k-writer1998

[k-writer1998]

[k-writer1998]

See You Soon (1/??)

w.c: 2.5k

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Breathing in the cool air to the rhythm of the waves crashing on the sand, I close my eyes to bask in the light of the sun but there is no warmth to it. The cool winter breeze only made this beach feel more desolate and calming as I stood on the seaside alone. Or so I thought. Click. At the sudden noise my head turned to the direction of the sound as my eyes snapped open to look at the perpetrator. What greeted my sight was an awestruck girl a few feet from me, camera in hand. My feet pulled me towards her and only upon noticing the closing distance did she snap out of whatever trance she was under.

“Did you take a photo of me?”

“Subconsciously? Yes. Well it was more instinct but it definitely wasn’t intentional. I was taking pictures of the sea but I turned at the sound of a seagull and then you were in my viewfinder and I just-”

“Can you just delete the photo then?” I cut off her rambling.

“I mean normally I would… but this time I can’t… is there any way I can convince you to change your mind? Technically you can’t see your face because of the direction of the sun, so like…”

“I don’t appreciate strangers having photos of me regardless.”

“Well in that case, my name is y/n. I’m a photographer, my favorite color is chick yellow, I can’t handle spicy food although on occasion it does taste good, and I have a dog named Mint.” She smiles as if things were that easy.

“That’s not how that works.”

“It usually does in movies,” she mumbles to herself with a pout before continuing, “Listen, I get where you’re coming from and I know this is a really weird request but this photo is really important to me.”

“That’s a little concerning since I’m the subject of the photo. Are you a stalker or something?”

I wasn’t sure what the point of continuing this conversation was. I should just go to the police and it would solve everything but what was holding me back? Is it because of her incessant rambling that reminds me of a child that I don't have the heart to? Not like much of my heart is left. She was still going on about something before she suddenly snapped, drawing my attention back to her from my thoughts.

“Let’s make a bet. Give me one week. If I can get you to be my friend by then, let me keep the photo and if not I’ll delete it. One chance. That’s all I’m asking.”

She looked directly in my eyes and the sincerity in them shone bright… I didn’t gain anything from this ridiculous game. I want to be alone, why else would people come out to the winter sea? A dying man has little empathy for those who can continue living but as I opened my mouth to respond, Felix came to mind and guilt washed over me. Fine. Judging from the fragments, all I have is a week anyways. Why not spend them with her? Let's call this my final act of kindness.

“Deal.”

“Listen you don’t even- Oh thank god. I thought you were gonna refuse again,” she laughs. “Then first matter of business. Hi, nice to meet you. I’m y/n,” she announced as she stuck out her hand.

“Seungmin,” I replied, shaking her hand.

“Well then Seungmin, let’s have dinner together. Meet back here around… six?”

I gave a small salute in acknowledgement and and after exchanging numbers I went on my way, the girl's muttering about the ocean and the sound of the shutter fading behind me. The share house I was staying at was run by an old woman who didn’t want to be alone, it was a quaint home with little disturbance. Perfect for someone like me. My feet barely passed through the gate before my body froze at the sound of something dropping. A sigh blew past my lips as I leaned down to pick up the fallen fragment. Another one for the box…

“Seungmin, are you sure about this?”

“I’ll be fine. I should have enough time to take a small trip and be back. I’ll check into the hospital then, I just need time to collect my thoughts.”

That was a lie and both Dr. Bang, the director of the hanahaki wing and specialist in love diseases, and I knew this but he only sighed in response.

“I won’t deny your request but as your doctor, even if you find it pointless to collect your fallen pieces, still do it. Take care and don’t head out anywhere too far.”

“Roger that… How’s Felix?”

“It’s ever so small but his condition is getting better. Are you going to tell him?”

“No, he just needs to focus on getting better.”

“He’ll get upset with you when he finds out.”

“I’ll get over that hurdle when I get there,” I responded with a remorseful smile.

The memory began to fade out as my phone’s buzzing pulled me back to the present. When did the sky start to change color?

y/n: are you allergic to anything? Wouldn’t want to kill you on accident ^^; Seungmin: no y/n: Noted. See you soon :D

Ah, it’s almost time. As I was closing the gate to leave, there was creaking behind me followed by a gasp that caught my attention. Upon turning around, my eyes were greeted with y/n’s surprised face.

“Oh You’re staying with Granny Jeong?”

“Your place?” I asked, pointing at the house behind her, after giving her a nod.

“My aunt’s but she travels often so she encourages me to use it if I’m ever around, but this is perfect! It saves us an extra five minutes. Let’s go!”

She smiled excitedly as if such a short bit of time was a big deal. Like an excited child y/n went on ahead, only stopping when she realized that I wasn’t keeping pace with her so she beckoned me to hurry up. After a short walk we arrived at the restaurant and to be frank, I wasn’t sure what to expect but somehow where we ended up seemed perfectly “her”.

“We are by the sea and you choose to eat fried chicken?”

“Hey, it was the safest option. You really didn’t give me much to work with. What if I took you somewhere and you actually hated it? I’m not trying to hit negative friendship points.”

I rolled my eyes at her ridiculous reason but the restaurant was actually quite cozy. An awkward tension settled upon us, neither sure of how to speak to a complete stranger. The silence seemed to be getting to her as she started to fidget with things on the table. Giving her the benefit of the doubt for putting this much effort so far, I speak up.

“So you never told me why my photo is so important.”

“Well you know how I said I was a photographer? To simply put it, I’m in a slump. Every photo I took the angles were wrong, the lighting wasn’t right, etc. and so… I may have scrapped all the photos prepared for an exhibit in two weeks?”

“Is it an “artist” thing to be so impulsive?”

“You know other artists?”

“No but I can’t really say this,” I gesture between us, “is all that thought out either.”

“You know what they say about artists, we all got a screw loose somewhere,” she jokes. “But I came out to the sea to find inspiration then you appeared and well everything worked out somehow.”

“To find inspiration or to run away?”

I said it without much meaning. Who was I to judge when I was here to do the same? I expected some goofy response or a lighthearted excuse but instead she gave me a small smile and shrugged.

“Aren’t you doing the same?”

It was such a direct answer that it threw me off guard. So she can be serious… Thankfully before she was able to catch my initial shock, the food arrived. As the waiter laid out our food, I noticed he had placed a pitcher of beer on the table with two glasses. I gave her a skeptical look as they left.

“You sure you’ll be okay with all that alcohol?”

“It's not like I have to finish it, but it’s no fun drinking alone, drink with me?”

“Asking a dying man to drink?”

“If death is already coming, why not enjoy it a bit? Although it’s only a request, you have every right to deny me.”

She replied without missing a beat, as if the slip of my tongue didn’t happen. It felt… odd. Never commented on the cracks running along my skin, her eyes not scanning me worriedly as if I’d shatter this very instance; it was just… normal. Maybe that’s why I pushed the second glass forward. We clinked our full glasses and took a swig before she let a big shiver run through her body as she smiled at me.

“Okay, now that we’re out of the weird stage and I’ve had some liquid courage, ask me anything you like.”

“Uhm, what’s your soulmate mark I guess?”

“The color of my eyes match the color of my soulmate’s hair. Yeah, it’s one of those stupid ones especially since mine have never changed color. Boring.” She shrugged before asking me, “If you’re dying why go along with my game?”

“You really don’t pull your punches do you? Well… I’m not really sure either. I thought of it as a final gift to my best friend so at least he can be at peace that I didn’t die alone?”

“Are you a lightweight? That’s a little too honest for that little bit of alcohol, although I’m not complaining.”

“That was two questions,” I rolled my eyes but felt a ghost of a smile teasing at the corners of my mouth.

“Actually it was rhetorical, plus you never answered me, so that doesn’t count. Your turn.”

“Do you think you’d fall in love at first sight with your soulmate if you met them?”

Even in my final days, my brain continues to torture itself. I couldn’t help it. It all ended in an instant the minute her soulmate appeared. Or maybe this happened because I thought she was my soulmate… before I could spiral any further y/n’s voice cut through my thoughts.

“I don’t really try to worry about something out of my control. Isn't it better to focus on how you feel now? My belief is that if you’re always living in the future, you’ll only end up regretting your past and you miss your present.”

“I can’t tell if you’re scatter-brained, or wise beyond your years.”

“Why not both? It’s very non-artist of you to try to fit things in one box or another,” she jabs sarcastically. “Okay since we’re on the soulmate topic what’s your mark?”

“Same as yours.”

“Oh? A comrade,” she says as she tilts her glass to me before drinking some more. “Since you're a stickler for the rules you can get a second question after this. Any crazy colors?”

“There were a few but the longest was red. The patients loved that one.”

“That’s absolutely adorable.”

“Yeah until they laugh themselves into an oxygen mask because kids thought I was a vampire,” her mouth dropped and this time I really did smile. “Sorry, doctor jokes. Anyways, why photography?”

“Hmm… it’s like capturing little snippets of life and making your own story from it I guess? It’s hard to put into words.”

“You can ask another one because none comes to mind,” I said with a low hum as I took a bite of my chicken.

“Wow you really don’t want to get to know me, “ she laughs before a flash of seriousness strikes her once again. “Well then if it’s something you’re willing to share, why are you dying?”

