#but now I’m drunk and not many things matter so why not publish or?

[away-ward]

I love that you mentioned that emmy and alex's ways of dealing with depression or hard life is not one better than the other, but because of the narrative, it might seem like it is, depending on who read it. What pisses me off about pd is when they were asked in a goodreads question/fb group a few years back about what emmy did all those years she was away to california, pd merrily replied: i dont know. Like... WTF. Thats the thing, we didnt even get will's pov as much when he was drunk, but we got so much intervention from unnecessary side characters. I remember when nightfall was first released, so many people hated emmy on twitter and fb groups, some even made fanfics of willalex in the chatgroup lmao, even when pd already said in their fb page that people were very quick to judge women like emmy when they liked damon, but that didnt really stop the haters though. But can you really blame these fans when pd kept on hyping up willdamon and willalex all those time? Why hype them up so unnecessarily when there would be no follow up of their relationship later because the endgame was already set in stones? It just came back to bite pd in her ass.

During that summer/fall of nightfall's release, so many illemmy fans were super mad and i believe it was the book that pd got the most hates from FANS because of the way they wrote emmy. Many fand on twitter accused pd writing so much alex's involvement in nightfall as a fan service for alex's fans because these fans then demanded too much and unfortunately, they got it. Then Fall Away wasnt hyped as much by pd's fans because of this backlash, and now even Motel, a novel set in the same universe as Birthday Girl was announced to be put on hold from writing and publication because pd said they couldnt force themself to write this novel no matter how many times they tried. Unsurprisingly, Motel was supposed to come out a few years ago near nightfall and fall away. Pd also implied a couple of times that they couldnt continue writing their stories because the fans' expectation and the stories that they actually wanted to write are different so they would be stuck in a pickle. Honestly, readers should just leave pd alone because i knew damn well nightfall was not supposed to be written like that, if pd werent so pressured by all those fb moms for their damon and alex's fascination years ago. Writers should stay away from fan spaces, and fans shouldnt bother authors and just write their own headcanons or fanfics for things they wanted to read outside of canon, instead of demanding things from the author. Or else, things like this will happen.

Can you imagine if pd actually wasnt that influenced by those fans or haters all those years, we could actually get a solid willemmy story in nightfall. I dont know if anyone has mentioned this to you, but there will be a special edition that will be released in america only (so far) that will include qnas, letters, bonus and contents for each couple? If youre from the US, maybe you can get your hands on them. Unfortunately, im not from the US, and i dont even live near the US, so im not able to get them but im sure those contents will be spread anyway hopefully.

+I was cackling at that damon torrance hate ask, because yes, it's always a damon torrance bully hate hour, haha! Hope theyre doing well though, damon is just a fictional character after all, no need to stress out too much. Just pray we dont meet someone like him irl.

I did read PD’s response and felt some negative way about it. For me, even if I’m not writing that part of the story, I have to at least know what happened because it might become relevant. But then, I go too far like that (as I’m sure you all can tell now). But PD’s process is probably very different from mine and, hey, at least they’ve finished and published multiple series and stand-alone’s…which I have not. So, I’m not here to criticize their method.

I didn’t know PD had called the fandom out on their dislike for Emmy when NF was released. I can’t imagine having to deal with that level of vitriol, especially about something I created.

I will admit that I’ve written myself into a corner before, without the help of anyone else lol. And once you get stuck in the corner, it’s really hard to get out without feeling overwhelmed. If PD had let other people control the narrative, even indirectly, I can’t imagine how hard it would be to get back on track. But you have to deal with it. It makes sense that the fear of backlash would paralyze them. Not saying it’s right or fair but writing and inspiration doesn’t work like that.

You’re absolutely right. As the author, PD should have left the fandom spaces long before writing, but it’s really hard to. Writers thrive on feedback and comments, and if they had found a place that gave them constant feedback and validation for what they were doing, and throwing out ideas (hey, free inspiration!) then I understand why they didn’t peel themselves away. The fandom should have never been given any power of the story. But yeah, once it was published, readers should go to the author’s space to complain. If the author wants to hear their negative feedback (which we all know we’ll get at some point) they’ll find it when they’re ready to process it. It’s never warranted to go directly to the author and throw hate in their face.

I do wonder what things would have changed if the story had been influenced by the fans. A more fleshed out Willemmy would have been great.

I hadn’t been aware of the special edition release. Honestly, I’m surprised. I figured after the most recent cover change, that would be the last PD was going to touch the series for a few more years. That bonus content could be really interesting, and I hope we get something good. It most likely will be spread and made available some place.

Omg. Yes. Like I said, I usually get these either first thing in the morning or right before I go to bed, so I’m half-asleep when I read them the first time and let me tell you…opening my ask box to that comment was confusing the say the least. I was like “what did I say??” but then I realized they were just ranting in general, so it was fine. But goodness. I can’t imagine getting that upset, but I know it’s just the way some in the fandom respond to people disagreeing with them and criticizing their fav. I hope they were okay with my response. And yeah…let’s hope we don’t meet a Damon Torrance in real life.

#asked and answered #devil's night series stuff #emory scott #writing #asked and answered 42

[ramp-it-up]

The One

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warmings:  18+, Minors DNI. Curate your own experience. Cursing, drinking, running, a raging argument in an established relationship, name calling, taunting, drunken raging, Twitter. SMUT, explicit, rough sex, fingering, tit slapping, orgasm denial, spitting, oral sex (mostly female receiving). Also, I’m sleepy. 😴

A/N: Not proofread. Also, I know very little about Chris and Jenny, and have no real opinion about their relationship. I made up the scenario about what happened there for the purposes of the story. THANKS FOR 400 FOLLOWERS TONIGHT! 🥳🎉🎊🍾👏🏽🎈

This fic is based on the following ask:

Anonymous asked:

Imagine idea :

Chris is drunk after a fight with the reader. He was On Twitter and saw some pics with Jenny and when the reader comes in he screams at her and says that Jenny was the one and not the reader. The reader get sad because she was always kind of insecure about the age gap with Chris. The day after he didn’t know what he says and she don’t say anything because she got the feeling that he was right. But one thing both didn’t noticed that Chris was drunk calling Scott and he knows everything Chris says and drive to Chris to give him a good clamp ahahhaha Chris was drunk and Just mentioned her name because he saw a post with Jenny.

------------------

It had been the perfect day.

You slept in, then had a late brunch at home. 

You saw a message from Chris’ former co-star, Heidi, light up his phone that he’d plugged in on the kitchen counter when you two were tidying up.

You wondered why he was texting the bitch even after you told him that she wanted him. And after he agreed to cut off contact out of respect for you.

Heated, you didn’t even look around before you picked it up, put in his code and read a string of friendly, if not borderline flirty, texts.

Chris walked in the kitchen, caught you, and yelled at you for being in his phone. 

“What the hell is going on?”

“Exactly! What is going on, Chris. I thought we talked about this?” 

Chris rolled his eyes. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Oh, it’s a big fucking deal.”

You threw his phone on the marble countertop, which caused Chris to pick it up to see if it was cracked. Your temper was too much.

“We’re just friends! She knows we’re together, y/n!” 

You rolled your eyes. 

“And I know women, Chris. That doesn’t fucking matter to her. Sometimes you’re so oblivious. Or act like you are.” You huffed and rolled your eyes.

“I know you want to leave me for someone more glamorous and beautiful. Someone who will put up with your shit, everyone the media says you’re fucking. Go ahead and just do it!”

Chris’s temper was really rising now. You could tell as the red creeped up his chest to his neck. 

“Stop fucking saying that!” Chris was screaming now. “Is that what you want? To end it? Because you don’t have to make me do it. If you want to leave, just leave.”

You said shit like that a lot. And it scared and angered him. He wanted to know if you were trying to make him break up with you so you would be free.

“Why are you being such a fucking…” Chris stopped himself. He knew better than to call you out of your name.

Your head almost spun around. You smiled evilly. 

“Go ahead, say what you wanna say, Chris. Or are you scared?”

Chris exploded. “A fucking BITCH.”  He was shaking because you went there.

“How many times do I have to tell you, I’m not fucking anyone else!”

Chris lost it and punched the wall, making a hole in the drywall and definitely injuring his hand.

You just stood there with your mouth open and in silence. You went toward him to look at his hand, and he just put both of them up, backing away from you and going to the liquor cabinet.

He retreated to the deck with a bottle of Jameson’s. He wanted to dull the pain, in his hand, and in his heart. He hated when you hurt each other.

You understood that you both crossed the line, so you let him be. You went upstairs to change into your running clothes to get out and clear your head.

Chris settled on a deck lounger, started drinking from the bottle and got online, which is never a good thing, but he needed something to distract him. He started reading tweets about himself, and following a thread of Chris + Jenny stans.

The more he drank, the more he started reminiscing.

There were good times. He was happy. Mostly. He thought she was the one. Sometimes. But she broke his heart. He was just a rebound. 

Her handsome arm candy.

Then he thought of you. His heart melted; you really loved him. He was sure of it. But loving him was hard. He realized that you felt the same way about him that he felt about Jenny. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

Insecure. 

And you had good reason to be. Everything you’d said about women coming after him was true. But what you didn’t realize is that since he’d met you other women didn’t matter to him. 

You were the one, not Jenny.

Chris began to get melancholy. He’d fucked up. You were nothing but good to him and you just asked him to respect you and listen to your feelings. He’d ignored that. 

Shit, why did he yell at you like that?  

He went to erase Heidi’s contact and block her number. He was confident that you were never going to throw him away like Jenny did. She was the one who’d hurt him. Not you. Never you. He recognized that you wouldn’t ever hurt him on purpose.

His mind was racing with how to apologize when you came back. He was an idiot. The pain in his heart was replaced with regret and his hand had slowed to a dull throb.

But then 30 minutes turned to 3 hours, and by the time you got back, the bottle was empty and Chris’s eyes were red with rage and worry. 

Maybe you were just like Jenny after all.

--------

You ran, and then went to get some coffee. You ran into Shelby at the cafe and distracted yourself with mindless chatter, then walked back. You were ready to apologize by the time you opened the door.

When he heard the door, Chris picked up his phone and met you in the living room. He was obviously shitfaced.

“WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN!?” 

Chris’s voice boomed throughout the house and you jumped. Then you just stood there, shocked at his outburst. 

“The hell are you talking to me like that?” 

He was unsteady on his feet. He leaned toward you, and you could tell that someone was spinning the room for him.

“I don’t want it to be you!” 

He had to let you know that he knew that you wouldn’t be the one to hurt him. Chris pointed his phone at you. 

“You’re not the one. Jenny’s the only one. Not you! Not ever you!”

You couldn’t believe your ears. But then again you could. It was what you were afraid of. You were head over heels. And Chris could find someone on his level. Like Jenny.

“Well, Fuck You very much, Chris.” 

You brushed your tears away and ran past him up the stairs to the bedroom, locking the door and crying your eyes out. You got out your suitcase.

----

Chris started up after you, calling your name, and then suddenly needed to duck in the downstairs bathroom to throw up. 

He tried to make it up the stairs and had to sit down on the floor near the bottom. Then, he needed to lay down just for a minute.

The next thing Chris knew, it was morning, and he woke up to a pounding on the door and in his head. He rolled over on the floor, and something stabbed him in the side.

Groaning, he reached down and saw your keys to his house, his cars, and his life, all on the Tiffany heart keychain he’d given them to you. He was staring at them, confused, when Scott opened the door with his key.

“There he is. My brother. The fuck up.”

Chris groaned again, sat up on the bottom stair and held his head. 

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Nevermind me. It’s not often I get to say that, only when you publish your dick pic to the internet or you RUN OFF THE BEST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPENED TO YOU!”

Chris winced when Scott yelled, his head a pounding mass of meat wrapped in fuzzy cotton. 

He didn’t understand why he was being tortured and he didn’t understand why his hand hurt.  He looked at it, all bruised up, and the keys inside it.

“Just tell me, Scott. Why are you here?”

Scott leaned up against the door. 

“Did you know you drunk dialed me last night?” 

Chris looked up at Scott, and his face was a sight as his brother told him what he’d said to you.

“Fuuuuuck me!” He put his head in his hands again. 

“I don’t know if she ever will again,” Scott joked, but Chris didn’t laugh. 

“I called her after you apparently passed out and wouldn't pick up your phone.  She was ready to catch an early morning flight, but I convinced her to sleep in today and leave tomorrow.”

Chris moved his hands down from his eyes and stared out the patio doors, trying to think.

“I put her up in the Four Seasons, on your dime of course.  Room 6145. Penthouse. Could be pretty romantic. If she were in that kind of mood.”

Chris looked up at Scott, smiled weakly, jumped up and hugged him, then made for the door. Scott jumped in front of him.

“Trust me, you’ll want to get some water and coffee in you, and shower and brush your teeth. You look and smell like shit.”

“Right.” Chris nodded, flexing his hand. He could still move it. He was glad it wasn’t broken. “Thanks, bro.”

“No problem.” Scott walked into the bathroom as Chris went to the kitchen, groaning when he saw the hole in the wall. He’d have to ask Scott to get it fixed before you saw it again. 

If he could convince you to come back.

----

It was 11 am, and Scott had verified that you were still in the room. Chris just stood there, nervous and terrified that you were just going to be done with him.

Room service came and headed toward your door. Chris waved them down and when they saw his face, they stopped in their tracks, shocked.

“Hey, can you do me a favor?”

----

You climbed out of the wonderful deep jetted tub, having soaked until the water got cold and your fingers were wrinkled. You pulled on the plush Four Seasons terry cloth robe that was provided with the suite.

You felt calmer than last night, and after some sleep and relaxation, you realized that you’d been a fool to think that Chris would want you forever like you thought.

It was for the best that you leave and start over, to focus on your consulting business and yourself for a while.

You opened the door with a smile on your face for the attendant, and you let them into the room, your back turned to the door while they brought the cart in. You turned back around and there was Chris.

You grew heated, and your heart began to race while the attendant scurried out. Chris’s face was a welcome sight, but you were still angry.

There you were, looking so beautiful, curls tied up in your favorite silk scarf, cocoa skin radiant in a white fluffy robe.  You should have been comfortable, but your eyes were wide and scared.

He’d done this to you.

“Fuck, y/n… I…”

You interrupted him. 

“You’ve got some mutha fuckin nerve. How dare you just run up in here, using that fucking face,” you flung your hand up, “using who you are to get into my room. How did you even know where…?”  

Your mouth dropped open at the realization of what Scott had done. You turned on your heel to get your things. You didn’t care that you were naked under your robe. You didn’t care that you still loved Chris. You were out. This second.

Chris moved to block you from entering the bedroom of the suite. You tried to push past him, all 5’ 4” of you versus 6 feet of him.

“Move, Chris!” 

You glared up at him, your body responding to him in ways you weren’t prepared to admit. You were betrayed by your pussy.

“I just want you to listen to me.  Then you can leave, stay, do whatever you want. Just hear me out.”

You and him physically was always the shit. His arms across his chest did things to you  But you kept mean mugging him, making him hard for you. 

You stepped back and said, “Okay.  You have 10 minutes.  Then I’m out, Chris.”

You paced back to the couch in the living room of the suite, watching him warily.

Chris paced in front of you, making it inevitable that you follow his lean form back and forth across the carpet. You noticed that his hand was bandaged and that he kept flexing it. 

You hoped it wasn’t broken. No matter what, you cared what happened to him. You would always love him. Even if it was the end of your relationship.

“First of all, I’m sorry. My anger got the best of me, and I was violent and that is never acceptable.  Even though I didn’t touch you, it’s not ok, and I know it was intimidating. I take responsibility.”

He stopped and looked at you, you melted a little, but you didn’t give any outward sign. Being a business owner taught you a mean poker face. 

But the shirt he was wearing made his true blue eyes pop and you could see a hint of his chain around his neck under the fitted henley.

You suppressed a shiver at the memory of the things you did to have that chain and medallion wave in your face, to have it clenched between your teeth as Chris had his way with you, and you with him.

You focused on him, pointedly looking at your watch. Chris’ anxiety peaked when he saw that.

He stepped toward you and thought that he recognized the look in your eyes.  He was almost sure that you still wanted him, sure that you still cared.  He could only hope as he came closer.

“And then I started drinking. And while you were gone, I came across some posts about me and Jenny. And it took me back there.”

At those words, you crossed your arms and averted your eyes, defenses up. You didn’t want to hear about how much he loved Jenny.

Then, Chris swiftly moved to sit on his haunches, becoming eye level with you.  

“And I realized that she never really loved me. Not like you loved me.”  

Chris speaking about your love in the past tense made you a little angry and you stared him in the eyes. 

It was just the reaction he hoped for. Your attitude. He loved it. He hid a smirk so that he could continue, but you saw the glimmer in his eyes. And you rolled yours.

Chris then picked up the sash to your robe and started playing with it, your eyes drawn to his thick fingers. You didn’t know why that was getting you hot, but it was. You opened your mouth to breathe.

Chris’s voice cracked when he said. “And to me she was the mountaintop. Another, different kind of conquest. But I realized that I never really loved her. Not like I love you.”

Present tense.

Now you were looking into his eyes, about to fall into them. Shit. He had you hooked. But then you remembered, and drew back.

“Yeah, I know what I said, but what I was trying to express was that I know it could never be you to hurt me like Jenny did. That I didn’t want you to hurt me like she did. Not when I’ve thought about forever…” 

He moved even closer. “I mean forever, forever, with you.”

All of a sudden you couldn’t breathe. Chris got on his knees.

“I want to be in this position again with you one day. One day soon. But not like this. I don’t want it to be to try to get you back. I want us to be good.” 

He sighed, pensive. “I want you to be smiling and happy, and even have our families there.”

You don’t know how your face looked at that moment, but Chris started smiling at you. You were so beautiful to him right now.

“I was drunk, and I couldn’t use my words correctly. I yelled and I screamed and I punched the wall. I fucked up and may have lost you forever, but I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry.” 

You felt yourself get emotional, but you tried to calm down.

“I’m just so fucking scared that you will get tired of all the bullshit that comes with me and leave… and I absolutely wouldn’t blame you. But there’s no one else, y/n.  No one else can compare…”

“Chris…” 

You raised your hand to his face, eyes searching his. You could tell he was being honest.

Chris grabbed your hand and started kissing your palm.

“So.” He looked at you with those eyes. “Is this goodbye?…” His lips were giving you shivers. “Or hello again? Can we start over?”

Chris trailed his lips from your palm, to the pulse point at your wrists and lingered there, licking the delicate skin. Then he moved up your arm to the opening in the robe. 

He pushed his torso in between your legs and leaned into your neck, inhaling the lavender bath oil that was your favorite. And his, too. 

He moaned as you leaned your head to the side, giving him access. But he didn't just want the physical. He breathed into the shell of your ear. 

“Please come home, baby…”

You just moaned as he started sucking right below your ear, your spot. Desire took over for Chris when he heard your sounds.

“Fuck it. I can tell that you still want me. If this is goodbye, then I’m going to make it worth your time.”

Your back arched and Chris palmed your bounteous ass over the robe, pulling you flush to his crotch.  He smiled as he felt the warmth coming from you.

“You’re so fucking warm, babe. Are you wet, too?  Are you wet for me? Do you want my cock? I mean, do you want your thick, fat, cock to fuck you babe?” 

Chris was kissing down your neck into the cleavage that the robe was revealing with each sentence as you opened your legs. Your pussy was quivering for him, but you still didn’t answer him.

Chris looked up at you with those eyes and pulled on the robe sash. It fell open and he looked down and bit his lip, taking in your warm skin, lovely breasts, and elegant pussy, with the manicured triangle of hair kept like he preferred, and offered up for his taking. 

You still looked like his girl, and he smiled as he looked up into your eyes. But he had to be certain. He lowered his head, keeping eye contact and descended toward one small hard mountain peak, kissing it gently, tentatively, while watching you.

You were mesmerized as his tongue peeked out and licked it, then he opened his lips and enveloped it, moistening it with his pink lips. 

The look on your face compelled him, and he fully enveloped your nipple and started sucking roughly, still keeping eye contact. You were determined not to close your eyes, but it was difficult. You bit your lip to stay still.

Chris’s bandaged hand was dangerous, however, and it came up to pinch and roll your other nipple. You arched into his hand as he became rougher and rougher. 

He switched nipples and hands and his saliva made your breast that much more pliable and sensitive. He slapped it, and then rubbed it with the rough bandage, making you cry out and moan as his other hand trailed down your body to your cunt.

“This pussy will still be mine, even if you leave me.” He smiled cockily while looking down on it. 

He looked at you, before lifting his hand to his mouth, looking straight into your eyes and spitting on his fingers before bringing them down to your cunt.

“I think, that if even if you leave and  move back to Houston, and I come to town, that if I I call you, even if you’re with someone else, you would meet me in a parking lot and let me fuck you over the hood of my rental car.” 

He was faintly tracing your pussy lips and instantly your control was gone. You were sopping wet, because of his words and because of the knowledge that what he was saying was the truth.

“Oh,” was all you could say. You were adding to the wetness of the saliva on his fingers.

Chris smiled and tilted his head as his two thick digits breached your opening. He had his answer as you threw your head back and let him finger fuck you while he rolled and slapped and pinched your nipple.

His thumb was lightly brushing your clit and you wanted so much more.  Chris could sense that and he pressed down roughly on it, causing an electric jolt up your body, which you keened for, arching your body into his hand.

Chris moved his hand from your breast to your neck and applied the pressure that you wanted and needed and that he was expert at while he stuffed another finger inside you and circled your clit with his thumb. 

You floated among the clouds as you came like fireworks, and all over his hand.  

He watched you come undone, and come down, rubbing his hard cock through his pants with one hand while he sucked your juices off his fingers, releasing each with a loud pop.  When you opened your eyes, you smiled.

You pulled his hand and started licking yourself off him, flattening your tongue against his palm. 

“I forgive you Chris. I forgave you when you conned your way into my room, you ass.” 

You smiled against his hand as he groaned, relieved and desperate for you.

“But you still have some work to do.”

“What do you want? Anything.”  

Now Chris was breathless, anticipating payback.

“First, you need to take those damn clothes off.”

He quickly moved to take off his shirt, and then stood up to take off his pants.  You smirked as hs cock sprang up immediately when he peeled them down. He wasn’t wearing underwear.

Chris caught your look. 

“What? I wanted to be prepared.”  He chuckled softly while pumping his cock lightly, expecting to immediately fuck you.

He moved toward you. But you quickly moved off the couch and into the bedroom, forcing him to follow you, and his dick, into the other room.

You sat on the edge of the bed as he remained standing. 

“What do you need, babe?”

You reached for his cock and tugged it toward you, opening your mouth and deep throating it, wetting it from root to tip and then spit on it. Chris moaned as you started to stroke. Then you stopped.

“I need you to jack off for me.” 

“Ugh! You’re so fucking nasty. I love you.”

Chris instantly started where you left off. This didn’t seem like work.

You leaned back on your elbows, watching him, and licking your lips.

“And I need for you not to stop, and not to come. Until I tell you.” 

You looked him in the eye and that was when Chris knew he was doomed.  A chill ran down his spine as you reached down and started playing with your pussy.

“Fuck!”

You looked so damn good.  He licked his lips and stroked harder and faster, his balls drawing up already. 

“Shit, y/n.”

You watched his eyes, and got wetter at his blown pupils and glazed look. 

“You like that?”

“Fuck yeah.”  

His voice was broken and desperate. He fisted his cock, and held his balls, trying to stave off the inevitable. 

You turned around, got on your knees and reached back between your legs and ran your fingers up and down your slit.

“How about that?”

“Goddamnit!” 

Chris grunted as he tried to hold it in. You were a goddess. He licked his lips. Wanting to taste you. So he did. 

He dove in, tongue competing with your fingers to command your slit. You finally gave in to his expert mouth and he savored your salty goodness.

“Fuck, Chris, you better still be…”

“I am. Christ.” 

He was leaking in his hand, but he had it under control. Barely.

Chris stopped eating you out for a second, grabbed your ass cheek with one hand, stretched you open, spit on your tighter hole, and watched it slide down your satin lips to drip onto the bed. 

His warm saliva made your pussy quiver and he watched it lovingly. Then he dove in again.

He sped up his movements with his other hand and you could hear the smooth skin of his dick sliding on his palm while his tongue did forbidden things to you.

“Ffffffuuckkkkkkk! Chrisssss.” 

You came, burying your scream in the mattress, and even harder than before. You couldn’t believe that he’d turned the tables on you.

Chris ate you out through your orgasm, holding you down with one hand like it was nothing. 

He was god of war, love, and sex, all at once. 

Fuck Captain America.

You came again, almost immediately.

When he was done with his meal, he let you go, wiped his mouth with the back of his free hand and stepped back.

“Fuck, what do you want me to do? I can’t take it much longer…” Chris’s sexy growling voice got to you. 

“What do you wanna do, Chris? How do you want to take me, Daddy?”  Chris’s cock jumped in his hand, he slapped your ass, and watched it jiggle.

Chris entered your wet, wet pussy, and marvel how if felt like it was choking the life out of him.  He had to stop moving, or he would burst almost immediately.

“How the fuck are you so wet, but so tight.  It’s like a fucking vice grip, geeze.” 

You both waited and felt it jump inside you, then Chris reached down, grabbed you by the neck and pulled you upright and flush to his chest.  

One hand clutched your throat and the other arm hooked under your leg, allowing him to piston up into you upright while your other leg dangled, your big toe barely touching the ground.

Chris held you and fucked up into you, grunting each time the large mushroom cap head of his cock was stuffed into your pussy. 

“Ugh, gatdamn it, you were thinking of leaving, ugh, you wanted to leave this, mmmmmm, this dick that, ugh, that fucks you like this?” 

Chris’s mouth was near your ear, which was on his shoulder because your head had fallen back on his chest. He was using you like a sex toy as he fucked you senseless. 

His dick slicked in and out of you with obscene wetness, Chris somehow lifting you up and slipping completely out of you and pounding back into you with force.

“Chris!!!” 

You started shaking, your center of gravity being where you and he were connected.

He fucked you even harder and faster, chasing his release, but he maneuvered his hand to find your clit, refusing to come before you. 

“Fuck! You know you were going to miss this cock that your sweet cunt fits… like…  a …mutha …fuckin…  glove!” 

"Ahhhh!" 

You screamed as you fluttered around his cock. He could take only so much before he had to shut his eyes and bite down on your collarbone. Chris’s legs were trembling now.

"Take all of it!." He was hitting your spot.  "How does it feel?" 

Although the feeling was intense, you tried to speak. 

"L-l-l-like h-heav-v-v-ennnnn." 

The sound of your voice made his release start to build. 

With each of his thrusts, the sweet tightness began to build until you came, screaming and moaning in pleasure.

“Oh shiiiiitttttt!”  Chris exploded inside your tight wet cunt. He wanted to fill you up like never before. He wanted to put his baby in you and tie you forever to him. That made his balls empty.

He fell back on the bed, with you on top of him, slipping out of you and depositing you on the bed beside him.

Chris couldn't help but smile as you both came down.  He was made for this.

Chris put his hand on your cheek, brushing your beautiful lips with his thumb. You smiled under his attention into his sea blue eyes.

“I love you.” You grinned. 

“God, I love you.”  You sobered up, taking in the weight of his words.

“Is it weird that I want to get you pregnant before we’re married?”

You made a face.

“Who says I want to marry you?”

Chris scooped you in his arms and rolled you over on top of him.

“You don’t want to marry me? You’d say no if I asked?” 

You held in a giggle.

“Nah. I’m gonna move back to Houston and marry someone else so you can come in town and fuck me over the hood of your rental car. That sounds hot as fuck.”

Chris released an anxious breath.

You took his head in your hands.

“Easy now. Ask what you want to ask.” Chris started to speak. You put your finger over his mouth.  

“When you want to ask it.” You looked into his eyes again. “I won’t break your heart.”

Chris smiled at you and said, “I know.” He kissed you. 

And when you pulled away, breathless, he told you, “You’re the One.”

----------- Read Part Two: It Takes Two

Let me know what you think. Like, comment, reblog! Tags:

@olyvoyl @summerofsnowflakes @sillyteecup @riiyy @honeysucklechocolatedrippin @theselilwonders @lonelydance @chattykathysquietsister @anh1020 @nissameta1782 @afriendlyblackhottie @betterkeepmewetterthanabayou @jbrizzywrites @stilltoyou  @donutloverxo @my-soulmate-is-mycroft @kiwisa @food8me @aiikaa @marvelfansworld  @london-grunge @pheebsyells @thesecretlifeofdaydreams-bl-blog @douxtille @ximaginexx @jdmacca92 @fofisstilinski @bertieandberries @ladystrawberry @bit-of-a-timelord @chesca-791 @calimoi @fangirlfree @bbaengtan @karolsboo @aliceforbes @insertpithyusername @sickknik @photmath @whorekneebrain  @anacrcarvalho @iconicshit @spicybibimbap @chaoticsteverogers@txtsfromyourex @sadthotsonlylove @ikatieebabyy@nerdymugsharkempath @maroonsunrise83

#Chris Evans #chris evans x female reader #chris evans x black reader #chris evans smut #chris evans imagine #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans ask #chris evans fic #chris evans x you #chris evans reader insert #chris evans angst #ask dj

[tyongxnct]

𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑠𝑖𝑐𝑘 - 𝐽𝑢𝑛𝑔 𝐽𝑎𝑒𝘩𝑦𝑢𝑛

© tyongxnct on all platforms

summary: It was all about sex, but what happens when feelings grow and lust becomes love? What happens when you fall in love with your fuckbuddy?

genre: angst, smut, a little bit fluff // fwb!au, college!au

warnings: smut, a glass cut on (Y/n) foot, possible errors because I first wrote this stoy with Yeri (red velvet) as (Y/n) I tried to edit the story as much as possible

word count: 12k

A/N

It is finally happening. I finished my first story ever and posted it. Thank you for taking your time and reading this story I've came up with. I must admit, I'm a little scared, it's my first time publishing my own work. This is my first story and I'm so thankful for my friends, who helped me and supported me through this whole process of creating "Lovesick".

Thank you Jung Jaehyun for exisiting.

One last thing; I am probably going to write Taeyong and Seulgi's story as a spin-off, so If you are intersted, you can follow me and I'll keep you updated. :)

thanx

“We’re just friends. Friends who fuck. I don’t see the problem here? We both agreed on this, it’s just sex. No feelings, no emotions & nothing more than sex.”, he said.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Why her? You could fuck anybody. Why does it have to be a friend? How did you two even start this whole thing?”, Johnny and Jaehyun were leaning agains Jaehyun’s car as you walked over to them. But you stopped and listened to them. You had to know what Jaehyun felt about it.

Jaehyun remembers the first time you slept together very well. It was awkward but a good awkward. It just felt right and both of you needed it at that moment, so why not?

“It’s different, I can’t explain it.”

“So you like her?”, Johnny asked.

“Of course not! As a friend? Yeah. And that’s it. Nothing more.”, he sounded disgusted. Was he disgusted?

3 months ago

“I know I suck sometimes, but I never thought I am that horrible as a girlfriend.”, Yuta had just broken up with you and there you are, drinking your problems away. “Are you out of your mind? Just because that asshole told you some stupid stuff, he’s right? You are great, the best.”, Wendy was ready to fight Yuta.

Yuta and you met in your first year of high school and you’ve been together nearly a year, until he decided to break up because you ‘sucked’ as a girlfriend or maybe because he liked other girls sucking his dick more. Yeah, that happened before. You had caught Yuta and a random girl at a party and because he told you that he was too drunk to think and that he was sorry, you forgave him. You liked him too much to let go, which has been a problem since you were little. Letting go was too painful.

The second time you caught him, was with your roommate. Both sober as hell, but after he told you, that it was your roommate who jumped on him, you forgave him. Again. And now, after he cheated on her two times (maybe even more times, you didn’t know), he was the one who breaks up with you?

“Baby, I know you like him but you are worth so much more, right Jaehyun?!”, Wendy kicked Jaehyun’s leg under the table. Jaehyun who was sitting with his two friends couldn’t focus at the girls at that moment. He was thinking about his own broken heart. He didn’t talk about what had happened to him, you needed him, he tried to focus on you now, trying to forget his broken heart.

“Of course. You are too good for that fucking asshole. I’ve been telling you this since the day you introduced him as your boyfriend. I knew that he’s a bastard. And my offer to cut off his dick is still available, just saying.”, he finished his drink and saw their other friends coming in. “Let’s have fun tonight and forget about that stupid ass.”

“What about Dahyun? Isn’t she coming tonight?”, Wendy asked Jaehyun about his little crush, but little did she know that his little crush started dating someone. “No, she told me that she’ll be home for the weekend.”, and technically that wasn’t a complete lie. She was gone for the weekend, but not home.

Johnny, Joy, Mark and Doyoung came to your table and the mood got a little better. You stopped thinking of your broken heart and so did Jaehyun.

Later that night, they said their goodbyes and Jaehyun took you home. He always did. Not only because your apartment (in which you lived alone after that incident with your so called roommate) was not even 5 minutes away, it was because he wanted to keep his friend safe. He couldn’t sleep since you’ve known each other for so long, he needed to make sure your were home and safe.

You were infront of the building and you didn’t want to leave him. Youb felt alone and so did he. “Jae something’s wrong right?”, you turned to him. “What do you mean?”, he knew that you noticed that he was behaving different tonight.

“Do you want to come in and drink some cocoa with me?”, you knew that he would never say no to cocoa.

You were sitting on your balcony, with a glass of warm cocoa in your hands and a blanket around them. It’s not the first time that you were this close, but you were just friends, even though others didn’t believe that, but it was true. Just friends.

“Tell me what happened.”, you said after taking a sip. “It’s nothing- just- okay. Dahyun’s dating someone.”, saying this out loud hurt a little more and felt more real.

“Oh. I didn’t know, I’m sorry. I know you liked her.”

“It’s okay, I guess, maybe it’s my fault. I should have told her how I feel. But it doesn’t matter anymore.”, he looked up to the beautiful stars.

“No! It’s not your fault. She must’ve been blind. You are fucking great. There are so many girls who would do anything to be with you. You should wait a little, maybe it’s nothing serious. I don’t think that she’d start dating someone after spending so much time with you.”, you tried to cheer your friend up, nearly forgetting about your own heart.

You put your head on his shoulder and closed your eyes. “Maybe love isn’t something for us.”

“Maybe you are right.”, he closed his eyes too, and pulled you a little closer. Suddenly you felt warmer under the blanket, both of you thinking it was the cocoa, although it was your heart. You fell asleep in that position and you felt safer than ever before.

It’s been two weeks since Yuta broke up with you and you didn’t know how to feel. Of course you were hurt, but now you and Jaehyun were the only singles in your friends group which is why you’ve been spending more time together than before. He made you forget about him and you made him forget about her.

“I bought some wine and chinese takeout.”, he put the bags on the kitchen counter. “Perfect.”, you took out two wine glasses and chopsticks. The couch was ready for you and the movie, too.

“What are we watching tonight?”, he asked you, sitting down on the couch next to you. “Since tonight I’m choosing, we’re gonna watch 'My best friends wedding’ !”, you loved romantic comedies and he knew that you loved it so he watched it with you.

“He fucking loves her, like, he should just marry Julia Roberts. Man, what an idiot.”, while Jaehyun was angry at he ending of the movie, you were crying your eyes out. “Everytime I watch this movie I feel my heart breaking.”

You snuggled up to Jaehyun and he smiled at you. “You look ugly when you cry.”

“Ass.”, you got up, a little to fast, and fell back on his lap, Jaehyun pushes you away, because he felt you on his, well, on his dick. “How much wine- three bottles?! When did we drink so much?”, you got back up, not noticing that you just sat on his dick and cleaned the table. “You drank non stop, you didn’t even share with me.”, he helped you, taking the glasses with him to the kitchen, trying to ignore that you just sat on his dick.

Both of you tipsy, maybe even a little drunk, fell back on the couch, you put her head on his thigh and Jaehyun thought you were about to do something else “God- what are you doing?”, he pushed you, a little to hard, and you fell on the floor. “What the fuck Jaehyun? I was just laying down?”

You didn’t get up from the floor, sitting kind of between his legs, looking up at him. You were too tipsy to get back up. He had a perfect view, if he was honest.

“I thought- well, you.. shut up.”, he looked away, a girl was between his legs, looking up to him like you were about to suck his dick. It was already past midnight and you were a little sleepy, you yawned and that was too much for him. You looked ready, as if you were doing this on purpose.

“Stop it.”, he was hard. “What?- J-Jaehyun are you.. uhm.. are you hard?”, you looked at the bulge in front of your eyes and then back at him. “N-No?”, his ears got a little red and he took a pillow to hide his hard dick. “Why would you- oh..”, you got up and sat down, next to him. “Sorry I didn’t want to.. uhm.. you know.”

“N-No it’s alright.. I know that I’m hot.”, you teased him. His head turned to you. “Come on, yo did that on purpose didn’t you?”

“Are you crazy? No? I’m drunk?”, your eyes going slowly down to his hand on the pillow. You tried to focus on him but you must admit, it made you horny. Thinking that Jaehyun was horny next to you, because of you, made you horny.

“When was the last time you did it with a girl?”, you asked.

“It’s been.. a while.”

You looked at each other.

“Does it.. uhm hurt? I mean it looks unconfortable in those jeans.”

“A little.. I guess..”

Awkward silence.

“When was your last time?”, he asked you he slowly put the pillow away.

“A.. a couple months ago..”, it was with Yuta a couple months ago, before he cheated on you the first time.

“Do you.. I mean. uhm, do you want to do something about it?”, you looked down and then back up. “Do you?”, he asked you back.

“W-what?”, you heared him but you thought it was your imagination. “I asked.. if you want to do something about it.”, maybe it was the wine, maybe the pain.

But right then and there it didn’t matter, nothing mattered.

You nodded slowly and he pulled you on his lap, hands on your butt, both still looking deep into your eyes. You felt him pull you down to his crotch, to feel how hard you made him. “It’s just sex.”, he said. “Just sex.”, you agreed and then your lips met. First it was slow and careful. Your hands on his strong chest, slowly going down. His hand on your thigh, holding you tight and then his hand got under your shirt, his hand meeting your breast. You gasped with his touch and he used the opportunity to put his tongue into your mouth.

With your hands you opened his belt and unzipped his jeans. Jaehyun pulled your shirt over your head, looking at your beautiful breasts. You felt shy, it was the first time, he saw so much of your skin. He looked back into your eyes and then he leaned in to suck on your breast, your nipples getting harder and more senitive, you let out a moan and your head fell back.

His other hand playing with your other nipple. He kissed you up and stopped on your neck, kissing and sucking your skin. You hands in his hair, pulling it softly.

“I want you to fuck me, Jaehyun.”, you said, while you slowly moved your hips. He was harder than before. “Okay, I’ll fuck you.”, his hands back on your ass, he got up and made his way to your bedroom. He put you on the bed, looked down with his eyes full of lust and undressed himself. He was standing infront of you, completly naked looking like a greek god.

You also removed your clothes and looked at him. It was just sex. Sex between two horny friends.

“I’m gonna fuck you so hard, (Y/n). You won’t forget who made you feel so good.”, he was at the edge of the bed and kissed his way up to your pussy. He looked at your pussy and then back to you, not breaking the eyecontact as he slowly kissed every inch of your pussy. He sucked you so good, you thought you’d faint and as he put two fingers at once in you, you were moaning louder than ever before. “Fuck Jaehyun-”

He was fast and deep, hitting your g-point with every push. “Jaehyun- I’m gonna come, god!”, and the he stopped. “What the fuck?”, you were about to hit your climax. “I want you to come when I’m inside of you.”, he said with his husky voice.

“Do you want me to suck you off- holy shit!”, he didn’t need to get sucked off. He was hard enough to fuck you like that. “Fuck.”, he hissed as he sucked on your skin.

“Oh my god, Jaehyun! Fuck!”, he was fast and deep, hitting your right spot. “So fucking tight.”, it was too much for both of you, you were clenching around his dick and he was so big. It didn’t take long for both of you to come.

“I’m- fuck- I’m coming, oh god.”

“Me too, fuck. Fuck.”, and you came together. Both of you breathed heavily and were sweating. “Fuck I came in you.”, Jaehyun said as he rolled over.

“I-It’s okay, I’m on the pill, fuck.”

He went to the bathroom and got a towel, to clean you up. “Thank you.”

Jaehyun und you were too exhausted to talk about what just happened so you fell asleep next to each other.

Next day

He was the first to wake up. Jaehyun rubbed his eyes and looked down on him. He was naked, but why? Like a flash everything that happened last night was infront of his eyes. How he fucked his friend, and how good it felt. He looked to the left, you were still asleep and naked. Jaehyun tried to look away but you looked beautiful.

He couldn’t leave. If he left, you would think he regretted it or something- but he didn’t. He dressed up and decided to make breakfast.

Half an hour later you woke up. Your face red and your right side cold. Did he leave? Was your friendship over now? When Jaehyun suddenly opened the door, you looked silently at each other, until you noticed that you were still naked.

“Uhm.. I made breakfast.”, he kind of looked away and you took the blanket to cover yourself. It was so awakward. “'Okay. J-Just give me a second.”, you  waited for him to leave but he didn’t get it.

You looked at each other for a couple seconds until he got it. “Oh, yeah, sorry.”,

“What the fuck, Jaehyun.”, he said to himself as he sat down at the dining table. You dressed up and went to the kitchen, you couldn’t walk properly. “Hi.”, you said as you sat down. “Hey.”

None of you talked. Youjust ate and looked down on your plate. After a couple minutes it was too much. “So we had sex.”, he said and looked at you.

You didn’t think he’d be so straight forward about it. “Uh, yeah.”

Awkward silence again.

“I can’t feel my legs.”, you said it to break the ice. He laughed at that “Sorry. Uhm.. You know it was just sex right? It’s not such a big deal. There are so many people who are friends and have sex, right?”, he asked as if he needed confirmation.

“Yeah of course. It’s like hanging out and watching a movie.”, did you just say sex is like watching a movie?

“You are absolutley right.”

Now it was just silence.

