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lovers-in-japan-reign-of-love · 1 year

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could you do a chris evans x daughter!reader where she is around 16-17 years old and she’s diagnosed with cancer? he takes a break from acting to be with her throughout the treatment and when her hair starts falling out she’s upset about it but ultimately decides to have him shave it and she starts crying after so he decides to shave his too?

(2nd image taken from Pinterest)

Notes: I’d like to thank (anonymous) for the request and I hope you like it. I would also like to say that I mean no disrespect by writing or posting this, and in no way do I take the themes and topics discussed in this fic lightly. So if you’re triggered by any of this, I suggest not reading it.

Sorry for the sudden/sloppy ending.

Also, I think this will be the last cancer fic I’ll do. I feel like I’ve done enough and to be honest they’re kind of exhausting to write about. I hope you guys don’t mind.

I don’t own any of the gifs/pictures used.

Warnings: Cancer; a whirlwind of emotions; shaving heads; crying; good dad Chris Evans; spelling/grammatical errors; whatever else I failed to mention

Word Count: 490 (give or take)

Masterlists: Click Here & Here

The news of your diagnosis seemed to come right out of left field

Sure, you’d been feeling a little under the weather but you didn’t think it was cancer

When you got the news, you felt numb

It felt like everything was just collapsing in on itself

Your father took it the hardest

He looked like he was on the brink of a panic attack

He grabbed your hand and giving it gentle squeezes (something he did with you when he felt nervous or overwhelmed)

He was going over every possible treatment option for you and the more they discussed how to treat you, the more the situation dawned on you

You had cancer

That’s when you started crying

You were going through the 5 stages of grief in such a short amount of time

Even after you and your father left the doctor’s office, you were inconsolable

Every possible emotion was shooting through you

Questions were firing off in your head

When the crying stopped, the numbness set in

And before you knew it, you were at your first scheduled treatment and that’s when it all set in

It became real in that moment

Afterward, you became quiet and thoughtful

Chris was concerned, and when he asked what was up, you surprised him with your answer

“I want to shave my head.”

It was an upsetting statement, but you considered doing it yourself rather than enduring the hair loss because of the chemo and everything

Chris was hesitant but ultimately agreed

When the day came for the shaving, you felt a weight on your chest

You’d always prided yourself in your hair, and knowing it’d be gone in a matter of minutes hurt

But it’s what you wanted

It’s what you needed, in a strange way

Another step in accepting your cancer diagnosis

You sat on a chair in the bathroom and fidgeted with the hem of your shirt, one leg bouncing as you tried to ready yourself

And when your father came with the shaver, you had to take in and let out a trembling breath, forcing yourself to accept what was going to happen

You watched it all in slow motion

You watched your hair fall

You felt a lump in your throat that you desperately tried to push down

But by the end, seeing your reflection in the bathroom mirror

You ram your hand over your head, gasping slightly at the feel

It took you five solid minutes of inspecting your reflection and running your hand on your now shaven head to feel something

The grief was still there, but there was a spark of something else

You couldn’t identify it, but it was something

And as you looked back at your father, at the uncertainty on his face, you tried for a smile

It didn’t reach your eyes and you knew the grief would last a while, but you knew you made a good decision

#chris evans x reader #chris evans x daughter!reader #steve rogers x reader #captain america x reader #marvel x reader #avengers x reader #marvel cinematic universe x reader #chris evans #steve rogers #captain america #marvel #avengers #marvel cinematic universe #tw: cancer #tw: illness #tw: depression (possibly mentioned)#fanfiction

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rose-riot-johnson · 9 months

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Okay my Tumblr Peeps, I was asked about doing a particular fanfic a Shinsou, so it was requested. Anyways, it will comfort fluff fic, that could be dark, which I will be willing to write as well😃👍I couldn't think of how else to word things for this intro, so I do hope this fanfic will help you, if you're struggling.

*Note: Atleast one paragraph will be long.

💜You Have Me Now💜((Adult) Hitoshi Shinsou x Depressed They/Them Reader)

Genres: Comfort Fluff and Possible Angst (Warning⚠️: trigger warnings including, mentions of self harm, possible attempt of self harm, depression, and mentions of depression)

Eversince before Shinsou became a pro hero, he began a relationship with you. He felt you made his life better and that you helped him with his confidence to become a pro hero. However, Shinsou has been noticing through your messages and cellphone and/or social media calls with him that you have been depressed recently and he wasn't sure, if it's because of the fact that you and Shinsou being unable to spend time together for the last couple weeks. So, one day he decided he has plans to surprise you.

