#I literally started sobbing as soon as I got back into my dorm and physically could not stop crying for about ten minutes | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kwonhoshi0 · 3 years

Text

𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝

navigation | requests : open | 2nd march 2021

pairing : bakugou x fem!reader

genre : fluff, heavy angst

warnings : mutual pining, soulmate AU, !quirk world, heartbreak?, eating, vomit

themes : falling in love, unfair world, ‘it had to be us’, slow burns

desc : in a world where when you see your soulmate in their most vulnerable state your eyes change to the colour of the one you’re meant to be with, but sometimes soulmates aren’t allowed to be together, the way the universe was made is cruel it hurt.

a/n : i’m about to cause so much pain so i’m sorry in advance 🕴

listen to :

this world was cruel, that much was clear.

one couple in a thousand are fated to be apart, the thought didn’t scare you much since people in love always find a way, right?

when you touch your soulmates hands for the first time you feel a little spark, like electricity but for 1 couple out of 1000 they’d get thrown apart, quite literally thrown apart. they’d repel like the opposite ends of a magnet.

reading people’s experience on the matter broke your heart, people fated to be together only for their wishes to become nothing but that, wishes.

the same happened to your aunt and uncle, they’re together but apart, not allowed to touch eachother without being repelled apart. you watched it firsthand and it hurt seeing them live so happily apart in this unfair world.

your other uncle was no other then pro-hero all might, he raised you from the age of 3, your parents died when you were young, in a villain attack. they died fighting and their last wish was for you, their daughter to grow up a happy child in the care of your fathers brother, all might.

your uncle is an amazing guardian, he was nervous but he taught you everything he knows, your wish is to be a pro-hero exactly like him, exactly like your parents and that’s what he wanted for you as well even if there were dangers who was he to say no to your dream?

he trained you carefully, your quirk was powerful and sometimes hard to manage when not in control of your emotions, your quirk is telekinesis, you can lift yourself into the air with enough power and your hands stabilise the quirk, your nose bleeds when you start overusing it and you get lightheaded but with the help of all might you slowly got better at handling the power.

-> FIRST DAY OF UA

‘y/n you’re up next’ you walked up to where your class teacher aizawa was standing, steadying your feet a little you flicked the ball into the air only above your hand and then using your mind and hand you shot it up into the sky, everyone watched in amazement as you got the best score by barely trying. your eyes locked with a blondes, his eyes stood out, they glistened gold and crimson in the sun dancing in the light hitting his face but you looked away feeling your face heat up at his looks. ‘hey y/n right? you did amazing out there my names mina ashido!’ you smiled at her friendliness, ‘hi, you did pretty great too’.

-> HIM

as the months went on you caught yourself staring more and more at a certain blonde, sometimes you caught him staring back. it was no secret that you’re attractive anyone with eyes could see that, someone had recorded you trying to regain your breath during the sports festival and it went viral. when you caught him staring at you from across the table, you simply smirked at him before going back to talking to denki and mina.

at first you thought your attraction to him was only because of his looks, until you started getting to know the boy underneath. he’s caring, he’s thoughtful, he would never say it but he is. you noticed when he would do things for others, when you all moved into the dorms after the USJ attack you started to notice his small gestures to show he cares, they may not be big but you noticed.

in his eyes you are incredible, he often thought about your strength, physically and mentally. everyone thinks that you’re lucky because you got to learn from all might but they never thought about the circumstances in which you got there, your parents died but you still fought on. at first you were closed off, until you became friends with mina who introduced you to the bakusquad, you all clicked immediately. your sarcastic humour paired with their loud and bakugous equally sarcastic humour fit like a puzzle.

-> love birds

‘hey idiot, come here’, it was 8pm and the dekusquad had sneaked out to watch the sunset along the beach. you hopped down from the railing and traced it with the tip of your fingers before reaching him, ‘what is it blasty’, you looked at him, the crimson sky faded along with pink, the sun only illuminating the colour onto his face making him look beautiful he looks pretty , she looks pretty. if only you could hear eachothers thoughts.

‘look at them’ you looked down from the perch to see denki kicking water at kirishima and sero as mina threw wet sand balls at them both, you giggled at the sight, even her laugh is pretty he thought.

‘hey love birds!! get down here!’ the pink haired girl yelled.

‘SHUT UP PINKIE’ neither of you denied it, maybe because that’s what you wanted.

you all sneaked back into the dorms when it got dark, you clicked your phone ‘12am’ you whispered to your friends, thankfully no one snitched on you. the wooden floors creaked a little as you made your way to your room, you grabbed your towel and slipped off your clothes before slipping into the shower, once you got out you threw on a large hoodie which almost went down to your knees. ‘y/nn bakugou is being annoying can you help’ denki pouted making grabby hands at you. after agreeing you skipped downstairs to see the boy nagging over the dishes, smiling a little you walked over to him.

you started cleaning up the dishes he was nagging about as he made you all food since you were all hungry from the beach. ‘thanks’ you grinned hearing those words leave his mouth, even if they were quiet ‘what was that blasty?’ he glared at you ‘i will deck you’ you stifled a laugh at his words as your eyes connecting with his crimson ones for a second, both of your eyes widened looking into the others before you quickly went back to the task at hand.

he just has pretty eyes.. that’s it fuck, no i don’t like her, fuck.

———

falling in love with katsuki bakugou was not in your plans, but the way the blonde haired boy fussed about cleaning and things that you’d think he’d give no care to struck you. the way he’d pick a stray fluff or hair off kirishimas clothes but not tell him, the way he’d use his anger to mask him affection. it all endeared you, but why?

maybe it was the night you went to the beach, when he looked down at your friends messing around like it’d be the last time he’s seeing them, or the way he looked at you when you sneezed with a grin on his face,

‘why are you smiling at that’

‘you sounded like a fuckin cat’,

was it because of his eyes, his stupid pretty crimson eyes telling you to come closer, telling you to kiss him. — or the night he looked after you when you got drunk in the dorms, you had drunk a little too much and felt yourself feeling sick, before you knew it you’d ran upstairs to your bathroom and started vomiting into the toilet, he followed you and lifted your hair out of your face, ‘idiot take these’ he handed you some medicine for the pain in your head. — and he stayed with you that night so you wouldn’t be sick by yourself.

it’s been almost two years since you caught feelings for him. two years since you fell dangerously in love with the angry blonde boy.

———

today you were attacked by the league of villains while training and everything was okay, you were fighting alongside him, while you were fighting back to back you hadn’t noticed the villain to the side of you, he was aiming for bakugou, you did what you could in the moment and took the hit for him. you didn’t know what the persons quirk did but it didn’t seem to affect to you at all. ‘IDIOT GRAB MY HAND’ you quickly shook your head to get rid of the dizzy feeling taking place and grabbed his hand.

as soon as you defeated everyone you gathered near the front of the facility and that’s when you felt it. feelings from your past, the pain of having zero to very little memories of your parents, the pain of everyone but you knowing them, most of all the anger. you screamed crouching to the ground throwing your hands over your ears trying to get rid of the emotions they were overwhelming and painful. bakugou told aizawa that you got hit with a quirk but it didn’t do anything, he ran over as soon as he heard you scream.

‘y/n!, can you hear me.. fuck what’s happening’ you squeezed your eyes shut yelling out again as the stabbing feeling covered your body like needles, aizawa tried erasing the quirk but it was no use.

you gasped for air as the pain finally stopped and opened your eyes, ‘FUCK YOU SCARED ME SO FUCKING MUCH’ you smiled weakly as you realised he’s cradling you, — your eyes change colour when you see your soulmate in their most vulnerable state — ‘wait what is-’ you looked up at his words to see his crimson eyes replaced by your [c] ones, your own eyes now crimson, in only 5 seconds his eyes turned back to crimson as yours turned back to [c].

‘bakugou’ you were afraid to look at his expression, he tilted your head up and he smiled at you ‘i’m glad it’s you, i’m so fuckin glad it’s you’ you beamed at him as tears welled up in the base of your eyes.

that night you were planning on going on a date together, just you and him. mina and denki were sat on your bed crying and screaming about what happened, ‘ugh the way you looked at eachother makes me want a relationship!!’ she sobbed as her lips formed a pout, you laughed at her antics as denki did your eyeliner for you. ‘is this okay?’ you went for very ‘you’ clothes and you were pretty satisifed with your outfit, smiling you turned to them. ‘now this isn’t fair how do you look good in everything’ you scoffed before booping the pink girl.

you had butterflies in your stomach before even meeting him, the way he made you feel nervous but ecstatic. ‘hey’ you turned at the voice, smiling when you noticed you accidentally matched, you wore a black jumper with a skull on it as he wore his black skull t-shirt. you both noticed this and smiled.

‘gonna keep staring at me dumbass, come on?’

you walked after him smiling at his eagerness, ‘where are we going blasty’ he quickly looked up at the stars before saying ‘to see some memories’. after 10 minutes of walking you noticed the beach, it was the same one you came to with your friends, the one where you watched the sunset together, when you were oblivious to the others feelings. you talked and laughed about how oblivious you both were,

‘i kinda knew it was you, i think, i don’t know it’s fuckin weird.. i saw you and i just, knew?’

your heart did backflips at his words, ‘when i first saw you, at the first day of UA, you caught my eye maybe it was the pretty red eyes or the angry face-’

‘I DONT HAVE AN ANGRY FACE’ even his anger made you fall for him.

you’re down bad, you both are.

after your walk along the beach you talked more and walked until you realise it had been hours and you should be getting back to the dorms, somehow this entire time you hadn’t touched hands, it’s not that you didn’t want to you were just so immersed in talking to him it felt like you could talk to him forever.

as you got back to the dorms you stood outside the door and edged closer to him, his eyes sparkled just like they did that day, he entwined his hands with yours.

but instead of feeling the spark you felt a jolt, like a pain and you both pushed apart like magnets.

‘wait.. What, no this isn’t happening i held you this morning, what fucking changed’ he looked at you hurt and in shock, you couldnt breath, it was happening, the one you love but never be able to touch.

‘y/n, don’t fucking cry i’m here, i’m still here’.

‘but you’re not, it’s like we have an invisible box around each other you’ll never be able to hold me, or kiss me’ it was like you couldn’t feel anything but you felt everything at the same time.

‘there’s gotta be a reason, i held you fucking hours ago y/n, maybe it’s that fuckers quirk’

‘bakugou this is what happened to my aunt and uncle, they were fine for the first couple hours until i-it happened’

‘you deserve someone you can hold’

‘but i want you, you’re my fucking soulmate don’t be stupid’

‘you cant even fucking touch me bakugou’

‘call me blasty again.’

‘what?’

‘please’

his eyes were filling with tears, threatening to spill.

‘bakugou, i’m sorry, i love you’

‘then we’ll make this work’

‘we can’t blasty, you know we can’t’

A/N :

🕴i am very sorry for the pain i have caused i made myself cry

taglist :

@todoroki-shoto-is-life @blazedbakugou @luluwiie @blue-gold-demigod-clouds @gazelle-des-pres

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hyperfixationtimego · 3 years

Note

Alright we’re trying this angst thing again

Diamond Brothers Angst because I said so

Both Daiya and Mondo have huge self esteem issues bc of the crash

Both think stuff along the lines of what the fuck I could have prevented that

Neither Daiya nor Mondo can sleep very well because when they hear vehicles driving past and the occasional screeching tires they’re back at the scene of the accident

They hear a semi truck rumbling past? Suddenly neither of the brothers remember how to move or breathe properly

They both survived the crash but they were both injured severely bc fuck dude that was a truck that hit them

The Crazy Diamonds witnessed the whole thing and they were Worried™️

And we all know how the Owadas hate being vulnerable

Neither of the brothers could actively ride their motorcycles for a long time after the crash because they couldn’t handle it emotionally

They played off their mental recovery time as time in the hospital

Daiya made Mondo promise not to get back on his motorcycle, much less the road, until he was 100% sure that he was prepared to handle it because what if there’s another freak accident that neither of them have control over

Mondo made Daiya promise the exact same thing because He Cares™️

Mondo has reoccurring nightmares about the crash and often sees Daiya dead in those nightmares

The gang shows up in the nightmares too and they’ve all been hit and it’s all Mondo’s fault and he couldn’t be a good leader because he wasn’t strong enough and why couldn’t he just be more like his brother god fucking dammit

Sometimes he sees Taka or Chihiro in place of Daiya and the Diamonds and that Absolutely Terrifies Him™️

Daiya has reoccurring thoughts about hijacking a truck to hit the driver who hurt him and his little brother

He wants them to feel all the same pain and more that they put the Diamond Brothers through

Daiya has breakdowns over this because even if he is a gang leader, he would not go that far

cue the Am I A Bad Person Complex™️

Mondo does not let himself stim

He doesn’t think it’s manly and it definitely doesn’t fit the Tough Guy™️ act

This leads to worsened focus and next thing you know he and Daiya are having a yelling match at home because if Mondo’s grades drop any lower he’ll be expelled soon and Daiya just wants the best for his brother but nothing works out the way it was planned

One time Mondo received a popsicle stick and paper heart from Taka

He was extremely happy

When he got back to his dorm he was that happy that he was shaking and then oh shit

Mondo broke it

He snapped the popsicle sticks in half

the note that Taka wrote,, it got ripped in the process

Mondo full on sobbed over this for an hour at the least

Actual

Real

Tears

He broke something that Taka— not just his bf, but his best friend— had worked so hard on to make just for him and he fucking broke it like a shit for brains idiot

Mondo is terrified of hurting his friends

Because what if he forgets to take his adhd meds one day and his emotional dysregulation is all fucked up and he has an outburst again and actually hurts his friends

Or what if he takes 2+ doses by accident and focuses too hard and is left staring at one (1) spot and everyone hates him and what if they think he’s a creep

Mondo hates going out of his dorm at night because what if someone else is out and they have a flashlight and now they’re pointing it at him and it’s bright and those are headlights and that’s

that’s his brother

on the ground

not moving

Mondo will start shaking and he’ll break down hyperventilating or freeze on the spot

Either way, he hates being vulnerable

Whaddaya think? :D was that enough angst?

also can you tell that i kin Daiya on the dl bc i too got hit by a moving vehicle to save my young mer sibling from being hit /lh but also srs lmfo

HEY TINK??? HEY TINK????????

GodDAMN make me cry over this shit oKAY-

also sorry this took ✨forever✨ I had to gather my Thoughts™️ and my brain did not want to work today 😌

also before we get into my things, tw for trauma (obviously), unhealthy coping mechanisms, underage smoking/drug relapse/smoking as a crutch, and suicidal ideation (passive, but still there)

First of all, y e a h oh my god?? There is literally so much internalized guilt for both of them,,,,,like they rlly do have episodes sometimes where they just. Play over the events of what lead up to the crash in their heads and fixate on what they could have done differently,,,,,even though in the moment they both did their best? Like “well, I shouldn’t have taken us down this street” or “if I had acted quicker, maybe it wouldn’t have happened” and.....yeah those thoughts really fuck with them, y’know?

and 100% that unexpected/overwhelming vehicle noises and/or presences are nearly debilitating. Honestly, I imagine that Mondo can’t go hang out with Leon and Taka or whoever else if said people are hanging out in Kaz’s workshop. Owada’s only ever been in there once and immediately had to leave when he heard Kazuichi starting an engine he was working on. Not to mention being surrounded by a shit ton of vehicles, even if they were idle, had kept him on-edge the entire thirty seconds he was able to handle it.

They both deal with a lot of phantom pain, as well. Like something triggers them and suddenly, even if they’re able to remain in the moment and keep conscious of their surroundings, they somehow feel every ache, every twinge of pain, every breaking bone, or bruised patch of skin that they felt on that day. It’s a lot more prominent in Daiya than it is with Mondo, but they do both experience it!

And neither one lets the other know when they’re feeling like shit or having an episode because 😌 Daiya. wants to be strong. for his little brother. and Mondo. sees his brother basically functioning like a typical person. and figures that there’s something wrong with him. because he can’t get over what happened.

Takemichi is absolute shit with Emotions and being vulnerable or getting people to open up to him, but he’s like..........internally these bitches are Not Okay what the fuck am I supposed to do about it???? So he kind of...tries to hint to both of them that he’s worried? Without making it obvious or embarrassing them, but he’s like.......fuck these assholes.......making me be the one to make them realize they need help goddamnit........

And michi exhibiting a change in behavior is pretty 👀 because. it’s michi I mean he’s not just gonna change the way he talks in front of u for nothing, u know? So both Daiya and Mondo are actually able to pick up on it, although their reactions differ pretty greatly.

Like Daiya’s first thought is “wow, he’s worried, that’s really sweet of him. Better convince him everything’s okay.”

Meanwhile Mondo’s is “wow, he’s worried. my stupid emotional turmoil is that obvious. he must think I’m some sorta fuckin idiot for not being able to get over it. or selfish. or both. yeah, probably both.”

Also I think Daiya’s pretty perceptive in general? Like he can Tell™️ that something’s going on with his brother, but........yeah emotional conversations....vulnerability......that’s rlly neither of their strong suits. + he also figures that if it were something mondo were really really really having trouble with, he would come talk to him!

And so Daiya has absolutely no concept of just how Not Good his brother is doing right now hbbvvvv

So he settles for being like “I’m just gonna stay strong and act like the memories and intrusive thoughts aren’t affecting me in any way because I want to be a good role model” (which. is not healthy obv)

oh g o d the nightmares

they are so horrible and vivid and concentrated at times that Mondo simply.....refuses to sleep. He’s exhausted, both mentally and physically, and yet he can’t bring himself to close his eyes because he knows what he’ll see if he does.

And of course it affects him to the point that his friends start to become worried. Like Taka notices a stark increase in tardiness or general absences, and, after an initial assumption that it was simply Mondo choosing not to care about his academics again, realized that there was probably a lot more going on than he realized. He really, really wanted to bring it up and let his boyfriend know that he’ll always be there for him no matter what, but he couldn’t quite figure out how to articulate it properly. The farthest he gets is with the question, “is everything okay?”

And as much as Mondo wants to respond to him by saying that no, in fact, everything is not okay, everything sucks and everything hurts and he’s tired and he hates himself and sometimes he wishes that the crash had killed him, but that’s selfish so he should shut up- he just.....can’t bring himself to open himself up like that. Yes, he and Ishi are dating, so logically he should be able to tell him all this, but.....it’s so much. It’s too much. Too much to think, too much to feel, let alone try to explain. So he shuts himself up with a quick, curt, “Yeah.”

And....Taka knows he’s lying. He’s not sure how he knows, but he does. And it hurts to see someone he loves so much in such a state of anguish, and basically be unable to do anything about it because....how is he supposed to respond? What is he supposed to say? Navigating everyday interaction is difficult enough without having to improv something that could affect his partner’s mental health indefinitely. So....he does his best. Which isn’t enough, really, but it’s something.

“You can tell me anything.”

Mondo wants to believe him.

—

Another side of that same coin is Mondo skipping class a lot more than is typical for him. It’s almost always with Leon, but he’s also begun slipping away on his own, occasionally, as well, now.

And....y’know, at first, Leon thought it was super rad that Owada and he were skipping more! Like it used to be that Kuwata would offer for them to miss the next class, and Mondo’s usual answer would be ‘not today,’ and then Leon would keep bugging him about it until Mondo either gave in or told him to fuck off.

But....there’s just something about how it went from Leon being constantly shut down, to being told yes around the first few times the idea was brought up, to how, suddenly, Kuwata wasn’t even the one asking, anymore. It’s....depressing? Uncomfortable?

There’s also the fact that hanging out while they’re cutting just....isn’t as fun as it used to be? Leon’ll crack jokes or come up with stupid dares, and Mondo’s responses will be noncommittal at best. And Leon’s had enough experience with sleep deprivation to know it in his friends when he sees it.

He’s never been put in this situation before - usually it’s kuwata having some sort of stupid episode and usually it’s owada who’ll tell him to chill the fuck out and think rationally about things, but....Mondo acts a lot different when he’s upset than Leon does. He smokes more. Cuts himself off from everyone. Doesn’t engage with anything.

It’s different with people like Toko, or Makoto, or Kaz, because Leon knows what they need. He knows whether or not they need vulnerability, or a physical presence, or tough love, or tactile grounding, or a willing ear or shoulder to cry on, but with Mondo......he just isn’t sure.

So Leon doesn’t comment.

——-

Chihiro’s probably the one to get him to open up about it ngl.

ANYWAY-

y e a h Daiya intrusive thoughts?????? fuck yeah???? absolutely??????

god yeah I rlly feel him on that ngl hbhdbdbdbbb

and MONDO DARLING 🥺

god okay it SUCKS because????? he doesn’t judge his friends for stimming????? Like he sees his friends fidgeting or repeating phrases or rocking back and forth and he’s like???? Hell yeah you go u funky kid ilysm

But when it comes to himself????? he’s like if I do anything aside from stay perfectly still, I’m weird and bad and a failure so I simply Will Not

he’s wrong but it doesn’t change the fact that he feels that way ❤️

hhhvhvvdd I’m also a slut for daiya doing his best as a makeshift parental figure,,,,,,,like fuck dude okay,,,,,,as an older sibling who also loves and cares about their younger sibs but often finds emotionally connecting with them to be difficult,,,,,,,,,mood??? And having all of that amplified by rlly being his younger bro's only support in his home life,,,,,,,like ok mr. owada go off

he feels a lot of pressure to get it right and make sure that Mondo's doing okay, so the grades really worry him. but, of course, grades are a touchy subject with mondo regardless, so as u said it devolves into arguments and yelling and a lot of defensiveness!!

and god okay,,,,,,,the heart rlly got me,,,,,,,like that hurt. it rlly hurt man okay damn

honestly??? I think that might be the thing that gets him to break. like that might be his final straw.

because when they meet up again, Ishi asks him about it and whether or not he liked it. And Mondo just.

fucking.

breaks.

down.

He’s shaking and he’s crying and there’s snot running down his nose and this is so ugly and so not manly but he can’t stop. he can’t stop. Because there is this sweet, gentle, kind, sweet, beautiful, darling, sweet man before him who did something so nice for him, something he didn’t deserve, and he destroyed it.

Like he destroys everything.

And so when Taka panics and asks him what’s wrong (yes Ishi gets worried that he did something bad and yes ishi also gets worried that his boyfriend didn’t like the present because hdbdvdvd kin 💛) owada just. spills everything. and he doesn’t even begin with the gift??? he starts with apologies upon apologies, many of them incoherent, and many of them with Mondo not even certain what he’s apologizing for, just that he knows he needs to

and ofc Taka is like o-o because wow ok

but after his initial shock, and after Mondo has thoroughly cried himself out and explained everything he could stand to explain at that point in time, Taka just......holds him. And strokes his face, brushing away the tears that have not yet dried, simply offering his body as a weight, as something for Mondo to ground himself with. And it works.

