#incorrect hobbit quotes

[thranduilswifesblog]

Elrond : I want to be a Caterpillar!

Gil Galad : explain?

Elrond : eat a lot, sleep for a while, wake up beautiful.

Gil Galad : you know that they have a lifespan of like two weeks, right?

Elrond : that's another highlight

Gil Galad : ELROND NO-

#the hobbit #the lord of the rings #rings of power #incorrect tolkien quotes #incorrect lord of the rings quotes #tolkien #elrond #incorrect silmarillion quotes #hugoweaving #robert aramayo #incorrect hobbit quotes #incorrect rings of power #gil galad #benjamin walker

[silvantransthranduiltrash]

Ngl, obsessed with the idea that the questers know that legolas is, if not thousands of years, then centuries old, but it not regestering until he mentions having met their ancestor or a historical figure to them. It doesn’t help that legolas looks like a teenager.

Just like that scene with eowyn realizing aragorn is a legit grandpa but with legolas and the rest of the walkers instead.

Legolas: i never had the pleasure of having a conversation with the man, but from the brief glimpses of (insert boromir’s ancestor from 1000 years ago here) that i saw, he was an honorable man.

Boromir, bluescreening: yes, he was known as quite the chivalrous man. But for you to have met him you must be at least a thousand years old!

Legolas: *clicks tongue and doesn’t say anything with an amused smile*

Aragorn, who has gone through all these emotions already: older.

Gimli: Older?? Are you telling me that this beardless, pointy elf with a face of a teenager is, what? 2000?

Aragorn: more.

Gimli: MORE???

Merry: if he is close to 3000 years than he was probably born around the last war for the ring!

Legolas, enjoying this all immensely: i was old enough to fight in it actually.

Pippin: alright, so legolas is 3000 and a few centuries. That’s a lot older than i thought to be honest. He looked like the youngest elf in rivendale.

Legolas: i’m 4000, actually.

Gimli: GODDAMN IT! I knew we shouldn’t trust these babyfaced point ears! You can’t even tell their age!

Legolas: if it makes you feel better, other elves also have a hard time discerning the age of silvans. They’ve routinely thought of mine to be millenia younger that we actually are.

Boromir, having an existential crisis: what the fuck

#lord of the rings #lotr #silmarillion #the hobbit #lotr elves #thranduil #legolas #mirkwood #silvans #greenwood the great #incorrect lotr quotes #incorrect tolkien quotes #incorrect hobbit quotes #the 9 walkers #the three hunters #legolas’s age #merry and pippin #gimli son of gloin #boromir #aragorn

[modernincorrectlotrhobbit]

Gimli: As my good friend Aragorn once said… Gimli: Get fucked. Aragorn: I have never once said that, Gimli.

#incorrect quotes #incorrect lotr quotes #incorrect hobbit quotes #lord of the rings #the hobbit #aragorn #aragorn son of arathorn #gimli #gimli son of gloin

[glorfindelridesagain]

Bilbo: You have to apologise to Thranduil.

Thorin: Fine.

Thorin: Unfuck you, or whatever.

#Bagginshield #Bilbo #Bilbo Baggins #Baggins #Thorin #Thorin Oakenshield #Oakenshield #Dwarf #Dwarves #Hobbits #Hobbit #The Hobbit #Gay Thorin #Tolkien #JRR Tolkien #incorrect quotes #incorrect Hobbit quotes #incorrect Tolkien quotes #misquote #misquotes

[fvck-the-patriarchy]

Kili: Look, I know you think my judgement's clouded because I like Y/n a little bit.

Thorin, holding Kili's notepad: You doodled your wedding invitation.

Kili: No, that's our joint tombstone.

Thorin: My mistake.

#the hobbit incorrect quotes #incorrect the hobbit quotes #incorrect hobbit quotes #lotr incorrect quotes #incorrect lotr quotes #lotr #lotr x reader #kili durin #kili x reader #kili #kili x y/n #thorin oakenshield #kili x you #the hobbit x reader #the hobbit #the hobbit kili #incorrect tolkien quotes

[xxsircharlesxx]

*Bilbo reaching for something high up*

Thorin: You’re so short

Bilbo: Well why don’t you put some inches in me?

Thorin: What?

Bilbo: What?

#idk at this point #I’m bored #and this was funnier in my head #thorin oakenshield #bilbo baggins #bagginshield #the hobbit #incorrect hobbit quotes

[a-sneaky-bagginses]

Dwalin: "Thought ye were avoidin' this route to escape the hobbit's wrath"

Thorin: "It's been 2 days, I'm sure he's over it by now"

Bilbo: "Oh look, if it isn't the asshole under the mountain in his idiot hat"

Dwalin, whispering: "I think he's still mad"

#bagginshield #the hobbit #the hobbit trilogy #bilbo baggins #thorin oakenshield #thorin x bilbo #thilbo #thorin/bilbo #bilbo x thorin #Dwalin #incorrect hobbit quotes

[whispering-about-bagginshield]

Bilbo: *Hugs Thorin from behind*

Bilbo: *Tucks Thorin's hair behind his ear*

Bilbo: *whispering* Eat all the pie again and they'll never find your body.

