TW: eating disorder/ Anorexia. You are very beautiful just the way you are and worthy of love. Have a good day precious <3
The warm rays from the sun tingled the fragile skin on your leg as you laid in your bed. Slowly your body woke you up, already when your eyes open for the first time your heart ached. As if all sadness of the world rested in your heart. It had been like this for a long time, every single day. Your life so unbearable that sleeping was the only escape, so you slept. A lot. In your sleep you had it all, the perfect body, the perfect education, the perfect job, the perfect home and most importantly the perfect man. Him. But than you woke up to real life. Your life was empty and meaningless you thought to yourself.
Slowly realizing that you weren't able to fall back asleep you got out of the bed. Bare feet making their way to the bathroom to relive yourself. Steady gaze upon the floor, ensuring that you avoided the mirror, your own reflection the biggest enemy. Picking at the strong band around your wrists you did your business before making your way to your kitchen. All you needed was some what. That was all the body really needed. Eagerly you gulped down the big glass of water, feeling the familiar feeling of content take over your body. Reaching for your phone you groaned as your realized today's date. Your anniversary. A little more pain felt your body, the idea of more pain filling your body felt impossible. The only thing you wanted to do was sleep, but you couldn't so the next best thing was the gym. Moving back to the bedroom you picked out black yoga pants and a black hoodie. Ensuring you were as hidden as possible. The last thing you wanted was attentive. You spent hours at the gym, everyday. Today was no different, the girl at the front desk offering you a polite nod as you entered the gym. Cardio being you go to, you went for a run. The wheezing feeling as air left your lungs faster than your heart could work the oxygen back was everything to you. You could run forever, or at least until the black dots began to dance infront of your eyes. Today it was extra hard for you to leave, the image of Ashton leaving you hunted you. "y/n we can't do this no more, you need help. You cannot give me what you don't have. Because you get so tired of you try to do that. When you forget about you and stop taking care of you. You become empty. With nothing to share. I can't do that to you" his words were printed into your brain. A broken record playing again and again. You had always been a thin girl, and one to take care of what you are as well as staying fit. But when Ashton had left you alone because of tour it had went downhill. You stepped on the scale the day after he left. A gasp had left your lips as the number had risen with 13 pounds. You mind played back all the beers you had shared, all the junk food sitting at you hips now. So you had gotten into the habit of weighting yourself everyday, and progress was made. You lost more than 13 pounds tho. Leaving you sickly skin. Ashton has left a beautiful curvy girl at home and came home to a boney fragile shadow of the woman he loved. Black in-sunken eyes had stared back at him as he told about tour life, no life left as your mind slowly was calculating how much running it would take for the cold beer to be out of your body again. He had tried for about a year, slowly encouraging you to eat some more. For a moment you saw it, you wanted to eat but you wanted to be thin. So you allowed your second face to win, the one who always told you how disgusting you were and how fat you were. The ridicules insane thing being that you adored larger body, found the beautiful. Naturally you had just always been thin, but you also enjoyed filling your body with healthy nutrients. He had left you when he felt as if he was doing more harm to you than good. He made sure that the other boys cheeked up on you, the weekly messages being like salt in your wounds slowly you had stopped answering. Wanting to break from everything. Ashton wasn't to blame for any of this. Maybe you heartbreak but you weren't even sure that he was to blame for that. You were both two halo trying to make a whole, both
observed with your self image. Both haunted by being nothing and everything at the same time. You missed him, you really did. But maybe he was right, that is what you had chosen to believe at least.
Breaking yourself from your thoughts you were confused as you saw a black Range Rover in your driveway. You weren't expecting any guest and you sure as hell did not want any guests. Slowly making your way to the house, you saw his brown curls before anything else. You didn't stand a change as his eyes meet yours. The ground grumbled beneath you, crying you felt to your knees. How embarrassing but you just couldn't stand it, not today. "y/n honey! Are you ok?" His voice was concerned but you put out a hand, indicating you need time and space but that you were ok. Surely you gained composure over yourself again and stood to meet him again. "Hi what's up" it was way to casual for the welcomest you just had offered him. Way to sluggish for the man whom you lived with every fiber in your body. Pushing beside him to unlock the door you left him plenty of time to answer, his strong voice breaking you apart slowly "I just wanted to swing by, make sure you were good" mentally you were figuring out how to make him run away, but you were also contemplating how to make him stay forever. "I can see that you aren't doing to well y/n. I'm worried" he words were like a slap. You were doing excellent, loosing more weight than ever before while feeling heavier that every before- everybody dream right? "You lack of response isn't going to push me away y/n. I thought about it a lot before I came today, and I still standby what I said." You looked dumbfounded at him, did he really come all this way just to rub it in? The anger began to boil inside you along side the strong overwhelming feeling of sadness "what the fuck do you mean Ashton!?" Your anger took him back, his eyes a little more alert now" I'm here for you no matter what. I'm here as a friend until you are ready to be lovers again" his words hit you like a truck, failing at standing tall you collapsed into his strong arms as uncontrollable sobs left your mouth. He tried to collect his beautiful broken girl in his arms, so desperately wanting to put her back together. But this was beyond him, as it was beyond you. In agreement you went to treatment, as you had almost finished Ashton admitted himself to another treatment center. Both of you struggling with the balance of love and mental health. But as of right now you as individuals were more important, and every day the strong vow of friendship healed your both as you tried to break the mean cycle of skinny skinny thoughts.