Dangerous Love; Ch. 7
Summary: You and Wanda breakup after finding out about her secret relationship. Natasha’s there to comfort you. Chapter 7.
Pairing: Wanda x Reader; Natasha x Reader
Warnings: cheating, blood
Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | Ch. 6
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With this new chapter, the series is officially at 109,022 words! I wonder if we can get to 200k. Maybe?...
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You looked away from the TV when you heard the door open, a smile brightening your features when Natasha entered the room. She closed the door behind her, releasing a frustrated groan as she trudged her way to you. You moved the remote off the bed as she crawled into it, setting it on the nightstand as you held out your arm for her. She laid on top of it, immediately wrapping it around her as she rested her head on your shoulder. You enjoyed the moment, both of you staring at the TV, but neither of you were really watching it.
You've been bedridden for ten days and you've served nine of them already. Today was your last day confined to the prison cell normal people call a "bedroom". The days would've gone by slowly if it wasn't for Natasha, having basically moved into your room at this point. You hadn't complained about being forbidden to leave your room, knowing that you could give her at least ten days of worry-free relaxation because you couldn't do anything. And you hadn't tried to leave because you wanted to heal properly. Plus, Natasha would give you another reason to be bedridden for ten more days and you didn't want that.
She sucked in a deep breath, inhaling your aroma rather aggressively and you broke the silence by laughing. Her laugh mingled with yours as you looked down at her. "What's on your mind, darling?" Your hand found her shoulder, squeezing her tighter against you.
"I have a mission later today," she stated, absentmindedly tracing circles with her finger on your shirt. "It's a simple one, shouldn't take more than a few hours."
"So, what's the problem?"
She sighed thoughtfully, pursing her lips together as her finger paused. She picked her head up to look at you, your hand falling off her shoulder and onto the bed. An eyebrow quirked up, telling you that you should automatically know what the problem is, but you laughed at your own cluelessness. She rolled her eyes, pulling away from you and sitting against the headboard.
You looked up at her expectantly, waiting for her to fill you with knowledge as the TV continued on in the background. She sighed again, crossing her arms over her chest and you groaned.
"It's your last day in this bed, Y/N," she said.
You nodded, laughing. "Yes, I know that. Trust me, I've been counting. After this, I'm never coming back to this room ever again." You swiped your hand through the air, punctuating your words. You rested it on her thigh, rubbing your thumb up and down as you smiled softly at her. "I still don't see what the issue is."
She pursed her lips together, thoughtful. A frown tugged your lips, moving to sit up next to her against the headboard. You brought one of her hands into both of yours and laid the three in your lap, waiting for her to say what's on her mind. The TV was the only thing disturbing what would've been comfortable silence.
"Why haven't you healed your own wound?" You froze was her question, eyebrows furrowing together. This was clearly not what she had on mind and it was one hell of a good subject change.
"Maybe I like it when you cater me," you stated, looking at her with a grin. "My own personal minion, summoned by the sound of a bell. You're highly trained, you know that?" You lost your joking manner when you saw that she wasn't laughing, the only sign that she respects your joke was the twitch of her lips. You sighed, releasing her hand, but she caught one of yours, not wanting to let go. "I… don't have my powers anymore."
"It's not a big deal," you assured quickly, feeling her give your hand a slight squeeze. "I'm fine. It's not like I had those powers my entire life, so I can get used to normal again."
She sighed, scooting closer to you. Your legs bumped against each other, shoulders rubbing together for a brief moment before she released your hand, moving her arm around you and bringing you tight into her side. You instinctively rested your head against her shoulder, letting the soft noise from the TV console you both for a moment. "How long?" she whispered.
She was silent for a bit longer, though her hold on you never faltered. It only got stronger, pulling you even tighter into her, squeezing you with warmth and comfort. "Why didn't you just tell me?"
Yeah, why didn't you just tell her? Your relationship with her had started after you got your powers, so maybe there was that fear of her not wanting to be with you anymore now that those powers were no longer there. It sounded silly when you confessed your thoughts out loud, your face flushing with embarrassment when she pulled away to look at you.
She huffed as she repositioned herself to sit in front of you, making you pull your legs to you so she didn't sit on them. "You think I love you because of your powers?"
You rubbed the back of your neck, pursing your lips. Yeah, that sounds even more ridiculous. At the moment, it made sense in your head. "I mean, the green does look sexy on me, doesn't it?" Of course you'd try to make a joke out of this very serious situation, but it didn't go unappreciated. She smiled at you, soft and patient.
"Y/N, you do remember that I have fallen for you long before you got powers, right?" She chuckled lightly at your expression of realization. How could you not remember that? You wanted to smack yourself, but it was as if she read your mind because she grabbed both of your hands. "Honey, if I wanted someone affiliated with green, I would've just gone with Bruce."
You tilted your head, nodding. "I did always think there was a special connection between the two of you," you confessed, a snarky grin forming on your lips.
"Oh, really?" She looked up at the ceiling, thoughtfully. Your grin slowly faded away the more she thought about it, her lips pursing together as she imagined it. She smiled widely, looking back down to you as she said, "Well, now that you mention it, he and I did flirt with each other a while back. Think he's still into it?"
"All right, joke's over now." She laughed as you tugged against her hands, pulling her close to you. You rested your forehead against hers, releasing her hands so she could snake her arms around your waist. You thrived for her touch, a giggle erupting from the back of your throat as she tugged you closer to her, falling back into the bed and bringing you down with her.
"What's that?" She smirked, cocky, as she looked up at you in the eye, your elbows propped on both sides of her to prevent your entire body weight from squishing her… for now. "Am I sensing some jealousy?"
"Me? Jealous?" You rolled your eyes, shaking your head. "I know I have you wrapped around my finger, Natasha Romanoff." You cut off her laughter by pressing your lips to hers, moaning into each other as her hands slid up your shirt. You gasped at her cold fingers, the kiss ending as you pulled away a couple inches in reaction to the icicles sliding up your back. "Your hands are freezing, Nat!"
"They won't be for long." She pulled against your back, making you fall onto her. Your legs twisted with hers as your lips grazed hers teasingly, grinning when she released a whine. She was right, her hands weren't cold anymore. "Stop."
"Oh?" You pulled away from her, looking into her emerald eyes. This time, your eyebrows raised in challenge. "You want me to stop?" With a shrug, you moved to get off of her, but she was quick to pull you back, shaking her head quickly.
"I meant stop teasing me, Y/N," she pleaded. You smiled at her softly, your eyes fluttering close as a gasp escaped the back of her throat at your fingers drawing up the inside of her thigh, higher and higher, but you stopped abruptly, opening your eyes to see the half annoyed, half desperation in her eyes.
The thumb of your free hand brushed against her bottom lip, trailing down her jaw until you grasped the back of her neck. You gently picked her head up, meeting her halfway to guide her lips to yours. Your fingers retraced your line, going back down her thigh, your fingernails ghosting over her skin and spreading goosebumps through her body. She whimpered into the kiss, your laughter causing you to pull away.
"You are an absolute mess, darling," you whispered softly, removing your hand from the back of her neck to brush away a few strands of stray hair out of her face. Your lip jutted out into a fake pout, seeing her teeth dig into her bottom lip as your fingers switched direction.
"You're not making it any easier," she replied, her hands cupping your face gently. "I'm sorry, Y/N."
"For what?" You grinned wickedly, your fingers halting in between her legs. Her hips moved, trying to get closer to your hand, but your body weight pushed against her didn't let her get very far.
"For teasing you about Bruce." You raised an eyebrow, tilting your head against her hold. "For calling you jealous."
"Beg for me, darling," you breathed, letting her hands guide your head back down to her. Your lips connected against the skin of her neck, her head bending to the side to give you more access. Your teeth sunk into her skin in a soft bite, hearing her moan underneath you. "I don't hear you begging."
"Y/N," she pleaded, her voice shaky with desire. "Please. I need…" Her sentence trailed off into another moan when your mouth moved to another spot on her neck, your laughter vibrating against her as she was putty in your hands.
"You need… what?"
"You," she finished, exasperated. "Y/N." You picked your head up, moving your lips near her ear.
"I love you," you whispered into her ear, the hand in between her legs moving an inch upwards. She convulsed below you, her eyes squeezing shut as you continued to tease her.
"If I say it back, will you stop with the teasing?" she questioned, her eyes fluttering open to stare into yours. And, for one split second, a fleeting thought of looking into her eyes, Wanda had crossed your mind, picturing her underneath you, begging for you. The thought was so fast that you had barely managed to process it before Natasha said those three little words, an "I love you" fading into a loud moan as the hand in between her legs crossed the finish line.
You couldn't afford to think like that in a moment like this.
The two of you cuddled when you were finished, your thoughts berating yourself while Natasha held you in her arms. You both sat in silence, the TV still playing softly in the background, ignored. You couldn't bring yourself to say something, that brief thought from earlier making you loathe yourself. Why would you think of Wanda during an intimate moment with Natasha?
You were confused, that's all. Your feelings for Wanda weren't existent anymore. Either way, you weren't going to let that brief moment of ignorance affect your mood. You shook it off and smiled widely as Natasha looked down at you.
