Here's a reminder to fight the internalized sanism/ableism in your head.
If you have executive dysfunction, don't compare your productivity to people who don't.
If you have anhedonia, don't compare your struggling to keep up with hobbies to someone who doesn't.
If you have paranoia, don't think of your fears as any less valid than the fears of someone who doesn't.
If your meds make you tired constantly, don't compare your energy levels to someone who doesn't take those meds.
If you have issues with concentration, then you won't be able to pay attention as well as someone who doesn't.
If you're in the deep end of a pool, then you can't compare how well you keep your head above water to someone who is standing in a kiddie pool.
Please try to think of these things when you feel "lazy" or "childish" or "a failure" compared to other people that don't struggle with the same symptoms as you. If you have a mental illness that will affect how you act in everyday situations, then it will in fact affect you in everyday situations. It's not an excuse, it's just a reality. We need to try to be kinder to ourselves.
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ive been lacking a lot of motivation so I decided to start one of the scams!
if this post gets 50 notes then I will eat a full meal every day for the next week
if this post gets 100 notes I will not smoke ANYTHING for the next week
if this post gets 500 notes I will get up and go on a walk every day for the next week (please no)
if this post gets 1000 NOTES I will finally finish chapter 1 of dark jerry smith x richard watterson and post it by the end of the month (if you do this I hate you)
and if this post gets 1500 notes then I will actually talk to my therapist about my problems :3
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my eating rules starting now
-only eat infront of people
-never eat in private
-always skip breakfast
-never eat after 10pm
-never eat before 10am
-drink a glass of water before eating anything
-never get seconds
-don't eat snacks (if I'm gonna eat it may aswell be a meal)
I'll probably add too this later <33
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Here's a fun idea. Don't comment on what people eat or if they're losing/gaining weight. Doesn't matter if you thought it was a compliment. You don't know why that may be happening. Some people lose weight when they're anxious or depressed (or of course suffering from an eating disorder). You may have meant well but it can be triggering or upsetting
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Growing up with someone who kept on judging you, pointing out when you were doing even the most normal things ever (as having a cookie at 4/5PM), but in a repetitive and kinda abusive way, is really painful. It shakes you from the inside. It makes you doubt about what you do, about you being wrong, not being enough. Especially if it's the cherry on top of many other abusive behaviours you have experienced.
It's something that probably your caregiver, being triggered themselves by that same action, cannot consciously understand nor refrain from doing. It's their mind going "Oh, they're doing this thing! Point it out! They're worse than you, yay!", cause of how they probably had to grow up as well, being judged, being accused for no particular reason.
Maybe sometimes they still do that same action, but in their mind they feel as if it's wrong or aren't behaving (even if nobody judges them directly anymore, their mind is simply wired that way). They probably always felt a second choice compared with someone else in their family, not smart or good enough, they may have felt guilty too after doing any normal action, and now they seek comfort in judging others and feeling better than them. And seek validation from others as well, by pointing these things out loud too, in a repetitive way. Making you feel even worse.
They may even compare what you do to other people that they normally consider "bad", people they like to watch and judge a lot, and point out their mistakes or quirks too.
This ofc can only make it worse to you, cause your unconscious mind reads this as "You're as bad as them in your caregiver's mind". And it makes you shut down entirely and give up or stop your action. Which, instead, makes your caregiver get offended: "I was only saying, why do you stop?". And this starts a new situation: you are getting a double opposite feedback. And you don't know what to trust. You cannot trust someone that gaslights and manipulates you.
But it's still their mind, not letting them see what they are doing to you, not letting them realize is what they have been going through all their life and are repeating onto you. They cannot stop or see the reason behind all that they are doing, they cannot understand that they are hurting you, even if they went through the same. Minds work so subtly at times.
But please, you. Try your best to let them be. Focus on you, do what you want and let your caregiver speak. Don't take their words so deeply into you. I know they pain you, I know. But focus on what makes you happy and, despite the abuse (which is hard to not pay attention too), find your way to complete any action you were doing that was supposed to make yourself happy, and to take care of yourself. Maybe tell your caregiver they are hurting you with their words. Talk with them, help them realize. Or just pretend they're not there. I know it's very hard, but I also know you can make it. You come first. and you're not doing anything wrong, despite what your caregivers' mind wants you to think. Push away from you their own trauma. It's not yours. It's not you.
This doesn't have to happen only with your caregivers tbh. It can happen also in other type of relationships. Your family though, may make these type of thoughts much more rooted inside of you cause you have been forming a lot of your emotional side in your early days. But whatever is the type of abusive relationship you may have experienced, please, try to find your peace of mind, to get away from it at least mentally. To stand your ground and talk things out (but ofc if it's someone way too abusive, just leave).
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