#i debated if i should put this in the tag at first

[messiahzzz]

while it’s perfectly fine to have your own headcanons that are non-canon compliant — by all means, go wild. recognizing pieces of yourselves in fictional characters can be a very healing and validating experience. this is nonetheless a casual, well-intentioned reminder that gale, in fact, does not have bpd.

bpd is a pervasive pattern of instability affecting interpersonal relationships, self-image, and mood. the disorder is marked by impulsivity beginning in early adulthood and is present in a variety of contexts. a diagnosis requires at least 5 of the following 9 criteria to be met:

Fear of abandonment

Unstable or changing relationships

Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self

Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors (e.g., excessive spending, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).

Suicidal behavior or self-injury

Varied or random mood swings

Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness

Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights

Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality

source: [x]

i highlighted the criteria that do apply to gale in one way or another in a pretty purple.

i personally believe that it’s rather harmful to equate his relationship with mystra with her being “his fp”. she is a deity, his goddess, and the source of his powers, who is in in full control of the magic he wields.

gale: mystra commands all magic. salvation, if such a thing exists, is hers to bestow or withhold.

gale has been effectively groomed and conditioned to serve and revere her at every turn since early childhood. imo this comparison really undermines a lot of crucial points in gale’s story that deal with his overall trauma and abuse. after all, you wouldn’t call shar sh*dowhe*rt’s fp either.

gale doesn’t revile mystra, nor does he commit benevolent deeds solely motivated by the secret hope that she will somehow notice and take him back. when you meet gale in the game he has already fully come to terms with the fact that he has been abandoned by mystra with no hope of reconciliation whatsoever. he also had some very fitting lines in ea regarding this topic that i'm sad haven't been repurposed in the full release in some way.

gale: [the tadpoles] don't know that some things are impossible. they don't know that... they don't know. player: what is impossible about what you're being shown? gale: forgiveness. gale: it is mystra i see. and yet it cannot be her. there was a time when i would have believed - but no longer. gale: suffice it to say she would not bestow upon me the favors promised in these dreams. that is how i know they are delusions.

he has already reached the stage of acceptance. moreover, gale only starts to realize that mystra might have been in the wrong for requesting his death once the tadpole squad & tav speak some sense into him. and even then he doesn’t ever show that his emotions regarding mystra are anywhere along those lines. he is instead rightfully angered that she only saw value in his death, after he had been worshipping her loyally for years.

gale: i worshipped mystra loyally for years, and in that time she granted me the barest sliver of the power i was ready to wield. gale: even with the fate of the world at stake, she had little more to offer me than the means of blowing myself up at a more convenient time. she's done nothing to help us.

gale: you abandoned me in my hour of greatest need. i had no obligation to help you in yours. gale: because you had no right to ask that of me. you cast me out, remember?

gale doesn’t display rapid changes in mood either. he is a character who is generally very composed and has been known to remain nonchalant even in the face of utter horror. tim downie himself even commented on this once. source: [x]

the only instance i can think of is his sudden switch from resigned-to-death to utter-eye-sparkling-enthusiasm once he spots the crown of karsus. apart from crucial story reasons that i won’t touch upon in this post, i’d also like to add that it’s a rather common phenomenon for people who have just barely survived a suicide attempt to suddenly be filled with zeal and unbridled energy. he doesn't display impulsivity without thorough consideration when it comes to its acquisition either. he considers this a golden opportunity and is positively enthusiastic and elated that this might prove an alternative to him ending up in a cloud of netherese smoke. nonetheless, he knows what he is doing. evident in him actually succeeding in ascending in one of his endings.

gale: this is no passing whim, trust me. if i can obtain that crown, it will affect us all. it is not a decision i'll take lightly. gale: it's our future that i'm thinking of - we can't rely on anyone else to do it for us. gale: for now - we've learned all we can.

neither are his relationships that we do know of (namely elminster, tara, and morena) frequently changing. they are marked by years of mutual respect, care, and consistency. there is nothing unstable about them. while it's important to note that his relationship with tav is still in its honeymoon stages during the main game, there is no inclination of any push-and-pull dynamic between them whatsoever.

gale isn’t preoccupied with keeping up some sort of benevolent act in order to win (back) affection — he genuinely IS a good person and he proves this at every turn. moreover, to have a tressym become your familiar you must be of Good alignment.

