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#excerpts from poetry readings
amateur-scribbler · 13 days
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I want you to hate me. Because I truly love proving myself right.
I love satisfying the sick whispers of self loathing and controlling the narrative of how this love will end, in time.
Because I know how to hurt you and sometimes I do it without even trying I’ve got this bitter guilt and this ever-quick poisonous bite.
I am not loveable or cute or the girl everyone wants to fawn over I am the girl people compare to hurricanes because it’s a promise that I will destroy everything in sight.
It’s an imposter, a facade, some type of trick of the light this version of me you love has never aligned with the one that whispers harsh truths to me late at night.
No, I’m not her, and I don’t deserve any of your love, because given the chance I’m still that sharp tongued snake always ready to poison the ones who take a selfless step in the murky waters to try to hold my head above.
So I’ll push you so far away, to the point that you stop understanding why you ever even contemplated fighting to stay.
Because honestly I truly love being right.
Letting you think I’m a monster means you’re finally meeting the dark voice who’s been whispering words of hatred to me every night.
The self fulfilling prophecy - t.k.o
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fairydrowning · 1 year
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"ولو خيروني لكررت حبك للمرة الثانية."
Translation:
"And if they made me choose, I'd choose to love you once more."
– Via "warag-3nb" on Tumblr
"و في قلبي مدينة كُل سُكانها أنتي."
Translation:
"And there is a city in my heart where you are its only population."
– Quote to owner
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thesefallenembers · 6 months
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bury me where the wildflowers grow
where the roots can bleed into my hollowed-out skull
because my worst fear is not to die
it’s to be empty
~ e.b.
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brookheimer · 1 year
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roman roy + “waste sonata” by sharon olds
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a-dreamersjournal · 1 month
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I'd ruin you if you're mine.
I'd like for you too see the mess that I'm in. I'm not the kind of girl people get Peace of mind from. F*ck that I don't even know how can someone love me with all that is wrong with me. I'm not the most lovable girl out there, I don't care about myself. I hurt and harm and torture myself to get out of the pain that I myself put me into.
And watching me break myself, is gonna break you. Because you fell in love with me.
Because you couldn't resist even after I warned you.
Because you were a fool.
Because you still are a fool, begging me to look at you. You don't care that the hands that touch you are scarred and bloody, as long they're mine.
This is the last warning I'd give you. For the sake of both us. Stay away.
Please stay away. I can't see you breaking because of me. I love you too much. Stay away from me. Look away. I beg you. Let me be ashamed of my existence alone. Let me carve the sins I've committed on my skin, alone. Look away.
I am begging. Please.
Because if you stayed, I'd ruin you like my own.
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i can’t write anymore. i can’t hold a pen and not think of a knife anymore. these days, you’ll find me whispering to myself every night. “sometimes a wound is just a wound”. sometimes, it’s enough to just make it out to the daylight.
and there’s only so many words i can write before the ink starts looking like blood. there’s only so much i can say before the teeth i’ve swallowed start to hurt. there’s only so many summers i can go without drowning in an invisible flood.
haven’t you heard all of it? i think you’re sick of the same story by now. how this grief is a family heirloom. how only the worthy are loved. how i spill my guts every time i’m alone in a room. how girls with white dresses stain the surface beneath their skin with mud. how i’d rather be haunted than be lonely.
but how can i stop writing when this wound is no longer a wound, but a million stories woven together? and how can i stop writing when i know you’d always listen to the same story a million times, as long as i told it?
// title ideas needed!
a lil self- motivation in honour of the terrible writing slump i’m in
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sadswaggynerdyfrog · 10 months
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"Our enemies have fall'n, have fall'n: the seed, The little seed they laugh'd at in the dark, Has risen and cleft the soil, and grown a bulk Of spanless girth, that lays on every side A thousand arms and rushes to the Sun."
Read it here | Reblog for a larger sample size!
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wallpapersforyall · 1 year
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stellarumm00 · 2 days
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dear dad,
Sometimes you hurt me.
Actually quite often.
I act as though I don't feel it.
Only because I know how you react
When you see I do.
Today was a reminder as to why
I gave up trying to talk to you.
You heard but
You never listened.
Maybe if you actually acknowledged
The words I said
You'd realize they have reason.
But you don't.
Not now,
Not ever.
And what's the point
In trying to change that.
My words are simply that,
Words.
Letters strung together
In language.
Gibberish.
They have no meaning to you.
They drift in the wind
The second they leave my mouth.
I wish you'd listen.
I wish you cared.
-Stella Rumm
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amateur-scribbler · 13 days
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Hurting my own feelings by realising wanting to share my writing online means having to actually interact with people online. As an OG tumblr lurker this has been a jarring realisation; send thoughts and prayers.
