#do other people also get extremely sad about their birthday passing and wish that they just like wouldnt wake up when their birthday comes?? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

katsukikitten · 3 years

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Hello friends! Here is my contribution to the Bakugou Birthday Bash! The master link will be linked here ! Please enjoy my bit of an angsty fic! And all of the other art and works that are on the master list! Enjoy the big bakugou blow out and remember to leave a comment on your favorite pieces! Happy birthday ya shitty man! (Lowkey become 3d please)

Warning: he's 28 btw 😂 (my fic says so also)

It shouldn't be this fucking hard to get groceries and booze. It's a quick and easy errand. Everything already pre-ordered for an important birthday that just needed to be picked up. And yet here you were crying in your car trying to get it together before the attendant asked for the order name. Honestly you had texted out "I can't do this today. Sorry." Several times before deleting it, telling yourself not to hit send. But you would have to be having the worst mental day of your life wouldn't you? Today of all days, how fucking selfish of you.

Especially with the amount of time and effort you and Kirishima had put into this idea. Since New Year's actually, months and months of planning after the two of you had gotten shit faced at Denki and Mina's new years party, creating the brain child. All after bonding over switching patrol partners six months before, you had gotten Bakugou and he had gotten Ashido. Kirishima and yourself giggle over stupid things to the side of the party, people watching as you took shots. Kirishima points towards a normally grumpy blonde.

"Wow I think he's actually having fun." You snort, as you watch Bakugou hide his rare cat smile behind a sip of his beer as Mina makes Denki the butt of a joke.

"He actually loves parties. He never says it so people just think he's a wet blanket." Kirishima laughs, pouring the two of you another shot. Bakugou lets out a particularly loud laugh after 'Dunce Face' proves Mina's point. I guess that would be the time that it started.

When you started to fall. His laugh makes your cheeks deepen in hue and burn, to want to hear it again, to watch it again and learn all of the other sides of your patrol partner that he obviously only reserved for his closest friends.

"Let's throw him a great birthday party." You say, holding up your shot as a devilish smile spreads over sharp teeth. The mountainous man clinks your shot glass before he adds.

"Let's." In unison the two of you down the burning liquid as the plan comes into fruition.

Four months, four months and nineteen days of you thinking of nothing but your patrol partner with whom you got extremely close with since New Year's. So why? Why today of all days were you struggling? Why would normal everyday tasks feel more as if you were wading through mud than the breeze they should have been? You flip down the visor, looking yourself in the eye through little square mirror as you grit your teeth hissing

"Get your shit together."

Your little pep talk helps you get the several cakes and the cart full of booze that everyone requested, planning to make this the best birthday ever. Helping Kirishima set his house up with decorations, setting out the snacks, catering and even pouring some drinks as guests began to arrive to set down their gifts and help with the last minute touches before hiding. Masking through the pit in your stomach as you smiled at all of your friends as they poured in through Kirishima's door. Through the weighted emptiness you felt as each one wrapped you into a tight hug, already praising you and Kirishima for the amazing effort, that Bakugou would be so surprised when it was more than just you and Kirishima here. . Finally you had to go and get the guest of honor just before sundown to catch him before he went to bed. A much needed breather from the constant smiling and forcing a laugh that everyone thought sounded genuine.

Enjoying the silence of the evening train as it pulled you across town to the unsuspecting blonde. And maybe you could have made it through the night from your shitty pep talk or at least through getting the freshly 28 year old to his party but instead you catch your reflection in the window. Your facial features weighted with exhaustion, shoulders hunched allowing your body to continue to produce cortisol. Tears prick your eyes as you deep low, too low. Remembering everything and nothing all at once, steeping in guilt as you beg yourself for just a few more hours. That the depression episode can happen when you're home and alone, after the party goes off without a hitch. Tears fall anyway and they do all the way to Bakugou's until you finally get enough control to step out of yourself for a moment. Ringing the doorbell several times as a smile is plastered on your face, the door swings open. Bakugou's eyes narrow as they take you in, he notices that something is off. Your smile is a little too wide, your eyes rimmed red but he says nothing about it. Instead he lets his initial anger come forth.

"Oi! I told you to fuckin' text me when you were on the train so I could meet you at the station!" He growls, slamming his door shut and pocketing his keys. Deadly and sweaty hands deep in the pockets of his leather jacket as his palms itch to hold onto something else. Garnet eyes track your own hands as you reach over your head stretching.

"Yea yea, I hear you Dad." You tease giving him a look, "I still made it okay."

"Kirishima should have come instead of you that fuckin hair for brains." He snarls keeping pace with you as he always does on patrol.

"I know Dad must be sad cause his favorite didn't come to pick him up." You try not to sound dejected, nudging him in the ribs to distract from the crack in your voice, "Happy birthday ya big lug."

Bakugou cuts you a glare, mind racing before his barks out a "Thanks."

Comfortable silence stretches between the two of you before you two hit the train station, passing a corner store.

"Was shitty hair burning dinner? Do I need to stop for back up?" His thumb hooks over his shoulder towards the neon as he stands idle waiting for you to jog your memory. Kirishima had burned the last friend's dinner making Bakugou so angry he walked six blocks to make something that was 'FUCKIN EDIBLE!' while you tried to air out his apartment. You laugh loudly, genuinely for the first time that day causing Bakugou's shoulders to sag with relief. In the ten months he had been working with you he had only seen you faking a smile or laugh once or twice. Then the time after that you were absent from work the next day or two forcing him to patrol with Denki but worse yet...making him worry.

"Guess I'll grab something just in case." He gave you his back so you wouldn't see his face or the faint blush that dusted his cheeks.

"No, no! I ordered out this time. From that famous chef you like." Bakugou glares your way, digging in his back pocket for his wallet.

"How much." He demands through gritted teeth while you show him the palms of your hands in surrender.

"Woah woah! It's your birthday gift! You can't pay me back for dinner! I'd sooner burn the money before I'd accept it from you!" Your watch dings with a message from Kirishima asking for an ETA. You grab onto Bakugou's hand pulling him along into a run as you shout over your shoulder.

"We're gonna be late!"

Oh how Bakugou wished you hadn't done that, he was already struggling to keep his heart beat even when you were around and now to grab onto him. To pull him along in a hurry like those cheesy insta posts that couples did on their "grand adventure" together. He swallows the lump in his throat as he reminds himself that you are nothing more than his patrol partner. His friend at best.

Even though the train was mostly empty Bakugou stood closely by you, as he always did when the two of you were in a crowded space. He had seen how most men took advantage of the situation and he hated the idea of that happening to you although he knew you were more than capable of handling it on your own. Hell you could kick even his ass but he would die before ever admitting that. Instead he watches you talk about what you ordered for dinner and how you got the cake from that bakery Sato works part time at, the same one he got your birthday cake from but he doesn't hear a word. Instead all he can see is the golden light from the setting sun worshiping you. Kissing your skin to make it glow, giving your eyes a hue that makes his heart fall into his stomach and illuminating you in a true light. A radiant ethereal thing is what you were and Bakugou was just lucky enough to be standing by you. So out of it he doesn't realize the two of you are at your stop.

"Uh Suki?" Your voice is soft paired with the setting sun has him acting weird. He leans closer to you, pulled by some invisible force before he stops himself as he watches you look up at him beneath long lashes.

"You okay?" You ask almost nervously from his proximity, the smell of spice and caramel wrap around you making you feel warm and fuzzy. Temporarily making you forget that you were trying to act on the train, making you relax as you just talked to Bakugou. He sucks his teeth as he picks up your bag to sling over his shoulder.

"Yea but you were gonna forget your whole damn purse like you always do." He huffs, this time he was the one pulling at your hand in a rush before the doors closed to trap you two on the train. His hand feels warm in yours, his grip tight as he drags you along before pulling you within his sight, another habit of his you happened to notice. Almost reluctantly he lets go of you hand as Kirishima's house comes into view.

"We better have a good time tonight patrol Princess or you owe me a special birthday gift." He laughs causing you to roll your eyes at his stupid nickname that stuck after your first day with him, adamant that the two of you take your route instead of his it was a huge argument. But it was a good thing he listened to the "princess", it put the two of you smack dab in the middle of a robbery. You stick out your tongue.

"Trust me. You're gonna have a good time!" You push him up the steps as he bats away your hands. Opening the front door before everyone jumps out of various and bad hiding spots.

"SURPRISE!!" All of the alumni of class A and some of B shout, a select few already slurring their words. Bakugou's scowl turns into a smirk before he looks over his shoulder at you.

"Aw you did this to me?" His voice is teasing but his eyes almost sparkle, you nod encouraging him to go deeper into the party. As he does people flock to him laughing and yelling out happy birthday until he's sick of hearing it. All the while your smile wanes with the night. Until an hour in that heavy episode hits you full force. Numbness setting in where happiness should be, rotting as it turns to shame and guilt as you watch your friend, your crush, enjoy his night. Bringing a glass bottle to his lips as he talks with Kirishima, who then presses a shot into his hands. Bodies dancing to the house music that beat out of the speakers competing with chatter and laughter.

It felt weird to watch everyone truly enjoying themselves while you felt low. It felt more as if you were standing outside of the house, looking in through the window to see everyone enjoying themselves, no one even knowing who you were as you stared in.

You felt distant, alone. What a shitty way to feel in a room full of people, none of it being their fault and so the guilt pressed harder. Eyes watering as they lingered on the blonde who deserved this celebration and more. Making you decide to give the best birthday gift of them all.

To slip away upstairs and onto the roof, to give the room space to breathe when you felt like suffocating.

Crying to no one but the moon.

And no one noticed. Two hours slip by before Kirishima insists that Bakugou make a wish and eat cake before everyone gets too drunk too. The entire house drunkenly sings happy birthday but Bakugou notices a voice missing. Yours that's just a touch off key, not to mention he didn't hear you say the stupid nickname 'Suki' where his name should be in the song. Plus you weren't one to miss out on dessert. For as long as Bakugou has been working with you, you never turned down the opportunity for sweets. Whether that was taking the long way back to the agency to try to catch a certain street vendor or to hover by the deserts at a party to pick the very best treat.

And if it was a birthday party, you never could shut up that y'all could not leave until after they blew out the candles and made a wish.

His eyes linger for a second longer, making sure he didn't miss you before his heart sinks. He takes in a sharp inhale, thinks on his wish and blows out the candles.

Meanwhile you hear the cheers of everyone down stairs and sob into your knees. You missed your favorite part of birthdays. Of hoping they make a wish that comes true, of watching their face as they think of something quickly or how some people tear up when they finally realize just how loved they are on their birthday.

It isn't long after that do you hear the sound of combat boots on shingles. Whipping your head up in the direction of the sound. Stomach clenching with guilt as you watch Bakugou walking towards you with a slice of cake.

"Brought ya some cake, since I didn't hear you sing off key to me." He says sinking down beside you as you furiously wipe at your tears.

"I'm-um."

"You don't gotta explain yourself to me." He snarls as you stare dumbly at your cake, "You know that."

"I know…" Silence passes slowly, the moon shines overhead and the party carries on below.

"Well, I'm waiting!" Bakugou says dramatically, "You gonna sing or am I gonna have to sing to myself?"

"Oh." It makes you giggle a bit before you blush, realizing he is serious. You take a deep breath before singing "just off key" when you don't, to him.

"Sukiiiiii!" Relief washes over his features when he hears the dumb ass name, "Happy birthday to youuuuuu!"

"Okay, now you can eat the damn cake." He grunts, his smile never wavering as he looks to the empty street below. You follow his eyes, chewing the inside of your lip, setting the cake down.

"What'd you wish for…" Curiosity gets the better of you and earns his intense gaze. He smirks, scoffing at the end.

"You always say you shouldn't tell or it won't come true." He laughs at your pout, before he finally admits "I wished for courage."

With a furrowed brow you give him a puzzled look, he just holds your gaze.

"Why? You're like the bravest hero I know!" Bakugou can hear the truth in your voice, you aren't saying it just to fucking stroke his ego.

You actually meant it, making this conversation that much harder.

"Yea except when it comes to this one thing I want to do. Its fuckin easy and I've done it hundreds of times just as I'm about to do it I fucking back down cause I'm probably fuckin reading into things too much." He leans in closer, again his smell mesmerizes you, causing your body to visibly relax, "Too much of a fuckin bitch, thinking she doesn't want me like I want her. So I wished for the courage to follow through. To fuckin' just do it."

Your heart is racing out of your chest before one of his hands finds the nape of your neck pulling you into a feverish kiss. Teeth gnashing from the passion, lips perfectly modeling to the other before tongues lightly dance around one another. Lengthening seconds into hours with just a few head tilts and plush lips. You moan into his mouth, he pulls away, eyes clouded with lust as a string of spit connects your tongues. He pants, face flushed and his hand warm, almost burning at the nape of your neck, the shingle by his hand charred from restraint as he pants out.

"I wished for you."

#bakugou x reader #bakugou birthday bash #bnha x reader #bakugo x reader #bnha au #bakugou katsuki #katsuki bakugo #bnha imagine #bakugou birthday

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hhjs · 3 years

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forget me not.

♡ based on — "During times of war. I want to say: I only love you, And I cling you, Like the peel clings to a pomegranate, Like the tear clings to the eye, Like the knife clings to the wound." and the song nightlife by daydream masi.

♡ summary — Hyunjin's unsure of the tingle in his gut, why it's happening. But he thinks, just for a second, it feels a little like hope.

wherein, putting your heart on the line for the sake of doing favours isn’t a frequent component in your schedule. But what happens when this favour is asked for by the boy you may or may not have fancied for far too long?

You accept it.

For a very embarrassing reason, really, which is — you think Hwang Hyunjin needs you.

♡ pairing— hwang hyunjin x reader

♡ word count— 8.8k whoopsies

♡ genre and alternate universe — angst, fluff + hanahaki au.

♡ author's note— this was supposed to be a drabble and then i sort of lost my fucking mind ehe...also this is easily the worst thing i have ever written im so sorry aaa but this is a lil present from my end hahaha

♡ warnings— suggestive content, vomiting, mention of blood. allusions to depression and heartbreak.

Amongst other things, you're extremely bad at saying 'no'. You don't mean the word per se...but the underlying connotation of this very monosyllable which may come at the expense of letting another person down.

It's sort of stupid, you understand, your friends have constantly voiced their worries for your extremely complacent nature more often than you'd think actually. But it all goes over your head. See — old habits really do die hard.

When you're eight, this very defect takes you to dreadful saxophone lessons your mum spoke so highly of. When you're 15, it gets you called to the principal's office for flashing Jeongin trigonometric functions in Mister Choi's pop quiz, when you're older, things are definitely no different.

The passenger seat is occupied, Hyunjin's holding a tangled muffler to his suede jacket clad chest. At 21, he's become someone you used to know. A friend of a friend, Felix's to be very specific. But the man in question, who was supposed to be his ride, passes off this duty for kegstands and you just happen to be the designated driver for the night, shuffling Jisung beside Changbin and Chan, who claims to be 'sober' even though he's half asleep.

Hyunjin is uncharacteristically quiet.

There's a polite smile on rendered your way as your eyes meet. A small curvature along his plump bottom lip, tighter around the edges. Still this simple formality is so beautiful that you feel something inside you come alive.

When Jisung starts snoring, you flip on the radio and Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here comes on.

Your fingers feel numb when they come to tap out a rhythm to the track. It's nice. Tingling guitar riffs swelling, David Gilmour's gruffy voice pours in from faulty speakers. The more the song progresses, the more you find yourself attempting to think about anything that will distract you from the boy beside you, in the flesh no less.

So late at night, the main road is eerily silent. Cobblestones reflecting the sound of tires thumping against its layout, streetlights blinking at you from their drooping heads. Across the street, a baker is tucking away leftover bread and buskers are packing up their beat up guitars, a man in his late 50's pulling his blanket to his nose as he rests a head full of gray hair on the cold pavement.

You glance at Hyunjin from the corner of your eye and find that his staggering smile has completely disappeared. Now there's a distant glaze in his eyes. It's like he's here, in this moment, with you, but at the same time, he's somewhere else.

Under the impression you've done something wrong, you immediately begin to panic. But the thing is, you don't actually know if you should ask. Would it constitute as crossing a line if you had anyway?

Hyunjin covers his mouth with a sleeve, muffled retching building beyond fabric.

The reasonable assumption is obvious. It's not abnormal to be nauseous when you've got one too many drinks in you. He motions for you to pull over, incoherent sentences practically melding together, words forming and dissipating between choking fits.

You scramble to dig out a bottle of mineral water you habitually deposit in the glove compartment, offering him the tissue first. Ears perking up in satisfaction when a garbled thanks escapes his parted lips. But then... something weird happens.

As your eyes flicker to unintentionally glance at the contents discarded on the pitch grey sidewalk, you freeze in your seat.

You were never a big believer of superstition, not someone who buys into myths only meant for the fiction genre. Sure, you can be gullible sometimes...but what's happening falls no way under the realistic category.

The lethal Hanahaki disease, only inherited by some unlucky descendants, every moment in your head prior to this one, was something that's obviously non existent.

Yet... there's so much blood, too much blood attesting to your blatant ignorance. The petals are of a white rose, smudging together in swirls of grotesque crimson in mimicry of a sheen of red sticking to the inner corners of his lips. It has happened before, you can tell, from just how unsurprised he looks.

Hyunjin's stare flits to commit every detail of your to memory, in what only seems a quick study of gauging your forthcoming reaction, though even before you can produce a coherent thought, he says,

"You can't tell anyone." His voice drops a few octaves as though he's afraid your snoring friends in the back might've noticed. "Please."

Hyunjin's face softens by the slightest, contrary to his firm demand, there lies a desperation you couldn't overlook.

In retrospect, what you're about to tell is ultimately a promise that'd come back to bite you in due time. However, see now, you're extremely bad at saying no. Somehow you're even worse when it comes to Hyunjin. So you blink, turn the radio off and say,

"Okay."

—

The pool is preheated. For that you're most thankful.

Frankly, you couldn't imagine what it'd be like being pushed into a chilly body of water mid winter. Not that it's pleasant otherwise, you can't swim.

Well at 15, you hadn't quite learned to. The other kids have scurried inside to hog freshly baked Snowman biscuits Seungmin's mum is renowned for.

Then and you think you'll never quite forget it, Hyunjin's wearing an orange power ranger t shirt, it's darker now that it's wet, his glasses are marked with uneven splatters. His face scrunches up at the sudden splash of wetness engulfing his body. He wasn't planning to get in the water.

"Hold on tight." He says, wounding your arms around his neck, your calves tighter to his sides to support your shivering body. Back then Hyunjin's hair was black, cropped short and swept to the side, he smells like fabric softener and skittles. A water donut is discarded in the middle of the pool.

Everybody you know and don't know, from the birth of superheroes stuck in comic books to valiant protagonists behind fuzzy television screens, has this inherent desire to be saved. From the world, from themselves. No, no, it doesn't have to be a grand gesture, swooping them off of their feet from the grasp of surly men in dark alleys, sometimes it's really just simple. Sometimes people save you in the most ordinary way there is.

The weight of your form on his bright pink water donut while he stood on his toes to merely rest his elbows so the item wouldn't flip, a small act, certified this very claim, had not the nimble touch of his cold fingers, brushing away wet hair from your face, to anxiously ask if you're okay met the purpose. He talks to you like the sound of his voice has the power to injure you.

You nod slowly. Like this, it feels like you're going to be.

Hyunjin pouts, looking perfectly unconvinced. He paddles the pair of you to steel stairs spiraling into the pool, so he can stand without just his nose peeking out of the water, he looks at you once again, a wrinkle between his dark, arched eyebrows and says solemnly, "Jisung's such an idiot sometimes, isn’t he?"

But isn't he your friend? You want to ask. Something stops you though —his tone tells you you aren't the only one to fall victim to Jisung's practical jokes. Not that they were offensive or anything. Han Jisung, the same person who twiddles his thumbs when he wants the last chicken nugget and cries every time you watch Howl's Moving Castle together, genuinely doesn't mean any harm. It's just that...when he's comfortable with people, who aren't many, he tends to do a lot of dumb things. Dumb, endearing things that Minho will kill him for someday.

"A little bit," You mumble under your breath. Heat rising to your face at the possibility of Hyunjin being concerned for you. He sounds almost angry. "Thanks by the way."

It's rather pitiful to remember. Because with time, Hyunjin's world becomes so big that your interaction stands to be too insignificant to not forget. Before you know it, he's the shooting guard of your school's basketball team, just a handsome face who dates better girls, makes better friends. It's superficial and a little sad.

No, no, a little sad is an understatement actually.

To see someone you understood intimately, a boy who always described details too much just to stray from the main story, a boy with too many emotions bubbling to an awfully animated surface; someone who was passionate, sensitive and so nauseatingly big hearted...change into a man who is indubitably untouchable...is tragic. At least.

Yet funnily enough — you can't quite imagine a world without Hwang Hyunjin. His ringing laughter rippling through loud ambiences, his distant humming of Christmas carols whilst he absently skimmed through spines of children's novels and his eyes glimmering in adoration whenever he spoke of something he loved — Without him, you imagine, there would be a massive deficiency in your world, in the world. Like if birthday cakes came with the biggest slice carved out.

Hyunjin grins, a big sort of candid grin that turns his eyes into upturned crescents. His previous temperament long forgotten. Suddenly, this utterly atrocious happening seems to not be so bad. Suddenly you don't mind that Jisung is an idiot sometimes.

"Of course."

—

Hyunjin is not perfect. Hyunjin is no prince charming.

People don't know this. They don't understand this.

He ends up paying for dinner when he's out with a big crowd even though they were supposed to split the bill, he ends up crying when he gets angry and he is an abysmal liar, in every sense of the phrase. Hardly ever succeeding to hide his emotions when he should. When he was a kid his parents reminded him that it's a good thing to be unapologetically himself, that being honest is a good thing.

But as your eyes meet from across an ocean of people quagmired by crunchy leaves, sticky remnants of rain and his ex girlfriend who he now claims to be okay with being friends with, on her toes to poke his cheek whilst Chan's arm wraps around her waist, the soft white roses ornamented on a bow she loves wearing all the time, he thinks it's far from an agreeable trait to have.

Actually whilst you balance a newspaper under your arm and bring your coffee to your lips, it's like you're looking through him, past his skin, his flesh, something secret inscribed on his bones, embedded into his soul. You know everything, you know everything, you know everything.

The thought itself... surprisingly enough, doesn't appal him.

Hyunjin raises his palm in the air, feeling the autumn prickling against his skin. He waves at you.

—

Working at a library can be taxing. But it sure has its perks.

You can just about turn the place upside down and put it all back together without getting in trouble. Albeit another reason, besides your profession could be that Minho owns the place. Frankly, he may or may not have been the only cause behind your employment. It's hard to tell now that your co-workers really do recognise you've a knack for arranging things.

But to you, your job is very personal. A precious thing which relieves you from various worldly tensions. Velvety spines under your roughened fingertips, the burst of minted pages hitting your face every time you walk in, your love for reading, for a world of stories is so immense that you think you wouldn't have traded it even if your life depended on it.

For a disease that's not very well known, it's ironic how an entire section of mythology is dedicated to it. Past closing hours, amongst many novels mounted on your desk, you fixate on the one that made most sense. There's a few things you've picked up in common from all of them though — the hanahaki disease is extremely rare, it doesn't affect all those who suffer from the qualms of unrequited love.

Possible remedy according to findings entail

growths can be surgically removed, if the patient consents to eradication of memories of their loved ones.

Clanking of keys alerts incoming and you pause your tapping pen to look up.

"Burning the midnight oil, are we?"

Minho leans against the doorframe, he's half yawning, half talking and fully concerned for you.

"Yeah, looks like I'm gonna be a while." Your monotonous tone provides that you are not paying a lot of attention. You blurt without looking up. "Are you leaving?"

"No, still haven't finished archiving for that Pfizer project...But I'm going to get a bite to eat..." His inky eyes remain on you as his tone falters, "You want anything?"

"I'm fine. Thanks."

"Wow you're like...really uh invested." He tilts his head in thought, "You seeing someone again?"

You know Minho long enough to know he has a teasing side to him, from diaper days to play dates ending in pillow fights because he kept offering you his last Pringle just to pop it into his stupid smirking mouth — but you have no idea where he's going with this.

So you look up, finally. Furrowing your brows.

"No. What does that have to do with anything?"

He shrugs, "I haven't seen you concentrate so hard since you dumped Jeongin."

Your right eye twitches. Because you know exactly what he's referring to, and simultaneously, for the sake of your well-being, you much prefer being in denial. "What?"

"C'mon. Remember how you always ended up doing his homework?" He reminds you. "It's like when you like someone, you go out of your way to do charitable stuff for them. But...this? Too much. Even for you."

You ignore Minho's comment. To the world, Hwang Hyunjin's place in your life is not significant. After all this is the most natural undulation in the vicissitudes of life — for someone who once was your friend to eventually drift apart, to become a has been. It's too hard to explain why you care. After all this time.

"I was just being nice." You narrow your eyes, unimpressed. "Clearly this concept is lost on some people."

"Sure you are, bud. If being 'nice' is synonymous with whipped." Of course, there's a smug grin gracing his pouted lips that tempts you to fling something at him. Not that you can though. Seeing as Minho breaks out into a full fledged sprint, his singsongy voice a thinning echo bouncing off of shelves and windows and doors.

Still somehow his footsteps manage to travel through walls, permeating into your office with such great amplitude that you could be bamboozled into thinking he hasn't left at all. Or maybe you've stopped paying attention, your eyes zoom in on any other helpful detail you can put to use in wrapping your head around what you have witnessed firsthand.

At the same time, you can't really ignore how hungry you're feeling just from the mention of a bite to eat. So when Minho's shadow forms again on the page you've been 'reading' for the last few seconds you sense a gigantic wave of relief washing over you.

"You know what I changed my—" slamming the book shut, you blink against scanty provision of light, with raise your head and a bleary vision, recognise him in an instant. Except...it isn't Minho. "mind..."

The only source of brightness is a small emerald lamp perched on the corner of your desk, light green catches onto one of the ornamented corners and speckles of golden caress his supple skin gently. You hadn't realised how cold it might've been outside until you see how heavily dressed Hyunjin was, a long overcoat worn over woollen sweater, a Santa hat and muffler pulled to his chin. It's no one other than your boss himself who has given him directions to your office, you know this, Hyunjin has never been inside before.

So when he marvels absently, you sense yourself feeling a little self conscious about not cleaning up. All around you, a comforter and love seat pushed against the window, cigarette butts discarded in ashtray and then...the books strewn before you tell him you practically live here.

For some reason, Hyunjin only seems to loosen up at the spectacle.

"Hi." He says finally.

"Hi..." you arrange the reading materials quickly to one side so you can rest your elbows. A small (successful) attempt made to hide your research. "Something up?" You say, but what you really mean is, what are you doing here?!

Did he suspect you were going to tell on him? Right that's it, that must be it, you tell yourself, believing, knowing, of all the years Hwang Hyunjin has known of you he has never been one to care about your whereabouts.

"I just...um," He starts, forwarding his mitten clad hands. It's the back of a crumpled coffee cup on which straight handwriting reads a bucket list...of sorts. You immediately understand that his coming is an act of impulse. Urgency of living every moment like it's slipping through it's fingers, that he just needed to tell the only person who knows, be it by accident.

Hyunjin clears his throat. "I wanna do all this before I die."

In lieu of giving an instant response, baffled, you gawp at him. Despite knowing, hearing Hyunjin say it out loud somehow makes everything...too real.

It's as though someone's reached inside your throat, pulled your heart out and crushed it with their bare hands. Hyunjin, the boy who smelled like fabric softener and skittles and wore power ranger shirts, the boy with the fantastic smile and cold fingers, is dying. You won't let him. You can't let him.

You thumb along the numbers scribbled in hasty penmanship, look up and blink rapidly, "Okay," you say, a small whisper, barely there words. "That's okay."

Even with the hat covering tips of ears, you could tell the same faint blush coating his cheeks had rushed to that particular area. His eyes drift off to the sight of pens discarded inside a wooden holder because he can feel your gaze on him. "and I...I need your help."

"Alright."

Hyunjin's eyes widen to a great degree, he sits straighter, as if he hadn't expected you to comply so quickly.

And honestly? Neither had you.

It's quiet. Awkward.

"You know it's not like I haven't thought about dying. I just figured I'd get to grow old first, settle down, have kids and all that," A wry laugh escapes his parted lips. "Everything's happening too fast."

You hesitate, thinking he's making a mistake. Frankly he shouldn't feel obligated to give you an explanation.

"You...you don't have to tell me."

"No—I mean...can I?" He gives you a sheepish look, disliking his own whimsical tone, somehow endearing still. You find yourself wondering how long he had to keep his burdens to himself, not just pertaining to his illness, but everything. His dreams, his hopes, his fears. Anything which requires a certain amount of depth. And you almost ask him, the question sitting at the tip of your tongue, yet the realisation rather simple, stops you. Maybe you've mistranslated 21 year old Hyunjin all along — moulding himself into someone who's convenient around people who only liked him for who he appeared to be, maybe even with all that popularity, parties and glamour, he's just...lonely.

You push your reading glasses into your hair, press your knuckles under your chin and hum in consent.

He shifts in his seat, "Have you ever... been in love?"

