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elvish-sky · 2 years

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Legolas : I learned some very valuable lessons from this.

Aragorn: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should’ve taken away.

Legolas: Death isn’t real, and I’m basically God.

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ironmandeficiency · 10 months

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bilbo, after thorin’s death: i have decided to give up on love and put all of that energy into tomatoes

#source: new girl #poor bilbo #jj’s on the dumb bitch juice #thorin oakenshield #thilbo #bagginshield #bilbo baggins #bilbo baggins x thorin oakenshield #thorin oakenshield x bilbo baggins #thilbo bagginshield #the hobbit #the hobbit shitpost #the hobbit incorrect quotes #the hobbit inaccurate quotes #the hobbit meme

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vildo · 2 years

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Roses are red

Thorns are hard

They're taking the hobbits

To Isengard

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tatersgonnatate · 2 years

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#okay but i did laugh #funny #lol #meme #memes #teletubbies #inaccurate lord of the rings #incorrect lord of the rings #incorrect lord of the rings quotes #lord of the rings #hobbits #it's what tolkien would've wanted #jrr tolkien

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hopefullystillliving · 9 months

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Blocking annoying tags is self care, especially if you have an idea of who is a Trusted Mutual who would not be reblogging something from Annoying Tag and therefore it's likely just OP overtagging and it's safe to Click Button.

#hopeful rambling #on a Completely Totally Definitely unrelated note #STOP TAGGING EXCLUSIVELY SILM STUFF AS THE AMAZON POWER RINGS SHOW #this is also annoying the other way around! and when people tag hobbit movies stuff as lotr or vice versa and the like!#but show tags are especially irritating to me #they are not the same canon!#they are nothing close to the canon! maedhros has nothing to do with the show?? why are you tagging it????#yeah yeah exposure related fandom blah blah its *inaccurate*#and like im not confident that its unrelated enough to count as spam via tumblr tos but its unrelated enough to make me seethe #i dont go to lotr tags except incidentally for the most part but im sure yall have it worse and im so sorry #i will not spill all my salt in the tags. i will contain it and let my heart continue pickling as it has for the past year. but its there #anyway. tag rant over.

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elis-corner · 2 years

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Lord of the rings :)

Well there we go-- Clearly what I called a rare obsession is more common than I thought XD

#anon i getcha #lotr is just perfection #rotk is the best of the three #only the silmarillion can beat it #the hobbit isnt as good as lotr imo (the books i mean; we all know the movies are... an experience)#they overused cgi in the hobbit #and tauriel x kili is just... no.#they do realise it would make legolas cursed since elves can only love once right?#and also tauriel's hair colour is inaccurate. she does not have a silvan hair colour. the only people with hair like her were noldor #and are all dead might i add #except two but theyre in valinor. regretting their life choices #and thranduil calls tauriel a 'lowly silvan elf'#no?!#this is absolutely calm El reminding you that his wife was silvan--#alr alr im stopping now #this had become a 'hobbit films are bad' rant now hasnt it #goooooooooodbye!

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rohirric-hunter · 3 months

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I'm seeing That One Post go around again so this is your periodic reminder that No, Denethor did not know about the political situation in the Shire or Pippin's status as the son of the Thain or what that meant. Middle-earth does not have phones, email, or internet. There is no contact between the Shire and any of the human civilizations east of the Misty Mountains. Gondor thought hobbits were a myth until one of them literally showed up in their capital city. The first written records of Hobbits were in TA 1050 and exclusively in Eriador -- while they lived in Rhovanion before then no written records of it exist and they lived far north of where Gondor ever considered their territory. The Shire wasn't founded until TA 1601, when Gondor was recovering from the Kinstrife and had other things to worry about. And the title of Thain was invented in TA 1979, when Gondor stopped having any regular contact at all with anyone in Eriador on account of Arnor not existing anymore. Any information Gondor had about hobbits came from folktales shared by the Rohirrim, which were incomplete and likely inaccurate. While it would be reasonable for Denethor to do a bit of research when Faramir and Boromir told him about their dream, his only real avenue to finding this information would be the Palantir, finding information about something you know nothing about in a Palantir is actually quite challenging. You can't just say, "Show me information about Halflings," you have to know what you're looking for. Also, Sauron directly controlled everything Denethor saw in the Palantir and would never have let him see a culture of happy and carefree people benefiting, however distantly, from Gondor's war against Mordor. Speaking of which, Denethor was also at war and most likely would have prioritized using the Palantir for that. The people of Gondor's guess that Pippin was a prince was just that, a lucky guess. They had literally no way of knowing. Pippin told people that his father was a farmer and Gandalf built Pippin up on his own accomplishments. Nobody knew anything about Thains or sons of Thains and Denethor wasn't playing some deranged game where he pretended to not know who Pippin was. He just didn't.