"I'm going to get in the shower." You fell onto the empty bed as she peeled herself off of you, getting to her feet. You looked up at her in time to see a smile crossing her features. "You're more than welcome to join me."
You purse your lips together as you sit up. "Mmm, maybe later," you stated as she crawled over the bed, her lips hovering inches away from yours. "I'm thinking food."
Her laughter brushed her breath against your face before she planted a kiss on your lips, pulling away to make her way to the bathroom. "We should go out tonight," she suggested. "I'm sure you're more than willing to get some fresh air. And we still haven't gotten a proper date yet."
"You don't even have to ask," you declared, rolling out of the bed and onto your feet.
"Hey, be careful. You're still healing," she warned and you chuckled as you made your way to the door.
"I'm sure walking to the kitchen isn't going to do anything compared to what you and I just did, sweetheart." She sent you a wink before disappearing behind the bathroom door.
You walked into the kitchen to find some of the team chilling throughout the room, Bruce and Tony at the table, Steve leaning against the counter with a cup in his hand. Steve was the one to hear you enter the room, an eyebrow shooting up at the wide smile on your face.
"You're glowing," Steve commented and you only smiled wider at him.
Tony looked up at his words, squinting his eyes at you for a moment before he returned to his phone as he said, "She just got laid."
You laughed. "There's nothing wrong with that," you stated casually. "Hey, Steve, you should try it. It's very relaxing."
Tony chuckled as Steve rolled his eyes, pushing himself away from the counter to empty his coffee into the sink. "I don't have time these days."
"Ah, everybody has time," you countered. "If you're having trouble looking for someone to hook up with, try Tinder. I'm sure a lot of women will jump at the opportunity to sleep with the Captain America." Tony turned his body to focus fully on your conversation with Steve, a smug grin on his face.
"Tinder?" Steve spun around to look at you, a hand resting on his hip.
"Yeah, it's an app where people basically just-"
"I know what Tinder is," he snapped and you raised your hands up in mock innocence, a smirk crawling on your face.
"You clearly need to let some steam out," you suggested. "If you don't want to be intimate with someone, I suggest yoga."
"Pilates," Tony jumped in and you pointed at him approvingly.
"Jazzercise," you added.
Steve looked down at the ground, contemplating his life choices as he sighed. "You know, Y/N, out of everybody here, I thought you would at least be more hellbent on finding Dr. List." He picked his head back up, eyes casting towards you in time to see the smile slowly wash away from your face. "He could be making more experiments right now."
You crossed your arms over your chest. What a way to destroy the mood, Steve. He could've gone with literally any other topic he wanted to to change the subject, but he decided to be that guy and bring up the doctor.
His eyes glanced at something behind you and you instinctively turned to see what it was, your breath getting caught in your throat to see Wanda entering the room. For some reason, she looked even more beautiful today and you don't understand why.
It was pissing you off.
She looked between everybody before pulling a cup out of the cupboard. She furrowed her eyebrows, a small smile toying her lips as she poured herself a cup of coffee. "Am I missing something here?" she questioned.
"No," Steve declared immediately, sending you a glare. A warning to keep your mouth shut, but you ignored him.
"I'm trying to get Steve to open up and get laid," you explained, causing him to groan in annoyance.
Wanda chuckled as she prepped her drink, pouring the necessary ingredients to make her coffee more enjoyable for her. "You do need to unwind, Steve."
You laughed. "See? I'm not the only one! Everybody's on my side, Rogers." You stepped towards him, hand extended out in front of you. "Hand me your phone. I'll download Tinder and set up your profile for you."
He shook his head, tensing his stance in case you tried to forcefully take his phone. But, without your powers, you knew you didn't stand a chance against the super soldier. You weren't even going to attempt. Instead, you decided to settle on making a quick breakfast, pulling out a box of your favorite cereal and accepting the bowl offered by Wanda, who was already near the cupboard. You sent her a soft smile in thanks and she returned it, her eyes bright.
You quickly looked away to hide your burning cheeks, the thought of earlier making its way back into your mind.
You began pouring the cereal into the bowl. "I don't know if Romanoff told you during your… intimate session" - such a prude, Steve Rogers - "but we got a lead on Dr. List." Your arm twitched at his words, cereal spraying all over the counter and you immediately set down the box.
That's what was on her mind before you distracted her with pleasure. Mystery solved. But she pulled your attention first, asking you about your powers. And, to be fair, it's an understandable thing. Why sit in bed for ten days when you could just fast forward time to heal your wound? Or even rewind it and not leave a scar. You didn't blame her for not telling you.
"What kind of lead?" You cleared your throat, forcing yourself to relax your posture, but everybody has already noticed your reaction. Wanda silently helped you clean up the cereal spilled on the counter.
"We have his last known whereabouts," Steve said, absentmindedly watching the two of you swipe the cereal off the counter and into your hand. "We're still delving into it. Joking aside, surprised Romanoff didn't tell you. There was no hesitation when she jumped onto the mission."
You felt Wanda's eyes on you, but you couldn't seem to look away from a spot on the counter. Last known whereabouts. That could be a lot of places. In that HYDRA van. Or in that parking garage… right in front of you.
Steve took your silence as a sign to leave, walking out of the room. Tony was quick to follow, still teasing Steve about Tinder. It was funny, but you couldn't bring yourself to grin at it.
"Are you okay?" She was sincere about it. She wouldn't know why you're not really okay because you haven't told her what you did. You couldn't look her in the eye, pursing your lips together tightly. She straightened her form and smiled softly at you. "Hey, we should go out." A distraction. Just what you needed; get your mind off of the possibility of Steve finding out what you had done to Dr. List and fire your ass.
She grinned as you pulled yourself out of your daze, blinking rapidly for a moment as you finally looked at her. Her expression was soft, patient, as she watched you closely. "You made a promise," she pointed out, smiling at your confused expression, "before you went and got yourself shot, that we would go out. Well, I'm cashing it in." She crossed her arms over her chest, leaning her hip into the counter for support as her head moved to get the hair out of her eyes. You blinked again and she chuckled lightly.
She rolled her eyes playfully, shaking her head. "Dinner tonight?"
You opened your mouth, preparing to offer her a raincheck - you had already made plans with Natasha, you couldn't go out tonight - but an agent walked into the room and requested Wanda's assistance for something.
"I'll see you tonight." She placed a hand on your elbow, her fingers brushing against your skin as she walked away, and the touch pulled you out of your second daze.
What just happened?
You watched as she walked away, too dumbfounded to say anything. You blinked once more and she was gone, leaving you in the room alone. Or so you thought.
"That was interesting to watch." The noise that came out of your mouth was that of a mouse, spinning around to see Bruce sitting at the table. He laughed as he stood up, bringing his dishes to the sink to rinse them. "You seem conflicted."
You couldn't help but size him up as he leaned against the sink, crossing his arms over his chest. He was flirting with Natasha? Bruce Banner - antisocial, anxious, anger issues, lonely - thought he stood a chance with Natasha Romanoff.
You huffed when you realized. You - antisocial, anxious, anger issues, lonely - got that chance with Natasha Romanoff. Well… damn. Now you're jealous.
"I'm not conflicted," you stated defensively, crossing your arms over your chest to mirror his stance. You leaned against the counter, glaring at him. Why do people think you're conflicted? You made your decision, that should be the end of it. "There's nothing for me to be conflicted about."
He chuckled, shaking his head. "I don't put myself into unnecessary conversations, Y/N, but I can see all the way from across the room that you still have feelings for Wanda."
"And your feelings for Nat is where the conflict comes in."
You furrowed your eyebrows. Since when did Bruce Banner give out relationship advice?
He smiled at you. "I consider you a close friend-"
"Yes, even after that," he assured quickly. "I don't enjoy seeing you split yourself in half. And I don't want to see all of you getting hurt."
"Trust me, Brucey, I'm not conflicted. My feelings for Wanda? There are none. I already had this conversation with her."
He pursed his lips together, contemplating on whether or not he should say the thought that popped into his mind at your words, but then sighed and nodded. He figured it wasn't worth getting into. "Alright, Y/N." He moved to leave.
You shook your head, putting a hand against his shoulder to prevent him from walking away. "Say it."
"Bruce, I don't need a coat of sugar," you bitterly declared. "Tell me what you were going to say."
He cleared his throat, looking away from you for a moment. Finally, after a tense second of silence, he looked back at you and sighed heavily. "It's easier to lie to yourself than it is to face your real feelings."
You stared at him, your face scrunching into disgusted confusion. "Are you binge watching Dr. Phil, Bruce?"
"Face your feelings," he told you, patting you on the shoulder. "It'll hurt at first, but it'll be worth it. Maybe you could talk to her at dinner."
He walked away from you, leaving you in your third daze in the last five minutes.
What. Just. Happened?
Later on, after attempting to enjoy your cereal (the weight of the guilt and regret were pushing down on you so hard, you would've barely remembered what it tasted like if it wasn't your favorite), you found Natasha in the garage, working on her motorcycle. She sent you a smile when she saw you, the expression sending warmth through your veins. She placed her tools down, wiping her hands on a towel as you reached her. "I leave in a few minutes for this mission," she said. "I'm just making sure this baby is up to date."