You release an amused huff. Let your eyes linger on him for a long minute.

"Once."

Hyunjin half expects you to laugh. Poke fun at him for his melodramatic backstory. That's the sole reason why he doesn't tell his friends (funny, for people he considers close, they seem to know not much about him or care to know, that is. ). But you... you look at him with something in your eyes that tells him the rubbish reasons he posited makes all the sense in the world. Hyunjin's unsure of the tingle in his gut, why it's happening. But he thinks, just for a second, it feels a little like hope.

—

Midnight rendezvous.

As someone who has lived a fairly extraordinary life, Hwang Hyunjin's bucket list is bafflingly ordinary. He's more of a finding joy in small things kind of a person, punctilious at best.

Things change. People notice. They hesitate, whisper about you and last night while you were out on last minute cheap wine run, the grocerer, a girl who looks around sixteen asks you if you're dating Hyunjin. Underneath the thinly veiled curiousity, there's something like anger dripping from her words.

You furrow your eyebrows in simple insinuation that it's weird for a stranger to take interest in your life. Maybe it was written on your face, the fact that you're a dying man's beck and call is for reasons far more complicated than it looks.

You go to his parties. Greet him as a friend would and not just for the sake of maintaining formalities. He comes to the library more times than he does, waits for you to get off work so you can check something off the list at least. People notice. People understand. Hyunjin's different around you. He's bright, talkative when he forgets to contain himself. You sense your heart swelling with pride just at the understanding that he can be himself around you.

You drive to the beach, sit in your trunk and drink straight out of the bottle.

Hyunjin laughs a little. Suspends his feet in the air. With time, he's gotten paler, exhausted. "Rough day?"

You hum.

"Very. Our children's collection is usually low in stock around the weekends."

Hyunjin crosses his arms over his chest. Curious.

"And?"

"And if I say I got yelled at by a toddler would you believe me?"

Hyunjin feigns contemplation, even with the realisation that his body is becoming less and less cooperative, he manages to remain perfectly cheerful.

"I can actually," he grins, "At that age, I was a real pain in the ass."

"Were?"

Your smile is just a slight curl against the bottle's mouth as he grumbles under his breath about your 'insensitive' remark.

You think of your life after Hyunjin, think of his absence like a gaping hole you'll never be able to fill out. It makes you sick to your stomach.

—

Bake something from scratch.

Hyunjin's face twists in apparent thought, eyebrows rising. A pink tongue poked against his cheek, whilst he chews carefully, trying really hard not to flash an accidental reaction whilst you clasp your butter and oat flour soiled hands together, some of the batter on your cheek, neck to anticipate his answer like your will to live depends on it.

You ask yourself how it got to this. Why you didn't care that you were awake so early on a Sunday morning with flour powdering every kitchen appliance in sight in spite of being awfully restrictive about who you let into your kitchen. But it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter because it's nice like this.

Hyunjin has his hair pulled away from his bare face, a mole under his eye, a small birthmark on the back of his ear.

When you first met, you thought he was a kind of handsome that couldn't be real. Something formidable about it. Only destined to exist behind fuzzy television screens and flashy magazines.

But in retrospect, you realise, that that's not true at all.

If you look close enough, if you really pay attention, there's a softness underneath, something goofy, something warm, the sharp jut of his nose circling into a soft button, his eyes are big, black and his mouth jutted out into a natural pout, he looks innocent, like he doesn't quite realise the extent of his charms.

"It's..." His soft voice pulls you out of your reverie, and you look up to find his eyes glimmering jovially. Every time it surprises you, the lack of regret in them and the abundance of nonchalance. You wonder what it means to love someone like that, to love someone to the point of martyrdom. It shouldn't be like this. "perfect,"

"This is like, the only batch we didn't burn, right?"

You snort, "Yeah." Fully turn to him, "You know what they say, fifth time's the charm."

Hyunjin's laugh, you think, is so contagious that it makes it an imperative to smile in return. In shaky compartments the sound comes, like being 8, laying wide-eyed in a paddling pool and staring up at a crayon blue sky, raindrop rippling beyond all that noiseless water. His eyes curve to upturned crescents, an unconscious hand covering up the seams of his lips whilst he shakes his head. You don't even notice when he starts speaking again.

"Huh?"

"I said you got a little...something..."

You almost lose a fraction of your sanity when his nimble fingers come to wrap around your wrist while you hold onto the spatula employed into the whole snickerdoodle batter mixing business, a liberated hand coming up to gently wipe your cheek. It means everything to you. And nothing to him.

Later, when you're alone at night, really alone, you put your palm to your chest and feel the unsteady beat of your heart. A warning, a reminder. I can't. I can't. I can't.

—

You hold Hyunjin's hair up. His hands resting on the cold toilet seat, he's whimpering and bleeding. It happens every time he sees Haseul, or something which reminds him of her. Like the song.

This time she's drunk. And it's because she impulsively rises to her toes and presses a tender kiss to Chan's lips.

Hyunjin's just a feet away, across students and solo cups and streaks of neon falling irregularly through his line of sight.

He can never confess, not to her. The last thing Hyunjin wants is for her to feel bad for him. To say she feels the same as an act of service. He tells you. You understand. Somehow... you always understand.

They met in college, Hyunjin and she. And Chan was an upperclassman who seemed to be good at...well everything. At first, he couldn't figure out why it never occured to him before, the fact they were getting together maybe before, after or during the length of their relationship.

Though the answer is simple.

Hyunjin thinks the pillar to good relationships is trust. Call him a sappy romantic or whatever but he had seen true love manifest from it through generations before him and his parents and their parents. To think a different fate was woven for him...used to be unimaginable.

How ironic is that?

Hyunjin presses his cheek against your chest because he doesn't want you to look at him when he cries.

Then for the first time....he tells you he's scared. He's scared of what will happen to him. Of what is happening to him.

He's falling apart.

You cradle him, press him closer to your body like you're trying to put him together. People can't fix each other. Not really. But sometimes... they're worth the try.

"Hey...hey...it's alright," You shush him, run your fingers through his hair. Your voice almost breaking, faltering. Still this, this you mean it with every fibre of your being. "It's okay to be scared."

—

Self bleach hair.

It's Christmas and you're late for a late night dinner he's putting together. (As reluctant as he was about getting along with Hyunjin, he seems all too eager to make invite him whenever a get together takes effect.)

His apartment smells like floor cleaner. There's a queen sized bed pushed against an electric blue wall, a Fleetwood Mac poster taped to his door, small reading desk where Canon EOS New Kiss rests, polaroids of things checked off the list littered all its wooden surface.

You pick up the only photo he hasn't labelled, it reminds you that your friendship isn't just based off a pursuit. This is natural. Pizza box discarded between you two, on your roof top. It's a little too dark, you're holding a cigarette between your fingers, you're laughing and Hyunjin looks like he's going to complain the minute he's done taking the picture. (And he does.)

You smile, pressing your fingers against it like the touch could transport you to a simpler time.

"Ready to go?"

Hyunjin rakes a tentative hand through his newly dyed hair, grey (a suitable colour he says.). You can tell he's put a lot of effort into cleaning up, his usual hoodies and sweats alternated with a red satin shirt tucked into dark dress pants and a coat of the same colour. Hyunjin is beautiful. Perhaps even more like this. In fact, the extent of this quality is so Goliath-like that it obliges dolled up attendees to marvel up in awe. While you fully agree with their unsaid ponderings, you really do, you find yourself missing a less sophisticated version of him.

"Yeah, but first..." you fish out a wrapped squarish material from the depths of your pocket. Hyunjin's eyes widen, two bunny-like teeth showing for the extent of his grin.

"You got me a present!" He all but rips it out of your hand, shaking the material eagerly. He’s a Christmas person, a supreme holiday enthusiast if you will. The sheer excitement in him projects itself in every physical aspect possible. Slight jumping on the balls of his feet. "It's a cassette...?"

You speak too much, nervous he doesn't like it. "It’s a Christmas mix. I thought...since you like carols. I know it's a little old school, I'm sorry if that’s not what you were hoping for—"

Hyunjin pulls you into a big hug, wrapping his entire body it feels like; his arms around your waist, he squeezes you tighter against him, "Thank you." He whispers into your hair, it's not just about the cassette, you can tell.

There's a small light bulb dangling from his ceiling, he hasn't fixed it since the first time you pointed it out. You can tell with your eyes closed, you've begun to know more intimately than your own home. It's safe here. A place that deludes you into thinking that he's not running out of time, that even in his absence in the world, whenever you should walk into this room, it would be an imperative to find Hyunjin lazying about in its confines. Familiarity can be quite tricky, can't it?

His gratitude is not unknown to you. It's in the guilty smile that threatens to show every now and then, it's in this and it's in that. In many ways, it is not something you're a stranger to.

And yet the words manage to tears your heart at the seams. Just a little.

—

Make a snow angel.

From above, he imagines, he may appear to look like a chunk of cookie dough in an ice cream pint.

The snow is not as comfortable as it appears, its frigid temperature seeps into Hyunjin's clothes (and what feels like his internal organs, if that's even possible). He waves his hands and legs inward, outward.

Your head tilts towards him. Face twisted in annoyance. "You're getting on my wing!" You say. "Have you no respect for personal space?!"

Hyunjin narrows his eyes jovially. And people tell him he's the one with a penchant for theatrics. He leans closer in rebuttal, waving his leg around your design with more purpose. You give up. Sit on your knees, fumble with the snow. He’s still in the same position. Smug as ever...

"This is what happens when you disrespect your elders." He fake-warns. "Oka—"

What he doesn't anticipate, however, is the snowball you launch on his stupid grinning face. Now it's your turn to laugh. You clutch your stomach and point at him whilst he glares at you having barely managed to blow the snow off of his mouth.

"Oh, you're gonna get it now!"

You let out an animalistic screech, Hyunjin’s already trapped you under his weight, his thighs wound around your waist, hamstringing your plan to escape, now you're merely squirming. His fingers come down to attack your sides, digging into the flesh so mercilessly to the point you’re not sure if you’re laughing or crying. It's like there's a wildfire inside your lungs.

For a moment you forget, you let yourself forget what's to come.

“Alright, alright I’m sorry!” you press your palms against his chest in an attempt to push him off, Hyunjin has a dumb smile on his face that seems to give the impression of a hanger stuck inside his mouth. But... there's something behind his entertainment as the sound of his laugh dies down, chest heaving with exercise. His smile drops.

You can count each lash, each freckle and line on his face. The dark in his eyes. The pink of his lips. Your sweater's ridden to your ribs. And the warmth of his fingers shifting against your bare skin hits you with an earthshattering force.

Hyunjin kisses you. For a fleeting second, you freeze. Rigid with shock. Then it passes as soon as it comes.

You let out a noise of content,indubitably grateful that your neighbours forgot to put on their porch light for the night. See it’s like this, the act of kissing is not as special as is the person himself, you muse, you can kiss anyone, you can touch and be touched by anyone. But none of that truly compares to this. Not when they aren't him.

You’d be lying if you said you never thought about it. Just like you’ve thought about a lot of things. But just the realisation that the boy you’ve harboured in your heart for more complicated reasons than you disclose, to yourself even, touches you with so, so much care...it’s tearing you apart.

It’s too good to be real.

You suddenly push him away. The tugging and pulling at your heart too much to handle. For the fact remains — Hyunjin doesn't love you. He doesn't even like you. You never expected him to. Actually, you've never felt what you feel with that condition in mind either.

See when the feeling of having everything you could ever want is cradled between your palms...it ought to be hard to let go. (Maybe he’s just doing this because he feels bad for you, the little voice in your head says. You listen.)

Hyunjin speaks up first.

“I love Haseul.” he tells you, but it sounds more like he’s telling himself. “That’s why...that’s why, all this...I love her.” Not you.

You swallow, “I know.” Your hands come up to dust your pants. Hyunjin’s still on his knees, as if the answer to his conflicts are deposited under all the snow. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not, it’s not okay. I shouldn’t have, I shouldn’t have done—”

Now you hear it, the hint of pity in his voice. You don’t mean to sound as bitter as you do. Seeing as you’re usually very good at keeping calm , breaking that very reputed front frustrates you even more.

“Look just forget about it, okay? We don’t have to talk about this.”

Hyunjin looks like he didn’t expect this side of you to exist. At least, you think, at least it got him to stop talking.

—

Learn to skate.

"If I fall, I'm taking you with me."

"You say it like I have a choice."

Hyunjin shoots you a warning glare even though you can't see. His choppy skidding steps supported by the vice grip he has on your arms. You haven't skated since you were in highschool. But when you're pretty good at it still, the smooth blade of your beaten skates gliding through ice with much dexterity, it's like floating, freeing, the wind hitting your faces, snow catching in your lashes. It's peaceful, you try not to think about the warmth of Hyunjin's arm circling around body, the vague rhythm of his heartbeat against your back. His laboured breaths on your neck. It's torturous. But spending so much time with him has taught you to hide your feelings better.

The park welcomes a large crowd around holiday season, children with toothless grins, tugging onto their mum's coats, small chin resting onto a parents' head, teenagers moving in together in school uniforms. It's the happiest time of the year. When you move past an elderly couple, they smile and tell you make a wonderful couple.

You're just about to make a correction. This puts you in an awkward position... doesn't it?

But then Hyunjin grins toothily and says, Thank you, like it's the most amusing thing in the world. You ignore the wrenching inside your chest.

Hyunjin leans forward, his plump lips brushing against your ear. "Where did you learn to skate so well?!" There's something like excitement in his kiddish laugh aside from admiration. It's not much of a question as it is an exclamation.

"I am pretty good, aren't I?"

He laughs, doesn't let you go. "Yes, yes...really good."

Out of breath, you slow down, move your feet steadily, careful not to lose balance.

"Oh my God! It is you!"

You raise your head, blink against flakes hindering your vision. Jeongin's voice used to be thinner before. As far as you remember. Now it has a weight to it.

You let out a nervous laugh.

"And it's you..."

Jeongin's eyes travel to the arms around your waist, to the stiffened figure behind you and you immediately liberate yourself. Moving to let Hyunjin use your arm as purchase, you don't fail to notice the pinch in his forehead, a frown on his mouth.

"This is my friend Hyunjin. Hyunjin, this is Jeongin—"

"We used to go out." Jeongin smiles, forwarding his hand, which is returned with an unenthused shake and a demure reply. Hyunjin never speaks to anyone this way, not even people he claims to hate.

The former male looks to you again, "I was, uh... wondering if you'd like to go out for a cup of coffee sometime."

Things between you and him ended amicably at the event of his departure for further studies, which deprives you of awkward tension which is expected when exes meet.

Besides, a cup of coffee never hurt anyone.

Right?

Without thinking, you nod slowly, "Yeah that sounds good,"

"Text me anytime."

"Sure."

“I'll be out of your hair then," he beams. "It was very nice meeting you too, Hyunjin."

"Right."

Hyunjin, you realise, has released your arm. He leans on barricades fencing along the skating area, smiling briefly. You know it’s wrong...yet you sense that you almost need him to be upset.

Then he tilts his head back towards you, "He seems like a really nice guy," he whispers, genuinely meaning every word. Your heart sinks. "I see the appeal." Underneath the lurid glare of fairy lights brandished overhead, Hyunjin's ash hair glints like it's threaded out of silver. You wonder what he's thinking.

—

Watch every Disney movie ever made.

You never end up texting Jeongin back. Just stalling for when you're ready, you tell yourself. Even though that's not true at all.

"This brings back so many memories. My parents used to belt out A Whole New World with me, like every time we watched Aladdin."

Hyunjin wipes his face with the back of his hand, technically you’re not very sure what he’s saying exactly because he’s mumbling into a paper napkin you've passed over for the umpteenth time. You find yourself picturing a small but happy family of three, of Hyunjin in Scooby Doo pajamas and gap between his teeth. (Contrary to your previous convictions, he hasn't changed all at much, save for the teeth bit. ) It's cute.

He looks to you expectantly. Can't be the only one telling embarrassing stories.

You shrug, "I had a thing for Simba. Let's just say my mum and dad were nice enough to indulge me."

Hyunjin reaches for the remote and pauses the ending credits of Lady and the Tramp. He turns to you fully now, gives you a judgemental stare. "Simba...?" He says, "Like the...lion?"

"What? It's normal to crush on fictional characters, okay?!"

"Okay,sure," Hyunjin snorts, putting a pillow between you and him so you can't kill him. "furry."

A part of you is tempted, obviously. But the much bigger part is more invested in how he looks happier, healthier. You want to think that means something.

—

Hyunjin invites you over for movie night. It's getting colder and you keep poking him with your cold feet. There's an extra set of blankets in his cupboard, he informs you, he isn't sharing his with you — and that's when you see it.

The deflated pink donut folded to the side, his and yours sharpie inscribed initials on one side.

"Found it yet?"

You don't even notice when he comes to stand behind you. So the question effectively makes you jump out of your skin. Hyunjin has a bowl of popcorn pressed to his chest, there's a pink hair band holding his hair away from his forehead. For the lack of a answer he takes it on himself to find the source of your silence. As if you've been caught red handed.

You think this is where he'll ask you to leave, that or he'll least scold you or something. You prepare for the worst.

Hyunjin just smiles, it's a big smile that succeeds in bringing out the small dimple indented on the side of his cheek. You've never noticed before. It's kinda weird. Because when it comes to him, your attention hardly ever falters.

"You probably don't remember. That’s from Seungmin's 15th birthday,"

You want to scoff under your breath. All this time you had told yourself that you were the only one to be affected by your estranged friendship growing up. Now...the same logic colours you every bit of ridiculous.

You blink away, swallowing. Voice solemn.

"I remember." Hyunjin's gaze is heavy on your shoulders. An emotion you can't quite put a finger on crosses his delicate features. It's something between surprise and relief... something else too. You don’t understand it.

—

It's disconcerting that he can’t remember the last time he got sick. Not the usual discomfort inside his chest, not the blood, not the thorns or petals. Hyunjin's just gotten so used to it, you know? What if he gets his hopes up for no good reason? What if it just comes back?

There's no possible explanation, he explains over a hasty 3 A.M message he had to leave on your answering machine because he's freaking out.

Then Haseul texts Hyunjin, tells him she misses him. Everything's adding up. Everything's falling into place. This is what he wanted, isn't it? She loves him, she finally loves him back. That must be it. He doesn't know what to say.

But he tells you, and when he does, it sounds a lot like an apology.

—

Kiss underneath a mistletoe.

“Chan and I broke up.” She says it like it’s something he should be happy about. So when he remains quiet, it only prompts her to speak more, fill up the big mighty silences.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Look Jinnie, I know I made a mistake, but...can’t you give a second chance? Just this once?”

Hyunjin has thought about this particular moment a lot. Kissing her instead of producing a response, pulling her off of her feet and mumbling of course, of course, of course. Back then, there were little doubts in his head pertaining to her, back then he believed that she was the only one for him. The love of his life at the wrong time, in the wrong place.

Now...something doesn’t feel right.

The thing about wounds, sometimes, of the heart in particular, is when they close up, it’s hard to make head or tails of the kind of person you become in their wake. Hard to adjust. Like when he suddenly shot up 7 inches in ninth grade, a late bloomer at that, and the weight of his new sneakers felt..odd.

He glances at her and also understands what it’s like to be lonely, the constant need to compensate for it by grasping at the last straw. He used to be in her shoes too. This isn’t any different. Albeit, he isn’t exactly taken by her presence. Just that he doesn’t know if what he’s doing is right. He looks over your table a few feet away from where he’s standing. Having gone out to take a call. You notice his absence and then from your seat, do your best to locate him. (he thinks of kissing you on a bed of snow, thinks of the sizzle of your skates against ice, thinks of his list on a coffee cup and his pink water donut and it’s okay to be scared. Why did it have to be you of all people, through everything? It’s not really a work of coincidence. Not at all actually.

Maybe he just wanted it to be you.)

When your eyes do lock...seeing him with his hands in his pockets, her standing beyond the barrier as she tries to say something, you smile, even if it’s a little sad. Hyunjin thinks to the conversation some nights before. Thinks of you reminding him that there's nothing to lose at this point, that he should do what his heart tells him. That it’ll be alright, if he just takes a leap of faith. Hyunjin smiles back. Through the glassy exterior and mini water fountains running down its slanted form. The realisation is not as dramatic as he thought. It’s just late.

He tears off the false mistletoe decoration glued along the periphery of an arch.

And like always.

He takes your advice.

—

Cohorts of guests pour into the colossal hotel, heads turning in quiet admiration for bejeweled arches breaking out against buttery white architecture, the roof is impossibly naked, translucent glass baring a starlit sky to your watchful eyes. Showing little mercy to a frail chute held over your head,costumed characters wade through oceans of gossamer, twinkling silver and swaying movements to slow jazz. You prop a heeled foot up on the bar platform, which strangely resembles a pedestal, in a futile attempt to catch your breath, with clammy digits settled atop the risky surface of a marbled counter. A soft voice speaks over the ambience, uttering your name with much care. You lift your head. And there he is.

Jisung is scouring through the Spotify playlist you’ve put together for New Year’s Eve. He’s complaining about the lack of Beyoncé while your friends go around the buffet table. When he calls you, you’re sipping your drink, laughing at something Changbin is saying, his eyes brighten just at the sound of your laugh. Hyunjin isn’t surprised to see his friend taking a liking of you even though he hardly knows you. That’s just the effect you have on people.

Excusing yourself, you allow him to walk you to a less densely populated area where a stone pillar faces expensive paintings of nameless painters. With the effect of alcohol settling in and your inhibitions effectively lowered, your steps sway a little. You lean against the massive build rising from tiled floor. “So what’s up?” you murmur, the lump in your throat thickening just at the thought of him speaking the good news into existence. “I take it went well?”

Hyunjin doesn't answer. He looks distracted for a bit. Then in an instant he snaps out of his daze. “What did you mean when you said ‘once’?”

Your brows come together in inquiry.

“What?”

"When I asked you if you have ever been in love, you said ‘once’." He persists, his fingers come up to your shoulder, grazing slightly as if they’re trying to carve out words against the skin. "You weren’t talking about Jeongin.”

He knows. He’s always known. Hyunjin can’t believe he’s been so stupid.

“Took you long enough.” You let out a sardonic laugh.“Well, it doesn’t matter now, does it?”

"It matters to me..." Hyunjin sounds offended, you gather, but he manages to quell his temper for the sake of coaxing your confession. Is he purposely embarrassing you? "I don’t think...I love Haseul anymore...I didn’t realise...I haven’t for a long time."

A big chandelier beams over withering plants pushed against the ceiling, in this poor supply of light, you can tell exactly how he looks, eyes glimmering adoringly, you've spent something-teen years of your life wondering what it's supposed to mean. And it still manages to confuse you.

"Why are you telling me this?" you ask, albeit you already know. Because funnily enough, before he got his braces removed and dyed his hair a scandalous blonde, before bucket lists and heartbreak, he was just the boy who told you he liked your stupid reindeer sweater even though it had officially made you the 7th grade laughing stock. You remember being fifteen and in love with Hyunjin. And you've never actually stopped. You need to hear it to believe it.

It drives you crazy. The way Hyunjin brushes his fingers against your cheek, shifting strands away from your eyes. But you can't help it, you've always wanted this. You lean into the caress, peering up at him as his large hand cups your jaw, thumb traversing from your tilted chin to your glossy lips like he's trying to smooth out all the creases. His voice is small, a whisper.

"Because I need you to know I think I’m falling in love with you.” he says. His palm opens and there’s a plastic mistletoe nestled between his fingers. You’re smiling and sniffling whilst his forehead comes to press against yours. Hyunjin grins. “And there’s still one last item on my list.”

“Are you seriously asking me to land one on you now?”

“Oh hell yeah.”

—

"Move."

You press your fingers against the slick, sweaty skin.

In rebuttal, Hyunjin grumbles under his breath. Only half awake, half aware that he was mumbling in his sleep. His naked chest seems to be, if it’s even possible, glued to your bare front as he sprawls out like a starfish over your body, using his gangly arms to accommodate the strange position.

Though and you know he knows it too — it’s anything but uncomfortable.

See by now, you aren't exactly a stranger to Hyunjin's sleeping habits. Or really, any habits of his.

All the windows are cracked open, moonlight percolating through a thin sheet of curtains in rendering evidence that it’s still night time. You can make out the faint sound of honking in the distance, a few stray dogs here and there, probably producing strings of complaints about the blatantly unbearable heat.

The strong stench of sweat and an aftermath of what happened before is a quick reminder of where you are, what you’re doing and that your arm’s going cold for a lack of circulation under his weight. Beads of sweat collected against his skin and trickle down the side of your face, the crook of your neck, which only prompts you to apply more force to the pads of your index and pointer — albeit it did nothing to move him, "Gross." You groan. "You're sweating like a pig!"

This comment, of all the things you've tried to get him to sleep on his side, succeeds in making Hyunjin raise his head, his grey hair matted down, a few rogue strands pushed out to fall over the unamused look in his eyes.

In an unprecedented minute of absolute clarity, something inside your stomach started to churn at the shocking sight. You’re impossibly, absolutely and nauseatingly in love with Hwang Hyunjin and the funny thing is, you don’t have to think twice to know he is too.

"Gross?" Hyunjin lowers his face to brush his pouted lips along your jaw, grinning when you let out a shaky but involuntary breath and as if he is looking to make a point with his digits traversing from your bare stomach, just along the hem of your underwear, "After all that?"

"I hate you." You say — but more like, stutter. The sound of his giggles eliciting a strange sensation in you, reverberating against your chest, knocking against his ribs and your skin, like it’s trying to reach out to you, like your bodies insist on melding into one.

"I don’t think you’re being honest, baby." He laughs, squeezing your side, coming up to plant a warm palm to your butt to repeat the action, which in turn, drew a mewl from you. “Because you looove me.” Hyunjin smirks, his finger thumbing along your throat to your chin. You think this is what all those great poets meant in endless litanies of lovers torn apart by time and war woven together in a simple caress, like a longing, like a secret. Guarded from prying eyes, greedy hands, and you keep it, you keep it. For him. With him.

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lovee-infected · 3 years

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hi! could i see your insights about ace? i saw a anon say from another blog that kinda has unrealistic expectations in a relationship and it kinda stuck with me. i mean in his ghost marriage he already knows the things he wants in a partner but he didn't show guilt about dumping his girlfriend, even. i think if you date him because he sees these quality in you and as the relationship last, he'll dump you if you get boring to him lol

I never thought that I'd say this but, wow, I'm impressed. I've been really curious about Ace since I get to see a variety of different content with different representations of his personality, so I decided to stick with his canon stories and lines. This analysis was so much fun to write and I'd assure you all that not only Ace but rather all of the first year characters are WAY more than they seem to be! Many just decide to ignore them and pass away, calling them good boys or precious stupid beanies at first.

Speaking of Ace, we've all seen how trending he's been recently. Many theories, thoughts and new arguments exist through the fandom as many want to get to know this boy better.

Theories like "Ace's betrayal theory" as well have been mentioned a lot lately, some agree and some disagree. While we aren't going to talk about that theory or any other theories in this analysis, I'd like to take time to talk about the reasons why those theories might seem appealing and accurate. In other words, we're going to talk about where they are coming from!

1) Ace is incredibly smart and brave

It's true that characters like Jade or Azul's remarkable genius often stands out as it's clearly visible through their presence in the game, from iconic decisions to stunning strategies. But what we need to realize is how characters like Ace can be just as inspiring while their true intelligence is often shallowed by extras and giving them much of a dumb picture in the game.

To begin with, let us note that Ace's brother himself was one of the considerably strong magicians in Heartslabyul's history and even his presence through the magicshift is still remarkable even though years has passed. As the second child of the family, Ace's change to achieve success is even higher than his brother's as he already has a role model he really looks up to, so in that point Ace isn't one to underestimate. But, let me point that his relationship with his brother also contains lots of jealousy and sometimes negativity. His brother was one to always trick Ace and he continues to do so even nowadays! Ace on the other hand doesn't enjoy being pissed off over and over even as he's used to it. Well, we can say that it's another reason for him to train his hardest and become a greater magician than his brother therefore he won't be the bully material of the Trappola household anymore.

Regardless of how effective his brother might've been on him, Ace himself has shown plenty of strong hints that reveal not only his high IQ but also EQ:

He can solve math problems in second, which is a rather important feature to note because the way you deal with math can directly effect the way you deal with life. Not saying that one has to be great at math to be great at something else but it's rather about the perspective and ability of logical thinking that it gives to one. I'd say that this effect is quite visible if you take a look at the way he speaks in serious situations; he's got much of an analytical brain. Let's not forget that Cater as well confirmed that he's much of a skill stealer, is pretty good at remembering things and is a quick thinker! These are go on to show how much of an underestimated genius he is.