“W-would you do it again?”, you asked him, looking directly into his eyes. “Y-Yeah? I mean, we are friends, and sex is great? Why wouldn’t we do it again, right? No stupid feelings to confuse us. Just having a good time with a friend.”, it sounded so right, but was it?

“So we are like, friends with benefits now?”, you kind of liked the idea.

“If you want to.”

“Yeah, let’s do it.”

“Now??”, he was about to have a bite of his toast. “No, idiot, I mean let’s do the friends with benefits thing.”

“Oh, right. Give me your hand.”

You looked at him confused but still gave him your hand. He took your hand and looked into your eyes. “Sex, with no complicated feelings or stupid emotions, just sex. Two friends helping out each other.”

You nodded. “Just sex.”

And then you shook hands.

And that’s how the most complicated relationship started.

One month later

It’s been one month and nobody knew about the little thing between you and Jaehyun. When you hung out with your friends you were like how you were before the friends with benefits thing. Of course, you spent time together like before, watching movies and eating takeout food, but having sex whenever you felt like it. Sometimes you’d lie to your friends when you went to a party and would secretly fuck in the bathroom, or in his car, or sometimes in Johnny’s room when he was throwing another houseparty.

Just like right now.

“Fuck, (Y/n).”, you were on your knees sucking Jaehyun’s dick. The music at the party was too loud too hear his moans upstairs and the people too drunk to think of their two friends who were missing.

“You take my dick so well. I’m gonna fucking come inside of your pretty mouth.”, and so he did. You sucked him clean and were breathing heavily.

He softly pulled you up and kissed you. “I want to fuck you.”, he said as he placed kisses on your neck. “I want you to fuck me too-”, they were interrupted as someone tried to open the door. Luckily it was locked. “What the fuck?!”, Johnny yelled as he knocked on the door.

“Fuck.”, Jaehyun hissed and held your hand, he was so nervous and scared, he thought you’d get caught. “Jaehyun? What are you doing in my room?”, Johnny heared Jaehyun swearing. “John.. uhm I’m kinda busy in here.”

“Are you fucking jerking off in my bedroom?!”, Johnny yelled louder.

“No, you idiot.. I’m here with a girl.”, he yelled back. You looked down to your hands. “If you fucking make a mess on my bed I’m killing you.”, Johnny yelled before Joy could pull him to another room, well, to have sex, too.

Jaehyun didn’t notice how close he pulled you and how he held your hand. But as soon as he heared Johnny leaving he let go. “Woah that was fucking close.”

“Maybe we should leave.”, you said.

“Let’s stay a little longer, I don’t want them to notice anything. But fuck- let me make you come with my fingers now, and later I’ll fuck you so good. Is that alright for you?”, he was so gentle, even though he talked about fucking you, he always made sure you were okay with everything.

You smiled at him. “It’s alright, I can wait until we are home.” Even though it was unnecessary at that moment, he kissed you on the lips and opened the door. “Okay, baby, you can go out first, I’ll follow you a couple minutes later.”

You nodded and slowly looked outside, there was nobody and with that you ran out of the room.

Something felt strange. When he hold your hand and kissed you, you never kissed except while having sex. Weird.

Johnny’s house was big, he was a little rich, he’d say, the best college parties were at his house. You got yourself a drink and went to Mark and Doyoung. “Thought you went home.”, Mark said to you as you sat down next to him. “I was just getting some fresh air.”

A couple minutes later Jaehyun came back, he sat down, next to them and Mark and Doyoung wiggled their eyebrows at him. “Johnny texted us that you got some pussy.”, you chocked on her drink. They all looked at you “Sorry, too much vodka.”

“Johnny needs to shut the fuck up.”, Jaehyun said.

“Soo, who’s the lucky girl?”, they asked him, it was so awkward.

“None of your business.”, he took Doyoungs drink and finished it.

“She was that bad? Sorry man.”

“No she’s perfect.”, Jaehyun suddenly said. “I mean, it was great, now shut the fuck up or I’ll kick your asses.” Jaehyun looked away from the three. You were taken aback. He thought that you were perfect? How? Why? You?

As you looked away you noticed a familiar face coming to your direction.“Hey guys. Hey Jaehyun.”, Jaehyun looked to the owner of that voice. It’s been a while since he saw or talked to Dahyun.

“Yo Dahyun! Come sit with us.”, Mark invited her. “Sure, thanks.”, she was sitting next to Jaehyun and the two were sitting infront of you. It felt weird to look at them together. You didn’t like it.

Too caught up in your thoughts, you looked down on your legs, trying to ignore the hand on Jaehyun’s thigh which didn’t belong to you. It belonged to Dahyun, his crush. Did he like it? Did he want to have sex with her?

“Dahyun, babe. Let’s go.”, there he was, Dahyun’s boyfriend. Why would a girl with a boyfriend touch another man like that? You were angry.

“Sure baby. It was nice seeing you guys.”, she waved at you before she left with her boyfriend. Jaehyun didn’t know what to feel. Was he jealous? Did he even care? He didn’t know and he actually didn’t care.

“Do you want to go home, too?”, he softly asked you. “Yes, please.”

After saying goodbye to your friends, you left the party. None of you talked on your way home.

Back in your apartment, you took off your heels and went to your bedroom. You weren’t sure if you were going to have sex. Maybe he didn’t want to have sex with you. Maybe he wanted to have sex with Dahyun.

He closed her door and followed you to your bedroom. You were standing infront of your full body mirror and turned around to see the zipper on her back. Jaehyun saw you struggling with it and walked to you and turned you around. You looked at him through the mirror, how he slowly pulled the zipper down. He was looking at you now, right into your eyes. You could feel his breath on your skin and it gave you goosebumps.

He pushed one strap of your dress down and pressed little kisses on your skin, not breaking the eye contact. Then he pushed the other strap down and your dress fell down on the floor, exposing your body. You weren’t wearing a bra, just black lace panties. He looked up and down and his other hand found his way to your heat. Slowly playing with your clit and still kissing and sucking on her skin.

He pushed two fingers inside, faster and deeper than ever. You watched him fingering you and so did he. You could feel his hard member poking your ass and it became harder to stand as he fucked you so good with only two fingers. You closed her eyes and moaned. “Fuck.”

Jaehyun stopped fucking you with his fingers. “Open your eyes and watch me fucking you so well with my fingers, or I won’t make you come.”

You opened your eyes and looked at him. He was rough, you liked it.

He started fucking you harder with his fingers, It was hard to stand but he held you. He’d hold you and never let go.

“Fuck Jaehyun. I’m coming, oh god.”, with that you came on his fingers. He pulled his fingers out of your pussy and sucked on them, his eyes never leaving yours.

“I’m going to fuck you with my dick now, Can you stand a little longer for me, baby? Mhm? I’m gonna make you feel so fucking good, but you have to stand for me, is that okay for you?”, he was back to being gentle. “Yes. Please just fuck me.”

He took of his clothes and his dick was so fucking hard. Without a warning he pushed his complete length into you. “Oh fuck!”, his hands were holding you tight, he would leave bruises that was sure. Jaehyun fucked you from behind and you two looked at each other through the mirror.

“Fuck.”, he pushed in and out hitting your soft spot so hard. “Tell me, baby, who makes you feel so good?”

“You-! You Jaehyun. Fuck you are so big and deep inside of me, fuck.”

“Just like that baby, You take my dick so well in your tight pussy, (Y/n). Your pussy feels so good.”

One of his hands cupped your breast and played with it while the other still held you tight. “Fuck I’m gonna come.”

“Me too baby, come with me.” and with one last look at each other, you both came like never before. He filled you up with so much cum, as he pulled his dick out of you, it drippet down your legs.

“J-Jaehyun, I can’t feel my legs.”, you fell into his arms. “I’m sorry, baby. Was I too rough? Did I hurt you?”, He laid you on the bed and looked at you with concern in his eyes.

“N-No I liked it.. it’s just.. You were never this rough before.. Was it because.. Uhm.. Because of her?”, you asked him while he cleaned you up with a towel.

“I.. I don’t know. Maybe. I’m sorry that I let it out on you.”, he took the blanket and covered your naked bodies. “Do you still like her?”

He was silent for a moment. He thought about it. Did he still like her? He didn’t know to be honest.

“I don’t know. Let’s not talk about it now.”

You nodded and snuggled up to him, it was just sex but both of you liked to cuddle, just sex with a little cuddling.

Two months later

Everyone thought you were dating, even though nobody knew of your friends with benefits part. It was because of your relationship in general. You were touchy, not too touchy, even though you tried to leave space when you were with your friends. But you did everything together. You laughed together, cried together, even your little fights were cute. Joy knew that there was more than just being friends. friends didn’t act like that.

“So.. You and Jaehyun?”, one day Joy said, when you went shopping together.

“W-what do you mean?”, you hoped that they didn’t notice anything.

“So you guys are a couple right?”

“Uhm no? Why would you think that?”, you were driving to your aparment.

“The way yo two talk to each other or look at each other or just act towards each other in general. It’s so obvious that you guys like each other.”, Joy said casually.

“What are you talking about? You got it wrong, we don’t like like each other, we’re just friends with- I mean just friends. fuck..”, you were about to get out of the car, but Joy was faster and closed the doors.

“Stop right there.”, she said. “What the fuck were you about to say?!”

“Nothing?”

“I swear to god, If you don’t tell me what you were about to say. I’ll never talk to you again.”

“Fine! Bitch. We are something like friends with benefits. Are you happy now?”

“What the fuck are you saying?! You guys have sex?! Johnny said that it was possible but I thought it was just like dating, holy fuck. How is he?”, she wiggled her eyebrows.

“Oh fuck off! We promised not to tell anyone. Don’t you fucking tell Johnny!”

“I won’t tell him if you tell me how Jaehyun is in bed.”

“Fuck, fine! He’s like a fucking greek god. Sometimes he’s so fucking soft but the good soft and sweet and other times he fucks me I sometimes think I’m going to faint.”

“You mean like vanilla sex?”

“No like.. he says sweet things to me and is so gentle, kisses me everywhere, he makes sure i feel safe and good, like that kind of soft.”

“Baby, do you really think that sex is without emotions and feelings? Because it’s not. Sex is an emotion itself, I’d say. The soft sex you just described is to feel each other. He wants to make you to feel good because he cares. And you honey, you just talked about having sex with him like marrying him.”

Youu looked down, was Joy right? She couldn’t be. She shouldn’t be. You had a deal. It said just sex, but sex was an emotion. You felt feelings when you were with him, no matter while having sex or cooking.

“Oh hell no. Joy, I can’t let this happen. We made a deal, just sex!”, you were about to go mad.

“Baby, don’t worry, It’s not just You, I can feel it in my bones that Jaehyun’s feeling the same way. You’ll see tonight at the party. I’ll prove it to you. Now get out and get fucking dressed. You have to look hotter than ever before. Trust me.”

“Okay, I will.”

And you did, you wore a short silk red velvet dress. You never wore something like that before. It was Johnny’s birthday party so you were going alone because Jaehyun needed to help Johnny to get the house ready. It was a little after 8 when you arrived.

You got out of your car, pulling your dress a little down, then a little up to cover yourself a little better, but it was hard, the dress was too short. You got inside of the house and looked out for Joy. Your eyes met and Joy’s mouth fell open.

“Holy fuck. I said hot but this is beyond hot. God there’ll be so many dicks offered for you tonight.”, Joy winked at her. “Yo Joy- Holy shit, (Y/n), what in the world. Yo Doyoung look at her!”, Mark’s eyes were wide and now Doyoung’s too.

“Uhm, guys, it’s not my first time wearing a dress.”, you said, a little awkward.

“Yeah but, wow.”, Mark said eyes still wide. “Stop staring you pervert.”, Doyoung pulled mark with him. “Joy what’s taking you so long-”, Jaehyun came out of the kitchen, looking for Joy, but his eyes met yours. You in such a dress. Could you call that a dress? Your legs were nearly completely open and your neck, he scanned your body and saw that you tried to hide the hickeys he gave you. That was a mistake, he thought.

“Hi, Jaehyun.”, you said casually, well you tried to be.

“Uhm, hey. Joy, uh, Johnny’s looking for me. I mean for you, not me. You, his girlfriend.”, he couldn’t take his eyes off you, he saw you naked so many times, but everytime it felt like the first time.

“Thanks Jaehyun, I’ll see you guys later, and oh, (Y/n), there’s someone I’d like to introduce you to later.”

“What do you mean?”, Jaehyun asked before you could. “Oh just an old friend, who’s single, just like our (Y/n). I think it’s time for her to date again, don’t you think so Jaehyun?”, she tested him, but you were also curious of how he’d react.

“I don’t know. If she feels like it, why would I have to say something on that?”, he was awkward, and obvious, Joy could see through him.

“Yeah, right. I’ll see you guys later.”

Joy left you two standing there. You looked him and he looked at the floor. “Uhm, do you want to drink something?”, he asked you, still looking away.

“Sure.”, you tried to act calm, but you weren’t. Not only you looked amazing, he looked great, too. But for you, Jaehyun even looked great with just a hoodie. While you were still on your first drink, Jaehyun was already on his third. He tried to ignore the stares on your legs, or anywhere on your body. It made him angry, for whatever reason. He didn’t know why. But the worst is yet to come.

It was 11 when Joy pulled you away from her friends to introduce you to someone. Someone who wasn’t Jaehyun.

“So this is my friend I told you about, (Y/n), and this is an old friend of Johnny, Taeyong.”, Joy introduced you two. “Nice to meet you, you are prettier than Joy told me.”, he shook your hand slightly smiling at you.

“Nice to meet you, too. And thank you. Joy didn’t tell me anything about you, I’m sorry, right Joy?”, you glared at her. “Well now you guys can get to know each other, I’ll leave you alone, bye.”

Joy went back to your friends and saw Jaehyun staring at you and Taeyong. He was boiling, he didn’t know why, but he could punch a wall. Or Taeyong. Preferably Taeyong.

“They look good together, don’t you guys think so? He’s a really great guy, I think they could be a cute couple.”, Joy’s eyes wandered to Jaehyun who just finished his fourth drink, well he couldn’t remember, he lost count. “I think he looks like a fucking piece of shit.”, talking to himself, but Joy heard him.

Jaehyun looked back to you, you looked ethernal, but you smiled too often. Everytime Taeyong’s mouth moved you laughed. Why would you laugh? What was so funny?

“I think something is wrong with me.”, he said to Joy. “Yeah, it’s called jealousy.”, she said not so loud but he still heard it. He ignored her and got up to get another drink. He couldn’t stand looking at you having fun with someone else.

Thinking alcohol would stop that ache in his chest, he drank so much that night. As Taeyong put his hand on your knee, he had enough. He stood up, not caring if anybody was looking, went to you and took your wrist in his hand. “That’s enough for tonight. We are leaving.”

“Do you know that guy?”, Taeyong asked, hand still on your knee. You didn’t understand what was happening right now. “Uhm- I.. what?”

“Put your fucking hand away if you don’t want me to fucking break it.”, he pointed at Taeyong’s hand. “Who the fuck are you? Her boyfriend?”, Taeyong asked, while his hand got higher on your thigh. “Yes I fucking am you son of a bitch.”, Jaehyun let go of your and pushed Taeyong back.

“Jaehyun-”

Taeyong stood up and pushed him, too but Jaehyun was too drunk and If you didn’t hold him, he’d be on the floor. “If she’s your fucking girlfriend then act like her fucking boyfriend, you fucker. Sorry, (Y/n). I’ll see you around.”, Taeyong glanced at Joy and winked at her. Joy’s plan worked. She couldn’t hear anything because of the crowd and the music but the sign was enough.

“Let me take you home, okay?”, you looked up into Jaehyun’s eyes who was already looking at you.

He nodded and you brought him to her car, luckily you didn’t drink more than a little cup and were able to drive. None of you spoke, both of you confused as hell, Jaehyun kind of awake and asleep.

He called you his girlfriend. Did he mean it? You had so many thoughts and questions.

When they arrived you helped him out of the car and up to your apartment. You carried him to the couch and he fell on it. “I’ll make you some coffee.”

You left him in the living room and made him some coffee. You poured it into the cup but two hands stopped you. “I don’t need coffee.”, he whispered in your ear.

You wanted to turn around but you were trapped between his arms and his chest. “J-Jaehyun.”

“You shouldn’t have worn this dress, (Y/n).”, he said and gripped your waist, holding you tight.

“You shouldn’t have covered up those hickeys I gave you, (Y/n). They look so pretty on you.”, he turned you around and you felt so small infront of him. He looked down on youand she couldn’t look up to meet his eyes. His finger slightly stroked your neckline, where he placed the hickeys.

“They would show everyone that you aren’t fucking available. That you are fucking mine, (Y/n).”, he put his finger under your chin and slowly pushed your face up. “Are you mine, (Y/n)?”, you looked at each other. It was like music to your ears, to hear that he was jealous and that you were his.

“Yes I am.”

“Who do you belong to?”, he wanted, no, he needed to hear it.

“I belong to you, Jaehyun. Only you.”

You needed him. So much. “Good girl.”, he leaned in and kissed you. Like it was the last time. Like he would never taste you again.

That night it wasn’t just sex. It was loving each other, and feeling each other.

He kissed you, slowly and with so much passion. You wrapped your legs around his hips and he carried you to your bedroom. Jaehyun’s lips never left yours. The only light source in your room was the moonlight, shining brightly on you. He slowly undressed you and kissed every inch of your exposed neck, leaving little love bites.

You closed her eyes and let Jaehyun take control of your body. You were already wet enough, he couldn’t wait to be inside of you. Jaehyun needed you and you needed him. He was hovering above you and looked you in the eyes. Jaehyun slowly got inside of you, his eyes never leaving yours.

With one hand on your cheek, he stroked you and started kissing you again. You moaned into the kiss and opened your legs further to feel him closer. No words were exchanged, only heavy breathing and moaning could be heared.

The next morning when you woke up, you were alone. Jaehyun wasn’t in the bathroom nor in the kitchen, for the first time, he left. You were scared, a little, scared that he didn’t mean any of this. You loved him. You were so in love with him.

You wanted to give him a little time, you thought talking about last night with Joy would calm you a little down. Little did you know you weren’t the only one who thought it would be helpful to talk to someone.

“We’re just friends. Friends who fuck. I don’t see the problem here? We both agreed on this, it’s just sex. No feelings, no emotions & nothing more than sex.”, he said.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Why her? You could fuck anybody. Why does it have to be a friend? How did you two even start this whole thing?”, Johnny and Jaehyun were leaning agains jaehyuns car as she walked over to them. But she stopped and listened to them. She needed to know what Jaehyun felt about it.

Jaehyun remembered the first time they slept together very well. It was awkward but a good awkward. It just felt right and both of them needed it at that moment, so why not?

“It’s different, I can’t explain it.”

“So you like her?”, Johnny asked.

“Of course not! As a friend? Yeah. And that’s it. Nothing more.”, he sounded disgusted. Was he disgusted?

“I don’t think that you are telling the truth. Did you see yourself last night? You were about to rip off Taeyong’s head, even though Joy planned the whole jealousy thing.”, Jaehyun remembered lats night pretty well. How he talked to you and what he said to you.

“You know, just because Yuta fucked her up I’m not the one who’s going to play her knight in a shining armor. I liked the sex, yeah. It helped me to forget about Dahyun she propably did the same with me because of him.”

“You used me to forget about her?”, Johnny and Jaehyun turned their heads and saw you looking at them. Hurt war written all over your face and tears were running down your cheeks. “I’ll leave you two alone.”, Johnny left you two, hoping that they would talk through everything.

“I uhm I didn’t know that you were listening..”, Jaehyun said. “What? If you knew would you call me your girlfriend again? Would you call me yours again?!”, you yelled at him.

“Stop yelling around. You are overreacting.”, Jaehyun tried to calm you down but he did the opposite. “Overreacting?! You fucking used me!”

“First of all, the things I said last night.. I only said that because I was drunk and horny. And second don’t act like you didnt use me too!”, you couldn’t believe your ears.

“I never used you like that. You were my friend. I wanted to be with you because I felt safe and loved! I didn’t even think once about Yuta, not even the first night! Y-You are so disgusting I can’t believe I fell in love with you!”, you yelled under tears.

“You- what? We made a fucking deal.”

“Go fuck you and fuck your damn deal!”, you pushed him away, even though you felt so weak. “I don’t want to see you ever again- you.. you- I can’t believe you. You destroyed this friendship or what the fuck this was all about. Just because that fucking bitch didn’t love you you didn’t have the right to use me!”

“Don’t call her that!”

“You are defending her now?! How can you be so blind?!”, Jaehyun glared at you, he was fucking furious.

“I am the blind one?! Your fucking boyfriend fucking cheated on you hundred times but you still went back to him! If I didn’t fuck you, you would go back to him, because your are so easy to fuck-”, you slapped him with the little power you had.

“Yeah I went back to him, not only once. But to you, I would never come back to you. I’d rather die.”, his hand was on his cheek, you just slapped him, he knew he desereved it, he really did.

You turned around and left him standing there, his hand on his cheek, all alone.

On your way home, you hoped that a car would run you over, to stop the pain. You always thoght that Yuta broke your heart, but this time, it really broke. It was the worst pain you have ever felt, your vision blurry, hands trembling, you opened the door to your home and fell on your knees and cried your heart out.

Jaehyun was scared. Scared to admit that he actually loved you, too. It didn’t make any sense to him. You were friends, nothing more nothing less. Well, that was once. Now he had lost not only his best friend but also the girl he actually loved. He was a real asshole, Jaehyun said things he shouldn’t have but it was too late now..

You didn’t show up to class. You didn’t even go to classes you didn’t share. You also kind of ignored your other friends, sometimes Joy called you but you weren’t in the mood. It’s been a week since your fight with Jaehyun and the only thing your’ve done so far was getting out of bed to go to the bathroom. You hated your apartment, everything reminded you of him.

Jaehyun noticed your absence. You never skipped classes, what if something had happened to you? No, Johnny would have told him.

“Hey Jaehyun, uhm, are you free tonight?”, it was Dahyun. He was sitting in class, minding his own business as she approached him. “Yeah, sure.”, why did she ask him if he was free? “Cool, I thought that we could go out and I don’t know, have dinner together?”, she smiled at him.

“You mean, uhm, like a date?”, he asked her and she nodded, her face slightly red. “But, what about-” “It’s over, well, it wasn’t a serious relationship in the first place, but whatever we can talk tonight about that, if you want to.”

“I’d love that.”

Jaehyun has a date tonight, he felt excited.. right?

A week later they were officially dating.

Nobody told you, too scared to hurt you more. Joy visited you sometimes and tried to get you out of the bed, but it was hard. “Come on, let’s go eat something. You have nothing here, aren’t you starving?”, Joy looked through your kitchen.

“I’m not feeling well. We can go to the supermarket If you want to make food, my last offer.”, and that was enough for Joy, she’d finally got you out of your apartment.

With sweatpants and a hoodie (which belonged to Jaehyun but you didn’t care) you went to the nearest supermarket. “I’ll look for some fruits for you, alright? Be right back.”, Joy thought that you needed some vitamins. And you really did. “Yeah, sure why not.”

While going through the supermarket with the shopping cart, you looked on the floor, not noticing that you hit something, well a someone, someone too familiar. “Oh sorry-”, you looked up and saw Jaehyun after so much time, it felt like forever. He stopped his movements and looked back at you. You looked, well, your eyes were red and you looked much thinner. But there were no emotions on your face. Of course he was here, the supermarket was in the middle of your homes and destiny hated you.

“Baby did you find the- oh hey (Y/n). It’s been so long.”, Dahyun came from behind, held Jaehyun’s hand and leaned against him. “H-Hi, yeah.”, your eyes wandered to their hands, Dahyun was holding tight, marking her territory.

“Are you alright? You look so, uhm, I don’t want to be rude, but you know what I mean, right? Were you sick? You weren’t in class either.”, did she just call you ugly? “Yeah, uhm, I was- am, still, sick.-”

“I got you some apples and strawberries and also- oh, uh, hi?”, Joy came with her hands full.

“You know you can come and have dinner with us two, right baby?”, Dahyun was fucking doing it on purpose.

“What? I don’t think that-”, he started but you interrupted him. “You know, we are really sorry but we are going on a doubledate tonight, sorry, right Joy?”, you said through your gritted teeth. “Yeah, right.”

A doubledate? You and who? Who would you go on a date with? Is it yuta again? Jaehyun asked himself- but why did he care?

“We’ll see you guys around, then. Have fun.”, you were about to throw punches at her. Fake bitch, you thought. Without saying anything back you walked away, not looking at Jaehyun, completely ignoring him.

“I’ll never go out, I fucking knew that it was a bad idea to leave my bed.”, as soon as you entered your home, you left the bags on the floor and went back to your room to get into your bed. “Why in the world were they shopping together? He got back to her so fast? Fucking asshole.”

“Uhm, about that.. They are dating.”, Joy told you as she layed beside her friend. “We thought it would be better not to tell you, I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, just, I can’t believe he just broke my heart like that and is now dating her? Didn’t he like me even a tiny bit?”, you covered your face, trying to stop yourself from crying.

“Honey, I really don’t know, like, one time he looks like he’d fight against the world for you and then he tells you that bullshit. Johnny told me that he doesn’t talk about what happened between you guys at all.”

After a little while Joy spoke up again “You know, maybe we should really go on a doubledate tonight.”

“I look like shit, even that bitch Dahyun tolt me that. I don’t feel like going out..”

“Oh shut up, I’m calling Taeyong.”, Joy ignored her friend and called him. “Hey are you free tonight? Great, what do you think of a doubledate? With (Y/n)? Yeah, it’s her. No they are not.. Perfect, I’ll send you the adress. See you later.”, she hung up and grinned at her friend. “He sounded excited.”

“How much time do we have?”

“2 and a half hours.”, Yeri jumped out of her bed. “Fuck.”

While you were showering, Joy called her boyfriend, Johnny. Tonight was going to be amazing.

After the two of you got ready, Joy borrowed a dress from you, you waited for your dates to arrive. “This is going to be so awkward after what happened the last time I met him.”, you  thought about going back to your bed.

“Oh shut up, he is great you are great, trust me, it’s gonna be great.”

And after five minutes their dates were waiting outside your apartment. You were nervous, really nervous but as soon as you saw Taeyong smiling at you, she relaxed.

“You two look amazing.”, Johnny and Taeyong said at the same time. “Thank you, you too.”, the girls said. Joy got into Johnny’s car. “We’ll see you guys at the restaurant.”, she winked at you.

You didn’t say anything, you were a little awkward next to him, he looked so good and you felt, well you felt ugly.

Taeyong opened your door, to help you get in and you thanked him as you got in. After he got inside of the car you started talking to him again. “I’m sorry that Joy called you so spontaneous, you probably had better things to do..”, you looked down to your hands on your lap.

“No, I’m happy that she called me. I wanted to see you again anyway.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I liked talking to you. I’d like to get to know you more.”, he smiled at you and looked back on the street again.

“Thanks.. me too.”, for the first time in weeks you smiled.

Johnny and Joy were the first to arrive, well not the first but, nobody thought that this was supposed to be tripledate. “What the fuck Johnny?”, Seulgi whispered to her boyfriend as she saw Jaehyun and Dahyun at the restaurant.

“I was talking to him when you called and I don’t know he insisted and then she heared about the doubledate and wanted to come, too. I’m sorry.”, Johnny tried to smile to his girlfriend as he explained himself.

“Hey Joy! Look it’s a tripledate, isn’t that lovely?”, Dahyun hugged her, Joy saw a long night coming.

“Yeah and I thought I was the only one who loved his music-”, (Y/n) who was talking to Taeyong stopped on her way to the table. Why in the world would he be here?

“It’s uhm, a tripledate! Isn’t that cool?”, Dahyun saw you and hugged you, too. What the actual fuck?

Taeyong took your hand, knowing the situation was complicated.

Johnny sat infront of Joy who was sitting next to you and next to you Taeyong. Jaehyun right infront of you and on his right was Dahyun. Awkward combination.

“You know, we can leave if you feel uncomfortable.”, Taeyong whispered into your ear, leaning a little to you, still holding your hand. Jaehyun tried to focus on his own date, his girlfriend, but he felt something he couldn’t explain as he saw you being so close to that guy.

“No, I’m fine thank you.”, you smiled at him.

After a little awkward silence, you ordered your food and the silence was back again.

Johnny couldn’t stand it. “So uhm, how did you two met?”, he asked Taeyong and you.

“Babe that was on your birthday, you were there.”, Joy told her boyfriend. ’“Right..”

Taeyong didn’t care about the others actually, he wanted to talk to you and that is what he did. He slightly turned to you and started asking you about your favourite music and movies.

“'Really? I love him, I think post malone is great. What do you think of The Weeknd?”, he asked you. “Sexy music, I love him.”, was all you said. “Taste.”, he said and was so excited to talk to you about your favourites.

Jaehyun was tense, Johnny, well everyone except Taeyong and you noticed. “Baby, do you want some salad?”, Dahyun, who was just eating a salad, asked Jaehyun. He hated salad. How could someone just eat salad? He looked over to your plate. You ordered pasta, he knew that you loved it.

“I don’t like salad.”, he said and focused on his steak.

You felt bad, Dahyun was eating a salad and here you were eating pasta, you felt ugly and now you felt fat. Suddenly feeling full, you asked Taeyong if he wanted to have some pasta.

“I’ll try one but you have to eat up okay? You look thinner than the last time we met.”, he said with a smile, he was concerned.

Did you really look thinner? You didn’t feel like it, even though you didn’t eat anything proper for a while now. You nodded with a smile and suddenly Jaehyun stood up.

“Excuse me. I’ll be right back.”, he went inside of the restaurant, to the restroom.

“What the fuck is wrong with you Jung Jaehyun?”, he asked himself as he looked to the mirror, suddenly remembering the night he had sex with you infront of the mirror.

You ignored him the whole dinner, as if he didn’t excist and that made him fucking angry. As he got back to the table, he noticed Taeyong’s arm around your backrest.

Too close.

“Welcome back baby, I ordered us some wine.”, Dahyun smiled at her boyfriend who didn’t look pleased. “I’d prefere something stronger.”, and then he ordered something stronger, something to help him ignore that feeling in his chest, whenever he heard you laughing or talking to Taeyong.

You were eating their dessert as Jaehyun was finishing his third drink. Dahyun pushed her cake to Jaehyun, she only took a little piece. “That’s enough for me tonight, can you finish it for me?”

“Why do you order it when you’re not going to eat it in the first place? Just eat that stupid cake.”, you would eat the cake all alone, he thought, but he looked over to you and saw you sharing the cake with Taeyong.

“I can’t eat so many carbohydrates at this hour, you know that, baby.”, she tried to act ladylike. God how he hated her when she did that. Who cares?! It’s just cake.

“Why would you fucking order it then?”, now he was a little louder. “Jaehyun, calm down. It’s just cake. Let me finish it, if you two don’t want it.”, Johnny tried to calm his friend.

Taeyong and you noticed the tension and decided it’s time to go. “Thank you for tonight, but it’s time for us to leave.”, Taeyong stood up and helped you, too.

“You guys are leaving already?”, Dahyun said. Jaehyun looked down to his drink. From the corner of his eyes he saw Taeyong holding your hand.

“Uh, yeah, we want to spent a little time alone.”, he didn’t say it to make Jaehyun angrier, but it did make him angry.

“Good night, and thank you Joy, I’ll see you.”, you said goodbye and went with Taeyong to his car. The whole night you tried to ignore Jaehyun, which was hard, because you could feel his feet under the table. You tried to focus on Taeyong and Joy and Johnny and most of the time it worked.

“I’m sorry, for that. I didn’t know he’d be here too.”, you told Taeyong. “It’s alright, I know it must be hard.”

“You made it easier.”, you genuinely smiled at him as he helped you into the car. “You want to go back home or can I have you for myself just a little longer. Don’t worry, no bad intentions.”

You laughed at his comment “I’d love to.”

And then he took you to the Han river.

“You know, that night Joy asked me to help you out with that guy, you, uhm, you actually helped me out, too.”, Taeyong sighed as he confessed.

“What do you mean?”, you were confused. “Well, there’s a girl..”, he blushed.

“Lee Taeyong did you use me to make a girl jealous? Now I don’t feel that guilty anymore.”, you smiled at him. You weren’t mad, why should you?

“Kind of. I don’t know. I don’t even like her- I hate her.”, he looked up to the sky, a little smile on his lips. “Or maybe I want to hate her.”

“Now I’m curious, who’s that girl?”

“Her name is Seulgi. I’ve known her for years now and the thing between us.. I don’t know.. We were cruel to each other in all those years. I said some ugly things, but she hurt me, too. I thought after high school, I’d never see her again but we applied to the same college. Even now we are fighting like there’s no tomorrow..”, Taeyong’s mind drifted to his time in high school.

“Are you sure that there’s no reason for your fights?”

He thought going through everything in his head once again. “Maybe it was becaus I rejected her 2 times.”

“You- what?!”

“Yeah she confessed to me in middle school and in high school but I rejected her everytime and I don’t even know why. Next thing I knew she started dating a friend of mine and I hated her for that, I didn’t want her to date him.”

“You are an idiot. You didn’t want to be with her and you didn’t want her to be with someon else. You broke her heart and she decided to move on. She probably didn’t even love that guy.”

“I don’t even know what to do. She stopped talking to me after Johnny’s birthday. I think I went to far..”, you facepalmed yourself.

“I’m sorry, but it is so obvious that you guys love each other. Don’t waste more time. You are a great guy and you should tell her what you feel and how much you actually love her.”, you smiled at him while staring at the sunset.

“You are right. Ugh, I wish I could beat my 15 years old self up- and my 18 years old self. I broke her hearts so many times, I want to be happy with her now. I want to make her smile and I want her to know that I love her, always have and always will.”

You applauded, “Congratulations, now go get that girl or I will throw you into the han river, idiot.”

“I will. I will get my girl but first I’ll take you home.”

After his car stopped infront of your apartment, Taeyong the gentleman he is, helped you out of the car. He accompanied you to your door and hugged you tightly.

“Thank you for opening my fucking eyes, lifesaver.”, he was the happiest.

“Thank you for saving me from that idiot today, too. Keep me updated!”

Little did you know, that there was a certain someone watching you hug and smile. After the hug, Taeyong jumped back into his car and drove away, to confess his love.

You smiled, you were happy for him. Happy that he found his love.

As you were about to open the door, you heard someone talking.

“(Y/n)..”, the smell of alcohol was so intense, you felt drunk all of a sudden.

You tried to get into your apartment but the grip on your wrist stopped you. You tried to get out of his grip but he was strong, too strong.

“Will you let me in, (Y/n)?”, he got a little closer.

“Did you miss me, (Y/n)?”, you could feel his chest against your back, his breath on your exposed neck. You closed your eyes, yes you missed him but that didn’t change anything. You missed the old Jaehyun, your friend, before anything happened between you.

With all the energy left in your body, you stepped on his foot and rushed inside but before you could close the door, his hand stopped you. He was much stronger than you and he probably didn’t even feel that you stepped on his foot.

You glared at him, trying not to cry or punch him. “Talk to me. Tell me to leave. Tell me to get out.”, as he got inside, you felt getting smaller and smaller next to him.

Jaehyun slammed the door shut and made you flinch. There was nothing you could do, except for ignoring him. You turned around, you removed your heels and went to the kitchen. You needed water.

Of course he followed you. As you poured water into you glass, he stood next to you and watched you. “You are behaving like a fucking kid. Do you think ignoring me is funny?”, you still ignored him, as you were about to take another sip, Jaehyun suddenly took the glass away from your hand and threw it on the floor, breaking it into many pieces.

“Fucking talk to me! Scream or yell I don’t fucking care! But don’t ignore me for fuck’s sake!”

He is drunk, he doesn’t know what he’s doing, you tried to calm yourself down. But Jaehyun was always like this, drunk or not, he liked destroying things, breaking them apart.

He took another glass that was on the counter and threw it on the floor. “You make me so fucking mad! SAY SOMETHING!”, it scared you when Jaehyun was angry but you wouldn’t give in. Not this time.

You backed away, accidentally stepping on a piece of the broken glass. “Fuck.”, you whispered to yourself, trying to move away from the other pieces. Blood dripping on the floor, Jaehyun’s eyes focused on your movements, not noticing that you were in pain.

You took a step, but the pain was too much. Before you could fall, Jaehyun held you by your waist as you winced in pain. Jaehyun saw the blood dropping, his heart clenched.

“Don’t look down. Close your eyes.”, he knew that you couldn’t look at blood.

You did what he said and fell into his arms, the smell of blood was too much for your.

Jaehyun carried you to the couch in the living room, softly putting you down. “I-I’ll be back, don’t open your eyes.” Jaehyun was in her bathroom, looking for stuff to clean your wound. Jaehyun tried to ignore the voice in his head that insulted him.

He came back with some cotton, disinfectant and bandage.

The piece of glass wasn’t that big and deep inside, after sterelizing the material he used, he tried to take it out of your foot with a pair of tweezers. “T-This could hurt a little.”

Jaehyun tried his best to stay calm and do it as softly as possible, not wanting to hurt you more than he already did. He placed the piece on a tissue and cleaned your wound with the cotton. You hissed, the pain was too much and now it burned like hell.

“I-I’m sorry.”

He blowed at the wound, trying to erase the pain. Jaehyun bandaged your foot and looked up to your face. You cried. Was it because your foot hurt or because of him? It didn’t matter, everything was his fault.

Jaehyun carried you to your bed, suddenly remembering the great time he had here. Not just the sex- it was everything. The deep talks, the movie nights- he missed it.

You were asleep in his arms, he looked down at your perfect face. He tugged you in your bad, carfully.

He can’t remember that he fell asleep in her living room, but he did, which suprised you the next morning.

As you woke up, you tried to walk but remembered your foot, feeling the pain once again. “Fuck!”, you screamed angrily, waking Jaehyun up. He opened his eyes slowly and saw you trying to walk out of her room.

What am I doing here? What is going on? How did I end up sleeping on her couch? Why was she limping?

Ignoring him, you made your way to the kitchen, it was a mess. You couldn’t walk properly, how were you supposed to clean this mess? You leaned against the counter, trying to steady yourself without stepping on glass, again.

Jaehyun stood up and hovered behind you. He looked down to your foot, a bandage and on the kitchen floor was blood and glass.

“D-Did I do that?”, he stuttered. Guilty, he felt so guilty and angry at himself. How could he hurt you? How could he do that to you?

You didn’t answer.

“Of course it was m-me. Y(Y/n) listen I-”, he tried to hold you, he saw that it was hard to stand.

“No! You listen! You want me to talk to you?! To scream and yell at you?! Huh?! Okay! If that is what you want! Stop fucking saying my name! Stop talking to me! Stop being near me and stop fucking looking at me! What do you want from me? What did I do to deserve all this?! All I did was to love you! Why the fuck are you infront of my house at midnight even though you have a girlfriend?! When I said I won’t come back to you, I meant it!”, you cried and yelled at the same time.

“D-Don’t date him.”, was everything he said.

“Are you even fucking listening to me?!”

“Yes! But I have no answer to your questions! I don’t know what I want! I don’t fucking know why I am here and why I can’t fucking stop thinking about you, or missing you! I don’t know why I am so fucking jealous when I see you with someone who isn’t me! I don’t know why I think about you when I am next to Dahyun I don’t know why I wish that she was you.. I-I don’t know.. what this feeling is.. I’m s-so scared it is eating me alive.”

“I-I think you should leave.”, you looked away, tears falling down. He couldn’t just tell you those things and don’t know what it meant. Jaehyun has a girlfriend, Jaehyun made it fucking clear when he told Johnny that he didn’t like you in that way and that he isn’t a replacement for Yuta.

He never was. You loved Jaehyun in a way you never thought was possible. Why was it so hard for everyone to love you? Were you that terrible?

“B-But-”

“Go to your girlfriend, Jaehyun.”

You didn’t tell Taeyong or Joy or any of your other friends what happened between you and Jaehyun that night- and morning. You tried to forget about it, but the pain in your foot reminded you always, or maybe it was the pain in your heart.

After Jaehyun left your apartment he went to Dahyun and broke up with her. Yes he wanted to date her for so long, yes he liked her. But that was in the past. It wasn’t a bad breakup, Dahyun saw it even coming and didn’t really care, she knew that there was someone else on his mind all the time. It seemed like everyone knew except Jaehyun.

“Yeah they’re talking, man I can’t believe it, I really thought it would be the last time.”, someone said as Jaehyun was drinking his water in the cafeteria with his friends.

“Yeah right, seems like (Y/n) loves Yuta’s dick.”, some girl said now behind Jaehyun. What was going on?

“Can I get my 5 bucks, I told you they’d start dating again. (Y/n) has a thing for that guy, well, after I fucked him I can tell why.”, another girl said, which made Jaehyun jump from his seat.

“What the fuck are you talking about?!”, he screamed at her. “What the fuck?”, she said. “What do you mean Yuta’s back with (Y/n)?!”, he screamed again, and slammed his hands on the table.

“They are outside talking, you asshole. What the fuck’s wrong with him.”, the girls hissed as he slammed his hand again. “If you fucking bitches ever say anything about her again, I won’t be this nice again.”

Without looking back at his friends Jaehyun ran out of the cafeteria, his eyes looking everywhere.

“Where the fuck are you, (Y/n)?”, he mumbled.

Jaehyun stepped outside the building and saw you on a bench. He rushed there but stopped walking as he heard your words.

“Am I a horrible person?”, you asked Yuta.

“Are you crazy? You are way too good for guys like us. You deserve someone way better than me and Jaehyun, we are stupid and blind. (Y/n), I was too selfish to love you like you deserved it.”

“Thank you.. I-I wasn’t sure If I really should talk to you but now I’m glad I did. Everyone I loved in my life, left me. Maybe It’s just not meant to be for me to be loved.”

“Can you leave us alone, Yuta?”, Yuta and you turned your heads and saw Jaehyun with teary eyes standing close behind you.

“Do you want me to leave, (Y/n)?”, you sighed and nodded.

“Remember what I told you.”, Yuta smiled lightly at you and left afterwards.

“Can I sit down?”, Jaehyun asked now. You shrugged your shoulders. “Yeah..”