"Hey, about dinner-"
"Oh, yeah. I managed to pull a few strings and get us a reservation at that new restaurant you wanted to try," she said. "I was gonna surprise you, but then I figured it'd give you something to look forward to while I'm out."
Your eyes widened in shock. "You got last minute reservations to L'Artusi? Don't you have to wait, like, at least a month?" She nodded. "Color me impressed, Romanoff."
She grinned, shrugging nonchalantly. "What can I say? Only the best for my baby." She reached across the space between the two of you and booped your nose with a grease-covered finger, then laughed a little as she handed you her towel. "Sorry." But she really didn't sound like she was.
You smiled as you swiped the towel out of her hand, finding a cleaner part of what used to be a white towel before rubbing it against your nose to wipe off the grease. Well, now what? One of the reasons you seeked her out before her mission was to ask to postpone dinner, but it's just a douche move to do it now.
"Anyway, what about dinner?" she questioned, watching the towel plop onto the seat of her bike when you tossed it. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked back up at you.
"Just… we never established a time," you stated, talking with your hands to give them something to do.
She grinned, her arms falling back to her sides as if she was anticipating something else and had to prepare herself for it. You already felt guilty, but the fact that she thought you were going to cancel on her only added to it. Because she was right, that's what you were going to do. For Wanda. And you hated that.
"I figured it was an unspoken rule to have dinner at eight," she said, her voice light and joking.
"Eight o'clock it is, then," you stated, smiling wide. You don't even know how you ended up in this kind of predicament, but you knew something was going to go wrong. Especially since you don't have your powers anymore. Where the hell did they even go? It was kinda like the universe's way of punishing you, wasn't it? Getting almost complete control over them - feeling confident enough to go out on missions, even the small dognapping ones that actually don't end up being that small - and then bam!, powers gone. "Anyway, something was bothering you earlier and it was rude of me to distract you like that without talking about it. So, let's talk."
She pursed her lips together, eyeing you closely. You felt as if you were under scrutiny. What was it she was looking for? Could she see the guilt written in your eyes? The shame drawn on your face? That only made you paranoid, wanting nothing more than to just stop feeling.
Wanda Maximoff is destroying your life… and you love her too much to stop her.
"My mission," Natasha's voice pulled you out of your thoughts immediately and you were very grateful for that, knowing just which direction they were about to take, "is tracking Dr. List."
"Steve told me," you admitted, placing your hands on your hips. You understand the hesitance in telling you - it's a big thing to weigh on her now that she knows the truth - but you couldn't understand why she just jumped right into it voluntarily. "I don't get why you signed up for it."
"I did it for you," she confessed with a sigh, hugging herself. "I figured if I find something that tracks back to you, I could hide it or destroy it."
Your face softened with realization. She was willing to sacrifice her job to protect your dumbass. Well, now this just makes this whole dinner situation so much worse. "I didn't ask you to do that," you said and you hated it because you sounded so ungrateful.
"You didn't have to," she assured you. "I'll do anything to protect you." Just like you'll do anything to protect me. But she didn't say that, smiling instead. She didn't want to bring up the moment that came to mind, how you sacrificed everything to bring her back from death. She didn't have to say it, though, because you had an idea.
"I'm doing this," she declared, refusing to be convinced otherwise. You sighed, knowing that it would be useless to talk her out of it.
"If you get caught-"
"Y/N." She breathed out, walking around her bike to stand directly in front of you. She reached out to cup your face, but you were quick to grab her wrists. A look of hurt crossed her features for a brief moment before you turned her palms to her, showing her the grease staining her skin. She laughed, pulling her hands back to her sides. "If I get caught, I'll handle it." She said it confidently, even a little cocky. As if she would get caught, what a ridiculous thought.
You pouted, knowing that whatever you were going to say, she would just find something else to counter it. There was no way out of this, the only thing to do is to let her do what she wanted. What she thinks she needs to do.
"Fine. Have fun, then, but not too much fun," you said. You quickly planted a kiss onto her lips, a quick peck. You stepped away from her, dodging her dirty hands with a laugh as you left the garage. "And be careful!"
Leaving the garage and entering the compound, you have acquired a new goal now: Find Wanda and postpone her dinner. There's no way she could top Natasha's plans. She'd understand if you couldn't make it, Natasha should come first after all.
The last place you checked was her bedroom, rapping your knuckles lightly against the door and paused for a moment, giving her the chance to open the door.
Last time you were in her room, you hadn't thought of it being the last time you'll ever be in there. There were a lot of fond memories in this room, a lot of comforting. Cuddling. Touching. Moaning. You never think of something being the last thing you'll ever do with someone; your last kiss with her, your last hug, the last time her name was whispered across your lips, the last time your limbs were tangled in between the sheets, the last time you said I love you, not knowing those were the last times because, if you had, you would've taken advantage of it.
You would've taken advantage of being able to draw the tips of your fingers across her skin, creating a trail of goosebumps. You would've taken advantage of her moaning your name, your body shivering underneath her as her hands roamed in places that caused the noises slipping through your lips. Of the way her lips pushed into yours in desperation, panting and sweating against each other as you rode that ecstacy high.
"Y/N?" You snapped out of your thoughts, focusing on Wanda standing in front of you, leaning against the door you didn't hear open. Her hair was damp, making it darker, and a few water droplets were fresh on her neck. She had just gotten out of the shower.
The smile she was sending you - holding a bit of confusion as to why you're knocking on her door - warmed your insides. You needed to stop thinking like this. You needed to get girlfriend Wanda out of your head, default back to friend Wanda. Otherwise, these conflicts that you were trying so hard to ignore are going to tear you and everybody else involved apart. Things were good as they are.
"What's up?" She tilted her head to the side, licking her lips and you just couldn't. She maintained eye contact, a small smile returning to her mouth as she waited for you to answer the most simplest question in the history of questions. What's up?
All you had to say was "I'm gonna have to give you a rain check for dinner tonight. Maybe tomorrow?" but your mouth didn't seem to wanna work properly. Why was this so hard?!
Her soft, hearty laughter at your dumbfounded look made your knees weak, putting your hand against the threshold to steady yourself. "Y/N, I'm sure you didn't come here to just stand there."
She's right. You didn't. But you couldn't get the words out of your mouth for the life of you. "Dinner." That's… it? That's all you could manage to say? How long have you been standing here because it feels like it's been hours. Your cheeks flushed with embarrassment and you wanted to look away, but you couldn't tear yourself out of those eyes.
"Yeah, I got reservations to Per Se for seven," she said, smiling proudly and crossing her arms over her chest. That restaurant was near L'Artusi, the one Natasha is taking you to. What a… coincidence. You haven't heard anything about it, really. It brought no interest to you, so you didn't bother with it. "I tried getting reservations to that new one, but you have to wait months!"
"Yeah," you laughed awkwardly, using your free hand to rub the back of your neck, "it's Gordon Ramsay approved, so there's going to be a lot of people wanting to try it."
"Gordon Ramsay?" She furrowed her eyebrows, confused, and your arms dropped down to your sides, baffled.
"Wanda, you watched Hell's Kitchen with me on multiple occasions," you stated, laughing, a bit more comfortable.
"I wasn't paying attention," she confessed with a small shrug, grinning. No, she was too busy paying attention to you, memorizing each reaction while watching that show, watching your face because that was the only thing she could focus on.
You rolled your eyes, mirroring her grin. "What could have possibly pulled your attention from Gordon Ramsay?"
She didn't answer, instead sending you a soft, admiring smile. She watched as you continued to ramble on about the hot headed chef, filling up the silence. She leaned against the doorway. She loved this side of you, the look in your eye when you talk about something you enjoy was irreplaceable. She used to trigger that glint all the time just to see it, a bright light. And she really needed to see it in you now.
You stopped talking, your cheeks flushing with embarrassment once more, but this time you managed to look away. The floor seemed to be less judgy at the moment anyway.
Why did you come here?
"Well, maybe I can proceed with that reservation and, when the time comes in a few months, you and I can try it out together," she suggested. You looked back up at her slowly, your eyes melting into her green ones.
Now you remembered why you stopped by. "Wanda, we should-" Your voice caught in your throat when her teeth caught her bottom lip, the corners of her mouth tugging into a smirk. You stammered, forming half words that had no meaning.
You didn't know it, but she was doing it on purpose. Distracting you was easy, she didn't have to do much to drag your thoughts away from your goal. Her light laugh made you shut your mouth, quitting all future attempts to form the sentence.
"You're so adorable when you're flustered," she commented and you furrowed your eyebrows.
All right, enough. Get your act together and rip the Band-Aid off. Say it fast and get it out into the air. "Wanda, we need to postpone dinner.” You purse your lips as you watched the smile on her face fade, putting her weight onto one foot as her shoulders slumped. Why would you do that to her? She looked so sad, having been looking forward to dinner with you. Her smile slowly faded away, no more humor written on her face.
“Oh.” It was the only thing she could say, her eyes casting down to the floor. Your stomach twisted with regret. You had to walk away otherwise you were going to try to fix the sadness in her eyes, but you just couldn’t force your legs to work no matter how hard you tried. You licked your lips, chewing on your bottom lip as she took a small step back, giving her enough space to close the door.
You had to do this to prove to Bruce that you didn’t have feelings for her. That you’re not lying to yourself and that you’re not conflicted. But as she slowly pushed the door closed, you found yourself speaking.
