Part 1

Words you’ll never hear

Someone you haven’t even met yet is wondering what it’d be like to know someone like you.

Iain Thomas

so i don’t post a lot of personal stuff on this blog but i made a big self care/advocating for myself decision today and i’m rlly happy and proud even though putting myself first is always hella scary so yay recovery/healing moment :):)

i don't recognize who i used to be and i never felt more like myself in this moment

Using Chapter 7 Exercise 5 of the workbook... 

Most common events that led to a binge: missing him. Without a doubt, feeling the hurt come up, stacking on with previous hurt, seeing that despite all the work I’ve done in therapy not much has changed... All of that added up and now I just want to eat to feel better. Being injured has also added to this as exercise is one of my coping skills and now I can’t exercise. Mostly it’s around him and the rejection, the feelings of being inadequate, that I’m “not good enough.” I’ve also been purchasing more junk food to keep in the house despite saying that I won’t eat it. 

What triggers is there potential to have control over: I can’t change the sadness about him. The grief and sadness, the rejection too, are all valid, but I can judge myself less. I can stop telling myself that I’m not good enough, buying into the old schema that I’m unloveable. I can use mindfulness to slow those thoughts down and to show kindness to myself instead. I can stop purchasing foods that I use for binges. 

Reducing the likelihood of encountering triggers/prompting events: there’s not a lot I can do to reduce the sadness regarding him, but I can try to re-frame my thoughts. I can show gratitude for getting to meet him and having something so special, even for only a brief amount of time. I can stock the pantry and fridge with healthier options. I can do other exercise. I can do my rehab exercises and stretches daily to reduce further injuries. 

Identifying triggers that can not be controlled or reduced: the sadness. It will just take time to heal. I can remind myself (on repeat) that his choice is not a reflection on my worth - that even he has said that. In those moments I can do things to feel better about myself (rather than eating, which just makes me feel worse and like I have no value). 

Not My First Choice

Not My First Choice

The storylines in the TV show This is Us can be raw and almost too real at times. That’s exactly what I love about it. Watching the actor who plays Randall process all that was taking place in the adoption group he found himself in was definitely real. He stared into the woman’s eyes as she described finally coming to terms with what she knew to be true, “I wish I had never been adopted. I wish I…

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rituals of healing

dr.alexandra.solomon ~ Instagram

Gentle reminders:

Being on medications is not a weakness.

Going to therapy is not a weakness.

Receiving any type of treatment for any mental illness is not a weakness.

You are not a weakness.

important

Renee asked Nana how she knew Pop Pop was "the One". This is what Nana said:

"I heard a rhythm I had never heard before. It played in tune with mine. Together it made a symphony of something so special. A song that couldn't be duplicated - and never will be forevermore. Your Pop Pop and I made a solid gold record. Our song was not just about the word "love". But in the context of our love there was respect, kindness, communication, even bickering. Fixing suppers, Sunday drives, leading the other to bed depending who fell asleep on the couch first. No, we didn't go to bed angry. What if one of us didn't wake up the next day? We knew that would just crush us up into pieces. We loved each other enough and respected each other enough to take the time to talk. No matter how big or small. Now, in the middle of that came four beautiful children and 15 beautiful grandchildren - including you. And you're about to bring a little one in the world yourself. It's a blessing for me to see that our love is still on the top chart. You all are the music now." ❤️

#listen #lovewillfindaway

-b.noble, "The Rhythm of Love"

Let me start by saying that I love the features of the weekly session chat. Unlike other asynchronous texting options (offered in BetterHelp and also on multiple other apps, like Talkspace), having a live texting chat is so different.

https://medium.com/the-brain-is-a-noodle/4-reasons-why-i-like-betterhelp-online-therapy-so-far-795f64d174e9 / #OnlineTherapy

This is for those who feel alone with their emotions. For those who feel embarrassed about what they feel and therefore do not share them with anyone else. For those who do not find the strength to admit that they are visited by certain emotions because they are considered negative or taboo. You are never, ever alone in this, my love. You might feel pathetic and ashamed about how you feel and what you think, but I guarantee you that whatever it is, there are people out there who go through exactly the same. All emotions are valid emotions - none of them 'better' or 'more approved' than the others. You are allowed to feel what you feel AND talk about it without any shame. Because you are valid too, darling.

I know this is not my normal post. I normally post about five fantastic boys! And this is probably just a one time thing!

But! I want people to know that sometimes it's okay to have to start again. Because we all have a different battle we fight. And sometimes we have to start over to win, and even sometimes we don't win. And that's also okay. And for six days ago I had to start over again, and right now I don't know which direction I am going.

