What makes you say that c!Dream can't be worse?
I mean, there's very little room to get worse after you already spent months systematically abusing a teenager you kidnapped to the point of suicide, only to then stalk him for over a week, try to kidnap him again and ending up with beating him to death.
Like, you really cannot get worse than that.
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Oh no, you are already alone, with me. No one can hear you or even understand you, no one has a reason to befriend a monster like you. So Why don’t you give up? There isn’t a place for you, you don’t have a future.
-I have achieved a name. Thank you very much. :)-
Whitty's eyes narrowed in thought. Why didn't he give up? They'd find someone else. Someone better. Someone that wasn't a monster.
But he couldn't bring himself to stand. Couldn't make himself end it all. He was too tired to even want to.
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vent thing, death/superslide warning
next time someone i know/love dies im just gonna kill myself
Holy shit I just did something I was scared of doing for years. I did a Tumblr deep-dive.
It's where I spend hours on this site going from blog to blog, reading meta and discussions, texting people (who will probably never respond) about opinions, and just questioning where I stand. This time it was about fandoms, which is also something I've seen scared of for a while now.
It started with my sister and I discussing paragon heroes, the concept of a greater good, and relating it to Revan and Kreia from Old Republic-era Star Wars (WHY can't I stop obsessing over this FFS-).
This prompted me to look up another paragon hero, Adora, which interestingly led me to a She-Ra blog that was anti-Catradora. I scrolled through it because I wanted to see why people don't like the ship (and I'm surprised that I agree with many points honestly, but at the end of the day I still ship them, sorry, I respect all opinions though).
From there I went to a blog that supported problematic characters which was fucking great and very much necessary for me personally, given that I have cut myself and told myself that killing myself is the best thing I can do to this world, all because the SU fandom hated/hates Pink Diamond while I loved/love her and relate to her. This was more than 2 years ago and I've grown since that but still.
(I will tag this with trigger warnings, don't worry.)
That blog also had stuff on Ben Solo (which took me to another blog full of Star Wars opinions I agree with, which was great, along with a good discourse on redemption) and Anakin Skywalker. It also had stuff on AtLA/TLoK and the MCU (and I found more blogs that have my same opinions about characters like Azula and Steve Rogers which is great because I am eternally starved of people with similar opinions).
I also found blogs with the ships I ship like Reylo, which I once again am always open to, along with a couple of cool artists, which is also amazing.
I have been at it for 3 hours now. It's been a long time since I did this. I'm still scared of some parts of Tumblr (and the internet on the whole) especially regarding fandoms but this was... refreshing. Recurring existential crisis about writing good stories aside, I liked finding people dissecting things and sharing their opinions.
This post is more for myself to make sense of everything I just did TBH but I hope that whoever's reading can make sense of all this.
(Also the fact that I'm mentioning the characters I like and ships I ship in an open post is very brave/stupidly risky of me considering how volatile fandoms are and how much I'm scared of that BUT nobody reads my posts anyway so I sincerely hope nobody will go "PINK IS EVIL" or "REYLO IS BAD" to me, kthanksbye)
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i really hate people and im in a shitty mood so leave stuff in my ask for me to come back to once i charge my computer :)
Proshitters be like “oh you suicide baited me wahhhh” I think u baited me to say k¥$ when you started identifying as pro p*do 1nc*st r*pe art dude dunno what to tell ya :/ these freaks always go “Um ACTUALLY proshitter doesn’t mean I inherently like p*do art 🙄” okay but you literally identify as a label that means “if you draw freak p*do 1nc*st r*pe I won’t judge u uwu” you are literally aligning yourself w freaks and that makes you a freak in turn! Hope this helps.
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Isaac, your one true love, has fallen ill with some strange and incurable disease. You can't even watch him waste away. It's not safe to even see him. Nevermore shall your hand brush against his, nevermore shall his soft lips carry you throughout the sorrows of the quiet evening, nevermore shall he, your light, with such radiance to blind the sun, save you with his very presence.
He is to be buried at sea at his parents' request. If only you could rot away in the cold sea which forever holds his tender heart away from the world. If only you could see him one more time.
and then that cunt Debussy comes out with Rêverie dawg I woulda just straight killed myself then and there not even kidding
my dad: has major liver problems
also my dad: i'm just gonna take massive amounts of acetaminophen for my back pain instea dof seeing a doctor about it
me: idk there's just much quicker ways to kill yourself I think
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lol throwback to that time my therapist told me that my esa would eat me if i killed myself
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welcome to arcade rambles in the tags because their life is shit
just remembered everything repeats and winter comes again and i have to do everything over n over again forever until i die…… dhmu😒😒😒
oooh i. never want to drink mountain dew again
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She swallowed, trying to steel herself; she didn’t like it, didn’t want it to be this way, but this was it. This was her only way out, her only recourse left. This was where her failed, forgotten story ended.