#bagginshield #the hobbit #thilbo #incorrect bagginshield #incorrect hobbit quotes #incorrect quotes

[thethirdtreeofvalinor]

thorin to the company: which one of you dwarves, who i call kin, stole my fucking arkenstone?

thorin to his burglar for hire of a different race he’s known for a year that he’s distrusted for half the journey, in the same breath: it’s you and me against the world

#i feel like there’s an obvious choice on suspects… #not to play devils advocate #but damn #i might have to accuse the thief on this one #the one you hired to steal it #bagginshield #love wins #thorin oakenshield #bilbo baggins #thorins company #tolkien #lotr #lotr memes #the lord of the rings #lotr fandom #incorrect tolkien quotes #incorrect lord of the rings quotes #incorrect hobbit quotes #dwalin #balin #kili #fili #ori #nori #dori #bifur #bofur #bombur #gloin #oin

[shiresuggest]

Radagast: *after handing a raccoon to Thorin, explaining it was Bilbo but he touched something he shouldn’t have while at tea in his hut today*

Thorin: …nothing to say, for your actions towards my burglar?

Radagast: *shrugs* Oops.

Thorin: *deep sigh, turns to Gandalf while gently cradling smol Bilbo* I assume you know what to do about this?

Gandalf: *pats down his pockets for a moment before pulling out a pouch* Ahh, yes, have him eat a little of this with each meal for a few days. Dwarven meal times will do just fine.

Thorin: *sighs again, walks off with the grabby baby holding onto his face* Thank you.

Gandalf: *after watching Thorin carry him off to the cart* What really happened?

Radagast: He asked if I could turn him into a worm to see if the king still loves him. I thought a raccoon would get more cuddles and less likely to lead to a row after he changed back. What did you give Thorin?

Gandalf: Uh… pine nuts, I think.

Radagast: Nice.

#bilbo baggins #thorin oakenshield #the hobbit #bagginshield #Radagast #gandalf #wizards are just messing around 100% of the time #incorrect hobbit quotes #worm meme

[this-train-aint-stopping]

I'm In Love With A Dumbass Dwarf Club

Biblo: Are you sure that hair braiding is a big deal? Thorin does it all the time.

Tauriel: Yes, Kili was quite clear about that.

Biblo: *wordless, muffled screaming*

Legolas: *walks into the room*

Tauriel & Legolas: World's most awkward stare down

Legolas: It appears I was slightly incorrect in my assumptions that all dwarves were intolerable.

#incorrect quotes #humor #incorrect hobbit quotes #incorrect lotr quotes #incorrect lord of the rings quotes #bagginshield #bilbo x thorin #kili x tauriel #gimli x legolas #the hobbit #lord of the rings #lotr #bilbo baggins #tauriel #legolas

[thranduilswifesblog]

Elrond : *sliding a photo across the table* I need you to shoot this guy on the leg

Legolas : my lord Elrond, but this is your picture

Elrond : Thranduil and Glorfindel want me to try zumba

#the hobbit #the lord of the rings #rings of power #incorrect tolkien quotes #incorrect lord of the rings quotes #tolkien #elrond #hugoweaving #incorrect silmarillion quotes #robert aramayo #incorrect hobbit quotes #incorrect the hobbit quotes #legolas #orlando bloom #lindir #thranduil #lee pace

[silvantransthranduiltrash]

Book!Thranduil really was like:

Thranduil: *catches dwarves, a race his people isn’t that friendly with, trespassing on their land during a celebration* why are y’all infiltrating our territory?

Dwarves: fuck you

Thranduil: alright, imma put you in the time-out corner until you’re ready to talk.

Several days and 1 dragon later

Dwarves: even thought we screwed the humans over, got many of them killed, destroyed their homes, and could have potentially destroyed even more because we awoke a dragon and proceeded to not lift a finger to fight it, we will not share a dime of our treasure with you!

Humans: fuck you give us some money! At this point, we should just kill you and take it all ourselves for all the grief you’ve caused us!

Thranduil: jesus fucking christ-

Thranduil: NO ONE’S KILLING ANYONE FOR MONEY

Thranduil: Let’s calm down, children. We can talk this out like grown adults.

Bilbo: *tries to manage a truce between both sides*

Thranduil: you’re the only one i respect

Gandalf: well-

Thranduil: shut up.

#before anyone comes at me for doing the dwarves dirty #the dearves in the hobbit were literal assholes #i’m not even joking the movie made them redeemable #but in the books they sucked #lord of the rings #lotr #the hobbit #lotr elves #thranduil #incorrect tolkien quotes #incorrect lotr quotes #incorrect hobbit quotes #book thranduil guys! #why did the movies do thranduil dirty like that??? #guy was literally the chill adult

[modernincorrectlotrhobbit]

Thranduil: Careful, Oakenshield. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. Thorin: It’s courageous of you to imply that I would ever like you at all.

#incorrect quotes #incorrect hobbit quotes #the hobbit #incorrect lotr quotes #lord of the rings #thorin #thorin oakenshield #thranduil #mirkwood

[messiambrandybuck]

Thorin: The dragon Smaug is an evil beast who has invaded our home and taken the heirlooms of our people.

Bilbo: Back in the Shire we call those "Wenches", but I definitely like "Dragon" more

Thorin: What- no its an actual, fire-breathing dragon-

Bilbo: *patting his shoulder sympathetically* I get it.

#incorrect quotes #incorrect hobbit quotes #bagginshield #bilbo #bilbo baggins #thorin #thorin oakenshield #the hobbit

[fvck-the-patriarchy]

Thorin: *aggressively pushes Bilbo against the wall* WHERE'S THE ARKENSTONE?

Bilbo:

Bilbo: Are we about to kiss-

#incorrect hobbit quotes #incorrect the hobbit quotes #the hobbit #bilbo baggins #thorin oakenshield #thorin x bilbo #bagginshield #lotr #lotr incorrect quotes #incorrect lotr quotes #the hobbit incorrect quotes