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#mentally tired
barely-nok · 3 hours ago
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To everyone who tells me I need to stop complaining about my art, well just imagine having been drawing pretty seriously for almost 17 years & this is what your best work looks like.
Just try to tell me you wouldn't be disappointed too, because you damn well would be.
This is shit. It's never going to be professional grade or even "good," it's just basic, pathetic shit with an attempt at an oRiGiNaL sTyLe. It's pathetic.
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slasherkisss · 6 hours ago
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i’m gonna be stuck at court for the next week hrgh. So updates and imagines will be a little slow because of it, sorry!
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executive dysfunction is like “aha yes i’ve been working for two hours and so far i have: 1. opened my laptop. i need a break”
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theteaesthetic · 11 hours ago
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more ups than downs?
tw: mentions of bad mental health
I debated writing about this for a long time now. I'm not good at describing my exact emotions and putting myself out there in this honest, raw way still feels a bit strange to me. However, I know some of you struggle with what I also struggle with right now and I feel like if anything can help a human being in this situation is knowing that you are not alone. I know it sounds really fucking corny and all but it's true.
DISCLAIMER : I am not a mental health professional but I do think that getting professional help is incredibly valuable and important if you are struggling with anything.
Alright, I won't start dwelling on the past and stuff, as you probably know (or not, if you're not here from Twitter) the last few weeks have been very strange for me. I tried explaining it, but I guess you can't explain what you don't understand. I started looking inward and understanding myself, observing what I felt and why I felt it so that I could put the pieces of the puzzle together. What really happened on the other side of the screen that you're looking at right now is the following: I sat in bed for 2 weeks straight. Big shocker, right? Wrong. It wasn't the first or last time, it was an usual scenery: days passing by, feeling bored of everything and sleeping all day. But this time, besides the back pain and awful amount of cigarette smoke in my lungs, there was somethinng even more harmful happening inside of me. Not only did I not socialize with anyone, or if I did I acted very irritated, but I ignored calls from loved ones that live far away, I didn't attend my online classes and I had no intention of taking care of myself or the space around me. I thought it was a random wave of procastination and sadness, but as the days passed I felt like I wanted to get better but I couldn't. I felt like something was very wrong and I had to just sit there and watch it all happen. The strongest emotions I felt were loneliness, sadness, anger, guilt and fear. I felt incredibly bad for ignoring everyone around me or pushing them away yet I couldn't stop, and I still feel all of those things if it gets a little quiet. Some of you asked me how I got better, and the rest of you may be wondering "okay but what's the point in typing this out and posting it wtf", and I agree, there is no point. Other than being able to say: look, I know it's bad, but let the voice that says "I WANT and CHOOSE to be better" be a little louder than the mean ones. The only difference between me rn and me ~3 weeks ago sitting in bed is the choice to get better. I started calling my friends back slowly, calling my family back. I started attending uni classes, working out, eating better, and I took care of myself and my space. The key word here is SLOWLY. I know it can be scary, but take baby steps towards healing. Accept yourself, as flawed as you are, and try not to trigger the little devil on your shoulder. It will happen eventually, but you will be able to realize it's happening. I am not saying I am fully healed or in a dream-like mental state, but I am trying, and thats's all that matters right now. You are not crazy, lazy or less than anything. So next time you think about something negative let your mind say "hey!!!! I know what this is!!! we do not like this!!!" and slowly you will understand your thought patterns and how they affect you. I will be blunt: it's really fucking hard, to say the least, but know that everything that comes your way is meant for you and you ARE strong enough to handle it. It will be harder for you, especially on the bad days, but with determination and great people around you (*if u feel alone join studytwt, trust me*) it is possible. Think of yourself as the brightest star on the sky, although there are cloudy days you can't let them dim your light, especially when they aren't even there. You will be there when the clouds leave, you'll take a deep breath, and you WILL shine again, brighter than ever before.
Sorry for the long text post ://
Sending love to whoever needs it,
B.
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CHECKPOINT! Remember to take a deep breath and here: enjoy this cute little goose follow Caleb around (@ calebkkraft on tiktok)
You're doing great babe! Love you!💕🌼
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arise · 14 hours ago
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getting so close to deleting all my social medias
I dont want to be a dramatic edgelord but ppl will rlly act so entitled to your attention just because you're friends like.
I CHOOSE to talk to people, I am not OBLIGATED to!
And acting like I'm required to always reply to you, even when I have sincere reasons I can't, is going to make me want to CHOOSE to not talk to you anymore <3
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10th of May
I didn't get any sleep last night. I am still feeling as overwhelmed today as I was yesterday. I feel alone and isolated. I'm debating on calling off the rest of my shift. I don't know how much longer I can stand it.
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I don't see how taking one tablet a day is supposed to fix my mental health
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undertheclouds · 22 hours ago
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I think things are getting a bit better, I'm starting to go back into my old habits like reading, writing stories and baking. Let's hope things stay like this for a while.
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foolish-thoughts · 22 hours ago
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maybe if i hadn't ruined what i had with you,
it'd give us both a reason to want to be alive.
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