#bucky barnes x platonic!reader
Pair of Kings (2)
Chapter Summary: Sammy meets the Queen
Warnings: Intimidation, Aggression, Spanking, Threesome, Hair pulling,
Chapter Two : Talk Business
Working for the Kings proved to be beneficial. I had finally saved up enough money to buy a car of my own instead of taking the bus and subway everywhere. And by the third or fourth month of working odd hours throughout the night, I got an apartment in Brooklyn.
Turned out, after a month of me living semi-permanently in Brooklyn, the Kings had a home they frequented. It was about seven and 1/2 blocks from me. A nice brownstone walk-up.
But I didn’t find out until a day or so ago. It was seven in the morning when the knocking on my door woke me. I had only slept for an hour and forty-five minutes. I sat up and sat still for a moment. The knocking turned to banging, like metal on metal. “Yeah,” I groan, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. “Give me a minute.” My eyes are bleary as I stood from the couch.
There was a slight throbing in my brain, the bright light from the morning made it worse when I pulled back the door. “Finally,” James groaned with a roll of his eyse. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the three people on my doorstep. “Was wondering how long it’ll take for you to get to the door,” Something I quickly learned about the Kings was– James was always annoyed and scrutinizing, Steven was more kind and slightly passive. “You gonna let us in?” James practically growls.
“Yeah, uh, sorry.” I sniffed. “Just got in-” The Queen’s meek voice blended gently over mine. “Bucky.” Although tender, her tone had a firmness to it. A materal guide. “Be nice?” She softly begs. Steven chuckled under his breath and looked away when she glanced up at him.
I stepped back and let them in. The Queen stepped in first, the Kings following after. I was a bit embarrassed by the small place. My jacket was tossed carelessly over a singular chair, and my ‘Lunch’ had sat on the coffee table. There weren’t much memorabilia. “You have a beautiful place.” She smiled coyly at me.
James stood close to her, protectively or obsessively? I wasn’t sure. His hand was snaked around her wasit. Steven made himself comfortable on my couch.
“This place is a shit show.” James crudely commented. “James, please.” She sighs and it’s dreamy. Her dark eyes aren’t covered this time, her hair having been pulled up into two buns. Her soft, dark eyes bore into his, her face is sweet. James visibly cringed. Steven watched them, but he watched me carefully as I tried to tidy up. “Doll?” James questions her, there was a change in his tone.
The Queen sighs, but she didn’t sound disappointed, partially amused. “Buck,” I look over and he visibly relaxes, he holds her hand to his chest. “Be nice, you too Stevie.” She turned to look at him.
Steven hums pleased with how she addressed him. “So, Sam.” Steven calls, “You hungry?” James takes a seat in the chair, the Queen in his lap. I could tell his attention was solely on her as he twirled some of her hair. I cleared my throat. “More tired than hungry,” as I spoke my stomach growled, “But I could eat.”
Steven nodded and smiled at his Queen, she smiled back, James remained quiet as he nuzzled his nose against her neck. “You wouldn’t mind if Y/n used your kitten right?”
Refusing wasn’t as option as my gaze collied with James. “Not at all.” She smiles at me, “Thanks Sam.” My heart thundered at the care in her voice. “Bucky, Stevie, please behave.” She looked between both of them. As she stood, she kissed James’ forehead, then gracefully walked to Steven and kissed his forehead. “Not too loud, please?”
Both men hum and nod at her, their eyes soft and starry. I could see how content and enthralled they are with her. She was soft, delicate, beautiful– but I could see in their eyes as she turned away, that something was creeping at the edge of those matching blue eyes. Part of me wasn’t sure if I wanted to pry for those answers.
Y/n moved around the kitchen, I sat on the far end of the couch, Steven on my left, James on my right. “Let’s talk yeah?” Steven smiled.
You had found everything you needed rather easily, although you were a bit concerned with how nearly barren Sam’s refrigerator. You glance up to the three of them as they spoke in hushed whispers. James looked over his shoulder at you, smiling softly at you. A shiver ran up your spine and you blush dangerously. Out of instinct, you glance at Steve and he winks at you.
Your boys had been insatiable as of late, their hands constantly touching, especially Bucky. Steve wasn’t upset that Bucky sought your attention constantly, always stealing you away or keeping you busy. Steve had his time with you when he could.
The bread soaked in the egg yolk sizzled, and it browned beautifully. A few claps were heard, the click of shoes approached you, and Bucky’s cologne wafted around you. He kissed your cheeks. “Smells good birdie.” He smiles against your skin.
“Thank you, Bucky.” You murmur. He sighs and tightens his arms around you. “You’re gonna see a lot more of Sam,” He mumbles and sways side to side with you, speaking to you gently. Behind you and Bucky, Steve and Sam spoke. “We’re trusting you here Sammy, Y/n means a lot to us. Plus, you’ve proven to be useful.”
“Thank you,” Sam smiles softly, his cheeks blotchy from lack of sleep. “I have to ask though,” He hesitates and Steve nods. “The three of you, that doesn’t get messy?”
Steve chuckles and shakes his head. “Nah, James and I have a great understanding. We’ve been friends forever, we like a lot of the same things. Y/n completes us,” Steve glances at you and Bucky. “She’s good for us, especially James.” Sam nods his head and turns to the couple. James had been glaring over his shoulder.
“I’m almost done,” Y/n smiles and looks over her shoulder. “You don’t have any orange juice but you have lemons, could you cut those for me?”
James groans. “I can do that doll–” Y/n shakes her head. “No, no, you go sit with Steve.” James scowls at Sam and he stands up from the stool. Both Kings sit beside each other as they watch you and Sam. Sam cut the few lemons he had in half in front of them. You bring a plate full of french toast to the counter, balancing it in one arm, a small stack of plates in your other arm. You set them down and turn to the cabinets.
Steve and Bucky help themselves, Sam hands them the syrup and utensils before he grabs a plate himself. Breakfast was peaceful, most of the peace falling to you. Steven had you pulled into his lap, and Bucky sat close, keeping you boxed in between them.
“So Sammy, is it alright if I call you Sammy?” You ask him, and he looks up from his plate. “Yeah, yeah, that’s fine.” His voice is gruff, scrubbed with sleep. “Well, tomorrow, I usually go grocery shopping. Make a list for your house too okay?” She smiles and folds her hands.
The three of them fold their hands and bow their heads, but Steve peeks at Sam, stopping him from digging in. “Sorry,” He apologizes, but you nod it off before saying grace. You murmur ‘Amen’ and your boys dig in, Sam smiling tenderly before slicing his toast.
You reach over to the pitcher and pour lemonade into each cup. “How is it?” You ask softly, cutting into your french toast. Steve and Bucky look at Sam expectantly. “It’s really good.” He smiles at her. Sam is captured by your dark eyes, he’s easily lost in them, leaning forward as he compliments your cooking.
“Eyes up Sam.” Bucky growls. You look to Bucky and he keeps his scowl on Sam. “Bucky,” You warn and lean forward to his ear. “He’s just being nice, please don’t be mean.” You murmur, kissing his stubbled cheek, you reach up and scratch your nails softly through his short brown locks. “You said it yourself, I’m going to be seeing a lot more of him. What’s he to do when we’re alone? Ignore me?”
Bucky looks at you at that, his scowl softening as he looks at you. “I know you don’t like the arrangement, but you and Stevie agreed that I shouldn’t be alone and I can’t always be with you.” His blue eyes twinkle and he looks away from you, his expression unreadable to the trained eye but you know his thoughts are swirling.
You reach out to him, turning him to face you, your fingers holding his chin. “You know I love you right Buck?” You murmur, you pay attention to the way his pupils dilate. “Say it again.” He whispers so low, just for your ears, but you know Steve can hear him too. “I love you.”
Steve’s crotch stiffens underneath you, with the hand on your hip he squeezes you as he shifts. “Buck,” Steve growls over you. Both men make eye contact and Bucky smirks.
The three of you left Sam’s house after breakfast. Bucky had clung to you the minute Steve let you get up to leave. Your face went up in flames of embarrassment at the way he grabbed hold of you. Steve stood in a way to hide you from Sam’s gaze.
Once settled safely behind potential private eyes, Steve had you over his lap, ass up in the air. His hand smoothed over the curve of your ass, squeezing here and there. “Am I in trouble?” you ask softly, bracing yourself for what was to come next. Steve smiled and gave you another squeeze. “No birdie.”
You take in a deep breath, hesitant to turn your head to face either of them. Bucky noticed and crouched on the floor of the car, lifting your head to meet his gaze. A deep hunger roared in his blue eyes. You whimper when Steve brings his hand down over your ass. “￼Tell me you love me again.” He murmurs.
His pants grew tighter with the tears that shone in your eyes, with each of Steve’s strikes, your eyes got misty. “I love you,” your voice shook with tears. Against your tummy, Steve’s bulge twitched, and above you, he groaned.
“You love me doll?” Bucky teases, swiping his thumb over your lip. “Yes, I love you Bucky.”
Steve squeezes your tender cheek. “What about me doll? You love me?” Steve pulls you up by your hair, not forcefully, he guided you up to look at him. Your tears eyes make his heart race. “Yes, I love you, Stevie.”
He groans and pulls you between his legs. Kissing your mouth hard, moaning into your mouth as his tongue explored yours. Bucky moves behind you, trailing both of his over your curves. He leans over you, kissing along your neck while feeling you up.
It was easy to suddenly feel overwhelmed by the both of them. Tears started to stream as Bucky lifted the skirt of your dress up your waist. “Love you so much birdie.” Bucky groans and pulls down your panties, rolling his hips against you.
Steve’s hand comes around your throat, his hold on you is firm as he lifts your chin to look him in the eye. His other hand starts to unbuckle his belt and pants. “Do you know what you do to me doll?” He asks, his voice husky as he starts to free himself. You lose your words when you feel Bucky’s fingers dance along the inside of your thighs. “Ye-yes.” You gasp out when Bucky’s fingers dip into your cunt. His other hand teases your swollen bud.
Steve gives your throat a little squeeze. “Naughty girl,” He chuckles and licks his lips. You peek down to see him stroking himself. “Eyes on my doll.” He mumbles and you obey, wanting to keep him and Bucky happy.
“Fuck,” Bucky swears against your skin, he bites and sucks just underneath Steve’s fingers. Your channel tightens around his two fingers. “So so wet,” He hums, kissing your cheek. “This all for us?”
Without looking away from Steve you say, “Yes.” Both men groan deeply, the timbre of their voices vibrate in your rib cage. Steven guides you to his cock. “You know what to do, don’t you doll.” He says so confidently. You nod and take hold of him, dipping your head down.
“Good girl.” He grunts when you kiss his tip. You give him gentle squeezes before slowly taking him into your mouth. Bucky spanks over your clitoris as his fingers pump faster inside of you. You gasp around Steve’s cock, squeezing his base just enough to make him groan. “Bucky,” Steve pants, “Don’t tease her too much, she might choke.”
Bucky chuckles and jerks his fingers inside of you, easily coaxing you to moan around Steve. “She’s so cute when she chokes. You said it yourself,” Both men make eye contact with one another, both sharing a chuckle.
You moan of your own volition, taking Steve deeper into your mouth. Bucky tucks himself close against you, the bulge in his pants resting on the crack of your buttcheeks. Steve places his hand on your head, the other underneath the underside of your jaw. “Good girl,” he praises, “Just a little more.” He eases you farther on his cock and holds you there.
Bucky uses the opportunity to release himself. He eases his fingers from your sopping core, squeezing your hips encouragingly before removing his aching cock from the confines of his pants. Bucky lifts you, causing you to put most of your weight on your knees. While settled behind you, he guides you back to sit on his cock.
A gentle squeal reverberates around Steve’s cock and he tightens his hold on your head. “Shit,” they both curse. You pop up from Steve’s cock, gulping in lung fulls of air. Bucky slings his arm across your chest, grabbing your right breast. He guides your hips up in down, easing you into a rolling motion. “You feel good birdie?” He murmurs against your neck.
You’re holding onto Steve’s thighs as you nod quickly. Keeping in time with the motion he’s guided you into, Bucky’s hand moves down to your swollen clit, teasing the bundle of nerves. The hand groping your chest tweaks the nipple. “Y/n,” Steve whines. You look at him with glossy eyes.
Your flushed cheeks and wet eyes make his heart swoon. He rubs his thumb over your wet lips and leans down to kiss you. “You’re not gonna forget about me are you?” He smiles against your mouth. You moan as Bucky digs his cock deep into you.
Your small hands push Steve back before grasping his cock. As you take him into your mouth, the driver hits a pothole and you choke. “Hey!” Steve shouts and lifts your head as you cough. Bucky stops languidly thrusting into you. He holds you still against his lap. “Be careful you jackass.”
“I swear-” Bucky starts, but you wiggle your hips and lean forward into Steve’s lap. “I’m okay,” You tell them shakily. “I can-”
Steve shakes his and kisses your mouth quickly. “No, we reached your limit for today, you understand?” You nod, moaning against his lips as Bucky picks up his pace. Steve continues, stroking himself as he watches your face.
He holds your chin, pulling down on it to keep your mouth open. You hold onto his thighs, keeping your eyes on him as best as you can while Bucky thrusts into you. “Fuck her a little harder Buck, I wanna see her tits bounce.”
Steve’s thumb sat on the bed of your tongue, short staccato noises left your lips as Bucky sped up behind you. You squeezed Steve’s thighs as your cunt sobbed around Bucky. “She’s gonna cum, Steve.” Bucky groaned.
The two of them made eye contact, speaking to one another in only a language they understood. Steve stroked himself faster, tilting the tip of his cock toward your mouth. Bucky held you tightly to himself as he sped up.
The dam inside of you broke as you quivered around Bucky, moaning a noise sharp and delicate. Steve burst, ropes of his cum shooting into your mouth, Bucky followed right after, shooting ropes of his cum deep inside of you.
You collapse forward into Steve’s lap, breathless and tired. Delicately, Bucky removes himself from you. Careful to not jostle you too much. You swallow the load in your mouth as you catch your breath. Steve stokes your cheek lovingly. “Did so well for us.” He murmurs.
Bucky helps you pull your panties up and smooths over your dress. He presses a kiss to your shoulder. “So well.”
You hum lazily, resting your head against Steve’s thigh. Bucky chuckles and resumes his seat beside Steve. The Kings converse as you start to follow the pull of sleep.
Little, baby-like snores leave your lips as Steve caresses your head gently. “Pick her up,” Bucky tells him and fixes his pants. Steve smiles at you. “She’s fine.”
Bucky looks at him and shakes his head, he points to your kneeled position and frowns softly. “She’s going to be sore if you don’t pick her up.”
Steve fixes himself and the. pulls you up into his lap. Bucky pouts and looks out the window. “You got to hold her on the ride here.” Steve pouts and kisses your temple. “Shut up,” Bucky huffs.
They relax into the silence but not for long as Steve glances over to Bucky. The brunet King was peculiarly still as he kept his focus outside. The clouds had started to gather, but they didn’t darken. “Buck,” Steve murmurs and reaches over, touching his hand. Bucky’s stormy eyes level him. “What’s on your mind pal?”
Bucky looks to you snuggled into Steve’s arms. Your face flush, body vibrating every now and again. Blue eyes soften, only to harden as he looks away, lying, “Nothing.”
Steve snorts, “You’re a terrible liar when she’s here. What’re you thinking about? Tell me.” Steve stares at him, waiting patiently.
“Do you think she ever,” Bucky struggled with the words. “Do you think she ever forgave us for what we did to her?” Bucky’s blue eyes shine as he looks at your pouty lips. “It’s been seven years now... what if-”
Steve tightens his hold on you, keeping you secure to his body. “She said it herself, she loves us.” Steve frowns and slowly looks at Bucky. “I know,” Bucky starts. “But you can love someone and not forgive them. I worry about her.”
“I do too,” Steve murmurs sadly. “She was nineteen when we-” Steve’s sharp gaze cut Bucky off. “Are you saying we should’ve just let her go?”
“No!” Bucky’s pained voice made his heart lurch, both of their hearts ached at what life would’ve been like without you. “No, that’s not what I’m saying at all. If we had the chance to go back, I’d do it all over again without hesitation.”
Steven nods at James, glancing down at you, your features began to stir, and soon you were blinking your eyes open.
You froze when you met Steve’s eyes, the flicker of hesitation was caught before you slowly smiled. “Hi, Stevie.” You murmur. You slid your gaze to Bucky, keeping your delicate smile. “Hi, Bucky.”
“Hi doll,” Bucky smiles sadly and turns his gaze back to the window. You look outside, noticing the trees passing back quickly. “Where are we going?” You look to Bucky then to Steve. “The mansion.” He plays with a tendril of your hair. “Doll?” He asks, and he’s calm.
You meet his eyes, raising your eyebrows at him. “We make you happy,” He traces your jawline, “don’t we?”
A second had gone by too long before you answered. “Yes.” Bucky’s sharp eyes landed on you and you shivered. “You’re lying.” Your hands tremble in your lap, but you don’t move out of Steve’s lap. You’d known better.
Steve sighs, his right hand eases you up and rests on your hip. He gives you a squeeze and kisses your temple. “Doll, you know we don’t tolerate lying.” He sighs again. “This is your first and only warning.”
“I’m sorry.” You whisper, looking down to your shaking hands. Tears cloud your vision as the cabin of the car goes silent. Bucky’s gaze doesn’t lessen as he reaches out to lift your head. Had you not grown used to their constant touching, you would’ve flinched. He lifts your head by your chin, staring into your eyes. “I want her when we get home.” He mumbles darkly to Steve.
Your spine straightens as the darkness in his eyes. You don’t peek at Steve, looking for help. “Don’t look at him,” Bucky commands your attention and you give it out of forced submission. “My room when we get home, you hear me?” He tells you coolly. You nod once before using your voice. “Yes, Bucky.”
“How was last night?” Peter asks me, moving his fries around on his plate. I swallow my soda before putting down my cup. “It was good, not too many issues.” I shrug.
Peter smirks at me and tilts his head. “Kings came to see you didn’t they?”
“How can you tell?” I ask and bring the other half of my sandwich to my lips. “You looked like you’d seen a ghost when I came by today. Plus, Song Bird is known for her french toast, it’s how she greets all of us.”
I nod and chew slowly, looking around the small restaurant before turning back to Peter, when I can, I ask, “How’d you get involved with them anyway?”
Peter’s baby brown eyes light. “Was wondering when you were gonna ask.” He sips his soda. “A year after I transferred out here, I went up to Stark Tower for my internship. As I was waiting around, a woman who I would end up knowing as Song Bird came up to the twelfth floor looking rattled.
“She took a random turn down the hallway toward the mechanical room but behind her, some goon-looking fellow was following her. So I went after her before the other guy could catch up. I asked if she was okay, you know the whole deal. She told me she was looking for Stark.
“I brought her to his office, the Kings were there too.” Peter wipes the corners of his mouth with his napkin. “Wherever the girl is, the Kings aren’t too far ahead or behind.” He informs me before he continues. “Anyway, having them in debt to me quickly turned to me being in debt for them. I paid off my debt doing work.
“One job became two, two became three, then next thing you know Stark is appointing me as his CFO for the tower. I still get to tweak with computers and work for them.” He smiles proudly. I roll my eyes at him and lean back in my seat in the booth. Slowly picking at my fries, I think of the Queen,
“What’s their relationship like? James seems more obsessive about her than Steven.” I shrugged as nonchalantly as I can. Peter stares at me for a moment before looking over his shoulder and leaning forward. His eyes narrowed at me. “You got a stiffy for her?”
It felt like my eyes bugged out of my head, I sat up straighter and shook my head. “No!- it’s nothing like that. I’m just curious about her. Compared to most women around or associated with the Kings, she sorta sticks out.”
Peter hums and leans back. “You didn’t hear this from me,” He bites. “Okay-”
“No I’m serious, only a few people know about their arrangement. So you keep tight-lipped or you’ll be in the paper next month.” The threat hung in the air, but regardless I nodded my head. The obsessiveness that surrounded her kept my interest. I don’t run with guys like the Kings often, but what I do know is, when you have something of value you don’t let up your grip.
Where the Queen was concerned, she wasn’t flaunted around as a trophy, sure they treated her like one but she wasn’t ever presented as one. When she’s around, Steven and James are different, darker in a way.
Peter again, looks around, and leans forward, I lean in too. “It wasn’t a willing pairing if you can catch my drift.” He starts sheepishly. “She was barely a sophomore in college when she crossed paths with them. It was completely by chance. One good deed and her entire world was changed.
“It was James who noticed her, but Steven was the mastermind behind them keeping her in a sense. Of course, she tried to run, no girl with sense would actually risk being with them. But when she ran it kind of made them snap. Especially James. I don’t know if she has magic in her pussy or what, but James is wild about her.
“Steven is too, but it’s James you really have to worry about when it comes to Song Bird.” I stopped him as he told their story in fragments. “What deed did she do?”
Peter’s face softened. “She saved their lives.” He tells me and picks up a fry, tossing it in his mouth. “How?” I pressed.
“She took a bullet for them.” A different voice sprouted beside me. I sat up straight and scooted further into the booth I was sitting in. A man with a goatee and advanced tech glasses smiled down at us.
“Peter,” He nodded to him and sat beside me. “You shouldn’t be telling him these things.”
Peter’s face grew hot and he crossed his arms. “He wouldn’t stop asking.” He shrugged. I gulped. “I’m sorry. I honestly wanted to know what I was getting into since-”
“Oh I know, new bodyguard. Tony Stark.” The man extended his hand to me. I shook it and held in a wheeze when he squeezed my hand a little too tightly. “But to continue her tragic story, she took a bullet for them during a shoot out, a little over seven years ago.”
He let go of my hand and pushed my chicken BLT out of the way and rested his elbows on the table. “She didn’t know what she had done, just that she was of help. When they tried to repay their debt to her by offering to pay her medical bills, or buying her gifts but she refused each time with a smile. That smile cost her everything because they didn’t stop, they even perused her.
“She refused them until she couldn’t anymore. Their world snatched her up in a matter of months and she wore their crown of jewels.” Tony’s eyes sparkled as he spoke in a storytelling kind of way, almost cryptically. “If you squint, you can see the crook in her back from holding up something so heavy.”
I gulped and reached for my soda. Peter and Tony eased into talks about machines and the biddings of the Kings. I became victim to my mind as I thought over what they told me.
As I think, I notice that there are holes in the story, little pieces that weren’t explained enough for me to piece it all together. Like: Why did the Kings keep going after her? How did they trap her? And what about this woman critically changed James?
Bucky paced behind you as you sat kneeling in front of his bed. In his hand, he held a belt. His mind was racing as his eyes trailed over your back. The two entry wounds just below your scapula and the one two inches to the right of your spine stare back at him.
“Bucky-” You start but he shushes you. He stands behind you. The leather of the belt touches your naked shoulder before dipping down the side of your arm. “We love you Y/n.” He starts, with his left hand he reaches and grabs a handful of your hair. He tugs without much force, baring your neck for him to see.
The belt slides up the column of your neck. “We would do anything for you. We want to see you happy. Here. With us.”
“I am happy- ahh!” The belt comes down over your chest, clipping your response from you. “Don’t lie birdie. You don’t think I notice things about you?” He spanks you over your breast again. “How you don’t sleep as much, you hardly eat.” He spanks you again. “You avoid all the mirrors in our homes, your smile doesn’t reach your eyes...”
Bucky drops the belt and pulls you up by your hair. You hold on to his wrist, tears quickly mist your eyes as you try to maintain eye contact. He glares at you, his free hand comes around your throat. “James please-” He squeezes you, choking the words from your mouth.
“Don’t call me that doll.” He bristled. The tears start to trickle as you look anywhere but at him. “You don’t love me, not like you say you do.” He accuses.
Your heart thunders when you snap your gaze at him. “Yes I do,” you try to say ask best as you can. “I do, I swear it.” You start to crumble. Bucky shakes his head, chuckling dangerously. “No, you-”
“Bucky I do! I love you,” you cry and reach out to him, clawing at the collar of his shirt. “I do! Please.” You start to sob.
Albeit forced and twisted, you did love him. Him and your Stevie. They’re all you have now, all that you cling to. Bucky slowly releases your hair, pulling you flush against him by your neck. His eyes soften, pupils dilating as he watches the truth pour from your eyes. “You love me birdie?”
“Yes.” You sob against his mouth, clinging to him. You press wet kisses to his mouth, repeating “I love you,” over and over.
Bucky walks you back to the bed, laying you down while stripping his clothes off. When he’s as bare as you he spreads your leg. He’s firm against you as you wrap your arms around his neck.
He slips inside with a growl and rocks his hips into you with fervor. Deep but short thrusts rocked your body as he pressed his forehead to your shoulder. “You’re mine,” he moaned and bit you. You cried out, arching into his body.
“You belong to us,” He grunts, he holds your legs farther apart as he speeds up a bit. “We’re all you need now,” He kisses into your skin, reminding you. “We’ll give you everything.”
You cry out, your nails rack down his back as your orgasm tears through you. “Say it.” He groans, spearing his cock into you harder. “Tell me doll.”
“You and Stevie,” you breathe hard, panting as you grab on to him harder. “The Kings!” You scream as your second orgasm approaches. “I belong to the Kings!”
The door to Bucky’s room opens while Bucky sits back on his knees. He’s squeezing your hips, pulling you into his hips fast and hard.
Steve walks around the bed and smiles down at you as you convulse with another. He leans over and kisses Bucky’s cheek before leaning down and kissing your forehead. “When you’re done, bring her to the bath.”
You peak at him and reach for him. “I love you, Stevie.” You cry. Bucky growls and bursts within you. Steve smiles and kisses your sweaty forehead. “I know birdie.” He kisses your lips, “I know you do.”
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Pairing(s): Avengers x platonic!reader
Summary: The reader has some very unhealthy eating habits that they avoid sharing with the team. One day, however, it catches up with them and the team expresses their support and concern.
Warnings: Disordered eating, food intake restriction, mentions of body insecurities, brief mentions of nausea and vomiting
A/N: This fic is in NO WAY meant to promote or glorify eating disorders and/or disordered eating. As with all of my fics, this is based off of my personal experiences. The feelings and things I experience/have experienced may be different from those of other people. Please do not consider this to be a 100% accurate representation of disordered eating. Everybody experiences these things differently.
If you feel that this fic may cause you any distress, anxiety, relapse, etc. PLEASE do not read it. You know yourself best, make the choice that is right for you. If you ever want to talk about anything, my inbox is always open and I’m more than willing to talk about anything.
The number flashed at you from the LED screen of the scale. “Ugh, it’s mocking me,” you thought to yourself. You turned around and stared at your reflection in the mirror. You stood in just your underwear, as you ran your hand over your relatively flat stomach. You had worked very hard to obtain this figure- and you were damn proud of it- when you looked in the mirror and saw your flat stomach and thin body reflected back at you, you felt a surge of confidence- you felt content. However, no one’s body always looked like that, and of course whenever you would eat a meal your stomach would expand, making that slim, fit looking stomach disappear.
Realistically, you knew this was normal- it happened to everybody- and you also knew that if you were to gain weight, it wouldn’t be the end of the world; you would still look perfectly fine no matter how your stomach and waist looked. But it was an obsession, and no amount of logic or reasoning could assuage the immense terror and nausea you felt when you even thought about gaining weight. You were at a healthy weight for your height and age- and you weren’t anorexic or bulimic- you still ate.
However, your diet and eating schedule were terrible. And honestly, you did it on purpose. You knew that in the long run, eating (or more accurately, not eating) like this would probably have the opposite of the desired effect on your body. But you just couldn’t explain the dizziness, nausea, and anxiety that filled your body when you considered having a normal diet and meal intake.
You were actually a little worried that you may have completely screwed up your body with your unhealthy habits. You had been doing this for years- and now, you hardly ever got hungry anymore. Sometimes you felt those aches and pangs of hunger in your stomach, but for some reason you liked it. It made you proud of yourself in some sick way, because you knew you were depriving your body of what it needed, and slowly causing your ribs to become more visible and your wrists to become bonier. You knew that something was wrong with your mind- you were sick- but you had no desire to fix it. Oftentimes, even the smell of food was enough to make you feel sick and nauseous.
Had you lived by yourself, this would’ve been fine; however, you were a resident of the Avengers compound and were almost constantly surrounded by at least one person, if not more. This meant it was very difficult for you to hide your incredibly unhealthy eating habits.
Most days, you forgot to eat until 3 or 4 pm; the thought genuinely slipping your mind because you just didn’t feel hungry. You had no want or need for food, so you generally forgot. Until you got a splitting headache, that is. You rarely ever drank enough water- you basically survived off of coffee.
As a team member of the Avengers, you were required to attend training sessions several times a week. Your skills were mainly in physical combat and working with technology. You usually brought water to these training sessions- you weren’t that foolish- but the lack of substantial nutrients in your body made the sessions that much harder.
You had periods of time when you would eat slightly more food and on a semi-regular basis. But after screwing with your body for so long, your desires and cravings (or lack thereof) for food were unpredictable.
Today was a training day and you were set to work on hand to hand combat with Steve. You often cursed the super soldier for his intuition and knack for observing others and picking up on their feelings and concerns. This had nothing to do with Steve being a super soldier, he was just a naturally observant person; which meant that he always noticed when you felt worn down from having little to no food or water that day.
Today was a particularly intense training day, and after 30 minutes you were already drenched in sweat. It didn’t take long before your movements and reflexes became sluggish. It was 3:30 in the afternoon at that point and you had eaten nothing but a few almonds today. Steve seemed to notice your exhaustion, and called for a five minute break. You both walked over to a table and chairs off to the side of the training area and took a seat.
“Hey Y/N, are you sure you’re alright? Did you get enough sleep last night?” Steve wearing a concerned expression and staring at you with that intense gaze of his. You looked away from his eyes because you found it very difficult to lie when making direct eye contact with him. Something about his expression and demeanor made you feel nervous and heavily scrutinized. You settled for simply nodding.
“You sure? You seem like you’re dragging a little today. We can take a break if you need to and come back to this tomorrow,” Steve offered. You panicked, fearing that it would raise suspicion if you agreed to that.
“No no, I’m fine, I wanna train. Come on, let’s get back to it,” you said, standing up quickly. That was a big mistake; not only were you running on no food, but you were also anemic, which meant that standing up too quickly was never a good idea.
Your ears began to ring and you felt as though you had put your head underwater. Everything sounded muffled and distant and your vision swam before your eyes. You felt your breathing pick up and saw spots in your vision as you felt your body grow incredibly warm. Oh no- this is how your body reacted whenever you were going to pass out. You didn’t want to do that- that would DEFINITELY raise suspicion. Your brain sluggishly decided that you should try and sit back down. And with that, you collapsed to the floor, as everything went black.
When you opened your eyes, the first thing you noticed was a lot of bright light. You squinted, your head aching from all the lights and sounds. You groaned and rubbed your eyes, yawning.
“Well, look who finally decided to wake up!” Tony said jovially. Your eyes were closed, but you could tell that he was smirking at you, just from the sound of his voice.
“Y/N, what the hell happened?” another, gentler voice asked. You knew that voice- you were still groggy, so it took you a second to place who it was. Bucky, that was Bucky’s voice. Slowly, you opened your eyes and saw the entire team gathered around you, all packed tightly together. You stared at them, looking slightly dazed and confused.
“W-what happened?” you asked, struggling to recall what you had been doing before waking up here.
“We were training and you stood up and then just passed out. You probably would’ve hit your head if I hadn’t caught you,” Steve said, the worry evident in his voice. Slowly, it all started coming back to you and a look of complete horror made its way onto your face. Suddenly, Bruce spoke up.
“Y/N, you passed out from dehydration and a lack of food; were you starving yourself?” he asked. You quickly turned your head towards your left to look at him.
“No, no I wasn’t!” you protested quickly. You technically weren’t lying; you had been eating, you had just been eating in very small increments, on an incredibly irregular schedule.