And Taka insists that Mondo has nothing to apologize for, only that he wishes Mondo would have told him what was going on sooner. Because he wants to help. And hearing that just gets Owada’s waterworks going all over again, but he’s still got Ishi there with him. He hasn’t scared him off.

And it’s more than enough.

—

and UGH yeah????? yes absolutely absolutely okay okay so,,,,,,,,mondo comorbid adhd/depression/anxiety

like sir 🤝

got me fucked up smh

honestly he’s probably not diagnosed with the depression or anxiety, either, until something like the incident with ishi prompts him to realize oh wow I’m not okay actually

so yes he 100% does???

he constantly has all of these what if situations swirling around in his brain about what might happen if he fucks up, or does something that he doesn’t qualify as fucking up in the moment, but leads to something awful or painful or harmful for someone else, and he’s just??????? g o d

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ary-se · 4 years

Text

Mankai with a roach

some of these are based on irl experiences so i hope y'all enjoy reading this as much as i did writing it LMAO no braincells were involved in doing this i am so sorry.. also tagging @tsum-uwu-gi for some of the totally whack ideas, tysm 🥰

🐪 the mankai dorm never really experienced having a roach flying all over the place that much, and even if it did, they're immediately dealt with by the moms of the dorm

🐪 that was mostly the case until that one specific day arrived, when the reliable people were gone for different reasons. tsuzuru was in his part-time job, omi was getting groceries, tasuku was a guest actor for another troupe, and no one knows what in the world sakyo was up to

🐪 anyways the first one to notice was azuma, he walked in the bathroom probably to take a dump or something - who knows really lol - when he found himself staring at a roach that was literally on the toilet.

🐪 azuma literally has no idea how or when it got there, but the fact remains that there is no freaking way he is going to use the toilet unless he wants a death sentence. the logical choice was to close the toilet and flush it, but at that moment he kinda lost his shit, both literally and figuratively, and so all he did was act composed as he quickly left the bathroom

🐪 "azu-nee, why do you look so pale?" yuki asked him out of curiosity in the dining room, but azuma is hella smooth so he just laughs it off and acts as if he totally wasn't horrified at all, "it's nothing, you're probably imagining things."

🐪 after that incident, nothing happens for at least an hour. unfortunately, a roach doesn't simply disappear just because you want them to, which was why azuma's efforts of not letting the roach escape from the bathroom were in vain...

🐪 for some apparent reason taichi sometimes has this tendency of holding his own pee before he sprints to the toilet and just bursts in there, so when he ran to the bathroom and immediately let out an ungodly screech, it's all fucking over

🐪 did taichi piss himself? who the hell freaking knows. if he did, mankai would normally either laugh or feel bad for him or both, but at that moment nobody cared about that. what actually mattered was that taichi left the fucking door open so the moment he screamed, the roach already started flying EVERYWHERE

🐪 the one who was nearby the bathroom that time was kazunari. even if kazunari acts like he is scared of roaches, he actually isn't and he is capable of killing a roach in sight. would he help taichi, who has his fly almost open, by killing the roach and call it a day?

🐪 the answer is hell no. killing it doesn't even cross his mind. kazunari thinks this is really hilarious, and if he finds something funny he doesn't do anything to solve the problem. kazunari would basically make things worse by going live on his instablam to record what is happening. in this case, it is all about the unwanted creature and where in the actual world it is gonna land

🐪 gladly, kazu's sanity is still intact that he didn't include taichi in his live for the first few minutes. if kazu did, taichi better say bye bye to his remaining dignity and write his last will so he can finally dig his own grave. people will forever know him as the ugly sobbing, screaming dude in the bathroom with his fly open, and that is honestly the last thing taichi wants to be known for

🐪 sakuya goes to where the chaos is, poor boy was legitimately confused as to why two people are yelling and laughing at the same time. it is normal in mankai but every time it happens, somewhing whack is happening. unfortunately for sakuya, he was completely unaware of the roach flying behind him

🐪 "hi kazunari!" sakuya greets, and the roach lands on the sleeve of his hoodie. sakuya is a pure little bean, he is ALWAYS a pure bean but if kazu was being honest, the current image of sakuya smiling widely while a roach is chilling on his sleeve was really unnerving in its own way

🐪 kazu started to laugh so hard that he is physically unable to explain to sakuya what was happening, and he felt so bad about it. sadly, kazu doesn't have the capability to stop laughing by force, does he? because of the lack of explanation, it took sakuya approximately 7 seconds of obliviousness before he notices

🐪 tenma arrived right after that, and the roach flies off sakuya's hoodie after he jumps from surprise. high and mighty carrot boy is now in for a storm cause the moment he appeared, the roach lands on top of tenma's freaking head out of all places

🐪 "hey guys, what's happening?"

🐪 "there's a flying roach. and it is now on your head." kazunari deadpans. he always tricked tenma when it comes to these kinds of things, but he is serious this time

🐪 tenma literally HUFFS as if he doesn't believe kazunari in the slightest, and tbh you can't blame him cause summer troupe gave him trust issues from their pranks. sorry mister. unlike their old pranks, it is actually real right now... kazu ain't joking, please believe him now

🐪 tenma shrugs and places a hand on his head nonchalantly to ~prove his point~, "you won't fool me again-" he froze the moment he actually felt something moist moving under his hand

🐪 at that moment tenma screamed one hundred fucking times louder than the entire mankai company could, the entire neighborhood would learn their lesson to bring earplugs wherever they go cause his screams are literally ear-splitting

🐪 tenma should say goodbye to his reputation as a k00L b0y 4ct0R😎 that he has maintained for so long cause a lot of people are already watching the live. also rip to the people who were using earphones... at least you have witnessed tenma's most unglorious moment on public. from that moment he is already and permanently a meme and there is no going back

🐪 "STOP SCREAMING HACK!!" yuki yells at him with all of his might, but it was super inaudible because his scream still reigns. the roach lands on the wall, so yuki grabs whatever was on the table. it was banri's fashion magazine, which is fucking useless by the way, because he still can't dress himself up no matter how many fashion magazines he purchases. good job yuki for using it as a sacrifice

🐪 yuki rolled the magazine and repeatedly whacked it to the wall out of pure annoyance so he can kill the roach. in all honesty, the roach would've been dead by now from yuki's wrath, but curse his height cause he can't reach the freaking roach no matter how hard he tried. sorry yuki, your courage and bravery were all in vain

🐪 amidst all the chaos, nobody freaking noticed muku, who was deadass in the living room the whole time. question is, how is muku not aware of what was happening? how did he manage not to hear taichi's and even the mighty tenma's screams? the answer is simple. HE WAS TOO ENGROSSED IN HIS SHOUJO MANGA.

🐪 when yuki was about to finally hit the roach, it flew to the cover of muku's shoujo freaking manga. for an unknown reason, muku doesn't even flinch. HE JUST KEPT ON READING. muku, everyone adores you especially with your love for romance but the kissing scene isn't important right now, PLEASE STOP READING THIS INSTANT

🐪 everyone literally went silent, nobody had the heart to tell muku. they just watched the roach crawl slowly to muku's fingers in suspense. after what seemed like forever, muku closed his book while giggling, but that didn't last forever cause he saw the roach and in a split second he dropped his book without any hesitation

🐪 muku got so freaked out they all felt sorry to the poor boy. he just stared at the shoujo manga that is now on the floor, endlessly mumbling about having to buy a new one because the roach already cursed his book and he will become unlucky and he might pass on the curse to everybody else and they will fail all their upcoming shows and---

🐪 anyways. the roach lands on citron's palms, and citron... surprisingly doesn't freak out. he doesn't care. actually, CITRON'S HAPPY??? he just looks at the roach in fascination and if it were any other creature it would look so adorable. but no, it had to be a ROACH and it's absolutely whack and disgusting. please remember that it is the same roach that came from the freaking toilet. citron, please wash your hands RIGHT NOW.

�� "CITRON KILL IT!!"

🐪 "NO, NO! POOR COACH!" citron shakes his head, reluctant to kill it. he kept the roach in his hands so nobody would be able to kill it... he was oddly protective of it and NOBODY KNOWS WHY. THEY ALL DO NOT WANT TO KNOW WHY EITHER. citron please stop, what you're doing is making everything way worse. let go of that roach this instant and be hygienic just PLEASE oh my god

🐪 everybody already lost hope on trying to kill the roach, citron and his questionable logic is beyond their comprehension. but they refuse to waste their time fighting him about it because it will fly everywhere and no one wants that... lucky for them, tsuzuru finally arrives the dorms. HE IS EVERYONE'S SALVATION! SOMEONE WHO CAN FINALLY KILL THE ROACH! FREAKING FINALLY,,

🐪 yeah no, nevermind that. tsuzuru was so fucking tired from his part-time job that he just collapses right after he closed the door. please let the poor man sleep, don't even bother on trying to wake him up to kill the roach cause there's no way he is gonna wake up any time soon. cut him some slack. they felt bad for him but it happens way too often so they just left him on the doorway and that's it.

🐪 a few minutes after tsuzuru passed out, banri got back from no one knows where, probably shopping for more animal print clothes... who the hell knows. unlike the others, banri already knew what was happening without asking cause he has been watching kazu's live for like ten minutes already. if he was being honest, the whole thing was making him lose his shit so he tried to go back to the dorms asap to not miss out on anything good

🐪 coincidentally, juza also left their room from his long ass nap to see wtf was happening cause they were being hella noisy. after some explaining, when juza already fully figured out what was going on, he was aboutta kill it, ACTUALLY KILL IT, when banri stopped him. "you get out of this. i am the one killing it."

🐪 "get your own roach for you to kill, settsu"

🐪 curse their competitive asses cause it has reached to the point where they're already starting to beat each other up to death. the goal here is to kill the roach, not each other you dumbasses, get your brains straight please that's not helping anything don't be stupid for once

🐪 the roach flew from citron's hands and everybody screeched but finally, FINALLY AN ADULT walks in. tsumugi went in the dorm from the garden with a bottle of pesticide in his hand. once everybody noticed what he was holding, they were all getting panicky so they angrily screamed at him to spray it to the roach, it was too chaotic

🐪 tsumugi was so confused??? why was everybody angry at him?? what did he do to deserve this?? he doesn't actually think his pesticide works on roaches, but it was probably better if he stays silent about it since everyone will not listen and would force him to spray it on the roach anyways, what's the point

🐪 and so he did. at first, the roach stopped moving, so they assumed it was already dead. tsumugi then sprayed a lot more to make sure it actually was dead and everybody collectively sighed in relief. finally the fiasco is over. everyome can go back to their normal lives before this fucking happened

🐪 or not. the ROACH DEADASS FLEW AGAIN AND THEY ALL PANICKED. funny enough tsumugi calmly explained amidst all that, and it turns out tsumugi's pesticide was weak, and to top it all off it was water-based so it had no freaking effect on the roach whatsoever. too bad, so much for everybody getting false hope, huh. they wanna blame tsumugi for not saying anything before spraying but it is also their fault for getting worked up so whatever

🐪 itaru arrives from work, and one quick glance on what everyone was yelling about tells him that he refuses to participate in this crap. give him a freaking break please. he was dealing with work and you're telling him that he has to put up with this, too? hell fuckin no. he manages to quickly escape to his room to catch up on his games and it is a good thing that no one really noticed. they're too busy screeching every time the roach just flies outta nowhere.

🐪 masumi was deadass watching them from the sidelines. he could tell them to open the windows and just wait for the roach to fly outside so they can get it over with and call it a day. what a joke though, masumi giving helpful tips so everyone can calm down? yeah right haha no. he doesn't want to waste his energy on doing that even if their noise was actually getting into his nerves, so the whole duration he stays silent while he watches them lose their shit

🐪 this is one of the moments where they all legitimately wished misumi was here right now. him blabbing about triangles every second made them think that the roach kind of looks like a triangle when its wings are out. misumi what did you do to them to make them think this way?? did you make them do the triangle calisthenics or cathletics or whatever the heck that is??

🐪 knowing misumi, he can catch the roach in a matter of seconds. so where in the world is misumi? he is out again for his daily triangle hunting, obviously. come back, misumi... literally everything would be over in a flash if misumi decided to stay in the dorms today

🐪 despite this, for some apparent reason homare manages to find inspiration in all this. look, mister. the dorm is a fucking chaos. actual chaos. kazunari is somehow still live on instablam, wheezing so hard like he is gonna die any second now. the scene is literally just teenage boys screaming and running all over the place. two of said teenage boys are beating each other up... and one (1), ONE roach flies on top of everything, still fucking alive. EXACTLY WHAT PART OF THAT MAKES YOU FEEL INSPIRED HUH HOMARE!!! SPEAK UP!!!

🐪 the noise levels of mankai dorm is practically a headache at this point, if sakyo was here his boomer brain would be having a migraine that would be worth a week of pure pain and agony. for some reason, hisoka, who is on the sofa in the living room, literally in the MIDDLE OF THE CHAOS, just sleeps through it all.

🐪 how does he do that? just what kind of marshmallows does he eat?? do they permanently damage a person's hearing?? no matter how many times they woke hisoka up, he doesn't budge. what the actual fuck. and tsuzuru is still sleeping in the freaking doorway. at this point they could cuddle each other for all they want until they fucking die cause no amount of noise is gonna wake them up from their eternal slumber

🐪 after what seemed like forever, sakyo arrived and everybody immediately went silent. they stopped what they were doing except kazu, who was either incredibly stupid or incredibly brave, nobody wants to answer that right now. he is still live on instablam. even the live chat went silent.

🐪 sakyo still doesn't know what was happening but he knows it is BAD news, so he glared right at kazunari's camera and the last moments before the live ended was sakyo angrily stomping his way to kazunari and the screen blacked out

🐪 after learning that everything was only caused by a roach, sakyo got so mad that he managed to snatch a flip flop out of nowhere and killed the roach until it was completely crushed. it was safe to say everybody felt bad to the roach despite being the cause of everything. by the way, whose flip flop was that? nobody knows.

🐪 tasuku, misumi and omi arrived in the dorms while sakyo was lecturing everyone, and they still got dragged in without knowing what in the world happened. please pray for these poor souls they have to deal with his yelling without even being a part of it.

🐪 omi just bought groceries for dinner, he didn't waste his time to do that just to have no dinner tonight oh my god please give this man a break from everyone's bullcrap. tasuku's role in the other company's play was some random teen whose parents were mad at him for doing shit. he doesn't have to deal with sakyo actually getting mad too please let this man live in peace. and misumi? he isn't happy that he got dragged in, too. this is not very sankaku of you, sakyo

🐪 "MIYOSHI, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO RECORD THE WHOLE THING? YOU'RE RUINING THE COMPANY'S IMAGE. ALSO THE BOTH OF YOU FIGHTING YADDA YADDA YADDA"

🐪 the lecture lasted for 5 hours and nobody ate dinner that night. everybody was so tired after that. nobody was allowed to speak and if someone mutters, sakyo will yell at them next. can sakyo still lecture you for another 5 hours even after that long ass session? unfortunately yes.

🐪 everybody was banned from eating meals the next day. the resident moms reached an agreement that at least one of them always stays in the mankai dorm so this never EVER happens again. once is enough, they do not need another fiasco like this one.

🐪 oh and was it mentioned that kazunari doesn't have a phone for a solid month? cause that happened, sakyo banned him. you bet he managed to live a phoneless life by logging on his social media platforms on other people's phones without sakyo knowing,, not really the definition of "phoneless" if you ask him..

324 notes · View notes

cunaeparker · 4 years

Text

quantum | peter parker x reader

Pairing: Peter Parker x Fem!Reader

Summary: She shows up in tears at their shared apartment and Peter isn’t sure what to do

Word Count: 1.5K

Warnings: None

Mini Playlist: Guiding Light by Mumford and Sons // Hurts Like Heaven by Coldplay // Hold You In My Arms by Ray LaMontagne

Creature Comfort

Peter Parker was abruptly interrupted from his relentless studying of quantum physics.

The front door to his shared dorm flew open and slammed shut, quickly tearing him out of his note-induced trance.

Not slamming the front door was something like an unspoken rule between him and his roommate because closing it too harshly caused damage to the seal and repairing it would be too much money for the two broke university students, and Peter and his roommate deemed it a 'rule' to never slam unless completely and absolutely necessary.

So the unknowing boy had half a mind to run at the person coming into his dorm, having every reason for it not to be his roommate— until he saw Y/N trembling stoically in the doorway.

Tears streamed down her cheeks, and small sniffles and hiccups left her mouth as she used the back of her hand to cover it up. She stumbled into the room as she choked out little cries, the cavity in her chest feeling ice cold.

She threw her keys onto the counter and glanced at Peter tearily as she fumbled to put a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Don't be weird," she mumbled. "I know you're gonna overreact. I'm not in the mood."

Peter frowned slightly, pushing his notes away and pushing his chair away from his desk. It emitted a terrible screeching sound but he wholly ignored it, stumbling hurriedly towards her.

"What happened?" he asked, heart alight with nerves. "You okay?"

He wrapped a gentle arm around her waist and guided her to the couch, sitting her down on the ripped leather and nonverbally asking for an explanation. He took her hand into his, taking her red cheeks and pitiful whimpers into account with a sad side glance, soon getting up to guide her towards his bed and sit her down carefully on his old comforter— assuming she would be exhausted.

"Are you okay?" he repeated.

His heart was hammering in his chest as his thumb rubbed her skin softly, and he meant to say something else to try and ease her unknown pain but all he got in reply was a small stifled sob and a whimper.

Peter couldn't help but to feel stressed and anxious whenever situations like this came up— not necessarily saying she breaks down a lot because she never does; just with people in general— wanting to do whatever he possibly can to help as she glances at him helplessly. He doesn't quite know how to comfort her in fear of making it worse.

So, he resorts to staring at her pitifully as his eyebrows knot together into a concerned line.

But, suddenly plunging her head into the crook of his neck, wrapping her arms around his back and pulling him close as a whimper falls from her lips, Peter is taken aback at at the sudden outburst of physicality. He knows she isn't one for physical contact, and it honestly surprises him, but he ignores it.

A muffled cry comes from the fabric of his old science pun t-shirt. He can feel it dampen with her tears. Peter wants to question her and ask what's happened, feeling extremely confused but also sad, but he also thinks that pushing it onto her right now is a bad idea and having an outburst isn't exactly ideal.

Humming softly into her ear and gently tucking a piece of damp hair behind her ear, he rubbed a hand up and down her back.

"You don't have to tell me what's up or anything," he whispered. "I just want to make sure you're okay—"

Abruptly pulling away from him, she peered into his deep brown eyes with her red-rimmed ones, grasping tightly onto his hand placed delicately on her jean-clad thigh.

"I literally don't care, Peter. Just... hug me or something," she said quietly, voice cracking as her eyes started to water again.

Peter's eyes widened, before his eyebrows pulled together in a pity-filled line.

"Y/N," he whispered softly, glancing briefly at her and trying to analyze her features. Pink nose. Pink cheeks. Slightly bloodshot eyes. Flushed skin. He carefully wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her flush to his chest. Warmth seeped into his body as closed his eyes, putting his chin on her shoulder.

"It's okay," he murmured, weaving his fingers through her hair as a sudden outburst of muffled sobs wracked her body.

Peter wanted to lift up the back of her shirt and trace gentle circles onto her bare skin in hopes of the skin-on-skin contact helping, so he started lifting it. Slowly. He felt the heat from her body radiate onto his fingers, and he started to rub his fingers up and down her back— initiating a new level of intimacy. He didn't like to admit it, but it was a type of interaction he craved.

Peter felt her cries cease.

She sighed deeply and pulled him closer, nesting her head in the crook of his neck.

"I can feel how awkward this is for you, Pete," she mumbled.

She let out a choked laugh and pulled away from the crevice in between his shoulder and neck, wiping away her tears with the back of her hand, a watery smile painting her lips as she looked up at the brown-eyed boy.

A dusty pink colour flooded his freckled cheeks.

"What?" he asked, though he smiled a little once he saw her quivering lips twitch up into a weak closed-mouth smile. "It's not awkward. I'm just trying to help."

She laughed a little and inhaled deeply, slightly shakily— an unforgettable substance coursing through her veins like a drug. Sleep. A telltale sign of calming down.

"I can hear your brain whirring from over here, Parker. Don't give yourself a stroke," she joked, voice raspy though laced with melancholy tones.

She laughed quietly and placed her head against his neck again, reaching up behind his head to unconsciously untangle the rich chocolate curls at the nape of his neck. At their apartment, they usually refrained from dressing nice because it was them, in their company— and from Peter's lack of combing out his unruly curls he figured that Y/N loved to thread her nimble fingers through them. It was therapeutic.

Letting out another shaky sigh, she wrapped her arms around Peter's midsection and leaned backwards into the bed.

"You gonna sleep?" he asked, falling beside her and turning to his side, offering her a gentle smile as he reached out a hand to knead at the skin around her hip. "You seem tired."

She closed her eyes and relished in Peter's warm touch. "I probably should," she whispered. "I'm a fucking mess. Sorry."

"Don't apologize."

She peered at him. "God, Pete— what would I do without you?"

It was a statement, not a question.

Her eyes were half-lidded and puffy and tired, and through her watery irises he could see everything— her broken insides; overtired organs; whirring brain. Peter understood her struggle because he himself faced with the very same thing before and undoubtedly would again in the foreseeable future. He got it.

Peter wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer, bodies touching and radiating warmth, content with where they were now and happy to be in the moment. He hummed quietly, nuzzling his head into her neck and tangling their legs together.

"Go to sleep," he whispered.

He pressed his lips soothingly to her soft skin, rubbing and tracing small circles with his hand on the side of her cheekbone.

She leaned forward and grabbed his hand. Maintaining strong eye contact, she slowly guided it towards her lips and closed her eyes, pressing a kiss to the pad of his thumb, letting it linger there for longer than anticipated— surprising him.

The unspoken admiration made Peter's heart swell.

He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to hers. "You... you're amazing. You know that, right?"

She hesitated for a moment.

"Y/N?"

She sighed and he could feel her lips morph into a watery smile. Her breath fanned against his skin. "I know, Peter. I know."

"Good."

And with that, he pulled her closer.

The quantum physics exam could wait.

430 notes · View notes

k-writer1998 · 4 years

Text

Black, White, Grey (2/3)

Having Bang Chan as your best friend is great cause he’s literally the best but not so much when you’ve had a crush on him for a majority of the friendship.

Angst

w.c: 2.2k

Part 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Shoot! I’m going to be late,” I cursed under my breath.

It’s been a few months since I last saw Chan, they were promoting and I was filming a new drama but with our hectic lives it was nothing new. We usually just occasionally updated each other every now and then either by messaging or the rare phone call. What was new was the urgent message I got from Chan yesterday saying that we needed to talk ASAP. I had a few hours between shoots today so we decided to meet at a coffee shop between our two locations. By the time I got there, Chan was already sitting with two drinks on the table.

