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notepadthoughts · 3 years

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notepadthoughts · 3 years

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im tired...

hi... I hope you are well. I’m sorry that I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been busy with school. I just wanted to clear my thoughts and talk about some things that have been on my mind recently. I’m very scared of my future right now. I want to go to medical school, but the path and the stress it takes to get there is overwhelming. I feel like I'm working tirelessly all the time to try to achieve my goal, but I'm struggling. It feel like I'm always struggling... like I'm always behind on something whether it’s an assignment, volunteer hours, hospital hours, shadowing hours, mcat prep, overall where I am in the path... It feel like I'm literally always chasing something, and to be honest, I’m just tired. I’m tired of working. I'm tired of thinking. I'm tired of trying my best only to fail. I'm tired of helping others and not receiving any support back. I'm tired of my life feeling like its not mine. It feels like I'm not in charge anymore. I’m doing these professors assignments and studying for these professors exams. I feel like I'm doing everything in my life right now for somebody or something else. It doesn’t feel like I'm doing anything for myself. Ever. It just feels like my life is a cycle of getting done assignments and imagining my life if I just quit. And I would quit, but I refuse to because I'm stubborn. I want to be one of those people who can persevere and tell people they did it and that they are proud of themselves. I want to be that person who achieved the difficult goal they set for themselves. I want to be that person... A winner... but right now it just doesn’t feel like that. you know what it feels like? it feels like I AM T I R E D.

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notepadthoughts · 3 years

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yesterday...

hi... I hope you are okay. I am actually okay. I'm more than okay. I'm excited. I'm excited for where my life is going. I'm excited for the people I will meet. I'm excited to see my friends. I'm just happy that my life right now seems to be going in a good direction. It feels so good to feel put together, and I realized that I am yesterday. I saw so many people that recognized me and missed me, which made me so happy that I feel like people love me. I love having people like that in my life. It makes life worth living. It's been helping me get over the boy I love, but it has also been helping my mental health get better. I'm hoping to get back to the place I used to be. Where I loved myself unconditionally without any hesitation. I am getting there. If any of you reading this wants to talk about how to make that possible or just wants to talk in general please don't hesitate to reach out. I love interacting with you guys! I hope you will have this feeling soon. I know you will...

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notepadthoughts · 3 years

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grief...

hi... I hope you are doing okay. I am doing okay. I'm coming to term with the fact that a person I love, no longer loves me... It's so difficult for me to understand why and how this happened. It hurts knowing that I should've savored what we had before... If I would've known it was going to happen, I would have held on longer, tighter, and with so much more strength. I loved him. But he no longer loves me... I thought that if I was the most positive, helpful, and supportive girlfriend I would be able to keep him. I thought if I was there for him he would want me. I thought if I loved him hard enough, that he would keep me. But I was wrong. He still left. He left me in the dust, and I'm sitting here in the debris, still waiting for him to come back for me. But I know he probably never will...

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notepadthoughts · 3 years

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confrontation...

hi... I hope you are doing okay. I recently confronted the boy about what we are, and I realized that I was just being naive. He told me he had feelings before leaving to go see family for a month, but now, it's completely different. He doesn't want anything but to be friends for college, which I understand, but I just miss what we had, and I am not sure if we can ever get back to that place... I miss him... I miss us... I feel like I just got suckerpunched in the stomach. I knew this was going to happen, but it didn't make it hurt any less. I feel as though he never loved me because how can you just push away those feelings if they're strong. I feel as though he's scared to go back because we were both heartbroken when we broke up the first time, and he doesn't want to get hurt again... but that connection we have, just will not go away. I still love him... and I don't know how to stop...

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notepadthoughts · 3 years

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dreams dreams dreams...

hi... I hope you are doing okay. Last night I realized that when I am trying to fall asleep I will come up with various scenarios in my head that I hope to happen. Normally, people in my life will just come up in my dreams, so naturally that's who I think about in those scenarios. I usually think about old memories that make me happy, usually with a guy I used to like. I realized that I shouldn't do that anymore, but it's a struggle to try to stop doing it now. It's something that I hope will come true someday. I always hope that these scenarios will come true, but recently, I don't believe that it will come true... maybe ever... It makes me so sad that I don't get to talk to this person anymore. I need to start coming up with different scenarios, but these scenarios make me so happy... although they're not real. Sometimes I can't tell if these memories were real at some point, or whether they're just from my imagination. Sometimes I wish that I can just relive these memories one more time, and through my dreams I can, but I need to remember that they just aren't real... and they may never be...

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notepadthoughts · 3 years

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mental positivity...

hi... I hope you are doing okay. Recently, I have been investing more in my mental health, which is well overdue. I wanted to share what I plan to do to keep my mental health "healthy", and what helps me stay motivated during a tough time:

I am going to try to limit the days I wear sweatpants and loungewear to 2 days out of the week.

I have decided that I am not going to bed after 2 am, and I will be making this time earlier throughout the semester slowly.

I am going to try to wake up at 8 am or 9 am everyday to begin my day earlier, and get done most of my work in the morning.