“Come on Y/N, seriously. We’re not mad at you, we just wanna know the truth. We’re worried about you,” Sam said, sounding as though he was trying to avoid scaring you off.
“I know, I know. I promise you guys, I’m not starving myself and I AM eating. I mean look at me, have I lost any weight? I still look the same as always. I was just being stupid and forgot to eat enough before training that day, alright?” The team scrutinized you with suspicion, exchanging looks.
“I’m FINE guys, I promise,” you said again. After a minute of silence, Bruce just sighed.
“You need to be more careful in the future Y/N,” he said, still eyeing you suspiciously, as though he didn’t believe you were being completely honest.
Ever since that fateful day, the team kept a much closer eye on you, especially in the kitchen and during mealtimes. You tried to follow your same routine as you usually did: take a small amount of food, eat that (to avoid getting a headache), grab something small and unhealthy with very little nutrients, make yourself some coffee, and escape to your room. But the team wasn’t having it.
On Wednesday, Sam made some dish with rice, which he said was a family recipe. Everyone piled their plates with food, gathering around the island in the kitchen where the food was sitting. You filled your plate with a small portion- truthfully, it did look good- but today was one of those days when even the smell of food made you feel queasy and nauseous.
You scooped a bit of rice, and you were about to head to the table, when you felt Bucky gently- but firmly- grip your arm to prevent you from walking any further.
“Nope,” he said casually, reaching around and grabbing your plate with his other hand.
“Hey!” you exclaimed, your voice filled with irritation. He released your arm, so he could add more food to your plate- a lot more- and handed it back to you. Holy shit- there was no way you were going to be able to eat all of that- and it wasn’t just due to a fear of gaining weight. Your appetite had shrunk A LOT since you had first started restricting your eating. You honestly couldn’t remember when it started, but you knew that you definitely couldn’t eat as much food as before. Bucky seemed satisfied with himself, and you made your way back to the table quietly.
You noticed as you sat down that your hands were shaking slightly. You hid them under the table, hoping that no one would notice. You ate the amount that you would normally eat- which was about as much as you could stomach- and left the rest of the food untouched.
“Hey,” Tony said, using his fork as a pointer and directing it at you. “Finish your food,” he said, sounding jokingly stern. You felt like a child being reprimanded.
“It’s super good Sam…” you said, trailing off as though you were preparing to add a ‘but’ in there.
“Oh what, so now you’re saying my food isn’t good?” Sam said, pretending to be offended.
“What no- I-”
“No no it’s fine, I know what you were about to say. You were gonna say ‘it’s super good Sam, but I’m so full’ or something. The classic excuse!” he exclaimed overdramatically, as Steve and Bucky laughed at his antics. You knew he was just joking, but you were already so anxious and hyper-sensitive that you suddenly felt the burning sensation of tears build behind your eyes. Oh fuck no, you were not going to let yourself cry in front of the entire team. You blinked rapidly, trying to get rid of the tears that were forming. Only Wanda and Natasha- bless their hearts- seemed to notice your growing distress.
“Hey guys, cut it out,” Natasha said. Her tone was stern enough that the three men stopped their laughter and glanced over at you.
“Hey, Y/N/N I was joking, you know that right? I know you don’t hate my cooking,” Sam said, his voice kind and gentle. You didn’t say anything, just nodding and continuing to stare at your plate. Wanda rubbed your shoulder gently. She leaned close so that only you could hear her and said,
“You okay? Do you want to go to your room?” You nodded and she got out of her seat and took your hand, helping you up and guiding you out of the room with her hand on your shoulder. The rest of the team (with the exception of Natasha) stared after you in stunned silence. As you walked away, you heard Bucky mumble,
“Wow, way to go Sam.”
“Me!?” Sam exclaimed slightly louder. “You stole her plate!”
“Will both of you knock it off?” Steve said.
Several hours later, there was a knock at your door. Wanda had stayed with you the whole time, talking about your eating habits and why you felt the way you did about your body. Wanda glanced towards the door, and then back at you.
“Do you want me to open it?” she asked.
“Yeah, I guess so. It’s probably Sam,” you said, sounding tired. Wanda got up from the bed and walked over to the door and opened it.
“Oh- hello- okay you’re all here,” she said, sounding slightly surprised.
“Can we come talk to Y/N?” you heard Bucky ask. Wanda looked back at you once again, silently asking if you were okay with it. You simply nodded and sat back against your wall, clutching a pillow to your chest and hugging your knees. Bruce, Tony, Steve, Bucky, Sam, and Natasha all entered and stood a couple feet away from your bed. They stood in awkward silence for a moment, before Sam finally spoke.
“Hey Y/N/N, we just came to apologize for everything. I’m sorry for messing with you and I hope you know I’m not really mad at you. If anything, we’re all pretty worried about you.” You nodded and said,
“Yeah, I know. That’s not what it was about.” You looked at your knees and began picking at a thread on your jeans. After another moment of silence, Steve said,
“Well… could you tell us what it was about? I understand if you don’t want to, but we just want to know what’s going on so we can help you.” You turned to look at Wanda, who nodded at you. Even though no words were exchanged, you could tell she was saying: “You should tell them. You can trust them, they’re your friends.” Sighing, you nodded back at her and turned to face the team once more.
“Okay. But you have to let me explain everything before you say anything,” you said, your tone cautious. The team all nodded and gave various responses of understanding and agreement.
Sighing, you took a deep breath and prepared yourself to share one of your biggest secrets/insecurities.
“Okay, well… I don’t know when it all started- I remember figuring out that weight was something people were insecure about- and by 7 years old I had started scrutinizing my appearance a lot, and keeping a close eye on how I looked,” you paused, still picking at the strings on your pants and refusing to look up at your friends.
“I remember I had a crush on this kid in 7th grade who used to make jokes about my weight and jokingly called me fat. Realistically, I knew I wasn’t fat, but since I cared so much about that kid’s opinion I began to wonder what they saw when they looked at me. What everyone saw. If they could make jokes about me being fat, I figured that that meant there had to be some truth to it. Otherwise, why would they joke about it? When I finally hit the 100 lbs mark somewhere between 7th-8th grade, I started to panic. Even though I knew it was normal for my age, I didn’t like the fact that I was gaining weight even if it was healthy. My weight would fluctuate a lot and if I complained about it, my parents told me I should exercise more or eat healthier foods, or snack less after school. I rarely ever had breakfast, and the school lunches weren’t very filling. So after school, I would go home and basically eat a small meal, and my mom would criticize me for it.
When my anxiety got really bad in high school and I got diagnosed with anemia, I felt nauseous a lot, so I usually didn’t want to eat much because I felt so sick. And then, I realized that my body was starting to look the way I wanted it to since I was eating in very small amounts. I could never completely stop eating… I was afraid of what would happen to me, and it tended to cause really bad migraines. So I always ate at least a little bit. But there were…” you hesitated, and then corrected yourself. “There ARE days when I don’t eat for a full 24 hours- sometimes even longer- and I’m proud of myself. I know I shouldn’t be, but I can’t help it. Of course, no one has noticed because I still eat, so as long as no one looks too closely, they can’t tell that anything is abnormal. Which is what I want, because anytime someone tells me to eat more or criticizes my eating habits or tells me that what I’m doing is really unhealthy and dangerous, I start to panic. Because I don’t WANT to fix it. I know I should want to- and I should do something about it- but I don’t want to.” You were quiet for a moment before adding,
“Today was the first time I’ve ever passed out. I’ve never gone that far before. I don’t know what happened. I think my appetite has changed a lot since this all started. I can’t eat as much food as I used to and oftentimes I just don’t feel hungry. There are a lot of times when I can’t think of a single thing I want to eat- everything makes me feel sick- even though I can tell I should probably have something. So, yeah, that’s everything,” you finished quietly.
The room was silent for a minute before Tony sat down and pulled you into a side hug.
“I get it kid. For me, it has nothing to do with weight or insecurity- I just forget to eat. I get so wrapped up in my work and everything I have to do, that it just completely slips my mind. I don’t even feel hungry, so I don’t notice until I start to feel really weak and tired. Or until Bruce or Pepper remind me to eat or bring me food,” he added, with a grin in Bruce’s direction. Bruce chuckled a little.
“Yep, that’s what I’m here for. Reminding Tony to eat, sleep, and shower; if it weren’t for me, he would look like a homeless man,” Bruce said jokingly. The team laughed a little, glad to have something to break the tension a little.
“Hey, I know I won’t ever fully understand what it is you’re feeling, but I do want to help you. Can you promise me something kid?” Tony asked, giving you a serious look. You stared back at him curiously.
“Can you promise that you’ll try something for me?” Slowly you nodded, not entirely sure what you had just agreed to.
“Let’s help each other out. I won’t push you to eat a huge meal or criticize what you’re eating, but I want to check in with you a few times a day to make sure you’ve had something to eat and some water. And in return, you can help me make sure that I don’t forget to eat. Pepper’s been on my ass about it for years, telling me how unhealthy it is. So, if you let me help you, I’ll let you do the same for me. How does that sound?” Tony asked. You bit your lip and considered it for a moment. You did want to help Tony, and holding each other accountable for your eating habits didn’t seem so terrible. And he did promise he wouldn’t judge you or tell you what to eat. You still had control- you didn’t have to feel so trapped- like a small child being reprimanded by their parents.
“You promise you won’t judge me or get mad at me?” you asked with uncertainty.
“I promise,” Tony said, giving you a light squeeze. You thought about it for another moment before leaning your on his shoulder and saying,
“Okay. I promise.” Tony smiled down at you.
“Good. I’m proud of you kiddo,” he said.
“Would you feel okay about the rest of us checking in on you sometimes? Just making sure you feel okay and you’ve had some water or something?” Bucky asked. You considered him for a minute, looking at his concerned expression and let out a barely audible sigh.
“Yeah, okay. Just don’t judge me or make me feel bad, okay?” you said, looking around at the group. They all nodded, still wearing various expressions of concern and sadness on their faces.
“Alright, now stop looking at me like I just told you I have a terminal illness. I don’t need any pity,” you said, your tone playful. The group laughed at your joke, glad to see you were starting to get back to normal again.
“You know we love you, right Y/N/N?” Sam asked. You nodded and smiled at him.
“Yeah, I know. I know you guys are just looking out for me and I appreciate it. I love you guys.”
“We love you too Y/N,” Steve said with a smile. Smiling contentedly, you leaned into Tony’s shoulder again and closed your eyes, feeling calm for the first time in a while.
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Bucky Barnes x Reader: Mystery Fever
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem reader
Word Count: 790
Summary: Okay, this blog is anonymous, but I wanted to write this. I have this ultra-rare condition called Nephropathic Cystinosis, and it is discussed in this one-shot. Not in great detail, but it is. And Cystinosis Fever is a thing that has happened to me. It’s possible I’ll continue with this sort of thing....Let me know if you want more. For the moment it’s a reader insert, but may turn into something else.
Y/N sat at the kitchen table in the Avengers compound, in the shared kitchen and she didn’t feel quite right. She got up to fill her water when Bucky walked in.
He smiled upon seeing her. “Hey, doll.” His grin widened as he walked over to her and curled a hand around her waist, placing a chaste kiss to her lips, which he immediately noticed were chapped. And her skin felt too warm under his touch, the body heat radiating off of her was more than was usual for her. He pulled back slightly and pressed his lips to her forehead, letting them linger there much longer than necessary. She knew exactly what he was doing but didn’t say anything, she knew he was trying to hide it under the guise of a forehead kiss.
Then he frowned and dropped all pretense, pressing his flesh hand to her forehead. His frown deepened. “Doll, you’re warm. Really warm.” He moved his hand from her head to her cheek and she leaned into his touch, humming slightly at how good it felt against her overheated skin. “Y/N, what’s wrong?”
She looked up at her boyfriend, bleary eyed, and smiled softly. They had only officially been an item for a couple of weeks. Before that, they had been going out about a month, and two weeks ago, Bucky had asked her to be his girl. He was protective before that, but after, it was like some sort of primal need of his that he couldn’t control. The need to protect her, take care of her, and keep her safe always there. And the fact that his girlfriend had an ultra-rare and potentially dangerous disease just made the urge even stronger. Bucky knew that Y/N had Nephropathic Cystinosis. A lysosomal storage disease. A genetic, metabolic condition that caused fifteen secondary conditions in Y/N’s case. There were only a few others in the compound that knew. Tony, Pepper, and Steve. Bucky looked almost ashamed when he didn’t know what it was, but she assured Bucky most doctors didn’t even know. About 2,500 people in the world had it. Then she went on to explain it to him. After that, he was determined to learn all he could about it, how it affected her, to go to her doctor’s appointments with her (when he could and when the next one came up), you name it. She realized this was something she’d never really discussed with him before, because well, it hadn’t come up yet. And this hadn’t happened to her in a quite a while.
“I think…” she mumbled, and Bucky waited for her to continue. “We used to call it Cystinosis fever when I was younger.”
His heart did a little lurch. Cystinosis fever? There was a specific fever his girl could get with this condition? “What’s that?” he mumbled.
“It’s an unexplainable, sudden onset fever. It can last a couple hours or a couple days, never really sure.”
He nodded slowly. “What else happens, other than the fever?”
“Depends. It’s different every time. Headache, nausea, cough, exhaustion, dizziness…” she trailed off and leant her head against his chest and gripped his forearms. He though she was feeling some dizziness now. He rubbed her back and then sat her down in the nearest chair.
“I’m gonna take your temperature.”
“Bucky, I can take my own-“ but he’d already walked off to get the thermometer from her room. He was back in a flash and knelt down in front of her.
“Open up,” he said and she obediently opened her mouth so he could place the thermometer beneath her tongue. A minute or so later it beeped and he removed it, looking down at the numbers. “102.2,” he mumbled, glancing up at her. “Alright, come on.” He hoisted her into his arms. “I’ll take care of you. Let’s get you to bed.”
Tony walked by at that moment and smirked, as usual his mind in the gutter. “Feeling frisky, Barnes?”
“Shut up, Tony,” he grumbled, his face going slightly pink. Bucky and Y/N hadn’t even been intimate like that yet, and he couldn’t help the flush on his cheeks, nor could his girlfriend. “Y/N’s not feeling well.”
Tony’s features softened. “What’s up, kid?”
“Little fever, I’ll be fine.”
“Well sure, with the bionic man to take care of you, those germs better run if they know what’s good for them.”
Even Bucky couldn’t help but smile a little at that.
“Could you hand me that bottle of water?”
“Sure.” He handed Y/N the bottle and she held it carefully.
“Need any help, Barnes?”
There was hint of a glare in Bucky’s eyes as he looked back at him. “I can handle this, Stark, thanks.”
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i wanna write for marvel, like ong, send me marvel requests >:(
my only rule is no smut! im bad at writing it and i also mostly write for minor characters so like 😃obviously no smut
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just for you, honeybee (3/?)
pairing: bucky barnes x reader, steve rogers x reader (platonic)
word count: 3,986
authors note: part three!!!! I'm honestly so happy with how this is turning out so please leave feedback and lmk how I'm doing! thank you all so much :)
warnings: swearing, super soldier serum injection, needles, drinking
summary: dating back to 1943, you, james barnes, and steve rogers were best friends, including bucky being your boyfriend. when you get a notice that bucky died in the war, you make it your mission to find closure for yourself and protect steve as he is the only remaining piece of bucky you have left. once you are offered the super soldier serum, you and steve must make your way through world war 2 - and the unknown future hardships to come.
recap: You picked at your nails, anxiety swallowing you whole, “and what if you don’t make it back, either?”
It had only taken you 5 days to make up your mind: either go with Steve as he finishes out his mission with the army or wait in Brooklyn upon his return. “Well,” you always bit back, “if you return.”
You did not want to stay in Brooklyn and wait for Steve to come back. You had done that with Bucky and after learning his tragic death, you needed to go with Steve. You didn’t care who you had to fight – you were protecting Steve Rogers and looking after him, just like James would have wanted.
Peggy Carter immediately welcomed you and seemed somewhat relieved when you had met with them outside your apartment complex, bags packed and ready to go. She had given you a soft smile and a nod, making you feel more at calm with your decision. However, before you left, you needed to say goodbye – just in case.
Dressed in a tie-neck floral dress, you headed across the street to where Grover was, selling newspapers once again in the early morning. However, when he wasn’t on the sidewalk, he was in your apartment, holding you as you cried for Bucky. Grover had helped you open Bucky’s files and put on his dog tags; he was there while Steve was sorting out your arrangements with Peggy. He had your snot stains on his nicest shirts that you always apologized for, and he had carefully placed the dog tags over your head; Grover was certainly one of your rocks when Steve needed to grieve on his own, which you understood.
Noticing your approaching figure, Grover stood up and shooed people away from his stand, meeting you halfway. He noticed your solemn look, “you goin’ with Mr. America?”
With a nod, you wrapped your arms around the older man’s neck, his chubby arms meeting your waist in a split second, “I have to, Grove. I needta’ keep my promise to James, and watch after Stevie.”
Grover tightened his grip around you and squeezed, much like a father would, “sure that super soldier can’t do it himself? Looks more than capable.”
You shook your head against his neck, “I promised – I promised James; you know that.”
Grover pulled away, resting his hands on your shoulders, “I know you did, kid…but that don’t mean it still pains me to see ya go…Come back here, the both of you, in one piece – ya hear me?”
With a nod, you squeezed Grover’s hand on your shoulder and went back to where Steve and Peggy were standing by an army truck, your bags already in the trunk. As the two looked back at you, you gave a curt nod, “I’m ready.”
Steve helped you into the backseat as Peggy headed up front, starting the truck up once you were all piled in. As you rode off, away from Brooklyn, you looked back to your home, and gave a sad wave to Grover who was already back to selling newspapers – but you saw him wiping his cheeks. Tears flooded your eyes as you imagined you and Bucky finding a nice white picket house in Brooklyn once he came back like he promised. Turning back around, you wiped your eyes, looking forward to the road, a hand wrapped around Bucky’s dog tags.
Only a little while into the car ride, you leaned forward, asking the two soldiers a question, “where exactly are we headed?”
Steve turned around towards you, “first, Camp Lehigh where we’ll get you some ID so they know you’re with Peggy and me. Then, London, where Colonel Phillips got a lead on Schmidt’s new hideout.”
You looked down at your nails, picking at the skin surrounding them, “can I be of help in any way? And, uh… who is Schmidt?”
Peggy glanced back at you for a quick moment, “how are your fighting skills, y/n?”
Steve gave her a glare, “no, absolutely not.”
The driver looked back once more, expecting an answer. You glanced at Steve, “I’ve got experience with guns and hand-on-hand combat.”
Steve shook his head, “that’s nice but I’m not letting you do what I think Peggy is insinuating.”
Peggy elbowed him before she answered you, “there’s a chance your skills may come in handy, Miss y/n, but it won’t be an easy feat.”
You nodded to her, “I’d like to be of any service I can, Agent Carter.”
Steve grumbled, “am I just invisible to you two?” That finally got a giggle out of you and Steve glanced back, squeezing your hand, before turning towards the front.
You waited a few moments before you tapped Steve’s shoulder, getting his attention, “hmm?”
With a head tilt, you asked again, “who is this Schmidt guy? Never got an answer earlier.”
Steve seemed a bit tense when you asked before answering you, “he’s a confidant to Hitler and closely affiliated with Hydra. Once we take down Schmidt, we get closer to taking down Hitler.”
Your eyes had widened during his short summary, “so you really been killin’ Nazis, Stevie?”
He huffed, “been trying too – mostly taking over Hydra bases. Buck was more the killing Nazi type.”
With a slight smile, you squeezed Steve’s hand, “sounds like our James.”
The rest of the ride was quiet, save for some mindless chatter over Peggy’s radio.
By the time you three got to Camp Lehigh, getting your identification was nothing out of the ordinary; however, being looked at with either such sorrow or surprise was a shock. You had assumed people knew about Bucky, but you never thought Bucky had told everyone about the girl from home, nor that they knew what she looked like. Tears flooded your eyes very quickly at the image of Bucky boasting about his Brooklyn girl and everything about her, and apparently, his words got all the way back to New Jersey.
Even when you got to the London Bunker, more dejected looks were given your way. Some sick part of you wished he hadn’t made you such a big deal, but if he were still alive, you’d be flustered. With subtle hands, you quietly put Bucky’s dog talks within your new army greens officer uniform. While you definitely were not an officer, Peggy had no problem lending you one of hers, telling you that if someone had a problem with it, take it up with her.
You clearly remembered her conversation as she dragged you into her tent, quickly shoveling through a trunk of hers, “are you alright wearing one of these? I have a few different sizes – whatever fits you.”
You accepted a green skirt of hers with a nod, along with a tan-colored blouse and a green jacket. Thankfully, it had no medals on it so you didn’t exactly feel as if you were impersonating a soldier.
You looked towards Peggy as she made her leave, “thank you, Agent Carter…You truly did not have to do this but – but I appreciate it.”
Peggy gave a soft smile as she opened the tent, “anything for Barnes’ girl.”
Right when she left, you sobbed for a good 20 minutes. You remember mumbling to yourself, “I hope I still am your number one girl, Jamie.”
Over the next few days, you had quickly grown accustomed to the troops' fast pace and overall serious atmosphere, along with their Colonel. You would never admit it to the man, but Colonel Phillips scared you when you two had first met; you wondered if he had ever laughed in his entire life. And you definitely wouldn’t tell him this either, but you knew he was a big softie underneath that whole ‘I’m Colonel Phillips and you have to be intimidated by me’ attitude. Once you had arrived in London, you made it your mission to make the Colonel laugh, whether it be at your expense or someone else’s – but it took your mind off James; well, as much as it could.
One man who admired your mission and seemed to play along with it was Mr. Howard Stark; when the two of you weren’t messing around, history was being made, and changing the world for the better was your first priority.
Besides his cocky attitude, Howard had truly become one of your favorite people – besides Captain America himself, of course. When Steve had introduced you to the team focused on finding Schmidt and the rest of Hydra, Howard had taken to you liking a father hen, showing you his new tech and his favorite, the new vibranium shield he made for Cap. He was so ecstatic about showing a new face his greatest creation and how indestructible it was; as he told you, everyone else did not seem as impressed and he needed someone with a brain like yours to comprehend what he made.
While nobody else knew, he had also shown you the last remaining vial of the super-soldier serum Dr. Erskine had made and thus, what Howard had been trying to recreate. He had almost been successful but told you he did not want to use Erskine’s last vial on someone, in case it ever came to that. Instead, he wanted to try his own, one that would not affect one’s looks physically but included all the enhancements. Now that got you intrigued; you loved Steve, truly, but if you ever got the chance to take Stark’s serum and wanted a husband in the future, you did not want to look so…bulky.
The two of you worked closely together, using Stark brainpower and L/N design skills and expert eye to create the new symbol for Captain America.
With a pretty decent paint job on your part, both you and Howard took a step back from the upheld shield, looking over the new red, white and blue design, fit with a silver star. Tears filled your eyes but you refused to let them fall as Howard rested a hand on your back – your Stevie would be carrying that shield proudly very shortly.
Howard pulled you into a quick side hug, “Sergeant Barnes would be proud of you, kid. Look at you, designing Captain America’s new shield!”
With a soft laugh, you wiped your eyes, “I hope he would be.”
Before Howard stepped away to give you some space, you grabbed onto his arm, eyes darting towards the suitcase underneath his desk, “can I ask you something, Howard?”
Howard crossed his arms, “what’s goin’ on inside that head of yours, kiddo?”
You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding, “listen, I know you’re gonna say no, but I just… I need to get this out.”
Howard noticed your serious tone and pulled you against a corner of the huge bunker that had been your home for the past couple of days, surrounded by books that you had read in record time, “go on, kid.”
You fumbled over your words, nails scratching against your skin, “do you think – do you think I could take the serum? Your recreation, of course – I saw your successful attempts and I want to take it. I’ve thought it over, truly, and it’s what I want. Ever since James – ever since James died, I’ve felt so lost and useless; I want to do something, something that James would be proud of. And I know you’re gonna say no, but Howard, I really need to do this, so please-“
Howard interrupted you, hand held up calmly, “let’s talk to Colonel Phillips, okay?”
Your eyes grew wide, “real-really? No immediate reprimanding?”
He looked at you with soft eyes, “I know what you’re feeling, y/n, and it’s not a good feeling. While I wish there was another solution other than you taking the serum, I – I’m not opposed to it. Maybe we need a sidekick.”
You gave a slight smile as he grinned back, “thank you, Howie.” He pinched your arm in response to his nickname, narrowing his eyes playfully.
The moment you asked Colonel Phillips for a private meeting with you, him, Howard, and Peggy, he already seemed on edge. Woke up on the wrong side of the cot, sour coffee, you weren’t sure – but you were sure that he was not going to be happy with your idea.
As expected, the meeting with Colonel Phillips was not exactly great; he may have thrown a fit and yelled at you for even suggesting such a thing. Okay, ouch, that stung – you genuinely thought it was a good idea.
You had interrupted during such fit, “sir, may I remind you that Steve Rogers had no prior fighting experience yet he got the super-soldier serum? I have the skills – well, some skills - the will to fight, and the…”
“I have a purpose, just like Steve,” you began once more, “Hydra took away the most important person in my life and I’ll be damned to hell if I’m not gonna do anything to stop them. So please, sir, let me do this.”
Peggy Carter stood beside Colonel Phillips, her lips twitching up in a slight smile, “you remind me of him. Of Barnes.” The Colonel grumbled.
You felt a shiver run down your spine, “I guess he rubbed off on me.”
Peggy looked to Colonel Phillips as he was deep in thought, until he spoke, “you talk to Rogers about this?”
You shook your head, “no, sir.”
Colonel Phillips crossed his arms, “I suggest you bring it to his attention before we make a final decision, l/n. Then, if we decide yes, we’re going to need to change the plan just a tad bit.”
With a nod, you stood up and walked out of the meeting room, hoping to find Steve around the corner somewhere; on your way out, you already heard Colonel Phillips grumbling about how it would be nice to have another super-soldier.
One of the Howling Commandos spoke up during your search for Steve, “he’s over at Crocker’s Folly. Bar right across the street from here, kid.” You thanked him and walked out of the site, spotting a very beat-down bar just across the street, surprisingly still standing.
Heading over, you had honestly no idea how to bring up the idea of you taking the serum to Steve; it definitely was no normal conversation. You knew he would say no, but you wanted to take it and be of use during the war and avenge Bucky in any way you could. Once inside, you heard a radio in the distance of the bar, unsure of what song was playing. Following the sound, broken glass and among other things crunched under your footsteps, letting Steve know someone was there.
Sitting at a table with a bottle of liquor and a glass by himself, your best friend turned around and glanced at you, pulling up a chair. You gave a small smile, finding the seat right across from him, “are you okay?”
Steve shrugged, “that Dr. Erskine said the serum wouldn’t just affect my muscles, it would affect my cells. Create a protective system of regeneration and healing… which means uh.. –“
“You can’t get drunk.”
Steve shot you a look, “when you’d get so smart?”
You kicked his foot with a chuckle, “when I started hangin’ out with Howard.”
He gave a sad smile as tears flooded his eyes, “I am so sorry, y/n.”
You choked back a sob, eyes filling with tears, “it wasn’t your fault, Stevie. I know that you did everything you could.”
Steve’s eyes were brimmed red, “how are you – how are you staying so strong?”
Clearing your throat of the sob making its way up, you licked your lips, “I feel like I’ve cried too many tears, Steve. I want to cry more, my god I do, but I know he wouldn’t want that.”
Steve nodded, “’m sorry to bring him up, I just…” he mumbled, “I’m going to kill Schmidt and all of Hydra if it’s the last thing ‘m gonna do, y/n.” His hand had curled into a fist and you felt the anger radiating off of him.
You grasped his hand, softly uncurling it, “I actually wanted to talk to you about something, pertaining Schmidt.”
Steve let out a grumble, taking one last sip of his drink, “everything okay?”
You nodded, “I – I’m okay. But Howard…he has a remaining vial of the serum from Dr. Erskine and has even recreated it himself. I talked to Peggy and Colonel Phillips and I’m going to take it, the recreation.”
Steve’s eyes shot up to yours, “Y/N, I can’t – I can’t let you do that. It’s too dangerous and I promised –“
“Steve,” you stopped him, “I know you promised Bucky that you would look out for me. I promised him that about you, too. But I want to do this. It’s my decision and I’m hoping you’ll let me do this for myself and Buck.”
The man across from you looked down at his glass for a long while before he looked you in the eyes with a grin, “’gonna pretend I can get drunk and forget why I even agreed.”
A small smile formed on your lips as you reached over, squeezing his hand, “thank you, Stevie. Now c’mon, we got a serum to inject and plans to tweak.”
When the two of you reached the bunker once again, you nodded to Howard and he let out a breath. He was not exactly looking forward to this, injecting you with the serum, but it’s what you wanted. Word quickly got to Colonel Phillips who seemed a bit relieved himself, glad there were no tantrums thrown – much like his.
Down the many halls of the bunker, Howard, Peggy, and a few nurses prepared an operation room, a bed centered in the middle of the room as lights displayed it. Once you were injected, you would need a few moments to recollect yourself – both of them knew this.
You, Colonel Phillips, and Steve stood outside the operation room, looking in as Howard laid out the serum and sedation if needed. The Colonel spoke up first, looking down at you, “you certain about this? There’s no guarantee you’ll live.”
You nodded, “I’m aware, Colonel. But I’ve thought it through and it’s what I want.”
Steve looked to you as the Colonel looked on, “you yell for me if you need me, okay? I’m right outside.” You gave him a small smile before you headed inside per Howard’s direction. Nurses stood behind the two tables surrounding the cot you were instructed to lay on, taking off your shirt and tossing it into Peggy’s arms, letting out a whistle, immediately calming your nerves. You flashed her a smile which she returned.
Bright lights shining onto your body – now only clad in a bra and some army green cargo pants – your gaze shifted to Howard. He looked albeit nervous but once he caught your eye, all nerves disappeared, “how ya feelin’ kid?”
You chuckled, “like I’m about to be turned into a super-soldier.”
Howard’s shoulders shook with a slight laugh, “that’s nuts – it’s almost as if I’m administering said serum. I’m gonna inject you with some penicillin, okay?”
You nodded your head, looking towards the window where you saw Steve looking way too tense. With a smile, you gave him a thumbs up in which he chuckled at, shaking his head. Beside him stood the Colonel who looked nervous himself, but with a blow-kiss, you saw him roll his eyes and turn back into your stern Colonel Phillips.
Howard spoke up, grabbing your attention, “now, y/n, your transformation will be a bit different from Steve’s, but the outcome should be the same – just no outer physical changes, as I mentioned. No need for nerves. You ready?”
You nodded, and with a deep breath, you felt the sharp needle penetrate your skin, injecting you with the serum. As the serum coursed through your veins, your skin felt as if it were on fire, your breaths growing quicker and sweat already forming on your skin. Howard noticed your breaths, “deep breaths, kid, don’t rush the process. You got this. How ya feelin’?”
You grunted, “burning – hot but cold. Freezer burn.”
Howard grew pale, somehow making sense of your words, “okay, y/n, you gotta fight this. Don’t let the serum override your body – you gotta let it combine with your cells. C’mon, kid!” Peggy’s grip tightened on your shirt as she looked on, whispering words of encouragement.
Outside, Steve and Colonel Phillips began pacing, the Colonel glaring through the window, telling himself that he could telepathically communicate with you and force you to live through this. Steve bit his thumb, growing more and more anxious by the second.
Your body had now started to sweat profusely, the shine adding itself to your figure as you breathed heavier, a gasp and a sharp scream leaving your lips. Steve immediately ran in, holding your hand, “y/n, come on, please! Fight this – don’t give up, please. I – I need you, we all do.”
In a split second, your eyes opened, meeting Steve’s for a split second before you let out another yell, eyes squeezing shut once more, “Steve! It hurts – it hurts!”