“Sorry I’m late, the shoot ran a little longer then it should’ve.”

“It’s fine,” he chuckled, “I got you your usual.”

“Thanks. So what’s up? What’s with the urgency?” I asked as I took a sip of my drink.

“Well you remember Eunhye?”

I really wish I couldn’t but it’s hard not to when he talks about her… a lot. From what I know they’ve gone on a handful of dates and she is really understanding with the idol stuff. Apparently since she's a university student on the verge of graduating, so she’s pretty busy herself, things have been going well, and he really likes her. The urgency of needing to meet him, him bringing her up, the nervous energy flowing off of him… I didn’t have a good feeling about it. I prepared my heart for the worst and turned on my actress switch as a smile pulled across my lips.

“Yeah what about her?”

“Well… I really like her…”

“What? I didn’t know,” I gasped sarcastically.

“Stop I’m being serious,” he chuckled softly.

“Then just spill it already, it’s just me. I’m not going to judge you.”

“It’s just you’re the first to know so it kinda feels weird saying it out loud… I want to ask her to be my girlfriend. I mean not now but after promotions in a few weeks.”

Even though on the outside my mouth dropped and my smile grew bigger as a gasp escaped my lips, inside… a heart wrenching scream clawed my chest. Yet another piece of my heart shattered to dust but now was not the time to dwell on myself. At least the next words that fell from my lips were honest, given from what little was left of my heart.

“Oh my god! Chan I’m happy for you. I mean I’ll be honest this will probably be like fighting an uphill battle but you know I’m always the pessimist in these situations. I am 100% happy for you though, you deserve it and your happiness is mine.”

“Thanks for your well wishes and warning,” he rolled his eyes with a laugh before adding, “You’re the best and remember I’ll always return the favor if you have someone you like.”

How does that work when that someone is you?

“Thanks Chan, believe me I know,” I laugh.

“There isn’t anyone right now right? I know I haven’t really got to check up much on you since I’ve been going on about Eunhye and been busy with promotions…”

“Don’t worry about it, you didn’t miss anything. There’s no one right now.”

“Good but when that happens I better be the first to know,” he joked before he added on a more serious note, “no secrets right?”

“No secrets,” I smiled. No secrets… except for this one.

I may have gone through this a few times already but like Seungmin said, it still hurts no matter how many times I go through it. We chatted a bit longer before we had to go for our next schedules but not before he planned something so that I could properly meet Eunhye… stupid best friend responsibilities. I know he hoped we got along and that was never the hard part when he got into a relationship. The hard part of it all was having to see her separate the grey areas in our friendship into black and white. When the day came, we met at the theaters to watch the movie Chan and I promised to see together. Our usual of sharing popcorn and a drink, making commentary during the movie, sitting close enough so that our shoulders touched… became a him and her thing with me watching the movie silently, an empty feeling on my sides, eating popcorn from a bucket far too big for myself because ordering a large was a force of habit. I still smiled, laughed, joined the conversation, and played the best friend role like I was supposed to. My mind was just in a haze through it all and although Chan noticed it, my lies blended with the truth. I told him I was tired, I just didn't specify that it was physically from work, emotionally from unrequited feelings and mentally from keeping up my farce.

The rest of those two weeks blurred together as the heartbreak set it deeper and deeper as each day passed. I was finally snapped out of my daze when I got messages from Seungmin in Minho in our "feelings" group chat when I was on break during filming. I’m guessing Chan took more time to clearly think about this before he told the boys. Throughout the day we exchanged messages but even though we were all busy, they demanded me to video call them once I was off even if it was at an ungodly hour. I love those two but together they were bossy and a force to be reckoned with. I agreed and didn’t get a message until I had just finished filming my last scene. They were back at the dorm and were reminding me to call. I rolled my eyes before updating them that I had just finished and would be home soon. By the time I had texted them I was home, my foot barely through the door, my phone rang with a face-time notification. I chastised them the moment their faces appeared on screen.

“You know there is this thing called patience right?”

“Well that is reserved for people who keep us updated,” Minho countered.

“Wasn’t my update to tell but okay,” I rolled my eyes but as I noticed the background behind them I dropped my voice, “are you guys in your room?! Don’t you guys share a room? Can you even be on call right now?”

“Well the person in question is sleeping and we aren’t that loud so it’s fine. We’re on the other side of the room.”

“So how are you?” Seungmin interrupted before I could rebut.

“At least someone cares,” I joke.

“Come on, be serious.”

“Okay sorry. You know I don't do "feelings"… Uhm… well… I’m better than the first day I heard the news but that can’t really say much.”

“Used work to fill the void? Have you at least been getting proper rest?”

“Yup. It helps that they are filming a bulk of my scenes right now so my mind stays occupied but sorry Seungmin sleep is not my friend right now.”

“I still can’t believe how dense Chan-hyung is. You’ve been friends for six years and you’ve had a crush on him for five, I’m sorry but how has he not figured it out or at least noticed something?”

As Minho got annoyed his voice got a bit louder and we all froze as we heard rustling coming from the other side of the room. No one moved for a good few minutes to ensure Chan was still sleeping. When we were sure, Seungmin nudged Minho with his shoulder.

“Hyung, keep it down.”

“My bad! It just sucks that one friend is hurting our other friend and he doesn’t even know,” Minho hissed.

“Awww thanks Minho,” I teased.

“Whatever,” Minho mumbled before adding, “I’m just surprised the feeling lasted this long even after everything.”

“Well you know your leader, it’s kinda hard to get over someone like that. Like have you seen him? His body-”

“Ahhhhh, I don’t want to hear it,” Seungmin whined.

“I mean you’re right but ewwww.”

“I’m kidding,” I chuckled softly, “But on a more serious note… I just… I don’t know why I can’t get over Chan. I mean when I figured out I liked him five years ago it was the thing that I’ve liked him for awhile already before I even realized it and no matter what happens or how many times my heart breaks… that feeling is still there. I mean I, without a doubt, can say that he is my first love. Any guy I find, no matter how much I love him… I don’t think I’ll love him as much as I love Chan… Oh jeez.”

Before I knew it there were tears streaming down my face as I was explaining. This was the first time I have vocalized just how much Chan meant to me and hearing it aloud just made everything so much worse. I gave a dry chuckle as I tried to furiously wipe away the tears but to no avail. The tears I’ve held back for so long took the chance to fall and I had no control anymore. I started to curse as the tears turned to sobs and the boys tried their best to soothe me through the screen. The rest of the night was filled with the boys comforting me and me finally letting it all out. After the call it felt lighter in my chest but that just gave pain more room to fill and I didn’t know which one was worse. I need to pull myself together or I’ll never be able to make it through dinner with the boys and Eunhye in a few days. It took a bit but the pain somehow subsided to a dull numbness where I could properly pretend to be myself.

The day of, I met the boys outside the barbecue restaurant and greeted them happily. Chan said that Eunhye was a bit behind so she’ll meet us inside. While he explained, he casted a nervous glance at me. I tiled my head, mouthing a “what?” in confusion, but he just shook his head and smiled before leading us in. Once we were seated, everyone began to chatter about the menu, arguing and discussing what they wanted to eat. I smiled at the organized chaos, a calming constant in my life. After a few more minutes passed Eunhye came in and greeted everyone. She came over and sat next to me, causing me to move closer to Seungmin and away from my place in front of Chan. Throb. No heart, not in front of Chan. I knew Minho and Seungmin would worriedly look at me but, among the many other strange things he’s been doing tonight, Chan too was anxiously giving me looks. When I finally caught him I raised an eyebrow in question but he quickly turned away, laughing at something Eunhye had said. When the food finally came I took my usual job of manning the grill and Eunhye helped. Out of habit I placed a majority of the meat onto the other members’ plates like I always have, save a few pieces for myself, and moved to Chan’s except Eunhye beat me to it. She giggled as he got flustered by her action… replaced yet again. Our eyes connected and for a second his eyes filled with panic and I just gave him a weird look before turning my attention back to the grill in front of me. Halfway through the meal my phone buzzed and I excused myself and stepped out of the restaurant, moving to a less crowded area to minimize the noise.

“Manager Kim? What's up?”

“Did you check your texts? There’s good news.”

“Huh? I’m at dinner right now, I haven’t had a chance to look at my phone. Give me a sec,” as I pulled up my texts I gave a delighted squeal as I put my phone back to my ear, “No way?! Seriously?!”

“Yup, once we finalize everything on our end, make sure you’re ready to go, got it?”

“Yeah of course. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

A satisfied sigh left my lips as I held my phone to my chest. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath to enjoy the chilly night air as it filled my lungs. There was a comfort in the cold isolation of outside compared to inside and I basked in it a bit longer. As I turned to head back to the door I saw Chan coming to me.

"Hey is everything alright? You've been out here for awhile."

"Oh yeah, my manager was just updating me on the changes in my schedule. Are you okay though? You've been kinda weird all night."

"Haha yeah, I'm fine. Let's go back in yeah?"

"... Okay."

I knew it was a lie. There was something bugging him but I won't pry. That's not how we were, it just naturally comes out and if he's holding back there’s a reason. I could never really badger him either when I’m now keeping two big secrets from him…

#stray kids #skz #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #skz imagines #skz scenarios #bang chan #bang chan imagines #bang chan scenarios #bang chan angst #my writing

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musicanddancingthroughlife · 4 years

Text

Necromancer - Shklance

Dudessss. If ya’ll are still here for stories, you’re literally the best humans. I think it’s been months, what with mental health issues followed by the corona (because of course I would be “essential personnel” and of course they increased our weekly hours to over 50) followed by the start of the semester, but I’ve been working on this off and on for a few weeks now, as well as some original stuff. So if you guys are interested in my original works, lemme know and I’ll post some of it. Who knows maybe it’ll motivate me to actually finish one of my books.

Also, this is super rough, so be nice to me. I’m playing around with some ideas here, so feedback is appreciated, and let me know if you want more of this au cause I haven’t decided anything with it yet.

-----------------------------------

Here’s the thing. The gods are real. Or at least someone’s gods. Or maybe they’re just god-like? Anyway, some clarification. Everyone agrees that these aren’t like any of the gods we recognize. They don’t quite match any of our religions (and boy did that infuriate Lance’s grandmother), and they weren’t like Zeus, or Anubis, or Odin, or any others we know of from legends. In fact, they’re more like the monsters of myths.

And even further, they’re absolute dicks.

With all their incredible power, they thought it would be prudent to impart some of their stupid gifts to us mere mortals, and in the process, they ruined Lance’s life.

See, only a small percentage of humans were given a gift. Most of them were young adults, some teenagers. Supposedly some children will manifest as they mature, but the short of it was, Lance was the only one in his family to get one. Most of his family tried to be understanding and sympathetic about it, but some were jealous, others wary, and all of them were making Lance feel more alone than ever before.

At least his best friend kinda understood. He’d been blessed by the shifter-god (as in god-who-can-shift, not god-that-shifters-worship). A fairly common gift by now, but still a useful one. Not to mention how cool it was. But, Hunk’s girlfriend Shay had been blessed, too, and was currently in attendance at the new Supernatural school with Hunk and Lance. Since the first day, the perfect couple had easily been able to make friends with the other students in their sections, even their dorms. Most still startled around Lance, but he was becoming used to that. One of these exceptions was a girl named Pidge. Well, her name was actually Katie, but she preferred to go by Pidge. She and her brother were geniuses, so they were great with Hunk and Shay, and tolerant of Lance, but he’d take what he could get.

Besides, Pidge and her brother Matt – technopaths – were almost impossible to mock, because they were actually childhood – best – friends with Lance’s roommates, the hotshot vampire powerhouse couple of the school. Usually, students were grouped by their gift; in the dorm, they were for their comfort and safety. So far, the three of them were the exception. Of course, because the gods apparently hated Lance, he was one of those, because he was one of the only non-vamps in the dorms. Due to the nature of their existence, people naturally sough to avoid vampires, and they responded by forming their own nests, once again, carefully excluding Lance. Because even at a school of freaks, weirdos, and the powerful, Lance was of the worst.

Lance was a necromancer.

A surprise to his family and to Hunk, because they always referred to him as a sunshine boy, always commented on his happy, goofy nature and attitude. Even with the dark nature of the gift, Lance remained his cheerful self – for the most part – for the first few months, but the constant abuse and isolation was starting to wear on him, and Lance knew it. He just couldn’t tell if he cared. No one else did, right? His old friends were having the time of their lives. Even Hunk had yet to see past the mask Lance had taken on. All the other students were content to ignore or mock him, and even Lotor, the only other necromancer at the school, was enjoying the process of crushing Lance, both in the classroom and out. Lance was barely surviving.

And honestly, he probably wouldn’t be if it weren’t for his roommates. As fuckin’ weird as they were, even for vampires they had been kinder and more aware of Lance and his challenges than anyone else lately. When Lance was too drained physically and emotionally to go down for dinner, Keith brough t tray of food up to him, full of only human food and none of the blood the vampires included in their meals. And Lance hadn’t missed how Shiro sometimes was there to help Lance to and from classes, cheerfully carrying on a very one-sided conversation and effectively ensuring that Lance didn’t feel alone all the time. And even when they were alone in their dorm room studying, both of them did their level best to keep Lance included in their discussions. They refused to let him hide in his bedroom, which he had all to himself, as the previously assigned roommate refused to live with a necromancer. Instead, they dragged him out to the common room to study and then watch movies with them. Literally, Keith dragged him kicking and screaming that first time.

Sometimes, Lance wished that they weren’t so determined to draw him out and be his friend. Like now, for example.

Sometimes, Shiro will announce a mandatory movie night and sleepover – seriously, having primarily nocturnal roommates was weird – and Lance always tried to duck into his room. Or sneak back out once they were wholly engaged in whatever movie they chose.

“Lance,” Shiro spoke with utter calm, but Lance froze as if he’d been threatened. While Shiro didn’t look up from his movie, Keith did, making direct contact with Lance, who bit his lip and glanced at the den and then looked back at Keith. Keith raised an eyebrow. “Bat got your tongue, Lance?”

It took him a minute, but Lance found his voice. Not that it was gonna do him any good. “Ummm… I just… have some homework to finish, so…”

“That would mean that when you said you were done at dinner, you lied,” Keith observed. Shiro reached for the remote. “Pull it out here, then, I have some reading I could do, too.”

Lance looked horrified at the thought of ruining their plans. He floundered, “No! Uh, you don’t have to do that! I can study on my own, it’s fine!” But Shiro was grabbing their books now, Keith watching Lance carefully. “Okay! Fine! I don’t have any homework!”

Shiro brightened immediately. “Good! Then c’mere so we can finish the movie; I wanna see how it ends!” How the hell could this giant, terrifying creature of the night be such a pup???

Lance managed a weak smile at the sight, “Well, I’ve already seen it, so I’ll probably just go to bed, but you guys should definitely stay and watch!” He shot a wary look at Keith, who was shaking his head.

“Lance, you’re just as nocturnal as we are. Nearly all your classes are at night. And you’re a night owl, anyway. So what’s the big deal?”

“Don’t you guys ever get sick of it?” Lance finally burst out.

Shiro and Keith looked at him cautiously. “What are you talking about, Lance?”

“Come on, Shiro, look at me! The Reaper and all that bull, there’s no way you guys actually want to spend time with me! And even if you did, don’t you ever want just some time with Keith? Well, I’m trying to give that to you, except you guys won’t let me just leave so that I can leave you to it, and oh my God you probably hate me so much for taking up so much of your time, and I can’t believe I did this to you I’m so sorry, I-I just, I can’t, ugh, just let me—” But before Lance could dart for the door, Keith caught hold of his wrist, his own abilities coming in handy to keep ahold of Lance, even as the pictures on the walls and lamps rattled dangerously as Lance’s own powers spiked, black fog seeping out from beneath him. Lance’s eyes were tightly squeezed shut, and Shiro was careful as he approached and put a hand on Lance’s arm.

“Lance. We like spending time with you, promise.”

But Lance just shook his head, sobs now wracking his whole body. Keith let out a soft noise, drawing Lance close enough that he could wrap him up in a hug. Shiro enveloped them both, wrapping his arms around Keith’s back, and protecting Lance’s back as he did so. This close, Shiro didn’t need heightened senses to hear Keith whispering reassurances in Lance’s ear, and Shiro let himself join, knowing from past experience that the way his chest “rumbled” would help to soothe Lance further, and soon enough, Lance was swaying as his exhaustion hit him. Keith and Shiro worked together to maneuver Lance down the hall and into their own bed. They knew that this wasn’t going to solve all of their problems, but at least they could be there for their brilliant, bright boy tonight.

#shklance #takashi shirogane #lance mcclain #keith kogane #vld fic #vld #voltron #voltron legendary defender #voltron fic #supernatural au #necromancer lance #vampire!keith #vampire!shiro #angst #langst #tw bullying #bullying

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anime-apparently · 4 years

Note

☘️Hello! Would it be okay to ask for a matchup for Food Wars and Bnha? I'm a straight, virgo girl, introverted and quiet but I really don't mind crowds. I'm often stuck in my own world daydreaming and sometimes have troubles focusing on the relevant. I'm really patient and open-minded though so it's hard to make me angry. Pretty free-spirited and a jokester as well, as said by my friend. On the other hand I tend to be oblivious to people's true intentions and therefore trust easily.

☘️ I love exploring nature, plants, watching anime, animals, reading, cleaning and drawing, plus can speak 4 languages. I'm around 158cm with brown hair, pale skin, blue eyes and glasses. Fairly physically fit since I enjoy jogging from time to time. Thank you!!

I match you with...

Hayama Akira

he didn't really recognize you the first time you two met since you tend to blend in the crowd and not attract any attention towards you

you were sitting at the backyard of Shiomi seminar with a doe on your lap while a deer approached you and bowed

he's a ver confused boi like what did he just see

then you looked up and gave him a sheepish smile "gomen, Hayama-san, for trespassing."

then Jun saw you and invited you in because she thought you and Hayama were friends

you quickly accepted despite the shady exterior of the seminar

you and jun became quick friends and soon enough you started coming over more often

Hayama would shoo you away at first while Jun would scold him for doing that but you didn't hold any grudges and waited patiently until you two became friends

he slowly grows to like you

you and him are often together gardening or cleaning around the seminar

he started noticing you in class and would often pair up with you because he can handle you

you're quiet, patient, and pretty optimistic but one time you two were cooking and you went on your own world

he sighed deeply but he was used to it by now so he knows how to make sure you're focused

how you two got together was because of your daydreaming

you were drawing him while he was playing around with his spices then you stopped and stared, it was silent and Hayama shrugged it off since it normally happens the "hayama-kun, i like you"

a blushy boy but he won't admit it

"i like you too, L/N-chan"

you two acted more couple like from that point on

Jun's your number one shipper so when she found out she's sobbing "Hayama-kun, I knew you had it in you!"

when Hayama knew you were from Polar Stat Dormitory he was shocked but "it makes sense because sometimes you're too loud and crazy."

he's your anchor to the real world, he likes to make sure you don't go hanging around with the wrong people, and if you're in a crowd he likes to hold your hand so you won't go wandering off (effect of daydreaming)

while you make sure he doesn't overwork himself, you make sure he gets to have fun, and you like to pull him away from the seminar to take a walk in the woods

soft moments when you two would just be sat on a couch while reading a book with your head on his lap or the other way around uwu

he's shocked to find out you know four languages, when you taught him, he would likely insult someone in that language and you'd just be laughing at the side

you tend to watch anime with jun and sometimes he's sit through it too (he likes black butler and relates to Agni (but he finds Prince Soma a bit weird because of the name and the somewhat near hair color and the childish attitude that can be compared to Yukihira)

jogging is a must because he claims you need to be out in the sun because you're "too pale"

he really finds your blue eyes intriguing and he thinks you look cute in your glasses

you two are the type of couple to cook together, garden together, read together, and have long walks in nature together

he would fight for you and defend you because he gave you his heart and trust so be careful 'cause he's a precious bean

I match you with...

TAMAKI AMAJIKI

- so after the whole villain incidents, UA decided to have the big three meet class 1-a, right?

- that's where you met him

- the class stared getting noisy so he moved to a silent spot and you were there too

- you strike up a small conversation (literally just hi and introduction of yourself)

- but he would slowly find himself coming often to class 1-a's corridor to see you

- Mirio and Nejire catches on to this so they would invite you often to their table to eat during lunch or breaks

- he would notice you suddenly just staring in space with a wide eyed lost look in your eyes and he finds this immensely adorable

- one time you spaced out and your eyes were directed to him, he literally hid himself under the table to avoid your gaze

- "Areh, where's Tamaki-senpai?"

- mirio is so excited that you can speak four languages (honestly he likes everything about you and is a really good wingman)

- "tamaki, did you know Y/N-chan can speak (foreign language)" "tamaki, look at Y/N's drawing, uwah!!" "tamaki, look, Y/N also likes (fav book)." "tamaki, i heard she likes to watch (fav anime)!"

- poor tamaki always turns red and can't look you in the eye

- you'd be so fascinated with his quirk because of the whole animal thing and he's so shy because he thought you would think of it as weird

- in crowds, you would hold his hand and assure him that it's alright while he blows a fuse because the only girl who had actually touched his hands are nejire

- he finds it endearing that you're quite the jokester and pretty free-spirited

- he'll just catch himself smiling as you bounce down the hallway to get to your class

- you're patient to earn his trust and for him to be comfortable around you

- the first few times you met, you kept your distance and made sure not to make him uncomfortable which made him like you more

- when the dorm system was built, you'll often take morning jogs and most of the time the big three does it too so you'd jog with them

- but one time it was tamaki alone, you striked up the conversation with him

- he's still soft-spoken and a bit figety but he's comfortable with you

- you reach a large sakura tree and there was a black cat udnerneath the tree (it's aizawa-sensei's but who needs to know, right???)

- he's amazed at how fast the cat gets comfortable with you

- the rising sun gave you a halo while you pet the cat and like he fell in love more and more with every passing second

- he already loves the way your blue eyes sparkled everytime you would get so energetic, he already loves the way the glasses frame your eyes and make them look more innocent, he already loves the way you would stick the tip of your tongue out when you draw, he already loves the way you would react to a book you're reading, he already loves the way you would be so kind to anyone regardless of who they were, he already loves the way your eyes would turned glazed and wide when you daydreamed, and then here you were like an angel

- it was during white day when he confessed and it was because of nejire mostly, nejire saw the chocolate he made for you and pushed him to confess

- "Y/N-chan, i like you." hands you the chocolate and slowly moves away from class 1-a and then sprints to get to his classroom

- curses himself the entire day for doing that

- "tamaki-senpai, i like you too!"