The day Shinsou picked to surprise you, he went to your house with gifts that you might like. He knocked on the door, but there was no answer. He checked the door to see, if it was locked, then realized it was left unlocked, as he was checking to see, if the door was locked or if he could open it. He then put the gifts on the couch in the living room to see about looking for you.

Shinsou went to check the kitchen, then there you were, however you were holding the razor, when he found you, then he shouted, "(They/Them Reader Name)! Stop whatever you're thinking about doing!", as he used his brainwashing, to get you to look at him. You then looked at him, as you said, "Shinsou? I'm sorry you had to see this... I really wasn't expecting you to be there... I mean...", then started to feel ashamed. "Look, (They/Them Reader Name)... I don't mean I make you feel ashamed or guilty... I just wanted to know why you were about to harm yourself with that razor... I have been noticing the messages and how you sounded during those call with me and I'm not sure, if it's because of us not spending time together... For some reason I just feel responsible for your depression...", Shinsou explained in self blame, as he started to feel sad and guilty for what you were about to do.

You then felt guilty for noticing how he felt, so you said, "It's not your fault, Shinsou... It's just... My depression has just been an on and off thing longer, than I could even remember... I really struggled with depression on and off before knowing I had depression and anxiety both... And I had alot of issues with being bullied alot mainly in middle school... then since I was a third year in a hero school, I did have my first relationship, however he criticized me, because I cried over something traumatizing from my past and he broke up with me... Then when I tried to have relationships it was either just hook ups, or nothing happened, or they were just an interest, or the relationship was just short lived somehow... It's as if no one wanted me even enough to keep me... I just was so used to short lived relationships... My depression just keeps creeping up on me to the point I felt like I'm reliving my past... I felt like, since I was unwanted in a relationship... I felt doing what you stopped me from doing, would be best...", then let your head down afterwards. Shinsou then replied, "Look, (They/Them Reader Name). You have me now. You don't need the razor. And I promise to keep giving you reassurance about our relationship, that you are needed, and (anything else pertaining to the reader's imagination). I will do my best to be there for you.", as Shinsou then hugged you, as you dropped the razor on the floor. Both you and Shinsou began to hug together, as you asked, "You really mean it, Shinsou?". He then replied, "Ofcourse. I meant every word of it, (They/Them Reader Name)".

Later that day, Shinsou letted you know that he made the decision that he will be living with you from now on, so he can makesure your well-being improves and keeps improving, as well. You were perfectly fine with it, since you enjoy his company, just as much as he enjoys your company. As time went by, Shinsou has been taking care of you and he even cooks for you, when you're not expecting him to cook for you.

Since Shinsou can easily notice the signs of you having anxiety, depression, and other things pertaining to what could happen to your well-being, he definitely makesure to keep a definite eye on you and makesure it gets tooken cared of. He will also makesure you talk about it and he will do so without pushing you to talk about it, if needed. It's because, even without his brainwashing, it's possible for you to talk about things that might be bothering you.

So, aside from being a pro hero, Shinsou cares alot about you and everything he did for you in your relationship with him, including his everyday reassurance, proves how much he really loves you. He will makesure you're tooken cared of in every single way, if needed. And that includes your well-being. He will also makesure no one, will ever hurt you anymore. He even promised you and himself that nobody will hurt you, ever again.

💜The End💜

I do hope this fanfic will help my Tumblr Peeps. And @shinaevordie I do hope I work on this fanfic correctly while I hope this fanfic helps, as well. I don't often talk much about depression nor anxiety, unless I'm reblogging posts pertaining it, however I'm sure alot of people go through it. The thing about well-being is, it's good to stay positive, however by personal experience it's easier said than done when it comes to not relapsing into depression and anxiety. Sometimes I feel depression and/or anxiety can creep up on people, even without them knowing. And yes on and off depression and anxiety has happened to me too, even if it just mild. I don't talk about myself pertaining this due to fear of criticism and stuff. This is the best I can think of wording my conclusion, since I don't usually talk much about myself pertaining anxiety and depression. Anyways Aevyn, thank you for asking me to work on this type of fanfic pertaining Shinsou, as well. Seriously, I honestly credit you, for almost all of the Shinsou fanfics, I have written about🤗💗