“Yuta’s right.. I mean, I still hate him, but he is right. You are too good for guys like us. When we started hanging out, just the two of us, I was scared that it would lead to more. I was scared to lose you and scared to hurt you. And guess what? Both happened. I lost you because I hurt you because I fell in love with you.”

Now you looked at him, hearing these words for the first time.

“I swear to god I didn’t know it was possible to love someone as much as I love you, and I never thought it was possible to hate someone as much as I hate myself. I hated Yuta -still do, but I hate myself more because this time I was the one who hurt you and broke your heart, your beautiful heart which only loves and I know that I don’t deserve your love but I still love you. I hate myself for taking so long, I hate myself for letting you suffer, but I promise you, If you let me, I’ll give you the world.”, tears falling down his cheeks, he didn’t care if anybody saw him crying like a little boy who lost his favourite toy car.

“I said things I didn’t mean. Not now, not back then. I’ll regret them forever but I’ll never regret telling you how much I love you.”

Your brain stopped working. Did he just confess? Did he just tell you all of that?

“J-Jaehyun-”, you didn’t even notice that you were sobbing.

“I- I know you said you’d never come back to me, but please come back to me because I can’t breathe without you. Come back to me and let me love you the way you deserve.”, his hands hand on your cheeks, slighlty stroking your tears away.

“Jaehyun I-I don’t know what to s-say, please never break my heart again.”

“I won’t, I promise you. I love you.”, he pulled you closer, looking into your beautiful eyes.

“I love you, too.”

That was what he needed to hear. He kissed your tears away, then your forehead, then your cute nose and finally your lips. You kissed so many times already, but this time it was different, it was with so much passion and love. A kiss both of you will never forget.

You laid in your bed, no sex just cuddling and kissing. “Wait- what about Dahyun?”, you broke the kiss. “I’m kissing you and you are asking me about my ex?”, he laughed as you laid your head on his chest.

“After that one night I came here, the night I, uhm, hurt you.”, he’ll never forget the look on your face as he made a mess of your kitchen and how he hurt you.

Your hand on his chest now cupped his cheek. “It’s okay, Jaehyun. Don’t say it like you stabbed me with it yourself or something. It was an accident.”

“N-No, If I didn’t act all crazy and broke the glasses, you’d never get hurt. I’m sorry.”, his voice got smaller as he apologized.

You looked up, your eyes meeting his. “I love you. Please don’t do this to yourself.”, you placed a kiss on his lips. “Tell me how you broke up.”, you tried to distract him.

“Well, we fought, I knew that you are the only one I need in my life. She wasn’t my type anyway. Remember the restaurant? Who the fuck orders a salad?”, that made you giggle.

“What is your type?”

“You.”, he stroked your hair.

“Why? Why do you love me?”, you asked.

“Because you are you. You are my best friend, my better half- my soulmate. You laugh at my stupid ass jokes- not even I think that they’re funny. Everytime I look into your eyes, I feel peaceful and happy, I can breathe next to you and be a little kid, the way you eat- it’s crazy i know, but you look so adorable. I love how you eat anything you want and how you cry or laugh at any movie we watch. A comedy? You cry. A romance? You cry and laugh and a horror movie? You cry, laugh and hold me tight because you get scared so easily.”

“Why.. why are you so.. are you even real?”, you hid your face into his neck and cried.

“Baby, do you remember our first night? We watched 'my best friends wedding’ and I swear to god he loved her so much but I know he was scared. I watched it a couple times when we were.. apart, and I knew that I couldn’t live without you. I couldn’t imagine losing you- the thought of you marrying someone else, I don’t even want to talk about it, because I’m the only one marrying you.”

“A-Are you asking me to be your wife right now?”, you couldn’t believe your ears.

“Yeah, don’t worry baby, I already have a ring.”

“J-Jaehyun are you serious?”, you got up and looked at him with wide eyes. “I’m kidding baby. Still got no ring, but I’ll promise you that I’ll marry you.”

“I love you so much, oh god.”, you hugged him tightly and tangled your legs with his and placed kisses on his jaw and neck.

“You know baby.. I love having sex with you, too.”

“Of course you do..”, you looked each other deep into the eyes and kissed, nothing mattered anymore, you  loved each other so much, sometimes it felt unreal.

Spending the rest of your lives together was everything you wanted, together forever.

#jaehyun x reader #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun angst #jaehyun fic #jaehyun #jung jaehyun #jaehyun x you #jaehyun x oc #nct angst #nct smut #jaehyun smut #nct127 smut #nct127 angs #johnnysuh #marklee #doyoung #taeyong #leetaeyong #kpop fics #kpop scenarios #kpop imagine #kpop fanfiction

[slutfornat]

Daddy Issues // B.B.

Warnings: underage drinking, body issues, mentions of overdosing, daddy issues.

Summary: Bucky talks to you about Tony. Platonic!reader.

A/n: Hope that it's fine, I decided to just do part of the song.

Take you like a drug I taste you on my tongue.

The taste of fruit filled your mouth as you took a sip of the wine. No one seemed to notice you as they all spoke of fond memories with Tony.

You ask me what I'm thinking about I tell you that I'm thinking about Whatever you're thinking about.

You see Bucky take a seat beside you. "How old are you?" he asks. "Why? Wanna ask me out?" you tease, with a fake smile. "No, now how old are you?" he said.

"Seventeen" you answer. Leaning closer to you, he takes your drink, saying "well, I'll be taking this then."

Tell me something that I'll forget And you might have to tell me again It's crazy what you'll do for a friend.

The world seems to carry on without you as you watch everyone talk happily together. "How you feeling?" Bucky asks.

"I've lost my mind, haven't I?" you say, not paying attention anymore as you feel yourself begin crying. "People react differently to death" he said.

Go ahead and cry, little girl Nobody does it like you do I know how much it matters to you I know that you got daddy issues.

You don't try to hide the tears but instead smile distantly. "But what if he died thinking that I hate him, what then?" you say, hating yourself for how you acted.

"Well, then you fucked up and so did he for making you feel like you hate him in the first place" he said, plainly as you turn to him.

And if you were my little girl I'd do whatever I could do I'd run away and hide with you.

James knew that you had issues with your dad from what he'd been told by others. You grew up with your mother until you were seven and she overdosed.

You'd spent years trying to get his attention but Tony never seemed to care that much. When Morgan was born, you were jealous of his new family as you never got any of that but you never said anything and instead just acted like you were fine.

I love that she's got daddy issues, and I do too.

"I understand, I basically grew up with Steve and saw how his dad was to Mrs Rogers and Stevie" Bucky said, sympathetically. He knew mental and physical abuse were different but they seemed to effect you and Steve the same way.

You stayed silent. "He died when we were teenagers but then a couple of years later Sarah passed away. Her last wish to me was to look after Steve" he continued.

I tried to write your name in the rain But the rain never came So I made with the sun.

"When I was younger my mum told me stories of her youth before she met Tony and before she had me" you say, "she was absorbed in the past".

"Then after her death, I was sent to Tony but even at seven, I could tell that to him; I was a task" you finish, frowning at the memories. "People said that I was lucky to be a Stark but I never understood."

The shade Always comes at the worst time.

"I'm sure, he didn't see you like that" bucky lied through his teeth. "Y'know, you shouldn't lie to people" you say, glaring even as tears seemed to fall.

"Then what do you want me to say? That he hates you and wishes he never met you or your mother" James snaps. Taken a back, you say "well, at least that is a lot closer to the truth."

You ask me what I'm thinking about I tell you that I'm thinking about Whatever you're thinking about.

"Even when I won contests and got top marks, he never cared about me. Did you know he sent Happy to my parents evenings? Or how when I got a short story of mine published, he just shrugged" you snap.

"Not a 'congratulations' or 'wow, that's so cool'. I don't even care if I sound like a brat. He's the one that ruined everything. Why should I be the one ridiculed?" you finish.

Tell me something that I'll forget And you might have to tell me again It's crazy what you'll do for a friend.

Everyone begins leaving and now there's just a couple of drunk people and the two of you. "When I went to school, I never really made that many friends" you say.

"People just... didn't like me that much" you explain, leaning against his shoulder. "I have no idea why" bucky said sarcastically as you send him a swift glare.

Go ahead and cry, little girl Nobody does it like you do I know how much it matters to you I know that you got daddy issues.

Even when people said things like that as a joke, they still hurt you no matter how much you said that you didn't care about other people's opinions of you.

"I nearly died after being shot" you begin, "and the real reason was because I was shot in the stomach but didn't want then pulling up my shirt to operate because I was always told I was good enough."

And if you were my little girl I'd do whatever I could do I'd run away and hide with you I love that she's got daddy issues.

"That sucks" he says, quietly. "Yep" you agree, just staring into the distance. "How old were you then?" Bucky asked.

"Twelve" you practically whisper as he strains to hear you. "I'm sorry" he said. "So am I".

I keep on trying to let you go I'm dying to let you know How I'm getting on.

"I keep wondering what would've happened if I died instead" you confess, "no one would've missed me and I agree with them".

"Tony would miss you" Bucky said, not even knowing if what he's saying is true but hoping that it is.

I didn't cry when you left at first But now that you're dead it hurts This time I gotta know Where did my daddy go?

"I would always ask my mum if he was ever coming back" you explain, "and she'd say no and I would try to move on even if it hurt".

"Now is worse because I know he is never coming back and that I can't even say sorry" you finish. As Bucky turns to you, not saying anything but looking at you in sympathy.

I'm not entirely here Half of me has disappeared.

As you got older, you felt yourself slowly disappearing until you are now just a shell of your former self. When you lost almost everyone, you were left feeling as though you have no one.

But now, you knew that was true. Your entire life, no one really cared about you until fifteen minutes ago when Bucky took away your alcohol.

#lucia one shots #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x platonic!reader #bucky barnes x f!reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes blurb #bucky barnes x teen!reader #bucky barnes x stark!reader

[harryimaginedstories]

on your side

genre: au (while I don’t like the term ‘au-fic’ at all imagine the two characters are in college together and in their early twenties.) angst and some fluff as well.

about 5k words

it’s entirely different than anything I have ever published and I really love it. please let me know what you think and stay safe during these wild and often scary times. 

read more here: my stories

photo: taken from instagram, previously taken by somebody from the movie AWC, which also inspired me (kinda) to even write this.

They started arguing pretty much the second the car door fell shut behind them and even ten traffic lights, countless of turns and getting honked at twice, didn’t stop their heated exchange of words. Harry’s hands held on to the seat tightly, an attempt not to touch her thigh like he normally would, while hers curled around the steering wheel until the white of her knuckles showed. It wasn’t uncommon for them to fight. They had never been one of those couples who didn’t call each other out on their bullshit or who tried hide anger when there was reason to feel it. However, this was the first time that they weren’t on their way home, where their argument could be settled in private. Instead, Harry and Y/N, both infuriated with each other, were on their way to a party. With one generous rotation of the wheel, Y/N parked Harry’s black car in the last free niche on the street of the frat house. The vehicle gave an unpleasant sound and Harry closed his eyes, his nostrils flaring. Before he got the chance to complain, Y/N swung open the door, stepped out and threw it shut hard enough to know it would set him off. 

“Jesus fuck!” Harry shouted, opening the passenger door and stepping out, too. 

She waited long enough to press ‘lock’ on the keys once he was out, then she walked away. With quick strides he caught up with her, and had he not been as angry as could be he would have probably felt hurt at her for not waiting up like she would have any other day.  Walking next to her he turned to look at her profile, trying to catch her eyes, but she refused. 

“Would you mind not taking your crazy out on my fucking car?”

“Oh, so you do care about that then. Good to know,” she snapped back. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Y/N halted and so did he. They were standing on the pavement, one house away from where there could already be heard the dull sound of music blaring and a good meter of distance between them.  Any other night they would be standing there, too. Only not to deliver a few more blows before pretending to be alright while their friends were around. On any other night, Harry would have taken advantage of the warm weather, by letting his hands roam across Y/N’s bare arms. She would have given him a kiss or two and made him a laugh at least as much. He would have reminded her for the fifth time (at least) that she looked beautiful. There wouldn’t be any distance between them, let alone one entire meter.

“There is one thing I’ve been hearing clearly through all of the bullshit you’ve said today,” Y/N hissed, her lips barely moving and her hands curling into tight fists by her side, “which is that you don’t give a fuck about me.”

“Oh my god.” His throat bobbed as he swallowed thickly, his head falling back before snapping forward quickly, “You’re being such a lunatic!”

Wind picked up some of her hair and pushed the loose strands into her eyes, breaking the angry stare she’d held with him and for a moment, Harry could have sworn she appeared to be younger. Then she brushed the hair off with shaky hands and back she was, angry and exhausted. 

“You’re a dick!” Y/N squealed, 

“Well, clearly we could go on,” he snapped and rolled his eyes, “but our fucking friends are waiting for us so do you think you can manage to avoid me for the next few hours so we can at least settle this at home?” 

Y/N crossed her arms over her chest, hiding her cleavage which he had tried not to stare ever since she’d put on the blue dress. That damn dress. Focusing on it now it only irked him further. She knew how much he loved it when she wore this particular piece of clothing. It had spent the night on the floor of his bedroom or over the back of a chair often enough. He was certain she’d put it on specifically to spite him. 

“Fine, let’s go. But since you’re unhappy with my parking,” Y/N stepped forward and reached up, pressing the hard metal of Harry’s car keys into his chest, “you get to be the designated driver tonight.” 

Her fist lingered on the fabric of his black T-shirt. Feeling her touch him momentarily paused his thoughts. All anger was forgotten, as if the wind had picked it up, too, and carried it far away. Harry whimpered and her lips parted, their eyes connecting without any trace of hurt in them. Then his hand found hers and she dropped the set of keys into his palm, snapping them both out of their brief moment of peace. 

“I don’t want to see you right now,” Y/N stuttered, blinking rapidly until her eyes turned darker again.

“Don’t come look for me later when you’re drunk and feeling sorry,” Harry replied, before he stepped around her and walked towards the frat building.

Y/N lost sight of him the second he stepped inside. Despite still feeling angry with him, she couldn’t stop herself from briefly wishing he wouldn’t have left her alone. She didn’t like being left alone at a party. Neither did he, for the matter, but she refused to feel guilty for sending him away. Y/N drew a shaky breath and stepped inside, instantly greeted by the smell of alcohol, smoke and pot. A big banner had been hung from one side of the hall to the other, wishing everybody a cheerful start to the new semester. Underneath mingled numerous students, all of which held drinks in their hands. Already Y/N recognized a few of them from some of her classes, she didn’t feel like talking to them however. To her luck she spotted a few friends of her in the first room she entered and was quickly greeted with hugs and kisses to her cheek. 

Dena, a girl Y/N had grown close with through sharing an equal distain for their econ teacher, pressed a drink into her hand and smiled. “You look like you need at least two of these.”

Y/N smiled sadly. “That obvious, huh?”

“Well, you didn’t cheer in delight upon seeing us like you should have so,” said Clara, another friend Y/N had made whilst talking badly about her teacher.

“Oh, yeah, I’m sorry.” 

Dena nudged her. “Also, your boyfriend stormed past us earlier so we expected something was up.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Clara asked.

Y/N shook her head and took a long sip from her drink. It tasted of a mixture of beer and vodka, which on any other day she would have refused to drink. “I really don’t.”

“Great. Then let’s just cheer to us.”

The two girls raised their own cups and waited expectantly for Y/N to do the same. Dena grinned at her and cleared her throat. 

“To us, the coming semester, which we will fucking ace. And-” she paused, looking at Y/N, “to knowing when to kick your boyfriend’s ass. Cheers!”

“Cheers.”

Harry stood by the unlit fire pit in the lounge area, where the chairs had been pushed aside to create a dance floor. A scowl was deeply etched onto his face and he had yet to smile genuinely. He blamed the alcohol he wasn’t allowed to consume for how poorly he was feeling, but he knew even if he had drowned his veins in liquor, it wouldn’t be until he’d feel her touch him that he would be in a better mood. He stood back watching with a few of his mates, who were all except one, very drunk, as some freshmen clumsily turned the dinner table into a bear pong station. Matt, the only sober one left, had tried to get him to talk about why his mood was so sour three times already, receiving no answer each time. Harry rolled his eyes upon feeling him nudge his shoulder again.

“Where’s your girl?”

Harry shrugged. “Don’t know.”

He’d been cursing her short height since turning around and looking for her in the crowded hallway thirty minutes ago. She’d slipped past him without him noticing, and while he was too proud to go look for her properly, it annoyed him that he wasn’t able to casually spot her whenever he scanned one of the many rooms that had been turned into a club. He especially didn’t like it since he knew that she was drinking. Blindly he felt for his phone in his pocket, ensuring for the tenth time that its volume was turned up. Should she call him, he wanted to be sure that he wouldn’t miss it.

“Didn’t she come with you?” Matt pressed on, either oblivious to Harry’s annoyance or simply indifferent to it.

“Doesn’t mean she can’t wander off on her own, does it?” Harry replied, his voice rough. 

He’d never really liked Matt. Actually, he’d liked him a lot once. They’d even considered becoming roommates in their second year. He’d liked him, up until he’d gotten together with Y/N and noticed the gleam in Matt’s eyes the first time he’d introduced her to him. Their friendship dissolved fast after.

“I’m sure she can. She’s always been good at enjoying parties, hasn’t she?”

Harry didn’t reply. Once more his eyes scanned the room frantically, detecting every single face in hopes of recognizing the eyes to the one he loved.

“Dude!” Eric, a tall and broad looking bloke who’d just become team captain to the football team, stumbled into Harry’s side, knocking him back. 

“Sorry! Shit,” Eric laughed, doubling over, revealing that he was clearly drunker than he should have been, “I’m sorry, mate. Wow, I need to lay off a little.”

“No kidding,” Harry replied, but smiled when Eric slung a heavy arm around his shoulders. The unmistakable smell of alcohol fanned over his face as Eric talked, and his nose scrunched up. 

“You’ve been wearing a look as depressing as Matt’s sex life-”

“Hey, fuck you, Eric!” Matt snapped, unamused.

“-and I intend to fix that. C’mon.”

Harry didn’t fight it as the taller guy dragged him away, out of the lounge and into another room further down the hall. He certainly didn’t mind getting away form Matt. Regardless of them having been friends once, Matt was the last person he wanted to be around when he was having a rough time with Y/N. The smoke was thicker in this room and the music a little quieter. There were less people dancing and more sitting around on the couches and chairs. A few stood by the wall in small groups and some, the ones Eric was walking towards, were standing opposite a dart board. They cheered upon seeing the two guys approach, making more noise than anybody else in the room.

“You’re on my team and you’re gonna help me win, yeah? M’taking advantage of you being sober as a stone. Your aim is probably better than any of theirs.”

Harry laughed and nodded, accepting to be involved. “I’ll try my best.”

The first dart arrow was thrust into his hand by a guy named Kyle who appeared to be on the same team. Half an hour later and Eric was grinning from ear to ear, writing their leading score numbers onto a makeshift writing board that was really just the coffee table. Something the guys living in this house would be happy to find in the morning.  Y/N watched him. Despite being intoxicated, or perhaps because of how intoxicated she was, she noticed every muscle of his back move each time he raised his arm. Her heart fluttered whenever he laughed and she felt a heat grow at the pit of her stomach whenever he leaned his head to the side, revealing the back of his neck to her. And above his neck was his ear, which hid a spot right under his hairline where he liked to be kissed. Y/N’s lips parted at the thought and her toes curled.  He hadn’t noticed her when entering the room. She didn’t blame him though, since she’d successfully hid herself behind Dena and Eric’s big body also worked wonderfully as a shield. Despite anything she’d said before the party, she was immensely relieved to see him. The vodka-beer mixture which she’d learned had been invented by Clara, was disgusting but also got her drunk faster than she had expected. Or intended. Another round of cheers erupted as Harry scored another point for his team. 

“Not fair. You won’t give them as much as a chance to win.” 

A chill rushed down Harry’s back at the sound of the honey sweet female voice behind him, and Y/N, too, froze in place. Slender fingers touched Harry’s arm, caressing the skin despite being less than welcome to. Upon turning around he was met with Silja, who’s face wore a smile equally sweet as her sly voice. Though standing by the opposite wall, Y/N swore she could hear Silja as if she were standing next to her. She would always be able to detect her voice, especially if the words she spoke were directed to Harry. 

Dena followed her friend’s gaze and raised her brows. “Haven’t seen her in a while. I thought she dropped out.”

“Would have been too nice,” Y/N growled. 

She’d never actually talked to Silja herself and she surely didn’t intend to. Before getting together with him, Y/N had been mostly oblivious to who was genuinely interested in him and who she imagining to be. Only with Silja there had never been any doubt. Even before Harry had become hers, she’d felt a bitter taste collect in the middle of her tongue whenever the pretty brunette girl tried to talk to him. Once her claim on him had become justified, she disliked Silja and her upfront behaviour all the more.

“Hey, you know you don’t have to worry about her, right?” Dena said quietly, reading Y/N’s expression, “Harry has rejected her what, three times already? Even before he was with you. He’s not interested in her.”

“I know. I’m not worried about that,” Y/N said quickly, stepping around Dena to get a better look at her boyfriend and the girl that had yet to remove her hand from his arm, “I trust him.”

“Doesn’t make her less of a bitch,” Clara grumbled, also staring at them intently. 

The three girls watched Harry turn to look at Silja. He gave her a tight lip smile before he stepped away to make room for the next player, conveniently shrugging off her hand in process. To their dismay, Silja followed him.

“I haven’t seen you this summer,” she complained in an uncomfortably high voice, that was laced with feigned displeasure, “Where were you hiding?” 

Harry sighed, wishing Y/N would find him already, and rested his back against the wall. The last thing he needed for this party to become worse were the advances of the woman standing before him. “I wasn’t.”

Their summer had been great. They spent it looking for a flat to move into together. One weekend they’d taken the train out to the ocean and spent two days in a pretty bed and breakfast, where nothing distracted them from each other and everything, even their sheets, held the faint smell of sea salt. He wasn’t about to tell any of that to Silja though. 

The girl pouted, smudging her lilac lipstick at the corners. “Didn’t you miss me at all? Not even a little bit?” 

“No.”

She smiled. Her neck moved to the side as her eyes mustering him. “You and your attitude. I really missed that.”

Harry let his head fall back and for a moment Y/N forgot to eye the girl hitting on her boyfriend and instead stared at his throat. She longed to kiss him there, too. The darkened expression taking over his relaxed face quickly brought her attention back. Thinking about kissing him had made her miss the words Silja had said to upset him. 

“You’re wasting your time missing me.”

At last, Silja’s smile dropped. “You’re still with her, then?”

“Yep,” he replied shortly. 

 “Fine,” Silja pushed the long brown locks off her shoulder and crossed her arms, “maybe if she fucked you right you wouldn’t be such an asshole all the time.” 

“Fuck off, Silja,” Harry snapped, pushing himself off the wall to instantly tower over her.

“Harry! Your turn again, mate.”

Without giving her as much as a second look, Harry turned away and followed Eric’s call. Dena’s hand rested on Y/N’s shoulder, squeezing her gently whilst smiling at her. Y/N exhaled loudly and relaxed. She didn’t doubt Harry’s capability of getting rid of Silja. She’d also truly meant it when she’d said that she trusted him. But after their argument she wasn’t so sure that he didn’t want to receive some affection tonight, be it from anybody. While she would have hated it, simply entertaining Silja’s flirting wouldn’t have been cheating. A warm feeling overtook any worry left in her body upon watching him turn Silja away. He didn’t bother look at her again but walked back to his friends to resume the game, treating her like she wasn’t even there. He didn’t even give Silja the satisfaction of remaining angered by her words. Giving up her attempts, Silja walked away and left the room quickly, her cheeks slightly rosy in embarrassment. 

“Remind me to kiss him later for that,” Y/N said, her voice holding more love for him than she would usually let on whilst angry. 

Clara laughed. “So you’re not mad at him anymore.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me that I was or I might still be.”

“What were you two fighting about anyway?” Dena asked. 

Y/N took another long sip from her drink, before remembering that she’d wanted to not drink any more for the night. Oh well. 

“He didn’t come home last night. Without notifying me. He fell asleep at stupid Rick’s place and neither of them bothered shooting me a text or ringing me about it. I spent all night worried sick.”

Y/N’s expression hardened at the thought of waiting up for him. She’d paced around the living room of their new flat before settling on the couch, vowing to stay awake until he returned. She’d had half a mind not to call his mother or sister, not quite worried enough to ask them. 

“I didn’t see him until an hour before coming here ‘cause I had to work today. So we didn’t have time to properly fight about it.”

“Didn’t he say he was sorry?”

“Sure he did, as well as stating that I was overreacting and not his mother.”

“Ugh, men,” Dena grumbled, then she changed the subject, “Let’s get refills in the kitchen!”

Harry got bored of the game after the fifth round, but stayed to play until the team he’d joined won by a margin. Then he politely excused himself from playing another round. Though she’d told him she didn’t want to see him, Harry really wanted to see Y/N and he figured over an hour of distance sufficed for her to calm down. Maybe she would even allow herself to be happy about him finding her. He strolled around the room, then went looking in the hall and finally searched the lounge. If only she were a little taller, he thought once more. All of sudden he heard a loud shout. It wasn’t one of the usual party hollers, it was one that held no joy at all. With swift strides Harry crossed the room, turned left in the hallway and entered the kitchen. This time he didn’t have to search to see her. Y/N was sitting on the counter, her legs dangling down and her hands curling around the stone surface. Across from her was the kitchen table on which all of the different liquor bottles had been placed. It was also where the single shout turned into several. A guy Harry hadn’t ever seen around campus before stood next to a broken bottle of vodka. His hand curled into a fist and his face was red. Opposite him stood Dena, a girl Harry barely knew beyond her being a friend of Y/N. Next to Dena was a guy named Dylan, his face painted with guilt and worry. 

“You fucking broke my shit!” the stranger shouted. 

Y/N flinched. It wasn’t Dena who’d pissed off the wrong guy, but Dylan who had tried to make a drink for them. She didn’t feel any less involved if the guy were to be shouting at her. The second the bottle had broken and the tall stranger exclaimed that it’d been his, Y/N had felt fear curse through her. She hated it. She hated how a man shouting was so scary that she froze in place.  Just like she always did when afraid, her eyes began to search for Harry. Heavy like a wave and equally overwhelming was the relief when she saw him lingering in the doorway.  Their eyes met. Y/N visibly relaxed. She could read the question in the look he was giving her and she eagerly nodded. There were so few people scattered around the small place, Harry had no trouble reaching the counter.  Once in arms reach she held out her right hand, whimpering when his fingers slotted through hers and holding on tight. Any anger towards each other was forgotten the moment their skin touched. Y/N gave a determined pull until he stood next to where she was sitting, her legs touching his waist. Harry didn’t say anything, but he allowed her to let go of his hand to instead hold on to his shoulder. His own settled heavily on her thigh, relishing the feeling of her bare skin. He didn’t complain when her fingers curled tightly around the fabric of his shirt, nor did she mind how intimate it felt to have his hand on her naked thigh. His eyes quickly scanned her face, waiting for her nod, confirming that she was alright. Y/N smiled gently, relief mirroring in her eyes. Harry returned her smile. His heart clenching when he noticed the faint veil of alcohol before her eyes. Ever so slightly, their heads leaned towards each other, then his nose softly touched her forehead.

“He didn’t do it on purpose,” Dena said defensively, “and these bottles are for everybody to use.”

Harry shifted closer to Y/N but removed his nose form her hairline. Unwillingly he turned his attention back to where the argument grew. The stranger’s head, figuratively doubling in size by the minute, was red and looming over Dena like a balloon hovering in the sky. He had to admit it was impressive that Dena, equally short as Y/N, refused to back off.

“I wasn’t asking you! You and your friend better figure out how to replace my drink and you better do it fast!”

“Mate, lay off a bit, will ya? They didn’t do anything on purpose,” Harry interrupted, his voice calm and steady, “Why don’t you just grab one of the ten other bottles and leave ‘em alone?” 

The stranger, slightly shorter than Harry, turned to look at them. Y/N tightened her hold on his shoulder. She was mentally preparing herself to jump off the counter and at the stranger’s throat instead, should he as much as try to pick a fight with Harry. Noticing her shift beside him, Harry’s hold on her intensified.

“Leave them alone?” the tall guy snapped, “that was twenty fucking quid he broke!” 

“Bit embarrassing that you’re whining about twenty quid,” Harry said, wearing a smug grin, “and picking a fight like some kind of neanderthals who found out somebody’s pissed into his cave.” 

Dena giggled and so did Y/N, along with some bystanders who’d gathered to watch. The bloke narrowed his eyes, first at Harry, then at the girl sitting beside him. 

He opened his mouth to speak, but Y/N interrupted him. “Quit looking at me and spare me any sexist bullshit you’re about to say.” 

The guy rolled his eyes, then smiled. “You’re pretty for a bitch.”

Y/N’s hand yanked Harry back by his shoulder equally fast as he’d pushed off the counter to lunge forward and at the guy. The movement caused him to knock against the counter uncomfortably. She didn’t let go and didn’t move, despite Harry’s enraged breathing getting louder.  

“Fuck you!” Harry shouted, eyes wide. 

Anger oozed out of his pores and heat settled in the small kitchen. Calm and collected only a moment ago, he was all the more scarier now that he was enraged. Scary enough to make the stranger take back a step. Y/N loosened her hold on Harry’s shoulder, sliding her hand down to press against his back instead. She rubbed his spine gently, hoping to ease him by letting him know she was okay. 

"You need to leave,” Y/N stated, her voice calm.

“Definitely,” Dena agreed, her eyes trained on her friend before finding Harry.

He didn’t return her gaze, his eyes remained on the tall blonde. They stayed put until the guy lowered his empty cup to the table, the movement slow and deliberate. He clearly didn’t want it to look like he was leaving because he was told to, so he took his time. But finally he turned away, before at last leaving the kitchen and hopefully the party all together. 

Harry shuddered upon feeling Y/N’s nose against the shell of his ear. “I’m fine, Harry.”

“What a wanker.”

“A fucking wanker,” Y/N replied, her smile practically audible in her voice. 

Harry turned around to face her, all of his attention returning to where it belonged: her. His eyes looked into hers intently, reading every answer to all of his unspoken questions.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes. Are you?”

He nodded. “Did he try anything before I came?”

“I noticed him about zero-point-five seconds before you arrived, Harry. I’m fine, I promise.”

Her hands gently took hold of his face. The fingers of her left hand traced along his jawline as tenderly as one would the rim of a glass in hopes of eliciting a sound. That’s how Harry sometimes felt when she touched him. Like she was being as tender as she could possibly fathom to be. 

“Does that mean you’re gonna go back to being mad at me?” As he spoke, Harry moved closer. His hands rested on each side of her hips, allowing his body to get closer to hers as he leaned forward.

Y/N laughed and shook her head, their faces so close they almost touched. She enjoyed the warmth of his breath fanning against her throat. 

“Are you? You were at least as pissed off as I was.”

He shrugged, then playfully nudged her nose with his. “No.”

“Then I think I’ll let it go, too,” she answered, faking to be coy, “For now, you still owe me an apology later.”

Harry laughed. “That’s fair. Promise to mean it this time, too.” 

Her eyes narrowed. She took hold of his chin, holding him still so she could kiss him without giving him the chance to deepen it. The feeling of his mouth slotting with hers, be it as briefly as it was, ignited her like nothing else could. Any remaining worry was pulled from the corners in her body where it had hidden, and was thrown out not to return. Harry took over. All of the space inside her that could belong to an emotion, now belonged to him.

“I knew you didn’t mean it earlier,” she breathed accusingly against his lips. 

“I meant it a little,” he said, curling his hand around her wrist to pull away the hold she’d taken and he kissed her a second time before she could complain. 

Despite their desperation their teeth didn’t clash together, nor did their noses unintentionally bump. They’d kissed too many times not to blindly meet each other without missing. His tongue glided along her bottom lip, hers pushed his aside so it could trespass into his mouth. Frantic hands held on to her hips and her thigh, eager fingers remembered to be gentle as they settled on the back of his neck. Harry moaned and Y/N pulled away.

“Thank you,” she whispered, just enough space between them so she could speak. 

Harry’s kisses trailed down from the corner of her mouth to her cheek and her jaw, his lips warm, wet and determined. He allowed one kiss to last a little longer, followed by a small lick to her earlobe.

As satisfied as could be as long as they weren’t alone, he raised his head to look at her again. “What for?”

“Being on my side even when we’re fighting.” 

The smile gracing her features was so genuine he could have melted, just like her words were spoken with more love behind them than he could detect. He smiled and willingly moved his head to the side, so she could kiss below his ear. The heat in his belly grew and he let her know by squeezing her hips.

“Ditto.”

#harry styles #harry styles angst #harry styles writing #harry styles one shot #harry styles story #harry styles imagine #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #harry styles update #harry styles fanficiton #harry styles au #fratboy!harry #fratboy #harry edward styles #hes #angst #fluff #harry angst #harry fluff #harry one shot #harry imagine #harry writing #harry story #smut #harry smut #hs #fine line #awc #after we collided #after

[liloelsagranger]

Night shift - finally a new Rocketshipping-fanfiction

My dear friends,

it’s been a while since I last posted an entry. Let me tell you why and what, besides Covid-19, made me pause from publishing fanfictions over the last couple of months. Of course, Switzerland was very affected by the pandemic and still is today. We had numerous lock-downs or as Swiss people call it “slow downs”. My mother got very sick last year, I almost lost her. The doctors said she would only live two or three more days, but my mom is a fighter. She had to stay at the hospital for months, she endured countless medical examinations, had to take meds and slowly learned to live again. I’m so proud of my mother that she was strong and determined to get better. When she turned back home, I started to take care of her and I hate to leave her on her own, even if we’re talking about half an hour or less. Right now, she’s doing quite good, actually, we’re on vacation and she makes a great effort to participate in life in Italy. She’s my role-model! She will never be the same as before, but she won’t give up, she wakes up every morning to make progress. I prayed for her and her well-being, I prayed every single night she might get another chance and now we’re here at the beach and dining in fancy restaurants. It’s been a horrible year for everyone, a year full of sorrow, tears and desperation, a year where I was constantly afraid, the hospital would call me with some bad news, but she did it! She survived and she fights for her life! So proud! Good news is: I passed my doctoral exams and I’m officially allowed to call myself Dr. phil. des. Melanie C. but that won’t ever stop me from loving Team Rocket so here it is - a brand new Rocketshipping-fanfiction for you guys. LOVE YOU! Night shift

Chapter 1:

It was past ten o’clock when that miserable looking guy entered the diner. He inconspicuously sat down in the farthest corner of the café and immediately hid his face behind the menu card. Nevertheless, Jessie the waitress could make out the pathetic expression on his face, how he was cowering like a whipped dog. She had seen quite a bit in this diner. Drunks, thugs, addicts and other needy people who asked for a sympathetic ear, compassion and understanding, but that guy was different. He suffered terribly, but did not dare to communicate, instead he hid from the world so as not to attract attention and quietly endure his fate. Jessie had to do something about it. Of course, she didn’t want to play the Good Samaritan. She knew the tricks of the men who entered this diner. Most of the time, they told the waitress tall tales, hoping to be comforted, whatever they meant by that. But this young man did not make a shady impressionHe was well dressed, looked well-groomed, and Jessie was especially struck by his bright emerald green eyes, the only thing in his face that had not yet been veiled by grief and sorrow. She decided to do something about his displeasure.

“Did you have a rough day?” she asked while disinfecting the table.

He looked briefly into her eyes and nodded. “That’s one way to put it,” he answered, the gaze immediately lowered again.

This would be a taciturn conversation, but Jessie didn’t give up easily, she was a natural at making even rocks talk.

“Listen! No matter what happened, I’ve seen or heard some things. If I can help you in any way, my name is Jessie and I’m in charge of this table today. Let me just get the gum out from under your seat and get you a cold drink. What would you like?” She pulled a spatula from her apron and rubbed away the remains of the spoiled brats that marred her diner.

‘Wow,’ the young man thought to himself. ‘A strong, self-confident woman who lends a hand herself and who’s not above cleaning up dirt.’ Their eyes met briefly, and he forced a wry smile.

“You know, kid. You can’t rely on anyone. If you want to get everything done, do it yourself and don’t trust anyone. This world doesn’t give you anything for granted!” She briefly wiped the back of his chair before disappearing behind the counter and pouring the young man an ice-cold Coke.

“I have rarely seen you so concerned about a customer. Normally you show yourself aloof and only take the order, so as not to get involved in embarrassing conversations. Must be a really great pike, this pathetic creature in the far corner. Could it be that you’ve got a tiny crush on this guy?” For Eddy, teasing his best friend was the greatest pleasure. He didn’t know her like that. Jessie usually resisted any kind of small talk. This was due to her dark past, when she had repeatedly fallen for advances from men who were never looking for a steady relationship, but for a quick fix. Eddy had witnessed this bad time of his friend, how her heart was broken, how she was badly played with, and how she was simply dropped like a hot potato. Jack was the worst example of them all. While Jessie was already hearing the wedding bells ringing, he was making love to the women of the Strip and deceiving Jessie night after night with other broads. Jessie was devastated when she found out Jack was cheating on her. She was furious, not even at her lying boyfriend, but at herself for having been so stupid as to trust a man.

Jessie gave Eddy a light pat on the head. “Don’t be silly! That time is over. I can take care of myself, I don’t need male support for that. I’m a big girl, I make my own dough, and I keep my head above water pretty well. No, not a chance, I’ve sworn off flirting.” Nevertheless, she caught herself as her gaze wandered to the young man in the corner. “Oh yes, this time is definitely over,” Eddy smirked.

“Jessie, could you bring us a side of fries, please?” Misty’s order echoed throughout the hall. The twenty-year old waved her hands. She was used to speaking loudly, almost shouting, to attract guests to her daily water Pokémon show. Sometimes she walked up and down the streets of the Strip all day in the blazing hot sun, trying to win people for her underwater attraction. As an excellent student, she could have taught at any college, but she had decided early on to get into show business and make her living doing what she really loved, joined by Dewgong and Starmie. Her parents had not agreed with this decision at all, it was wasted talent, they had claimed, and had summarily turned Misty out the door. Since then, she had been struggling through life on her own, but could always count on Jess, the diner and her two best friends, Ash and Brock, young people who were also not favoured by fate.

“Temper your voice, twerp!” Jessie couldn’t help but grin. She spread the ketchup bottles around the table, hoping Ash wouldn’t spill on himself and the diner again. His constant companion Pikachu immediately hopped on his shoulder, grabbed a fry and popped it in his mouth. Ash and his Pokémon were carnies. He had trained his friend well and attracted many spectators with his performance. Most of them felt sorry for the guy and tipped generously. That’s why Ash was able to invite his friends to the diner every night, a place that gave them hope where they could experience security. They were convinced that nothing would ever disturb this idyll and that fate, for better or worse, had taken its course.

“Who’s that guy over there?” Brock wanted to know. He had barely sold chocolate and roses tonight. The others held back, but they were certain that their friend was just too pushy with women and that’s why he only collected rejections instead of green bills.

“I’ve never seen him here before. Must be from another area. I can’t tell you for the life of me why he’s wearing a suit at theses temperatures, he looks pretty pathetic to me anyways,” Jessie replied.

“Maybe his car has stalled,” Ash suggested, “and now he was forced to wander through the desert until the tasty aromas from your diner brought him back from his delirium.”

“Or,” Brock interfered, “he had to flee his own wedding because his wife is a real pain in the ass, unlike our sweet Misty,” Brock oohed at his friend. “Forget it, Brock! You and me, this will never happen!” She gave him a gentle poke.

“Enough now with your naïve speculations! Just let him enjoy his drink. We’re closing soon, so get going,” Jessie dismissed their absurd ideas with a wave of her hand, but at this point no one knew how right Brock was.

Dark thoughts hunted the young man. He knew what he would face at home if he was late. Beatings, torture, rebuke, harassment, were just a few words to describe his failed relationship. Unconsciously, he stroked his scarred arms.

“Can I get you something to eat?” Jessie pulled him out of the maelstrom of bad thoughts, of course she had noticed the wounds, but maybe he had gotten those injuries at work. The young man rummaged some coins out of his pants and let them jingle on the table. “Is that enough for a cheese sandwich?” Jessie hated small change, but she would make an exception for him. A friendly smile, a quick nod, and she passed on the order.

“Something’s wrong with this guy,” she whispered to Eddy. “He’s scarred, bruised and pays with penny coins. Possibly a vagrant.” Eddy couldn’t help but grin. “That guy’s been keeping you busy all night, Jess. What’s the matter with you? Are you getting weak?”

The young man could not overhear the conversation between the waiters, but he was sure they were talking about him. He sure made a rather frightening impression, but that was a private matter and not something you shared with a waitress in a diner.

His gaze drifted to the daily paper, which had two faces emblazoned on it: Butch and Cassidy. He had never heard of this odd couple, but according to the news, theses two were causing quite a stir and were terrifying the Strip.

“Oh, so you’ve already spotted them, those two knuckleheads! They keep the Strip in suspense, and heads roll when the taxes don’t add up,” Jessie served him the cheese sandwich and gave him a slight smile.

“Can I get you anything else?” He thanked her and took a hearty bite of his dinner.

The last half hour flew by and the remaining guests left the diner to spend the night on the Strip, as very few had a roof over their heads. Jessie set about cleaning up and Eddy checked the register.

The young man stood up and made his way towards the door. But before he left the diner, he glanced back at Jessie for a moment. A sigh escaped him. What if…?

Jessie returned his gaze and watched him go until the young man disappeared. She walked right up to his table and found a little note on the receipt.

“Thanks for treating me like a human being, James.” 

#rocketshipping #rocketshipper #pokemon #teamrocket #james #james team rocket #jessie #jessie team rocket #rokettodan #pokemonfanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #new #update #musashi #kojiro #takeshi #brock #ash #satoshi #misty #eddy #story #newstory #lovestory #nightshift #love #relationship #lovely #cute

[antiloreolympus]

8 Anti LO Asks

1. Nah but i agree tho, hermes and persephone in lo just have more chemistry and actual history/compatibility that she just doesnt have with hades, and the same can be said with hades and hera. its just wild the whole point of the comic is supposed to be about hxp and yet theyre so boring//illogical meanwhile decent writing goes into them being with other people.

