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messiahzzz · 2 months

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while it’s perfectly fine to have your own headcanons that are non-canon compliant — by all means, go wild. recognizing pieces of yourselves in fictional characters can be a very healing and validating experience. this is nonetheless a casual, well-intentioned reminder that gale, in fact, does not have bpd.

bpd is a pervasive pattern of instability affecting interpersonal relationships, self-image, and mood. the disorder is marked by impulsivity beginning in early adulthood and is present in a variety of contexts. a diagnosis requires at least 5 of the following 9 criteria to be met:

Fear of abandonment

Unstable or changing relationships

Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self

Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors (e.g., excessive spending, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).

Suicidal behavior or self-injury

Varied or random mood swings

Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness

Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights

Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality

source: [x]

i highlighted the criteria that do apply to gale in one way or another in a pretty purple.

i personally believe that it’s rather harmful to equate his relationship with mystra with her being “his fp”. she is a deity, his goddess, and the source of his powers, who is in in full control of the magic he wields.

gale: mystra commands all magic. salvation, if such a thing exists, is hers to bestow or withhold.

gale has been effectively groomed and conditioned to serve and revere her at every turn since early childhood. imo this comparison really undermines a lot of crucial points in gale’s story that deal with his overall trauma and abuse. after all, you wouldn’t call shar sh*dowhe*rt’s fp either.

gale doesn’t revile mystra, nor does he commit benevolent deeds solely motivated by the secret hope that she will somehow notice and take him back. when you meet gale in the game he has already fully come to terms with the fact that he has been abandoned by mystra with no hope of reconciliation whatsoever. he also had some very fitting lines in ea regarding this topic that i'm sad haven't been repurposed in the full release in some way.

gale: [the tadpoles] don't know that some things are impossible. they don't know that... they don't know. player: what is impossible about what you're being shown? gale: forgiveness. gale: it is mystra i see. and yet it cannot be her. there was a time when i would have believed - but no longer. gale: suffice it to say she would not bestow upon me the favors promised in these dreams. that is how i know they are delusions.

he has already reached the stage of acceptance. moreover, gale only starts to realize that mystra might have been in the wrong for requesting his death once the tadpole squad & tav speak some sense into him. and even then he doesn’t ever show that his emotions regarding mystra are anywhere along those lines. he is instead rightfully angered that she only saw value in his death, after he had been worshipping her loyally for years.

gale: i worshipped mystra loyally for years, and in that time she granted me the barest sliver of the power i was ready to wield. gale: even with the fate of the world at stake, she had little more to offer me than the means of blowing myself up at a more convenient time. she's done nothing to help us.

gale: you abandoned me in my hour of greatest need. i had no obligation to help you in yours. gale: because you had no right to ask that of me. you cast me out, remember?

gale doesn’t display rapid changes in mood either. he is a character who is generally very composed and has been known to remain nonchalant even in the face of utter horror. tim downie himself even commented on this once. source: [x]

the only instance i can think of is his sudden switch from resigned-to-death to utter-eye-sparkling-enthusiasm once he spots the crown of karsus. apart from crucial story reasons that i won’t touch upon in this post, i’d also like to add that it’s a rather common phenomenon for people who have just barely survived a suicide attempt to suddenly be filled with zeal and unbridled energy. he doesn't display impulsivity without thorough consideration when it comes to its acquisition either. he considers this a golden opportunity and is positively enthusiastic and elated that this might prove an alternative to him ending up in a cloud of netherese smoke. nonetheless, he knows what he is doing. evident in him actually succeeding in ascending in one of his endings.

gale: this is no passing whim, trust me. if i can obtain that crown, it will affect us all. it is not a decision i'll take lightly. gale: it's our future that i'm thinking of - we can't rely on anyone else to do it for us. gale: for now - we've learned all we can.

neither are his relationships that we do know of (namely elminster, tara, and morena) frequently changing. they are marked by years of mutual respect, care, and consistency. there is nothing unstable about them. while it's important to note that his relationship with tav is still in its honeymoon stages during the main game, there is no inclination of any push-and-pull dynamic between them whatsoever.

gale isn’t preoccupied with keeping up some sort of benevolent act in order to win (back) affection — he genuinely IS a good person and he proves this at every turn. moreover, to have a tressym become your familiar you must be of Good alignment.

(taken from tumblr user galedekarios's post.)

there is never a moment where his ideals or alignment suddenly change. in fact, i’d argue that he and wyll are most consistent in this regard when compared to the rest of the companions. gale makes his moral standpoint very clear from the beginning on and also explicitly states that he believes that in order to survive this entire ordeal it would be selfish of him if he wouldn’t be willing to compromise on his morals. this isn’t a sudden bout of ✨muahahaha wizard hubris✨ that he barely contained to hold in before, this is yet another act of selflessness — it is what he’s willing to do for the group and subsequently, the welfare of faerun.

player: i love unsavoury things. don't feel guilty on my account. gale: that's good to know. although i should say i do what i do out of a sense of utility and pragmatism, not a love of the unsavoury. gale: we're up against the greatest threat faerun has ever faced. i don't mind getting my hands dirty if it gives us a better chance of surviving. gale: whatever advantage i can gain for us. i will. and i refuse to feel guilty for it, no matter how much mystra's chidings might echo in my skull.

this is him, once again trying to be useful in whatever way he can. to give them an advantage, a slither of hope against seemingly impossible odds, so they might make it out of this in one piece. gale wouldn’t approve of those actions under normal circumstances, but their predicament is as far from any definition of “normal” as it can get.

gale is no fool, he realizes this is essentially about survival. he knows that he has no option left other than to tolerate, which is why he can be convinced to not immediately depart tav’s company even if they choose to commit atrocities. this is no character flaw of his or him displaying a previously dormant openness for cruelty, this is about recognizing the necessity.

player: you don't stand a chance alone. you're free to go. i dare you. gale: gods damn you - you're right. few things are more powerful than the will to live.

gale: i thought the orb to be the greatest of my sins, but i see now that there are darker depths to which i might yet sink. you may be content to sink into that abyss, but i assure you - i am not.

gale doesn’t lead a split existence. he has a very strong sense of identity. he knows what he wants, what he doesn’t want and he isn’t shy in expressing his boundaries either. which he has especially shown when it comes to his relationship with tav. i originally had intended to touch upon this in another post entirely but: i firmly believe his entire Gale of Waterdeep™ persona is more of a performance than him struggling to find a sense of identity and trying them on for size. it is an intentional decision to separate gale dekarios from the great wizard of waterdeep, to create distance and make sure his family name remains untarnished in case things should ever go sideways.

gale: i agree. and on the plus side, if i get myself into any truly cataclysmic straits during the remainder of our journey, my family name will go untarnished.

there is also a deep-rooted feeling of unworthiness and his firm belief that love and praise are conditional resources that he will only be granted through his talents alone, naturally. presenting himself as gale dekarios, the man, would mean highlighting his shortcomings and very human flaws, while distracting from the aspects of himself that are deemed praiseworthy, the ones that actually matter: his magical prowess.

i personally believe that part of the beauty of gale’s story is him realizing just how “little” it takes for him to be truly content. he gets his happy ending, with someone at his side who truly sees him, understands him and unabashedly commits to him. they worship and adore him in return — and it is well deserved. he isn’t reduced to be constantly and restlessly searching for some unattainable ideal to fill the gaping void within himself. he doesn’t secretly thirst for more power still or believes that in being with tav he is settling for something. instead, he is finally happy to just be. be and be accepted. teaching a class of unruly wizards and coming home to his spouse each day already fulfills him.