#lotr #i really do think that modern readers have a lot of difficulty with the idea #of people not knowing anything about cultures that are very far away #they just. cant conceive of a world without internet #it bothers me a lot

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olderthannetfic · 3 months

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I know about the origins of the Bechdel Test, but I do think it's inaccurate to say it's not meant as a criticism of movies that don't do that. I think that when people stop thinking in binary terms of "is this feminist?" or "is this anti-feminist?" and instead look at things more holistically, that you can recognize both that a character like Mako Mori is great, a step in the right direction for female characters in action movies and especially WOC, go forth and stan her and write all the fanfic you want.... but yeah, it is also a valid criticism of the movie (and many others like it) that she doesn't talk to or have relationships with any other woman in the film.

I think one thing to help people realize just HOW much of women's lives are being left out of media representation when we never talk to other named women about something other than a man in movies, is to just think about your own life. I talk to my mom every day, and if we are not talking about my stepdad or my brother-in-law (and I don't think we've ever had a conversation that wasn't at least IN PART not about them or another man), then it passes the test. I'm a professor and when I talk to a female student about her homework or project (which is, again, something that happens pretty much every day I teach), that's passing the test. If I order food from a female cashier and she has a name tag, that's passing the Bechdel Test! It's literally just constant for the vast majority of women on the planet, and that's what's being left out of our stories.

Like, I like the takes I've seen about how part of the joke in Dykes to Watch Out For is that this is *particularly* alienating to lesbians - as a lesbian myself I agree - but I also think it should be frustrating to straight and bi and ace women as well, because like unless you are like exclusively interacting with your husband or male relatives every single day + you work in a workplace where you are literally the only woman, you are almost certainly passing the test constantly. That's a pretty big part of women's lives that Hollywood is leaving out!

But I think it's important to view it as just one piece of the discussion about feminism and women's representation in film, not the final judge on if a film is feminist or not. Which it wasn't intended to be - as you said, it was mostly a joke on the extreme maleness of 80s action movies. Honestly, I do not miss those days on Tumblr where people were obsessed with declaring certain movies/TV shows/other fandoms they liked as "feminist" or "anti-feminist" and the really bizarre granular discussions people would have between two works that BOTH had a long way to go in terms of representing women. I remember people in the Fullmetal Alchemist fandom would use this to argue about if the original anime or Brotherhood/the manga was better - when both have some fantastic female supporting characters, but are ultimately male-centered stories where even a lot of those women's lives and stories are centered around their male love interests and family members. It's better than a lot of shounen, but if that's your bar for feminism - either version - you have a long way to go (and need to watch WAY more anime because there's sooooo much of it that is female-centric). I also remember people coming up with other tests that were blatantly silly: like I thought the Mako Mori test about "if a woman has a motivation/story that isn't centered on a man" was fair because it did point out a legitimate criticism, but there was that ridiculous "Tauriel Test" where it was "a woman who is good at her job." And it was entirely about someone just disliking that movie critics and feminist commentators alike were down on the Hobbit movie trilogy, which a) were bad movies, sorry you have bad taste, b) are absolutely not where you should focus your attention if you're so concerned about women's representation in film, Tolkein has always been a sausage fest! And her big thing was being mad that people thought Judi Dench's M in Skyfall was a better female character, and so she arbitrarily decided she was "bad at her job" and Tauriel was "good at her job" even though that's completely subjective and can be challenged in both cases.... but also, once again, why are you looking to the fucking JAMES BOND franchise for movie feminism! There's nothing like comparing the relative "feminism levels" of JAMES BOND and LOTR to make it obvious that this is 100% about validating your subjective taste preferences by giving it a "progressive" excuse, not actually about feminism and not actually caring about women's representation beyond how it makes you look good. And yet SO many people took that transparently stupid post seriously. I'd see professional articles mention the Tauriel Test as "one of the new tests" like there was anything serious about it.