2. LO is supposed to have modern values, yet the gods, or at least hades, are authoritarians? like the denizens of the underworld do not like him, so they have every right to question persephone and see if shes actually going to be a good queen to maybe make their lives better and not just someone to aide in hades' abuses of powers, and it's pointing towards the latter. how is this "progressive' if it promotes absolute monarchs are allowed to do whatever they want and face no consequences for it?

3. so much of what could have been interesting design symbolism is just gone. persephone and hades were dressed in white and black to look like a bride and groom? now every guy wears a black suit and the women all wear white, no matter the relationship. the red eyes are to symbolize persephone's inner darkness and feelings? theyre just slapped on at random now. her hair length lost all meaning. persephone isnt even a unique color anymore. any thought that was once there is just gone now.

4. good lord the person who interviewed rachel for that fancast is kissing her ass hard, arent they? people have been fancasting their stuff for years now, even when it's just for themselves, she's hardly the first or most important person to do so, esp when it comes with some, ahem, rather racist undertones. why are most if not the only people of color the villains or hypersexual compared to the pale and pure persephone? rachel please check your internalized biases here for a second, please.

5. Maybe it's unwarrented, but the non-greek names of some of the nymphs pisses me off to no end, and I'm not even Greek. They feel so out of place! Why does EVERYTHING have to be Americanized?!?!

6. the flying stuff persephone does also is such a dumb cop out? like one of the most iconic things in myth is the chariots and their animals, including demeter having flying snakes. plus shes not even unique in it either? like hermes flies, so does zeus and hades and im sure basically everyone else, so who cares? how is it a big deal if persephone does it? doesnt that also just make the powers of the gods less unqiue? like so whats so special about hermes then?

7. does anyone know why hxps first meeting was retconned tho? bc them meeting with cerberus is still something webtoons clings to advertise it yet thats not canon anymore bc they met way earlier with persephone being naked, him drunk, and her possibly being underage at the time too?? like theres so many dumb writing choices in this series but retconning the one iconic part in nearly 4 years of publishing for a creepy new version that just makes the series more confusing is so??? why???

8. Okay the shading on Persephones outfit with her pink skin tone makes the outfit look pink as Well.

Also lmao Hades outfit makes him look like a military dictator not a king. The tassels on the coat make it seem like hes going to war not to court.... Well I guess he is sorta declaring war on Zeus by not backing him and protecting Persephone - whos currently a "traitor to the triarchy".

(Also why is Persephone so Tiny next to him?? I can't be the only one who thinks she looks like a child?? Or young teen and not a young woman?)

Whyre people getting mad at Demeter? Shes a mom. She was worried about Persephone. And yeah, maybe the questions arent the "most pressing" but if I was Demeter I too would be wondering where my (basically) teen daughter was staying (with a friend or 40 yr old man who you barely know).

And considering Demeters insistence on whether Perse was with Hecate makes me think Hecate lied to Demeter - so shes likely covering Hades and Kore's asses because she knows its creepy and that if Demeter knew the truth she would (rightfully) freak out. (And I would also be concerned with why the underworld staff are referring to my daughter who I haven't seen in weeks as "my lady" and (I know she didnt hear this, but) why the king of the underworld is referring to Perse as "his wife" even mistakenly).

#anti lo #anti lore olympus #lore olympus critical #lo critical

[buckyownsmylife]

daddy issues - chapter iii

The one where Ransom doesn’t feel ready to become a father, but he should have thought about it before sleeping with a complete stranger.

When Ransom’s latest one night stand lets him know that he’s going to become a father, he finds himself looking for the qualities he never believed to have so he can become the parent he never got to witness as a child.

for general warnings and author’s notes, please go to the fic’s masterlist. It’s being constantly updated

       Leaving work later that day, Ransom was submerged in his own thoughts in a way he hadn’t been ever since he was a teen. Of course, his family - with the exception of his grandfather - thought he didn’t have much in his head, but the truth was that sometimes, he felt like he had too much. So, in an effort not to lose his mind, he decided to let it all go just before he turned fifteen. Everything. Every preoccupation, his mother’s expectations, his fear of never being good enough.        That had served him well up until a couple of months ago. Sure, it meant that he’d created quite a reputation for himself and he’d been involved in one too many drunk endeavors he would have preferred not to be associated with, but at least he had something to share, stories to tell. That would ultimately be extremely beneficial to him if he ever did decide to take his grandfather’s advice and write a book.        But then came the news that Harlan would cut him out of the will if he didn’t get his act together, along with the proposal that he should take over the publishing company, since his uncle was being reallocated to another family business, and he thought to himself, maybe this is it. Maybe this is the time to settle back and become what he’d dreaded so much. Maybe it’s time for him to forget about fun and amusement and discover what exactly was so great about maturing.        So he accepted the job and tried to focus on what he was supposed to be doing. Who he was supposed to be. It seemed like the right thing to do after he’d spent so long trying to run from any sort of difficulty in life. It seemed like he owed his grandfather at least that. But over the next few months, it became increasingly difficult to fulfill his duties without seriously reconsidering everything he had been before and everything he had tried to avoid thinking about, which had lead to his admittedly stupid impulsive behavior.        Ransom was in his late thirties now, and he was only starting to realize just how messed up he was. And that meant that the last thing he thought himself capable of becoming right now was a father.        Actually, Ransom had never even considered the possibility of ever becoming one. I mean, he liked the part that came before, very much in fact, but despite his playboy ways, he’d always been very careful about using a condom, especially since he didn’t want to deal with precisely the type of problem he was going through right now. But of course, even he knew that condoms failed and with his luck (and the amount of sexual partner he’d had) it was only a matter of time until it happened.        Fuck. What the hell was he going to do? It’s not like he even had a proper parental figure to learn from, considering his father was an even lousier son-of-a-bitch than him and his mother was a controlling freak. What was he going to do?        Ransom was startled when he realized he was nowhere near his house when he’d finally been able to snap out from his thoughts. In fact, his feet had taken him in the opposite direction, and he found himself easily following the familiar path to his grandfather’s house.        Just as the castle-like mansion appeared in front of him, he sighed, looking up at the window of Harlan’s office. It seemed like he was awake. He wondered what his grandfather would have to say about this situation. Harlan managed to be even more unpredictable than Ransom most times.       Still, Ransom knew that if there was ever someone who was capable of giving him any advice he’d actually follow, it was him.       Harlan, of course, knew something was up the second Ransom stepped foot in his room. He’d always been the one person capable of reading his grandson, and that meant he was probably the only one who actually somewhat understood him.       “Well, Ransom, it’s very nice of you to come and visit me when there’s no family dinner forcing you to, but care to share what actually made you drive all the way here? I know it has nothing to do with the company, otherwise, I would have already heard about it from one of the managers.”       Ransom couldn’t really be surprised about Harlan and his knowledge of him, so he settled for some feeling kind of comfort at knowing at least someone in this world could see right through him and actually cared enough to ask about his problems.       “I… I got someone pregnant.” The words came out weirdly easily, and it felt like some of the weight that’d been placed on him had now disappeared. He raised his eyes to meet Harlan’s, after his grandfather didn’t offer any immediate reaction, and the anticipation made him grow irritated again.       He really should learn other automatic responses.       “Aren’t you going to say anything?” Harlan took a deep breath before answering, a tiny smile playing on his lips.       “What are you expecting me to say? Congratulations or I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner?” The young man rolled his eyes, impulsively getting up from his seat to pace around the room. His mind was failing him, he couldn’t hold on to a single thought for more than a millisecond. He’d come all the way here in the hopes that Harlan would know what to do, the right thing to say to shed some light on the mess that was his mind, but he should have known better. That was not how his grandfather worked.      But his grandfather knew how *he worked. So he patiently waited, watching with piercing attention as Ransom tried to get a grip over his thoughts. He knew his grandson would need time, but he would voice his concerns sooner or later. And then, he’d be able to actually help, once he determined what precisely was Ransom’s problem with the entire situation.        “I’m not father material,” the young man suddenly blurted out, running his fingers through his hair and inadvertently messing his usually impeccable styling. Harlan smiled to himself, knowing only a year before this would never happen, not without his grandson suddenly leaping towards the nearest reflective surface just to adjust his hair. He’d changed so much already, but he still was overcome by doubts. “I don’t think… I think the baby would be better off not knowing me.”        And there it was. That overwhelming sense of insecurity was the reason for Ransom being the way he was. No matter how hard he tried to run away from it, pretend it wasn’t there, Harlan knew his grandson too well. And now that he was starting to change his life, facing his biggest problem was going to happen sooner or later. Since there was a baby in question, thank God it was sooner rather than later.        “My boy, I understand why you would think that. It’s not like you have had great parental examples to guide you in such a journey, and I even accept my part of the blame in that. But I think you have the wrong idea of what being a parent truly is like. No matter how it may seem to our kids, no single adult suddenly is struck by the obvious guidelines of how to be a perfect parent. We figure out as we go, and we make mistakes along the way. A lot of them. So I think the question that really matters here is… do *you want to be around to witness your child grow? Or would you be okay never really knowing what became of him or her?”        Harlan braced himself for the answer, knowing it would deeply affect him one way or another, but also aware that he couldn’t let Ransom see what his reaction would be like. It would only make the younger man angry. It was important for him to think he was the only one in charge of his decisions, and the only one affected by them.         When it became clear that Ransom was too lost in his own mind to come out with an answer just yet, his grandfather pressed on. “Look, Ransom, parenting is a skill, just like writing. Some people are born naturally talented, others have to rise to the occasion. You just have to figure out if you’re up for the challenge, because if you aren’t… I think it’d be best if you let them be.”        A few more seconds of heavy silence where Ransom still wouldn’t meet his eyes passed, and Harlan decided to ask, “Tell me, is *she ‘mother material’?” His grandson took a deep breath, once more running his fingers through his hair before admitting, “I don’t know. I barely know her at all. But she’s a professor. Of law, out of anything. And she seemed… good. Better than me, at least, and that’s a relief.”        The older man couldn’t help but laugh at how Ransom’s sense of humor tended to show its face in the weirdest of situations. He knew what his grandson should do, that he’d regret not giving this a try, but he also knew no good could come from trying to force Ransom into doing something when he wasn’t ready for or didn’t want to do it. So all he could do was wait, and hope the younger man would find the right answer by himself.       “I think I know what I want to do.”       Harlan couldn’t help but notice the sparkle in Ransom’s eye as he left the house without even remembering to say goodbye.

#ransom drysdale angst #ransom drysdale #angst #my series #ransom drysdale reader #ransom drysdale reader insert #ransom drysdale x reader #ransom drysdale imagine #ransom drysdale imagines

[dumdumsun]

Of Starlight

A/N: Alright, this entire story has officially been written ❤️

Warnings: none that I’m aware of

Word Count: 3067

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Chapter 5: Extra Ordinary

Five years ago, Vanya Hargreeves began writing her autobiography, “Extra Ordinary: My Life as Number Seven”, less than two weeks before her sister’s novel, “One-Sided”, was announced in the papers. Those around who enjoyed her writing were buzzing with excitement, for it was the second book of her trilogy. (Y/N) was thrilled, herself, to be publishing her novel within the next month. Finally sharing her work with the world would have taken a tremendous weight off her shoulders, leaving her with only the weight on her bladder. While working herself nearly to death with her writing, she was with child for the second time, which added to her stress. Thankfully, she had a very supportive husband at the time to assist in anything she requested. It was in those times in which (Y/N) was grateful she decided to make something of herself rather than letting her past as Number Eight define her.

Once “One-Sided” was published, (Y/N) sent two copies out; one to Allison, one to Vanya. She figured her brothers wouldn’t want to read her romantic fantasy as much as her sisters, so she didn’t bother asking. Allison seemed ecstatic for the new addition, but she wasn’t too sure about Vanya, supposing it wouldn’t hurt to send it. If she didn’t want to read it, that was her decision. What she didn’t expect, however, was Vanya’s novel sent to her. After Jada was born, (Y/N) had taken time to read her sister’s autobiography. While Anthony was at work during the day, she’d multitask by reading and taking care of her newborn. She would quietly gasp at certain parts of the book before checking to make sure she hadn’t woken her daughter up. (Y/N) couldn’t believe some of the things her sister dared to put in that book. Some things she wrote were blatantly about (Y/N)’s own insecurities that she had trusted Vanya with knowing. Insecurities about her powers, her capability of being a suitable member of the Umbrella Academy. Vanya had compared it to her own doubts, stating that (Y/N) had no right to complain to her, of all people. Looking back now, (Y/N) could admit that it was a bit selfish to do that to her sister. Regardless, those had been personal and it was unloyal of Vanya to share that with anyone willing to read. Despite this, (Y/N) saw to promote “Extra Ordinary” along with her own work. Someone had to be the bigger person in this situation.

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Nostalgia wasn’t exactly what (Y/N) was overcome with when awaking in her childhood bed. In fact, she’d much rather have opened her eyes to the empty side of her king-sized mattress at home instead. She debated closing her eyes and pretending she had never drifted into consciousness, but sat up when remembering everything Five had told her the day before. If she remembered correctly, there were six remaining days leading up to the end of the world. She had promised Five to assist in preventing the apocalypse, and her drowsiness was not going to hold her back. So, she dragged herself out of bed and began looking for Five. She figured the first place to begin was his bedroom, so she stopped in front of his door and knocked. Hearing rustling on the other side, she asked, “Five, are you decent?”

“Decent enough. You can come in,” He called out, the door opening and (Y/N) stepping inside. He glanced at her over his shoulder as he fixed his white button up. “I take it you had a difficult time sleeping?”

“What makes you say that?” Her hand slid down her face, sarcasm in her tone. She didn’t need a mirror to know she had bags under her eyes. Five chuckled and moved to his vest and jacket, finishing with dressing himself. As he zipped his duffle bag closed, he glanced out the window.

“You tagging along today?”

“I plan to. I… suppose I have nothing to do.”

“Nothing, huh?” Suspicion hid amongst his words as he picked up his bag. “What is it you decided to do with your life, (Y/N)?” The question was simple, genuine, but the weight of it was suffocating. She really couldn’t go back to her normal, beautiful life after all.

“I… found my mother,” She slowly started out, carefully watching as Five curiously glanced up at her under his dark brows. “I became an author… and a mother.”

Suddenly, Five couldn’t breathe. He had anticipated this conversation, prepared himself for everything (Y/N) had accomplished while he was gone. But nothing could have prepared him for the stab in the heart at the mention of her having children. Children with someone who wasn’t him. It was stupidly selfish, he knew, to expect her to wait for him, to do anything else with her life except for the things he longed to do with her. Past the pain, however, he was happy for her. Something in him knew that (Y/N) would one day make a wonderful mother. She was patient, selfless, caring, and oh, how he wished he could’ve been the one. He didn’t even want to ask about the individual she had trusted enough to raise children with her.

His hesitancy to respond worried (Y/N) and suddenly she wanted to apologize. But for what? Her success, her marriage, her children? She had every right to those and she shouldn’t have to apologize. Her concern washed away when Five raised his brows in acknowledgement, opening the window. “Really? A mother? That’s great, Starlight…” God, that nickname… She thought. Why does everything feel so complicated now? Her feet moved her to follow him out of the window and down the fire escape. She thought it was best to not continue the conversation for now.

“Dammit, where’s Dad’s stuff?” The two heard an irritated groan on their way down. (Y/N) craned her neck to see Klaus digging through the dumpster. “Shut up! I’m trying to find whatever… priceless crap was in that priceless box so that Pogo will get off my ass!”

“I’d ask what you’re up to, Klaus, but then it occurred to me…,” Five turned to his brother. “I don’t care.” His useless comment earned an eye roll from (Y/N). Klaus glanced up at the two with a small laugh.

“Hey! You know there are easier ways out of the house, buddy? And bringing little (Y/N) along, too? Whatever could you two be up to?”

“This way of leaving involved the least amount of talking,” Five hopped off the ladder, helping (Y/N) down afterwards. “Or so I thought.”

“Klaus,” The eighth Hargreeves made her way closer to the dumpster. “Is Ben there?”

“Yes, dear, he says hi.” His hand waved in Ben’s supposed direction, (Y/N) softly smiling at her ghost brother. “So, hey, you two need any more company today? I could, uh… clear my schedule.” His eyes shifted to Five as he took a drink from his flask.

“Looks like you’ve got your hands full.” The boy falsely smiled.

“Oh, this? No, no. I can do this whenever. I’m just- I just misplaced something. That’s all.” He then fell into the trash as (Y/N) joined her traveling companion at his side. After a few seconds, Klaus reappeared with a bagel. “Oh! Found it! Thank god!” (Y/N) nearly gagged as he began to chew on it, muffling a ���delicious’ in forced content.

“I’m done funding your drug habit.” Five spit out before walking away. She followed him and waved at Klaus, barely listening to him yelling after them as they climbed into a plumbing van.

“Why are we stealing a van?”

“Shush.”

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Once again, the two teenagers found themselves in front of Meritech Prosthetics. (Y/N) watched as Lance entered the building before sighing. “We’re really gonna sit here and spy on the man?”

“You got a better idea?” Five only kept his stare on him.

“I guess not… What’s the bag for, then?”

Five immediately turned his attention to the duffle bag he brought with them. “Oh, shit,” He muttered before unzipping it. “Hey,” He softly greeted before handing a bottle of alcohol to (Y/N). She blinked once, twice, thrice when he brought out the top half of a bald mannequin and set it between them. “Sorry you were in there for so long, Delores.”

“Wait,” (Y/N) choked. “That’s Delores?! The one you were with for over thirty years?!”

“Well, obviously,” Five frowned before turning back to ‘Delores’. “This is (Y/N), Delores. You know… the one I told you about.”

“You… talk about me to the mannequin? Should I be flattered or weirded out?”

“Oh, be quiet,” Five sighed and turned away. (Y/N) suddenly felt silly for being jealous last night. “No, I’m not drunk.”

“What?” (Y/N) frowned at the boy, who shook his head.

“Talking to Delores. She thinks I’m- Yes, it’s about the eye thing. This is the place it was made. Or… will be made,” His eyes moved up to his human friend. “We just have to wait…”

He’s actually talking to the mannequin, (Y/N) thought as she turned forward, eyes wide. So, that was what the apocalypse had done to him. She felt bad for him now. Initially, her heart warmed at the thought of Five finding someone to love, but knowing that his mind had gone somewhere far away enough for him to turn to a mannequin for comfort…

“So, (Y/N),” He started, his gaze once again trained on the building before them. “Your children… tell me about them.” Truth be told, Five wanted to know how much they had gotten from their mother. Were they just as humorous? Just as passionate? As wonderful? (Y/N) let out a heartfelt laugh as she closed her eyes.

“Where do I even begin? Michael, he’s… so intelligent. He has the highest reading level in his class and they’re thinking of letting him skip the first grade. He’s such a big help at home with his little sister… I swear, he’s a little man. He’s always trying to test my knowledge. Tries to get me to solve his ‘really hard’ math homework problems…,” She chuckled, Five looking at her with an unreadable expression. “And Jada… she’s such a character. No matter how many times I teach her the days of the week, she always gets them wrong… She wakes me up every morning, trying to guess. I say ‘Jada, if yesterday was Wednesday, what is today?’ and she just starts listing off every wrong answer… She’s a performer, too. I enrolled her into dance classes. Oh, it’s her favorite thing to do… And I’ll admit, she’s good at it. Don’t know where she got that from. Definitely not from me or her dad...”

Five tilted his head thoughtfully. “They sound… just like you. They think they know everything,” He joked with a small smile, (Y/N) playfully glaring at him. “Really, though… They sound like great kids… I’d like to meet them one day.”

“Yeah,” She smiled down at her lap. “I’d love for them to meet you… But I need to be an actual adult before I can face them again. Until then… It’s just checking up every once and awhile…”

“(Y/N), I’m so sorry,” Five frowned as he sat forward. “I- I’m going to figure this out. I promise.”

“I know you will,” She breathed and closed her eyes, her world slowly crashing down on her yet again. “Sorry, I need some air.” And with that, Five was in the car alone. Well, save for Delores. Outside, (Y/N) didn’t have much time to really be with her own thoughts before she heard Luther and Klaus’s voices nearing her. Turning to her right, she spotted the two walking side-by-side towards the van. Upon seeing her, Luther raised a hand.

“(Y/N), you need to get back to the Academy. We found something… and Grace might’ve had something to do with Dad’s death.” He gruffly explained, the young girl straightening to attention.

“Wait, what-”

“I can explain at the house, but we need both you and Five there for the family meeting. Is he in there?” He pointed to the vehicle their brother sat in.

“Yeah, but-”

“Great. Be right back.” Luther’s massive body brushed past her to get to Five, Klaus following behind to get in the back. Not waiting a second longer, she followed her junkie brother inside. When she entered the van again, Luther was trying his hardest to fit his body into the passenger seat as Klaus grabbed Delores, smirking at (Y/N) as he began to dance with the mannequin. She only watched him in disinterest. Once Luther was finally in, he turned to Five. “You okay?”

“You shouldn’t be… How did you find me?” Five’s question was answered when Luther turned to Klaus. With everyone’s attention on him, he looked up from Delores and dropped his smile.

“Hey, a little privacy, guys. We’re really hitting it off back here.” He began to caress Delores’s cheek before screaming when Five threw an object at him, Klaus using the mannequin to block. (Y/N) shook her head and moved closer to Five and Luther, the former fuming.

“Get out! You can’t be here! I’m in the middle of something.”

“Oh, but (Y/N) can be here?”

“Yes! We’re in the middle of something!” Five turned forward as Klaus joined (Y/N) at her side, poking her cheek gently.

“Any luck with your one-eyed man?” He asked her, receiving a head shake. Five sighed and turned to Luther.

“What do you want, Luther?”

Turning his attention away from the conversation between the two, Luther answered Five, “Um… So, Grace might’ve had something to do with Dad’s death. So I need you to come back to the Academy, alright? It’s important.” His request was met with silence for a split second before the time traveller shook his head.

“‘It’s important’. You have no concept of what’s important-”

“Hey!” Klaus interrupted, holding his sister at his side. “Did I ever tell you guys about the time I waxed my ass with chocolate pudding?”

And that was when (Y/N) tuned out the entire conversation between her family. She left Klaus’s side and pressed her back against the back of Luther’s seat, closing her eyes. She knew Five wasn’t going with Luther and Klaus to the house, and she didn’t need to listen to the bickering that would’ve led to that outcome. Her attention was eventually brought to Klaus swinging the back door open, huffing as he got out. She watched him slam the door closed and make his way towards the store across the street. Not trusting him in the slightest, she sent a clone after Klaus, telling it to “watch over him”. At this point, she was waiting for Luther to leave so her growing headache would subside, but it seemed the man wanted to talk some more.

“What the hell are you up to, Five?”

“Believe me, you wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me. Last I checked, I’m still the leader of this family.”

“Well, last I checked, I’m twenty-eight years older than you.” Five tightly smiled before (Y/N) snorted with laughter. The boy rolled his eyes and smiled fondly at her before Luther pulled his attention away.

“You know what your problem is?”

“Really hoping you’ll tell me.”

“You think you’re better than us,” Luther’s words wiped that sarcastic smile right off Five’s face. “You always have. Even when we were kids. But the truth is, you’re just as messed up as the rest of us. We’re all you have… and you know it.” Luther stared at his brother, as the boy slowly inhaled.

“I don’t think that I’m better than you, Number One. I know I am,” He hissed, Luther only chuckling. “I’ve done unimaginable things, things you couldn’t even comprehend.”

“Right...”

“Just to get back here and save you all…” Five stared out the window. (Y/N) sighed and grabbed Delores.

“Luther, out.” She ordered, her “big” brother turning to her with an offended look. “Five’s clearly not going with us. No use arguing with him either. So, just go and I’ll catch up-” She was cut off by the sound of a voice whooping in excitement. The three looked across the street to see Klaus running out of the store, arms full of stolen snacks, the clone following close behind.

“Hey, bitches!” He shouted as a cop chased after them, blowing his whistle. The clone turned to the officer and pushed him away with great force as Klaus was nearly hit by a car. Five’s head followed Klaus’s movement.

“I’m starting to wonder if that was the wisest decision…”

After Luther was sent out of the van, (Y/N) took over the passenger seat once again and set Delores down between them, Five quietly thanking her. “So… I’m going with the guys.”

“What? Why are you wasting your time, I thought you wanted to help me?”

“I do, and I will… But I don’t trust Luther to make decisions right now… I mean, if Mom really did have something to do with Dad’s death… Who knows what he’ll do? The least I can do is try to talk him out of it. I promise, when I’m done, I’ll come and find you.” She softly smiled, gently patting his hand. Five shook his head at her.

“You don’t have to promise me anything… I’m the one who owes you.”

“All you owe me is this,” She gently squeezed his hand. “You being here… That’s what I’ve wanted for so long. Now I have it. So, your debt is paid.” She chuckled. Five rested the back of his head against the seat as his eyes searched her face, trying to find anything that should worry him about her. But all he found was her warm smile and eyes that shone with affection. It suddenly felt inappropriate to have Delores around right now.

“Well, then, you should get going… You’ve gotta catch up with those idiots.”

“Alright. Don’t be out here forever, okay?” (Y/N) leaned in and pecked his cheek before getting out of the car and rushing after her brothers. As he watched her speed away, he tried to regulate his breathing, heartbeat increasing.

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Taglist: @melinda-hargreeves @43sparrows @sapphicsyn @m00n-sh @starcurrent @alexander-hamilhoe @youcandalekmyballs @wonderlandfandomkingdom @yrdadjstcallsmekatya

#the umbrella academy #umbrella academy x reader #tua fanfic #tua x reader #five hargreeves #five hargreeves x reader #five x reader #tua five #number five #number five x reader #of starlight #umbrella academy #tua

[thenerdywriter]

i came in from the outside, burnt out from the joyride (ii)

this was born out of a conversation with @akinosakiya, so all credits go to her >.<

chapter 1 | chapter 2 | coming soon

ao3

(A/N: so... i am extremely sorry for not updating,,, uni and life has been generally kicking my ass pretty horribly (im in my final semester lol) and while i am not generally very happy with this chapter, it is important because it sets up a lot of things in the future yeeet)

word count: 4955

Attorney Park wishes her good luck as she leaves for the courthouse the next day, and Sol can’t help but feel as though he was laughing at her for some reason, and frantically checks for food stuck in her teeth on the way to the courthouse. There isn’t any, so she’s left to wonder exactly what the hell he meant when he had sent her off with a very cryptic “see you soon, Kang Sol.”

“What did he even mean?” she mutters to herself, calling her sister, “Ah, Byeol, remember to go to your academy today, all right?”

“Okay, eonni,” her sister replies, “you’re at the courthouse, aren’t you?”

“Hmm, I have a case to win,” she replies, and Byeol wishes her good luck before the call goes silent, and she allows herself a rare moment of self-reflection, taking in the image of the Courthouse. It’s imposing, but she curiously feels at home here, in the middle of the city where the noise of the cars is so loud, she can’t hear the person next to her sometimes. There’s something magical about the courthouse, and she isn’t romanticising it, but the idea of fighting for justice, no matter how imperfect, it fills her with pride, even more so when she knows that what she is doing is for good.

Not to say that there aren’t any downsides to it, either. She gets threats almost on the daily, from disgruntled clients and from people who want her to take the case, even though she knows it would be an affront to her dignity. The Dean’s voice floats into her ear, reciting the Attorneys-at-act law that allows her to reject a case if she wants to. Right. It does not feel like an insult to her now like it had done then, the act, because she chose to take this case on, and yet, here she is, standing in front of the courthouse, wearing her nicest clothes (Yeseul had raised an eyebrow, but she was too tired to pay any attention to her) and dreading her turn to go inside.

“Eonni!” a voice calls out, and it’s Yeseul, dressed for a case, “how long do you have before you have to go in?” Sol doesn’t need to check her watch to tell the time that is left, ten minutes on the dot, and she’s waiting for her client to come through, still in police custody, something which she had failed to stop, “are you staring off into space again?”

She recovers quickly, “no, I was just waiting for the defendant to be brought here by the police.” She turns to Yeseul, who’s evidently not had much sleep, “why are you here in my case? Didn’t you wrap one up today?”

“Ah, I did,” Yeseul smiles, taking a hold of Sol’s arm, “but I’m here now, aren’t I? I thought you would need some support, you know, since you—”

She doesn’t complete the sentence. She doesn’t need to. Sol smiles at her, loops their arms together, and says, “do you want to have coffee?”

Yeseul grins, “I’d love to.”

—

No matter how many times she’s walked in here, and no matter how much the courthouse makes her feel at ease, there’s still a part of her that is anxious when she stands in front of it, hoping that she might be able to provide adequate justice to the person she was defending. It throws her off sometimes, the court of law. But she can always find her way back to it, and perhaps this is why she loves it, loves being able to defend people from being betrayed by the same system that they had put so much trust in, betrayed, just like she had been. It’s as though the law is apologising to her, albeit in its own, slightly twisted way.

The defendant, Je Sang-Hee, sits at her designated position, looking at her, and Sol draws herself up to her full height, careful to not catch anyone’s eye on the other side of the courthouse. Its oddly suffocating, the courthouse today, the air thick with a sort of anticipation that she doesn’t really want to address. Yeseul squeezes her arm, whispering, “you’ll do good, eonni,” and all of a sudden, she’s standing there, alone, with only her wits there for help. Shit. I wish I had had gotten drunk last night. At least this would have been hazier.

She approaches the bench, the defendant sitting silently, and tries to reassure her, “don’t worry, we’ll clear your name, all right?” she’s met with silence, as Sang-Hee only nods, her eyes welling with unshed tears. It’s heart-breaking, the way Sang-Hee has accepted her punishment, accepted that she would be going to prison anyway, so, nothing really matters. Sol doesn’t want that for her. She doesn’t want that for anyone, not even the worst of criminals. Sure, she may not be defending them in the court of law, but everyone should benefit from the assumption of innocence. She may not be the one speaking up for them, but she does wish that people have the opportunity to prove themselves innocent.

There aren’t many people in attendance in the courthouse today, which is a blessing, but she also has to deal with pesky reporters stationed outside, who seemed to have taken an interest in the woman accused of attempted murder, despite having really, no evidence against her. It was funny, how people jumped to conclusions, just because of the person’s backgrounds, or due to a particular defamatory article that may have been published about them online. Sang-Hee had had one published about her, filled with lies so vile that Sol couldn’t even read through it once.

“Sang-Hee ssi,” She says, approaching the defendant’s bench, “how are you feeling today?”

Je Sang-Hee looks at her, eyes still shining with tears, and lowers her gaze. She can’t even speak. Sol is angry, of course, but even more than the anger that simmers inside of her, is frustration, for not being able to protect her client, frustration at being unable to be the person there for the victim.

“Eonni,” Yeseul’s voice drags her out of her little reverie, “eonni, I think Joon-hwi oppa is here now.”

Sol squints at the younger girl, “who told you that?”

Yeseul holds up her phone, “Bok-gi is going to be here too, so he texted me. The two of them are going to come along, him and Jiho. Jiho should be here by now, but he hasn’t texted yet.”

Sol just—stares at Yeseul for a moment, trying to understand the volley of information that had just been thrown at her, in a manner not unlike that of Professor Yang, the man who, Sol recollects with regret, had heard about this whole mess from Sol B, but had not once offered to help. She didn’t need his help, though. It’s just that he could have offered to help her, and it would have been nice.

“Eonni,” Yeseul says, warning evident in her voice, “he’s here.”

What she doesn’t say, but Sol knows, is the sentence, don’t worry, I’m here for you. I’ll be here for you. She didn’t need it, per se, but it felt nice to know that at least one person had her back in this courthouse. Bok-gi was of course, on her side too, but she knew he wouldn’t sacrifice Joon-Hwi. Not now, anyway.

“You have your back to the Prosecutor’s bench,” Yeseul elbows her lightly, and she realises that yes, she has indeed been standing with her back towards the Prosecution’s bench all this while, and most importantly, there was someone behind her.

“Attorney Kang,” She knows that voice, has heard it in her head for years now, but Kang Sol finds herself unable to lift her gaze from the linoleum floor as she grasps the warm hand that was now being offered to her, “nice to meet you, finally.”

There’s a teasing lilt to the last word, a certain edge to the syllable that she knows all too well, having been subjected to it for hours on end, in classes, in the copy room, in the café, even in her mind. It’s from a voice she knows all too well, someone she had wronged.

Courage, Kang Sol.

“Hello, Prosecutor Han,” she looks up, extending one hand to the man in front of her, and—

She didn’t have any expectations of how she would meet Han Joon-Hwi after so many years, but in the deeper recesses of her mind, she had a thought; of his eyes widening at seeing her face for the first time in so many years, her falling in love with him all over again. She had thought of looking—no, not just looking, looking at him, for the first time in so many years, after that one fateful day when she ignored the words of her heat and went running far away from him, perhaps falling in love all over again.

Instead—she feels nothing. Perhaps a pang of guilt somewhere in the recesses of her mind, but when she looks into the eyes of Han Joon-Hwi, her best friend, the person she had fallen in love with, Kang Sol doesn’t see anyone but a weathered prosecutor, the boy who had called out her name on graduation day in Hankuk Law school long gone. Even though he looks not a day older, even though his eyes still crinkle in the same way when he smiles, and his hand still holds the same weight when he takes her hand for a handshake, but she can’t find the boy she was in love with anymore.

“Attorney Kang,” he grins, and his voice is the same, teasing when he looks at her, smiles at her, but he is her opponent, she has to defeat him today. This isn’t preparing for mock trials and judicial competitions, where they only played at being lawyers and prosecutors, this is real life. Je Sang-Hee’s life depends upon her, Kang Sol, winning this case. Against him, Han Joon-Hwi.

“Noona, nice to see you again,” Bok-gi pushes forward, giving her a warm hug, which does its job to dissipate all errant thoughts of a boy whose smile had haunted her in her dreams, “I’ll be watching today, my law firm asked me to—”

“Don’t worry about that,” she assures him, “you can take all the notes you want.” He’s still looking at her, she realises when she lets go of Bok-gi, Han Joon-Hwi is still staring at me. Do I have something in my teeth? “Good luck today, Prosecutor Han.”

He grins at her then, dimpled smile making her heart skip a beat, and says, “I don’t need luck, Attorney Kang,” before sauntering off to his seat.

Kang Sol clenches her jaw. Asshole.

--

He wasn’t sure how it would be—their meeting for the first time, but Joon isn’t going to say he’s dissatisfied with it. sure, she’s grown up now—she isn’t Kang Sol A anymore, she goes by just Kang Sol, and he doesn’t have the pesky tag of second-round judicial passer hanging around his neck anymore.

She had stared him down, and to no surprise, he still found her beautiful. Sure, he had always thought that there was a sort of magnetic aura around Sol, something that commanded the attention of an entire room when she walked in. She looked the same as she had looked, five years ago, when he had tried to confess to her, and she had rejected him. Sol hadn’t told him that she was rejecting him, at least not explicitly; Han Joon-Hwi was a man who could take a hint, especially if it ran away from him while he was in the middle of his confession. Really, Kang Sol. You made me chase you all the way to this courtroom.

A hand slams down on his desk, and Seo Jiho’s irritated voice tells him, “If you’re going to stare, at least do it properly.”

He sputters, suddenly thankful that his co-prosecutor was running late, as he stood up to stare at his ex-roommate, who was porting a very uncharacteristic grin, “what do you mean by that? I wasn’t staring.”

“Sure, you weren’t,” Jiho says, and even Bok-gi sniggers at him, “you were just looking in the general direction of Sol noona, so much so that everyone in the room thinks that the two of you are either dating, or that you want to kill her. Personally, I prefer the latter.”

He doesn’t say anything, just grumbles under his breath, and Jiho presses on, “did you prepare well for this case? You do realise that your evidence is weak, do you?”

“Ah, of course, hyung knows it,” Bok-gi steps in to intervene, and Joon-Hwi thinks for a moment that yes, Bok-gi was always one of the better ones, and then he opens his mouth again, “he’s just ignoring all the things he said before entering the courthouse, and proving to all of us how much of a hypocrite he is.”

Joon glares at Bok-gi, who is giggling at him now, and turns to look at the judge’s bench a pout on his face. Sure, he had proclaimed in the car that he would “not be looking at her, nope”, and the fact that it had taken him exactly three minutes to break that promise was bit laughable, but his friends didn’t have to rub it into his face.

“I don’t understand,” Bok-gi asks, “why are you still hung up on her? You basically took this case just so you could meet her again, and even though the two of you haven’t talked in years, you still talk about her, you still ask about her when you get the chance, so what is going on?”

Joon-Hwi doesn’t answer. He knows what is going on, why he has been so intent on meeting Kang Sol, even after so long, but he doesn’t want to—no, he can’t tell Bok-gi that. He feels a pang of guilt whenever he even thinks of telling Bok-gi the actual reason behind him running after Sol, even though she had made it abundantly clear that she didn’t want to have anything to do with him.

He wonders, sometimes.

His co-prosecutor arrives in the courtroom, almost gliding over the floor to take their seat, and he can see Kang Sol shrink back a little, obviously intimidated. He doesn’t hide his smile anymore, not that he needs to either. She didn’t have to get flustered over his co-prosecutor entering the damn courtroom. She’s never done that, at least from what Bok-gi and Yebeom have told him; even Jiho had pitched in with his own comments sometimes, knowing exactly how much it pissed him off, but he still did it. Every time he met Bok-gi or he met Yeseul, he would ask about her, waiting for them to respond with “oh, she’s doing okay, oppa” and “I met her a few weeks ago, she was fine, hyung” and they move on after that, but he can’t.

They don’t possibly expect him to move on from her, do they?

“All rise,” the bailiff announces, and he dutifully stands up, watching out of the corner of his eye as Sol gently helps the defendant to rise up alongside her, before being seated again. She still did that little thing when she looked around the entire courtroom for people watching her, he thinks to herself. She’s still the same Sol. No, she’s different now. We both are. We both are different, but there’s still things about her that remind me of the times we spent in Hankuk.

“Prosecutor Han,” the judge tells him, and he stands up quickly to his feet, “begin.”

“Thank you, Your Honour,” He says, walking out to the defendant’s bench, “defendant Je Sang-Hee, you were indicted on charges of attempted murder, following an attack on your fiancé, Seo Changmin, on the fourteenth of November, two weeks prior to your indictment.”

“Yes, I was,” she begins, “but I didn’t do anything to—”

“I’ll be the one asking questions here,” he cuts her off with a dismissive wave of his hand, and out of the corner of his eye, he can see Sol draw an almost-imperceptible breath, shaking her head at him. She isn’t flustered. He’s very sure she isn’t flustered, because the two of them have been on opposite sides of each other, time and time again, “could you confirm that Seo Changmin suffered injuries because of you?”

She stares at him, defiant, and replies, “he did not suffer injuries because of me, I found him and I called the police, I’ve told you this.”

“Yes, you have,” Joon walks to the front of the witness’ bench, “but your whereabouts were also unknown that night, until that fateful moment when you actually found your fiancé, and proceeded to assault him. Is that right?”

She looks at him, scowling. He’s hit a nerve, apparently. They had been harping on that aspect for far too long than what was necessary, Joon had noticed when he had been preparing. He couldn’t go that way when he questioned her, because he knows Sol has prepared for it.

So, he changes his track of questioning, “Ms Sang-Hee, would I be wrong in assuming that Mr Changmin had visited you five times over the three days prior to the accident?”

She stares at him, “he is my fiancé. Or he was, before the accident happened. It wasn’t unusual for him to visit me multiple times in a single day.”

He stops, “and yet, when the police asked you about the reason of his visits, you chose to remain silent, evading the question—”

“Objection,” Sol says calmly, standing up from her seat, “the prosecution cannot ask leading questions.”

“Sustained,” the judge replies smoothly, even before Joon-Hwi has a chance to respond, “Prosecutor Han, you cannot possibly expect me to accept this in the courthouse.”

He nods his head, slightly irritated, now that she has taken his advantage away, “moving on, Ms. Sang-Hee, when you found Seo Changmin unconscious, why did you not call for an ambulance? You waited ten minutes to call an ambulance, which most people would argue, looks strange, does it not?”

She doesn’t back down an inch. Good. He hadn’t thought she would either. They didn’t have enough evidence to show that she was guilty, her indictment based primarily on circumstantial evidence that even the most punishment-happy of all judges would find difficulty agreeing with. But they had had her indicted, and now they were here, trying to get her a sentence that would be as heavy as possible. Sol had been right. He didn’t have to worry about the defendant, not as a prosecutor. He just had to punish people to the full extent of the law.

“I tried to wake him up multiple times, but he didn’t respond,” Sang-Hee responds, staring at the judge, “I didn’t think it was out of the ordinary, since he had always had a drinking problem, but when he didn’t respond to me calling his name in the morning, that was when I grew worried.”

She looks at him once, then back to her lawyer, Sol, who looked as though she wanted to strangle him. good. This means I’m winning, and turns back to him, “it was like him to come back drunk, so drunk that he could barely remember where he was, and his friends would drop him off at my house, with apologies, but he would repeat his behaviour. I wasn’t too worried when he didn’t respond to my calls at night, but by morning, he would usually be awake and demanding breakfast. That was when I started to get anxious.”

“Anxious? Not worried?” he asks, curiosity spiked by her peculiar choice of words, “were you anxious that he was actually dead? Or were you anxious that your—”

“he’s my fiancé, of course I would be anxious if he was not responding to my calls,” Sang-Hee stares at him, “you must not have dated a lot if you think I wouldn’t have been worried about my fiancé.”

A wave of laughter runs through the court, and he can feel the tips of his ears turn red. Even the judge cracks a smile, and he can see both Bok-gi and Jiho sniggering. They’re never going to let me live this one down, “so, you called the police then, who found your fiancé almost dead from a drug overdose.”

“Yes,” she looks at her hands, fingers intertwined, “they told me he had taken it about four hours before I called them.”

