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#inaccurate hobbit quotes
elvish-sky · 19 hours ago
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Arwen: When you said ‘magical in bed, this isn’t exactly what I was expe-
Aragorn: *holds up 8 of hearts* Is this your card?
Arwen, softly: Holy shit.
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elvish-sky · a day ago
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Pippin, trying to cheer on the Fellowship: Two! Four! Six! Eight! Who-
Legolas, interrupting: Should I annihilate!
Pippin: *horrified gasp*
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elvish-sky · 2 days ago
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Aragorn, staring at his phone: Merry, I have a question.
Merry: What’s up?
Aragorn: What does ‘thicc’ mean? It has two c’s.
Merry: Uh, well, i-it kind of means, like, i guess it means you have a nice butt.
Aragorn:
Merry:
Aragorn, squinting at his phone, whispers: What the fuck, Legolas?
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elvish-sky · 3 days ago
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Legolas: What do you think your bad place would be?
Aragorn: I’m pretty good at turning every place I go into my own personal hell. So I think there’ll be a lot of options for me.
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elvish-sky · 4 days ago
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Merry: This is the worst day ever.
Pippin: Why, because Boromir died and we just got kidnapped by orcs?
Merry: No, because it’s a little humid- YES BECAUSE BOROMIR DIED AND WE’VE BEEN KIDNAPPED BY ORCS!
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elvish-sky · 6 days ago
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Legolas: You’re just gonna think I’m some sexy godlike figure!
Aragorn: I know you’re deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.
Legolas, crying: It’s not a joke. I’m a legit snack.
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elvish-sky · 8 days ago
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Pippin: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff.
Sam: I witnessed the dumb stuff.
Merry: I joined in on the dumb stuff.
Frodo: I recorded the dumb stuff.
Boromir: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!!
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When Eldarion learns archery:
Legolas: all right, wait right here, I’m going to fetch the arm guards. Don’t. Touch. The. Bows. Got it?
Eldarion: got it!
Legolas: *walks away into forest*
Eldarion: *touches the bow and shoots it into the forest, right past Legolas’ ear*
Legolas, appearing again and very alarmed: WHAT THE HELL? WHAT DID I SAY??
Eldarion: oh shoot, did I get you?
Legolas: NO, YOU DIDN’T “GET” ME. YOU GET ME, YOU KILL ME
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incorrect-lotr-trash · 14 days ago
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Bilbo: Well, I warned you. Kili: You did. Bilbo: But did you listen? Kili: No. Bilbo: Do you ever listen? Kili: No. Bilbo: Are you listening now? Kili: No.
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elvish-sky · 14 days ago
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Pippin: Hey, Legolas, did you know that “thot” means “thoughtful person?”
Legolas: Really? I didn’t know that hobbitish slang!
[later]
Legolas: Thanks so much for helping me fix this, Aragorn, you’re such a thot!
Aragorn, wheezing: I’m a WHAT?!
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