18th April 2024
I'm not sure if I'm allowed to think about you this often. I have learned not to act on these thoughts, though every time you fall asleep next to me I want to shake you awake and let them spill out of me and all over your warm chest. But am I allowed to think of you this often? And do you think of me this often? You mentioned you'd laid in bed and held another girl for three days straight once and I felt like I was going to throw up. I can count all the people I've held on one hand - one of them being you. The more I want to talk to you and the more I want to see you, the more disgusted I am with myself. The ache is a deterrent - I look everywhere for things to dislike about you. I undermine and criticise everything you say and every act of kindness because I search for any and every reason not to trust you. you've done this with other girls, I wait long and hard and lonely seasons for my next human fix. I wait desperately and I tend to the gaping hold in my chest as I wait. have you come to fill me back up again - to make me whole? I waited for you. you didn't wait for me. you reached out and grabbed onto anything that would fill the void. you're not like me. I view your meagre attempts to escape yourself as desperation. you're manipulative and you're going to leave me more broken than you found me. But you hold me very tightly and you kiss me when I'm sick. You spent an hour making me dinner last week and it tasted like home. I search for your scent every time I leave the house and I fill up your water bottle every time I leave yours but I'm not sure if you've noticed yet. Please leave now before you become disgusted by me too.
24 notes
·
View notes
Feelings are denied, emotions are unseen, and thoughts are considered useless, yet I felt my heart dropping, my stomach turning, and my hands freezing. How much of it is just in my head?
ds.
22 notes
·
View notes
i think about you and my heart is singing
yet my phone hasn't been ringing
cancelled all my plans 'cause you said you would call
seems like another lie but i fall for them all
desperately waiting
my hands started shaking
is it anger, excitement or love?
all those feelings i'm terribly sick of
-multasuntcausaebibendi (poem: "singing heart")
20 notes
·
View notes
"I am nothing. I'll never be anything. I couldn't want to be something. Apart from that, I have in me all the dreams in the world."
— Fernando Pessoa
20 notes
·
View notes
to my daughter
it is impossible for you to not experience
heartbreak
but i sure hope that whenever you do
you never question your worth
or what you could have done differently
i hope you come to me to cry it out
i would hate for you to go into the void
by yourself
but also keep in mind, my sweet litte girl
it took me 9 months to form your heart perfectly
do not let someone else break it in a day
mom will be here every step of the way
and if something were to happen to me
you got dad to run to, and be free
- nick <3
37 notes
·
View notes
My heart, once full of love got hollowed in waiting fir you, screaming more louder and louder, still the scream was never loud enough to reach your heart, but when it did, my heart turned stone.
-Yash
20 notes
·
View notes