gale: that's how i feel with you - content. it's a rather unfamiliar feeling, i must say. not something gale of waterdeep ever craved.

even if he doesn’t pursue a romance with tav, he reaches a realization of “oh, it appears i am not irredeemably flawed and only able to reach true redemption through my own death. what i needed was actually with me all along.” throughout their journey and through his friend's support. i think that’s a very powerful and comforting message. he is very well capable of finding peace within himself.

devnotes: his default state is that he returned to waterdeep and became a professor of illusory magic at his former school, blackstaff academy. general vibe here is that this is a gale who's found peace with himself - he's a great teacher, one his students are mostly in awe of.

to repeat myself: sharing your headcanons is all in good fun, nor should you ever be discouraged from doing so. this is your personal tumblr experience, after all. but i personally think we should be mindful of unintentionally perpetuating negative stereotypes, such as narcissism being a general indicator or being deemed a classic depiction of bpd. i think we can all agree that the continuous longing for acceptance, connection, praise, and approval is something we all have in common deep down, regardless of whatever disorder we may have. [insert victoria justice meme here]

gale may be many things to many people, but he is no entitled narcissist.

#with love. a person diagnosed with bpd <3 #this turned much longer than i originally intended it to be (aka less of a reply and more of a character study)#by now you know that i am incapable of cutting myself short. i’m so sorry #i debated if i should put this in the tag at first #but i personally think that this is a very interesting discussion #also to reiterate: this is by NO MEANS a slight at the original poster #i just thought it more respectful to make my own post instead of invading theirs with my ranting #fandom is all about fun and escapism.#if you interpret characters in a certain way that i personally disagree with that is a-okay #BUT i’m also gonna have my own specific brand of fun by pointing out why you’re wrong (affectionately)#also i quickly want to add that if you're interested in a very accurate and respectful portrayal of bpd: watch crazy ex-girlfriend!!#its on netflix and genuinely such a funny and unapologetically weird show. the writers have really done their homework #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #bg3 meta #character analysis #it speaks #long post #suicide mention

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mulletmitsuya · 2 years

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lol...my parents aren't taking me to therapy anymore cause they think it's a waste of time and money. but...won't the funeral costs be more tho..?

#nahh ur good #like #I'm bout to ratio these fucking fool's #how can ur child literally be diagnosed with 3 very serios mental illnesses and ur just like #IM NOT GOOD #THE HOMICIDAL THOUGHTS ARE PERSISTING LIKE NEVER BEFORE #i don't understand bcs i'm suppose to be getting treatment so i can get rid of this by the time im an adult so it doesn't develop further #fucking bpd man #bpd #bordeline personality disorder #actually bpd #actually borderline #personality disorder #depression #severe anxiety #set me free❗#anyway #i hope that u guys r doing amazing you r the best and i love u #did u remember to drink water #to eat #to take your medicine #to treat yourself #and to take a break when u need to #unclench your jaw and relax your shoulders #relax your face #i love u and one day things will work out #just a daily reminder sorry if this is cringe #mwah❤#roxies rants n such⚠️#nothing to see here :|

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futureless · 2 years

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i’m beginning to think my entire purpose in life is just to be a step for people to use and walk on so they can level up into the next chapter of their lives bc that’s all it’s ever been & i’m rlly tired of fucking being here :)

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scorpihoe1111 · 1 month

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Astrology Observations: Part 3🎀🩷

Mars aspecting the ASC can give the individual a dominating demeanor, but also mainly depends on which aspect. Ex: Harmonius Aspects (trine/sextile)=Straightforward, honest, stand their ground, strong boundaries, not one to be pushed around. Harsh Aspects (square/opp)= Aggressive, domineering, rude, blunt, obnoxious.

(TW: Death) Your 8H sign and planet may tell you how you pass away. Ex: Gemini moon in the 8H= Lungs, breathing problems, asthma. Moon= emotional turmoil, stress, heart break etc

Asteroids like Medusa (149) or Aphrodite (1388) can show you what people envy about you, what they admire, where they may attempt to bring you shame etc. Ex: Medusa in the 1H can attract envy over their appearance, their aura and demeanor. People could attempt to “humble” these individuals often. Aphrodite in the 2H can make others admire your money, your possessions, may wanna know how you have what you have so they can have it too.

Aphrodite (1388) can result in people not just admiring wherever the house it’s in, but also being malicious and petty over it since they feel they deserve it more.

Lilith in the houses is similar to this, and can result in those around you being annoyed when you do things in regards to the house and sign it is in. Ex: Sagittarius Lilith in the 2H= people could be upset when you relax, when you have fun, when you don’t play by made up rules and standards, when you’re genuinely happy, when you have nice things, when you take a break, when you indulge etc, because they have this mindset of “I never got to do that/have that, why should you”. Lilith in the 1H= people getting annoyed that you may be beautiful and they’re not, painting you as a villain because you’re pretty.

Cancer moons are surprisingly really good with holding boundaries with people in their lives. These people can be lover girls/boys, for sure; but they refuse to let people take advantage of them. Their love, effort and care is reserved for those who will appreciate them in return.

(TW: Mental Health) Take this with a grain of salt since it’s just an observation and not a fact, but those I’ve met with a combo of Scorpio/Gemini in personal planets in a chart are usually diagnosed with BPD, while those I’ve met with either Virgo/Aries/Gemini in a chart combined have usually been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder/OCD. 12H and 8H stelliums I’ve also met have had some sort of mental illness such as BPD or Schizophrenia.

Jupiter in the 1H, Sag/Pisces risings and/or Jupiter aspecting ASC/personal planets usually manage to get out of difficult situations easily. These people easily attract the help they need, the resources to do what they need, the money to get them where they want to be; very easily. Even when people with these placements/aspects get in trouble they usually manage to make it out very easily as well. Jupiter blesses and makes lucky anything it touches.

People think that Mercury in the 1H might usually talk alot about themselves, and while that may be true; it’s also true that they simply attract people who love to know about them and ask questions in regards to them. Mercury 1H individuals seem to be interesting to others and peak others curiosity about them. Others find them fascinating, thus constantly asking questions about them.

On the other hand, Mercury 3H individuals may be very close with their siblings, or their siblings can be popular/known/famous which could make the 3H person known for their siblings. This results in the 3H person consistently hearing about their siblings, getting asked questions or discussing topics in regards to their siblings. Same thing with school, this person may have either really good or really bad grades in regards to school so their main conversations with others could be in regards to school topics.

A Virgo rising individual at their worst can be obsessed with popularity/attention/validation (Leo 12H) amongst their peers. They may not come off that way, and they themselves may not even know that they secretly love being in the center. Without realizing, they subconsciously try their hardest to be the best at everything, the smartest, the prettiest/handsomest, and when at their lowest they have no issue with taking down others who they deem threatening to their spotlight. They can also be secretly judgmental of those who they deem to be lesser, or not as attractive than they are.

Similarly, I’ve noticed Scorpio Risings at their worse can be very jealous and insecure individuals as well when it comes to appearances/validation. I’ve noticed this in women with this placement mostly, but when they’re at their lowest/undeveloped, they’re the type to only be friends with or surround themselves around people they think are worse than they are whether appearance, status, popularity wise etc. Undeveloped Scorpio rising females can be very competitive and refuse to have someone who’s possibly better than they are around them, since they don’t want to be compared to the other person or not chosen/not the favorite.