(taken from tumblr user galedekarios's post.)

there is never a moment where his ideals or alignment suddenly change. in fact, i’d argue that he and wyll are most consistent in this regard when compared to the rest of the companions. gale makes his moral standpoint very clear from the beginning on and also explicitly states that he believes that in order to survive this entire ordeal it would be selfish of him if he wouldn’t be willing to compromise on his morals. this isn’t a sudden bout of ✨muahahaha wizard hubris✨ that he barely contained to hold in before, this is yet another act of selflessness — it is what he’s willing to do for the group and subsequently, the welfare of faerun.

player: i love unsavoury things. don't feel guilty on my account. gale: that's good to know. although i should say i do what i do out of a sense of utility and pragmatism, not a love of the unsavoury. gale: we're up against the greatest threat faerun has ever faced. i don't mind getting my hands dirty if it gives us a better chance of surviving. gale: whatever advantage i can gain for us. i will. and i refuse to feel guilty for it, no matter how much mystra's chidings might echo in my skull.

this is him, once again trying to be useful in whatever way he can. to give them an advantage, a slither of hope against seemingly impossible odds, so they might make it out of this in one piece. gale wouldn’t approve of those actions under normal circumstances, but their predicament is as far from any definition of “normal” as it can get.

gale is no fool, he realizes this is essentially about survival. he knows that he has no option left other than to tolerate, which is why he can be convinced to not immediately depart tav’s company even if they choose to commit atrocities. this is no character flaw of his or him displaying a previously dormant openness for cruelty, this is about recognizing the necessity.

player: you don't stand a chance alone. you're free to go. i dare you. gale: gods damn you - you're right. few things are more powerful than the will to live.

gale: i thought the orb to be the greatest of my sins, but i see now that there are darker depths to which i might yet sink. you may be content to sink into that abyss, but i assure you - i am not.

gale doesn’t lead a split existence. he has a very strong sense of identity. he knows what he wants, what he doesn’t want and he isn’t shy in expressing his boundaries either. which he has especially shown when it comes to his relationship with tav. i originally had intended to touch upon this in another post entirely but: i firmly believe his entire Gale of Waterdeep™ persona is more of a performance than him struggling to find a sense of identity and trying them on for size. it is an intentional decision to separate gale dekarios from the great wizard of waterdeep, to create distance and make sure his family name remains untarnished in case things should ever go sideways.

gale: i agree. and on the plus side, if i get myself into any truly cataclysmic straits during the remainder of our journey, my family name will go untarnished.

there is also a deep-rooted feeling of unworthiness and his firm belief that love and praise are conditional resources that he will only be granted through his talents alone, naturally. presenting himself as gale dekarios, the man, would mean highlighting his shortcomings and very human flaws, while distracting from the aspects of himself that are deemed praiseworthy, the ones that actually matter: his magical prowess.

i personally believe that part of the beauty of gale’s story is him realizing just how “little” it takes for him to be truly content. he gets his happy ending, with someone at his side who truly sees him, understands him and unabashedly commits to him. they worship and adore him in return — and it is well deserved. he isn’t reduced to be constantly and restlessly searching for some unattainable ideal to fill the gaping void within himself. he doesn’t secretly thirst for more power still or believes that in being with tav he is settling for something. instead, he is finally happy to just be. be and be accepted. teaching a class of unruly wizards and coming home to his spouse each day already fulfills him.

gale: that's how i feel with you - content. it's a rather unfamiliar feeling, i must say. not something gale of waterdeep ever craved.

even if he doesn’t pursue a romance with tav, he reaches a realization of “oh, it appears i am not irredeemably flawed and only able to reach true redemption through my own death. what i needed was actually with me all along.” throughout their journey and through his friend's support. i think that’s a very powerful and comforting message. he is very well capable of finding peace within himself.

devnotes: his default state is that he returned to waterdeep and became a professor of illusory magic at his former school, blackstaff academy. general vibe here is that this is a gale who's found peace with himself - he's a great teacher, one his students are mostly in awe of.

to repeat myself: sharing your headcanons is all in good fun, nor should you ever be discouraged from doing so. this is your personal tumblr experience, after all. but i personally think we should be mindful of unintentionally perpetuating negative stereotypes, such as narcissism being a general indicator or being deemed a classic depiction of bpd. i think we can all agree that the continuous longing for acceptance, connection, praise, and approval is something we all have in common deep down, regardless of whatever disorder we may have. [insert victoria justice meme here]

gale may be many things to many people, but he is no entitled narcissist.