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lies-of-eternity · 2 years
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I prefer Deep conversations but there are times when I do like a meaningless conversation where neither do I make any sense nor the other person but we still understand each other perfectly.
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heightenedheartbreak · 8 months
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“you only smile like that when you’re drinkin’. i wish i didn’t, but I do remember every moment on the nights with you”
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a-dreamersjournal · 2 months
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How do I walk away from you?
The words engraved on the insides of my heart,
And thoughts that swirl in my head like a vortex,
They threaten to consume everything in their path to reach you.
How do I exorcise them from my heart?
Should I bleed out more,
Hoping they'll gush out along with crimson teardrops of longing,
When veins of my patience are severed enough to let you go,
To let all of your remaining memories seep out from the wound,
Slowly, painfully, as the void left behind is consumed by agony.
Agony I say, burning from inside out is what I mean.
The fire you ignited inside of me rages hotter than ever before,
Consuming my very being as I try to douse it off.
Flames of your love engulfing me, blurring the lines again
Where do I begin, and where do you cease to exist?
Now my every scorched cell is screaming and crying,
Pleading with you to show me a way,
A way to survive without you.
It'll kill me if it's you and I,
It'll kill me if it's you or I,
And If it's neither you nor I, then what's the point?
Tell me, How do I walk away from you,
Without tearing myself apart in two?
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// ways in which i am a horrible person //, inspired by cassandra de alba’s poem of the same name
i. you are trying to unwrap the caution tape i’ve tangled myself in and i can only hear sirens in my head. i’ve never wanted anyone to stay more than now but i’d rather let you go than hurt you over and over.
ii. i stay in places that will kill me and run from those that have given me life. as i aimlessly walk around town, i see MISSING posters of a girl who looks a lot like me when i was young, but this time, you can barely see the rage in her eyes. 
iii. hatred comes easily to me, and i swear if you look close enough, you can see the poison dripping from my fingertips. i stopped recognizing my reflection one night and i haven’t looked in the mirror ever since.
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polaroidcats · 2 months
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that is SO COOL that 13 yr old did that with your diaries. I'm jealous! are there any particular insights you get from reading what past you had to say? and/or teenage wisdom that we grown ups could use a reminder of?
hehehe thank you!! I love that diary so much, you have to imagine 13 year old me who was not like other girls (spoiler: yeah she was), who had just read sophie's world by jostein gaarder and thought herself a great philosopher (good for her), listening to "Conversations with my 13 year old self" by Pink on repeat (thought I was SO CLEVER with that), slowly transcribing all her old diaries into a new one, making sure that her comments are in a different pen colour (purple) to the original diary text (blue-black fountain pen ink) and that all the entries from the different diaries were in chronological order.
some of my favorite things are:
the whole first page is just me complaining about not finding the purple pen I wanted to use originally, so I had to use another purple pen, and then I go on about how I really should clean my room more often.
the next page is me finding the pen and actually starting the first letter to myself, telling me to ONLY READ THIS WHEN YOU'RE GROWN UP and explaining how I wanted to document what I was like at 13 in case I ever look back and wonder why I was the way I was or what I thought about certain things. I remember feeling so different at 13 than I had at 11 or 12 and being scared of change and of losing the way I felt at the time so I had this very strong urge to write down all my thoughts. This was also definitely influenced by sophie's world, bc the author talks about how children are the best philosophers and how we lose that ability as we grow up if we're not careful.
Even now, I keep going back to that diary every few years to add a little letter to future me in the back, so now I have a collection of letters from 13, and then 18-now, I love reading through it!
11 year old me lied about her "first kiss" (peck on the cheek at spin the bottle), and wrote a different guy's name who technically was my "second kiss" (peck on BOTH CHEEKS PLUS A HUG at spin the bottle.. that game ESCALATED QUICKLY and 11 yo me stopped playing when we got to the kiss on the mouth round haha bless her). 13 year old me called 11yo me out but still wrote a wrong guy's name LOL
13 year old me talks about what a boy-crazy partygirl 12 year old me (went to 2 boy-girl parties in one (1!) year!!) was and how NOW AT THE VERY MATURE AGE OF 13 I don't care about parties anymore (I stopped being friends with the cool kids and wasn't invited to any parties anymore) and I READ BOOKS ABOUT PHILOSOPHY NOW AND SPEND ALL MY TIME THINKING ABOUT PHILOSOPHICAL QUESTIONS. (13 yo me truly was a philisopher, but also the queerness and alienation from my peers was showing and I was compensating in an aggressive not like other girls kinda way)
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