And then on the flip side, over-reliance on the Bechdel Test alone led to some clueless conclusions especially in anime fandom, given that anime has an abundance of shows that exclusively feature female characters in school clubs being cute, where those characters are nonetheless two-dimensional archetypes designed for the male gaze. Someone like fandomsandfeminism did a presentation at an anime con that called one of those types of shows "feminist" and some Japanese user eviscerated it, but that just led to the equally shallow fandom analysis of "everything a Japanese person says about anime is automatically more valid" and "any Westerner who wants to criticize anime on feminist/progressive grounds is culturally appropriating and ultimately coming from a place of ignorance, even if they literally have a degree in Asian studies."

Wow, this turned into a rant about the history of bad "feminist media criticism" on this website. Sorry about that, I think I had a point in here somewhere. I guess that the Bechdel Test is indeed a joke and those origins should be understood, but also, I don't think it's wrong to say that it identifies a real problem and one that people could probably take MORE seriously than they do - but as just one part of the conversation, not the Feminism Litmus Test, and certainly not as a dick-measuring contest about whose fandom gets them more progressive brownie points.

--

I think as long as we grasp that the joke is "The bar is so far under the ground that we might as well go home and eat popcorn there", it's fine.

The real issue with the test is that people started thinking a pass was meaningful.

If you say something like "X% of 2020s movies can't even manage this weaksauce level of women existing", that's a meaningful statistic. Even if you got a couple of data points wrong, you're not factually wrong enough for it to matter because X is going to be some massive, massive percentage, and the overall trend is so clear.

But a pass is nothing to celebrate, and that's where we went wrong.

Like you say, litigating which of two big franchises that barely do anything with women wins on tumblr points is idiocy.

I think people are so unaware of what media that genuinely centers women even looks like that it's hard for them to even begin having a discussion.

I personally have been a massive fujoshi type from adolescence, and media that centers female characters isn't actually what I typically want. (Though media that is by and for women and that doesn't give a fuck what men think of this is.) I am also not much of a fan of slice of life in general...

But when I was coming out and figuring my shit out, being able to go buy collections of Dykes to Watch Out For was incredibly valuable to me.

Ditto the other lesbian comic books that were just sitting there in the bookstore. I'm sure if I went back and reread them all now, I could find things to nitpick or ways they were more for lesbians and less for me as a bi girl, but the really distinctive thing they did was let me exist in a world where media isn't all 80s sausagefest action movies where women are not people.

In fact, they were a world where men don't matter terribly much—not because they're dramatically rejecting men in some facile and reactionary way but because... who cares? They just had other priorities... and this was normal.

It feels like people who've never taken a vacation from really mainstream media just have no concept of what it would feel like to exist in some other space.

And I think that's a pity even if, like me, they later choose to go read mostly BL later instead of focusing on female characters or they genuinely love trash 80s action movies despite everything wrong with them. It's not just sexist media that's the issue: it's that feeling like the fish can't see the water it's swimming in.

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middle-earth-mythopoeia · 2 years

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The latest bad take on Amazon's Rings of Power is, “Rings of Power doesn’t contradict Tolkien’s canon, because there is no such thing as canon.”

I’ve seen more and more Rings of Power fans claiming that the show doesn’t go against canon because there are different versions of canon anyway, between The Silmarillion and the History of Middle-earth, and The Silmarillion wasn’t published by Tolkien, but by his son. They’re basically saying, “Canon? What canon?” And I just... No. The idea that “the show doesn’t go against canon because canon is so wishy-washy anyway” is SUCH a false argument to make.

Yes, Christopher Tolkien edited and published The Silmarillion after his father’s death. And yes, there are multiple conflicting versions of stories in The Silmarillion and HoMe. But that doesn’t mean there’s no such thing as being faithful to Tolkien’s stories. A lot of the choices Amazon has made in the show are completely wrong and would be wrong in any Tolkien adaptation.