Ah, there it is. He knew it would come to this, he had known there was no way to win this case after all, even if he really did want to win. There were things he couldn’t do after all, despite being what they called a ‘star prosecutor’. “No more questions.”

The smile on Sol’s face is enough to tell him that he’s lost this case. Oddly enough, he doesn’t feel disappointed, even as his partner shoots dirty looks at him, a clear violation of courtroom conduct, but he can’t bring himself to care, fixated on the way she looks while cross-examinating the defendant, the way she turns to the judge and says “no more questions, your Honour.” It’s a far cry from the Sol he remembers at law school, the one who would have him act as prosecutor whenever she went up in a mock trial, even if he had been assigned the role of prosecutor, going up against her. She always asked him to help her practise, and like the fool that he was, he always helped her. Even now, as he stands there, watching her, it’s almost as though he is back at Hankuk; almost, but not quite.

“Court adjourned for the day, and will convene for the next trial on—” Joon can feel himself growing more and more antsy, as the judge announces the date for the next trial, and that Sang-Hee can be released from Judicial custody, especially since her health had been failing due to the stress of the trial and asthma, from which she had suffered since she was young.

He hurries out of the courthouse, only to be cornered by Jiho and Bok-gi at the entrance, Bok-gi with a large grin on his face and Jiho with his trademark expressionless look, although he knows both of them were going to tease him about this, possibly till he died and perhaps even then, they would find a way to sneak it into his eulogy.

Strangely, he didn’t mind it at all.

“Hyung, where are you going?” Bok-gi asks, even as Joon desperately tries to catch a glimpse of Sol through the now-closing courtroom doors, “shouldn’t you be preparing for the next date?”

He looks at Bok-gi for a second, eyes widening, “what are you talking about?”

Bok-Gi’s smile gets wider, if that’s possible, “really? What were you thinking about, hyung? I was talking about the next court date.”

Joon-Hwi huffs, “I was thinking about the same thing, Min Bok-Gi; now, if you will—”

Jiho opens his mouth to say something, but Joon barrels past the two of them, running down the stone steps and to the driveway, where his car was parked, and, presumably, Sol’s too. She’s walking faster now, and he has to run to keep up with her. Her ponytail bobs as she takes quick steps, in a hurry to get away from the courthouse complex. He doesn’t blame her at all.

“Sunbae!” he calls out, loud enough to catch the attention of quite a few people, “Sunbae!”

That catches her attention all right, and she stops in her tracks, turning to him, an irritated expression on her face. It doesn’t stay for long, however, fading just as quickly as it came, “so, you’re still sticking with that name, Han Joon-Hwi?”

He grins, “of course. It wouldn’t be me and you, if I didn’t call you Sunbae, Sunbae.”

She stares at him, with an expression he can’t quite place. “I thought we didn’t have that sort of a relationship anymore, Prosecutor Han.”

And, there it is. He can’t deny it and say that it doesn’t hurt to be treated by Sol this way, but he’s nothing if not tenacious, so he pushes on, “you did good today, in there.”

She doesn’t say anything, simply nods her head, before replying with a curt, “good job today, Prosecutor Han.” Of course, she would say that; he doesn’t want to admit it, but it sort of feels like she had slapped him full across the face. Who am I kidding, if she had done that, it would have perhaps hurt less. He feels like a fool, standing in the middle of the road, calling out her name, and a years-old nickname that she didn’t like, and one that he felt only held significance for him.

What they had not had was closure; or at least for him, it was that, the absence of a final answer to his unasked question, something between them still hanging in the air. She could ignore it, live on with her life, but he cannot. There should have been closure, he’s told himself time and time again, or was I just too unimportant for her to even give a damn. It isn’t true, he knows, Sol wouldn’t do that to him, or to anyone else for that matter, but on some nights, it becomes impossible. He doesn’t blame her either; he blames his own self for the loss of his closest friend. If only he hadn’t been stubborn enough to ask her out on the day of graduation. He should have waited a little bit more.

But then, should he have waited?

“Sol!” he calls out again, jogging lightly to keep up with her steps, “Sol! Wait up for a minute—”

He’s interrupted, Sol turning abruptly to meet him halfway, which results in him having to backtrack, “what do you want now?”

He smiles brightly, “how about Pyongyang naengmyeon? I know a place nearby that’s good.”

She stares at him, like she can’t really figure out his deal. He holds up his hands, “look, all I’m asking for is a meal. No strings attached.”

Surprisingly, she nods once, turning on her heel, “lead the way, Prosecutor Han.”

--

I should not be doing this.

Her phone buzzes, and it’s Yeseul. You should not be doing this, the text reads, and Sol has to gather all her willpower to not scream in the middle of the street, I know, I fucking know, I shouldn’t be doing this with him right now, going for lunch when there’s—no, I just cannot do it.

She thinks it would be good, for her to have one lunch with him, to get him out of her system, Yeseul’s wisdom about not having lunch with someone who is technically her opponent in the court be damned. She just needs to have lunch with him once, and then she can stop feeling this way.

The restaurant is small, but bright light filters in through the large windows as they take a seat at one of the empty tables. There are a lot of them, she thinks, looking around, just after the lunchtime rush, or the restaurant wasn’t a very good one. Either way, she was supposed to be having a meal with Han Joon-Hwi right now, and as Sol takes a seat, she realises she had been vastly unprepared for this meeting.

He doesn’t look like the Joon she knew back in Hankuk, that is certain, but he doesn’t look like what her imagination had unhelpfully supplied her with either. He looks every inch the prosecutor, with dark circles underneath his eyes and that slouching posture she supposes every prosecutor has, as though he had been carrying the weight of the whole world. It’s sad, somehow.

“Are you going to order?”

“Hm?” She turns her gaze, and sure enough, he’s looking at her just like he had done all those years ago, when she had a stupid letter attached to her name like a real-life suffix that followed one around, and he used to lean over tables and grin all up in her face and mock her by saying Sunbae. It’s—uncomfortable. She didn’t think she would revert to her university self so easily, but with him, it feels like second nature, “You said Pyongyang naengmyeon, so we should get Pyongyang naengmyeon.”

“All right,” he teases, but it’s light, the kind of tone one would use with a co-worker, which strikes her as somehow offensive (am I not more important than a co-worker?) and she spots a glint of something else in his eyes, but shakes her head free of the thought, just as he says, “so, how is work?”

She rolls her eyes, “I don’t think you asked me to lunch after all these years just to talk to me about work, Han Joon-Hwi.”

He smiles, “right, I didn’t, two orders of beef bone soup, please.”

She stares at him, “it’s summer,” and turns back to the ahjumma, “two orders of Pyongyang naengmyeon, please.”

He just shakes his head, looking at her in that funny way, and asks, “so, do you remember, or do you not?”

What is he even asking me about? “No, I don’t,” she replies, pouring out water for the both of them, “what are you even talking about?”

He shakes his head at her again, “never mind. Let’s eat.”

She can’t help but feel as though she had just missed something important, at least by the look on his face. Or maybe that’s the naengmyeon talking.

#solhwi #solhwi fanfic #jtbc law school #han joon hwi #kang sol a

[sharkfish]

love ‘em, can’t live without ‘em: early-career writers!

[masterpost of rec lists]

new content creators are the lifeblood of fandom, so here i present stories by folks who have five or less destiel fics published (...so far) as of december 2020!!! 

please give them some love!!! 

under the cut since it got long~ 

the burden of belonging by Newtondale @soft-klaus (8k)

Dean doesn't know where he's going, he just drives.

He meanders. Takes whatever road he wants without worrying about efficiency or speed. He watches the landscape change around him as he heads east, towards the sea. Sometimes he listens to music, and sometimes he doesn’t. Most of the time he just thinks, the way he has always thought best; with an open road ahead and horror close behind.

Cas always comes back to him. Cas has always come back. Whether it takes minutes, or weeks, or months - Cas comes back to him.

But Cas hasn’t come back. How much longer is supposed to wait? Minutes? Months? How long is he supposed to live like this, like there’s nothing else that matters except the space beside him where Cas should be?

So he just drives.

Dean Winchester’s 12-Step Guide to Inebriated Online Retail Therapy for Fallen Angels and Judgemental Brothers With Bad Hair (Suck It, Sammy) by justholdingstill @justholdingstill   (3k) 

Alternatively titled Dean Wayne: The Life & Legend

Dean gets drunk. Dean orders things online. Hilarity ensues.

Hang-Ups by anupalya @anupalya (2k)

A slip of the tongue while hanging up a zoom meeting with Castiel leaves Dean in a panic.

****

Jsksdjdjskal

I'm starting to think you're letting Blueberry walk over your keyboard again.

i'm moving to Thailand

?????

I have to

Dean

I have no choice

... so I take it the meeting went well?

dream root & fumbling through the darkness by visionsofyerface @omnishamblegreg (1.3k)

Dean takes dream root for some fun angsty wanderings into Cas’s head, and then actually goes to the Empty, but Cas doesn't believe it's really him.

How Long? by MinxyOne93 @substitutesalt93 (WIP - 37k)

Dean has been going on reckless hunts by himself. Cas confronts him and all those years of unresolved pining come to a boiling point.

_

"Dean. How long?" The angel said, still quiet but so raw with emotion, eyes still wide with shock.

Dean looked down at the floor and sighed. "Since... always. I knew it for sure in Purgatory. But always." He then added in a near whisper, tears threatening to spill from behind his now closed eyelids, "I'm sorry, Cas."

"Sorry? You're sorry?" Castiel felt dumbfounded. The constant loneliness and longing he had sensed from Dean that seemed to grow worse and worse with the passing of years made so much more sense now.

"Dean," was all Cas could say before releasing his grip on his collar and gently, slowly, deliberately, kissing the corner of his mouth. A shocked gasp left Dean’s mouth of its own accord and he melted into Castiel's tight embrace.

It's The Thought That Counts by oceaxe @oceaxe-ifdawn (3k)

It’s Dean’s birthday and while angels have no birthdays, Castiel has a) been around human cultures for long enough to be aware of the nearly universal customs of celebrating the anniversary of a loved one’s birth and b) has been living with humans for long enough that he’s been included in some of those celebrations. But the art of gift-giving continues to elude his comprehension.

Lucky Winner by natmoose @natmoose (32k)

Dean wins a trip to Paris. In and of itself, that’s an amazing thing, but the problem is: he isn’t in a relationship with Lisa anymore, and the trip requires a romantic partner. The obvious choice is Cas, his roommate and best friend of 3 years, but coming with that are some very very complicated feelings and things Dean absolutely doesn’t want to deal with.

But Dean isn’t selfish and also really wants to give his overworked best friend a well deserved holiday, so the only and best solution is to take Cas to Paris, romantic theme be damned. What Dean doesn’t know is that their whole trip will be documented by a photographer from the company - so to avoid their vacation being cut short, Dean and Cas will have to convincingly play a couple.

Once Upon a Falling Star by GrandestBlood @grumpy-mccat (WIP - 3k) 

Alternate outcome for season 5's Endverse where Castiel never lost his grace but he was tricked to retreat back to heaven with the other angels, leaving Dean behind in the refugee camp.

Prompt for this was: The world has ended 500 years ago. You finally went back to Earth and discovered a voice message. You learn a shocking secret about 500 years ago.

Sending A Message by ivebeenpossessedbysatan @ivebeenpossessedbysatan (WIP - 15k)

Castiel Novak didn't expect to be kidnapped. Sure, he'd seen it happen before, but that was all in movies. Just because his mother had married into money didn't mean that someone was actually going to kidnap him and try to ransom him for money.

Only apparently it did, because here he was, tied to a chair in the corner of the most cliché warehouse he'd ever seen.

Why was this is life?

so leave me // at the roadside by LinkInThePark @saminzat (3k)

”This was exactly what he had been trying to avoid. Maybe he shouldn’t have gone out on his own at all, but he was tired of sitting around in the bunker, where the walls seemed to close in on him and the halls were too empty at the same time. Where everything reminded him of what had happened, of the battles they had fought and the people they had lost.

Of the words left unsaid.”

Dean is taking the Impala on a ride, trying to escape everything that's happened... And, in the process, is finally forced to confront his grief. 15x19 coda.

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, but Words Might Get Me Laid by Mrs King of Hell (Slytherkins) @slytherkins (3k)

When Dean's name calling goes too far, Castiel decides to teach him a lesson in manners.

"Take a Sad Song and Make it Better" by Shishquah_CustardTree @shishquahcustardtree (WIP - 27k) 

After being bought and abused by Alistair for many years, Dean Winchester finally gets another chance at life and love by the means of a car crash and a bullet.

The One (1) Time Dean Winchester Tried Something New by archangelgabe @3dg310rdsupreme (2k)

What fun is a relationship that doesn't start with the gross misunderstanding that your crush is hitting on your kid brother?

The one where they get heaven-married by mercurialkitty @mercurialkitty (1.3k)

First a quick chat with Sam in the Impala, then it's off to find Cas.

A finale fix-it where Dean and Cas get heaven-married

There'll Be Peace When You Are Done by diaryofageekgirl @diaryofageekgirl  (5k) 

Somehow, in the middle of severing vamp necks in the dead of night in a run-down barn in Ohio, Dean had a revelation.

Or: nothing stays dead on Supernatural.

This is heaven by madbrilliant84 @madbrilliant84 (800)

“Come on dude! Don’t tell me you don’t know what your legs look like! I bet you could crush melons with those.”

Cas seemed incredibly amused by this. “And that’s something that turns you on?”

Dean smiled while biting is bottom lip. He slowly nodded. His playful tone dropped to something more heated.

“Uh huh. First thing I noticed when I saw you sitting on that bar stool.”

You're Not Alone by Wordsintothevoid @deancas-stan (15k)

Dean has an imaginary friend. Sure, that's weird as hell but he doesn't care. Cas has been there to support him during every horrible thing in Dean's short miserable life and he is not giving up Cas. Sure, Dean may also sorta kinda be in love with him. Oops. And it hurts but Dean will keep it platonic. But then Cas leaves. And then Dean breaks.

We’ll All Arrive in Heaven Alive by invisibledrugs @reasonsweweresinging (1k)

The Winchesters are finally dying, and for good.

But that's okay, because Dean knows what - and who - is waiting for him.

last but definitely not least, @uncastiel doesn’t have any fics yet but is taking prompts! 

#sharklist #destiel #rec list

[donutloverxo]

My moon and stars

**not my gif**

Please note that my work is not to be reposted or published anywhere other than my Tumblr or AO3 account without my permission. Reblogs are most welcome though!

Note - this is for @our-marvel-universe's birthday! I'm so sorry I'm late and that I'm bad at summaries.

Divider by @writeyourmindaway

Date posted - 26-08-20/Wed

Summary - Steve swoops in and saves your birthday with some stargazing and confessions.

Pairing - Steve Rogers x reader

Word count - 1386

Masterlist is linked in the bio!

You groaned as another person bumped into you, spilling a good amount of their drink on you. They didn't even bother apologizing, probably thinking that you're just a nobody, even though this was your party.

You had never had a huge birthday bash before or tons of presents, you were so naively excited when Tony told you he was throwing you one and inviting the whole city. You felt for some reason, they're here because they care for you or the super hero work you do everyday.

You couldn't be more wrong. Most of them didn't even know you. Your own family and friends, other than the Avengers had failed to show up. Now you could only look at the crowd of people and shake your head in disappointed.

Resisting the urge to punch Tony in his stupid face when he so smugly asked, 'You like the party?'

You would've, despite everything, but he wasn't here. He was gone on some stupid mission. Not that you cared that much. He wasn't yours, he didn't need to wish you a happy birthday or attend your party. You still couldn't help but hold out hope that you'd both stop dancing around each other.

No longer interested in the party where even the people you knew were completely drunk you made your way over to your favorite part of the compound.

You held on to your jacket a little tighter as you shivered, the wind messing up your fancy hairstyle. You looked up at the sky to see so many twinkling stars and beautiful colors, something you don't get in cities. You wouldn't trade this view for anything.

You instantly became alert when you heard someone stand behind you. You looked over your shoulder to see the man of your dreams, your captain, someone you had a hopeless schoolgirl crush on.

"Hey." Was all he said giving you a pathetic wave as you huffed.

Folding your hands over your chest you asked "Where were you? You didn't even tell me you were leaving. Not - not that I'd care why would I?" You stammered as you feared you had just accidentally revealed your deepest secret. "You're not that important Steve!" You yelled in an effort to backtrack.

He furrowed his brows before giving you a stupidly handsome smile, "I'm so sorry doll. But I'm here now. Tell me how I can make it up to you."

"Whatever. It doesn't matter." You said dejectedly as you turned around to lean against the railing and continue your stargazing.

"I just knew you'd be here when I didn't see you at the party.” He mumbled under his breath as he stood next to you. You could see him staring at you through your peripheral vision. “What’s wrong kid?”

You winced at the nickname. That’s what he thought of you, that’s all you’ll ever be to him. A Kid. Over the months, you had tried your best to act like an adult, taking some tips from Maria and Nat, to be cool and non-chalant, you doubted he’ll ever change his mind and think of you as a woman or a possible romantic partner.

You shook your head which only made him probe further. “Doll. You’re sulking on your own birthday. You can talk to me.” He assured you putting his hand over yours.

The warmth of his palms and his finger drawing patterns on the back of your hand felt so familiar and comfortable. You tried looked for his sparkly blue eyes best you could in the dark, his pupils blown wide.

“I used to think... I know this is childish but I thought - I don’t know people appreciated me putting my life on the line everyday. And that’s not why I do it obviously.” You had to clarify. You could pretend to hate him but you never wanted him to have a low opinion of you. “It’s just sad that no one sees the work that I do while you’re all so well known and beloved. It’s sucks to be a female avenger I guess” You shrugged.

He gave you an understanding smile and walked a step closer to you as you tried to calm your heartbeat. “I understand. It’s not childish. You deserve to be appreciated. And I can think of at least a couple hundred people who’re thankful to you. All the lives you’ve saved. You make the world a better place.”

“I don’t know how true that is.”

“Well you make my world better just by being here.” He argued.

“Steve,” You shook your head, “You can’t just say things like that! I’m not – it gives me false hope.”

“False hope?” He repeated cocking his head to the side. “I only ever speak the truth sweetheart. In fact I think it’s time for your gift.” He pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to you.

You frowned as you tried to read the paper in the low lightening. “Oh... Steve.. you named a star after me?” You looked up at him to see him sheepishly scratch his neck. “That’s so romantic.” You sighed dreamily holding the document close to you.

“I asked around and Bruce told me I could do that. I could even get you a piece of moon but this felt more appropriate. I know how much you love stars.”

He rambled on about the whole process and how his assistant helped him, hoping you wouldn’t see notice how red he was. His gift wasn’t completely selfless. He had an objective, to make you his forever and ever. But he was too scared to ruin the relationship you two did have and lose a precious friend.

Bucky’s words echoed in his head ‘Real men can admit their feelings.’

He cleared his throat “I was hoping –“ he was cut off by your cool lips pressing against his, stealing his breath away. His hands naturally went to your waist to pull you closer to him, his taut body craving the warmth of your soft one.

You pulled away after a beat and blinked up at him. “Oh god, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think I thought...”

“No no I liked it. In fact I was hoping to do that.” His fingers traced the outline of your lips.

“Good.” You nodded not sure of what to say next. But it felt better to just not say anything at all and look back up at the beautiful sky in comfortable silence.

Until the whole team decided to ambush you from, you heard Clint and a drunk Tony sneaking up on you, they really weren’t as sneaky as they thought but you still humored them by acting surprised.

“What the hell girrrl? We’ve been looking everywhere for you. But then I was like we can just ask FRIDAY! So we did.” Tony grinned proudly as his words slurred.

You took the beer bottle away from him “Yeah I’m going to cut you off now.”

“What were you doing here though?” Clint asked and you said something about needing air.

Steve couldn’t help but stare at you as you talked to the rest of the team. Feeling a bit of jealousy and even frustration that they all had to interrupt the precious moment you both shared.

“Did you do it punk?” Bucky asked slapping a hand on his shoulder to get his attention.

“Uh yeah. I mean I didn’t – she did.” He replied lowly so no one else could find out just yet.

“Of course she did.” Steve frowned as his oldest friend clutched his stomach, laughing loudly at him. “After all these years you still haven’t changed.” He shook his head and all Steve could do was smile. “I’m happy for you.” He said and meant it, so proud of his friend.

When Steve was finally able to get you alone, glad that your mood had gotten considerably better, you even seemed to be a bit buzzed from the booze.

“You were right Steve.” You said holding onto his arm treating him like your own personal heater as the night got cooler. “Everyone who matters to me does appreciate me. Especially you.” You leaned up on your tippy toes to peck his lips before scurrying off to tell everyone about the star named after you.

Tags will be in the reblog! Click the link in the bio to be join the taglist or shoot me an ask/dm. Comments and feedback are really appreciated! ❤❤

#steve rogers x reader #steve x reader #steve rogers x female reader #steve rogers x female!reader #captain america x you #captain america x reader #chris evans x you #chris evans x reader

[gellavonhamster]

cold weapons

Suicide Squad (2016) || Captain Boomerang/Katana || post-canon

ao3 link eng || this was first written and published on ao3 in Russian in 2017 but I didn't attempt to translate it into English back then.  

“So, what do you think of them?” Colonel Flag asks.

Tatsu puts the folder containing the rap sheet of Waylon Jones, better known as Killer Croc, on top of three other folders.

“They’re complicated,” she replies after giving it some thought.

The materials in these folders could have formed her first impression about the members of Task Force X – or, as Lawton has aptly put it, the Suicide Squad. Could have, but did not, because they were given their first task earlier than expected. Which is why she doesn’t say “villains” or “scoundrels” or “worst team imaginable” – her first impression of them was formed in combat, and then in an empty bar in Midway City where they all drank together thinking it may be the last drink in their lives. She remembers all of this and says ‘complicated’.  

“Very tactful of you,” the colonel chuckles. Then again, what kind of colonel is he now – an unwashed shirt, black circles under the eyes. Just another guy struggling with a deluge of work, a hard-hearted boss, and a troubled relationship with his girlfriend. “But yeah, they definitely aren’t simple,” continues Rick Flag, one of her few friends in the country that will never become her home, and Tatsu cannot suppress a tired smile.  

“You like them.”

“They’re… tolerable,” Rick admits, and takes another sip of coffee. Lately he seems to be living only on coffee and whiskey and the verb “must” and (so Tatsu supposes, although they don’t talk about that) the hope that June Moone, who still hasn’t fully recovered from all the horrors she’s been through, will be all right – and will stop isolating herself and avoiding him. These means for not letting yourself just fall down and never get up are far from being reliable, but Tatsu herself lives mostly on revenge and duty and, for that matter, whiskey as well, to a certain degree, so it’s not for her to judge. “Most of them, at least. All of them minus the Australian.”

“At least he’s a good fighter,” Tatsu points out. This is the only good thing she can say about Captain Boomerang with full confidence.  

“He’s not cut out for teamwork.”

“When we were fighting the Enchantress, it didn’t look to me like that.”

She does not put much meaning into these words. It’s just that at some point Captain Boomerang saved her, and she saved him – and good thing they’re even, because the last thing she needs is to owe a favour to someone so incompatible with the very concept of duty. She could have said much about the man who tried to escape at the very beginning of the mission and got a teammate killed (and for some reason stood up for El Diablo when Harley Quinn lashed out at him at the bar, and for some reason came back before the battle after trying to desert), but the only thing she’s sure of is that he’s a fine weapon; she can confirm that, being a weapon herself. At the end of the day, that is all that’s required from him.      

At the end of the day, that is all that’s required from her, too.

 ***

 It is possible that what she said about Digger Harkness sticks in Rick’s memory, because when the need to comb the area arises during the next mission, he sends the two of them to search through the same building.

“If he gets up to something, do whatever you want to him. No one’s gonna weep for him,” he flings off. This is in the heat of the moment, of course – Boomerang almost got into a fight with Killer Croc on the helicopter over some nonsense. Or rather, it was Croc that almost got into a fight with Boomerang after the latter provoked him. Complicated.  

“You heard that, darl?” Boomerang addresses her with a smile so wide as if he hasn’t heard the last remark. “I’m all yours.”

Tatsu looks the other way and pointedly takes her sword out of its sheath – not completely, just a little. No further comments follow, and they part company – Deadshot with Croc, Flag with his team of spec ops, Tatsu with Boomerang – and go on a recce.  

In the basement, they discover something that looks like a laboratory – if a place so far from being sanitary may even be called one. All their hopes to move without making a sound crumble as soon as they enter the room: the floor is covered with broken glass. Those who ran the place must have escaped in haste and couldn’t take the entire stock of the serum with them, so they opted to destroy most of it. Tatsu’s attention is immediately drawn to the object on the table in the middle of the room – a metal container with tubes going from it to several smaller vessels. She heads straight for the table, shards crunching underfoot. Boomerang follows her, apparently kicking the largest shards on purpose so that they fly in all directions.      

“Looks like a hooch still,” he comments, having come closer, and gives a whistle. “Whoa, fuck, is that blood?”

Compared to the first task of their squad, this one looks almost effortless. Two gangs, the members of one of which possess the formula of the serum that grants superpowers to those who take it. A gun battle, collateral damage, the entire district on lockdown. If a few people weren’t noticed literally floating through the sky, the police would have been handling this. But this is an emergency, which is why they’re here, and the flying gangsters aren’t flying anymore, for Lawton is an exceptionally good shot.    

As it turns out, the serum that sparked the conflict is based on metahuman blood – hardly donated voluntarily.

“I’ll contact Colonel Flag,” says Tatsu, eyes locked on the bloodied tubes, and then someone grabs her by the neck.

For the first time in her life, she really has to fight blindly – because her enemy is invisible.  

Later, when the dead bodies gradually become visible on the floor like an eerie animated movie, it turns out there were four of them. Before that, Tatsu manages to lose her sword, recapture it, almost choke when an invisible hand squeezes her neck, slash one of the attackers in half, and plunge the blade into another’s stomach. Boomerang takes care of the other two, knocking over the container in the process.    

Tatsu is listening to the silence that came after the fight, wondering if any other invisible foes are lurking around the corner, when she feels that something is wrong. Something is wrong with her – she just can't figure out what. Sometimes it happens that one feels unwell but cannot determine what exactly the problem is – she is experiencing something similar now. Until she realizes: the mask. Until she looks up and makes eye contact with Captain Boomerang, who is staring at her and grinning.  

“You lost anything, doll?” Harkness inquires innocently, with an emphasis on the last word, and his smile grows even wider and cockier.  

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. The invisible man she fought hand to hand tore off her mask, and she didn’t even notice. But her partner, blast him, did – and picked it up.  

“Give it back,” Tatsu demands, hand outstretched. She feels naked. In combat, during the mission, she is Katana, a single whole with her sword. A cold weapon. No one needs to see her face. Truly, if she was wearing only the mask and nothing else, she would have felt less exposed – all right, this is an overstatement, and she doesn’t even want to imagine such a situation. Meanwhile, Boomerang is in no hurry to return the mask.      

“What did ya call me when that fucker was about to stab me?” he asks. Tatsu clenches the sword hilt. There is no telling how many enemies drunk on the magic serum are hiding in this house, and he’s dawdling. “You said…”

Damn it, what did she say? She saw one of the invisibles creeping up on him while he was fighting another – a bloodstain was floating through the air. She shouted…

“I said ‘George’”. Isn’t your name George Harkness?”

“You bet it is. It’s just weird. Most people don’t call me George, y’know.”  

“How do they call you then?”

“Digger. Boomerang. Boomer. That Prick. All sorts of things, but never George. But you,” he winks, “can call me whatever ya want. I liked the way you say my name.”

“Give. Me. The mask.”

“And the magic word?”

“I will chop your hand off,” as a proof of her intentions, she puts the blade against his extended hand that is holding her mask. In fact, she would face no consequences for doing so. No one’s gonna weep for him.      

Harkness makes a helpless gesture and hands her the mask.

“Can’t say no to you, luv.”

The mask helps her conceal her identity, but what is more important is that it helps her conceal needless emotions. Tatsu really hopes that her facial expression isn’t giving away that she’s ill at ease now. This is a weakness; weaknesses are not to be demonstrated. She feels deeply relieved when she puts the mask back on.  

“Let’s get out of here,” she commands, turns around, and heads for the exit. Harkness trails behind.

“It ain’t fair, by the way. You know my real name, but I don’t know yours,” he muses. “Care to introduce yourself, eh?”  

He asks the same question at least three times more before they return to Belle Reve, and each time she ignores him.

 ***

 A week later, he still doesn’t know her name – but he learns something else.

They do away with the last members of the recent gang on the outskirts of the city. Both wretches have overused the unfortunate serum, in keeping with the best traditions of the clichéd movies about superheroes and supervillains that Hollywood keeps producing for some reason, even though it is more and more often possible to see nearly the same thing on the news. As a result, one of them got puffed up almost to the size of the creature that Superman died fighting, and the other couldn’t control the flames bursting from his mouth. He burned half of the shopping centre with customers, retail workers, and guards. With teenagers in the bowling alley on the second floor and children in the playroom on the first.    

Santana… wouldn’t have approved.

Both problems eliminated, they leave: the firefighters and the cops will take it from here. Flag’s spec ops stay behind, because officially it is their victory; the general public shouldn’t know about the existence of Task Force X. Through backyards, they retreat in the direction of the abandoned construction site on the other side of the street; a car has been sent to pick them up there.  

There is a workers’ trailer still standing by the construction pit. The door is not locked, and Rick, Deadshot, Croc, and Boomerang go inside. Jones’s arm is broken: his inhuman strength notwithstanding, he still was no match for his enemy – not the fire-breather, but the other one. Tatsu leaves them to figure out how to make a temporary sling, and wanders away. Not far from the trailer, a piece of tarpaulin stretched over the fence has come off, and she can see the building across the street. Tatsu sits down on the ground, puts her arms around her knees, and stares at the dandelions growing by the fence.  

In her head, flames are raging.

She doesn’t look up, neither when she hears the footsteps approaching, nor when Harkness – and it is him, no one else in the Squad reeks of the mixture of booze and cologne like that – sits down next to her and cracks open a can of beer.  

“You want some?” he nudges her. What extraordinary generosity. It is, however, perfectly possible that if she says yes, he’ll reply along the lines of “Well, then go and buy yourself some.”  

“No,” Tatsu replies without looking and, after a short pause, adds, “Thank you.”

“Are you sure?”

With a sigh, she accepts the can from his hands, and takes a sip.

“This is disgusting,” she whispers, and takes another.  

Harkness just snorts and opens another one. For a little while, they sit side by side in silence, drinking each from their own can, and study the wall opposite through the mesh of the fence – like out of a prison window. Old advertisements that are half torn off, graffiti, a writing proclaiming that life fucks us all – plenty of things to stare at to avoid looking the person next to you in the eye.  

“So what the hell happened to ya?” Boomerang asks, and suddenly she could do with some serum for invisibility or, better yet, disappearing completely. Naturally, it is a fleeting impulse; she has no right to disappear. She has obligations – towards Flag, towards Waller. Towards herself.    

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? You zoned out, Flag shouted himself hoarse before you heard him. Like you were someplace else. Didn’t ya?”  

Why do you need to know? Tatsu thinks. If she almost rushed headlong into the fire, it’s her own business. If it only seemed to her that someone was there, it’s her own business. If she’s going to see things that aren’t there for the rest of her life, it’s her own business. He shouldn't have spoken. There is something comforting about being silent together.    

“Nah, you don’t have to say if you don’t wanna,” Boomerang assents, and takes another pull on his can. “I just thought that you, well. Might wanna talk to someone.”  

And they fall silent again. Yet now Tatsu feels awkward, which makes her angry at herself. She’s not obliged to pour out her heart to anyone who shows something that looks like care.    

This silence doesn’t make it any easier.

“I have… bad memories,” she finally says. Now it won’t be as awkward: she answered his question. It won’t be, right? “About a fire”.

Harkness nods, looking at her attentively.

“Someone you knew died, aye?”

“My children,” she hears herself say, and wishes to disappear again.

“Fuck,” Boomerang says, embarrassed, and – unbelievable – looks like he actually feels bad about starting this conversation. “I’m sorry, I… well, uh, I had no idea.”  

“It’s okay,” Tatsu says mechanically. Nothing is okay: she can still see Yuki’s tear-stained face, still hear Reiko’s voice, she is still watching the flames run up the curtains that she and Maseo picked together, she is still breathing in the smoke and still cannot believe she deserves a gulp of fresh air. She should have saved them. All of them.  

Boomerang looks at her incredulously but doesn’t say anything, and bit by bit, the silence that she doesn’t want to run from returns – the kind of silence in which one is not alone.    

Then there are footsteps again, and Flag approaches them.

“There you are,” he says with relief as soon as he sees her. Rick does not let himself overstep the limits of formality – they’re on a mission, after all – but he has obviously been worried. At the sight of Harkness, he frowns warily. “You! Quit getting on her nerves.”

“Who’s gettin’ on her nerves, Colonel? I was just tryin’ to help,” Harkness protests. It appears Rick’s words have wounded him a little.  

“He was,” Tatsu says. “It’s all under control, Colonel Flag.”  

Flag shifts his gaze to her and then to Boomerang again, and nods.

“Okay. In any case… follow me. We’re leaving.”

Tatsu gives her unfinished beer to Boomerang.

“Don’t talk about this to anyone,” she tells him. This might be an order or a request; she doesn’t really know.

He nods, and she thinks absentmindedly: who would have thought this man knows how to make a solemn face.

“Thank you,” she says again, hoping that he understands that this is not just about the beer or his promise to keep his mouth shut.

***

 After a few days, Tatsu comes to visit him. In prison.

Actually, she comes to visit all of them, of course. Not more than fifteen minutes alone with each of them – Waller wouldn’t allow more. This request seems to have surprised her, but Tatsu is certain that Waller is already picturing the new threads she can use to manipulate her special operations puppets. So it is possible that one day this decision will blow up in Tatsu’s face – or in the faces of all of them. But she cannot shake off the feeling that she must do this – so that someone except Rick, who is already dealing with a lot these days, would notice in time if the inmates are treated with undeserved cruelty. So that she knows what’s on their minds, because it is safer to fight side by side with the people whose line of thought she can understand at least roughly. So that there is some kind of variety in their lives between the missions.  

This is why she visits all three of them. Killer Croc, who looks like he’s not surprised to see her in the slightest and doesn’t really seems to care that she came, but doesn’t have any issue with that either. Deadshot, who looks like he is surprised, but doesn’t seem to mind answering her questions when she notices a stack of letters in the corner and asks him how his daughter is doing. And Captain Boomerang, who, when she enters his cell, looks like he can’t figure out if he’s dreaming.

“Katana?” he frowns perplexedly. He’s stripped to his waist, so she can see a couple of fresh scars he brought back from the last mission, and he’s got a black eye – when Tatsu saw him last, he had not. Must have quarrelled with the guards again. “What are you doing here?”  

“I came to see you.”

For a moment he seems not to understand what she just said. Then he breaks into a smile – or rather a grin, wide and pleased. Very pleased.  

“Aha! Knew it would end up like this,” he pronounces in triumph.

“Like this?”

“You,” he looks like he’s just proven a theorem of immense complexity, “missed me.”  

“I haven’t missed you, Captain.”

A very, very pleased grin.

“And still you’re here.”

“I visited Deadshot and Killer Croc earlier,” Tatsu says, and sees his facial expression change instantly. Not for long: the grin is quick to return, and she wouldn’t be able to tell right away that he’s disappointed.    

“Did ya now? And how are our fellas doing? Better than me, I reckon?”

“So it would seem. Did you fight the guards?”

“Why do you care, gorgeous?”

Indeed, why does she? Most likely, he picked a fight himself – and got his just deserts.  

“Make up your mind,” Tatsu says, “if you think that I missed you or that I don’t care.”

Harkness chuckles and really seems to ponder over this for a while.

“Beats me,” he concludes at last. “Care to throw some light on it?”  

No, Tatsu thinks, I don’t get it myself and I’m not sure I want to.

Instead of answering, she comes closer to him – so close that she can smell his sweat – and studies his face. She has to look up to be able to do that, which must look comical. Then again, he’s hardly stupid enough to laugh at her height or anything else about her, especially when she’s armed and he is not.  

“You lost a tooth. What happened?”

“Didn’t get along with one of the Wall’s watchdogs.”

“You could have tried not to look for trouble for a change,” all of a sudden, Tatsu realizes that she’s mad. Really mad at him. They might get dragged to another mission this instant; whether they like it or not, they have to be in good enough shape to protect the society that the most of them have to atone before at least partially. They shouldn’t spend their energy and health on nonsense. Black eyes and knocked-out teeth are nothing, but it mustn’t come to any of them being out of action when all of them are needed. All their powers, all their skills. All the anger they should rather aim at something other than the people who can just press a certain button at any point – and dispose of the wilful weapon.

Boomerang bares his teeth – not like Croc, of course, but still threateningly. He looks dangerous now – big, sturdy, more than a head taller than her. But he still isn’t more dangerous than her – and both of them are aware of that.  

“And they could have tried,” he speaks through his teeth, “not to talk shit about my mother for a change. They wanna talk shit about me, they can knock themselves out. I’ve heard enough ‘bout myself, I don’t give a flying fuck about what else they gonna say. But they’d better leave my mother out of it.”

So that’s what it is. They have found a quick and easy way to infuriate the man who has “MUM” tattooed on his chest. In uneven letters, like a child's handwriting. Tatsu noticed that tattoo as soon as she came in but didn’t look too closely at it. Now she feels like she has the right to look, to let her gaze slip lower, at the ridiculous writing that heaves with each furious breath of his, and then to avert her eyes at once.    

“They have power, and you have nothing,” she says. “Do you enjoy being their plaything?”

“Oh, so I’m a plaything, darl? And do I have much choice who to be now? In these four walls, and,” Boomerang points at his neck, at the place where a bomb is implanted under his skin, “with this crap in my neck?”  

Tatsu looks up again, right him in the eye.

“You already know who you are,” she tells him. “You’re a weapon. Broken weapons get discarded. And you’re letting them break you.”  

He stays silent, just looks at her in an odd manner, as if she’s speaking another language but he has a vague understanding of what she’s saying and doesn’t like what he just heard – because it is the truth.

Tatsu still doesn’t understand why she cares, and with each passing minute she has less and less desire to learn why.  

“Also,” she continues, “if you call me ‘darl’ or ‘gorgeous’ one more time, you’re going to regret opening your mouth.”

“Yeah? And how should I call ya?”

“Katana.”

“What, and that’s all? Nah, we might be weapons,” and she probably ought to remind him that there is no ‘we’, but in this particular case he’s right. Perhaps that is why Tatsu feels drawn to all of them: they’re cut from the same cloth, “but we’re alive as well. So far. Seriously, what’s yer real name? You know mine.”  

“I should not disclose that.”  

“Oh, come on. Listen,” he breaks into a pleased grin again. Another theorem proven. “How about a deal? You tell me yer name, and I will try to keep my temper if anyone else decides to stir me up. What do ya think?”    

“As if you’re going to keep your word.”

Boomerang makes a show of putting his hand over his heart.

“For you, ma’am… anything.”

For you. All at once, she recalls Rick’s words: do whatever you want to him. How many minutes of the visit she has already spent on this predictably fruitless conversation?    

“My name is Tatsu Yamashiro,” she says, tired, and then he smiles – not the way he did before, but in a calmer and more sincere manner. Gratefully.

“George Harkness,” he offers her his hand with an earnest air. “Nice to meet ya.”  

Tatsu hesitantly offers him hers. Her hand looks very small and fragile against his huge paw, and he must be thinking the same because the handshake comes out very careful. He could easily break her wrist. She could easily kill him with one hand afterwards. But he holds her hand gently in his warm, pleasantly calloused palm, and Tatsu hastens to take her hand away, because this is a mistake of an even worse kind than the time he saw her without the mask.  

“So you promise not to fights the guards.”

“I promise to try,” Harkness assures, but he’s keeping one hand behind his back.

“Don’t cross your fingers,” Tatsu says sternly. Real mature.

With a sigh, Boomerang repeats his promise, this time holding his hands within her view.

“But I ain’t promisin’ not to call you gorgeous,” he declares in the end.

“You know my name now.”

“But you’re still gorgeous.”

“Time’s up!” shouts the guard outside the door, and Tatsu cannot help feeling relieved that she has to go. She doesn’t regret visiting him, but all of this is too strange and awkward, and both of them might be weapons, but her position is different from his, and it is better not to forget that.    

“Can I do anything for you?” she asks him on parting.  

“Well,” Boomerang smirks. “I don’t even know where to begin.”

“With something I would actually agree to do?”

“Come again. Will ya?” This time he isn’t flirting; this time she can feel his insecurity, even shyness. As if he doesn’t like to admit to himself that what she answers is really important to him.  

“I’ll try,” she says cautiously. She’s not going to make any promises: she asked Waller about one time only. She doubts if she’ll be allowed to visit them again – to visit him again.  

“Try,” Harkness repeats, as if weighing the word on his tongue. “This means no.”

“This means I’ll try,” Tatsu says firmly.

And she comes again in a week. And the week after next. And a week after that.  

 ***

 “Why didn’t you walk away in Midway City?” Tatsu asks him once. “When Rick broke the control panel. You left then; why did you return?”  

A lot of water has flowed under the bridge since the time Captain Boomerang dared to smart off Amanda Waller. Several successful missions, slightly more respectful attitude on his part – and his cell already bears a passing resemblance to a place for living, even if for living quite miserably. Now there is even a table, and a chair that she gets to sit on as guest privilege. Harkness is sitting on the floor opposite her. The question seems to catch him unawares, but only for a moment.    

“Huh? Why did I return? Gotta live up to my name, that’s why. Have you ever thrown a boomerang, luv?”

I’m going to throw you somewhere one day, Tatsu thinks, yet without much irritation.

“And jokes aside?”

Boomerang attempts to feign an offended sigh.

“How do ya think? Plenty of options, all right. You gonna try to guess which one?”

Tatsu frowns.

“Is this a psychoanalysis session? Were you bitten by Harley Quinn?”