- he almost had a heart attack because you just suddenly jumped at him the moment you two met at the entrance

- your relationship is mostly a mutual understanding for both of you with you mostly leading him through since you're the less introverted one

- class 1-a and the other two of the big three is your main shipper

- take care of him, he rarely gives his heart and he has already given it to you

A/N: thanks for waiting, i hope you enjoy it!! btw, author-chan's a dumbass because i didn't know it didn't save if you answer here in tumblr (i thought it did because when i exited and then rechecked it was there but when i finished dinner to check back to it, it was gone) so i had to redo most asks, gomen for that

#food wars #boku no hero academia #match ups #tamaki amajiki x reader #tamaki x reader #suneater x reader #bnha x reader #foodwars x reader #food wars x reader #hayama akira x reader #hayama x reader #imagine #oneshot #match up #my hero academia x reader #my hero academia

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patchwork-panda · 4 years

Text

If A Moment is All We Are (5.1/?)

This chapter is REALLY long so I split the text ver into 2 parts for Tumblr.

AO3 link: here

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Story type: Romance/Drama/comedy

Pairing: Dazai x OC/reader (Dazai is endgame, fic is long-running and will also feature Kunikida x OC)

OC (Kusunoki Kyou) and Ability are based off of "The Story of Your Life," written by Ted Chiang, aka the basis of the Amy Adams movie "Arrival."

Rating: M for Blood/violence/themes of depression, anxiety, suicide TW: The second half of this story will deal more heavily with themes of suicide, depression/anxiety. *No major character death will occur*

Story follows OC as she joins the ADA, partners up with the detectives to solve various cases around Yokohama and develops feelings for Kunikida and Dazai (Dazai endgame).

Written for those who want an immersive ADA experience :)

Updates every Sunday evening around 6pm PST

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It wasn’t always like this.

Okay, maybe it was.

For as far back as I could remember, the visions had always been random, random events I would see of the future. If I was in physical contact with someone, the visions would be from their future. If I wasn’t, then the visions would be from my own life. Sometimes when I was really stressed, the visions of my future would actually come in the form of a dream, like in manga or novels.

Perhaps that was the best way to explain how The Story of Your Life worked; it was like taking out a book, keeping a finger against the pages and flipping until that finger finally caught on a single page. Then, flip open that page and read the first paragraph that jumps out; the book was the person’s life and the paragraph was the event, a single scene from that person’s future that I bore witness to.

The visions didn’t always show me death, blood and despair.

In fact, the very first vision I had was that of a puppy—a cute little thing my friend Kiko gifted me at my fifth birthday party. I must’ve seemed shockingly unsurprised (and possibly rude) to Kiko and her parents, but I couldn’t bring myself to explain that I’d seen her giving me this puppy half a year ago.

In retrospect, the puppy vision had been great. Sure, it took some of the fun out of a surprise gift but it was still a vision about a puppy. Honestly, if my visions were nothing more than glorified versions of baby animal videos, I’d be perfectly fine with that.

Maybe then, I wouldn’t be left with this overwhelming fear of my own Ability.

I used to be able to touch people, shake their hands, and hold them. In the beginning, “The Story of Your Life” only activated with a prolonged touch...

At first, “prolonged” meant more than ten seconds. That meant getting to play tag in kindergarten, going over to friends’ houses and having sleepovers. Normal stuff. My life didn’t even change all that much when ten seconds shrank to seven some time around middle school; I was able to play contact sports and go out on shopping trips without incident. Seven seconds became five halfway through high school. Again, no need to make lifestyle changes. I could still hold hands with friends, so long as it didn’t go on for too long and I was still able to have my first kiss without seeing even a hint of my boyfriend’s future.

And then, college. Five seconds was no longer doable. It became three at best and just before I’d become a shut-in, even an instantaneous touch was enough to trigger my Ability. By then, however, I’d gotten pretty used to having the visions, so I remained relatively unbothered when I’d see a vision of the barista breaking up with his girlfriend when I got my morning coffee. In other words, managing my Ability was no big deal.

Or so I thought.

About six months ago, my visions went from being an occasional distraction to a panic-inducing nightmare. I still wasn’t sure why...

Maybe it was just luck of the draw. I’d only seen good things, mostly, for the first ten-plus years at least: faraway cities, weddings, and graduations. Every once in a while there would be a failed exam or a lost wallet but overall nothing too out of the ordinary for an otherwise regular teenager to see.

Maybe it was just a sign of the times. As I got older, so did the people around me, so the more likely it was that they were entering that phase of their lives where things could start to go south. Or perhaps their previous lives were just catching up to them.

Or maybe, it was karma finally catching up to me. I’d be lying if I said that I’d never used my Ability for personal gain before. There were a few exams I managed to ace with the help of a well-timed touch of the hand and a few pitfalls I’d managed to avoid through a combination of sheer luck and a decently fast reflex. Perhaps six months ago, whatever granted me this power finally decided that I had a good run and it needed to end in the worst way possible...

And it all happened so quickly.

I never had much control over my visions to begin with and they never really bothered me before but suddenly, they were invading every part of my life—and with each vision I saw, the accuracy increased. My dreams became more vivid than ever; I would see things that had yet to occur and before I moved out, my college roommate would wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of my screams. I started passing out in the middle of class if someone so much as tapped my bare shoulder and when I came to again, it would be a minute before I remembered where I was and what I was doing. I was starting to consider seeking some kind of help until one day, I finally saw my first death.

It was horrible. I was at dinner with friends on a group date and I hit it off with one of the guys. He wanted to take me to the movies that weekend, and being relatively new to college and Yokohama in general, I agreed. Then, smiling, he’d held my hand just a millisecond too long and I saw it: him getting hit by a car while crossing the street.

I tried not to think about it too hard. Sometimes the vision were wrong. There were times when they’d been off by just a fraction of a second and because of that, I still had hope. Maybe there was a chance that things could change last minute, either by a miracle or by someone’s sheer force of will. But as time passed, my anxiety grew. He was running late and I didn’t like it. Finally, I spotted him at the intersection and, frantic, I waved him down just as the “walk” sign lit up and he started crossing the street.

That’s when it happened.

A single black vehicle, no license plate, ran a red... and ran into him.

I would remember seeing his body flying into the air for the rest of the semester.

After that, I started taking an alternate route to class, just to avoid going anywhere near the part of campus where he’d died. It wasn’t that people were whispering behind my back or accusing me of having a part of it—I just couldn’t handle the memory.

That was the first death.

The first.

It was as if some kind of floodgate had been opened. I had never seen death before that day but after...? Death became all I saw. I briefly shook hands with a foreign exchange student and immediately saw an image of a middle-aged woman lying in a hospital wing. The woman had been the student’s mother and I heard she died a week later. I could not have been responsible for the cancer that claimed her life but I spent weeks feeling guilty about it anyway. There was another incident where I accidentally, and literally, bumped into my English teacher on the way to class. I saw his brother being hit by a bus downtown. His death was announced a month later, on the morning news. When I saw it, I broke down in the middle of the cafeteria and my friend Eri had to take me home.

And it just kept happening.

I became afraid to touch people. I began wearing longer layers during the summer months and started keeping to myself. When even a brush of the hand or bumping into people on public transit could trigger a vision, I started wearing gloves. I got a lot of stares on the subway for wearing itchy winter gloves in the subtropical heat and the knitted fabric made gripping the overhead handholds difficult so I ended up changing to disposable nitrile instead. I got less stares for that but unfortunately, I eventually had to give up public transit entirely when I got squished between two tourists and had a panic attack in the middle of the car.

But giving up public transportation put me in a tough spot. My dorm was pretty far from campus and I didn’t know how to drive. If I really wanted to, I could walk but that would take far too long and make for far too many chances to see another person’s death. And I really didn’t want to ask anyone for a ride because that would just mean more questions and more explanations I wasn’t willing to give.

And yet somehow, I managed to make it work for a time, waking up early to go to class, avoiding hangouts in-between classes and running back to my dorm as soon as I got a chance. But I was still attending classes with lots of people in a crowded lecture hall and living with roommates in a dormitory building. Ultimately, the stress of trying to avoid people while also trying to keep up with increasingly difficult classes caused me to start having nightmares. They were frequent and they were bad. And I knew that these were all things that would someday happen to me: me and a friend being held hostage in an abandoned apartment building, a woman in a suit and sunglasses pointing two machine guns directly at my face, a man didn’t recognize growing steadily colder in my arms as I screamed for him not to leave me...

That following morning, I woke up sobbing—crying as if I wished I was the one who had died instead. When my roommate tried to comfort me, I jerked away out of instinct and immediately realized I’d made a mistake.

And that was it.

I couldn’t it take any more.

About a week later, I left the dorm and found myself a tiny studio apartment, one that I could still afford on my shoestring budget and more importantly, one where I could live completely alone.

Soon after, I dropped out of college and became a shut-in. In true shut-in fashion, I shunned all contact from classmates and friends in case someone came to visit and decide they needed to barge in because they couldn’t—shouldn’t—do such a thing. My apartment had become both my sanctuary and my jail. So long as nothing changed around me, none of the horrible visions would come to pass.

Thankfully, a month into my new lifestyle, the nightmares stopped.

So long as nobody came near me, I wouldn’t have to witness another death with my waking eyes...

I still remembered the night I decided to stop going to class. It was the same night I looked out the windows and saw my own reflection, touched my fingers to my face and pulled them away, confirming that it was indeed blood and not salt tears that dripped down my cheeks. I started avoiding mirrors from that day on and threw myself fully into watching anime, joining fandoms and drawing commissions, anything to distract myself from the invasive, self-destructive thoughts that grew stronger whenever I looked into a reflection of my own eyes.

Yes... Staying was the only solution. If I never stepped out of the apartment again, the world would be spared the sight of my hollow eyes and bloody tears... And I—I would be spared the curse of witnessing things I should never have seen to begin with.

***

“So you’ve been holed up in your apartment for the last six months doing...”

Kunikida frowned, tapping his pen against his chin.

“What exactly? Rent in Yokohama isn’t cheap. How have you been supporting yourself?”

“Commissions,” I explained. “I started watching a lot of anime and playing video games and fans pay good money for drawings of their favorite characters, original characters or even pictures of themselves in a stylized form.”

Summing up my Ability meant practically telling these two my entire life story, not just recalling the events of this morning, and I had to commend the detectives’ patience for sitting through what I would’ve considered a pretty long-winded explanation. Now I was even telling them how I’d stretched my budget and supplemented my allowance.

I held out my hand.

“If I could have some paper and something to write with, I could show you, if you like...?”

Dazai immediately ripped Kunikida’s notebook and pen out of his hands. Ignoring his partner’s protests, he held them out to me and, throwing his arm out to keep Kunikida from taking back his own things, sat back to watch me draw. Within seconds, a coarse outline appeared on the pages, followed by facial features: eyes, nose, hair—a minute later, I handed back Kunikida’s notebook, a quick, rudimentary pen sketch of each detective on its two open pages.

As one, they leaned in to stare at it.

“This is pretty good,” Kunikida said, looking up at me. He squinted down at the page, tracing the lines with his fingers, mumbling, “Does my hair really look like that?”

“It is... isn’t it?” Dazai agreed, rubbing his chin.

As Kunikida puzzled over the drawing, a mischievous glint appeared in Dazai’s dark eyes.

“Kusunoki-san... Have you ever considered a career as a sketch artist?”

At once, Kunikida shot him a warning look.

“Don’t even think about it, Dazai,” he growled, “Making decisions without the President’s approval—”

“I’m not making a decision, only a suggestion,” Dazai declared. “And what’s wrong with a good suggestion?”

“Dazai...”

Ignoring Kunikida entirely, he turned to me.

“Really, I don’t know how we survived like this for so long. We’re a detective agency, one of the best in the city and yet, we don’t have a sketch artist... It’s a shame, don’t you agree, Kusunoki-san? What do you think? Interested in a change of career?”

“Wait... are you asking me to join you?” I asked warily, looking from one detective to the other. “Why would you want someone like me? I can’t fight. I don’t even know how to shoot a gun.”

“I’m asking you,” Dazai said pointedly, “if you would be interested in becoming a sketch artist. I mean, it just so happens that we are in dire need of one—(“No one said that!” Kunikida roared)—and you happen to have the exact skill set we are looking for! Not to mention you’re an Ability User... Just think of all the people you could help.”

“I don’t know,” I mumbled, looking away, “Wouldn’t someone like me be more of a burden than an asset? I can’t even control my Ability, much less use it to help people—”

“But what if you could control it?”

I froze. Having had no control of my Ability for my entire life, the possibility hadn’t even occurred to me...

“There’s a way?” I asked, looking back up just as Dazai’s grin turned into a triumphant smirk. “How?”

“I could tell you,” he drawled, his smirk growing even wider, “But it’s a closely guarded secret. You’d have to join us if you want to find out... Of course, I’d be more than happy to vouch for you if you’d like to apply—”

“Dazai—!! You—!”

Kunikida was on his feet.

“We can’t just offer a job to every stray Ability User we rescue from the Port Mafia! Atsushi was one thing but—”

“Oh my, so you’d be perfectly fine sending a nice girl like her back into the jaws of the Port Mafia? Really, I thought better of you, Kunikiiiiiida-kun—”

“That’s not what I said!”

“So you agree, we should take her in?”

Kunikida’s face was in his hands.

“Look, it’s not that I don’t want to help, but it’s not our decision to make! And besides, she’s clearly been through enough, what makes you think she would agree to—”

“I’ll do it.”

Kunikida’s mouth dropped open. He looked stunned.

“You will—? Wait, no, I never said I agreed—”

“Let me apply,” I said, looking him firmly in the eyes. “I want to help people. I’ve always wanted to. Isn’t that what you do here at the Agency? Use your special Abilities to make their lives better?”

“That’s true,” Kunikida admitted, folding his arms over his chest, “But this can be a dangerous job. Especially for a non-combatant. You almost died today! Why do you want to help people so bad? In fact, let me ask you...”

His eyes flashed from behind his glasses, his expression fierce.

“Why did you go so far for a neighbor with whom you weren’t particularly close?”

I glared right back.

“I had to save her.”

“But it sounds like you already did, when you pulled her off the sidewalk—”

“That’s not good enough!” I burst out, startling Kunikida. “How could I say I saved her, truly saved her, if I knew she was going to die in a week and I did nothing to stop it?”

My hands clenched into fists.

“That doesn’t count. Saving someone means seeing it through to the end, to fully committing yourself and doing what’s right! Isn’t that what you did for me? What both of you did to bring me here today?”

Kunikida was struck dumb. Stuffing his hands into his pockets, Dazai got to his feet.

“I think it’s about time I take Kusunoki-san back to her apartment,” he said, making his way to the door, his long tanned trench coat swishing elegantly as he moved.

He patted Kunikida on the shoulder.

“I’ll let you think about what we should tell the President later.”

Kunikida instantly flushed an angry, embarrassed pink.

“Dazai, you—”

Ignoring his partner, Dazai called out to me.

“Kusunoki-san? I won’t be taking you back to your original apartment tonight. We’ll be going to one of the Agency’s safe houses instead. After everything that’s happened, I wouldn’t be surprised if the Port Mafia had staked out your building and had someone ready and waiting for you at home. And if you’re wondering, Yamazaki-san is on her way to her nephew’s place in Nagano, so you won’t need to worry about her.”

“But what about my things?” I asked, “What am I gonna tell the landlord?”

“It’s already been taken care of,” Dazai replied, opening the door for me. “Shall we?”

#dazai x oc #dazai x reader #bungou stray dogs #osamu dazai #doppo kunikida #fanfiction

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dontmindthefangirling · 5 years

Text

Catfish {t.h.}

part 8

gif by @peteparkrrs

Summary: What happens when you start to fall in love with a boy online, completely unaware that it’s Tom Holland behind the computer screen?

Warnings: angst, anxiety

part 7 | series masterlist

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You felt as though you couldn’t breathe, and suddenly all of the emotions that you were able to move on from came flooding back. Your chest was tight and your vision began to blur as you stared at that one notification, beginning to wonder if you were seeing things or if it was actually real. All you could see was red, and the words began to mold together as you felt a sob start to bubble in your chest. You closed your eyes tightly and forced yourself to hold it back so that you wouldn’t wake Jane, but suddenly you felt like shaking and crying and calling Tom and yelling at him over the phone because how dare he. How dare he like your post, knowing that you would see it and force these emotions to come back and how dare he still look at your posts and your account.

You put your phone down and closed your eyes as you tried to steady your breathing. By the time you opened your eyes, you realized you had to get out of bed if you wanted to make it to class on time. You forced yourself to jump down from your lofted bed, and your legs felt like lead because all you could think about was Tom looking at your profile and liking your picture.

Walking slowly, you trudged to your closet and pulled out a pair of leggings and a long-sleeved shirt before slipping on your Converse. Jane was still sleeping soundly, and you figured she wouldn’t be getting up for class for another hour, so you quietly slipped out of your dorm to brush your teeth before heading into the brisk spring morning.

You put your headphones in, trying to drown out your thoughts with music, but it didn’t help. You were finally able to push Tom out of your mind and your life, only feeling pain when you saw his face on movie posters, but this was a whole new type of pain. This was like you were back in your room at home, crying on the phone while Tom tried to apologize to you, and you hung up on him before he could.

You shook your head, turning your music up louder as tears brimmed your eyes. You had to focus on class, but so many different emotions were coursing through your body that you felt like you were going to explode. You quickened your pace, hoping that once you were in the academic building you could focus on your classwork instead of Tom.

But as soon as you sat down in your seat of the large lecture hall, you felt suddenly and completely lost. Every guy who walked in, you were expecting it to be Tom, and you tried to pick out his distinctive English accent among the low murmurs of students, but when you realized what you were doing, you knew it was crazy.

You ran a hand through your hair, tugging at it as you felt like you were going insane as Tom was able to have such an effect on you from one click of a button. The more you thought about it, the more pent up you got, and before you knew it you were shaking in your seat.

You grabbed your bag and briskly walked out of the lecture hall.

Once you were in the hallway you pulled out your phone and logged back into Tumblr, scrolling through your notifications to see if it was real or if you were imagining things, but once you saw the notification again, your heart began going through a gymnastics routine.

You quickly clicked on his account, and wrote him a long and detailed message.

-I don’t know what your angle is, but why are you going through my Tumblr? In fact, why are you even on my account in the first place? Didn’t you cause me enough pain and-

You froze your fingers when a group of students walked by, and their words caught your attention.

“Did you hear that the new Marvel cast is doing a group interview in the city?” one of them said.

“Yeah, I heard the Spider-Man cast is going to be there!” a girl exclaimed.

“Wait you mean, like Tom Holland? He’s literally so cute,” another one chimed.

“Yes! They’re selling tickets at the campus center to the first one-hundred students, and then they’re shuttling them to the city,” the first guy said.

You froze as their voices got out of earshot and you stared at them. Tom was here. He was in your city and granted the city was an hour away from your campus but he was here.

He was an hour away.

You practically ran to the campus center, disregarding the message you were in the middle of typing.

“You alright, mate? You seem distracted,” Harrison said, coming up behind Tom as they sat in Tom’s dressing room. They were getting ready for the press interview that was taking place in a few hours, and by getting ready that mostly consisted of them lounging on the couches playing Cup Pong on their phones with each other.

“Huh?” Tom asked, looking up at his friend. Harrison narrowed his eyes at Tom, watching him from across the room.

“Yeah, fine,” Tom murmured, swiping his finger as the fake ping pong ball flew through the screen.

Harrison knew Tom was lying, but he didn’t know why.

Tom knew they were in your home state. He knew you were in this state, and he hadn’t thought of you in days, maybe even weeks, but when the press tour was scheduled to be in your state’s capital city, he couldn’t help but wonder if maybe you’d show up.

Even if you didn’t, Tom was pretty sure this was the closest he had ever been to you, physically, and he just kept wondering how far away you really were. He wished you were still in contact.

He wished he never lied to you.

“Bro, you suck at this game,” Harrison laughed as Tom missed every single cup he threw the ping pong ball at. Tom rolled his eyes and threw a small pillow at Harrison.

You stared out the window of the coach bus filled with other college students as they were buzzing about potentially being able to ask questions to the cast of Spider-Man, but all you could think about was being close to Tom, seeing him in person, and yelling at him.

You watched as the bus entered the city, and you looked down at your phone realizing that you had several missed texts from Jane asking where you were. You sighed as you told her quickly that you’d be back later tonight and you’d keep her updated.

You had no idea how you hadn’t heard about the promotion your university was doing for the Spider-Man cast, but you figured it had to do with your obvious and vigorous avoidance of anything even slightly Marvel related.

As you watched the buildings grow taller and the trees get scarcer, you began to second guess your impulsive decision, and wondered if you could possibly run and hide.

What were you thinking? You were probably going to see Tom in person and that was going to hurt your heart more than any like he could possibly give you on Tumblr. What were you possibly thinking?

You quickly called Laura, hoping she wasn’t in class.

“Hello?” she picked up almost instantly.

“Laura, I made a mistake,” you almost cried, leaning your head against the cold window of the bus.

“(Y/N)? What’s wrong, what’s going on?” Laura asked frantically.

“I...I, uh, I got on a bus,” you began. “To...to go see Tom.”

Laura was silent for a moment, and then you heard her let out a deep breath.

“Could you explain more, please?” Laura sighed.

“My school was giving away one hundred tickets to students to go into the city to a live group interview with the Spider-Man: Homecoming cast,” you said in one quick breath.

“And you went?” Laura asked.

“Yeah, I’m on the bus right now.”

More silence came from the other line and you closed your eyes as you were expecting Laura to yell at you and tell you how stupid you were for getting on that bus.

“Why would you do that, (Y/N),” Laura said heavily. “You know it’s just going to hurt you.”

“I know,” you murmured. “I wasn’t thinking.”

“What are you going to do?” Laura asked.

You inhaled sharply as you looked out the window again, realizing that you were actually now in the city, which meant Tom was minutes away.

“I don’t know,” you said.

The bus turned down a smaller street, and the chatter among the students began to become more excited as the bus began to slow down.

“I have to go,” you whispered. “I think we’re here.”

“Keep me updated, please,” Laura pleaded.

“I will, love you.”

“Love you too.”

You clicked your phone shut and stood from your seat with the rest of the students. Your heart was hammering against your chest and you tried to steady your steps as you followed a line of students off the bus into the warm air. The skyscrapers loomed over you like they were waiting for your next move, and the wind pushed your hair out of your face.

You looked up and read the signs promoting Spider-Man: Homecoming and that’s when you saw the crowd of fans standing outside of a tall building across the street. They were holding posters, calling out names of the cast members, and holding objects that they were hoping would get signed.

You felt like you were walking through Jell-O as you crossed the street with your fellow classmates, and your legs suddenly felt like they weighed a hundred pounds each as you stepped closer to the building that held Tom. Paparazzi were to your left, their cameras ready, and that’s when you knew it was real. They were in that building.

“I’m so excited, do you think Zendaya will sign my hat?” a girl next to you squealed.

“I want Tom to sign my poster.”

“I want to see Jacob!”

