We Could Have Been Us
(This is all written from memory so sorry if I miss some stuff)
(Written from Crowley’s pov)
I needed to tell you something
but you had to go first
And so I let you
That was a mistake
You said you had good news
that you were promoted
You could be in charge
As supreme archangel
And, to put the cherry on top
You could have anyone
as your second in command
And you had chosen me
I couldn’t believe you, at first
After all, we’re better than that
You are better than that
But it was true
I could see the excitement
Slip away from your eyes
When you realized that
I wouldn’t go with you
And before I knew it
I was rushing to say
what I had wanted to say
from the very beginning
How we have known each other
for a long time
How we could always
rely on each other
We have always been
a team
A group
of the two of us
I tried to convince you to stay
Because we don’t need heaven
And we don’t need hell
All we ever needed was us
I tell you so, and all you do
is reiterate your wonderful plan
The plan where we’re both angels
Doing good together in heaven
I’m choking back tears
And I say, “You can’t leave
this bookshop”
‘You can’t leave me’
And with such a kind,
tender voice, you say,
“Oh Crowley,
Nothing lasts forever.”
‘Nothing lasts forever,
Not this bookshop
Not you
And certainly not us’
I feel my heart break
as I slip my sunglasses on
And walk away,
bidding you good luck
As you beg me to stop
I tell you to listen
And you admit that
you can’t hear anything
“That’s the point” I say
“No nightingales”
At that, you seem to understand
What I’m implying
I called you an idiot
That this whole time
We could have been
Us
I get an idea
It’s a last ditch effort
But at this point
Anything will do
I rush back to you
grab you by the collar
pull you close
and kiss you
And when we pull apart
I look you in the eyes
Desperately trying to see
A change of heart
But instead I see you
steeling your nerves
And you tell me
you forgive me
But I don’t need
Your forgiveness
All I ever needed
was you
So don’t bother
trying to forgive me
Don’t bother
forgiving a demon
But I wait by my car, just in case
You happen to change your mind
But all I see is you leaving
Choosing heaven over me
I climb into the Bentley
And turn on the radio
It doesn’t do to much good
It’s playing our song
So I turn it back off
And lean back on the seat
And I think to myself
‘We could have been us.’
[and since you guys asked to be tagged: @janeway-lover @helphowdoiusethis]
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June Gehringer, “I get so jealous of euthanized dogs”
[Text ID: “the worst thing about love is / i remember it. / i walk around all day / thinking: i’m going to die / in the universe / you loved me in.”]
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to say i miss you doesn't even begin to capture the despair your absence has brought me.
— mae s. (journal entry to the one i still love)
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