“Nah, Blondie didn’t bite me, I would’ve remembered. So don’t be jealous,” his voice gets playful again, and Tatsu stifles the urge to roll her eyes. “Lookie here… suppose I suddenly realized that I can’t leave you guys! ‘Cause you’re my mates. One for all, and so on. Don’t believe me?”

“You said something about plenty of options. What are the rest of them?”

He scratches his chin thoughtfully.

“We-e-ell… the second, ‘course, is that I wanted to save the world. Not that the world smiles upon me every bloody day, but I still wanna live! And for everyone an’ their mother to know that the bastards like us can also be heroes. Don’t you like being one of the good guys, eh, Tatsu?”

“I’m not ‘one of the good guys’”, Tatsu protests. “And it’s not me that we’re talking about. Any other options?”

“There was no point in leaving. That was still gonna be the end of the world, aye? So I’d rather meet it in battle and in good company than on the run. All the same it’ll be the end. There you go.”  

He stops talking, and in the silence that falls Tatsu can hear the footsteps of the guards in the corridor. Once again she wonders what the duty attendants that monitor everything through the surveillance cameras think of their conversations. They must make for the strangest and most pointless reality show ever.  

“The third one,” she says.

Boomerang looks a bit disappointed.

“Why?”

“Not the first one, because none of us meant anything to you then. You had just met us. And it didn’t seem like you were upset about letting Slipknot down,” Tatsu explains. She doesn’t intend to offend him – she’s just saying the truth. Once, he claimed it himself that they understand each other – here’s some understanding, he’s welcome. “Not the second one either, because you’re not stupid – no, stop smiling. You never believed that if people like us stop the Enchantress, someone would learn about that. Only the third option remains.”  

Harkness nods slowly.

“Yeah,” he agrees, and his eyes turn pensive, abstracted, as if he is there again, in the night city frozen in anticipation of the apocalypse. As if he sees himself – and makes a choice once again. “And that’s what happened in the end, didn’t it?”

“So the third option, then?”

“So it is.”

But something in his face makes Tatsu think that he was hoping for a different answer.

***

 Time flies; weeks and months go by. Tatsu spends them fighting, spilling someone else’s blood, occasionally drinking with Flag at a bar or in his apartment – a bachelor’s home again; reading books – most of the plots seem too naïve and unimaginative compared to what goes on in her life, and that is even for the best, and visiting the members of the Suicide Squad in Belle Reve. Some people go clubbing Friday evenings, and she goes to prison Friday afternoons.  

“Don’t get attached to them,” Rick scolds her.

“That is rich coming from you,” Tatsu replies, and he has enough self-awareness not to argue. Lest he gets offended, she chooses not to tell him that sometimes she and Lawton talk a little about him good-naturedly behind his back.

During one of her visits, Harkness raises a topic she has totally forgotten about.

“Hey, come to think of it, we never had that drink,” he points out. Tatsu doesn’t understand what he’s talking about, and it must be written all over her face, because he continues. “Remember I asked you out for a drink? In Midway City, before we fought the witch.”  

Tatsu has to make an effort to remember: indeed, he said something of the sort, but it never occurred to her to take those words seriously.

“We had a drink,” she counters. “When… when you shared your beer with me.”  

He shakes his head, dissatisfied.

“At the construction site? That’s bollocks. I’m talking a proper bar… nah, a restaurant! With crystal glasses an’ candles an’ shit… Like normal people.”  

“Candles,” Tatsu mumbles. She tries to imagine the two of them at the table at a restaurant; the picture turns out pretty absurd. On the other hand, a lot of what has happened in her life during the past few years can be deemed absurd.

“Yeah. Candles,” echoes Harkness, and continues with a crooked smile, “well, that’s me jokin’ around. In the near future,” he gestures in the direction of the small barred window of his cell, “I won’t be able to take you even to a fucking McDonald’s.”  

They don’t talk about the hypothetical dinners at a restaurant anymore, but the absurd picture stays with Tatsu, who still feels somehow indebted to Boomerang – for no reason, as she keeps telling herself – for that conversation at the construction site. She doesn’t like to feel the weight of unpaid debts on her shoulders – yes, that’s what it is about.

One day, she finds a way to pay that debt back.

 ***

 She waits for him in the car outside the prison gate. She hears him first; she cannot make out what exactly he is yelling at the guards, but that surely isn’t ‘good evening’. Then the door of the jeep is open, and someone must have kicked him in the rear because he literally falls into the car. Tatsu shrinks back on instinct.  

Then Harkness looks up – and notices her.

“Katana?.. Hey, what the hell’s going on? They didn’t let me take the boomerangs, didn’t let me take anything…”

“Close the door,” Tatsu tells him, and when he, still confused, obeys, tells the driver, “Let’s go.”

The car pulls away.

“I still don’t get what’s happening,” Harkness reminds her. “Sure, I’m happy to see ya, but… you weren’t ordered to take me to the woods and finish me off under the radar, huh?”  

“If Waller wanted to get rid of you, she would have had you killed in your own cell, and that’s all.”

“Wow, thanks for honesty. So where are we going?”

“To a restaurant,” Tatsu says, and turns away. Yet again it crosses her mind that it is a terrible idea.

“A restaurant?” Harkness drawls quizzically.

“As far as I recall, you said that the beer at the construction site is ‘bollocks’.”  

She should turn back to him, of course. The problem is that Tatsu is ninety-nine per cent sure that if she meets his eye now, she will blush. And she is by no means going to give him any sign that might be interpreted as taking an interest… of a certain kind. She has already blundered more than a few times.  

Therefore she stubbornly keeps looking out of the window. Then again, she doesn’t even need to look to picture how his facial expression is changing now; she’s seen this rakish grin enough times.  

“Holy cow. Tatsu, are you serious? We’re really just going to a restaurant? We’re getting outta this shithole where they only give us porridge with rat crap to gorge ourselves on lobsters and drink wine? Oh, fuck me sideways,” in the end, she turns to him and sees him throw back his head and burst into laughter, narrowing his eyes happily. “I’ll be damned! Am I dreaming? I must be dreaming. Pinch me.”    

“I can assure you you’re not,” Tatsu says, and realizes that she is also starting to smile despite herself. She has visited him and the others in Belle Reve often enough to know that porridge with rat crap, unfortunately, is far from being just a figure of speech. After such a diet, a meal at a restaurant must seem like the pinnacle of happiness.    

Boomerang shakes his head, apparently still unable to believe her.

“Holy fucking shit. How did you do that? How do you even do all that? I’ve told ya you’re unreal, have I?”

“Yes, you have,” Tatsu confirms patiently. And more than once – too often for her to attach great importance to it, too fervently for it not to please her at all. “Let’s put it that way: this is Waller paying me for a… favour.”  

“A favour, then. I take it a lot of some poor suckers died?”

“No,” she shakes her head. And it is true – but there still was a lot of blood. Both the man Waller indicated and his bodyguards turned out to be worthy adversaries. The whole thing went not as smoothly as she wanted it to – not that she wanted to; not that she would kill another person she knows nothing about if she could help it. Nothing to assure her: this one deserves it. Everything turned out rather… nasty. She had to burn the bodies. Then she got home in a haze, tended to a couple of fresh wounds – or rather, just scratches. And then she went to the bathroom and spent a long time soaping herself, as if the invisible filth that bothered her the most could be washed off with shower gel.    

Afterwards, she rummaged through her modest wardrobe and dug out the only dress she has about in America. Nothing special: wine red, below the knee length, sleeveless but with a pretty high neckline – very demure. The first and so far the last dress she bought after… after. If she and Rick didn’t have to accompany Amanda Waller to some event once, she wouldn’t have bought this one either. She put it on, combed her hair, still wet after the shower, with her fingers, looked at herself in the mirror – and flew into a rage, pulled off the dress, and could barely stop herself from tearing it to shreds. Restaurant or not, what does it matter? The last thing she needs is for him to think she dressed up for him.      

So the situation might be a little less absurd than it could have been. Both of them look like they’re going on another mission with the others, only she isn’t wearing her mask – he has already seen her face anyway – and he isn’t wearing his ever-present coat. It is no wonder he wasn’t allowed to take it – Waller wasn’t going to let him out of Belle Reve armed, and to let him wear his coat would probably be as unwise as to hand him all his boomerangs. Tatsu has no doubt that everyone and their dog have already searched through the personal belongings of the Squad, but she wouldn’t be surprised to learn that somewhere in his inside pockets Harkness has as many boomerangs as he is listed as having officially. She witnessed this man produce from his bosom at least four different lighters, a massive stack of dollars, a pocket knife, small binoculars, flat-nose pliers, and a toy unicorn. She has to admit: sometimes she doesn’t understand how he even does all that either.    

It appears that the thoughts of Captain Boomerang also turn to the contents of his pockets.

“Hey, how the hell are we affording this, though? Make no mistake, I’d stand treat, but my stash is in the coat, and these assholes didn’t let me take it, y’know.”    

“Don’t worry about that. Waller is paying for everything,” she explains, unable to suppress a grin, because this part, possibly the most unbelievable part of the entire affair, gives her a sort of silly, spiteful joy. Task Force X is a comparatively recent project, but they’ve already cleaned up so much mess for Amanda Waller that Heracles and his labours don’t even come close. A dinner at a restaurant is the least thing she could offer them. So when Boomerang explodes with laughter and gives her a conspiratorial wink, she looks him right in the eye and smiles. Another mistake. Then again, this is not the first time they share a secret.

He puts his hand on her knee, and she shakes it off immediately; this is way too far.

“I see you took your sword with ya,” Harkness observes, not giving any sign that something didn’t go the way he wanted.

“I am to keep an eye on you.”

“Yeah. How about…” he leans in closer, and the smell of cologne blasts up Tatsu’s nose. She can only hope it is due to external use only, “we chop off his head,” he nods at the driver, “and drive the fuck away from this? Huh?”    

The driver, who can definitely hear everything, doesn’t turn, but Tatsu notices him tense up.

“You’re kidding,” she says dryly. He may be, or he may be not – with Digger Harkness, one cannot always tell.

“Why kidding, doll? Zip, and done. There’s no way you enjoy working for Waller.”  

“I do not. But if you pull some stunt,” Tatsu feels for the sword hilt, and Boomerang sees that – very well, it is good for him to see that, “I will chop your head off. I really hope it won’t come to that.”  

“And what’s it to you? Scared of me? But I’m unarmed,” he claps himself on the chest demonstratively, implying that he has no weapons on him. “Why do you care if it does?”  

“I just wouldn’t like to do that,” she says firmly, and it’s true. It works well; he doesn’t even mention running away for the remainder of the day.

 This might be the strangest evening in her life.

Waller’s man drives them to a French restaurant whose name she cannot read but is almost sure that the phrase was chosen solely because it sounds impressive. They are let in through the back door, so no one among the other guests, who are sporting evening dresses and suits, pays any attention to her crop top and sword or to his… appearance in general. Their table is one of those located in alcoves, away from prying eyes, but Tatsu feels they are being watched. Which means Waller doesn’t trust her too much – well, she can understand that. She is part of a special team composed of deranged madmen, and she must admit she likes these deranged madmen more than she likes certain normal people known to her. Of course, she is Flag’s right-hand woman, but it is most likely that Waller doesn’t trust Flag either. It is doubtful whether there are any people in this world that she trusts at all.          

Waller is rich. Their little feast will not shatter her wealth, all the more so since the restaurant she sent them to is not the most luxurious. But they still have a field day ordering loads of food and a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu.    

“To honour among thieves?” she suggests, when they raise their glasses for the first time.

“Didn’t ya say yer not a thief?”

“That is true,” she admits, and adds inwardly, I’m a killer.  

In the end, they drink to the Suicide Squad. Then to Lawton and Jones, currently languishing in their cells. Then to Zoe Lawton, who is acting in a school play next week. To a lot of things. He asks her about her life here, in America. At some point she finds herself trying to explain to him what taiyaki is, and him telling her about banana sandwiches, and she can’t remember why they started talking about this at all. The bottle becomes empty, and another appears as if by itself.      

They don’t talk about the past. They don’t talk about the future, because there might be no future at all – they can’t know for sure, what with their way of life. That evening, Tatsu laughs and thinks: good thing I’m drunk – it almost gets easier for a while.  

When it’s time to leave, Harkness gets pig-headed.

“Whoa, no, no, no. Already? It’s too early, are you kiddin’ me?” he booms out when they exit the restaurant. He protests, but she drags him by the hand and he stumbles along after all, treading heavily like a dancing bear. “Let’s go someplace else, luv. Look at the pretty stars.”  

“We are already late. And you… you have to go back to jail,” Tatsu tells him. The stars are pretty indeed, but she regrets looking up at them, because her head begins to spin. Thankfully, she isn’t wearing high heels. Thankfully, she doesn’t have any high-heeled shoes at all, or she could have been possessed to wear them. “Sorry,” she adds when they get into the car and set off. “There is no other way.”  

“Back to jail,” Boomerang repeats with disgust. Sprawling on the seat, he unzips his hoodie, and Tatsu is swept over by the smell of cologne again. Weirdly, it doesn’t annoy her as much as at the beginning of the evening. “I’m a fucking Cinderella. I’m not back by midnight, they turn me into a pumpkin.”  

“Cinderella,” Tatsu echoes, and giggles: everything is way funnier now. The driver makes a sudden turn, and she is literally thrown at Boomerang. Her cheek presses to his chest – and stays there. Tatsu feels drunk and sated and drunk again, and sleepy too, and he makes for a decent pillow, and she can’t make herself move away.  

“Oh, you think it’s funny,” Harkness mutters with mock offence in his voice. It seems he’s about to fall asleep too. “Well, go on, laugh.”

They drive back in silence, and through the drowse Tatsu feels the warm arm around her waist and thinks: good thing I’m drunk, I can pretend I’m asleep.  

The road to Belle Reve is long, but it still feels like they reach it too quickly.

“Inmate,” calls one of the guards, “get out.”  

Harkness, his eyes still closed, moans with discontent.

“Captain Boomerang,” Tatsu says softly, freeing herself from his embrace. “It’s time.”

There is nothing to be done. He’s already about to step out of the jeep, when he suddenly moves closer to her again.

“Hey, darlin’,” he says, looking her right in the eye. “Aren’t ya forgetting something?”

It takes her some time to realize what he means: he must be expecting her to kiss him. All at once she remembers everything that has happened this evening, and awful shame washes over her: it is no wonder he’s expecting that to happen.  

“Inmate, get out!”

She shrinks back.

“Good night, Captain,” she tells him as dryly as she can. He looks wounded but says nothing, and almost obediently lets the guards escort him back to his cell. Tatsu closes her eyes and rubs her temples wearily. Tomorrow she is going to regret drinking so much. She already does – and that’s not the only thing she regrets.

She has to stop seeing him.

 ***

 At first, she even succeeds. Next Friday Tatsu, as always, goes to Belle Reve to see the Squad – all of them save for Harkness. She feels sick at heart because if she did promise him anything, it was to visit him, and now she’s going back on her word because of her own stupid weakness. But there is no other way.  

“He asked about you,” Waylon tells her a week later, when she brings him the latest issue of Playboy. Tatsu almost doesn’t feel weird anymore when buying it, and doesn’t try to imagine anymore what the news stand clerks think when she pays them for it. Such periodicals cause her a feeling of light disgust, but Croc, who gets let out of jail only to be thrown into another trouble spot, deserves at least some small joys.  

“Who?”

Waylon, no doubt observant like all the quiet ones tend to be, bares his impressive teeth.  

“You know who.”

It seems a logical solution to give up on these visits at all – but in that case she would betray all of them. Perhaps this little tradition is much more important to her than it is to the prisoners, but Tatsu is almost sure that it means something to them as well. She has no right to deprive the rest of them of this bit of understanding, companionship, normalcy because she wasn’t smart enough to stop the game she and Boomerang started before it became too late.

At home – not that the apartment she’s renting here deserves to be called ‘home’ – she, unable to fall asleep, unsheathes the sword and runs the tips of her fingers along the cool blade. A tender, habitual movement – like touching the cheek of a loved one.

“I’ve lost my way, Maseo,” whispers Tatsu. The place where the souls of the people struck down by this blade are trapped is still a mystery to her, but she knows that Maseo will come as soon as she calls him – as a voice from afar, as nebulous shapes in the swirls of smoke, as the peace and safety granted by the presence of someone dear. “I’m afraid of my own heart.”    

I know your heart, Tatsu. You have nothing to be afraid of.

“It makes me act rashly. Makes me succumb to false feelings.”  

I know your heart, Tatsu, and it incapable of falsehood.  

Only the ones that are already far away can speak so vaguely and with such unrelenting honesty at the same time.  

“I will always love you,” she whispers ardently. Not because she doesn’t want him to think it is not so; not because she herself feels like it is not so anymore either. She knows for sure that she is always going to love him, for she loved him as a lover, as a husband, as the father of her children, as the only thing she had left after all her life fell apart, burned in that damned fire. He will stay in her heart until her last breath – even if she has to close her heart to the rest of the world. Once she used to think that after all she’s been through, it isn’t going to be an issue.

And I will always love you, her husband replies, and Tatsu blinks back tears with a deep sigh.

“I just wish you were alive,” she tells him for what must be the hundredth, or maybe a thousandth time.

If he was with her – not as smoke or a voice, but as flesh and blood – he probably would have kissed her gently on the nape of her neck, as he often used to do.  

I just wish, says her husband – no, the soul of her husband, which is already rushing away, deep into the world she shouldn’t hurry to go to if she doesn’t want this sword to fall into wrong hands, that you were happy.

***

 Literally the next day there is a message from Metropolis that some giant snake-like beast is terrorizing the city and devouring people. The monster was last seen crawling into the building of the opera – which is where their squad heads to after reaching the city.  

“Look at that freak,” Harkness comments in a low voice. The creature is curled up slumbering on stage, and they are watching it from the catwalks above. “Not a family of yours by any chance, eh, ‘gator?’    

Waylon steps towards him, and the planks creak under his feet, threatening to break.

“Say that again,” he growls.

Tatsu bares her sword and wedges herself between them. Waylon backs off reluctantly.

“Knock it off,” she tells Boomerang. It feels like everything has come full circle – the day Harkness picked up her mask, he also had a run-in with Jones. The day they were sent to fight the Enchantress, she also put the blade of her sword under his chin. Why did she even think something would change?

“Oh, so you’re talking to me after all?”

“Enough,” Tatsu hisses. She really wants to try to explain everything to him. Maybe if she tries to put her feelings into words, many things will become clear to her, too. But if he thinks they are going to discuss this now, he is mistaken.

On the neighbouring catwalk, Rick is looking at them in a rage, gesturing both of them to shut up. Harkness steps closer; now the blade of the Soultaker is within a hair’s breadth away from his neck. A single careless movement, and blood will be spilled. A wild idea crosses her mind: it looks as if he’s into this. Tatsu licks her lips.

“Y’know,” Boomerang begins, lowering his head a little so that it is easier for him to look her in the eye, “I think you’re scared of me. Or of yourself, hell if I know. Am I right?”  

A loud rustle comes from beneath, and the next instant the monster bites through the middle of the catwalk they’re standing on, and both of them are falling down. Tatsu manages to grab some rope, but when she tries to climb it, her hands slip, and she comes tumbling down.

The fall is far from being soft, even though she falls on the tatters of the curtain, which the snake must have torn earlier. She is lucky not to hurt her head, but her left leg and hip are aching. Only the awareness that there is no time to lie around makes her summon up all her strength and get up. Her sword is nowhere to be seen, and Tatsu is overwhelmed by fury: now she is useless.

The snake roars and shakes its head, trying to shake off Croc, who is trying to bite through its scales. Rick is shooting at the monster from above, and Deadshot, who is already on stage somehow, is doing the same from below, dodging the blows of its tail. Tatsu sweeps her eyes weakly over the stage and suddenly notices a hole broken in it. At the very edge of the hole, the hilt of her sword is sticking out of the floor. Moving as quickly as it is possible to do that with a limp, Tatsu hurries there.

The moment she pulls the sword out of the stage, Harkness’s head pokes out of the hole. Not waiting for him to ask for help, Tatsu helps him get out.

“Are you…” both of them begin in unison and drop it immediately, because the snake has managed to shake off the bothersome little crocodile – who is hopefully just somewhere on the floor and not in its belly – and is moving towards them, slower than before but still pretty speedily. They scatter, and Tatsu charges at the monster with her sword drawn. Harkness throws a boomerang at the creature, aiming at its eye, but it dodges at the last second.        

Eventually, with joint forces they manage to kill the beast. To be on the safe side, Lawton fires a round into its open jaws. The long body shudders one last time and falls still. For some time, the five of them stand there looking at it.

“Where could this thing even come from?” Rick mutters.

“Remember what the Wicked Witch of the West said when she tried to get us to join her? The world is changing, the time of magic has come, blah, blah, blah,” Lawton reminds him. Rick nods absentmindedly; these are not happy memories.

Jones kicks the dead snake.

“Maybe it meant no harm,” he points out in his deep voice.

“Croc,” Rick says wearily, “it ate people.”

“So did I.”

“But at least you didn’t chew the curtain at the opera like a disgraced diva?” Lawton asks, struggling not to grin.

“Nuh-uh.”

“Well, then it’s okay.”

Rick titters nervously, and the next instant all of them are shaking with laughter.

 Tatsu is drinking water straight from the tap in the restroom, when Harkness comes in.

“This is a ladies’ room,” she says reflexively.

“Hey, I just wanna wash my face, is all.”

Without waiting for her to answer, he comes closer and starts washing at the neighbouring sink. Tatsu casts a sidelong look at him and notices that the water is turning red.  

“Show me your face,” she orders.

“It’s not a bad face, what’s yer problem?”

“I’m serious.”

He rolls his eyes, but stands still while she examines his face, only wincing when she dabs at the cut on his forehead with a paper towel.

“Just a scratch,” he assures at once.

“Just a scratch,” Tatsu agrees. She scrunches up the towel and throws it into the sink. She would like to keep her hand on his face, pretending that she’s still wiping off the blood, but she’s done pretending.

“How about you?” Boomerang asks quietly.

“Fine. A couple of bruises. You were lucky today,” she says just as quietly, and takes off her mask. Tomorrow they might not be as lucky. “I’m happy for you.”

“And I’m happy you got out alive… darl.”

For a moment she wants him to ruin everything. To reply with a jibe, to crack another dirty joke, to try to grab and kiss her only to get smacked. Not to stand motionless in front of her like he’s afraid to scare her off. It occurred to her once that from the outside their relationship might look like an attempt to tame a wild animal. Perhaps this is a mutual process.

Do whatever you want to him.

She stands up on tiptoes and kisses him.

For an instant, Harkness freezes – possibly trying to figure out again if he’s dreaming – and then pulls her closer and kisses back. Drinks her hungrily, like this is both the first time and the last. Bearing in mind what their lives are like, it really might be the last.

Tatsu doesn’t immediately realize why she suddenly doesn’t need to stand on tiptoes anymore.

“Put me down–” she starts, but gives up and wraps her legs around his waist. Boomerang grunts with satisfaction and switches from her lips to her neck. His beard, fortunately, is softer than could have been expected.  

“Stop drinking so much,” Tatsu breathes out, now that no one is trying to shut her mouth. “You taste like…” all English words slip her mind, “like… a beer cask.”  

It tickles her when he laughs into her neck.

Someone simply must enter now – Rick, Floyd, Amanda Waller, the president of the United  States, but no, no one is trying to stop him from squeezing her hips, to stop her from running her fingers through his hair. Weapon to weapon, blade to blade. Red-hot metal to red-hot metal. Melting until something new is forged – without fear, without regret, without the past, without the future.

Clearly, Maseo wants too much: she remembers what happiness is, and she is sure she’ll never ever be happy again.

But she can take a shot at being alive.

#suicide squad #katana #captain boomerang #tatsu yamashiro #digger harkness #kaboom #captain boomerang x katana #boomerang x katana #dc #my fic #gella talks skwad #talk talk talk #my magnum opus lmao #amazed i managed to translate this. i am not a woman i'm a god indeed #once again i still know nothing about the geography of the dceu!united states #and whether a city like metropolis could have an opera house

[the-void-i-scream-into]

White Tulips - a JunJin fanfic 2/3

Full Story: Part 1, Part 3

Hello Everyone! I hope you are all happy and healthy. Part 2 of my Junjin fanfic is finally up. Thank you so much to the beautiful and wonderful people who liked my fanfic. I am so sorry I have not been responding to your lovely comments. I had exams so I was really busy but I will get to them now. It took me a long time to post this next part because I wanted to finish both Part 2 and 3. I’ll be posting the other part too once I’ve proofread everything

As always, this chapter is dedicated to the Shooters GC (which I haven’t checked in so long, I’m so sorry)  🙈 🙈

Please do be warned, this does get a little dark. But it will pay off in Part 3, I promise.

Pairing: Kang Sujin x Han Seojun

Romantic Trope: Haters to friends to lovers

Word Count: 13.5k

Rating: T

TRIGGER WARNING: Some of the themes in this story are a little dark, specifically in section iii. Please be warned. I’ve added a summary for section iii in section iv so you can skip it if needed.

PART 2

i.

They both spoke at the same time.

“Ya Kang Sujin…”

“Ya Han Seojun…”

“What the hell happened?”

Seojun had been in a strange state of mind all day. First it was waking up in the enemy’s bed, but that part he had completely blocked out. Then it was the massive hangover, the effects of which he was still reeling from. On top of that he had received a scolding for being late to practice, which caused him to be late to his commercial shoot, which caused him to be late for his recording session which was when he had been informed about his scandal.

Seojun normally didn’t care for rumors that spread about him. He relied on his performance to speak for itself; the people online with their uninformed opinions didn’t matter.

“But why did it have to be her?!” He had groaned when he first read the articles. But then he asked himself seriously, “Why did it have to be her?”

It all seemed too convenient. Additionally, she had been the one to drag him for drinks and then back to her apartment.

Was this another one of her schemes? What would she gain from doing this? Maybe it was because he was on to her and could see the truth about her and now she wanted him gone. Yes, it must have been that. Or was it not? Was his theory too farfetched? Maybe he was being too harsh. Maybe he was misunderstanding the situation.

Seojun felt conflicted. On the one hand, it would have been so easy to just blame Sujin and keep on hating her like he wanted to. On the other hand, he could hear Suho in his head, warning him about being too judgmental. Seojun normally trusted his instincts with everything but this time his own instincts were confused. Should be giving Sujin the benefit of the doubt? 

Seojun knew that if he needed answers, he would need to go to the source.

“What the hell happened?” They both asked each other at the same time but neither had the answer.

“How the hell would I know? It was your apartment.”

“The pictures were obviously taken by someone was obsessed with you.” Sujin fumed.

“Are you saying this is my fault?”

“Then are you saying it’s mine?”

“I’m not the one who took us out drinking then brought me back home to her apartment!”

“I’m not the one with the crazy saesangs!”

“My fans are not crazy! They are way better than arrogant women with a princess complex like you!”

“Don’t call me princess.” Sujin said dangerously.

“Or what? You’ll get me drunk and back at your apartment again?”

“Ah shut up, you man-child!” Sujin hung up and Seojun flung his phone across the room where it bounced onto the couch. He was seething.

“Aish!” Seojun kicked the air.

“Did you talk to Sujin?” Heekyung’s calm voice startled Seojun.

“What? Oh, Noona.” Seojun gulped.

“How was she? Was she okay?”

“Umm…” Seojun blinked

“She must have been shaken. Facing something like this can be very upsetting.”

Seojun’s shoulders deflated. “Uh, yeah…” He hadn’t considered that.

“Did she agree to give a statement to help clear up this mess?”

Oh right, I was supposed to ask her…

Heekyung continued, “I do have good news. We’ve found the person who took the photographs. So he won’t be sharing them with anyone else.”

“You have?”

“Yes. It was unfortunate. A photographer happened to be there, just as you were leaving. He actually recognized you from your voice. Talk about having bad luck.”

Seojun frowned. So, it wasn’t Sujin.

“So will Sujin do it? We just need a simple statement. She can release a post on her socials and we’ll take care of the media articles.”

Seojun rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “Um, I don’t think she’ll agree.” . Especially not after the blaming match that just happened. “Can’t we just clarify things on our end? Not get her involved?”

Heekyung smiled with a twinkle in her eye, “Oh I get it. You don’t want her to feel burdened.”

Seojun could tell what she was implying. “Ah-nee! Its not that at all!” His voice was pitched a little too high.

Heekyung laughed, “I’ve been at this for longer than you, Seojun-ah. You can be straight with me.”

“It’s not like that! I don’t care about Kang Sujin at all!”

But Heekyung wasn’t listening. “Just be careful. Your career has just started. You can’t afford scandals like these. People will turn against you in an instant, you know?”

Seojun swallowed. He knew all too well how people could turn against him in an instant, like the way thy did with Seyeon. But he wanted to believe that he would be able to face them.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be careful.”

Heekyung nodded. “Good. Now I’ll go tell our PR team to release a statement about you and Sujin being just friends.” Seojun nodded gratefully. “I think the fact that you went to school together will help. Hopefully people will buy it when you tell them nothing happened between you two.” Heekyung winked as she walked away.

“It’s not like that!” Seojun called after her.

ii.

The situation subsided as quickly as it had risen. Move Entertainment published their official statement about how it was all a misunderstanding. That Seojun had only been visiting his friend from high school and the fact that the friend was also a mutual with rising online beauty guru Lim Jukyung helped establish the connection. Seojun had been glad that Jukyung had taken those selfies with Sujin with Seojun in the background otherwise people might have just taken the statement as an excuse.

What annoyed Seojun about the whole situation was not his reputation or the online speculation but how everyone else kept teasing him about it. This was made especially worse when they were all gathered around for drinks, including his own squad, Chorong and Co., who were eyeing Sujin with a mixture of adoration—that made them stare at her, and fear—that kept them from talking to her.

“Ooh, Han Seojun you better not drink too much or you’ll end up in Sujin’s apartment again.” Taehoon teased. Seojun gave him the death glare while Sujin made a disgusted face. Everyone else laughed.

“Guys! Don’t be mean.” Jukyung’s voice went unheard among the collective chatter.

“Han Seojun, I can see you’ve been keeping a very close eye on Kang Sujin.” Chorong whispered in his ear. Seojun elbowed his ribs.

“Pay up, Sujin didn’t kill him.” Suho asked from Suah.

“You guys had a bet?” Sujin asked icily. Seojun almost admired the scathing look Sujin gave Suho as she eyed the money being exchanged.

Suho’s and Suah’s hands froze right when they were exchanging the bills.

“No?” Suho said weakly.

“Kang Su, I bet on you okay?” Suah defended.

“Ah is that so? Well then you’re off the hook.”

Suah relaxed while Suho blinked forty times, sweating. “Kang Sujin. It was just a joke okay?”

Sujin just put her hand forward and Suho silently put the money in her hands.

“Wah, just 5 dollars? I’m worth 5 million you know.”

“Sure you are. And I’m the King of England.” Seojun said under his breath. Kang Sujin and her princess complex.

“What was that?” Sujin put her hand to her ear, “I’m sorry. I couldn’t hear you over the apology you owe me.”

“What apology? I owe you nothing.” Seojun retorted, fully aware that he had actually come to this gathering to apologize to Sujin about the scandal and how he had behaved over the phone. That plan had since been abandoned. 

For some reason, he could not spit out the three words ‘I am sorry’ to Kang Sujin. No matter how much he wanted to. There was just something about her that irritated him to the point of misbehavior.

Sujin clicked her tongue at Seojun but said nothing. Instead, reaching into her bag, she pulled out a notebook and a pen.

“Here, sign this.” She ordered, pushing the notebook and pen in his face.

“What is it?”

For Kang Sujin, the biggest issue from the scandal had not been the online noteriety and not even the teasing, but the fact that everyone in her office now knew that she was friends with an idol and had demanded that she get them his autographs.

“Its for my friends at work.”

“You have friends?” Seojun said with mock surprise.

“You know I was just as shocked to learn that you have actual fans. I always thought Suho was the one buying all your albums.” Sujin said.

“Of course I have fans! I am super popular you know!” Seojun defended, pulling the lapels of his jacket with pride.

“Yes I’m sure you’re veeeery popular.” Sujin’s words dripped with sarcasm. Seojun’s pride deflated like a balloon. “Just sign. And write something nice too.” She ordered. Seojun quietly picked up the notebook, not because he was nice but because he felt he owed her this much.

“You know my autographs are worth a lot of money, right?”

Sujin made a face. “Just sign the damn thing so that the girls at work stop harassing me about you.”

Seojun smiled as he signed. His fans were awesome. “How many?” He asked.

“Seven.”

He signed seven pages, each with a personalized note.

“Be nice to my fans at work.”

“I’m always nice.”

“Sure you are.” Seojun replied skeptically. He handed Sujin the notebook. “I better not find you selling these online.” He warned.

“I’d rather starve than live off of your autographs.” Sujin bit back.

“Okay, okay! No more fighting!” Jukyung pointed between the two. “Lets all enjoy our drinks in peace.” She looked pointedly at Sujin who pointed her chin at Seojun with a ‘he-started-it’ scowl.

“Han Seo, is it okay for you to meet us in public like this?” Suah asked. They weren’t in the usual private dining area that they frequented when it was just the core group of friends. They were out where everyone could see.

“We can always hang out at our place, if you want.” Suho offered. Seojun quickly shook his head. Seeing Suho and Jukyung together outside was one thing. Seeing how they lived together was quite another. Knowing they lived together was painful enough. He didn’t want even more fuel for his imagination.

“Its no trouble at all.” He put on a smile for Suho who seemed satisfied. But, to his surprise, he found Kang Sujin giving him a strange look. She chuckled to herself but said nothing.

As they all said their goodbyes, Seojun went out the back so that he could leave in privacy. He planned on taking the long route today. A bike ride would help him clear his mind.

“Han Seojun, wait up!”

He stopped just as he was about to put his helmet on. He was surprised to find Sujin there. 

“What? Need more autographs?” He asked, cockily smiling.

Sujin made a sickened expression. “Not at all. I just… I had something to say.” She hesitated.

“Well say it.”

She cleared her throat. “It was neither of our faults. The scandal. It wasn’t that it was my building or your fans. It was someone shitty who didn’t respect our privacy. That’s… that’s all I wanted to say.”

Sujin waited for his response. Seojun could feel his face burning. He should have been the one to say all this to her, and yet here she was apologizing to him instead.

“I’msorryforwhathappened.” He said too quickly and too quietly.

“What?”

“Nothing!” Seojun shoved his helmet on to hide his embarrassed face. 

“Drive safe.” Sujin said.

“Yeah, whatever.” He rode away.

Kang Sujin was just glad she was able to spit out the words she had been meaning to say all night long. It had been weighing on her ever since they had spoken on the phone. She had promised herself a long time ago that she would try to be a nicer person and for the most part she had accomplished that. But that Han Seojun just had a way of bringing her old self back to the surface. And that bothered her.

It doesn’t matter, she told herself. She would learn how to get along with Han Seojun. It was only a matter of practice. And besides, it wasn’t as if she had to be overtly obvious about it. She just had to tolerate him.

For Jukyung. It’s for Jukyung. She would want us to get along, she lied to herself. The truth was, that Kang Sujin believed that she didn’t have a choice.

Everyone loved Han Seojun, even her best friends who had never paid much attention to him back in high school. It was all because Sujin had been absent for so long. She had missed a huge part of everyone’s lives while Han Seojun had been there for all of it.

Sujin wondered whether, if it came to choosing between her and Seojun, they would choose her. A part of her believed they wouldn’t.

She had made such a mess of things before and left things unresolved for too long. She was certain that things would never go back to the way they had been, not fully anyway. There would always be a part of them that wouldn’t trust her. And there would always be a part of her that would be heavy with guilt.   

“Ah-nee-ya.” She reassured herself. “I don’t need to worry about this.”

She was glad that the whole matter of being mistaken as Han Seojun’s girlfriend had been settled. She laughed at the very idea.

“Me and Han Seojun dating. Ah, how funny.”

Sujin had heard of horror stories about how such scandals ruined people’s lives and got them shunned by society. Thank fully, none of that had happened. Her precious peace was safe again.

Sujin could see her future now; a life where she worked hard at her non-profit, where she shared dinners and lunches with her friends and laughed about the old days, where she wasn’t told she wasn’t good enough, where she did what she wanted instead of being forced to do what her father wanted. Yes, Kang Sujin could see her like ahead—a life where she was finally happy.

iii.

At first Sujin thought she was being paranoid. But her co-workers seemed to be acting stand-offish with her, with some outright avoiding her. They weren’t replying to her as enthusiastically they used to and were having hushed conversations that immediately stopped when she approached them. They even made plans for lunch without including her.

“Is something wrong?” Sujin asked one of them.

“Not at all. Shall we get to work?” It sounded more like a snub than reassurance.

Sujin also felt the hairs on her neck rise from time to time, as if she could feel someone watching her. But when she turned around, everyone would look away.

Convincing herself that it was all in her head, Sujin ignored it and went on with her work.

But then it happened again at the convenience store. She heard her name being said in whispers behind her. When she turned, she found a couple of teenagers quickly putting away their phone. Despite the anxiety bubbling in her stomach, Sujin dismissed the incident and went home.

Normally after a long day at work, Sujin would throw her phone away, have dinner while watching TV, shower and go to sleep. But today had been strange and she was feeling out of sorts. She needed a distraction to help her calm down.

So, after a shower, she settled back on her couch with her dinner and her phone. Jukyung normally posted a new make-up tutorial by this day of the week. Sujin loved watching her transform herself from an ordinary looking girl to a stunning beauty, while explaining each step.

To Kang Sujin, Jukyung was an artist who used her face as a canvas. Sujin herself had learned a lot just from watching Jukyung. She was excited about what she would learn today.

Sujin dismissed the dozens of Instagram notifications on her phone. Suah was always tagging her and messaging her about some post or the other. Sujin would get to them later. As Sujin searched for Jukyung’s channel, her Instagram notifications kept dinging. She put it on mute and played the video.

This time, Jukyung was giving a tutorial on American style makeup and how it was different from Korean style. Sujin grinned all the way through the video as Jukyung talked through her tutorial. Sujin scrolled through the comments as she watched.

My beauty Queen! I love you!

I tried your winged liner look and was able to finally do it for myself. Thank you.

I use the exact same foundation but it doesn’t work for my skin. But looks great on you. <3

You didn’t mention the eyeliner you used here. Can you please add it in the description?

This is why I have trust issues. She looks like a completely different person. This is fraud.

Sujin frowned at the last comment. “She looks beautiful either way.” She said angrily aloud as she typed it in, punching the buttons as if she could punch the commentor. Sujin scrolled further.

Who else came here after reading the Soompi article?

This comment had a lot of likes and comments. Maybe Jukyung was getting famous enough to be reported by entertainment websites now. Sujin smiled proudly.

Lim Jukyung, yours is the best makeup channel here!

Saranghae unnie

I was so sad to learn that you were bullied as a kid. So glad that you’ve found success now.

Sujin swallowed thickly. It would always bother her to know that she had once exploited Jukyung’s past bullying for her own gain. The fact that she had once contributed to her bullying would always fuel Sujin’s self hatred. She was just glad that Jukyung had moved on from her past and had become confident in herself. And more so, had found a community online that adored her.

As Sujin scrolled down some more, she noticed that most of the comments were talking about how Jukyung was a survivor of bullying.

“Mwo-ya…”

Wow, I had no idea this girl was so brave. Bravo!!!

I’m a survivor of bullying too. Its nice to know I’m not alone.

I bet her bully is watching this now and regretting what they did.

I don’t watch makeup tutorials. Came here cuz of the bullying scandal. But stayed cuz she is so good.

The last comment made Sujin stop. “Bullying scandal?”

Sujin went to Naver and searched for scandals involving Lim Jukyung. The first few links were Jukyung’s most popular videos but beneath that were a slew of articles from slanderous gossip sites.

Girl from Han Seojun Scandal Turns Out to be a Bully

Online Star Lim Jukyung Gets Involved in Han Seojun Scandal

Han Seojun’s Alleged Girlfriend was a Bully in High School

“What?!” Sujin stood up on her feet in shock. With shaking hands, she went through the articles one by one. Somehow, someone had uncovered the post from her high school community page that had revealed what she had done to Jukyung. Except they had gotten their facts mixed up and had reported that Sujin had been the one to bully Lim Jukyung about her looks.

That girl is so despicable.

Han Seojun is hanging out with a girl like her? I can’t believe it. I actually used to like him.

I bet this girl seduced Oppa. Don’t dislike him!

I am so glad they’re not actually dating.

Her face is so evil. And she’s uglier than Lim Jukyung!

I bet Han Seojun was fooled by her. She feels like the type who uses her looks to manipulate men.

People like her should kill themselves.

Guys! I found her Inssa!

It really is her! This is authentic!

The room began to close in on Sujin. She immediately opened Instagram where her account was flooded with comments and direct messages from people either telling her to kill herself or threatening to kill her.

Her heart was beating so fast it felt like she would throw it up. She was equal parts shaken and angry. So many people were after her but she hated that these people felt they had a right to treat her this way.

Sujin opened up the messages on Instagram and began firing back to her haters, starting with the most recent messages.

Get off of my account before I report you.

No thanks, I’m not going to kill myself.

Threatening me will only get you sued.

You don’t have to follow me if you don’t like me.

“These assholes think they can bully me online? Well, they’ve got another thing coming.” Sujin growled through clenched teeth as she typed away with all her anger.

I did not bully her!

I made a mistake!

I apologized!

People immediately started responding.

You’re not even going to admit your mistake?

OMG! I can’t believe you actually replied!

Are you honestly defending what you did?

You can’t talk like that to me! I’m going to tell everyone you’re a total b****

How can you be so audacious after you bullied someone? Just kill yourself.

Do us all a favor and kill yourself.

Kill yourself.

KILL YOURSELF.

Sujin screamed in frustration and threw her phone away. It smashed into the wall and landed with a sickening thud. Her hands suddenly felt clammy. Clammy and sticky and sweaty and dirty, dirty, dirty. So dirty that they smelled.

She ran into the bathroom and furiously scrubbed her hands clean. Once, twice, three times. No matter how many times she washed or how hard she scrubbed, the dirty stench of the hate she had just received wouldn’t wash off.

