i wish i would have never met you
i wish i didn't text you back
i wish you would have just let me go
i wish you never got my hopes up
i wish i went through a string of terrible people
i wish i never said what i did
i wish you cheated
i wish you just left me alone
i wish i never met you.
April 10, 2021
April 10, 2021
I love spending time with you, no matter in a romantic or platonic capacity. At least that's what I tell myself.
I saw you yesterday. I love spending time with you, no matter in a romantic or platonic capacity. At least that’s what I tell myself. We got pizza from that place everyone has told us to try at one point or another. It was the best pizza I’ve had in awhile.
I helped you go grocery shopping and house shopping. You’re still getting all moved in. It’s so easy to spend time with you, even though…
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I was not enough for him to choose his friends and drugs over, yet again.
I do not want to compete with your drugs. I will not let them make me feel like my reality is not vibrant enough to keep you around. I will not make excuses for you going against your word. I will not turn a blind eye and try to love the rest of you without acknowledging the issues. And I will not let the opinions of your friends dictate my value. I don’t need them to like me. We aren’t even going in the same direction.
I do not want to keep writing the same story and fall in love with another addict hoping he’ll choose me and resurrect the self worth that died in my first marriage.
No more addicts. I’m enough without their approval.
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You were a cover up
You kept me warm until I got home
It was only a day gone when you picked up the phone
I needed a distraction, and you were the perfect one
A rebound, ready for love and thinking I was “the one”
But the truth was...
I still wasn't over him
The guy before you...
Or even the guy before him...
You see I have a bad habit, of moving on too quickly
In search for love but always coming up empty
I just leave broken
With the remnants of what they decided to
Touch me with...
Rather, mark me with...
Mark my life with...
A collage of all the different people who have touch my life...
In one way or another.
You were there two days after my friend left
You were sweet always texting and reassuring me
You got me presents and wrote me notes
You were up for any adventure, even if they were old dates in new packaging
You cared for me when I was sick, and stuck up for me when I was not there
You had my complete trust...
Which is why this is so unfair.
You were my best friend
Until you decided I was “too much”
You said you don’t know what changed
Why you suddenly have “no emotions”
But you see
You do have “emotions”
Just no more for me
Because you prefer “the chase”
And get bored once they’re captured
Moving on quickly to the next disaster
You “love-bombed” me
Made me believe you really loved me
But in reality
You loved the idea more than it’s totality
But “love” is tricky
If I’m actually being honest...
I never actually loved you
Well at least in the beginning.
But things changed when
We were living together
When you showed me what you would do
I think you did care
During that first month at least
Or maybe you didn’t
Because you did say “I love you”
After less than 2 weeks....
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