#comfort #fluff #comfort fluff #hitoshi shinso imagine #bnha shinso hitoshi #hitoshi shinso x reader #hitoshi shinsou #shinsou hitoshi #shinsou x reader #shinsou x you #shinsou #mentions of self harm #tw self harm #possible angst #depressed reader #shinsou x depressed reader #depresion #anxiety #mentions of depression and anxiety

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sanyu-thewitch05 · 7 months

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I don’t know if this info is summarized or if it’s just directly from the game text, but I’m going to assume it’s from the game text. Which brings me to my first point,

Tw: Eating Disorder mention, Calorie counting.

Does Rollo have an eating disorder?

Since Rollo is a pretty powerful mage, I’m going to assume his needed calorie intake is on the higher end of the spectrum, which would be 3,155 calories. With Rollo’s current diet he’s getting 592.4 calories per day.

I got these calculations by looking up the amount of calories with the food mentioned.

Two croissants(assuming he’s eating medium sized ones and eating plain croissants, so give or take a few off the number): would be 462 calories. One plain croissant is 231 so multiply the number by two.

One grape is 3.4 calories. Multiply that number 16 to get 54.4 calories.

Finally a cafe au lait is 76 calories.

Add that all together and you get 592.4 calories. Which is way less than he supposedly needs. This gets me into the ED theory. Btw, this is all speculation!

Rollo hasn’t been eating enough because he’s depressed about his brother’s death.

This theory is self explanatory. Grief affects people in different ways and different periods of time. He may just feel like eating what makes him happy instead of what he really needs.

2.Rollo has some form of an eating disorder that manifested after his brother’s death.

It could be that if Rollo does have an eating disorder it works in tandem with his self hatred. Plus, his supposed eating disorder could be sort of a “I deserve it. I deserve to suffer like this.” type of thing. Like a form of self punishment for what happened to his brother.

Also, I don’t have an eating disorder myself despite fasting(I just wanted to get that out of the way in case someone found the ask I answered where I said I’m fasting to lose weight). So I don’t really know what type of eating disorder Rollo has or if it’s ednos.

#twisted wonderland #twst wonderland #twst rollo #rollo flamm #tw ed descussion #tw ed mention #it’s interesting to think about the possibility that Rollo looks sickly because he’s got an eating disorder or depressed #It’s sort of like a behind the facade thing #twst theory #Twisted wonderland theory

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youarealwaysenough · 2 months

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Does anyone else who experienced periods of depression and/or suicidal ideation, especially at a young age, just feel this huge disconnect when you hear other people talk about "confronting their own mortality"?

Like I never feel more at a distance from other people than when I realize that's something most people genuinely struggle with

#tw suicide mention #depression #mental health #like “everyone dies” is never something thats been abstract or external to the self for me #everyone dies including me has always been something of a comfort #in the least religious way possible it does feel like “yeah thats how its supposed to be”#maybe not /never/ more disconnected #but its a big one for sure

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arctic-hands · 9 months

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People are always being macho about how they'll face death with their eyes open, but then there's me who likes to think I'm brave having dreams where I'm about to die and I always close my eyes at the end

#object permanence #i would hate to get a terminal diagnosis i really don't want to realize it when i die #or like the announcement of a world destroying cataclysm #Chicxulub... TWO!#i have a Plan for the definitive and immediate like gonna happen tomorrow type extinction level event #and it is to Nope on out as soon and easily as possible #like I'm not depressed or suicidal or anything but if the nukes start flying or a gamma ray burst is gonna hit us tomorrow #I'm not dealing with that shit #death mention tw