It took y/n longer than I thought to ask about this, she seems more mindful than she lets on. I mean the topic became inevitable the moment “dying” fell from my own mouth. Well, if she is the last person I meet then at least there will be one person who will know the whole story.

“I’ve never really explained my situation in its entirety before. So where to start…” I contemplate my words for a bit before continuing. “I have shattered heart disease, a love disease variation that literally breaks my heart into pieces.”

As if to drive my point I pull down my turtleneck to expose the cracks that run along the side of my neck, the cracks making a more intricate web the closer they crawl toward my heart. She showed no reaction, aside from the understanding nod of her head to encourage me to continue but I felt the words get caught in my throat.

“So who gave it to you?” Her voice was quiet as she gave me a small smile that seemed to help relax a bit of tension that had taken a hold of me.

“My ex… if we can even say that,” I chuckle bitterly. “We never officially dated but we were practically a couple. Dates, hand holding, late night calls, most of our time spent together… the works. She also had the same mark so I wanted to believe she was my soulmate or more so I already did, until she came rushing up to me full of excitement.”

“She found her actual soulmate?”

I was thankful for not having to utter those words myself but hearing someone else state the truth stung in a different way than saying it would have. As if the reality of it was finally settling. If she was able to infer that much I was sure she would be able to figure out the rest, after all love diseases only have one true cure. I shrug my shoulders and lean back into my seat to allow her time to piece it together.

“And you’re sure there isn’t anyone around you that feels the same?”

“I’m a hospital resident y/n. Aside from time, my personality isn’t really for making friends as I’m sure you’ve pieced together.”

“Your personality isn’t bad, you just take some time to warm up to people.”

She stated confidently, as if she knew me for more than a day. I didn’t get it. Most people would freak out or give some piteous words, something I’m sure those people give in earnest but just make the receiver of such actions feel even worse. Y/n was taking this information all too well.

“How are you not even fazed by this?”

“I'm sure the last thing you want is pity and you aren't some kind of freak show exhibit so was my reaction all that weird?”

“... No, but that’s what most people would do.”

“Now I’m sure you know I’m not quite like “most” people” she twirled her finger by her temple to drive her joke before adding softly, “Jokes aside, I have a friend who had a love disease. A different one but I was there for most of it.”

#stray kids imagines #stray kids au #skz imagines #skz aus #kim seungmin #kim seungmin imagines #kim seungmin aus #soulmate au #shattered heart disease #photographer! y/n x resident! seungmin #see you soon

[k-writer1998]

Love Diseases

Story Parameters:

All stories will be happening in various timelines but all within the same universe

Various soulmate marks exist so when a person receives their mark they innately just know how it works

most first meetings show subtle signs but very rarely is there an intense reaction to first meeting your soulmate

because it is so subtle there are sometimes false sparks

false sparks are created when you meet someone with the potential to be your soulmate (i.e.: they never received a soulmate mark, soulmate died, etc.) but the catch is that it happens when you meet the person regardless if your current soulmate is well or you haven’t met them yet

Alternatively because there are so many different marks various love-related diseases became a thing as well

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An End Before the Beginning 

Chapter 1      Chapter 2      Chapter 3

A post operation hanahaki patient who lost all of their feelings meets their soulmate in their hospital room. Is there a way to save a love doomed from the beginning?

Hanahaki: A lethal unrequited love disease known for the expelling of flowers and its petals. Only two known treatments: root removal surgery, which would result in the removal of feelings for that person (and in some extreme cases may end with loss of all feelings) or a genuine true love confession.

The Stars in Your Eyes

Chapter 1      Chapter 2      Chapter 3

Two unlikely best friends learn that “friends” can only take you so far. When secrets and distance become an issue can their bond survive or will the stars in your eyes make you blind?

Star Tears: An unrequited love disease characterized by the crying of colored tears similar to stars that make a crystalline sound when the tears shatter on the surface. Although non-lethal it will slowly bleed the color from the world until the patient becomes blind and the effects are irreversible. The only known treatment is for their feelings to be reciprocated romantically.

See You Soon

Chapter 1      Chapter 2

Time is ticking and the shattered pieces are falling. One last week, an odd encounter, and a camera... will that be enough to save the silent boy who has already resigned to death?

Shattered Heart Disease: When a person confesses their feelings but the other doesn’t love them back, the victim’s skin slowly becomes cold glass and shatters. The victim will break little by little, before shattering into thousands of tiny shards. However, if another truly loves them, that person can collect the pieces and put them back together to restore them in perfect condition

????

Chapter 1

???

Puppet Palsy:  A disease that develops from excessive manipulation. Strings of the victim’s muscle tissue that is directly connected to the body's nervous system begin to form on the patient's limbs and head. The strings allow the body to be controlled. However, if the strings are broken it will cause possible paralysis and excruciating pain. Only soulmates can sever the ties painlessly.

????

Chapter 1

???

Love Spots: Scientifically known as Infected Infatuation Postulates; it’s often a symptom of a deeper illness. Love Spots are caused when the shame of falling in love with someone close to you becomes too overwhelming. Extreme cases cause luminescence as the patients start to struggle to keep their feelings in the dark. Extremely  infected pustules may painfully burst when not immediately treated.

????

Chapter 1

???

Bane Vapor: A malignant disease caused by the accumulation of the toxins from toxic relationships and is characterized by an excessive release of bio-halogen vapor. The patient will secrete halogenic gasses uncontrollably from the pores of their skin and others around them will begin to feel nausea, respiratory issues, headaches, impaired motor skills, and various other symptoms as they slowly get poisoned. Like most love diseases, the only know cure is to receive feelings of true love.

????

Chapter 1

???

Glowing Heart Disease:  A rare disease where a person develop a second heart, known as a glowing heart, in response to a overwhelming need for validation, love, attention, etc. Once developed, the heart needs to maintain a certain brightness by receiving said feelings. If it dims out too much or stays dim for too long, the glowing heart begins to crack until it breaks. After the heart breaks,  the victim loses all emotions and feeling. However a broken heart can be fixed after a declaration of true love

????

Chapter 1

???

Musicalia:  A disease when the patient has lost a love or enters a one-sided love, they begin to hear a constant, unique song play. Only the person can hear it and while it is possible for people involved can hear it, it won’t be the same as the patient. The song is constantly played in the patient’s head until they slowly become insane. If the patient can’t move on or fall in love with another, they die.

#stray kids #skz #stray kids imagines #stray kids au #skz imagines #skz aus #masterlist #my writing #soulmate aus #love disease aus

[k-writer1998]

One of the hard parts about being a writer with a vivid imagination is that there are So Many Ideas, and they fall into so many categories, such as

Fics I want to write

Fics I want to read

There is just One Scene and I could write it but it would be waaaay more cool if I had all the build up to the scene but unfortunately. I can only figure out the Scene

I keep changing my mind. Where am I going with this

This has been done a million times before. But. Hear me out

I will 100% Never Write This. This is just my Emotional Support Idea no one can ever know about bc it makes sense only to me

Would be better as a comic...

This will be my magnum opus if I can just get my 50 pages of ideas into a coherent narrative

All I have are vibes

And, of course

WIP I started and haven't updated in 2 years and oh god its beEN TWO YEARS???

#this be a little too true 😂

[k-writer1998]

A Simple Trick for Fic Writers

Hey, if you're a fic writer and a character speaks in a different language, you don't just have to add the translation in the notes. Use the following HTML coding to add 'text on hover' to the word(s). If the reader is on a computer they can hover over the text to see the translation.

<div title="This is the text in the box!">This is the text that shows in your fic!</div>

Here are some examples from a fic on my AO3.

This coding here <div title="a fool, idiot (lit. emptyhead)">Eyn utreekov</div> will show this on hover.

This next example shows that you can add a lot of text. The formatting is the same as above.

PS: When doing this, there may be spacing issues, but you can edit the text through AO3's html or rich text editor. From there you can add italics (like I did), bold, etc, and fix any weird spacing issues. Just be careful not to delete the coding that you worked so hard on 😂

[k-writer1998]

A king has no sons, no daughters, and no queen. For this reason he must decide who will take the throne after he dies. To do this he decides that he will give all of the children of the kingdom a single seed. Whichever child has the largest, most beautiful plant will earn the throne; this being a metaphor for the kingdom. At the end of the contest all of the children came to the palace with their enormous and beautiful plants in hand. After he looks at all of the children’s pots, he finally decides that the little girl with an empty pot will be the next Queen. Why did he choose this little girl over all of the other children with their beautiful plants.

[k-writer1998]

The Stars In Your Eyes (3/3)

w.c: 2.1k

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Y/n’s POV

      That was abrupt. An alarm? At one in the morning? I wrote it off as his night owl tendencies and fell onto my bed with a sigh. Every “best friend” from either of our lips added another nail to the coffin but I couldn’t risk trying. That gamble meant putting more chips down than I was willing to bet. There was only one person I could talk to about this… although it’s never much help but at least I don’t have to hold it in.

“What are you doing up?”

“Does everyone just know I sleep early? Before you ask though, yes I caved and called Chan. My parents' stuff was getting overwhelming and his voice is soothing,” I rambled.

      He gave me a flat hum and I knew what he was thinking, we were accomplices in this afterall. I shouldn’t have but I couldn’t help it, it had become so natural to look for Chan when seeking solace.