With one step into the path of an oncoming train.
Kaisa feels like she has only one way out, until a newfound friend shows her another way.
This fic comes with warnings for suicidal thoughts and attempted suicide - it does have a happy ending, but it does get pretty heavy so please be careful.
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is,,, is this relatable content,,
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My conversion story
This is extremely a long time coming. People have been asking for my full conversion story for a long, long, l o n g time. So here it is! Been sitting in my drafts and I finally finished it! I still consider myself on my “conversion” journey even now as a devout Catholic, because there is always so much more to learn and so much closer to God that I can grow and so much more virtue in which to receive. But, I hope this gives a good outline for you all and I will be making a FAQ page soon for this as well as other questions people often have about myself!
Major Trigger Warning for mentions of depression and suicide. It is after the cut and in italics so that you can scroll past if you want to read the rest of it.
So I grew up Catholic, not really devout, but I went to Church every Sunday and every holy day. Got all the sacraments and such (except confirmation because that is when I'm 16). So in middle school I was kind of angry at the Church for various reasons, not so much blaming God as I'm blaming the Church. But then my dad ended up getting really sick with cancer. Right before this I had started getting super into Greek mythos and I started relying on that instead of God. I still was going to church every Sunday because that's what my family did and I was going to religious education, but I was actively finding ways in which I thought the Church was wrong. As my dad's cancer developed I was pretty much just an angry pre-teen that never had a strong basis of what it meant to be Catholic. And right after I started high school my dad ended up passing away. For about a year and a half after that I tried relying on my Greek paganism and some Wiccan things to combat the depression. And I was still angry at God because I felt like He abandoned me. So I was writing my suicide letter and I wrote one to my mom but while I was writing it I was praying for something to happen to stop me. And I wasn't really sure who I was praying to but I knew my mom still had faith so God was kind of on my mind.I ended up (clearly) not committing suicide that day and being able to continue on to go to a youth retreat that summer. At that point in my life I had already started coming back to the church, but was still convinced that you could believe anything and still go to your respective "heaven". And I was in a bad relationship at the time (which contributed to the depression) and just a bunch of other stuff that inhibited me from going to God. After that first retreat I started praying and reading the bible every day. And I went on another two retreats in the fall. One a youth one and another a women's day-retreat. And between that and it starting to be my junior year, so my catechism classes were geared towards confirmation, I was really starting to become comfortable with the notion of being "Catholic" and having a faith life outside of my family, which was never particularly strong.
But let’s go back again a few years to my catechism classes from middle school through high school. I was the Problem Child that looked like I would never be Catholic and after confirmation just stop going to Mass. At class I either didn’t care enough to pay attention and when I did pay attention I gave my teachers crap at every turn, asking why and debating it. I actually made a nun/someone who worked with nuns tell my youth director she was never going to come back to talk to us because I didn’t back down on my argument that she never made a real point during her whole big speech she had about environmental justice (a talk that was supposed to be about social justice according to Catholic Social Teaching).
This trend continued until I was about 15-1/2. My first real boyfriend had broken up with me, I was still trying to sort out on my own the trauma of my father having passed, and there was no fulfillment in paganism. I would read about how we personally have all this power and it’s in ourselves and we just need to ask for help in unlocking it through spells and rituals to these pagan gods, yet no matter what I did I could never get out of it. I was starting to turn towards Christ more and started watching A.D. The Bible Continues with my mom and got hooked, but I wasn’t really sure about the whole “only God” thing.
I felt hopeless and I wrote a letter, I don’t even know where it went I think my teacher had taken it, and I begged God that if He would save me, prove to me that He was real, I wouldn’t ever try to kill myself again. I had gone over to the windowsill of my classroom (3rd story) and was going to jump out of it. It was during class but no one ever batted an eye about someone sitting up on the heaters next to the window because it got warm in there and we were allowed to sit up there. The class was taking a test and right before I was going to do it, a boy that I hardly talked to, and that I didn’t talk to after that, pulled me down and just bear-hugged me.
Somehow, by the grace of God, word didn’t get out that it was me that had tried to kill myself. It was a small school and stuff like that traveled fast but it was never something that anyone except my own friends and the people in that class knew was me.
I started watching AD The Bible Continues, which seems like something silly to have had such a great affect on me, but it really did. I started reading Acts of the Apostles after that and was moved by the way that the Apostles cared so much for Christ. I was getting really close with my youth group, which in high school split between guys and girls (which was a serious blessing) and my teacher, while she didn’t have all the answers, was always super patient and kind to me as well as charitable and always answered my questions to the best of her ability. Even when it was slightly off topic. A big part of why I converted was because of the apologetics. I wanted to know the answers to my questions so I started looking for them.
