creators for a bid at happiness…
come… rest here, weary traveller. find out more below ⬇️
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delivered in a clear & chaotic voice of authenticity, my content centers around conquering challenges made into marathons by, often times common, mental health symptoms.
FIRST EPISODE: MY ROTTING TOOTH THAY ANXIETY AND FEAR HELPED ME AVOID
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i didn’t explicitly reveal in the video… but I lived with a rotting tooth in my skull for months until it finally fell out of my jaw, months after my first botched root canal. 🙂
EPISODE TWO: STUPID WACK TAXES AND SHOCKINGLY I END UP MORE POOR!!! BUT I DID IT! (spoiler alert)
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this new editing style for the 2nd video is going to land so ✨wildly✨upon your retinas…
i wanted you to FEEL what I feel and understand what those closest to me experience when I bang their lines with a new story of hardship overcome, as friends often do 📱🧠📱
unexpectedly entertaining & a true visual representation, a reflection, of the way I often perceive and process information and life😵‍💫
EPISODE ONE… was the prototype
for a fleshy & meaty ep 2: TAX TORMENT
(because it IS and ISN’T that serious) 🫠
I also fought a bug i guess… because spring sprung all up on me…
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SO JOIN ME IN BEING BORDERLINE MANAGEABLE!
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You can support the channel by stubbing & turning on notifications so you’ll know when my new video drops. I really really appreciate your not being a jerk about the ad, thanks.
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mewtwo24 · 4 months
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I finally finished reading the fourth volume of svsss in full, and thing is--the first time through I only read the bingqiu content because I was ravenous for more of their happy ending.
Turns out that was a perilous mistake.
Because I started reading the airplane extras. And I swear to god. MXTX is trying to kill me
What do you MEAN demon lord Binghe was sitting on his big fucking throne. All stoic and forbidding. Surrounded by his demon generals who don't know shit about human courtship. Asking them what he should do, fully demoralized by constant rejections from sqq, only to have airplane tell him to act more pathetic and needy. Which is already hysterically funny and insane, UNTIL LBH'S RESPONSE IS THIS, KILLING ME INSTANTLY:
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LUO BINGHE. WHY DOES HE SAY IT LIKE: "I already tried that, didn't work--nothing works :/ not mean, not maidenly, not housewife, not spicy, not capable disciple. Is doubling down on clingy really all it will take? What's a born hater with only one love in his life to do????"
The dichotomy of him sitting there like 'how can I reach the unfathomable depths of shizun's heart?' A HEART HE'S ALREADY WON OVER, MIND and then in the Holy Mausoleum solving the puzzle without blinking and being like 'oh yeah you just have to hit the acupoints, no sweat.' Literally the comedy writes itself I'm so--
How am I supposed to be normal about this. MXTX understands the juicy quintessential queer joy of a person with the world's power at their fingertips wishing only for love. Willing to do anything to earn that love, when unbeknownst to them it's already been freely given. Totally not screaming and yelling and clawing at the walls
And that's not even touching airplane's uproarious account of events. The way he's like 'lol what's next, lbh and sqq are best friends now? smfh' only to see lbh TACKLE SQQ LOVINGLY. FOR SQQ TO BE BASHFUL ABOUT IT BUT SO SO FOND OF THE LITTLE SCAMP. This when we've been experiencing sqq's constant inner monologue of 'I'm so cool and so dignified about my role, truly the epitome of propriety and poser-level fortitude.' Meanwhile, in their universe:
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Airplane constantly flaming???? Sqq and lbh in his observations????? His absolute bewilderment and confusion????? Legendary. No notes every single second of this shit was hilarious.
