everything I’ve loved I left with claw marks
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always the artist; never the muse.
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Me. And Him.
It's night outside the windows
but i do not quite feel so inside:
my heart with happiness overflows
and there's a permanent smile on my face
That memory is playing in my head
over and over again, with no seeming end
but I never want it to pause, to cease, to stop
because it's the memory of the perfect day
Me; and him.
And him; and me.
We were meant to be,
And the more we are together
The more I know I want him forever
I had thought about that moment
a thousand three hundred and five times
but when his sweet lips brushed mine
I felt my whole world collide into stars
No word that I can write
will be enough to describe
how I felt when our lips
merged into one single dance
'I love you' is all I wanted to say
but no words came out of my mouth
I learnt the true meaning of speechless
but I will do it a thousand three hundred and five times
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Insatiable hunger
(Created by me)
A pressure builds.
A pain.
A knot.
I yearn so deeply,
where my saliva drips down my chin.
Deep inside i know,
It cannot be quelled;
My insatiable hunger.
I try to stuff a fist full of tissues down my throat,
make this feeling go away.
It feeds my greed,
with such ferver it shall grow.
This ache i feel is to stay,
is to haunt,
is to cry.
Lusting after more than i can chew,
more than i can swallow,
more than i can stomach.
I crumble to my knees,
belch and croak.
My sins boil to the top,
as if my stomach acid is heat to its kettle.
They clutch onto me,
claw inside my throat.
They want out,
but to comfortable to leave.
My insatiable hunger hasn't be quenched,
rather has been pleased for today.
As the morrow awaits me,
it shall bellow and call once more.
How glutinous was i today?
How selfish can i be?
1/20/24
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people pleasing
So tired of feeling like I'm trapped inside my damn mind
I'm aware that I said I'm fine but fuck it man, I just lied
seal my day with a smile then when night arrives I cried
I be looking filled with life but it been a while since I died
out there helping them with no rests, so they say I'm kind
but once I slow down to take a breath they push me aside
didn't need to fall, just stumbled and they called me blind
waiting for me to carry them even when my hands are tied
covered my eyes on a highway and then asked me to guide
knowing to seats were left they still asked why I didn't ride
I let it pass, all the pain and all of the mistakes that I denied
unsatisfied with the damage they done so they hot rewind
they feel no guilt and think I don't feel hurt because I smiled
drilling holes in my chest with their bullets to see who I hide
they ask why didn't I quit, its cause I got something to find
and if you wonder, yes it hurt but I'm used so I don't mind
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I hold the time with all kinds of smile.
I come among the olds better never get old to shine, I'm a beauty that you can never see in yourself expect me, you desire only me I hold you as your life is mine and as our life shines be with me be among the stars, it's our destiny to go far...be awaken through thee and come back to me :))
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Sound and Light
TW: Parental Arguments - Inspired by: Sasha Alex Sloan’s Song “Older”
Like crystals reflecting onto water
Swaying from day to night
The lake by which your home stays perpendicular to
It does a waltz of two steps
The first step colouring it blue
The second step colouring it a hue of grey
The world goes by
And the mahogany door closes
As the sound of your father’s voice echoes loudly
And the clang of your mother’s pots be one with the kitchen floor
You lay on your bed and the sound of things you wish you didn’t hear consumes you
Shouting, like thunder competing with how many clouds there are in the sky
Crying, like the rain that flows faster than you can speak
Arguing, like a radio that is forever fixed on white noise
Antiques cracking, like ground scarce of rain
Anger blasting, like music on a train
A bubble they are tightly wrapped in
Unaware of the fight that involves more players than intended
The shouting spouse
The shouting pile of wrong
And the wandering eyes that are trying to plunge into sleep
Like bullets smashing into a puddle
Swaying from autumn to winter
The lake by which your home stays perpendicular to
It is yet to answer your question
Not on whether sound is faster than light or the other way around
But on why sound and light can't travel at the same speed
And in that way, science is cruel
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I just exist
within the limits
of a wound
that did not close
did you notice it too?
I am biting my tongue
for my uncertainty
is devouring all my parts
with certainty
My mortality
is like
reliving a bad memory
a constant curse
The world spins and spins
and somehow
I am somewhere above
a salty cloud
floating over a drizzling city
my skin feels blue
and my body is nowhere to be found
I am closing my throat
for it will long
to scream your name
to your image, it was created
and the sickness spread
through my vocal cords
did you notice it too?
The way they left
stained all my windows
and now I am not so sure
I am more
than all the pieces
I created
for them to love
-i.
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Liebe ist keine Verschwendung.
Liebe ist unkontrollierbar.
Liebe ist eine Lektion,
leider oft vergänglich.
Liebe ist nicht für immer,
die Erinnerungen sind für immer.
Das Gefühl,
welches du in dem Moment hattest,
ist für immer.
Menschen sind nicht für immer,
jeder geht.
Es sind die gemeinsamen Erinnerungen,
die für immer bleiben.
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lembrar de você no silêncio
da noite, é como um castigo
ainda mais quando penso
que não posso te ter comigo
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17
I turn 17 tomorrow, and I'm not different.
There's no tingling happiness lingering in my veins, telling me, "You're 17 now, You're 17 now—"
(Instead there's a hollow, an empty void of muddled thoughts.)
I turn 17 tomorrow, and I'm not different.
The forgiven are more than the forgotten, and there are voices and faces buried in the sands.
(I hoped I'd remember, but I don't.)
I turn 17 tomorrow, and I'm not different.
Are birthdays not supposed to be significant?
(Am I not supposed to be significant?)
I turn 17 tomorrow, and I'm not different.
The 'what's and 'how's have always been in here, like shadows in the brightest rooms.
(I turn 17 tomorrow, but I'm just the same.)
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There’s something so beautiful in imagining yourself from an outside point of view. Looking at yourself and saying “that’s you”.
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Pomegranates
(Made by me)
I watch my mother peel my pomegranates.
So delicate,
so precise.
She holds them with such a considerable hand,
as she works.
I see sweat drip down her furrowed brow,
Glistening upon her wrinkled forehead ,
her eyes look upon this dainty fruit,
with the same love she bestows upon me.
Each seed is tactically plucked from the skin,
places inside a bowl that shines a blue.
A women sees such a fragile object,
and will cradle it in her hands,
soft with her peach plum lotion.
Each seed is delicate to her, none left behinde.
Only a mother can peel a pomegranate the way she does.
I watch my father peel my pomegantes,
so hastily,
so recklessly.
He holds it with such a shameless hand,
as he works on this meager fruit.
But work is not the word,
No,
as he rips this meager fruit.
I see how the sweat trickles down his neck,
the clinical lighting of our small kitchen beating upon him,
His eyes hold a fury,
a lust i've only seen in men before him.
Each seed is snatched from its sacred home,
mutilated by this mans hands.
The red blood of the innocent seeds spill and squirt across the table,
splatter upon the walls.
What is left of this massacre,
is put in a sandpaper like towel.
He doesn’t admire his work,
or should i say,
his carnage.
A man sees the vulnerability as an invite,
to strike and pounce.
And once he’s done,
he spits out the seeds into the trash bin.
Only a father can peel a Pomegranate the way he does.
1/20/24
-zac
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Breaking in my shadows, using my ways through hollows.
Removing wards of odd, calling the one for all.
You me are the same yet different from the world beneath.
You answer my thoughts but I answer none at all.
My eyes are the one yet you seek the none.
Beneath down is me and above yourself is me, you look down on yourself but hide from me, who are you dear me ?
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One of my favourite poems I’ve ever written
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