#with love. a person diagnosed with bpd <3 #this turned much longer than i originally intended it to be (aka less of a reply and more of a character study) #by now you know that i am incapable of cutting myself short. i’m so sorry #i debated if i should put this in the tag at first #but i personally think that this is a very interesting discussion #also to reiterate: this is by NO MEANS a slight at the original poster #i just thought it more respectful to make my own post instead of invading theirs with my ranting #fandom is all about fun and escapism. #if you interpret characters in a certain way that i personally disagree with that is a-okay #BUT i’m also gonna have my own specific brand of fun by pointing out why you’re wrong (affectionately) #also i quickly want to add that if you're interested in a very accurate and respectful portrayal of bpd: watch crazy ex-girlfriend!! #its on netflix and genuinely such a funny and unapologetically weird show. the writers have really done their homework #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #bg3 meta #character analysis #it speaks #long post #suicide mention

[astragatwo]

Is that Dongrang in Yi Sang's newest ID, or am I imagining things

#not art #i think this is maybe the first thing i noticed when watching the new trailer #are they saying that previous characters can cameo in IDs :stare: #limbus company #debated whether i should put this in the main tag lol

[snazum]

Little ster edit I made… Cause there needs to be more in the world :>

special thanks to like the 5-10 people on this website who upload ster clips. This is dedicated to y’all <3

Audio: noir.audioss on tiktok

Song: Like Me - Chase Icon

#ster #ster_ #star_ #ster underscore #st3r #whatever other tags this man has #snazum edits #look im new to the ster community or whatever #i debated putting this on my side blog but it can go on main #i spent time n effort on this #I never make edits/fancams so shoutout to y’all who do that too #this shit is insane but i get it its a beautiful fuckin art form #my eyes burn and im so tired so goodnight i hope u ster fans see this and love it #i promise im in the freak territory like u guys i just hide it for the most part #who am i kidding it should be obvious. #im a hockey fan that resides on tumblr n twt this aint surprising #i made the fckin edm oilers in the sims with friends for fun #its a convoluted timeline now for them dont worry bout it #okah i really need to sleep goodnight we’ll see if the pc uploads first or phone #jokes on the pc i’m not giving it time i want to sleep so GOODNIGHT! For real

[yusufstits]

thinking about nile having nightmares and not being able to sleep post london and then being very tired during the day and taking naps on whoever's around

#like. my heart aches for her thinking about what she's going through after london #debating whether it's safe to contact her family and knowing she'll outlive them and could put them in danger if she does contact them #her friends completely ostracizing her after she came back to life #(once again. what the fuck they should have been so happy??) #so she's completely separated from her former life and is dealing with that loss #the trauma of killing and being killed #like given that she had nightmares about the man she killed in afghanistan i imagine she would also have nightmares a #about the people she killed during the rescue #and this would bring up a lot of complicated emotions and possibly a bit of identity crisis/self reflection on her being a marine #all of this plus being dropped into a group of people who've known each other for hundreds of years + mortal andy - exiled booker #anyway... she is going through a Lot #but: going back to “tell us” i think they would try to take care of her #and talk about her nightmares #(but also. there might be reluctance from nile to share or joe/nicky/andy to ask when she wakes up gasping #because what if she dreamt of quynh. like that's a whole other dimension - do they want to hear about it because it means she's alive #or do they not want to think of her dying over and over. i imagine nile would wrestle with this at first) #ok i got off track the point is. nile taking naps on andy nicky and joe and being comforted. i think that would be nice for her and everyon #there is a lot happening emotionally and andy has to heal physically and they all need to heal emotionally #so. naptime #sorry these tags are so long lol i had more thoughts than i thought #the old guard

[mirrortouchedsea]

rinniki + 21 or 5 🥺

Oh these are also both so cute but I'll go with 5 methinks

ask game

…where it doesn’t hurt.

