'River' - James McInerney. Poet & Author of ‘Bloom’, ‘In between the lines’, ‘Red’, ‘The Pieces that Collide’ & ‘Everything I Write is About You’ OUT NOW on Amazon/Kindle.
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Ad Council is raising $50 million to pay influencers & celebrities to pimp COVID shots. Funders include Bank of America, Facebook, GM, Google/YouTube, NBCUniversal/Comcast, Salesforce, Verizon, Walgreens, Walmart, JPMorgan Chase & Target.
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“You can’t save the world, Spencer. You got to save yourself. ‘Cause out here, it’s every man for themself.” -Coop
~All American; season 1: episode 2
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I officially believe I’m lactose intolerant, icecream or any diary just doesn’t sit well with me. Anymore.
~definitely not self diagnosing, just what the fuck is wrong with my intestines.
I must’ve sent you a thousand texts that night,
wondering if you lost your mind like I lost mine.
To drunk to have regrets,
but each day passes and I feel it again.
I thought it was my choice to lie in the wake of the stars,
but I said no and you wouldn’t let it go.
There’s this insanity begging in my chest
to put this all to rest,
but there’s something wrong inside.
There’s something I’m trying to hide.
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Do you ever feel like you’re just constantly serving something else, and our journey is not and probably will never be about just living life? We are constantly chained to some idea, some belief, some person, some society, some type of restriction. People say they want the freedom to be themselves, but then we constantly find a box to fit ourselves into. Maybe it’s a job we don’t like and we will never grow from it but it pays well so we stay. Maybe it’s a person we have an attachment to, but there are limits the relationship has on us like where we can go on a given day, who we can be with this person. Maybe freedom does not exist. Maybe it’s another chain we created because we want to dream of a fantasy outside of reality.
No title. Just thoughts.
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What is there?
I feel intense, crippling doubt.
I see truths that don't line up with any
that others tell me.
And what I'm told so often doesn't
Line up with what I see.
With what I feel.
With what I hear.
What I taste or smell.
There is truth right before me.
Right before all of us.
But it doesn't answer my questions.
Our neverending questions.
And the voice that whispers to us,
in the shifting of my thoughts,
in the twisting of my gut,
tells me something different.
That there is something wrong here.
Something I'm ignoring.
A deep, gut-wrenching horror.
Something well beyond us.
And I feel it, tearing away at my soul.
But when I go to appease it,
It tells me that I'm still missing.
Confession, Communion, Salvation.
Something burns within.
What if what I'm confessing is wrong?
Are these really my sins?
Is there something deeper
That I don't understand?
Communion brings us closer
To our very God himself...
But what if even that is not enough?
The sense of disconnect -
of still not getting it -
pervades my very soul,
and some nights I cannot rest.
What if Salvation is not
what we think it is?
What are we saved from,
and What for?
We say we know for sure,
But something doesn't resonate.
Shouldn't the Truth destroy all doubt?
If I experience Salvation, why can I still sin?
There is something Wrong here
But also something there;
and I cannot take one
and leave the other.
I am confused.
But sometimes, so sure.
I feel I know I must be Wrong.
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~the longer I stay alive, the more I notice. The longer I remain afraid.
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How am I supposed to explain how I feel when feelings are just chemical reactions reacting, colliding, mixing destroying, numbing me until I feel ashamed of wearing this skin, of breathing beside you on those cold nights. If you only knew how much I hate these chemicals, how much I hate myself.
Most people at some point have suffered a strong impression: physical, moral or sentimental, it is natural that as the gesture of pain or something sad passes and the love for someone else transforms it. But in certain men and women it shows a certain dimension that few people perceive, it is like a life parallel to the mundane, which takes place hidden in which are the voices of the universe. Then the one who did not understand the mystery of love, the reason for pain and illusion, through his words tries to take it to others, and they consider him "writer or poet." Being that he is a human being common to others and that his only virtue is to gesture his feelings not to fill books, or to exalt fame, but to empty his heart.
- Juan Francisco Palencia.
"On the banks of a river I walked I found a stone I sat down and cried"
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Sonata to the moonlight-
A faint tune of the most haunting melody
Of a duet piano & cello enticing me
How can the sadness of winter taste so sweet
I wont dagger your heart that still beats
For i am now transparently
Writing a warning to you inherently
I forever a corpse bride rotting away
Bound to a promise broken the first day
Boys will be boys or so they say
I carry on this everlasting play
And for me love all ends the same
To this i supose i should take the blame
So surely listen to the yearning tune
I cant be anything but the moon
A shread of light in my own darkness
Its truth youre begging for a poisonous kiss
A viper a snake a forbidden love
Even if this energy fit like a glove
The cello echos and my heart it aches
For you i wont bound to my mistakes
One can respect anothers game
But i fear this tragedy ends in shame
For we both share some bonded pain
I cannot be another loss or gain
Captivated by your desiring words
But you belong flying with the birds
Ill sing to you from center stage
Letting you free from this cursed cage
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I wasn’t going to wait around for some prince, when I could very well save myself.
Jodi Picoult, Plain Truth
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you think you’re broken, tainted and unsalvageable; but darling, you’ve never looked lovelier than the day i met you, burnt and scarred with your bare teeth and fiery eyes.
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I'm going to reveal a little history about myself. As a child growing up throughout school, every year we had to line up and take a TB test. We waited 3 days, lined up to show our forearms to the nurse where the test was performed. Every year I tested positive. Every year I had to get chest x-rays and those were always negative. But they never threw me into quarantine during the time between being positive and the x-rays to clear me.
My point is the test were faulty(false positive) with me and many others, not majority by any means, but still there was quite a few. So the point is; this experience has taught me to question everything in the medical field.
I started antidepressants before going through my Dark Knight of the Soul when my life was crumbling. They call this a midlife crisis. Those antidepressants gave me more brain fog, they changed the medicine multiple times and when they did that, my thoughts were deteriorating more and even turned suicidal.
Again I found myself caught up in the medical garbage again. Then suddenly something snapped in me, I quit big pharma's drug push and I was able to think, my mind cleared up and I could see what was happening.
Test were faulty then, test are faulty now. The drugs they push are not doing what they say they do. It's an illusion, a brainwashing scheme to make everyone think they care. They don't!
I do a lot of research yes, but a lot of what I can also offer is from my experience. The problem is nobody wants to learn from others experiences, their strengths and hopes. To me it's easier to learn the truths from others rather than to ignore their wisdom and go through the same thing they did expecting a different result...
That's just insanity🤔
What is the actual definition of insanity?
Insanity. n. mental illness of such a severe nature that a person cannot distinguish fantasy from reality, cannot conduct her/his affairs due to psychosis, or is subject to uncontrollable impulsive behavior.
The definition of insanity is "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result." These words are credited to the acclaimed genius Albert Einstein.
Also used in many 12 step recovery programs.
It’s not that you asking for too much,... you just asking the wrong one.