#inaccurate hobbit quotes
Arwen: When you said ‘magical in bed, this isn’t exactly what I was expe-
Aragorn: *holds up 8 of hearts* Is this your card?
Arwen, softly: Holy shit.
35 notes · View notes
Pippin, trying to cheer on the Fellowship: Two! Four! Six! Eight! Who-
Legolas, interrupting: Should I annihilate!
Pippin: *horrified gasp*
39 notes · View notes
Aragorn, staring at his phone: Merry, I have a question.
Merry: What’s up?
Aragorn: What does ‘thicc’ mean? It has two c’s.
Merry: Uh, well, i-it kind of means, like, i guess it means you have a nice butt.
Aragorn, squinting at his phone, whispers: What the fuck, Legolas?
110 notes · View notes
Legolas: What do you think your bad place would be?
Aragorn: I’m pretty good at turning every place I go into my own personal hell. So I think there’ll be a lot of options for me.
32 notes · View notes
Merry: This is the worst day ever.
Pippin: Why, because Boromir died and we just got kidnapped by orcs?
Merry: No, because it’s a little humid- YES BECAUSE BOROMIR DIED AND WE’VE BEEN KIDNAPPED BY ORCS!
83 notes · View notes
Aragorn: Due to personal reasons I’ll be going feral.
424 notes · View notes
Aragorn: You’re blocking the view.
Legolas: I am the view.
82 notes · View notes
Legolas: You’re just gonna think I’m some sexy godlike figure!
Aragorn: I know you’re deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.
Legolas, crying: It’s not a joke. I’m a legit snack.
71 notes · View notes
Aragorn: How do Merry and Pippin usually get out of these messes?
Boromir: They make a bigger mess that cancels the first one out.
64 notes · View notes
Pippin: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff.
Sam: I witnessed the dumb stuff.
Merry: I joined in on the dumb stuff.
Frodo: I recorded the dumb stuff.
Boromir: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!!
25 notes · View notes
Pippin: Where's Sam, Merry, and Frodo?
Boromir: They're playing hide and seek.
Boromir: I don't think you get how this game works.
24 notes · View notes
When Eldarion learns archery:
Legolas: all right, wait right here, I’m going to fetch the arm guards. Don’t. Touch. The. Bows. Got it?
Eldarion: got it!
Legolas: *walks away into forest*
Eldarion: *touches the bow and shoots it into the forest, right past Legolas’ ear*
Legolas, appearing again and very alarmed: WHAT THE HELL? WHAT DID I SAY??
Eldarion: oh shoot, did I get you?
Legolas: NO, YOU DIDN’T “GET” ME. YOU GET ME, YOU KILL ME
40 notes · View notes
Pippin: What did you guys get in your yearbook?
Merry: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'
Frodo: 'Nicest Personality'
Boromir: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'
99 notes · View notes
Pippin: I’m an idiot.
Sam: If you’re waiting for us to disagree, this is going to be a long day.
62 notes · View notes
Aragorn: Hey, Legolas, can we talk? One ten to another?
Legolas: I’m an eleven, but go ahead.
59 notes · View notes
Fíli: Thorin, remember when you told me not to burn down Erebor?
Thorin: You burned down Erebor?
Fíli: No! I had the fire put out almost immediately! This is a success story!
52 notes · View notes
Bilbo: Well, I warned you.
Kili: You did.
Bilbo: But did you listen?
Bilbo: Do you ever listen?
Bilbo: Are you listening now?
264 notes · View notes
Pippin: Hey, Legolas, did you know that “thot” means “thoughtful person?”
Legolas: Really? I didn’t know that hobbitish slang!
Legolas: Thanks so much for helping me fix this, Aragorn, you’re such a thot!
Aragorn, wheezing: I’m a WHAT?!
116 notes · View notes
Bilbo: The real treasure was the memories we made along the way.
Thorin: I almost died!
Thranduil: That was my fondest memory.
137 notes · View notes
Merry: It’s dark in here
Pippin: Don’t worry dude I got this
Pippin: *Stomps his feet*
Pippin: *Skechers light up*
56 notes · View notes