Your whole body felt as if it were on fire yet hypothermic, your chest feeling so heavy that it was difficult to breathe. Every cell in your body felt as if it were being torn apart and being put back together again; you talked to yourself in your head, “how the hell did Steve do this?”
Steve ran a hand over your now-damp hair, “I know, I know, but you got this, y/n. Once you beat this, we’ll go and kill those sonsabitches at Hydra, you hear me? You gotta beat this.”
Over time, which honestly felt like hours, your body slowly started to welcome the serum and new changes within your body, your breathing returning to normal and sweat disappearing onto the cot below you, body returning to normal temperature. With only a slightly bloody nose, you felt…good. Resting against the cot, you let out a sigh, eyes fluttering.
Howard hooked an IV up to your arm, returning the liquids you had sweat out, pushing your shoulder lightly, “’gotta talk to me, kid.”
You grumbled, “’m tired…but feel like I could run a marathon.”
Steve’s hand squeezed yours as he let out a laugh, looking up to the ceiling, “that’s your girl, Barnes. You did great, y/n – you did great.”
Eyes still shut, you hummed, “mmm…do I have abs of steel now?”
Steve chuckled, “would it make you feel better if I said yes?”
You nodded your head, a dopey smile on your face. Steve continued, “I wouldn’t want to fight you in the ring, bug.”
Slowly but surely, you opened your eyes, adjusting to the way your body felt and sensed everything around you. With a grunt, you rubbed your eyes, glancing at your hands – hmm, they looked the same?
Howard noticed your confusion, “Remember what I said, kid? No outer physical changes, but you got all the upgrades Rogers has. Better looking, obviously,” you let out a soft laugh, “just not as bulky.”
With a hum, you sat up, fighting off Steve and Howard’s mother hen tendencies, “’mentioned that earlier…bulky. ‘m fine, by the way – stop worryin’.”
Slowly getting off the cot, you walked around the room, stretching your legs and your whole body. Everything felt different but good; it’s like your senses and every cell within your body were heightened. “It felt cold,” you mentioned to Howard, “the serum.”
He nodded, “as opposed to the vita-rays, we had to keep it in cold storage. Easier that way.”
You hummed, and while turning around in the small room, your eyes met Steve’s once more, “well Captain, what now?”
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flowers- b. barnes
pairings: bucky barnes x reader
warnings: cursing, possible mistakes? i’ve read this like three times making edits and i can’t stand to read it anymore
about: y/n is whipped, also flower crowns p2
“you’re whipped,” natasha says, voice in a smug tone that- paired with the shit-eating smirk plastered on her face- makes you knit your brows in irritation. “i am not whipped,” you huff in annoyance, tracing the polaroid in your hand. nat’s eyes follow as your fingers trail over the outline of bucky’s face, and she bites her lip.
“it’s not a bad thing!” nat exclaims, pulling the picture away and looking at it, noticing how your eyes caught on the smile printed on the paper, lips quirked in an accidental smile. “it’s cute, and it’s not bad that you have feelings for him,” wanda commented, poking a shoulder into your arm, “it’s sweet,” she adds. you roll your eyes and try your best to ignore the color seeping up your neck in response to her words.
you finger the photograph, watching as the light glints on the image of bucky’s metal arm. you sigh and laying it down next to the various others you have of him. “i didn’t realize how many i had is all,” you murmur, setting the cover over the box.
“a lot,” natasha quips, and wanda pays no attention to her, “i think it’s endearing, and i can’t imagine he doesn’t have an exact same hoard of these of you.”
“yeah, if he knew how to use a polaroid camera, or what it was,” natasha remarks, making you laugh.
“you know what tiktok taught me the other day?” wanda asks suddenly, her accented voice smoothly cutting through the silence. “what?” you question, and her eyes brighten, “how to make flower crowns!” natasha smiles, “couldn’t you just ask vision? seeing as he knows everything?”
“or me? you do remember how i can grow plants and flowers with, like, a snap of my fingers?” you remind, demonstrating with a small swirl of your hand as green glimmers over it, making a small bud erupt from the soil next you and twist around your wrist. wanda frowns and lightly slaps at your hand, “no, no, i want us to do something together, we’ve watched like eighty percent of the movies on netflix. besides, the instructions came when they came for a reason.“ she doesn’t elaborate.
“so we’re doing this! and no cheating, y/n!” wanda warns, pointing a finger at you. you put your hands up in mock surrender, small emerald bead in your eyes as you detangle the vine from your wrist and settle it into the soil.
it turns out your powers are absolutely necessary once wanda can’t find it in herself to pull flowers from the little garden you’ve constructed over the years, even after you assure her it’s okay, and that you will make sure that with every plant she took, two would grow in their place. it doesn’t convince her, so you spend a few minutes growing as many flowers as you’ll need, resulting in a wide variety of colors and aromas. the flora is neatly cut and laid on the grass when you’re done, and it only takes a minute for the three of you to understand the video’s instructions.
nearly an hour after you’ve started, you’ve got vines interlaced in your fingers, braiding them and occasionally using your powers to melt the green together (yes, technically cheating, but it honestly doesn’t count by your standards, which is totally the reason you haven’t let wanda know of it). you have nearly three crowns already done sitting next to you, another pretty one laying in your hair, while nat and wanda have only two to show- which they say is only because the greenery seems to like you better, which you can’t disagree with.
when you begin to finish your fourth one, wanda groans, stopping you. “okay, i think you should start passing these out, and let me just try to catch up. you raise an eyebrow when flowers begin to lift in the air and weave themselves, clouded in red sparkles. wanda simply shoots you a look and waves you away. “okay, i really don’t think this is fair,” natasha protests, staring at the airborne herbs. you smile as you get to your feet, pulling her up, “it isn’t, but i think it evens out by the cute little fact that you can kill both of us with the flowers in like three seconds, so. come on and help me give these to everyone.”
you pick up one of the baskets, and she shrugs before picking up the other, both overflowing with interlaced colorful blooms. you pick up one that you had set next to you and gently place it on natasha’s head, beaming at her, “i made this one for you,” you tell her, before turning to lift another with utter delicacy.
natasha can feel pride blooming inside herself, and she raises a hand to touch the soft petals. her crown is made by your own fingers, color scheme chosen by yours truly as all the others had. it was adorned with all sorts of black flowers- each and every one rare- including black velvet petunias, dwarf black nemophila flowers, sophistica blackberry petunias, and sprinkles of tiny red hollyhocks and begonias in the lonely spaces. natasha tries to disregard the feeling of pride she has as an immediate reaction, too overwhelmed with the reminder of how much devotion you put into something for her. she shakes it off, but is unable to make her small smile completely disappear as she tilts her head, “who is that for?” she asks, motioning to the beautiful crown that you’re cradling in your hands like it’s the most precious thing in the world.
“oh, don’t do that,” you grumble, knowing she isn’t really looking for an answer- seeing as she already knew it- and begin to walk towards the other avengers.
you are standing next to natasha, relishing in the surprised look on tony’s face when natasha hands him the garland you helped design, a large himalayan blue poppy (representing his arc reactor, of course) placed smack dab in the middle of small red perennials and yellow kalanchoes. steve has a delighted expression when natasha positions his own diadem on his hair, white van zyverden spiraea sprinkled across the red poppy anemones, and a white penta sat inside a hefty blue morning glory.
out of the corner of your eye, you see sam and bucky walking past, arguing about something. your lips turn up without your permission, and you excuse yourself politely, trying to hide your excitement to head to your boyfriend.
“sam! bucky!” you chirp, “i have something for you!”
you’re lugging the basket of plants behind you- surprisingly heavy- and without asking him, bucky relieves the weight. you mumble a thank you and squeeze his free fingers before reaching to pluck sam’s designated gift up off of the rest, which is made up of dusty miller, grey lavender, a scattering of red baby's breath, and black nemophilas. “whoa,” sam whispered, tenderly taking the crown from your hands, “what are these?” he requests, making your eyes shine. you explain which flower is which, and sam listens carefully, nodding as you describe each flower. you don’t notice bucky’s eyes on you, small smile growing as he senses your growing excitement.
when you’re done, you look down at the braided bouquet still in your hands.
turning to bucky, you stand on the tips of your toes to position it on his head, appreciating the happy glint in his cerulean eyes. “yours has grey lavender too, but it also has red pentas and bluebeard to represent your eyes, and blue gladiolus to remind you strong you are. and i also grew special miniature dahlias to represent how much i love you.”
you bite your lip as you look at him. “do you like it?” you query, tilting your head slightly, and bucky swears his heart swells in his chest.
“of course i do, i love it, doll,” he affirms softly, bringing an arm around your waist to bring you closer and press a sweet kiss to your forehead, “thank you,” he murmurs, making a warm pink spread on your cheeks, and you pull away when you realize there are eyes on you.
“i love you,” you remind quietly, making him glow, “i love you too, so much,” bucky replies.
you press your lips to the side of his mouth as a goodbye and squeeze his fingers before taking the basket back and walking back to natasha, a satisfied look on your face. it drops when you notice her complacent demeanor and raised eyebrows.
“shut up,” you complain, hooking your arm through hers and letting her make fun of you as she drags you through the compound.
bucky stands there, gazing after you with tinted cheeks, and sam claps his back. “you got a good one,” he offers. bucky can barely process his words, “i got the perfect one,” he responds dumbly after a moment.
sam teases him about it for the whole week, then on his wedding day three months later.
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The Black Dove Masterlist
All you have ever known was how to fight and hunt. Your world and all you have ever known is thrown through a loop when you are sucked through a portal, and forced to adjust to this new reality. Will you leave the life you knew for so long, or will you decide to go back home, leaving the ones you loved behind?
The Black Dove Chapter 1
The Black Dove Chapter 2- coming soon
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Pairing(s): Avengers x platonic!reader
Summary: the reader loves singing and has been performing and taking lessons for a long time. But they like to sing by themselves- until they get an unexpected audience.
Author’s Note: I have no idea what this is- it’s just an idea I had in the back of my mind. I wasn’t sure where to go in the second half of the story, so hopefully it works. Also this definitely isn’t based off my life experiences in any way, don’t even worry about it
Finally- some peace and quiet. The team was on a mission, leaving you as the only one left in Avengers Tower. You generally handled the technological side of things and often stayed on the base, gathering information, monitoring potential threats, programming new tools, weapons, AI’s, and so on. On those rare occasions when the entire team left the tower, you took advantage of all your alone time and did your favorite thing- singing.
You had been singing since you were a kid and people had started noticing that you had some natural talent in fourth grade. You never did much with it; you participated in a few musicals, joined choir, took music lessons- but it was never a serious career option. Although it was a dream of yours to perform on a big stage in front of a huge audience of fans cheering for you, you knew that it wasn’t something you wanted to do all the time. In fact, you had a feeling that you would grow to hate it. You liked all the cheers and attention sometimes, but you knew that the pre-performance anxiety, all the talk shows, the award shows, talking with celebrities- you knew it wouldn’t be worth it, because you’d spend all your time feeling anxious and worrying what people thought about you.
But of course, that never stopped you from singing and pretending you were on a stage in front of thousands in a sold out stadium, during your alone time.
With everyone gone, you could sing as loudly as you wanted without fear of anyone hearing you. It’s not that you were bad- in fact, you were often told that you were quite good- but you feared that you would bother your teammates with your loud music and singing. And besides, it felt like a personal activity- something reserved for you and you alone. When no one was watching, you could truly relax and channel all your emotions into the songs without fear of what anyone thought. Also, you kind of loved having a little secret- a fun talent that no one knew about- a secret gift.
You had already spent several hours singing whilst doing dishes, folding laundry, working on some projects in the lab, and just dancing around in the huge seating area with the tv and coffee tables, where the whole team gathered when they wanted to relax and have a movie night or something.
Recently, you’ve been obsessed with “Deja Vu” by Olivia Rodrigo, and you loved singing it. Even though you didn’t entirely relate to the message of the song, you just loved the lyrics and the melody and feeling of singing it.
You were in the seating area once again, just singing and losing yourself in the music. You had found out a while ago that you could pair your phone with F.R.I.D.A.Y and play your music anywhere in the tower and you definitely used that excellent sound system to your advantage. The gentle notes of “Deja Vu” began to play and you smiled excitedly.
Car rides to Malibu
Strawberry ice cream, one spoon for two
And tradin' jackets
Laughin’ 'bout how small it looks on you
(Ha-ha-ha-ha, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, ha-ha-ha-ha)
Watching reruns of Glee
Bein' annoying, singin’ in harmony
I bet she's braggin' to all her friends, sayin' you're so unique
You closed your eyes as your favorite part began to play.
So when you gonna tell her that we did that, too?
She thinks it's special, but it's all reused
That was our place, I found it first
I made the jokes you tell to her when she's with you
Do you get déjà vu when she’s with you?
Do you get déjà vu? (Ah), hmm
Do you get déjà vu, huh?
When you finally finished the song, you opened your eyes and turned to grab your phone and find a new song. As you turned, you looked up and came face to face with the entire team. They were all standing in the doorway, looking shocked and mildly impressed. Your eyes widened and you clapped a hand to your mouth.
“Oh no…” you said very softly.
Tony was the first to speak. He moved from the doorway and entered the room, walking towards you.
“Kid, why didn’t you tell us you could sing? That was amazing!” he exclaimed. “Honestly, I know some people, I could probably get you signed with a record label,” he said. You just stood there, mouth slightly agape, still looking shocked and horrified.
“Hey Y/N, you good?” Sam asked, furrowing his brow in concern.
“I- but what- you’re supposed to be gone for a few more days,” you said, attempting to form a coherent sentence.
“We were,” Steve replied. “But the base ended up being much smaller than we had thought and it didn’t take as long to clear it out and get what we needed. But what’s wrong? You’re really good kid, why don’t you want people to hear you?” he asked, looking confused and a tad concerned. You just shook your head, still bewildered and sat down on one of the couches. The rest of the team entered the room, still wearing their gear, and sat down on the various couches and chairs.
“Guys, come on seriously, these are leather, don’t get any dirt on them,” Tony protested. Bucky turned to stare at him.
“Really Stark? That’s your biggest concern right now?” he said, sounding annoyed. Tony rolled his eyes.
“Well it’s ONE of them,” he said, glaring back.
“Guys, seriously knock it off,” Natasha said, giving them a stern look. Thor had seated himself next to you and turned to you.
“Young Y/N your voice is quite beautiful. If we were in Asgard, you would be asked to perform at banquets and parties,” he said, in his deep, rumbling voice. “Why wouldn’t you want anyone to hear you?” he questioned. You stared at your lap and shook your head, refusing to look at any of them.
“Yeah honestly Y/N/N, you’re amazing- if I’d known you could sing, I would’ve asked you to sing way more stuff!” Sam exclaimed, attempting to lighten the mood a little. You chuckled softly, still staring at your lap. The team waited quietly, while you worked up the courage to speak. Finally, still refusing to make eye contact, you said,
“I didn’t want to annoy anyone. And also it’s a really private and personal thing. And I’m afraid of being judged and criticized. And… I was in theatre a bit in high school, and people were kind of cruel.”
The team exchanged shocked and sad looks.
“But, seriously how could anyone criticize you? What could possibly be wrong with your singing?” Bucky asked, sounding incredulous.
“I mean, no one is completely perfect,” you said. “But it was more that a lot of people didn’t like me. And it didn’t matter that I could actually sing, they didn’t think I deserved to be there. So, I became really self conscious. I didn’t want to give them anything else to make fun of me for,” you explained softly. Steve wrapped an arm around your shoulders.
“Well, I don’t know who could possibly dislike you, especially when you sing like that, but we would never criticize or make fun of you,” Steve said, pulling you into a side hug. You smiled a little and leaned into him.
“It was just a rough experience. And singing by myself makes me feel like I have something they can’t take from me. I have these feelings, the music- it’s just me- and they can’t intrude and ruin things.”
“We get it. It’s cathartic for you,” Natasha said, offering you a warm smile which you returned. “Obviously you don’t have to sing in front of us… but if you ever wanted to, just know we wouldn’t mind. We’d be happy to hear your voice again,” she said. The rest of the team nodded in agreement. You smiled gratefully at them.
“Thank you guys. I mean, I feel most at peace when I’m singing by myself, but maybe one day, if I’m feeling brave, I can sing for you guys,” you said.
“I look forward to that day,” Bucky said, walking over and ruffling your hair.
“Well, now that that’s settled, I’m starving. What should we get to eat?” Tony asked. The group began discussing (and arguing- Sam and Bucky were honestly like an old married couple). You merely sat back and smiled at your team. They hadn’t made fun of you. They hadn’t been annoyed. It would take some time for you to allow yourself to be vulnerable with them, but you trusted them when they promised that they would never make fun of you.
“And who knows,” you thought to yourself. “Maybe I’ll take Tony up on that record label offer.”
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Safe Haven: tfatws!Bucky Barnes x fem!reader - Chapter Nine
chapter eight - Chapter Nine: The Soldier and the Mutant
Plot: Y/n deals with the new knowledge about who her father truly was and receives a surprise visitor.
Warnings: angst, fluff, fluff, FLUFF, my gosh it’s nearly suffocating how much fluff, language, one allusion to sex, mentions of suicide, mentions of torture
Word Count: 10.1k
A/N: I’m just gonna let this one speak for itself, thanks for being so patient 😉
“HYDRA…” I sighed.
Melanie and I were sat on her front porch, coffee cups in hand and revelations on our lips. I’d been home for two days and the shock of finding out about my father’s longstanding lie, while still fresh, was morphing into numbness. Being his daughter too, Mel needed to know the truth as well.
“This guy’s gotta be lying,” my sister waved a hand in front of her, “He has to be, he’s a criminal a-and he’s crazy.”
“He’s not lying, Mels,” I held my head in my hand with my elbow resting on my chair, “I went online and scoured the internet, Dad’s name was listed in the HYDRA files leaked ten years ago.”
Mel leaned forward in her seat and hung her head, bracing her weight on her knees. My sister had always been a rock, unshakable even in the face of the worst circumstances. Even though she was keeping it together for my sake, I could see the well of emotions that would spring up once I was gone. “I can’t believe this,” she mumbled, shaking her head softly, “But looking back, it makes so much sense.”
I furrowed my brows at her, “You wanna spell this one out for me?”
“Think about it,” she turned in her seat to face me, “Dad was wracked with guilt every day since he came home from the,” she set her mug down on the coffee table and made air quotes, “‘service.’ Nightmares and flashbacks and that awful depression…I mean, the man tore himself apart for what he’d done when he wasn’t passed out from drinking. He’d have had to do some pretty nasty things to feel that much guilt.”
“Yeah, well, he should have felt guilty,” I grumbled, staring down at the coffee to hide the tears slowly forming in my eyes, “He hurt innocent people.”
“Wow…” she said quietly.
I sat forward in my seat, “Mom can never find about this, the shock could kill her. And as much as I feel like she should know who she was married to, I don’t think I can destroy another person’s image of Dad.”
“No, I don’t think we should tell her either,” Mel agreed, taking a sip from her coffee, “I’m sorry enough that you had to find out. Wait,” she slapped a hand over my arm, “Does Bucky know? You said you and Sam were working with him.”
I had done my best to put Bucky out of my mind for the past two days, failing spectacularly. I had gotten so used to him being by my side the past week that once he was gone, it felt like something was missing. Never mind the way I’d left him, those blue eyes begging me not to shut him out, the very same thing I’d asked him not to do. I had to remind myself at least ten times a day that removing myself from his life was for his good.
“Yeah, he knows,” I looked back down at my lap, squeezing the coffee mug so tight, I thought it might shatter.
Mel threw her hands out to their sides, “And?”
“And he knows,” I replied, knowing that wouldn’t be a good enough answer for her.
“So this guy finds out that our dad tortured him for years and he’s been running around Europe with his daughter and he had no reaction? What are you not telling me?”
“Mel, what do you want me to say?” I snapped my head up, “He was there when Zemo told me and he’s not with me now, there’s nothing more to tell…"
I may have been a mutant, but sometimes I wished I’d have gotten my sister’s detective skills instead. She could take one look at a person and go Sherlock Holmes on their ass before they knew what hit them. It was one of the reasons she’d made such a good psychologist before becoming a stay-at-home mom.
Mel inhaled sharply and her eyes widened, “Oh my gosh, do you-“
“Don’t say it,” I held up a hand and forcefully pressed my eyes shut, a few teardrops squeezing out onto my eyelashes, “Please don’t say it.”
As requested, she fell silent, her hand slipping onto my shoulder and rubbing small circles. I trained my eyes ahead of me, focusing on the last remnants of the morning’s sunrise. I’d always loved getting up early enough to watch the light spread across the sky, giving me hope that whatever pain I was feeling was only temporary. I found no such comfort gazing at the spectacle in my current state.
“It’s better this way,” I said, not able to look at her lest she see my contradictory eyes, “Trust me.”
“Well,” Mel sighed loudly, “You’re the one that knows the guy…Just promise me one thing?”
She pulled one of my hands out of the death grip I had on my cup and took it into one of hers, “This is huge news, life-shattering, and we’re allowed to process it however we need to. But I see that look in your eyes, none of this is on you. Don’t blame yourself for what Dad did to him.”
And if Mel had spent the time I had with Bucky, watched him in the bar in Madripoor, been in the therapy session with him, seen his reaction to losing his arm in Riga, I knew she’d feel different. I had a front row seat to Bucky’s PTSD and my father had been the ringleader. How could I not feel a little responsible?
Sam, Sarah and I had talked the boat situation over the morning before. The offer that Sarah had received from the guy who had been interested before Sam returned home had fallen through, he’d cited the reason as that it would take more money to fix than it was worth. Ever the hero, Sam had phoned everyone in the community who had known his parents and called in as many favors as he could. As I pulled up to the docks, ready to roll up my sleeves and begin working, I was delightfully surprised at how many people had responded. There were at least a dozen sets of helping hands waiting to work. It was moments like these that reminded me how lucky I was to live in such a close knit community.
I weaved through people, greeting and thanking everyone for coming out as I made my way to the boat. “Black Falcon to the rescue again, huh?” I called out to Sam as I climbed aboard, he was standing at the bow of the ship next to somebody whose back was turned to me.
“You know it,” Sam called back, turning around and facing me, along with the man who he’d been in conversation with.
It was Bucky.
My heart stopped and I froze in my tracks, adrenaline shooting through my veins. Our eyes met across the deck and we may as well have been back in Sokovia. There was the same pain threaded through his ocean blue eyes only enhanced by the fear reflecting in mine. I wanted to run to him and away from him all at once, but knew which instinct needed to be listened to.
I looked to Sam and faked a hopefully convincing smile, “I’ll be below deck.”
Hurriedly, I hauled my ass across the deck and raced down the steps. My hands flew to cover my nose and mouth as my breathing increased. He was here, he couldn’t be here, why was he here? Any progress I’d made, however small, in trying to put Bucky to rest had been revived the second I saw his face.
“You wanna explain what that was?” I looked up to see Sam stepping off the final stair and crossing his arms in front of me, “One day you’re friends and the next you bolt outta the room when you see the guy?”
“Just,” I strained, stopping to take as soothing a breath as I was capable of and straightening my posture, “Keep me where he isn’t.”
Sam sighed, reading me all too well, “Y/n, if this is about your dad, there’s noth-“
“Now what needs to be done down here?” I interrupted, placing my hands on my hips and hoping that if I projected confidence, I’d start to feel it.
“Fine,” Sam conceded to my wishes and gestured to the engine we were standing next to, “Check the zincs. If you need to replace ‘em, we’ll have to run down to Joe’s. And just so you know,” he stood at the steps and pointed between me and where Bucky most likely stood above us, “I don’t agree with this.”
I shook my head to shake myself out of the moment as he left me to my work, blissfully hidden from the person I wanted to be with most.
I had never experienced a more uncomfortable day.
For the entire morning and afternoon, it was like switching a light on and off. If Bucky came below deck to fix something, I filed out as quick as I could to work above deck. We didn’t interact more than when we passed each other once in a while, each brush of shoulder sending a jolt of electricity through me. Sam had been no help either, he’d prevented me from making the necessary run to the hardware store or helping Sarah with lunch. He was determined to try and quarantine me and Bucky on the boat, most likely in hopes that my resolve would weaken. No matter how much it was killing me, I kept my distance and my head down as we made repairs in awkward silence.
When the sun began to set over the waters and there was nothing left to be done for the day, I carefully made my way up the stairs and listened for voices. When I heard none close by, I took quick steps across the deck and hopped off the boat onto the dock. I didn’t dare look over my shoulder to see if Bucky, who was stealthy enough to sneak up on anyone, was behind me and kept on my path to the outdoor kitchen area Sarah was closing up.
“Good day?” I asked, grabbing an extra rag to try and get the oil off my hands from working on the engine.
“Better than you,” she retorted, “You’ve had that sour look on your face since you got here.”
“Just,” I sighed and stopped my rigorous rubbing for a second, “Still thinking about everything…”
Stopping her cleaning while I resumed mine, she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and leaned her head against mine. Out of Sam, Melanie, myself and her, Sarah was the most removed from the situation. My dad hadn’t interacted much with the Wilsons, he hadn’t interacted with hardly anyone outside of his family, so Sarah didn’t have many memories with him nor had she fought HYDRA. It was actually nice to be around someone who didn’t have his dirty deeds bouncing around their head like an old school Microsoft screensaver.
“You,” she pressed a kiss to the side of my head, “Are one of the best human beings I know and nothing can change that, not even this.”
Starting the argument that this revelation did in fact change a lot of things would be useless, I knew better than to try and prove Sarah wrong. I simply patted her arm and leaned into her embrace, taking the comfort I could get even if I didn’t necessarily deserve it.
“By the way,” she said as she unwrapped her arms, “Sam invited Bucky to stay the night.”
My stomach dropped, “WHAT?”
“He was gonna go find a hotel room but that’s ridiculous when he can just crash on the couch,” Sarah shrugged, wiping off the counter once again.
“Why?” I pressed my hands to my mouth in a praying position, “Why could you not be an angel who has to help everybody, just this once?”
Sarah turned to face me, placing on hand on her hip, “The guy saved your ass from being killed and ran you to the hospital,” I opened my mouth to ask her how she knew that, she held up a finger to me, “Sam told me all about Riga. It’s the least we can do for him. And don’t even think about running to Mel’s place for the night, you promised the boys you’d take them to school tomorrow morning.”
I stood there, nervously wringing the cloth through my hands as Sarah walked away to finish up another task before night fell. All my efforts to keep away from Bucky were failing and it wasn’t due to anything on my part. How was I supposed to protect him if we were constantly around each other? As I looked out to the deck of the boat, I could see Sam and Bucky had winded up there drinking beers to celebrate their long day of work. It was a scene that only days ago, I could have easily slipped into. I didn’t just miss Bucky, I missed the dynamic the three of us had grown to have. Sam would have pressed a beer into my hand and lightheartedly elbowed me, I’d have settled down next to Bucky whose hand would have naturally drifted to the small of my back…It would have been a perfect end to the day. Instead, I was cursing my father for ever having dipped a toe in HYDRA’s pool, his decision had ruined my life.
I had two vendettas, one with Sam for inviting Bucky to stay and one with my quickly drying throat that begged for water.
Laying in bed with my pillow smashed across my face, I peeked one eye out to check my alarm clock. 1:29AM. I’d laid in the same position for an hour, hoping that sleep took me over and my thirst would die till the morning. The family had been asleep for hours and with the amount of work Sam and him did, Bucky should have been passed out too. If I pulled it off just right, I could sneak downstairs to grab a bottle of water and get out before he ever stirred. Waking an ex-assassin wouldn’t be good for either of us.
I tiptoed out of my room, mindful of the creaking door as I passed AJ and Cass’ bedroom. Once I got to the stairs, I chose a silent approach and used my energy to float my way down the steps. I continued doing so through the kitchen, sneaking a peek over to the couch to see Bucky sound asleep. I opened up the fridge quietly and reached in blindly, feeling around till I hit a bottle and pulling it out. Tucking the bottle under my arm, I placed my hands back at my side and began to let the energy lift me.
“You do know I can hear you, right?”
The familiar voice startled me, causing me to absorb the energy back into my palms quickly. I squeezed my eyes shut in frustration before turning to see Bucky, laying in the same position I’d found him in with his lids still shut.
“Forgot,” I said, hoping he didn’t hear the shake in my voice, “Super soldier.”
Flipping the blanket Sarah had given to him off his body, he swung his long legs off the couch and sat up to face me. It truly wasn’t fair how good he looked even in the middle of the night, the moonlight coming through the windows and highlighting his silhouette. Admiring his profile was the only thing making the uncomfortable silence semi-bearable.
“We need to talk,” he started.
“We really don’t,” I hurriedly replied, starting to rotate my body to flee.
Bucky stood up, the couch creaking in relief as he did, “Yes, we do. You left so fast the other day I couldn’t get two words in.”
“Because you didn’t need to,” I said from my place in the kitchen, “There’s nothing you can say to make any of this better and you shouldn’t. In fact, you should hate me.”
He raised a tired eyebrow, “Hate you?”
“Yes,” I said, a little louder, “Hate me for what my father did to you, hate me for being his daughter. I hate me right now, I don’t understand why you don’t.”
“Because there’s nothing to hate,” Bucky chuckled softly, “You of all people have given me the least to hate.”
“Bucky, of all people you should hate me the most,” I said firmly, setting the forgotten bottle on the counter, “We travel the world all week and then you find out I’m the daughter of the man whose job was to hook you up to machines an-and torture you all day. That’s the man who I drew pictures of and kissed every night before bed and thought was the greatest person to ever walk the fucking planet,” I spread my arms out to accentuate the point, “That man is one of the reasons for all that pain seeping out of you. And guess what? I’m him. I’m literally his flesh and blood! So go ahead, hate me! You have every right to, and it would make this all so much easier if you did.”
“Make what easier? Ignoring each other?” Bucky crossed his arms over his broad chest, “I don’t want to do that.”
I knew he wasn’t going to let it go, I had only one decent shot at ending the conversation and I needed to take it, even if it broke my heart. “Well, it’s what I want,” I picked up the bottle again, trying to pretend I was as confidant in my decision to walk away as my words were.
“That’s a lie and we both know it,” Bucky said, the tiniest smirk appearing on his lips, something I always found cute but now found annoying.
It may have been the biggest lie I’d ever told in my entire life, but it was also truth. I wanted to leave Bucky before he inevitably left me. “No, it’s not,” I said, my voice threatening to tremble as I used it.
“You wanna look me in the eye and tell me that?”
I hadn’t dared to make too much contact with those wild eyes that I’d fallen for, I’d only give in all the quicker and let his grace draw me straight into his arms. He’d called my bluff, knowing that lying to him was easy when I didn’t actually have to see him and that I couldn’t continue the charade if that changed. As I dragged my eyes up to meet his, the tears I’d been fighting back began to come forward. He looked broken and whole at the sight of me, exactly how I felt.
“What do you want me to say, Bucky?” I whispered, my throat closing with emotion.
“I want you to tell me, to my face,” he paused, drawing a shallow breath, “That I’m crazy and that I read every signal wrong.”
It would have been less painful if he’d sucker punched me with his left hand, I’d have actually preferred it. It had taken everything in me to tell just one lie, I couldn’t do it again to either one of us. But I also couldn’t succumb to my feelings.
“Bucky…” I shakily began, clenching my fists at their sides.
“Because you’ve been living in my head pretty much since the minute I met you, and I don’t wanna sweep this week under the rug like it was nothing,” Bucky made a sweeping motion with his hand, “I don’t think I can.”
“Bucky, we can’t…I can’t do that to you.”
“Do what?” he asked confusedly, squinting his eyes as if he couldn’t see the issue.
“I don’t want to hurt you!” I snapped, allowing the tears to break free of their restraints and shed themselves, “There’s going to come a day where every memory of what he put you through is going to be blamed on me and I can’t wait for the day where you wake up and look at me like I’m the monster my father was. I can’t have a little of you, Bucky, and then lose you entirely.”