---

Shit. Niki let go of the knife and drew his finger up to his mouth. He licked the blood off before assessing the damage. It wasn't deep but he'd have to have a band-aid on it for a few days and Rinne would never let him hear the end of it. That almost hurt more than the cut itself.

Niki walked over to the sink and turned on the water, taking a towel and gently cleaning his the cut. Where did they put the antiseptics again?

He jumped as a pair of arms wrapped around his torso.

"Oi, Niki, whatcha doin'?" Niki dropped the towel.

"Dishes. Leave me alone." He elbowed the man, his boyfriend, and grabbed for the box of band-aids on the counter.

"That doesn't look like dishes to me Niki-kyun~ Didya hurt yourself?" Rinne poked at Niki's shoulder. "Do ya need your Rinne-kun to kiss it all better?"

"Shut up Rinne-kun."

"Aw, don't be like that Niki~ c'mere." Niki had already finished putting the band-aid on when Rinne grabbed his hand and brought it to his lips. "There! All better!"

"You didn't even kiss the band-aid Rinne-kun!"

#message in a bottle #fortuneshiningg #rinniki #injury // #i was listening to a podcast about honey the other day and apparently honey can help wounds heal #i have to imagine rinne has done this before. used honey to treat cuts and shit i mean #this has nothing to do with the drabble above i just thought it was neat #also i have been sitting on this one debating what i should do for it. i was debating about potential insecurities for them #like niki its mentioned in rinne's new year line that he's trying to put on weight #so i was thinking maybe his stomach or other areas that typically store fat in other people #bc his condition makes it hard for him to build up fat stores like that #is still a potential idk but then i thought of this and well #maybe someday we can do tummy kisses (non sexual) rinniki #oh alsooooo i started. a new madashu wip. for the first time in a while #its an idea i've toyed with for a while and suddenly got inspired for it again so #you'll get to see part of it for wip wednesday i'm super excited to show you guys #okay i'm done tag rambling here thank you for the request!! mwah!

[syncrovoid-presents]

I officially have an art tag for art I make! -> syncrovoid.art

#syncrovoid.txt #i am being silly silly but i also want to get better at digital art #so!! anything of my art that i post i shall put under that tag #debating on when i should try making an animatic because i really want to do that but i know that it is hard and takes time #also jjst picking a song too!! so many good options! and i also need to practice perspective drawing first.. #anyways i should see if there is any public fireworks shows tonight @:P

[edenorisshitposting]

Everyone keeps saying how tattoos are addictive, and "you'll see, once you get one, you're gonna want more". But honestly, my first tattoo left me pretty satisfied with my experience, and with no desire to get another one.

If my friend didn't die suddenly I would probably never want a second tattoo.

#personal #tattoo #tattoos #putting this under a read more because.. you know #sorry for being dark #I can't help myself #I think I want to get the memorial tattoo #Right now I'm debating whether I should wait for my first choice of artist to visit from berlin (far!) #or go to a local one who has a unique style but I'm a little unsure of how his work would look after a long while #he has a hatching style that looks amazing #but his oldest healed photo is only 8 months post heal #is that enough to know? I'm not sure #I don't know enough about tattoos to tell #I'm also a little scared about having to explain people what the tattoo means #I'd rather not bring up my dead friend every time thank you very much #anyway #can I debate the idea with anyone who knows more than me maybe? #thanks #(yeah that's why I tagged my personal post)

[gramophoneturtle]

Hey folks, this hasn't been an issue lately but please don't tag my art as ship art or any ship unless the original is stated as such in the text or tags. Thanks!

#announcement #i was debating just putting it in pictures that i thought were most likely to get tagged as such or have been #but i figured a general statement should be the first step #because now at least it's out there #you're free to interpret however you want of course but i don't want to see the tags

[joelsgreys]

softness

Post Outbreak! Joel Miller x Female Reader

summary: Joel’s a little unsure of doing skin to skin with his newborn daughter.