Whenever something goes wrong, Ace would be the first one to notice it even if it's a silly matter. And it always begins with a seemingly childish argument, but ends incrucial matters that not a single soul had noticed before! Just take a look at chapter one, what would've happened if Ace hadn't spoken up? He was just one of the hundreds of students having to be severely punished under Riddle's strict rules and he surely wasn't the first one to go through this. Him taking the urge to fight Riddle sounded stupid and naïve at first, many even told him off because he was just acting like a pissed off child. But as he continued to argue and oppose toward Riddle's way as a leader, even Trey realized how he's been keeping his eye shut on all this problems for so long. The way Ace stood against Trey was iconic, he confidently defended his point not by his personal demands and feelings but with facts and logical comments on why Trey's way of threatening Riddle is wrong. He did the same thing again at he ghost marriage, just think of it! Not a single soul ever cared to tell the bride about true love but Ace was there, and he was the one and only to do this after more than 500 years of the bride's existence! This Ace, this serious and mature face of Ace is something that can surely fascinate anyone. His bravery, the way he puts all that strength through words, hisextremely logical point of view and his enthusiasm to solve the problems no matter how unimportant they seem to be is indeed appreciatble. Seriously though, what would've happened to Riddle is Ace wasn't there? When Ace firstly begun to oppose to him, everyone thought that is was just a childish argument. They had no idea how severe and destructive Riddle's temper issues were and how harmful they were down inside.

2) He's one of the dumbest characters in the whole game

You know what? He is dumb. Yes he's incredibly smart but this isn't going to change the fact that he is dumb as hell, so I'm never going to argue when someone's nagging on how much of an idiot he is. But most importantly, we need to know what's making him so dumb:

His presence through the stories has proved that Ace is eventually pretty good at detecting the main source of problems both on the mental and physical side. He was the first to realize Riddle's issues, Trey's huge mistake with Riddle, Ghost bride's unawareness and Epel's gloomy and sad aura in chapter 4. Ace's also one to easily tell whether what someone is doing is wrong or not, he can see through people and bring their mistakes to their attention. The problem is... he can't be quite the same with himself. That's what makes him awfully dumb.

Back in chapter one, he did have a point about Riddle's way of leadership being so unfair and messed up, but when he decided to challenge Riddle and even take his place as the dorm leader he was a total idiot who didn't how weak and unpractical his own magic was, he was being too dramatic. When he talked about his ex girlfriend, he just talked about how she held him back from doing what he wanted and was too uncool to spend time with, but he didn't mention a single thing about himself doing anything wrong in that relationship. He often fails to realize that he's got his own incompleteness and lacks just like anyone else, or prefers to put an blind eye to them most of the time (not all of the time)

Ace sets the perfect goals, but chooses the wrong path to achieve them. He needs to realize that just like everyone else, he can be sometimes wrong. He should take his time to get to know himself better; his abilities, his attitude, his faults and his mistakes and learn to be more patient and logical in order to achieve his goals. He's still young an inexperienced, by learning to put that brilliance of him into the perfect use he'd be able to become the great magician he wishes to be, and I'd say that in case that he continues to grow stronger and smarter, he'll have a high chance of being hesrtslabyul's next dorm leader!

3) He legit wants to be the "Ace"

This part's more of an attempt to do a name analyis and see how much it's been effective on Ace's personality. It actually makes a lot of snese since the word "Ace" itself has several meanings, and he used these different terms quite a few times in his personal stories. This point would also be explained in part (4) so for now, let's take a look at direct name definitions:

First of, remember what what an Ace is in a card game? "A playing card with a simple spot on it, ranked as the highest card in its suit" This goes on to tell us a lot, it's telling us what an Ace is. A loner yet the most powerful one of its own, just like how Ace wants to be.

Wanting to be an actuall Ace is definitely one of the things that sometimes makes Ace sound so jerky and he's aware of it! If you give it a closer look, you'll see that Ace doesn't really treat his friends like friends, especially with Deuce and Grim. He's often insulting or challenging them, and even during his birthday SSR when MC asked him about what he thinks of each of other first years (Who are basically his closest friends) he mainly criticized them and all, not a single word was said about things he likes about them and he didn't even call any of them his friend!

Well that's much of a jerky attitude to have toward people whom you spend almost all of your time with, especially your best of time.

He to play the role of the bad guy, the type to hang out with everyone without feeling any attached to them as even friends. Seems like our boy is trying to be a loner, a true Ace of cards and hearts. And he doesn't mind his friends calling him a bastard or jerk because of this. It's even confirmed that he's more of the popular guy type therefore he's mainly used to having people around!

On the other hand, he's trying his best to achieve success no matter what the obstacles are. It's true that he often messes up and fails, but we cannot say that he isn't trying. He almost lost his head for real during his SSR story where Riddle's favorite hedgehogs were lost because of Ace's impatience, but at last with the help of monsieur Rook and his own ability to imitate Rook's mole language skills Ace saved his neck one more time, and ended his story with a dramatic "Of course, I always Ace it!"

4) Ace does care, but pretends that he does not

In contrast to the fact that he wants to sound tricky,manipulative and mean, or how he's denying his friends' true worth to him like stated in part (3), Ace is probably one of the most caring and supportive characters in the game. Not saying that he's just as bright as someone like Kalim, but his way of seeing through people and wishing them to be better, wealthier and happier than they already are is surely something. This fact is often ignored because, well...everyone's too busy calling him either dumb or sus/ jk!

Just imagine having a friend or at least, a classmate you know like Ace. How's he supposed to be? He'd realize it when someone's bullying/bothering/ or intentionally harming you, and he isn't going to be silent about it. If you see that you're permanently sad, angry, rude or loud then again he'd speak up, he isn't going to just pull up with anyone's unhealthy habit like nothing's happened. He's got much of a big brain as well so you should expect him to say a bunch of helpful and meaningful stuff when he's using that brain, mainly in serious situations. He may not be a permanently mutual to have around, but when the troubles arrive, know that having Ace around is always an advantage.

To top it off, he's even shown sympathy toward people whom he seemed to like the least at first like Riddle; he wishes Riddle to be happier, to smile more, to be more open about his emotions with other students. At some point he even admits that he looks up to him, he used to overestimate his powers and challenged Riddle, but during the ghost marriage he said that he knows how powerful and strong Riddle is, therefore he should work his hardest to study and train to become strong just like him! He already seems to be more cheerful and bright when MC is talking to him, but when it comes to Grim and Deuce...it gets quite complicated. What we see the most is often Ace insulting them or saying that he's going to kick their asses, but they're also his closest friends all though he refuses to admit to it.

Just wait for Deuce or Grim to get in a serious danger or pain, and see how much of a protective one Ace can be! He isn't going to remain silent when one is in danger, but he's surely going to deny all that effort and affection he gave into action afterwards. When Ace can feel this cautious and understanding toward Riddle, someone who isn't even a friend of his then imagine how supportive and caring he would be toward his close friends like Deuce, MC and Grim!

In his ghost marriage as well, his words and the way he spoke of the meaning of true love left everyone, even Crowley, impressed (Crowley even said that he's fallen in love with this side of Ace's personality), but refused to admit that he was speaking of his true feelings after the ceremony. Someone like Grim is too bold to recognize how much of a different person Ace can be inside, so he claimed that Ace was just rambling nonsense without thinking of what he was saying back then, and Ace agreed with him! This is a continuation to part (3) where we talked about how he wants to be a loner, he doesn't want anyone to see how caring and sometimes, emotional he can be inside! Poor boy is quite shy showing his true feelings we can tell~

5) Ace can be quite tricky and manipulative

This part will also explain some of the main reasons behind famous theories like "Ace's betrayal theory", and I wanted to have a certain part to talk about this point specifically because it's been quite trending through the whole fandom, and many are wondering why theorizers are considering his betrayal a possibility, so here we go!

As said, one of the main factors the makes Ace seem suspicious would be his incredible intelligence. The fact that he can actually be that smart all the time but isn't openly showing his talents and abilities can be quite questionable, more details regarding his intelligence and most likely high IQ and EQ were discussed in part (1)!

Enough with intelligence, let's focus on his personality! This is mainly what this part is talking about, his trickiness. Just like his father and older brother, Ace is pretty good with magic tricks. Small and fun tricks are a convenient yet easy ways to inspire others and Ace doesn't mind showing the crowd what he's got up in sleeve when possible. But the thing is...this isn't just about fancy tricks.

This ability can be expanded into any other field such as mental terms and enable him to indirectly control and play with one's mind. That's more of a possibility though! He hasn't yet shown any signs of being any manipulative but, well, we can't say that it's beyond his abilities. Ace himself can be quite sarcastic and mean at the time, he doesn't seem to mind slightly tricking his friends either. Nothing about him seems to be serious, but the possibilities remain still.

The way he learnt those tricks as well is mentionable; no one ever teached himm any of those tricks, he learnt them through being repeatedly tricked, and learning to copy and redo what he saw. Both Rook and Cater so far have confirmed that Ace's ability to learn so quickly and learn and redo techniques just by watching them is fantastic.

His genius and ability to learn and memorize everything that he needs to learn pretty fast, along side his tricky and sometimes personality can make Ace quite dangerous. If someone like him decides to choose such a remarkable talent for evil purposes, that's surely going to be bad news. That's much and less of what makes Ace's betrayal theory make sense although there're still fans who find it quite questionable. I'm not a supporter of this theory myself as I hadn't seen any signs of Ace having any bad intentions so far, but I do get where the theorizers are coming from and that makes sense. Ace has been trying to put on much of a mean and lowkey evil face on through the story and no one can really say what's exactly going on in that brain. We'll that about this uncertainty in part (7)!

6) His past relationship was...uh

For now, Ace is the only character who is confirmed to have experience in love and relationships, and this was a rather effective factor since many have been talking about Ace's past relationship afterwards. The thing is...Ace did talk about how his girlfriend held him back from having fun and living the life he wanted to live. Well there's actually a lot we should say about this one so I'm not gonna rush to the end, let's think about all of the aspects of this situation logically:

First of, the relationship itself. I'd say that it was a wrong attempt for them to date each other in the first place because obviously, Ace and his girlfriend weren't made for each other. They were total opposites in interests and they couldn't even have fun together. If Ace chose to go on a wild roller coater ride, the girl would've freaked out and when she chose a small, childish ride that she liked Ace instead didn't enjoy it at all. It's surely an issue when you and your partner can't even watch a movie which both of you can enjoy together since their tastes were totally different, just jow was this relationship going to last? Ace wasn't happy, and if he was going to do what made him happy the girl in return would've been sad. They were two different people of two different points, dating at this point was nothing but a mistake.

On the other hand, Ace as well is guilty. First off, she shouldn't have dated the girl in the first place if he was aware of how different her tastes were. Second, from what he said he never showed any signs of dissatisfaction when he had to give up on what he liked to listen to what the girl friend liked. The girl friend obviously told him that she was scared of a horror movie, but Ace just kept his mouth shut and felt awfully annoyed as he watched a romance movie with her while he didn't like it at all. If he'd at least told her girlfriend about this, she wouldn't have felt as injured and cheated when Ace broke up with her. Ace shouldn't have bottled it up, he deserved to enjoy the relationship just as much as the girl did. He shouldn't have expected things to get any better if he wasn't going to solve anything about it in the first place. If he'd talked about his personal desires and favorites as well, and had his uncomfortableness with most of the girl's choices discussed before hand, there could've been a chance of them coming into a conclusion and even not breaking up! The girl could've tried to be braver for him, and Ace could've agreed to be softer because of her. There would've been a HUGE difference if they'd talked about it logically.

Also, keep this in mind that the girl had no idea about Ace's uncomfortableness which was low key naïve of her (It's not cool when you don't even realize that your boyfriend doesn't like something) but this also made him awfully unprepared for a break up! Ace should've st least talked about his feelings and how he was unable to continue that relationship with her instead of just dropping her out of nowhere. That would've also decreased the chance of having to deal with the girl's friends after wards!

Finally, let's say that this relationship was wrong in too many aspects. They weren't each other's type, and we can't really blame Ace for dropping someone whom he couldn't be happy with. The main of being in a relationship is spending time with someone whom you can enjoy your time with. He as well was guilty because he can't just drop the girl like he just didn't care and had gotten tired of her while he had his own reasons for dropping her, he should've let the girl know that it wasn't necessarily her fault, it was about Ace not being able to relate to her tastes and habits.

Also, let's be honest. Not much is expected when a 15 year old is dating. Being in a relationship is an awfully sensitive and important choice and someone like Ace hasn't reached that level of maturity to be ready to date someone, let alone doing it at his 15s! Honestly... they should've learnt a lot before dating each other because it isn't a silly thing. Dating like this is nothing but playing around for a while for fun, it's a childish game of spending some time together until they break up.

For now, Ace is finds love quite silly and meaningless so we can clearly see that his past relationship has pissed him off. Well Ace needs to realize that his relationship with his ex wasn't a serious one, so it's normal for it to seem unimportant and silly. He needs to learn a lot without dating someone again, such as knowing how crucial it is to make sure that his hobbies would match his partners, to make sure tjat they get along, and simply, he needs to find his own type! Not all people are made for each other, and he isn't supposed to fall for anyone with any possible personality that pops up on his way.

Also, I'd say that he still needs to focus on studying instead of dating. He needs to reach the required level of maturity to be ready to start a healthy and successful relationship again. Also, he might end up being totally different from what we've seen about him being in a relationship do far when he grows up! Idealistics do change a lot olin teenagehood.

7) We need to talk about our first years a lot more!!!

This point isn't just about him, but rather all of the first years! If I were to rate the most ignored and shallowed personalities of twst, the first years should've gone on the top of this list. Even when we're speaking of the mischaracterized characters of the game, many consider Ace and Deuce to be the least mischaracterized while they happen to be the most mischaracterized as no one evencares to see through them and feel like we aren't mischaracterizing them just because we're ignoring them! Come on guys, Ace's design and personality is a lot more complicated and harder to read than characters like Vil and even Leona!

Out of all first years Sebek was the only one to get some proper shout outs so far but why isn't anyone talking about Ace and Deuce the way they deserve to be talked about? Their presence through the game is even more important than the dorm leaders as they are the closest characters to MC, and their personality design is just incredible, no just because of how perfectly detailed it is, but also because of giving them this unpredictability and incompleteness which totally matches their age!

Studies have shown that judging one's personality based on how they're doing at the age of 16 or younger is prettyhard and impossible, and it's a totally serious fact. At the age of 16, human's personality is under severe effects and changes until reaching it's final-developed shape. That's accurate toward almost all of the first years except Jack since he seems to have more of a mature personality.

NRC's first years are really complicated, especially a character like Ace. That why I said that we can't yet tell if he's a good guy or not, because at this level of life he can choose to be anything. He can be good, he can be bad, he can be neutral. That's why he's showing too much of opposite actions at the moment. One second he's being the biggest idiot in the whole world, the other second he's planning like a 50 year old genius. One second he's being protective over his friends, the other second he sighs and tells MC how annoying they are.

That's why Ace is hard to read, we can't tell what his true feelings are until he reaches the required mental stability to be judged as a mature and complete personality. 18 year olds like Vil have already reached that level of maturity and completeness, finding their unique magics as well is another sign of it. But our first years still need to learn and experience until they find their real selves, to see who they are.

This is one of the most adorable facts about their design because they really gave him this young and wild and incomplete nature to show that they're still young! This is quite incredible how careful Yana was to remember that they all needed some this childishness in their design, their designs are just as accurate and realistic as a real 16 year old's! They still need to learn, and that's why they're the closest ones to MC.

MC needs to learn and get to see more and more of this world, and so do the first years! They're just as unexperienced and new to this world, and they can relate to MC better than anyone else can!

So please, from now on, let's remember to talk about not only Ace, but also all of the first years more often. Ace and Deuce's designs especially are the most detailed and beautiful ones if you take time to know them better. Remember that after the 7 dorm leaders, Ace and Deuce's roles as the protagonist's closest allies are the most crucial in the game, so let's not just decide to ignore all these creative features and pass by them without thinking how much they can mean.

Woah, this one was quite harder to write than I'd expected! There are way too many things to say about him which made me have to summarize this into just this 7 parts for now. Ace is surely and odd yet interesting one to study, even more interesting than usually famous characters like Leona and Azul, which is partly because of how unpredictable he is!

#Twst #twisted wonderland #ace trappola #Ace trappola x reader #Character analysis #twst x reader

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dialovers-translations · 3 years

Text

Diabolik Lovers VANDEAD CARNIVAL ;; Present from Mukami [PART 1]

ー The scene starts in Yui’s bedroom

Yui: Today’s Christmas Eve, huh...?

( When I was still living with Father, we were always extremely busy during this time of year with preparations for the Christmas Mass. )

( We would decorate the church for the Mass...or make tons of sweets to hand out to the children as gifts... )

( Somehow that feels like part of a distant past now... )

Haah...

ー Kou enters the room

Kou: Heya~! M-neko-chan~!

Yui: ...Kou-kun?

Kou: No need to act so surprised, right? What’s wrong? You seem kind of down?

Yui: Um, could you please knock on the door before entering? I’d really appreciate it...

Kou: Eh~~? Why bother going through the extra trouble?

Besides, I live here, remember? My house, my rules, no?

Yui: H-Hm...That might be the case, but...

( I have a feeling he won’t understand... )

So, why are you here? Is there anything you need from me...?

Kou: Hm~~? I only came to hang out because I was bored~

Yui: I see. Are you off from work today?

Kou: Exactly! Today’s my first free day in a long time!

Anyway, more importantly, M-neko-chan. You were talking about how it’s Christmas Eve today earlier...Right?

Yui: Yeah...I had a bit of an ‘oh, right!’ moment.

Kou: ‘Oh, right’...? You’re talking as if you only just noticed.

Yui: Yeah...But I really did recall only now. It totally slipped my mind...

Kou: To think you’d forget about such an important event! Is everything okay, M-neko-chan?

Yui: I mean, you guys don’t celebrate Christmas, do you?

Kou: Hmー Well, we’re Vampires after all. We obviously don’t feel like celebrating it, nor are we interested.

Yui: ...Figured as much. There aren’t any Christmas decorations inside the house either...

Besides, I haven’t gone out much as of late either...

Kou: Now that you mention it, you’ve just been going back and forth between here and school without making any additional stops, huh?

If you were to head out, you’d discover that the whole city is in a Christmas mood.

There really is no way to look past it, whether you like it or not...

Yui: Yeah, but I haven’t gotten a chance to go look...So I completely forgot...

Kou: Hmー...

Ah, say, M-neko-chan? How have you spent your Christmas Eve in the past?

Yui: Eh...?

Kou: I mean, I don’t know how normal families celebrate the holidays.

Yui: Hm...Right. My personal experience might be a little different from the standard though.

Kou: Heeh? In what way?

Yui: You know that my Father works as a Priest, right?

Kou: Ahー I feel like I heard that somewhere before.

Yui: We hold a Mass at church on Christmas day, so we have to prepare for that the night before.

Kou: Prepare? Like the Christmas lights they put up in town?

Yui: Yeah. Ours weren’t quite as elaborate, of course.

On the day of the Mass, the visitors light a candle, take a seat and pray...

Then afterwards we read passages from the Bible.

At the very end, someone will play the orgle and everyone sings together.

It creates such a lovely medley of singing voices...I loved that part.

Kou: Hmm, I see...But is that actually fun?

Yui: Yeah, it is. It is an important day to me after all.

( It’s a day full of memories of the time I spent with Father as well, after all... )

Kou: Hmー So that’s how it is. I mean, I don’t really understand but...Oh, I know!

The other day, this one person at work told me that Christmas Eve is a special day you should spend with your lover. (1)

Have you ever spent Christmas Eve with a special someone before?

Yui: No...I was always helping out for the Mass at Church after all...

Kou: I see...

ー Ruki enters the room

Ruki: The two of you are making a ruckus. At least close the door when you’re talking.

Yui: Ah, Ruki-kun...Yuma-kun and Azusa-kun as well. What’s the matter?

Yuma: We just happened to run into each other in the hallway. Ya guys were talkin’ hella loud.

Yui: S-Sorry...

Azusa: Eve and Kou...The two of you seemed to be having a fun chat.

Kou: Really? It wasn’t anything special though.

Ruki: Anyway, Kou, come with me. Livestock, you stay in your room.

Yui: S-Sure...

Kou: Eh~~...? Oh well, whatever. I got to learn something new at least.

See you later, M-neko-chan~!

ー The four of them leave

Yui: They left...

( Somehow it suddenly got quiet. )

( ...Honestly, I wouldn’t have minded talking for a little longer... )

ー The scene shifts to the living room

Kou: ...Say, say, Ruki-kun. Why don’t the four of us throw a Christmas party?

Ruki: Haah...I was wondering what you would bring up all of a sudden.

Kou: I mean, M-neko-chan seemed kind of sad, you see~

She was raised at a Church, right?

So it seems like Christmas and such brings back a lot of memories for her.

Yuma: So that’s what the two of ya were talkin’ ‘bout earlier, huh?

Azusa: ...Say, what is...Christmas?

Kou: Ah, are you interested, Azusa-kun?

Christmas itself is on the 25th of December and the day before that is called ‘Christmas Eve’.

It’s the day on which they celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ~

Azusa: Heeh, then...Today is the 24th so it’s...Christmas Eve...right?

Kou: Exactlyー! So I was thinking we could hold a little celebration?

Ruki: Azusa, did you not celebrate Christmas back when you were still human?

Azusa: ...We did not have that kind of celebration...

Ruki: How about you, Yuma?

Yuma: Hmー... Now that ya mention it, I do feel as if the city was a lil’ more lively ‘round this time of year...I think...?

I might have celebrated it back when I was a child, but I forgot.

Kou: I’m pretty sure my answer should be obvious but...Ah, you must have celebrated it, right, Ruki-kun?

Ruki: Well, yes.

Kou: Makes sense. You are a rich boy after all~

Azusa: Say, Ruki? How exactly do you celebrate it...?

Ruki: You decorate the inside of the house, say your prayers to God and enjoy a meal with the whole family.

There’s special foods and snacks which are only enjoyed on that particular day of year...

Also, you would exchange presents...I suppose that about sums it up.

Azusa: ...Exchanging presents...I honestly don’t care about the exchanging part. I’d much rather just be on the receiving end of all the punches...

Kou: Ahaha...Putting your wishes aside for a second...

Don’t you want to try and hold a Christmas party?

We’ve never really done something like that with the whole family, right? Come on, why not?

Ruki: Family, huh...?

Yuma: That bein’ said, Vampires celebratin’ the birth of Christ is kinda fucked up, no?

Kou: Should we not? Do you think he’ll be upset with us?

Ruki: ...Well, while I doubt he will be thrilled about it, that man has connections to the Church of his own, so he might understand in a sense.

I doubt he will condemn us if we hold a small celebration at home.

Kou: Right~? In that case, let’s get this party rolling~!

Ruki: Yuma, Azusa. What do you two think?

Yuma: ...Ahー...

Azusa: ...

Yuma: Oi, Kou. The Sow’s havin’ a rough time, right?

Kou: Yeah, she is.

Azusa: I...personally don’t care much about the party itself but...I don’t want...Eve to be sad...

Yuma: Nnー Well, it’s not really for her sake, but I don’t see any harm in doin’ this sorta stuff for once?

Ruki: ...

Kou: Fufu~ In that case, we just need permission from Ruki-kun...~!

Ruki: Haah...You’ll all be helping out, including during the clean-up, understood?

Yuma: Oh! Which means...

Ruki: Exactly...I suppose it will make for a nice change of pace.

We haven’t really spent much time together as a family up until now after all.

Furthermore, pleasing Livestock is part of our duty as her masters.

Kou: Hooray~~!!

In that case, we need to get started with all of the preparations!

Azusa: ...

Ruki: Oi, Azusa. Where are you going?

Azusa: I figured I’d go...tell Eve that we’ve decided to hold a party...

Kou: Eh!? You’re going to tell her?

Yuma: Aah? Should we not?

Kou: Hmー Don’t you think this is a perfect chance to make it a surprise?

Yuma: Surprise...? The fuck’s that?

Ruki: It means to catch them by surprise. In other words, you keep it a secret until the very second they arrive at the party...

Kou: I’m sure she’ll be ten times happier than if she already knew about the party beforehand!

I’m an idol, remember?

So I’ve had people throw a surprise birthday party for me before.

I felt so happy back then!

Yuma: Hm. Is that how it works? Well, fine by me.

Ruki: Azusa, you’ve heard us. You don’t need to go inform her.

Azusa: Mmh. Understood...

Kou: Hmー Holding a Christmas party is fine and all but...

Yuma: The problem’s how to prepare for it. We need to decorate the place, but I have no fuckin’ clue which decorations to pick.

Azusa: I wonder what kind of...dishes we should serve...?

Kou: Let’s leave that part to Ruki-kun.

Ruki: Right. Just leave the cooking up to me. Which leaves...

ー The scene shifts to Yui’s bedroom

Yui: ( Hm...It’s a little chilly in here... )

( I’m pretty sure quite some time has passed since the others left as well. I wonder what they’re up to...? )

( Right. I suppose I’ll check up on them while I go grab myself a hot beverage. )

ー The scene shifts to the hallway

Yui: ...

Kou: Let’s leave that part to Ruki-kun.

Ruki: Right. Just leave the cooking up to me. Which leaves...

Yui: ( Ah...Kou-kun and Ruki-kun’s voices... )

( I wonder what they’re talking about...? )

Excuse meーー

ー The scene shifts to the living room

Ruki: ...Oh...

Kou: Eh? M-neko-chan!?

Yuma: ...Ya sure have the worst timin’, huh...?

Yui: Eh!? I’m sorry. Should I not have come in...?

Azusa: No, it’s fine...We were just talking about throwing you a surprise Christmas party

Yui: Eh...?

Kou: Waiーー!! Azusa-kun! What are you saying!?

Azusa: I mean...It’s not like we can still cover it up at this point. If we try and hide it...We’ll only end up making her uncomfortable. ...Right?

Ruki: Yes, Azusa, you are absolutely right. We could have always sent her back to her room, but I’m sure she would have been worried about us secretly scheming something behind her back.

If we upset her, we’re basically rendering our intentions null.

Yuma: Haah, I mean, that’s true but...We could have at least tried to keep it a secret...

Kou: Haah...Guess there’s no point now...

ーー And with that being said, we shall now commence with the preparations of the Mukami family’s very own Christmas party~!

Yui: Eh...!? We’re holding a Christmas party together!?

Yuma: That’s what we said earlier, remember? Are yer ears still workin’?

Yui: No, they are but...I’m just shocked...

I’m just wondering if it’s okay for you all to celebrate Christmas even though you’re Vampires?

Ruki: You don’t need to worry about that.

Kou: Exactly! Don’t fret over the small details~!

Are you not happy? You get to celebrate with us!

Yui: Of course I am...! I’m just surprised, that’s all.

Kou: I don’t think there’s any time to be surprised though? We have to hurry up and prepare or Christmas will be here before we know it!

Yui: Ah, right!

Kou: Okayー! Let’s get started with these preparations right away!

Azusa: Eve...We’ve never held a proper party before...Can you tell us what we should do...?

Kou: First off, it’d be a great help if you could give us some pointers on how to decorate the house.

Yui: Well, we have to make actual decorations first...

Ruki: I assume it would be much quicker to just head to the store rather than explaining it here first.

Yuma: Good point. I doubt I’ll understand from some explanation alone.

Azusa: ...Yeah...

Ruki: There you have it. We are heading out at once.

Yui: Sure!

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to the department store

Yui: ( I never thought I’d one day go shopping with all of the guys like this... )

( That alone counts as a Christmas miracle. )

Yuma: Whatcha been grinnin’ ‘bout this whole time?

Yui: Ah, right. I’m just so happy we’re all able to go shopping like this...

Yuma: Heh, you’re gonna find yerself lost ‘gain if ya keep yer head in the clouds like that. Wouldn’t be the first time after all.

Yui: I...I’ll be careful.

Kou: Fufufu, so you’re aware of it at least.

Yui: Y-Yeah...

( It’s not that I actually walk away by myself though... )

Ruki: The food’s next on the list, huh? Oi, is there anything in particular you’d like to eat?

Azusa: ...I’d like something doused in plenty of red chili powder...

Ruki: ...Azusa, let’s try and stick to Christmas food this time.

Azusa: ...Fine...

But what exactly is ‘Christmas food’...?

Ruki: Hm...

Yuma: ...We don’t know if our personal preferences fit the holiday spirit after all.

So shouldn’t we just leave that choice up to the Sow?

Kou: Exactly. That’s why we called her over, so the two of you should talk it over and make a quick decision.

Ruki: ...I suppose it cannot be helped. That seems like the most time-efficient solution.

Livestock, what did your family eat for Christmas?

Yui: Let’s see...I suppose Turkey or Roast Beef are both staples on any Christmas dinner table!

Ruki: You’re only naming meat...

Yui: Of course, we eat salad as well? Mixing in vegetables cut into cute shapes and such...

Yuma: The fuck does that mean? All veggies are the same, right?

Yui: You can use cutters to shape them like hearts or stars. I guess you’ll get an idea if we go to the deli counter...?

Yuma: Ready-made dishes?

Yui: Ah, I didn’t mean we have to buy anything, but I figured we could gather some inspiration.

Yuma: Geez, I thought ya were gonna take the easy way out. It’s a party after all.

So we’re obviously gonna make everythin’ at home from scratch, right?

Yui: Yeah! Of course.

Ruki: I suppose it’ll give us an idea of what we can make. Well then, let’s go buy the ingredients first.

*TIMESKIP*

Yui: I’m glad we got our hands on some delicious-looking meat!

Ruki: Yes. I’m looking forward to preparing it.