My cheeks were wet with my guilt, I made no effort to dry them or cease their streams. I stood there on the edge of where the kitchen met the living room staring at the man who held my heart, trying to pry it from his hands to no avail. Bucky looked just as surprised by the revelation as I’d been when it flew from my lips without any opposition from my head.
“What did you say to me in Riga?” he whispered, his voice raising slightly to try and emphasize the point he was about to make, “’I don’t believe that any part of you is capable of me?’ ‘That’s not who you really are?’” he echoed my sentiments from days ago, “You’re not him. If I believed there was any of him in you, I wouldn’t be standing here begging you to stop beating yourself up about this.”
He took a step forward, waiting to see if I walked away but I was too focused on him to think about running. He continued coming forward, “Y/n, I can’t walk away from this like you mean nothing to me. You’re the first person I’ve met that sees me as Bucky Barnes before anything else. I gave you every reason to write me off and you didn’t give up on me,” he paused, swallowing harshly as he stopped in front of me, “When I’m with you, I feel safe for the first time in a long time. There’s never gonna come a day where I stop lookin’ at you like you’re the most important thing in the world to me.”
There were mere inches left between us, the words I had been dying to hear were now mine for the taking and I was too paralyzed with shock to react. Of course he had to come and hit me with my own affirmations, making perfect sense. The side of my mind that believed I didn’t deserve this happiness was screaming that these feelings would fade, that my father’s sins would always be at the forefront of us. The other side that wanted nothing more than to reach out and close the distance between us was telling me to believe him and let myself be cared for, something I’d always believed I was too broken for. And somehow they were both drowned out by the excitement I felt with Bucky in such close proximity, staring down at me with those cerulean pools, infused with the darkness that sent a chill down my spine. There was a palpable change in the air, from emotional to the great and grand something we finally near naming. Every part of me wanted to reach out and take him for for myself, to kiss him and pull him so close that there was no telling where I began and he ended. If there was a chance for me to back out, it was now. I could run to my room, to my car, anywhere that he wasn’t. But at the end of the day, that wasn’t what I wanted. I could either let myself be held captive by crimes I’d never committed, or I could dedicate myself to loving the man who the universe had somehow tied me to long ago.
“Tell me to stop,” Bucky said, his voice hitting that low timbre that made goosebumps break out across my skin.
I couldn’t deny either one of us any longer.
Bucky took a step towards me, his eyes never leaving mine as I backed to accommodate him and his plans. A small gasp left me as my back hit the kitchen wall, my hands reaching back to press against it to try and find purchase on something. There was now only a breath’s width of space left between Bucky and I, our shared air growing more and more heated as we bathed in the anticipation of the moment. His eyes flicked between my y/e/c ones and my lips, looking for any signs of hesitation that didn’t exist. He placed a finger under my chin to tilt my head to his liking, pausing to take in the sight of my tear streaked face in the last seconds before we let loose the storm that had been brewing inside us both. I took the time to admire the wonder on his face, the two of us his newest discovery in a world he had long been asleep to.
He leaned in and our lips finally touched, euphorically.
I found myself unable to move, overwhelmed by the sensation I’d wanted to feel since our dance in Madripoor. Bucky didn’t overstep his bounds, he kept our mouths softly connected as we absorbed each other. When he disconnected our lips, whether to repeat the act or pull away, my body snapped into action and my hands flew to his neck, pulling him back down to me. Our lips didn’t fight for dominance so much as they did try and take in as much of each other as they could. Bucky’s hand slipped from my chin and both fell to my hips, pulling me flush against his body. On his tongue, I could taste the remnants of however many beers he’d shared with Sam, they’d stayed on the boat till the first evening stars started to appear. The scent of him, freshly showered after a long day of work, invaded my senses and spurred me on further, my hands moving to fist the back of his blue henley. With our kisses becoming more fervent, Bucky’s metal arm wrapped around my hips and lifted me so effortlessly, it only made the moment more heated. I wound my legs around his waist and let him carry me to wherever he desired, him easily supporting my weight and never disconnecting our lips as he fell to the couch. My hands snaked up his back to thread themselves through the short brown locks, causing him to pull away with a soft moan before diving back into my mouth. His flesh hand took hold of the back of my head and pushed me further into the kiss, trying to taste as much of me as he could. This. This was what I had been craving since the moment I’d realized I was far more starved of Bucky’s touch than I’d thought I’d been. The delightful friction our bodies created, the pressure of our lips dancing together, the knowledge that I was just as much his as he was mine. No more questioning, no more stolen moments wondering what could have happened if we hadn’t been interrupted. This was whole and perfect and right.
Eventually, the second long breaks we took for became insufficient and we needed to part for longer. Bucky looked gorgeously spent, his half lidded eyes following me, his lips deliciously swollen and his hair messed up from where my hands had been. I smiled as I dragged my hands to his cheek and ran my thumb over his plump lower lip, bringing a lopsided grin to his face. There was a joy I hadn’t seen him express yet and my stomach flipped knowing that I was the one to bring it in him.
“Don’t leave,” he breathed, his chest rising and falling rapidly in the aftermath of our passion, “Please.”
In my palms, I held one of the world’s most deadly men, someone whose reputation had consisted of how ruthless a killer he’d once been. And here he was, warm and soft and begging me not to go.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I whispered, delighting in how his eyes brightened at hearing my words. Contrasting the intensity of the minutes before, I leaned in and brushed my lips against Bucky’s with as little pressure as I could. He chased them the second I pulled away, eliciting a giggle out of me that he swallowed, kissing me so lovingly it almost broke my heart. He inhaled me like I was oxygen and he’d been deprived far too long. It didn’t occur to me that there was a chance I was his first kiss since before he shipped out in the ’40’s.
“I don’t wanna stop,” he mumbled against my lips.
“Then don’t,” I replied, breathing in his soft exhales, “We’ll stay up all night doing this.”
Bucky chuckled, pulling away from my mouth to turn his head and press tender kisses to the palm I’d been cradling his cheek in. He tugged me closer then, my hands winding around his shoulders and his face burying itself in my neck. My laugh at the sensation of his scruff quickly morphed to a moan as he planted drawn out kisses against every inch of the bruises our encounter with Walker in Riga had left me with. I extended my neck to give him better access, feeling his lips twist in a wicked grin as his ministrations caused my breathing to quicken.
“Okay, if you keep doing this,” I gasped, trying to steady my voice, “We’re gonna be up all night doing something else.”
He pecked the column of my neck once more before pulling his head out and facing me, still smiling. I pressed my forehead to his and he nuzzled his nose against mine, still desperate to keep any contact he could.
“I’ve wanted to do this for a while,” Bucky confessed, rubbing his metal hand up and down my back, “Thought about it in Riga, when we were fighting, in the alleyway…”
“Me too,” I agreed, grinning uncontrollably, “But you know why I’m glad it didn’t happen till now?” Bucky hummed questioningly, “Because this is the longest we’ve been together without someone interrupting us.”
Bucky chortled loud enough for me to feel the need to cover his mouth, causing me to laugh myself. I never thought that there would come a day where the two of us would be sitting on my couch in the middle of the night, as lighthearted as could be. This was a slice of heaven after all that we’d been through.
“Do you believe me now when I say my opinion of you is never gonna change?” Bucky asked.
Had he not proven to me that it was true, I wouldn’t have believed it. I’d have punished the both of us for the rest of my life. “As long as you believe me when I say that I know you’ll never hurt me.”
I knew that there was so many layers to his pain, most that I would never understand, but he couldn’t keep a part of himself hidden forever. If we were going to do this, we were going do it wholeheartedly, taking the best and the worst parts of each other. The unlovable would never go unloved as long as we were together.
“Okay,” Bucky sighed, tightening the arm around my waist and bringing the other to my face, “Okay.” He pulled me down to press his lips to each of my cheeks, landing one last one to my mouth.
Our kisses became longer and softer, signaling that though we were both eager to explore this new territory, exhaustion was running the show. We eventually slowed down to where Bucky’s face rested in the juncture where my neck met my shoulder while my head rested against his, one arm wrapped around his shoulders and a hand running through his hair. My lips laid featherlight kisses against his temple every few minutes, taking advantage of the fact that I could do so freely now. I could feel his hot breath hit my skin at such a leisurely pace that if it hadn’t have been for his metal thumb rubbing my waist every once in a while, I’d have thought he’d fallen asleep. Eventually, when my eyelids began to shut against my will, Bucky shifted on the couch to lay both of us down. I settled naturally on top of him, my head against his chest and a hand resting on each of his broad shoulders. Just when I thought in my drowsy haze that nothing could make the moment any more perfect, Bucky pressed a sleepy kiss to the top of my head and tightened his arms around my back, securing my body to his.
This was peace.
This was right.
This was what we deserved.
At the sound of hushed voices and grunts, my eyes slowly opened. I blinked a few times and made out the sight of my nephews, AJ throwing punches and Cass deflecting them with the shield that had laid in the hallway for days. After days spent witnessing some of the worst the world had to offer, this was the purity that I needed to see.
“Bucky…” I whispered, he inhaled sharply as he awoke with one arm slung over my waist and the other hung over the edge of the couch. I tapped his chest and pointed to my nephews, still oblivious to our presence.
“Hey,” Bucky called, his morning voice rougher than it was the rest of the day.
The boys jumped at the sound, Cass shoving the shield back in its case and him and AJ running as soon as it hit the ground with mischievous smiles on their faces. I laughed softly, looking up to see Bucky lazily smiling. I had the best view in the world, close enough to see the lines that drew his grin up, so different from the frowning ones I was so used to seeing. When he tilted his head down and our eyes met, his smile made no effort to lessen itself.
“Morning,” he said, bringing a hand up to stroke the top of my head.
“Morning,” I replied, shimmying up his body and taking hold of his cheeks, our lips meeting in early morning bliss, “We’re in deep shit.”
“Why’s that?” he asked.
“The boys can’t keep a secret to save their lives,” I chuckled, “So you need to enjoy your last day alive because Sam is going to kill you.”
Bucky wrinkled his nose as he laughed, “Thanks for the warning.”
I dropped my head back to his chest, picking up one of his dog tags in my hand and reading his name pressed in the metal. I’d never been a big believer in fate, but as I rubbed a thumb over the necklace I was reminded that Bucky and I should have never met. He should have been long gone by now, Captain America’s childhood friend who met a tragic end before he could see the war won. He wasn’t supposed to be here, warming my body with his and pressing the sweetest kisses I’d ever known to my skin. Our being together defied time itself.
“Seeing them, the boys…” Bucky began, still stroking my hair, “I think I get what you and Sam were talking about back in Maryland.”
I rested my chin on his pec to see him, his gaze focused on the ceiling in deep thought. “Steve giving him the shield…It’s not the same at all.”
I shook my head, sadly, giving confirmation to his revelation. I didn’t begrudge him for not understanding right away, unless you were in Sam’s shoes you could only have so much of an understanding. The unrelenting way that Bucky had pushed him was what had caused me to call him out on several occasions. But if the week we’d had with our confrontation with the police, meeting Isaiah and coming to Delacroix had finally shown him the flaw in his thinking, I was glad.
“I think you should talk to him,” I suggested.
He scoffed, “I think I owe him a lot more than that.
“Well, he’s probably already out on the boat. And I,” I groaned as I sat up, straddling Bucky’s hips, “Promised the boys that I’d take them to school so we both need to get up.”
Bucky made a similar sound as he swung his legs over the couch, pivoting my body so that we were in a similar position we’d been in in the middle of the night. He took my face in his hand and gave a kiss so long, I knew I’d feel the ghost of his lips until the next time I was able to feel the real thing. To think just hours before I’d been hellbent on convincing him that we couldn’t allow ourselves to act on our feelings. Here I was now struggling to let go of him to spend an hour apart at most.
The giggling on the other side of the wall broke the spell though.
Bucky and I broke apart with a shared smile. “See you in a bit,” I whispered, pressing my hands to his chest and pushing off of him to disappear around the corner.
After dressing for the day, I corralled the boys into my car. I could practically hear their predictable thoughts and feel their eyes boring into the back of my head as I shut my door. “There’s donuts with both your names on them if you promise not to tell Uncle Sam what you saw this morning.”
A resounding chorus of enthusiastic ‘okays’ reminded me that I was the best aunt in the world who made the worst parenting decisions.
By nothing short of a miracle, Bucky was still alive when I returned.
We worked on the boat with familiar stolen glances and secret smirks when Sam had his back turned. At some point Sarah kicked the two of them off the boat for attempting to repair the water pump, something she’d been repairing and Bucky and I were forced to separate. As the two men departed the dock, he turned around to catch one last look at me and flashed the smile I’d seen more of in the last twelve hours than I had all week.
“You wanna tell me what changed from last night?” Sarah’s voice broke me out of the daze I was in.
“You’ve been staring at that man with googly eyes all day,” she climbed aboard the boat, “You’re also lucky that our brother is clueless.”
I rolled my eyes and bumped my hip against hers, “Freakin’ mom vision, can’t get anything past you.”
“I’m just glad you got out of your own way, he seems like a good guy,” Sarah smiled, “He’s also fine as hell, if you haven’t noticed. If you wouldn’t have gone for it, I might have.”
Our loud laughter mixed together as I whacked her with the towel I’d been using to clean an oil stain off of the boat.
Later that day, after finishing helping my sister with a few repairs we could get done without interruptions from Sam and Bucky, I wandered to our backyard to behold a sight I never thought I’d see. Sam was throwing the shield around while Bucky stood beside him. I stopped at the side of the house to watch, the Vibranium bouncing off of training pads from our garage that were strapped to the tree. Since Sam had brought the shield home six months ago, I’d never seen him do more than pick it up and look at it every once in a while. He’d kept it stored away in his bedroom in its casing, AJ and Cass hadn’t even seen it until he’d left it in the hall after returning from Maryland. To see him wielding it now felt…right. He looked just as natural with it as Steve had. Bucky had made a 180 as well, he looked content watching Sam as he caught the shield in its return journey back to them. If I hadn’t watched them bicker like schoolchildren for the better portion of the week, I’d have mistaken them for friends.
“Are you telling me that you two could’ve man-hugged it out back in that interrogation room?” I shouted as I watched them clasp hands and pull each other in, “Coulda spared yourselves a lot of discomfort.”
They both laughed and turned to face me, in an effort to save time as I made my way out to where they stood. “So what’s new?” I asked with a knowing smile, eyeing Sam as he held the shield at his side
“Absolutely nothing,” he replied, “And a little bit of everything.”
I chuckled before my eyes inevitably found Bucky’s, who was already waiting for me with an outstretched palm. “Can I talk to you a minute?”
“Yeah,” I reached out and intwined our fingers.
“Whoa! Wait, wait, wait,” Sam boomed, gesturing to our locked hands, “What the hell is this?”
“Something new,” I shrugged, looking up and matching Bucky’s smile.
Sam groaned in disgust, “You’ve been here twenty four hours, Barnes, you couldn’t’ve kept your hands off my sister? I-I can’t even look at this, it’s sickening, ugh…” he turned his back to us and began his walk back to the house, spinning around quickly and stuttering, “You know what? I-“ he closed his mouth and shook his head, “Uh-uh, nope, can’t do it.”
Bucky and I both snorted as we watched him leave, voicing his displeasure to himself. I looked down and noticed the packed duffle bag that rested at Bucky’s feet, “I get the feeling there’s something you need to tell me?”
He sighed, reaching blindly to weave his fingers with my other hand’s set. “There’s something I gotta go do. A couple somethings actually. I talked to Sam, or at least he talked to me,” one corner of his mouth quirked up, “This whole making amends thing, I haven’t been doing the greatest job of it. There’s too many names in that book that don’t have closure about what happened to someone they loved. If I stand a chance at putting what happened in the past, I gotta go ‘do the work’.”
I rubbed my thumb over his smooth metal knuckle, staring down at the space between us. “Yeah, you do,” I looked up at him, “Recovery sucks, there’s no sophisticated way of putting it. Sam and I have both seen the ugly side of it. But you owe it to yourself to work as hard as you can for your freedom, as difficult as it can be sometimes.”
Bucky leaned down to press his forehead against mine. “If it hadn’t’ve been for you, I might not have believed that. I wanna get better for you too, to try and be the man you deserve.”
I hummed and bit down on my bottom lip, smiling widely. “So…you kinda like me.”
“Yeah,” Bucky chuckled softly, “Just a little bit.”
The warmth I felt radiating through me, brought on by nothing more than a touch of our hands and a shared smile powered me in a way my energy never could. “Go,” I said after a few seconds of silence, “Do whatever you need to do. I think there’s some things here that I need to take care of myself.”
Bucky pulled back to look my face over as if to commit every inch to his memory before holding the back of my head and pressing a kiss to my lips. Perhaps it was cruel that I had just gotten him and now had to let him go for an undetermined period of time. But his recovery meant more to me than any amount of heart pounding touches or earth shattering kisses he could give. If we ever had a shot of making it, we needed to go to our separate corners and heal.
I hesitantly broke away from his lips first, rubbing mine together after to memorize the taste he’d left. “If I don’t let you go now, I won’t be able to…”
“It won’t be forever,” he shook his head, bumping his nose against mine, “Sam’s gonna call me if he gets a lead on Karli.”
Rather than keep him longer with my insecurities about jumping back into hero work now knowing who my father had truly been, I decided that dealing with that was for my personal healing.
I reached my arms up to wind around his neck, his finding their new home around my waist and for a split second in time, nothing else mattered. There was just me, Bucky and the future I hoped we had ahead of us. I memorized the feel of him, the rise and fall of his chest against mine, his soft hair between my fingers, the scratch of his stubble against my neck. I hadn’t had time to daydream about Bucky since recognizing my feelings for him but even if I had, they’d have never done the real thing near justice.
“Stay safe, Sergeant,” I said, pulling back to peck his lips one last time and releasing him from my hold.
Bucky picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder, giving my hand one more squeeze and holding it as he started to walk backwards. Once we reached a point where the only way to keep the contact was to follow him, we let go with a brush of our fingers till I was only holding air. With a final shared look, he turned his back to me and started down the dirt path that would lead him from our corner of Louisiana to the rest of the world. In so many ways I felt as if we’d traveled back to 1943 when he’d shipped out for England. I was sending him off to another war, this time battling his own past. Above any other feeling I felt for Bucky, the one that topped the list was belief. I believed in him more than he believed in himself and I wanted that to change. He could do it and once he did, there was no telling just how happy we could be.
But I in turn had to deal with my own demons.
While I wish I could have said I had a plan like Bucky’s, I had no idea what the first step was to healing past what my father had done.
HYDRA wasn’t a topic that I could just plop down on a therapist’s couch and start discussing, there were only so many people I could talk to about it. I found myself wishing that Steve was still around, next to Bucky he was the world’s leading expert on how much damage the organization could do. Without a blueprint of how to begin mending my wounds, I was left to wallow in my own grief over the man I’d believed my dad to be.
Sam, however, was on fire.
After him, Sarah and I had made the unanimous decision that the boat was too important to our family to part with, he had launched into the most intense training I’d ever seen him put himself through. He was both blowing me away and not surprising me at all with his dedication.
One morning, I came outside at his normal time to come home from his 6AM run with a cup of coffee for me and a Gatorade for him. On cue, he came jogging up the dirt path I’d watched Bucky leave on days ago.
“You’re inhuman,” I said, tossing him the drink as he approached, “I’m convinced of it.”
“It’s nothin’ you couldn’t be doing,” he panted.
“Yeah, I can run with you or I can get up before sunrise. A combo deal is not gonna happen,” I chortled before taking a sip of my coffee.
Sam joined me and sat down beside me on our back porch, the view of the blue waters a perfect accent to the almost fully risen sun. “Look, I don’t wanna know any details but…you and Bucky?”
I smiled as I stared down into my mug, just the thought of him causing happiness to bloom in my chest. “It was kinda happening the whole time, it just took us a while to realize it.”
Sam groaned, taking a long swig of his drink. “That’s all I need to know, as long as you both are happy and not too disgusting with each other,” he looked out the corner of his eyes at me, “I think I can live with it.”
“Well, that’s mighty big of you,” I patted his sweaty shoulder, instantly regretting the decision and wiping my palm on my bathrobe, “That shield starting to feel like it’s yours?”
Sam chuckled, “It doesn’t feel like it’s not mine anymore, it’s…weird. Talking with Isaiah was sobering and he’s allowed to be as bitter as he wants. The man’s earned to right to feel anything after what he’s been through. But,” he sighed, “I couldn’t let it go. All that pain and suffering, I can’t let it go to waste.”
“You couldn’t not be a hero even if you tried,” I shook my head in amazement, beaming with pride at my brother, “I’m proud of you.”
“Hey, that’s my line,” he hit my knee with the back of his hand, “I’ve got Torres working on some things, hopefully we can figure out where Karli might be going next-“
I couldn’t lead both him and Bucky to believe I was seriously considering going back to the fight. “I’m gonna stop you right there,” I held up a hand, “When you find them, it’s gonna be just you and Bucky. I’m out.”
He furrowed his brows and twisted to face me fully, “Why?”
“I can’t be the hero I thought I could, not after what I found out. It would only be a matter of time till somebody looked me up and figured out who my father was, then what? Some ex-HYDRA member comes looking for me? The public loses trust in me to protect them? Your reputation gets damaged when they realize I’m your sister?” I dropped my head down to stare at my lap, “It’s a bad idea. HYDRA doesn’t breed heroes.”
A beat of silence was played before my brother gave his rebuttal. “Look at me,” I dragged my eyes away from my engrossing coffee to him, “I couldn’t give two shits what people think about you being my sister, cause you know what? They don’t know you. They don’t know what you’ve done to try and stop the Flag Smashers, how you saved my life in that warehouse or how you helped keep our family going for five years. They don’t know how stubborn and caring and how much of a hero you are without your powers,” he paused and smirked at me, “And they’re never gonna know that if you don’t show them. What your dad did was horrible, but you’re not the one that did it. If you didn’t let his secret hold you back from being with Bucky, why’re you letting it hold you back from something else you want? You don’t need to be proud of being his daughter, but you need to make peace with it.”
He was right, as if he could ever be anything other than. Sam was counseling me like a sister but also like one of the countless veterans he’d helped wracked with guilt. I didn’t know if I’d ever fully recover from the hurt that came with the revelation, but if I kept on going how I was, I’d be a complete hypocrite. If Bucky could face the victims of his crimes and confess to them, I should’ve been able to deal with my ghosts. All I’d ever wanted to do was help people, to use that mutated gene of mine to help right wrongs. To do that, I needed to do the work.
“This is a far cry from a few days ago when you were ready to send me packing,” I retorted.
“Well,” Sam chuckled, “You proved me wrong. Fighting with you by my side just felt right, made me wish you could’ve been there for ‘em all.”
The fact that I had shown him that I could keep up with him was astounding, I honestly didn’t think it would ever happen. But with his approval, I’d have to have been an idiot to walk away from it all.
“Good talk,” I smiled, patting his leg while taking one last sip of my coffee before handing it to him.
“Where are you going?” Sam asked.
“Making peace with it.”
The drive from Delacroix to New Orleans had always relaxed me. The disappearance of the deep bayous as the scenery slowly changed to city, the ever present cypress trees, the hour travel time always gave me time to think. Something I was thankful for today especially.
I parked my car outside my destination, making the long trek through the cemetery I’d visited every week as a child. My feet automatically as I passed the neat rows of above ground tombs until I reached where I needed to be.
Keeping a safe distance away, I stuffed my hands in my jacket pockets and took a deep breath. “Hi,” I whispered, greeting my father’s tomb as if I expected it to speak back to me. “Um…I don’t know if you can hear me wherever you are but…there’s some things I need to talk to you about.”
My eyes began to water, partially from the wind hitting my face but mostly from the tears that had been waiting to spring free. “Why’d you do it, Dad?” I whispered against the lump in my throat, “I don’t understand how you could ever have been a part of something so destructive. You were the last person I would have ever believed could have done something like this. You were my hero,” I looked down at the ground between us, “I never thought you’d end up being the villain.”
I drew a shaky breath and continued, “I watched your guilt over your ‘time in the service’ tear you apart to a point where you thought death was the only way out so…I think it’s safe to assume you felt bad about what you’d done. I watched you every day try to be a good father to me and Mel, you didn’t succeed all the time but you did your best. I know you loved us…”
“Somehow,” I dug the heel of my sneaker into my the dirt, “I’m trying to find it in me to forgive you, Dad. For the pain your secret’s brought me, for what your name could do to the rest of my life, for lying…But the one thing I don’t know how to forgive you for is what you did to Bucky,” the tears that I’d finally gotten under control threatened to start again, “Because Dad, he means the world to me and to know that you were behind that pain that’s running his life…It makes me want to hate you. And the saddest part is that I know you would have loved him if you’d ever gotten a chance to meet the real him.”
“The way I see it, I can’t undo the damage you did to the world,” my voice found its strength, “But what you did isn’t going to dictate what I do with my life. I’ve only ever wanted to do good, however I can, that’s what I’m going to do. I know that you wanted me to keep my powers hidden, probably because you didn’t want anyone to find me, but I can’t do that anymore. I can’t pay the price for your sins. So I’m gonna fight and I’m gonna try to rewrite our family’s legacy.”
“Anyway, that’s, uh, that’s all I wanted to say,” I took a slow step forward and placed a hand over the stone tomb, “I wish…I wish things would have turned out different.”
With one last gaze upon my father’s final resting place, I left the same way I’d come, for once not having to fake the confidence I was feeling.
“Oh, oh, it’s going…” I teased.
“Give it back!” Sam yelled!
I levitated the shield further away from Sam and slid it across the ground into the boy’s soccer net, AJ and Cass chasing me as I did. I’d only just shown them that their aunt could make stuff fly and we were currently engaged in an intense game of keep away with Sam.
“AJ! Grab it!” I yelled, my nephew hurrying to the net and lifting the shield, stumbling a little as he took off running with it on his arm. I threw up a force field around Sam, who was gaining on him, “Oh no!”
Sam was laughing the whole time as he tried to punch his way out of the bubble encasing him. “Go go go!” I cried, watching the boys run off with the shield into the house, dropping the field once they were inside.
“You’re the worst influence on them, you know that right?” Sam chuckled as we slowly made our way towards the front door.
“Hey, I don’t want them thinking their uncle’s the only cool one in the family,” I replied as we entered the house, pulling out my phone to check the notifications I’d feel vibrating in my back pocket. One was a news alert. “Sam.”
I tossed him my phone and hurried through the house till I reached the television, flipping to the news to see the article come to life. The GRC was voting in New York on the Patch Act, a movement that would move twenty million refugees back to their home country.
“Shit,” I mumbled, feeling Sam’s presence behind me. His phone rang to announce a call.
“It’s Torres,” he held out the phone and revealed the man’s face.
“Sorry this took so long, spare you the technical details, but I finally got results for the scans you asked for and I think we’re onto something,” Torres explained as Sam and I went to look at his computer, displaying a map of Europe that lit up with bright red circles. “When we look back, all these pings, they’re from places just before the Flag Smashers hit. Clearly, they’re all over Europe. Earlier today, we got one from New York. Now, I can’t promise you they’re not using a VPN or masking their location, but…”
I’d stopped listening after he’d said ‘New York,’ and turned my attention to the tv, every piece of the puzzle was coming together. Karli wouldn’t be physically able to hold herself back from interfering with the vote.
“Great work, Joaquin,” Sam said, his eyes trained on the screen along with me, “We’ll take it from here,” he hung up the call and turned to me, “Time to get to work. Come with me.”
He rose from his chair and led me to the coat closet nearest to the front door, opening it up to pull out a large silver case and handing it to me. “I don’t know what’s in it, Bucky just told me to hold onto it until the time came where you’d need it,” Sam stated, “I’m thinking that’s now.”
Confusedly, I carried it out and up to my bedroom, placing it on my mattress and trying to figure out how to open it. There was no keyhole, only a bar that hosted a red screen. My finger brushed over it, the action turning it blue and the case automatically released an air lock I didn’t know it had. Waiting a few seconds to make sure nothing popped out, I carefully opened the box to see something I couldn’t have predicted in a million years. Resting on top of the surprise was a note on the nicest stationary I’d ever seen…
You may be able to kick my ass, but I’m never gonna stop trying to protect you.
I breathed a soft laugh, holding the paper in my hand and imagining Bucky hunched over a table, writing the words that were now lodged in my heart. “Sam,” I called out, leaving the case open and rushing across the hall to my brother’s room, “Sam, it’s-“
All words disappeared and all thoughts halted at the sight of him opening up his own case, I didn’t need to see its contents to make an educated guess at what was inside of it. There were a dozen emotions playing out on Sam’s face, wonder, apprehension, excitement, shock…Every one of them valid but none of them coming close to the amount of pure determination in his eyes.
I watched from the doorway, smiling, “Ready when you are, Cap.”
A/N: AHHH. Only two chapters left, hope this one lived up to your expectations. Getting your messages and comments and asks have been making my days and I’m so glad people are enjoying this little ride I’m taking us all on. Let me know what you thought and/or if you’d like to be tagged for the remainder of the series!
Safe Haven taglist: @tanyaherondale @wanniiieeee @asoftie4bucky @edencherries @i-reblog-fics-i-like @ttalisa @gcfty @withyoutilltheendofthismess @rinaispunk @weirdowithnobeardo @felicityofbakerstreet @godlyhufflepuff @eternalharry @voguesir @mizz-kraziii @okayline @smellmymisunderstoodfluff @wanderin-stories @nicklet94 @intricate-melody @aesthethickks @stumbleonmywords @simplybarnes @21bruhs @lostinwonderland314 @superbookishhufflepuff @kaelyn-lobrutto24 @zozebos @fandomxreaders @kittengirl998 @sarai-ibn-la-ahad @i-know-i-can @x-judyjude-x @thebi-valkyrieofvalhalla @buckverse @living-that-best-life @haphazardhufflepuff @citlalireedus @lindseyrae20 @missstef23 @qhbr2013 @sebby-stann @bluemoon-icecream @iixbella @lets-love-little-me @abitofeverythinggg @itsnottilly @sltwins @mads-weasley @hart-failure @natdrunk @nctma15
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🛡 marvel masterlist
you were on the ceiling! (nO i WaSn’T!)
a reenactment of the scene where ned finds out about spider-man, with you in it.
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here's Parts 1 and 2
A/N: Not much to say :) Oh wait other than the language Zemo speaks will be Slovak. It is the closest I found in researching to what Sokovian would sound like so just wanted y'all to know. I'll put definitions up at the top :) Also, y'all might get Part 4 tonight I'm on a roll right now :)
Warnings: mentions of PTSD, failed marriage/cheating/divorce, death of family members
môj drahý: my dear
It wasn't as hard as she thought to open up to him. He didn't mock her, or even blame her for what happened. He just sat and listened, nodding his head in understanding so often. He was the first person she had told about what had happened, and even though it still stung, it felt nice to finally vocalize what happened.
Plus it got Zemo to open up more.
He lost his father, wife, and son when Sokovia was destroyed, finding their bodies days later. He was apart of Sokovian royalty and in the intelligence, that Y/N started to realize that no wonder this guy was so bitter. He was hurt. She couldn't excuse many of his actions, but it was clear to see his motives. He had a life of luxury and a family, ripped away from him.
But Y/N had to think on her own for a moment. Sam wanted her to figure out what he wanted. She had to look past his trauma to see what his plans were.
"Sam, he said we have to go to Madripoor. Something about a Doctor, and a power-whatever-he said something about a serum and i'm not sure but it has something to do with those Flag Smashers"
"What even is all that, Y/N? Is he messing with us or something? And he said we? Like you?"
"Yeah I guess, I filled Barnes in and he's trying to get more out of him-I think I was able to crack the surface but Sam, I feel like more is going on."
"Its alright Y/N, Barnes and I will discuss it more after he's done talking/ Thanks for all the help."
Sam and Barnes needed some privacy in the kitchen to discuss what they found out. Apparently there was an island where a bunch of criminals hung out that was controlled by someone called the "Powerbroker". Y/N tried to listen through the door, but was stuck making sure Zemo wasn't going to escape.
