Do I wanna deal with the pain that tomorrow brings?

Might grab a gun blow out his brain, he been feeling strange - Rod Wave

나는 사람들이 이해하고 싶어하는 것만 이해한다는 것을 깨달았기 때문에 나는 자신을 더 이상 설명하지 않는다.

burnout

instagram: @tatianakawkaw 

I have never showed anyone what I am really like. Not once. Because even if I let them see the slightest beneath my facade, their disgust is already enough.

Dear diary... (Trigger warning)

My sleeping pills are not as effective as they used to be...

I wonder if I should take more... Like, many more...

Maybe then I could rest.

Is it bad that I hope the scars are permanent? That there’s is proof that says, “it was real, it wasn’t fake, and I deserve to be heard”, that it can’t be dismissed or denied anymore?

I am so sick of peoples’ dismissal. I am so sick of people.

Dear diary... (Trigger warning)

I can barely see right now...

I don't want this anymore...

I just wish I was dead and none of this was happening...

if I was just a teeny bit braver I'd tell my family no more often. it's hard to create boundaries when you're often yelled at.

You wonder if it’ll ever get better, or if you’ll feel this way forever. What exactly it’ll take, whether your stuck with this chemical imbalance or if it’s a temporary thing.

Always the outcast, the odd one out. Always the girl that guys don’t like, the girl only the weird ones crush on. Always the girl that looks like a dyke, the one that has a big forehead, the one with a big arms and stomach. Always the girl with the thick thighs and the acne, the one with cheap clothes and a rental home. Always that girl.

They only stay sometimes because you’re the girl with the drugs, the alcohol. They only stay sometimes because you’ll listen to them rant, let them load all their emotions on you. Only stay because sometimes, you let them think you’ll let them manipulate you, use you.

You are always too loud, too quiet. Too stupid, too smart. Always too mean, too kind. Too fat, ugly. Too much.

You will never be just right for someone. You will never be skinny enough, or have clear enough skin. You will never be smart enough for someone, or kind enough. Never be submissive enough, feminine enough, malleable enough. You will never be patient enough, or happy enough. You are never enough.

You never will be.

You look half dead half the time

everyday i wake up questioning my decision to work as a copywriter in a branding agency when all i ever wanted is to marry minho.

don’t post things on social media then if you don’t want ppl to ask about them ????????

The hell is your problem? My blog is like my let out from real life. I can post anything I want. Why don’t you stop being nosey ?

I’m tired of feeling this way

Morning Thoughts - 19/04/2021

Feelings This Morning:

Tired

Hopeful

Anxious

Grateful

Looks like it’s going to be a lovely day today, the sun is out and blue skies. I’m looking forward to going for a nice walk this morning with my Daughter and one of my close friends too. Will be lovely to see her and catch up.

Currently watching some of The Vampire Diaries, Season 8 before getting up and starting the day. I love this. I only started watching it like 5 years ago as I bought the box set of seasons 1-6 and got hooked on it and rewatched it a few times since!

I really wish I could shake the feeling of being judged at the minute or that the way I choose to do things isn’t approved of by some. It’s hard to explain as it’s probably just me overthinking little things but it’s real for me and affects me too. I know I just have to focus on what I’m doing and what’s best for us as a family and not worry so much what people may think. It’s just hard sometimes.

Things To Do Today:

Clean and Tidy Kitchen 🧼

Washing - Clothes 🧺

Go For A Walk 🌳

Delivery 🚚

General Tidying Up Around The House 🏠

Mushroom and Lentil Pie For Tea 🥘

some people are desperate for being alive

i am desperate for dying as soon as possible

this is a war

The sky today.

Weather so good 🏞 But I have two lessons all day 😐✍️🙋🏻‍♀️

I love getting scammed through commissions. 🙃