man shout out to all those 25 and over trana guys who posted their top surgery results and updates to youtube in like 2015 you guyses chests are the reason i didnt kill myself when i realised i was trans
got refused from college, had my biggest relapse yet, dealing with awful intrusive thoughts,suicide thoughts, my hypersexuality is treating me awfully but is that really new?i can’t fucking make friends or talk with anyone, i hate everything and all i want to do is slam my head against a fucking wall and watch myself die.just fucking end me at this point this is just worthless like me.
sometimes when i think of unliving, i remember one grandma from the time when i worked at the hospital. She couldn't move nor speak properly after a stroke, but she understood everything that was going on around her. Just couldn't communicate. She wouldn't eat, she spat out her food and fought us when we tried to feed her. And she always said something like "give me death" (unintelligible most of the time, but she said it so much). And I remember her crying relatives, and I remember their resilience when they tried to feed her and talk to her. I remember how the granny herself cried. I don't know, just always when I think of ending it I remember her. It doesn’t make me feel better or worse, just. I remember her.
idek what’s wrong with me. maybe it’s that i’m an unlovable bastard. maybe it’s that i keep feeling my abuser touch me in my nightmares. maybe it’s bc i can’t sleep without seeing his face. maybe it’s because i have no one i can go to bc my issues will overwhelm them. maybe it’s because i’m so tired of being alive.
In the middle of the fog, so overwhelmed by the rush of feelings running trough my veins, i looked at that open window, and all i could think was the relief o was going to feel, not feeling pain anymore... The thing is, i was ready, but my life wasn't ready to give in yet, so i jumped. But life wasnt giving on me... Even though I already had given up on me, i was given a second chance, to keep walking, to keep breathing.. to keep living, i was giving a second chance to be with people who were so tired that they could not walk anymore, to be their crutches, to carry them, to tell them how proud I am and how valid their fight and struggles were... And for all of those who had gone, to all of those who decided to leave, and seek for peace, i was given a second chance to make a memorial, a eternal memorial craved on my skin, to symbolize and validate their journey, they history, life gave me a semicolon... So i could give myself another chapter, so i could be with those who are struggling to write their own... I'm so happy to show you guys, my first tattoo <333 a eternal memorial to honor those who are in peace now, and to symbolize my second chance here, living, giving my story a continuity
Okay so, I understand that you were just trying to be helpful, but you're missing some important context for that post.
Namely, that I made it because the way Penny died absolutely RUINED the entire episode for me, and I can't even enjoy Ironwood's defeat because it happens as a direct result of her suicide.
Add in the fact that I've been bullied and harassed by the FNDM (not RWDE, THE FNDM) for being triggered by V8C12...
Point is, I just want the catharsis canon denied me, a victory unspoiled by a suicidal teenager's blood.
So please, PLEASE just let us have these small comforts!
And if you're going to lecture me, save your breath.
I've had total strangers SCREAM at me over this enough for one lifetime.
Like I seriously found myself wondering if staying alive for six months of this JUST so Volume 9 will get people to stop gushing about how "beautiful" Penny's suicide is will be worth enduring getting lectured and berated EVERY DAY just because I didn't like an episode of a cartoon.
Just let us have our fix-fics, and let us heal, it's all I ask.
I posted on my Instagram story a week or so ago about how much I missed my friend (who committed suicide just over two months ago) and how I hate that her rapist still works at my store and is doing the same behaviors with other associates.
And this person I do not know
Slides into my DMs trying to role play, saying something like "aww *hugs you*"
Child this is not the time nor the place to be shooting your shot like you're 13.
So now I have it listed in several of my bios (not here cause i hardly get on anymore) that I do not role play and any role play DMs will be deleted and blocked.
I had two bad experiences with role playing (one partner simply vanished from all corners of the internet, and the other was like 9-10 years older than me and I was a minor at the time so I feel like it was borderline grooming but I haven't the time to unpack that trauma) and my ex, who has the driest personality, uses sexual role play (in texts, not in person) to make up for that fact. And it just makes me super uncomfortable.
Moral of the story?
Don't shoot your shot like you're a 13 year old on DeviantART on a post where someone is crying about their dead best friend.
So uh... You know, there's actually one thing I thought of which I think would have done differently IF I were to keep Penny's suicide in the Volume finale while ALSO planning to bring her back, I'd only make two changes:
Move Penny's and Winter's conversation to AFTER the fight with Ironwood, with Penny emphasizing that Winter NEEDS to go help Weiss and Jaune (just to make it clear that Penny's not gone).
Have the actual suicide accomplish absolutely nothing. As in: Winter was already WINNING her battle with Ironwood until the shock of becoming the Winter Maiden and the realization that Penny was dead stopped her for long enough for Ironwood to temporarily gain the upper hand, meaning Winter doesn't join the fight with Cinder UNTIL enough time had passed to heal Penny if she and Jaune hadn't gone through with the "assisted suicide" gambit, with Cinder only WINNING because Winter didn't have Penny backing her up in a separate body, with Penny realizing that her martyr complex has basically snatched defeat from the jaws of victory.
So, we'd go into Volume 9 with Jaune and Weiss thinking Penny is dead, Penny and Winter BOTH grappling with their own guilt-complexes (thank you Ironwood), and the overall message that suicide doesn't fix ANYTHING!
Plus, "Friend" ends up feeling much less mean-spirited this way.
Although if Penny's death is supposed to be permanent, I'd have Ironwood kill her while she's fighting Cinder, with Winter's warning being the only reason the Maiden Powers go to HER instead of Cinder.
And thus, Jaune remains sympathetic, we don't get the FNDM gushing over how beautiful suicide is, and (in the "this is a temporary thing to force Penny to confront how her martyr complex hurts the people she cares about" interpretation) "The Final Word" goes from the most offensive piece of media I've ever consumed to what would probably be the best episode so far (due to the darkness serving the story instead of "3edgy5me").
God, I'm so sorry for how long it took me to respond to this. I've had a hell of a weekend/past few days and barely had spoons for anything. Well, I still barely have spoons for anything, but. Y'know. dabs
But, honestly, I don't know that there's even much for me to add here because, yeah. If Penny's suicide HAD to be a part of the story, making it clearly the WRONG move to make and have it have clear, defined consequences would be the way to go.
Like, suicide in media is such a massive topic to undertake in the first place, and the way RT went about it is just... some of the worst I've seen/heard about. Because this isn't the normal "kinda sorta suicide via sacrifice for the greater good/my friends" a la Pyrrha or Vine. This was "this character has actively been trying to die/sacrifice herself/also had suicide shoved into her brain from a virus the whole volume and we're ending her arc with an assisted suicide and actually kinda framing it like this was the right choice and the one choice she gets to make for herself."
Like, fuck. I still can't believe people are calling it beautiful and shit.
I've said before that if RT wants to mend this in some way they better come outta the gate with some heavy-handed shit condemning it. I mean, I doubt they will. But even going full after-school-special would be the very LEAST they could do. Still, that doesn't mean I'd ever forgive them for doing it in the first place because even just thinking about it weeks later still just makes me go, "what the actual fuck."
Like, god, I've said Penny deserved better over and over again (and she did) but we sure as fuck deserved better too.