Libra moon’s are the people that start the drama and then say “I don’t like drama” lol. What they really mean is they love it, as long as they’re not involved

If you find that you always have bad experiences with those whose signs fall in your 11H, check your sidereal chart. Odds are your 11H sign in your western chart is the 12H sign in your sidereal, which would explain the bad experiences.

Aquarius women are always so successful in everything they do, I’ve rarely met an Aquarius woman that doesn’t have their shit together in every category. They’re giving face, body, money, career, healthy love life and social life etc. The men on the other hand…

Yes, those with Saturn in the 7H have a hard time finding the one. They go through years of cycles and repetitive situations in love but those who find their person find their FOREVER person. People with this placement may be the last to be in a relationship/get married amongst their peers, however they’re usually the happiest and most successful once they do compared to friends or family who just hurried up and settled and usually separate/divorce. Saturn 7H’s standards and boundaries may also seem to high or unrealistic to those around them, but they’re just asking for bare minimum. It only seems that way to others around them because they were raised in a group or environment that had no standards low key.

The good thing about 2H stelliums is that you attract money, possessions and success super easily. The bad thing is that those around you could ONLY see you as your success/money, and may try to bleed you dry of what you have and take advantage. Strong boundaries and not being overly giving is recommended with these placements.

Mars in the 12H can attract people who are secretly aggressive or hostile towards them. They may never know someone is holding a grudge on them and they may attract secret animosity or competition as a result. May have issues with male figures in their life and won’t even know it.

Jupiter in the 6H, especially with Cancer or Libra there; get along with animals sooo well. These are literal pet whisperers and it’s rare for them to not have at least 3 cats/dogs. They love animals more than people sometimes.

Part 4 will be out soon. 👏🏻

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xzaddyzanakinx · 1 month

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Okay so I have a request 😭 at some point could you PLEASSEEEE make a series where it’s Anakin x reader with bipolar? I’m pretty sure Anakin already suffers from borderline but I personally suffer from bipolar and 1. Could be such good angst , 2. Anakin could literally be insane and the reader would probably want to be around him bc bipolar sometimes craves danger, and 3. I feel like it would be really nice to see Anakin comfort a bipolar reader during a really bad episode where they’re like hysterical and then manic

(I’m so sorry this was so long)

Yes, Anakin has been diagnosed with BPD by many therapists!

That’s part of the reason I love him so much. I also have BPD and I really resonate with him. Because I get it you know? He’s obsessive, he will do ANYTHING for his Favorite Person.

He’d even spill blood.

The way it would pain him so deeply to see his FP in such anguish… he’ll punch a wall and cry about it later but right then he’ll be emotionless, he’d put on the best mask of comfort he could so he could soak up all your pain and take it away.

I got carried away. Oops. Warnings: inner monologue of: Self pity, gaslighting, verbal abuse, depression, self deprecation, co-dependency, death/suicide

He’d be so strong and solid for you because you need him, but internally he’d be shattered. What if he caused your episode? What if you leave him some day when you’re manic and feral for change no matter what the consequences are? What if you never loved him in the first place and he made it all up and somehow you’ve just went along with it this whole time? What if he doesn’t actually love you and he’s just been using you because you’re vulnerable and you make him feel needed and important?

Isn’t he just some attention hungry monster? He did this to you didn’t he? He triggered this episode for the simple fact that you would be in pain, you would be dependent, you would be reliant, you would see that there is no way you could leave him because he’s the only one who can handle you. You’ll see that won’t you?

God he’s just insane isn’t he? What a sick fuck. Treating you this way for personal gain. To hell with the fact that sometimes a Bipolar episode just sneaks up on you without a reason at all. Anakin knows he did this to you. Even if he didn’t… he’s still a horrible piece of shit because he can’t fix it for you.

Or even worse: what if he’s being used? What if you are playing him and he’s been too blind with infatuation to see it? That’s what’s happening isn’t it? You’ve fucking taken advantage of his kindness, his selflessness, his undying and unconventional love for you. You’re faking it.

When you snap out of this ‘episode’ he’ll lay into you about your true intentions with him. He’d call you out on your selfishness.

He’s better than this. He deserves more than this, can’t you get that through your thick fucking skull? How could you be so stupid? How could you be so dense? Did you truly believe he actually cared about you? No, he just felt sorry for you.

He felt so fucking sorry for you. Pathetic little clingy thing. He’s given and given and given to you and you’ve been nothing but ungrateful. You didn’t even try to get better for him. You rejected his help and this is the last fucking straw. He’s given you every chance, he’s given you everything.

Oh god he’s given you his entire soul. He’s laid his entire being out onto a platter for you to pick apart and terrorize but you’ve done… the opposite. You’ve coddled him when he didn’t deserve it. You made him happy when the world around him was devoid of anything but insufferable, heavy, suffocating despair. You were the light at the end of the long, cold tunnel.

And he’d almost extinguished you.

You were the key to every emotion he couldn’t attain on his own. You kept his happiness, his love, his joy, his contentment, his comfort, his calm.

Without you he’d be nothing.

You should leave. You should run. You should leave.

You should change your name and flee the country because he would stop at nothing to prove himself to you again.

He needs you. You are the air he breathes and the blood in his veins. You are perfect, pure, angelic.

You are heaven on earth and he is a demon walking through the flesh world.

You deserved better. You needed better. You know you deserve better.

But you won’t leave him because you are too kind and loving, you are so sweet and caring. You won’t ever stop. You won’t let him hide. You won’t let him believe he is unloved. You won’t allow him to crawl into himself and go mute. You won’t allow him to let his mind go blank and his flesh move about on autopilot. You won’t allow him to convince himself that he is unworthy.

You won’t give up on him.

And that’s why he has to leave. Permanently. That’s the only way you’ll ever be truly happy and free. He won’t be there to feel the all consuming sorrow every fucking day. He won’t be there to make you watch him drown, suffer as he claws at the surface of the water. So fucking close to air and unable to reach it. So, when he gives up, he won’t drag you down and force you to wallow at the bottom of the lake of despair with him. He won’t suction the life out of you anymore.

He’s selfishly sponged up every drop of life you’ve given him and he knows you must be exhausted from the never ending battle of trying to make him feel human.

It’s better this way. Maybe you’ll meet in the next life and things will be different. Or maybe your soul will recognize his and urge you to escape as quickly as possible. Either way, in this life, Anakin is setting you free.

Because if you love something, you should let it go.

You should let him go.

Don’t cry for him when you find him, feel the sweet relief of all your pain having died with him.

After all, he did this for you.

#star wars anakin #anakin skywalker #anakin smut #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin x reader #star wars #anakin x you #sw anakin #darth vader #darth vader smut #anakin fanfiction #anakin skywalker x you #anakin skywalker x reader smut #anakin skywalker fanfiction #anakin

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doraambrose · 3 months

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I see this alot in fanon and I think jason Todd's parents are completely misunderstood.

Disclaimer: I am not a victim of parents with drug abuse nor have a I ever done drugs. I sympathize and emphasize with people who struggle with drug abuse as there are many reasons to get into it and it's very hard on your body to get clean, I will link help organizations below. This does mean that I can be a little ignorant to the struggles so if I say anything offensive or wrong, please call me out and educate me so I don't make the same mistake

Jason's family has been retconned so many times, it's hard to keep it straight. But this is my headcannon based on what I've seen:

1. I feel like a lot of people write Willis Todd to be this awful abusive scumbag who hated his kid and his wife. If you are talking about young justice or arkhamverse, this canonically true, but I think that's far from the truth in the main universe, prime or whatever it's called. In batman 411, jason is clearly distraught by Willis' death and does try to avenge him by lashing out at Two face. We also can't forget about the incident with the penguin that led to the worst Bruce and jason characterization before gotham war. And that's because of one rhato issue where jason finally reads willis' letters (a truly heartbreaking issue: rhato rebirth 23)

I believe that Willis wasn't a bad dad. Not a good dad, but not an awful abusive one. I 100% believe he has never abused his family in this universe. And you know what, he wasn't a great person. He was a drug dealer and then a henchmen. But he CARED. He cared about his family. He tried so hard to provide for Catherine and Jason for their medical bills, food, shelter. He just had a poor upbringing and some real shit luck, trying to survive in poverty in Gotham city.