Yui: ( I managed to buy everything I need for the cake as well, so I’ll try my best at making it! )

( I hope they’ll like it... )

Kou: Say, let’s go pick out a tree next! The biggest one they have!

Yuma: Geez, are ya a lil’ kid or somethin’?

Yui: Fufu, you’re interested in decorating it, right?

Kou: I mean, it’s all sparkly and pretty, right? Just like me, no?

Azusa: Let’s buy lots of star-shaped decorations...

Kou: Come on, Azusa-kun. Don’t ignore me.

Azusa: Eh...? Ah, yeah...Sorry...

Yui: Do you like stars, Azusa-kun?

Azusa: Yeah...They’ve got these sharp and pointy ends...So I’m sure they’d hurt a lot...

Yui: S-So that’s why...

Ruki: Azusa, you better not think of tainting those stars with your blood.

Kou: Exactly! Today’s Christmas after all, a day you are meant to enjoy with your family!

Well then~ Which one to buy?

ー Kou runs off

Ruki: Oi, Kou. Don’t run off by yourself.

I won’t allow for any extra purchases. We’ll only buy the necessities.

Kou: Eeeeeh~? Whaaat~? You cheapskate!

Ruki: I don’t mind being a cheapskate. This is important money we’ve received from that man.

I can’t be wasteful with it.

Kou: Well, I get where you’re coming from but...

Yui: ( Everyone seems to be having fun. )

( Like this, it almost seems like we’ve become an actual family... )

*TIMESKIP*

Yui: Phew, we bought more than I anticipated.

Yuma: That’s ‘cause Kou kept on wantin’ to buy all this shit, right?

Kou: Eeh~? You’re blaming me? Fufu, I won’t deny it. However, we didn’t buy anything we didn’t need, right?

Yuma: I mean, we didn’t, I guess...

Ruki: Let’s go over everything one more time. Is this pretty much everything we need for the tree and decorations...?

Yui: Yeah! We’re all set!

Yuma: We’ve got the vegetables I grew at home as well, so this should do.

Kou: Aah~ We’re actually celebrating Christmas. I can’t wait!

Ruki: Kou, you’re being way too excited. Mind your manners.

Kou: Oh come on, let me be! I never got to experience this as a child after all!

Yuma: Well then, we’re gonna be busy once we get home~!

Yui: Speaking of which...Where did Azusa-kun...? Ah, there he is!

( I wonder why he’s just standing there? )

Azusa: Say, Ruki...

Ruki: ...? What’s the matter?

Azusa: I want this knife...

Yui: K-Knife...?

( Why is he holding a knife...? )

Kou: Hold up, Azusa-kun, where did you get that?

Azusa: ...Why not? I want this to give me pain...

Yui: A-Azusa-kun! What are you saying...!?

Ruki: Azusa, go return it to the store.

Azusa: Please? ...The shape of this blade is so pretty, and it looks very sharp as well...

Ruki: No means no. Azusa, you have to put it back where you found it.

Azusa: No way....But I want it so badly...I can’t give up on it...

Yui: Azusa-kun...

Azusa: ...Come on, I want it, no matter what...

Kou: Azusa-kun! You don’t need a knife on a fun day like this!

Azusa: No...This is special...

Yui: ( What to do? Azusa-kun’s not giving in at all. )

Yuma: Oi, at this rate we’ll never make it back home.

Azusa: Then...Can we buy it?

Yuma: Just listen to Ruki for today. Ya can buy that crap whenever, right?

Azusa: ...

Yuma: God, listen up...

Ruki: Azusa.

Yui: ( O-Oh no...Ruki-kun started getting angry as well. )

U-Um, Azusa-kun...

Yuma: Ya stay out of this.

Yui: B-But...

Yuma: Geez, guess it can’t be helped. I’ll go bring it back with him.

Ruki: My bad, Yuma.

Yuma: Yeah. ...Come on, Azusa, let’s go.

Azusa: ...No.

*Rustle*

Yui: Ah! Yuma-kun! If you grab him by his collar like that, you’ll hurt him....

Azusa: Ah...It hurts...I can barely breathe...Haah...Amazing...Uu...

Yui: ( A-Azusa-kun is...happy? )

Ruki: Azusa, don’t cause Yuma too much trouble, okay?

Azusa: Yeah...

Yuma: Che! Ya say that but you’re already bein’ a pain in the ass! Come on, walk by yerself already!

Azusa: Nn, but...It’s suffocating...

Yuma: That’ll fix itself if ya just use yer own damn legs, no?

Azusa: It’d rather stay like this a little longer.

Yui: ( He’ll be okay, right? Yuma-kun’s with him after all... )

ー Yuma walks away with Azusa

Ruki: Let’s go. We’ll head back first and get everything ready.

ー Ruki starts walking away

Yui: Eh? Don’t we need to wait for them?

Kou: Yuma-kun may be with him, but knowing Azusa-kun...

Yui: ...?

Kou: Azusa-kun has a hard time letting go of things once they pique his interest.

Yui: I see...

( It might take a while until they get back... )

I hope it won’t turn into a fight.

Kou: Hmー I guess that’ll depend on Azusa-kun’s behavior?

Ruki: What are you two doing? Let’s go.

Kou: Roger~!

Yui: ( Yuma-kun’s actually quite good at looking after others, so we can leave this up to him, right...? )

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to the living room

Kou: Phew~ These were so heavyー

Ruki: Good grief, I’m exhausted...

Yui: ( We’ve got quite a lot of bags... )

Ruki: Well then, we’ve got no time to lose. Let’s start preparing.

If we procrastinate for too long, we’ll only waste time.

I’m heading towards the kitchen to get started on the food.

Kou: Gotcha~!

Guess I’ll get started with the decorations then.

Ruki: We’re counting on you.

Kou: Roger!

Yui: Ruki-kun, I’ll help out as well!

Ruki: Yeah, that would be great.

Kou: I’m looking forward to seeing what you’ll make for us!

Yui: Mmh! I’ll try my best to make something delicious, okay?

*THUD*

Yuma: Honestly, I went through fuckin’ hell and back!

I’m never cleanin’ up Azusa’s mess again!

Yui: S-Sounds like they’re back. He seems really upset though. I wonder what happened...?

Ruki: I assume Azusa threw one of his stubborn tantrums. Oi, Livestock.

Yui: Y-Yes!

Ruki: Go pass on this message to them. Please tell them they should get started with their own tasks.

Yui: Yeah, sure. I’ll go tell them.

ー The scene shifts to the hallway

Yui: Welcome back, you two.

Azusa: If I don’t get that knife, I’ll...I’ll...

Yuma: Aah, let it go already! What’s so damn nice ‘bout that knife anyway!?

Azusa: ...

Yui: ( Seems like they don’t even realize I’m here. )

( That being said, if I leave them be, they’ll run late with their preparations. )

Um, you guys! Welcome back!

Azusa: ...Wah...You startled me.

Yuma: Aah? The fuck, Sow? You’ve been standin’ there this whole time?

Yui: Yeah...Um, Ruki-kun has already started preparing everything, so he’d like the two of you to help out as well.

Azusa: But, the knifeーー

Yuma: Ya really don’t know when to give up, huh? We’re done talkin’ ‘bout that!

Azusa: ...You blockhead.

Yuma: Speak for yerself!!

Yui: ( O-Oh no... )

( I can’t leave things like this. I have to stop them somehow... )

U-Um!!

Azusa-kun, Kou-kun has started on the decorations, so can I rely on you to help him with that?

Azusa: ...

Yui: Both me and Yuma-kun understand very well just how badly you want that knife...

But we have to get on with the Christmas preparations now, so I’d really appreciate it if you could help out...

Azusa: ...What about you?

Yui: Eh?

Azusa: What will you do?

Yui: I’m going to make the Christmas cake.

Azusa: ...Okay. I want to try your cake, so I’ll forget about the knife...For a while, at least...

Yuma: ‘For a while’, my ass! Forget ‘bout that thing forever!

Yui: Shh, calm down, Yuma-kun.

Azusa: I’ll go help Kou then.

Yui: Yeah, good luck.

ー Azusa walks away

Yuma: Heh. You’re really startin’ to get the hang of how to handle that guy, huh?

Yui: Y-You think so...?

Yuma: Well, whatever. Anyway, Ruki’s already in the kitchen, ya said?

Yui: Yeah, I think he’s getting everything ready to start cooking.

Yuma: I’ll go get some veggies from the garden then.

Yui: Ah, Yuma-kun! Could you maybe let me have some fruit to use for the cake?

Yuma: Roger. I’ll make sure to grab a few, so ya get yer ass over to the kitchen ‘kay?

Yui: Yeah, thanks!

ー Yuma walks away as well

Yui: Well then...

( I’ll try my best to bake the best cake ever as well! )

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) While the holidays are often associated with family in the West, Christmas and especially Christmas Eve are strongly linked to couples in Japan.

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[ Part 2 ] →

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #vandead carnival #diabolik lovers translation #vcpresentfrommukami #ruki mukami #kou mukami #yuma mukami #azusa mukami

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ladyeliot · 3 years

Photo

PS I LOVE YOU

This One-shot is for @mostly-marvel-musings’s “600 follower challenge.” Thank you for doing this!

Pairing: Tony Stark x Fem!Reader

Summary: After Tony's death he decides to create a "plan" to say goodbye to you.

Warnings: Fluff and Extremely Sad.

Word count: 2593

A/N: I cried a little bit writing it. Sorry for my spelling and grammatical mistakes, English is not my native language, I am learning.

This is perhaps the saddest, as well as the most romantic, story you will ever read. Yours. The fantastic, like the quotidian, was in your day to day life. You made the most important decision of your life, to give your heart to the one you loved, even though you knew there would come a day when he would break it. Tony Stark was not an ordinary man, in any sense, but he was the man you wanted to share your life with, the man who drove you crazy in every way, but also the man who made you smile every morning when you woke up next to him.

Like other married couples you had your ups and downs, his work at Stark Industries took up a lot of his time, but what really bothered you was his second job as Iron Man. Every time he put on that suit, your heart would crack, and it wasn't until he returned to your side that it would be forged again. Fear took over as the years went by, but all you could do was support him 100%, because it was his choice.

After the snap, you realised the opportunity that had presented in front of you, an opportunity among millions that the vast majority did not have, you were together, to move on and to have a new beginning. But still a wide guilt rolled around you, “why us?” The years passed and though you chose to drastically change your life, to move away from the big city and find a nest of love and peace, you knew that Tony's mind was still working, searching for an answer and a solution, realising it when the group of avengers came to ask for his help.

A considerable period of time has passed since all these events, but you know that it was this that triggered you to find yourself standing in front of the lake with one of Tony's closest friends right now.

"Before he left for his mission," Happy began, "he asked me to give this to you if anything happened to him.

You wiped away a tear that slid down your left cheek before you looked at him. Tony had made his choice and you supported him all the way, but you never believed that the pain could consume you like that. You focused your gaze on a small device Happy held in his hands, it was tiny, metal and had a small button.

"What is it?" you asked, taking it between your fingers.

"I'm sorry, I have no idea Y/N."

You took a deep breath and pressed the button lightly. Instantly a hologram of Tony appeared before the two of you. You almost lost your balance in surprise, you didn't expect to find him in front of your eyes, sitting in a chair, in his Tom Ford suit.

"Hi honey!" said little hologram Tony waving his hand. "I hope you're not watching this, but in case you are, that means Happy has delivered it to you and I'm not with you right now."

You put a hand to your face trying to hide the pain you were feeling as you listened to him speak again. Little Tony was also silent for a moment.

"Anyway," he got up from the armchair he was sitting in. "I have a plan! I couldn't leave for the mission without saying goodbye to you, well in fact I just did and quite well, right now you're in the bedroom trying to pull yourself together— " Tony flashed a half smile and shook his head.

You couldn't help but smile at those words.

"Well, on to what we're going.Honey, I hope this doesn't get into your hands, but if it does, I have a thousand things to tell you and it's impossible for me to do it right now. I was hoping to have enough time to tell you for the rest of our lives, but it's not going to be possible," he sat back down and clasped his hands together. "Listen, ever since the guys came to pay me that visit and we realised we could turn things around, I couldn't get the idea out of my head that something might go wrong with the mission, and you know how I am when I get an idea in my head." Tony laughed and it brought a smile to your face. Tony laughed and it brought a smile to your face. "I've been planning this ever since, I've thought about all the things I'd want to tell you that I haven't told you and all those special dates I'd love to spend with you that I won't be able to. So I have a plan! And I need you, honey, to help me," the little hologram got up from the couch again and put his hands in his pocket and approached the camera. "First of all I need you to wipe the tears off your face and show that beautiful smile to the world, and Happy too, but except for the smile thing," you both let out a small laugh between tears. "Secondly, I hope you're wearing that black dress I like so much, the one with the back slit, you know," you rolled your eyes and nodded, you were wearing it."And thirdly, I wish I didn't have to ask you this, but I need you to go to the lab, in the safe you'll find a letter, it's the first of several that will be coming to you." Tony lowered his gaze. "I can't tell you when you'll get more, but I promise they'll arrive when you least expect them.By the way, the password you already know what it is, on our wedding day— "

In the background, your voice could be heard, urging Tony to return to the room.

"I'm coming honey!" after he responds he turned his attention back to the camera. "Sorry, my beautiful wife claims me," you smiled and sighed approaching the camera, meeting Tony's face in its fullness. "Honey, you know you're my only weakness. I love you."

Just as he had appeared the hologram disappeared and a void formed again in your heart. You took a deep breath trying to undo the lump in your throat and taking in every word he had said. You looked at Happy who looked as puzzled as you were.

"Did you know about this?" you asked with mixed feelings.

"I promise I didn't," Happy held up his hands in innocence.

You quickly walked away from the lake and headed towards your cabin, people had left a couple of hours ago, but Happy had chosen to stay with you. You opened the door quickly, followed by your friend and you both walked down to Tony's lab. His things were just as he had left them a couple of weeks ago, as no one had gone in there. You made your way to the safe, hidden behind one of the works of art, and entered the password.

Just as Tony had said, there it was, a white envelope with your name on it, next to a set of clothes, waiting for you to take it in your hands and open it. Before you did so, you looked at Happy who seemed to be anxious to discover the contents as well. You didn't know what Tony's "Plan" was, nor if it would be beneficial or painful for you, but that mattered little at that moment, because all you needed was to see him, to hear him, or in this case to read what he had written.

You opened the envelope and read it:

"Hello honey,

I guess if you are reading this envelope you will have seen the holography and I guess it is the "day", so I have a surprise prepared for you, read carefully. What I need you to do is to get everyone out of the house, Happy can stay, take off that dress, Happy won't be there when you do that, and put on the clothes I've left with the letter.

When you're ready, just tell F.R.I.D.A.Y. to brief you on the use of your armour. I know, I know you've never been in favour of it, but you need it. F.R.I.D.A.Y will explain everything you need to know, you just let go, trust me. Go out and free yourself, eat the world.

PS I LOVE YOU"

That was one of the first letters Tony had planned for you. As time went on, they came to you once a month, as well as on special days, such as your birthday, his birthday, your anniversary, etc. He had planned every minute of those days. Tony knew you so well that he knew what you might be thinking, or how you were feeling. On the one hand, he covered the loneliness you felt without him, but on the other hand he made you feel even emptier and reminded you that he would never be with you again and you could never spend those moments together.

At first it was rewarding, but as time went on you realised that it was impossible to evolve, you had entered a loop from which it was impossible to get out. You spent your days waiting for a letter that might not arrive, and wondering when his "plan" would come to an end and if you were ready for it. Happy was supportive in that sense and tried to keep you grounded, as you both knew Tony best.

One evening you were doing what Tony had instructed you to do in the last letter you had received, the one for your fifth wedding anniversary. Along with it Tony had sent you a black dress along with a pair of high heels, informing you that you were not to leave the house before 8.00 p.m. and to head for the lakeshore when you were ready.

Happy was sitting on the couch trying to hide his concern about the situation that had dragged on for two years. After finishing your touch-ups you said goodbye to him and complied with Tony's details. You had no idea what you were going to find, but as you left, you could see a small square table in the distance, decorated with candles, waiting for you. As you arrived you noticed that a faint song began to play through a small speaker hidden behind some flowers, your song.

"I guess thanks for that, F.R.I.D.A.Y," you said looking at the diamond bracelet Tony had given you when you got engaged that was connected to his AI.

"It was me," you turned around to find Happy's voice behind you.

You frowned and looked at him, realising that he was holding a pair of white envelopes in his hands. A state of nervousness and confusion took over your body, and without being able to say a word you pointed to his hands.

"These are the last of them," he whispered, stepping in front of you and handing them to you.

You smiled, finding tears gathering in your eyes, and nodded, taking them in your hands.

"I'm sorry Y/N," Happy said with a shake of his face. "He made me promise not to tell you anything, and I couldn't refuse to help him either. Even if I wasn't totally on board with this crazy plan. You know how he is."

"I know," you bit your lower lip smiling and wiping the tears from your eyes.

"They're the last ones," he repeated again. "After today, you'll have to move on without them."

After those words Happy went back the way he had come, and instead of taking a seat at the table you approached the edge of the lake. You had before you the last words Tony had written to you. One of the letters read "To the love of my life", while the other read "To that person". Puzzled, you opened the one that said "To the love of my life" first.

"Hello again honey.

How is everything going, is Happy still keeping his nerves under control in this situation? I hope he is and that he has delivered this letter to you.By the way I don't know how the situation has developed, but don't be angry with him, I made him promise not to tell you anything until it's all over, and as you can see that's the point.

The thing is, I'm not going to be able to write any more, today is the last day before I leave for the mission, and if you've finally been getting all the letters, this has to be the last one. I just made you the recording that Happy will give you if things don't go as planned, and you are begging me to come back to our bedroom with you.

I guess everything I needed to tell you I haven't been able to do, you know there are a lot of things I'm good at, but in expressing my feelings in words I've never really excelled.

I'd love to know what you're thinking right now, or how you feel about the "plan" I've created. Although I also don't know if you've been able to make it this far, or if you've decided not to go through with it anymore. Happy has orders that the moment you say "enough" it's all over, I don't want you to suffer.

I just want you to be happy, I want you to be as happy as I have been by your side, I want you to show your beautiful smile to the world, I want you to get everything you want.

My honey, I'm going to dedicate these last words to tell you how you changed my life, how you offered me everything I was missing, without even knowing it. You agreed to marry me, you made us a family. And that's what I want for you.

Even though you may feel sad and insecure right now, I need you to show that you are the strongest woman I know and move forward. May you live that wonderful life you wished you had, may you do crazy things, may you meet people and fall in love. May you feel love again, may you rediscover it with someone who makes you happy and may you start a family again.

Please don't be afraid, I am well and I will be well. Don't think of me, think of yourself, and if you think of me, know that I will be watching you and taking care of you every day. I want you to know that I couldn't leave our house without thinking that you will never feel that way about anyone again, in case I don't come back.

Having said that, honey, it only remains for me to leave you a new letter, a letter for that person who restores your faith in love, who I know you will find one day. I just want you to give it to him or her when you are sure.

So sweetheart,

PS I LOVE YOU"

Requests/Taglist Open (DM)

MAIN MASTERLIST

600 Milestone Challenge Masterlist

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quarantineddreamer · 3 years

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i’ve been absent, and i can’t be sorry (it’s been necessary), but i do miss this community and having the energy/time to participate.

in truth, it’s been a challenging past few months for me...

don’t want to bore anyone, so details below (tw: depression, anxiety, parental troubles, covid)

i was really fortunate to be really close to my family growing up. i had a great relationship with my parents. which is why it has been that much more painful for me this past year to have them slowly driven from me by the absurdity of current politics. i didn’t see it coming, i didn’t think my parents could become science deniers. and yet here i am...

i tried with everything i had to teach/reach them, but ultimately the stress of it all was causing my anxiety to reach extremely unhealthy levels. for my own health and sanity, i wrote them a long, heartfelt letter explaining why i would not be talking to them for the time being (as they refused to get vaccinated and began to behave dangerously, no masks, frequent outings, seeing lots of people). that was july.

august my parents visited my hometown. i did not see them or speak to them. my birthday passed, i did not see them or speak to them...

i spoke with my mother once, in september...and it’s all still just as bad. there was shouting, cursing, crying (mostly me tbh). she’s stubbornly clinging to her beliefs drilled into her by right-wing media. i wont get into them, but it’s conspiracy level bad... she got covid, she kept it from me and my brother until afterwards. miraculously she was okay despite taking “medicine” that has been proven to be ineffective against covid and potentially dangerous while sick to boot... it’s made her even more determined to cling to her insane theories about the vaccine, covid treatments, the government all of it...

i told her my life would continue without her and dad: i might get engaged (probably would have on my anniversary except my partner felt bad i wasnt talking to them at the time), married, who knows... covid isn’t going away anytime soon, and i cant agree to disagree with her on this. it matters too much to me that they be safe. if i let it go and something were to happen to her and my dad...i’d never forgive myself for it.

i’m not saying mine is the correct approach. i have been plagued with doubt and guilt off and on. my mom has used language that makes me feel like this is all my fault, for being anxious, for being depressed, for not just letting her have her dangerous opinions... but at the end of the day despite the pain and grief i feel for not having my parents right now, i am still better off than i was before. fewer panic attacks, able to focus at work, able to at least sleep some now.

i started anti-depressants when my mental health hit an all-time low during all of this, and they’ve been helping too. i really didn’t want to get back on them, but i believe they’ve saved my life.

sadly, between all this (and busy times at work) i’ve had very little time, focus, or motivation to write. i’ve barely been on here. to be completely honest, naps after work are common. the extra rest has become important. i’ve developed a sudden interest in true crime documentaries and sad movies?? i was very confused by this at first, since i’ve never ever had an interest before, but my therapist says its how im processing my trauma and grief lol

but why write all this out on tumblr, B? well... i like to scream into the abyss here, and i also want to be completely open about my struggles and mental health, because i was at my worst when i felt utterly alone, and if this post helps even one person who might be experiencing similar feel less alone than it’s worth it.

and i also wanted to let this community know why i’ve suddenly dropped off because it is a place that has brought my joy even during the chaos of the past year or so. i am going to be participating in the upcoming zkmbb and still have my other projects ready and waiting for me to return, but for now, the queue is going to be up and running and i’ll be a bit quieter as i fight my way through this and have to dedicate extra time to self-care.

i hope no one relates to this post, i really do, because it all hurts a lot and i dont want anyone to feel this pain, but if you do? you are a warrior, i admire your strength and courage --and i am sending you so much love.

best wishes all,

#long post #an explanation #some stream of consciousness #who knows #i just felt the urge to throw this all out there #personal

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recurring-polynya · 3 years

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@iz-stardust is a lovely person and a wonderful artist and I wanted to write her a little present based on this adorable drawing she did. I hope you like it, friend!

Adventures in Babysitting | ao3 | ff.net |

Summary: When Byakuya is stuck on emergency babysitting duty, he gets an assist from Squad 10.

Starring: Toushirou, Rangiku, Byakuya, and one cranky Ichika.

Ships: Friendships as far as the eye can see!!!

Rating: General audiences, can you believe it?!? You should probably brush your teeth afterwards, tho.

❄️ 🐱 🌸 🐰

“Sir! Captain Kuchiki and, er, a guest are here to see you!”

Toushirou looked up the mission report he had been reviewing. In general, it was pretty unlikely for another captain to just drop by, and it seemed doubly unlikely for Byakuya, of all people, to do so. “Matsumoto!” he barked. “You didn’t schedule an appointment with Captain Kuchiki and then forget to tell me about it, did you?”

“Oh, Captain!” Matsumoto pouted. “You know Renji makes all of Captain Kuchiki’s appointments for him, and he would never trust me to remember something like that.”

This was very true.

“See him in!” Toushirou waved at his waiting Seventh Seat. “Try to look busy, Matsumoto!”

“I am busy!” Matsumoto gestured at the catalog in front of her. “We got budget approval for new office chairs, and I’m trying to pick out the best ones. Your hiney is going to thank me.”

“I will thank you to never mention my hiney again, Matsu-- greetings, Captain Kuchiki!”

Byakuya looked… haggard. His face was pale, his eyes shadowed by dark circles. His hair was gathered in a rather sloppy ponytail, rather than falling in it’s usual glossy waterfall. He kept shifting from one foot to the other in a semi-rhythmic fashion. There didn’t seem to be any blood on him, but there was a large, lumpy bundle strapped to his chest, and some sort of duffel slung across his back. Had he just returned from a harrowing mission to Hueco Mundo, perhaps?

“Hello, Captain Hitsugaya,” he said, his voice ragged with exhaustion. “I need to ask an important favor.”

“Are you all right?” Toushirou asked, jumping to his feet. “You look like you need to sit down.”

“No, no, I must remain standing.” Kuchiki excused. “As you know, I was supposed to lead the meeting of the Gotei Transparency Improvement Documentation Standards committee this afternoon, but it seems I will not be able to attend. I was hoping that, as co-chair, you would be able to take my place. I am most apologetic, and I swear, on my honor as a Kuchiki, that I will make it up to you.” An angry squall erupted from the cloth wrapped around his chest, and Kuchiki’s hand immediately moved to pat it reassuringly.

“Do you have Ichika?!” Matsumoto squealed, her eyes filling with glittering hearts and stars.

“Er, yes,” Kuchiki mumbled. “It is very unusual, of course, for Renji and Rukia to be called away together, but Kurosaki Ichigo specifically requested their assistance, and obviously, all of Soul Society owes him a great debt, so...” He trailed off in a most un-Byakuya-like fashion.

“Of course I can handle the meeting,” Toushirou reassured briskly, although he had to raise his voice to be heard over the crying, which was steadily increasing in volume. “Do you need… help… with the other matter?”

Kuchiki made a troubled face. “I had thought that my staff at the manor would be able to assist, but Ichika seemed extremely agitated to be left in their care. Strangely enough, being attached to my person is the only thing that seems to placate her. Even so, she becomes angry if I sit down or stop this infernal swaying motion.”

“Well, of course!” Matsumoto scolded. “She doesn’t know those people! You’re her special uncle! But she’s probably bored from being in that thing. Take her out and let her have a little playtime with Auntie Rangiku!”

Byakuya’s face went stiff, and his eyes narrowed judgmentally. For a moment, Toushirou feared that Byakuya was going to take issue with the non-biological nature of Rangiku’s aunthood, although he knew for a fact that Abarai and Kuchiki subscribed to the Rukongai idea of “the more aunties the better.” He, himself, had respectfully turned down a similar honorarium, although he had been secretly touched by the offer. (Momo still insisted on referring to him as ‘Uncle Shirou’ in the baby’s presence. He found that much less touching).

Rangiku, for her part, was regarding Byakuya with a look, just daring him to try it.

People, namely Rukia, kept insisting that Byakuya considered Toushirou to be his friend, but Toushirou had his doubts. Sure, they played shogi regularly, and Toushirou seemed to be the only person outside of Renji and Rukia that Byakuya ever texted, but it’s not like Toushirou really knew the guy. And yet, as he watched Byakuya’s face, he realized, like a bolt of thunder, that he recognized an emotion. He was suddenly certain, down to the marrow of his bones, that Rukia had given her brother a stern talking to on this very topic.

A few moments of obvious internal struggle went by, and then Byakuya blew a small puff of air out of his nose, and began extracting the baby from her wrappings. “I wish you luck,” he declared grimly.

Rangiku hopped up from her desk and danced over to Byakuya’s side. As the cool air hit Ichika’s face, her crying slowed, and she began to look around.

“Hello, baby!” Matsumoto trilled. Toushirou could tell she was dying to snatch the baby from Byakuya’s arms, but was holding herself back until Ichika was ready.

Ichika looked up into Byakuya’s face, her violet eyes wide and uncertain. Then she looked to Rangiku again. Then Byakuya again.

“These are the offices of Squad Ten,” Byakuya explained. “I believe you have been here before. We are guests, so you must be on your best behavior.”

Ichika looked back over at Rangiku, who was hiding the lower half of her face with her scarf. “Peekaboo!” she exclaimed, flinging the scarf away.

Ichika squealed and lunged for Rangiku (or possibly her scarf), nearly knocking Byakuya off his feet.

“Ha ha!” Matsumoto sang, spinning Ichika around. “There’s my happy girl!”

Byakuya’s entire body slumped with relief, like a puppet whose strings had been cut.

“You should sit down,” Toushirou suggested, pulling his chair around. “I’ll make you a cup of tea.”

Byakuya sank gratefully into the chair and didn’t even ask any pointed questions about the tea, which is how Toushirou knew that he must be completely exhausted.

Rangiku plopped down on one of the office couches, Ichika in her lap. She dropped her scarf over the baby’s head and tickled her nose with it as Ichika laughed and laughed.

Toushirou wasn’t exactly envious of his lieutenant’s way with people, big and small, but he was grateful for it. Rangiku did friendship so easily-- ironing out disputes between squad members, throwing a birthday bash for a friend-of-a-friend-of-friend, charming cranky babies-- and yet, watching her work her magic only made him feel more special to be part of her inner circle, that she’d seen something in that scrawny kid, so hesitant to stand up for himself that long ago day in Junrinan.

“Her attention span doesn’t last very long,” Rangiku said in a sing-songy voice. “We should have a series of fun ideas lined up!”