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diabolicjoy · 2 years

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so weird how to exactly a year ago i was living the most awful moment in my life where i couldn’t get a break from my brain telling me to kill myself so insistently... & i was actually heavily considering it so i didn’t have to listen to it anymore. & now i’m putting pink & purple flowers in my room which has now increased its quantity of trinkets & drawings + photos on my wall & my shelf is now filled with ceramic pieces that i learned to make (with my own hands!) since then. there’s a big box with skeins & scraps of yarn because now i knit & make crochet hats for myself & my new baby cousin who’s a month old. i don’t mind the new things because this time i can get up to clean off all the dust. i’m lying in bed now drinking yerba mate & it feels too peaceful & i can’t wait to wake up at 8 tomorrow & wash my hair & eat crunchy bread & drink warm coffee on a wonky mug. & later meet up with people that i didn’t even know the existence of a year ago but now i see every week & can’t help but enjoy every second with them. i feel cared for & i imagine it would be a bummer if i permanently disappeared. i have new shoes that i wear everyday because each day feels special enough for them. i brush my teeth, i remember to wear my glasses, i wear a one piece swimsuit & pick up seashells, i make gifts for my loved ones, i doodle on my walls, i climb the ladder at used bookstores, i lay on the grass, i’m not embarrassed to ask questions, i hold my mother’s hand. i just do a little work & go home & it’s not the end of world

#june-august last year were the worst moments of life & i can’t forget those days #i’m just glad it’s not like that anymore #i’m not immune to being depressed again but at least now i know it’s possible to bounce back a bit #life is thankfully being livable now lollll i can do things & it’s not that awful #anyway. just some notes to self #tw suicide mention #depression mention #m #je.txt

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theshadowrealmitself · 1 year

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Was thinking about how one of the reasons why Humans would be so unsettled by Vulcans claiming they don’t have emotions (because I’m constantly trying to make the fact that Vulcan and Earth aren’t best friends which they fucking should be make sense in my head) is because one of the reasons why a Human wouldn’t feel emotions is because of depression, they’d just feel that numbness at times

And that really gave me pause, because I think about that a lot, but a new thought came from it, what would,,, how would.. what does.,.. what the fuck does depression feel like for a Vulcan

Like if there are Vulcans full on purging their emotions then it makes sense to assume that that wouldn’t want to make them kill themselves, so that’s probably not what depression feels like for them, so what does it feel like??

#suicide mention tw #although the topic is mainly on depression #swear I’m not thinking bad thoughts #this actually came to be because I was thinking of a made up job in my head #cause you know how like Jim is usually getting in trouble with admirals but some of them seem to have it out for him?#I was thinking about a situation happening where Jim’s captaincy is in trouble because of accusations from one of the admirals #I have that one specific a hole in my head can’t remember his name #so they bring in an independent neutral third party to investigate it #and it’s a human who does a fantastic fucking job at keeping their own emotions out of it and having no bias towards the situation #I guess you could say they’re a detective but it doesn’t quite fit what I’m thinking #sort of a mix of lawyer and detective I guess but they’re not on anyone’s side their job is to just get as much facts as they can #and present them #videos chats etc #they interview everyone #have them take quizzes #just scrounge up as many details as possible #anyways #thinking about them and everyone being shocked at how neutral they are #even the Vulcans are impressed #and I was thinking about the Vulcans trying to talk to them after someone loses control of their emotions thinking the human is going to #agree with them #but they don’t #yes they seem emotionless but it’s because they’re at their job and people rely on them being factual #they would never wish to actually have no emotion #anyways that eventually led to this post #Star Trek #humans #Vulcans #also yeah I’m also constantly trying to figure out why Vulcans and humans wouldn’t be besties

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gloomyhours · 1 year

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For anyone who’s struggling with depression right now and thinks no one would miss them if they died: It’s been almost 9 years since a friend I met on the internet took her own life. I went through her twitter and she was posting about how no one would miss her if she was gone and no one would talk about her. And I still remember her dearly and look back on our interactions fondly, and that was just an internet friendship where I never actually met her irl. There are people who love you and will miss you for the rest of their lives if you disappear. It may not feel like it, but it’s the truth. And if you don’t have anyone else in your life: I’m telling you I love you and I would miss you if you disappeared. I don’t care if we’ve never talked. I feel for everyone who’s ever struggled because I used to think that too. I attempted suicide twice in high school, thinking everyone would be better off if I died. And I’m so glad I lived my life after that. It hasn’t been easy and I’ve been through a lot of bad times, but I got through the bad times. My friend was barely 15 when she died and it’s so sad to think she never really got to live her life. So this goes doubly for people who are in school: this isn’t your whole life. As soon as you leave school, life gets better. You have to live through it for your life to really start. It’s going to get easier. I love you.