“Seven o’clock seems a bit early for dinner, doesn’t it?” She froze, looking back up at you, eyebrows furrowed. You knew it. You’re such a fool, doing anything to put a smile on Wanda’s face. You hated Bruce for getting into your head. You wanted to lie to yourself, it was easier than facing the truth. That you do still have strong feelings for Wanda, but your feelings for Natasha were standing in the way and you weren’t complaining about that. Wanda hurt you, Natasha didn’t. It’s an painfully obvious choice and you’re choosing wrong.
“We used to always go at seven,” she said. “I just figured that’s the default.”
“Yeah, but why not go later?” you offered. Stop talking. “We can go at eight. Or even 8:30. Live a little, Wanda.”
She smiled, even laughing a little and that feeling in your stomach subsided. Was it worth it? A little. Seeing the sadness evaporate from her face was a good feeling, but now you’re just in a bind. Natasha had already gone on her mission, so you’re not going to be able to communicate with her until you see her at the restaurant. Wanda was the only one you could postpone with and that didn’t go very well either.
This is a cliché, isn’t it? Getting caught in between two different dinners at the same time. A love triangle trope. You had cut that corner of the love triangle off, but someone sneakily sewed it back onto your heart, running away like the wind before you even realized what had happened. And now you’re stuck.
Look what you did.
“I can call the restaurant, see if they can move it to 8:30 if that’s what you want,” she stated, nodding. The smile never faltered, the look in her eye bright. In any other scenario, you would’ve been calm at the expression, the softness in her eyes, the happiness on her face, but this wasn’t any other scenario. This was your life now. Stuck between two women with one of them not knowing about it. And that’s what made it so much worse.
You nodded, not being able to open your mouth. She slowly closed the door, a little more pep in it this time, though. And when the door clicked shut, you released an audible sigh, smacking your forehead as you walked away from her room. At this point, all you wanted to do was go back to your room and hide in a ball. And that’s saying a lot considering you’ve been stuck in that room for ten days.
“Whoa.” You turned a corner sharply, bumping into a wall of a man and stumbling back at the impact. You looked up at Steve, your eyes narrowed. “Are you okay, Y/N?”
Are you okay? No, you weren’t. But you couldn’t tell him that. You couldn’t tell Steve that everything in your life is going wrong in more ways than one. On top of the fact that you’re caught between two people you’re absolutely, totally crazy in love with, but you have lost your powers, killed two people, almost killed a third… and you enjoyed it.
No, you couldn’t tell Steve Rogers that.
He sighed heavily, crossing his arms over his chest as he looked at you. “I knew it,” he declared, shaking his head. You leaned forward, curious. Knew what exactly? “You’re putting on a front, Y/N. I knew you weren’t okay with this whole situation.”
“Steve, what the hell are you talking about?”
“Dr. List,” he clarified. “I knew it was upsetting you. You’re brave for pretending you’re okay with it, but you can’t keep holding your emotions inside.”
You blinked. The doctor didn’t even make your list of everything that’s going wrong because that’s basically the only thing that went right! You couldn’t care less about the doctor’s corpse, you were busy dealing with other things. But that’s another thing you couldn’t tell Steve about. You couldn’t confess that you didn’t care about Dr. List because he was dead, and a dead man can’t do anything because he’s… well, he’s dead! “Steve.” You sighed, shaking your head. You rubbed the back of your neck, closing your eyes for a brief moment before looking back at him. “You-”
“You don’t have to talk to me about it,” he assured, his voice softer now that he thinks he’s cracked the code. You sighed again, shaking your head subtly. “But I do think you need to talk to someone about it. Maybe Romanoff, or even Wanda.”
“Wanda? Why would I talk to her?”
He shrugged. “You two seem much better now,” he answered. “You’ve made amends, right?”
You stared at him.
“Wrong?” He tilted his head, confused.
“Steve, help me out here,” you stated, placing your hands on your hips. “You got anything for me to do at eight tonight?”
He shook his head. “No. There was only one mission today and it’s already happening.”
“Not even a simple small one? Like… kidnapping?”
“Y/N, you just recovered from a gunshot wound,” he declared. “Don’t you want to take it easy?”
“When have I ever taken anything easy, Rogers?”
He shrugged, silently agreeing with you. You sighed once more, running your hands down your face in frustration. He was absolutely no help.
“Hey.” You looked over your shoulder to see Bruce rounding the corner and your anger only got more intense.
“You!” You slapped him harshly, repeatedly, until Steve dragged you off of him quickly.
"Are you insane?" Steve demanded, letting you shove him away. You crossed your arms over your chest with a huff, knowing you weren't going to get anywhere with physically hitting him. Especially with Steve here. "What's the issue?"
Bruce shrugged, shaking his head. He genuinely didn't know, which only made you more mad. You glared at him, jaw clenched tightly as the men stared at you, waiting for an answer. Steve placed his hands on his hips, his muscles tense in preparation to stop you from getting physical again.
"You got in my head," you declared. "I was perfectly fine with lying to myself, but no. You just had to put your two cents into it!"
Bruce's eyes widened with realization. And then he chuckled, the audacity of this man. You wanted to hit him, but you couldn't with Steve breathing down your neck. Instead, you sent daggers his way with your eyes and, in that moment, you wished looks could kill.
"Don't be mad at the messenger, Y/N," Bruce stated.
Since when did he get so cocky? The man you knew as shy and insecure was being so conceited. You barely recognized him, this new attitude is intolerable and now you understood why Vision was so fed up with you on your dognapping adventure. You wondered why he didn't give in and punch you out - hell, it would've saved everybody a lot of time. You had to give him some credit now because the android has more restraint than you do.
If Steve wasn't here, you definitely would've punched the man's lights out. Or at least attempted to.
And you couldn't even fully blame him because you knew it was all your fault. All you had to do was say one thing and then shut your mouth, but you didn't. You continued to speak, digging yourself further into this hole. And Bruce was on top of it, throwing dirt into it to bury you beneath your mistakes. It's what you deserved, you knew that, but you didn't want it.
"You have feelings for Nat?" You crossed your arms over your chest, watching his smug grin turn back into confusion. You had to clear this. Ever since Natasha planted that image in your head, you couldn't unsee it. Was he spiteful because you managed to snag her and he didn't? Jealous? You needed to know if everything he said earlier in the kitchen was so you could fuck up your relationship with her, so he could be there to swoop in. Because, if so, it was working.
"No!" he stated defensively. And then he sighed, shrugging as he added, "We may have flirted with each other a bit, but that was long before you two became a thing. And I knew it was never going to work out between us."
"Because her feelings for you are strong." Dammit. His words made you feel even more guilty about what you did because you knew he was speaking the truth, and now you were more angry at yourself than you were at him. As you should, it was your own stupidity that got you into this situation. Nobody else.
Both Bruce and Steve relaxed when they saw your arms fall to your sides, your shoulders slumping. You needed to figure this out. You needed to go back to Wanda's room and put your foot down.
You pushed past Bruce and made your way down the hall, a beeline straight to her room. But no matter how hard you knocked on her door, no matter how long you waited for her to pull it open, she didn't answer. You didn't even bother opening the door yourself, knowing that if she was in there, she would've answered. She always answers.
You turned away from the door, covering your eyes with your hand as you tried to think about where the hell she would go, but you couldn't think of anywhere for the life of you. She was just here! Where could she have possibly gone?
You pulled your phone out, typing in the number you had memorized and brought the phone to your ear, groaning in frustration when it went to voicemail. Was she avoiding you on purpose? No, that wouldn't make sense. There's no reason to avoid you.
You started your search through the compound, checking every single room you pass by, your groans growing louder every time you came up empty. It wasn't until you came across the war room that you had forgotten about Wanda, stepping into the room with furrowed eyebrows, a picture of yourself attached to a bulletin board, Dr. List connected to you with a piece of yarn.
You looked over the board, everything relating to the doctor attached to him by yarn, creating a spider web pattern across the surface. But the picture with a question mark on it intrigued you. It rested beside Dr. List, no yarn attaching him to the mystery photo.
You were too focused on the board to hear the door open. It wasn't until they cleared their throat directly behind you that you realized you were no longer alone.
You spun around, facing Steve once more. "What are you doing in here, Y/N?"
"Last I checked, this room was open to everybody," you countered, crossing your arms over your chest. "The question you should be answering is: What the hell is this?" You pointed at the board behind you, his posture relaxing at your question.
He got caught.
"We think List had a partner," he said, stepping next to you so he could point to the mystery photo. "We have proof that List wasn't the complete mastermind behind your experiment, but only a part of it. We just can't figure out who."
So… there's another Dr. List?
"It's why I'm so hellbent on catching him," he continued. "If we catch him, we can get him to talk about this mystery partner."
Oops. Maybe you should just tell him now, save him all the trouble of searching for his corpse. For all you know, HYDRA was probably smart for once and roasted the dude. He's probably ashes at this point, dumped into the ocean or… somewhere. Hopefully a place that's disrespectful… like the junkyard.
Steve sighed, looking over at you and catching you lost in your thoughts. You chewed on your bottom lip, staring at the board in front of you but not really focusing on it. "Hey." Steve's voice dragged you back to the present, blinking the daze out of your eyes before looking at him. "We're all bending over backwards to find him. We will succeed." No you won’t.