That summer I started an anti-depressant and went on my first youth trip, because I had to for youth group. I attended Steubenville Midwest (I think that’s what it was called then) in Minnesota, and was hooked on monotheism from there. I went to confession for the first time pretty much since I had my first Reconciliation. It was freeing, but I knew the next year I would be preparing for Confirmation and I didn’t want to make a choice about Catholicism until I was sure. I knew God made me feel good but I started researching Islam and Judaism. I think if I had learned more about Orthodox Judaism I would have had a harder time discerning but as it stood I only really knew about Reformed and Conservative Jews so that left my mind pretty quickly. I was enthralled with a lot of Islam’s teachings but when I researched further and got a Quran it just didn’t make sense. The teachings from one part were in complete contradiction to other parts, as well as their teachings about the dignity and worth of women. God, who created humans in His image, would have no reason to make women worth less than men in any capacity. So that ended up getting struck out.
Then that fall I went to NCYC 2015. It was amazing, and that is where I met the Salesian sisters and talking with them and fully realized my call to religious life. When I was little I used to always say that I wanted to be like the Virgin Mary when I grew up, and now, discerning with the cloister I am now looking in to, I really feel like that want is being fulfilled. God speaks His truth through His little ones and I feel like from that time I’ve come full circle. Back into the embrace of God as my Creator and Father and Comforter, like a little child going to their parent not only in times of distress, but in times of joy and wonder as well.
And of course, a huge thank you to so many faithful Catholics here on tumblr, that have helped my journey through the years. So many of whom are no longer with us here but if you don’t mind I will tag a few of you that are truly in my heart forever. @keepcatholic @captainvatican (and co, I can’t remember everyone’s urls rip) @sonia-marmeladova @tradcatmaria and gosh when I think about it, so many that have helped me with my theology over the years are just no longer on tumblr and I haven’t been able to contact for years.
Alas, that is the last of my very long, very long awaited, conversion story. Thank you thank you to all that have asked! And I hope this can help many that come to my blog.
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Hello!I wanted to say that your one of my favorite blogs on tumblr and I been dealing with depression and my abusive family for a while now , your writings would always cheer me up when I’m sad along with other blog writers and I’m really thankful because tumblr is my safe place , I have huge social anxiety as well so I dont have anybody so online is where I feel at home.I’m sending this to all my favorite tumblr blog creators and a different message to my online friends I wanted to let this get off of my chest since no one cares about me.Im planning on killing myself after writing this but before I go I wanted to thank you for being an amazing headcanon creator and getting me through times even if it didn’t affect my decision with ending my life so before I go thank you and stay strong:)P.S sorry if this makes you uncomfortable
Babe, I really do appreciate you reaching out to me to say thank you for my work, but please darling, don‘t go through with this. Please, please, please dont.
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How death works in My Life As A Grim Reaper
Death via disease, natural disasters or old old age with an average life: Reincarnation
Death via suicide, murder, an animal, a demon or other living thing/spirit: You become a ghost
Death via disease, natural disasters or old old age with an exceptionally helpful and good life: Heaven
Death via disease, natural disasters or old old age with an exceptionally rude and sinned life: Hell
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I had a dream that netflix acquired the rights to rc9gn and they made a spin-off reboot series that I can only describe as Inside By Bo Burnham As An Animated Series and every episode centered around a specific character. I remember that the howard one was about how he feels the need to cover his emotions with rudeness and being egotistical because he was cripplingly insecure and borderline suicidal and it was soooooo dark and upsetting from how realistic it was. it was the most mental illness thing my subconscious has ever conjured. every episode was at least an hour
oh my god my friend my guy please get theapy these dreams are concerning
also I always felt like he does because of like toxic masculinity and anxiety and not wanting to be seen as weak or something. Dude definitely has some kind of anxiety have you SEEN the sick day episode
also also this reminds me of this one headcanon I dropped about the band au. on resentments of a forgotten childhood there’s a song called “Blood and Hospital Beds” that’s about Howard watching Randy constantly risk his life and being hospitalized a few times as the ninja. Ofc he didn’t want to tell everyone what it was actually about and everyone took it the wrong way, thinking it was about a s/icide attempt. Randy had to say publically that Howard never has and likely never will do something like that, and that the song is about something else
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Scrolling through giftsets and finding SO MANY scenes where if Dean didn't flat out say he wanted to die, someone else said it for him. He was accused so many times of wanting to die, of thinking he wasn't good enough or deserving, and yet no one really did much to help. They were just like "oh that's dean for ya, suicidal as fuck but we just ignore that."
This boy welcomed death. Wanted it most of the time. Craved it.
But knew he had to save other people, sometimes the world, sometimes his brother, and so he stuck around until he became useless and let himself go when Sam didn't need him anymore.
And the fact that that's probably a "happy" ending for him makes me so upset.
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