I want to try to work out everyday at least once a day.

I will be wearing one outfit I am fond of once a week.

These are the things that I am going to do to keep my mental health "healthy" and build my mental positivity. What keeps me motivated is my end goal. Everything I am doing currently is to get to where I can do my dream job everyday, which is helping people through medicine. The way that I stay motivated and finish all my work is by setting small goals for myself that include the work I need to get done and by when. Small goals are much better than large long term goals that you may become overwhelmed with since you can't finish them completely. I would recommend to make a mental note, or a physical note, of the small goals you intend to get done. This may include an assignment that's due in a few days, a reading, and most importantly what time you would like to have the work done by. I would schdule in breaks and such that you may need as well. If you make a mental note of what time you would like the work done by, then it'll make the work a lot more manageable to get done. I hope these tips work! You can always contact me if you would like more tips or somebody to talk to... Today is my first day of class, and I hope I can be sucessful with my goals and my mentality...

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notepadthoughts · 3 years

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my loneliness...

hi... I hope you are okay. I've realized this as I was thinking about my life, and one of my biggest fears is being lonely... I fear being alone meaning by myself, and I fear being alone as in not having a person to share my life with. Ever since freshman year of high school I seemed to have a guy who I was close with, whether that was a friendship or a relationship. I was never alone for more than 6 months, but now, I don't know how to cope with being alone for long periods of time. It's so hard to go through my day-to-day life without that special person I love texting. Its hard not having a person that I share every detail of my day with. It's hard not having that person who I can go to for a hug. It's hard not having them check on me all the time just because they care. It's hard not having them here... I miss having that person in my life, and it's difficult to be by yourself when you don't know what you're supposed to do. I have this urge to text this person and tell them about my day, but I know they don't want to hear about it anymore. I want to tell them that I miss them and that I long for a hug, but I can't because they don't feel the same anymore. I'm always surrounded by friends and family who love and care for me, but its a different type of connection I crave. Right now, I am trying to cope with the fact that I am alone... That I don't have that person in my life right now. That all I have is myself, and that should be fine, but it doesn't feel fine. It feels empty.

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notepadthoughts · 3 years

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pretty girls and average guys...

hi... I hope you are okay. I was thinking this morning, and after watching many tik toks, I realized that so many beautiful women are degraded and beg these average men to do the bare minimum. This needs to end. Women deserve more respect. A guy shouldn't be considered a good guy just because he holds open a door or compliments you by saying "beautiful" or "gorgeous" instead of "smokin" or "hot asf". A guy shouldn't be considered a keeper just because he's respectful to you, your friends, and your family. A guy shouldn't be considered a good guy just because he texts you good morning and good night because it makes you happy or just texts you in general. A guy shouldn't be considered a good guy just because he is open and honest with you. A guy shouldn't be considered a good guy just because he tells other girls that he has a girlfriend or keeps away from the girls that make you feel insecure. These things are the BARE MINIMUM people.

T h e b a r e m i n i m u m... All these things should be things that they do naturally because they care, respect, and love the person they are in a relationship with. If you are a woman and you find yourself saying, wow he's a good guy because he does any of those things, stop and say that you are worth that guy doing those things. These actions are what guys should do when they care about you. I am not saying these actions are not good enough, but just know that these actions are things that he should want to do for you because he cares. These shouldn't be actions that you need to beg for, and if you find yourself begging for these things, he is not worthy of you. Respect yourself!

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notepadthoughts · 3 years

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pre-med positivity...

hi... I hope you are okay. I wanted to write this post for anybody who is thinking about pre-med or anybody on the track currently. This track is very hard, but as my advisor has said it's a mental race. It's whoever can last the longest. If you ever feel alone, know that you're not. If you ever feel overwhelmed, know that you are not the only one. If you feel like you're the only one who failed your exam, know that you are not. If you feel like you're not good enough, know that you are good enough. If you feel like all the odds are stacked against you, know that you are not the only one who feels this way. Pre-med is a very isolating and lonely experience and many people who are on this track feel this. If you are on this track, you know what I speak of. Just know that you can always talk to me. I am going through this right now, and I understand what you are going through. Keep in mind that these classes you need to take are hard, and it is okay to have a hard time. Keep in mind that everything is achievable through hard work and dedication. If you keep pushing, keep persuing, keep focused, keep wanting, and most importantly, keep moving forward. You are able to get in. You do have the mental capacity to make it. You are SMART ENOUGH. You can do it. If any of you reading this want to talk, ask questions, or just want a friend through this process... I am here and will always be there for you. No matter who you are.

