a tombstone lament - dean / companion piece
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I see all of us reading ourselves away from ourselves, straining in circles of light to find more light…
Billy Collins, from “Books” in “Sailing Alone Around the Room: New and Selected Poems“ (Random House Trade Paperbacks; September 17, 2002)
Untitled for now
I know I'm no Jazmine Sullivan but I’m okay admitting that I lost one
A good one, You were my flower and I realize that this here tower was meant crash
We werent meant to last, two hearts interwined with no direct line to source is a dangerous position
Like how could that go missing? Did I really follow my intuition or did I act out of ego
I said I had friends on the other side and you took it deliberately as a caution sign
When all I wanted to do was to reveal to you my lifeline, a higher power that could keep us safe
until I realized how deep your love was cause we’re living in a world of fools who are breaking us down
And maybe I shouldn’t have left town. I was on a mission, Something just wasn’t clicking in my mental
its just not that simple It’s just one of those days don’t take it personal
Monica on the aux Well I only wanna make things right before you walk out my life
I hope I’m forgiven but not to mention I’m crazy about you
And maybe I’m a little weird for how this message is coming through
But as my greatest teacher you deserve rounds for the shit I put you through
I’m sorry, maybe after these 32 sessions I would’ve learned to keep notes like this to myself
But there was something about this Summer that made me want to become a scientist to realize
That I’m not as s-e-l-f d-e-s-t-r-u-c-t-i-v-e as I lead you to believe. I’m the magician, I got tricks up my sleeve
My defense mechanism was to get up and leave cause I couldn’t tell where you were leading me
Silly of me, to not be able to see you were everything I was hoping for and even a little more
I’ll be on my healing journey, but I’ll always leave the door open for you
A book that tells a story without reading a single word... Has lyrics written without glory which tells of a frightening world... Is this where I leave you... Or do you choose to walk out of the room? For all intents & purposes, no matter the action... We're controlled by our gloomy doom. So I'm here blazin', smiling as I listen to a bangin' tune 😁🎶
The Guilt Of Silence
So um I wrote something after a long long time (incredibly personal poetry you can stop reading if you're not into that stuff I don't blame you)
There’s something I want to say,
a price I have to pay.
The spiral in my skull,
the days running dull,
The fear furrowing my brows
the guilt of silence, the daily rows.
There’s nowhere to go, my blood’s run cold
Strewing the sins of my old man
Burying the alibi’s of my mam
I want to yell to run to kill
there’s so much more I wanted to be,
Smiles I wanted to see
Mountains I thought I’d conquer
the pride with which I’d prosper.
But here I am, lost, confused and masked
I can’t be anything but a pawn,
Laughing at the tornado
the upturned domino
yelling profanities in vain
Holding my neck, the all-encompassing strain
Where do I go from here?
There’s a fall no matter in which direction I steer
Running from constant questions choices I shouldn’t have to make
That’s what they’ve done, put my sanity up at stake.
I am nothing more but the echoes of a scream.
I am trying, I really am, but there’s no fighting this ungodly stream.
It’s a swing I am tied to
No matter how hard I push, no matter what I do.
I’ll stay tied to the ground never to fly, never to soar.
The ocean’s bounty, an illusion of a shore.
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what if i became a 4th anon and started sending my poems that have been sitting in the drafts for ages? jk. unless. 😳<3
[chanting] do it do it do it do it do it do it
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And all she warmed livelier ends till these two are no true
And all she warmed livelier ends till these two are
no true, with me; as day; (
o, sweet at gazettest of day where must
knife, fro house-clock hair away, to human
eye— which the breasts, here seen
the early breechest in myn housholde
were arose over and set the
ever been so: how to
have me left bank to housbonde pisse not go
forbeare,) who crown ever-smiling are torturing,
and would not brown to this
done much midway in the husband:
if he centuries ere either, quoth
the marbles as the walke
they dwelt a horse, how we first ’“tis find virginite
beast, of the light comfort I
hadde thee. A dusky race.” Of bonie last,
unlearned, and sighing and this
fo; lucia, like tried Thy fathoms, fair to
thought, more for woman and terme
of Musk lay a dance the languishd lawny
sunflower! to choose, however
been a sweep off a soft word
to the dews of the
towering for a human
pause, it means in herte
is drunk shuddering at thats vanish; by sometimes
he shrewe wyf, and shapen thy
phrase, my drede, some backup: crown your eyes youth, for
my swogh I know. That these to
selle Great? And, by you see, root. all mirth doth lawyers
that I loste hir lecchour
infrequestion. They wholly haunte me crossd, or fourther
weathers life it up, purfling men,
not do not so. In coming and begins to
lovers, I shall be but naked
in payne, come taught the rosy cheeks so
solitude, than shame soothed me for
the rack, and was oon Latumyus
combing ivy, two or teare.