#this is long and rambly and possibly incoherent #i’m very sleep deprived #i slept for a few hours and then woke up cried for 5 hours and went out after that and I’m just getting home 15 hours later #I just have a lot of feelings rn #so. sorry #tw death #tw death mention #tw suicide #tw suicide mention #depression #anxiety #ptsd #bpd #recovery #long post

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willows-woes · 10 months

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fun fact!!! depression/anxiety is a symptom of all eating disorders!!

#not targeted #not aggressive #tw ed mention #literally LOOK AT THEM #EVERY EATING DISORDER HAS 'ANXIETY/DEPRESSION' AS A POSSIBLE EMOTION CAUSED BY IT #no one is suffering more or less #(when you have an eating disorder)#because we're all miserable

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teecupofcement · 1 month

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So weird saying all of this, I think I can get it out properly? I don't know if I will delete tomorrow or if this will stick this time, all I know is that after I post this? I think I'm gonna continue on like I normally do.

Tw for mentions of self harm suicide going fucking goddamn insane shit like that!! Fun!!

I'm sorry for this

Okay. Okay here it is, here's what's going on, I can only explain the fucking FUCKK During A Episode but my mind is so scrambled I'm going insane but Fuck no more paranoia I feel like I can do anything but now I'm scared of myself. I can't explain it when I'm in an episode without sounding like this cryptic ass!!! Let me fucking live!!!! Please!!!! My symptoms don't fucking match up with any of the thing!! What is this!! It's depression and manic episodes I've almost died. I will try to tag this maybe I can find others, but what the fuck dude!!! Okay. I know bipolar has a chance to be passed down genes. Yep but this is so severe!! "I want to kill myself" "no you don't." "I feel like I'm going insane" "you aren't going insane"!!! When will it fucjhng end!! When will I be heard?? What the FUCK am I gonna do tomorrow when this ends? And I gonna delete this, or am I gonna try and not?? Fuck!!! What if I fucking mistag it!! Getting a new therapist is taking too long!! I'm too fucking young for this !!

I can try and explaj, okay so depressive episodes right? Fuck yeah right!! They aren't just "oh my mood is down right now," and feeling depressed, even just laying in bed and crying, for me it's fufkicn uhh feing lkke im going insanr, i need to do research on psychosis becaus that might take a role or not but this gwnuinely makes me feel like i can just. Slice. Slice my arms wide open. Wake up tomorrow and pretend nothing happened and when my family is screaming and calling the cops I'd laugh and say "what??" !!! What the fuck!!! This will happen eventually if I can't do something about it!! It makes me feel like I can just. I have so many bookshelves in my room right?? Yeah. Bam now I just wanna knock them all onto the floor and make a small bed on the floor. When my sibling walks in they will be like what the fuck :D!!!! Maybe this will show them I am going insane, but I just wanna know why it's different. Why this is beyond the bipolar criteria ? Is this ? It feels beyond humanity. I feel like I'm breaking out of reality but what is that!! Answer me!! Is that what they call "psychosis" or am I just unique!! Will o find someone that takes this? I will find someone that relates? Fuck no!! I'm fucking alone!! I'm fucking alone in this!! Oh and Great now I have a weird fucking attachment randomly to my mom!! I feel nothing without her sometimes!!! It's gone away but I couldn't fucking LIVE with that shit. I can't fucking live with this shit! I'm fucking tired!!

No fucking wonder Everytime I felt "this down" in a now depressive episode labeled, we split! We fucking split more and more Headmates and now they're all here to prevent me from killing myself. They won't let me?? Fuck now I just wanna run away!! Oh they won't let me?? Even better!! Fuck I'm so sorry for this, I need to get this out I'm sorry. J don't know what's wrong with me.

Depressive episodes are different than what meets the bipolar criteria. I feel like I'm breaking reality.

My mom has been misdiagnosed with bipolar before. I told her about these episodes that come and go for only a night. She said bipolar disorder. She didn't know though, that I have been doing research on bipolar. Because I thought that's what's wrong with me. But now I'm a fucking dumbass. Maybe it's not. Maybe it is. I always try and fucking guess instead of trying to explain this shit to a professional first who has the right thought. It's always "oh I suspect I have this" bullshit. I'm tired of myself. Why can't it be "I suspect you have this.". I'm the goddamn imposter here. I'm tired.

