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#borderline personality disorder
anathatsthename · 16 minutes ago
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my fp got so heated while we were talking cuz he’s all like “u gotta eat” n i love how much he cares abt me but babe i’m not gonna eat cuz u tell me to i’m so sorry ilysm </3
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gothicscorpio · an hour ago
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no one cares about me anymore. i never get any texts back, not even from my closest friends. two of the most important people in my life have asked me to give them space because i’m overwhelming them. i just want to be cared for. i wish people loved me the way i loved them. i need help so bad, but i have no one to ask. my sadness and anger is crushing me.
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euphoricbones · an hour ago
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Just thinking about how different I would be if I grew up with more attention, nurture and validation
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theemotionalkiwi · an hour ago
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Oh yep, remembering how I'm definitely never enough for anyone and always abandoned 😃👍
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borderline-alive · an hour ago
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"But if life has no meaning, and if I do not see any version of the future for me, if I get up every morning and hope it ends, or the excess of pills I took yesterday will make me miss another day. So why am I still here? What am I fighting for? I'm so tired of fighting, I just want it to end already." (Submission)
I'm goimg to add to this:
The human brain focuses on the negative. In trauma response we feel like we have to fight constantly, and if we aren't fighting to fill the emptiness, what are we doing??
There's a whole different mindset that the brain's love for the negative defeats. We get up and fight because our subconscious clings to happy things like the smell of mint in a promised upcoming winter, the feeling of the pool on your skin in summer, the adrenaline of concerts or events with friends that we crave again, that you know if you come to an end, you'll no longer have and nobody else can have. The story ends, and those what ifs will be finished.
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toenli · 2 hours ago
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Recomendacion de drogas que he tomado:
Para personas retraído, calladas y que casi no expresan sus emociones yo les recomiendo anfetaminas o Crack.
Para personas con un aburrimiento mortal recomiendo keta, hongos o trufas alucinógenas o LSD.
Para las personas que se mueven mucho durante el día y descansan poco, y las personas estresadas, yo, recomendaría Benzodiacepinas algunos Psicóticos o Antidepresivos aunque una Valeriana no te vendría mal.
Para las personas que quieren hacer cosas pero algo no le deja como la ansiedad, no tener ni una pizca de motivación, etc. Recomendaría Cocaína o Cocaína rosa o Crack que tiene efecto inmediato.
Para relajarte, también, o tener un día interesante recomiendo un porro o alguna receta con marihuana.
El tabaco también lo recomiendo cuando ya te hayan hecho efecto algunas drogas, pero con la marihuana y los alucinógenos no.
Que tengas un día Happy.
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musingsofaninsomniac · 2 hours ago
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Spending the day watching Resident Evil 8 Let's Plays and drinking wine, because I've had a really, really rough week. I needed to unwind and have some Lady Dimitrescu in my life.
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moonly-bitch · 2 hours ago
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I'm going to cry for a bit rn, my best friend keeps canceling our fucking plans. We haven't hung out at all I only see her at school and we've had plans for tomorrow like we've been planning this for a week or two and suddenly she has to go to this guy's birthday party and she doesn't even like him.
Also not only that she keeps saying that she can't hang out cause she's got to study and shit but all the same time she's always doing shit with this girl that hates me basically and I juts can't deal with this bullshit but I can't just stop being friend with her cause I literally don't have any other friends and I'm afraid to be alone, so thats that
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anathatsthename · 3 hours ago
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why does the slightest thing my fp does literally ruin my whole day but him talking to me makes my whole day so much better
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moonly-bitch · 3 hours ago
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Let's play a game:
Does my headache cause I haven't eaten for two days, cause I've been exercising for two hours in an empty stomach, cause I haven't been wearing my glasses or is it just my migraine?
We will never know
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just-breakme · 4 hours ago
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I accidentally fell earlier today. Hit my knee. No blood, but since I already had an old injury, the pain was quite pleasing. I wonder how many more times I can fall before I get find out. If I get to see muscles and bone if I manage to hide good enough.
When did the idea of even more pain became more addictive than the terrifying idea of a painless lifestyle?
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txdeswach · 5 hours ago
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Panic attack? Why??? I just wanted to sleep..