Byakuya perked up, and unloaded the bag from his shoulder. He seemed to have forgotten it was there. “I have her Seaweed Ambassador!” he offered helpfully, pulling a stuffed…creature from the bag. “Although it did not produce the desired reaction earlier.”

“Oh, I know!” Rangiku suggested. “Have you ever seen Rukia and Renji do the ‘Big Mommy, Little Daddy’ game?”

“The what?” Byakuya and Toushirou replied in unison.

“It’s so cute! Rukia gets on a chair and makes a big deal about how she’s so tall, and Renji stands on his knees and talks about how short he is. Ichika loves it, don’t you, Ichika!”

Ichika stretched her hands above her head and blew an enthusiastic raspberry.

Matsumoto looked meaningfully at Toushirou. Then Byakuya. Then back to Toushirou.

“No,” Toushirou growled, pointing his finger at Rangiku. “It would be very-- I would-- Just, no.”

“Absolutely not,” Byakuya agreed. “Categorically not.”

Rangiku stuck out her lower lip. “You two are no fun.” She turned her attention back to her tiny charge. “Ichika, are these your toes? I didn’t know you had toes! Let me see!”

Toushirou busied himself with the tea. This, unfortunately, was also classic Matsumoto, trying to draw him into her nonsense. As if even a baby could mistake himself and Byakuya for a pair of loud, dramatic dumbasses like Renji and Rukia. No, the best thing he could possibly do is help Kuchiki get his nerves back together. Children didn’t like Toushirou. Even when he was a child himself, other children hadn’t liked him. Ghost children liked him sometimes, but that was different.

Toushirou decided that Kuchiki deserved the good gyokuro, the stuff he himself only indulged in when Matsumoto was being particularly taxing. It seemed appropriate. He let his mind clear a little so that Hyourinmaru could get the water to the perfect temperature. Hyourinmaru loved the ceremony of even a casual workday tea break. You are a kind friend, his zanpakutou rumbled in his head. Senbonzakura will appreciate this gesture. Hyourinmaru had a hard time telling the difference between Byakuya and Senbonzakura sometimes, and Toushirou had given up trying to correct him.

A memory suddenly popped into Toushirou’s head. A little ghost boy who hadn’t passed over to Soul Society because he was waiting to see the first snowfall. Toushirou had been hesitant to use his zanpakutou for such a frivolous reason, but Hyourinmaru hadn’t seemed to mind, in the end. An idea began to crystalize in his mind.

“Oh, no, baby, what’s the matter?” Matsumoto was exclaiming. “What is this sad face? Is it time to get up? Do you want Auntie Rangiku to walk with you?” Ichika had started to make little fussy noises again.

Toushirou pressed a fragrant cup of tea into Byakuya’s hand as he passed on his way over to the couch. He cleared his throat, and Ichika turned her tiny face up to his. “Hey, Ichika,” he said. “Check this out.” He opened his hand to reveal a tiny, sparkling ice sculpture in the shape of a snowman adorned with rabbit ears. Ichika’s eyes widened, and she waved her arms at it. She would have fallen off of Matsumoto’s lap, if it weren’t for his lieutenant’s quick reflexes.

“How cute, Captain!” Matsumoto cried. “Oh, lucky you, Ichika! Captain made that beautifully bunny just for you! He wouldn’t do that for just anyone, you know.”

“You can touch it,” Toushirou said, crouching a little and holding his hand out. Maybe she would be interested in the feel of the ice.

“She will likely ruin it,” Byakuya warned.

“That’s okay. I made it for her.”

Byakuya took a deep inhale of his tea steam. “It is just like you,” he opined, “to put as much care into an amusement for an infant as you would into a great work of art.”

Toushirou’s ears burned, but Matsumoto just laughed. “You are so right, Captain Kuchiki! Classic Captain Hitsugaya, am I right?”

“Yes,” Byakuya agreed. “Classic Captain Hitsugaya.” He took a sip of the tea. “Truly, this tea is returning me from the brink of death. I thank you.”

“Well, I do expect you to take this baby away eventually,” Toushirou tried to grumble. It was hard to get properly grumpy when Ichika was patting his ice bunny with her fat little hands and smiling a big, gummy grin. Suddenly, she stretched her arms out toward him, and made a little whimpery sound. “Sorry, this is the only one I have,” he said.

“I think she wants you to hold her,” Matsumoto suggested.

“She is mistaken,” Toushirou replied.

“Hmmm,” said Byakuya.

“I heard that! Don’t you ‘hmmm’ over there!” Toushirou snapped.

“Abarai has conjectured that Ichika is able to identify Rukia and himself by their reiatsu.”

“Stop.”

“That would be nonsense, obviously, except that she is a Kuchiki, so she is, of course, exceptional in every way.”

Matsumoto’s eyes went wide with delight. “Do you think she thinks Captain is Rukia?”

Toushirou winced.

“Of course not.”

Toushirou blew out a sigh of relief.

“I was only suggesting that he reminds her of Rukia. Because of the cold nature of--”

“Yes, yes, we get it!” Toushirou snapped.

“Oh, Captain,” Matsumoto made a frowny face at him, as Ichika’s face started to screw up in preparation for a full-throated Abarai howl.

“Fine, fine!” Toushirou sighed, handing the ice rabbit over to Rangiku before hefting Ichika up onto his hip. “There. You’re up. You happy now?”

Ichika leaned her head into his side, and patted his chest, making a comforting little cooing noise.

A high-pitched noise came out of Matsumoto, and she clapped her hands over her mouth. “You got a hug!”

“She has just started doing that,” Byakuya informed them grandly. “I, myself, have received several. It is adorable, is it not?”

Toushirou pointedly avoided looking at Matsumoto’s face, which was probably dissolving. Instead, he looked down at the sticky little gremlin who had her cheek pressed into his haori. “Yeah,” he admitted. “It’s pretty great.”

#my writing #uncle byakuya #byahitsu brotp #👏byakuya👏in👏a👏baby carrier👏

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ghoul-lover9000 · 4 years

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Random Facts about Dating Scream characters

Sidney Prescott

She never wants to go to any social functions so, if you have a party or a work function that you need to go to, she will plead for you to stay home and watch stupid rom-coms with her.

She will laugh at you if you do a grand show of affection. Not to be rude, but she thinks it’s so cheesy that she can’t help it.

Just hug her and love her and respect her. She needs it. Sidney really takes a risk every time she dates someone because she’s been hurt in the worst ways by the people she’s dated or what happened to the people she’s dated.

The ideal person to spend a lovely night in with, playing board games and watching TV together.

(Neve Campbell can step on my throat.)

Randy Meeks

He’s a firm believer in JiffyPop being the best popcorn. Not because it’s a better quality popcorn, but because it’s atmospheric, it adds to the tone of movie night. Trust me, you and him have movie night every week, if not twice a week. You both regularly fall asleep in front of the TV because he wanted to try to watch all of the Friday the 13th movies in one night or whatever series of horror movies he was craving.

Randy goes on rants all the time. You just need to know how to get him started. Say that Pulp Fiction is better than The Texas Chain Saw Massacre and boom. It is done. Now your boyfriend has that cute passionate little glimmer in his eyes. The only way to shut him up now would be to kiss him and even that might not work.

He’ll only sit through a rom-com if he loves you.

So much fucking movie memorabilia. Posters, mugs, shirts, figurines, pajama pants, etc. It’s crazy. At least, you know what to get him for Christmas and his birthday every year.

(The only film major that deserves rights)

Billy Loomis

This man is a headache. So fucking dramatic, so fucking shifty. You don’t know what crimes he’s gonna commit, but he’s up to something.

Like Randy, you guys have movie nights, but his movie nights are more aggressive. Where Randy is just like “Hey, wanna watch The Shining? Oh, you’re feeling more Heathers tonight? Okay.”, Billy is like “It’s either Season of the Witch or Black Christmas. You get to choose.” Also, he’s a die hard believer in, if you’re watching a movie, you need movie snacks so your favorite movie candy and the greasiest popcorn ever will always be in supply.

He tells you about his homicidal habits in the most dramatic way possible.

Billy: I’ve done things, babe, I’m an agent of terror.

“Okay, I get that, but why did you have to accentuate that news with you dragging a fresh body into my yard?”

I’m not saying that you would end up dating Stu as well, but, if you were down for some passing around, you’re gonna end up with two boyfriends.

(Look at this fucking weasel. Like I love him, but he’s a little bit of a greasy boy.)

Stu Macher

Will act like a bit of an asshole in front of people, but really he’s just looking for a good time with someone he genuinely enjoys being around.

Will sometimes randomly just pick you up and refuse to let you down.

He’s very excitable. Being around him is kind of like having a shot of coffee. After hanging out with him, you’re tired, but it was worth it because he’s a lot of fun.

He loves putting his head on your lap. If you and him are hanging out and you’re sitting down on a coach, 9 times out of 10 his head is going on your lap.

He’ll never tell you about his killing unless you find out or Billy tells you.

Same thing from Billy’s headcanon. If you’re down with the poly, you’re gonna get poly.

(I don’t know what it is, but I have an affection for any Matthew Lillard character that I come across. He’s a good one. Idk)

Tatum Riley

This girl protects you with all of her might. If someone’s talking shit about you, she comes up to bat for you.

She knows exactly how to make you feel better. Comes over to your house when you’re sad with cheesy movies, tons of snacks, and desperate need to cuddle you until you are smiling again.

She’s very sensitive to your feelings so, if you’re uncomfortable or mad or just extremely happy, she’ll feel the same.

If you get into a fight with someone who deserved a good beating, she’s gonna be cheering you on the whole time.

Tatum: Break their nose for me, baby.

Will slap you with the truth. Will not play games with you. If she wants to be around you, she will and, if she thinks that shirt is ugly, she’ll tell you.

If he approves of you, Dewey is your brother now. He’ll check up on you and help you if you run into trouble. Honestly, if you’re even a little nicer than Tatum, he’ll approve of you so it’s not that hard.

(Tatum’s like so pretty. She could slap me and I’d be chill with it.)

Deputy Dewey Riley

Darling man. Sweet man. Cuddle this man. Love him.

He’s a hopeless romantic.

He gets you flowers, but not roses, no, no, this man gets you daisies because they look so much happier.

Deputy Dewey makes you dinner. There’s no arguing this point. He’ll look all through his kitchen for a recipe book that has the perfect recipe to impress you.

If you come to the police station to give him something that he forgot, he’ll get all blushy and happy to see you. All the other police officers are like “Damn, Dewey, how’d you snatch them up?”

Do anything romantic for him and he will damn near cry.

He will respect all of your wishes and will never try to force you to do anything you don’t want to do in the bedroom.

(Contriversal opinion, but I would trust Dewey with my life. Sweetest man ever. I would date him, but he is also invited to be my supportive uncle who takes me to Pride and takes me to get ice cream when I’m sad. Fun uncle energy 10/10)

#scream #90s movie #90s horror #scream x reader #scream imagine #scream headcanon #sidney prescott #sidney prescott x reader #randy meeks x reader #randy meeks #billy loomis x reader #billy loomis #stu macher #stu macher x reader #tatum riley #imagine #headcanon

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kidney9-9 · 4 years

Text

Love Letters (Peter Parker)

Anonymous asked:

Peter writing letters to a reader who he met in Berlin, and then having her surprise him in Queens at college and they have their first time after a party

Hi anon! hope you enjoy! :) reader and peter are aged over 18! Please do not read if the warnings make you uncomfortable! This is the longest oneshot I’ve written! Thank you for sending this in!

Masterlist

Peter Parker x Reader (Smut with Plot) (Friends-to-Lovers) Warnings: swearing, smut, virgin!Peter and virgin!Reader, oral (both receiving), thigh riding, slight dirty talk, praising, unprotective sex (please do not read if any of these made you uncomfortable!) Word Count: 7.6k

Peter grinned as he wrote down his thoughts on about everything, he’s been wanting to talk to you since the day started. You were his pen pal, living all the way in Berlin. When he met you there on a mission once, you two hit it off extremely well that Peter didn’t even want to go home the following day. Since the two of you got along great, you passed him your information, saying you preferred sending letters, because they were more personalized and authentic. Peter happily agreed, finding it fun to have his first pen pal in his life, but he soon realized how much he started to care about you, when you two revealed more about everything.

When you told him your favorite scientific theory, and a vague version of your own, he felt himself blush at how amazing you were. He felt like one of the luckiest people on the planet, but at the same time he felt unlucky. He wanted to go see you all the time, wanted to spend more time with you in person, just get to know you more face-to-face. He wrote out all his wishes, about how he wants to see you, all the time. He’d go on in lengths that most people would find surprising, but you didn’t. You returned his excitement about meeting about again all the time. You told him about how you once school started to ease up, you would go visit him, but he blanked on when that would ever happen. You took so many classes that even Tony would get stressed out about.

People often saw Peter writing these letters as well. His roommate said it was weird, and that it was probably some random person writing him back, instead of you. But that wasn’t true, since Peter has already met you. He felt so close to you, even though he’s only seen you in person once. He couldn’t imagine how amazing it would be to see you again. You even sent a few photos of yourself, with awards in school and how you were an amazing and contributing part of your community. You also sent him random gifts he would cherish, and he would send some back to you. Peter sent pictures back of himself, and after a while of communicating, he told you he was Spiderman. It was one the secrets he was planning on keeping to himself, but he couldn’t help but tell you, because of how accepting and loving you were to him.

He did have a crush on you, a massive one that his roommate groans at the mention of. When other girls are around, Peter never wanted to meet any of them. Just was odd to him, because he felt so connected to you. He hoped that you were the same with him, but he wasn’t sure. When Tony found out about the letters, he quickly searched you up and did excessive background checks on you, claiming it was just for security measures. But Peter knows that wasn’t true, it was because Tony was protective of him, and just nosy.

Peter set the pen down with a sigh, as his hand started to ache. He pushed the paper and pen aside as he heard his roommate come in. Peter spun around in his chair grinning to Mark. “How was class?” Peter greeted him. Mark shrugged back and threw his bag down to the floor.

“Nothing exciting. Just more work to do,” He paused, leaning down near the doorway as he opened the mini-fridge nearby. “Oh yeah, language classes are always like that.” Peter noted back, as he glanced down to his phone, half distracted. He started scrolling through social media with no interest. Mark cleared his throat, nodding to Peter as he glanced back up to him, “Want one?” Mark offered a beer. Peter scrunched his nose in disgust at it and shook his head.

“Nah, it’s the middle of the day, I don’t want to get drunk right now.” Peter responded, somewhat lying to Mark. Honestly, he just thought beer was disgusting, but if his roommate found out, he’d be teased for the rest of the semester. Mark shrugged at him, kicking the fridge closed with his foot and he hoped onto one of the chairs. “It’s pregaming for the party tonight.” Mark responded, opening the can with a sigh.

Peter nodded back, before twisting in his chair, bored. His phone dinged, but he barely glanced down at it, frowning at the foreign number. “Must be spam.” He mumbled to himself, deleting the text before he even read it. Peter looked back to Mark as he gulped his drink loudly, “Uh, should I stay out tonight, in case you bring anyone over?” Peter questioned.

Mark grinned back to Peter, “Fuck yeah, I’ve been sort of seeing Caleb from our film class. He texted me a dick pic this morning too, so I think we’ll come back here after the party.” Peter groaned at the mention of other dicks. He shook his head as Mark laughed loudly at his reaction.

Peter made an upside-down grin as he wondered where he should stay for the night. “Was it Heather’s party?” Peter mumbled over to Mark, making him nod back. Peter took note of that, as he pulled up Heather’s contact on his phone. He knew her from his Chemistry class, they were in a group together for the first project.

“You know she has a boyfriend, Pete. Don’t try messing around with her.” Mark spoke up as Peter started to type in a text. Peter furrowed his eyebrows at the suggestion and shook his head back to Mark, “I’d never do that.” He retorted, making Mark chuckle. He leaned forward with raised eyebrows to Peter, as he finished up his text, asking if he could stay in an extra room at her parent’s place. It was recently renovated, and Heather was throwing it in spite of her parents after telling her she would be kicked out if she kept throwing those parties. Her parties were always filled to the brim and exciting but Peter never really enjoyed them.

Peter glanced back up to Mark, confused at his staring. “Is it that girl from Berlin?” Mark teased, grinning as Peter started to blush. He averted his stare, instead glancing back at the letter, reminded of you. “Uh, I mean, I guess? But it’s also because I have morals, genius. I wouldn’t hit on someone who was in a relationship.” Peter defended himself back, crossing his arms as Mark started laughing more.

When he quieted down, he smiled at Peter, slowly becoming serious. Peter tilted his head back in confusion as Mark took in a long breath of air. “You know, what you have is special with her. I got to admit, sort of envied you but,” Mark paused as he ran a hand through his hair, “You aren’t even in a relationship with her. I think you should maybe throw a little bait out for the other girls in New York, Peter.”

They both sat in silence after Mark voiced his opinion. Peter gazed at him with a sad smile, “Uh, yeah maybe. Thanks man.” He offered back as Mark nodded. That’s what everyone told him, including the rest of the team. They always popped in about it mid-mission, saying he was wasting his love on a girl who wouldn’t ever return it. But Peter tried not to let their words drift in his mind. Maybe you didn’t love him like he did, but the friendship the two of you had would last a lifetime.

Your letters always made him feel the hope you might return the same feelings as his, but he wasn’t sure. More importantly, he valued your friendship over his love, because he knew you would be hurt if he suggested any less, and sound like some ignorant boy.

Peter brushed his teeth with concentration as he grumbled to himself, not wanting to go to the party. One main reason was because he still wanted to finish your letter by tonight, so he could take it to the mailbox before the mailman picks it up. It was your birthday soon, and he just wanted you to get it on time, preferably on your birthday. The other reason was because he just really wasn’t in the mood to get drunk tonight. It would take tons of drinks to get him drunk because of his enhancement, but when he tried it out, it wasn’t his thing. The taste always left something bitter in his mouth and his mood would sour. Parties weren’t his scene in college, he doubted he’d ever like it like Tony used to.

“Ready? Caleb and I are going in an Uber right now, want to join?” Mark’s voice called out to Peter through the door. Peter spit the toothpaste out, and responded with a “Yeah, hold up.” Peter shrugged on his shoes after he opened the door, seeing Caleb and Mark standing by the entrance. He waved to Caleb, who grinned to him.

The Uber ride was awkward. There was no way it would ever not be awkward since Mark and Caleb giggled and flirted the whole way there. Peter felt like that third wheel that wasn’t meant to be invited in the first place, but as he made eye contact with the Uber driver, he had to stifle his laugh. The driver looked irritated from the traffic, and now the odd kissing and whispering sounds from the back. Peter raised his eyebrows back to his roommate, as he pulled away from his date. Mark shrugged to Peter, sort of issuing an apologizing as Peter just shook his head again, laughing a little in the awkwardly quiet car now.

“Uh, sorry Parker.” Caleb offered, sheepishly grinning back to Peter as they got out the car. The driver sped off quick making the trio laugh. “That was sort of odd,” Mark hummed out, glancing over to Peter. His eyes drifted off to a pack of people, as Peter took that as a signal to go. He cleared his throat and glanced down to his feet, feeling weird to go into a crowd with people weren’t his friends.

He shuffled a little before gazing back up to them, “Uh, I’m going to go talk to people, bye! Nice seeing you.” He aimed the last part to Caleb, who nodded back to him. Peter turned around with a sigh as he rolled his eyes to himself, finding himself acting odd in social settings.

Peter did try talking to people, but it always ended with them saying they needed to get another drink. So after about the fourth person, he took a seat out in the backyard, near the pool. He set his phone down next to him, closing his eyes as the music blared from the inside of the house. He looked around seeing only a few people outside along with him, as he moved to lay down by the poolside, to look up at the sky.

It was polluted with clouds, so he couldn’t see the stars. He looked down at his watch, sighing when he saw it was only ten. He started to wonder when the party would die down but seeing through the windows, he could tell it would be at least a few hours more. His phone beeped again, but he made no move to check it, knowing it wasn’t the team because of the different sound. His eyes closed for a few moments, just resting as he tried focusing on the sound of the water. A shuffle near his head made him stir slightly, but he made no move to open his eyes, thinking it was just someone walking by.

But then Peter heard them take a seat next to him. He could even feel the warmth from whoever it was, travelling into his skin. “You’re looking comfortable.” A voice whispered to him. His eyes snapped open at the familiar sound. He turned his head to see you lying next to him with a smile. “Oh shit!” Peter exclaimed, completely baffled.

He went to stumble up, but his balance failed him, as he tripped on his feet, leaning back and trying to reach forward. You gasped, shooting up to your feet as he fell back into the freezing pool. “Peter!” You exclaimed, reaching for his hand too late. He managed to pull you in as well, making you instantly shiver and shout, swimming back up to the surface as Peter tried pulling you up as well.

The two of you trembled in the cold water as Peter stared back in shock at you, as you smiled at him again. “Y/n? Woah, what are you- how are you here? Am I just dreaming? Did I fall asleep?” Peter rambled, his lips turning blue already from the cold. You swam over to him, shaking your head softly.

You couldn’t believe you were here either. Two days ago, you had been granted a break from the harsh study routines from your college, as your teachers had agreed to upload the work online for you to continue from home. You were their model student, achieving up and beyond, but taking a break to remind yourself of the good things in life was necessary. After weeks of negotiating and meeting with your teachers and counselor, they finally let you free for a while. You took a few hours to realize, that not that many things were “good” for you, nothing that made you smile and forget about school, except for Peter.

At the thought of Peter, you decided just to fuck it, and book a ticket over there, you had to see him again. You two had switched contact information, including phone numbers, but never used that. You had him saved in your phone though, and you tried sending a text to him right before you got onto the plane, but it never went through. You were nervous he wouldn’t want to see you at all, but you remember reading how much he wanted to see you again. When you landed, you sent another text to him, just hoping he would remember your number.

He even gave you his Aunt’s number, saying if he never responded, to contact her. You remember discovering the reason why he ever said that, when he confessed, he was Spiderman. You couldn’t hide your surprise in that letter you sent him back, and you remembered worrying about him, whenever you would see Spiderman in the headlines. You still did, but now you felt more confident in him, after watching those old videos he posted on YouTube, thinking if that was his start, he must be even better now. You did end up sending his Aunt a text, explaining who you were, and you instantly got a text back.

She sent you “Hi! Peter gave me your number too! He tends to forget things, I think that’s why he gave it to me, but it’s so good to hear from you! And my goodness, he’s going to be amazed. He always talks about you, but I’m so excited that you guys are meeting again! I know he’s going to be at a party tonight, and I’ll send you the address. I’ll send Peter a text as well right now, just to tell him to expect a surprise!” You couldn’t stop the smile that spread across your face as you reread the text over again. You heard she was the best Aunt ever from Peter, and this showed you he was right.

You wondered from that text what it meant that Peter was always talking about you. You felt yourself warm at thinking that maybe he cared for you as you did for him? You tried shaking those thoughts away, but you’ve been having them for so long, after falling in love with his words. You wondered if he did with yours.

When Aunt May sent you the address, that’s when it hit you about what you were doing. You just travelled all this way for him, because he made you happy. He made you smile, and laugh, even without seeing him face-to-face. He made you feel warm and cared for with the way he wrote pages back to you, asking how you were doing, and showing you love in the words. Your friends and family always asked why you would write for hours in your room, and your only answer was “Peter.”

You really did love him.

You snapped back to the present as you tugged Peter into a tight hug, in the pool. “I missed you,” You shivered out, as Peter shook himself out of his surprise, squeezing you tight and laughing in amazement. “I missed you so much,” He replied instantly, pressing his face into your shoulder, not caring his face dipped into the water again.

Splashes hit around you two, as people shouted out, “Pool party!” Jumping into the water, not giving a care to you and Peter. You giggled at the water hitting the two of you as Peter held you tighter. “I missed you, fuck. Wait, let’s get out.” Peter mumbled into your ear again, letting go of your figure hesitantly. He couldn’t bring himself to let go of you completely though, so he held your hand, swimming back to the steps through the crowd of people shouting and jumping around the pool.

You squeezed his hand back, as the two of you got to the steps, standing up. Peter gazed at you for a few moments before he could bring himself out of the swimming pool. You were so beautiful, the backyard lights hit you wonderfully, and your smile made Peter feel like he was living in a dream. You looked similar to what Peter would call a goddess, and the way your eyes brightened to him, brought Peter a happiness he didn’t know was true.

“Peter?” You whispered, stepping closer to him, confused at his silence. His face burned as he looked away from you and your body, coughing. The way you said his name even made him blush. “You’re here, I- how?” Peter asked, tugging your hand as he stepped out of the pool. The two of you automatically shivered at the temperature drop in the air. You two quickly shuffled to the sliding doors, connected to the inside as Peter and you took small glances at each other, smiling bright.

When you two walked inside, you sighed out at the warmth as you glanced around, wincing at the loud music. Peter did as well, shaking his head at it as he pointed upstairs to you, trying to find a quiet place to talk. You held his hand tight, barely gazing at anyone else, except for Peter. His hand felt soft and warm in yours as you squeezed again, making Peter smile again. The two of you rounded in a hallway, walking down to the end room.

Peter sighed in relief when he opened the door, and no one was there. It looked like the guest room, as Peter slightly turned his eyes to check for anything. He stepped forward, letting your hand go as you stayed at the doorframe, stepping in and closing the door from the rest of the noise. The music dulled into a low sound now but the two of you could still feel the vibrations of the bass beating through you. You turned around and locked the door behind you, wanting to have privacy with him.

“I’m sorry if this was a strange thing to do, but I just had to see you again.” You mumbled, suddenly feeling nervous, glancing down to the floor as your smile slightly dropped. Peter instantly shook his head, and his eyes widened. “No, no, I- this was incredible. I’m really happy.” He stepped forward to you again, as you leaned against the door. You gazed back up to him, feeling your smile brighten again.

Peter smiled back to you, as his hand reached for yours again slowly. He slowly slipped his hand in yours, bringing you slightly forward with a laugh of amazement. “How’d you come here? I’m so surprised, but you’re here and I’m just really thankful.” His voice came out, as he tugged a little more at your hand.

You giggled at his actions and let him lead you slowly in a circle, by tugging on your hand lightly. “I needed to get away from school for a while, and I wanted to see you,” You paused as you stepped slightly closer to Peter, pulling him in for another hug. He held you tight as you rested your head on his chest. “You make me happy, Peter. Those letters…I love them, and they make me miss you even more, even though we’ve only hung out once. I feel like I’ve known you for years with the letters.” You murmured, finishing up.

Peter felt his heart start to speed up from your words. He squeezed you even more, as his hand slipped to the back of your head. “I feel that as well. Whenever I see my mail, I get so excited because I love reading whatever you send. When it’s random things,” Peter paused, laughing lightly causing you to smile brighter, “When it’s some just really bizarre shit, about a dream you have or when you say you’re thinking of me because you passed by the plaza we met in,” He paused again, softly speaking up to finish his words, “I love it all and I feel like you’ve been with me this whole time.”

You lifted your head from his chest to gaze up to him. He bit his lip, trying to keep his face from blushing as he gazed back down to you. You grinned to him suddenly, making him release a short breath of air, trying to shake the feeling of wanting to just get rid of all the space, and kiss you. “You know, I tried calling and texting you.” You mumbled, giggling a little as Peter furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

“What? When?” Peter questioned, shaking his head. You laughed as you stepped slightly back but holding onto his hand again. “Maybe like four times? I texted Aunt May.” You replied, making Peter widen his eyes in bafflement, “Uh, what- wait, what did my Aunt tell you?” Peter mumbled, feeling his embarrassment already.

You laughed slightly at his reaction. “Well she said you talk a lot about me, but I hope only the good things.” You retorted, making Peter sigh. Aunt May knew how much Peter cared about you, like she knew how he loved you. He would’ve been so ashamed if Aunt May told you that. But Peter raised his eyebrows back to you, falling more in love with your laugh.

“Everything about you is good.” He replied to your comment. You scrunched your face up and giggled, denying it. Peter let go of your hand as he turned around a bit, checking the room. He shook his head at your laugh, spinning back after glancing at the room. “It’s true, you are just…perfect. Everything about you is admirable, and it’s just, you’re an incredible person.” Peter’s words made your face feel hot as you shook your head back to him.

“No, that’s all you,” You paused, sighing as you stepped closer to the bed, and taking a seat. Peter still stood as he rounded in front of you with a soft expression. “You’re wonderful. Everything I already know about you just makes me want to know more.” You whispered back as he stepped slightly closer to you.

Peter felt his heart start to beat faster again as you slid your hand up and down his arm in comforting motions. Just being with you in this moment made him want to stay forever. You two were so close in everyway he wanted, just right now. His hand drifted over to your face, cupping your cheek as he smiled back to you.

You smiled back to him, suddenly aware of the intimacy. “Peter…” You trailed off, as his thumb started to draw little shapes into your cheek softly. “You make me so happy.” Peter whispered back. You other hand laid atop his on your face, making Peter pause in his movements. The two of you stared at each other lovingly. Peter tried to shake it off, but he couldn’t help but fall more in love with you. It stunned him that you were here, and he was holding you. He leaned in slightly more as he glanced down to your lips.