2. Catherine has been written in fanon to be a perfect caring mother who was nothing but a victim. I believe that she wasn't as good of a mother and a person as people make her out to be. And we haven't seen everything, but I believe this because she seems selfish. She seems to put herself and her drug addiction before her family, doesn't seem to even try to get clean or take care of jason or provide. Look at these panels:

She neglected Jason. He had to go out and put his life on the line day after day when it should've been the other way around. Jason was a kid. And don't get me wrong, she probably loved jason and had good intentions, no, she definitely loved him, or else jason wouldn't canonically think as highly of her and take care of her the way he did, but she wasn't perfect and I don't think she was as good of a mother as she's made out to be.

3. Canonically, jason seems to really care for Catherine, but not Willis. I have a theory about that. For why he thinks so highly of catherine: I've never had a parent who suffered from drug abuse, but I do have a parent who suffered from a lot of mental health issues like depression, diagnosed, and I feel like bpd, though it was never diagnosed. When things were bad, they were BAD. I witnessed a lot. But when things were good, things were REALLY GOOD. I feel like when Catherine would come off the drug haze, things were like that. She probably took care of him during those times and was loving and all that. Catherine is the one parent figure Jason has to hold onto (because of all the shit with Bruce, Sheila, etc.). He forcibly removes the bad shit she's done and hangs onto the good things she's done because she really did care about him and in life, it seems harder to hate your mom than your dad (from what i have heard when i did research on this from friends). I've done that for years, and idk if I'm explaining it right, but I think that's the best way I can. For why he doesn't love willis: I think up until he read the notes, he didn't have the full picture. From his perspective, willis leaves to do crime and then eventually gets caught and left forever. I think he blamed willis for making jason become "the man of the house" and have all this extra responsibility. Willis also strikes me as the type of parent who has trouble expressing feelings, so jason probably rarely, if ever, heard "I love you" from his dad. Willis also strikes me as the person who would believe that he needs to make his son stronger in order to survive, and there are a lot of parents like that, especially parents from a low income household or a history of poverty.

In conclusion, both parents were FAR from perfect parents, but they're not as evil or as innocent as people write them in fanon. They're just...people. fanon likes to write comic people as black or white, innocent or abusive, but in reality, It's a gray area. Willis had his flaws, I hc him as one of those old fashioned kind of dads who wants his son to be tough and strong and isn't good with sharing his feelings, but does truly care about his family and NEVER was abusive. Catherine was a mother who definitely cared about her family, but wasn't an innocent victim and had her own flaws.

Anyway, thank you for coming to my Ted talk

#jason todd #red hood #batfam #dc universe #dc comics #rhato rebirth #rhato #catherine todd #willis todd #batman #two face #dc penguin

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sturniolosugar · 3 months

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DAMAGED PT. 3

pairing y/n and chris sturniolo

summary: Y/N is in a toxic relationship with her boyfriend Gio. Y/n meets someone named Chris and ends up in a fucked up situation.

warnings: mentions of smoking, mental health talk

didn’t proof read tbh

pt1 pt2 pt4 pt5 pt6 pt7

Its been about 2 weeks since I’ve last seen Chris. We’ve texted every now and then but not as much as I would like. Maybe he doesn’t wanna be around me..? Maybe I’m just overthinking or maybe I’m right. I haven’t really stopped thinking about him since the last time we were together. I can’t stop thinking about how he kissed my wrist where the red marks that Gio had left were. Do friends do that type of stuff? Was he just being friendly? I don’t even know at this point. My fucking brain hurts. It’s not like I have feelings for Chris or anything. I just miss him. As a friend of course. I’ve been pretty lonely since me and Gio officially broke up. Just because I honestly don’t have friends, I would always be around Gio’s friends. But I never really had any of my own since I graduated. I’ve been in my head so much I think I’m actually going a little crazy. Chris texts me at random times & then doesn’t respond for hours. I thought we could be friends but maybe he decided that he doesn’t wanna be friends with a person like me. I felt a connection. We bonded. Maybe I’m just tripping. I don’t even know anymore. Universe please give me fucking answers.

5 pm same day

I’m just getting out of the shower when I hear a ding on my phone and grab my phone. “Hey sorry I’ve been hella busy. Do you wanna hang?” The text from Chris reads. My heart beat speeds up. Yes I wanna fucking hang out, what the fuck kind of question is that? I’ve been dying to hangout with you for what felt like years. I need to calm down it’s literally been 2 weeks. “Sure” I respond to the text trying to seem nonchalant even though I’m very much the opposite of nonchalant. “Okok I’ll pick you up and we can chill at my place if you want.” He responds. I text him back and agree. Some time passes before I hear him pull in the driveway. I walk out of my front door and walk towards his car. I get into the vehicle and immediately look at Chris. He’s already looking at me smiling. “Hey stranger” he says. “Heyyy” I say smiling.

A couple hours go by with hanging out with Chris. We are sitting on his bed less than a foot apart and just talking about a variety of things like our past, and parents and how it was growing up, enjoying each other’s company while listening to music and smoking. I tell him about how my mom lives an hour away and I never get to see her anymore & about how my dad left me and my mom when I was 6 years old. He tells me about his parents and how they live in the same town as us they are just always working so he doesn’t get to see them often.

I explain to him that I am diagnosed with bpd, depression and anxiety and we talk a lot about our mental health. “It’s hard you know. I feel really deeply and have never known what it’s like to not feel deep” I say. “I get that for real. I’m diagnosed with bipolar disorder, sometimes I get really self destructive and isolate myself. The highs are high but the lows are very low” Chris responds and passes me the blunt that we have been smoking on. “I don’t ever talk about shit like this. Whenever I tried talking to Gio about it he would laugh and say that I’m dramatic” I say hitting the blunt and looking down at the ground. “Fuck him. He’s missing out on a raw, rare, beautiful soul” Chris says. I feel myself warm up on the inside. His words stick with me so much. I hand Chris the almost gone blunt.

“I hope I didn’t accidentally get you into smoking” Chris chuckles before putting the blunt out. I asked him if we could smoke because I loved the way it made me feel last time. “No I just like how it makes me feel” I respond laughing and shaking my head. “I never knew how to inhale until I smoked with you last time. If I would of known this is how it feels like I would of started smoking a long time ago” I laughed. “That’s how I felt when I first started smoking.” He says. “I just watched how you inhaled and exhaled. You basically taught me how to smoke without realizing it.” I say looking at him. His eyes are glossy and red. I don’t know if it’s possible but I think he looks even more attractive when he’s high. “I could teach you a lot of things If you would let me.” He says under his breath quickly. “What did you say?” I ask. He moves closer to me so that way our knees are touching. “Nothing.” He says and smiles innocently. My heart beat quickens and I get nervous as his knee touches my knee. He notices my energy change. I feel like I wouldn’t have a reaction if I was sober, but I’m high.