"Could you at least put on some music. Its awfully quite in here." the man said, sitting on a corner of the bed.
"Shut up" Y/N whispered, ear pressed against the door
"I've told you everything they're talking about. There's not much else to know."
"I'm trying to listen in if they come up with a plan."
"They don't have their own plan. They're using mine."
"Yeah, when hell freezes over."
He was getting annoying.
"Môj drahý, do you want to hear it or not?" he sighed
"Fine" she gave up.
taglist: @zizzlekwum @viviace
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Part 2, part one is here
A/N: Thank y'all so much for all the positivity on Part 1! :) Tag list will be below for all of those who asked to be on it. If you want to be added to the tag list for future parts feel free to let me know :) This series could potentially be a longer one. Also, no hate to "Marks" I just chose a random name! BTW writing Part 3 immediately after so it should be up soon after I post this one. I just felt like this had a nice stopping point to work with. It hasn't reached romance yet but don't worry we're getting there! By the way, someone sent me an ask to be on the taglist and I'm so sorry but I lost your username, so if you were the person and you see your'e not on the taglist, just let me know :) thanks!
Warnings: Mentions of PTSD, failed marriage/cheating/divorce
Generally fluff, some angst
Y/N sat across from the well-dressed man. Both forces staring deeply at each other, trying to read one another's pasts through their eyes. It was a contest of who would speak first, neither wanting to give up the staring, until finally the man let out a small laugh.
"Your'e eyes look just like hers...well just as stubborn."
"Who's eyes?" Y/N asked
"My wife's. She always stared me down like that when I'd take our son to go play in the rain, or when I'd beat her to the coffee pot in the morning." he reminisced
He was opening up.
"What were their names?"
"Heike. Heike and Carl." he said as he gave a sad smile
But before the woman could talk more to him, she was caught off-guard by what he said next:
"What was his name?" he asked, motioning his head toward the box filled with picture frames she wanted to forget
They were her wedding pictures.
She had married a year after the Blip. After losing both her parents her and her then-boyfriend decided to tie the knot at the same church her parents were married. It was a small ceremony, but looking back, it was a shit show. The dress was picked out by him, and her bridesmaids were all his sister's "friends" (and all were his past flings). His parents were stuck up, and she felt like a charity case; the bride with no parents and a therapy job. A year into their marriage she cam home with groceries to make his favorite meal: his mom's recipe for spaghetti, when she walked in on him cheating on her with, of course, one of the bridesmaids. The girl was nice, but the two had been having an affair since a week before the wedding. In a short amount of time a divorce followed, and three weeks after that he was engaged again and a soon-to-be father.
"His name was Mark."
"Is he travelling" the man said with a smirk
He knew damn well he wasn't.
But Y/N realized that to manipulate the manipulator, she had to sob story her way through him.
The two could definitely connect through shared sadness: losses of marriage, and the loss of parents. But with both of their backgrounds in reading people and utilizing empathy, this was the best shot Y/N had at getting him to open up about why he was doing what he was doing.
Sam was gonna pay for this.
taglist: @zizzlekwum @viviace
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Light of Love: Chapter 6
Fire Captain/Single dad Steve Rogers still mourns the death of his wife, Peggy. Their 5 year old son, James, a constant reminder of what once was. A chance encounter with former girlfriend Y/N might just change everything- now married to Detective Brock Rumlow, and desperately unhappy, can the two mend each others broken pieces, or will their fractured past tear them apart once more?
Title taken by the song of the same name by Florence + the Machine
Swearing, Violence, themes of domestic violence, themes of sexual assault, mentions of a miscarriage, pregnancy/labour, cheating, but also not?? smut in later parts, fluff, hurt & comfort, angst @ its finest, minor character death, slow burn with a fractured past, so some past fluff?? steve is kind of a dickhead, but peggy is worse. nat is a good friend, and bucky the best. oh, and brock is DEFINITELY the worst
Chapter warnings; threat, angst, swearing, allusions to abuse
“Steve?” Y/N looked up shocked; her eyes wide and frightful as she stared at the man in front of her; Steve’s expression softening as he looked at her- his chest tightening with the familiar warmth he had whenever she was near, one that had never been replicated with anybody else- a warmth he was sure would only ever be reserved for her.
Y/N sank behind the officers in front her as the passed, trying to make herself as small as possible; eyes flickering around the room for an escape exit, listening as the station buzzed with commotion. She realised quickly that there was no way out- Brock’s words from earlier that day ringing in her ears, 'You keep your fucking head down. You don’t speak to him or any of those fucking cunts you call friends, do you hear me? That part of your life is gone- it’s dead; and you’ll find yourself and anybody else tied up to your pathetic little past in the same position if you disobey that. Do you hear me, sweetheart.”
Y/N’s nerves only began to increase as the crowd continued to part, she felt more visible now than she ever had- her eyes locking with Steve’s once again before she spoke,
“Steve- what are you- why are you here, I-“
“I came to drop off the report, hey, Bucky is here, do you- d’you wanna see him? I’m sure he’d love to-“
“No.” Y/N interjected, voice raised in alarm as she continued to think over Brock’s words, her voice returning to its normal tone as she spoke again, “I’ve got some paperwork to deal with- I can’t-“
“Y/N?” Bucky’s voice sounded from behind Steve; his body turning to look at him as Y/N stared ahead; eyes wide in uncertain fear as she watched Brock leave his office from behind them; his gaze boring into hers as she shuffled past both Steve and Bucky.
Bucky reached out to take her arm, a soft grip at the fabric of her jacket; both Steve and Bucky noting the way she flinched ever so slightly, “Doll? Hey, it’s me,” Bucky smiled sadly; the smile not reaching his eyes as he stared solemnly at his former best friend, “Y/N? Doll-“
Y/N snatched her arm from his grip; swallowing as her heart began to pound; she couldn’t put either of them at risk- for she knew the implications of her actions well,
“I can’t stop and talk, Buck. Not now. It was nice to see you, but I really have to go.” She whispered, eyes filling with tears once more as she stole a glance at Steve; heart clenching painfully as she mourned the life she once had.
Steve faltered in his step; his eyes boring into Y/N as he locked eyes with hers again for only the second time in five years; memories of the last time they spoke filtering through his mind; memories of the tender yet guarded goodbye shared before she parted- secrets kept hidden away under lock and key; never to be shared, for the consequences would be too heavy to bare.
“I’ll see you around,” Y/N mused; fingers wiping away the onset of tears quickly before she turned. Her pace slow; nervous as she walked towards Brock. Tears began to fall as Y/N tried desperately not to look at him, flinching as his fingers came to grip her chin, forcing her eyes to meet his, a forced kissed pressed to lips; the grip on her chin bruising,
Steve stood rigid; muscles tight as he watched the exchange- his chest tightening as he looked at the expression on Y/N’s face. The bright spark she once held now almost completely dimmed as she forced a smile towards Brock, body slipping past his as she darted into his office. Brock turned to face Steve, a smug smile covering his face as he brushed a thumb over his lips before he followed Y/N into the office.
Steve turned; stalking towards the exit as he pushed the doors open, breathing in the fresh air as his nostrils began to flare; Bucky following him as both their angers began to spike,
“I’ll kill him.” Steve murmured,
Bucky ignored the statement; his own anger bubbling beneath the surface at the exchange he had just watched; the sparkle behind his best friend’s eyes dimming as she fell suit to the conformities of her new life- scared and vulnerable in the depths of waters she had no chance at swimming in.
“What did he mean back there, Steve? Why aren’t you in a position to be making threats, punk?” Bucky asked, hand clamping over his shoulder.
Steve only sighed, “Didn’t mean a damn think, Buck. Just an empty threat.”
“You’re a shit liar, Steve, you know that?”
Steve too ignored the statement; his mind whirring with an onslaught of thoughts,
“He ever touches her like that again, an’ I’ll kill him. She’s too far gone, Buck. And I don’t know if I can get her back this time.”
Bucky nodded, tugging Steve around to face him before speaking, “The lights almost completely gone Steve, but we’re with her, right? Until the end of the line- you can fix it. We gotta bring her back.”
“I never wanted to let her go Buck- but I promise you, I didn’t have a choice. I didn’t have a god damned choice.”
“But you’ve got a choice now, pal. It’s about time you made the right one-“
“Only thing I’ve ever done right in my life is love her, pal.”
Through heartache and pain, Y/N and Steve had tuck together. Through laughter and light, they had been together; never one without the other, always seemingly stuck by each other’s side; laughing together when they were happy until their cheeks burned and bellies ached. Crying together when tragedy and sadness struck; arms encircling one another, desperate for the need of one another’s warmth. They’d been angry at each other too; raised voices, eyes ablaze, hands shaking and bodies trembling as the volatility took hold.
By age sixteen, Steve had decided that facing the motions of life with Y/N was something he enjoyed- he realised that he couldn’t face the thought of facing life without her; it dawned on him suddenly, crashing into him like a tidal wave, and suddenly the thought of her not being a constant part of his life scared him entirely.
“Buck? you seen Y/N anywhere?” Steve asked Bucky as he passed by,
“Her and Nat have run off together somewhere,” Bucky replied, “Why? Something up, punk?”
Steve sighed, eyes lolling closed for a brief second before he blew out a breath, “think I love her,”
Bucky laughed, hand clapping down on Steve’s back as he spoke, “We all know that, pal. Go tell her before that new boy at school does. Done nothing but give her the eyes for the last few weeks.” Bucky taunted lightly,
Steve growled, pulling on his coat as he darted out the door, not caring as it slammed shut behind him; nor did he care as Winnie wrenched it back open seconds later to scream after him,
“HOW MANY MORE TIMES? DON’T GO SLAMMING MY BLOODY DOOR!”
“SORRY WINNIE!” He hollered back.
Bucky chuckled in amusement as his Mom sauntered back through to the sitting room, muttering a string of curses under her breath as she did,
“What in the bloody hell could be so important that he left running like a bull in a bloody china shop?”
Bucky smiled, “Gonna go and tell Y/N that he loves her, Mom.”
Winnie let out a sigh of relief, a smile adorning her features as she laughed lightly, pulling Bucky into a hug as she did, “bout bloody time.”
Steve ventured down by the lake, knowing that Y/N and Nat would have stolen a bottle of rum from Nat’s dad, and that by hiding down by the lake they were convinced nobody could see them, (they were wrong, but nobody wanted to burst the bubble of teenage rebellion for them).
Steve crept up behind them both, coming to stand a tree as he heard Nat speak up,
“When are you two gonna stop dancing around each other and admit that you’re in love? Because if you don’t, I might have to kick it out of the pair of you,”
Y/N giggled, “Natalia, the tone you used just then was just like your Mother, you know that? And you know Steve doesn’t like me, like that.”
Nat rolled her eyes, taking the bottle of rum form Y/N before taking a swig, arms bending so she could lean back, “You’re so fucking blind,”
Steve took the moment to make his presence known, whistling once before walking towards the two girls. Y/N smiled, coming to stand before flinging herself at him, laughing as she did,
“Hi, Stevie” She whispered, eyes sparkling in complete adoration for the boy in front of her. Steve clung to her, nose coming to settle against her head as he smelt her hair.
Nat gagged dramatically behind them, standing with the half empty bottle of rum before circling up next to them. Steve rolled his eyes, pulling Y/N into his side as she laughed,
“Don’t mind me,” Nat exhaled, “I’m going back home, the thought of watching you two is making me nauseous.”
Y/N blushed; her full face turning a bright colour of crimson as she hid her face behind her hair, watching as Nat left. Steve only snorted, turning back round to face Y/N, smiling lightly as he saw her blush.
“You know I heard what Nat said,” Steve whispered, blushing too as he spoke,
Y/N’s head snapped up, lips smacking together, heart pounding, “You just gotta ignore her, Stevie, you know what she’s like-“
Steve began to shake his head, “What if she’s right though? What if I do- What if we love each other and we’re both being stupid and not saying anything because we’re scared.”
Y/N blinked up at him, head tilting as she spoke, “Steve, wha-“
“I love you.” Steve stated, smile covering his face as he said it,
Y/N looked up at him in complete awe; eyes swimming in a mixture of surprise and pure adoration, “I love you too,” she whispered.
Suddenly they were both aware of just how close they were; the air seemingly changing- Steve’s eyes travelled down to Y/N’s lips, watching as she pulled the bottom lip between her teeth; his head leaning down to capture her lips, both smiling into the kiss as their lips met, the pair pulling away as a shout broke out,
“I FUCKING KNEW IT!”
Steve groaned, moving away from Y/N before running in the direction of the voice,
“NATALIA, THATS RIGHT- RUN, GO ON-“
“STEVIE AND Y/N, SITTING IN A TREE-“
Y/N watched on amused as Steve chased after Nat; finger tips coming up to brush over her lips; the kiss still burning. She smiled. Steve loved her; she loved him, and she was sure she always would. Through thick and thin, and everything in between; no matter the time or place, or the distance in-between . Forever.
Will Steve do the right thing, or will the right thing only backfire? What are we all thinking?!
@frickin-bats @chrisevansgirl34 @living-that-best-life @sarbear94 @alexrodriguez1269 @lharrietg @lou-la-lou @pspice639 @redhairedfeistynerd @givenches @gasly-kvyat @tonystankschild @austynparksandpizza @mypassionsarenysins @jade10077 @partypoison-00 @meagan-ortiz @fallenoutofrose @jesuswasnotawhiteman
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soulmate au where when you touch your soulmate you see glimpses of your future with them; the winter soldier touches you and realizes there’s so much more out there
series masterlist // previous // next
word count: 3.3k (worth it me thinks)
a/n: hi bffs !! here is part two to touch !! i hope u guys enjoy !! might make a part 3 if you guys want ?!? let me know what u guys think !!
You stared at the clunky metal cuffs on your hands, silent as the four of you were squished together along with two agents. Tears staining your cheeks, you had stopped crying as soon as the agents had cuffed you, turning on a steely exterior.
“i knew him” Steve spoke, you were all silent as he stared at the floor, “he looked right at me like he didn’t even know me” his voice distant.
“that was over 70 years ago how is that possible?” Sam spoke, looking at you and then at Steve.
“Zola, Buckys whole unit was captured in 43” Steve explained, his gaze hardening, “Zola experimented on him, whatever he did helped Bucky survive the fall” his voice softening.
“they must have found him and-” Steve’s voice was tender as he trailed off.
“none of that’s your fault steve” Natasha groaned, bleeding through the bandage you had put on her.
You looked over at her and frowned, “we need to get a doctor in here, she’s lost a lot of blood if we don’t put pressure on that wound” you turned, looking at one of guards next to you.
You flinched as they turned on the taser, scooting back closer to steve. Your eyes widened as they knocked out the other agent, taking off their helmet only to reveal Maria Hill. You smiled softly.
“that thing was squeezing my brain- who’s this guy?” She spoke, staring at sam.
After breaking out of the cuffs and escaping the truck the five of you headed to some secret base, you were quiet as they chatted among each other, thoughts of bucky clouding your mind.
“y/n, why- what happened?” Steve spoke gently, falling into step with you.
You looked at him, slowing down a little bit. “It was him steve” you whispered, voice shaking. Steve stopped completely, grabbing your wrist and pulling you away from the group.
“what- i thought- are you sure?” He rushed out, breathless.
“i saw us, together” you managed out, a tears falling from your eyes, “it was our future,” you looked at Steve, wiping your eyes before continuing to walk forward.
“y/n we have to talk about this” Steve rushed next to you and you nodded, he opened his mouth but you stopped him as you approached sam, Maria and natasha.
“not now, please” you pleaded and he nodded, holding your hand and squeezing it softly.
“She’ll want to see him first” Maria spoke, a smirk on her face as you all looked at each other in confusion, following her as she pushed some plastic curtains out of the way.
Your stomach fell and a smile found it’s way onto your face, “son of a bitch” you chuckled.
“about damn time” fury mumbled you couldn’t help but smile.
As they attended natasha the rest of you listened to fury rattle off his list of injuries, explaining why he had to stay hidden and why no one was told of him still being alive. You nodded along in understanding, your eyes trained on the floor before looking at him with a smile.
“does this mean i still have to turn in that report?”
Buckys mind was racing. The smell of freshly baked cookies and visions of you in his head. Even flashes of the blonde who was with you.
He could hear his scream after he fell, he saw flashes of them turning him into who he was now. He memorized your face, the way your hair looked and the smile you had on your face for the few seconds you had together. He focused on the future, the picnics and the singing.
Bucky mourned for himself, for who he was and who he wish he could become.
The sound of an argument and multiple footsteps brought him to reality, his eyes still red and nose pink from crying when he saw you. Alexander Pierce walked in and bucky felt sick to his stomach, watching as the agents lowered their weapons on his command.
“Mission report” he spoke coldly, angry when he had to repeat himself once more. Pierce crinkled his nose, hitting bucky in frustration.
Bucky hesitated, he shouldn’t tell them about you, he couldn’t. He needed you safe, he didn’t want you hurt.
“the man on the bridge, who was he” he mumbled, voice fragile as he spoke. Buckys eyes met Pierces, worry flickering in his eyes before pushing it away.
“i knew him” he mumbled, Pierce sitting in front of him. His words were fuzzy as he thought of you and the blonde man, he wanted you, he was meant to be with you. “but i knew him” bucky mumbled once more when Pierce finished talking, his lips pressing into a smal tight smile for a second.
“prep him” Pierce spoke, bucky wanted to cry, his stomach was in knots as Pierce told them to wipe him. Panic rose in his chest, he couldn’t forget you, he couldn’t lose his only hope in 70 years. He leaned back as they pushed him into his seat, his breathing ragged and heavier. He had to hold onto you, the smell on baking cookies in his mind as he squeezed his eyes shut.
“I never liked him” you spoke, turning to Natasha, “i told you remember! You brushed me off” you huffed, turning your attention to Maria and some suitcase.
Maria explained insights plan, telling the four of you how to stop the carriers. Making sure to emphasize the need to link all three carriers.
“- we can salvage what’s left” Nick spoke, you furrowed your brows and shook your head, anger bubbling in your chest.
“we aren’t salvaging anything!” You spoke angrily, Nick staring at you in shock. Steve nodded his head.
“we’re taking down SHIELD” Steve spoke and Nick tried to defend himself, “SHIELD had nothing to do with this!” The man grumbled.
“You gave me this mission, this is how it ends” Steve spoke firmly, “SHIELDS been compromised you said so yourself, HYDRA grew under your nose and you didn’t even notice” his brows furrowed and eyes cold.
“why do you think we’re meeting in a cave, i noticed” Nick shot back, you shook your head in disbelief.
“how many paid the price before you did?” You quipped, thinking about your soulmate, where was he? what would happen to him?
“I didn’t know about barnes” Nick softened, looking at Steve, the blonde rolled his eyes.
“even if you did would you have told me about it? Or would you compartmentalize that too” he scoffed, you bit your bottom lip in frustration.
“HYDRA, SHIELD, it all goes” you stated firmly, eyes set on fury, he looked around at the others.
“they’re right” Maria sighed.
You stood atop the dam, the sound of the wind rustling the trees calmed you down, you focused on one of the flashes you had seen when you touched bucky.
“You set this all up for little ol’ me?” You teased, bucky rolling his eyes with a smile on his face, taking your hand in his and leading you to the middle of the meadow he had found.
“only the best for my sweets” he replied, shooting a wink at you and you blushed slightly, the cool wind hitting your flushed skin.
“oh wow you even got us a little cake? went all out did you barnes” you teased and he smiled, letting a soft groan out.
“can you please stop laughing at me for five minutes” he pouted, and you smiled at him softly, sitting on the blanket and pulling his down with you, kissing the pout on his lips.
“i love it angel” you mumbled, kissing his lips softly before pulling away and reaching into the basket, pulling out the sandwiches and handing one to bucky along with a drink.
“found it the other day, thought you would like to watch the sunset from here instead of that old park” he spoke, taking a sip from the water bottle you handed him and your heart fluttered in your chest.
“i love you so much James” you mumbled, leaning over and peppering kisses all over his face, a smile on his lips as he soaked in all your loving.
You giggled as he moved over, picking you up with ease and spinning you around. Bucky set you down gently, you rested your head on his shoulder as you marveled at the sun setting, pinks and reds painting the sky, golden rays hitting the two of you.
“you know I’m yours forever, right doll?” Bucky mumbled, his head in your lap as you played with his hair. You smiled sweetly at him, nodding your head.
“and I’m yours forever and more lovebug” you replied.
“He’s gonna be there, you know” Sam spoke, causing you to jump slightly. Steve walked next to him, the two men approaching you.
“I know” you nodded.
“whoever he used to be, the guy he is now, he’s not the kind you save, he’s the kind you stop” Sam spoke, Steve standing next to you as Sam looked at the two of you.
“i don’t know if we can do that” Steve spoke for the two of you, Sam looked at you softly. Your eyes meeting and you gave him a small smile.
“he might not give you a choice” he whispered, you shook your head as he continued, “he doesn’t know you.”
“he has to, he has to remember me, I’m his soulmate” you spoke, eyes welling up with tears once more.
“gear up, it’s time” Steve spoke gently.
Your hands shook softly as you changed, taking in a deep breath as you fell into line with Maria, Sam and Steve, walking towards SHIELD.
“excuse us” you smiled as the man opened the door to the control center, moving out of your way quickly when he saw Maria and Sams guns, “alrighty star spangled man, your time to shine” you smiled, patting him on the back.
Steve began his speech, a proud smile on your face as he spoke, feeling the shift in the air, your heart thumping against your rib cage.
“did you write that down first? Or was it off the top of you head” Sam smiled and you laughed softly.
The sirens blared and you heard the echoes of gunshots, “they’re initiating launch” Maria spoke in your ear, you jogged next to Sam and Steve.
“how do we know the good guys from the bad guys?” Sam questioned.
“if they’re shooting at you they’re bad” you replied, Steve smiling before the two of you hopped down and fought the men on the airstrips.
You were in a whirl of punches and gunshots, throwing your knives and taking down men to help Steve get to the helicarriers.
Steve ran from behind you, the two of you running to put in the cartridge, “alpha lock!” You spoke, you and Steve running to leave the carrier. Sam calling out “bravo lock!” Not long after.
You took down a couple guards, hitching a ride with a pilot and Steve counting on sam to get him to the other helicarrier.
You ran out as soon as you could, blood running cold as you recognized the metal arm grabbing sams wing.
You froze as he tore the wing off, kicking him off the side, eyes wide you ran out, “Sam!” You cried out, panic filling your chest.
“I’m fine, I’m just grounded, I’m sorry guys” he apologized and you let out a sigh of relief.
“I’m still on the helicarrier, i got it” Steve spoke and you felt relief knowing he was safe.
“I’ll come down and help you” you spoke, turning around and coming face to face with three men. You groaned in annoyance as they approached you, moving quickly to take one of their guns, knocking them out with the butt. Using another one as a shield before kicking him off you and into the other man.
“Y/n no! Wait on my signal, he’s here and- we just need to wait for the right moment” Steve spoke, out of breath as he spoke. You hesitated, watching bucky run to beat Steve.
“okay” you spoke softly, doing what you could to make sure it was only steve and bucky in the helicarrier.
It felt like an eternity until Steve finally called for you, breathless. “Y/n get down here!” You ran quickly, maneuvering your way down and seeing the two men fighting.
“take it!” Steve yelled, bucky laying on the floor next to him, you nodded, running up to him as his tossed it to you, catching it before taking off again.
You felt the bullet whirl next to your head, he was shooting at you. Your stomach fell as you realized, running faster. You heard Steve groan, falling next to you.
“Steve!” You cried out, stopping before realizing you had mere seconds left. You saw the blood through his suit, biting your lip before taking off, hurrying to put in the cartridge, rushing to help Steve up.
“Charlie lock!” You cried out, putting his weight on your shoulder, struggling to carry him.
“get out of there!” Maria called, you looked at Steve, his eyes telling you all you needed to know, you nodded softly.
“fire now” Steve spoke, Maria began to argue but you cut her off, “do it!” You commanded, losing your balance as the helicarriers shot at each other.
Bucky’s groan caught your attention, your heart breaking as you saw he was trapped under a piece of metal. Without hesitation you and Steve jumped down, lifting the metal between the two of you.
“it’s gonna be okay” you whispered, moving to reach out only for the helicarrier to decline sharply, causing you to slip away, inches from his hand.
You grasped onto a ledge, steadying yourself and attempting to get back to the two super soldiers, the constant explosions making it difficult.
Bucky punched Steve, fear in his eyes as they spoke, you ran to them, continuously getting knocked over by the crashes.
“I’m not gonna fight you, you’re my friend” you heard Steve say, dropping the shield as bucky tackled him.
“you’re my mission!” Bucky spoke, anger in his eyes.
You leaped, tackling Bucky off of Steve, flashes of your future in both of your eyes.
“y/n!” Steve cried out.
“no wait pull over!” You cried out, eyes focusing on a box you had passed on the highway, bucky furrowed his brows in confusion.
“doll it’s raining it’s just a box” he slowed down, pulling over anyway.
“no there were cats!” you squealed, unlocking your door quickly and running out of the car, the rain immediately drenching you to the bone. Bucky cursed softly as you ran out without your jacket, following you quickly. His eyes landing on the two cats in your arms.
“told you so” you teased, motioning for him to grab the other two from the box. Bucky grabbed them quickly, running to your car and setting them on your lap, wrapping them in your jacket and trying to warm them up.
You arrived at the shelter quickly, heart aching as they took the four kittens from you. The small white one mewling and sinking his claws into your shirt, you smiled softly before taking his claws out of the fabric, handing him to a vet.
“We’ll call you when we’re done with all the tests and diagnostics” the woman smiled kindly and you nodded, bucky slipping his hand into your easily and you leaned into his warmth.
You were cuddled up next to bucky on the couch, head on his chest and watching one of your favorite shows.
“doll?” Bucky called out, moving you gently and you got up from his chest.
“sorry, I’m just worried about the kittens is all” you sighed, chewing on your bottom lip, bucky let out a breath before pulling you into his lap.
“that white one really liked you” he chuckled and you nodded, a smile on your face as you remembered the way he didn’t want to leave you.
“almost as much as you do huh” you teased and bucky laughed, shaking his head at your statement.
“no one can love you as much as i do dollface” he replied, his face serious before breaking into a smile as you rolled your eyes. You moved to get off his lap but he stopped you.
“why don’t we keep him” he smiled, nervous as he proposed the idea to you, “you could use some company when i go away for missions and I’ve always wanted a cat, and plus statistics say people are happier with pets-” bucky rambled.
“yes! oh my god finally! I’m so excited” you cheered, jumping of the couch and hopping around, a smile on your face as you turned to look at bucky.
Bucky smiled as you sat back down, leaning in to kiss him softly, a smile on both of your faces. “Should name him alpine” Bucky suggested a smile on his face as you nodded.
Bucky went overboard on toys and treats, his arms full as he set the bags down, a smile on his face as you finished kitten proofing the apartment.
“James! You didn’t need to get that much” you spoke shocked at the amount of things he got for your new kitten.
“this is our son we are talking about, he deserves the world” bucky scoffed, fixing the bags and putting everything away, the two of you excited to pick up your new child.
The two of you played with alpine for hours when he got home, giggles filling the apartment as you observed his antics. The three of you curled up on the couch, alpine asleep in your lap as bucky had his arm around you, some documentary playing.
“i love our family” you smiled, looking at bucky and kissing his jaw softly. He smiled at you as you pulled away, laying your head on his chest again.
“i love it too sweets” his heart was melting at the sight of you, cozy in his arms with the kitten in your lap.
“I’m yours forever bucky” you whispered, eyes closing as exhausting took over, his heart fluttered.
“I’m yours forever y/n” he replied, a smile on his face as the words left his lips.
Buckys eyes widened as the scenario played out in his eyes, you looked at him, a small smile on your face.
“it’s you” he whispered, a small smile forming on his face.
“it’s me, forever” you mumbled, moving to sit up and hug him.
Before you could, debris broke the glass you were laying on, your reflexes not quick enough to hold onto something, causing you to fall into the water, fear in Buckys eyes.
Both him and Steve dove in after you, bucky reaching you before his friend and pulling you out frantically. Steve helped drag you to shore, shaking you before giving you CPR.
You coughed up water, rolling around before your vision cleared, a smile on your face as you saw Steve, wrapping your arms around him.
“wheres bucky?” You questioned, heart sinking as you searched for the metal armed man.
“i- he was just here” Steve spoke, looking around, panic in his eyes.
Within moments Maria, Natasha and Sam found the two of you, rushing you to a hospital, treating all your wounds and any broken bones. Falling asleep moments after with Sam watching over both you and Steve.
It had been close to a month since SHIELD fell, since you last saw bucky. You woke up to knocking on your door, your eyes bleary as you checked the time, 7:34 am.
You groaned and forced yourself out of bed, “who needs something at 7 am on a Saturday!” You called out, angrily opening the door. Your anger sizzled away within seconds, you eyes meeting the baby blue ones you had only seen for moments at a time.
“Bucky” you whispered, your wind had been knocked out of you as you saw your soulmate on the other side of the door.
“hi doll” he smiled softly, his eyes brighter as he looked at you.
tag list !
@felicityofbakerstreet @newyork47 @classygirlything @ebxny27 @hhaydenn @miaangel24 @shawnie--jo @quinnmaddie @mugscraps
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Lethe, Chapter One
Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader, Peter Parker x Platonic!Female!Reader
Synopsis: After you and Bucky finally figure out your relationship, forces beyond your control throw a wrench in your plans. Turns out happily ever after isn’t as easily attainable as everyone thought.
Word Count: 4k
Warnings: A curse word or two. Mentions of memory loss. Mentions of violence. Mentions of injury. angst
Author’s Note: This is the first chapter of the sequel for my series Bygone (Which is linked). This chapter was originally just kinda angsty but I got carried away and now it’s really angsty. Hope y’all like it!! (Also, thank you to @jessyballet thanks so much for the title idea! I absolutely love it.)
Note: My work is not to be posted anywhere else on any other platforms. If my work is posted elsewhere it was put there without my permission. Also, I do not own these characters.
Masterlist - Series Masterlist - Bygone
You know that feeling when you finally have your life at least somewhat together, but then the universe comes out of nowhere and reminds you that you have control over absolutely nothing? Yeah, that’s pretty much what was running through Bucky’s brain as he stood outside of your room, peering in through the glass doors as Peter sat at your bedside while you slept.
In all honesty, Bucky shouldn’t have been surprised. Good things didn’t tend to happen to him, and you were the best thing. So, of course once he had finally gotten you, once the two of you had finally gotten your shit together, he had to lose you just as quickly.
The entire compound had gone quiet since you and Steve got back. Everyone was busying themselves with every possible thing they could do to try and figure out what had happened to you. Why you were so erratic, and why you couldn’t remember him.
Everyone was saying that it was probably just a residual effect of whatever had been done, that you’d be back to normal as soon as you came to. But Bucky couldn’t shake the feeling that there was far more hiding beneath the surface.
Everyone else had hope, they were keeping the faith, and trying to convince him that you’d be absolutely fine. Nothing that this group couldn’t fix. But nothing regarding the regaining of memories had ever been a quick fix, at least not in Bucky’s experience. Now the taking away of memories was a completely different story. Those could be gone in the blink of an eye, he knew that all too well.
He was so focused on your sleeping form that he hadn’t even noticed that someone had come to stand next to him. He barely spared a glance from his peripheral to find that Steve had returned from his meeting with the rest of the team. Which meant that they’d all come up short, no one had any sure answers that they could give. And he was here to break the news, he was the most logical choice.
He was one of the only people on the team that Bucky trusted, and Steve was one of the few people that was able to tolerate Bucky. No matter the state he was in. And no one wanted to be on the receiving end of his anger towards what had happened to you.
“Did you find anything?” He was sure that they hadn’t, but it may serve him well to ask instead of just assuming that everything was going to shit. Steve just shook his head in response.