I just need a sign. What is this. Why is it beyond

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a-rock-nothing-else · 5 months

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anyone else have those moments when they realize that they'll be depressed forever. like there's no cure for this shit till you die. like fuck me every inch of this thing is made to inflict misery. and people always say, "do everything you can, it'll get better!" but it won't. I've sat and said, "it'll get better!" to myself for years and the only thing that has happened is me being even more stubborn in not giving in to my urges. wtf am i supposed to do Linda? snort your powdered concealer? suck your husband's dick? let you ignore me so i can slowly rot until you can sit at my funeral and cry and say, "she was such a nice girl, such a shame, nothing could have helped..." as if you gave a shit while i was alive? fuck no. have fun sucking your husband's dick, Linda.

it won't "get better" unless you help me, because I've done everything I can. and if you don't care, I'll just leave and find someone who does. i may be suicidal, but i sure as hell know that no one should be treated like this, and since that excludes everyone, that means me too. can't wait till I get on antidepressants.

#hey everyone should be treated nicely and kindly and be happy excluding only a few war criminals #and the part that deserves happiness includes me #so like. i deserve happiness or else some other people who also have the same flaws as me don't too and I know they do #so I deserve to be happy and to be treated kindly #tw depression #tw suicide mention #tw misgendering #haha look at my wil vwent #this is the first and possibly last time i ever post something like this #it'll definitely be rare #haha #anyways reblogs are okay if you want to #but like. be nice #vent #where are my weevildoing fans rn?#one's right here 😎#I've found that thinking #you gotta accept that in order to love everyone n think everyone deserves everythin you need to love yourself n think you deserve everythin #just logic bro

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lovers-in-japan-reign-of-love · 2 years

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Btw Im bored and Im craving an angsty fic. Somehow I managed to be on your blog knowing your good at it. Anyway could you do part two of avenger cast x teen reader wherein the reader have cancer and got remission but rhis time the cancer is back. The cast and fans know about it and they are all supporting to your battle. When the cancer got worse the reader thought of giving up but the cast still encourage to fight. Its up to you if you want the reader die or not. (But for me I wanna more super angsty that I wanted reader to be dead lol)

So that's all hope you can make it and make my heart in tears heheheh. Anyway have a good day and be safe.

Notes: I’d like to thank @huntective-kyeo for the request!! I hope you enjoy it.

I mean no disrespect by writing or posting this, and in no way do I take the themes and topics discussed in this story lightly. So if you’re triggered by any of this, I suggest not reading it.

I would also like to apologize for any cancer treatment misinformation in this story. I will gladly change anything I get wrong.

I don’t own any of the gifs/pictures used.

Warnings: Some angst probably, mentions of cancer, depression, mentions of cancer treatment, spelling/grammatical errors, medical inaccuracies, cliffhanger, a really bad cliffhanger, anything else I failed to mention ⚠️

Characters: Vague mention of Marvel cast, possible mention of doctors and family members, anyone else I failed to mention

Part 1: Click Here

Masterlist: Click Here & Here

Word Count: 1305 (give or take)

You’re in bed, staring at the ceiling. The early signs of emotional numbness is beginning to take root, drowning the overwhelming emotions within you. Your brain refuses to process the information you’ve been told, which only makes the whole situation worse. Cause who wants to hear that their cancer came back? After fighting so hard to be in remission, it comes back at full force. Who wants to hear that? You recognized the signs that you were beginning to feel unwell, so you went to your doctor. They ran their tests, and you waited.

The somber tone in your doctor’s voice was all you needed. Unlike last time, you hadn’t caught it in the early stages. This comeback had been faster, a little more aggressive. It hadn’t progressed enough that it couldn’t be treated, but precautions were made to ensure your full recovery.

Your doctor recommended you begin treatment immediately, so you did. It was also recommended you let your work know, and you hesitated. You agreed that you should let them know, since they were fully aware of your last battle with cancer. Of course, they were only made aware once you were in the clear. And you’d been on a break from filming and promoting, so that gave you plenty of time for treatment and resting. Now... Now, you’re going to start filming in a matter of days.

After muddling over the topic, you chose to let the producers know. You sent them a quick text explaining the situation, and anxiously awaiting their response.

