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#incorrect lotr quotes
incorrect-lotr-trash · 6 hours ago
Kili: You call it 'really bad at darts', I call it ‘freestyle acupuncture’
Bilbo: stop
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hetaczechia · 13 hours ago
Merry: How do girls put on skirts?
Merry: Do you do it one leg at a time like pants, or do you jump right in?
Arwen: One leg at a time.
Éowyn: I jump right in!
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hetaczechia · 16 hours ago
Faramir: *Taps a rhythm*
Boromir: *Taps in response*
Denethor: Stop that.
Boromir: Stop what?
Denethor: You're talking about me in morse code.
Faramir: Yes, that's what we're doing. In our very limited free time, we took a class on a very outdated, very unnecessary for of communication just so we could talk about you in front of you.
Faramir, to Pippin: That's exactly what we did.
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hetaczechia · 16 hours ago
Frodo: You were my midnight mystery kisser?!
Merry: You were my first kiss ever?!
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gamgeesgarden · 17 hours ago
Kili: Give me one second, babe. I’m gonna check on the ring bear.
Tauriel: You mean bearer, right?
Kili: Uhhhhh
Tauriel: Look me in the eyes and promise me you’re not bringing a dangerous wild animal into our wedding.
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Boromir: Wait, I didn't catch that. Why are we running?
Sam: Orcs are coming! They heard us!
Boromir: How did they hear us?
Pippin: You know what? Sometimes things just happen. And sometimes God... Is a vicious, two-faced prick.
Merry: OH, so this is God's fault! God accidentally knocked that skeleton down a tell and led the orcs directly to us? Maybe GOD should learn to pay attention!
Pippin: GOD can't pay attention to absolutely everything, Merry, He's not omniscient. Which is why, everyone, we should learn to forgive God.
Merry: Despite the situations He's put us in.
Pippin: The FUN situation that will lead us to a better life!
Pippin: When God knocks a skeleton down a well, He always opens a window, I always say. His way is a mysterious one. We should just love Him.
Merry: Because we're stuck with Him.
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hetaczechia · 20 hours ago
Frodo: I’m cold.
Sam: Here have my jacket.
Pippin: I’m cold, too.
Merry: Do you want me to set you on fire?
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meteors-lotr · 21 hours ago
Boromir: Trans people can do anything!
Merry: I’m gonna do arson.
Boromir, resigned: Trans people can do arson.
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incorrect-lotr-trash · 22 hours ago
Pippin: so tonight I was thinking we could play checkers and say all the things we like about each other
Kidnapper, crying: your friends paid the ransom 3 days ago, please go home
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hetaczechia · 23 hours ago
*door slams open*
Sam: I got the toilet paper!
Frodo: ...why are you...why are you covered in blood?
Sam: *falls over*
Merry and Pippin: *screams*
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hetaczechia · a day ago
[in a groupchat]
Merry: nose
Merry: i just typed that with my nose lol
Pippin: tiddie
[ Frodo has left the group ]
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hetaczechia · a day ago
Merry and Pippin: *staring out the window*
Sam: What are you doing?
Frodo: The TV broke, so they're watching a couple break up across the street
Merry: Shh! It's getting heated!
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hetaczechia · a day ago
Sam, confused as hell: Why do people think Mr. Frodo and I are together?
*Merry smirking knowingly and wraps his arm around Frodo*
Sam, snatching Frodo away: MINE!
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hetaczechia · a day ago
Frodo, finally sitting down for a second: At least Merry and Pippin have been quiet today.
Frodo: ...
Frodo, getting up: That can't be good.
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hetaczechia · a day ago
Éowyn [helping Merry climb through her window]:
Théoden [shouting from downstairs]: Éowyn, you okay? Need me to come upstairs?
Éowyn: I'm fine, that was my shirt.
Éomer [also shouting]: Your shirt fell on the floor and made that sound?
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gamgeesgarden · a day ago
Legolas: The food is too hot, I can’t eat it.
Gimli: You’re too hot and I still eat you.
Aragorn: One dinner. *slams hands on the table* I JUST WANT ONE DINNER
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