Airplane's comment that sqq + older adolescent lbh traveling together was just watching a couple in their honeymoon phase. OR the fact that lbh is exceedingly petty and refuses to share their food in the wake of airplane's interruption of their time together, until sqq relents sheepishly and insists airplane eat what's left (ONLY AFTER PLACATING LBH WITH MORE FOOD FROM HIS PLATE, SOBBING)
Watching airplane salivate over Mobei-Jun and acting like that's totally normal behavior. Finding out mbj and airplane got together first. Finding out sqq encouraged airplane. LIKE THIS. WHILE HE IS STILL IN DENIAL ABOUT HIS OWN FEELINGS:
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Mobei-jun clearly thinking their arrangement is a forever thing, heartbroken his human abandoned him with all the hapless fury of a scorned wife swept away by false promises of fidelity. Airplane writing demons to be the type to beat up their crush lovingly and still unable to connect the dots about mbj's feelings. Mbj letting him go and respecting his wishes, only relenting when there's indication airplane was poorly processing his own feelings and didn't actually want to leave. Mbj caring for him and listening to him as soon as airplane voices what he needs directly and with clarity. None of these gays are functional and it's everything to me
Unrelated, but I physically can't hold this information in anymore:
I'm still reeling from younger lbh having his sexual awakening from the image of sqq wrapped in the immortal binding cables. Condemn me as you like he was so, so real for that.
And no I will not be taking any comments about how luo bingge couldn't bear to see luo binghe cherished in ways he never got to have and all the haunting implications of that. I will also not be taking any comments about luo binghe's instinct to look for sqq in that alternate universe, only to be shaken to the very core to be unable to find his shizun anywhere. The unspeakable and latent horror of his relentless mind likely piecing together what happened, but unable to say it; to suspect what is true, and live with the harrowing confusion of his double's actions. To blame himself, to assume that he had let his anger get the better of him in that world and result in unspeakable folly...
I also refuse to talk about how heartrending it is to hear Tianlang-jun weakly say "In the end, I really can't bring myself to hate humans." The implication that the foolishness of that hope and bright-eyed fondness--the very thing that put him through such unspeakable agony--couldn't be beaten out of him entirely. To discover that his faith in Su Xiyan hadn't been misplaced, to the contrary: his beloved hadn't scorned him at all, but rather fought to the miserable end to protect the fruition of their genuine feelings of love when she couldn't protect tlj or herself.
How MXTX has sqq deliberately draw parallels between their situation and that of ygy+sj and tlj+sx; desperately wishing it might not be too late for them. The concept of breaking cycles of abuse and harm pervasive throughout the newly devised story, how it evolves for the better only when love takes the place of power, pride, and domination. How the moment sqq chooses vulnerability instead of saving face, the genre shifts to the so-called "cringe" girly genre where most if not every character is more fulfilled, more true to themselves. How the "male-oriented" former genre was aimlessly sensationalized and sexualized, how it was a sustained performance of aspirational toxic masculinity. How men objectify other men without end. All of the unspoken gendered implications that come with that.
Anyways. Going to go put my head in a sandbox and try to process everything I just witnessed because even a second reading is not enough to find a modicum of closure.
#svsss#bingqiu#moshang#i swear to god this series is just 'gay man who doesn't know shit inflicting his delusional reality on everyone else and inciting chaos'#and literally it's slapstick levels of hilarious every single time; mxtx never change#also i fully agree that we did not get NEARLY enough mobei-jun and sqh/airplane content#the amount of mental illness to mental illness communication going on there was astonishing#mobei-jun being afraid of his uncle and bringing sqh because that's the only person he trusts fully (WAILING NOISES)#sqh having a tantrum but running away because for the first time he was honest about his needs + his dissatisfaction with catering to other#how that reflects his narrative compulsions and how he felt forced to warp more creative story paths for the sake of survival as a writer#how sqq's restoration of much of his original intent--as well as mobei-jun's acceptance of his needs--helps airplane begin to heal#how his happiness begins; how just like sqq he wanders in such confusion and denial before he's forced to realize what truly matters to him#SHREK VOICE: STORIES HAVE. L A Y E R S#it feels like modern day shakespeare and when i say that i don't mean it in a hollow elevating sense i mean it more like#mxtx just hits that perfect balance of poignance but also hilarious concentric circles of botched communication and brainworms#okay but real talk for a minute? .........;-;#the way lbh constantly struggles with such a crushing feeling that he'll be abandoned over any little mishap/thing/problem#really hit me where it hurts??? if only because its so clearly an anxiety that stems from original goods' upbringing#the way it becomes even more heartrending when you think back to all the sect leaders clamoring that he should have been killed as an infan#that he should have been aborted as a fetus--insisting right in front of him that his birth was a mistake and a disgrace#over having demon blood in his veins. like my god that scene is so viscerally upsetting i struggle to read it#the way its so easy to see the demons as a manifestation of otherness in precipitated form#how both sqq and sqh are influenced by human rhetoric without evening meaning to--assuming the worst against their better judgment#how both sqq and sqh both struggle with their own otherness in different ways and only find solace when they begin to accept who they are#how their lovers (lbh and mbj respectively) both are willing to navigate those confusing waters with them#how both demons love them as they are--accept them as they are despite how difficult forgiveness of perceived betrayal is for them#ty mxtx for changing my brain chemistry#as i get older i have such a fondness for the messiness of thematic queer self-discovery and growth into self-acceptance#that and how youth can so easily be defined by perfectionistic self-harm and the violence of repression
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abbiemhart · 9 months
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how i write poems:
step one: stare at a wall for three hours.