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banishedquasiroyal · 6 hours ago
If your comfortable answering. How different do you think BPD is in the way it's portrayed in media VS real life? i.e your own experiences? Would you say somethings are the same or somethings vastly different?
alright, this one is a bit of a doozy. disclaimer that i’m not a medical professional in any capacity and just am someone who was given a bpd diagnosis for my eighteenth birthday along with a copy of Girl, Interrupted by my psychiatrist. i’ve been in dbt since i was 14 and have been labeled as a “self aware” borderline, which is bullshit psychobabble for “i’m really good at manipulating therapists into believing that i’m stable and don’t need to be hospitalized”. anyway. with that in mind:
well. i mean. frankly there isn’t a lot of bpd portrayal in media that’s like...there to begin with? if we’re going off the wikipedia page for fictional characters with bpd, we get 14 results, most of which aren’t actually confirmed. rebecca bunch is the most positive and accurate portrayal i’ve seen, but i also couldn’t get past season 1 of crazy ex girlfriend because it felt like looking at a mirror. you’ll also get one off characters in various television shows (random victims on SVU that have a slutty/self destructive rep without saying “she has BPD”, edgy explosive characters who die, the usual shit) and for the most part we get shown white cisgender women fulfilling the manic pixie dream girl trope to a T, but also with like, yandere tendencies. fucking hate how that sounds but there’s no polite way of putting it.
celebrities with bpd...also fairly slim pickings. i don’t blame anyone for not wanting to go public with this diagnosis, though. the stigma is grueling enough.
anywaaaaaaaay let’s go over the symptoms (also snatched from wikipedia, bc like, hello. nice resource):
Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
Unstable and chaotic interpersonal relationships, often characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation, also known as "splitting"
Markedly disturbed sense of identity and distorted self-image
Impulsive or reckless behaviors (e.g., impulsive or uncontrollable spending, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)
Recurrent suicidal gestures or self harm
Intense or uncontrollable emotional reactions and rapidly shifting between different emotional states
Chronic feelings of emptiness
Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger
Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms
you have to have at least 5/9 symptoms at least to be considered for a diagnosis, and they have to be pervasive and prevalent in impacting your life. i also highly recommend not getting a diagnosis, because like, holy shit, talk about stigma. mental health professionals have some bias against borderlines, and it’s stupid to pretend that isn’t like, a reoccurring theme in the community.
being borderline is debilitating. i’m not going to sugarcoat it. it’s not a fun disorder, it’s not something that i necessarily want to celebrate on a personal level. it’s more of just something that i happen to be, and i have to deal with it. and even in communities with other neuroatypical individuals, there is this kind of...idk, this feeling of otherness when talking about personality disorders in comparison to say, autism or ADHD. which is funny bc like, comorbidity exists (hi. i’m talking about myself. haha)
i think the one common thread between bpd as i experience it and media portrayal is the feeling of disappointment, of not being seen. because yeah, you might be considered to have a Presence and get told that you’re a great person or whatever (by mental health professionals), but it’s lonely. i can call myself out before it gets really bad, but for years i would split to such a degree that i purposefully ruined relationships in order to avoid confrontation. and like, even though there was a lot of justification in those instances, it was exhausting.
my body started falling apart. i have scars all over my arms and thighs. my esophagus was damaged from bulimia, and i can’t sing anymore. my liver is damaged from suicide attempts. i’ve been called an alcoholic (rightfully so) and by god, i spent years sleeping with anyone who would pay me or have me because i was that desperate for any kind of validation. it’s painful, it’s ugly, it’s not some quirky bullshit that i’m going to like, joke about. 
at the end of the day, i don’t really care if a fictional character has this. i want to be able to tell my therapists that i’m borderline without immediately watching the tonal shift. i want to be able to have a job and not be worried about getting fired because my boss found out that i was in dbt and connected the dots. i want to go online and ask for help for bpd and not be hit with links to sites about why bpd girlfriends are monsters, or why people with bpd are unsuitable and abusive parents. i want to talk about actual trauma i’ve been through and not be accused of just wanting attention.
everything else is secondary. 
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musingsofaninsomniac · 7 hours ago
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(to the tune of The Final Countdown) it’s a mental breakdown.
*off-key kazoo*
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toenli · 7 hours ago
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Yo no escribo en las noches versos vacíos ni carentes de significado. Por amores fallidos o un amor inspirado. No sonrió pensando en su risa perfecta ni veo corazones de mierda. No busco estrellas fugaces para pedir deseos ni miro la luna para rezarle al Dios perdido en los cielos. No busco amigos en esta realidad ni busco inspiración donde no la hay. Busco perderme en este endeble desierto de cemento cubierto por falsas fachadas que dice la gente, burlándose de los pobres de mente. No acaricio ovejas ni a los lobos doy de comer. No lloro por costumbre y me torturo por disfrute. Pero fuera de esta fachada de mierda se esconde algo mucho mejor, una bestia sedienta de sangre y hambrienta de carne, que morirá antes de llenarse.
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musingsofaninsomniac · 8 hours ago
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My Links; where you can find my content and odd things of that nature. I tend to post a lot of on twitter, instagram and my tumblr.
I have my Kofi in there, if you like what I do and want to help me pay for medical care or meds, it's there.
I have an OF if you're interested in that. I'm not ashamed of that. I enjoy it and do what I can to have fun.
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