The characterizations are totally off base. For heaven’s sake, hobbits wouldn’t abandon their own people on a journey. Elrond wouldn’t swear an oath like that. And the Númenoreans don’t hate Elves because Elves are stealing their jobs, they envy them for their immortality—it’s kind of the main theme of the Akallabêth. And, in the show, Galadriel—whose people were literally victims of the First Kinslaying—tries to steal a boat??? I mean, hello??????? Amazon hasn’t even tried to stay faithful Tolkien’s characterizations. Yes, adaptations usually take liberties with the source material, but holy shit.

And the very framing of fundamental issues is completely wrong. In the show, going to Valinor is portrayed as some sort of reward for valor in battle, which is not how it works in Tolkien’s books. The show also compressed the entire Second Age into a much shorter span of time, which is absurd and completely goes against what Tolkien wrote. The show glosses over the First Kinslaying, of course (I know it’s because they don’t have the rights, but it’s still their fault for mangling the story and themes), which makes it seem like the return of the Noldor to Middle-earth was some sort of righteous war, and it wasn’t. The list goes on and on.

And they can’t get basic details right, either. Obviously, the short-haired Elves are one example of this; so is the emblem that resembles a Fëanorian star on Galadriel’s armor. And it’s astounding how poorly the showrunners seem to understand the nuances of Tolkien’s names and constructed languages.

Tolkien was a linguist, and the languages he invented were extremely important to him and to his stories. So what did Amazon do? They completely ignored the internal logic of Tolkien’s secondary world. In The Silmarillion, Ar-Pharazôn banned Quenya in Númenor—but Amazon’s version of the character names his son a Quenya name. In the show, characters call Galadriel “Galadriel” even in Valinor, despite it being a Sindarin name given to her by her husband, Celeborn. It is anachronistic and inaccurate to refer to her by that name before Celeborn gives it to her, especially during the Years of the Trees when she didn’t even speak Sindarin. The show also gave one of the hobbits a Dwarven name, Nori, for no apparent reason. There are many more examples like this.

Amazon has also invented some things out of thin air that have no basis in Tolkien’s works at all. I understand that they had to invent original characters and storylines for this show. Inventing original characters could, in theory, work alongside canon instead of contradicting it, even though those characters aren’t found in Tolkien’s books. But mithril containing the light of a silmaril? What? And what’s with that weird bit where Amazon Elrond and Amazon Celebrimbor are talking about the silmarils and they say Morgoth cried when he looked at them and almost repented??? What the hell??? It makes no sense.

This is by no means an exhaustive list. The people who created this show have many many, many choices that completely fly in the face of Tolkien’s characterizations, worldbuilding, languages, and themes. (I haven’t watched Rings of Power and I don’t intend to, but this information is widely available if you read reviews and episode synopses.)

The show is also poorly written and ugly to look at, but that’s beside the point. The point of this post is just to say that no, just because there are multiple, conflicting versions of canon in The Silmarillion and HoMe doesn’t mean Amazon gets free reign to trample all over Tolkien’s stories. There is such a thing as making a faithful Tolkien adaptation, and this isn’t it.

#rings of power #anti rings of power #my writing

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tathrin · 5 months

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My little Tolkien-fic pet-peeve of the day? Writers calling elves, dwarves, or hobbits men or women in their* narration.

"Pippin shaded his eyes, squinting until the sight of the man walking up the road resolved itself into the familiar form of his cousin Merry..."

Hobbit. Just say Hobbit. You don't need to gender everything. Or if you must, then "Hobbit-lad" or "Hobbit-lass" how's that? Or person! Being! Individual! Literally any word that isn't an inaccurate use of the word "man" for someone who is not a man!

"Gimli looked up at the taller man and scoffed at the sight of Legolas's pointed ears, now drooping with dismay..."

See this one just sounds silly, doesn't it? Silly and also confusing! Because you've just called Legolas a man, but clearly you're talking about an elf or he wouldn't have pointed ears, now would he? And Gimli's a dwarf! So why did you say "man" at all? There are no men here! (Unless Aragorn is playing Third Wheel in the background I suppose, but that's neither here-nor-there right now.)

"Glorfindel turned upon the edge of the fountain and greeted the other man with a smile like a sunrise..."