Her hands became all red and felt raw and exposed. But she kept on washing till she ran out of soap. She fell to the floor, suddenly weak and exhausted. The cool tiles felt nice and it was then that she noticed how hot she felt.

Calm down. I have to calm down. She breathed in, then out. In, then out. She could hear her heart in her ears. Pounding and pounding. The walls were closing in. The messages on her Instagram suddenly had voices that shouted in her mind.

Kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself.

A ringing broke through it all. First Sujin thought it was in her head but no, it was from the living room.

Her cellphone. Lim Jukyung was calling.

How could she face Jukyung? What would she say to her? Wouldn’t Jukyung say the same as everyone else?

Sujin cut the call. Notifications from Instagram were still coming in. She deactivated her account and deleted the app.

Lim Jukyung’s name lit up her phone again.

She turned it off and flopped down on her sofa, head pounding.

Her fragile little hope for a good life was now shattered completely. She could hear her father now. Hear him yell at her that she was useless, that she was pathetic, that she was stupid and inferior. Unable to beat even Lee Suho.

Kill yourself.

Her father had never told her this, but he might as well have. Even now it was his voice saying it over and over in her mind. It was his angry stare she felt on her back.

How would she face people now? People would hate her now that they knew what she had done. And her co-workers…. Of course they knew. That’s why everyone had been acting so strange.

This all felt so cruel and unfair. She had been so good these past couple of years. She didn’t want all of it to just be taken away like this.

But didn’t you do the same thing to Jukyung? Her father’s voice taunted. She was a good person too, wasn’t she? You’re nothing but a piece of trash.

I bet you think that you destroyed Lim Jukyung, Seojun’s voice said, but you’ve only destroyed yourself.

iv.

SUMMARY of iii: Because of the Han Seojun scandal, people find out about the community post that revealed what Sujin had done to Jukyung and people online start thinking that Sujin bullied Jukyung. They harrass her and it becomes a scandal of its own.

It was chaos at Move Entertainment.

“What the hell happened?! You told me you settled this!” The director threw a magazine in Heekyung’s face. Seojun saw this through the glass door and barged in.

“Is that how you treat your employees?” He demanded angrily.

“Get out. Get. Him. Out! Get him out of this company for good measure!”

Heekyung pushed Seojun out before he could do anything else, dragging him as far away as possible. “Don’t be an idiot. You can’t just barge in like that.”

“But he’s being an asshole. Should I just stand around and let you take it?”

“This is the adult world Han Seojun. Actions have consequences here.” Heekyung said reasonably. “And you’re the reason he’s so mad. A bullying scandal is serious. We’ve even publicly acknowledged that you and Sujin are friends. This doesn’t reflect well on you.”

“The articles are lying. Sujin didn’t bully Jukyung in high school. She just—”

“I know exactly what she did. You think I don’t know about what happened to my own sister?” For a brief moment, Heekyung’s professional demeanor slipped into anger. But she recovered quickly. “It infuriates me that my sister’s past is being brought up like this. But I have a job to do and I need you to cooperate with me. Okay?”

Seojun exhaled. “What are we going to do?”

“Nothing. The situation will sort itself out. You will need to keep a low profile, however.”

Seojun exhaled. “Noona, we need to set the record straight. Sujin is—”

“Sujin isn’t represented by Move, you are. None of us here can do anything about what is happening to her.”

Seojun clenched his jaw. “Have you seen what is being said about her?”

Heekyung looked away. “Its not like I enjoy saying this. I’m only telling you what I was told when I made the same request. She’s not represented by us. She’s not our concern.”

“Was Seyeon not your concern either?”

Heekyung had nothing to say to that. “I have to go back in. You stay here, arachi? Don’t do anything rash and…” she yanked Seojun’s phone from his hand.

“Ah!” Seojun tried to get it but Heekyung had the phone out of reach.

“I’m keeping this for now.” She said and left.

Seojun exclaimed in frustration, running his hands through his hair. Despite the animosity he had towards Kang Sujin, this kind of exposure to such vitriol online didn’t sit well with him. Kang Sujin deserved a lot of things, but she didn’t deserve this.

He knew Sujin was tough. But this kind of incident would make anyone crumble. He just hoped she didn’t do anything stupid.

v.

“Sujin-ah. Can you explain your side of things?”

Of course her office had heard about everything. Apparently her past misdeeds were a trending topic online. Her supervisor had called her in as soon as Sujin had shown up.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Her supervisor asked.

Sujin inhaled, “When I was in high school, I fell in love with a boy. But he had a girlfriend… she was a friend of mine. I got jealous… and petty. I published an unflattering video of her on our school’s online community. She had been bullied in her previous school because of her looks. So the video was especially traumatizing to her. I was responsible for what happened in Saebom High, but I wasn’t involved in anything that happened before that.”

Sujin looked at her hands, still red and raw, “I have made up with her since then. I’ve apologized. We’re both friends now. And I’m not a teenager anymore.”

Something stung Sujin’s hand. Water droplets? No, tears. She hadn’t noticed when she had started crying. But she kept her face straight even when the tears didn’t stop. She looked at her supervisor.

“I am ashamed of what I did. If I could take it all back… you have no idea what I would do to take it all back.” Sujin furiously wiped away her tears. She hated crying in front of anyone. “I love working here. I really do.”

Even as she was saying the words, she knew what was coming. Of course her company wouldn’t keep her on. Even non-profits couldn’t afford bad reputations and the fact that Move Entertainment had worked with her company for a lot of benefits hadn’t escaped her notice either.

“Sujin-ah.” Her co-worker said, peeking from the cubicle wall as Sujin packed up her things.

“What?”

“I never thanked you. For getting me Han Seojun’s signature.” The woman said meekly.

Sujin gave a small smile. “You’re welcome.”

The woman handed her a bunch of sticky notes. “These are goodbyes from everyone. We know you’re not getting a farewell party so we thought you should have our thoughts with you.”

Sujin looked down at the brightly colored notes that contained encouraging messages from some of her co-workers. Her dismissal had been so swift that she hadn’t even been given the chance to say anything.

“If its worth anything… I don’t believe any of it.”

Sujin smiled gratefully this time. “Thanks, Chulhee-yah. I appreciate it.”

vi.

Sujin was both grateful and surprised by how much her friends had reached out. Apparently they had showed up to her place multiple times to see if she was okay, given that she was not answering any of her calls. Sadly, Sujin had not been there to receive them. She had gone to her aunt’s place to get away from everything.

That had not proved to be a good idea.

“Have. You. Lost. Your. Mind!!” Each word was punctuated with a smack from a slipper. Her mother, the once elegant and graceful Mrs. Kang, chased her daughter around in the most inelegant and ungraceful manner. Mrs. Kang’s sister tried to save Sujin by stepping in between but Mrs. Kang still managed to get a few whacks in.

“How could you let a boy stay over at your place?!”

“Omma! That’s what you choose to focus on?!”

“Yes! How could you have disgraced your family this way? And not just any boy, an idol? What the hell were you doing with an idol? Come here.”

This was one fight Sujin would never win. Her mother was not a force of reason when she was this angry. And it took a lot for her to get this angry.

Sujin didn’t mind these smacks. They came from a place of love and worry. Eventually her mother calmed down enough to address the other issue with Sujin. She took her daughter in her arms and wailed.

“How could those people be so mean to my daughter?”

“Omma, I can’t breathe.” Her mother smushed Sujin to herself.

“My poor girl. My poor baby girl.”

In the end, Sujin was glad she had come back to her aunt’s place. It gave her the break she had needed. Away from all of the noise of her online haters, Sujin found she could finally breathe. She found great comfort in her mother’s arms and her aunt’s assurances her that everything would be fine.

However, the dread of returning to her normal life still loomed over her head. Sujin felt her throat close up every time she imagined going back to her apartment. Would the people point and laugh at her on the street? Would she be able to live a normal life from now on?

It was strange how deeply all of this had affected her. Even now, as Sujin walked from the grocery store to her aunt’s house, she felt the paranoia that people were talking about her, pointing and laughing, even though they weren’t. 

“Sujin-ah.”

And now it felt like they were actually calling out to her.

“Kang Su!”

Sujin turned in surprise, ready to fight whoever had called her. “Who is it?”

“Who do you think? It’s Jukyungie! ” A human mass known as Lim Jukyung ran towards Kang Sujin with arms wide open. The girls hugged each other tightly, Jukyung grinning with her gummy smile while Sujin stood, mouth open in shock.

Not far behind, were Suah and Taehoon.

“Ya Kang Su, at least answer your phone! Do you know how worried I was?” Suah scolded.

Sujin laughed, almost tearing up. She couldn’t believe this was happening. She had feared that her friends would turn away and curse at her after she had avoided them. But here they were, all gathered just for her.

“How’d you find me?” She asked the three. They all turned to Suho who stood there smiling.

“Hey Sujin. Have you been well?”

Of course, Suho knew where her aunt lived.

“What well? You all know what happened.” Sujin replied, not bothering to pretend that she was fine.

“Ya! What have you done to your hands.” Jukyung held up Sujin’s scabby hands with worry.

“It’ll heal.” Sujin smiled. Maybe it was the massive hug she had received, or the fact that her friends had traveled so far away to meet her, but suddenly, Sujin felt relieved. It was as if the entire situation was trivial and that she could see light at the end of the tunnel.

“Of course we know what happened.” Suho replied.

“And we know exactly how to fix it.” Jukyung grinned wider.

vii.

On the screen, in front of a ring light she had set up at her home, Lim Jukyung stood with a gummy smile and a warm welcome.

“Ahn-nyong-se-yo everyone. This is Lim Jukyung here with a new make up tutorial for all of my beautiful viewers. Uh, today I have a new kind of tutorial for you all. But before we begin, there is something that I think has been on all of our minds that needs to be addressed.”

Jukyung motioned to someone standing behind the camera to come forward. Kang Sujin entered the frame awkwardly, not knowing where exactly to look. The way Jukyung had set up her studio for this live event was to have the camera, the mirror with the ring light and her laptop screen facing her so that she could do her make up while also reading the comments. And while Jukyung was used to having all of this equipment focused on her, Sujin was not.

“Introduce yourself.” Jukyung said softly, nudging Sujin with her elbow.

“Ah, yes.” Sujin cleared her throat. “Ahn-nyong-se-yo everyone. I’m Kang Sujin.” She waved robotically while staring in the camera like a deer caught in the headlights.

Jukyung couldn’t help but laugh. “Ya, Kang Su, are you afraid of the camera?”

“Ah-neeeee, it’s just so unnatural.” Sujin quickly countered.

“Don’t worry, the camera doesn’t bite.” Jukyung put an arm around her friend’s waist. “Okay everyone now that my friend Kang Sujin is here we can talk about the recent—”

“Lim Ju, maybe we shouldn’t do this.” Sujin interrupted anxiously.

“Huh? But it’s already live.” Jukyung pointed at the camera.

“What?” Sujin on in panic.

Jukyung continued, “So everyone, as you all may have heard, Sujin and I went to the same high school together. However, before that I attended another high school where I was bullied for my looks. Sujin and I did not know each other back then and she had nothing to do with that part of my life so the allegations that she bullied me are completely false. That was another person and that person is no longer in my life.”

Sujin cut in, “However, it is true that I revealed Jukyung’s past to our school and posted an unflattering video of her online.”

Jukyung nodded, looking serious. “I won’t lie and say it was easy for me to have that happen. But… both of us have changed since then. We have grown up and grown past that time.”

The girls took each other’s hands in solidarity.

Jukyung continued, “I’m not the girl I used to be. Neither is Sujin. And while she did do something wrong… I’ve forgiven her. I would rather remember the good times we shared…” The time that Sujin caught that pervert, the time she helped rescue Jukyung from those kidnappers, the time she helped hide Jukyung’s bare face at the school trip. “There are things that I wish I had done differently too. I wish had been more confident in myself and honest about who I really was. I wish I had stood up for myself earlier. But the past is the past, and I would rather focus on the present.”

“Everyone, I am grateful for all of the love and support you showed to me. I know bullying isn’t something you get over easily and I saw a lot of you comment about the bullying that you suffered. I am grateful you shared your stories with me. I hope we can take this opportunity to help each other heal rather than put someone down.” Jukyung looked at Sujin. “Now you.”

Sujin recited nervously, “Ah. Ahn-nyong-se-yo everyone. I’m Kang Sujin.”

Jukyung giggled. “We’ve done that already.”

“Oh, yes. Um… I uh…” Sujin took a pause to collect herself. “Let me be the first to say that I’m not a nice person—”

“Yah!” Jukyung protested but Sujin carried on.

“But I’m also not the girl who posted that video about her best friend, not anymore. At that time… I was foolish. I let my personal problems cloud my judgement and I took my frustration and anger out on Lim Jukyung. I have regretted doing that every single day since it happened. I am sorry. I understand everyone’s anger towards me. I would be angry too if I heard this about someone else. However, I hope that you all will be able to forgive me, as Jukyung has.”

Sujin ended her speech with an apologetic bow. Jukyung bowed with her. The girls then shared a tearful hug. From the back, Sujin saw Suho give her a thumbs up. Sujin sent him a smile back. The girls parted, wiping their tears.

“Okay! Now that that’s out of the way, we can get on to the real reason why you are on here.” Jukyung clasped her hands together. “Sujin will be assisting me today.”

“Ah, yes.”

“So Kang Su, shall we bring out our model today?” Jukyung asked her with a mischievous gleam in her eye.

The girls nodded conspiratorially before turning to Suho who looked on, confused.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

viii.

“What is it? What are you laughing at?” Chorong asked Seojun as he leaned over his shoulder. They were at Chorong’s place where the boys were goofing off, playing video games and lounging about.

Seojun didn’t hear Chorong’s inquiry through his ear buds and kept on shaking with silent laughter.

“Hey, nobody said anything about me being in the video.” Suho was protesting on Seojun’s phone. Seojun turned up the volume to hear Suho’s annoyed grumbling more clearly. Of course, Seojun was going to make fun of Suho about this afterwards. 

“Just sit down, Lee Su, before I get mad.” Sujin commanded.

“That attitude of yours has never worked on me,” Suho replied coolly.

“Come on, Suho-ya. I do your makeup all the time don’t I? It’ll be fine. I promise.” Of course, when Jukyung said this, Suho melted like butter on a hot pan. Sujin rolled her eyes but it was clear that it wasn’t out of spite.

“Okay everyone! Let’s begin with the base and then we’ll work our way up! I am going to keep this look as natural as possible so that its not modifying anything but merely enhancing his features.” Jukyung pushed Suho’s bangs out of his forehead with a giant pink bow shaped clip. Seojun was quick to get a screen shot of it.

“What are Lee Suho and Kang Sujin doing on Jukyung’s channel?” Chorong asked in Seojun’s ear, shocking him. Seojun almost screamed in fear. He pushed away Chorong’s face to watch the video in peace.

In the live video, Jukyung was explaining the differences of applying make up on a guy’s face, versus a girl’s face.

“Sujin-ah. Why don’t you read some of the comments while I’m buffing in his foundation? You have to buff it in for a long time to make it appear natural.” Jukyung told her audience.

Sujin moved towards the camera, blocking Jukyung a little as she read off of her laptop. Her unfiltered face was front and center for the world to see. At this position it looked unflattering, which made Seojun chuckle even more.

Sujin read the comments in a robotic monotone, “Jukyung Unnie, I don’t usually watch make up tutorials. But after today I’m your number one fan.”

“Mwo-ya, this girl has no camera sense.” Seojun said to himself.

“Thank you! I’m your fan too,” Jukyung replied brightly.

“Your looks are always so classy and stylish.”

“Thank you! I’m glad you liked them. Let me know if there are any other looks you’d like to see.”

“Will you do a tutorial on how to wear red lipstick properly?”

“I’m actually planning on doing that soon!”

“Lim Jukyung, you are so beautiful. Marry me please!”

Suho got up to see the screen, “Who asked that?”

“Sit down!” Jukyung pulled him back as he grumbled. “Sorry,” Jukyung said to the camera, “but I’m taken.”

“Are you and Kang Sujin really friends now?” Sujin turned to Jukyung and all Seojun could see was her shiny black hair on screen.

“Dangyunhaji! In fact, if I wasn’t dating Suho, Kang Sujin would be my boyfriend.”

Seojun scoffed, “As if. It would have been me.”

On the live, Sujin laughed, “Is that so? We can still be together though. Have an affair behind Suho’s back.”

“Sure.” Jukyung said casually.

“Yah!” Suho protested.

Both girls giggled.

Suho looked miffed, “Kang Sujin, you’re blocking the view.” He said peevishly.

“Oh sorry. I’ll move.” Sujin circled around the couple to stand behind Jukyung and read the comments over her shoulder.

Jukyung read something on the screen and pointed it to Sujin, “Read that one.”

Sujin hesitantly read, “Kang Sujin, I’m sorry for judging you.” She looked up, “It’s okay. I can be harsh in my judgements too. The key is to try to learn from your past.” Sujin smiled at the camera before turning back to the screen.

“Kang Sujin, you’re pretty.” Sujin recited in her monotone voice. “Yes. I know.” She said without looking up.

“She is also super smart!” Jukyung gushed. “She was one of the top students in class.”

“Could never beat me though.” Suho said smugly, still sore about the affair comment. Both girls turned to Suho and stared. His mouth became small. “Sorry.”

Jukyung went back to explaining her tutorial, slowly performing each step as Suho patiently sat. She made his eyes look bigger and applied a natural lip tint to finish off.

Both girls couldn’t help but gawk at how good Suho look by the end. Jukyung removed the pink blow clip from his hair in a daze.

“How do I look?” He asked Jukyung.

“Too good, Lee Suho.” Sujin clapped. “Too good.”

Jukyung blushed but couldn’t articulate her thoughts. She stuttered, “Uh-ah! Let’s look at the c-c-comments again!”

Suho grinned.

“Lim Jukyung, you were amazing as always!” Sujin read aloud.

“Thank you.” Jukyung bowed.

“Watch the latest and best movies for free at—”

“Sujin that’s just spam.”

“Oh. Right.” Sujin continued, “Lee Suho looks prettier than the both of you.”

The girls’ face fell flat. Suho just looked innocently at the camera. The girls cleared their throats.

“Ah that’s all the time we have!”

“Ah, yes! Time to move on!”

The two pushed Suho out of the frame together.

“I can still be on camera if you—”

“No, I think the people have seen enough of you.” Sujin said while smiling widely at the camera.

Jukyung went wide eyed when she looked into her computer screen. “Ya! This live got 3.3 thousand comments!”

“Daebak. Good job Lim Ju!” The girls grinned, but then Sujin squinted her eyes disapprovingly at something on the screen. “Lim Jukyung, you look so ugly without makeup? Ya, who wrote this comment? User name KimChee23? Why don’t you show yourself to me and then we can see who’s really ugly?”

“Sujin-ah. It’s just a comment.” Jukyung tried to calm her.

“Comments matter too! Otherwise people wouldn’t be writing them! Ya KimChee23 where do you live?”

Seojun laughed out loud as he saw Jukyung try to calm Sujin down on screen.

“So, is everything all settled now?” Chorong asked Seojun.

“I think, yes. Just look at all the comments praising Sujin.”

He was right, the comments section was flooded with statements of Sujin being a brave person for apologizing and changing her bad behavior. 

“Great.” Chorong shook his friend’s shoulders. “Now you don’t have to be so troubled about Lim Jukyung.”

“Lim Jukyung? Why would I be troubled about her?”

Chorong was confused. He had not known about the scandal. The matter Chorong had been referring to was Seojun’s theory that Kang was apparently still after Lee Suho.

“I mean... haven’t you been in a bad mood all week because of her?”

“Why bother asking Chorong?” One of the boys said, “You know the answer to all of Seojun’s heartaches is Lim Jukyung.”

Seojun didn’t bother responding. He returned to his phone screen where Jukyung and Kang Sujin were wrapping up the live, waving at the camera with wide smiles. Suho was trying to get back in the frame and Sujin kept pushing his out of it.

“Ooh. Look at how Han Seojun is smiling.”

“Something good must have happened.”

“See! He’s always thinking of Lim Jukyung.”

“No I’m not!” Seojun protested. Quietly, he admitted. “I wasn’t thinking of Lim Jukyung.”

ix.

Han Seojun had arrived at Kang Sujin’s building an hour ago, but for the life of him he could not muster the courage to go up to her apartment.

“I have no reason to see her. So, why should I?” He argued with himself. He paced back and forth, going up the entrance and then going back again, unable to enter.

In his hands, Han Seojun held a beautiful arrangement of white tulips and yellow roses. White tulips as an apology and yellow roses as an offering of friendship. It was his way of apologizing for being a jerk.

After hearing everything she had said on the live event, Seojun had no doubt that Kang Sujin wasn’t who he thought she was. Certainly, if Jukyung and even Suho could trust her, then he could at least give her the benefit of the doubt. 

It had felt like a good idea at the time to try to make amends with flowers. But now that he was actually here, at her home, he felt stupid.

What would Kang Sujin say when he showed up at her place? Would she laugh at him and tell him to go to hell? Would she be offended that he just showed up, unannounced? The uncertainly of it all made him anxious.

As he went back down the steps to the building entrance for the thousandth time, Seojun bumped into a lady.

“Oh ma’am. I’m so sorry!”

The woman had been carrying tote bags with plastic containers of food in them. The bags had fallen to the ground but luckily, the containers and the food inside them were unharmed, just a little shaken.

Seojun looked at the woman with an apologetic face. She appeared to be a very dignified lady, as old as his mother. Her hair was up in a chic bun and she wore well fitted, albeit a little worn out, clothes. Her brows were crinkled in disapproval. But upon seeing Seojun, her face softened.

“Are you okay, ma’am?” Seojun asked and his humble words spoken in that rich baritone subsided the woman’s irritation further to the point where she smiled.

“Omo, how can someone be so handsome?”

Seojun beamed. Elders had always loved him. “Ah, thank you.” He responded shyly. “Let me help you carry these.” He took the heavy bags from her, putting the flowers under his arm, careful not to smush them.

“Oh no. I don’t want to bother.”

“It’s no bother at all, ma’am. I insist.” He didn’t let the woman say another word, walking past her into the building. The woman smiled and followed.

“Are you going to visit your girlfriend?” The woman asked, eyeing the flowers.

“A friend. A friend who is a girl.”

“Is that what the youngsters are calling it these days?”

“Ah-nee-heyo. It’s not like that.”

The woman just smiled knowingly. “I’m going to visit a special girl too. My daughter lives in this building.”

They entered the elevator. Seojun asked which floor the woman wanted to go to. “Oh, I’m going to the same floor. Maybe my friend knows your daughter.”

“I’m sure she does. My daughter is a wonderful girl.”

When the lady walked in the same direction as Sujin’s apartment, Seojun said, “Oh. My friend lives this way too. What a coincidence. They might live right next to each other.”

“Then you should come over with your friend. I will cook for you.”

And when the woman stood in front of Sujin’s apartment, Seojun said, “Oh, this is my friend’s apartment. Are they roommates?”

“Young man, is your friend’s name Kang Sujin?”

“Yes, ma’am. How did you know?” Seojun asked, surprised.

The lady patted Seojun’s face, “At least you have good looks.” She punched in Sujin’s passcode and went in. Han Seojun stood outside for a full minute before he connected the dots. And then his eyes went wide.

“Sujin isn’t home yet. Why don’t you wait inside?” Mrs. Kang called out.

“I’m so sorry Mrs. Kang. I didn’t recognize you.” Seojun entered, placing the bags on Sujin’s counter.

“It’s okay, Son. You’ve known Sujin long?”

“I went to Sujin’s school. I knew her through Lee Suho.” He had only seen Sujin’s mother a couple of times at school. But never up close. She had seemed so stuck up like Sujin at the time; with her fur coats and expensive jewelry. Now she seemed like just another lady. Her appearance seemed to have humbled after the divorce.

“Oh Suho! Lovely child. How is he these days? Sujin doesn’t tell me anything.”

“He’s good ma’am.”

Mrs. Kang started lining the containers on the counter. It seemed like too much food for one person.

“Sujinnie never eats properly. She always scolds me for worrying but what can I do? She never takes care of herself.”

Indeed, when Mrs. Kang opened Sujin’s fridge, it was empty save a few water bottles and expired milk that Mrs. Kang threw away.

“And look at you! All skin and bones! It is unfashionable to be healthy these days?”

It was a complaint he had heard from his mother as well. But Seojun had to maintain a lean figure for his job, as he was about to explain to Mrs. Kang.

“Ma’am I actually have to diet beca—”

“I won’t hear it! Sit. I will get you something to eat. I’ve brought more than enough.” Mrs. Kang commanded. Seojun could see where Sujin got her tough exterior from.

“I don’t want to be a bother…”

“Nonesense! It’s no bother at all. Especially not for,” she eyed the bouquet Seojun had placed on the counter, “Sujin’s friend.”

Seojun wanted to protest Mrs. Kang’s assumptions but figured that denying it would only reinforce the idea. He would let Sujin clear up the matter.

“Well if you’re going to cook Mrs. Kang, you might as well let me help.” Seojun often cooked with his mother and was used to being in the kitchen so his culinary prowess impressed Mrs. Kang greatly.

“Your mother must be so proud of you.” Seojun grinned at the compliment. He decided that he liked Mrs. Kang.

Likewise, Mrs. Kang decided that she liked Seojun. She put the flowers he had brought in a vase and brought it to the table. As they cooked, she went on and on about Sujin and her many accomplishments. The woman was very proud of her daughter.

Seojun listened diligently as Mrs. Kang explained how much she was worried about Sujin. The non-profit sector didn’t exactly offer a lucrative career. Not as much being a doctor would have.

“I remember how much she had wanted to be a doctor as a child. Omma, I want to heal everyone, she would tell me. But when her father started pushing her and pushing her… suddenly it was all about ranking number 1, not helping people and her heart just wasn’t in it anymore.” Mrs. Kang lamented. She gave Seojun a considering look. “Has she told you… about her father?”

About the divorce? “Yes. I know.”

Mrs. Kang looked at him tenderly, “You must really be close to my daughter then. She’s a very private girl.”

Seojun didn’t understand why the woman as acting like it was some secret. Everyone knew about Mr. and Mrs. Kang’s separation.

The woman stared into the distance. “If I look back, I can only blame myself. I should have stopped it the first day her father started hitting her. But I was blind. I believed that it would all stop if she got good grades and got into a good university. My husband was always a tough man, but had never been like that to me, you see. I didn’t realize what he was doing to Sujin till it was too late.”

Seojun froze. He felt he had been told something he wasn’t supposed to know.

“And then, she started taking her anger out on other people… it might have been late, but I finally put my foot down. I’m glad my girl is in a better place now.”

Mrs. Kang looked down in remorse. Seojun found it hard to keep looking at her. He suddenly recalled what Sujin had said in Jukyung’s video.

I was foolish. I let my personal problems cloud my judgement and I took my frustration and anger out on Lim Jukyung. 

Ah, crap. Seojun thought.

“My daughter is a sensitive girl, despite how strong she appears. I just want to know that she is with people who will care for her, and not hurt her.” Mrs. Kang looked at Seojun meaningfully. He swallowed.

“She is Mrs. Kang. You don’t have to worry.”

The woman pressed his hands gratefully. “You must have heard… about what Sujin was involved in recently.”

Seojun was sure he was going to die today. His heart felt like guilt had wrapped its sharp claws around it and was squeezing tightly.

“Ah. Yes.”

“Don’t believe any of it! My Sujinnie isn’t that kind of girl”

“Ah. Yes.”

“She did go a little astray in school, but what kid doesn’t go through a phase like that? Show me a teenager who has never made a mistake!”

“You’re absolutely right ma’am.” Was all Seojun could say.

“If only I could get my hands on that Han Seojun.” Seojun felt his heart stop. It was then that he realized that he never really introduced himself to Mrs. Kang. “How dare that no good idol take advantage of my daughter? Ah-nee, what kind of a person stays over a girl’s place like that? And doesn’t even help when she gets into trouble because of him?”

Seojun could see his funeral now, his mother crying for him as his friends lined up to regret their loss.

Guys… take care. Please check on my mother for me.

The door chimed as Sujin entered. She stopped in her tracks when she noticed Han Seojun and her mother sitting at a table full of food, waiting for her.

“Ah, Omma why have you come all this way again? Do you really like tiring yourself out so much?” Sujin scolded as she hurriedly put on her indoor slippers.

“Is that any way to greet your mother?” Mrs. Kang scolded back.

Sujin was undeterred. “You know I can always come and visit you and Auntie. Why do you have to come here? And look at all this food! How is this okay for one person? It always goes bad and then I have to throw it out.”

“It goes bad because you don’t eat enough, bad girl! You see what I have to deal with?” Mrs. Kang turned to Seojun who had gone white.

“Ya Han Seojun, what are you doing here?” Sujin asked him.

There was a second of silence where no one spoke. A pin drop could be heard.

“Han Seojun?” Mrs. Kang looked at Seojun. On stage, with makeup on, Seojun looked different. Here, in person, it was difficult to recognize him. But now that his name had been spoken, Mrs. Kang could see the young man whose face had been plastered all over the articles concerning Sujin.

“You… you’re the Han Seojun from the scandal?”

Sujin quickly caught on. “Seojun. Run.”

And then all hell exploded, or rather, one Mrs. Kang. Sujin jumped in her mother’s path as the woman got up with a slipper in her hand. Han Seojun lept off his chair and bowed furiously.

“I am so sorry Mrs. Kang. I am so sorry for all the trouble caused!”

Sujin desperately tried to block her mother’s blows but Mrs. Kang was a formidable woman. She smacked Han Seojun with her slipper.

“Do. You. Have. Any idea. What. Problems. You. Caused!” She punctuated each word with a smack. Seojun, for his part, did not run but rather took it like a man. He was just glad she was beating him with a slipper and not a heel.

“Run! Why aren’t you running?” Sujin asked him as she tried to grab her mother’s wrists.

“Are you protecting him? After everything that happened?”

“I’m really sorry Mrs. Kang.” Seojun said.

“Sorry? What good will an apology do? Will an apology undo the pain you’ve caused?” Her words sounded eerily familiar.

“Ah Omma, stop hitting him! He didn’t do anything. It was my fault. It was all my idea.”

Mrs. Kang stopped. “What?”

And thus, it became Kang Sujin’s turn to be given the mom-smack down.

“Ah Omma WAEEEE??”

“It was your idea to bring him home?!”

“Omma you’ve already beaten me about that!”

“I haven’t beaten you enough.”

“Mrs. Kang please! We were both drunk. Sujin had no choice but to—”

“What?” Mrs. Kang went ballistic.

Sujin glared at Seojun, “Han Seojun do you actually want us both to die?”

“YOU WERE DRUNK?!”

“Omma it wasn’t like that!”

“Mrs. Kang it really wasn’t.” Seojun chimed in.

“If it wasn’t then why is he bringing you flowers? Why is he showing up at your place?”

Sujin looked at the tulips and roses on her table. White tulips, a flower of regret. And yellow roses, flowers of friendship. Sujin knew exactly what they meant. She wondered if Han Seojun knew too or if he just got really lucky with his choices.

It was a while before Mrs. Kang calmed down. Seojun felt thoroughly sore. Both he and Sujin sat on the floor with guilty expressions on their faces, looking like school children being punished.

“Get out. I don’t want to see the likes of your around my daughter ever again.”

“Omma.”

Seojun bowed his head to the ground. “I am really sorry Mrs. Kang. I’m really sorry for all of the trouble that I’ve caused. I assure you I will never let anything like that happen again.”

Mrs. Kang crossed her arms and looked away.

“Omma. Neither of us had any idea that something like this would happen. Its not Seojun’s fault. And besides, he got into trouble too.” Sujin nudged him with her elbow.

“Yes, ma’am. I was almost kicked out of my company.” Which wasn’t exactly true but Seojun didn’t mind fibbing a little.

“You should have been!” Mrs. Kang fumed but then softened when she saw Seojun’s best puppy dog face. Han Seojun was always good with ladies, especially ones that were mad at him.

He inched closer to Mrs. Kang. “Mrs. Kang. I’m really regretful about what Sujin faced.” He took her hands in his. Sujin watched in astonishment as Han Seojun turned her mother’s boiling anger to a low simmer. “But I promise you, I will do everything in my power to make sure that this never happens again.”

Mrs. Kang cleared her throat.

“And look, the food we both prepared has gotten all cold. Wouldn’t it be better if we all eat and talk calmly?”

Sujin scoffed, not only at the blatant pandering but at the fact that it was working. Mrs. Kang’s anger all but disappeared. It came to a point that as they all ate, she began taking his side.

“How could you risk an idol’s reputation like that?” She asked Sujin who could only roll her eyes.

“Omma, how can you say that?”

“I mean, now that I think about it, it isn’t Seojun’s fault that his fans came after you.”

“Ugh, I can’t believe this.” Sujin scowled.

As dumb as Han Seojun had appeared, Sujin had to admit this was pretty shrewd. It made her wonder what else she had misjudged him on. He even got himself invited by Mrs. Kang to come by again for dinner.

“Your mom is incredible.” Seojun told Sujin as they walked to the convenience store. Mrs. Hand had sent them out for some ice-cream since she had brought nothing for dessert.

“She’s changed a lot after the divorce. She’s more herself now.”

They walked slowly, enjoying the night air and the silence. Oddly enough the quiet didn’t feel awkward or strange. Neither of them felt any pressure to speak. They got papico, the ice-cream that came in squishy bottles, and sat by on the benches outside.

“Kang Sujin,” Seojun began, “about what happened… are you… You know when I, um… I guess what I’m trying to say is…”

Sujin laughed, a clear gurgle of joy that made Seojun feel strange in his stomach. “Mwo-ya? Has the great Han Seojun been rendered speechless?” She laughed some more and Seojun didn’t stop her. “Relax Han Seojun. I’m fine.”

Seojun looked at his feet. “I… wasn’t happy with what happened to do… with the articles and how everybody was talking about you.”

“Gwenchana. It’s over now. I mean I had to make another Instagram account but all in all, its not as bad now. Besides,” she tilted her chin, “do you think a bunch of cowards who hide behind usernames are enough to take me down? I’m Kang Sujin, remember? Badass of Saebom High.”

“I thought I was the badass of Saebom high.” Seojun raised a brow.

“You were the gangster.” Sujin grinned, eating her ice-cream.

“I’m glad you’re tough. You don’t let these things bother you.”

“I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me. People telling me that I’m the worst and I should die wasn’t exactly easy.” She said grimly. “But you know what upset me the most?”

“What?”

“That I couldn’t beat those cowards up for saying what they did.” Sujin got up and punched the air. “If I could just get my hands on those twerps then I would teach them a lesson or two.” She punched the air.

The fire in Sujin’s eyes was so comical that Seojun burst out laughing.

“Don’t laugh! Hajima! I’m not joking.”

“Kang Sujin, were you always such a fighter?”

“Yup!” Sujin stated simply. She sat back besides Seojun, closer this time. And he noticed. “What about you?” She asked. “How are you doing?”

Seojun leaned back leisurely, “Eh, I’m fine. I don’t worry about public perception anyway. The people who matter will know me. Everyone else is just noise.”

“I bet your fans would leave you in a second.” Sujin teased.

“Don’t diss my fans. They’re all cool and awesome.”

“What, all two of them? Do they also happen to be named Jukyung and Suho?”

“You’re forgetting Chorong.”

The two giggled.

“Did your co-workers ask for more autographs?”

“Nope. Got fired before they could.”

“What?” Seojun stood up. Sujin relayed how her company had let her go after details about her past misconduct were released online.

“How could they just fire you? Isn’t that illegal?”

“Calm down. It’s normal for that to happen.”

“How can you be so calm?”

“Would you rather I get angry? There’s no point in doing that. I won’t get that job back.”

Seojun pressed his lips together in a tight line and sat back down.

“I’m surprised that you’re actually defending me.” Sujin sounded impressed.

“I mean… its wrong. Even if you and I don’t get along, what’s wrong is wrong.”

Sujin chuckled. She looked at the time on her phone. “I should get back. How are you getting home?”

“I brought my bike.”

“Your company lets you ride motorbikes?”

“Nope.” Seojun grinned.

“A’ight. Good night, Han Seojun. Stay safe.” Sujin walked back in the direction of the apartment. Feeling light and happy. While her online image hadn’t completely recovered, her relationship with Han Seojun had. She might not have to simply tolerate his presence now. They might genuinely get along.

“Kang Sujin!” Han Seojun called out to her, the woman who he thought was vile and destructive. The person that turned wasn’t that woman. It was the little girl who had looked to her father with love but only got his abuse in return.

“I’m sorry I misjudged you.” Seojun told the little girl.

The girl smiled. “I’m sorry I misjudged you too.”

x.

It was unfamiliar territory, getting along with Kang Sujin. More for the group than Han Seojun and Kang Sujin. They all looked at the pair in wonder and shock when Sujin asked Seojun to pass the soy sauce and he obliged. It shocked them further when Sujin laughed when Seojun bragged about being recognized at a department store and being asked for pictures.

“Hey, you feeling okay?” Jukyung asked Sujin quietly.

“Yeah, why?” Sujin replied.

“Nothing. Just asking.”

“Hey, what’s up with you?” Suho asked Seojun privately.

“What?”

“You’re acting all weird around Kang Sujin.”

“Weird how?”

“You’re being nice.”

“Am I not supposed to be?”

“Okay! Who’s going to go first?” Taehoon asked the room, interrupting Suho and Seojun’s conversation. 

They were at Suho’s apartment where he had a karaoke machine set up. Seojun had finally relented to visiting their place and it was just as painful as he had thought it would be. It was a mishmash to Jukyung’s bright and lively style with Suho’s dark and moody one.

The posters of rock bands and Junji Itou’s mangas were something both of them shared. It was fascinating how the two of the most caring people in Seojun’s life were into such dark things. Seojun saw Sujin eye one of the horror comic book posters suspiciously, as if the monster drawn in them could come out any second.

Chorong sang first, sharing a duet with his girlfriend. Then Taehoon and Suah went next. Duets seemed to be the theme of the night. Jukyung and Suho went next.

“Alright? Who else?”

Sujin was the only girl left.

“Well I’m not going up there.” She said when everyone looked at her. She eyed the other boys, all of whom were terrified of her. Even they could still hear Kang Sujin saying Ya Han Seojun, are you a gangster?!

“Jukyung-ah. Sing with me.” Sujin grabbed Jukyung’s hand and led her up before she could say anything.

“I’m singing too!” Suah joined.

Seojun went next. His was a solo and he clearly was the best performer. His rich baritone singing in a soft melody made everyone pay attention.

“Isn’t it nice to have an idol as a friend?” Suah asked. “Its like having a private concert.” Jukyung and Sujin nodded in agreement.

Everyone swayed their heads to the beat, except for Kang Sujin who was noticing the lyrics Han Seojun was singing.

I want to give you all of my days

I want to tell you all these feelings of mine

The sleepless blue winds

Brightly light up this night

He was singing about Lim Jukyung. Sujin looked over to her friend, who was looking longingly in Suho’s eyes. The two were entranced with each other, not noticing Han Seojun who stood just a couple of feet away, pouring his heart out.

After all the fun had been wrapped up, Seojun and Sujin had been the only two to stay back. Sujin had helped Jukyung clean up while Suho went to throw out the trash.

As Sujin cleaned the dishes, Seojun sat in the living room, looking at all of the pictures Jukyung and Suho had hung up. He could see how Suho and Jukyung would sit on the very couch he was on and watch TV together or lie around reading books.

He tried to replay those images, with himself there with Jukyung instead of Suho but he couldn’t. He couldn’t lie to himself about who she belonged to.

“You know, Han Seojun, I just realized something.” Sujin called from the kitchen.

“What?”

“You have two hands.”

Seojun looked at her like she had lost her mind. “Wow, Kang Sherlock. Your powers of deduction amaze me.”

“So, since you have those two hands, and you’re a gentleman, why not help me out over here? I assume you would feel bad that I’m the only one doing any actual cleaning.”

“You assume incorrectly. I have no issues with you doing all the cleaning.” Seojun turned back to the TV and was promptly hit in the head with a dish rag.

“Oops.” Sujin said flatly.

Seojun got up, dish rag in hand. Wordlessly, he took out the dishes from the washer and lined them up in the cabinets.

“Aren’t you ever afraid that Jukyung will be uncomfortable about you singing love songs to her?” Sujin asked in a low voice.

“What do you mean?”

“That song you sang. My heart is full of you, I’m starting to take after you?”

Seojun eyed her. “She won’t know.”

“I did.”

“Yeah but, you’re you and Jukyung’s Jukyung.”

“So?”

“So…” Seojun leaned closer, “you ranked number two in class for a reason.”

“Sujin-ah! I told you I would take care of everything.” Jukyung appeared from her bedroom.

“Don’t worry about it. Han Seojun helped.” Sujin assured.

The pair said their goodbyes to the couple and exited together. Han Seojun said nothing when he started walking his own way, while Kang Sujin turned to wave at him but was unseen. He was too lost in his own broken heart to notice anyone or anything.

She simply sighed, took it as just a Han Seojun thing and started walking in the other direction.

xi.

“I still can’t get used to this.” Suah said, waving a spoon between Han Seojun and Kang Sujin. The two sat opposite each other and were eating their food peacefully.

It was this peace that bothered Suah.

“I mean, how can you two just get along?”

“We’re adults Choi Su. We can learn how to get along.” Sujin stated.

Suho spluttered in laughter. “I thought you said that Seojun was a giant baby with no manners?”

Seojun gave Sujin a scathing look. Sujin went pink, “I never said that! You take that back!”

“It’s still strange.” Suah leaned closer. “What happened? Have you guys settled your differences?”

“Han Seojun got Sujin flowers.” Suho said cheekily.

“Yah!” Seojun protested. But it was in vain, the deed was done, and everyone oohed and aahed at this news.

“Did you really get her flowers?”

“Wait, when did this happen?”

“Does that mean that Seojun apologized first?”

“What kind of flowers?”

Seojun looked at Suho with the rage of a thousand suns. Suho just grinned back.