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. JACKSON ERA. established relationship. (TW) PREGNANCY. mentions of premature birth, minor descriptions of childbirth, mentions of birth weight, it is implied that reader is breastfeeding her baby, semi accurate medical journal research, girldad! Joel, mentions of scars (Joel), mentions of insecurities and anxieties, if i missed anything, please let me know! NO MENTION OF READER’S AGE. NO PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION OF READER. no physical description of child except for her hair color/type. very minimal editing.

word count: 3.5k

a/n: i had this outline sitting in my drafts and i decided to finally just write it out and post it. it ain’t much, but it’s honest work. it is part of the safe and sound universe.

She’d made her entrance into the world early.

About four or five weeks, the commune’s doctor thinks.

Without ultrasounds, it’d been a guessing game.

And a fucking terrifying guessing game at that.

For several months, all you could do was hope.

Hope for a smooth pregnancy.

Hope for a safe labor and delivery.

Hope for a strong, healthy baby.

When you went into labor earlier than the doctor had predicted you would, all of your hopes shattered, the pieces falling around you like shards of broken glass you couldn’t put back together even if you tried.

“No! No, it’s too soon! It’s too fucking soon!” you’d cried out, the sheer panic setting in and seeping into your bones as a warm, clear liquid dripped down the insides of your legs and pooled around your bare feet. You had been in the kitchen making Ellie breakfast and packing her lunch for school—one second you’re standing there in front of the food pantry debating with yourself on what vegetable to throw into the kid’s lunch bag with her sandwich and the next you’re calling out for help as an intense pressure nestled itself between your hips. It wasn’t until you heard a faint popping sound and then felt the gush of fluid between your thighs that you’d realized what was happening. An unmistakable first sign of labor, you’d experienced your water breaking. “This can’t be happening, it’s not time yet!”

Joel, who by some stroke of sheer stupid luck had the morning off from patrol duty, instructed Ellie to run upstairs and gather some clean clothes along with a pair of boots and the warmest coat you owned that still fit. November had brought along the first snowfall of the season—the frigid temperatures outside were anything but kind and the clinic was on the opposite side of the commune, a fifteen minute walk he wished you didn’t have to make in your condition. “I know this is real fuckin’ scary darlin’ but y’need to stay calm. I need you to stay as calm as possible. Y’think that you can do that for me, sweetheart?”

He’d been just as terrified, but he masked it well.

On the outside, he kept a calm, collected composure for your sake and for Ellie’s too, shoved aside his own fears so he could be the support you both needed, act as the glue that held yours and his little family unit together should anything were to happen. But on the inside, he was scared shitless, to say the least. He couldn’t be certain he would have the strength to hold himself together if something went wrong, if he lost you—or his unborn child.

Admittedly, it had taken him a few months to come to terms with the fact that he was going to be a father again at this stage in his life. The thought of him changing diapers at his age was one he couldn’t quite wrap his mind around—but the moment he felt that first little flutter of movement one night as you lay curled up against his side fast asleep, something shifted. That night, he had stayed wide awake, his large hand splayed over your bare belly in hopes he would feel that little flutter again.

“Joel, I’m really fucking scared. What if it’s too early—”

“Baby, look at me.” He reached up and gently took your chin, holding it between his thumb and index finger as he coaxed your gaze to meet his own. “S’gonna be okay,” he’d assured you, softly. “If this is happenin’ now, it’s because she’s ready, alright?”

For a split second, that panic had ceased.

“She?”

Confused, Joel’s brow furrowed. “Huh?”

“You just referred to the baby as a she, Joel.”

“I did?”

“Yeah—just now.” You’d stared at him with curiosity and took a step back, cradling your belly in both of your hands. “Do you think we’re having a girl?”

Sheepishly, he had shaken his head at you.

“No, I just—m’sorry. I ain’t all too sure why I said that.”

He truly, honestly hadn’t.

It’d slipped before he could even think about it.

But his accidental slip had been right.

After thirteen hours of grueling labor in Jackson’s small clinic, you’d given birth to a little girl, the sound of her loud wailing filling the whole room like a sweet melody eliciting a sob of joy from you and a shaky sigh of relief from Joel.

