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#journal entry excerpt
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I’ve been invisible for so long that sometimes I forget that I am a living, tangible being and not just some flimsy, incorporeal misconception
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ivynightshade · 1 year
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fatima aamer bilal, from all hunger is, is love.
[text id: oh, how i would pray to get sick so my mother would take care of me.]
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fatimaamerbilal · 1 year
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fatima aamer bilal, from if only love could save us.
[text id: december cold, so lovingly, froze my blood and burned my skin shut. / (every wound can rest til the arrival of summer)]
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"I want to taste and glory in each day, and never be afraid to experience pain; and never shut myself up in a numb core of non-feeling, or stop questioning and criticising life and take the easy way out. To learn and think; to think and live; to live and learn; this always, with new insight, new understanding, new love."
~ Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath (6th Jan. 1953)
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cannibalies · 8 months
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journal excerpt, august 26th 2023
by lucielle drear / @cannibalies
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weaponizedtit · 7 months
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I am trapped with my thoughts. they are overpowering, creative, intelligent, truthful, fake and disgusting. I stand in confusion, overwhelmed by all the colours that have grown brighter now, and are showing their teeth at me fiercely now. no one really knows how to communicate with that other self. the one you try to keep away. she does not negotiate. or explain. she does not people-please like you. she is a beast with the sharpest claws and daggers for teeth. but she smiles sweetly. no one would know how to figure this out. but I got all the time in my hands now. it is time to pull out the nails and tame the monster. kiss and kiss the bad things and remove them surgically with scissors and scalpels, and sew them together. and tell 'you're beautiful' and mean it, so we could reunite.
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disastrluv · 8 months
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i miss you. miss me too - it's all i ask. if i meant anything - miss me. please.
- 15/09/23
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bruttal-scars · 7 months
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October 3rd, 11 pm, 2023
When I was 19 years old I thought that I was gonna be something at the age I'm now that is twenty-three. But hey I'm not feeling 23 anymore, I feel like I've so much time and no time at all. This is weird. Because when I was 20, I thought this was it. I'm an adult, I'm so old, from now on no more free-spirit flowery dreams, I've gotta go to be a responsible person. And I've only left three more years and I'm not even a graduate yet. True. At twenty -three, I still haven't graduated. But at least I have two diplomas, and I passed an exam, and I'm going to have a decent job with a decent salary. I think I was never meant for university life. I'm 23 and soon I'll be 24 and I'll be 27 when I graduate but I think I'll have a life just like how I wanted, rooms filled with books, my favorite candles, and the lip gloss I've always wanted to own and I'll never have to wait for any occasion to buy eyeliner and all of this with my own money. Even my further education. I'm twenty- three and not in a race with every twenty-threes, and I don't even have to, it's my race, and I'm gonna touch the finish line all by myself and it doesn't matter if I'll be in my 20s,30s,40s or 50s or yeah 60's. I can't waste my two months before I turn 24 by thinking "Oh I've not completed my graduation yet", when I know that day will come but I'll never be 23 again. Never.
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raining-tulips · 5 months
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an excerpt from my journal, 12/19/16, and some sunset photos from around the same time.
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drugstorewizard · 4 months
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A charcoal drawing I made after a backpacking trip in 2021
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sincerely-angel1 · 4 months
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Monday, January 1st, 2024
The new year prompts new thoughts and new feelings, and today I’m going to write about something that I feel strongly about.
I think it’s okay to take breaks from your friends every once in awhile.
Too much of anything isn’t good, and that goes for people as well. Only surrounding yourself with one particular person for months on end is bound to eventually draw up some annoyance in you, and you’ll wind up finding all these things you dislike about them.
So yeah, it’s okay to distance yourself sometimes.
Should you ghost someone? No. But it’s okay to let somebody know that you might be a bit busy or distant for a few days, even if you don’t feel comfortable telling them the reason.
Wanting space doesn’t make you a bad person, and we should normalize that.
Yours truly,
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ivynightshade · 2 years
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fatima aamer bilal, from so this is all i will ever be?
[id: how did i grow old so young? / how did i forget to live before i lived at all?]
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fatimaamerbilal · 10 months
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fatima aamer bilal, from all hunger is, is love.
[text id: my heart knew no name more furiously than yours.
a scripture that burns beneath my tongue.
the mere glimpse of you clogs my lungs as if the butterflies have deemed them their home
but when you leave my sight, i can’t bear the thought of it being forever.
oh, lord, how i am willing to embrace you until all the love in my being seeps into you.
[and i can’t bring my myself to imagine a world with you,
this world is pure agony without you.
this world is my grave.]
these hands, attached to my wrists, with no purpose other than to hold yours— weep.
my palms are heavy with the emptiness of your hands.
it was inevitable.
you could have marched towards me, parading your teeth like hands, tearing all the meaningless flesh apart, turning my ribs inside, and taking a bite out of my heart—
and i would have done nothing, not when i couldn’t look past your eyes.
so warm. even the sun yearns to bask in them.
sick. sick. sick. how i would have waited for you to take another bite. then another. another. devour me whole. all hunger is, is love.
and i hope you’re hungry, dear darling.
“you have always been like this?”
“no.” yes.
oh, how i would pray to get sick, so my mother would take care of me.]
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Tuesday, March 28th, 1933
"It is the finest spring ever known -- soft, hot, blue, misty."
~ Virginia Woolf, A Writer's Diary
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folklorepdf · 6 months
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Another day and everything remains just the same. Uneventful, ordinary and mundane.
Life has become a little monotonous but it's not the kind of monotonous that makes you feel tired or tedious, it's not kind of monotonous that makes you feel sick about the fact that nothing is changing, it's the kind of monotonous that reassures you that nothing is going to change. It's the kind of the monotonous that gives you a sense of familiarity that comes from following the same patterns, a sense of comfort that comes from doing the same things everyday.
It feels comforting because sometimes when everything feels like a mess, it's the little things that remain constant that makes you feel like you are in control of your life. Sometimes living your life based on a schedule is what you need to bring a sense of stability in life.
Because when life feels like chaos, it's the small things like drinking the same coffee in the morning, catching the same bus to get to your work on time, going to the same canteen to have your lunch during the break, travelling the same dusty roads while going back home, watching the same tv show while eating your dinner, listening to the same old songs while doing your chores, staring at the same sky from the balcony while contemplating your existence and sleeping on the same bed when the night is finally over is what gives order to life.
If doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is called insanity then doing the same thing over and over again and expecting nothing to change is what I consider to be as my sanity.
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