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I am eternally, devastatingly romantic, and I thought people would see it because 'romantic' doesn't mean 'sugary.' It's dark and tormented — the furor of passion, the despair of an idealism that you can't attain.
Where to put it, how to tame its insurmountable spirit.
How to sing it lullabies for my voice always crackles up.
How to call out its name without fearing the worst.
What to say to it when it comes running to me like a child.
What to whisper in its ears so as to soothe its wild nerves.
I know I can very well discard it, get rid of it forever, but if that would have been possible, i would not be writing this poem today titled, "what do I do with my grief"
I know not how it's so capable of being so alive when I, the harbourer, has died so many times.
Isn't this grief that I carry in my belly, my child?
If that's the case, it should have died long time ago.
But here it is, chuckling and stretching its limbs, looking at me with its endearing eyes, waiting to be picked up with utmost affection.
I’m used to abrupt love. Love that consumes you from the very first touch. Love that makes you question everything about yourself, and them. And how you could change yourself to make them love you more.
But, the more I think about it. The clearer it becomes that what I have experienced isn’t love. It’s careless, it’s hard work. It’s time consuming. It creates anxiety and fear, a dependency for their continued acceptance. An urgency for their attention. Like a starving child who cannot communicate they need food.
This is different. This is slow. There is no urgency or pressure. I can exist and know whole heartedly he wants to exist with me, in whatever reality we choose. I can breathe and he will listen and still think I’m beautiful. I don’t have to change any part of myself to make him love me, because he chooses me just as I am. And I am enough.
🍁They say I don't like anything, but they never asked about books, movies, poems, stories, science, skies, sunsets, sunrises, rain, stars, moons, lighting, darkness,
And every other thing that is related to art, science, and, moreover, life.
I was there in a forestKneeling With my eyes closed Feeling the earth, the heartbreakThe wet sand that I clinched with my fistsA declaration of war perhaps But it felt good to the touch.
I lowered my ear to the ground To listen to the sound of the mighty, invisible, wild river of the night. Maybe she will comeThis is the place she is said to visitIn my anguish I shall await her arrivalForever…
Isn't it nice to have nothing and still have a heart that's sprouting lillies and marigolds from all its corners?
As if all the rain of the world is set to fall upon it and make every inch of my little heart flourish and prosper.
What greater blessing can there be, if one's heart is a garden full of life, even if the outside world is a perfect apocalyptic mess, always ready to make you fall down on your knees, like a helpless victim of war.
I am no one's love. I am no one's first choice. I ain't in anyone's poem. I ain't anyone's obsession. I am not anyone's muse. I am not my best friend's favourite. I am just loud, weird, hopeless and misunderstood.