“Holy shit, she’s here! She’s actually fucking here,” Ellie breathed, her eyes going wide. Her arms were still wrapped around one of your legs—despite you warning the teenager about what she would see, it hadn’t stopped her from volunteering her assistance in the childbirth process. She watched on in a mix of both fascination and disgust as Dr. Porter, a woman in her sixties who served as Jackson’s sole physician, lifted the infant and immediately placed her onto your bare chest to clean her off. “This has gotta be the grossest, most amazing fucking thing I have ever fucking seen in my life.” Gently, she set your leg down onto the bed before walking around it to stand beside Joel. His hand was stroking your hair, his dark eyes trained on his crying newborn daughter. It was the perfect moment for Ellie to run her mouth and tease, “You’re not gonna cry, are you, Joel? I’d think you’re a lot fucking tougher than that, old man.”

“Shut up,” he’d muttered under his breath, putting an arm around her and pulling her against his side. He almost couldn’t believe this was now his life—a life he would have never even known if he hadn’t flinched twenty years ago when he had pulled the trigger.

Though she’d been born a few weeks prematurely, Rosemary Miller was deemed to be healthy—a tad underweight, but nothing to be worried about just yet, according to Jackie, the commune’s nurse. At about four pounds, eleven ounces, Rosemary was the tiniest thing you’d ever seen and somehow even tinier when Joel would cradle her in the palms of his large hands. Despite the fact that you’d been reassured that the baby’s low birth weight was nothing to be alarmed about, you and Joel had been advised it was best if you didn’t take her home until she gained a few more ounces and tipped the a scale at what the books state is a normal birth weight of five pounds, eight ounces.

“We just would feel better if she were here at the clinic where we can closely monitor her weight,” Jackie had said upon seeing the crestfallen look on your face. “Besides, you tore a little and you need time to heal as well, you know.”

Left with very little choice, you’d agreed to it.

“I’m losing it,” you say with an exasperated sigh as you stare up at the drab, gray ceiling. It’s been three days since you had given birth and all you want to do is take your daughter home. In an effort to lift your spirits, Maria had tried to warm the place up and make it feel more comfortable for you. She had swapped out the rough, scratchy bedsheet the clinic provided for you with a soft, knitted blanket she had made herself. She also took it upon herself to pack you a bag with your own clothes, a couple of books to read, and your favorite polaroids of Joel and Ellie. While it had been incredibly sweet of her to do for you, you still wanted out of that clinic sooner rather than later. “I miss our house. I miss our bed. I miss our kid.”

Joel, who’s sitting in an old, worn leather armchair tucked over in a corner of your room next to the frosted window, raises an eyebrow at you and then juts his chin towards Rosemary, who is swaddled up and sleeping soundly in the plastic bassinet beside your bed.

“Our kid’s right there, darlin’.”

You lift your head off your pillow and glare at him.

“I’m talking about Ellie, Joel.”

He chuckles and leans forward in his chair. Next to him sits a brown stuffed bunny rabbit—Ellie had traded a precious comic book for it and gifted it to the baby the same afternoon she was born. 

“She’s been comin’ to visit every day after school.”

“It’s not the same,” you pout, shaking your head.

Joel sighs and glances at the cot that he had been sleeping on for the last few days—truth be told, he misses the house too. His back certainly misses the bed. “It ain’t the same,” he agrees, tiredly. His face is worn with exhaustion. Despite you insisting that he go home and get some proper rest, he’s too stubborn to listen and only leaves the clinic to take a shower and change his clothes—and to check on Ellie, who’s got a bad habit of not doing her homework unless you or Joel nag her to get it done. “M’real sorry, darlin’. But you heard what they said. Baby’s gotta gain a little more weight before we can take her home.”

Even from where he’s sitting, he can see your eyes glaze over with tears of frustration. Since the baby was born, you’ve been very sensitive, more so than when you’d been pregnant—something he didn’t think was even possible.

“If she keeps on eatin’ the way she’s eatin’ we’ll be home by the end of the week,” Joel adds in an effort to cheer you up. “Besides, you need to heal before we make that long walk across town and back to the house, sweetheart. S’not like I can just pull up the fuckin’ minivan and drive you girls home like back in the day, y’know?”