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notepadthoughts · 3 years

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a story about not knowing how to let go...

hi... I hope you are okay. I am not. A few posts back, I talked about a boy and how I love him. I feel like I can't let him go. There's something between us, this spark... This connection that's still there. He may not feel it, but I do. I feel as though it will never go away. He was my first love, but it's something more than that. We both agreed that we have this special connection. We bond that is so special that I don't think I can ever find another person that I connect like this with. We get each other. We communicate perfectly. It's like our souls are in harmony with each other. He went away... but I still feel it. It feels like he doesn't care, but I still can't let go of this strong feeling. It feels like maybe in the future we could come back together and be in harmony again. For now, that is not possible, but later, it may be... He and I are connected, and I can't let that go. I can't let go the love... the memories... the spark... the connection... When we were together, everybody felt it. This love that is so undeniably there. It is so difficult to shake the feeling that the last time I hugged him, kissed him, loved him... may just be the last time... forever...

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notepadthoughts · 3 years

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that girl...

hi... I hope you are okay. I met this girl in my university who is probably the kindest, nicest, most genuine human I have ever met. I aspire to be her. I want people to look at me and say, "wow this girl is gorgeous, nice, kind, genuine, and wonderful. I want to be like her." That is what I aspire to be in my future. What do you aspire to be?

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notepadthoughts · 3 years

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the people in my life...

hi... I hope you are okay. I was sitting in my room this morning thinking about all the things I need to do for school, but something popped into my head that I thought I should share. I am so unbelievably grateful for every person in my life. I would never be where I am today if it wasn't for the people in my life. I am so grateful for my friends and family. I am so grateful for the opportunities that I have that so many others are not able to get. I love every person who has come into my life and stayed. I am also grateful for the poeple in my life who have came and left. Although those people who left may have left scars, each person taught me something I would never have been able to learn without them, so thank you. For those of you reading this that don't know who I am in real life, just know that I am grateful for you, the person who is reading this. If any of you are feeling down, feeling lonely, or even just want to meet somebody new, please reach out! I would love to talk... ~notepadthoughts

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notepadthoughts · 3 years

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notepadthoughts...

hi... I hope you are doing okay. I want to post this to let the people know who see this, that I am going to post everyday or try to. This tumblr page is more of a page for thought. I am using this as a journal type page, to share my thoughts, and hopefully it will make others feel less alone. I want to use this as a way to create a safe space for others, and a way to make connections with people. I want to create a community full of positivity in this tough time. If you would like to follow you can, if you would like to ignore this and pass by, that's okay too. I just wish you the best! For those of you who stay, I am grateful for you, and I hope to get to know you more...

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notepadthoughts · 3 years

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body positivity...

I hope anybody who reads this is doing okay. I know the pandemic is hard, and it is especially hard to find the motivation to do anything. I hope that if I share my story it may help you to feel less alone. In the beginning of this pandemic, I worked out and felt the best I've felt in months, but I got into a sort of relationship with a boy and school became harder, so I found it more and more difficult to find the time to work out. I didn't think I needed to work out anymore becuase I had a guy who liked me. Recently, I've been feeling worse and worse about myself, and I found myself comparing my body to the rest of the girls I know, which is not only unfair to my body, but it ruined my self-esteem. I stopped feeling good about myself when the boy left, and I realized my body had gone back to an unhealthy place. Do NOT work out just to get a girl or a guy. You should work out because you want to work out. You should work out because YOU want to look good for you. That girl or that guy may not be there forever, but you will always look at yourself, and I know that everybody compares themselves to others, but try not to do that. Just because your body doesn't look like her's or his, doesn't mean that your body is worse or uglier. I hope you know that just because you have fat doesn't meant you're not skinny, or just because you are skinny, doesn't mean you're too skinny. If you are finding yourself comparing your body to other peoples, just know that your body is yours. Some girls at my univeristy are so pretty, skinny, and "perfect", but just know that, yes, those girls are extremely pretty and it is okay to think that, but also understand that you are so pretty. Society wants people to look a certain way, but that is an ancient concept. Just because you look different doesn't mean that you aren't good enough or arent pretty enough. Just know that I think you're pretty, and you'd be suprised at how many others think the same.

#amazing body #beautiful body #perfect body #natural body #body positive #bodypositivity #curvy body #great body #love #feelings #thoughts #life #feelgood #inspiration #inspo

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notepadthoughts · 3 years

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I hope you’re okay...

hi... its been a while... I felt a strong urge to make a post because I've been feeling very heart broken for the past month. I feel almost as thought I'm stuck in a loop with this person I love... I’m having a hard time getting over this person who I should get over, but almost feel like I can’t. He’s always in my head, and (it’s so corny), but he’s always in my heart too. Love is something indescribable, but I can’t get over him... We dated in senior year of high school, and people say high school romance doesn’t exist, but I loved him... I felt it in my soul... I felt it with my whole heart... We have a connection that is indescribable... We just click. We click in every way. We are connected, and it feels as though we always will be... If you’re reading this, I love you... With my whole heart... and I wish you the best

#love #High School Love #heartache #heartbreak #heart #relationship #relationships #pain #Help #I love you #the one #first love

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notepadthoughts · 5 years

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You didn't mean to say 'I love you' I love you and I don't want to

Billie Eilish

#billie eilish #i miss you #i love you #love #heartbreak #heartache #missing you #i need a hug #i need you #thoughts #posts #high school drama #high school relationship #high school love #life #sad #relationship

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