You saw his little stare, causing you to drift your eyes down to his lips as well. You smiled lightly as you pulled his hand, causing him to lean close to your face, bending slightly. You moved up and captured his lips in a small and hesitant kiss, just hoping you didn’t mess up your entire friendship with him. Peter gasped and took a short second before he responded, pushing back in and kissing you even more. You couldn’t hold back your smile, as Peter stepped in close between your legs, leaning into your kiss and causing you to slowly move backwards on the bed.

Peter’s hand drifted to the back of your head, holding you as the two of you kissed sensually and slowly. “Fuck,” Peter pulled back, murmuring quietly. His head was still on yours, as the two of you started to breathe hard. “Yeah,” You agreed, smiling brightly. Peter smiled back to you, as he leaned back in, and kissed you again.

The kiss started off slow again, but it increasingly got faster, as the both of you kissed each other harder. You fell completely back on the bed, with Peter on top of you, kissing sloppily but passionately. His tongue found its way into your mouth, as you moaned slightly in surprise. Peter’s other hand slid onto your hip, squeezing gently as he sighed out in pleasure.

You tugged at his hair again, feeling incredibly happy. When Peter pulled away for air, he rolled over next to you, laying on the bed. He gazed at you with a love doped smile, and you did as well. “I wanted to do that for so long,” Peter confessed, blushing at you. His blush was too cute, and you reached over and cupped his cheek. “So did I.” You replied, whispering.

He smiled so brightly it started to hurt, as his head started to spin. “I’m in love with you,” He mumbled, gazing at you with emotion. You raised your eyebrows in surprise and happiness, as you laughed slightly. “I’ve fallen in love with you too.” You admitted, playing with his hair.

Peter felt like all his wishes have been granted, just laying here with you. The way the words fell out of your mouth made him feel lightheaded, and the way your hand tugged, and your fingers circled around his hair grounded him. He scooted closer to you again, as you smiled softly to him. His fingers landed on your lips, lightly tracing them, covering the tips of his fingers with saliva. He lightly pulled your moth open again, as he leaned in for another kiss.

“Fuck, I really love you.” Peter mumbled into the kiss. You giggled, pulling away. “I love you too,” You murmured back, pulling him in again. Your hand slipped under his shirt and gasped at the feeling of his torso. Peter pulled away again, and laughed, speeding to take his shirt off. He tore it off, getting on his knees on the bed, as you did as well, giggling with him.

You gazed up and down his body, feeling arousal build in you. Peter blushed at your stare as you scooted closer to him again. You placed a small kiss on his shoulder, leading it to his neck, making Peter gasp. His arms wrapped around you as he felt his erection grow. He trembled lightly when you started to lick at his neck, and he held you tighter. “I-I’ve never done this before.” Peter mumbled out, stuttering in nervousness but excitement.

You nipped at his neck before gazing back to him. “I haven’t either.” You confessed, lightly whispering. His fingers trailed under your shirt nervously. “Wo-would it be okay?” Peter asked for permission to take your shirt off. You nodded back to him, as he slowly lifted it off, smiling to him.

“Do you want to,” You paused, glancing down at your body as you started to grow wet. “To…make love?” You asked unsurely, cringing at the use of words. Peter blushed as he looked down at your chest as his erection started to feel uncomfortable. He nodded back to you, “Yes!” he blurted, quickly adding on, “Only if you want to.”

You nodded back to him, pushing down your nervousness as you felt another wave a lust hit you. Peter shyly put his hand on the back of your bra, unclipping it with a small sigh. When the bra dropped down, and you pushed it off your arms, Peter gazed back up to you, smiling. “You’re so beautiful.” He whispered, holding your body to his before he pulled you back in for another kiss. Peter groaned at the feeling of being against you, and you opened your mouth into the kiss, allowing Peter’s tongue through. You sighed at the feeling, as you started to feel down his body. You gasped when his boner hit your hand as Peter pushed you down against the bed, near the pillows now.

“Fuck, you look so good,” You spoke up as Peter leaned away from you, slipping his shoes off. He blushed at your compliment as he started taking off his pants. You started to take yours off too, but Peter stopped you and took control, taking them off for you. He blushed even more at the sight of your underwear.

You gazed down at his underwear as well, with the feeling of getting more wet at the sight of his erection now. You sat up as Peter brushed a hand through his hair. “I remember your first letter, and you told me how you were so happy we ran into each other in Berlin.” You paused, smiling at the memory. “And you sent me a bracelet; I still have it. It’s one of my favorite things.” You admitted, finishing your sentence. Peter blushed at that, as he adjusted his boner, finding it uncomfortable against his underwear.

“You sent me one back,” Peter smiled as you started to reach out to him. “I wear it whenever I’m on missions. It’s my good luck charm.” He chuckled lightly. You nodded back to him, as you trailed a finger up and down his chest.

You shook your head again, giggling softly, “I love you,” You repeated, as Peter started to smile more. “I love you too.” He whispered. Your hand drifted down to the band of his underwear, slightly tugging it down. You glanced up to him, asking him a silent question, to which he nodded. You pulled the underwear more down his legs, revealing his boner, popping out and hitting his stomach.

You parted your lips at the sight as Peter blushed again. You stood up on your knees on the bed and pushed Peter back down where you were laying. You scooted down to in between his legs, and you slowly started massaging his inner thighs.

Peter trembled at the feeling as he pushed himself slightly up against the headboard to watch you. He sighed out as you trailed your hands closer to his cock. “Please…” Peter begged, closing his eyes tight, already hearing his heartbeat outside of his body. You smiled softly just as soon as your hand lightly grazed against him. “Oh...” You heard Peter sigh out, as his eyes opened back up to gaze at you.

You smeared the precum on the top of hic cock, smiling even more as you heard his breathing turned heavier. “Your so pretty,” You whispered, referring to his cock, as your finger trailed on the underneath of it, tracing the vein. Peter blushed harshly at your voice as you licked your finger before pushing yourself closer.

You teasingly licked at his cock and watched as Peter banged his head against the headboard. “Please, please, baby, fuck.” Peter begged out, reaching out to push your head down. You moved away before he could and giggled at his frustrated face. You leaned back down and sent another long lick from the base to the tip, before you licked around his head.

You took him in your mouth, making Peter groan out loudly at the feeling of being inside. “Oh, fuck, fuck,” Peter panted out, as you started to lower your mouth slightly. You struggled to get him all in your mouth, as you opened your mouth as wide as you can. Peter reached behind your head again, curling his fingers against your scalp as he lightly pushed you down. His hips also reached up, as you moaned at the feeling. Peter gasped out a groan at the vibration that sent through his cock from your noise, making you glance up to him with darkened eyes. You hummed loudly again moving your mouth up and down, taking him in. Peter kept moaning and gasping at the feeling, and his head hit against the headboard again, losing eye contact with you, “You- fuck, babe, oh,” Peter breathed out, unable to form a full sentence.

You used your hand, pumping up and down, collecting some saliva to cover the rest of his cock, that you couldn’t take into your mouth. Peter tensed up feeling like he was about to come as he started to grasp onto your hair. “Wait, hold- fuck, I might come,” He stuttered out, making you pause. You slowly took his cock out of your mouth, licking your lips. Peter sighed out, feeling out of breath and amazed, “Shit, that was so good,” He pushed out.

You grinned back to him, as you moved out from in between his legs before you laid down, breathing hard next to him. “Fuck, you’ve got a great dick.” You said again, giggling as Peter stuttered, “Wha-, um, thanks.” He blushed but turned to face you, gazing at your chest. You pulled him in for a messy kiss, after a few more seconds of breathing. Peter instantly returned your kiss, pulling you in closer, and on top of him. Peter moaned at the feeling of your soaked underwear on his thigh, as he pushed his thigh up a little more, making you gasp in pleasure.

Peter grinned into the kiss, as he pressed down your hips, rolling you back and forth onto his thigh, making you moan even more into the kiss, pulling away breathless. “Shit…” You trailed off, at the feeling of your clothed clit hitting his thigh just right. He tugged at your panties, and he gazed back up to you.

“Can I rip them off? I promise to buy you a new pair.” He breathed out, as even more lust pulled into his stomach, at the feeling of you getting yourself off on his thigh. You nodded back, unable to speak as he rolled your hips again, hitting you in the best place. He quickly tore at both sides, and slide them off in an instant, and you both hushed out whimpers at the feeling. “You’re so warm,” Peter whispered, as you slid down against him again, breathing heavily.

You almost cried out at the feeling, rubbing yourself with Peter’s help, lifting you up and down, and sliding you back and forth against his leg. His fingers swiped up some of the juices that collected on his leg from you and licked them, sighing out at the taste. You only grew even wetter, as he slid his fingers down again, and this time, rubbed against your clit as you lowered yourself on his thigh.

“That’s it, baby, you can do it,” He mumbled softly, watching as your eyes opened and closed at the intense feelings. He lifted his fingers against slightly, exhaling as you rolled your hips at a set pace, settling your pussy against him. He circled softly, pushing up onto your clit, as you rolled downwards again, making you gasp.

You pushed your lips against his, to stop your noises from escaping as the music continued to blare from outside the room. You bucked your hips up and moved down, eyes closed tight as you whined out from the intense pleasure. Peter’s cock kept hitting your thigh as you continued your movements for the next few minutes, traveling up to Peter’s lips, biting them and licking and moving down to his neck as he continued to help move you on his thigh.

It was then when you felt your orgasm near and you opened your mouth, crying out from the stimulation. “I- I’m going to come,” You panted out, warning Peter. He nodded, and rubbed into your thighs, “Alright, babe, come for me.” He grunted out, with his cock burning for more as he felt your juices slide across his thigh. You gasped through your orgasm, murmuring Peter’s name as you held your head against his shoulder, as he continued to praise you, “That’s it, baby, such a good girl. You’re doing amazing.” You cried out in desire from his words and your orgasm, as it faded out of you.

You took a couple of minutes to start breathing normally as Peter kissed your cheek, whispering compliments and praises to you. You moved your head slightly to look up to him, “Fuck that was really great.” Your words made Peter shake his head back to you, as he slowly lifted you up to lay down next to him. “I want to try something out,” He shyly spoke up, gazing down at the mess you made on his thigh. He swiped some of your cum up and licked it, making you feel wetness pull again down in your pussy.

You nodded back to him, with an excited smile. He smiled back to you, and quickly turned and placed himself between your legs, leaning down with a gasp. “Fuck, so pretty.” He mumbled, making you feel a blush warm your face.

He started out by licking the rest of your cum off your thighs from earlier, making you tremble. “Mm, you taste so good, fuck.” He muttered, licking around your thighs again, collecting every piece of cum. “You’re doing so good too, fuck.” He praised again. You gasped at it, as you felt your pussy get even more wet than before.

Peter leaned a little more forward, breathing in while facing your pussy, before sending a long stripe to it. You gulped in pleasure, trying to hold down your moans as Peter continued. “Do you think you can come again, babe?” He asked you, before he continued. When you nodded instantly, Peter grinned and leaned down.

He licked right on your clit, making you bite your lip. His fingers found their way to your entrance, and he slowly pushed one in after collecting some of your wetness. He curled his finger in you, once he fully pushed in as he continued to lick around your pussy. “Fuck, so- ohh,” You moaned out, grasping onto Peter’s hair and tugging at it. He hummed against your clit, making you shudder as he started to push another finger in.

Peter’s tongue circled around your clit before nibbling on it gently, making you wail out in pleasure, pushing Peter’s head in even more, as you started calling out his name. He did it again, as he started pumping in and out of you with his fingers, hitting your g-spot, and making you cry loudly, from the immense pleasure.

You felt it burning again, as your orgasm pushed out of you with no warning, and you let out a chocked scream, followed by Peter’s name. He quickly pulled his fingers out of you and licked up all your cum, as you were shuddering and still going through your orgasm. It felt like hours almost, the way you were shivering in delight as you rolled your head to glance down to Peter. You blinked hazily to him and smiled brightly as he leaned back up kissing your body all the way up to your lips. You moaned into the kiss, wrapping your arms around him, as he leaned down onto you.

“You’re so beautiful and perfect.” Peter mumbled against your lips. You giggled slightly, still doped up from your orgasms. “So are you,” You whispered back to him, kissing him even more.

Peter gasped slightly when he felt your body touch his cock again. You glanced down and smiled back up to Peter. “Are you ready?” You whispered to him, kissing his shoulder softly. Peter nodded back to you and kissed your lips again. His lips opened against yours, as the kiss started to get sloppy once again. You groaned into it, tugging and playing with his hair.

Peter slightly pulled away as he positioned himself to you. He trembled with slight nervousness as he gazed back down to you, “I love you,” He whispered. You smiled back, and breathed in, “I love you too, Peter.”

He slowly pushed into you, as you gasped from the stretch. He stopped instantly, hearing your gasp, and he worriedly asked you, “Are you alright, do you want me to move?” His question made you shake your head, telling him it was alright. You grabbed onto one of his hands, holding tightly as you felt yourself adjust to him, “Okay, keep going,” You whispered back, nodding.

He continued, groaning in amazement, at the feeling. Your eyes fluttered shut as it continued to be uncomfortable, but you slowly eased yourself more, unclenching to let him all in. When he pulled back slowly, you started to get used to it more, as a heat started to bump more, making you feel more aroused. When Peter slowly eased himself back into you, you started feeling good, making you sound out, “More, please,” Your plea made Peter shudder in excitement as he pushed into you with a faster speed.

You both moaned loudly, and you wrapped your legs around Peter as he started to gain a pace. “So fuckin’ perfect,” Peter grunted out, as you started to pull him in more with your legs. Your eyes opened, gazing at Peter as he continued to go in and out of you.

One of his hands went down to your chest, circling around one of your nipples, making you gasp in surprise. He pinched and tweaked it, making you cry out from all the pleasure you were experiencing. He yelped out in pleasure when you rolled your hips up, meeting him in his thrusts. “Fuck,” You whined out, breathing heavily. Peter nodded as he leaned down to kiss you hard again.

You gasped loudly, almost crying as he hit your g-spot, into the kiss. Peter moved his kissing down to your neck, sloppily leaving saliva all over your jaw and neck. He stayed in place, hitting the same spot as he pulled in and out of you, making you cry out each time at the intensity.

Peter grunted, feeling himself almost reach his orgasm, as you did as well. He kept pushing in and out of you with a pace, hitting you even deeper as you met every thrust. His hand left your nipple, while he continued to kiss and suck your neck, traveling down to your clit, and rubbing it hard, making you whimper loudly, as your vision started to blur from everything.

With each thrust into your g-spot and every touch sent to your clit, you felt your orgasm max out again, “P-Peter, I’m go-going-” You cut yourself short, screaming out his name as your orgasm hit you, gushing out cum as Peter reached his as well. His thrust started to become erratic and shallow, before he pulled out, leaking cum onto your chest in spurts.

Your cum leaked out onto the sheets as you breathed in and out heavily, along with Peter. He collapsed next to you with a loud groan. Your head lulled over to gaze at him, as you felt his lips near your ear. “That,” Peter sighed out, wiping his face from the sweat that built up, “was amazing.” He finished up, earning a little laugh from you.

You nodded back to him, as he kissed your nose softly. “I love you,” You whispered, staring at him with affection. His hand cupped your cheek and he kissed your lips this time, gently. “I love you too, so much.” He murmured back, smiling softly back to you.

The two of you cuddled, laying there for hours, while tenderly whispering to each other sweet little phrases about love. The both of you were sticky and gross feeling from the cum that clung onto your skin, when you got up to shower, after noticing the music turned down greatly, making you both know the party ended.

Peter held out his hand for you to join him, making you laugh. You could barely walk in without wincing at the uncomfortable and painful feeling between your legs. Peter wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into the hot water with him. You delicately kissed his chest as he squeezed you gently. “I don’t want to go back,” You confessed, running a hand up and down his back in comfort.

He nodded, agreeing with you. “I want you to stay.” He mumbled back, wanting to hold onto you forever. He kissed your head softly, as you fluttered your eyes closed, savoring the sweet and loving memories in your mind.

Marvel Taglist: @peepeeparkerr @lozzypoz321 Peter Taglist: @itscaminow @belleknows @quaksonhehe All Taglists are open!

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velvetthunder1999 · 3 years

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All the time on Earth

Epilogue - All the time on Earth

Summary: The final chapter of your life where you return to your beloved castle, with all the people that matter

Warning: None, Fluff

Word count: 2.3K

George Weasley x Reader // Fred Weasley x Reader (platonic)

Masterlist

It had been getting harder and harder to climb the stairs now, but today was extremely difficult. You felt tired, you felt as though you were out of breath and that you needed to sit down to have your well-deserved rest. On your way up to the bedroom you passed many pictures hanging on the wall; your dear Fred’s wedding pictures, then Roxanne playing with one of your grandchildren under a Christmas tree. You gave a faint, tired smile. They were such good memories.

It seemed really cold once you reached the upper floor. You made your way slowly to the bedroom, opening the door slowly. It was hard to turn the handle; your hand was aching all the time, and you also needed a breather after those many stairs. You stopped for a second, searching for a wand in your pocket, but you had to come to a tired realisation that you had forgotten it downstairs again. Yes, now you remembered; it was probably lying on the kitchen table. A raspy sigh left your lungs — you simply did not have the strength to climb the stairs again, only to get that wicked wand.

There was no other way, you had to reach the bed in total darkness. Luckily, you knew the room by heart, since living in this house for over fifty years now. You walked carefully, passing the old cabinet in which you still had one of those old Christmas jumpers hanging, its color faded, its material stretched out. You passed the mirror in which you always checked your outfit for the day when hurrying off to the Ministry each morning. Finally, you walked passed the bedside table, on which stood one single photograph, of you and your late George; a moving picture that was taken on his forty fifth birthday. You remembered that day clear as day, having Albus and Teddy setting up a huge tent where all the family could celebrate together.

You were glad it was dark in the room, however. As much as you loved your husband, it had been hard sometimes. You missed him with all your heart, and seeing pictures of when you were younger just made the pain sharpen inside. It had been three years, and remembering only a few times was better, than being tortured by his memory throughout the days. It was a bit sad. But it was better this way.

You sat on the bed with a huge sigh of relief. Your legs were hurting, your back was in pain, and your head felt like it was about to explode. You lay down, and as soon as your head touched the pillow, it became all better. You closed your eyes, sighing again. You wondered if you had closed the front door… well, you certainly would not go down to check it now. Anyway, if Victoire was right, the charms that James had casted on the entrance was keeping every kind of harm away.

By that thought, you relaxed a little, your breathing slowing down. You were thinking about next weekend, when the little ones had promised to visit their nana. Sweet little things. You loved them, all of them. You were ashamed to admit it, but there were times, when you simply forgot their names. You couldn’t help it. There were so many of them, running around in the house, it was hard to remember sometimes.

The cool air of the room made you shiver, so you pulled the covers up. Within seconds it was all cozy, and you felt like a biscuit, warmy being baked in the oven. You chuckled to that thought. Maybe, if you have the strength, you’ll bake something for when the children come. But at the same time, as your breathing was getting slower and slower, a strange feeling came over you, and suddenly you knew, with great certainty, that you were never going to cook anymore.

You fell asleep.

You opened your eyes. It was brighter then before and you had to blink a few times before you were able to focus on anything, really. You were lying on your back, so there must have been a floor under you. You felt it, but somehow you didn’t feel it. It was a strange feeling.

It was also not cold anymore. It was neither warm nor cold, to be exact. The temperature was absolutely perfect, so perfect that the thought of it soon left your mind. It was not important anymore. A moment later you didn’t even remember what you had been thinking about.

You took a deep breath. It felt nice, it felt an easy thing to do. There was no rasping, no muffled breathing anymore. It was unusual, but you were certainly glad for it. Now that you came to think of it… everything was so… comfortable. Your back was not hurting, your legs were not in pain anymore. You were feeling… well.

You suddenly felt your hands touching your stomach, resting. You looked down, and realised that you were naked. Then, the next thing you realised was how healthy you looked. Your skin had a nice, warm tone, and it wasn’t as loose as you remembered it to be. You were also missing several scars that you had acquired over the decades. You blinked. You didn’t know what was going on. You wished you could see yourself.

As soon as the thought occured to you, a mirror appeared out of nowhere. You hesitated, then stood up — which was surprisingly easy — and walked towards the mirror. You wanted to see your whole body, and the mirror somehow new, for it had started growing and now it was as big as a door. You met your reflection, and you let out a surprised gasp.

It was you. But not as you knew yourself now, no… But as you had been, several, several years ago. Your skin lovely, your hair not gray anymore, and your face… your face was young and beautiful. As you started examining your body, something appeared next to you, a few metres to the left. It was a train, but not just any kind of train. It was the Hogwarts Express.

And suddenly, you knew.

From then on, there was no question about it. You wanted to board immediately. All of a sudden you felt awkward for being naked. In a second, freshly washed clothes appeared at your feet. You wanted to waste no time. You got dressed, took one last look in the mirror, then ran to the train and hopped on it. It started moving, first slowly, then faster and faster until it was going at full speed.

You felt too excited and nervous to sit down, so you were standing during the whole journey. You were looking out the window, seeing houses, forests and meadows passing by. Once you saw a beautiful lake with a frozen surface, but the train was moving too fast for you to actually examine everything properly. And then, when you were seriously wondering about the destination, the train started slowing down, then stopped at what seemed like a train station of a small village. The door opened, and you climbed down with your heart beating in your throat.

As your feet touched the ground, more and more houses seemed to take shape in front of you. They seemed so familiar, still, they were still dream-like. There was a pub, a bookshop, and a small café nearby. On the left, they sold cloaks, ice-cream and newspaper. However, there were no people around. You only saw one person, a tall figure, you was standing a few metres from you. He seemed really familar.

“Georgie?”

Your heart was pounding really fast as you started walking. You would have given anything to see your George again. But something was off. Even though the man had ginger hair, his expression was something of a kind as a mischievous smile appeared on his face.

“Let’s try that one more time, sweetheart.”

You stopped, frozen in shock. This couldn’t be. This wasn’t happening. No. This wasn’t real. This couldn’t be real.

“N… No,” you whispered.

“Yes,” came the cheeky answer.

“No,” you said again. He laughed.

“Yes.”

“But… you’re…” you shook your head in despair. His smile disappeared. His eyes were filled with tears.

“It’s so good to see you again, Y/N.”

You covered your mouth to muffle your sobs, but it was not doing very much. Finally, you gave up alltogether, and closed the distance between the two of you and hugged him, sobbing uncontrollably. He was sniffling as well, gently stroing you back with his warm hands. Warm. He was warm. A sudden flash of a certain night came to your mind, but you erased it immediately. That was not important anymore. He was here. He was with you again. You stepped back, wiping off your teary cheeks, looking at him again. You tried to calm down, but you were still chuckling occasionally as you started to speak.

“I missed you — so much.”

“I know.”

“You know?” you whined.

“I missed you, too,” he ignored your question but let out a small laugh — a sound which suddenly felt so familiar, even though it had been over sixty years. Fred leaned closer and gave a soft kiss on your forehead. “I missed you so terribly. I was also wondering when I would see you. Been a lot easier since George have arrived, though.”

“George?” you jerked your head up. “George is here as well?”

“Of course,” he said in a matter of fact tone. “Everyone is.”

“Can we —”

“Meet them?” he said, his eyes sparkling. “We’re gonna meet someone first.”

“But —”

“Everything in its own time,” he said mysteriously. “First, we’re going up.”

“Up?” you said, confused. He rolled his eyes.

“Turn around, woman.”

You did. And your jaw dropped. There was the road, leading through some trees, through a gate and up till the entrance of the castle. The Hogwarts castle.

“Why are we here?” you whispered. Fred smiled.

“Well, I guess this place is part of everyone’s heart. At least a bit.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” you said, still confused.

“You’ll understand.”

“When?”

“Over time. Now, come on.”

He gently pulled you with him and you started walking towards the entrance of the castle. Every piece of grass, every leaf, every tree was like a friendly wave from the past. Your past. It all seemed so magical and you felt like a first-year student, experiencing this for the first time in their lives. The only difference was, that you already knew this place. And you felt like in a dream. Every now and then you glanced at Fred, making sure he was still there with you. When you did that, he smiled and squeezed your hand reassuringly.

You reached the Entrance Hall, then made your way up the marble staircase. The corridors and hallways looked exactly how you remembered them. You walked through hidden passages, stepped over missing stairs, and soon arrived at the last turn before the Gryffindor common room.

You swallowed and you stopped before the painting. It was not the Fat Lady, it was a simple picture of a forest. You let go of Fred’s hand and looked around nervously.

“Where is everyone?” you asked.

“Oh, you’ll meet them,” he said.

“When?”

“When you’re ready,” he gently squeezed your shoulder. “Don’t worry, all right? You’ll never have to worry again.”

Your eyes met his.

“Promise?”

He smiled and flipped open the portrait.

“Promise.”

The two of you stepped inside and nostalgia hit you like a train. The carpet, the furniture, the fireplace, the paintings, the doors, the tables and the chairs… even the smell was the exact copy of the one you remembered. Fred walked past you, talking loudly.

“I’m back.”

“Took you long enough,” said another voice and your heart missed a beat. Fred grinned.

“Yeah, well, I had to pick up someone.”

“Who?” came George’s voice from the couch. Fred grinned even more.

“See for yourself.”

George turned around and his face dropped. You couldn’t even take in his presence when he was already holding you in his arms, lifting you from the ground. When he put you down he kissed you without saying a word, and you kissed him back immediately… Then you pulled away just enough to look into his eyes, and realised that he was young again, just the same way as you were. His hair was ginger and messy, his freckles lit up his face, his skin was soft and toned… he was holding you with much more strength than in recent years, and his lips were crashing against yours with so much force that you had not felt in a long time.

“Hello, my love,” he said finally, and his words made you tear up again. “Welcome home.”

A shaky ‘hi’ was the only thing you could say. George laughed.

“Are you struck by my beauty, darling?” he teased. You chuckled.

“I missed you so much,” you said, cupping his cheeks. He turned serious, and rested his forehead against yours.

“I missed you, too. How’s… How’s everything at home? How are the kids?”

“I’m sure everyone’s fine, I’m… wait,” you looked at Fred. “I thought you could see what’s going on at home?”

He made a politely confused face.

“I’ve never said that.”

“But you referred to it.”

The twins exchanged looks. Fred hesitated.

“Well… You can have a peek, but it’s tricky.”

You frowned.

“Oh… It’s okay. You can show me how things work around here.”

“Now?” asked Fred in surprise. You shrugged and took your opportunity.

“Well, yeah of course!”

George laughed and kissed you on the cheek.

“Unbelievable! You barely got here and you already want to know everything!”

“You cannot build a trading business here, Y/N” said Fred, teasing.

“Of course I can!” you said, laughing. Then you raised your head in mock demand. “Now, show me around. I haven’t got all day.”

“Actually…” started Fred, grinning again. “We have all the time on Earth.”

You raised and eyebrow in doubt. Then, you smiled.

“Well, I don’t think we’re on Earth anymore.”

“Fine,” agreed Fred, smirking, while getting ahold of your arm and leading you to the portrait hole, George following. “We have all the time in Heaven, then.”

The End.

Dear Readers!

Thank you all for supporting Georgie and Witty’s story in this past year.

Writing this was like therapy for me - I could always escape to Harry’s world, and I’ll be forever grateful for that. I hope whenever you needed to, you could always escape to this world, too. In my opinion, this fanfiction shows perfectly, how the stories we love never really leave us. We can always create and read more. We can always relive the best times, even if it’s in the form of books, films, or a fanfiction.

Because don’t forget: Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home.

Wish you all the best,

B.B.

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gaemkyuu · 3 years

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Of Kings & Queens (Part 5)

Warnings: none! A/N: We’re almost to the end! I’ve already finished the entire series, just proof reading the last part but also contemplating if I should change the way it ends... Regardless, hope you enjoy this part! AU!Prince Charlie Gillespie x Fictional Character Disclaimer: This is a FICITONAL writing piece! In no way do I claim characters in this piece act this way in real life.

Masterlist *now taking requests ;)

Part 1/Part 2/Part 3/Part 4/Part 5/Part 6

Olivia sat in her seat at the small dining table that was arranged for them in the atrium, lost in her thoughts. She wasn’t quite sure what possessed her to request this rendez-vous with Charlie in such a formal manner to her father and it bothered her that she was actually nervous. She had never felt this way before and it made her feel insecure. The desire to rule the Kingdom on her own had always been the forefront of her vision, yet before falling into a restless sleep she could only think about Charlie. Savannah was concerned this morning when she woke Olivia to get her ready for the day, as it looked like Olivia had barely slept. She took a deep breath and gave a big sigh, looking out the glass windows into the beautiful day and listening to the birds chirping.

“Am I interrupting something?” she jumped at the amused voice and immediately Charlie looked apologetic. “I didn’t mean to scare you... You okay?”

“Yeah, I was just thinking about stuff. Hungry?” Olivia had asked the guards and attendants to leave them in peace and that she would call on someone if they were needed. On the table in front of them were dainty pastries, both sweet and savory, along with a pot of tea. She frowned as she forgot to drink her tea and it now sat in its cup lukewarm.

“Starving. Mind if I move the chair?” she shook her head no and instead of sitting across from her, Charlie now sat beside her. She made the first move by putting one of her favorite pastries on Charlie’s plate and then took one for herself. He poured himself a cup of tea, something Olivia had never seen another man do before. She admired his casualness around him, almost as though there were no formalities. Just two people having a nice breakfast, in the beautiful morning sunlight, enjoying each other’s company. “Guess I made quite the impression on you last night to be summoned to breakfast this morning?”

