Requesting good vibes/encouraging thoughts as I get ready for a dreaded meeting in half an hour 😭
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in the hospital til 4 PM today and nothin's happenin just me and uworld til the end of time while my patients chill, here's a selfie from when i went to dinner with my bf's parents.
it's a cute ass selfie
anyway my one lady with ESRD on hemodialysis and HFpEF on came in for chest pain which ended up being just surgical site pain s/p tesio placement but ekg in ed revealed no ischemia but peaked t waves in lateral leads, k+ 6.7, with bps 263/109 + AMS. and we were like hi hello what BP meds do you take and she goes....
"I have BP meds?"
so we sent her to dialysis cuz she's hyperkalemic AF and reviewed her meds and shes supposedly on every bp med under the sun including: labetalol 200 mg bid, losartan 100 mg qd, clonidine 0.2 tid, and she has scripts for both nifedipine XL 60 mg and 90 mg qd
anyway after dialysis her SBP went down to like 220s and we put her on her nifedipine 60 only and now she's straight chilling in the 140s/90s
another day, another life saved (lol)
THIS IS WHY WE NEED PRIMARY CARE
welcome to health care in the united states of america
Had what I think was a decent meeting with the other adviser. He’s not pleased with my progress thus far, but had concrete ideas of where to go from here. And his listening face is not “what the fuck are you talking about and why can’t you make sense”
I am celebrating by ordering a perfume I wanted and getting pho for dinner.
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19.04.21// can't stop, won't stop getting cinnamon buns from the bakery ☕️ I've been working hard on my term papers, getting them ready and typed up! I'm really hoping to get back into a fitness routine as well now that I'm feeling much better! IG: flatneedledistillery
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I'm tired of thinking about my own research. Anyone else want to tell me about theirs?
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(04.19.2021) || grateful for quiet office space
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It's really hard to be inside my head today - there's a lot of melancholy and tired and concern and frustration, but inside my head is where all the thinking and studying goes on so I just have to deal.
It's really hard to hear your family laughing and enjoying themselves across the house while you are studying. It's selfish to think it this way, but it's heartbreaking. Those little moments you miss with the people who are dear, for what? My goals? But my goals will help everyone in the long run. It's worth it. It's just hard. I don't want to be bitter and sad and frustrated with my life choices, but I can't afford to stop now so I'll just try to let the sad little birds out so I can close the cage and keep working inside.
I started a new supplement though, and if I can remember to take it, it kind'a helps. Even if it's just a placebo, it still helps and I need that.
Don’t let anyone fool you. This is what grad school actually looks like.
that feeling where you see someone else trying to be ~Academic On Here and you find yourself thinking “oh my god where tf is your joy, bitch?? where did it go???” and go to look through their blog trying to make heads or tails of their bibliography
19.04.2021 - I finished redrafting my essay, there was no major changes to make in sections two and three. So tomorrow I can write the introduction, conclusion, and historiography (finger crossed my word count is okay...)
Currently reading: Emma by Jane Austen; Sailing to Sarantium by Guy Gavriel Kay
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so .. i've been thinking about getting accommodations for my dyslexia again and reframing exactly why i think i dont need them
im finally acknowledging to myself that although i have been using a thousand different coping methods to still (attempt to) move like a neurotypical person, that was not of my own volition originally. i didn't know i was dyslexic until the summer before my junior year of college.
if i had accommodations before then (i still dont btw), maybe i wouldn't have suffered through middle school and high school like i did. through college too obviously (i love learning and i love pain clearly), but if i had help then, i could've prevented a lot of the test anxiety i had (and still have--hence why i wrote a 70 page thesis over taking an 8 hour exam).
i finish exams very quickly now, mostly because i'm scared to actually take my time, and i feel like i'll mess up if i slow down. but if i had the extra time to slow down, maybe that would make life better for me, just saying.
i would love to slow down for my phd, and not hammer a thousand concepts into my brain. i know i CAN do that, but i don't want to. i've been in higher ed for six years now, and mentally it's been exhausting for long periods of time.
i want to show myself that i can still be the scholar i want to be, even if that means taking longer, being patient with myself, acknowledging my limits, not pushing past my own boundaries, and being proud to be where i am in spite of my disability.
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just had the NP at my clinical practice say she hated how everything is related to race and how its not real and she want to tell me blacks can be racist to blacks and she rather have a white man be racist to her and i was like wtf is wrong with you
T-10 days until the semester ends
i lost track :-]
complete review document
send supervisor email
maybe: input extra credit
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Writing a prospectus has got to be the hardest part of the program thus far. Developing a coherent theory takes a lot of brain power and articulating the theory in clear way feels just as difficult. My head hurts y'all.
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4.19.2021 // monday // 9:10am
it's been a minute but hi im back hehehe
i think it's been about two months since ive been on this blog but while ive been absent, i actually applied to grad school! i submitted my full application about two weeks ago and have been to some open houses/information sessions since then. yall cross your fingers for me pleaaaaase >.< im so nervous about getting in but im getting several things prepped just in case.
my korean/spanish journey hasnt been going well but tbh ive been very distracted by the amount of work and travel that my job has required lately
anyways i did borrow like three books from the library so im excited about that!
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What I thought getting work done in the morning would mean: potential for a really productive day, ticking things off my to-do list left right and centre, guilt-free evening off
What getting work done in the morning actually means: ready to nap at 1.30pm
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Y’all if I
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Finished my teaching duty of this semester today 🥲
Casually talking to my students and one of them says “maybe get a PhD to teach” and I may have replied with “it’s so hard to get hired please re-consider academic career” a bit too much
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Attempting to cobble together the beginning of a very rough draft of my weird heresy project this morning, in the hope that having a garbage article to edit will feel less stressful than having a blank page to feel guilty about, but when I say ‘rough’, I mean it currently contains too many footnotes that look like this:
[image ID: a screenshot of a footnote reading, “Really need a reference for this or any proof at all.” /end ID]
or, less entertainingly, like this:
[image ID: screenshot of two footnotes, the first reading, “Citation for eusebius knowledge here”, the second reading “Citation for Polycarp MSs that isn’t Wikipedia here”. /end ID]
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Grad students please interact I would like to follow you
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