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You’d been met with understanding from the producers, who were more than willing to put your scenes on hold until you recovered. While grateful for the accommodation, guilt began to flood you. How long are they willing to wait? The last time you had cancer, it took a long time before you fully recovered. Maybe you shouldn’t have agreed to the accommodation. Maybe you should’ve just sucked it up and done your scenes.

Fuck.

A knock snapped you out of your thoughts. You took a second to realize your doctor, Alanis Baker, was standing in the doorway to your hospital room. A small, but comforting smile was on her face, a clipboard in hand as she approached you.

During your first diagnosis, you’d been recommended to Alanis, having been told she was the one of the best in her field. It didn’t take long for you to see why. Her honest, personable behavior made it easy to get along with her. You came to realize that even though Alanis hated delivering bad news, she had to do it regardless of how it made her feel. She wasn’t known to sugarcoat anything; and while her bluntness may not be everyone’s cup of tea, you appreciated it. You needed it.

“Good morning, Y/N,” Alanis starts, a small smile on her face.

You mumble out a morning.

“We’re going to run a few tests,” your doctor explains. She’s giving you an almost apologetic look. “Just to see how everything’s going so far.”

You nod. Your heart feels like it’s jumped in your throat. You expected this, and you’re anxious to see how you’re progressing. It feels like you’re improving. You can only pray the test results match.

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You’re… not improving. The cancer is seemingly getting worse. Still treatable, but it’s not reacting to the chemotherapy like the doctors had hoped. So that meant surgery. Probably multiple surgeries.

Alanis tried her damndest to inform you of all the benefits that come with surgeries, but you just couldn’t understand. You couldn’t understand why the cancer wasn’t going away with chemo. You couldn’t understand why it was getting worse. It didn’t make sense to you. Nothing your doctor, or any doctor could say would make you understand.

Part of you had to wonder if surgery would even do anything. If it progressed to the point where Alanis was attempting to sugar coat it, in her own way, then maybe you shouldn’t…

No, you think, snapping back into reality. You can’t give up, not now. You beat this before, you can do it again! You have to keep trying.

But is it worth it?

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Your first surgery was fast approaching, and you were on the verge of throwing up. You knew it was important. You knew it was necessary to improve your health. But you were nervous. What if something went wrong? What if you didn’t wake up? What if it didn’t do anything?

What if you got worse?

“You feeling okay, kid?” Your ears perked at the voice. It was Robert. Him and a few of your co-stars had come down to visit you. The production crew let you have time off in preparation for your surgery, which was nice. But you needed something to keep you distracted. That’s where your co-stars came in. If they’d finished their scenes for the day they’d visit you or call or FaceTime—whatever they could do to stay in contact.

“Same as always,” you sighed. You didn’t tell them about how you were feeling. You didn’t want to hear what everyone else was saying. You’ll get better. Just keep fighting. You’re so strong, you’ll get over this. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. You were numb to the comfort they intended to bring.

Robert nodded, “I can’t imagine what you’re going through,”—here it comes—“but don’t let it control you.”

Your brows furrowed. “What do you mean,” you asked.

“Don’t let your thoughts control you,” he said, giving you a gentle look. “You’ll have your ups and downs, and those downs will feel like they’re suffocating you. Don’t let them take over. You’ll get better, you will.”

You knew there was truth in his words. Robert had his own struggles, his own ups and downs. He was speaking from his own experiences.

“I’ll try,” you said. “I can’t make any promises though.”

“Do what you can.” He placed a hand on your shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. “We’ll be here for you every step of the way.”

==================================

The day of your surgery came faster than you thought. Robert’s voice rang in your head, and you tried to focus on that instead of your nerves. Your family, after wishing you well, was escorted to a waiting area.

After all the necessary preparation, you were put under.

==================================

It felt like only minutes later that you woke up. You were groggy, your mind hazy from the drugs. Was the surgery successful? Deep down, buried under the disappointment and growing cynicism, you hoped it was. You didn’t want to be sick anymore.

You heard voices. They sounded muffled, far away. Turning your head, you saw the door to your room was slightly ajar. You squinted, but your vision seemed blurry. After what felt like a lifetime, your family walked in with the doctor behind them. They were smiling but there were tears in their eyes.

“How’re you feeling?” the doctor asked.

You hummed softly. “’M fine,” you slurred. “Tired.”

The doctor smiled. “We’ll make sure you get lots of rest, okay?” You nodded. “You’ll stay here with us until you’re well enough to head home, how does that sound?”