“I wanted to thank you, actually. I don’t know what would’ve happened if you didn’t follow me out into the garden. Savannah expresses her gratitude too, that’s why she gave us some extra sweets” Olivia couldn’t understand why she felt so excited. She was doing her best to maintain her composure, but she would be lying if she said that she wasn’t fighting the urge to bounce her leg.

“You didn’t need to put this on to thank me, but these strawberry tart are extremely delicious” Olivia giggled as she wiped a crumb off the corner of his mouth, the gesture making him blush. She thought that was extremely cute and she didn’t realize that she was smiling big for him, until he took another bite and smiled back smugly. Her face felt a rush of heat and she cleared her throat awkwardly. “So what’s on your mind?”

“What do you mean?” Charlie chuckled, but accidently inhaled while chewing and choked a bit on the flaky pastry, making Olivia laugh. Charlie sipped on some water and cleared his throat, making sure to dust off any crumbs on him.

“You have a beautiful laugh Princess” she flushed at his compliment and drank her tea hoping to hide her expression. “I mean it. It’s genuine, not snooty at all”

“Olivia is fine, and you’re being nice. I’ve been told I laugh too loudly” Charlie looked at her baffled and confused at the statement.

“What? How are you supposed to laugh, like hihihihihi” his high pitched imitation made her laugh again and he joined in on the laughter this time. They engaged in a ‘who could make the most ridiculous laugh’ battle and by the end of it they were clutching their sides and gasping for air. “You’re too funny”

“My lady?” they didn’t realize that Savannah had knocked on the door, and both of them froze for a moment, thinking their families had caught them being fooling around. “My sincerest apologies for interrupting, but it’s nearly time for his highness to meet with the rest of the Council”

“Thank you Savannah, we shall finish up quickly” Savannah gave her a sad smile, apologetic but duty called. Olivia’s smile faltered as the door closed, remembering that there was an important Council meeting between the Kingdoms of the Nation, but she wasn’t allowed to attend. Charlie noticed this and took her hand in his.

“Don’t let it discourage you Liv. If you could take my place, I’d let you. You’ll be a part of Council decisions one day, they’d be stupid not to let you.” She smiled at the nickname he had given her and at the words of encouragement. As much as she wanted to believe Charlie, she knew that the chances that her presence was requested at the Council meeting was slim. “I really enjoyed our time together... Think we could do this again?”

“When are you leaving?” he paused for a second to think.

“In about three days, but knowing Pat, I’ll be in and out of Nation Affairs meetings. Say the word and I’ll sneak out!” she smiled at his rebelliousness.

“Then I shall see you later today and tomorrow and the day after that” the smile on his face was huge and he kissed the back of her hand in appreciation. He stood as the doors opened and their guards stepped in to escort them to their respective schedules. Giving her a dashing smile and a formal bow, he winked before leaving her. As he stepped out the doors of the atrium he looked back at her once more and smiled. Savannah noticed the giant smile and blush that crept onto Olivia’s face and gave her a small teasing nudge.

“So we have a contender?” Olivia rolled her eyes at her friend and began walking to their next affair.

***

True to her word, Olivia and Charlie met up several times over the course of three days. Some days they were arranged formally between both families and other times it would be Charlie climbing onto Olivia’s balcony while she was playing the piano. They truly enjoyed each other’s company and sense of humour, and by seeing one another, they were able to breathe comfortably. Much to their displeasure, the three days passed quicker than they wished, and as they walked the Palace gardens the night before Charlie left, a heavy and serious silence hung between them. The Royal Families had dinner together and the two of them kept making glances towards each other, each exchanging a silent conversation. After many exchanges and courses later, Prince Jeremy suggested they go for an evening stroll, and Charlie was quick to catch on.

Their feet lead them to the same place where they met, the garden’s fountain. Charlie gestured for her to take a seat, which Olivia did and he sat down beside her. Neither said a word, but Olivia rested her head on his shoulder. The physical contact between them had increased, but never amounted to anything more than holding hands or sitting closely to one another. However, anyone could see that these gestures were more than just friendly.

“What will happen when you leave tomorrow?” Olivia dared to start the conversation, knowing that if she left it to Charlie, it probably wouldn’t happen. Charlie shifted uncomfortably for a moment, but not enough to move Olivia’s head off his shoulder.

“I return to the North and you stay here” she scoffed at his plain response, knowing that he was intentionally not answering her question to push her buttons.

“Charlie I’m serious. What is this?” she took her head off his shoulder and angled her body towards him, taking both hands in hers. “I don’t want to jump the gun and make you marry me. That wouldn’t be fair to you or me. We’ve just met” she could see a slight look of hurt cross his eyes and he straightened his spine.

“Have I been misunderstanding our rendez-vous?” Olivia’s eyes widened at the misunderstanding.

“No! No, I mean I really like you, like, like you like you. I just don’t know if this is normal?” Charlie looked confused at her confession. “I don’t know what this is! Like are we a thing? Like do we get married right away or...?” Then it clicked.

“Liv, have you never had a crush before? Or court someone before?” her face became a deep crimson and she avoided eye contact. “So you mean to tell me Princess Olivia has never been on a date prior to her birthday?”

“Well, to be fair I had other priorities. I mean there were people who were interested, I just never had the time of day or interest for them...” She felt shy at the confession, but Charlie’s ego was about to burst. His parents had set him up on multiple dates in hopes that one female would catch his eye and they could officially start a courtship, but it had never gotten past a few one night stands.

“Well, I guess I should ask you then. Where do you want this to go?” Olivia bit her lip, a habit she had when she felt shy to admit something. It drove Charlie wild as he could only imagine how soft her lips would feel against his.

“I mean, I want to keep seeing you and maybe we could talk about getting married, but it kinda feels too soon to talk about it now, y’know?” Charlie chuckled and kissed both of her hands.

“So why don’t we start with courtship? It means that we commit ourselves to each other with marriage in mind, but not so official that our parents can start planning our wedding. We could always call off the courtship if it ever came to that” Charlie didn’t like thinking about the last part in his idea. He already knew that Olivia was a keeper and that to find someone better than her would be impossible, but he didn’t want to force himself onto her given her current situation.

“I would like that very much... We have to tell our families, don’t we?” he nodded and Olivia rolled her eyes, hating that they had to officially let people into their private world. No doubt would she hear about courtship rules from her mother. She gave a big sigh, hating the fact that she couldn’t keep this special thing between the two of them.

“If you sigh any deeper, you might pass out” she elbowed Charlie lightly, as he draped his coat around her, shielding her from the cool breeze of the evening. He pulled her close as she laid her head on his shoulder again, but this time his arm was wrapped around her and he rested his head on top of hers. “Regardless of how much they force themselves to get involved, nothing will change between you and I, Liv”

“I just wish for once that I could keep this to myself. Once we announce our courtship, you know my mom will be on my twenty four seven. Your mom will probably start shopping for wedding bands” He kissed her head softly and held her tightly.

“Then let them Liv. We have our own thing that no one can take away, I promise you.” Olivia moved her head so that she could find reassurance in his eyes. She had come to love the fact that she could read Charlie simply by looking at his eyes. She smiled back at him and nodded her head, accepting his promise. He smiled back and cupped her cheek gently. “Have you ever been kissed?”

“Charlie, I just told you that I turned down every suitor, what makes you think that I-” he stopped her mid-sentence by gently kissing her lips, her eyes fluttering closed. She could see colours exploding behind her closed eyes and as she leaned into the kiss, Charlie took that as a sign to deepen it. Olivia felt scared, nervous, excited and happy. Sure this was all new to her, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that it was right. As Charlie broke the kiss and leaned into her forehead with his, she found herself slightly out of breath. “Wow...”

“You can say that again”

***

The night after their kiss in the garden, they announced their courtship to their families before Charlie and King Patrick returned to the Northern Kingdom. It would take them three days to arrive back to their palace, in which Charlie would write his first letter to Olivia. This started a never ending stream of letters back and forth between the two lovers that would arrive every week. Olivia fell hard for Charlie and Charlie fell hard for Olivia, something their families were pleased with.

Olivia learned that courtship meant that they would continue to get to know each other and work towards the goal of marriage. She also learned that the amount of touching, cuddling and their kiss was not part of courting. According to her mother, acts of intimacy should occur after marriage, something that Olivia noted to be careful of the next time Charlie and her met. After all, the kisses that they exchanged that evening and before they left made Olivia blush instantly.

It had been 6 months since she had last had the opportunity to have a moment alone with Charlie. They had seen each other at Jeremy’s Coronation and wedding, but they were being watched, so sneaking away was nearly impossible. But that didn’t stop Charlie from climbing into your guest room and stealing a quick kiss and I love you, before jumping off the balcony again. She whispered ‘I love you too’ after him, feeling giddy inside at his confession, but that was the only interaction they were able to have.

It came to a shock that as Olivia was reading in the library, she heard the trumpets sound, notifying the Palace that a Royal guest had arrived. Running to the window, Olivia saw that it was indeed Charlie and she sprinted out of the library to meet him in the throne room, catching Savannah on her way over. She paused before entering the room, letting Savannah fix her up before she presented herself. The servants opened the door at her signal and she gracefully made her way down the throne room. She resisted every urge to run and jump into his arms, but the closer she got she could tell something was heavily burdening him.

“Princess, thank you for joining us so promptly. Prince Charles has asked to see you and speak with you privately.” the King gave her a knowing look, hinting at what was about to happen, in which Olivia would be happy about, but she knew Charlie well enough at this point to notice his demeanour was different. He seemed tense and avoided her eyes, knowing that if he let her see them, she would know something is wrong.

“It would be an honour, your Majesty.” She gave a polite curtsy to her father and Charlie. “Prince Charles, if it suits you, would you like to accompany me to the library parlour?” he nodded, the silence remaining, but he followed her lead out of the throne room. They walked the halls silently and Olivia began to worry. Something was definitely bothering him, as by now he would’ve made a quip or remark. As they arrived to their destination she dismissed the servants and guards requesting a moment of privacy with the Prince, but as soon as the door shut, Charlie’s lips were on hers, desperate. She reciprocated the kiss by holding his face, but she also broke it searching his eyes for answers. “Tell me what’s wrong”

Charlie avoided her eyes and walked away from her, pacing the parlour as she took a seat in the red leather chaise, patting a spot next to her for him. He paced around the room a few moments more, running his hands through his hair, but Olivia sat patiently, waiting for him. Finally, he plopped down next to her, head in his hands. She rubbed his back in hopes that she could offer some sort of comfort.

“Marry me.”

The statement came out a shock to Olivia. She knew her feelings were true and that she would gladly say yes, but the way he was acting made it seemed forced and unsure. Charlie saw the hesitation and confusion on her face and sighed.

“Patrick said that if I don’t propose and marry you soon, I’ll be arranged to marry someone else.” She now understood the anxiety and panic in his body language, but she couldn’t help but ask questions.

“To who?” Charlie groaned in frustration, standing up and pacing again.

“Some chick from a foreign Nation that our Nation wants to do trade with. They want some sort of way to seal the deal and Patrick offered me.” his voice became more frantic as he explained the situation.

“Is she beautiful?” Olivia knew it was a stupid question, but her insecurity got the best of her. The question did cause Charlie to stop pacing and kneel before her.

“What does it matter Liv? I love you! I can’t marry someone else” She saw the love for her in his eyes, but she also saw desperation and fear.

“You’re asking me to marry you, but you don’t seem quite happy about it... What else are you keeping from me?” the question came out quiet, but as she finished it was as though time had stopped and completely silenced itself for them.

“The wedding has to be in a month's time, meaning I will be crowned in two weeks, if you accept” Charlie knew what this meant. This marriage would solidify Olivia’s place as Queen and not King. She felt a lump in her throat which she tried to swallow but wouldn’t go away.

During their written exchanges, Olivia would update Charlie on her situation of trying to convince her parents to consider going against tradition and Charlie would give her ideas on new ways to convince them. In their exchanges, Charlie had suggested ruling as a united couple, where King and Queen were equal in the Council. He had suggested the idea as he knew King Jeremy and Queen Carolynn would support the decision. In addition, King Owen would agree to it. It felt as though Olivia was close to convincing them, but this marriage would seal the deal on all the hard work she had put in to convincing them. If she accepted his proposal now, she would marry right away and forfeit any chances of her becoming King. If she declined his proposal, she would have a higher chance at becoming King, but in return she would forfeit Charlie to another woman in a foreign nation.

“If I say yes to this, I will solidify everything that my mother wanted for me. I give up every hope and dream I had of becoming King.” she knew she should be happy that she would be married to Charlie, but she couldn’t help but feel trapped, like she had no say in the situation other than yes or no.

“This isn’t how I wanted this to go, believe me. But I can’t marry someone I don’t love Liv. I can’t marry someone that isn’t you” Charlie hated that he was asking this of her. “I know what I’m asking from you isn’t fair, and if I could do this any other way I would, but I’ve run out of time Liv.” Tears that had welled up in her eyes finally spilled over, and she felt awful. “Talk to me, love. It’s just you and me.”

“I hate that everything is always being decided for me... I love you, I do and I should be happy that you’re asking me to marry you, but you’re not asking me, you’re being forced to.” she sniffled as he wiped a tear from her face. “I hate that people who aren’t us are making us live our lives in ways that they see fit, completely disregarding you and me...” her voice trembled as she tried to maintain her composure. “I know that in due time you would’ve asked me to marry you and I would gladly accept, but it should’ve been when we were ready. When I had finally convinced my parents that we would rule over the land equally... but what choice do we have now?”

Charlie moved to sit beside her and held her in his arms. She cried into his shoulder at how unfair things felt in the moment. He said nothing, knowing that there wasn’t anything that could be said to remedy the situation. Finally, Charlie pulled away from Olivia and held her face in his hands.

“Olivia, I love you. You don’t have to say yes.” Olivia cried harder as he said this, knowing very well that Charlie would let her walk away and marry someone else so that she could live out her dream. She knew deep down that if she let Charlie go, she would regret it forever. For the first time, there was something that outweighed her desire of becoming King, and that something was Charlie. Through her soft sobs, she nodded her head and stuttered her answer. “Liv?”

“Yes, Charlie. I will marry you”

tag list: @ifilwtmfc @warmness0ul @starjane312

#charlie gillespie #charlie gillespie x reader #charlie gillespie fanfiction #charlie gillespie imagines #owen joyner #imagine #fanfiction #jeremy shada

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panlight · 3 years

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submission

I wish we had more of the human Edward in Midnight Sun, instead there were little flashbacks, which I liked a lot, from the beginning of his vampire life with Carlisle and these I also caught myself wishing they would be more recurring and longer during the narrative. I understand that according to Meyer’s world building, vampires tend to remember very little of human memories, but Edward is built to mourn these losses, his sins, the eternal question “what if…? He is Hades (I’m rolling my eyes with this comparison, but it’s in the book), the god renegade by his brother (in this case his adoptive father, Carlisle) living and reigning over the dead forever, with no choice. Wouldn’t it be a rule that he was one of the most attached to his old life? That he struggled to keep the memory of his mother Elizabeth, to whom he was closest, alive in his mind? That he always took care of his properties? And this I’m just imagining: the house, the law office of his late and distant father, the cars and the furniture. The only mentions we have about her possessions during the saga are about the jewels and these are only used for Bella to live the cliché of having an old engagement ring, a family relic and nothing else. She didn’t even bother to honor her mother-in-law by putting her name on Renesmee, despite wearing her ring. In fact, it is described that Edward came from a wealthy family, it would also be normal for him to keep portraits of his relatives. He must have some picture of his human self with the family somewhere, no? Old newspapers kept that reported about the war, his ambition at the time. And diaries! It was common in those days to keep diaries, his parents certainly did. Stephenie Meyer, are you really denying me the pleasure of having this vampire boy, tortured by his monstrosity and said like mommy’s boy, reading and regretting the blurry pages of ink that his devoted mother used to write her thoughts, emotions and memories of her family life in the Edwardian era? What could she have recorded? The advances on the piano that her little prodigy made over time, her favorite toys, the games they played together, her first words, her recitals, development of reading and hobbies, her religion? By God, mainly, his religion! Where does this fervent idea of Edward’s that he is condemned to hell come from? Was religious interest born alone or was it stimulated by others when human? Was it Elizabeth who instructed him in religious terms? Did she know anything about vampires or did she think they were just scary stories? Anyway, I just wanted more of him as a character.

We only know Edward from two perspectives: the monster he believes to be and the perfection idealized by Bella, two extremes. The narrative leads us to believe that there is no more powerful love than these two teenagers feel for each other, but it also shows us, intentionally, that Isabella Swan doesn’t care to show the slightest interest in human Edward. Until the scene of the conversation with Carlisle in New Moon, a few months after the beginning of her courtship, she didn’t even know what the color of Cullen’s human eyes had been like and didn’t mention any time, if I’m remembering well, when would be his birthday. Her focus of interest is totally on her post-human life. Where are the insignificant questions, but makes us empathize with the character? I mean, Edward will always be stuck at his 17 years. His life as a human has shaped him to be what he is today. Did he have or wish to have any pets? Did he have any allergies? Did he like his tutors? Did he attend a private school, no? What was it like? The human mind is not an encyclopedia like that of vampires, so what subjects did he like and dislike? What moments of his life marked him the most? Did he always compose or did he become more confident with the passing of his vampire life? Where are the imperfections that make us human? Did he have scars, bruises? Was he an athletic boy and well disposed to sporting activities or in poor health? Was he easily ill? He was the fastest vampire. Did he like to run? What did he want to achieve with the war? Just the glory? The pride of his parents? Personal satisfaction for fighting for a cause he believed in? His mother was not so inclined to accept his life as a soldier, but what about his father? Did he encourage it? What about your friends? Did Edward have friends as a human? He is said to be the kindest and brightest of all the Cullens, but what did he do to deserve such a great distinction? Did he show more interest in the afflictions and thoughts of those around him when human? Did it qualify him as a sensitive boy? What kindnesses was he used to do? He always wanted Bella to make the most of human life, but why he didn’t care to show what he was like when vampirism destroyed everything? We could have Bella visiting Chicago, his old house. What a drama that would be! Instead we had long pages of a weird Edward who enters her room without her permission or knowledge. Stephenie can write whatever she wants, but I refuse to believe that the son of Elizabeth Masen, a woman I believe is a lady of high society who values etiquette and old habits above all, would have raised a son who did not respect the privacy of a woman, especially a beloved, because her Edward is a gentleman, after all. I don’t know, but it seems that Meyer, through Bella, is more interested in building him the basis of the epitome of perfection that vampirism has made him than he should really be as a human, with only a few more accentuated characteristics. I just want to know more about Edward before being Edward Cullen. Seven hundred and a few pages and Edward Masen rarely came to the surface of them. What do you think about that? Do you find it interesting that human memories tend to fail and disappear over time for vampires? Because forgetting what makes you what you are must be scary, it reminds a lot of Alzheimer. Or do you think it’s just an excuse to not develop their human part anymore? Because one of the most recurrent criticisms of books is that Meyer sinned in character building, Bella practically didn’t exist before arriving at Forks in Twilight (2005), many pieces of her life and tastes were missing, which she tries to patch up in Midnight Sun. I’m sorry if the text got confused to understand.

I too think it’s sad that Bella didn’t ask more questions about Edward’s human life, or really any of their humans lives. I think SM is also a bit inconsistent with how much it “fades” or not. It’s sort of implied that if you try to hold on to it, you can keep it to some degree. Rosalie, for example, has held on to her human memories so tightly. (It seems to me if vampires never forget anything, if they think about their human memories in their early days, before it fades, then they will have those memories forever, right? They might be imperfect or fuzzy but they’re there).

And I’m really curious about his religious upbringing, too. His obsession with being damned and doomed doesn’t sound like 1918 Chicago theology but something older. I suppose it could be influenced by hearing Carlisle’s thoughts, since he IS from the older, fire-and-brimstone, most-people-are-damned era, but Carlisle himself is more hopeful, hoping (foolishly perhaps) they might get some measure of credit for trying. Sometimes I think Edward would have been more coherent as a character if he came from an older time period. 1918 is not THAT long ago but SM writes him, at times, as if he were hundreds of years old.

#submission

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draconicocelot · 3 years

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The Little Vampire Fic : Never Again - Part One

Hello again “Little Vampire Fandom”! I’ve been very excited to write this one and I hope you all enjoy!

Summary: Rudolph visits Tony in San Diego only to find out he is struggling.

***********************

Flying to Tony’s house had become such a familiar route to Rudolph that he could fly to San Diego from Transylvania with his eyes closed. It was a pain to deal with the difference in time zones, the change in weather, and the fact that it was about a 40 hour flight for him. There were definitely some instances in which he wished he could just board a plane like everyone else and almost cut the trip in half, but flying without a plane was much more fun. There was a lot of stopping involved along the way to make sure he stayed out of the sun, but overall, he made it to Tony’s house exactly when he said he would. Tony had just been released on a long weekend and got Friday off, as well as the Monday the next week. They tried to coordinate trips with Tony’s school schedule so that they could see each other as much as possible but also keep Tony’s sleeping schedule as in-tact as it could be.

As Rudolph flew over the quiet neighborhood where Tony lived, he took a moment to appreciate his surroundings. There was the smell of a distant fire as someone must have been camping out in their backyard. It was on the late side for a family outing, but a group of teenagers was probably taking advantage of the crisp autumn evening. It was always a wonderful temperature there, but some nights got more chilly than others. The wind blew against Rudolph’s face, but he could barely feel a difference since his skin was already so cold to the touch.

He was almost quivering with anticipation as he reached the familiar white house with four windows on the front of it, a big grey roof, and a fence surrounding a small front yard. It was a nice family home for three people, and since the space was slightly larger than they needed, it was a wonderful location for parties or just having company over. Tony’s bedroom was the last room on the left when he approached the right side of the house. Just as he hoped, there was a singular light shining from his window which meant Tony was still expecting him. The double-hung window was covered by beautiful mulberry colored curtains, but he could see the light slightly peeking through. Rudolph swooped in and leaned against the wall as his long black nails, which could be classified as claws with how long and sharp they were, made a gentle tapping sound against his window.

Usually, Rudolph heard Tony call out to him and say something along the lines of, “I’ll be there in a second!” or “Coming Rudy!”. However, this time he could only hear the sounds of shuffling feet and a soft thud as if he just got out of bed. Not only that but usually Tony had his room lights turned on so that it was a bigger beacon for him. On this night, Tony had only kept his bedside lamp turned on. Rudolph didn’t have time to think about what was going on as he heard the crack of the window opening slightly. Two hands suddenly squeezed out from under the lift of the window and pushed up on it until Rudolph could fit inside. As he flew through the curtains, he followed through with his habit and shut the window behind him. Tony’s room looked the same way it had when he visited before. The walls were a deep purple color, and with the red-tinted curtains and all of the vampire-themed décor in the room, it almost felt like they never left the castle. Even Tony’s bedsheets had a picture of the traditional Dracula print on them with bat fabric for his pillowcase. Rudolph couldn’t help but feel flattered that he had enough of an interest in vampires that he dedicated his bedroom to them.

“Tony! It’s-” Rudolph didn’t even get time to speak before Tony had rammed into him, his arms tightly wrapping around his back. Rudolph was shocked, Tony had never acted this way when he came to visit, but he hugged him back. He knew it had been weeks, but they had gone months without seeing each other. Did he really miss him that much? Suddenly, Tony huffed out a laugh and pulled back.

“Sorry… it’s been a rough day,” Tony sighed. His face was barely visible since the only light in the room was coming from the bedside lamp, but Rudolph could see that he was covering his right eye with his hand. “It’s very good to see you Rudy.”

“It is wonderful to see you as well, Tony,” he ran his fingers through his hair until he hit a tangled mass, which Tony seemed to notice.

“So, what do you want to do tonight? Looks like we should deal with your hair first,” Tony chuckled, but his voice was overlaid with exhaustion and another emotion that Rudolph couldn’t quite place. Fear? Anger? Sadness? Pain?

“I suppose so,” Rudolph copied his laugh, but then floated over to Tony and hovered in the air across from his seat on the side of the bed. “However, first you must tell me what is wrong.” Tony dismissed the request as he waved his other hand in the air and smiled while keeping the upper half of his face shrouded in the dark.

“It’s no big deal, Rudy. School has just been tough and I…” Tony paused, noticing that Rudolph was not buying it. His arms were crossed and his eyebrow was raised in disbelief. “Okay… fine,” Tony groaned as he lowered his hand away from his eye. Rudolph quietly gasped aloud as he gazed at the swollen purple and black bruise surrounding his eye. It looked awful, and since Rudolph became concerned when Tony even got a papercut, seeing such an obvious injury terrified him.

“T-Tony! What happened?! Are you alright?!” Rudolph flew over to him and put his cold hand against Tony’s cheek. Tony flinched as the whole area around his eye was sore making Rudolph retract his hand immediately.

“Don’t worry so much, I’m fine. I accidentally tripped and hit this side of my head against my bedpost. It hurts a little bit but it’ll go away soon,” Rudolph took a deep breath as he felt himself relax. At least Tony was alright and that his injury was just a clumsy accident.

“Well, as long as you’re alright… Then I shall grab the brush,” Tony smiled brightly as he felt relieved that the topic was dropped. He found it strange that Tony didn’t want to talk about it, but he just assumed it was because the fall may have been embarrassing. Luckily, the rest of the night seemed to distract Tony from his bad day. They started by dealing with Rudolph’s tangled hair, which was something that became a habit whenever they got together. Gregory and Anna even made fun of him because they always could tell when he came back from seeing Tony by the fact that his hair didn’t look like a bird’s nest.

Then they moved onto watching a bunch of cheesy vampire movies which they just ended up criticizing more than actually watching. Tony knew so much more about vampires now, and considering he had the real thing sitting right next to him, they were able to debunk most of the stunts and myths shown in the movies. Either way, it was still fun. The two ended up staying up until about 3:00 a.m before Tony showed signs of falling asleep. They were halfway through their third vampire movie when Rudolph felt something press against his shoulder. When he looked over, Tony had passed out and was now leaning against him. Rudolph smiled as he unhooked his cape from his collar and wrapped it around him. He slowly stood while keeping his arms under Tony so that he didn’t fall over as he grabbed the sheets and pulled them over him. As soon as he was tucked into the bed, Rudolph headed for the window and opened it slowly. Now that Tony was asleep, it was time for Rudolph to go and eat. It had been a long trip after all, but he never wanted Tony to have to worry about that side of the whole vampire thing.

***

As the sun shined in Tony’s eyes, he winced and started to stir. He woke up at about 10:00 a.m with a note left on his bedside table. It stated: “Your father and I are off shopping about ten minutes away. We will be back around dinner time and then we will be off to the theater. Let us know if you care to join us! Say hello to Rudolph for us! Love you!”

Tony smiled as he set the note back down and stretched, each segment of his spine popping as his back straightened. Bob, Tony’s father, had built him a life-sized coffin for his birthday one year to play pretend with. It was made of real wood, and it was even stained to have a rich cedar finish. While Tony used to use it when he pretended to be a vampire, it eventually became Rudolph’s bed whenever he came over. He even covered the inside with blankets and pillows so it was extremely comfortable. While it was counterproductive to Rudolph’s love of dark and cramped spaces, he came to really appreciate the comfort of the coffin he slept in at Tony’s place.

“Rudy? You still awake?” Tony mumbled as he leaned over to his bedside where the coffin was lying on the floor.

“Noisy as always, aren’t you mortal?” Rudolph replied, his voice muffled from the thick wooden slab between them. He was satisfied as soon as he heard Tony laugh from inside his dark sanctuary. What he didn’t see was Tony clutching his side and quietly hissing through his teeth as if he had hurt himself by laughing. He grimaced slightly as he pulled up his t-shirt and observed the dark brown bruises that were scattered over his torso like the splotches on a cow’s hide. As he heard the creaking of the coffin door he quickly pulled his shirt back down and glanced at Rudolph with an optimistic smile.

“Old habits die hard I guess,” was Tony’s response. Rudolph made sure the coffin door was still slightly shut so that the sunlight couldn’t reach him as he smiled up at him. “Oh! Here’s your cape back by the way,” Tony pulled Rudolph’s cape out from underneath the sheets and tossed it over to him. “I guess I’m not used to staying up that late without you visiting.”

“Don’t worry, I only slightly judged you,” Tony stuck his tongue out at him as Rudolph playfully hissed back.

“Well, I’m going to go get breakfast. I’ll see you again this evening, okay?” Rudolph nodded with a big yawn as he laid back down in the coffin.

“Good day, mortal,” the coffin lid closed with a thud as Tony made his way out of the room. Rudolph had just managed to settle in when he heard Tony’s phone go off. Usually, he didn’t intend to snoop in Tony’s personal matters, but he had been acting strangely ever since he came. He wasn’t as awake and excited as he usually was, and he seemed to be sensitive when it came to going for a flight or anything that involved a lot of moving. Rudolph respected his boundaries, but he also wanted to help Tony, even if he didn’t want to be helped. As he opened the lid slightly, he was able to slide the phone into his coffin without coming into contact with the sun.

