“Perhaps the most painful truth is that you can’t love someone into loving you.”
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i am standing under the full moon crying with clown make up on because i am aware i am breaking my own heart. i beg to forget him. ask mother moon to take away the painful need deep inside me. the need to be deep inside his chest. wanna sit behind his ribs sometimes. feel the stability and the steady thumps of his heart. i cry and i beg to forget him and how he makes me feel everything all at once in the most gentle yet exhilarating way possible. i don’t think that’s how this story ends. but these 22 months of heartache are finally breaking me down and i am not sure i can hold out any longer.
i am crying and begging the moon. look up and squint. to see her wholly. i put on a song to hurt my own feelings. sabrina sings “i wonder how many things you think about before you get to me”.
for the first time the moon says “it’s not very many, sweetheart. it’s ok.” instead of feigning silence.
clown make up slides down my face with the tears as i contemplate continuing this suffering. seemingly at my own hands.
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I wonder if you think of me. I wonder if my name ever passes through your mind like a spring breeze, soft and unassuming. I wonder if the sound of my laugh ever keeps you up at night. I wonder a lot of things. Most of all, I wonder if this ache will ever leave me, just like you did. I wonder how I will get through each day, and then I do. I always do. And tomorrow always comes, but you don't. You never do. I wonder, if maybe, perhaps, this might not be the end for us. Maybe one day I will be able to hear you say my name again. I will be able to hear you laugh. See your smile. One day, one day, one day. Perhaps. Perhaps. Perhaps.
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Hi. I just wanted to share that my heart was broken. again. This is probably the 7th time my love has been unrequited. In general, I never had mutual feelings. I'm tired of looking for what's wrong with me and after so many times I feel empty and never want to try again.
Can I be a 🍮 anon?
{Let’s Talk about Unrequited Relationships…}
Hello, sweet anon… I’m proud of you for stopping by and sharing. You are so brave. You, your feelings, and your experiences are all valid. Yes, of course you can be my 🍮 anon! Thank you for asking, sweetness. ♥️♥️
*sigh* I feel for you, anon, I do… What you’re describing is not easy. It’s hard, it’s… *sigh* difficult to say the least. I understand your pain. I understand falling for someone and it being unrequited. Once again, you are valid.
Here are my thoughts and recommendations:…
Take some time for some reflection. Think about those 7 times of unrequited feelings. Reflect on how you felt, how they felt, and how it went down each time. Think about what you have learned and what you want to do better. Ask yourself why your past relationships/experiences the way that they did.
The purpose of this is that you want to have processed, accepted, and healed from all 7 times. If you aren’t ready for a relationship because of your past feelings, the chances of future relationships working out in a healthy and mutual manner lower.
Take some time to yourself if you aren’t already. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot with unrequited feelings, and I would recommend giving yourself a bit of a break. Take care of yourself, take some you time. There is value in being single, the reflection and work you can do on yourself. I’m not saying to swear off all relationships, but rather, to put some intentional time into yourself. And to wait until you are ready to jump back in. ♥️
Don’t give up. Keep working on yourself, keep putting yourself out there. Let yourself heal from your past, so that you can thrive in the future. There’s a future mutual relationship for you, it’s out there somewhere. You just gotta keep looking.
I hope this was helpful, sweet anon. I am always willing to talk more about this topic or something else. Don’t hesitate to reach out again! Hope to hear from you soon. Have a lovely day/night!! 💞💞💞
Talk with Me ❤️🔥
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