I lay back onto his bed trying to change positions that way there is space between us. He moves and lays back next to me. Fuck. I need space. When I’m high and around him I feel some type of way. He’s close to me again and Im trying to keep my composure. “Do I make you nervous?” He says pushing my hair behind my ear with his fingers. “What? No- I’m-” I stop in the middle of my sentence as I can’t come up with a lie fast enough. “Can I hold you?” He says catching me off guard. “Yeah, if you want.” I say hesitantly. He grabs my body and moves me closer to him. He puts his arms around my waist so that way he’s spooning me. He gently rubs his fingers across my skin. My body tenses and I unintentionally get goosebumps. “Your touch deprived” he whispers. “Im okay- I just-” I start to say but am cut off by Chris. “You don’t have to explain, I just know by the way your body reacts to my touch.” He says. He pulls me impossibly closer to him. We sit there listening to music for a couple minutes before he speaks. “I’m having a party on Saturday if you would like to come you can.” He says. “Yeah I can come.” I say knowing I have no other plans. “Bet” he says. I turn to face him and stare into his eyes. His eyes are so beautiful. He’s so beautiful. It almost bothers me. Because I know that if I think he’s attractive so does a ton of other girls and I could never compete even if I wanted to. I wonder what his type is? “Why are you staring at me?” He says smiling. “I don’t know” I say blushing. “Your beautiful” he says out of the blue. “Thank you” I say feeling my face get hot. We stare into each other eyes not saying a word but it felt like we were having a whole conversation only using our eyes.

I hear my phone ding and grab my phone to see who texted. It’s Gio. I open the message to see a picture of him holding another girls hand. He’s lame as fuck. That’s some middle school shit. I scoff and hold up my phone to Chris to show him the message. He shakes his head “what is he 5 years old? He’s butthurt as fuck & tryna be petty” he says. I put my hands over my face and shake my head. “I have an idea.” He says, his face lighting up. “What?” I ask curiously. “We can always send him a picture back, except a better picture that will make him lose his mind” he says with a blank facial expression. My heart sinks. What does he mean? “Okay. What do we do in the picture?” Chris grabs my phone out of my hand and presses the camera icon. The camera is now on us.

“Stick out your tongue” Chris says. I stick out my tongue and he sticks out his tongue making the tips of our tongues touch. My body freezes. He takes the picture and I force out a laugh trying to hide the fact that I want to feel more of his tongue. I want his tongue in my mouth, on my body, everywhere. But I hold my composure together and smile. There’s no way this motherfucker is gonna send that. “It’s to blurry redo it” he says. My heart drops but I quickly stick my tongue out and he sticks his tongue out making our tongues touch again. I try to hold back my smile. He takes multiple pictures and I start to laugh and pull myself back. He laughs and goes through the pictures we just took. I feel my body heating up as tons of emotions run through my entire body. I try to suppress the emotions so that way he can’t tell I’m freaking out on the inside. He stares at the pictures and I move closer so that way I can see them as well. We stare at the pictures not saying a word. He looks up at me making our eyes lock. His fucking gaze. He smiles and looks back down at the phone. He favorites some of the pictures and then goes to the messages with Gio and sends one of the pictures. I start to laugh and shake my head. “If he wants to be petty so can we” Chris says smiling and shrugging his shoulders. I laugh and shrug my shoulders. “Block him” Chris says with a non readable facial expression. I pause for a moment before grabbing my phone and blocking Gio.

Chris’s POV

I grab y/n’s phone and open her camera app and put the camera on us. I lean closer to her and tell her to stick out her tongue. She sticks out her tongue and I take the chance to stick out my tongue as well making the tips of our tongues touch not knowing how she would react. I take a couple pictures purposefully shaking the camera a little bit so that way they would turn out a little blurry so that way I had another excuse to feel her tongue against mine again. We stick out our tongues again making our tongues touch for the second time. I take multiple pictures and she pulls herself away from me and laughs. I swipe through the pictures and feel y/n move closer so she was able to see the pictures as well. We stare at the pictures, I wish I could feel more of her. I wish I could give her the relief she’s been craving since her and Gio broke up. I know she’s touch deprived and I know she’s probably feeling tons of emotions right now but so am I. I was testing the waters to see how she would react but the fact that she let our tongues touch for a second time tells me she didn’t mind it.

I look up from the picture and stare into her beautiful brown eyes. She’s such a beautiful, pure soul. She’s never deserved what she’s been through. I could never bring myself to say this out loud to her but I wish I could spend all of my time with her. I wish I could be around her 24/7. I wish I could heal her heart. I look back down at the pictures before favoriting some of them and sending some to Gio. “If he wants to be petty we can be too” I say laughing and shrugging my shoulders. “Block him” I tell her. She pauses for a moment and then proceeds to block him. It’s not that I wanna be controlling or anything I just didn’t want him to respond to the pictures we sent and call her more names and try to manipulate her anymore than he already has. I just wanted him to see that she’s with me. He doesn’t get to have her anymore. He doesn’t get to touch her, smell her, hear her laugh anymore. I do. And that’s better than any revenge.

Y/N’s POV:

Some time passes and me and Chris are now laying down. “I’m starting to get tired Chris.” I say yawning. “Do you wanna stay the night?” He asks. I think for a second before responding with “No”. He looks at me with a saddened expression on his face. I want to stay the night so bad but I don’t know if I’ll be able to control my emotions or thoughts. I want to stay with him forever but I can’t because I know it’ll be hard for me to keep my hands to myself. The more time I spend with him the more easy it will be to get attached and I can’t let that happen. I have to keep reminding myself not to catch feelings or get attached. I have issues. And I don’t wanna fall for him. I can’t be hurt again. And he probably just sees me as just a friend. Friends can touch tongues right? Shit. I don’t know. “Okay ma. I suppose I’ll take you home instead of tying you up in the basement and keeping you all to myself.” He says smiling before throwing a pillow at my face.

We arrive to my house and pull into my driveway. “Get some sleep mama. Text me tomorrow.” He says. Ugh something about him calling me mama makes me wanna change my mind and stay the night at his house. I smile “goodnight Christopher drive safe” I say before getting out of the car and walking into my house. I get inside my room and change into pajamas. I pick up my phone and go to my camera roll. I stare at the pictures me and Chris took.

#chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo #sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo smutt #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo x reader #nick sturniolo #spotify #fanfic #matthew sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo smut

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chiiyuuvv · 2 months

Text

📽 NOW PLAYING.. XIKERS

@chiiyuuvv on tumblr . please do not steal works

💿 = full length 📀 = drabble 💽 = soft thought/hour 📳 = texts 💾 = request 🎉 = birthday 📟 = suggestive 🎧 = personal fav ⭐ = a hit (over 75 notes) 📌 = headcanons

All works are fluff unless stated otherwise

🎤 IMAGINES

🎬 kim minjae

▶️ car drive 💿

bestfriend!minjae takes you out for a drive after noticing how cooped up you are in your room studying for exams

▶️ astraphobia 📀💾

boyfriend!minjae comforts you during a storm

▶️ walk home 📀💽

classmate!minjae decides to take you home against your will

▶️ ramen 📀💾

you pick a fight with stranger!minjae over a new flavor of ramen

▶️ comfort 📀💽💾

anon has a dream where bestfriend!minjae comforts them after being diagnosed with bpd

▶️ photo booth 📀💾

boyfriend!minjae feels like he's just fallen in love all over again when taking silly couples pictures with you