“Wow, talking about another man’s voice to your boyfriend,” he jokes and gives a brief pause before continuing, “You know you don’t have to keep the pact for me right?”

“It’s not for you, the terms have been met and I just want it to stop.”

“The terms? Mine were, yours is ambiguous at best. You never even tried, you’ll make me into a bitter old man at this rate. At least properly get rejected so we’ll truly be in the same boat.”

“I can’t… not him. It’s never been this bad before, if I lose him I know I will never recover.”

“I mean you never know but I also don’t wanna hear your gambling spiel again so I’ll drop it. Just know, one word and we can stop. It’s all the same for me either way. Now go to bed before you hate yourself in the morning.”

“You got it boss. Love you.”

“Whatever. I guess I love you too nerd.”

      The next few days flew like a whirlwind of papers, congratulations, and goodbyes. I wanted to ask Chan to see me off at the airport, but I don’t want to bother him. Instead I opted for a brief message before getting into the cab with Jiwoo. The whole ride, arriving, baggage check… nothing. It felt weird not to have a goodbye. My finger deliberated over the call button but the screen suddenly blinked into a cat contact photo as my phone vibrated.

“Y/n, tell me you haven’t gone through security yet.”

“Well no, why? What’s going on Minho?”

“I want to respect his wishes but I can’t in this circumstance. Chan has a love disease called star tears and the reason he has it is,” he paused as if contemplating if he should say it but then he sighed, “I’m trusting my gut on this. It’s his unrequited feelings for you.”

      Everything stopped and if I didn’t have my phone in a vice grip from the anxiety build up from Minho’s urgent tone, it would have fallen to the ground from the shock. My mind was moving a mile a minute trying to sort everything but the one thing I knew was that I was not getting on that plane.

“Is he at home?”

“No, and isn’t answering his phone.”

“Got it thanks.”

      What in the romance novel bullshit is this? After ending the call I ran up to Jiwoo, sputtered out a broken explanation before telling him I had to go. A cab ride later and I was huffing my way up a hill in a neighborhood by Chan’s apartment. When I arrived at the top, the place I’ve found him countless times before, he had mindlessly turned to look in the direction of the sound of my heavy footsteps. He panicked, meeting me in the middle.

“What are you doing here? Y/n your flight is-”

“Why didn’t you answer?”

“My phone- no wait, if we leave now-”

“Chan I-”

“”You might just make final call for-”

“Christopher!” He stopped at the use of his given name, “I rescheduled my flight.”

      Now that the initial problem was removed he finally had the chance to really look at my face for more than a second. Realization unfolded across his face as the color drained from it and I scoffed.

“Did you really think I wouldn't have found out about this? Do you know how much I hate myself right now?”

“Y/n look, it’s noth-”

“I swear to god if you say “it’s nothing” I will never speak to you again," I threaten. “Explain. I need to hear it from you.”

      He avoided my gaze and my frustration flared. How did this all get so messed up? Why is he such an idiot? Where did all his lofty convictions about chasing your dreams go? Or did it just not apply to him?

“I got sick a few weeks back but it’s not like I’ll die from it. It’s a condition where the patient slowly loses their sight, starting from colors and ending with your vision. It’s caused by… unrequited feelings.”

“And you’re saying that’s not a big deal?! I’m pretty sure I’ve never heard of a blind surgeon Chan.”

“It’s fine, y/n, I’ve already found a few alternatives.”

“Alternatives?! This is something you’ve worked towards for over six years and you want to give it up like that? For a single person who you’ve deemed doesn’t even love you?”

“I know they lo-”

“There’s no point in being vague… we both know who it is.” I’m tired of all this dancing around words as if they hurt any less.

“I know you only love me as a friend so why say anything and have you look at me with pity instead of how you always do.”

      Friend, that cursed word again. I may be just as guilty for using it all the same but has he not figured it out yet? Why I’m standing before him like this, delaying everything? The pause must have been for a beat too long because he dropped his eyes to the ground causing my anger to dissipate. I softened my tone, one of us has to be the reasonable one in this.

“And how do you think I look at you exactly?”

“I don’t know, but anything is better than how you look right now.”

“Well what kind of face should I be making? Someone I trust couldn’t trust me back, what kind of fool does that make me?”

“You aren’t a fool, I didn’t tell you to avoid this situation.”

“Chan, how could I possibly leave knowing you’re sick and I can help you?”

“What could you do?!”

“Well, what if I say I love you back?” He glared in response to my quiet words but I stood my ground. The air grew silent and heavy as the words settled in the air.

“That’s really a cruel joke y/n,” he scoffs. “You’re lying, you’re dating Jiwoo.”

“Calling it dating would be a stretch. It’s more of a mutually beneficial relationship but it’s strictly platonic. The pact was simply a safety measure for two kids who cannot stand to be alone, I’m sure you’ve figured that about me already.”

“Do you know how ridiculous you sound? A pact to ensure you aren’t alone but you’ve barely lived your life, barely met people. What if you meet someone you’ll love?”

“To enact it, a certain condition had to be met. We both must have experienced unrequited love that we had deemed unforgettable. For me, that was you.”

“No, you’re just saying that. If it were true I would have been able to- I should’ve noticed-”

“No one notices when they’re one of the people involved. I definitely missed the mark myself didn’t I? Is me loving you back really that hard to believe?”

“Yes because all this is unfolding after the fact I got sick, I don’t know what's the truth and what’s a lie.”

      His voice wavered and then it dawned on me. Both of us have frustrations about this situation and while mine became anger, his translated into tears that started to fall. Seeing it first hand, it took a moment for my eyes to understand what they saw. Bright droplets that sparkled like stars fell in the place of dull salt water tears. The name makes sense now. Panic was written all over his face as he tried to turn away but my hand reached out to stop him. Instinctively, my fingers moved to wipe away the colorful droplets and the familiar glass-like sound from a few nights ago rang in my ears upon contact. Ah… back then… my lips pulled into a bitter smile at my own lack of awareness.

“Chan, I’ve known you for six years and I’ve been in love with you for four of them. That is the truth. After so much time passed and nothing was changing, I decided that it would never be mutual. No. Actually I was simply a coward who was too scared of losing you and having to be alone again so I ran away. Even now I'm only saying all this because I know you feel the same."

      It was time to lay all my cards on the table, I didn’t know how else to convince Chan that my words were the truth. He fell quiet, his face showing contemplation as he weighed my words but the furrow of his brow was a bad sign.

“That may be the case now but those feelings, could they stand a chance once you meet your soulmate?"

"Soulmate? Chan you know I don't believe in that stuff."

"Soulmates aren't just pretty vague words that people delude themselves about like astrology and tarot cards. It’s real, we're all marked one way or another to prove it. Just because you don't see it every day you look in the mirror doesn't mean it's not," he snaps.

      He didn’t have to believe me but the hostility was unwarranted. He knows where I stand on soulmates and the uncontrollable thing called “fate.” Angry words filled my mouth but I bit them back. Getting upset at each other wasn’t the point.

"That's not what I'm saying and you know it,” I said, careful of my tone. “Whoever my soulmate is, they’ll never be more important than you… the person I choose to love."

      As if those words had flipped some trigger in his mind, Chan had become completely still. His face defaulted to neutral and he blinked a few times as if processing what I said. I tilted my head in confusion, unsure of what he would do, when he suddenly surged forward and I flinched back in surprise.

"Y/n I need to check something."

      That was all the justification he gave before twirling me around and sliding my cardigan down my left shoulder. I squirmed to try and see what he was doing, confused as to what possessed him suddenly, but he held me in place by my arms. At the sound of a relieved chuckle he loosened his hold as his head fell onto my shoulder.

"Okay Mr. Crazy care to explain? You're freaking me out a little."

"Do you know what your soulmate line is y/n?"

"No?I've just kinda ignored it unless someone brought it up."

"Okay then does "If it makes you happy, that's all that matters. If you ever falter just remember that I believe in you." sound familiar to you?"

"Yeah… that's what you said to me isn't it? Wait does that mean-"

      Before I could finish my thought, he spun around yet again but this time his lips crashed into mine. My long term unrequited crush, now requited, just kissed me so who was I to refuse? My eyes closed as I kissed back but my lips couldn't help but pull into a smile once everything sank in. When we pulled away his smile mirrored mine.

"We're soulmates."

"Yeah, we are… is it wrong I'm kinda bitter about it?" I laugh.

      The star's tears stopped after that day and the rest is ancient history. His residents emphasize the “ancient” part, Kim Seungmin especially. Now every morning I’m greeted by a bird’s nest of curls and color-corrective glasses lying here and there. Taking in his face, my smile couldn’t help but spread at the sound of his soft snores.

"Chan," I whisper and he hums in reply. "Don't forget about my friend's gallery opening today."

"Mhmmm."

      I chuckle to myself, fully aware that he is definitely not conscious enough to remember this later. I lean over and kiss the top of his head before whispering,

"I love you."

#stray kids imagines #stray kids aus #skz imagines #skz aus #bang chan #bang chan imagines #bang chan aus #soulmate au #star tears #med student! chan x publisher! y/n #the stars in your eyes

[k-writer1998]

The Stars In Your Eyes (2/3)

w.c: 2.1k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So she introduced her boyfriend because she got caught with him? And they’ve been together for two months?”