step two: despair
step three: write literally anything.
step four: hate it.
step five: post my trauma on the internet for all to see.
step six: repeat!
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leafsea · 3 months
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at least the chaos made sense // 1.27.2024
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hayatheauthor · 1 year
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How To Write And Research Mental Illnesses 
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Mental illnesses are a large aspect of literature often incorporated into various different genres. However, even with their prevalence, many authors are often unaware of how to write about mental illnesses accurately. If you’re an author writing a character with a mental illness, here are some tips on how to write with mental illnesses. 
Don’t ‘Self Diagnose’ Your Characters 
When writing about mental illnesses it’s important to consider whether or not your character would realistically have this mental illness given their situation and story. Many authors often ‘self diagnose’ their characters without actually taking the time to research these illnesses and figure out whether their character would develop this illness if they were a real person. 
I say ‘self diagnose’ because as authors we generally do diagnose our characters based on our own interpretations and plans for them and their story, without looking to real people with these illnesses. 
Just because your character is going through an unproductive slump doesn’t mean they they are depressed. Just because your character is nervous and experiencing stage fright doesn’t mean they have anxiety. 
Take the time to look into these mental illnesses and genuinely consider whether or not your character has a mental illness, or if you’re just self diagnosing and wrongly labelling them. 
Do Your Research 
Whenever I blog about such sensitive topics, I always find myself ultimately mentioning this one point. This is because even with so many resources available to us both online and offline, writers still choose to be blissfully unaware of sensitive topics mentioned in their WIPs or stories. 
I sincerely cannot stress how important it is for a writer to do their due diligence and research the topics they write for, especially if it is something as sensitive as mental illnesses. 
Once you have established that your character would realistically develop or undergo a mental illness given the situation they are in, it is now time to research what exactly they would go through. 
A simple google search can tell you everything you need to know about your character’s mental illness. Or, you could reach out to people you know who suffer from the same illness and ask them questions about it. 
Researching your character’s mental illness helps ensure you don’t accidentally misrepresent that illness or create symptoms that are inaccurate and insulting to people who do suffer from that mental illness. It will also provide you with a sense of ease as an author, and allow you to work on your WIP without having to worry about accidentally offending an entire community. 
Remember The Three Ss
One of the biggest challenges writers face with writing with mental illnesses is unrealistic representation. Unsure where to start with your research? Here is a simple guide for you to keep in mind. 
When writing about mental illnesses, you need to recall the three Ss: 
Symptoms 
Side effects 
Stages 
Symptoms 
Every illness or disease has its own symptoms, the same applies to mental illnesses. When writing about a character with mental illnesses, you need to take the time to research the symptoms of this illness and how these symptoms can impact your character on a day-to-day and general level. 
For example, a character with PTSD would face trouble sleeping and concentrating, would be irritable, angry and face overwhelming guilt or shame. These symptoms can all make it hard for a person to excel at school or the workplace and can lead to delayed deadlines, unfinished work, and a lot of stress and anxious thinking. 