"But there's someone else out there that's like him," you stated, pointing at the question mark. "Why didn't you tell me that? I could've helped, Steve."
"You've had a lot of things happen to you, Y/N," he answered. "You stopped a bomb and got shot in the same week."
"That doesn't mean anything," you declared, huffing. "If there's another Dr. List out there, I want to find him!" You want Dr. List Jr. to suffer just as much as the original did. You learned your lesson from the last time, you wanted to handle this punishment.
You were much more at ease knowing Dr. List was dead. Now the dude is back on your list of things going wrong. That's it. It's settled; the universe hates you.
"I understand, Y/N, but there's really nothing you can do," Steve assured, "but just sit back and wait it out."
Wait? Steve wants you to wait it out? How in the world did he expect you to do that? You were always the "shoot first, ask questions later" type of person. And you're certainly not a patient one, either. He knows this, so why is he ordering you to wait?
"Just go back to that HYDRA base and-"
"We searched that thing inside and out multiple times," he interrupted. "There wasn't any sign that Dr. List wasn't working alone. The only reason we found out is from encrypted emails Tony managed to get into."
"Who all knew?"
He was quiet, his lips pursed together in a tight line. His silence gave you the answer you didn't want. Everybody knew. Everybody but you. And you don't know which one hurt worse; the fact that Natasha knew and didn't tell you, or the fact that Wanda knew and didn't tell you.
"I see." You turned away from him and the board, hugging yourself as you sucked in a deep breath. It's no big deal, really. Just the fact that someone like him is out there, possibly continuing the experiments on innocent people. People who have the rarest of chances of survival and you were the only one who got lucky. And you hated that.
You should've died on that table, in that lab. Why do you get to live while everybody else gets to die?
"If you're looking for someone to be mad at, be mad at me," Steve declared, stepping towards you. "I told everybody not to tell you."
You turned back to look at him, eyebrows furrowed as your arms went down to your sides. "There's nothing to be mad about. You were doing what you thought was best for me and I appreciate that, Steve." You sent him a smile, forced and meaningless.
You could use this. This could be the reason to get out of one of the dinners, or even both. But the longer Steve defended everybody else's silence, putting the blame on himself, you couldn't find it within you to do that to Natasha and Wanda. Maybe they wanted to tell you, but they couldn't because Steve told them not to. For reasons he doesn't truly understand. Because now all you want to do is hunt down Dr. List Jr. and kill him.
"If you're still looking for a mission, I have something for you." It was like he read your mind, your eyes going back to him. He's leading you away from that murderous path. "It's simple, but should last a few hours. You can go by yourself." He sighed as he walked over to the table, picking up one of the files and tossing it towards you.
You watched as it slid across the table, stopping on the edge. You were impressed, you definitely would've thought that it was going to fall off by the looks of it.
"Don't worry, you should be back in time for your dinner with Nat."
You released a sigh as he walked away. That's something you didn't know about. Did you want to go to dinner, or did you just want to cancel them and deal with this another day?
You decided to ignore your real life problems and focus on work. You sat down at the table, opened the file, and began studying.
You smiled softly at the hostess, giving her the name of the reservation before following her into the restaurant. The mission Steve gave you managed to take your mind off of your problems, though temporarily. You felt so much more stress free the past few hours than you've had in months. It gave you a distraction from this love triangle. But now you're taking a step back to reality and it sucks.
You looked up and your breath hitched in your throat. She was… absolutely stunning. You had to stop walking, admiring her from afar for just a moment, her red dress making your eyes wander her body, though most of it was hidden behind the table. You were stunned, your heart hammering against your ribs and you couldn't breathe properly. She was… gorgeous. Captivating. Irresistible. You could just go on and on, staring at her like some sort of creep.
It wasn't until the hostess awkwardly cleared her throat that you managed to snap out of it, sending her an apologetic smile. You assured her that you could find the rest of your way and she went back to her podium.
Natasha made you feel highly underdressed even though you really weren't. And it's a good thing you feel like that because she is absolutely striking. You had to remember how your legs worked, walking the rest of the way to her table.
She looked up from the menu and sent you a gentle smile. "Hey," she greeted, placing her menu down. "I ordered you a drink, I hope you don't mind."
You stared at her, barely able to move your head in a nod as you sat down across from her. She chuckled softly, the sound doing things to your body that you didn't think were possible without physical touch. She hid herself behind her menu as she continued looking through it and that's when you managed to become yourself again. You finally breathed in, moving to sit more comfortably in the seat. You cleared your throat and picked up your glass, bringing it to your lips and taking a sip. Why were you so nervous? Not like you hadn't had dinner with Natasha before.
"You look breathtaking." Literally. She had taken your breath away when you first saw her. And she'll keep doing just that every single day.
She smiled at you, wider, brighter, and you just wanted to take a picture of that joy written on her face. "You look astounding as well," she complimented.
You hid back behind your cup, taking a few more drinks. You didn't even stop to think that she could possibly look more beautiful than she already did and here she was, proving you wrong. But you didn't mind. You enjoyed the view.
"I heard this place is Gordon Ramsay approved," she commented from behind her menu.
You grinned, placing your glass back down. "I heard that, too." You picked up your menu, eyes widening at the prices. This was absurd! If only you had brought Tony's card. "How was your mission?"
She sighed as she placed her menu down and you absolutely refused to look away from yours, knowing you'd just be too stunned to continue this conversation. "It went smooth," she answered, crossing her hands on the table in front of her. She leaned towards you. "You clean up your tracks very well, but-"
"Are you ladies ready to order?" You looked over at the waiter, sending him a kind smile before you looked at Natasha. God, you'll never get used to how ravishing she looks tonight.
"I'm ready," Natasha confirmed, making eye contact with you, "are you?"
You nodded, giving the waiter your orders. He nodded, collected your menus, and walked away, leaving you and Natasha alone once more.
"Steve sent me on a mission," you stated proudly, smiling wide as she raised her eyebrows. "All by myself, too."
"Oh, really?" she questioned, smirking. "What was the mission?"
"That'll be classified, ma'am," you declared, shrugging casually.
She laughed, the best song in the world to you. You just wanted to make her laugh for as long as possible. "That's fair," she said, laughter hidden in her voice.
"Nah, it was just a simple drug bust." You sighed. "Not even a drop of blood was spilled." You looked up to catch her staring at you, a small smile tugging the corner of your lips. "Are there any updates on the Dr. List hunt?"
She furrowed her eyebrows, tilting her head a tad bit in confusion. "You've never asked about that before."
"You weren't on the case before." You made eye contact with her and sighed. You could see where this was going and you didn't want it to go that route. Questioning her about Dr. List's partner was just going to ruin the mood. "Alright, let's hold off the work talk for the bedroom."
Her smile returned, looking down at the table for a moment before picking her head up. She reached her hand across the table and you met her halfway, your hand resting in hers, warmth spreading through you at her touch.
This is what you needed. The calm essence of Natasha rushing through you, as if it were water and you were swimming through it, cool to the touch, cascading over your skin. You breathed out, feeling everything that had been pushing stress against your shoulders just fade away in this moment.
"I love you." She smiled softly at your words, pulling her hand away from yours, laughing when you tried to grab her hand back.
"I love you, too." Her words sent a swarm of butterflies fluttering through your stomach, pushing a smile onto your face. God, you just wanted to hold her in your arms.
This was the worst thing about dinner dates. No matter how hard you wanted to, no matter how strong the urge was, you just couldn't jump across this table and take her right then and there. You couldn't.
You had to keep convincing yourself of that.
You opened your mouth to say something, but your phone released short bursts of vibrations against your leg and you knew what that meant. Has it already been half an hour?
Wanda had texted you as you were getting ready for your date with Natasha, confirming the reservation at 8:30. You wanted to shoot back a text, asking her if it was okay that you just moved dinner to tomorrow, but then you remembered the look on her face and you couldn't bring yourself to do it.
"I actually got you a gift," you stated, Natasha's face telling you that she was immediately intrigued. You sent her a wink as you stood up. "Let me go grab it."
It wasn't a lie. You did get her a gift, but you were going to use this as an excuse to run on over to Per Se to get in a few minutes with Wanda. This was your life now. A sitcom set out for the universe to watch and laugh at your struggles.
You entered the restaurant, the host guiding you through the tables in seek of Wanda. There was a reserved room off to the side, peeking in as you passed it to see a gathering of people in what seems to be a wedding reception, music playing gently from the speakers as the guests mingled. It was nice to see people living in a moment of happiness. Something you're probably never going to find if you keep taking this path you're going down.
"Here." You were so lost in thought about the wedding reception that you were absentmindedly following the host, gesturing towards the table where Wanda had stood up to greet you.
You felt a sense of Deja vu wash over you, your breath catching in your throat as you looked at Wanda, your eyes traveling her body to marvel her outfit, the way the color makes her eyes pop. She was… enchanting, to say the least. Alluring. Magnificent. And you could continue on, naming off the words that would perfectly fit her, but the host had left and she was waiting for you to sit down.
She sat down at the same time you did. She made you feel just as underdressed as Natasha. And, again, that's okay. Means that they're at least doing something right.