“Yeah, I mean I felt something was off. It got harder to meet her and even when we did she seemed distracted and just… I don’t know. I feel- how do I say this? Unsettled?”

“So you’re saying all these changes brought on these strange feelings? Did you expect for your friendship to alway stay that cozy?”

“When you put it like that I sound like a clingy friend Minho.”

“Chan, you literally are but that isn’t the point. I don’t know why you’re asking me as if you don’t know the reason. You aren’t an idiot.”

      He was right. I just hoped to hear a different answer, although Minho wouldn’t lie even if I asked him to. It’s just… admitting I knew meant accepting the fact that I was a coward and now that someone has done what I couldn’t, I don’t know what to do with these feelings of mine. Would I be able to move on? Can’t my stupid heart just take this as rejection so I can? How much more will things change between us? Can I truly wish her happiness till the end? Can I handle that?

“Chan?” 

      Her voice cut through the whirlpool of my thoughts that have been swirling around in circles for days now. It’s a rare chance for us to meet in person, let’s focus on the present and the person sitting in front of me.

“Sorry. My brain relapsed for a moment about assignments. You were saying?”

“I’m sorry for ambushing you last week and only giving you a mediocre explanation text. I wanted to tell you in person but on that day I didn’t want you to think I was ignoring you since I’ve been kind of bad at answering lately.”

“It’s fine. We’ve always been busy people, if anything I’m sorry for ruining your date.”

      Date… the word rolled off my tongue in an unpleasant manner but I smiled nonetheless as I let her go on about how they reconnected at work, he confessed by bringing up some pact they made as kids, they started dating and things are going well. I wanted to say that the reason was stupid and didn’t really make any sense but I couldn’t. The sparkle in her eyes and that soft smile, she is happy and any thought of some selfish move to satiate my own feelings stopped in their tracks. I can’t be the one to stir up her feelings and stop that smile. While she was telling me recent news about work, my eyes picked up on her fingers gently dancing along the rim of her glass. A mindless motion she usually did when she had something to say but unsure of how to bring it up.

“What’s on your mind? Hiding any other big secret?” I had said it lightheartedly to ease the tension in her shoulders but instead her whole body froze. Is there really something else?

“Ha, I can never get anything past you can I? Is it an older brother thing?” She jokes but she still permeates anxiety. “I was given a big project to work on…”

“What’s the catch? You would have been bouncing with joy if there wasn’t something you’re hesitant about.”

“If I do a good job it might end up being a permanent position there but I have to relocate… to New York...”

“I mean that’s a good place to be, being an editor and all, why were you hesitating to tell me?”

      The distance was shocking but I couldn’t say anything knowing what she had to do to get where she was today in her career, not that it would matter. She already made her choice and was stubborn as hell, I knew that since freshman year.

“I know I just… a business trip is one thing but permanently? I would be leaving everything I know.”

“Do a good job first and worry about taking the permanent position after. No use being scared of something that isn’t concrete. One step at a time right?” I say as I ruffle her hair with a smile.

“You’re right. I don’t know, maybe I’m a little nervous because I’d be staying with Jiwoo. It hasn’t been long since we reconnected and-”

“Wait what?”

“Jiwoo works as a scout at the overseas company that offered the position, not like he had any say in it but after I agreed he offered me a room at his place to give me one less thing to worry about.”

      What kind of face am I making right now? Keep control of your expressions Chan. Luckily she didn’t seem to notice, too lost in her own worries to catch the subtle change. After easing her worries we parted ways and when I got home my ears were greeted with silence, thank god Minho was gone. As I was changing into something more comfortable, my eyes landed on the scrawling across my collarbone in the mirror. Ah, this useless soulmate mark of mine. When did I last think about my soulmate? Not that I really thought about it that often but it did cross my mind on occasion. At what point did I pick up that ideology of hers of not caring about soulmates? Or more like… when has she become such a big part of my life?

“The person I choose to love…”

      I read it aloud as my fingers gingerly brushed along the words. “Choose”... it sounded so much like something she would say but I realize I thought of myself too highly. Her love isn’t mine to have. The pain of that reality really sank into my heart, needing to reel in my mind before I spiral I close my eyes and as my lungs filled with a deep breath- Ting. Ting. Teng. That noise… Confused, my eyes opened to the ground to see little spots of glitter shining back at me. Wait how did- My eyes immediately darted back to my reflection to see my face bathed in colorful sparkling streams where my tears should be. Carefully my hand reached up to wipe it away and the same oddly pretty sound was heard when the liquid hit my hand. This phenomenon was enough to shock the tears to a stop and I quickly pulled out my phone to figure out what was happening to me. After scrolling and skimming various links I couldn’t help but laugh in disbelief. Star tears. A condition born from an unrequited love where the patient slowly loses the ability to see colors before they ultimately lose their sight. What kind of life did I live in my past life to deserve this? My long term crush has a boyfriend, said crush is leaving the country with aforementioned boyfriend and to top it all off, I’ll slowly go blind unless she loves me back. Shit.

      Nothing changed from my routine other than the fact that certain colors slowly bled from my world. It wasn’t some type of “blink and you miss it” sensation, things just became duller over time until one day it was replaced with a bleak gray and my mind stutters trying to process the change. Although he never addressed it I’m sure Minho, being as we live together, found out about the star tears. He’s never questioned the strange noises from my room when they fall uncontrollably, he subtly helps me differentiate things that have lost their color, and he’s been offering me food more often. Thanks to his kindness my anxieties lessened even if it was only a small fraction and now, in a few days, y/n will be leaving. I’ve mulled about it for hours on end but I can’t bring myself to say anything because knowing her she wouldn’t go, instead she would try to help me cure this even if she can’t love me back. I don’t want to be the excuse she uses to run away from her dream and if going blind is the price to pay for her happiness then so be it, at least one of us has to see it through until the end. It was yet another night left with my thoughts and insomnia when my phone rang. At this time? Who-

"You don’t usually call this late."

"Hmmm… I just wanted to hear your voice? I’m not disturbing you right?"

“Insomniac, remember? Something’s on your mind? You usually can’t stay up past eleven,” I asked, ignoring the dull aching in my chest because she jokingly said she missed my voice.

“I don’t know, it’s just… is this overseas position really the right choice?”

“Y/n, there is no right choice other than your choice. That’s all there is to it.”

“But leaving everything I know to go to a place I’ve never been and alone at that? I mean not alone cause Jiwoo but we’re adults and we have our own lives and just, could I handle that?”

“You adapt well to new environments and you’re a hard worker, things will fall into place in time. You never make decisions that you would regret so what got into your head?"

“My parents… they didn’t find out until after everything was set in stone and they were NOT happy. We’ve been going back and forth for weeks but now that my departure date is closing in, what if I’m wrong?”

"Okay I have two questions for you. First, do you want to go?"

"Of course I do," she responded flatly.

"Before your parents' opinions, did you believe you could do it?"

"Although it won’t be perfect and mistakes are inevitable… I think I can.”

"Then it doesn't matter what your parents say. You've worked hard for this, that doesn’t change."

"I'm scared. This is an opportunity of a lifetime but a part of me fears the worst. What if I don’t have what it takes or there was a mistake? What if I get there and it wasn’t what I thought it would be and I hate it?"

"Y/n you love reading and writing like it's the air you breathe.You're amazing at what you do and it makes you happy, that's all that matters. If you ever falter just remember that I believe in you. I always have."

"You are a godsend do you know that?" She chuckles before adding with a sigh, "what am I gonna do without you? Our time zones are gonna be messed up, and it's gonna be sad to know my best friend isn’t a call away."

      “Friend.” The cause of my detriment. I don’t cry easily but ever since the star tears, they start falling at the drop of a hat. Even now my eyes began to well up. I tilted my head back to keep them from falling as my voice softened to hide the tremble that was taking over my voice.

"I’ll still be a call away, it’s one in the morning and here we are. If you miss me just look at the stars, they’ll accompany you in my place right?”

“They would accompany me with or without you cause that was my thing first,” she laughs softly.

      The thought of never getting the chance to tell her my feelings hurt just as much as the thought of her leaving, maybe that’s why I hadn’t felt the few tears that escaped streak down my face. It wasn’t until the crystalline tinkling of the glittering tears crashing on the floor, petrifying me to silence, did the horror set in.

"Oh? What's that pretty sound?"

"Oh- uhm, sorry that's my alarm, I- I gotta go."

      I quickly hung up the phone before she could say anything and threw it on my bed in frustration. Can I not have a small moment to help make this annoying disease more bearable? No longer needing to conceal these stupid gem-like tears I let them fall freely as I began to wallow. Pretty… she said the sound of this cursed disease was pretty… she wasn't wrong but the irony of it all was too cruel to appreciate. When the room grew silent and the tears subsided, it was then when I had noticed the odd color of my room or more so… the lack thereof. The LED lights hanging above the bed were supposed to be a soft purple. At what point of this fit of tears did the newest color bleed away? I wanted to get mad, feel anger or any other feeling other than the defeat and resigned acceptance I currently felt. My own dream was withering in my hands every step she took towards her own, but I wouldn’t change it for the world… God I must be crazy.