When he opened the phone he saw Tony’s usual lock screen, which was a commissioned drawing of him and “a vampire” that just happened to look exactly like Rudolph. He couldn’t take pictures with Rudolph since he never appeared in any of them, but he had hired an artist to draw a digital photo of the two of them just from Tony’s description. Surprisingly, the artist drew him almost perfectly. When he looked at the screen, he saw that there was one notification for an email that came in. Rudolph put in Tony’s password, which was conveniently “Rudy” or “7839” in numbers on the keypad. His home screen was actually a picture of Tony and his parents standing in front of the castle they first met in. Tony was on the very end with one arm around his mom and the other around what looked like nothing. He was actually putting his arm around Rudolph, and that was the photo they first took and realized that he could never be seen in them. It was touching either way that that was Tony’s home screen. Even if he couldn’t be seen, Tony knew who was there.

As Rudolph finally reached the email, he saw that the sender was named Nigel Appleby. He figured it was someone from school or a friend of his in the neighborhood. That was until he read the subject line. “Better Be There”. Rudolph narrowed his eyes in suspicion as he read on further.

“If you really do have this ‘vampire friend’, how come none of us have seen him? I for one think it’s a shame you have to depend on imaginary friends to keep you company, Thompson. You couldn’t find a real friend even if you tried. Tell you what, you bring this friend of yours to meet us at 6:00 tonight. If you can prove that you’re not spouting nonsense every single day, which you are, then prove it. You wanna be left alone? Here’s your chance, kid. See you then.

Nigel”

#The Little Vampire #the little vampire 2017 #Rudolph Sackville-Bagg #tony thompson #draconic_fics #my posts

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syms-things-5 · 3 years

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Clear The Area - Chapter Nineteen

Previous Chapter Here

Warnings: Language. Frustrations.

Notes: I hope this reads OK and that you enjoy it. My ability to check spellings and grammar has waned slightly so do let me know if there’s some glaringly obvious issues with syntax.

Tags: @jennmurawski13 @kelbabyblue

Chapter Nineteen

Chris reluctantly left the house after Scott had gathered their things. Scott had a quiet word with his mother just outside the front door but it wasn’t fully closed so Chris had heard most of what sounded like Scott denying he knew anything had been going on. The words “Godforsaken” and “mess” also made brief appearances. A few swearwords here and there from his own mother no less, someone who would go to church every day for a year if she even deigned to use the extremely bad language in front of her children.

He felt like a scolded child standing there in the hallway, coat hanging limply from one hand, blatantly and frustratingly sober. Not that being drunk would have made any of this any better. He felt like a child that had to be collected from school after getting into a fight with a teammate. Oh, the disappointed looks he had seen whilst growing up. Sitting in the backseat of the car, blocking out the noise as his Dad tried to keep his eyes on the road ahead while lecturing Chris that one day he would have to grow up.

He wished he could go back there. That was far easier by comparison. Performing open-heart surgery was far easier by comparison. Probably, he figured.

He glanced towards the dining room. The door was shut but he knew she was mere feet away from him. He couldn’t hear anything. Didn’t know if anything was being said or if anyone was crying or if someone was hugging someone else but he figured not. You could expect to hear Shanna’s voice from anywhere in the house so the quiet he was listening to now was a huge giveaway. It was also alarming that Shanna was as quiet as she was. He had left them both sat at the table. Just…paused.

He reached his own home an hour or so later. Scott had insisted on coming with Chris even though he had asked the driver to divert via Scott’s road, about fifteen minutes out of the way. They’d sat in the backseat in silence, Scott comfortable, almost smug, in the knowledge that Chris wasn’t about to say anything incriminating lest the driver be listening in on their conversation and it end up online in the morning. So, after what felt like an eternity had passed by, Chris grudgingly asked the driver to carry on to his own address.

He stared out of the window the entire ride home. He barely moved. Every few minutes Scott would subtly lean in just to check he was still breathing. Chris shoved a couple of hundred-dollar bills at the driver and told him to keep it - probably the only worthwhile thing he had done that week, he thought. Scott trailed behind him as they ascended the wide, concrete stairwell, the only light coming from the security light glowing above Chris’ front door.

“Just…don’t say a fuckin’ word, OK?” Chris pressed his brother, reaching inside the fridge for the last beer he knew was hiding in the back.

Scott rested his hands on his hips as he watched his brother flip the lid off his beer and launch it at the wall tiles above the sink. Chris took a long swig before slamming the bottle down on the counter and leaned on his arms.

“I’m not gonna lecture you, man.” Scott flopped down on the sofa nearest to him. “I promise. For what it’s worth, I don’t think you did anything wrong per se but you know as well as I do that you did not handle that well tonight, pal. No way did Shanna deserve that. None of us deserved to hear it like that.”

Chris tilted his head ever so slightly in Scott’s direction but he remained stoically quiet.

“Maybe give it a day or two and try to speak to her.” Scott continued, as though he was reading his mind. And because he was adept at reading his brother’s mind… “I’m talking about Sarah by the way. I don’t know what Shanna will say or do. This weekend sure is gonna be fuuun.”

Chris looked through the window in front of him, the black night allowing him to catch a clear reflection of his brother picking at the corners of a cushion where he was sat. If he focussed on that long enough, he’d start to feel regret and he couldn’t face that right now.

“Sarah didn’t even look at me.” He finally spoke, softly and with resignation in his tone. “I thought she might say something but…guess I was wrong.”

“Her and Shan are tight.” Scott started. “You don’t need me to tell you that. And that’s not to say that you don’t mean anything to her because obviously you do but just that they have been friends for years now. A fling isn’t gonna get in the way of that.”

“It wasn’t a fling.”

“OK, but in the grand scheme of things, of time, it was. A few weeks is nothing to nearly a third of a life. They live together, they’re in each other’s pockets 24/7. They know everything about each other. They share the same clothes even.” Scott was hit with a realisation. “They’re family.”

“I’ve known Sarah just as long.” Chris objected.

“Right, but I don’t think that’s entirely comparable, though, is it?” Scott was treading carefully. “I mean, we have all known Sarah a long time. But that’s because of Shanna. They’re kind of a package thing.”

Chris ground his teeth together as he considered the point. Even from this distance and in the reflection of the glass, Scott could see his jaw clench ever so slightly.

He watched Chris finish what was left of his beer before finally turning around and leaning back against the counter. Building up the courage to continue probing him for answers, Scott repositioned himself on the sofa. “So, Sarah ended it?”

Chris nodded slowly. “Yeh. A couple of times.”

“’Cos of Shanna?”

“Pretty much. Said she was feeling guilty and confused about things. That it was wrong of us to let things get that far.”

“How did you guys…? I mean, when did you…?”

“My birthday.”

Vague memories started fighting for attention in Scott’s mind. He loosely recalled Chris being a little off but a hazy mix of noise, a phone argument with Zach, and copious amounts of alcohol kind of killed his full recollection of that night, at least beyond the separate moments now appearing in his head.

“But you didn’t leave the party, did you?”

Chris nodded slowly. He could see Scott trying to piece things together like he was solving a puzzle and was feeling somewhat relieved at getting to talk openly about what had happened. He still didn’t feel willing to give up much beyond what was necessary but he couldn’t deny he was beginning to feel a little lighter. He wasn’t sure if Sarah would appreciate things being made so public but then again, that boat had long since sailed.

“Sarah never showed, though, did she? I know Shanna tried to call her a couple of times, before she crashed and burned. So, you went to their apartment? Did she call you or something?”

“No.” Chris shook his head. “I was wound up about a couple of things that night and she said she was gonna come but she didn’t show and…I don’t know. I guess it was the last straw. I was just tired of a lot of things and needed to get out of there. You saw the place. It wasn’t home home.”

“And you slipped out when no one was looking?”

Chris nodded again. Much like Scott, memories came flooding back to him. Unhelpful memories. Memories of the hallway and of her in her black dress. Memories of the smell of her hair that he couldn’t forget for days afterwards.

“Look,” He ambled into the lounge where Scott was sat and perched on the end of the armchair. “We tried to ignore it. Believe me, she was pretty sure it wasn’t something we should be doing again. But-”

“-But you didn’t wanna end it?”

He shook his head equally as slowly before biting the inside of his cheek. His eyes had glazed over slightly and Scott didn’t know if that was because of the beer or because he was reliving sad memories he’d rather forget.

“Are you guys…? Do you have feelings for each other?”

“I don’t know if ‘feelings’ is the right word.” Chris felt his shoulders slump a little. “I think we’ve gone a little beyond that but I’m not exactly sure what that is. We never really talked about it.”

Scott knew all too well what Chris could be like when he was pining for someone. He’d witnessed pretty much every romantic cliché while they were growing up; girls he liked that didn’t like him back; girls that liked him back that he ended up growing bored of; girls his friends tried to set him up with just as his career was taking off. He seemed to develop a bit of a thicker skin when he reached L.A. soon afterwards. It was almost like he was protecting himself or guarding himself from the fake-ness he’d heard about. Matt had been quite instrumental in that regard. The recent issues with Jenny told Scott that perhaps there were a few skeletons in his closet people remained unaware of.

Still, being in the presence of him as he was right now was, dare he say it, kind of sweet. Clearly, he hadn’t cut himself off completely from love. The maudlin quality he was exhibiting was almost a relief were it not for him looking as drained as he did. Chris didn’t feel things lightly. There was clearly something serious going on with him. Maybe with them both. He wondered what Sarah was currently doing and briefly contemplated sending her a message to check-in, make sure she was OK. Then, all of a sudden, and he didn’t exactly know where this had come from, a realisation hit.

“Do you think that, whatever it was between you, was because in some small part it felt a little bit…wrong?”

Chris looked at him, his brow furrowing as he tried to work out Scott’s angle. “What?”

“Because it was, y’know, a risk getting involved with each other. Do you think that was the initial attraction?”

“No!” Chris caught the scepticism in Scott’s face from even this distance. “It wasn’t, OK? That’s ridiculous. It wasn’t like that at all.”

“I’m just asking. I’m just trying to understand is all. I want to help.”

“Then listen to what I am saying.”

“But you’re not saying anything. That’s why I am having to ask these ridiculous questions.” Scott realised he was close to shouting and that was likely to shut his brother off in self-defence.

Chris knew his brother was right but didn’t want to admit it to his face just yet. “Why would the risk be an attraction?”

Scott considered biting his tongue and playing dumb but he felt like it needed to be explicitly asked and then it was over and done with. Out in the open. “Just that this isn’t the first time you’ve enjoyed something you know you shouldn’t. Sort of. I mean, look at Jenny. And that sound designer from New York, from that play you did. She had a boyfriend and a mortgage and, like, five cats and look what happened there. You have to admit, you have some form here.”

Chris’ face was registering blank and Scott wasn’t sure if he was about to have a knife thrown at his head. Might as well carry on, then. “Sometimes, it can seem like you actively look for the challenge, for the rush of being caught out doing something not Captain America-y.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“Is it, though? Can you say whole-heartedly that this thing with Sarah wasn’t about a rush of doing something you knew deep down wasn’t the best idea?”

“Yes.”

“How?”

“Because…”

“That’s not an answer.”

“It’s-” Chris paused again, unsure of how to unscramble the words and the memories now running through his mind. Thoughts of them together here, the elation he felt when she replied to a text message and when she tried to flirt with him, badly. How cute she looked in her scrubs. He remembered making her laugh so hard in the hotel room in New York that she snorted juice through her nose and slammed the bathroom door shut so he couldn’t see how “gross” she looked. “-it’s different. This is different now. It just is. I’m not asking you to understand this, I just need you to be on my side for a bit. At least until things calm down and we can figure it all out.”

“We as in…?” Scott pursed his lips. “I hate to be the one to break it to you but I think you might have to wait some time for that. Sarah’s gonna be fully focussed on Shanna, her best friend, and you’re just gonna have to deal with being second best.”

“She’ll talk to me, I’m sure.”

“I dunno, man…”

“Why? Why do you say that?” Chris asked almost accusing Scott of knowing more than he did, which was ironic.

“Well…has she messaged you?”

“No, obviously. ‘Cos it’s all…” He held his hands up in front of him before resigning them back down by his sides. “Then I guess I’ll just have to wait.”

Needless to say, Sarah didn’t stay the night in Lisa’s home either.

She waited until she was sure Chris had left before building up some courage to get up and run. It was cowardly, yes, but nothing about what had taken place this evening – or for the past couple of months – was anything but cowardly, so… why break the habit of a lifetime?

Shanna had already left the dining room. She looked and felt tired and needed a lie-down. Carly and Michael had escaped upstairs, too, most probably just to get out of the way. Sarah knew it would be futile to try and talk to Shanna now anyway. If she was in her position, she wouldn’t want to talk either. Too much alcohol, too much food, too much…distress. It would only be asking for more trouble at this point.

Lisa was tidying away some dishes when Sarah emerged behind her in the kitchen, ready to go.

“I have an Uber coming in a few minutes so I’ll get out of your hair.” She informed her. Lisa wiped her hands dry on the dish towel.

“How are you feeling, love?” She offered. Sarah could have burst into tears at the simple gesture.

“Um, well, not great.” She started, hearing her voice trembling slightly. “But that’s my own fault. For what it’s worth, I am so sorry. I’m so sorry to you and I know this is a mess and has probably ruined your whole birthday now.”

Lisa smiled at her, somewhat sympathetically. “Don’t worry about that. I only enjoy it because it feels like one of only a few times in a year that we are all together and focussed on something fun.”

“You didn’t deserve this, Lisa.”

“That’s not your fault, sweetheart. It’s the fault of that boy.” She sounded like she was making a jovial comment to lighten the mood but it only served to make Sarah feel worse. Even after everything, Lisa was still trying to make sure she was feeling OK. After everything she had done. “He’s frustrating. He has always suffered from having too much energy, too many thoughts running around his mind at the same time. You tell him one thing and he wants to do something else.”

That sounded familiar.

“You know, when he was a child, I thought he had ADD?” Lisa looked to the ceiling to try and remember. “They did a test in school but it didn’t turn into anything. I often think it’s why I’m so glad he does what he does. It’s probably a good outlet for him. Helps him work through that energy and anxiety. But I’m sure you know this already. You know what he can be like.”

Lisa regarded Sarah for a second. Sarah’s eyes were still wet from crying a little. That, and tiredness.

“You know, I had a feeling something wasn’t…normal. He seemed different lately. A little calmer, I think? More still.” Lisa started. “A few weeks ago, he asked me about flowers. He’s never bought flowers for people before except if he was apologising for something but these weren’t those kinds of flowers. He said he wanted something bright and colourful. I was kinda taken aback to be honest.”

Sarah looked confused. Had Chris told her something?

“Then I saw you got flowers. Bright, colourful, summery flowers…” She smiled at the memory. “I shoulda known then, I guess.”

“Lisa, I-”

“-Oh no, don’t worry, my darling. I just couldn’t quite fit the pieces together at the time.” She smiled again, tilting her head to one side. “And you know he’s never been one for oversharing the intricacies of his relationships at the best of times. That ship sailed a long time ago for me.”

Sarah nodded, looking down at her fingers poking out from the coat cuffs.

“But he always makes an effort when it counts.” She encouraged Sarah to look at her again. “He has his ways of letting people know he cares. You should remember that, honey.”

Sarah considered her words for a moment. She heard a door close upstairs, snapping her out of the relative peace they were now in.

“What should I do about…Shan?”

“Leave her for a while. Leave her to me.” Lisa spoke with kindness, some kind of confidence. Sarah was less sure but she knew she couldn’t face her right now. Shanna wouldn’t want to do anything now. It was mutually beneficial.

She made it home without crying in the back of the cab.

She shut the front door and let out the longest breath she could manage, one she’d been holding in for some time it felt like. There was just a numbness now. A feeling like it wasn’t altogether real, like she could wake up at any minute and find out it was that morning all over again and she’d have to hurry Shanna out of the bathroom.

The flat was eerily quiet, itself unaware of the drama. She moved to close the curtains in the living room to block out the street lights. There was a headache looming she wasn’t in the mood for. She sat on the end of the sofa and rested her head in her hands.

Somewhere in her coat, her phone buzzed. Gingerly taking the phone from her pocket, she was relieved when she saw it was Audrey messaging her about some paperwork she’d cleared up for the both of them. Hope you’re having a lovely break! xx, Audrey ended the message with.

Sarah 10.15pm: All good, thanks hun x

A blatant lie but what else could she do in the circumstances?

She turned to lie down on the sofa and stared at the wall ahead of her.

She wasn’t sure how long she had been asleep until the light starting coming through the curtains. Noticing the clock flash on the TV screen told her she’d been out for six hours more or less. Useless sleep, though. Not the refreshing kind. The headache was back with a vengeance so she shuffled into the bathroom in an effort to find something to take the edge off.

No messages appeared on her phone yet. She was both thankful and surprised and then upset when she realised Shanna hadn’t attempted to communicate during the night. She wasn’t realistically expecting anything but it would have been a positive sign. Right now, she’d take anything she could get her hands on even if it wasn’t pleasant.

The sound of the doorbell ringing abruptly stung the backs of her eyes. She downed the water in the glass and listened to it ring again just as she shuffled towards their front door.

A third time ringing just as she reached for the doorknob and was faced with a rather sheepish-looking Chris. He had two large coffee cups in one hand and what looked like some kind of pastry box in the other.

For some insane reason, she was suddenly aware of the state she probably looked. She hadn’t removed the make-up from her eyes and her mascara wasn’t the best quality and was probably now working its way down her cheeks. Audrey would be rolling her eyes if she could see her now.

He half-smiled but didn’t say anything. He brushed past her and placed the box down on the kitchen counter. She felt like she could appreciate something sweet and sugary and looked inside only to find pretty much every pastry she could imagine. Giving him a puzzled look, he shrugged it off.

“I didn’t know which one you wanted so I got everything they had.”

Oh. Okay then.

“The coffee has a lot of sugar in it by the way. I figured you’d prefer it sweet.”

She nodded and turned back to choose something. The apricot glaze looked particularly appealing. She took a bite, taking about half of it in one go and froze as she saw him smirk at her. Yet again, the image of what she must look like appeared in her mind. Dishevelled, smudged, kind of ugly. He, in turn, looked pretty amazing. There was a tiny amount of gel in his hair but otherwise he’d kept it a little fluffy on top. His skin looked remarkably refreshed and he smelled like the shower she so desperately needed. She was also getting the full effect of his recent training schedule as he leaned casually against the doorframe, one leg bent at the knee to rest his foot on the wall behind him.

How?

How was that possible?

Why was he not looking as rough as she felt?

“You sleep any?” He finally asked, his voice a little croaky.

Sarah shook her head so slowly he could have missed it. She nervously wiped the pastry flakes from her fingers with one of the napkins she found at the bottom of the box.

“Yeh, me neither.” He awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. “I wanted to call you but Scott hid my phone.”

He didn’t intend for that to be funny but she enjoyed the brief respite that image gave her nonetheless. And the foul language that probably left Chris’ mouth. Poor Scott. “Well, I’m glad you didn’t to be honest.”

She took a sip of the coffee and marvelled at how delicious it tasted. The heat entering her body was welcomed. Her headache was still there but the syrupy, sugary caffeine was very much appreciated. She could sense him looking at her intently. He couldn’t have expected any other response.

“I didn’t realise you’d left Mom’s.” It was almost a question but she didn’t respond. “I thought you would have stayed and spoke to Shanna or something.”

“I think I am the last person she wants to speak to right now.”

“Nah, I’m pretty sure that’s me.”

He hated how sad she looked. He hated that she looked so beat and gray and fragile. He was so used to seeing her with clear skin and a spark in her eyes, with some kind of energy bristling beneath the surface. He hated that he was most probably – no, definitely – the cause for this despondency.

He ambled to the table, dragging a chair out from underneath it and sitting down. He clasped his hands in front of him and leaned forward. He always seemed to have a habit of getting into her eyeline when she was so obviously trying to avoid looking at him and it annoyed her. Times when she was trying to hide her real thoughts and feelings.

“I don’t know what to say to you.” He finally spoke. “’cept that I’m just sorry. I’m so sorry, Sarah. I can’t say I am sorry for saying what I said but I know I am sorry about the way I said it, and for the pain it’s caused.”

“It’s a bit too late for that now.”

He looked down at where his hands connected. “I don’t really know what I was thinking. I saw how she was behaving and it just got to me. It annoyed me how she just kind of takes advantage of you and-”

Sarah shook her head defensively. “You’re making the wrong assumption.”

“I don’t think I am.” He shook his head back at her. “And if you ask the others, I think they’d agree with me.”

“You’re acting like this is all her fault and that’s not fair on her.” She pressed, the caffeine clearly kicking in a little more and making her feel like she was finally waking up, figuratively as well as physically. “She’s not gatekeeping me, Chris, and you really need to stop thinking that she is. You’re just putting the blame on her because you can’t seem to admit that we really shouldn’t have let things get as far as they did. It was stupid of us.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“Is it?” She stared him out for a second.

He didn’t blink. “Yes.”

“You seem very sure of yourself.”

“Hmm. Irritating, isn’t it?” He tilted his head to the side, a smirk crossing his soft features. Sarah rolled her eyes at him and turned around to regard the pastries again. In for a penny and all that.

“Look, I understand how you’re feeling-”

“-No, you really don’t-”

“-I do because I know the same people and with all due respect I’ve known them a hell of a lot longer than you have.” He countered. “So, believe me, I get it.”

She fell quiet and took a bite from a star-shaped cronut-type thing before regretting her decision. Chris, noticing the look of disgust on her face, laughed.

“I was keeping that one for me. It’s got a custard cream in the middle.”

Sarah paused her chewing and gave him an apologetic look of sorts. She watched as he slowly got up from the table and stalked towards her, taking the cronut from her hand and taking a big bite. He rolled his eyes in pleasure at the sweetness. It was probably the first “nice” thing he’d been able to enjoy since his training began again.

“That’s another reason I know this is all bullshit.” He said, his mouth full and taking her in in what must have been the closest proximity they’d been in for a while.

“What is?”

“You’re nervous. I can feel it.”

“I’m not nervous. I’m…tired and my best friend hates my guts. This whole thing is a complete mess and I don’t appreciate your…” She waved her hand up and down, vaguely gesturing in his direction. “…jovial manner. It’s pissing me off so stop it. Everything’s different now and you can’t just magically make everything better.”

His face turned serious as he took in her slightly standoffish body language and harsh tone. She wasn’t one for letting her frustration get the best of her but the fact she had now should have told him something. She was trying her hardest to look anywhere but at him.

“Some things haven’t changed, Sarah.” He said, quietly, aiming for reassurance but landing somewhere nearer to pleading. “The way I feel about you hasn’t changed. If anything, I think it’s made me more sure.”

“How do you figure that?” She folded her arms in a weak attempt at creating a barrier between them lest he realise he was getting to her.

“Because I’m here and not there.” He shrugged. “I could have panicked and gone to my Mom but I didn’t.”

They briefly looked at each other and he thought he could see some semblance of understanding in her eyes but she was certainly trying her hardest not to show it.

“I came here because I want to be here and I’m tired of hiding that fact.”

“I don’t think it’ll make things easier if they knew you were here. Does Scott even know you’re here?” She asked.

“No. Not that I know of. I just left.” He admitted it like it was no big deal. “Anyway, stop trying to change the subject. We need to figure this out, Sarah. You and me. We need to figure out where we go from here.”

“We don’t go anywhere, Chris. That’s the thing.” She finally got some words out. “I mean, you just…told her. Like it was nothing. Like you were surprised that she would be just a little bit upset about this.”

“I know…” It was all he could say. He was trying to think of something else to add, something reassuring, but his mind had gone blank and even though she had make-up smudged across her eyes, she looked prettier than he’d seen her before.

“I keep thinking the worst is over with now but I don’t think any of this will feel better.”

“Right now it might seem like that but it’ll be OK, I promise. It just takes some time and then we’ll figure it out. We’ll be OK.”

“No. Just stop promising things, Chris. You’re just making it harder. You can’t fix this. This whole thing is our mistake and no one else’s. It was only ever gonna end up one way and we were just delaying the inevitable.”

“Before what?”

She took another sip of the coffee. “What?”

“You said “the inevitable”. The inevitable before what?”

“I…” Her eyes moved around the room as she tried to think of a response. “It’s just a figure of speech. I guess I just meant that it wasn’t like this was gonna carry on forever.”

“Why not?”

“Because, it’s…What do you mean “why not”? What did you think was gonna happen?”

She was growing frustrated with his persistence and her inability to think of a rational answer because deep down, she knew what he was hinting at and it was exasperating how easily he managed to back her into a corner.

“Look,” she sighed, holding her hands up in front of her as though she was trying to calm him down. He didn’t seem in the least bit perturbed by what she saying. “It was a thing that happened and we shouldn’t have carried on the way that we did. We’re practically family and it would have made everyone around us feel awkward.”

“They would have learned to deal with it.”

“No, they wouldn’t. It would be weird and it would have changed the dynamic of us all and…it’d be like if Scott started dating Josh.”

“I don’t need that image, thanks.”

“Well, there you go.” Was this a win? She’d made a point. It should have felt like a win but she wasn’t sure. “There’s some lines you just don’t cross. We’ve known each other too long and if things didn’t work out, it would be shit for everyone especially me because it’s not like they’ll stop talking to you.”

He pondered what she had just said and watched her slide into the nearest chair. He watched her run her fingers over the smooth wood and finally realised the anxiety that had been building up for the last few months. All of the thoughts and worries she’d been hiding were slowly coming to the surface.

“It’s not all about Shanna, is it?” He quietly prodded. “It’s everyone else as well. You feel like you’ve got more to lose.”

“She’s my best friend. She’s the best one I’ve ever had.” She stated. She started picking at the corner of a fingernail as he looked across at her. “I know you can’t understand what it’s like and I can’t really explain it. And I’m sorry for that, I am, but…”

“I wanna know, Sarah. This affects me as well. I need to understand this.”

They looked at each other and he took the silent invitation to sit down beside her. He could have brushed his hand over her leg, he was sat so close, but one thing at a time.

“Talk to me.” He leaned in a little bit more. “Please.”

“She made a big deal out of getting to know me when we were in college. I was like this quiet, weird, introverted person that seemed aloof to most people but she made the effort. She’d picked me out and put me in the middle of things like she was showing me off or something. Like, she was proud to know me and…I liked that. That felt nice. Reassuring. I really liked how loud and alert she seemed to be all the time because I wasn’t like that. I didn’t have that kind of confidence. I guess it was the first time I felt OK with myself because she made the effort with me so I must be reasonably alright as a person, right? She picked me to be her friend because she wanted to get to know me.”

She looked down at her hands and blinked back a few tears. “It was probably the first time I felt wanted.”

“Your parents want you, Sarah.”

“They didn’t choose me, though. Not really.” She shook her head, sniffling a little more obviously now but she didn’t much care. “They wanted a child and they were given me.”

She was right; he wasn’t able to understand. Not completely. He’d never suffered from a lack of confidence in that regard. He knew his friends, he knew his family, and he always knew where he wanted to be. It wasn’t something he even had to ask himself.

But Sarah did, and Shanna must have felt like that, too. At one time. Scott was right; they were one and the same.

“I want you.” He offered, finally reaching a hand out to her only to feel sad that she didn’t flinch, didn’t give him some encouragement that he was having an effect on her. That it wasn’t all futile.

She looked into his eyes. She appreciated the sentiment more than she thought she would, sitting at odds in her kitchen, him with his half-puppy-dog expression slowly melting the ring of steel she’d tried to place around herself in the vain hope it might help her cope. If she wasn’t careful, this conversation could lead them both into trouble again and she guessed that was what he meant when he said he knew she was talking bullshit.

She moved away and he watched her pace a little before finally opting for the relative safety on the opposite side of the room, the furthest possible point away from him. He hated that he couldn’t get to her, that she wouldn’t allow him to at least try and make things a little better.

She ran her hands through her hair, resting them on the top of her head, pulling at the strands. He had never seen her like this.

“I mean it. I want you so badly, Sarah, it’s ridiculous. If you only knew…”

“It’s not gonna work.” She responded.

“You don’t think this is worth it?”

“I don’t think it’s enough.”

Something in his chest fell to his stomach. He swallowed and looked back down at his hands. This was probably what Scott had tried to warn him about. He should have at least tried to listen, tried to think of the worst outcome so he could have prepared himself. But nothing could have prepared him for whatever it was he was feeling now.

“I’m so sorry, Chris.” Sarah offered. “You’re so lovely, truly. The fact that you’re here now is, well, it means a lot to me. I hope you can understand that. I’m not saying it for the sake of it, I promise.”

Chris nodded, feeling tears sting his eyes again.

“But we need to think about her. We both need to make it right with her.”

Chris nodded again.

“I think your Mom said she was going to talk to Shanna, so…you should probably head that way.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m just gonna hang here for a little bit. I don’t particularly want to go back into work, I don’t think I could face the questions.” She chuckled awkwardly. “Plus, I think I wanna take a sleeping pill and knock myself out for a bit.”

“I don’t wanna go, Sarah.” He pleaded. “And I really don’t believe you want me to go either.”

“I know. I don’t what else I can do.”

For the first time, she knew she was definitely lying to him.

#chris evans #chris evans fic #fanfiction #evans fic #chris evans x original female character #clear the area #Sarah Bernette

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