A character with PTSD would likely not be able to handle being at the top of their class, unless they completely engross themselves in their studies to the point where they can’t think of anything except that. However, if that were the case then they would find it very hard to handle ‘normal’ situations and wouldn’t be getting a lot of sleep. 
Side Effects 
A side effect is a temporary and commonly unwanted effect of a drug or medical condition. Unlike a symptom, a side effect can be harmful or beneficial and most go away on their own over time. 
They wouldn’t be considered as ‘serious’ as a symptom, however, they can still significantly impact your character, their story, and their dynamics with the characters they interact with. 
Following the above example, a character with PTSD would generally suffer from an inability to develop or maintain positive, healthy interpersonal relationships and an inability to trust others. They also often face side effects such as social isolation, chronic feelings of fear, etc. 
These are all side effects that would make it hard for a character with PTSD to maintain emotional relationships. You can use this to portray their sudden lack of connection with friends and family, and how they find themselves only associating with people who have either been through or understand their situation. 
Stages 
A person with cancer, or other such physical illnesses, doesn’t suddenly hit a chronic level overnight. The same logic applies to mental illnesses. Mental illnesses don’t just develop overnight. Your character won’t suddenly wake up one day in chapter ten and have a full-blown panic attack because they developed a panic disorder. 
Yes, people can face symptoms or side effects pertaining to a mental illness after facing a traumatic event. However, when writing about such events, it’s very important to do your research and consider whether or not a person would realistically undergo such serious symptoms in such a small timeframe given the circumstances. 
Outside of incidents that are a direct result of a traumatic event, it’s important to consider the stages your character would experience as a result of their mental illness. 
For example, a person with PTSD goes through five stages, the first being the impact or emergency stage, during which they struggle to process or deal with the situation they have gone through. Then comes the denial or numbing stage. 
Following the above example, a numbing stage would be akin to when a character pretends the traumatic event never occurred and throws themselves into their work or school. Then comes a rescue stage, which would be when other characters begin to intervene or when the character comes to terms with the events and starts to better themselves. 
Knowing the stages of your character’s mental illness allows you to accurately plan out what happens in your story and create a realistic portrayal of their suffrage. It also helps flesh out your story for your readers and allows you to seamlessly incorporate your character’s illness into the story. 
Don’t Define Them By Their Mental Illness
Now that you have a general idea of how to write and research mental illnesses, I would like to end this blog post with a small reminder. People with mental illnesses are human. They have personalities, hobbies, likes, dislikes, and other such traits that often have nothing to do with their mental illness. 
When writing with a mental illness, it’s important to take this into account and ensure you don’t constantly define your character by their mental illness, or even worse, reduce them to their mental illness. 
I hope this blog on how to write and research mental illnesses will help you in your writing journey. Be sure to comment any tips of your own to help your fellow authors prosper, and follow my blog for new blog updates every Monday and Thursday.  
Looking For More Writing Tips And Tricks? 
Are you an author looking for writing tips and tricks to better your manuscript? Or do you want to learn about how to get a literary agent, get published and properly market your book? Consider checking out the rest of Haya’s book blog where I post writing and marketing tools for authors every Monday and Thursday. 
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neuroticboyfriend · 6 months
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don't know how to put this into words that make sense but addiction feels like a really long train ride. you just get farther and farther from home. you know you have to go back. you know the farther out you go the more time, money, and energy it'll take to get home. you know you have things to do at home. you have people you miss and hobbies to do and things to take care of. but you're already so far out. so you just keep going and telling yourself it's better to never look back. you try to find comfort and joy gazing out the window at all the new places and scenes, but you really just keep getting more lost. nothing is familiar anymore - except for the train. except for the mother fucking train.
you know every nook and cranny of that god damn train, but nothing about yourself or your future or what you really want out of life. and the worst part is, if you don't turn around, one day you'll hit the end of the line. but there will be no train back. you'll never go home again. you'll never go anywhere again.