No no no stop, they are not men. Neither of them are men. They're elves. That's kind of a big important plot element in fact, that the Firstborn and the Secondborn are distinct and sundered from one another, please don't call elves men it's weird and awkward and often confusing because then I'll think you're talking about "A Man" but no, you mean an elf but you said man and it's just so off-putting...

They're different species, guys! (This drives me nuts in scifi too. Stop with the humanocentricism! You're not the Galactic Empire!) Replace the word "man" with something else and see how silly it sounds. "Elephant," perhaps; or any other species that isn't the one you're actually talking about.

"Gimli looked up at the taller raccoon and scoffed..."

"Glorfindel greeted the other ant-eater with a smile like a sunrise..."

"The sight of the giraffe walking up the road resolved itself into his cousin Merry..."

See? Yeah, that's how inaccurate it feels to me every time I read the word "man" or "woman" when you're talking about somebody who is not a human. It's not something on the level of squick where I'll reverse out of a fic if I see it, no, but it absolutely is jarring enough to throw-off the rhythm and mood of the story, for me.

(And if I see it in the first line or so before I've gotten invested in the story...yeah. That'll get me out of a fic almost as fast as lack of paragraph-breaking.)

Because I'm such a sucker for world building, I suspect, and the fact that these are all different peoples with different cultures and capabilities and outlooks and understanding and history and everything is such an interesting and important aspect of Middle-earth to me...and lumping all these different folks into one thing like that as though gender is the most important and indeed only notable aspect of their identity, and overrides everything else about them is just weird. It doesn't make sense. And I do not like it.

(Exceptions obviously made for when the character's identity is being deliberately obscured or confused, and they are erroneously thought to be a human and then revealed as something else; that sort of thing is on purpose and thus is fine.)

(Also exceptions for folk like Arwen or Elwing or Elladan etc who straddle the line between species.)

Anyway thank you for coming to this session of Tathrin Whines About Little Things To Avoid Doing Productive Writing Today.

*none of these lines are actual examples taken from real fics; I made them up for this post. Please do not attach call-outs to actual fics or authors in the notes. No need to be mean!

But absolutely fell free to gripe along with me if this silly little world building detail bothers you too. Or laugh at me for being a ridiculous spec-fic nerd. I'm fine with that too!

#squicks #pet peeves #my squicks #lotr fanfiction #writing #fanfiction #fandom #lotr #world building #fantasy world building #elves #dwarves #hobbits

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elvish-sky · 2 years

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Fili: Is stabbing someone immoral?

Kili: Not if they consent to it.

Thorin: Depends who you’re stabbing.

Bilbo: YES?!?

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ironmandeficiency · 10 months

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bilbo: i have the highest standards

thorin: what’s the spanish word for “tortilla”?

bilbo, ripping his clothes off: you absolute dumbass

#jj’s on the dumb bitch juice #bilbo baggins #thorin oakenshield #bagginshield #thilbo #the hobbit meme #the hobbit shitpost #the hobbit incorrect quotes #the hobbit inaccurate quotes #lotr memes #lord of the rings meme #the hobbit trilogy #thilbo bagginshield #bilbo is moronsexual #bilbo baggins x thorin oakenshield #thorin x bilbo #bilbo x thorin #thorin oakenshield x bilbo baggins

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incorrect-lord-of-the-rings · 2 years

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"Actually the hobbits in the movies were super inaccurate because Tolkien wanted everything to be strictly medieval" buddy if Jirt wanted the hobbits to be strictly medieval he wouldn't have given them working plumbing (ft. Pippin nearly flooding the bathroom) and waistcoats.

#thank you for coming to my ted talk #listen its fucking FANTASY jolkien rolkien rolkien tolkien can do what he wants #lotr #lord of the rings #lotr meme #hobbits #jrrt #jirt

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spxllcxstxr · 2 years

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How Each Member of the Fellowship Takes Care of Their S/O with a Chronic Illness • Headcanon

(Gif not mine)

Request: Could you perhaps make a list or some Headcanons about which LOTR and The Hobbit characters would be the best at taking care of a chronically ill s/o? Or would enjoy having that kind of significant other the most? — @tolkien-fantasy

Warnings: I don’t have a chronic illness, so this is all based on like research and knowledge I got from living with my friend at college so it might be a bit inaccurate/different and for that I’m sorry, I did keep it a bit vague though so... this takes place before the events of lotr

A.N: I swear to god Gandalf is more platonic jlwnljw, I typed “each member” and “s/o” without even thinking about Gandalf’s inclusion lmao, gn!reader, I hope this is done and written well!!