#stray kids imagines #stray kids aus #skz imagines #skz aus #bang chan #bang chan au #bang chan imagines #soulmate au #star tears #med student! chan x publisher! y/n #the stars in your eyes

[k-writer1998]

The Stars In Your Eyes (1/3)

w.c: 1.6k

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“How's Felix been?”

“He’s still unstable but the hanahaki hasn’t progressed any further. The higher ups are throwing a fit though since I vouched that it was safe,” I replied, pulling off my glasses to bury my face into my pillow.

“They may throw a fit but this is a big breakthrough, all things considered, so they won’t do anything severe. Plus it’s not like you aren’t monitoring them, that big heart of yours can’t leave people alone anyways,” my soulmate commented as she popped her head in from the bathroom.

“I know but it’s still dangerous for both of them if they aren’t careful. It’s reckless.”

“My love you speak as if you weren’t just as reckless if not more back in university,” she quipped as she joined me in bed.

“In my defense, it wasn’t a life threatening condition.”

“I mean nearly allowing your soulmate you were madly in love with to leave while you hid your feelings when your disease would have ruined your career and in time restructured your entire life sounds like a different type of life threatening.”

      I groaned, turning away from my soulmate, she has far too much fun reminding me of it. Constantly. I could hear her quietly laugh at my actions before I felt her warmth, pressing itself into my back.

“But you didn’t deny the madly in love part.”

“I’m pretty sure I let you know that every day you dork,” I responded as I held her hands that snaked around my torso.

      To think I spent years with my soulmate without realizing… we can thank our mark for that. The most important thing your soulmate says to you, tattooed on your body. Meaning it could be said by anyone at any time, not to be mistaken with the mark of each other’s first words etched onto our skin. The first encounter was in a random prerequisite class and we were two hot headed freshmen with contrasting opinions.

“Are you stupid or ignorant?” 

      Those were the first words she said to me and mine weren’t any nicer. It was snide comments, little digs, and sharp quips until the cliché “enemies” paired on a project. Little-miss-literature-student tried to solo the assignment without me knowing and after a few choice words, some in various volumes from frustration, we learned the other wasn’t as bad as we initially thought. Both the project and class were passed with flying colors and like most people, we fell out of contact… that is until the middle of our third year.

“We only bickered in freshman year and barely kept in touch… I wouldn’t really say we’re friends,” she mumbles before her voice picks up again, “Hyein, I’m alone… someone I thought was a friend backstabbed me over a stupid boy I’m not even interested in so now the rest of the group has black listed me and-”

“I’m sorry, y/n is drunk. Could you please come get her?” A female’s voice spoke over the phone, muffling y/n’s rambling.

      Y/n wasn’t wrong but I couldn’t help but uselessly worry when she was drunk and alone, that’s why I was lacing up my shoes at the ungodly hour of one in the morning. Dim room, warm yellow lights, vintage bar counter, and a lone girl sitting on a bar stool leaning against her hand. Her hair had fallen into her face as she was still ranting on to the waitress. As I approached quietly I gestured my phone at the poor girl and she smiled graciously before leaving me with y/n.

“Hyein? Where are- Man I must be plastered if I’m seeing Chan. There’s no way he’d come,” she mumbled to herself as she brushed her hair out of her face and squinted her eyes at me.

“At least you are aware. It’s time to go home, can you walk okay?”

      She suddenly leaned in close to my face, causing me to flinch back, unsure of what she was up to. Her eyes stayed trained on my face as a goofy grin pulled across her face. In my confusion I couldn’t help but laugh off the tension of her ridiculous actions. At that her hands came up and cupped my face.

“You have a nice smile… Chan’s smile is always so pretty.”

      My entire body froze in place as heat scorched its way up my neck to my ears and I prayed it didn’t show in my face. I pulled her hands away, now hyper aware of the girl in front of me and any unpredictable moves she may pull in her inhibited state. After ten minutes of a conversation going nowhere, I stopped to regroup my thoughts on how to get her home when she refuses to tell me her address. Without warning her body suddenly collided with mine and out of reflex I caught her legs as she snaked her arms around my neck with an elated giggle.

“Y/n it’s late, how about we go home?” I asked as I moved towards a main road to hail a cab.

“Home? Home sounds nice,” she hums as she rests her chin on my shoulder.

“Yeah so where is your place?”

“It’s by the campus but if I tell you where, you’ll leave me alone too, won’t you?”

      The dejected tone in her voice reminded me why she was in this state… and something about all this stirred something in me. Maybe it’s because I was being too nosy or maybe I just knew she would be too stubborn but instead of asking further, my feet began to move in a familiar direction. I think she realized that I wasn’t gonna just drop her off as a silence, unbefitting after the tomfoolery a few moments ago, fell over us although I was just glad she seemed to relax. Mulling in the silence for a while, her voice suddenly brushed past my ear. It was softer than her normal tone, wispy, almost dream-like and it made me wonder what was going through that head of hers.

“I wish I could see the stars better but I like the city where there is always light. That means there’s always at least one person awake with me.”

“Did you see them often when you were younger? Stars I mean.”

“Yeah… they made things feel less bad…”

      She had trailed off but by the tightening of her grip, this was territory neither of us wanted to delve into. It’s not a pleasant feeling to wake up spilling your deepest secrets to someone random so I saved her the internal turmoil and changed the topic. With her stubbornness and the circumstance, I took her to the one place that was both close to campus and free of my nosy roommate. It was a quaint little room I rented out as a study; only big enough for a desk and small couch which she curled up onto. Although y/n easily found comfort with a cushion in hand, rather than sleep she continued to ramble on even as she fought to keep her eyes open. I wondered what she thought she would achieve by doing this but I entertained her nonetheless. The initial plan was to leave a note explaining the situation once she was asleep but when the room grew quiet, the rhythm of her breathing and the never ending vocabulary on my study cards lulled me to sleep somewhere between the ungodly hours and sunrise. To simplify what happened after, I was shaken awake by her knocking into my chair as she tried to sneak away which led to an awkward conversation and a promise of a meal.

      One meal led to the occasional text which turned into studying together during exams then we were hanging out and calling regularly. Graduation came and the time between grew as we both became busy with our own things but we stayed close. I hadn’t realized how accustomed to our routine I was until there was a shift. Months passed with little smiles at her phone, spacy gazes, and this growing distance I couldn’t place the reason for. It wasn’t until I was out one day at a bookstore did everything fall into place. As I made my way home my eyes caught y/n across the street but before I could greet her my words got caught in my throat. Interlocking hands, an unfamiliar style of clothes for someone who dressed for comfort rather than style, but the biggest nail in the coffin was the way she smiled. It was one that happened rarely, one so bright that others couldn’t help but follow in suit, and one I’ve only ever seen once when she was intoxicated and yet… he was able to see it so effortlessly. Why did it sit unpleasantly in my stomach? My head was a mess. I knew better than to interrupt but it was too late, our eyes connected. For a moment surprise crossed her face before she beamed at me as she ran over, the guy in tow.

“Chan! What a coincidence, it’s been a bit. How are you?”

“I’m good, just stopped in the area for a reference book,” I replied with a half smile as I flashed my bag as evidence.

“Is it for one of your specialized classes?”

“Yeah I’ll tell you about it later, I don’t want to interrupt anything,” I state as my eyes darted to the man beside her, smiling patiently.

“Oh yeah. It’s kind of abrupt but this is Jiwoo, my childhood friend and…”

“Boyfriend. It’s nice to meet you Chan, I’ve heard a lot about you from y/n,” he held his hand out and I shook it in return.

“Haha, hopefully good ones. It’s nice meeting you Jiwoo but I really should go now,” I feign looking at my phone as if I had somewhere to be. “ Dang I’m actually running late so I’ll see you later y/n.”

#stray kids imagines #stray kids aus #skz imagines #skz aus #bang chan #bang chan au #bang chan imagines #soulmate au #star tears #med student! chan x publisher! y/n #the stars in your eyes

[k-writer1998]

[k-writer1998]

I have full intentions of writing stuff. I just don’t always have the motivation.

[k-writer1998]

#aha. #i swear chan's story is coming along 😅 #writer rambles

[k-writer1998]

Its been a hot HOT moment since I've read anything on here but I just couldnt help myself when I scrolled through the Chan tag 😅 This is absolutely amazing because I am a sucker for the little tells and the looks and the double meanings and my heart has been filled for the day 🥰💙

Okay but Chan absolutely has a folder in his phone of his favorite pictures of idol!reader. Every goofy selfie you post, every fancam gif of you doing that one move from your latest comeback choreo that makes his heart pound, every candid your staff has taken that makes him stare at his phone so hard he burns holes in it. When you get hold of a new snow filter he loses his mind. The latest pictures you tweeted are you roping another member into using a filter that makes you look like a bobblehead with a fox hat. He can't stop staring at them. When you're on we got married you're hanging out waiting for the dinner you just made together to finish cooking and you start giggling. Giggling. He thinks his heart is going to stop. He's never felt that happy at hearing a giggle before.

"Look at this..." you say leaning closer to him, and he adjusts so you're at roughly the same height. It's a snow filter that puts three little ducks on your head and shoulders. He smiles at you, how cute you are and not the filter, but you can't tell the difference. You snap a couple pictures, and ask if he likes them. He looks at the three pictures, both of you smiling, then him looking over at you, both of you adorned with little ducklings. He loves them. He gets a notification a few minutes later and sees you posted them. He downloads the pictures and turns off his notifications before his phone starts blowing up. He doesn't think he's looked better in a picture than the ones he just took with you. He's not aware of this because his phone is on silent, but people are already pointing out how obviously in love he is, how telling the way he looks at you is. Like I said, he can't help it, not around you and especially not all domestic playing house with you like this. He really is in deep shit.