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skinnypaleangryperson · 3 months
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thirdiife · 10 months
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treebark doodle dump cause theyre the only thing i can process
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mind-of-mud · 9 months
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i scarcely think that there is any hope for human beings.
and then, i am nineteen again. i am ripping the hello kitty charm off my pink croc and handing it to the girl behind the glass display. i hand it to her because she looks at my hello kitty tattoo in awe. and because she really thinks about it when i ask her who her favorite character is. and because her favorite character is hello kitty for the same reasons she is mine.
in the moment, everything moves slowly when she smiles. crooked, yet perfect teeth stare back at me. and all i can think of is how she is beautiful. and how she is happy.
this is when i know that people are good. because i am good.
and then i start to wonder if anyone would ever do that for me.
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whereserpentswalk · 1 month
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When the people in your life found out you had just become a vampire there were a lot of diffrent reactions. The best were useally just people who didn't make a big deal out of it, freinds you had who are also monsters tended to also understand how big a deal it was, especially if they were also undead. But a lot of other people had worse reactions. Some people didn't mention anything but became way more awkward and uncomfortable around you, and treated you much differently. Some people asked uncomfortable questions like if you could still have sex or if you wanted to drink from them when you saw them, treating you like youre some weird scifi creature. Some people, relatives especially, just talked about you like you were dead.
But the worst reaction was people who treated it like a tragedy. People who constantly felt sorry for you, like this was some big life ruining thing you couldn't recover from. The way they treat you like this is the end of everything for you, like you can't continue with your life after this. Everyone assumes you were bitten in an attack. You'd never tell anybody you didn't trust, but you were bitten on purpose. It's the most taboo thing about you, but you asked for it to happen, there's no tragedy to redeem you, you don't get to be excused from not being the monster because it wasn't your choice, it was your choice, the humanity the people around you mourn is one you killed.
It feels like in certain ways you're the type of vampire everyone is afraid the vampire that they meet is going to be. You don't pass as human, people's bodies react differently to being vampires, and while some look less human then you, you definitely can't pass, all your teeth are sharp, every single one, and your skin is pure grey now, and your eyes are red, you also lost most of your biological sex. And you like the way your body looks now, you love being in it, you feel so powerful and beautiful, you like how it feels to be this way, other people find it sad that your body is cold, but it feels nice and cooling to you. People would accept you much more if you hated that you were a vampire, if you saw yourself in a way that helped them afirm that they saw you as a lesser being, the fact that you love yourself is what scares so many humans. People who don't hate you just for being a vampire will hate you for not training to hide your inhuman movements, or for drinking blood in public.
There are vampires who really hate the type of vampire you are. The type of vampires who believe vampirism can only be understood as a medical condition that needs treatment, the type who wear the most human looking clothes, while you're wearing the most stereotypically vanpiric outfit imaginable (as if there's any difference to a monster hunter). Or just the younger less confident vampires who are so very afraid of becoming you. It's so strange to know that you're the bad ending for so many of your own kind, the worst case scenario parents talk about when they learn their child is a vampire. The fact that so many people are comforted by the fact that they aren't like you.
You're still finishing college, despite what most of your family assumed you're not dropping out just because you transformed. And since you live in the same city as your college it's not like you're even going anywhere. You lived with your parents as you did before for the first few weeks after transformation, but after seeing how much your appearance and mannerism changed they cut contact with you. You're living with a werewolf freind whose helped you navigate the monster community, some part of you is going over in the back of your mind, if you'll ever live with a human again. You don't think you'll be able to make many human freinds going forward, for some reason you don't mind that.
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deadwatered · 17 days
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empyrean
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borderlinebelle · 2 months
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ARE YOU OR SOMEONE YOU LOVE RECOVERING FROM A MENTAL ILLNESS?
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Cool me too.
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pls go subscribe and watch my channel on YouTube. I’m trying to create a community of healing humans as I am rewiring my brain to run on: healthy, happy, and being checked into my own life … at least until the depression cloud comes to take me again 🤷🏽‍♀️🧠💥✨
LINK BELOW FOR THE HUMANS LIKE ME
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nomorelostyears · 6 months
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Rotting in my room,
Amongst the antiques,
I am one of them now
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“Maybe it’s a good mood. Maybe it’s a manic episode.”
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