"You look very nice," you commented and she sent you a smile that made your cheeks burn brightly.
"I'm glad we're doing this," she said, her voice soothing and accent thick. You loved her accent.
"Remember that time you tried to do an American accent?" You laughed at her expression, her eyebrows raised in shock that you're bringing up something that happened so long ago. Her fake American accent was spot on, but you didn't tell her that at the time. You enjoyed teasing her.
"How do you remember that?" she questioned, smiling. "That was a small moment that happened years ago."
You looked at her, your eyes sparkling as she laughed lightheartedly. She was carefree, casual and there wasn't a sign of worry on her face. This was what you needed. Not having to worry about anything, as untroubled as those guests at the wedding reception.
"It's easy to remember the good parts," you told her. Your smile remained as you picked up the menu, searching over it to find something small, quick. The silence settled between the two of you, only disturbed by the quiet conversations and subtle clashes of dishes from other people around you.
"Do you… remember the last time we did something like this?" You tore your eyes away from the menu and quirked an eyebrow at her.
"Yeah, it was pretty traumatizing, Wanda," you stated. How could you forget the most embarrassing moment of your life? "It's my fault for forgetting about proposing-"
But she shook her head, waving her hand. "No, before that."
You couldn't help but laugh. You do remember the last meal the two of you had together as a couple, in the shared apartment. It was hard to forget the perfect moment.
"You came home extremely late from a mission," she started, watching the tip of her finger run around the brim of her glass. "You were just… so tired and beaten. I will never forget that look in your eye." It was different then than it is now, that look of defeat. Back then you still had a little hope left. Her finger halted as she looked up at you, half a smile on her lips as you listened to her.
"I thought you were asleep," you said, remembering. You leaned back into the chair. "I was expecting you to be in the bedroom."
"But I wasn't." No, she wasn't sleeping in the bed, she was waiting for you at the table, candles lit and food freshly cooked. The least she could do for you, to ease some tension off of your shoulders at the time. But she didn't know what went down, what you had gone through during that mission. She didn't know why you were two days late coming home or why you were a total zombie walking through that door.
"I remember the mission," you confessed quietly, looking away from her. Your fingers played with the edges of the plastic menu, your lips pursing together. What was supposed to be a search and rescue for the governor of Minnesota turned out to be a search and rescue for his kids. Children, not even in the double digits. It was the mission that shook you to your core.
You and Natasha barely made it out alive. Nobody else involved had the same luxury.
"I remember." You looked up at her soft voice, her gentle smile. She cleared her throat. "We didn't eat dinner that night." Instead, she consoled you as you cried into her arms on the couch, neither of you concerned about the burning candles or the fantastic meal waiting for you.
You sucked in a deep breath, shaking the memory from your mind as the waitress stepped up to your table. You wondered why she would bring that up. Taking a trip down memory lane? For what reason?
You looked at Wanda as the waitress collected your menus and left. "I have to run to the bathroom," you told her, standing up. "I'll be right back."
You quickly made your way out of the restaurant, stopping by your car to grab the small box resting on the passenger seat.
You mumbled an apology to Natasha as you sat down at her table, relieved that the food has yet to make an appearance. She smiled at you as you cleared your throat. Though her smile was reassuring, you couldn't help but feel the twist of guilt settle uncomfortably in your stomach. This was supposed to be a beautiful moment, your first official date with Natasha, but you had to ruin it by not being able to man up and cancel your plans with Wanda.
"I saw this and thought of you." You handed her the box and she accepted it, sending you a grin as she flipped it open.
She pulled the necklace out of the box, a silver arrow attaching the chain from tip to end, a wide smile resting on her face as she laid it in her hand, staring at it.
"I know it's not anything fancy, but-"
"I love it." She looked up at you, her lips resting into a smirk as she held it up. "Put it on me?"
You grabbed the necklace from her as you stood up, walking around the table and wrapping it around her neck. Your fingers ghosted her skin, goosebumps forming underneath your touch as you hooked the clasp. You sat back down in your seat as she looked down at the necklace resting on her chest, a smile on her face as she rubbed the arrow in between her index finger and thumb.
The waiter delivered your food before you could compliment her, setting your plates in front of you and walking away briskly.
"Hey, what do you think about… sharing a room?" You looked up at her question as your chewing slowed, eyebrows creasing together. She shrugged as she poked at her plate, eyes avoiding yours with embarrassment.
You smiled softly as you swallowed. "I think sharing a room is a good thing if someone's ready to take the next step in a relationship."
She cleared her throat, shoveling some food into her mouth. She delayed the conversation by chewing and you rested your elbows on the table, holding your chin in your hands as you watched her. Usually, you're the one who's shy and embarrassed despite her judge-free looks. You just wanted her to look at you, to see the same assurance she always gives you when you're like this. Her chewing was drawn out, seemingly taking much longer than necessary, but she eventually swallowed, her hands going to the sides of her plate, the utensils gripped tightly.
"Well, I was thinking that maybe you and I can… share a room." Her sentence was steady, unhurried, as if she was trying to make sure you understand every syllable coming out of her mouth. You just wanted her to look at you, her eyes still casted down to her plate. You wanted her to see in your eyes that confidence in your answer.
You reached across the table and gently placed a hand over hers, the utensil falling to the table as she released her tight grip under your touch. "Nat, I would love to share a room with you." You laughed lightly as she finally looked up at you, turning her hand over in yours so she could squeeze it. "The only problem now is deciding whose room."
She shrugged, a little more relaxed now that you gave her the answer she was hoping for. "I mean, I'm practically already moved into yours."
"Glad you said something because I wasn't going to mention it," you stated and she laughed. You took your hand away from her side of the table so you could continue eating your food. "I just love how shy you became. Can I get more of that?'
She rolled her eyes, picking up her fork. "Maybe, if you're lucky, you can get a taste of it tonight." She popped some food into her mouth and sent you a wink. Now it was your turn to be shy.
You ate a couple more bites before excusing yourself to use the restroom, sneaking out of the restaurant and making your way back to Per Se. You felt like you were cheating, absolutely loathing the feeling. Was this how it's supposed to go? Going behind Natasha's back to have dinner with Wanda? But it's just dinner, nothing more. Yet, that thought didn't make you feel any better.
"You were gone for a long time," Wanda commented when you sat down in front of her. The food had arrived, but she hadn't touched hers. She was waiting for you.
You looked up at her to see a humorous smile stretching across her lips. She didn't seem upset about the fact that you were in the "restroom" for an extended amount of time. In fact, she appears to find it more funny than anything. And that should've been your first clue, but she managed to distract you by laughing gently.
"Did something happen?" You looked up at her question, tilting your head in confusion as she stabbed her fork into her food. She didn't break eye contact with you, watching you carefully. When she figured you weren't going to ask her to elaborate, she continued anyway, "You seem a lot more stressed than you were before you went to the restroom."
You released a deep breath, running a hand over the top of your head. "I'm fine." Though it was a lie and you knew it, you wondered if you could convince yourself it wasn't if you said it out loud. It didn't work.
Wanda sighed. She knew you were lying, too, but she didn't push you. Instead, she picked up her glass and took a sip. "I thought you were coming back with bad news," she announced, placing her glass back onto the table. She grinned as she added, "Like that one time you sauntered off to the restroom and came back to tell me Steve called you in." She laughed as you furrowed your eyebrows. She's being very in the past tonight and you'd like to know why. "You felt so guilty for having to leave me alone in a restaurant, but I made you promise me to come back alive." Her laughter subsided as she made eye contact with you. "That's all I cared about, Y/N, that you came back to me."
Her words made your stomach wrench. The guilt you have been feeling all night consumed you and you felt… nauseous. Your face grew pale, your heart bashed against your chest uncomfortably. Her gentle eyes watched you as you stood up abruptly, your mouth propped open as you willed your brain to form words, any words.
"I…" You huffed, wiping your hands off the front of your clothes. "I'll be right back." You rushed out of the restaurant, leaving behind a grinning Wanda.
Natasha watched as you sat down, out of breath from running down the street to get here. Sweat dripped down your temples, barely noticeable, and it wasn't due to the last minute exercise. You forced yourself to breathe slowly, trying to catch your breath as you avoided eye contact with her.
"Are you okay?" Her voice should've soothed you, but the concern held behind her words only made you feel more guilty. Your hands were tied behind your back and you really wished you had your powers. "Y/N?"
"Yes." You nodded, picking up your utensils and stabbing your food. You picked your head up, sending her a constrained smile. "Where were we?" You shoved some food in your mouth, evading anymore words from spilling out, hoping she doesn't ask anymore questions.
She eyed you, suspicious. She had no idea what was going on with you, but she knew something was up and that's enough to make you feel nervous. Nobody in the entire world could begin to understand how much you hate yourself right now. You hoped something would happen, whether it be a bomb going off right next to you or a stray bullet taking you out of your misery, but you knew the universe wasn't that giving. You had to get yourself out of this. You had to go back to Wanda and cancel dinner. She'd understand, right? You'll even pay for the food if it'll ease her mind. You stood up, Natasha sighing as she watched you get to your feet.
"I'm sorry, I just…" You squeezed your hands, nervous, guilty. "Just give me a minute, alright, babe? I'll be right back."