“We’re assuming that her earpiece was destroyed since she didn’t have it on her when we got back. We tried finding security footage from the building, but it cut out almost immediately after we got separated. Whatever happened to her is gone without a trace.”
Well, the evidence is gone. But its effects are still very much present. Watching you look right through him, stare at him as though he’s a stranger that you’ve never met, it was one of his worst moments. He wondered if Steve had felt similarly on the bridge. If seeing his closest friend with his own two eyes after believing he’d been dead for nearly eighty years was as much of a shock to the system as this was.
Having someone ripped away from you more than once wasn’t an easy thing. And he thought that he’d only have to lose you once, having lost you when he fell. He thought it’d be okay after that. But then they tore you out of his subconscious every few weeks. Every single time that your smile worked its way back into his brain they decided that he needed to be remade. He wasn’t supposed to have anything to fight for aside from Hydra’s wants and needs.
But then you were back. He had gotten away from Hydra, he was figuring out what his life would look like, and then you were back. Standing in front of his face, and you didn’t recognize him.
You weren’t stupid enough to run after Bucky like Steve and Sam had been. You hung back, didn’t do anything you’d regret. Besides, you didn’t really know him. Your personal connection to him didn’t go any further than a bit of a historical fascination. It’d be strange if you just appeared as though you cared about him. Steve was the best, most logical choice. He, hopefully, would be able to talk Bucky into going with them calmly and peacefully.
You decided it would be best to stay on the ground, away from the chase, knowing that there were better things for you to be doing. And, unsurprisingly, you wound up running into Sharon. She looked exasperated beyond belief. And you couldn’t blame her. Her aunt just died, and now there was a new emergency that she needed to throw herself into. It definitely wasn’t an easy day in her life.
Before you knew it you were standing on the tarmac of a Germany airport, staring down several people that had kind of become friends over the past couple of years. Your eyes met Natasha’s from across the way, and you knew that the both of you were having the same thought. This shouldn’t be happening. There should’ve been another way to fix all of this, another way to come to terms instead of coming to blows with one another.
The fight went by in a flurry of punches, and kicks, and arrows and magic. You were out of your depth, your training didn’t feel like it was enough to go against this crowd. At least you had the magic on your side. But the other side had some kind of spider boy. A kid who was clearly star struck, someone who was trying their best to act like they were intimidating. And it was adorable if you were honest. A kid trying to look like a hero amongst his own heroes. You wondered where Tony had found the kid.
You were a little impressed by him, but only for a few seconds until you were sent flying across the pavement when he got knocked through the air by the now giant man who had once been so incredibly tiny that you couldn’t even see him. You landed on your back, and it knocked the air out of you. You groaned as you felt a hand on your arm, you really weren’t in the mood to keep fighting. Why couldn’t they all just kiss and make up? Why did it all have to come down to this.
The hand was still on your arm, shaking you slightly, and you groaned as your eyes opened and met a pair of crystal blue ones that were staring back at you. He practically froze where he stood as the two of you looked at one another, your eyebrows furrowing as you looked at him. Why was he looking at you as though he’d just seen a ghost?
“Are you okay?” He asked, finally tearing his eyes away from yours as he looked over his shoulder at Steve.
“I’m fine.” You said, taking his hand as he offered it and getting up off the ground. You made eye contact with Steve over his shoulder, also noticing that there was something strange about the look in his eyes. Some sort of silent conversation between him and Bucky that you couldn’t quite pick up on. “You have to go.”
You gently pushed his shoulder, and he gave you one last long look, silently hoping for something that you couldn’t decipher, before he gave up and went with Steve. The two of them headed for the jet, and you hung back. Slowly limping over towards that spider boy that you’d seen earlier as he was sitting down on the tarmac as Tony went after the jet that had taken off.
You sat down beside him, battered and bruised, watching as he pulled the mask further down his face. He was clearly apprehensive to be fraternizing with the “enemy”, what if Mr. Stark saw?, but you eased his fears with a kind smile. Maybe he shouldn’t be so trusting, maybe he shouldn’t have felt like he could trust you just by a smile.
“You got a name, kid? Or am I just supposed to keep calling you spider boy?” You asked, and you could tell that he was rolling his eyes behind his mask as he let out a defeated huff.
“Spiderman.” He whined, and you stifled a laugh.
“My apologies,” You started, and he shook his head as he looked down at his fingers, “So, do you have a name or am I just supposed to keep calling you Spiderman?”
He hesitated, but after a few seconds of contemplation he turned back to look at you and that same kind smile was still sitting on your lips.
“Peter Parker.” He said, and your grin grew tenfold as you extended your hand for him to shake.
“Y/N Y/L/N,” You started as he shook your hand, your smile shrank into something a little more sincere as you said, “You’re a good kid, Peter Parker.” And you could swear that he was smiling under that mask, it was bright enough that it practically shone through the fabric. You had the feeling that this wouldn’t be the last time you saw Peter Parker.
Bucky didn’t know how long he’d been standing there beside Steve in complete silence as they watched you. Because now your eyes were open, a few tears spilling from them, as your hand cradled Peter’s cheek as you rubbed your thumb back and forth across it.
A sweet smile worked its way to your face as you looked at him, and he’d clearly said something funny because then you laughed and winced immediately after at the pain it caused. It hurt to laugh, always one of the first things you would notice.
Watching you made Bucky feel like he was dying. You were smiling, by god did he love to see you smile, but this time it wasn’t as nice as it usually was. You were smiling at Peter, laughing at his jokes, completely and utterly happy to see him. You knew who he was.
So, was the incident with Bucky just a fluke? Was it just a side effect of your sleep addled brain that you weren’t entirely adjusted to the fact that you were no longer in danger? Or was there some kind of greater evil at play? He was hoping for the former, but hope had never gotten him very far.
Your laugh had quickly become one of his favorite sounds, and he could barely hear it through the glass. But it made his heart skip a beat at the faint sound of it. It was wonderful, it was you, but it was killing him all the same.
You were okay. You were alive, and safe, and happy. You were everything that he always wanted you to be. But he just couldn’t bring himself to feel happy about it. There was still so much uncertainty around your state, and it was like all the hope he’d been saving up disappeared within one instant.
He’d been building up hope that he could live a good life, that he could be a good man and move beyond the monster that he and the public believed him to be. But then you were gone within an instant and he was reminded that it was stupid to hold out hope that things would miraculously turn around.
All it took was one instant, one sentence, for him to be back in a place where he didn’t believe that fate held good things for him.
Your hand had slipped from Peter’s cheek, your hand held in his as the two of you talked. And it was taking everything in Bucky to not walk in there. To not try and talk to you, to hold your hand, to just be with you. But he knew it was for the best if he kept his distance until they figured all of this out, or until you asked for him.
Your bout of consciousness only lasted for a few more minutes before you fell back to sleep, your hand still held in Peter’s as Bucky pushed off of the wall by your door. As much as he needed to be able to see you, to know that you were really here, that you were really safe, he knew that it wasn’t doing him any good.
He went over to one of the chairs a few feet away, opting for one that was at an angle so that he couldn’t see directly into your room. He could focus on the gray wall across from him, and the sound of Steve’s footsteps growing closer, as he tried his damndest not to assume the worst.
But he was wired to jump to the worst possible conclusion. And he needed to know how you got into this situation in the first place.
He turned his head to the right, finding Steve sitting only a few seats away and sparing him an overly sympathetic glance, and he couldn’t stop himself from asking the question that had been weighing on his mind for hours.
“Where did the two of you go?”
You and Steve were standing in one of the, seemingly, dozens of conference rooms in the compound. Glass walls surrounding you that Friday had tinted at Steve’s request. The both of you were keen on keeping prying eyes away from this investigation. Especially a certain blue eyed boy that held a high level of importance to the both of you.
Your eyes focused on the screen hanging on the wall as Steve pulled up a plethora of files on an old, formerly abandoned, Hydra base. It had been inactive for years, but apparently everyone finds their way back home because two weeks prior there had been activity in the building. And it hadn’t stopped. It all felt a little too obvious, like they were baiting you. But maybe they’d just gotten sloppy. Maybe they just wanted to be able to hide away, but even the paranoid make mistakes.
“I thought we already got the last of them.” You said. You and Steve had been chasing down leads and shutting down covert Hydra bases for years. Well before you had your little trip back in time. And it’d been nearly a year since the two of you had any leads. You thought the two of you had succeeded in eradicating the Hydra drones, but apparently that wish was too big. Something that couldn’t be solved so easily.
“So did I. But you know how Hydra is. You cut off one head…”
“Two more grow back.” You’d just about had enough of that. A resurgence right when everything seemed peachy keen. But Hydra always had inopportune timing. They were always waiting right around the corner to remind you that you weren’t as smart as you thought. To make sure that you didn’t get too comfortable.
But now it was your chance to return the favor. They’d had two weeks, you didn’t want them getting comfortable. You wanted to get the jump on them before they got an inkling that you were coming. Especially since you knew what their end game was. They wanted the Winter Soldier at their disposal again. And there was no way in hell that you were going to let that happen.
“When do we head out?” You asked, knowing that it was only going to be the two of you. It always was. Bucky didn’t know anything about this, you knew he’d never let the two of you go alone if he did. And he was the last person that you wanted with you when you were traveling back to known Hydra bases. There was too much of a chance that you could lose him. And you didn’t want to do that again. Steve didn’t either.
“Suit up and meet me at the quinjet in fifteen.” With that he left, the case files were off of the screen and the glass went back to its usually transparent state. And you weren’t too far behind.
Within twelve minutes you were donning your suit, and kissing Bucky goodbye on the helipad before you boarded the quinjet. And you reminded him that you loved him, which made him smile a smile that you hadn’t quite seen since the forties. And when he said it back you grinned like a kid who was talking to their first crush.
One last kiss was exchanged, your hand squeezing his as you walked backwards up the ramp and into the quinjet. Only willing to break the eye contact as you made it to the copilot seat, buckling in as Steve plugged in the coordinates.
This would be the last one, you swore to yourself that it would be the last one. After this there would be no more lying. No more secret missions to secret bases to put an end to the people who had been torturing Bucky for the better part of eighty years. You wanted to be so sure of it. But there was this sinking feeling in your stomach that was telling you that Hydra’s work was far from over.
“You should’ve told me.” Bucky mumbled as he practically stared a hole in the wall across from him.
“We started this mission over two years ago, Buck.”
“And you knew who she was back then. You knew what she meant to me.” He knew that he did. He knew that Steve wasn’t clueless, but you didn’t know. You had no idea about the shared past because you hadn’t lived it yet. Steve knew who you were to Bucky and he let you do this anyway.
“She’s a grown woman, Buck. She can handle herself. She’s been training for this kind of thing her entire life. All she ever wanted was to be a Shield agent.”
“Last I checked Shield doesn’t exist.” Bucky snapped as he pushed himself up from the chair, pacing the room in front of them. “And she didn’t train for this. She didn’t train to be an Avenger.”
“None of us were training to be Avengers,” Steve started, his eyes following his best friend’s movements, “And she was training for this. She was prepared for Hydra. She knew the threat when she was stepping into it. And she did it before she ever loved you. She did it because they do terrible things to a whole bunch of people, because they ruin lives. Because they robbed you of having one. This was her choice. Her decision. Whether you like it or not.”
No one really liked it at the moment. Everyone was scared, whether they were going to admit it or not. You knowing Peter was a good sign. Maybe you’d make a full recovery. Everyone was crossing their fingers, and holding their breath. But did they all know about how this happened? Did they know that you and Steve had been keeping secrets?
“You still should’ve told me.”
“I knew what would happen if I did.” Bucky wouldn’t have been able to hold his tongue. Would’ve put his foot down, stepped in, and made decisions for someone who wouldn’t understand. You wouldn’t get why he cared so much, and you wouldn’t let his opinions on your decisions stop you from doing anything. And then he would’ve gone with the two of you, risking being recaptured. “We were trying to protect you.”
He knew that. Deep down he knew that. The two of you were willing to put so much on the line for him. He didn’t think he deserved it. He wasn’t worth the risk or the fallout. But apparently the two of you thought he was.
Bucky sat back down beside Steve, an exhausted sigh leaving his lips as he did. His foot tapping against the ground as his eyes flicked to your door for a few seconds.
“I can’t lose her,” He started, his hands pressed against his knees as he looked at his best friend, “I just got her back. I can’t lose her again.”
“You won’t. No matter what happens we will find a way to get her back.” They’d find a way to reverse whatever might have happened to you. Nothing was ever fool proof. There had to be a work around, some kind of loophole to free you from whatever Hydra had done. And they’d find it. You had the greatest team of heroes on your side, and they all loved you like family. They wouldn’t let Hydra have that kind of power over you. “We’re gonna get her back.”
The far too short moment of peace was quickly interrupted when Peter pulled the doors to your room open and started calling for help. The two men sprang to their feet immediately and made their way to the door, you were fidgeting on the bed. Your face scrunched in an expression of pain, but neither of them knew what was happening. Your heart rate monitor wasn’t too far off the normal rate.
“What’s going on?” Bucky asked, walking in to get a closer look at you.
“I think she’s having a nightmare. I can’t get her to wake up.” Steve came to the right side of your bed, both of them gently shaking you in an attempt to get you to wake up. An attempt to get you to open your eyes, or just to get your breathing to even out again.
“Y/N.” Bucky was trying to get you to wake up, and apparently shaking your shoulder wasn’t going to be enough. Peter was yammering on about whether or not he should get a doctor. Because, ya know, it’s just a nightmare, right? Nothing too serious. You’ll wake up, and you’ll be fine. Right?
“Y/N.” Bucky repeated, his hand ceasing on your shoulder as he stared down at your face. He brushed some of the hair away from your face, his hand resting on your cheek for a barely a second and you leaned into his touch. “Sweetheart, I really need you to wake up.”
His hand slid from your cheek back down to your shoulder, not bothering to try and shake you awake as he just held his hand on your shoulder with his eyes closed as he sent up yet another prayer. Thinking that maybe if they were all for you then maybe they’d somehow get answered.
And maybe there was some logic to his roundabout attempt at finding some sort of solace, some sort of hope, in something that he hadn’t turned to in years. Because within a matter of seconds your eyes fluttered open, and Bucky didn’t even have the words to explain the immense feeling of relief that settled in his chest at the sight of it.
But that feeling of relief was very short lived. You were in the middle of a losing battle of keeping your eyes open when they settled on the man to your right, a pair of blue eyes that were staring right back at you.
“Thank god.” You whispered, tears gathering in your eyes once more as you reached up and pulled Steve’s face down so that it was mere inches from yours. Within a fraction of a second your lips were on his.
And the room went silent. Aside from the ever constant beeping of your monitor, and the sound of Bucky’s heart shattering in his chest.
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Safe Haven: tfatws!Bucky Barnes x fem!reader - Chapter Eight
chapter seven - Chapter Eight: Bloodshed - chapter nine
Plot: After murdering one of the Flag Smashers in broad daylight, Sam, Bucky and Y/n confront John Walker.
Warnings: violence, blood, talk of death, injuries, hospitals, minor panic attack, ANGST GALORE, one teeny tiny little bit of fluff so ya’ll don’t completely hate me, Bucky’s a flirt and a concerned (almost) boyfriend, Y/n is still a badass, heartbreak, did I mention angst, more angst, and some more angst, k bye...
Word Count: 8k
A/N: THIS CHAPTER was the hardest one to write, I seriously struggled with this and drafted it so many times. I love writing angst but this shit actually hurt to write. I read up on blunt trauma injuries but I’m not a doctor so this definitely isn’t 100% accurate. I’m also super unoriginal with my titles but this one holds two meanings. Hope you enjoy it!!
Anger. Disgust. Horror. Fear.
All emotions that were coursing through me as Bucky, Sam and followed Walker’s signal via Sharon’s satellite. One thing I noticed about the dynamic between the three of us was that we didn’t always need to communicate verbally. With a single shared look, we had made the unanimous decision that we needed to do what had crossed all our minds at some point.
Sharon’s satellite had led us to a warehouse on the outskirts of the city that we approached with caution. Once we were outside the door, Sam turned and held up a hand to me. “You’re staying out here,” he said.
“That’s not happening,” I replied firmly.
“No, he’s right,” Bucky nodded, “We don’t know what Walker’s capable of right now-“
“We know exactly what he’s capable of right now,” I interrupted, shoving Sam’s hand down to his side, “And I’m not about to watch you two walk in there and sit out here wondering if the same thing’s going to happen, because you wouldn’t if it were me.”
I had successfully tied their hands, both flesh and metal, behind their backs. They both turned back around, sandwiching me between them as we took the first step through the door and into a very uncertain situation.
We entered to see Walker, kneeled on the ground and bracing his head against the bloodied shield. He stood up, slipping the now deadly weapon onto his wrist and began walking towards us. “Walker…” Sam started.
“You guys should see a medic, you don’t look so good,” he said as he passed us by, heading for the exit.
“Stop, Walker,” Sam stepped forward, Bucky and I following.
Walker turned around, breathless in his anger. “What? You saw what happened, you know what I had to do. I killed him because I had to!” his voice rose with each word, his face turning more and more with rage, “He killed Lemar!”
“He didn’t kill Lemar, John,” Bucky stated, “Don’t go down that road. Believe me, it doesn’t end well.”
“I’m not like you,” John said lowly.
“Listen, it was the heat of the battle. Okay?” Sam’s voice was calm, contrasting Walker’s energy, “If you explain what happened, they may consider your record.”
“Nobody else needs to get hurt in this, Walker,” I spoke up, the first non-sarcastic and non-confrontational thing I had said to the man.
“John…” Sam paused, gauging what the reaction to what he was about to say may be, “You gotta give me the shield, man.”
Walker’s head raised up slowly, the look in his eyes was unsettling as they danced between Sam, Bucky and I. “Oh, so that’s what this is. You almost got me.”
“You made a mistake,” Sam shrugged.
He gave us a small sneer, “You don’t wanna do this.”
A tense silence fell upon us, a preface to the inevitable moment about to take place. Sharon’s voice rang in my ear, how far was I willing to go? Would it be worth it if I lost my life or worse, lost Sam or Bucky? Without needing to think about my answer, I was resolved in my decision that this fight was too important to all three of us not to push forward. “Yeah, we do,” Bucky replied, speaking for us.
And thus, it began.
We shot forward towards Walker at the same time, Bucky landing a couple punches on him while Walker kicked Sam backwards. I focused on sending energy blasts that he easily dodged with the shield, even with Bucky’s attacks coinciding. Bucky got a hand on the shield finally and tried to wrench it from Walker, who elbowed him causing him to wobble a little. Walker swung his arm and landed a perfect punch against Bucky’s cheek, sending Bucky to the ground and giving Walker the opportunity to stand above him and raise the shield threateningly. I quickly built a force field around Bucky as Sam came forward and kicked Walker, turning his attention away from Bucky and I. Sam released his wings to hit the shield, Walker’s arm flying back before coming back forward to try and hit Sam. Bucky leapt forward and banged his metal fist against the shield to no avail. I let the blue energy flow from my fingertips and towards to shield, trying to pull it from his grasp. Walker spun the shield around trying to hit all three of us, Sam and I dodging it while Bucky wasn’t as fortunate. Once he knocked Sam over, it was just him and I. He lunged at me with the shield and I quickly formed an idea, I didn’t need Vibranium to have an equal shield.
I created a force field with my hands about the size of Walker’s weapon, charged forward to meet him and my energy based shield made contact with his metal one. I shoved and threw him off balance, he quickly caught his footing and looked up at me in shock. Once he had gotten over his initial surprise, what followed was pure rage. In my efforts to take the shield from him, I’d taken the power it brought without actually confiscating the weapon. He growled and lunged at me again, meeting the same end result except he bounced back faster and continued his rapid attack. After a dozen unsuccessful hits, he kicked my leg out from under me and I landed on my back against the concrete. He stood over me and raised his shield, but was tackled to the side by Bucky before he could bring it down on me. Bucky landed punch after punch against the shield, Walker got in a few hits as well until they were pushing on either side of the shield towards one another, glowering. Walker ducked as Bucky was about to hit him, his metal fist instead hitting and taking out a beam. Sam was behind me on his feet only to have Walker kick him in the face, I threw my hands out and paused his fall, returning him to a standing position. I turned at just the right moment to see Walker fling the shield at Bucky with a yell, sending Bucky clutching the metal and slamming into a piece of machinery. Angrily, my eyes located a smaller piece of equipment and telepathically lifted it into the air, flicking my fingertips towards Walker and making it hit him in the head. He groaned as it made contact before doing the same as Bucky charged at him and hit him in the back with the shield. With his focus back on Bucky, Walker stalked towards him and gripped the shield, shoving him back against the same piece of machinery.
“Why are you making me do this?” Walker growled in Bucky’s face before raising to a complete yell, “Why are you making me do this?”
To accent his words, he swung the shield around as Bucky was still attached and sent him flying across the room, landing against a piece of electrical equipment. He fell to the ground with a pained grunt, his eyes shut and electricity causing his Vibranium arm to cease up.
“Bucky!” I cried before taking off across the room to him, fearing the worst. I dropped to my knees and attempted to roll him onto his back, my hands cradling both his cheeks. “Bucky, Bucky, I need you to wake up. C’mon, wake up,” I said, leaning closer to his face in hopes that he’d hear me better. I could see his stomach rising up and falling down rapidly, but he showed no signs of waking. “Bucky, we need you. Please don’t do this to me, wake up,” my voice quivered, tears starting to water my eyes as he stayed unresponsive.
The grunts and groans echoing through the room finally registered with me, I looked over my shoulder to see Sam and Walker engaged in heavy combat. I quickly looked back to Bucky in hopes he would awaken on the spot, when that didn’t happen I brushed my thumbs across his cheekbones, touched my forehead to his and prayed for the best.
I rose to see Sam flying around the room with his grappling hook attached to the shield and dragging Walker across the floor. He caught his footing and stood horizontally against a machine. I raised my hands to aid Sam and energetically pulled him in his direction. It wasn’t enough as both Sam and Walker lost their grip, both face planting on the cold ground. The shield rattled as it hit the floor, the three of us watching from where we stood before bolting towards it. Just as Sam was closing in on it, Walker tackled him to the floor. Sam extended his wings and did a loop in the air, trying to shake the iron-like grip Walker had on him to no avail. I took the chance to grab to shield, groaning at the weight of it as I picked it up. Walker had mounted Sam by now and without knowing what I was doing, I clumsily flung the shield at Walker but didn’t actually injure him. What I did succeed at doing was making him even madder than he already was. Still atop Sam, he twisted to land a punch to my gut that left me clutching the area. He didn’t stop in his attack and pulled me down by my throat, squeezing tight while still keeping a hand on Sam to prevent him from interfering. I gasped and gagged, trying to find any shred of air to take in just before Walker threw me away from them, my body sliding across the ground. I wheezed as I sucked in a breath and cradled my stomach, the pain in both my throat and abdomen screaming for relief. From my spot, I couldn’t hear what Walker was snarling to Sam but I could see what he was trying to do. His hands had a vice like grip on each of Sam’s wings, it didn’t take more than a loud cry and a good pull for the two pieces of Stark tech to be ripped from the EXO-7 pack. Sam writhed beneath him, desperately trying to free himself as Walker raised his shield in the air.
It was then, at the sight of my brother about to be murdered in cold blood, not at the hands of a police officer or a Madripoorian bounty hunter, but a deranged Super Soldier that something inside me snapped.
I found the strength the rise to my knees, I could feel the energy that surged through my body rise to a level I’d never felt before. I stuck out my hands and with a yell, I fired two steady streams of blue energy straight at the shield to keep it from coming down on Sam’s throat. Walker was thrown off, his position on top of Sam losing stability as he tried to deflect my attack. I screamed as I rose to my feet, the rage I felt with Walker coming to its crescendo. He could take the shield, the mantle of Captain America, but he wasn’t going to take my brother from me.
I adjusted my stance as it was taking everything I had in me not to fall over, I was trying to keep my balance and ignore the pain that was demanding my attention. Just as I started to question if I had enough strength the keep this newfound power going, a now conscious Bucky jumped in from the side and tackled Walker. I let the energy die in my hands as I stumbled towards Sam, making sure he was alright.
“Get to Bucky,” he gritted out.
Wasting no time, I turned around and made a beeline for Bucky, who was getting pummeled by Walker. He rammed Bucky’s head into the shield before sitting atop him, crazed and ready to drive the shield into his neck. “No!” I screamed, coming behind Bucky’s head and expelling streams of energy from my palms that hit the shield and once again prevented Walker from going any further. I was losing strength fast, unlike them I wasn’t a super soldier and Walker’s blows had left me in some of the worst pain I’d ever known. Sam sprung into action beside me and punched Walker in the side of his head before twisting his arm and pulling it back. He turned on his thrustesr and pushed, Bucky was freed from Walker’s grip and kneeled in front of him, their faces inches apart. I came to stand on the other side of Sam and used my energy to pull, aiding us in our efforts to rid the man of the power he was so determined not to lose. The four of us were piled together, each crying out of pain or yelling out of anger, fighting for a symbol that was supposed to bring us together.
A sickening crack sounded off as Walker’s arm snapped, sending Sam tumbling with the shield in his hands and me landing on my back. I cried as my head smacked against the concrete and found myself unable to rise, my ears ringing and my mind spinning. I felt two arms wrap around my torso and raise me up, refusing to let go even when I was steady on my feet. I didn’t need to open my eyes to knock that it was Bucky, his hot and heavy breaths against my ear and his scent invading my nose. My eyes fluttered open and though I wanted nothing more than to let sleep take me over in his arms, I pulled out of them as Walker stood to his feet again.
“It’s mine,” he said.
From behind me, I could hear Sam panting. “It’s over, John.”
“It’s mine,” Walker growled as he stepped forward with his fist raised to Bucky. Exhaustedly, I shot a large blast at him that left him stumbling to catch his footing. His unhinged eyes sought me out and came charging towards me, I sent another blast but my weariness was beginning to sink its teeth into me and the blast wasn’t as strong as it should have been. He caught himself much quicker and swung again only this time, I wasn’t fast enough in my attack and he successfully grabbed me by the throat and raised me in the air. I kicked and clawed at his hand, desperately trying to free myself from the grip that was slowly tightening and causing my throat to constrict further. I couldn’t find any hole that would allow any air to fill my lungs, all I could do was continue pathetically trying to pull his fingers off me as I looked at his manic expression.
“You’ll never be a hero,” he snarled at me.
My eyes blurred with tears, not from his insult, but from the fact that I knew I was inching closer towards death. It was then that I made out Bucky’s body hurling itself towards Walker, tackling both of us to the ground. I felt Walker’s grip loosen ever so slightly just when Sam’s arms wrapped around me and pulled me backwards, freeing me. I wheezed and took a strained breath in, the cool air flooding my lungs blissfully. Sam laid me down carefully on the ground, a safe distance away from them as Bucky began using Walker as a punching bag. The wannabe Captain America may have been unhinged, but Bucky wasn’t far behind him as he kept up his unrelenting attack. With my ability to breathe returned to me, a fraction of my strength returned but not enough to rise and join the fight. As Bucky hoisted Walker into the air and Sam charged towards them with the shield, I raised a shaky hand and sent a blast of energy at Walker that hit just as his body made contact with the shield. The three of them fell to the ground with a collective groan, once I saw through my half shut eyes that both Bucky and Sam were still breathing, I allowed my head to loll to the side and closed my lids. I felt the warm blood on the back of my head, the drying drops on each of my cheeks, and the ghost of Walker’s handprint around my throat. The pain was starting to overtake me, whether leading me to death or unconsciousness, I wasn’t sure. All I knew was Sam and Bucky were safe and if that was true, then I could slip into whatever state was coming for me at ease.
Just on the outskirts of falling asleep, I heard a heavy set of footsteps coming towards me. “Y/n, Y/n, c’mon, stay with me. Stay with me, honey, come on,” Bucky’s voice flooded my ringing ears, his fingertips gently cradling my bruising neck.
“Get her to the hospital,” Sam strained from nearby.
The last thing I remember was being lifted into Bucky’s arms, the cool Latvian air hitting my skin as we made it out of the warehouse and his warm lips pressing themselves against my forehead.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
My eyes drowsily opened, the lids feeling as heavy as lead. I had to blink several times just to make sense of the blur of white surrounding me. Eventually I gained enough clarity to see it was a hospital room and I was laying in a bed, a cannula looped over my ears and drying my nose up with ice cold oxygen. I had stickers on my chest with wires coming off them and snaking into the beeping machine, monitoring my steady heartbeat.
“You got,” a voice to the side of me said quietly, “So lucky.”
I tilted my head carefully against the pillow to see Sam, still in his suit, seated at my bedside looking more relieved than I’d ever seen him. I laid my palm out for him to grasp, squeezing with what little strength I had left.
“Are you alright?” I asked, not recognizing my own voice with how hoarse it was.
Sam scoffed, I could see he had a few stitches on his face accompanying a couple bruises. “I’m fine. You however’ve got three bruised ribs, a bruised stomach, a concussion and your face is all stitched up.”
I made a noise of acknowledgement before looking on the other side of the room, someone was missing. “Where’s Bucky?”
“Getting stitched up, we’ve been here about two hours but he wasn’t leaving until the doctor assured us you were gonna be fine,” Sam answered, rubbing my frigid hand between his warm ones.
I cleared my throat, trying to regain my voice. “What about Walker?”
“Don’t know,” he replied, “My priority was making sure you were alive.”
My head was spinning, both literally and metaphorically as I thought back to the last sight I’d caught of Walker, laid out on the ground after being used as a human hammer. Walker and I were never going to be friends, he’d even tried to kill me, but I hoped that we hadn’t left him for dead in that warehouse.
“Doc says they’re gonna keep you here tonight for observation but if you do alright,” Sam explained, “They can release you tomorrow.”
I gave a small nod, my head pounding with the movement causing me to shut my eyes again. “Get some sleep, you’re not missin’ anything. I’ll be here when you-“
I was already gone.
The next day, I woke up feeling as well as one could for someone who had gotten their ass kicked by a Super Soldier. The hospital agreed to release me with the instructions that I rest and took my painkillers. Both Sam and Bucky spent the night in chairs, I learned, the two men refusing to leave my side and clinging to the doctor’s every word when they discharged me.
If Bucky and I hadn’t been skirting a line before, we definitely were now. His eyes were trained solely on me at all times, he guided me out of the hospital with a protective hand on my back. As I’d been cleaning myself up before discharge, changing into the clothes that Sam had brought me that morning once he knew I was alright to be left alone, I thought back to the last thing I remembered before passing out. Bucky’s gentle kiss was imprinted on my forehead, he was the only clear thing in the chaos of that moment where I didn’t know if I’d live or die. What wasn’t clear was whether or not we would ever speak about these stolen moments we were sharing and the intimacy that had come so naturally to us. Maybe after this was all over, before Sam and I returned to Louisiana and Bucky to Brooklyn, we could talk. But until then, we had bigger fish to fry…
The three of us stood in our respective corners of one of the resettlement camps which the police had come and swept clean of all life, trying to determine our next move. Bucky and Sam seemingly weren’t speaking unless absolutely necessary, I knew that Bucky still held it against Sam that he’d given up the shield. The fight with Walker would have only amplified those feelings, we’d had to go to such great lengths to correct Sam’s “mistake” and Bucky’s cold stare reflected that. I sat to the side trying to ignore the pain that radiated in my chest each time I inhaled, my bruised ribs forcing me to take shallower breaths.
“The GRC is conducting raids to try and find Karli,” Sam stated to the room, “But so far they’ve only found her followers. They’ve searched this camp and just like the last camp, nothing. She’s gone, we’ll never find her.”
“You don’t know that,” I said hopefully from my seat, “She’s popped up before, she’ll pop up again. She can’t help but make a show of all this.”
“Hey,” Torres announced his entrance, looking to Bucky, “You got your sleeve back.”
I chuckled quietly at the memory of the first day we’d worked together, instantly regretting it at the pain in my abdomen. Bucky, however, didn’t find Torres as amusing as I did and made for the exit of the room, brooding as usual.