▶️ sakura 📀🎉

it's like nature was responsible for you meeting stranger/boyfriend!minjae

🎬 park junmin

▶️ sick 📀

boyfriend!junmin makes you breakfast after discovering you woke up with a fever

▶️ jealousy 💿💾

classmate!junmin gets jealous when he finds you talking to someone else

▶️ birthday present 📀 dash of angst! also my birthdayy

you get a life sized teddy bear for your birthday

🎬 choi sumin

▶️ the street rapper 💿

you make friends with stranger!sumin when purchasing new paint

▶️ get up 📀💾

you learn that giving a kiss to boyfriend!sumin makes him want to leap out of his chair

▶️ fever 📀💾

you learn that boyfriend!sumin has developed a fever during his sleep

▶️ sugar rush ride 📀💾

boyfriend!sumin watches you go crazy after giving you a bucket full of cotton candy

▶️ massage 💿

bestfriend!sumin gives you a massage after you slept weird during your sleepover

▶️ his perfect world 📀🎉

you take boyfriend!sumin to your house and vise versa

🎬 ham jinsik

▶️ music Dat- Park 💿💾

bestfriend!jinsik confesses to you through song

▶️ feels like a dream 📀💽

inspired by rocco's song, feels like a dream

▶️ the claw of success 📀💾

classmate!jinsik helps you get that plushie that you've always wanted, but under one condition

🎬 choi hyunwoo

▶️ movie 💿 first ever post!

you run into stranger!hyunwoo, who so happens to have the same movie taste as you

▶️ lunging in love 📀💾

you fight over bestfriend!hyunwoo for the controller

▶️ sleeping 📀💽⭐

bestfriend/boyfriend!hyunwoo has a history of hitting milestones when you're asleep

🎬 kim junghoon

▶️ "..I'll just have to kiss you." 📀💾

childhoodbestie!junghoon convinces you that he's okay with his newformed scratch

▶️ concert confession 📀💾

friend!junghoon confesses his love for you on stage

▶️ workout 📀💽

you help out boyfriend!junghoon as he's working out

▶️ cinema 📀💾

boyfriend!junghoon comforts you during a sad movie

▶️ why so jealous? 📀💾📟⭐

you're jealous about boyfriend!junghoon's new video, and he isn't sure why

🎬 park seeun

▶️ pranks 💿

you decide to get your revenge on bestfriend!seeun after he pranks you

▶️ wake 📀💾

boyfriend!seeun doesnt want you to leave the bed after his exhausting practice

▶️ convenient store 💿💾

bestfriend!seeun drags you out to the convenient store

▶️ truth or dare 💿🎧 not mine!

bestfriend!seeun gets red at the thought of you looking through his phone **note this is written by @lil-elle! it was originally my thought but handed over to her. Her writing really gave my idea justice, and im so in love with it <3

▶️ wet kisses 📀💾📟

you refuse to give boyfriend!seeun his kisses after he misses dinner

🎬 jung yujun

▶️ library 💿🎉

classmate!yujun builds up the courage to talk to you

▶️ kdrama and kisses 📀🎉

boyfriend!yujun scolds you for staying up too late

▶️ academic rivals 💿💾

academicenemy!yujun isn't jealous when you won the award.. he's jealous about something else

▶️ no need to hide 📀💾

idol!yujun is relieved when his fans enjoy your presence

▶️ chapstick and kisses 📀💽

boyfriend!yujun lends you with kisses when you run out of chapstick

🎬 hunter

▶️ picnic 💿🎧

bestfriend!hunter decides to take you out for a picnic

▶️ kissable 📀 very first request!

you do a tiktok challenge with boyfriend!hunter

▶️ shooting star 📀💾

you learn something new about the stars with boyfriend!hunter

▶️ period 📀💾⭐

boyfriend!hunter comforts you while you're on your period

▶️ paris in the rain 💿🎉🎧

bestfriend!hunter takes you to his hometown to celebrate his birthday

▶️ clingy 📀🎉

boyfriend!hunter gets clingy

▶️ kissy 📀📟⭐

boyfriend!hunter gets kissy

▶️ imagine if we were dating 📀💽🎧

bestfriend!hunter demonstrates what he would do if he was your boyfriend

▶️ snowy bomb 💿💾

bestfriend!hunter gets worried when he hears something exploding on your side of the phone

▶️ christmas presents 📀 from tiny event!

you awake to find boyfriend!hunter decorating your christmas tree

▶️ rainy kisses 📀💾

you unknowingly comfort boyfriend!hunter

▶️ taking the extra step 💿💾🎧

you dance with childhoodbestie!hunter at prom

▶️ "my sunshine" 💿💾

classmate!friend!hunter cheers you out of your sad mood

▶️ hunter thoughts 📀📌

🎬 lee yechan

thank you @yzerpoz for finding my two works!

▶️ sleepover 💿

you play a series of truth or dares with bestfriend!yechan

▶️ cut 📀💾 mentions of blood

boyfriend!yechan nurses your bloody finger

▶️ realization 💿⭐

bestfriend!yechan realizes that he's been hiding his true feelings for you

▶️ arcade 💿🎉

you decide to play a few games with stranger!yechan

▶️ strawberries and kisses 📀🎉

you sneak into the kitchen with boyfriend!yechan to get a handful of strawberries and kisses

▶️ true 💿💾 based off of descendants headcanons

you meet the stranger/bestfriend!yechan that encourages you to audition

🎧 HEADCANONS

⭑ TAGLIST

#xikers #xikers fluff #xikers drabbles #xikers imagines #xikers fanfic #xikers fanfiction #xikers x reader #xikers scenarios #xikers soft thoughts #xikers soft hours #xikers headcanons #xikers reactions

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queercatessays · 6 months

Text

For nearly 20 years I didn't realise I had a personality disorder

As a teenager, I knew it wasn't normal to think the entire world was your enemy. I knew it wasn't normal to feel utterly empty inside, to feel like the whole world was behind glass, out of reach. I never knew who I was, or what I wanted. I wanted whatever my favourite person wanted. I existed through others, like a shadow.

I had empathy, but no morals. If it didn't affect me, it didn't matter. I was never violent, but inside I was always angry, so I got good at lying. I'd say for a long time nearly every word out of my mouth was a lie in some way. If I told the truth, it was only to shock people, or to hide something that REALLY made me vulnerable. But normally I was quiet, and because I was quiet, no one really noticed me, till my emptiness became so absolute I finally saw a psychiatrist. You'd think a psychiatrist would immediately recognise the problem. They didn't. I saw 10 experts at the youth mental health center, none of whom could diagnose me with anything. In the end they settled on autism, which is true but not the whole picture. I went on with my life, hating everyone around me, feeling like I must be the only person on earth who feels this way. I felt like an alien, barely human, but at the same time I felt like I was a god, better than everyone around me. I was everything and nothing. I saw counsellor after counsellor for my mental health issues, but they were all terrible listeners, and I was belligerent patient. I never did get any help for my problems, which included all manner of self-destructive behaviour, including eating disorders. But, somehow, over time, through finding people who could accept the mess of a person I am, I was able to heal. I'm not normal, nor will I ever be - or want to be. I still have black and white thinking - friend or enemy, no in-between. I still get suspicious of people and even as I write this I'm full of paranoia (another thing I've had for 20 years), and honestly, I might always feel like an alien. But I'm not alone anymore, and I'm not full of pain 24/7. And it's been a lot easier to deal with all this since I met a friend who happens to have BPD and ASPD. They were talking to me about their experiences, and I tell you now I related to every word. It shocked me, cos I imagined people with personality disorders were violent abusers, which of course I wasn't (despite wishing murder on the entire planet back in the day lmao). The propaganda had got into my head. But when they talked me through things, I realised yeah, I definitely have something. Probably BPD with ASPD traits, or the other way round, but I've not got a diagnosis and honestly, with the way I've been treated, I have no interest in getting one. It's enough for me to be on here reading people's posts and knowing that hey, there are people like me out there. That's why I'm writing this, too. In case someone out there needs to hear it. If you're relating to all these personality disorder posts, then trust yourself. And if you're having an awful time, wondering if there can ever be a way forward, then trust me: there is. I believe in you. My brain is completely and utterly fucked, but I'm still here, and I don't intend on leaving any time soon. All my love to everyone struggling with these stigmatised conditions. We've got this <3

#personality disorder #actually cluster b #borderline personality disorder #bpd #antisocial personality disorder #aspd #bpd safe #cluster b safe #aspd safe

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mattestrella · 5 months

Text

⋰ *✧･ﾟ⋱✮ABOUT ME

hii !! my names valerie/val 15; scorpio; she/her; bisexual; british; nickmattchris girl; taken !!

favourites atm !! @matthewsmommy @guccifrog @chrisenthusiast + more🌸

i am 15, A MINOR, please do not send me nudes.