Every voice became muffled as you stared at the doors. Apparently all the fans were going to wait to see the stars come out, they were going to say hi, and then everyone with tickets was going to go inside for the interview.

Every time the door opened, revealing someone who wasn’t in the cast, your heart would pick up speed and then crash back down. You didn’t know what would happen when they walked out-

Suddenly, the screaming of fans was so loud that you couldn’t hear a thing. Zendaya walked out first, followed by Jacob.

And then he was there.

You felt yourself drifting through the crowd like you were in a dream, making your way closer to the front as your vision tunneled and all you could see was Tom smiling and waving to the fans. You couldn’t even feel the people pushing around you because you felt like you were in a trance. You didn’t even know if you were breathing, and your blood was pulsing in your veins being the only sound you could hear. Everything else was muted.

He was right in front of you.

A wave of euphoria washed over Tom as he waved to fans, saying an infinite amount of ‘I love yous’ as he walked towards them and signed some of the objects they brought.

He turned and a girl in the front caught his eye. She was staring at him, wide-eyes, and her mouth slightly ajar like she was in shock. From where he stood, Tom could see the way her fingers trembled along the fence. She wasn’t screaming his name like the others, she wasn’t crying, she wasn’t even smiling. She just looked as though she were in complete and utter shock. Almost like she was in a trance.

He had never seen a picture of you during the time you two had been talking, but he knew in that instant, that had to be you.

Suddenly, everything else around him was drowned away by his own heart beat and he walked slowly towards you.

As he got closer, the color drained in your face. The fans around you began crying and shouting louder as he approached them, but he was only focused on one of them.

Once he was close enough, tears suddenly brimmed your eyes and you took a step back as he took a step forward. You were right in front of him.

“(Y/N)?” Tom asked. He hadn’t spoken your names in months, and hearing it against his tongue felt so foreign but so right at the same time and when your face broke at his voice, he knew it was you.

“It’s you,” you cried.

Hearing your voice, hearing it in person, hearing it right in front of him sent a flood of emotions running through his entire body. How could he forget your voice? He fell in love with it. The rest of the world was suddenly blurred, and all he could see was you. You were more beautiful than he could have ever imagined.

He opened his mouth to say something, but he couldn’t stop staring as you stared right back. The world was melting around the two of you, and your hearts were beating so loudly you were both sure the other could hear it even over all of the fans. He could still see your hands trembling, and now Tom’s own were shaking. In fact, his whole body felt like it was shaking.

Tears suddenly began to fall from your eyes, and it broke Tom in more ways than one because he knew he was the cause of your tears.

“Tom, we have to go inside,” Harrison said, coming next to him. Tom wanted to say no, he wanted to grab your hand and take you some place quiet and just finally talk to you.

Before he could respond, security was whisking him away and into the building. But his eyes never left you until the door was shut behind him.

You watched as Tom was brought to the door by security, but he stumbled over his own feet as he tried to continue to stare at you. Once the door was shut behind him, the yelling of the crowd began to simmer down as fans were lined up to enter the building.

You were frozen. You felt like your feet were glued to the cement. He saw you. He saw you. And he knew it was you. He remembered your voice.

The way the look in his eyes changed so dramatically when he heard you speak just confirmed that he knew it was you.

You were pulled from your dream-like state when one of the security guards asked to see your ticket to get inside. You fumbled to pull out the ticket from your pocket and handed it to him, but you felt so completely dizzy and not yourself that your vision was blurry as you took the ticket back.

“Right this way!” one of the security guards said, leading the line of fans through the same doors that Tom had just entered along with the rest of the cast.

You inhaled sharply as you tried to clear your mind, hoping that you didn’t look too out of it. You thought about calling Laura, but you didn’t think your fingers would stop shaking by then.

You took another deep breath and entered the building.

whoop whoop they met :)

btw, I think I got everyone who asked to be on the taglist, but if I didn’t, just let me know and I’ll add you!

part 9

taglist:

@slythxr // @greenarrowhead // @your-daily-dose-of-fangirl // @loxbbg // @didanyonesaybuckybarnes // @strang-ersclub // @roaringgoodshow // @skeletalwolfcat // @peterbrokenparker // @jackiehollanderr // @krispykreeme // @eye-of-the-owl // @ eternal-l-appel-du-vide // @lifeandloveandhappiness // @16wiishes // @snifelisnifsnif // @fxded-jackgyeom // @dxftprettyboys // @spookyconsultingcriminal // @yourwonderbelle // @too-much-spidey // @savethebabyseals // @apseventy // @starkslovebot // @binaruma// @lifeisabitchandsoareyou // @iloveyouthreethousand-o6 // @just-a-littlebit-of-everything // @sweetcoldpeach // @spideyyeet // @mlt2000 // @ being-your-average-fangirl // @asmilinghopelessromantic // @clairestarkparker // @ thedaydreamingwriter // @itsmejessicasstuff // @queenattentionseeker // @huiqingohuiqing // @thedanteofthe52ndstreet // @coach-vixen // @sweet-sunflower-ghost // @trust-me-im-joly // @stickyqueenbouquetsstuff // @americaswritings // @euphoniumpets // @gwiyomi-princess-trash // @pixiedustsupplyco // @nerdypisces160 // @yeahimcrying// @thenaturalbond // @cookinggurl43 // @rageyoudamnednerd // @bibliophilesquared // @stickyqueenbouquetsstuff // @justanormaltrashcan // @aestheticgaybish // @jackiehollanderr // @spidreling // @adi-angel // @multific //

#tom holland #tom hollander #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #spider-man #spider-man homecoming #Spider Man: Homecoming #catfish

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tetrakys · 5 years

Text

Trois Allumettes - Chapter 14

Rewrite of MCL UL episode 16 with Lysander.

Big thank you to the people who sent me their suggestions, let me know if you think I got it right.

FYI the song I mention at some point is Tsar B - Escalate

Chapters 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13

“She’s here!”

I looked up startled by the sudden commotion around me. I’d been walking slowly, my eyes on the ground, lost in my thoughts. I couldn’t stop picturing Nath covered in blood on the gym floor.

What had supposed to be one of the most pleasant evenings out of these holidays, had turned out to be one of the worst, spending hours at the hospital hoping for Nath conditions to be not as bad as they seemed.

I was finally back to campus and the whole little group with whom I’d gone to the carnival what felt like ages ago, was there, relieved looks on their faces as soon as they spotted me.

“I…” when I saw Lys my eyes got all misty, and the pressure suddenly subsided. I threw myself into his arms sobbing.

“Candy… I’m here…” he hugged me against his chest, and I got the feeling that the hold of his embrace calmed my heartbeat.

I cried in his arms for a minute, probably drenching his elegant coat with my tears. When I calmed down, he kissed me gently on the head.

They all wanted to know about Nath. I wasn’t looking forward to their questions, but apparently they already knew most of it from Amber. At least they knew that he’d been taken to the hospital after a beating. I filled them in with what I could. I had to stick to the mug story, I couldn’t tell them the truth, it wasn’t my place to.

“What a jerk!” we all turned around surprised to see Castiel fuming. “He supposedly wants to handle the situation on his own and then calls Candy? I doubt she’s the most appropriate person to call when you get mugged. What was the point? For her to see his condition without actually being able to help him? Imagine if the group of muggers had still been on the premises?! They would’ve gone after you too!”

“That’s enough, Castiel.” Lysander said in a firm tone, laying his arm around my shoulders. “We appreciate your concern, but this is not the right time. As you can clearly see Candy is upset enough.”

“Sorry,” Castiel nodded, “I shouldn’t have talked about it now, but it seemed important to make the point. We were all worried about you… My concern is what was talking.” He added, looking at Lysander earnestly.

We all said goodbye and Lys walked me to my dorm room.

“Are you ok?” he asked me as soon as we were alone in front of my door. Concern in his eyes, he sweetly stroked my cheek and I leaned into his touch.

“I didn’t know what to do, Lys… I felt so helpless.”

“You did the right thing, calling an ambulance. Despite his harsh tone and bad timing, I agree with Castiel. Nathaniel shouldn’t have put you in this situation, he should’ve called the emergency number from the start instead of putting you in unnecessary danger. I wish… I wished you’d asked me to go with you.” He added taking me in his arms.

“Lys… I didn’t think about it… I just ran.”

“I know. And this is one of the things I admire the most about you. You’re just so good and kind, you’d literally do anything for your friends. I just hope that one day you’re going to trust me enough to see me as the person to lean on when things get rough.”

“I trust you, Lys.” I hugged him tighter but didn’t add anything else, and he didn’t either. We both knew that we didn’t have nearly enough time together to become each other’s crutch.

“When I couldn’t find you I got so scared Candy. I pictured you alone, in that crowd and the worst scenarios ran through my mind.”

I kissed him apologetically, “I’m sorry for disappearing on you like that. And just when we’d finally managed to find some time to be together.”

“About that… I’m going to be busy tomorrow, and the day after I’m leaving for the farm where I’m going to spend the rest of the week.”

I felt my heart sink. We were on vacation, I was hoping to spend at least a bit of time with him and he was leaving.

“Would you… I mean…” I looked up at him, surprised by his stuttering and sudden embarrassment. “If you’ve nothing else to do… you could come with me.”

With him? To the farm? A whole week together?

I knew my answer already.

---

“A whole week together starting with a road trip?” I said looking at Lys’ beautiful profile focused on the road ahead. “I feel quite lucky.”

“I would hardly call this a road trip,” he laughed, “it’s just a few hours stuck in a car with me, and I know I’m not the most talkative person. I’m afraid it’s going to be quite boring.”

Mph… he had no idea… how non-bored I was feeling at the moment. I’d always found men at the wheel quite sexy, but this particular man… the way he hold the wheel, his firm grip, his focused stare… he had a certain authoritative and slightly aggressive way of driving that seemed a little out of character for him and, at the same time, suited him a lot. It made me wonder if there where other aspects where he could act bossy and rough.

The simple thought made me blush.

To be honest, I hadn’t been able to think about much else these past 24 hours. Since knowing that I was going to spend the week at the place he’d grown up, I’d been ecstatic, I couldn’t wait to learn more about him and his past.

But when the thought of spending the night together had finally sunk in, I started to hyperventilate.

Not because I didn’t want to. I wanted to, oh… I really wanted to. I literally couldn’t wait. I’d even bought new underwear. A black and red corset with laces at the back but that could easily be removed thanks to convenient zip at the front, it also came with matching panties.

No, I wasn’t hesitant at all. I was fully prepared to take things to the next level.

What I wasn’t sure of, was if he wanted to.

The one time we’d come close to it, or at least were heading towards it, he’d backed off. He’d said he didn’t want to take advantage of me, knowing he was going to leave in a few months. The mere thought was absurd to me, no one was taking advantage of anyone here, I was very willing, more than willing. Also, we hadn’t been officially together at the time, so maybe his feelings had changed meanwhile.

Still, I was afraid of how he might react if we got close to it again, I wasn’t sure my self-esteem could take another rejection.

“Anyway, thanks for coming with me. Your presence alone is going to brighten what would’ve otherwise been a very tedious week.”

He explained that he didn’t have much heavy work to do, since the people he and Leigh had hired to work at the farm for this year where taking care of it. But he was supposed to meet with some clients, mostly local business owners, restaurants and such, who made use of their products.

This meant we were also going to have lots of free time to spend together. I literally couldn’t wait.

We spent the whole afternoon quietly listening to music on the radio, I made him laugh when I tried (and failed) to sing along. Let’s just say I’d never been gifted with a perfect pitch.

Sometimes he absentmindedly rested his hand on my knee, and my head went completely into overdrive. Particularly when his fingers lightly caressed my skin, sometimes rising a little up on my thigh.

I could tell that he wasn’t completely conscious of these gestures, because as soon as he realised what he was doing, he quickly removed his hand placing it back on the wheel. His grip so tight his knuckles became white.

We only stopped once to grab a quick bite, and when we arrived at the farm, it was already dark.

“I’m going to show you around tomorrow morning,” Lys said while we walked up a few steps to reach the front door. “It’s too late now and you need daylight to move around the property if you’re not used to it.”

He was right, I could tell the house was a big, old villa, but it was too dark to make up anything else. Inside though… as soon as he opened the door and turned on the light I was left speechless. It was old, yes, and rustic, definitely nothing I would’ve associated with Lysander, but it was also homely and comfy. We passed through a living room hosting a couple of soft-looking sofas that I was dying to throw myself on. A fireplace on the wall completed the picture of the perfect, dreamy, country house.

He showed me quickly the kitchen and the bathroom and stopped in front of a door.

“Here we are, this is your room.”

My… excuse me?!

“You’ll find clean sheets on the bed and extra pillows in the wardrobe if you need them. Goodnight.”

He leaned to leave a quick kiss on my cheek and disappeared in the room next door.

I remained there for a few seconds, petrified on the spot.

What had just happened?

Okay, I suspected he might still be worried about “taking advantage of me”, hurting my feelings, or whatever crazy idea he had created in his mind that stopped him from getting physical with me. But… even sleeping together, hugging each other, would have been amazing. I just wanted to feel closer to him. And now, with just a wall between us, he seemed so far away.

I pushed the door and stepped into my room. I didn’t even look around, I just headed directly to the bed like a zombie and sat on it.

He must’ve been tired for sure, having driven the whole day, still… it didn’t explain his odd behaviour.

Was it… me? Was he tired of me after spending the day together in close quarters? But it seemed he was having fun the whole time, I was positive about that. No, something else was going on.

I spent at least an hour sitting on that bed, trying to figure out what to do with no success. I might as well call it a night, it was very late, probably around 3am. It was best to try to get some sleep and talk to him the following day.

I removed my dress and remembered what I was wearing underneath. That corset had brought nothing but the worst of luck. I was now left in it and a long underskirt with a side cut that I made myself so that I could use it underneath a couple of dresses in that particular style.

I was about to start removing everything else so that I could slip into my nightwear, when I realised I was parched and it was probably a good idea to grab a glass of water from the kitchen before going to bed.

I just removed my shoes and headed towards the kitchen barefooted as to not make too much noise waking up Lys.

Trying to find my way to the kitchen in the dark wasn’t easy. I took the wrong turn a couple of times, when I finally found myself in the right room, I felt I was dying of thirst. Filling a glass from the tap, I took a huge sip and that’s when I heard the music.

Yes, there was music coming from somewhere. I couldn’t quite figure out what it was, but it sounded soft and almost sad.

Leaving the glass on the kitchen counter, I followed the sound, step after step bringing me closer to the source of the music, until I found myself in a room where something incredible was going on.

A huge grand piano was in the middle of the room, which was mostly dark, lighted by candles in different corners. Lysander was playing, following a music coming from a sound system. He looked so focused, so immersed in the music, I’d only ever seen him like this that one time he was reciting his poem at the open mic.

I had no idea he could play, and he definitely could. He’d rolled the sleeves of his white shirt up over his elbows and I stayed there, charmed. looking at the expert movements of his hands on the keys, listening to the amazing sounds he was creating. I could feel it reverberating in my chest, as if I was under a spell.

“Did I wake you up?”

Lys voice took me back to reality. The piano’s final note had just died but the song was still playing, probably on loop. It sounded so different without the piano, less melancholic and more sensual.

Or, at least, those were my feelings when I saw Lys raising his head to look at me, and I remembered that I was half undressed, only wearing my lingerie.

He took in my whole body, from head to toe. Starting from my flushed face and my long hair that I’d left loose around my shoulders, reaching mid-waist. He took in my corset and the way it squeezed my chest, creating a generous cleavage and a tiny waist. Then my hips, hugged my the underskirt, and the deep cut, that showed my thigh and leg, down to my bare feet.

He was speechless and couldn’t take his eyes off me.

“You didn’t,” I replied, “I was on my way back from the kitchen when I heard the music. I’m sorry if I interrupted your practice. I had no idea you could play the piano.”

I stepped into the room and walked towards him, stopping in front of him next to the piano.

I pressed on a key out of curiosity, the sound reverberating into the room. “You’re incredibly good.”

He smiled sadly. “Thank you, but I’m far from it. My mother was the pianist of the family, I’m but a mere amateur. I play from time to time to calm myself, when I’m too pensive or restless.”

“And what are you now? Pensive or restless?”

“Both.” He replied earnestly, resting his hands on my hips. “I feel restless because I can’t stop thinking about you and at how much I want you.”

My heart skipped a beat at his words.

“I feel the same. I want you and I can’t sleep thinking about how you pushed me away the moment we stepped into this house.”

He didn’t try to deny it, he knew exactly what I was talking about. I was standing in front of him while he was still sitting on the bench, from my higher vantage point I felt I could act bolder, so I laid my hand in his hair, caressing the soft tendrils between my fingers.

He closed his eyes, lost in the sensations of my caresses. “I was trying to do the right thing, but I don’t think I can anymore.”

“Good.” I simply replied. “If being together is wrong, then I’m ready to make the biggest mistake of my life. Over and over again.”

His hands tightened their hold on my hips and when he opened his eyes again I could read so much longing and lust that I knew he was done pretending now.

Before I could realise what he was doing, he pushed me against the piano and made me seat on the keyboard. The cacophony of sounds completely ignored as he attacked my mouth with his. One hand grabbed my chin, as his lips took possess of mine, repeatedly. His other hand grabbed my thigh through the slit and moved it so that I could hook my legs around his waist.

Without interrupting our kiss, he lifted me and, walking around the instrument with complete ease, as if I weighted nothing, he dropped me on the closed lid.

Only then we finally came up for air. I knew I must be flushed and completely dishevelled, but he looked at me as if I was the most fascinating piece of art he’d ever laid eyes on.

“You’re so beautiful.” He said almost pained. “I never knew what desire was until the day I met you. I thought I did, but it turns out I was just an ignorant fool. You haunt my thoughts and dreams Candy, day or night, I’m inevitably, completely yours.”

I wasn’t as good with words as him, so I simply took his hand and put it on my chest, right above my heart. “So am I. Yours.”

This seemed to be enough for him to put aside any final reservation and doubt. The hand on my chest got bolder and he grabbed my breast above the fabric of my corset. When he realised the garment was nothing but an hindrance to his explorations, he grabbed the zip and slowly opened it, savouring the exquisite torture of anticipation.

At the same time his other hand went beck to my thigh, caressing higher and higher.

The moment my chest was completely exposed to his eyes, he looked spellbound and lowered his lips to my soft skin. His hand now had finally reached the spot it was looking for, and the combined sensations of his lips and his fingers above the fabric of my underwear, was enough to make me lose my mind.

But before I could even start to let go, he left my body and I almost cried at the loss. Grabbing both skirt and slip, he pushed them down my legs, so that now I was completely naked in front of him.

He looked so handsome and impressive as he took in my now completely naked body, that I almost felt like a sacrificial offering to a god, and I was ready lo let him do whatever he wanted to me.

He slowly, without breaking his eyes away from any part of my body he felt like looking at, removed his shirt, so that now I had a perfect view of his chiselled chest that I was dying to feel under my fingers. But he didn’t give me the chance to raise to touch him.

Grabbing my knees, he opened me to his stare, and I saw his eyes turn incredibly dark and lose any trace of self-control.

His mouth was on me before I could even say a word, not that I wanted to. Pushing me down, he made me lie with my back on the piano, and helped me slide so that now my bottom was at the edge. His hands on my breasts, grabbing with a rough strength that was almost deliciously painful, and his tongue on my bundle of nerves, tasting me hungrily.

When one of his hands rose up to my face and his index finger rested on my lips, I knew exactly what he wanted me to do, so I looked at him in the eye as I took it in my mouth and sucked, wetting it with my saliva.

A few seconds later I felt that finger entering me.

I dropped my head on the piano and lost myself in the sensation. He was playing my body with the same focus and passion as he’d done with the piano, and I hoped that the sounds I was making were as pleasing to his ears as his music had been to mine. I was panting, moaning, and crying his name over and over again and, when I felt I was just about to fall off the edge of pleasure, he stopped and stepped back.

I groaned in frustration. I’d been so damn close.

But before I could find the strength to protest or beg, I felt something much bigger than a finger entering me and he took my breath away.

Yes!

We were finally one, and I could feel him everywhere, inside of me and over me.

If I thought making love with him was going to be sweet and tender, I was wrong. Completely wrong. He was rough, and strong, and he took me as if he wanted to possess me completely, body and soul. There was still something loving in the way he delicately moved a tendril of hair from my face and caressed my lips, as if he wanted to kiss me, but the position made it impossible. So he kept pistoning inside me like a man possessed. The moment his thumb came to my clit I came while crying his name.

And as I came down from my high, and my eyes found his again, he followed me, moaning something that I wasn’t able to understand. The force of his orgasm so strong that he crushed over me, his head resting on my chest. My hands came immediately to his hair, caressing his locks as we both found our breaths again.

“You’re perfect,” he whispered.

“I believe you are the perfect one here. Seriously, poetry, music and… this… is there anything you cannot do?”

I felt him lightly laugh against my skin.

“I’m not sure, I guess we have to practice thoroughly and make several tests to find out.”

“Well, I guess there’s no other choice then,” I replied faking a resigned tone. “I guess I shall help you out.”

“Please,” he laughed. “I have so many ideas on my mind, this week won’t be enough to test them all.”

His lips found mine, and we kissed again.

Again and again, all the way through the night.

---

Back to Chapter 13

#my candy love #mcl #mclul 16 #mcl lysander #mclul lysander #lysandro #amour sucré #amor doce #sweet crush #corazon de melon #dolce flirt #my writing #trois allumettes

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queen-swagzilla · 4 years

Text

Born in Dreams, Forged in Blood - Chapter 2

Rated: M

Summary: Katsuki Bakugo was not a good communicator. To be fair, neither was Izuku Midoriya. Looking back on their dumpster fire of a friendship, communication was probably the most significant missing piece in their interpersonal puzzle. Luckily, their translator is back in town, and they're about to take UA by storm.

Like the story? Consider buying me a coffee!

Don’t know what’s going on? Read it all on Ao3!

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“I’m gonna give Sana a tour of the dorms.” Katsuki barked at the end of the day. “Then we’re going to see Deku, and we’ve got private shit to discuss. You extras better clear out before we get back.”

The look on Uraraka’s face told Sana that they’d have to forcibly remove her from the infirmary if they wanted any privacy. “I really don’t like that girl.” She muttered as they separated from their classmates.

“She’s impressive, but she’s nosy and she gets really territorial about Deku. Think she has some kinda claim over him or something.” He replied. “She has more right to be in Deku’s business than I do, though.”

“Yeah, what the hell is up with that? I know he hasn’t stopped being a friend to you, but he’s actually starting to believe that you hate him. And you told him to jump off the roof. He told me. What the fuck, dude?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Tough shit, Kacchan! The three of us are supposed to have each other’s backs against the world. It’s been that way since we were in diapers.”

“We still have each other’s backs. I’ve saved him. He’s saved me. I’m not turning my back when he’s in trouble or anything.”