#stray kids #stray kids x reader #bang chan #bang chan x reader #stray kids drabbles #bang chan drabbles #idol au #we got married au #kpfh

[k-writer1998]

So "An End Before the Beginning" is finished and the end may feel a little incomplete but this is part of a unrequited love disease series so a little time skip snippet is gonna be released in the beginning of the next person's story its just gonna take a bit to write it out lol

#author rambles #future plans #stray kids imagines

[k-writer1998]

An End Before the Beginning (3/3)

angsty fluff

w.c: 2.1k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Narrator POV

      Just a moment ago Felix was just standing beside her… now red and blue splattered across the floor. There were people pointing and saying words she couldn’t comprehend. She couldn’t believe someone like Felix, warm and caring like the sun, could share the same fate as herself but there was something deeper that she couldn’t get her brain around. As she chased the answer her heart raced, ached, in a new sense of pain she thought she had lost but the more she tried to grasp it the more intense the pain burned. At this point y/n was unresponsive; ears ringing, vision blurring, a trickle of something warm from her nose then nothing. The nurse that caught the girl immediately called for Dr. Bang for yet another round of orders to be called. Felix was the first of the two to awaken: drained, disoriented, and in pain only to be met with the disapproving face of his superior.

“When I had asked if you were willing to put your heart on the line this is not what I meant,” he sighed.

“I thought I had more time.”

“Was that assumption created before or after you started her trial treatment?”

“Before, but you did let me continue nonetheless,” Felix smiled weakly.

“If I had known the disease had progressed that quickly that wouldn’t have been the case.”

      Chan countered but the boy was not wrong. The superior simply overestimated his care for himself and underestimated the boy’s compassion which brought on yet another concerned look from the older.

“Are you sticking with what you said before?”

“I should know better after studying it for years but knowing that, I still don’t want to let her go.”

      Moving to the next patient of this incident, her test results came back normal yet y/n has yet to awaken. Although there were a few possibilities that Chan deducted, the truth of the fact was that the remnants of the hanahaki which had stolen away y/n’s emotions clashed with the intense influx of emotions that came with watching her soulmate fall deathly sick in front of her eyes. Neither her body nor mind could handle the internal conflict which caused both the coma-like state and a fluctuating high fever. A week passed before the fever broke and y/n opened her eyes. While running her check-up y/n curiously looked at the cracks that peaked beneath her new attending doctor’s collar on his skin. He didn’t notice her gaze until he was finishing but instinctively his hand flew up to cover it. It was then her eyes moved to his face and she realized who he was.

“Ah, you’re Felix’s friend right? Is he okay?”

“Yeah I am and I mean he’s as good as he can be in his state.”

“I guess God truly is unbiased… How could someone as kind and caring as him suffer the same fate as me? With his personality he seemed like he was already living happily with his soulmate.”

“Wait… do you not know?”

“Know what? Although my marker wouldn’t have told me anything, it disappeared with my feelings.”

“Y/n, as kind as he is, Felix wouldn’t be that attentive to just anyone or be that frantic if it were anyone else who got hurt,” he explained.

      As the pieces fell into place Seungmin couldn’t help but sigh. Knowing his roommate it was expected of him to keep it a secret but now that he was the one in the hospital bed, Seungmin couldn’t help but find his actions foolish. He knew better than to tell y/n but the boy felt that it was only right for her to know the truth as she looked at him in confusion.

“I shouldn’t be telling you this in your weakened state but you deserve to know… You are Felix’s soulmate.”

      It took a moment for those words to sink in before a shot of electricity pierced her chest. Although it hurt like hell y/n couldn’t help but feel relieved when her emotions feel closer than they’ve been since the surgery. A nurse came in at the frantic beeping of the heart monitor but it just as quickly went back down. Seungmin waved them off and after y/n stabilized again, she spoke.

“Why didn’t he tell me?”

“He probably didn’t want to put any more pressure on you because you were already dealing with the aftereffects of your condition. First and foremost he is a doctor and he takes his profession seriously.”

      Once y/n was alone with her thoughts everything made sense but also didn’t. She had always heard all these amazing stories about soulmates meeting, saving each other, cute meetings, etc. yet how did the two of them end up like this? So blinded by a first love she couldn’t let go, she had doomed them before their beginning but how did he spiral that far? There wasn’t any time to play with love when she couldn’t even feel any base emotions so it wasn’t like she rejected him. If anything she was thankful to Felix because of all the people in her life, he was the only other person besides her best friend that still treated her the same instead of acting as if she was incapable of living. After thinking on it for hours y/n was sure of one thing, she would help Felix but the question was, how? Love diseases were already hard to decipher because it was based on such a fickle expression and y/n was far from understanding feelings again but she wanted at least a fighting chance at a soulmate bond. Felix deserved that too if not more. 

      A few days later, after signing the discharge papers, y/n stood in front of Felix’s door and took a deep breath. This was far from a solid plan but with her condition she could only do so much, hopefully it's enough. She gave a light knock on the door before opening it and popping her head in.

“Oh y/n it’s good to see you,” the boy replied, genuinely surprised and struggling to straighten himself out.

“It took me a bit to get discharged myself but I wanted to stop by and check on you.”

“I’m fine, been doing better recently. How about you though? It must have been a shock to see that.”

“I mean it was quite a shock but it’s out of your control. I know.”

      Felix gave y/n a small smile but wasn’t sure what to say. He had never thought she would visit him, they may have gotten close on a doctor-patient standard but they were far from friends.

“How long has it been since you knew?” she asked.

“... A few months give or take.”

“And you still continued to work?”

“Even if I die I want to help the most people I can, and I can’t do that bound to a bed like this.”

“What about the sur-”

“I don’t want it.”

“But it can save your life.”

“ If I continued to live having forgotten this feeling… I know I wouldn’t be happy.”

“Does the person know?”

“That I have hanahaki? Unfortunately.”

“And that they’re your soulmate?”

“... No… they’re emotionally unavailable and I didn’t want to pressure them with the fact that we are soulmates.”

      “Emotionally unavailable”... that’s a nice way to put it. As they talked about the hanahaki y/n felt emotions bubbling up inside her, causing her chest to ache and her head to pound but she swallowed the pain because this was more important. Even if she tried to hide it though Felix has been watching over her for months and he quickly caught on.

“Y/n are you alright? Are you not feeling well?”

“No I’m fine-”

“I can call a nurse and they can check on you. You’re still a bit unstable.”

“Felix I know I’m your soulmate.”

      That wasn’t how she planned to drop the bomb but his rambling was making her headache worse. The boy froze in place, unsure how to go about it now that it was exposed.

“Oh…”

“I’m not angry, although I can’t feel anger anyways; it makes sense why you hid it all things considered. I just don’t understand how the hanahaki came about, is it because I can’t love anymore?” 

“No, it has nothing to do with your condition. It’s just… you still love Dayeol. He’s the reason your-”

“Wait a minute, I’m still in love with Dayeol?”

      Y/n was baffled at the announcement of Dayeol’s name. Aside from the initial shock on the day he picked her up he had been the last thing on her mind. If they were talking about a single person who had consumed her mind, it would be the person sitting in front of her.

“If that weren’t true you wouldn’t have reacted when he came to the hospital. Rather than erased, the feelings could have simply been blocked because that was the most you’ve reacted since first being transferred here.”

“That reaction was because I started to feel pain, not in the physical sense but in the way that it felt like the roots were squeezing my heart again.”

“If you were feeling ghost pains why have you never told me as your attending doctor?”

“Because just as quickly as it came it left so I thought I was imagining it. It went away when you… touched my hand.”

      Both people paused as the words fell from her lips, realization dawning on the both of them. Although that confession cleared up the misunderstanding and shed light on how y/n began to regain her emotions because of the soulmate bond, it still left Felix dying in a hospital bed. Clearing the misunderstanding was not a love confession which leaves the hanahaki still very active in his body. As if to prove the fact, he flew into another fit where y/n quickly handed him the garbage by his bed to spew another flurry of flowers.

“Felix-”

“Y/n if it’s about the hanahaki you don’t have to worry about it. Regardless of the soulmate bond, if you don’t feel anything for me it can’t be helped so don’t blame yourself.”

“You can’t tell me not to worry about it when you’re in pain because of me and I could possibly stop it if I could feel things again. I know this isn’t going to be your cure-all love confession but just hear me out. I cannot tell you that I love you, because we both know it’s a lie in my current state,” he flinched at her bluntness but she persisted on, “but what I can say is that you are the only other person besides my best friend that treated my like a person rather than a charity case and disregarding the fact that you are my doctor, I want to spend more time with you… possibly not in a hospital.” 

      Felix couldn’t help but think this was the bond talking. That she only felt that way because the soulmate connection is playing with her mind, making her innately want to know more about him. Before, the idea of being drawn to another by fate seemed romantic but in his current position nothing really felt real if it wasn’t a conscious decision. Although all this was going on in Felix’s head, y/n’s rambling went on.