LOVERS <3

sturniolo triplets, benoftheweek, nailea devora, larray, deb smikle, jake webber, johnnie guilbert, victorious, cat valentine, tarayummy, jade west, friends, chandler bing, wild child, clueless, alahna estrella, books, kanye west, childish gambino, montell fish, shameless, mickey milkovich, rodrick heffley, ariana grande, alex g, mitski, chase atlantic, tv girl, artic monkeys, lil peep, the weeknd, the neighbourhood, boobs (oops typo), frank ocean, sza, hello kitty, cats, carrington, @guccifrog, mitsy, mean girls, astrology, writing, renee rapp, madison beer, snc, amy winehouse etc <3

i have diagnosed anxiety and self-diagnosed bpd (i have all the symptoms)

i’ll probably just be posting random shit, sturniolo obsession, rants💞

past usernames: mattsd0ll, nickenthusiast, nickdevora

thank you for reading, my dms are always open, i love you all so much ♡

personal spam yap account @valerieunoia

masterlist ; tiktok ; honest space camp review🖇️

only hot people follow me ☆

#about me #sturniolo’s #sturniolo triplets #Spotify #valerie yaps!#bisexual #girl blogging #girl #female manipulator #female #im just a girl #blog #blogging #female rage #girl manipulator #valerie talks🎞️

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littlelillycatsworld · 6 months

Text

introduction

updated 12/4/24

I'm not using ed tags rn my personal ed tags are 네네's ed and 네네's 3d

English is my 4th language I rely on Google translate alot sorry if I get things wrong (Korean, mandarin, Cantonese then English)

I also speak Japanese and Thai not quite fluent yet but close

Hiya this is a little introduction to me.

only follow me if your part of the ed or sh community I don't want to expose this to anyone else

I'm making this account away from my main so I can interact with other people in the community without people who know me trying to get involved.

do not report I'm not pro just pro recovery for everyone I'm just not ready yet but when I am I'll get professional help

DNI if you are homophobic/transphobic fatphobic racist or ana coach

my name is Lilly (not my actual name)

I'm 19

I use she/her/they pronouns

lesbian with a loving gf of 3 years🥰

I have depression, anxiety, BPD, ADHD, and autism (all diagnosed) and ed

pro recovery for everyone

I'm last time I checked 38.4kg BMI 17.2 and im 149cm (4.9ft)

ballet is my passion (I go to school for that)

I was adopted at birth by a Korean mother and Chinese father (rip I miss you)

I'm from Scotland

I'm pretty ok at art

pro LGBT and pro choice

I love kpop and nu metal

my favourite kpop group is twice and my bias is Sana

my favourite metal band is Korn

I'm an ex-taekwondow national team member

personal tag is #네네

meal logs tag is 네네 meals

ed tags #네네's ed #네네's 3d

feel free to interact with me but don't be creepy I'll just block you.

anyway I hope I can make some friends who understand what it's like with an ed ☺️

my dms are open if anyone needs someone to talk to. if you have any questions feel free to ask

my backup account is @little-lilly-cat

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warcoaxed · 10 months

Text

On Wearing Your Heart On Your Sleeve

Or: the disjointed post where I diagnose Q!Forever with BPD-like tendencies in regards to Q!Philza.

Anything from this point forward is about the characters only.

continue reading under the cut!

1. On Brunim's entire existence.

One of the first real moments we got with Forever were his interactions with Philza and how he quite instantly got attached to him. While quite comedic at first, this later spirals into straight up obsession.

The basis of this obsession is Brunim Neets, or Forever's ex-husband who's very much not on the QSMP & bears a striking resemblance to our Philza.

It's quite easy to see that Forever is rather attached to Brunim, to the extent that he occasionally believes Philza is Brunim who simply lost his memories.

This leads to the conclusion that Brunim is quite literally Forever's FP ( Favourite Person. )

[ For the uninitiated, an FP is a person who someone with BPD relies heavily on for emotional support, seeks attention and validation from, and looks up to or idealizes. ]

Philza, who Forever uses as a replacement for Brunim, turns into one of Forever's main motives to do things, to gain his attention and love. This also makes Philza one of Forever's FPs, albeit an unhealthier one.

2. On Festa Junina & Forever's relationships.

Festa Junina was another turning point, where Forever entered a relationship that was just to make Philza jealous. Forever has a tendency to impulsively enter relationships and exit them just as fast.

Forever as a character is often categorized as airheaded, but that's very much not true. His emotions are very much a double edged sword, and can act as a source for his strength but also make his interpersonal relationships fall apart.

His stilting of Maximus' feelings is a result of this, where he gets so hyperfocused on Philza, he somewhat ends up using Maximus.

He has a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. This can be said to be true in regards to both Philza and Brunim.

3. On the fear of abandonment & The Wedding (?)

Forever misses Brunim & there is no denying it. It's evident in how much Brunim is mentioned by him, to the extent that even Richarlyson pokes fun at it.

It's quite fair to assume that he feels a little abandoned by Brunim, with them being ex-lovers and Brunim very much not being around on the SMP.

And when you bring Philza to the equation? The Philza who very much wants to leave, the Philza who very visibly doesn't want this?

In comes the Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

The wedding canonically happens while Philza is either tripping on drugs, or simply in his head (have your pick,) where Forever builds a shrine around them, declares them married and then proceeds to try to (badly) gaslight Philza into believing that they got married in Vegas.

His attempts at gaslighting are laughably pitiful, but they're incredibly desperate and frantic. It's almost like he thinks that if he can convince Philza that they're married, he wouldn't leave.

4. On Splitting and the Proposal.

Splitting refers to the difficulty to accurately assess another individual or situation. It can lead to intensely polarizing views of others, for instance, as either very good or very bad. A person typically splits unconsciously or without realizing it. Rather than seeing people in their lives as complex human beings with good, bad, and in-between characteristics, they may apply intensely polarizing or exaggerated labels. To them, their partner may be the “worst partner in the world” one day and the “greatest partner ever” the next.

The real turning point in Forever & Philza's relationship is the proposal following Cellbit & Roier's wedding. Their dynamic between then could easily be described as teasing, but this when things got very real very quick.

Forever asked for Philza's hand in marriage and got rejected ( very harshly at that- Thanks, Phil .)

This lead to a rather drastic reaction from Forever, where he ran to practically throw himself off a cliff, only for Philza to chase him down and stop him. What follows is a rather interesting conversation where we can watch Forever's high-held opinion of Philza practically plummet, where he later proclaims that he never even loved Philza, and how much he wants Philza to explode ( his words, not mine. )

It's almost like a switch has been flipped, with how he goes from happy to very upset, to determined to be president out of spite.