•

Gandalf

Immediately consults ancient texts to try to find a cure or at least some way to help alleviate the pain or make it easier to go about your day

Because that makes it so he can’t stay in one place for too long, he brings you to Rivendell

There, Elrond and other healers try to help you, and Gandalf tries to visit often

Even if he doesn’t find anything new, he’ll bring you books and maps and other things to keep you entertained

He sits by your bedside often

Let’s you borrow his staff as a walking stick if it’s hard for you to walk, shows you some magic to keep your spirits up

Gandalf genuinely thinks of you as his child and he hates to see you in pain

“I will forever be by your side, dear child, I will help you every step of the way,”

Aragorn

Aragorn will also bring you to Rivendell

Gives you soft kisses to your forehead every morning before locking himself in the healing chambers with Elrond to find a way to help you

Is so excited when he finds something that may help you even a little bit

When you want him to just sit and relax with you he gladly relents

Loves sitting in the gardens with you, basking in the sunlight

When he goes in his adventures throughout Middle Earth he’ll always send letters back to you, mostly describing the land that he knows you wish you could see for yourself

On particularly bad days he’ll pull you close to him and he’ll murmur elven songs to you or tell you stories of ancient battles

“My love I am here.”

Boromir

As the son of the Steward of Gondor, he makes sure your shared quarters are perfection for you

The finest bedding, blankets, making sure everything is within reach of you

Even has a balcony close by for you

He loves sitting there with you, watching the sunset, fingers intertwined on the table top

Will not consult the elves, but has all of the finest healers in Gondor helping you, finding methods that may help your aches and pains

Keeps a guard with you at all times when you go out just in case something happens

You become great friends with other wives of other lords of the lands, and they are such great fun and a great distraction from everything when Boromir is gone

Boromir loves stroking your cheek at night as he whispers to you

“I love you (Y/n). I am so sorry you hurt, I wish I could take all the pain from you.”

Legolas

Oh he totally panics

The bond you share is so intense that he really hates it when you’re in pain, he feel so helpless

But he stays so strong for you

Gets the finest healers, finest herbs for you, learns ways to help you from healers

Anything you need you get, Legolas is a Prince, and he will not rest while you ache

Likes taking small strolls through the Greenwood with you

Picks flowers, has picnics, even reads to you out in the light

Is basically at your command, whatever you need him to do, he’ll gladly do it

“Meleth nîn, how can I help you today?”

Gimli

The dwarf can be gentle when he needs to be

He too brings healers

But Gimli is more adept to make the mountains more accessible to you

Ramps, hand rails, even a makeshift wheelchair when you need it

Gimli is here to help you live your life and his craftsmanship is primarily focused on you

But in helping you, he helps many that live in the mountain

On your bad days he’ll sit with you, with precious gems and he’ll tell you the tales on how he found them deep in the mines

His heart is with you

“You’re resilient, laddie, you’ll pull through”

Frodo

Frodo will try so hard to help, but the Shire is very limited in medicinal skills

He loves taking you to the most relaxing spots to read in the shade of a tree or to dip your feet in the Brandywine

Bilbo will also be helping out of course, you’re family at this point

The two of you help him with his writing and even start writing your own

Frodo would love to go on an adventure, and while you may not be up to going on one with him, the two of you can pretend

So many nights are spent by the fire, the two of you huddled close together on an old armchair, book and mugs of tea abandoned as the two of you drift off

Frodo may not fully be able to help you, but the spirit is always there

“Sweetheart, we’ll go to my favorite reading spot today if you’re up for it,”

Sam

Sam is just the sweetest hobbit

He’s so very unsure about how to help, but his heart is so big and so full of love at all times

Constantly asks you how he can help

Picks flowers for you every day when he comes back from work

The two of you absolutely have a garden together

Has a walking stick/other mobility helpers made for you custom

Is very much by your side whenever he’s able to be, unless that feels too much/suffocating for you, then he will back off a bit