“Yeah, but you act like a dick, and there’s more to friendship than literal life-threatening situations. You need to be there for the emotional shit, too. You help each other get stronger, work out problems together, just spend some fuking time together,—“

“Yeah, well Deku and I aren’t there anymore, okay? Drop it.”

“No! Tell me what happened!”

“He didn’t have a quirk!” He snapped, rounding on her. He looked around—they were outside the dorms now—and found no one in sight. Nonetheless, he grabbed her arm and pulled her inside—dragging her into the elevator. “If we’re doing this, it’s not gonna be where those extras can overhear us.”

“Fine.” She barked back, allowing him to pull her into his room and slam the door. “You could have just whispered. I would have heard you.”

“Yeah, but if AirPods is lurking, we’ll get overheard out in the open.” He replied, frustrated. “Okay, look. I started being hard on Deku because he didn’t have a quirk, but he still wanted to be a hero. He kept on putting himself in dangerous situations to get closer to hero fights and stood up to bullies and shit whose quirks were fucking violent. At first, I just wanted him to be reasonable and start looking out for himself, but he kept getting worse and I got more frustrated. He wasn’t even training physically at that point, just going off analysis and shitty self-preservation instincts. I just wanted him to think. I might have lost sight of what I was trying to get through his thick skull, but I was so fucking angry at him.”

“So you told him to kill himself?” She demanded. “You’re one of my best friends, but that’s seriously fucked up.”

“Yeah, I know.” He snapped. “I regret that, okay? Especially since that same fucking day, he saved me from the sludge villain. Before All Might showed up, I mean. But that still made me furious because what the fuck was he thinking?”

“Have you considered apologizing?”

“No, because now I’m pissed off for a different reason. He had a quirk and he let me have a fucking heart attack every time he pulled some crazy self-sacrificing stunt.”

“He said he was a super-late bloomer. Maybe it was triggered during the sludge villain attack? That’s when he started getting cagey with me, at least.

“That’s not it.” Katsuki muttered. “I have a theory now. I don’t know why I didn’t realize it sooner.”

“Wanna share with the class?” She replied when he didn’t elaborate.

“Not yet. But we should talk about it with Deku when we go see him later.” He admitted. “And your villain encounter. Don’t think I forgot.”

“You’ve had way more villain encounters than I have.” She paused. “Are you okay, by the way? After the kidnapping, I mean?”

He scowled. “Add that to the ‘we’ll talk about it later’ list.” He grumbled. “I mean physically, I’m fine. Mentally, I’m working on it.”

She sighed. “Fine. Wanna finish showing me around? You can tell me about our classmates while we’re at it.” She suggested, already moving toward the door. It was like talking to an emotionally constipated brick wall with him, sometimes.

“Uh, first…” He stopped her and she paused, turning back to look at him. “It’s good to see you. I’m glad you’re here.” He muttered, looking away. The tips of his ears burned, and she couldn’t help but smile. He might be emotionally constipated, but at least he was trying.

She threw her arms around his neck in a ferocious hug. “I missed you. Both of you. I’m really glad to be back. It didn’t feel right—learning to be a hero without you.” He murmured into his neck.

“I don’t want to get your hopes up about the team thing, because I dunno if Deku and I will be able to get past our shit. But yeah. It’ll be…nice. For the three of us to be together, I mean.”

“See? That’s a good first step!” She cheered. “Come on. Show me around.” She urged, pulling him back through the door.

He gave her a perfunctory tour, but ended up in the kitchen making food while he told her about their classmates.

“So…we like Kirishima, Kaminari, Ashido, Jirou, and Sero actively. We like Ojiro, Koda, Tokoyami, Yaoyorozu, Hagakure, Sato, and Todoroki passively. We don’t really “get” Sparkles or Tentacles. We aren’t sure about Frog Face, we dislike but respect Kirby and Four-Eyes, and fuckin hate Mineta. Sound about right?”

“Yeah. Froggy’s alright, but she tends to judge people too quickly. She’s kind of a know-it-all and she's pretty uptight, but she tells it straight and says what’s on her mind. She pissed me off today, but she was one of the people leading the charge to stop me from getting kidnapped at the training camp. She’s a real asset in a team, too. Level headed.”

“That was a whole lot of compliments. You better sling some insults to balance yourself soon.” She warned him. He threw a carrot peel at her face. “Rude. I was just trying to help.” She groused, picking the peel out of her hair.

“Yeah, well quit it.” He replied. He began ladling curry into tupperware over rice. “I was thinking we could take Deku dinner and eat with him while we catch up and talk through our shit.” He mumbled. Unfortunately for him, she heard him loud and clear.

“That’s really sweet of you, Kacchan.” She grinned, only smiling wider when he glowered. “Sounds like a plan. As long as we’re allowed to eat in the infirmary.”

He snorted. “We’re barely allowed to visit the infirmary. Aizawa basically told us to fuck off, remember? We’re going to sob-story our way in so that we can get his other visitors kicked out and stay past curfew.”

“The hell are you talking about?”

“You. Make up some bullshit about how much you miss Deku until she lets us stay.”

“I do miss Deku.” She deadpanned.

“Exactly. That’s fuckin perfect.”

“Kacchan.”

“Let’s go.”

As expected, Izuku’s room was occupied when they arrived. “I’m sorry, I can’t allow more than two visitors at a time. Otherwise it’s not fair to the other patients.” Recovery Girl informed them when they asked to see him.

“They already had their turn. Can’t you kick them out?” Katsuki growled. Sana smacked his arm (hard).

“It’s nice to meet you, Recovery Girl! I’m Sana Kimura—the transfer student. You’ll probably be seeing a lot of me.” She smiled, polite and charming. “Could you make an exception, just this once? I haven’t seen Zuku in over a year, and I wanted to surprise him today. I don’t want one of our classmates to give away the secret before I get the chance!”

She squinted at the newcomer. “Why does Bakugo have to join you?”

“We’re all childhood friends! Its been a long time since we’ve been able to spend time together. Besides, Kacchan is helping me navigate campus until I get settled.”

Recovery Girl squinted even longer—long enough to even unsettle Bakugo. “Very well. Wait here. I’ll let his other visitors know that their time is up. But I don’t want you to cause any trouble, do you understand, young man?”

Sana bristled, but Katsuki spoke before she could interject. “I understand. And uh…sorry. About the last time, I mean. I was out of line, and I destroyed a lot of your equipment.”

Recovery Girl smiled at him. “Thank you for your apology. I understand how frustrated you must have been. I must have scolded Miss Midnight for an hour after she put that muzzle on you.”

Sana scowled fiercely. “He should have been allowed to not accept the medal.” She said, seething. “That Todoroki kid didn't’ give it his all. Katsuki would have won, but that wasn’t a real win.”

“No need to convince me, dear. I agree.” She soothed. “I’ll go clear the room for you kids. Wait here.” She bustled into the room where Izuku was contained, and within seconds Sana heard loud protests booming from the occupants.

“You watched the Sports Festival?”

She snorted. “Of course I did. You and Zuku were both competing. Besides, Auntie Inko sent me about six million reminders. I wouldn’t have missed it, but I also couldn’t have missed it.”

“Oh. Well, what did you think?”

“About you? Or did you want me to give you a complete analysis of each match?”

“Just fucking tell me, dammit.”

She snickered. “You were great. I can’t believe how much control you have over your quirk now. I do think, however, that you need to work on your image in public.” He glowered. “Come on. You’re a hero. You can’t yell ‘die’. You gotta work on the rage. You want people to be hopeful when they see you, not intimidated.”

“Half my image problems came from the fucking muzzle and handcuffs. The rest of it was just treating my opponents like actual opponents. It’s shitty to pull your punches on someone who’s trying their best.”

“I agree. But really, yelling ‘die’ makes you sound unhinged. I’m pretty sure it’s a leftover habit from playing too many first person shooters, but really.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m working on it.” He conceded, pleased that she was impressed, but annoyed that she found his flaws noteworthy.

It didn’t escape her notice that Katsuki clammed up and bristled as soon as Uraraka and Iida entered the hallway.

“You got us kicked out?” Uraraka demanded, eyes fixed on Katsuki. “You actually think he wants you in his infirmary room? You’re usually the one who puts him in here!”

“He’s here because I’m here. Not that it’s any of your business. Just because you’re his friend, doesn’t mean you can dictate who Zuku spends time with.”

“Leave it alone.” Katsuki muttered, already walking into Izuku’s room. Sana looked like she wanted to argue, but if Katsuki was being the calm and reasonable one, she should probably leave it alone. She met Uraraka’s glare and Iida’s affronted, scandalized face with a venomous stare of her own, then followed Katsuki into the room.

“Kacchan? You’re my other visitor? Why are you here? Is everything—“ Izuku fell silent when sana walked through the door and stared, mouth ajar.

“Man, you two need to work on your greetings.” She joked as Izuku continued to stare at her in shock. “First time I see you two in over a year and Katsuki swears at me and you stare at me like I’m an alien. Not a single hello. You’re lucky I don’t take it personally.”

“Sana?” He choked out.

“Who the fuck else would it be, Deku?” Katsuki snapped. She slugged him in the arm.

“What are you doing here? It’s so good to see you!” He cried, automatically moving to get up before wincing and slumping back onto his cot. Apparently, he’d forgotten his injury.

“I told you I had a surprise for you!” She laughed, coming to stand by his bedside. “I transferred to UA!”

Izuku gaped again, eyes wide and jaw hanging open. “What?”

Katsuki rolled his eyes. “She had some mystery encounter with a fucking villain and didn’t totally suck at handling herself, so Principal Furry scouted her for the hero course.” He barked. “She’s in 1-A.”

To no one’s surprise, yet Katsuki’s immeasurable horror, Izuku began to tear up. “You’re really transferring to UA? We’ve missed you so much, don’t you dare say sike!” He blubbered, tears already dripping down his face. Sana cooed in comfort, immediately bending to pull him into a tight hug.

“Telling the truth, Zuku.” She promised. He sobbed louder.

“Stop crying, nerd. We brought you dinner.” Katsuki snapped, shoving the tupperware at him as he sat on his other side. “We’ve got shit to talk about, and visiting hours are almost up. We were gonna ask if we could stay past curfew, but that’s probably one too many favors for Recovery Girl, and we’re not gonna get privacy like this in the dorm. So hurry up and get your shit together.”

“You brought me dinner, Kacchan?” Izuku murmured, eyes wide as he stared at the tupperware in wonder. “You made me dinner? Thank you!”

“Whatever, nerd.” He muttered, looking away. Did he really have to act like he’d cured cancer or some shit? “You and I have shit to work out, but we can do that later. Just eat and listen while Princess Shithead explains how she was in a villain attack and didn’t tell us about it.”

Izuku frowned at Sana, simultaneously snapping the lid off his curry. “Why didn’t you tell us, Sana?” he pouted, sounding disappointed. Sana groaned.

“Let me tell you right now, the disappointed for withholding information thing is NOT going to work in your favor, Zuku.” She warned. “You have a quirk.” Izuku turned red, eyes dropping to his hands as they gripped the food container.

“Stop changing the fucking subject!” Katsuki snarled.

“Fine! It’s not that big a deal. There was this super gross villain who had robbed a bank and when he was surrounded, he started destroying everything in sight. I was picking up groceries for dinner and got caught on the scene. I got scouted because I cleared a space for triage and defended it from debris and shit. The only bad part was not having my compression sleeves or braces with me.” She rushed out.

“I saw that attack on the news! That villain leveled three city blocks and nearly took down Gang Orca!” Izuku cried. “You could have gotten seriously hurt!”

“If that’s not the fucking pot calling the kettle black…” Katsuki muttered.

Sana rolled her eyes. “We’re training to be heroes. That’s the territory.Seriously, I didn’t even get that badly hurt. All of my injuries came from my own quirk”.

“The hell is your problem?” Katsuki demanded. “Why didn’t you fucking say anything until now? You could have died! You could have died and you didn’t tell us? I’ll fucking kill you!”

“What good would telling you have done? You couldn’t do anything! Not to mention you were taken by the League like two days later! Izu’s arms got fucked up and he actually almost died because of his showdown with Muscular. You had your own shit to worry about!”

“Fucking christ.” Katsuki spat, dropping his face into his palms.

“Look, we’re all okay, right? That’s what matters.” Sana reasoned. “And next time we’ll be stronger.”

“Do you want a fucking list of how not okay this shit is? Deku has a quirk, and it breaks his bones every fifteen minutes. You could have died in a villain attack and didn’t tell us. I got kidnapped, and I’m the fucking reason All Might retired.” His voice broke on the last point. Deku turned to him so fast, Sana was surprised he didn’t break the sound barrier. “Fuck. This is my fault. Everything that’s wrong between us is my fault.”

“Oh, fuck no.” Sana snapped.

“That’s not true, Kacchan!” Deku hissed. “I’m the reason All Might retired. You’re amazing! You’re so strong and you stayed strong when you were kidnapped, even when most people doubted you. Sure, we had our struggles in middle school, but you’re still important to me and I admire you. The only reason I’ve been able to use this quirk is because I’ve been watching you grow all these years.”

Katsuki looked up at them then, and they were both horrified to find him crying. “If I’d been stronger—or if I’d listened to that cat lady and retreated earlier, All Might would still have his power.”

“No. No no no no no no no.” Deku muttered, scrambling for his phone on the bedside table. “Hold on for a second, but please stop crying Kacchan.” He pleaded. He fired off a quick text, looking unbelievably nervous. He already operated at a baseline anxiety of 60%, so now it looked like he was going to vibrate out of his skin. “Okay.” He said, looking back at them. “If I tell you this, it has to stay completely secret. Promise me.”

Katsuki sniffed and Sana nodded. “I promise.” She said.

“Whatever. Fine.” Katsuki muttered, wiping at his eyes. Izuku braced himself, anxiety palpably rising with every second. “Just spit it out, nerd!” Katsuki barked, intimidation undermined by the wavering note in his voice.

“All Might was always going to lose his power.” Izuku began. “He was badly injured five years ago, and his control over his power has been fading since then. He came to UA to find a successor.” He told them. Sana gaped at him.

“How the hell do you know that?” She demanded.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Katsuki spat. “All Might chose him. After the sludge villain, right? That’s when you two met.”

Deku looked at him in surprise. “Uh…yeah. The Sludge Villain attacked me first, and All Might saved me. He told me that I couldn’t be a hero without a quirk. But then the sludge villain got free and attacked you, and I happened to pass by. I was ready to give up, but as soon as I saw you, I had to help. It wasn’t a choice, it was an instinct. After you yelled at me, All Might caught up with me. He trained me for ten months, and on the morning of the entrance exam, he gave me his quirk.”

Sana’s jaw dropped, eyes glazing. Katsuki, however, looked barely phased. “I figured it was something like that. After Kamino Ward—All Might’s message…”

“Yeah.” Izuku nodded. “That was for me.” Tears pricked at his eyes. “He was telling me that his time as the symbol of peace was over. That it was my turn.” He looked down at his hands. “If anything, it’s my fault that he lost his power. Just like it’s my fault that you got kidnapped.”

“Come on, what the fuck?” Sana groaned.

“What the hell are you talkin about, Deku?”

“If I’d gotten to you sooner—if I hadn’t broken my arms, if I’d been able to reach you before Kurogiri—“

“I told you not to follow me! I told you to stay back. You know why I’ve been so pissed at you Deku? It’s cause you’re fuckin stupid. You keep getting yourself into shitty situations that you can’t handle. It wouldn’t have made anything better if we’d both died.”

“Kacchan—“

“No. Fuck no. I said we’d talk about it later, but it’s not like Sana doesn’t know what’s been going on. I didn’t want you hanging around me because you kept getting hurt and it drove me fuckin nuts. Sure you don’t need a quirk to be a hero, but you need to fuckin train or something! You were this skinny little nerd and you kept picking fights that you weren’t able to finish!”

“That’s bullshit, Kacchan!” Izuku snapped back. “Even after I got a quirk, you were being an asshole!”

“Yeah, because even though you had a quirk, you still treated your body like garbage and didn’t show any fucking restraint! If you know your bones break every time you use your quirk, you don’t break them twice to win a fucking festival game.” He snarled. “And you kept it from me!”

“I kept it a secret because you were being an asshole!”

“I was being an asshole because you kept breaking your fucking arms!”

“My body wasn’t strong enough to handle my quirk yet!” He argued. “I had to train and figure out how to use it! It’s not my fault the League of Villains kept showing up!”

“STOP!” Sana snapped. “Okay, this is conversation is set up to go in a really aggravating circle. Katsuki, you were worried about Zuku because he was quirkless and reckless, Then you were worried about him because even though he had a quirk, his body wasn’t prepared for it and it kept on hurting him. Despite that, he was still reckless. Gotta say, I’m not too thrilled about that either. I almost puked when I watched your fight with Todoroki.” She pinned him with a glare. “Not to mention, until today he thought you’d chosen to keep your quirk from him for years and just let him panic whenever you did something nuts.”

Izuku gaped. “I wouldn’t do that!”

“Well I know that now!”

“Shut it!” She growled. “Deku, you may not have totally given up on him, but you let yourself get intimidated by him, so you started hiding shit from him. He was trying to give you tough love but he went overboard because he was frustrated, and he didn’t explain his point of view. You didn’t really stop consider why he started losing his shit, and just assumed it was because you were quirkless. You let your toxic masculinity force a five-year miscommunication. Now your relationship is a goddamn dumpster fire and the two of you are fucking messes. You should both be in therapy for multiple reasons. I can’t believe you two are still so dense that you need a fucking translator to get along, but fuck it! I’m here now, and I’m done with this bullshit. I hope you’re happy. I’m going to be your interpersonal fire extinguisher and emotional housekeeper until you two dumb-shits can take care of it yourselves.”

Both Izuku and Katsuki were darting their glances between her and each other, growing steadily redder as she ranted. “You can’t just magically fucking turn Deku and me into magical fucking unicorns who fart fucking rainbows.” Katsuki snapped. Despite himself, Izuku snorted.

“Of course I can’t. But you two can stop being such gigantic tools and start talking to each other again. And when you can’t get it right, I’ll just…translate for you.” She nearly hit them both when they both offered her skeptical expressions. “Listen, fuckfaces. Our dreams and goals match because we designed them that way. We’re supposed to be a team. I’m not stopping until we’re a team again. So are you going to try? Or am I going to have to drag you both kicking and screaming?” She leveled them with a hard glare.

After many awkward glances and false starts, Izuku spoke first. “You still want to be a team?”

She scoffed. “I wanted us to be a team even when you were quirkless. Sure, you’d have taken a different role, but at least we’d be together.”

“Fuckin’ psycho. Clearly All Might’s grooming him to be a strong solo hero.”

“Right, and that’s gone so well for society. Now villains are organizing and we’re in deep shit for depending on him so much. Besides, are you really gonna let this self-sacrificial idiot fight by himself? Because let me tell you, if we’re not an official team, I’m just gonna show up wherever he goes to make sure he doesn’t do something stupid.” Katsuki snorted at that. “I’d rather be a team though. A strong hero team, all three of us symbols in our own right. Hope, Strength, and Victory—Stronghold, Aftershock, and Ground Zero.”

“It’s Last Stand, you motherfucker!” Katsuki barked, leaping to his feet.

“Who’s Last Stand?” Deku asked, a little dazed and confused, and therefore a little slow.

“No one. Your hero name is Stronghold. Kacchan is being overruled.”

“My hero name is Deku.”

“Not anymore. Keep up.” She replied, snapping her fingers for emphasis. “Look you were worried about a theme, right?” She asked Katsuki. “That’s why you wanted Last Stand?”

“That’s what I fuckin said, isn’t it?”

“So the name I chose fits a theme? Not the conceptual names and syllable matching—it’s the metaphor! Zuku’s the bunker, you’re the bomb, I’m the post-explosion shockwave. Stronghold, Ground Zero, and Aftershock! I put a lot of thought into this!”

Katsuki scowled at her mulishly. “Don’t I get a say?” Izuku asked hesitantly.

“If you go with Deku, Kacchan’s going with King Explosion Murder. So, no. We choose each other’s names. You and Kacchan chose mine, you and I chose his. Now we get to choose yours.”

“Neither of us agreed to be a team, dumbass. Let him choose whatever shitty name he wants.” Katsuki growled, throwing himself back into his chair. “Eat your fucking curry, Deku. We risked our fucking infirmary privileges to get that in here.”

Deku had slipped into overthinking mode, and so he dociley began eating on autopilot. He wasn’t so tuned out that he didn’t notice the conversation awkwardly picking back up. He even chimed in every now and then, but his gears were turning and they were churning new information into new conclusions at a dizzying pace.

Sana had transferred to UA, and had forced Kacchan to actually talk to him within ten hours of her first class. Kacchan wasn’t mad because of pride or ego damage, or even because he didn’t want to be near someone who was quirkless. He was mad because he was worried and was bad at expressing himself. Kacchan wanted him to be more careful. To take more precaution—both when he was quirkless and now that he had One For All. And, knowing how hard Kacchan had worked to gain control of his quirk, it had probably driven him crazy to see him acting so recklessly and expecting to catch up quickly. Kacchan had thought of a hero name for him. That meant that Kacchan believed in him. Izuku had thought that Kacchan hadn’t even wanted him to try. He thought that Kacchan believed he was useless without a quirk. Hell, he’d believed it, so why wouldn’t someone as amazing as Kacchan?

A knock came at the door.

“Young Midoriya?"

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fartjourney · 4 years

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!! RAPE TW !!

!!PLEASE RETWEET + READ + SHARE + THIS IS A CALL TO ACTION !!

I came out about this a year ago and not enough people cared and no justice was served, here’s the short and sweet version.

!!!! I NEED YOUR HELP!!!! SOCIAL MEDIA DO YOUR THING !!!!

AUDREY MARIE NATIONS (Birthname Jonathan Brady Nations) is a rapist. I’m gonna be talking about what she did to me and how I was never helped.

I was 19. It was September 2017. I was spending the night in Audrey’s dorm room in the Hassayampa business school dorm rooms at Arizona State University, the second time I had met her in person. Audrey wanted to have sex, I initially consented. As soon as it started I changed my mind and told Audrey to stop. I was in pain, and Audrey continued to push her penis into me after I verbally told her to stop, (she is transgender) and tried to push her back with my arms. Once Audrey was all the way in she smiled ay me and said “you’re not a virgin anymore” I was young and I had never had sex before, the weight of this moment, and the realization that the first encounter with Audrey was literally rape didn’t hit me until over a year later.

A few days later, September 7th 2017 I came over and the same exact thing happened. I was in pain, I told Audrey to stop. She made excuses. Ignored my explicit verbal and physical communication of non-consent to sex and raped me.

Audrey manipulated me in our friendship and continued to make me feel bad for her by emotionally, physically, and mentally abusing me. My mental health was in absolute shambles.