I have two quotes I want to share.

A scar means, ‘I survived’.

Suicide is not selfish. suicide is normally, death caused by the illness of depression. It’s the final symptom. A final collapse under the unbearable weight. Suicide is a tragedy. If you have never been close to that edge, do not judge what you can’t understand.

If anyone here loves witchy vibes and tarot cards, then pls follow me and my sis on IG. Our handle is @twilighttwilley and here are some of the pics we posted (: sometimes we do free pick a card readings

HandMade heavy peridot ring. Material Silver, coating Rose Gold. Available for sale. ❤️❤️❤️❤️💚💚💚💚 𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐅𝐑𝐄𝐄 𝐃𝐇𝐋 𝐄𝐱𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤𝐨𝐮𝐭: 𝐏𝐚𝐲𝐏𝐚𝐥 𝐀𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐝, 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭/𝐃𝐞𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐝, 𝐃𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐧𝐤❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ @lordofgems @thenubhouse contact: dm/Whatsapp 0332-4857816 #peridot #pakistan #sawat #ruby #lordofgems #gemstone #healing #fashion #bloggers #poland #uk #follow4followback (at Oslo, Norway) https://www.instagram.com/p/CNf42KUDETj/?igshid=d4ga8knppsqy

2 disappointing things

There are 2 specific things that will lead you to constant disappointment. By no means is this a list of everything that will make you upset, just 2 major causes for you to be disappointed:

1. your expectations

2. your time frame

We are, in our hearts, control-freaks. We want everything our way, we want to control everybody and everything, and we want it in our time. But the thing is, you don’t see or understand everything. I hope you know that.

Here’s a good example from how we pray: “God change their heart”; what about God’s glory and purposes? Did Moses pray that God would change Pharaoh’s heart? What about yielding yourself rather than praying that God would change everybody who irritates you? Maybe you are the one who is wrong?

“God have mercy on them”; what if they don’t change? Are you just praying that God would have mercy on them so that they will change? What if they end up hurting you and never change because God had mercy on them? What if it is a constant thorn in your side? Are you sure you want God to have mercy on them? 

We want to control things, so we pray, or don’t pray accordingly. I don’t want God to bless that person who is living in sin so I don’t pray for them, even though God tells me to bless them and pray for them. What if in praying for them, God finds them lacking and punishes them instead? What if God wants to change you? What if YOU are the wrong one? But here’s where things get a little crazier: just because you pray doesn’t mean that’s what will happen. Somethings will be and somethings won’t be, no matter how much you pray, but some things may be if you ask. What if you don’t pray the right thing, or if you don’t want that to happen? It’s not about you, and God chooses what to do with it - not that you should pray for stupid things (you might get what you want and hate every minute of it, like judgment).

We cannot micro-manage God; God do this, change this, make this happen. Maybe our expectations and our time frame is what is causing the issue.

No one can bear the weight of the world: thinking you have to be perfect for God to save your kids, or you have to pray the perfect prayer to be healed, or you are holding everything together, or it’s all up to you, or whatever. Surrender it to God. Surrender the situation, the people, the irritations to God - it’s out of your hands. You can’t control it all.

In a world of infinite possibilities of what could happen, what are the chances that your way is best, and that it will actually happen?

Also, your emergency doesn’t warrant God’s immediate action. You probably have more time than you think, and even though you are scared doesn’t mean it actually has to be resolved now. Haven’t you ever went through a difficult situation that didn’t go how you wanted (expectation) and took longer than you wanted? Did you survive? Well ok then.

Also, God can turn hopeless into hopeful, though you may be disappointed if you are still holding God to your expectations and time frame - let God be God and release your death grip.

The situations is probably not as big of a deal as your imagination has made it. Imagination is a great thing - we see opportunities and create solutions often in a place that there is no clear way - but imagination unrestrained is terrible. 

Your inability to be calm doesn’t mean it’s “now-or-never” to God. It might be scary and hard, we definitely need God’s help as we go forward, but that doesn’t mean that we have the right to get disappointed and upset with God. Maybe learn to calm yourself down instead of holding God and others to your level of personal comfort.

As hard as it is to realize this, the world doesn’t revolve around you. Things are not going to go how you always want when you want.

Just because something is important to YOU doesn’t mean it is important, or that it has to be done your way. Instead of demanding that God change His plans and purposes, perspectives and will, or that everyone needs to conform to your wants, be willing to change your expectations and your time frame. You will be a lot happier, and everyone around you will be too. Your expectations need to change