“Aren’t flowers romantic?”

“Ya! There was nothing romantic about it. All I got her were yellow roses and white tulips.” Seojun defended.

“OoooOoooh. Roooses. Roses are totally romantic.” Taehoon teased.

“They were yellow. Yellow roses are for friendship!”

“So, are you two friends?” Jukyung asked and everyone looked at Seojun and Sujin.

“Meh.” They both shrugged at the same time.

“Omo! Look at how in sync they are!”

“We are not.” They both said in sync.

Seojun had to admit, their group gatherings were much more comfortable now that he and Sujin had cleared the air between them. He enjoyed discovering how Sujin was less the ice princess he had thought her to be and more a regular girl. She also turned out to be much cooler than he had expected.

She had been the only one to see his discomfort when Jukyung and Suho suggested they all go on an overnight trip with them. Going to see their apartment; the very proof that Lim Jukyung and Lee Suho ate and slept—Oh God, don’t think about them sleeping—together was painful enough. Seojun didn’t need to see them canoodling for an entire weekend.

“What about it guys? Shall we go?” Jukyung looked around as everyone nodded excitedly, including Sujin.

But then her eye’s met Seojun’s. He said nothing but he didn’t need to.

“Lim Ju, it’ll be difficult for me to join. I just lost my job, remember? An overnight trip is...” Seojun knew Sujin was just making up an excuse.

“Oh, oh right. Sorry Kang Su-ya. I totally forgot. Something else then!”

The group moved on to discussing other options. Seojun sent Sujin a grateful look. She acted nonchalant, as if she had not just overturned everyone’s plans for him.

“Thanks. For what you did back in there.” He told her as they were all leaving.

“Forget about it.” She waved a hand in dismissal.

The next time the group gathered at a fancier restaurant than usual. A suggestion by Suho who had offered to pay for the food tonight.

“This place is so beautiful.” Suah commented looking around the interior.

“Are we celebrating something?” Sujin asked. “This doesn’t seem like a regular get-together.”

Sujin had only asked for the sake of asking. But something about the way Suho looked at her told Seojun that she was on to something.

“Well,” Jukyung held up her hand, “we do have something to announce.”

And announce she did. The big fat diamond resting on her ring finger had a lot to say. And suddenly everyone erupted with joy. The girls took Jukyung in their arms, squealing and crying with joy. The boys surrounded Suho, patting him on the back, congratulating him.

All except Seojun, who just sat there in a daze. Sujin happened to look over and see him, frozen in his seat. Sujin wasn’t alone in her observation. Taehoon also noticed but missed the implication.

“Look! Han Seojun is actually so shocked he—"

Sujin made it look like an accident, her bumping into the table and sending a glass down on the floor, shattering into a million pieces. The sound shook Seojun out of his daze and also distracted everyone from realizing Seojun’s inner turmoil.

“Oh shit.” Sujin said looking down.

“Hey, be careful.” Jukyung said.

“You okay?” Suho asked Jukyung, taking her arm.

“Excuse me, can we get someone to clean this up?” Taehoon asked the waiter.

The fuss over the broken glass gave Seojun enough time to recover. He then congratulated Suho with a massive hug.

“You both deserve each other. I mean it.” He told Suho and he meant it.

Maintaining a fake smile over dinner was easy. Everyone else was so chatty that Seojun’s and Sujin’s relative silence went unnoticed. Suah pestered Jukyung for details: “How did it happen?”, “When?”, “Why didn’t you call me immediately?”. Taehoon made jokes about marriage being the end of romance to which Suah started an argument with him and then it became about settling matters between the two.

Sujin didn’t remember much of what happened after that, the rest of the night was a blur. She just hoped that she had maintained enough dignity to not appear as bitter as she actually felt.

Even though they all parted very late in the night, Sujin couldn’t go directly home. She needed something to ease the pain. So naturally, she went to the nearest tent bar she could find. The place seemed to be overcrowded, with people waiting outside for others to leave. Sujin managed to sneak in and grab a table.

She downed half of a soju bottle in one go but then couldn’t muster the energy to drink further. Her side dishes went untouched. All Sujin could do was stare and wonder if there was any way to just take her heart out of her chest and throw it away. Because there seemed to be no relief from this pain she was feeling.

She banged her head on the table. “Ah wae? Why can’t I just move on?” She asked herself in frustration.

“Ugh, why the hell are you here?” That irritated tone and deep voice could only belong to one person. And indeed, when Sujin looked up she saw Han Seojun a few tables over looking at her in disdain.

“Wae? You have a claim on this place?” Sujin raised a critical brow.

“And what if I do?”

“Then give me everything for free. Since we’re friends who get along.”

“No. Friends pay double.”

“How stingy.” Sujin took another shot of soju.

The man running the tent bar came over. “Why don’t you two share a table since you know each other? I have customers waiting to be seated.”

“No way, I’m not sitting with her.” Seojun grumbled.

“Aha! I knew it! Being all nice to me was just an act.”

The owner ignored Sujin, “How can two youngsters be so rude? Get up! I’m moving you over there.”

This was how Han Seojun came to drink with Kang Sujin for the second time. They both looked at each other with scowling faces.

“What happened, Kang Sujin? You were acting all happy for the lucky couple.” Seojun taunted. He seemed a little tipsy but so was Sujin.

“Of course, I’m happy. I’m so, so happy.” She said wistfully.

Seojun scoffed. “Is that why you were whining about not being able to move on? I thought you said you didn’t like Lee Suho anymore.”

Sujin narrowed her eyes. “I don’t. And even if I allegedly did, at least I held it all in. You were clearly about to run away with Jukyung before I saved you.”

“Saved me? Puh-lease.”

“Why? Do you think that glass fell on its own?”

Seojun gave her a sideways look before taking another shot.

“You gonna eat that?” He pointed a chin to her plate.

“Nah, have it.”

They sat in silence for a moment. A comfortable silence where neither felt compelled to say anything.

Sujin shook Seojun when she suddenly smacked her glass down on the table. “I’m over Lee Suho.” She declared. “I’m over Lee Suho… but…”

“Just because you’re over him, doesn’t mean you stopped loving him.” Seojun said what she was thinking.

She looked at him, her pain evident on her face. In that moment, he let himself be vulnerable too.  

“Isn’t it funny? Out of everyone I know, you’re the only one who gets… this.” Sujin said.

Seojun chuckled. “Exactly. Who woulda thought? Kang Sujin and Han Seojun having something in common.”

“You know it’s gonna hurt even worse from now on, right? We’re the closest to those two. That means we’ll be involved in everything.”

Seojun rubbed his faced. “I can’t think about that right now. Or I really will die.”

Sujin understood what he meant. “You know what I want?”

“What?”

“I want Suho to never find out that I still like him.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I can’t help that I feel this way right? You can’t stop yourself from feeling what you feel. But… I wanna keep my dignity. I wanna still be cool and… not be seen as some pathetic loser who’s still after her best friend’s boyfriend.”

Seojun took a shot, nodding.

Sujin leaned forward. “That’s why, I suggest we help each other out.”

Seojun gave her a look. “How so?”

“Well, if we see the other being too transparent, then we stop them, or at least take the attention away so that the other can collect themselves.”

“Like the broken glass today?”

“Like the broken glass today. And if it’s getting too painful, then we can just talk about it.”

Seojun laughed. “Kang Sujin, offering therapy. That’s rich.”

“Not therapy. Friendship. It helps if you talk about stuff like this.” Sujin insisted.

Seojun gave her a considering look. “What’s in it for me? These seem like things you want to do.”

“You’ll be able to attend Jukyung’s wedding without feeling like you’re dying on the inside.”

“There’s no guarantee that will happen.”

“You’re right, there isn’t. But at least that’s what it’ll look like. Think about it Han Seojun. Do you want Jukyung to always see you as the friend who is in love with her? Or do you want her to see you as a cool friend who she can comfortably rely on, without wondering if she’s hurting his feelings.”

Seojun thought about it. It felt like a bad idea. But there was a part of Han Seojun that was tired of his own attachment to Lim Jukyung. If it meant that it would help him move on, then he was willing to try anything

“Alright, Kang Sujin.” He raised his glass. Sujin clinked hers with his. “Let’s try this.”

I am bad at making memes but I do it any way

#true beauty #true beauty kdrama #true beauty fanfiction #true beauty soojin #kang sujin #kang soojin #kang soojin and han seojun #seojun x sujin #seojun x soojin #han seojun #kdrama #Sujin x Seojun #han seojun fanfiction #han seo jun #Kan Sujin Fanfiction #hwang in yeop #park yoona #junjin

[m-y-fandoms]

Kazuichi Souda x abused reader one-shot

Request: Hi! Can I request a Kazuichi x abused!reader hurt/comfort fic with the reader written gender-neutral? Preferably with them friends at the beginning and then a love confession. I don't have any dealbreakers/things I don't want in there. Thanks!

Thanks for the submission! Kazuichi can be such a sweetheart when he wants to be….and the sharp teeth...purrr. Anyway, the reader’s gender is neutral, so anyone can read this one with themselves in mind! - Mod Kokichi

Triggers and Warnings: thoughts of suicide briefly mentioned, implied sexual and physical abuse, panic attacks, anxiety, sexual assault discussed. Major Spoilers for Danganronpa 2.

     Kazuichi Souda had always been a close friend of yours. You grew up in the same middle-class neighborhood, going to the same old boring elementary school, then middle school, and eventually you moved into public high school together. He was the closest thing you had to a brother, and you cared about him more than anyone you could think of. He sat with you on the bus, and as you both grew, you instead walked to and from school together. He was funny, dramatic, flirty, talented, and a compassionate friend. He was the only one in your life interested in your hobby of writing poetry, and while he didn’t really get all the figurative language and metaphors and whatnot, being a man who worked with his hands and not his mind, he supported you and read them all anyway. Kazuichi’s support, boosting your confidence, is what got you to start publishing your poems online regularly, and submitting them to small blogs and huge literary magazines alike. You started to gain a small income for your writing, and it was all because of his prescence and care. He was always hanging out with you in his garage or basement as you typed away on your laptop, and you loved being around him. Problems began as you grew closer, though. Problems for you, at least. Kazuichi, for all his great traits and talents, was not one to take hints, and the more you fell in love with your best friend, the worse your mental health got, knowing in the back of your mind that he’d never feel the same way. Of course, what was going on at home didn’t help the situation.

     It seemed that your luck was going to change, when one normal Tuesday, toward the end of sophomore year, you’d gotten word that Hope’s Peak Academy, the best high-school in the country, had a scout looking around your area, which was relatively close to the academy anyway. Within days, both you and Kazuichi had received letters stating that it would be an honor to have you next semester as the incoming Ultimate Poet and Ultimate Mechanic. Of course, you both lost your minds, talking on the phone all night until you abruptly hung up on him in the middle of your sentence. He never asked why, simply thinking your phone cut out, and that he’d see you tomorrow anyway. You came to school late the next day, around lunch time, new scratches under your eye and a bruise on your wrist. When he asked about it, you told him the reason the phone call ended so suddenly was because you’d tripped down your stairs, and the tumble messed up your phone pretty bad, but that you’d have it fixed by tonight! He nodded, accepting the answer and quickly switching to the excitement of starting at Hope’s Peak Academy.

     “They have dorms there for students to stay in, pretty sick, huh?” He tapped your lunch tray with his fork, encouraging you to eat before the bell rang and lunch was over. “Now I can sneak over to your room whenever!” He said a little too seductively, seeing your flustered look. “T-to hang out of course and knock out some noobs in PvP! I’ll bring all of my consoles, no doubt, and I can get back into teaching you how to take apart a car!” You smiled weakly before replying, looking at the food in front of you instead of into his eyes.

     “Yeah...about that. The dorms are optional, and my parents are forcing me to commute.” 

     “Wha?!?!?” Souda’s mouth hung open in one of his usual over-dramatic displays. “No fair! That’s ass! Why the hell not? I bet you’ll be the only student not living on campus!” Way to make them feel better, Souda.

     “Kazuichi, they just don’t feel comfortable with me living away from home before I’m completely self-sufficient and of legal age. Just…let it go, please,” your voice faded out toward the end, and seeing how serious you were, he let it go, content to pout about it later to himself or try to convince you to try and change your parents’ minds later in the week.

     “Can I at least pick you up every morning to bring you on your dumb ass commute to school?” Souda grinned widely after presenting his question. You compromised, letting him have this small victory.

     “Sure, Kazu.”

     But, nothing changed, it seemed, and the new semester quickly came, with you attending Hope’s Peak Academy with the love of your life...er best friend, Kazuichi Souda. He was in almost all of your classes, refusing to pay attention and flirting with random people, a new crush to obsess over each week. Same old Kazuichi, chasing after the object of his interests endlessly, but it never bothered you much. You knew they were always quick infatuations, with him coming on too strongly, getting rejected, and ultimately spending his whole day with you regardless, complaining to you about his rejection, or dishing info of his new crush. You visited his dorm room, with all of the same excuses for not wanting to sit on his bed to play video games, not wanting to stay too late, not explaining in detail where these bruises where coming from.

     Kazuichi, again, wasn’t the most observant guy around. You’d known him since you were both six years old, and he still didn’t know why you’d come to school with puffy red bags under your eyes, why you’d cry at lunch in the bathroom, why you wouldn’t let him high five you or touch shoulders with him on the bus, even though the small seat was a tight squeeze. He always took your excuses at face value, and trusted you, his best bud. It usually went something like this:

Elementary School:

     “Y/N...w-why are you crying?”

     “My pet fish died last night. I really loved him, Kazu…” you sniffled, pulling yourself together.

Middle School:

     “Y/N, where did that bruise come from? Man, that’s a really dark one this time!” He would try to grab your arm and take a closer look, and you’d shrink away.

     “P-please don’t touch it! It’s awfully sore! I fell off my bed this morning, it was a pretty rough fall!” You’d chuckle.

Hope’s Peak Academy:

     “Hey, Y/N, let’s hang out at your place after school, yeah? My dorm room is really dirty and I think there’s a random fire drill today. Such a hassle.” He smirked wickedly, thinking himself so clever.

     “Kazuichi, you’ve known me for like ten years…”

     “Yeah…?” he mused.

     “And you know my parents don’t let me have friends over. Why did you think this would work now, today, all of a sudden?” you feigned anger, huffing before smiling at him.

     “Awww come on, just this once?” He crept up behind you to pounce playfully on your shoulders, and you glided to the side quickly, your back hitting the lockers a little too roughly. Your breath quickened, and he looked at you with wide eyes. “Y/N...geez, are you okay? I wasn’t gonna like take you down in a full- on tackle you know? Just shake you a bit!” He chuckled awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck, his sharp teeth showing in that stupid grin you loved.

     “Y-you just surprised me is all,” you steadied your breathing, hoping to avoid an all out panic attack. Come on, get it together, Y/N, you thought to yourself. Not in front of him, anyone but him. “But, anyway,” you moved back to his side, not close enough to touch, of course, “ you know my parents are really strict and extreme germaphobes. They barely want me living there, making a mess,” you laughed nervously, and Kazuichi remained silent, his mind racing. “Kazu…?”

     “Oh, y-yeah! What? Oh, yeah, I know. Your folks sure are nuts, huh? You’d think they’d be like super psyched that you got into Hope’s Peak and be proud of you or some shit, and let you have more freedom..or at least less-strict rules. Man, they are so unreasonable. It’s crazy...”

     He had no idea…

     He walked you home, telling you he would pick you up around six to hang out with a small group of your friends at the local diner, but since he busted his dad’s car trying to improve it, he’d have to let Nekomaru drive. You nodded, telling him you couldn’t wait, before entering your prison for the afternoon. You immediately ran to your room and locked it, not that it ever helped when your dad had a master key, and when he was drunk, even that didn’t even matter. No need for a key when you can just aggressively bust the door open, breaking the lock. You’d asked Kazuichi if he knew how to fix a lock, him of course offering to come over and fix it, but fearing he’d ask too many questions and get too close to the truth, you quickly shut him up and said you’d Youtube a tutorial. You did, and spent your own money on the tools and materials needed to fix it. Even though it didn’t do much to stop your rampaging father, something about the small comfort of having a locked door gave you the hope that maybe one day...maybe one day, he’d figure it was too much work to bother with, and retreat back into his room.

~

     “Dude, why do they hate me so much?” Kazuichi sighed, leaning on the door of Nekomaru’s car and looking angrily out the window. Even if he wasn’t being overly dramatic on purpose, with Nekomaru’s size, he was left squished and forced to lean on the door anyway.

     “HAHA, man, you’re being ridiculous! You know that’s bullshit. Y/N’s known you longer than any of us, and you know they adore you!” Nekomaru laughed, driving a little faster then he should down the suburban street.

     “Well, they don’t ‘adore’ me they way I do them, ya know? Am I ugly? I’m ugly, aren’t I?”

     “I think you’re objectively attractive!” Nekomaru shouted his support.

     “T-then why the hell don’t they like me like that?! Man, I’ve spent years with Y/N, I compliment them, I love reading their poetry, and I don’t even like poetry! I spend all my free time with them! There’s no one I’d rather be around! They even like watching me work on my dad’s dinky ass car! Who wants to watch that?!”

     “Souda...have you even told Y/N that you like them like that?!” Nekomaru smirked.

     “Well...no.” He sheepishly admitted, then gained his indignant tone back, “Hell no! I can’t do that! I mean, I’ve had crushes before, people I’ve wanted to smash or make out with, o-or take out to dinner, but nothing...nothing like this!”

     “You love ‘em? Y/N, I mean,” Nekomaru asked rather quietly, for once, deadly serious. Kazuichi went silent. The silence hung in the air for a few minutes. “I mean, ten years is a long time to know someone, enough time to fall in love…” he trailed off. Kazuichi puffed out his cheeks, ever stubborn, tracing his finger on the window. A good while passed with the two men in silence on the way to your house.

   “A-anyway, they won’t even let me fuckin’ touch ‘em. Ten years, and you know what I’ve got? Maybe one high five, an accidental bump when chilling at my place. I’ve got shit! Always a reason we can’t hug or arm wrestle and…..And! They never let me go to their place! Like, what is that? They say it’s their parents’ rule but like c’mon, ten years? I know that’s a lie. They just don’t want me there. Don’t trust me, or think I’m a creep or annoying or…” He trailed off, getting a little too upset by his own words.

     “Maybe there’s a reason for that... You put too little faith in them, but, anyway, I think you’re overthinking it, pal. I mean, you never know what someone’s feeling until you ask, and you’ve never asked. You think my players just go out on the field with a sprained ankle without telling me, or me askin’ if there’s a reason they are limping? NO! Communication is key to any type of relationship! You’ve known them longer then me, would it really hurt to ask them out?! Or confess your feelings?!

     But he never did, for fear of a rejection more brutal than he could ever handle. He couldn’t risk making things so awkward that you disappeared from his life, and so, you and Kazuichi Souda, two idiots madly in love, remained friends. Friends that never touched.

~

     But then, you woke up to sun in your eyes, blistering heat and humid air soaking through your long sleeve sweater. You sat up quickly, feeling sand trickle down your turtleneck and run through your fingers.

     “What the hell?” Upon standing, fear quickly set in when you took in the sight of some white-haired guy you didn’t know talking to some brunette with a white shirt that you also didn’t know. They turned to you, hearing you stir from your sleep.

     “Ah, you’re up and about!” The white-haired boy smiled gently, his eyes crinkling closed. “We decided to let everyone wake at their own pace before exploring. You were the last one, so that’s why no one else but us is here. This is Hajime Hinata, and I’m Nagito Komaeda, a pleasure to meet you.” He held out his hand, approaching you, but you simply looked at it, pulling your arms into your chest. “Oh, I’m sorry. Not one for introductions, huh?” He put his finger to his lip, looking up slightly with a pensive expression, “ or maybe you’re just a bit shaken up? Hey, that’s fine. I can try to get Usami over here to give you the run-down like she did for the rest of us!” He smiled again, the other boy, Hajime, looking as confused and uncomfortable as you were.

    “Rest of us? How many others? Where are we? I w-was just walking into Hope’s Peak for my first day of class and then I...well I guess I must have passed out. I’m Y/N, by the way.”

     “Ah, Y/N, I think I saw your name on the class roster online! Your poetry was wonderful, by the way. I read a lot of it online. It’s so hope-inspiring. Yep, we’re classmates for sure. And about that whole passing out thing, it’s the same for all of us, we don’t really know what happened,” Nagito continued.

     “All of us? Who? Nagito, who do you keep talking about?” You were growing impatient and scared.

     “The rest of our class,” Hajime spoke up, seeing your frustration, crossing his arms over his chest, “Nagito was about to come with me to meet them all. He apparently did already.”

     Then it clicked.

     “The rest of our class? For the new semester at Hope’s Peak right?” Your heart was going a mile a minute, panic setting in, but a seed of hope planting itself and pushing forth your next words. “Nagito, do you remember all of their names? Was one of them Kazuichi Souda? Pink hair, Ultimate Mechanic?” Nagito nodded plainly. “Take me to him, now...please.”

~

     You sat in your cottage at the hotel resort on Jabberwock Island that night, it’s breezy, calming beach aesthetic making you sick to your stomach. It was all a big fucking lie, a mask to cover the scent of death that lingered around the island and carried itself on the wind. That stupid ass bear decorated the place to look like a tropical paradise, complete with complimentary meals and essentials at an all-you-could-want supermarket, but it all was a ploy, a trick. You’d be a fool to trust anything or anyone but Souda in the coming weeks.

     Speaking of Souda, after Monokuma had thoroughly harassed Usami...or Monomi or whatever, announced the killing game, and sent you all to your cottages with nothing but fear and an electronic tablet, Souda had been in and out of your room, checking on you and venting about his own worries. You two talked for hours, then he’d go and shower, then he’d come back, and you’d get food from the restaurant nearby and bring it back to your cottage to hopefully eat safely together behind your locked door. Souda was usually your rock, but it was no use this time around. He was no knight in shining armor, and could only do so much to cheer you both up. He was nearly pissing his pants in fear of your situation, and you couldn’t blame him.

     Neither of you knew what had happened, or how you’d gotten here, though you tried to recall it all night with him until your brains hurt. There was no memory beyond the first day of school, walking into the entrance hall. There were no classes, no commuting to school, no hang-outs in his dorm, and most importantly, no conversation between him and Nekomaru.

     Days passed and you noticed Souda coming to your room less and less, and being more distant when he did show up. You thought maybe it was just this killing game getting to his head, making him more aloof and prone to spacing out, until you finally exited your cottage alone for the first time one afternoon to join the others at the restaurant at Byakuya’s request. Apparently, there was going to be a meeting. Everyone would be there, so for a killing to occur was highly unlikely, with everyone as a witness.

     You crept into the restaurant, skittish and on edge. Your head was on a swivel all the way there until you saw Kazuichi sitting with everyone else, an entranced look on his face. You knew this look all too well, and followed his gaze to none other than the Ultimate Princess herself, Sonia Nevermind. Oh boy, really Kazu...in the middle of a fucking murder vacation??? Really??? You scoffed, always surprised by this boy you’d known for so long, but you shouldn’t have been at this point. Same old Souda…

     You sat by him, expecting a toothy grin and welcome as always, but he just kept...staring at Sonia as your little meeting was about to start. You were all just waiting on a few more people.

     “Kazu.” You whispered, reaching out to poke him but pulling away at the last second. He didn’t move a muscle. “Kazuichi!” You said a built louder, tapping the table in front of him.

     “Oh! Uh, hey Y/N, what’s up? Sorry I didn’t come over for breakfast. I was uh….distracted,” and just like that his gaze went back to Sonia, practically drooling over her. Fuyuhiko, the little yakuza, and Peko Pekoyama, the master swordswoman were the last to enter, and the meeting commenced.

     Byakuya and Hajime were the main voices of reason and the evident leaders of your pack. Byakuya was planning a party, and he wanted you all there to discuss your plans for escape further and get closer to one another so that hopefully an unkillable bond was formed. You’d all be in the same place, and there would be no weapons or objects that could potentially be dangerous. Teruteru would make the food, Nagito would clean up the place beforehand.

     You could hardly focus on the conversation as your emotions were starting to bubble up. Every single time Sonia suggested an addition to the plan or agreed with someone, Kazuichi spoke up too, supporting her with big sparkling goo goo eyes

     What the hell was this? You seethed, stewing in your seat. He always had new crushes, that was normal, but he usually just watched them intently and staked their social media then confessed way too soon to them and got rejected and told you all about them later on in private when you were inevitably together all day afterw- wait...was this why he wasn’t visiting your cottage as much? Is this why he wasn’t talking to you as much as usual? A stupid crush? What was wrong with him. He never acted this way, not this bad. You were starting to worry...

     You looked at him, your eyes on fire as he continued to faun over Princess Nevermind and her fucking perfect flowing blonde hair and fucking perfect voice and-

     “Alright, you’re all dismissed.” Byakuya wrapped up the meeting, and everyone began to disperse. Kazuichi jumped up, rushing over to ask Miss Sonia if she wanted him to walk her home. You were fuming at that point, finding this whole scene unbelievable, and stomped to your cottage alone.

~

     The next night, Byakuya Togami was murdered at his own party, and Teruteru was fried to a crisp in front of your eyes. You broke down in a full-on panic attack after that first trial, in your locked room alone, having showered and gotten into bed immediately after, deciding to never leave this room again. Kazuichi came knocking the next day, asking if you wanted to explore the new island that Monokuma opened up with him and Sonia, but you coldly refused, almost slamming the door in his face.

     Eventually, you were forced out of your room by Monokuma’s mandatory motive meetings, and Kazuichi always stood by Sonia, saying one or two words to you before you left.

     You curled up in your bed again, alone that night.

     How could this happen? Your own thoughts enshrouded you, swirling around like black smoke of despair. Why is he doing this…? Is he- maybe he’s finally in love for real...no, not Kazuichi. He’s supposed to be mine...my best friend. Does ten years mean nothing to him? How could he do this?! She clearly doesn’t even like him back! Your anger and self-pity was turning into blind rage. It took everything you had to not scream at the top of your lungs and start throwing things. As you began to drift off into sleep, you told yourself that if you didn’t start looking on the bright side, you were going to end up dead, maybe by your own hands.

     Maybe this is just a crush after all, just...this killing game has pushed his emotions into over-drive too! Yeah, that’s it! He’s forcing himself to look on his own bright side, and this little crush is his way of staying sane...but why wouldn’t he just come to you to stay sane? Why couldn’t you be his bright side? You were always his confidant, and him yours….stop! Stop it Y/N, happy thoughts. Your dad can’t get you here. He won’t be sneaking in your room at night. You can sleep soundly...unless a classmate busts in to murder you.

     “Fuck!” You cried out, deciding to stay up the entire night writing poetry on the notepad by your bed. “I’ll get out of this. We will get out of this, me and Kazu. Surely no one is gonna kill again after how rough that first trial was…”

     And then Mahiru died, and then you watched Peko die, and Fuyuhiko was taken away by Monokuma’s little ambulance.

     As you exited the trial grounds this time around, you all walked in a small huddle back to the cottages, your spirits shot, despair taking over. Kazuichi was just close enough to you to get a few words in through the awkward silence.

     “H-hey, that one was pretty rough, huh? Worst then the last. I mean, I actually discovered the body this time...it was traumatizing, you know?”

     “I don’t know, why don’t you go tell Sonia about it!” You spat, rather loudly for the timid friend he knew. The rest of the group mostly ignored you, a few uncomfortable glances in your direction.

     “What do you mean? I’m telling you right now, I can talk to her later,” he chuckled apprehensively, hands in the pockets of his jumpsuit.

     “Why not go tell her now? What, did she finally tell you to fuck off, so you’re falling back on your back-up mode of getting attention?!” Arriving at the entrance of the resort, your group stepped through. The all could feel the awkwardness in the air, but none more then Sonia, her name being mentioned more than once.

     “Y/N, w-where is this coming from?” Kazuichi’s eyes widened at your harsh words.

     “I know you’re not fucking serious! It’s Sonia, Sonia, Sonia all day every day but now you wanna talk to me? Oh gee, thanks! After ten fucking years I’m glad you’ve decided I earned this conversation. I’m honored!” The group looked toward you two, keeping their distance, some of them sweating, some chuckling at Souda’s expense

     “Looks like the idiot grease monkey messed up big time,” Hiyoko giggled behind her kimono sleeve with an evil smile before Hajime urged the others to just mind their business and head to their rooms. Surprisingly, they all listened, too sad and tired to argue or grab their popcorn to watch this entertaining display. You two were left alone there, Kazuichi completely frozen with pure terror.

     “Y/N, I-“

     “Fuck you, Kazuichi! We’re being murdered one by one, and you drop me for a fucking infatuation over some Barbie?!” You knew you shouldn’t be blaming Sonia at all or bringing her into this with insults, but you were so infuriated that you’d have to let the guilt sink in later and apologize to her. He tried to approach you, reaching out. “Don’t fucking touch me! Don’t even look at me! From now on, I’m looking out for only myself! You leave me alone, you hear? Sonia can be your one and only! You saw how Fuyuhiko felt about losing Peko, his closest friend? Well...I was hoping that wouldn’t have to be us…” you let him fill in the rest of your sentence in his imagination, as your voice faltered, tears springing up.

     “Y/N, don’t cry...please.”

     “Goodnight Kazuichi,” and you walked swiftly past him, slamming the door to your cottage.

     The next night, Kazuichi and the others visited Fuyuhiko in the hospital on the new island while you stayed in your room, but Souda lingered after everyone left, hoping to get some alone time with the injured yakuza. He told Fuyuhiko of his situation with you from the beginning: the bruises, not letting him come over, shrinking away fron any and all touch, his love for you, his feeling of imminent rejection every time he thought about confessing. To his surprise, Fuyuhiko, having lost the bite in his voice along with Peko, merely listened, then, being more intuitive and aware of obvious signs, told Kazucihi that you were most likely being abused at home, and didn’t want him to know. Kazuichi felt like his soul left his body...what? How could he have missed this?

     Fuyuhiko had seen it a lot growing up, the fellow sons of other yakuza members getting beat on by their aggressive dads, the daughters being touched inappropriately by other members or rival clans, the aftermath, the behaviors. He spoke his piece, his advice, and after a long man-to-man talk...one full of Fuyuhiko’s regrets, of Peko’s dutiful ignorance of her own feelings, and a lifetime of friendship that yearned to be maybe just a bit more, Kazuichi knew what he had to do.

~

     A knock on your door that night startled you from your nap. You ignored it. The knock came again, much louder, more desperate this time.

     “Monokuma didn’t say there was a new motive and I already ate dinner, so leave me alone!” You yelled to whoever it was, assuming it may be Hajime asking for another meeting for yet another faulty escape plan.

     “It’s...it’s me,” his voice cracked. Your face heated up, in anger or sadness, you didn’t know…

     “Go away!”

     “Please. Please, Y/N...just this once. I need to talk to you. I need to.” You stood up, walking to the door and placing your weary head against it to hear him better.

     “I don’t want to talk. You’re making this harder on us both. Let’s just make this a clean break, that way, if one of us dies, it won’t hurt as much.”

     “Are you fucking serious? Won’t hurt as much? Are you crazy?! Losing you would be the worst thing that ever happened to me!” Your eyes widened, tears threatening to fall, “I don’t…” he calmed himself, a bit embarrassed of how much his voice wavered. “I don’t want a clean break and neither do you so open up, or I’ll sit here all night.”

     “You idiot! You can’t! You’re a sitting duck outside alone at night.” Why did you care? You’d chosen to end your friendship.

     “Then...then I guess I’ll just wait to be murdered. I’m not moving. I mean, I’m scared. I don’t wanna die, but-“ the door swung open, Kazuichi suddenly face to face with your sleep deprived eyes. He nodded, walking in and sitting on your bed. You closed the door and locked it, standing against the door in a very defensive stance. “Please, come sit.”

     “No.”

     “Please!” You saw fresh tears sting his eyes now, and you gave in, sitting a few feet apart on your bed and refusing to make eye contact.

     “What do you want?”

“I think you know what I want.” He spoke rather confidently for his current emotional state. Your heart skipped a beat and you sat there silently. He continued. “Why did you never let me come to your house?” What? Why was he bringing this up now?

     “What do you mean? This is what you wanted to talk abo-“

     “Just answer me!”

     “I told you many times, my parents were strict and-“

     “That’s a lie. What were all the bruises from? The random scratches and bandaids popping up randomly?”

     “Kazuichi, don’t-“ you were starting to breath heavy, fearing your blissfully oblivious friend was finally catching on to your dark secrets.

     “Why won’t you let me touch you? Ten years, and I couldn’t hug the person I...my best friend...I couldn’t even touch you! Why is that?!” He was so furious, more at your father for hurting you than you for hiding this from him when he could’ve stepped in and helped. The usual up-and-down tonation, the random cracks and stutters when he was nervous, were nowhere to be found.

     “Kazu, PLEASE-”

     “It’s because your dad was touching you, right?! And you didn’t want anyone to know!” He spat, and you collapsed forward into his arms, sobbing freely into his chest. He froze at the contact at first, completely in shock. You sniveled and drooled into his chest, barely breathing, you were shaking so hard. Slowly, his arms closed in on you, wrapped around tightly, and you let him, as he leaned back until you were laying on his chest face-down, soaking his jumpsuit and undershirt.

     “Y/N…just breathe.” After a few moments he spoke, letting your sobs die down into little whimpers. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

     “I was humiliated. I was scared. I didn’t want you to look at me differently, like I was pitiful or tainted.”

     “That’s insane and you know it. I would never judge you for something your fucked up dad forced on you. Was he hit hitting you too or just…”

     “Yes...all the time.”

     “I could’ve gotten you out of there, into a shelter or living with me. My parents aren’t the best but they’d understand-“

     “I didn’t want you to deal with that. I didn’t want you to know any of it.”

     “Deal with that? What, you? Deal with you? Y/N…” he trailed off, scared when that old friend, rejection sat in back of his mind.

     “What, Kazu?” you needed to hear it. Your life depended on it at this point.

     “I...I love you. It’s not ‘dealing’. I want to help you, I want to love you. I’ve wanted to touch you, like this…” Your heart rate, finally having calmed down from your tantrum, started up again.

     “Kazu…”

     “I’m sorry I didn’t know. I should’ve known, but I chose to be oblivious and mess around with our friendship like an idiot.”

     “Stop, Kazuichi. None of what happened to me was your fault. I won’t allow you to think otherwise. Don’t you dare.”

     “I could’ve stopped it, though.”

     “That’s in the past now...and to be honest, it feels...good.”

     “Good?” He was immensely confused by how any of this could be considered good.

     “A relief, I mean...Kazu, no one knew. Nobody knew about it. I wanted to tell you. For so long I’ve wanted to, and to tell you that, I love you too.” He pulled you both into a sitting position, wanting to see your eyes and make sure you were for real. “It feels less painful, now that you know the truth. It still hurts, what my dad did will always leave scars on my heart and body but-” Kazuichi let all of his fears blow away in the wind, leaning down and gently pressing his lips into yours. Tears ran down your face as you closed your eyes and let yourself be absorbed by his love. He pulled away, allowing you to finish your thought:

“- I’m not afraid anymore.”

#super danganronpa 2 #danganronpa #kazuichi x reader #kazuichi soda x reader #kazuichi souda #angst #sfw #abuse #assault #modkokichi #reader insert #oneshot #fanfic #fanfiction #request #nagito komaeda #hajime hinata #they/them #male reader #female reader #fluff #romance #fuyuhiko kuzuryuu #hope’s peak academy #sonia nevermind #gender neutral reader #gender neutral #pining #unrequited love #imagines

[sugdenlovesdingle]

So here it is - the 2017 fic i found on my computer.

----

Liv was enjoying an afternoon of watching a film she’s had in her netflix queue forever when the doorbell interrupts her peace and quiet.

She reluctantly gets up and answers the door to a delivery guy holding a package.

“Delivery for R. J. Sugden.”

“That’s me.” Liv says and takes the package from the delivery guy’s hands.

“You’re Mister R. J. Sugden?” The guy asks.

Liv rolls her eyes.

“He’s my brother ok? Do I need to sign for this?”

The guy sighs and hands over his tablet.

“At the bottom please. Just use your finger.”

Liv signs and chucks the surprisingly heavy package on the kitchen table before going back to the film she was watching on her computer.

“Something was delivered for you earlier.” She says without looking up from her computer when Robert comes home a few hours later. “It’s on the table.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t open it, did I?”

“Right, of course you didn’t. You only open letters from your school addressed to Aaron or me.”

“Priorities.” Liv replies with a shrug. “What did you buy Aaron this time?”

“Nothing.” Robert says, examining the package until something seems to click in his mind.

“Do you know what it is?” Liv asks, getting curious.

“I… think so… I forgot about this…”

“What is it then?” Liv asks and grabs a pair of scissors from the drawer. “Can I open it? I’m going to open it.”

Robert nods and watches her tear into the package.

“Books. Have you been drunk shopping on Amazon again? Aaron’s going to kill you.” Liv says, amused, knowing Robert’s habit of constantly buying new books and ending up rereading one he already owns has been the subject of many arguments between him and her brother.

“No it’s not like that. It’s nothing like that.”

“Oh there’s a note.” Liv says, noticing a handwritten note in the package. “Robert, I didn’t know how many you wanted so I just gave you the standard ten. Let me know if you need more. Best, Mark. Who is Mark?” She asks and takes a few books out of the package. “And why is he sending you 10 copies of the same book? Who is this C. R. Harker anyway?”

“No-one. Leave it.” Robert says, grabbing the books from her hands and stuffing them back in the box.

“Someone you know?” Liv asks. “A friend?” She continues when Robert ignores her. “Oh I know, he’s your ex!”

“No. C. R. Harker is not my ex ok? He doesn’t exist. It’s a pen name.” Robert tells her and takes a deep breath. “It’s my pen name. I wrote this.”

“You wrote a book?”

“Yes. But keep your mouth shut ok? I mean it. No-one can know.”

Liv rolls her eyes at her brother in law’s dramatics.

“Does Aaron know?”

“No. And you’re not telling him.”

“Tell me what?” Aaron asks, walking into the house, looking back and forth between his husband and his sister. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Rob wrote a book.”

Aaron’s eyebrows shoot up.

“You. Wrote a book.”

Robert sighs.

“Yes.”

“When? What is it about?”

Robert shrugs but hands Aaron a copy.

“I… I don’t know… I started it years ago… and I kind of forgot about it… until now.”

Aaron nods as he scans the blurb on the back of the book.

“It’s a mystery? And the main character is queer?” he looks up and meets Robert’s eyes. “You wrote a gay book.”

“I guess I was projecting… Julian could be out and be in love with a man without any repercussions… I didn’t think that could ever be me…”

Aaron puts the book down and leans in to kiss Robert.

“I’m proud of you.”

“For what? I didn’t do anything.”

“You wrote a book. That got published.”

“Under a pen name.”

“Doesn’t matter. Can I read it?”

“If… if you want. It’s not exactly a masterpiece…”

“I’ll be the judge of that.” Aaron insists and grabs the book again and flips it open.  

“I want to read it too.” Liv says and grabs a copy too. “I heard Harriet is doing a book drive thing for local schools. We could donate a few copies.”

“Yeah and Diane has her book club, hasn’t she? Maybe we could give her a copy or two as well.” Aaron suggests.

“I… I don’t know… What would we even tell them?”

“That you’ve been drunk shopping on Amazon and ordered ten books instead of one?” Liv says, grinning.

“Nobody has to know you wrote it if you don’t want them to.” Aaron says, picking up on his husband’s unease.

“Maybe… maybe after you two have read it… I’ll think about handing out the rest.”

Aaron nods and looks around for a pen.

“Will you sign my copy?”

“Are you serious?” Robert looks at him like he’s grown a second head.

“Of course! It’s your first book. It’s special!”

“What should I put in it? Do I sign my own name? Or the pen name? I don’t know how any of this works.”

“And I do?” Aaron asks. “Just put whatever you like.”

“Right…” Robert sighs and takes the pen and the book from Aaron. “I’ll… think of something.” He turns around to the counter to get some privacy.

“Hey Rob, what does C.R. Harker stand for anyway?” Liv asks. “How did you come up with that name?”

“Oh uh…” He starts but focuses on the message in the book. “I don’t know. It just came to me once.” Aaron can tell he’s not telling the truth but lets it go. Liv accepts the answer without question and announces she’s going upstairs to skype her mum.

Robert turns back to the book again and mutters something under his breath before scribbling something in it and closing it.

“Can I see?” Aaron asks and Robert reluctantly hands him the book. “To the best husband in the world. Love always.”

Later that night, while Robert is in the shower, Aaron gets started on the book. Even though he’s not much of a reader, and might be a little bit biased, the story really pulls him in and he wishes he could share it with more people.

“Rob this is really good.” He says when Robert gets into bed next to him after his shower.

“You’re just saying that because you’re my husband.”

“No, I’m not. But if you don’t believe me, there’s always Diane’s book club. You wouldn’t have to tell her it’s yours.”

“I don’t think this is something they’d like.”

“Well then you’ll just have to believe me when I say I like it.” Aaron decides and puts the book on his nightstand before turning the light off and getting under the covers. He pulls Robert close and smiles to himself when he feels his left hand slip under his sleep shirt and the metal of his wedding ring on his stomach. “Rob?”

“Hmm?”

“Your pen name... how did you come up with it? And don’t give me the same story you told Liv because I know it’s not true.”

Robert tightens his hold on him.

“It’s...  Harker is my mum’s maiden name... my birth mum. And the C stands for Connolly “

“Sarah.”

“Yeah... And the R is for me.” Robert explains, not looking at him. “I used their names because I think... hope they would be proud of me.”

“I’m sure they would.” Aaron insists and kisses the top of his head.

~~~

30 years later

“Dad why don’t you get rid of this junk? You never read anyway.” Seb complains. When he agreed to help his parents pack up for their move to France, he didn’t expect to be lugging quite so many boxes with old books. “And who is this C.R. Harker anyway? You have all of his books.”

Aaron smiles and shares a look with Robert over their son’s head.

“Just… someone I admire.”

#robron #robron fic #robert sugden #aaron dingle #my writing