“To be honest after the surgery I didn’t really care to get my feelings back so only went to treatment for my parents’ sake but you never gave up on me and that made me want to try. I wanted to experience what everyone else felt when they spoke with you, to understand why they looked so much brighter… so when I finally felt something at the restaurant when you held my hand, I grabbed at the chance even if it came at the cost of myself. I just didn’t think it would come at the cost of you too.”

“Thank you y/n but I can’t-”

“I know it's hard to believe given the fact that I know we are soulmates but believe me when I say that I’ve wanted this far before I knew. This may not do anything, I hope it would at least slow the disease down, but at least now you know my genuine feelings… or should I say thoughts?”

“I can’t say if it worked but I am happy to give the rest of my time to you,” Felix said as he took her hand in his and gave her a soft smile, “who knows, maybe we’ll have a fighting chance after all.”

#stray kids imagines #stray kids aus #skz imagines #skz aus #lee felix #felix imagines #felix aus #soulmate au #resident! felix x patient! y/n #hanahaki #an end before the beginning

[k-writer1998]

An End Before the Beginning (2/3)

angsty fluff

w.c:2.1k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      It’s only been a few days since then but my mind has been a wreck. Apart from the fear of petals spewing from my lips at any given moment, all I could think about was her. Any time my mind had a chance to wander it always wondered how she was doing, if she was adjusting well, if even for a miniscule moment… did she think of me at all? It was fine at the hospital because I had enough things to distract me but how was I to escape it on my day off? Luckily for me, my roommate Seungmin was too and he offered to go out to eat together. Usually our schedules never match right or I’d have something to do but today I was thankful for the distraction.

“I’m surprised you aren’t busy today,” he joked as we settled in at our table at the barbeque restaurant.

“Hey, hey, hey,” we laughed but it’s been a while since we hung out so I asked, “Has anything new happened lately?”

“Nothing really, just been busy at the ward and I’m just talking to someone…”

“Oh? Think they’re your soulmate?”

“I don’t know, with my mark it’s hard to tell.”

“True, right now your eyes are just black and that’s the hair color of the majority of the population.”

“Exactly, for now I’m just seeing where things go.”

“You sure you don’t want me to fact check for you?”

      Instinctively I looked at his red string and noticed it fraying a bit. It was another curious thing about my mark, the condition of the string varies per person for a handful of reasons. Seeing it in this state made me want to ask more but he already seemed to be keeping the details to himself. I know Seungmin can handle himself so I didn’t press any further.

“Nah, you already have enough on your plate, y’know with your soulmate and all. I’m surprised the department head was able to convince the director to let you treat them.”

“Oh yeah, that.”

      For a moment my heart leaped to my throat at the thought that Seungmin had caught wind of my illness but I was relieved at his response.

“How is that going by the way?”

“It’s been a bit difficult but I’m not one to give up.” 

      I gave him a confident smile, although with the current situation I was anything but. When we finished I stood by Seungmin by the counter as he paid, my eyes lazily dragging across the room. It was all your average peaceful bustling of any restaurant until it wasn’t. My ears were the first of my senses to catch the commotion. The friction of chair legs groaning against the floor, clattering of dishes and utensils, a loud voice, and a soft gasp.

“Y/n!”

      If my eyes weren’t trained on the ruckus like all the other patrons then, they were the minute I heard that name. A man who has had far too many drinks for the middle of the day stood up in annoyance and collided with y/n, pushing her back into her table, her hand landing on the hot grill. She didn’t seem to notice until her friend shouted her name and she quickly pulled her hand back looking unfazed. My feet had started moving before I had realized what I was doing. Her friend was arguing with the man as a nervous waiter flitted around them but my eyes were trained on one person.

“Follow me,” I spoke as I grabbed her wrist.

“You need to apolo- wait who are- hey!”

      Her friend stopped mid-sentenced flabbergasted by my sudden appearance. From behind I could hear Seungmin’s and the waiter’s voices, probably deescalating the situation. I dragged her to the restroom, letting cool water flow from the sink before placing her hand underneath it and she didn’t even wince. I ran my hand through my hair with a sigh. To say that her pain tolerance increased was an understatement!

“Dr. Lee what-”

“If we’re not at the hospital you can just call me Felix.” 

The moment the words flew out of my mouth I was brought back to my senses.

“Sorry for cutting you off y/n, I lost my head for a second.”

“It’s fine, how did you kno- What were you- why-”

“I was having lunch with a friend and I heard the commotion before hearing your name. I was worried your wound would get worse if we didn’t treat it now.”

“Ah. Well thank you Dr.- I mean Felix… you really are too kind.”

      No more words were exchanged after that. After a few minutes and examining her hand to make sure that the burn wasn’t severe, I pulled my handkerchief from my pocket and wrapped it around her hand.

“This is just temporary. When you get home, wrap it properly with gauze. Make sure not to wrap it too tightly so the burn can breathe.”

“Got it. Thank you… Felix.”

      Felix… Why does hearing her say it make my heart stutter? I escorted her back to the table where her friend was staring daggers at me suspiciously as I apologized for my sudden behavior. With a short goodbye I made my way to Seungmin who was waiting patiently for me by the door. The rest of the day we passed time in a comic book café but the questions that formed from this new wave of information continued to prick at the back of my mind. Even though I warned her, I didn’t expect the worst case scenario to be the reality. The next day at the hospital I looked over similar cases but there were far too many variables with a disease based off of something as complex as feelings. The only thing hanahaki specialists were able to really decode after years of study is that it always stems from the source feeling, unrequited love. The intensity of the one-sided feelings always reflects on how severe the post-surgery side effects were. Even when I try not to, my mind can’t help but go back to him, the cause of everything, and invoking the jabbing pain in my chest over and over again. Not even getting the chance to wallow, I was struck with a fit and lunged for the trash can as a flurry of petals forced their way out of my throat. Once I caught my breath I noticed a couple of flowers sitting atop the petals. I threw a stack of useless papers from my desk in the garbage in frustration, hiding the petals… I’m running out of time. By the time y/n’s check up came around I was on edge, never knowing when my next episode would occur. So focused on that I was thrown off by y/n’s question, unable to hide the disbelief and shock on my face. Unsure if I heard right I stuttered out a reply.

“I’m- I’m sorry, come again?”

“Sorry that must have sounded weird. When you grabbed my hand at the restaurant I think I felt something although I’m not quite sure because it was so brief. That is why I asked to hold your hand…”

      Even though the words were being heard my brain was still reeling to process them. Touching between soulmates could spark emotions? No it can’t be, nothing happened in the hallway that day… then was he the trigger? Was it some type of snowball effect that once there is an initial spark there is possibility for feeling again through various triggers? Does that mean even though she doesn’t feel it anymore, was it still him after everything? No, focus Felix. You’re currently in a session with a patient. I recomposed myself with a smile before responding.

“It was quite sudden,” I forced a laugh, “but it’s good you noticed. I’m willing if you are but I would like for you to describe what you feel as it happens if possible.”

      I held out my hand to her and she gave a slight nod before gingerly placing her hand in mine. I lightly grabbed her hand as my eyes watched her face closely. Her head tilted to the side and her eyes wandered about as if she was trying to figure the words to say.

“It’s very faint but there is a slight tightness in my chest and I can feel a dull throb from my burn.”

“That’s good. Close your eyes and really focus on those feelings.”

      She did as she was told and things were going well but suddenly her eyebrows furrowed and there was an ever so slight pull of her hand and I immediately let go. She had brought her hand to her head as if to steady herself before she opened her eyes.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. It was like there was a shock sent through my system and my head began to spin.”

“Let’s not push you past your limit. After letting go, do you feel anything?”

“The tingling feeling from my burn is still there, other than that no.”

      After a handful of follow up questions, I sent her off with another round of warnings since her senses are still dull and she gave me a smile as acknowledgement, I don’t know if it’s because a bit of her feelings came back or she got better at faking it but there was some warmth in her smile… or maybe I’m the one losing it. After the appointment I went to the department head’s office for my routine meeting to share my findings. Irritatingly I had to take a detour to flush down yet another batch of petals. In my gut I knew this would only be a catalyst to my detriment, but I’m close so I can’t stop now. This could be a breakthrough not only for y/n but for other similar patients who shouldn’t know the void that is knowing what you should feel but feeling nothing. In my meeting with Chan, he was astounded by the results but his eyes traced my face warily. He asked about my condition and if I could continue to handle everything. In the pit of my stomach I feared that he knew but he was asking in a way that was still giving me a choice so I gave him a smile and reassurance. He didn’t seem to buy it completely but he didn’t question me further.

      Over the next few appointments we continued this routine to see just how much her emotions could be prompted. On her own y/n had tried this with others such as her best friend and her parents but although there was a tingle none were as effective as when she did it with me. It was most likely due to the soulmate bond but I didn’t want to share anything yet on the possibility that it was simply a correlation rather than a cause. With each passing appointment though there was a jump between episodes and they were getting to be more unpredictable. It doesn’t help that Chan decided to start observing the sessions as well. The two main people I don’t want to know… great.