Sam just wants to make sure you’re ok

“Come here, dearest, tell me how I can help,”

Pippin

Pippin is basically still in his tweens so he doesn’t quite understand that you can’t go for a run though Farmer Maggot’s fields or climb the tallest trees in the Shire

But he’s there for you nonetheless

Will always entertain you with stories and gossip from around the Shire

Pippin loves resting with you, just lounging in the grass or in bed and just talking, or cloud gazing

Honestly he just loves being close to you

“I’d do anything for you petal, though I think asking me to stop rummaging through Farmer Maggot’s may be asking too much,”

Merry

Merry will absolutely bring you on boat rides, mostly with a few books

It’s actually pretty romantic

Tries to help you the best he can, but Shire medicine isn’t the best

Though if dwarves or men happen to cut through the Shire, he’ll ask them for advice

Always asks you how you’re feeling and how he can help you feel better

“And just how is the best hobbit feeling today?”

•

#lotr #lord of the rings #lotr x reader #lord of the rings x reader #boromir #gandalf #gandalf the grey #boromir x reader #the fellowship #the fellowship x reader #aragorn x reader #legolas x reader #pippin x reader #merry x reader #samwise x reader #frodo x reader

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ettelenethelien · 10 days

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People complaining that hobbits having potatoes is inaccurate because that's not an European food will never stop being funny to me, because not only do things in Middle-Earth not need to work exactly like they do irl, but also: the people of Gondor and Arnor did discover this world's version of the Americas -- they just quickly turned away in disgust that it's more normal, boring, mortal lands and that, by implication, Valinor and Númenor are truly gone.

#my post #tolkien #peoples of arda #gondor #arnor #númenor #númenoreans #lotr #silm

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talesof-old · 2 years

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kinktober 2022

a series of smutty fics over the month of october from fandoms such as stranger things, game of thrones, the witcher, the hobbit, and a court of thorns and roses

main masterlist

main works

patience is a virtue

kink featured: edging/orgasm denial

steve harrington x reader

stranger things

published october 1st

steve lets go of control for the night and you find you like it a little too much

werewolf!steve, dom!reader

a queen’s desire

kink featured: breeding, biting

robb stark x reader

game of thrones

published october 6th

robb finds the idea of you having children a little too much to handle

slight canon divergence, king!robb

command me, my love

kink featured: strap on

brienne of tarth x reader

game of thrones

published october 12th

a night in which brienne both gives and takes control

switch!brienne, switch!reader, knight!brienne

the light you gave me

kink featured: primal

geralt of rivia x reader

the witcher

expected october 18th - published october 19th

geralt saved you from a life that would’ve killed you, so if he wants a chase on occasion, you’re happy to give it to him

outdoor sex, rough sex

crown of gold

kink featured: monsterfucking, face sitting

robin buckley x reader

stranger things

expected october 24th - published october 31st

you’re sworn to protect the princess, which leads to… other things

faerie princess!robin, knight!reader

bathed in jewels

kink featured: lingerie

fíli x reader

the hobbit

expected october 30th

fíli really wasn’t expecting to find you in his bed dressed like that

everybody lives!au

surprise fic

possible extra fic

if done, expected october 31st

blurbs

fire in his blood

kink featured: temperature play

eris vanserra x reader

a court of thorns and roses

published october 3rd

visiting the autumn court seemed like a good idea, until you actually got there

night court!reader, i don’t care about canon

mermaid’s kiss

kink featured: costumes

eddie munson x reader

stranger things

published october 9th

in which eddie dresses as a pirate for halloween, and you, a mermaid

halloween party of 86!au

it’s freakin’ bats

kink featured: sex pollen

steve harrington x reader

stranger things

published october 15th

steve hasn’t been normal since he got attacked by demobats, and you’re about to find out why

canon divergence

i put a spell on you

kink featured: pegging, mirror sex

eddie munson x reader

stranger things

expected october 21st - published october 24th

watching you in the mirror has eddie swearing up and down that you’re a witch

changeling!eddie, inaccurate mythology

your beauty never ever scared me

kink featured: overstimulation

robin buckley x reader

stranger things

expected october 27th - published october 31st

robin knows exactly how to make you feel like you matter the most to her

demon!robin

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