You mumbled a ‘fine.’

“Okay.” The doctor’s smile looked almost strained before looking at your parents. “I’ll give you all a minute. Call us if you need anything.”

Your mother nodded. She was trying her damndest not to cry.

“What’s wrong?” you mumbled.

“Nothing,” your mother said, her voice soft but shaky. “We’re just happy you’re awake.”

You hummed and nodded.

“You did great today, (Y/N),” your father remarked. His voice sounded strained. “You’ll be out of here in no time.”

You smiled and nodded. You were starting to fall back asleep. Maybe once you’re more cognizant, you’ll ask about the surgery. And why your parents seemed so upset.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

@ceciele

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devil-of-books · 6 months

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call me a restriction enzyme under improper conditions the way I be giving into star activity (random cutting) 🤩

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helaenasaegon · 1 year

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Does anyone else suspect that Aegon may have poisoned himself?

#I started theorizing this a couple days ago.#I mean the way he's portrayed on HOTD already --- it's entirely possible.#I'm surprised he'll last as long as he's supposed to; he's very clearly depressed.#But he was also depressed at least toward the end of his life in the bookverse as well. (Understandably so.)#aegon ii targaryen #fire and blood #hotd commentary #theories #txt #tw: suicide #tw: suicide mention

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punnkzero · 1 year

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Let’s talk about how I started this and went nowhere with it. If I’m being honest completely on brand for me. But like I said once before everyone has a story and here’s part of mine.

I have gone in and out of my depression for YEARS, like I can only remember my life from after the age of 12 which is quite scary given that I am currently 18. Like that is most definitely a bad thing that I have little to no recollection of my childhood, but if I look at a picture taken when I was real little I get a fuzzy memory. Like I said I struggled with my depression for quite the while, and it was to the point that I got comfortable with the pain so the next time it got bad again it wasn’t too surprising it was as if I was greeting an old friend. Getting to comfortable almost killed me,and did in fact cause me harm.

Now I’ve been bullied for everything in the book through the years and talked down on by friends, family, and others alike so I’ve grown to deal with things a bit funny. I’ve had issues with self harm, disordered eating, body image issues, the whole Shabam.

Everything that I do has a reason even if I don’t completely remember what it is. As I’ve mentioned previously I am queer, that was a fun adventure (not). I had a tough time figuring that shit out and am still kinda doing that (which is okay) I’ve had a friend who threw religion at me and hated that I was gay, I’ve been called slurs, switched from gays to bi to pan to bi to lesbian to queer, its been a messy time. I’ve actually been embracing myself and expressing myself nowadays which is a great step. I never really came out as queer/gay but I think people can just tell or they just knew because it was never a secret I just never said “ I’m gay” Coming out as Non-binary on the other hand was stressful, I think the first 2 people I told were my one friend who came out as nonbinary first and who actually (follows?) me on here and our mutual friend. The first friend I mentioned was actually a big help and still is, and I told are mutual friend because I knew she was going to be supportive. I haven’t come out to my family, well not really, my sister knows I think. I honestly don’t think Ill ever come out to my family, my friends know and respect me and that’s all I really need. My circle is pretty good at the moment.

Now back to why I originally started writing this,I’ll save the details of my life story for my therapist. I haven’t written much because my mental health has been real shitty lately. It’s weird because its not in the way it usually is and that freaks me out,I think its because I’ve grown and learned from the times before. I genuinely refuse to be miserable like used to be, I want to be better and I think I can achieve that. I’ve been trying to heal from all the things I’ve gone through and its working but I just need a nice hard push to fully get there. I haven’t been the slightest motivated for anything and somehow I wrote this whole thing in one go on a random Thursday with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I have midterms next week, I’m failing my classes, I’m exhausted 24/7, I feel as though I am dying and yet here I am. My heads weird like that for some reason, maybe I’m strong, or dumb, I don’t know one or the other.

So here’s some of my story, I can’t wait til I can tell the stories of others. And if you wanna hear more in-depth about my weird existence I have no issue sharing (my therapist doesn’t deserve all the tea to themselves) I’m pretty funny I like to think.

#blog #diary #mental health #possible tw #stories #blogging #deep feelings #gay teen #young writer #thoughts #lgbtq #kinda depressing #sh mention

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