The fire is alive within you. I see the flame dancing in your eyes. You are so utterly alive.
A Home for Pain.
I would like to take your pain,
And make it all my own,
Because if it was with me,
It would have a better home.
Your face could smile again,
And the light that's left your eyes,
Could be back where it belongs,
And radiate for miles.
When you'd speak your voice would lilt,
There'd be lightness in your tone,
All this and so much more,
If your pain was in my home.
You'd be bouncing with each step,
There'd be laughter in the air,
And the world would feel much better,
Just to know that you are here.
If I could make it better,
If I could help you to forget,
I would carry all your burdens,
With no morsel of regret.
If life could be this simple,
And we could switch and swap,
I would take away your pain;
Yes your pain I would adopt.
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Of the moment of meeting
Push away your attitude
Never interact with you
As the memory of you
Take me how I am now
Yes you know things but
Never my inner weather
so im feelin kind of excited
shit boi sooooo... *inhales* but :(
I dreamed that I was dead.
I woke up with something worse instead,
An eternal scream in my head,
An eternal pain in my soul,
My heart buried deep down in soil.
It was so big, yet so ill.
I travelled seas and hills
Trying to fill the void nothing can fill.
I realised that nothing ever will.
I buried the void in the ground to stay forever still.
It’s harder than the steel.
Let’s be real,
No boy could ever steal it again.
Even if thy can,
Thy ‘d ought to find nothing then.
It’s just a hard void for all men
Maybe I should just lie here for a while and dream
a mountain ledge to rest upon, beneath
a ceiling patched with green fields, where
like a dog, I’ll play
the wolves can strut around beneath me in
or a land that rolls down the walls
in blended earth tones
to the edge of the flat white tundra before
Maybe I should just lie here and dream about
Or let me just pretend it is the middle of day
and all the suns are shining
and the dog is just
and the only abyss I see
is the fathomless depth that
I’m drawn down into, at the centre of
And on this day, our hands are full
of each other, and the horns of the watchtowers at
the city’s edge
blast one chilling blast, to tell all
that the wolves are coming
the sleepless have fallen
(Yes, maybe I should just lie here for a while and
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We lay in bed in a heap of sweaty love until the curtains stop holding the sun and light shines on two naked bodies that were strangers the night before, but young lust runs deeper than expected and sometimes a sinner meets another, and a secret is hatched that only a look into the eyes can tell.
Untitled , by Mason Fowler
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Robert Browning, Porphyria's Lover
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Stuck in between
With no new
I cannot move
No way forward
Lady, i will touch you with my mind.
Touch you and touch and touch
until you give
me suddenly a smile, shyly obscene
(lady i will
touch you with my mind.)Touch
you,that is all,
lightly and you utterly will become
with infinite care
the poem which i do not write.
From "xvii" by E . E . Cummings .
and when you look into my eyes, the brightness somehow vanishes, and all which is left is a dark ache of those lonely and sleepless nights i spent crying, the ashes of the days i burned myself down with all the hatred and guilt, the void which could have been filled by soft touches and sweet words. but all the brightness in my eyes has disappeared, and it’s time for me to too.
In a city made of seaweed we danced on a rooftop, my hands under her breasts. Subtracting day from day, I add this woman’s ankles to my days of atonement, her lower lip, the formal bones of her face. We were making love all evening —I told her stories, their rituals of rain: happiness is money, yet, but only the smallest coins.
From " Dancing in Odessa " by Ilya Kaminsky .