What does my blog smell like?

(I saw @utopianmyricae do this and loved the idea)

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐝𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫

Sadly I don't have the beautiful aesthetic space I would like but for f sake i do study hard

This fleeting feeling, that everything will either come together beautifully, like the last row of a knit sweater or a crescendo of the opera at the last moment, or will inevitably crash and collapse into millions and millions of pieces, small enough to be considered dust, is beautiful enough to make me abandon everything and go to sleep.

Georgina

🎶Why don't you

Fuck me up

Buttercup🎶

Recently I have been seeing a lot of you in the market, when I'm walking or when I'm driving by. I get a glimpse of someone and I think its you but it can't be you not only because of the miles between us but also because of the distance between our hearts. You cannot be here because you are so far away but even if you could you would not be here for you have chosen to steer away from me.

And then when I paid attention to these shadows that looked like you they weren't you it was just my heart hoping it'd be you. It was not you but a guy wearing a shirt just like yours, the shirt that made your eyes pop and that I always called my favourite so you wore it all the time.

It was not you but someone who had eyebrows like you the eyebrows that just needed to be raised for me to be calm and stop my nonsensical childlike ramblings.

It was just someone whose body structure was similar to you to the body that I had mapped out entirely in our love making sessions but it was not just people who bore a resemblance to you it was anyone, infact at times it was even no one, just the wind.

So as I sit here listening to some heartwrenching playlist on spotify on full blast I have come to realise you were not here and maybe it wasn't even people who looked like you for I was not even paying attention to these people. It's just my head playing games with me making me see you and then make you invisible in a blink.

For I'm intoxicated by your thoughts. You are all I can think of these days. It's my heart trying to find pieces of you in other people and it's my soul trying to feel you in the wind. You're all I think of, try to find you in strangers that I do not even pay attention to, find you in the wind when it blows hard thinking if I'd embrace it maybe I'd get a part of you.

And then I wonder have I lost my mind. This is what it's like in those tragic novels when the protagonist falls helplessly in love with someone and lose their head. This thought is exciting and frightening at the same time but also it tries me to the core, it places an unbearable weight on my heart.

The weight isn't of me losing my head because of my unrequited love for you but if this is one of those love stories, how does it end? Will we get a happy ending where all of this is worth it and I have you in the end and gain my sanity or is this the one where even despite of everything my heart is never able to get to yours and I lose my heart and head all together. This thought has been messing with my head and I'm ready to carry this weight but my heart is growing silent.

I'm putting all of my energy onto this and I do not have enough for the rest of the world. I'm tired and exhausted but I'm not complaining I chose this, it's just. The darkness in my soul grows and it's rotting my heart day by day, it's trying to eat me up and feed on my soul. It's my love for you and I fight with it every day but I really wish at times when my heart gets so tired and exhausted it had you to take energy from.

I wish I could rest this weary head on that strong shoulder of yours and maybe this vessel could be strengthened by your embrace. But it's just a wish isn't it? For if you were here to hold me I wouldn't be needing all this energy anyways.

okay cool my exams are cancelled time to watch dead poet's society and drink a mocha latte at 1 am

Ellie Dyduch

I can’t believe I’m so close to finishing my exams!!

wish i was a pirate in a high fantasy world

Ages ago, in another city, on another bus, I sat so at the windows, looking outward, inventing for each flying face which trapped my brief attention some life, some destiny, in which I played a part. I was looking for some whisper, or promise, of my possible salvation. But it seemed to me that morning that my ancient self had been dreaming the most dangerous dream of all.

- James Baldwin, Giovanni’s Room

when death

takes my hand

i will hold you with the other

and promise to find you

in every lifetime

Source: @mar_bird

"He looked at me like I was the stars when all I'd ever felt like was the dark nothingness between them."

- Ranata Suzuki

Siobhan Ferguson

BO BURNHAM IS CHAOTIC ACADEMIA AS FUCK WHY HAVENT I THOUGHT OF THIS YET

chaotic academia things pt 2-

doing homework in the middle of the night cause that's when you work best

reading the entire book before the test

tea bags everywhere

having a clock that's a couple minutes behind so you won't be late

having a sudden urge in the middle of the night to learn something new

checking out as many books as possible at a time

strutting or skipping to class

chatting with teachers and professors about very random stuff

finding a word you like and then saying it in every sentence

writing crappy poetry in between the lines of homework

rereading that one book that you actually liked for English

Vampire Weekend-Vampire Weekend

knowing only the curse words in foreign languages

wearing a nice outfit with crazy socks

14.04.21, wednesday

The books I ordered in January finally arrived !! :D very excited but now don’t have much time to read. So,,,, it’s time for “pls for the love of god don’t start reading a new book, u have a mountain of deadlines, no what are you doing, put thAT BOOK DOWN NO! sTOP!!!”

getting your homework back and seeing a ‘well done’ stamp on it was the best feeling in the world