This was it. You were putting all your focus on Natasha after this, going to Per Se with one goal on mind. You had to prepare yourself to see the heartbreak on Wanda's face, willing yourself to not give in to the pity again. This had to be done otherwise you were never going to be happy.
You passed by the wedding reception, stuttering to a halt when you realized that Wanda was standing at the entrance. You circled back, moving next to her as you both looked into the room, the guests now dancing to soft music, the groom and bride holding each other as they rocked back and forth. It was a peaceful scene, warm and happy. If it wasn't for the stress, you would've been able to feel happy for these strangers.
"This would've been us." Wanda's words made you sigh, your chin going down to look at the ground. You crossed your arms over your chest tightly, pursing your lips together. "Happy, excited… in love. This could've been us, but I messed it up."
Yeah, she did. But you kept your mouth shut, letting her speak. There's nothing you could say.
She exhaled deeply, disappointed in herself. And then she looked at you, her eyes sparkling. "Dance with me."
"What?" Your tense form relaxed with shock, eyebrows furrowed. "Wanda, we don't know these people."
"So what? They're all in their own world of happiness, they won't even notice." She stepped into the room, standing in front of you. You felt yourself get lost in her eyes, seeing the glitter of mischief. You let her tug you further into the room, bringing you close to her as the two of you danced together at the edge of the dance floor, her hands dangling around your neck behind you. You didn't know where to put yours, settling on her back.
The two of you swayed to the music, your eyes wandering the room to see if anybody noticed two new faces added to the party, but after a few moments, nobody seemed to really care. You looked back at Wanda, her eyes never left your face and her smile never faltered.
"Wanda, we need to postpone dinner."
She chuckled delicately. "We're already at dinner, Y/N," she stated. "You can't postpone it now."
You looked downwards, unaware of her eyes looking past you to the large window behind you. You picked your head up, preparing to say something, but she pushed her lips against yours before you could get a word in.
It was a millisecond, but you felt yourself fall into the kiss, the warmth of it spreading through your jaw and sending chills down your spine. Your heart fluttered in your chest as she pushed against you, but you pulled away. And that millisecond kiss was all she needed from you, seeing her eyes go back behind you.
You turned on instinct, feeling your stomach drop when you spotted Natasha on the other side of the window. She quickly avoided your eye, looking away as she began walking back towards the other restaurant, where her car was parked.
You pushed past Wanda, running out of the restaurant, desperate to catch up to her. "Nat, wait. I can explain!"
She stopped so abruptly, you almost ran into her, but you didn't. You stumbled to a stop as well, watching as she turned to look at you. The look on her face absolutely destroyed you, her cheeks puffy, her nose red, and she was trying so hard not to let any tears stain her cheeks, pooling at the brim of her eyes. She blinked them away, not wanting to give you the satisfaction of watching them roll down her face.
You felt sick.
"No, Y/N," she started, her voice shaky and uneven. You hated this, hated yourself. "It's my fault, isn't it? I didn't give you time to process the grief of losing Wanda. I just jumped right on in."
No, no, no. Do not let her take blame for your stupidity. That's the last thing you want. She shouldn't put this on her shoulders, carrying the weight of your decisions. This was no doubt your fault! But… you couldn't open your mouth. You couldn't find your voice to tell her that. You can think it, you can play the words over and over in your mind as you imagine telling her the truth, but you couldn't for the life of you get the words out into the air.
Her shoulders slumped, the moment you saw her take that weight. Your silence was the answer she was seeking. "I get it, Y/N." You stepped towards her, but she stepped away, hugging herself. "You need time. I just wish you would've saved us both the heartbreak." She dipped her hand into her bra, pulling something out and handing it to you. You accepted it, looking down to see the fake SHIELD badge with Dr. List’s face on it. “You left that behind in the parking garage, next to the pool of blood. I’m sure it has your fingerprints on it.”
She turned away from you, her hand going to her face in what you assume was her wiping away a stray tear, and she walked down the sidewalk, getting further away from you.
You were frozen, your feet refusing to move. You wanted to chase after her, to tell her that none of this is her fault. Your heart broke into pieces, pieces that you just knew were too small to put back together. You watched her retreating form, hearing someone approach you from behind.
You found yourself turning around, your face a mirror of Natasha's, red and puffy with watered eyes. "You knew." You looked at Wanda, your body frozen in your stance.
To her, Natasha's thoughts were so loud. She couldn't help but break her promise with you and read the redhead's thoughts, seeing what she had planned on asking you during the meal. If you and Natasha move in together, the window Wanda's been using to get into your heart will shut and she'll be locked out for good. And she couldn't stand that thought.
"Why did you let me go through with this if you knew?"
"What she didn't know-"
"That's the mindset of a cheater." And you're not a cheater. No. You reject the idea of you being a cheater because you didn't cheat. Wanda kissed you.
"But you kissed me back."
"Stay out of my head, Wanda." Your jaw clenched, anger replacing the heartbreak. She knew everything. She knew you had plans with Natasha, she knew Natasha was there when she decided to kiss you, she knew this was going to destroy your relationship. "Why? Why won't you let me let go?"
"I tried," she confessed. "I tried letting you go, Y/N, but I couldn't bear the thought of someone else having you."
"You're deliberately ruining my relationship with Nat because you're jealous?" You scoffed, shaking your head. "You were my pain and she was my cure. You have to accept the fact that you and I just don't work anymore!"
"I need some space," you stated, taking a step away from her. "I… I thought we were doing okay as friends. Apparently that was only a one way street." You shook your head, laughing humorlessly. "Life sure has a funny way of saying fuck you."
You turned around, walking away from her and making your way to your car. You were struggling to breathe, preventing yourself from just booking it to your car, to get out of the open and into somewhere private.
You have never in your life seen more clearly up until this point. You actually wanted Natasha. You felt the moment your feelings for Wanda withered into something small, no longer in a fight against your feelings for Natasha. But you lost her.
How did you have two women who would bend the world for you one second, and nobody the next?
The drive back to the compound was completely silent, no music, no thoughts. Silence. And you didn't even realize you were back at the compound until you were parking your car, taking the key out of the ignition like a robot programmed to do this very thing. You rested your forehead against the steering wheel, sucking in a deep breath as tears rolled down your face soundlessly.
Everything inside of you wanted to scream, to cry, to break. But you released that deep breath shakily as you pulled yourself together, climbing out of the car and shuffling your way to your bedroom.
You didn't notice it at first, too busy focusing on changing into something more comfortable, but Natasha's stuff was gone. The past ten days, all the stuff that had found its way into your room was missing. And now the room felt empty. You didn't want to be in here anymore, your stomach twisting uneasily.
Every single thing inside this room only reminded you of her. Not an inch of relief from her, constantly filling your thoughts with memories of her smiling, happy face. That's when you saw it. Resting on the edge of your bed was the arrow necklace you had given her over dinner.
You gathered it in your hands, the chain wrapping around your fingers as it spun in the air. You stared at it, picturing it resting against her chest so comfortably. You couldn't be here. Not when both of them were in the vicinity, your heart breaking at just the thought of seeing either of them and not being able to touch them, or even talk to them. Because even though you were mad at Wanda, you knew that your feelings for her would grow back if you see her. And you needed to get out of that mindset. She hurt you by cheating on you for months, there's no getting over that.
You left the necklace dangling on Natasha's doorknob before leaving.
The roads you drove down were dark, empty backstreets, a box of some of your things sitting in the passenger seat. Just enough to get you by, to spend some time away from the compound so you can think without the influence of others.
Steve was understanding when you told him you were taking some time. He wants what's best for you and if that meant going away for however long then so be it. The hug was surprising, and you're pretty sure he sniffled, but it was comforting in a way. He was the only one you told, knowing he'll tell everyone else in due time. You just needed to get out of there and you knew that if you faced either Wanda or Natasha, you were going to stay.
You're an adult, you can make choices on your own. And if leaving the compound was your choice, then they'll be okay with that. They have to be. They will see that eventually. You needed space, not just from Wanda, but from Natasha, too, and the rest of the team. You're pretty sure they're on teams, probably even making bets in the background while you suffered a midlife crisis. Nah, they wouldn't be doing that, but you wouldn't be surprised, really.
Maybe you can stay with Clint. He lives in the middle of nowhere with his family, happy and relaxed. You've given him enough time away from you - ten days is enough, right? He won't turn you away, though he would be mad to find out what you did to Natasha. Maybe it'd be best not to pay him a visit just yet.
Looks like you're just going to keep driving until your self-conscious stops somewhere.
An explosion that jostled your car pulled you out of your thoughts, forcing you to pull your car off to the side of the road because you sure as hell weren't taking any chances. Not with the way your life had been going. You closed your eyes as your grip on the steering wheel tightened, fear boosting your heartbeat at the sudden noise. You were breathing, moving, no blood, no pain; you were still alive.
Sucking in a deep breath and slowly exhaling, you killed the engine and hopped out of your car. You groaned when you saw that your tire had blown out, thankful that you had a spare, but frustrated that you didn't have the tools necessary to change it. You ducked back into your car, reaching for your cell phone, only to toss it back in when you saw that you had no service out here.