Not as obvious as others, but this can point to a persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

There's probably more I could speak about this, but this is all I can say from the top of my head. Feel free to add things, I enjoy spitballing all kinds of things!

#qsmp #qsmp meta #kav talks #philever #you may ask kav whats your credentials for doing this and i respond: i have bpd #this ones for rat thanks for encouraging me #im literally so incoherent 24/7 idk why i thought making a long post was a good idea i hope this makes sense to other people godbless #q!philza #q!forever #kav thinks

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peachyqueenly · 8 months

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Black Pearl Cookie and BPD

I think folks should discuss how we now have another character heavily coded to have BPD in Black Pearl Cookie, so that's exactly what my (diagnosed) self is gonna do--

BPD, Borderline personality disorder, is defined as a mental illness that significantly impacts a person’s emotional regulation, according to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). Such a deregulation results in increased impulsivity, poor self-esteem/sense of self, and difficulty in relationships with others.

While there is no defined cause for the disorder, most experts generally agree it comes from environmental factors. In particular long term exposure to stress/danger as a child and abuse (particular CSA).

The best way to go through it imo is to go through some general criteria that often goes into the condition... and how it can apply to White/Black Pearl both before she absorbed the tear and after.

1. Unstable or changing relationships

Her feelings on others often go through shifts depending on her mood and state of mind; even as White Pearl, she couldn't bring herself to hurt or kill Lord Oyster even after how betrayed she felt. She wanted to hate him, but she couldn't separate the fact he hurt her from the fact she loved him. Her unstable relationships can also be seen in her sisters and the complicated relationship she had with them that only got more complicated when she became Black Pearl.

An example of this I'd provide is this-- Crimson Coral is right this situation is far more complicated than White Pearl thinks. But her attachment (more on that later) to Lord Oyster and complicated relationship both with him and her sisters led to... problems.

2. Unstable self-image, including struggles with sense of self and identity

We saw this in her emotions during Duskgloom, but this scene just makes it even more blatant in how she has a sense of disassociation and depersonalization-- she struggles to see White Pearl as herself.

Many people with, especially those whose BPD can be traced back to childhood PTSD/trauma (like myself) often experience this sensation of seeing pictures of themselves as kids and not recognizing it as themselves. It's not quite like DID, but there is some overlap if that helps.

3. Anger regulation problems, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights

This one goes without saying. Black Pearl finds herself sinking ships... I wouldn't even say just for fun. As we see in the New Years snippet of her that it's not even fun for her.

She feels compelled to act out the way she does as its the only way she feels she can let out these feelings. It is not justified, but it's not her killing people for fun. We also see it in the scene with this very CG where her emotions shift HARD and suddenly with Caviar.

4. Frequent mood swings

Not much explanation here, as it kinda goes hand in hand with the above notes on her anger issues. And how she shifted in tone with Caviar quickly when she got triggered by his poking at her past.

5. Impulsive behaviors

Also kinda already explained; in her sinking stuff not being for fun, this kinda goes into it as its more of an impulsive habit she does to stave off her feelings and hurt.

Five traits is enough to get a diagnosis amongst other things, but I would argue from personal experience she also shows traits of stress-related paranoia (her interaction with Caviar), and deep down a consistent and constant feelings of sadness or worthlessness.

One of the more popular things discussed about BPD online is the idea of having a favorite person; its often an individual experience (as how a lot of ppl describe the feeling doesn't match my experience, but I know I have a FP), but I would argue that White Pearl developedthis relationship with Lord Oyster. It was a quick, sudden, and arguably irrational attachment that led to her placing her entire faith and identity into him (symbolized by her giving him the pearl). And when you're hurt by your fp... well, its. Complicated.

You want to see them suffer; disappear. Or... thats how it often is depicted. I know for me that it takes a lot for my feelings to reach this point. Instead, I struggle to truly accept I've been hurt and instead ignore the feeling/act out in other ways.

Instead of switching from idolization to devaluing, she just. Chose to ignore it. She couldn't bring herself to hurt or hate him, and so she forced him to never return. And stewed in maladaptive coping mechanisms at the bottom of the sea...

Black Pearl's association with key parts of BPD is an important part of her character, and one I'm glad to discuss with others. I hope you found this thread nice, and if you'd like to add anything please feel free!!!

#cookie run #cookie run kingdom #white pearl cookie #lord oyster cookie #crimson coral cookie

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carolina-star · 2 years

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Finally I have draw the moment where Anakin and Padmé meet.

Now some lore, information, I'm not sure of the term.

Warnings before anything; warning 1, I'm going to destroy the English language, and I'm so sorry for that. Really. Waring 2, I don't have any medical studies, so I could (and probably will) be wrong about this, and I'm going to apologize in advance. Please feel free to correct me. I don't want to offend anybody with my ignorance, never has been my intention. Waring 3, this contain heavy themes that may be hard for some people, please read with precautions.

And now, let's begin:

In this AU (and probably in the Canon too) Anakin has borderline personality disorder (BPD) which is linked to other things like anxiety and depression or PTSD. BPD is a mental illness that severely impacts a person’s ability to regulate their emotions, which mean that they may experience intense mood swings and also tend to view things in extremes. Like they can love some person to the moon and back in the morning and one hour later hate that person with all their bowels. They also may act impulsively or recklessly. Usually BPD is diagnosed in late adolescence or early adulthood and sometimes the professionals will struggle to find the diagnosis, they usually will go through discharge other mental illnesses.

So, coming back to the storyline, Shmi is engaged or about to married with Cliegg Lars, which trigger Anakin unknown BPD. This lead to a very dangerous and erratic behavior, which his love one and himself. He try to destroy his relationship at the same time that he clings desperately to them and start to do Impulsive and very dangerous behaviors. He's spinning out of control and Shmi and Obi-Wan are heartbroken because the don't know what's is happening or how help Anakin. All this stuff lead Anakin to a self harming behavior and a really stressful, delicate and agony time for everyone.

During this time is when Anakin is diagnosed with BPD. He has been struggling with this new knowledge but is starting to accept it. He's also trying to forgive himself for his last behaviors because he didn't want to hurt his mom or Obi-Wan, he really said bad words to them and he didn't want to said anything of that at all. So he's starting to accept the help for doctor Bant Eerin, Anakin is taking treatment and therapy. But everything is recent.

So where are in this delicate and fragile point where Anakin has been diagnosed and Shmi and Obi-Wan are sick of worry every time they don't know where Anakin is. That's the reason why Obi-Wan is at the edge of a nervous collapse, and the reason why they both looked so scruffy. So after pick up Anakin and Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan will explain everything to Qui-Gon, because he doesn't know anything yet about Anakin diagnosis.

In a brilliant note, because all this post is heavy, Anakin will do great in the future. And it's going to be really funny when Padmé discovered that she's in love with a 19 years old boy and have a panic attack. While Obi-Wan is relatively happy thinking that Anakin has falling in love with a girl a couple of years older that him, I mean, what are 3 or 4 years more? It's going to be funny when they discover it too. Anakin by the way don't care about the age difference, Padmé is the love of his life and point.

Modern AU Masterlist

#star wars #star wars modern au #modern au #the clone wars #anakin skywalker #padmé amidala #obi wan kenobi #qui gon jinn #anidala #Bpd #shmi skywalker #Anakin has bpd #sw tcw #Sorry for all the text #anakin and padme #Obi Wan is a good father

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