Audrey raped me again on October 13th in my neighbors house while I was dog sitting. I told her multiple times including this day to wear a condom because she had multiple sexual partners and I did not trust her. She took advantage of my emotional vulnerability after I told her something personal about how I feel insecure about my bisexuality, specifically my attraction to women. She told me a sob story about how her mom was sexually abused, and she “really cares about rape victims.” And Audrey immediately proceeded to get on top of me and rape me without a condom on, specifically saying “it’s okay to like girls.”

Audrey raped me in my car (November 15th I believe was the date??), same thing, asking for a condom, no condom.

In November Audrey’s mother commissioned me to do 2 portraits of their dogs. She repeatedly withheld the money from me and dragged out our interactions, when at this point I was sick of the abuse and trying to get away from her.

Specifically December 5th 2017 I tried to pick up my money, exchange the artwork and cut off connections. Instead Audrey took my artwork, gave me no payment, got me so high off of medical weed pens that I literally could not even sit up straight, and molested me while I was intoxicated in front of her friends. Including rubbing all over, and the inner parts of my thighs. She also HIT ME when I tried to talk about it in front of her friends!!

A little over a year ago, when I initially came out about this, I just snapped. I was open about my story of what happened, but I never told the world WHO raped me. I felt that my silence was protecting Audrey Nations, a rapist who literally destroyed my life.

I went to the Mesa Police Department. When I was interviewed and provided the proof and story that I’m posting here, all they really had to say was “Sorry this happened to you, but its really just your word against hers, focus your energy on trying to *heal*”

When I went to ASU’s student rights and responsibilities about Audrey Nations, their rapist student, who raped me on their campus TWICE. They said what I had presented them didn’t break their “student code of conduct” and that I didn’t supply them with enough evidence to start an investigation.

When I went to ASU campus police, I was treated with respect and treated like my story and justice mattered. However, when they conducted an interview with Audrey, she already knew what was coming, and did her research on what not to say, and they couldn’t do anything else. ITS ALMOST LIKE RAPISTS DON’T THINK THEY ARE RAPISTS OR SOMETHING????

Audrey Nations has never apologized to me, she has never acknowledged what she did. The only thing she did do was delete her social media so she wouldn’t receive backlash. Poor baby 😥😥

I have reached out to Audrey’s sister, Audrey’s girlfriend, and Audrey’s friends. Who have also not said sorry, or even acknowledged that the victim of her sexual predation reached out to them for their help.

SO MY QUESTION IS do Audrey Nation’s parents know that their child is a rapist?? Does her job care that they pay and support a rapist that isn’t even from Arizona, and gives her victim panic attacks for being in public places because I am plagued with PTSD and flashbacks on the daily. And horrified of the chance of running into her and having to look the person who violated and raped my body and soul in the eyes again??

Do Tori Mortenson’s parents that their daughter is dating a rapist?? Does anyone care that she defends, loves and protects the most evil type of human being there is?? If I found out I was dating a rapist I would break up with them. Pretty easy concept.

Does Bryce Johnston, Audrey’s best friend, care about rape victims?? Apparently not when its his buddy!! Has Bryce told his family?? Do his parents know that he’s a rape apologist??

What about Connor Capps, her roommate who physically witnessed a lot of these things and is still her friend and supports and protects her?? Do his parents know that he doesn’t care about rape victims??

I’m sick of it guys. I’m sick of feeling powerless. I’m sick of feeling ignored. I’m sick of being ashamed. I’m sick of the “justice” system that protects protects rapists. And I’m not alone in feeling this. I know SO MANY PEOPLE who have been raped or sexually assaulted and were all asked to move on and heal and let it go. It’s disgusting

So if you are a feminist, if you care about equality, if you care about human beings, if you have love in your heart. Please ACTUALLY BE ABOUT IT AND HELP ME!!!! Help other victims, BELIEVE THEM!!!! Call out your friends. Cut rapists and rape apologists off. They wont be there for you. They don’t care about you or anyone.

Thanks for reading!!

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scotch-and-roses · 4 years

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I wish I could just throw myself into my work to deal with my grief. Unfortunately ADHD and trouble focusing has not been helped by dealing with grief. I’ll start to hyperfocus, then have an intrusive thought about “why hasn’t the Princess come over to yell at me for not having gone to bed yet?” or I’ll look over at the bed expecting to see her curled up asleep to give myself a boost of warmth/comfort, and instead be confronted by an empty bed. Logically I knew that this would happen eventually. She had kidney disease and it wasn’t ever going to get better. I just really hoped that it wouldn’t happen while I was in grad school. I knew that coping with the loss of her while undergoing the stress of grad school would be amazingly difficult, and the idea terrified me. Just thinking of the day that I would lose her was enough to send me into tears. And the reality is that some days feel impossible to get through. And I haven’t figured out a way to keep myself together and productive when I hit those walls. Instead I just kinda fall apart. And I’m still so behind on my work from the migraines at the beginning of the quarter. I am literally down to the wire now. And I just keep alternating between feeling numb and feeling shattered. I have been pulling out of it more, feeling more functional again. There’s just so much all at once. I need to completely rebuild myself in some ways, and I just haven’t had the time or space to do that. And everything is suffering as a result. She was my emotional support/touchstone and this being that loved me and that I loved and cared for and having that routine gave me more purpose and I built my routines around her needs. Not having that framework has left me feeling extremely untethered. And I’m sorry y’all for having to deal with the constant stream of me talking about this, I appreciate the support and love you’ve all shown. This is just part of me processing really. Writing things out helps get it out of my head/helps me to work through the emotions. I just keep hoping that it won’t be real. It doesn’t feel like it should be real. I miss her so damn much. And there’s not a goddamn thing I can do about it. The last time I was apart from her for so long was when I was at Reed and lived in the dorms and she stayed with papa. But papa and I talked nearly every day so I’d get daily kitty updates and pictures sometimes. And she was always waiting for me when I got home from school. But this isn’t like that. She isn’t just somewhere else, waiting for me to come home. She’s gone. And now matter how badly I want that to not be the case, that’s how it is. She’s just gone. And I hate it. I wish so badly that I could hold her again and feel her warmth and softness and hear her purr. And it’s never going to happen. Sure, there will be other cats in my life again at some point. But they’ll never be her. I think my earliest memory is from about the age of 3. I’m 28 now, which means I have approximately 25 years of memories. I had Princess for 13 years. That means that over half of my life that I remember she was a part of. She was part of my family and one of the beings that I cared the most about in this world. Most of my friends have not been in my life for as long as she was at this point. She was this huge, important part of my life. And now that’s gone. I have the memories, and I cherish them. But it’s not the same. When I come home from a bad day I don’t have her to come sit on me and purr or take a nap with her curled up against my chest. And it’s just all these compounding things. Going through stress with school, or relationship drama, or worrying about financial stuff, and then not having my fuzzy creature that gave me comfort just takes that stress or whatever and then piles grief on top of it. Until I feel like I can’t breathe, like I’m drowning. Part of me wants to just give in. Give in to the depression, to just curl up and give up on trying to be productive and functional. To just blow off my work, my classes, everything. Because it is so hard. And I feel like my professors are being patient, but are also annoyed with me. And I don’t know how to explain to them how much I’m struggling. That I’m trying, but it’s all just so much and I am barely staying functional. Just doing the daily things that I need to do like eating and showering, keeping the apartment relatively orderly so that I’m not being a horrible roommate, they take so much energy right now. Going to class, grading, doing assignments on top of that is incredibly difficult. And I keep emailing them apologizing for the migraines, for missing class again and again because of them, and because some days the grief is too overwhelming. And I’m just terrified that they’re going to respond with “no, you’ve missed too much, you haven’t done enough, that’s not a valid reason, do better” and that I’m going to fail. I don’t want to. As tempting as it is to give up sometimes, I don’t want to. For one thing, Princess would be pissed. She hated when I was depressed. And this goddamn paper is now three hours overdue and I am torn between trying to pull myself out of this spiral and finishing it tonight like I planned or emailing the professor and once again begging for understanding and more time. It was a month two days ago since I lost her. And the pain is still tearing me apart. But I feel like emailing the professor and asking for more time again, that she’ll dismiss me. That because it’s been a month I shouldn’t be having these breakdowns anymore. That I should be better. And I think I’m slowly getting better. But I’m not better. I’m still a mess of tears and snot and emotions and I’m still trying to figure out how to piece my life back together. And I’m so tired. God I’m so tired. This is exhausting. I’ve always been a very emotional person, I joke that on a dial of 1-10, my emotions are turned up to 11. I feel a lot of things and I feel them very strongly. I love fiercely and strongly, and likewise I feel grief in the same way. And it is so draining. And Princess was my battery pack, she helped me recharge. And learning how to function without that, figuring out how to compensate for that loss, is overwhelming. And I can’t help wishing I could go back. Take her to the vet sooner. Spend more time with her. Something. Anything. And I can’t. And it sucks. So much. I just keep blaming myself. If I’d done more or something different. If I hadn’t spent so much time hanging out with friends away from home. If I’d been more diligent in her diet. If I’d seen about getting her some kind of medication. Anything to give myself more time with her. And I could have, at the end. She could have been hospitalized, had her kidneys completely flushed, been placed on fluids and things for multiple days. But her levels were so high that it would have been temporary. A way to get her feeling a little better for who knows how long just so that I could have more time. And that felt wrong. It felt wrong to put her through that just so that I didn’t have to say goodbye so soon. And I hate that I wish I had. Because I miss her so goddamn much and would give anything right now to have more time. Even though it would have meant her possibly suffering and me going into thousands of dollars of debt. And I know I made the right choice. But god it was so hard. And I wish I never had to make it. And for the last 13 years she’s been here to help me through hard times like this. When I’m crying in the middle of the night and don’t have anyone to talk to, don’t want to bother anyone, I had her. And it feels like I’m just stuck in this horrible loop where I miss her and it hurts, and I want to cuddle her because that’s how I’ve dealt with similar pain in the past, but she’s gone so I can’t, and it hurts more, and it just keeps going until I’m curled up on the bed, sobbing, with my arms wrapped around me because it feels like if I don’t physically hold myself together I’ll shatter into a million pieces. And I sob until I’m gasping for breath and I can’t see a way through the pain. I don’t know how to make it stop. Papa keeps telling me to “compartmentalize” and “just cherish the memories”. And I want to scream because that’s not how I work. If I could just flip a switch like that or tuck things into neat boxes, don’t you think I would? I don’t want to feel like I’m drowning. But I can’t just turn off my emotions or decide to feel something different. And he criticizes me for being so open, so giving of myself, for investing so much. And maybe it is a flaw, maybe I do need to work on closing myself off more. Perhaps I need to find ways to temper myself. But I feel like that’s work to be done when I’m not in the middle of emotional upheaval. I can only do so much at one time. And right now I’m at capacity, I’m over capacity really. So tired. Both physically and mentally/emotionally right now. I don’t want to email my professor, but I think I have to. Dammit.

#my life #personal nonsense #grief processing #because who doesn't want to have an emotional breakdown in the middle of the night when trying to write a final paper

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racetrackhiggins · 5 years

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hehe my partner @alkimara said it was okey to post this so here is an excerpt from our newsies modern college dorm au in which Blink (me) proposes to Mush (them)

for context sake, i also play race, race is dating jack, crutchie, and davey in a poly relationship, and the PDAP means PDA police

ship: blush obvi word count: 3343 warnings: tooth rotting fluff and gross lovey dovey gayness

Having some free time, Blink and Mush were cuddled together on the couch, watching some show they'd done the "down six and hit play" Netflix method to find. It was about wedding planning, going through the ins and outs of it in an almost documentary way, even though it was reality tv going through the different aspects.

Blink had his head leaned on Mush, the curtains drawn so that he could have his patch off without any trouble. "Man, I don't get why'd you want all this fancy shit at your wedding anyways. What's wrong with a simple wedding that's about the two of you loving each other, not showing off?"

"I dunno," Mush hummed, "Sometimes it's just nice to have a celebration, but even this is getting to be a bit much. Maybe like. A decorated house? Throwing a party in a house? 'Cause going somewhere is expensive." He was leaning back on Blink, looking relaxed and snuggled.

“Well, see, I could get behind going somewhere nice. Like Italy, it’s real nice there. We find a nice villa to rent out in the countryside, have a small but fun wedding with just our families and the Newsies, honeymoon in Venice, I think that sounds like the perfect plan,” Blink said, not yet realizing the CONNOTATIONS of what he’d just said.

Mush smiled a little, "Yeah. Save most of the money for the honeymoon~." He snickered, "Then I can finally understand the words you say when you get stuck on Italian."

“Actually...” Blink looked at him. “My grandma lives in this beautiful fuckin wine orchard outside of Tuscany, I’ve only been like three times but I remember how pretty it was. Maybe we could-“ he blinked. Oh. He looked away, thinking for a moment as if having a realization. Which he was. He wanted to marry this boy.

"Go visit her? Stay with her?" Mush looked over, curious, not really processing what was happening. Then again, he usually wasn't, nowadays.

“Y-yeah.” Blink looked at him, a bit of a certain but unplaceable look in his eyes. “I think you’d like it there.”

Mush smiled a little, "I think I'd love visiting there the first time with my husband." He giggled a little, shifting to lay more on Blink. Oh man, he really thought that was impossible, huh? No way Blink would marry him. But it was fun to think about.

Well. Blink was. Okay. He looked back at the tv, but he wasn’t really watching it anymore. He had... a lot to think about. Mainly... when and how he’d ask him.

Mush hummed. Blink would never marry him. They loved each other, but Mush was... Mush. Blink would find someone else soon- honestly, Mush was surprised his good luck had lasted this long. Recently he'd felt just... Happy. He'd reasoned that everything was kind of fake, in a twisted sense, so much so that he'd just accepted everything. And he seemed happier when he let that anxiety go. And if Blink did marry him? He'd probably be shocked and realize that this was real. But the mere idea of that seemed... Foreign. They'd never be married. He turned back to the TV, sighing and letting it steal his full attention.

—-

Blink had the ring. He’d gone with Jack, who acted as a second opinion and a hype man. He’d had it engraved with Blush and a dumb cutesie blushing emoticon cause he thought Mush would think it was cute. It felt like a ten ton weight in his jacket pocket.

“Hey, wanna go down to the diner? I’m feelin’ in the mood for a shake,” he suggested when Mush got home from class.

Mush looked up, glancing at the clock. He shrugged, putting his bag down, "Yeah, why not?" He grabbed his wallet and key out of paranoia in case they got separated, putting them in his pockets and smiling a bit at Blink.

Blink hoped Mush didn’t realize how fast his heart was beating as they headed down, wiping his hand on his pants before taking Mush’s and hoping he didn’t realize how fidgety they were.

Mush had noticed. He was already preparing himself for the worst. This was the end of the dream, Blink was going to dump him. He had accepted this long ago. It still hurt his chest a little as he intertwined their fingers, walking with Blink to the diner.

Calm down. Calm down. The worst thing that happens is he says is no. Or thinks that I’m fucking insane and leaves me... CALM DOWN. Blink thought to himself.

Blink was thankful for the street around them being too loud and busy to talk cause he’d probably die if he had to do small talk right now. He just kept close to Mush, opening the door for him. There were only a couple people in the diner, and they quickly got seated, Blink went ahead and ordered for them. Okay. Okay. He smiled softly at Mush, fuck he didn’t know how to start this.

Mush hummed as they sat down, looking at Blink. He shifted, "Everything okay?" Please don't let the dream end, not like this, I don't think I can take it, He thought.

“Yeah, I’ve just had some things on my mind lately,” Blink said, biting his lip gently, finding he couldn’t look at him for a moment. “I just... I really love you, you know? And I’ve been thinking a lot the last couple weeks about our relationship and stuff and-“ he cleared his throat, shifting a little in his seat. “Would you let me love you forever?”

Mush blinked. Uh. What. "Y-Yeah... I would..." He said, looking confused. "I love you, too, Lou... What's going on?" He was extremely confused. That wasn't a break-up. Was this him dying? Heaven?

“I wanna go ahead and be clear that we’d wait until after you graduated,” Blink said, standing up and moving to the other side of the table to be beside Mush, taking his hand. He took a deep breath, fidgeting with something in his pocket. “But I can’t wait that long to ask...” he looked at Mush, taking it out of his pocket, taking his hand away from Mush’s to open the little velvet box as he kneeled on one knee. “Nicolas Mush Meyers, would you marry me?” He held his breath, looking up at him.

Mush blinked. And he... Blinked. "Y..." He just... Stared, and he felt himself tearing up, and he was going to explode, and his heart was going to break. "Y... You want t-to marry....?" He was crying now, a hand moving to cover his mouth. This... This was real. This had to be real. He couldn't live with himself if this wasn't. He felt a sob leave him, "You really- you love me that much-? You're not-?" He looked in pure disbelief, before he scrambled out of the seat, hugging Blink tightly and kissing him, sobbing while he did so. "Louis Baletti, Y-Yes," He managed through his sobs, nodding and hugging him close. "O-Oh my G-God, this- this is real- y-you-" He was crying, he was broken down completely. He couldn't stop smiling. He couldn't stop smiling. "I love y-you," He cried, giving Blink his hand.

Blink hugged him back tightly, relief washing over him, and such a radiating happiness he wasn't sure he could actually handle it. He could barely hear the light claps from the patrons, the more enthusiastic ones from the servers as he slid the ring onto Mush's finger, bringing it up to kiss it before kissing Mush so happily, he didn't care who saw it.

Mush was bawling like a baby, kissing Blink fiercely, unable to stop crying. "You really love me," He mumbled, as if it was punching him in the chest, "I love you so much- you love me. I-" Another wave of tears hit him as he hugged Blink tightly.

"I love you so much, Nick, and I am going to love you until my dying breath, I fucking promise you that," Blink whispered into his ear, hugging him back just as tightly. "I love you, I love you, I love you so much," he couldn't stop saying.

Mush was whimpering, and he moved to kiss him again and again, "I love you, Lou. Louis, my Louis, my own Blink..." He sniffled, realizing... They were in public. And then he went bright red, trying to stop the tears. He'd probably be crying again later.

Blink looked at him, and oh, those were tears. He pressed his hand to Mush's cheek, biting his lip and just... breaking back into a smile like he couldn't believe it. Right... public. He nudged Mush to sit, and scooted in beside him because he was physically incapable of detaching himself to sit back across from him.

Mush was snuggling into Blink's side easily, moving to hold Blink's hand tightly. He intertwined their fingers, bringing their hand up and looking at the ring. Oh God. It had an emoji and their ship name. Oh God. He was crying again, "It's so cute... I love it. I love you." He moved to kiss Blink softly.

"Shut up, it was Jack's idea," Blink murmured, said ship name on his face. It was Not.

"I will not shut up, I'm going back and showing this to literally every Newsie. It's beautiful. I love you," Mush hummed, sniffling and trying to stop crying again. He brought their hands up, kissing the ring, then kissing Blink's hand.

Blink smiled, looking at him so softly.

The server came back with their shake and their food, whispering an excited, "Congratulations!" before going off to let them have their moment.

Blink looked at Mush, an idea in his head of how to announce this. "Hey, hold up the shake for a selfie," he said, taking out his phone. "In a totally casual, not-showing-off-a-new-ring way."

Mush giggled a little, "Hold on..." He rubbed at his eyes, sniffling, and nodded, moving to pick up the shake, angling the ring towards the phone, and smiling way too brightly to just be happy about the shake.

Blink took the selfie, a bright grin on his own face, then another kissing him softly. He leaned against Mush as he looked at them. "I can put it up, yeah?"

"Yeah," Mush said softly, nuzzling into Blink before sipping the shake through a straw. He took the second draw out, because damn it they could share. They were gonna be married.

Gettin shakes with the boo (also, he said yes). Blink posted it, and as soon as he put his phone down on the table it started ringing. It was Race?

"Hello?" he asked, picking it up.

"BIIITTCHCCHH WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED YOU JUST MADE ME START CRYING IN PUBLIC I'M SUING YOU!!!" Race's voice shouted through the phone, loud enough that Mush could probably hear it too.

"The actual wedding-" oh my god, wedding- "wouldn't be until after Mush graduated, but yup, he accepted," Blink said happily, glancing at Mush with a smile.

Mush was blushing and beaming, going into the phone, "Hi, Race!!!" He was just smiling and nuzzling Blink, seriously trying to process this.

"Hello to you too, you married ass motherfucker, I don't care you aren't married yet, you've practically been married this whole time anyways," Race said, actually sounding like he was about to cry out of happiness for them.

Blink giggled, "Did you see what was engraved on the ring?"

"No? One sec-" Race said, a moment of silence before- "OOOHHHH MY GOODDDDDD!"

Mush was laughing, hugging Blink's arm and just snuggling him, giggling at Race. "Don't get jealous, Race, you got three boys to pick from. Prolly should work out a ring of proposals," He laughed.

"We'll hafta rock, paper, scissors for it probably," Race joked, sniffing. "Okay I'll let you enjoy your date now, fucking congrats dudes."

"Thanks, Racer," Blink said, and Race hung up a moment later with a bye.

"Thanks~," Mush hummed, smiling a little when he hang up the phone. He looked at Blink with a soft look, kissing the other again happily.

"I love you~" Blink said happily, so lost on this fucking moment. "You are the best boyfr-" he blinked. "You're not my boyfriend anymore," he said, a smile of disbelief on his face. "You're my fiancé."

Oh. Mush swallowed back another round of tears, nodding with a smile, "Y-Yeah, yeah..." He was so fucking happy, "I love you so much."

"I can't wait til the day someone says something to you and I can go all John Mulaney on them and shout 'That's my husband!'," Blink said, holding Mush's face. "Fiancé... husband... those are some big words, aren't they?"

"Fiancé..." Mush said softly, looking at Blink with the most loving expression ever, "Husband... Technically has more letters." He laughed a little, and- FUCK THERE WENT ANOTHER TEAR. Mush took a shaking breath, wiping his face. "I'm going to be crying about this for weeks," He muttered.

"Can't I just skip to calling you my husband? It'll be so long to wait," Blink said, looking at him so tenderly, reaching up and brushing away another tear.

Mush let out a shaking laugh, nodding. "Yeah, if I can call you my h-husba-band t-too- oh n-no," He had to duck his head, crying again. "I never- I never woulda thought- that someone- someone would l-love me- that much-"

Blink pulled Mush into his arms, laying Mush's head against his chest while hugging around him, his hand tangling in his hair. "I love you so much, and I'm so, so lucky to be able to call you mine."

Were you trying to get him to stop, or cry harder? Because now he was crying harder. He nuzzled into him, actually shaking a little, trying to force himself to calm down. He settled down after like, two minutes, taking soft, tired breaths. He sniffled, going for the shake again to take a sip, offering it to Blink. "I'm luckier to call you m-mine," Mush said softly, unable to stop smiling.

Blink just held him close, pressing soft kisses into his hair until he calmed down. Blink smiled and took a sip of the shake, then he kissed him softly.