      It was y/n’s next check up and all was going well, although her emotions itself had yet to return each session has slowly repaired her pain receptors. Her pain tolerance was now at a reasonable level and she jokingly said I could stop my excessive worrying when I told her. That day I nearly slipped up because the smile she gave felt so real it made my heart skip a beat. With the rehabilitation there was an equal return of repercussions so sessions varied based on her tolerance. Today’s side effects were quite strong so I called it off early but as she was trying to leave she was hit with a sudden wave of vertigo and stumbled into my arms. She used my shoulder to steady herself as she apologized but before I could reassure her I felt the familiar wave of nausea and my lips clamped shut. As I tried to pull away my legs gave out. I knew that with every fit my vitality slowly chipped away but I’ve been hiding it well, why now? The moment I hit the floor the shock of the impact forced the flowers out before I could stop it. Coughing, gagging, fighting for breath, this was more painful than the other times. Through the tears in my eyes I noticed purple mixed in with the blue and examining my hand that desperately tried to hold the hanahaki back, I also noticed red. Red… blood… shit. By now Chan was by my side and although my ears were ringing I was sure he was calling for help. My consciousness was slipping through my grasp like the blood covered flowers but before that, I had to choke out this request to Chan and judging by the look on his face he understood.

“No matter what, I don’t want the surgery.”

#stray kids imagines #stray kids au #skz imagines #skz au #lee felix #felix imagines #felix au #soulmate au #resident! felix x patient! y/n #hanahaki #an end before the beginning

[k-writer1998]

An End Before the Beginning (1/3)

angsty fluff

w.c:1.8k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Hanahaki… a disease born from an unrequited love in a world full of soulmate marks. Ironic isn’t it? Not as ironic as me, a hanahaki resident, finding my soulmate in my ward of all places. Neither I nor my department head, Dr. Bang Chan, expected for my spark to happen when meeting a patient but when does anyone expect the entrance of their soulmate into their lives? When my eyes met hers it was as if small shocks danced across my skin and the sun from the window seemed to shine just a bit brighter. My mind went blank and it was like I forgot how to breathe for a moment. After the visit I discussed being removed from her treatment team with Chan due to the policy on treating soulmates but he had a different idea for me. It is not every day we receive a hanahaki patient who has lost all their emotions during the removal surgery, almost as rare as receiving a hanahaki resident such as myself. Thus he proposed a hypothesis and a choice. Can an unrequited-love, borne from one’s choice, be overwritten by a love destined by fate… and was I willing to put my heart on the line to test the anomaly of soulmates, no matter the outcome? To me the answer was obvious, it was a plus that it could potentially help me too now and that’s how I ended up here.

“So how are you feeling today y/n?”

“The same as usual,” she shrugged.

“No random sensations like last time?”

      She shook her head and I scribbled down a note. The earlier mentioned “last time” would be referring to when the spark happened. When Chan was checking her condition she had made a comment that she had slight discomfort in her chest and felt a sudden chill. At first it was written off as a short-term side effect of the surgery but once he heard of the situation it was easy to put two and two together.

“Now I’m going to ask a few questions for our file, specifically for this department, so we can better understand and treat your condition,” I explained and she nodded for me to continue, “So, what’s your soulmate mark?”

“Seeing everyone’s red string of fate.”

“Since the surgery how has that affected the mark?”

“I don’t see it anymore.”

      At that I stopped writing. I had my suspicions since she made no show of acknowledgement towards me even though the string was so obviously sitting between us. Shaking my head I pushed forward.

“Aside from the emotions, have any of your other sensations dulled because of this?”

“I don’t think so? My five senses are the same but maybe my pain tolerance got a bit higher? I didn’t really feel the IV being put in if that is a helpful gauge.”

      Pain? That might be a problem, note to keep an eye on any injury the patient sustains… I went through a few more questions about the effects before my pen stopped at the next heading.

“Since you’ve transferred post surgery, we need to ask questions to gauge the severity of your hanahaki… and how deep your feeling ran for the unrequited love,” I paused as conflict flashed across her eyes and she wrinkled her brow as if in thought. “In theory the intensity of the emotion plays with the intensity of the disease but if you are uncomfortable we can discuss it another time, in turn could you explain your discomfort?”

“Getting the roots removed stops the feelings, but it doesn’t erase the memories. I’m sure my situation is a bit different but my mind remembers how I felt, although there is a glass wall so I don’t feel any of it.”

      That makes sense, the removal surgery was created to stop patients from dying from heartbreak. It just so happens that it helped them with the healing process as well, but does it really help when you can remember but not feel? As if proving her words, over the next few visits y/n began mimicking what she should feel based on the situation, mainly when her family came to visit. There was still a bit of the gap in the processing so she was a bit socially inept but her parents appreciated the effort. Other than that, and the change in pain tolerance which is still a bit concerning, there seemed to be no life hindering/threatening side effects. It was her last day of post op treatment so I felt it would be nice to change up the scenery before her discharge. That may have been a wrong move on my part… I couldn’t help but be distracted by how effortlessly beautiful she looked as she fought the loose strands of hair the breeze blew into her face. 

“Dr. Lee?”

“Sorry the sun just felt so nice I spaced out for a moment,” I lied before clearing my throat, “so back onto topic… how long did you love him?’

      Something else the past few visits revealed was the past that led her to her current situation. It was a “best friend’s brother” story where she thought she could challenge fate by tampering with his red string. Fate still righted itself and once he found his soulmate, a few weeks after,  the hanahaki began.

“Three years, although in my current state my love now looks more like an obsession… as if the red string I saw had that much power…”

“Did you try removing the string?”

“Not only removed but attached it to myself thinking it would make him love me.”

      I was glad she was more open with me now but it wasn’t pleasant to hear that your soulmate rejected you even before meeting, before giving you a chance. Burying the bitter feeling, we continued our walk and conversation. As we got closer to the hospital, and to our inevitable goodbye, worry bubbled up in me at the thought of her pain tolerance. We have still yet figured out the limits and how severe it was. For all we know she could be stabbed and it could feel like pricking her finger… for now it’s best for her to be more vigilant in her daily life. My mind screamed to stop her, let her know that I would look out for her and be by her side but I swallowed the feeling down. I was her attending doctor and there are boundaries I cannot over step, soulmate or not.

“Y/n, you’ll need to pay more attention to your surroundings than normal. We have yet to figure out how dulled your pain receptors are and a serious injury could feel like a mild wound.”

“I understand.”

“Even if you think it's minor you should make sure to let someone else know so they can check to make sure it isn’t bad.”

“You worry too much, Dr. Lee. I’ll follow your instructions.”

      She smiled and my heart skipped a beat before there was a pang in my chest. Don’t get ahead of yourself Felix, it’s a conditioned response. I forced a smile back and pushed down the feeling in my throat. I walked her to the lobby so she could finish her discharge papers and as I was about to leave a voice called out to her.

“Y/n!”

“Dayeol?”

      Turning back to look at her, her body had frozen in place and her grip tightened on the pen in her hand. My gaze followed hers to a man approaching with tousled hair and a charming smile. Looking at her once again, there was yet another pang in my chest. The past two weeks beside her as her soulmate did little to nothing but this man, I presume to be her unrequited love, just shows up and she has more of a response than she had since coming here. More so than our spark… As the bitter taste grew in my mouth my body moved closer to her instinctively, gingerly brushing my hand against hers and as if a shockwave was sent through her, she snapped out of her trance-like state and her body seemed to relax.

“I thought Yeona was picking me up?”

“Something came up at work so she asked Yerim and well, you know how she is. How are you? I was surprised to hear from my sister that you were at the hospital. She even told me not to visit.”

“That’s cause Yeona knows I don’t like people seeing me sick,” she smiled and I knew it wasn’t genuine but I still wished she wouldn’t… at least not for him.

“Well I’ll leave you to finish your paperwork, I’ll see you at your next check up y/n.”

      I needed to get away. This bitter feeling continued to build up and I couldn’t stop this unsettling feeling. It’s like my insides are turning and I felt sick so I rushed to the bathroom. After catching my breath I looked into the mirror only to be greeted with a pale figure staring back at me, drops of cold sweat on their brow. My mind was clouded and in an attempt to bring my rationality back I splashed cold water on my face with a sigh. For a split second I thought I had stabilized myself before I was hit with a sudden wave of nausea. There was a sickeningly sweet smell in the back of my throat which made whatever was forcing its way up all the more harder to swallow back down. I bolted into a stall but instead of the slick feeling of bile passing across my tongue, what passed through was something more velvety. The moment it spilled past my lips into the toilet I was dumbfounded.

“Fuck… you have got to be kidding me.”

      Blue petals. How much crueler could fate be? I punched the stall wall in frustration, the dull pain in my hand doing little to calm me. I was abandoned even before we met, our spark was nothing more than a brief chill to her, and her unrequited love has caused a bigger reaction in her in less than five minutes than I have in two weeks. I had thought everything was going to be fine, we were getting closer and it seemed she had let him go so why? No, be rational Felix. A reaction is a reaction, meaning there is a chance to rehabilitate emotions in her. You know what you signed up for when you took Chan’s offer. I still have time to make a breakthrough, I just have to hide my hanahaki until I have something solid Chan can build off of. If anyone finds out, I’ll be off the case and in the ward myself so just a bit longer body.

#stray kids imagines #stray kids au #skz imagines #skz au #lee felix #felix imagines #felix au #soulmate au #resident! felix x patient! y/n #hanahaki #an end before the beginning