“Are you off to take care of Zemo?” Sam asked mockingly.
Bucky shot him a glare from the doorway before looking at me once more, making sure I was alright. Without a word, he walked out of the room.
“Alright, good to know you survived!” Torres called.
It was clear that Bucky was indeed going to catch Zemo, possibly kill him even. If that were the case, I needed to get one piece of information from the Baron before he met whatever fate the Super Soldier was going to deal him.
I rose from my seat with a groan, walking over to Sam, “I need to go with him.”
“What?” he furrowed his brows and looked me up and down, “Are those painkillers making you high?”
“Zemo said something very…Zemo-ish, when you were talking to Karli,” I explained, placing hand on his arm, “He was fascinated by my last name, he said it sounded familiar.”
“Why would your last name sound familiar to Zemo?” he echoed the question in my mind.
“It shouldn’t. He escaped before I could get a chance to ask him about it, I need to go with Bucky and talk to him before he slips again.”
Sam sighed heavily, weighing the scenarios in his head. He couldn’t stop me from going and I wasn’t asking permission. I’d promised to follow his lead throughout this, but this regarded my family and not even my own brother could get in the way of the concerns I had. “Alright, call and let me know where you two end up.”
I pecked his cheek quickly and took off power walking since I couldn’t run due to my injuries. There weren’t many exits available to us since the police had marked a lot of the building off limits, I followed the way we’d come in and spotted Bucky making his way out to the street.
“Bucky!” I yelled as I hurried towards him, he turned at the sound of my voice.
“What’re you doing?” he asked, gripping each of my arms gently in his hands, “You shouldn’t be moving this much.”
“I’m coming with you,” I said, ignoring his concern for my wellbeing.
I took a second to catch the breath, my stamina hadn’t been great before the fight but now I was practically leveled by simple tasks. Bucky waited patiently and guided the two of us to a bench to sit. “Yesterday when Sam was talking to Karli, Zemo made a point of telling me that my last name sounded familiar. He wouldn’t go into any further detail and obviously the wheels came off of that whole situation, but I need to find out what he meant by that.”
“Are you sure he’s not just messing with you?” he asked, trying to keep me away from the situation at all costs.
“He very well may be, but he may not be. But I won’t be able to sleep if I let you do whatever you’re going to do to him without finding out the truth.”
Bucky copied Sam’s sigh almost to the exact pitch, his worry for me taking center stage. But as it had been with my brother, I wasn’t asking for permission.
“Alright, come on,” he said defeatedly, standing up and helping to pull me up, “We gotta find a ride.”
“You think you have an idea of where he is?” I asked as we started off down the sidewalk.
“I know where he is,” Bucky answered confidently, his hand returning to its familiar spot on my back as we crossed the street.
While I didn’t agree with Bucky’s methods of getting us transportation, hot-wiring an old European made car, we were successfully on our way to Sokovia.
The car itself was rusty and on the slower side, there weren’t even seat belts but it would do the job of getting us there. Bucky had informed me we were driving straight through the night, he’d also turned down my offering to take a shift at the wheel stating that all I needed to focus on was resting. We’d been driving for a few hours now in comfortable silence, me watching the scenery out the window and sneaking a long glance at Bucky every once in a while.
“So what are you planning on doing when we get there?” I finally asked, “I don’t like the guy but I don’t necessarily want to kill him.”
“I’m not gonna kill him,” Bucky quickly shut down the idea, “I’m gonna do what I should’ve done, turn him over to the Wakandans.”
I hummed in acknowledgment, thinking of a question that I wanted to ask but didn’t want to make Bucky uncomfortable. In the end, curiosity got the better of me. “Can I ask you something?”
“You know I don’t condone it,” I said firmly, “But Zemo ruined your life, what is it that’s stopping you from killing him?”
Bucky squeezed the steering wheel a little tighter, his glove creating a sound as it stretched across his hand. I held my breath as I awaited his answer, praying that he didn’t go silent on me. Instead, he reached into his pocket with his free hand and fished out his book with the list of names he needed to make amends with, waving it a little. “He didn’t ruin my life, he certainly didn’t make it any better, but he didn’t ruin it.”
“What if he tries to kill you? He seems to have a vendetta against all Super Soldiers, even the good ones.”
“You think I’m one of the good ones, huh?” Bucky briefly took his eyes off the road to look over at me, his eyebrow quickly rising and one corner of his lips turning upwards.
My smile grew, though I still tried to control it. “Don’t let it go to your head, Barnes.”
Bucky turned his attention back to the road, his smug grin still showcased on his face. I was utterly convinced with the rays from the sunset shining through the car windows hitting him perfectly, his features bathed in gold, that there was no way he could be more beautiful. This was the most at ease I had seen him since I’d met him which was strange considering the circumstances.
“So how is it all going down?” I asked, watching him slip the pocketbook back in his jeans
“I already made a call, the Dora’s gonna meet us there,” he answered plainly, though I could see the guilt that was threatening to peek through at betraying the people who had gone to such great lengths for him.
I moved to adjust myself in my seat, sending a shooting pain through my abdomen. I hissed at the sensation, my hand flying to cover the area. “What? What is it?” Bucky’s mood had shifted from calm to panicked in seconds.
“They said that might happen,” I said, my voice slightly strained from the pain, “I’m fine.”
Bucky’s head rotated between watching me and the road, I knew that it was only because we were too far away from Latvia that he wasn’t turning the car around and taking me back to Sam. “Hey,” I said softly, reaching for his nearest arm to give it a reassuring squeeze, “I’m fine.”
He sighed, both stress and relief seeping out of the sound and telling me it wasn’t time yet to remove my hand. A few breaths were taken before he decided to finally speak, “You gave me a heart attack yesterday, when you passed out I thought you…”
His sentence trailed off leaving me to fill in the gaps of what he thought had happened to me. I was just as terrified when it was him who laid unconscious in my arms. “You scared me too, I was practically slapping you silly trying to get you to wake up.”
“I know, I heard you.”
“You heard me?”
“I couldn’t move, felt like I couldn’t even open my eyes,” Bucky said, pausing for a second as he relived the moment, “You sounded like you were underwater, but I knew you were there. I could feel you.”
The air had shifted from light to tense and now to the great something that Bucky and I always seemed to be enveloped by. And this, this small admittance of recognizing one’s presence in the middle of battle was the most we’d ever acknowledged it. Something about Bucky’s voice when he’d said he could feel me, my hands pressed and stroking against his cheeks, that led me to believe he wasn’t just stating a fact. It didn’t break or quiver, he didn’t stutter or stumble on his words, but I could hear in his serious tone that there were emotions he was holding back. The phantom of that dark moment was clear and present in the car, pushing the two of us together while the spirit of hesitation was wedged between us.
I embodied both as my hand slipped from Bucky’s arm and I gathered the courage to speak. “I heard you too, just before Sam told you to bring me to the hospital.”
There was a pregnant pause as Bucky absorbed the news, “You remember anything after that?”
I knew, he knew, we both knew what he was asking. He wanted to know if I remembered the kiss, the last thing I’d felt before giving into my body’s trauma. The way his lips had brushed my forehead so softly as if he was afraid to break me any more, yet somehow I’d felt every bit of his concern and care. It had crossed a line that we’d come so close to crossing in that alley, him caging me in and me pressing his hand to my chest. Had I not lost consciousness, I’d have pressed my hand against the back of his head, threaded my fingers through his hair and redirected those lips down to meet mine. Did I remember?
Bucky glanced over at me, carefully scanning my face for any signs of discomfort with his decision. When he found none, one side of his lips pulled up in the now familiar smirk. “Good.”
I found myself biting down on my bottom lip to keep from breaking into a grin, forcing my mouth into submission. If in another lifetime I had ever met 1940’s Bucky Barnes, I had a feeling he was like this but all the time. Flirty, bold and a smash hit with the women. And here he was, eighty years later, charming me so well that I had forgotten momentarily that we were on our way to essentially arrest one of the world’s most dangerous men. Such was the hold he had on me…
“Get some sleep,” he said like nothing had transpired, the audacity of him…”It’s gonna be a while till we get to Sokovia.”
“You don’t get to tell me what to do, Mr. Barnes,” I said playfully.
“Oh, now I’m Mr. Barnes?” he shot back with a single laugh.
“That’s how you’re supposed to address your elders.”
“Ha ha ha,” he unenthusiastically shot back, the smile on his face contradicting his words.
I moved to settle into my side of the bench seat but stopped myself before I could truly get comfortable. If Bucky could be bold, then I could be too. Careful to not awaken the pain in my abdomen or chest, I slid across the long seat until I was pressed against the Super Soldier. I placed my head against his arm, effectively making him my pillow and letting myself be swept away to sleep, comforted by the warmth he provided and how his tense body relaxed at my touch.
There was a chance for us.
Bucky parked our car in the Sokovian woodland, saying we needed to walk to rest of the way as not to alert Zemo to our being there a second before he should be made aware. He hadn’t been wrong, there stood the Baron in front of the memorial to his once whole country. As we silently approached, Bucky pulled the gun he had out of his coat pocket, holding it at his side instead of in the air. We had an agreement, he’d get his closure with Zemo and then I would get my answers.
“I thought you’d be here sooner,” Zemo said, acknowledging our presences, “And I figured you would be with him. Don’t worry,” he spared Bucky a glance, “I’ve decided I’m not going to kill you.”
“Imagine my relief,” Bucky sarcastically retorted, clicking the gun as a period to his sentence.
Zemo pivoted and slowly walked towards us, “The girl has been radicalized beyond salvation. I warned Sam, but he didn’t listen to me. He’s as stubborn as Steve Rogers before him. But you…They literally programmed you to kill. James, do what needs to be done. Karli has people everywhere, and there’s only one way to make sure she cannot continue her mission.”
“I appreciate the advice,” Bucky replied, “But we’re gonna do it our own way.”
Zemo chuckled softly, “Yeah, I was afraid you would say that.”
Bucky stayed silent, the only sound between the three of us was the sound of the pistol’s safety being turned off. I paid close attention to how Zemo’s eyes followed the noise and how they expectantly waited as Bucky cocked the weapon and aimed at Zemo’s face. He nodded, giving Bucky permission to prove that his killer instinct was still there. The Baron wanted sweet death to take him and reunite him with the family he’d lost years ago. Perhaps I would want the same thing if I had lost everyone, but not everybody deserved an ending so sweet.
Bucky pulled the trigger, the chamber revealing its secret that it was indeed empty.
Zemo flinched at the shot that never fired, his face painted with shock that Bucky hadn’t committed the deed we all assumed he’d want to. Once the victim, the small smirk of victory across his lips proved that Bucky was actually the winner in Zemo’s plot to bring down Super Soldiers. Not just because he had escaped with his life, but because he had healed his wound. With each bullet that clanked to the ground, released from his metal hand, the power his grudges against Zemo had held over him disappeared.
The Dora Milaje appeared then, marching in from behind Zemo to come and escort him to his fate of their choosing. “Ladies…” he greeted them before turning back to Bucky, “I took the liberty of crossing off my name in your book. I hold no grudges for what you thought you had to do. Goodbye, James.”
“We’re not done yet,” I stepped forward from behind Bucky, “You still owe me an answer. You said my name was familiar, why is that?”
Zemo’s lips parted only to close once more, eventually nodding and taking a breath. “Very well, I suppose everybody deserves to know their roots. What did your father tell you he did?”
My father? What could he have possibly known about him? How could he ever have been on his radar? “He was a soldier, US Army, he came home to Louisiana and became a contractor,” I answered, not letting on to my confusion.
“Sadly, what he told you was a lie,” Zemo stated, “When I heard your last name, I could not place where I had heard it before. It wasn’t until I brought it up to you that I had figured out you were his daughter. Your father was in service of a kind, but not to your country’s government. Not at least in the way you think.”
Fear was starting to creep in, its inky black tentacles starting to take swipes at me threatening to drag me down. I did my best to keep my expression steeled, “How dare you say my father was a liar...He bled and fought for my country, he dedicated himself to the service.”
Zemo paused, he didn’t seem like he was taking any enjoyment in having this conversation with me. “Y/n, your father was a part of HYDRA.”
I could no longer keep my emotions off my face as my jaw went slack and my brows scrunched together. “No, you’re lying,” I shook my head, trying to deny what he had no reason to make up.
“His name was listed in the files that Black Widow released to the public years ago. When I was deciphering the files and I found his name, I quickly learned that he dropped his last name in favor of his middle once he left their service. Perhaps he was afraid they would find him or your family,” Zemo further explained, “When I came looking for him and discovered he had killed himself long ago, I let you and your family be. I had no interest in tearing the three of you apart, only your father.”
“W-why were you trying to find him? How could he have possibly been of use to y-“ my sentence stopped cold in its tracks. There had only been one reason Zemo was interested in HYDRA, why he had scoured file after file and become obsessed with the organization. And as I connected the dots, I quickly tried to scramble them again.
“Your father,” Zemo stopped once again, knowing his words would have a lasting impact on me, “Was one of the Winter Soldier’s handlers. One of the men in charge of containing, controlling and torturing the man standing next to you.”
In my life, I had known a little too much pain. There were three moments that stuck out as the worst in my life. The first was as a child when the police knocked on our door, telling us that my father had been found dead. The second was when Steve informed me that Sam was dead. This was the third and it struck me like a dagger in both my heart and back. My father had posthumously wounded me and betrayed me.
“I am sorry,” Zemo said, his thick accent dragging me out of my pain for only a second, “I don’t take any joy in telling you this.”
It wouldn’t have mattered to me how he felt, my entire life was crashing down around me and I was struggling just to find the strength to draw another breath. My father had painted himself a veteran, he’d allowed me and my family to believe him to be a hero, when all along he had been working for the enemy. And the worst part of it all was that he hadn’t hurt just anybody…He had hurt Bucky.
There was nothing left to say, through my teary eyes I watched the red and silver blurs that were the Dora Milaje lead Zemo away. After the shock came the panic, leaving me to stumble away from Bucky to brace myself against the memorial statue. My breathing started to quicken as I conjured up images of my father, young and ambitious, hooking Bucky up to machines. Torturing him. Breaking him. He may not have been one of the masterminds behind the creation of the Winter Soldier, but he had played one of the worst parts. He had beaten Bucky down day in and day out, stripping him of his humanity and everything that made him the man I had fallen for. Now, however many years later, here I stood, the offspring of someone capable of such evil.
A familiar hand gently gripped my elbow, “Y/n…”
“No,” I trembled, violently ripping my arm out of Bucky’s grasp, “No, don’t.”
“Y/n, you didn’t do anything,” Bucky hurriedly assured me, reaching out for one of my hands, “You didn’t know-“
Guilt had taken full hold of me and I couldn’t stand to watch Bucky, the person who suffered most at the hands of my father, try to tell me that any part of this was acceptable. “Bucky, get away from me,” I took several steps backwards, holding a warning hand out, “You can’t.”
“Don’t do this,” he urged, disregarding my order and walking closer toward me, “You’re innocent in all this.”
“Stop,” I yelled through my tears, throwing up a force field to separate the two of us. Bucky looked heartbrokenly at the barrier, placing his metal hand over it and pleading with his eyes to drop it. “Don’t say it’s okay, don’t say that I’m innocent. H-he hurt you and I’m…I’m him.”
Before Bucky could argue the point that I had no role in my father’s sins, I dropped the force field and redirected the energy to my palms. I shot into the air and flew off in the same direction we’d come, desperate to take myself as far away from Bucky as I could. I wouldn’t have hurt him even if my life had depended on it, but the guilt I felt for what my father had done to him was overwhelming. The whole time I had known him I’d been trying to help him through his trauma, so desperate to be of any service to him to save him from being swallowed by his demons. I had made my father the example, the cautionary tale, when all along he had been the villain. And I, in some way, felt responsible for all of it.
With Zemo’s one sentence, he’d taken a match to everything. The man my father had made himself out to be, my family’s belief in him, my belief in myself and the chance that Bucky and I could find happiness with one another. I wasn’t sure which one hurt the most to lose, all I knew was that my little experiment was over. A child of HYDRA trying to be a hero was nothing more than smoke and mirrors.
Three plane rides and one rental car later, I was turning my key in the door of my house, the only luggage with me was my newly attained emotional baggage.
It was past AJ and Cass’ bedtime, a thought that occurred to me as the front door creaked to announce my arrival. Had it been a normal night, Sarah and I might have watched a movie with them, indulging in ice cream sundaes before sending them to bed. We’d have retired soon after, a long day of catching and selling awaiting us at the crack of dawn.
How far away it all seemed now, this life that a week ago had been the only life I’d known...
I found myself frozen in the entryway, knowing once I took the first step in that I could no longer go back to who I’d been the past few days. The energy that I’d used to protect and shield those I cared about in battle would stay trapped forever in my veins. The drive I had to help people would have to be utilized in different ways, but never again on such a grand scale as saving the world. I was to go back to being exactly who I was before I’d gotten to notion in my head that I could play some bigger role in the world.
I took steady strides down my hall, each step taking me further and further away from the person I foolishly thought I could be. Walker had been right, I wasn’t a hero.
I made my way into the living room, the sight of Sam dozing on our couch surprising me. The fact that he was here let me know that either he’d given up on Karli or there was simply nothing left to do. Knowing my brother, who never gave up on anyone or anything, it was the latter. I patted his knee just hard enough to alert him of my presence, he stirred and blearily opened his eyes, blinking a few times before focusing on me. “Hey.”
“Did you bring back Sarah and the boys?” I asked, tossing my keys on a nearby end table.
“Safe and sound,” he answered, some of the tension in my body dissipating.
I settled down next to him in the corner of the couch, the two of us leaning on one another physically and metaphorically. Since the beginning, it had always been Sam and I against the world. Now the world had gone against us and here we were, both fighting to keep our eyes open after being dealt a good many blows.
“You went to see him, didn’t you?” I broke up the silence we were resting in, with our backs pressed to one another, I couldn’t see his face, “Isaiah.”
“Yeah,” Sam mumbled, his head falling back against mine. I’d known since we’d left the man’s house that my brother wasn’t done with him, there were too many questions to be asked. “You guys catch Zemo?”
“Mmhmm,” I replied, knowing the inevitable question was coming but still praying it didn’t, “The Wakandans came for him.”
“So where’s Bucky?” Sam asked tiredly.
With my last look at James Buchanan Barnes, I had seen heartache etched into every line of his face. The pain I had caused him when I’d barred him from coming any closer to me had birthed equal hurt within me. The last thing I had ever wanted to do was hurt Bucky, and I knew that between my father’s past and my disappearance from his life, I had done just that. But in my heart, I knew that eventually he would resent me for what my family had done to him. And the day when he stopped gazing at me with the softness in those piercing blue eyes I adored so much was a day I couldn’t bear to experience. The connection we had would eventually fade, he’d continue avenging and I would live quietly in my corner of the south. I was letting him go to protect him, to prevent him from having to relive every trauma every day each time he looked at me. It was my final way of helping him.
“He’s safe,” I answered, mumbling the words as my eyes watered and my voice threatened to crack.
A/N: ........So........How we feeling? (Let me know if you’d like to be tagged in this angst fest of a series!)
Safe Haven taglist: @tanyaherondale @wanniiieeee @asoftie4bucky @edencherries @i-reblog-fics-i-like @ttalisa @gcfty @withyoutilltheendofthismess @rinaispunk @weirdowithnobeardo @felicityofbakerstreet @godlypotterwhodiaries @eternalharry @voguesir @mizz-kraziii @okayline @smellmymisunderstoodfluff @wanderin-stories @nicklet94 @intricate-melody @aesthethickks @stumbleonmywords @simplybarnes @21bruhs @lostinwonderland314 @superbookishhufflepuff @kaelyn-lobrutto24 @zozebo @fandomxreaders @kittengirl998 @sarai-ibn-la-ahad @i-know-i-can @x-judyjude-x @thebi-valkyrieofvalhalla @buckverse @living-that-best-life @haphazardhufflepuff @citlalireedus @lindseyrae20 @missstef23 @qhbr2013 @sebby-stann @bluemoon-icecream @iixbella @lets-love-little-me
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just for you, honeybee (2/?)
pairing: bucky barnes x reader, steve rogers x reader (platonic)
word count: 2,107
authors note: second part of this ongoing series! i still don't know how many parts this is going to be but i seriously want to finish this lmao. hopefully this will be a series i actually complete! please leave feedback - i truly appreciate it!
warnings: mention of bucky's death, uncontrollable sobbing, character death, a few curse words
summary: dating back to 1943, you, james barnes, and steve rogers were best friends, including bucky being your boyfriend. when you get a notice that bucky died in the war, you make it your mission to find closure for yourself and protect steve as he is the only remaining piece of bucky you have left. once you are offered the super soldier serum, you and steve must make your way through world war 2 - and the unknown future hardships to come.
recap: Steve seemed shocked that you were able to read him like that, but was defeated. With a sigh, he turned and reached into his handbag, pulling out a file, “there was this Doctor there, Doctor Erskine, who uh – he approved me for the army, y/n. But it’s for an experiment, something they call a super-soldier experiment, I’m not sure. I’m going – I leave in a couple days.”
How is your world falling apart this quickly?
Sending Steve off was honestly just as painful as it was when Bucky was shipped off. You didn’t want to guilt-trip Steve into staying – you knew how important it was to him to join the army and do something. However, now you were completely alone. You knew you had Becca and you could always write to Bucky and Steve, but it just wasn’t the same.
Both of your boys were gone.
Once Steve had told you about this super-soldier serum experiment, you chewed his ear off for a good 10 minutes. It was brutal, to say the least, and while pacing in your small living room, Steve sat in his seat, hands folded as he waited for you to finish.
This was his final chance to get into the army and while he hated the idea of leaving you, he needed to do something, not only with his life, but with the army. He needed to prove himself. He knew you could take care of yourself – you were independent and a firecracker – there was nothing you couldn’t do. However, while slowly trying to convince himself that you would be okay, Steve was also having a midlife crisis of his own friendship with Bucky. If he found out he left you alone while the both of them were at war, Steve knew Bucky’s reaction wasn’t going to be great.
Once you were done tearing Steve a new one, telling him that you supported him all the way, but you honestly wished he would stay – and possibly called him a dipshit in between all of that – you calmed down. With a quiet voice, you looked to Steve, “can I at least send you off?”
Steve felt his cheeks grow warm and let a smile slip onto his lips, “I would be honored if my biggest fan were there.”
You shoved his shoulder lightly, “shut it, you fat-head. C’mon, we gotta get you all dolled up.”
While it was just as painful to see Steve go, you knew he’d be in good hands and wouldn’t do anything too stupid. You had told him sternly, “I want the name of your commanding officer, his commanding officer, and any fat-headed buffoons that are in charge at your camp, okay?”
Steve had shaken his head, “yes mom, whatever you say.” His eyes rolled but he had a smile on his face, “just so you can keep an eye on me?”
You hummed, “that, and to know whose ass I hav’ta kick if anything happens to you, Stevie. And if you see Bucky, you tell him I love him, you hear?”
Steve saluted before he headed towards the platform, “love ya, y/n!”
You had a small smile on your life, “love you too, Rogers. Kill some Nazis for me.”
That interaction was nearly 6 months ago, and every day felt like a new hill you had to climb over. You sent postcards to both Steve and Bucky in hopes that they would respond every time you sent one, but that wasn’t the case. You weren’t mad, nor upset, just lonely. Steve had let you know that the serum worked and he had been reunited with Bucky after taking over a HYDRA base where you learned Buck was captured. God, that letter caused you so much turmoil and anxiety, but Steve had calmed your fears, letting you know that Bucky was okay. You had also recognized his handwriting at the end, “can’t get rid of me that easily, honeybee. I love you.”
You hadn’t heard from them in a couple weeks, and your anxiety was beginning to show. Nothing new had happened, so you truly had no reason to write to them, but you did anyway, just updating them both on your life and how much you missed them. You had seen Captain America’s tours and his posters all over Brooklyn, and you were so proud of your Steve.
But it was weird seeing him so tall and…built.
Tearing your eyes away from another Captain America poster with his boys behind him, you continued your journey to some local shops, stocking up on groceries and possibly a new pair of shoes. Brooklyn was quiet today, which was certainly odd; there was nothing ominous about it, but it was not something anyone there was used to.
Hands skimming through some plums, you picked one that you knew Bucky would love. With a soft smile, you put the fruit in your basket, continuing through the store until you heard quiet whispers:
“Are you sure he’s here? The Captain America?”
“Mary, I told you, I saw him clear as day; no clue where the man was headin’, but he’s here.”
“Is there a tour or somethin’ here in Brooklyn?”
“Mary…I ain’t no mind reader, he could be stoppin’ by before he goes back off to war.”
Your heart nearly exploded out of your chest. Steve was here, back in Brooklyn? Wait – if Steve was here, then Bucky could be, too!
Quickly dropping the items you had in your hands, you ran out of the grocery store as fast as your heels would let you, passing by Grover in such a rush, he couldn’t even say hello. Crossing the street in a hurry, you grabbed your purse tightly and ran up your apartment fire escape stairs. Once you reached your floor, you grabbed your key and opened the door, being met with your Steve Grant Rogers and a very beautiful woman dressed in an army’s uniform.
“I – holy shit, Steve – oh my god,” you stumbled, out of breath as Steve stood up, towering over you, “I thought you were smaller.”
Steve stepped forward, hands out in case you fell or needed a hug, “side effect of that serum I told you about, remember?” The woman behind him gave Steve a look at the mention.
You caught your breath, “give me a hug, you doofus! Oh my gosh, those letters do you no good – nor do the posters!”
The two of you embraced as Steve held you in his arms, careful of his trembling hands, “’used my spare key, hope you don’t mind.”
You ran your hands over his back and his hair, “I get to see my best friend again, I don’t care how you got in here. Now, where’s Jamie, I – I need’ta see him.”
Steve pulled away and laid his hands on your shoulders, “actually, I wanted you to meet someone before… this is uh, Peggy Carter, she’s an agent of that Strategic Scientific Reserve for the serum and one of the best. Peg, this is y/n, the one who wrote to me and…Bucky, all the time.”
Peggy stood up, hand outstretched towards you as you shook hers, “nice to finally meet you, y/n. Steve here talked lots about you.”
You didn’t fail to notice her solemn look and the file of papers tucked underneath her other arm, “it’s, um, nice to meet you too, Agent Carter.”
The three of you stood in silence as Steve guided you to the remaining chair in the living room. With a bite to your lip, you turned towards Peggy, “I hate to be so forward, Agent, but I’ve seen those files before. I know what – what they mean.”
“Y/N,“ Steve began, “please let her –“
You cut Steve off, “Stevie…where is James?” Your eyes immediately started to fill with tears but you held them back for the sake of your own.
Peggy cleared her throat, “Miss L/N, there was a mission that included James Buchanan Barnes and during that mission, a part of the train that the soldiers were riding on exploded. Amongst the fight, we believe Barnes –“
Steve stopped her, “Peg, she – she doesn’t need to know how…”
Tears escaped your eyes as you looked at your best friend, “Stevie… Is he..?”
Steve ran his hands over his face, “he – he was hangin’ onto the side of the train, y/n, and I let him fall. I couldn’t reach him and…”
The rest of Steve’s story fell upon deaf ears. No, not deaf ears, but ones that were ringing. Bucky was dead. He was dead. He fell off a train and was dead. He wasn’t coming home.
Bucky wasn’t coming home to you.
At that revelation, your body began to shake uncontrollably as the tears fell from your eyes, unable to be stopped. You tried to breathe but the pressure on your chest was unbearable. You tried to look at Steve, but your eyes were so blurry, “St-“
No words left your mouth, only the sounds of your sobbing. Steve leaped forward, wrapping his arms around you as you cried, screamed for Bucky, for your Jamie.
"No, no, not James! Steve, please!" you cried, falling onto the floor with Steve as he held you.
Peggy let her own tear slip, overwhelmed with your reaction. Leaving his dog tags, his files, and a medal on your table, she stepped out of your apartment.
Mrs. Betty Davis stepped out of her apartment just as Peggy shut the door, hoping nobody heard your cries and screams for James. Mrs. Davis looked to Peggy, “that boy, Barnes… he never came home?”
Peggy wiped her stray tear and cleared her throat, “I’m afraid not, ma’am. He died an honorable death, taking down a,” she paused, “a Nazi base.”
Mrs. Davis shifted her gaze to the door where she could clearly hear you crying and yelling for Bucky, that he wasn’t dead. She looked down to her welcome mat, “he was a good man, always takin’ care of that girl. His heart beat for her, he turned her world. Wouldn’t surprise anyone if he had a ring lyin’ around. She was just as in love with him as he was her.”
Peggy’s eyes filled up with tears as your neighbor explained you and Bucky’s love for one another, “I had only met him once but he… he seemed genuinely good.”
Mrs. Davis gave a sad smile, “he was. Thank you…for letting me know.” Peggy nodded at her.
Back inside, your tears had stained Steve’s shirt as he held you close, “I know y/n, I – I know. I got you.”
You had stopped screaming for Bucky, but your hands shook as they held onto Steve, fresh tears still running down your cheeks. With a shaky breath, you grasped onto Steve’s shirt, “do – do you think he was in pain?”
Steve let his own tears slip but held his own, “I don’t know y/n, but I’d like to think he wasn’t. He – uh – he told me, before he fell… he told me to tell his honeybee that he loves you so, so much and he – he wanted you to have his tags.”
You pulled away from Steve’s chest, looking at him in slight confusion, “his…tags?” It had then dawned on you:
Bucky wanted you to have his dog tags from the army.
Feeling a new thread of tears about to be shed, your lip quivered but you covered it up, glancing over the room until you saw the file Peggy had sat on the table. With shaky hands, you leaned towards your coffee table – the one that Bucky would rest his feet upon all the time until you smacked them off – and grabbed the file. Opening it up, you immediately saw his army identification photo and his dog tags hanging in the middle of the file.
You shut the flimsy piece of paper before you could cry anymore. Turning to Steve, you noticed his eyes were also red from crying, “what now?”
Steve and you now sat on the floor, backs resting on one of your chairs, “I hav’ta finish what I started, with Johann Schmidt and Zola. Can I be honest with you?”
You nodded your head, wiping your remaining tears on your shirt, “of – of course Steve.”
He let out a shaky breath, “I wish I could take away your pain, but I can’t. Before Buck was shipped off, I promised him I would take care of you, and right now, I need to be here for you. So, if you want to, I can ask Peg if you can come along with us, with me, and once I’m done, we can… we can do whatever you want to do.”
You picked at your nails, anxiety swallowing you whole, “and what if you don’t make it back, either?”
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Meanwhile in Louisiana
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader
Summary: You are Sam’s best friend and you meet Bucky when Sam organizes a party down at the docks.
Word Count: 4.3k
“Sam, I got this. Go get the rest of the boxes” you said, taking a stack of packaged food from Sam.
Sam was your best friend growing up. You both had been inseparable. After all the years of fighting and joining the Avengers, he was still always at your side.
He was having a big celebration today. The whole family had made a bunch of food for your neighbors. Everyone had pitched in to help save the boat, and Sam wanted to thank everyone for their help.
What better way to show your thanks than making food for all your neighbors?
You took the boxes and brought them down to the dock where Sarah was handing out food. You opened the boxes and helped her with handing out the food.
Sam walked up to you both setting down more boxes. “Y/N, the coolers running out of ice. There’s a bunch of bags on the boat, down in the freezer. Can you go get some more?” Sarah asked you.
You nodded quickly and headed towards the boat. You walked down the stairs and found bags of ice right where Sarah said they would be.
You grabbed a few and headed back up the stairs. Your hands were full of the big bags, and you could barely see where you were walking.
You went to step off the boat and onto the dock, and you lost your footing. You felt your feet fly out from beneath you. You started to fall backwards.
Before you had time to react, you felt a pair of hands catch you. You looked past the ice and saw a brunette man, with a charming smile.