Mush hummed in the kiss, kissing Blink again before shifting to cuddle into Blink again. He was just... so happy, he could barely process anything else.

"You know what, fuck it, lets take the rest of this to go and go back home to cuddle," Blink said with a small laugh.

"Agreed," Mush hummed, feeling like he wanted to curl into Blink and never let go.

Blink all but carried him back to the Lodge after he paid, PDAP be damned, he was floating on a goddamn cloud, he couldn't care less about the people who looked at them.

Once they were in their bedroom, he pulled Mush down onto the bed with a kiss.

Mush sighed happily in the kiss, pressing closer and nuzzling into him, "I love you~ I love you so much~." He was almost singing, and maybe that's how you could tell that Mush had never been happier in his whole life.

"You are so damn precious," Blink murmured, tangling himself around Mush, pressing kisses all over his face. Now that they had their privacy, he was gonna show him all the affection he'd been holding out (which was surprisingly a lot considering how lovey he'd been at the diner).

Mush giggled, humming with every kiss, returning as many as he could, just snuggling into him. "Me? Precious? I'm just a Mushy~," He beamed.

"You're my precious~" Blink said in a half hearted attempt at a Gollum impression, looking at Mush's cute ass face before kissing him a little softer, a little deeper.

Mushy snorted softly, giggling in the kiss. "I'm all yours, Lou," He hummed happily, leaning into another kiss.

"And it's a lifetime guarantee now~ You're stuck with me," Blink grinned. He'd be content to have quiet moments just kissing Mush until his heart was that too for the rest of time.

"Good," Mush hummed happily, nuzzling into him, "There's no one I'd rather be stuck with."

"Sei bloccato con me a fare questo in modo casuale per agitare anche te," Blink said with a bit of an impish smile, taking off his patch and laying it beside them.

*(You're stuck with me doing this randomly to fluster you too)

Mush just became a puddle of goo, beaming and kissing Blink again before cupping his face, moving to appreciate the lack of eyepatch. He loved seeing Blink's face without it more than anything, and he just had the most loving look on his face.

"Sei un omosessuale," Blink snorted softly, beaming back at him.

*(You are a homosexual/You're gay)

"Sounds like homosexual," Mush giggled, kissing him again, "I am very gay. I'm also just appreciating how cute you are and how much I love you~."

"Funny story, I was just sat doin' the same thing~" Blink grinned, kissing him again because he simply couldn't help it.

"D'aw," Mush mumbled, blushing and kissing Blink. He really couldn't stop as he started peppering kisses all over Blink, cuddling closer, absolutely giddy. "I can't remember the last time I was this happy," Mush hummed, "Not to say I'm sad. Just that. You've really made me the happiest person in the world, Blink."

"You've done the same... You'd changed me, Mush. Ya made me a mush, hell, I thought weddings were overrated and kinda dumb before I imagined having one with you, and then suddenly it was all I could think about, and the idea of us having our own place, just the two of us, maybe getting a pet or two and treating them like our kids and being that gross lovey married couple..." Blink sighed dramatically as if to prove his point. "See? Now I'm the mush."

Mush was blushing more and more. "Blink... You literally saved me from myself," He said softly, holding Blink's face still with both hands. "I thought everything with you was a dream. I was still scared you'd leave me. And then you pulled out a ring- I thought you were going to break up with me for a second there. You... You really opened my eyes that there's so much in this world," He said softly. He smiled a little, "Who says we have to have just pets like kids? Wouldn't you want a little boy or girl of our own? Us as parents, being that gross lovey married couple... Following our dreams..." Oh, well, there he goes again with the tearing up. "I think I'm still the original Mush."

"Oh, come on, we gotta give it at least a couple years or else everyone's gonna make fun of us for settling down so quick," Blink said, but he couldn't stop smiling. "I'd want a little girl, a little baby girl," he admitted softly after a moment.

Mush nodded in agreement, humming. He nuzzled Blink, "I'd like that a lot. Our own little girl." He was smiling softly, just imagining them running around with a kid.

"I could teach her Italian, I'd teach her how to dance, she could stand on my feet as I taught her the waltz in the living room," Blink said, pretending he wasn't tearing up as he quickly swiped across his face.

"We gotta stop, that's years ahead and we both know we're gonna get impatient again," Mush said weakly, looking at the ring as evidence.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Blink muttered, wiping his eyes, still thinking about this hypothetical daughter.

Mush moved to kiss Blink's eyes gently, wiping off the tears with his thumb. He cuddled closer to him, just nuzzling into his chest now. "I love you..." He hummed softly.

Blink sighed softly, holding him close. "I love you too, more than words could ever tell..."

"'I love you' works just fine," Mush hummed with a smile, nuzzling closer, "'Cause you don't need any other words. I got a ring now to prove it."

"Mhm. And now everyone in the world will know that you have my heart," Blink murmured, letting his eyes close to enjoy the warmth and affection.

"And you have mine," Mush mumbled in a dreamy voice, drifting off a little.

Blink leaned down and pressed a kiss into Mush's hair, but he didn't lean back up, simply staying nuzzled in his hair.

#newsies #blush #newsies blush #kid blink #mush meyers #richie writes #newsies rp

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holycalum · 6 years

Text

vice (c.h.) part 3!!

summary- (y/n) has another #breakdown but like ACTUALLY this time she goes home just read it

part 1 part 2 part 4

word count- 3.6k+

a/n- im terrible at summaries i figure if ur reading this far you don’t care you just wanna know what happens ya dig? also i appreciate all the love and support for this fic so much?? because i really thought this would flop but im so happy people are enjoying it. vice is literally my baby rn and i’ve put a lot of effort into it, and to see it pay off is grand ok goodbye. “fuck yeah,” i slurred, holding up my red cup in triumph. “midterms are hashtag over.” i slumped into britt, and she groaned, trying to push me off of her.

“you’re too drunk,” she yelled over the thumping music. “your flights early tomorrow.”

“don’t care,” i smiled, dancing again. but britt’s word cut through my drunk thoughts moments later, and traveled straight to the gut. i might as well have doubled over because of the sinking feeling in my stomach. i had to go home the next day, and i didn’t want to in the slightest. the remix playing was drowned out as i stopped dancing abruptly, and got stuck in my head. the dark cloud that was rarely over my head anymore came crashing back, and i didn’t have calum to distract me. i had pushed the idea of me leaving college a semester early to kick start my life the back of my head, letting myself get lost in my studies for once, and calum. the second one was really the kicker. i pushed my way through the crowd, suddenly feeling very queasy. i stumbled throughout the unfamiliar house. miraculously i found a bathroom, and practically threw myself into it. i locked the door behind me, and fell to the floor. the cool tile soothed my burning skin, and i felt like i was human again. i crawled over the the toilet, head spinning.

as i gripped the disgusting bowl and willed myself to throw up, i couldn’t help but let a few tears fall. but that was only the calm before the storm, because soon enough the dark cloud above my head stormed onto me. i cried so hard i gagged, and couldn’t catch my breath. my heart felt shriveled up and small and dead.

i had never been the drunk girl to have a complete meltdown, but i couldn’t stop the emotions from shooting out of every pore in my body. i felt like i was one big sad blob, and i physically couldn’t stop myself from getting drenched in the waters from my dark cloud.

my crisis was interrupted by a knock at the door, i prayed it was a nice drunk girl that would braid my hair and tell me i’m pretty so i’d stop crying. but when i unlocked the door, calum’s eyes met mine and i cried even harder. i leaned against the cabinets, face in my hands, not wanting calum to see me at all, i wanted to disappear.

it was funny, in the moments i wanted to be alone with my thoughts the most, calum always seemed to show up.

“no, no, no,” calum’s words came out frantic, as he kneeled down in front of me and pulled my hands away from my face. the look of panic on his face sent my head spinning.

“what’s wrong, pretty girl?” his nickname pulled at my heart strings and only made the knot in my stomach grown tighter.

i couldn’t catch my breath enough to get any words out, so i sat there blubbering like a toddler, looking down, only for calum to tilt my head back up.

“hey,” he cooed, shutting and locking the bathroom door once again, this time not leaving me alone. he sat against the door, and pulled me to his lap. “let’s just calm down and then we can talk, ok?” he said softly into my hair. i nodded against his leather jacket, trying to take deep breaths. even though i hated being so broken in front of calum, i couldn’t help but cling onto him like my life depended on it. the contact between us grounded me.

every once in a while a sob would break through my breathing, causing calum to tense up and hold me tighter for a second, before going back to rubbing slow circles on my back.

once i brought myself back down to earth, i pulled away from his chest, the world around me tilted in all directions. “i don’t wanna go home,” i cried, my words making tears well back up in my eyes. calum’s face was full of guilt as he stared into my bloodshot eyes.

“hey,” he shushed me, wiping under my eyes. he’d need a whole box of tissues to dry my cheeks, “it’s ok, just go slow.”

“i wanna fall in love, cal.” i admitted, not being able to control the thoughts involuntarily pouring out of my mouth. “i want it all-but i cant have it. they took it from me. i don’t wanna go back.” a lump in my throat sprouted from deep within me, threatening to send me into another crying fit.

i could see his eyes go glassy, “no,” i begged, “don’t cry.”

“m’ sorry,” he chuckled weakly, reaching up to wipe his own eyes. “going soft, sorry, continue.” another sob wracked through my chest at his state. i leaned my forehead against his chest, letting another cry out.

“i’m hurting everyone around me,” i said sadly, “i don’t wanna hurt you anymore.” it became crystal clear that everyone was only calum.

“but it’s so worth it, doll.” he whispered sweetly, smoothing the hairs around my ear. “you’re my sunshine, at the same time. what a contradiction you’ve proven to be.” it almost didn’t make sense.

i settled against his chest, finally feeling a bit calmer. “an’ i know you’re really drunk right now, so i doubt you’ll remember most of this,” he starts, breath ghosting over my neck. “but, i accidentally let you in and i can feel myself falling for you. and it sucks because you’ll never be mine, fully at least, and you’re one of the only people i’ve let in so close to my heart.”

“stop,” i pleaded, “i don’t wanna know,”

“it’s not a bad thing, pretty girl.” he reassured me, “teaching me that it might be worth it, to let someone in, to enjoy someone’s company beyond sex.”

“i wish it didn’t have to be like this.” i mumbled, feeling very tired.

“let’s get you home,”

i woke up the next day, to my blaring alarm clock. my head pounded as i flailed my hand around to turn off the terrible noise. it was the day of my flight and i couldn’t have felt any worse. eyes almost glued shut because of how puffy they were, traveled to see i was in the same clothes i was wearing the night prior. i felt like i’d been kicked in the face. clearly i had cried the night before. oh, the night before.

i remembered almost everything, the crying, calum, more crying. it only made my headache worse. i showered to try and make myself feel less gross, but it only washed away the physical layer of grime. the emotional dirtiness would stay forever.

i shrugged calum’s shirt over my head, it was dark blue, with maine written in bold white letters. it was probably my favorite shirt on him, so he insisted i have it. it was probably a bad idea to be reminded of calum while i went home, but it made me feel happy, and i could’ve used some light in my life. i pulled on a beanie and my long winter jacket, before grabbing my bags and heading towards the door. my roommates were still passed out from the night before, pillows over both of their heads.

“bye, guys.” i muttered, before swinging the door open. “jesus, calum.” i breathed, clutching my chest, my heart almost stopping at the sight of him.

“hey, sunshine.” he smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. the nickname launched me into the events of the night before and i willed myself not to break.

“hi,” i breathed, biting the inside of my lip. “thank you, for last night.”

“anytime,” he replied, “nice shirt.” this time his eyes sparkled a bit, before his face fell.

“what’s up?” i questioned, not understanding why he was standing outside my dorm at almost eight in the morning.

“i wanted to say bye to you before you left,” he rocked back and forth on his heels, hands shoved in his pockets. he looked small, and tucked into himself, “feels like i’m losing you.” he mumbled the last part, almost low enough for me to miss it completely.

“please don’t say that,” i shut my eyes, forcing the tears to stay inside of me. he shrugged weakly.

“i guess this is goodbye,” he smiled at me, brown eyes shining. my stomach sank and i reached towards him and engulfed him in the biggest hug i could muster. i wanted to keep him with me forever.

“promise me you’ll see me when i get back,” i begged him, clutching onto him for dear life. his tight grasp around my waist indicated he was doing the same.

“i promise,” his words were muffled by my shoulders, where his perfect face was squished. he pulled away, painfully, almost making me whine at the loss of contact. “goodbye, (y/n).”

“bye, calum.” i breathed, standing on my toes to press a gentle kiss to his cheek. “i’ll see you when i get back-when i get home.” it was honest, being with calum felt more like a home than my own childhood house did.

“i’ll see you then,” he gulped, and he watched me walk away. the entire trip back to my hometown, i spent on the verge of tears and a nervous breakdown.

[11:34 am] me: i can’t do this

[11:35 am] calum: cant do what sunshine?

[11:35 am] me: my plane just landed.

[11:36 am] calum: you can get thru this pretty girl

[11:36 am] me: you have way too much faith in me

[11:38 am] calum: (:

calum’s lightheartedness made me feel a bit better as i gathered my luggage painfully quick. near the baggage claim, my parents were waiting eagerly for me.

“(y/n)!” my mom exclaimed, in a much different tone than she’d had the last time we spoke. it almost made me throw up at how sweet she was acting when the last time she made an effort to talk to me was to try and get me to drop out of school.

“hey guys,” i plastered on a fake smile, bringing both of my parents in for a hug. “how are you?”

“wonderful, now that you’re back!” my dad said, rubbing my shoulder. “how about we head back to the house and have some lunch, i’m sure you’re starving.”

“i am!” i lied, i wasn’t. not in the slightest, my stomach was twisted and the idea of food made me want to yakk on the spot. my appetite had disappeared the second i turned around to see calum’s pained expression as i walked away. the drive home was tense, calling for awkward small talk and bad jokes.

when we walked in the front door, i was greeted by a very happy david. my mouth fell open as i was halfway through kicking off my shoes. i felt like my body had been frozen solid.

“i thought you didn’t get back for another day,” i deadpanned, not being able to hide my emotions. the whole trip was already emotionally heavy, and seeing david so soon only added another layer overbearing feelings.

“i wanted to surprise you!” david pulled me in for a lingering hug, he was too keen on surprises for my liking. i hugged him back, and our bodies didn’t mold together like calum and i’s did. i felt no fire, i felt no excitement, i felt nothing except for a heavy emptiness settling in my chest.

my little sister, maya, bounded down the entryway. “(y/n)!” she yelled, and i ripped myself away from david to embrace her.

“hey, lil’ one.” i said, smiling for real. i pulled away, looking at her. “not so little anymore,” she was taller than i was now, towering over me by a few inches.

“how’s junior year?”

“rough,” she rolled her eyes, “how’s college.”

“great.” i smiled widely, catching david’s eye, “i love it, you know that.” it was the in small victories.

“stressful, though!” david cut in,

“a good kind of stress,” i snapped back, turning my eyes back to maya slowly, boxing david out of the conversation. “i’ve met a lot of great people.”

“who’s shirt is that?” she asked suddenly, gripping the dark blue fabric. her eyebrows furrowed together at the sight of the unfamiliar shirt.

“just a friend’s,” i smiled, my mouth doing dry. maya wiggled her eyebrows at me, and i hit her arm. i wasn’t really lying, calum and i weren’t together, so that left us as friends, although friends weren’t necessarily supposed to act like we did.

the air that hung around us was dense and suffocating, so i saw myself to the kitchen, where an array of food was laid out in front of my parents, and david’s.

“hey honey,” david’s mom smiled at me, pulling me in for a hung. she kept an arm wound around my waist as david’s dad caught my attention.

“how ya’ feelin, kid?” he asked, grinning widely.

i gave him a gentle smile back, “i’m great,” i breathed, trying to grip onto the last of my sanity that would make my statement at least a little true. we spent the eve of christmas eve making small conversation, settling into the way things had always been, and will always be.

i ended up sprawled out on my little sisters bed, late that night, face down. everyone had left, and i could finally feel my shoulders relax.

“so...” maya sat next to me, causing me to roll onto my side. “you seeing anyone?” she mused, poking my shoulder.

i sighed, “you know i shouldn’t.” i put simply, trying the avoid the thought and conversation.

“when has that stopped you?” she challenged, “i know you don’t really love david,” she added quietly, looking at me with caring eyes.

“even if i was...” i started, “it can’t be a good idea, it’ll only hurt more people in the end.”

maya frowned, “you deserve to be happy, (y/n).”

“i know,” i pulled my lips into a straight line, “i can make it work, i still have you.”

“you won’t be fully happy,” she fretted, her tone more upset than it was before.

“maybe no ones ever fully happy,” i shrugged, “maybe i’ll just be a little less happy, i’ll survive.”

maya chewed on the inside of her cheek for a moment, “do you think they’ll make me marry someone i don’t like too?” i sat up, and tucked a piece of her hair behind her hair. she seemed like a little girl again, and it broke my heart.

“you were always more stubborn than i was,” i whispered, smoothing her hair down, “they can’t hold you down, lil’ one.” she smiled, “goodnight, maya.” the topic became too much to stomach.

“night, (y/n).” i made my way out of maya’s room, padding down to my old bedroom. it was almost exactly the same, just a bit staler, from the lack of movement. the bed was freshly made, and i climbed into it, feeling drained from the day.

i woke up christmas eve morning, and fell into the bustling nature of the day ahead. i was helping cook and clean and prepare for everyone to come over. that night we’d have cousins and david’s family and david’s cousins over, and we’d all have one big painful night.

when i was younger, christmas eve couldn’t come quick enough, and maya and i would spend the whole day waiting for the evening. but, as an adult, the festivities proved to be more annoying than joyful and the night rolled around too quick. my late afternoon nap was interrupted by my mother shaking me awake, informing me of the arrival of our relatives.

i sleepily greeted everyone as they got to the house, stopping for a long conversation with my grandfather. i had never been more grateful for his ability to digress into the longest conversations ever, when i saw david and his family walk through the door. i focused on my grandfather, listening to whatever he was speaking about.

“that’s really interesting,” i said, “tell me more.” i practically begged, and my grandpa almost passed out at the excitement of someone wanting to listen to him.

“hey, (y/n).” david piped up, his blonde hair was littered with snow flakes from being outside.

“one second, david. my grandpas just telling me a story-“ i was cut off,

“that’s fine, sweetheart.” my grandpa said, his smile fading a bit. “go on.” i gave him a sad grin, and hugged him briefly before david pulled me towards the living room.

“i was having a conversation,” i crossed my arms in front of david, pushing him out.

he rolled his eyes, “i know you hate those conversations,”

“that one was really immersing me!” i shot back, stomping my foot. he gripped my forearm, pulling me closer, “don’t throw a fit,” he grumbled, running a hand through his hair.

“whatever,” i brushed it off, knowing i wouldn’t get my way. “what’s up?” “i just wanted to talk to you,” he answered, “i hadn’t seen you since i visited you and we hardly spoke yesterday.”

“m’ just tired,” i rubbed my eyes for effect,

“we’ve barely spoken on the phone either,” he sneered, his face almost as flushed as his pink shirt.

“two way street, david.” i said, my face straight and unmoving.

“you know i love you, (y/n).” david sighed, reaching out for my hand. it was cold and uninviting, unlike calum’s warm embrace. “i just get busy, and distracted. i could use something to pull me out of it.”

“i get busy too,” i stated, my hand stiff in his, and i wondered if this was his idea of love.

“with that major...” he muttered under his breath, and i almost didn’t hear him. “i just want us to be on good terms.”

“we are.” as good as we could get, it wasn’t saying much, but it was something. he smiled.

“good.” and then i walked away, excusing myself to the restroom. i stood in front of the mirror, hands gripping the sink so hard my knuckles went white. i let myself breath for a second, feeling i’d lose control if i didn’t. i pulled my phone out quickly, typing a text to calum.

[7:27 pm] me: merry christmas eve

[7:30 pm] calum: merry christmas to you, pretty girl

[7:30 pm] calum: how are you?

[7:31 pm] me: surviving

“(y/n)?” a knock cut through my trance and i jumped, going to open the door.

“hi,” i caught my breath, looking at my mom.

“dinners ready,” she stated, “you alright?”

“yes.” i nodded, following her to the dining room. david took a seat next to me, uncomfortably gripping my thigh throughout the night. his touch wasn’t reassuring or nice, it was repulsive and empty.

after dinner, we all sat in the living room, gathered around the tree, giving our cousins gifts and opening them early. it was a family tradition to open gifts from extended family christmas eve, and david’s family had intertwined with ours, making it like a huge pre-christmas. once all the little cousins finished opening toys and sharing with one another we all started to fall into our own conversations.

“i actually have one more gift,” david’s voice bellowed, it was loud and dripping with confidence.

oh no.

“it’s for (y/n),” he said, shifting his weight to one of his knees.

oh no.

“(y/n),” he started, grabbing both of my hands and the attention of everyone around us. i felt maya’s eyes shoot to mine, wide and worried. i felt sick to my stomach, “i love you, you know that.” my whole body was lit aflame and not in any desirable way, i felt too hot and crowded and my tongue felt like heavy sandpaper in my mouth.

i couldn’t do anything but sit there, mouth hung open, heart pumping wildly. i watched his mouth move but i didn’t hear any noise come out, my ears rung loudly.

“will you marry me?” i didn’t answer, i couldn’t answer.

“of course she will!” my mother shrilled loudly, clutching her chest.

my eyes were dull with loss, the sharp edges of my memories with calum slicing at my heart as he slid the ring on my finger. i felt like i didn’t have myself anymore, or even know who i was. i didn’t know. i didn’t care.

david pulled me in for a hug, as our family clapped loudly around us. it was all real and i couldn’t stop it.

i looked calm, up until i finally shut my bedroom door behind me. all at once my tears flowed out, the dark cloud above my head had once again stormed on me, leaving me soaked to the core. i dragged myself to my bed, not bothering to change out of the clothes i’d wore that night. i felt hopeless as sobs ran through my body, shaking every part of me. my room was miserable and cold, and the only sound piercing the silence was my occasional cries i couldn’t keep quiet.

i cried for me, i cried for my future kids, i cried for calum.

calum

. i wanted to tell him, i wanted to hear his voice and i wanted him to tell me it was going to be ok, but it wasn’t and not even he could change that. but i longed to feel him, and the brightness he elicited by only giving me a look. my heart ached as i fell asleep, my future dragging me closer and closer.

a/n: ok drama lmk what ya think even if its me being stupid and spelling something wrong but feedback is appreciated! thank u for reading!! part 4 should be up tomorrow or in the next couple of days. ALSO im gonna fosho gonna write more after this is done so if you have an requests pls message me i would love 2 write what yall want ok goodbye love u

tags: (lmk if u wanna be added for part 4/any other shit i write) @rexorangecouny

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