Now you had to wait for a car to drive down this lonely road and hope they stop for you. You were getting real sick of this schtick. At least last time you had Clint with you to fill the silence because now you were just going to let yourself get lost in your thoughts, which were just going to trace back to Natasha and Wanda.
You sat on the driver's seat, legs still on the outside as you waited. You were not going to let your mind wander back to the past. Think about the future. Where were you going? You could find a place to stay for a bit. You brought Tony's credit card this time, you could use that until he figures it out and cancels it on you. How long were you going to stay away from… them? From Wanda? From Natasha? You didn't want to stay away from them for long, but it is a necessary pain. You had to keep your distance, to not see them or touch them or feel them. It's only been how long and already you missed them? Damn, you're such a fool. In a world, maybe you could've had both of them… nah, that world doesn't exist. One could dream, though.
Keeping the women out of your mind didn't last long.
The slamming of a car door pulled you out of your thoughts and you turned your head to see that a car had silently pulled up behind you. How did you not see the lights appear? Were you really that lost in your thoughts that you just tuned out the entire world around you? Seems likely.
"Hey, are you alright?" It was a man, silhouetted by the lights of his car until he reached you. You stood up and pointed towards the wheel underneath the driver's door.
"My tire blew out," you explained. "I have a spare, but not the tools to replace it."
"I have that," he stated happily, jogging back to his car. You sighed in relief, crossing your arms over your chest to fight against the cool breeze crossing over you through the night.
"It's a good thing you decided to drive down this road," you called out to him, looking towards his car to see his trunk open. "Who knows how long I would've been waiting? And I don't have any cell reception here."
"I was just on my way home from work," he called out to you, his voice barely muffled by being inside his car. He pulled himself out, carrying a car jack and a lug wrench. He sent you a cheeky smile, barely seen if not for the headlights, as he dropped the stuff down in front of your blown tire. "This road takes longer than the main, but there's no traffic here."
"Yeah," you agreed, watching him work on your tire. "It's a nice drive. Peaceful. Gives you time to think about things."
He looked up at you from his spot on the ground, his face squinted. "You seem like you have a lot to think about," he said, returning to the tire. He released a hearty chuckle, shaking his head as the car lifted under the pressure of the car jack. "Life sure has a funny way of saying fuck you, huh?"
You furrowed your eyebrows, nodding. "Yeah... it sure does."
"Mind getting the spare? This bad boy is going to be ready to come off in a sec." He took the lug wrench to the tire, spinning them loose one by one.
You popped the trunk of your car and fished out the spare, pulling out of the vehicle in time to see a second car pulling up to you, the tinted windows making it difficult to see just how many people were in the SUV. You placed the spare tire against the car, turning your back to the man fixing your tire as the new strangers hopped out of their car. Blacked out SUVs are never a good sign.
"Everything all right here?" another man questioned, walking away from his car without closing the door. The passenger remained on the other side of the hood, watching the interaction silently as he leaned against it.
A feeling of dread washed over you. These new faces didn't feel like good news, you wanted to get rid of them quickly. "Yeah, we're all good here," you assured. "Just blew a tire, but we got it handled. Thanks for stopping."
"What's a few more hands?" the stranger asked, sending you a wide grin that sent chills running up your spine. You felt cornered, stuck between the new faces and your car behind you. You were a trapped animal, wanting to be free from this cage.
"Sir, I'm gonna have to respectfully decline your offer," you said in one last attempt to be civil. "As I said, we have it handled."
"We?" The man tilted his head to the side, a smug grin on his face.
You were sent to the ground by a force against your head, groaning in pain as you got to your hands and knees. You put all your weight on one hand and used the other to feel the back of your head, feeling the warm liquid against your fingers, pulling them back to you to see the blue fluid drip down your palm. You groaned as you placed your hand back onto the ground, relieving the pressure of your other hand.
Laughter bounced around the three men as the one who hit you twirling the lug wrench in his hand. The back door of the blacked out SUV opened, a fourth person stepping out of the car. You looked up in time to see a familiar face, a condescending smirk resting on her lips as she slowly walked to your injured form. Ah! She was so familiar but you just couldn't put a name to her face.
"Well, I clearly pissed you off," you stated, moving to sit on your knees. You got a good look at her when she turned her head to look at one of the men, the healing marks on her face, the torment of grief in her eyes. You remember her now, but that doesn’t mean you’re not going to play dumb.
"You did," she confirmed casually, even throwing in a nonchalant shrug in there. She was quick, her foot kicking up into your gut sent you back down to your hands, gasping at the sudden loss of air in your lungs.
The laughter continued between the men. The female, however, did not laugh though you knew she was finding entertainment in your pain. You coughed as you filled your lungs back up, breathing rapidly.
"What'd I do to you?" you questioned, picking your head up to look at her. "Did I do that to your pretty little face?" You laughed, but that laughter was soon cut off by her fist striking through your jaw. You bit back the groan building in your chest, knowing that's what she's searching for because that's what you would seek.
"I'm surprised you don't remember me," she stated. You spit out the blood forming in your mouth before looking back up at her. "You and I held a very interesting conversation when we met."
"Oh." You laughed, jaw clenched against the moan you wanted to make as you sat up on your knees again. "I remember you. You're… You're the Watchdogs heir!" You seemingly enjoying this did not make her feel better about beating you. "How's your dad? Is he doing okay?" You snorted as you added, "Oh, wait. He's dead."
She grabbed onto the collar of your shirt and tugged you close to her - oh, how the roles have reversed - but she didn't get a single punch in before one of the men spoke up.
"Let's not get carried away." It was the man who had yet to speak, the one leaning against the car hood. "We need the bitch alive."
"Hey, how was the funeral?" you questioned, ignoring the man. "I'm sure it was a closed casket because his face was probably too disgusting to put on display."
Her teeth were clenched so tight, you were pretty sure you could hear her grinding them. You wanted her to punch you, to feel that feeling you felt when you were pummeling her because you felt that this is something you definitely deserved, but she released you. You fell back to your hands, relying on her to hold you up.
You laughed. "Your father must be so proud of you," you stated as she walked away from you, heading back towards the SUV. "I'm sure he would've chickened out of a fight, too."
She stopped walking to look at you, sending you a smile that slowly wiped the grin off of your face. "He would definitely be proud," she confirmed. "I've expanded Watchdogs. We're bigger, better, more dangerous. And we're under new authority."
Oh, don't say it.
"Hail HYDRA." Her grin was the last thing you saw before the man behind you sent the lug wrench into your head one last time, darkness engulfing you.
Wanda stood in the middle of your room the next morning, lips pursed together tightly as she waited. The feeling in the pit of her stomach wasn’t settling no matter what she conjured up in her head, taking slow breaths to steady herself. She released a breath when the door opened behind her, Natasha hesitantly stepping into the room.
“What?” Natasha received Wanda’s text and ignored it at first, but the curiosity got the better of her and now here she is, standing in your bedroom with your ex. And Wanda could tell by the tone of her voice that this is where she doesn’t want to be.
She turned to look at the redhead, huffing. “Y/N’s gone.”
Natasha nodded, crossing her arms over her chest. “Yeah, she told Steve she was leaving for a bit. He was trying to find you to tell you.”
But she shook her head. That didn’t help the feeling in her stomach, twisting and turning and screaming at her that something is wrong. “Don’t you feel that? The… The feeling that she is not okay.”
“Oh, you probably have a stomach ache from last night. It could be the food, but it’s probably more guilt than anything.” Natasha shrugged casually, turning to leave, but Wanda used her powers to slam the door shut before she reached it. “Really?”
“I know you’re upset with Y/N, but she’s not a cheater.”
“No.” She spun around to look at Wanda, eyebrows furrowed in anger. “I’m not upset with Y/N, I’m upset with you. And myself. I don’t blame Y/N. We pushed her too hard.”
“I knew she had a date with you,” Wanda confessed. “She tried to postpone it, but I wouldn’t let her. Y/N has a conscience, so it was easy to just put on the puppy eyes and get her to change her mind.”
“You’re making this easier to be more upset with you than myself,” Natasha declared, “but we’re both to blame, aren’t we? I rushed her into a relationship and you just keep pulling her to you.”
Wanda sighed, nodding subtly. “Maybe you’re right,” she decided, rubbing her forehead as her eyes fluttered closed. “I’m sure I’m just feeling guilty about last night. I’m… sure Y/N’s fine.” At her own words, the feeling in Wanda’s stomach seemed to simmer down a little bit, giving her the opportunity to relax. She opened her eyes, looking at Natasha to see that her anger has subsided as well. “I’m sorry.”
Natasha sighed, placing her hands on her hips. She wasn’t ready to accept her apology, but she knew it was a step in the right direction. “I know,” she assured, nodding. “I’m sorry, too.”
Wanda looked away for a moment, hugging herself, before she made eye contact with Natasha as she asked, “Do we hug now?”
“No.” Natasha laughed, shaking her head. “Can I leave now?”
Wanda gestured towards the door, Natasha pulling it open with ease and leaving the room. The second Natasha was gone, she pulled out her cell phone and called you, pouting when it went straight to voicemail. Taking one last look around, she left the room, too, shutting the door behind her.
She knew you’ll be okay out there, but that doesn’t mean she’s not going to be worried about you.
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