“You okay?” He asked you, sincerely. You nodded as he let go off of you and you adjusted the bags in your hands.
“I’m okay. Thanks for catching me. I’m Y/N” you said, sticking out your hand.
He smiled at you and shook your hand. “Y/N. That’s a beautiful name. I’m Bucky” he said, and you could feel your heart swoon.
You got lost staring in his eyes. It was like you couldn’t look away.
You were both just staring into each other’s eyes with goofy grins on your faces.
“You two done gazing into each other’s eyes?” A voice snapped.
You both jumped and saw Sam standing there. “Here, I’ll take these” Bucky said, grabbing the bags from you.
He started to walk towards the tent on the dock, with Sam hot on his trail.
“No no no. I know that look. Don’t you even think about it. Y/N is my best friend. Don’t go anywhere near her” Sam warned Bucky as they walked back.
Bucky nodded, knowing for a fact that he would be breaking that rule.
You didn’t hear them. You were too busy staring as he walked off. You headed back down the dock to get the rest of the boxes from Sam’s truck.
You grabbed them and locked the truck with the keys. You headed down the dock again. You found yourself staring at Bucky as he played with Sam’s nephews. He was great with kids.
You walked by them, and he shot you a wink as you did. You felt the heat rush to your cheeks, and it wasn’t from the Louisiana sun.
You set the boxes down with the rest, looking over Sarah’s shoulder at Bucky. Something about him was just captivating.
“What’re you looking at?” Sarah teased you. She knew exactly what you were staring at, or who you were staring at.
“Oh shut up” you said, trying to hide your embarrassment.
She smirked when she saw your reaction. “Just don’t let Sam see you. He treats you like his second sister. He would lose his mind if you saw you right now” Sarah told you.
You nodded, knowing she was right. Then, as if on cue, Bucky glanced over his shoulder and shot you a smile. You smiled back and gave him a small wave.
Magically, Sam appeared right at your side. He grabbed your hand and pulled you towards the boat.
“Uh uh. I don’t think so” he said, as he dragged you with him. Bucky chuckled as you were helplessly pulled behind Sam.
Sam walked into the cabin of the boat with you and closed the door.
“No” Sam said, sternly as he pointed at you.
“Sam” you complained, whining his name.
He held his finger up to his mouth to shush you. “Not Bucky, please” Sam begged you.
A small smirk appeared on your face. “But he’s so charming. Come on, Sam. We’re all adults here. There’s no harm in looking” you said, as you left the boat.
You glanced over towards where Sam’s nephews had been and were disappointed to not see Bucky. You walked back over to Sarah.
“Everybody has been served. I’ll make you a plate, if you go get the boys” she told you. You nodded and gave her a thumbs up. You headed over to where the boys were playing.
“Aunt Y/N, catch!” AJ called, throwing the football to you. You caught it and successfully ran past both the boys.
“Touchdown, the crowd goes wild” you pretended to cheer for yourself. You put your arms around both the boys.
“It’s time for dinner. Rematch when we’re done eating” you told them, heading back towards the boat.
You hadn’t seen it at the time, but Bucky was watching you. He thought you were adorable. He was in awe as he watched you interact with the boys.
You saw Sarah, Sam, and Bucky sitting on the boat. You steered the boys in that direction.
Sarah handed each of the boys a plate. They thanked her and then raced off to eat with one of their friends.
Bucky held out a plate for you. “You’re lucky. I had to stop Sam from trying to eat your food” he said, chuckling.
You gave him a small smile and thanked him as you took the plate. You sat down next to him.
The two of you were sat on one side of the boat. Sam and Sarah were on the bench on the other side.
“So you grew up with Sam? I’m really sorry” Bucky joked, looking over at you. You giggled to yourself.
“It wasn’t so bad. He was like the brother I never had” you told him, honestly.
You saw Sam looking between the two of you. “He was so protective over her when we were growing up. He used to threaten all of her boyfriends when we were in high school” Sarah told Bucky.
You smiled as you remembered the memories. It was true. Sam had always been protective over you. He had seen your heart get broken too many times.
“I bet you had a lot of boyfriends in high school” Bucky said, smirking at you. You had a fluttering feeling in your stomach as you looked into his eyes.
Sam quickly frowned. “I bet you had a lot of girlfriends” you flirted back. You two were both stuck looking into each other’s eyes again.
“I’m going to get us some beers” Sam said, standing up. You stopped him. You stood up and set your plate down on your seat.
“No, eat your food. I’ll go get them” you said, starting to head back towards the dock.
“I’ll help carry” Bucky said, standing up. Sam was not a fan.
“Like hell you will, you sit your ass down” Sam said. You, Bucky, and Sarah all started laughing as you saw how protective Sam got.
Bucky held his hands up in surrender and returned to his seat. You walked over towards where Sarah had been cooking. You bent down in the cooler and grabbed four beers.
“Y/N. Come here” someone called out. You looked up and saw Grandma Rosie. She was an older lady that lived near you and Sam growing up.
She acted like a grandma for all the kids in town, while you were growing up. Everybody knew who she was, and she was notorious for knowing all the town gossip.
You walked over to the table she was sitting at. “Hi Rosie. How are you? You need anything?” You asked her, setting the beers down for a second.
“No, I’m good, sugar. I wanted to ask you about the cute guy over there with Sam and Sarah” she said, looking over towards the boat.
You giggled and followed her gaze. Bucky was telling a story to Sarah. “That's Bucky. He’s one of Sam’s friends” you told her, simply. You tried to hide your obvious embarrassment, but she noticed.
“Well he was staring at you earlier. You seem to like him too. You two would be a cute couple, darling” she said, smirking at you.
Your cheeks heated up with embarrassment.
You shook your head politely. “We know how Sam would feel about that” you told her, giggling.
“Forget Sam. Go find some love. Plus, he’s not bad on the eyes” she said, winking at you. You nodded. “No, he’s not” you said, as you walked back towards the boat, beers in hand.
As you stepped onto the boat, Bucky’s eyes glanced over to you and then back to Sam as he spoke. You handed Sam and Sarah each a beer. Then, you sat down next to Bucky and handed him one.
You struggled to open the bottle. “Come on, you remember that trick I taught you?” Sam asked you, chuckling as you struggled with it.
He had taught you a trick using the side of the bench. It just wasn’t working. You started to get flustered. A small smirk rose on Bucky’s face.
“Here, I got it” he said, holding his hand out. You gladly handed it to him. He used the metal hand to get the cap right off, and then handed it back to you.
“Thanks. You make it look so easy” you said, smiling to yourself. Bucky shrugged. Sam rolled his eyes as you both flirted with each other.
Soon, you all finished eating and you started to talk about whatever came to mind. Bucky let his arm rest along the railing behind you. You resisted every urge to lean into his touch. Every now and then, his hand would bump your back, sending shivers down your spine.
The only that stopped you from letting him put his arm around you was Sam’s stare.
You heard running and you noticed both AJ and Cass running onto the boat.
“Aunt Y/N, will you come play football with us?” AJ asked you. You nodded, standing up.
“I call dibs on Aunt Y/N. I want her on my team” Cass said, crossing his arms. His brother didn’t like that idea.
“Then I get Uncle Bucky” AJ countered. They both looked over at Bucky and he agreed. Both the boys cheered.
You and Bucky followed the boys as they raced towards the house. Bucky held out his hand and helped you step off the boat.
“I can’t have you falling again” he said, smiling at you.
You felt like a school girl with a crush. Something about Bucky just made your stomach do flips.
“How do those kids have so much energy?” You asked, giggling to yourself. They had already run down the dock and were almost at the house.
Bucky chuckled to himself and stopped walking. You stopped and looked at him. “What’re you doing?” You asked, confused.
He bent down. “Get on my back” he told you. You were shocked. You shook your head no and just laughed.
“Come on. It’ll be fun” he said, trying to persuade you. You thought about it for a second and eventually gave in. You walked towards him and he cheered.
You rested your hands on his shoulders and jumped onto his back. “God, I feel like a kid again” you said, laughing. He wrapped his arms under your legs and held you in place.
“You holding on?” He asked you, and you moved your arms to around his neck.
“Yep” you answered, smiling. Then, he took off running down the dock, following after the boys.
You both got to the house and the boys were already throwing the ball back and forth. Bucky squatted down and let you jump off his back.
The boys looked over at you both. “Aunt Y/N and I are totally going to beat you” Cass said, trash talking to his brother.
You both walked towards them. “Woah woah woah. I think we’re going to take you both down” Bucky said, looking over at you.
You all started to play and thirty minutes later, your teams were tied.
“Hike” Cass yelled as he through the ball back to you. He covered his brother and you ran past him. Then, you saw Bucky running towards you.
You knew you could never outrun the super soldier. So, you got creative.
“Owww owww ow” you said, stopping and clutching your ankle. The look on Bucky’s face changed to one of concern instantly.
He rushed over to your side. “Are you okay?” He asked you, letting you lean on his shoulder.
“I think I twisted it. Owww” you fake complained.
“Here let me help” Bucky said, and you took off running towards the end zone. Bucky realized that you had faked your injury and started chasing after you.
You were inches from the end zone and you felt your feet leave the ground. Bucky had his arms wrapped around your waist, as he picked you up off the ground.
“No! I was so close” you complained, trying to squirm out of his grasp. His grip tightened and he wouldn’t let you down.
“Yeah, but we won” he boasted. He finally set you down and the boys came running over.
“We did it, Uncle Bucky” AJ said, giving him a high five. You picked AJ and helped put him on Bucky's shoulders.
“Victory lap” Bucky said, starting to run in a circle. AJ cheered as they did it. Cass walked over to you and you gave him a high five.
Then, Sam and Sarah walked up from the dock. “AJ, did you win?” Sam asked him. AJ and Bucky just continued to cheer.
“Not all of us can run at super speed” you complained, sticking your tongue. Cass agreed with you.
“Sounds like you’re just jealous, doll” Bucky said, walking towards you and Cass. Over his shoulder, you saw Sam and Sarah walk onto the porch. “Who wants dessert?” Sarah called as they both went into the house.
You bent down and let Cass jump on your back. You and Bucky started to walk towards the house. You caught him glancing over at you as you walked.
You got the porch and Cass slid off your back. “Come here, AJ” you said, helping him down off Bucky’s shoulders. You all walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. Sarah handed everybody a slice of blueberry pie. Sam and Sarah joined the four of you at the table.
“Are Aunt Y/N and Uncle Bucky staying the night, mom?” AJ asked. Sarah looked towards the two of you, expectantly. “I’m staying if Y/N is” Bucky mumbled, so only you could hear him.
Apparently Sam heard him too because he hit Bucky in the back of the head. As he hit him, Sam knocked his plate sideways and the pie fell onto the white tablecloth.
“Samuel Wilson” Sarah yelled at him. You, Sarah, and Bucky all immediately started picking the plates up off the table. You grabbed the table cloth off the table, so they could put the plates back down.
“I’ll go wash it off outside” you said, heading for the door. You grabbed the hose and started to wash the tablecloth. The stain was taking forever to come out.
You finally got it to disappear and you squeezed the excess water out of it. You set it on the railing so it could dry. You heard the back door close. You turned around and saw Bucky walk around the corner.
“Hey” he said, softly as he walked up to you. You smiled at him.
“Sam’s in timeout. Sarah made him do the dishes. So, I can finally get you alone” he said, walking up to you.
“Why do you need me alone?” You teased, pretending to be oblivious. He stopped walking when he was inches in front of you.
He chuckled at your joke. “To do this” he said, placing his hands on your hips. He leaned in and kissed you lightly. You let your hands relax on his shoulders.
You kissed him back, and he backed you up against the house. You pulled him closer so that he was pressed up against you.
He softly sucked on your bottom lip. You lightly tugged on his hair, telling him to keep going.
Sam glanced out the window and saw you both kissing against the house. He started to head for the door, but Sarah grabbed his collar and stopped him.
“Sarah” he complained.
“Let them be” she said, steering him back to the kitchen sink. Sam groaned and continued to wash the dishes.
“You knew they were out there?” He asked Sarah, and she nodded.
You and Bucky both had no idea either of them had seen you. You both were too busy.
Bucky was an amazing kisser. His lips tasted like spearmint.
His hands slipped behind you and rested in your back pockets. You both pulled away and leaned your foreheads against each other’s.
“You know how to make an impression, Barnes” you muttered softly. He smirked and leaned in to kiss you again. Just as your lips connected, “Uhhhh Uncle Bucky?” a small voice asked.
You both quickly pulled apart and saw AJ standing there. You both had no idea what to say. “No, AJ! Come back here” Sarah called, trying to stop him.
She gave you both an apologetic smile. “Hey, AJ. What’s up?” Bucky asked, trying to change the subject.
“Are you and Aunt Y/N dating?” He asked, smirking at the two of you. Bucky’s face turned bright red. You put your head in your hands, trying to mask your embarrassment.
Sarah elbowed AJ. “Mind your business” she told him, quietly.
As much as the question shocked you, it didn’t shock you as much as when Bucky simply looked over at you and put his arm around your shoulders.
AJ’s eyes lit up. “Aunt Y/N and Uncle Bucky sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G” AJ teased you both.
“AJ, stop it” Sarah said. You gave Sarah a smile that told her it was okay. She chuckled to herself and walked back in the house.
“AJ, can we play a game?” You asked him, beckoning him towards the both of you. He walked towards you and Bucky moved his arm away from you. You bent down so you were on his level.
You held up your pinky. “We’re going to play a game, called don’t tell Uncle Sam what you saw. Can you promise to keep this a secret? Just between us?” You asked him.
He thought about it for a second. “What do I get if I win and I keep the secret?” He asked you, crossing his arms. Bucky chuckled to himself.
“I have a candy bar in my bag upstairs?” You suggested.
He nodded. “Deal” AJ said, while interlocking your pinkies. Then, he ran inside to grab the candy bar.
“Sam is going to kill me” Bucky said, grabbing your hand. You nodded, agreeing with him.
He led you towards two rocking chairs on the porch. Bucky sat down. “I’m going to grab a water. Do you want one?” You asked him. He replied with a nod.
You walked inside and grabbed two waters out of the fridge. You saw both Cass and AJ playing in the living room. There was no sign of Sam.
You started to walk outside and you saw Sam. He was standing and talking to Bucky, with his back to you. You quietly walked outside and closed the door behind you. You listened to what Sam was saying.
“Bucky...I swear to god. Y/N? She was the one girl I told you to avoid, and you decided to make out with her? Besides her and my sister, you can date any girl you want. Why does it have to be Y/N?” He asked, sounding frustrated.
Bucky made eye contact with you over Sam’s shoulder and chuckled to himself. “Because I’m awesome” you said, walking over towards the both of them.
“She’s right. She’s more fun than you are” Bucky teased Sam. Sam groaned as you gave Bucky a high five.
“Now the two biggest pains in my ass are together. This is great” Sam said, sarcastically. You giggled to yourself.
Sam turned to Bucky with a more serious tone. “You even think about hurting her and I will feed you to the fish” Sam threatened.
Bucky held his hands up in surrender. “Do you think I would give him the chance?” You asked Sam, crossing your arms.
Sam chuckled to himself, knowing you were right. “She throws a killer right hook, man. I'd be careful” Sam said, before walking inside. Bucky chuckled, knowing Sam was probably right. You both followed him inside. “Wait. AJ did you tell him?” You asked, looking over into the living room.
He shook his head no. “I saw you both outside” Sam said, with a look of disgust. You giggled at his expression.
“Boys, if you want to go out on the boat tomorrow, you need to head to sleep. No complaining” Sarah said, shooing the boys upstairs. Sam stayed downstairs, death staring at Bucky.
“Sam, get up here. I need your help” Sarah called. You smiled to yourself knowing that she was just helping you get Bucky alone. Sam groaned and stomped up the stairs.
“I’ve heard that the sunset is really beautiful from the dock” you said, turning to Bucky. He raised his eyebrows at you. “Well then I guess we should go check it out” he said, pressing a kiss to your cheek.
You grabbed a blanket off the couch and you both walked out the front door. Bucky let his hand slip into yours as you walked down the dock.
Bucky led you towards the boat. He held your hand and made sure you didn’t slip as you stepped onto the boat. You both sat down on one of the benches, facing the sunset.
You grabbed the blanket and put it over both of your legs. Bucky wrapped his arm around your shoulders so you could lean into him.
“This is nice” he said, softly to you. You smiled up at him.
It was truly a perfect moment. The sunset was beautiful. It felt like a dream, especially with Bucky at your side.
You both sat there in silence for a few minutes, when Bucky turned to you. “You’re really pretty” he whispered.
You didn’t expect the compliment, so your cheeks heated up. “Well I would hope you think so, considering that you kissed me” you said, smirking.
He nodded and chuckled to himself. “That wasn’t the only reason” he said, quietly. It was almost like he meant to say it to himself.
“Really? Indulge me” you said, turning to face him. Suddenly, he seemed flustered.
He looked down at his lap, trying to come up with a way to stall. You pushed his chin up, so that he had to look you in the eyes.
“Well you're obviously gorgeous, and you know how to push all of Sam’s buttons, which is the most attractive thing ever, and I don’t know...you’re really good with Cass and AJ. Today, you’ve always been the first one to volunteer to help clean up or hand out food, or go get ice. I don’t know what it is. You just seem different” he said, looking at you with a look in his eyes that almost made you melt.
You lightly cupped his cheek with one hand and leaned in. You pressed your soft lips against his. His fingers drew shapes on your knee as you kissed him.
You both pulled away and you went back to leaning your head on his shoulder. “I never thought you would be such a softie” you said, giggling to yourself. His chest shook as he laughed at your joke.
You both sat in complete peace. A comfortable silence fell over the two of you, as you watched the sun sink below the horizon.
Slowly, you found yourself falling asleep on Bucky’s shoulder. You realized he had asked you a question, and you hadn’t responded.
“Are you falling asleep?” He asked, almost in awe as he looked down at you. You couldn’t muster the effort to do anything, but nod. He chuckled and stood up.
He wrapped you in the blanket, and then picked you up bridal style. You wrapped your arms around his neck, burrowing your face into his chest.
He smiled as he looked down at how peaceful you looked. He was very careful to not trip on any rocks because that would mean he’d drop you.
He carefully maneuvered into the front door, and then saw Sam sitting in the kitchen, who just smirked at Bucky. Sam chuckled to himself as he saw the world-renowned assassin tiptoeing so he wouldn’t wake you up.
You felt Bucky put you down on the couch. You opened your eyes and Bucky handed you a pillow. Sam walked into the room. “You two lovebirds need any more blankets or anything?” He asked.
You both shook your heads. You set the pillow and blanket up on the couch, and then walked over to Sam. “Thanks for letting us crash here” you said, giving him a hug.
“Of course. If you need anything else let me know” he said, turning to Bucky and giving him a quick hug.
“Good night, Sam” you both said, as Sam walked up the stairs. Bucky gave you a light kiss on the cheek and then you both went to your separate couches for the night.
You both quickly fell asleep, tired from the long day.
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A/N: This is Part 1 to a fic idea I had for TFATWS. The plan is it will be a fluff and angst fic, and I hope you guys like it! :) It is a female reader fic as of right now, but I can write the next parts gender neutral if y'all would like :) Not quite sure the direction I'm taking with parings yet, but as of right now its looking like platonic sam x reader, and romantic zemo x reader, with possible bucky x reader. I'm very excited about this fic idea :) :) :)
Warnings: mentions of PTSD
Y/N saw her old friend on the tv the other day, giving up the shield. She planned on sending him a message asking how he was. The two met while they were working as therapists for veterans with PTSD. She needed to check in on him after she saw the new Captain America. What was his name? James...Jacob, Josh...No, John Walker. The woman became lost in her swirling thoughts about her friend, and the latest "hero", when she heard a knock on her door.
That was weird...she didn't remember ordering any food.
Maybe she sleep ordered again.
She didn't check the door before opening it, but as soon as she did she wished she would've.
"Sam...Mr. Barnes...what are you doing here?" She asked, wondering if her friend could somehow read her thoughts about checking up on him
"Y/N...we have a problem."
'Oh shit' she thought, was it Sam, or that John Walker guy? Was something wrong with Barnes...Y/N knew about his past, oh gosh she knew she couldn't fight back that man-
"Here come in!" her tone of voice betraying her emotions
The two men politely came in as she noticed a third.
He was familiar, with a darker aura than the other two. Y/N tried to read the stranger quickly. His eyes looked focused, and his posture perfect, and wow did he look expensive. Sam broke her out of her spell.
"Hey Y/N, can I talk to you for a second"
The two went to the hallway.
"Hey, how are you" the smaller woman asked
"I'm-I'm alright, Y/N, I-we need some help. You need to be filled in on some things-first off, him" he said as he nodded towards the stranger
"Yeah...Sam, who is he?"
"You remember the UN...before the whole blip thing, with that guy that framed Barnes..."
"Sam, what are you talking about?"
"Hey, Barnes was the one who wanted him-"
"Sam, you brought a criminal to my house?"
"Y/N, he's a master manipulator, and you're the best therapist I know. No one else but you would be able to get into this guy's mind. We can't trust him, but you might be able to get him to talk."
"You want me to manipulate the manipulator?"
"Hey! You said that, not me!" the man feigned hurt with a laugh
"Fine, I'll help."
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Have I known you for 20 seconds or 20 years?
Request by jmstz
Hi could you write like a one shot where Bucky goes back to his old dancing school that he was in when he was young with Steve? And he meets the reader who looks like the girl from the 40s who worked in the dancing school, but thats actually the readers grandma, and the reader recognizes Bucky and is just really shy idk, and Bucky thinks she is cute😅. Just some fluff please
Warnings- Fluff! Swearing.
Word Count: 2222
An/ I love taylor swift
"Steve I am not going." Bucky huffed at his best friend Steve who suggested them to go at a dance school they used to attend back in the 40's. "I mean, what good will it do? Everything is changed anyway."
"Buck c'mon it will be fun! Don't knock it off till you try it. We can maybe book a class and have fun too, yeah?" Steve said enthusiastically; firm on the idea.
"God, okay I will come along. But, if I don't have fun I won't go out for a week and you buy me pizza." Bucky said, sighing.
"Deal. Now let's go!" Steve said as he dragged Bucky.
"Here we are Buck! The building's quite changed right?" Steve said grinning at his best friend.
"It sure is Steve. Tell me again why I agreed to come here?"
"Cause we are gonna have fun now let's go in." Steve said as he pulled bucky in while bucky simply rolled his eyes.
"Uh hey, I had a class booked under the name Steve Rogers." Steve said as he smiled at the receptionist.
"Yes yes sir! This way." The receptionist said nervously.
"Here is the class sir- steve." The receptionist said as they led her into the classroom. "The teacher will be here shortly."
"Thank you again." Steve said as they left the classroom.
"Well...this is fancy." Bucky said, eyeing the classroom. "So different from what it was back in the 40's."
"Yeah. I was surprised to know that this still exists. Good memories."
"Ha! Good memories more like you finding trouble and then me leaving my date to help you." Bucky chuckled.
"Whatever. Still a good memory." Steve said, smiling fondly.
"Oh shit- I am late aren't I? I am so sorry-" You said stumbling into the classroom
"Hey no actually the teacher is yet to arrive." Steve said, giving you a small smile.
"Oh okay." You said as you took in the fact that Captain America was standing in front of you and he was with someone, who looked weirdly familiar.
"Steve, doesn't she look like Sandra?" Bucky said as you went a bit away from them.
"Sandra? Who?" Steve asked, confused.
"Sandra? Steve the girl who used to work here in the 40's. I danced with her too remember?"
"Sandra as in Sandra Smith?"
"Yes punk who else?"
"Wait let me see-"
"Steve now don't stare at her." Bucky said, letting out a sigh. "You already are staring at her right."
"Buck no shit she does look like Sandra the fuck."
"See! I told you."
"Go and talk to her! Go on now, don't glare at me like that."
"Why will I go and talk to her Steve?"
"I don't know, she's cute."
"Steve what the fuck. She is very cute but she's probably Sandra's granddaughter and you want me to hit on her?"
"Well you and Sandra never dated so I don't see the harm!" Steve said as he pushed Bucky to where you were standing.
"Punk" Bucky muttered as he walked towards you.
"Shit. I can't even tie my fucking shoelaces- Oh uhm hi." You said as you saw Bucky standing in front of you, you felt your face flushed.
"Uh hey, do you, do you want help with those. The shoelaces I mean."
"What no no it's okay I got it." You said embarrassed,thinking he came cause he saw you struggling with shoelaces.
"Okay if you say so" he said with the slightest smirk on his face. "Do you by any chance know Sandra Smith?"
"Wait what did you say?" Your eyebrows crinkled as you struggled with the laces. "I am sorry they just won't ugh!"
"C'mon doll let me help you." Bucky chuckled as he came closer to you, helping you with the shoelaces.
"So, what were you saying?" You asked, still flushed.
"Oh yeah, I asked if you know Sandra Smith." Bucky said, done with tying your shoelaces.
"Thank you umm-"
"Yes, Thank you James." You said smiling. "I do know Sandra Smith but I don't think she's the one you're looking for."
"What makes you think that?" Bucky asked, raising his eyebrow.
"Well because of the fact that she is my grandmother; and also because she isn't alive anymore." You said smiling at him.
"Oh I am sorry." Bucky said sadly as he remembered Sandra.
"You know James?"
"What?" He asked, looking up at you. You took a moment to get a good look at his eyes. They were horrifyingly beautiful. They were those kind of eyes who leave you wondering several things. Why does one sense safe when they look at it? Why are there sad undertones lying around? Why do they seem to charm you so much? Why does only looking at them send butterflies to your stomach?
You knew him. Well not exactly know him, but you had heard about him; from your grandmother and people on the news. Your Grandmother talked about him as if he were a Prince. Not only because of his mesmerizing looks but because of his whole aura. She talked about how he charmed everyone around him and how his smile was the brightest. He has this amazing aura around him which catches you off-guard. A boy’s cheekiness combined with a man’s maturity . A charm that is alluring and attractive at the same time.
“Doll? Hey, Doll to Earth.” You suddenly hear him say.
“Oh uh hi.” You said as you felt your face getting hot because of the fact that you were staring at him. Got caught completely off guard. “So you were asking?”
“What? No doll, you were gonna tell me something- also i don't have your name yet doll.” He said, a smug smile plastered on his beautiful face.
“Oh yea and i am y/n.”
“y/n. That's a pretty name but i think i am sticking to ‘doll’, if you don't mind that is.” He said smiling.
“Of course, I don't mind James. So I was saying-”
“You were saying?” He said pouting his lips, you seemed to find this adorable. And,
Butterflies, thousands of them. You felt charmed and flustered. You were literally seeing stars, and every ragged breath you took felt like you were trying to breathe through broken glass; and he was there standing effortlessly, a smug smile never leaving his face. God, now you clearly understood why your grandma remembered him, even if it were only a single dance. His aura is unforgettable. He is unforgettable.
“Yeah erm, I know you- not like I really know you but.... Do you understand what i am trying to say?”
“Not really but you're so cute doll.”
“Thank you, so as uh- as I was saying, I have heard about you. Not from like- news and stuff, well i have heard about you from there too but my main point is-”
“God you are adorable.” He said as you noticed the slightest blush on him.
“Right...so well she was the one who told me about you, she did talk about you a few times. I always found you fascinating, because of how my grandma always said how charming you were. Also how brave you were. And just like all the good things.” You said as you played with your fingers nervously. You coudnt fucking understand why you were nervous- it seemed so weird.
“Well what can i say, i am really charming.” He said playfully. He knew that he was fucking hot and was fully taking the advantage of his charm. That fucker.
“Well so you got the answer to your question.” You said after a moment of what was a comfortable silence but you know what? Comfortable silence is overrated. It's always awkward; or maybe it's anxiety for you.
“Hey Class I am sorry I am late. I generally don't have afternoon classes.” The woman in her late 30s smiled as she walked in the class. She seemed unfazed by the fact that captain america was here- she did take a double take but other than that, completely unfazed. “Oh well I see the young man here already has his partner.” She continued as she smiled towards you and Bucky.
Bucky’s hand rested on your waist and he sent a smile to the teacher, “ Oh, yes mam she’s my partner.” You fucking froze. Steve's eyes wide as he smirked towards Bucky who merely rolled his eyes.
“Well that's great! So Mr. America can dance with me.” She said as she walked towards Steve. “Oh and y’all can call me phoebe”
“And please call me Steve,” Steve said, smiling kindly.
“Okay Steve, now let's begin class! Today we will be dancing to lover by Taylor swift. Pair up!.”
Bucky let go of your waist and held your hands as you faced each other. He nods and squeezes her hand. You’re dancing, feet clapping against the marble floor with everybody else’s, and you think this might be one of your favorite classes so far. She hardly knows what she’s doing, but Bucky does, and it’s enough to keep you moving around and around the room.
You feel light on her feet, and light in your heart, and lightheaded. You can’t keep the smile off your face as you dance, feeling like an idiot for the stupid grin on your face. He chuckles, and all too soon, the dance is over.
Your smile falters, but then the music begins again, this time a slower waltz. You almost backed away from him because maybe you were catching feelings for him. Before you can take more than one step back, Bucky pulled you back towards him, holding you flush against him.
You move slowly, carefully. You are so close to him that you cannot see his face, so you settle for resting your cheek on his chest, feeling the double beating of his hearts. He rests his chin on your hair and starts to hum along with the music. You can feel the vibrations from his voice, closing your eyes and imagining you are in a magical world where he is catching feelings for her in return.
The way he holds you in his arms makes you almost believe it.
You can tell that he repeatedly keeps you at arm’s length because he doesn’t want to hurt you, and it’s probably true, but you have a hard time believing it. The feeling of being lost from him rises in your chest, and you start to panic.
The song isn’t over, but you start to push him away, your heart racing. “Need fresh air,” you mutter as you dodge between Steve and Phoebe to get out. Just passing through the double doors into the garden’s cool air makes you calm down considerably. Walking over to a stone bench, you sit and raise your hands to your temples, closing your eyes and rubbing your head.
You don't understand this feeling- or why are you feeling it. We try so hard to hide what we feel from those who probably need to know our true feelings the most. We try to bottle up our emotions, as if it's somehow wrong to have natural reactions to life; but the thing is- they can't be ignored. You often wonder if it is safe to be just who you are, not denying any feelings and just living without wondering about what could have been or what will be.
A few minutes pass, and you know that he’s followed you out here. He stands awkwardly in front of you, finally sitting beside you, several inches away. When you gather up enough courage to look at him, his face is turned towards you, those blue eyes looking at you adoringly.
“I’m sorry,” he says.
You're surprised. “What for? I should be the one apologizin’. Runnin’ off like that, wasn’t very nice.” You took a deep breath,“I am afraid of my feelings James.”
“You don't have to be afraid of anything doll. They're natural and bottling them makes things worse.”
“Can I tell you something?”
“Okay. Y’know when you’re a kid and you’ve got this conception of what love is? It’s finding your Prince Charming and leaving home and falling in love overnight and living happily ever after. And you dream and dream because you’re a little kid with nothing and you can’t see a happy ending just livin’ on the Estate. One day you think you will find it- but you aren't sure if it will be worth it- if it- if it will be okay; or if you will ever find it, or get lost finding it..”
“You’ll be fine doll. You’re like 20 something? Feeling unsure and lost is part of your life. Don’t avoid it. See what those feelings are showing you and use it. Take a breath. You’ll be okay. Even if you don’t feel okay all the time.”
“Just ask how I'm feeling, I want to say. Just ask and I may tell you.”
“Oh really?” He smiled, “Well, doll how do you feel?”
“I am feeling like I am falling for you James.”
“I’d be your Prince Charming then.” He said softly, smiling.
“I would love that.” You said smiling, looking at him.
Darling, you're my, my, my, my
An/ hope you guys liked this one shot I tried my best <3 pls give my seires should have learned to let you stay a read!!! I will update soon <3 taking requests and hit me up with any questions u may have! Love you as always, athena
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