You wrinkle your nose at him. “Ew, Joel. We would not have a fucking minivan.” Dabbing at your eyes with the back of your hand, you can’t help but laugh at the thought of Joel Miller behind the wheel of one of those things. Then, you realize how endearing it would be to watch as he’s loading up Rosemary’s car seat into the van, the muscles of his broad back flexing underneath his shirt as he pulled on the straps to make sure it was safe and secure. You’d climb into the backseat with her and on the way home, you would ask Joel to swing through the nearest burger joint drive through because you’re fucking starving and in need of a proper meal after being subjected to boring, bland hospital food. You shoot him a small smile. “On second thought, that doesn’t sound all that bad. Maybe we would.”

Suddenly, there’s a light knock at the door.

“Come in,” you call, careful not to be too loud.

Dr. Porter walks into the room.

She had been a primary care physician prior to the world ending, according to Maria, who a couple of months ago had given birth to her son while under Dr. Porter’s care. Maria had assured you that, even though the woman never trained in obstetrics, she always went above and beyond for all the mothers to be in the commune. She dedicated her spare time to studying, lost herself in medical books she found on the shelves of the town’s library—kind of like the one that’s currently tucked underneath her arm.

“Hi there mama,” she greets, her eyes shining brightly behind her coke-bottle glasses. Wearing jeans and a sweater, she doesn’t quite look the part—maybe she’d worn a white coat once in her life, but now it was only the old, silver metal stethoscope she had draped around her neck that gave her profession away. “How are you feeling this morning?”

“I’m okay,” you say with a shrug. “Can’t complain.”

Over in his corner, Joel can’t help but snort.

Ignoring him, you add, “Bleeding’s slowing down.”

“Good, that’s good,” Dr. Porter tells you. “And how about this sweet little girl?” She smiles and makes her way over to the bassinet, keeping her voice low. “She eating well?”

“She is. Her last feed was about two hours ago.”

“How’s she sleeping?”

“Like a rock.”

“And you’ve been doing skin to skin as well?”

You nod. “Yes, before and after her feedings.”

“That’s perfect.” Dr. Porter beams at you with pride. “Keep it up and do it as often as possible. There are a ton of benefits of doing skin to skin with her. It’s one of the most incredible things that a mother can do for her baby. Actually—” She pauses for a moment and pulls the book out from under her arm. “I have been doing a bit of research and as it turns out, there are also benefits if dad does skin to skin with baby as well.”

Joel stiffens slightly in his chair. “S’cuse me?”

“I found this book in the library. It talks about all of the benefits of fathers doing skin to skin with their newborn. It was written some time in the nineties and studies were still being conducted, but I really believe they were onto something.” She hands you the book. “For being preterm, Rosemary’s healthy, but it doesn’t do any harm to try whatever you can to make sure that she builds up that immune system and stays healthy, especially now that winter’s here.” Flashing you a smile, she informs you, “I went ahead and folded the pages for you and made some notes. There’s a few benefits in it for Joel as well. Could be worth a try.”

After telling you she’ll be back in a couple hours to check on you and to weigh the baby, Dr. Porter excuses herself from your room, quietly closing the door behind her.

Curiously, you open the book to the first page that she’d folded for you and start reading the first passage out loud.

“Ongoing studies have found skin to skin between father and child have similar benefits to those that come from skin to skin between mother and child. It regulates the baby's body temperature, blood sugar, and stress levels.” You pause and look over at Joel, who appears thoroughly unimpressed. “It also helps to regulate the baby’s heart rate and breathing rate. Joel, this is incredible! I think you should—”

“No.”

Joel winces. He doesn’t mean to sound so curt.

Your face falls. “Why not?”

“That’s for mothers,” he grumbles. “Y’know, for feedin’ the baby.”

“It’s for much more than just that.” You shake your head and flip over to the next page, scanning both the text as well as Dr. Porter’s notes. “It says here that it also helps the baby pick up their father’s natural scent and promotes bonding.”

“Sweetheart, I can bond with her just fine with my fuckin’ shirt on, there ain’t no need for me to—what in the world are you doin’?” Perturbed, Joel watches you as you take a handful of your blanket, throwing it off yourself. He jumps up to his feet the second he realizes that you’re about to get out of bed. “Don’t—”

“Oh relax, Joel. I should be moving more anyway,” you say, wincing as you sit up and swing both legs over the side of the bed. It isn’t so much pain as it is discomfort—everything had been shoved up and out of place for months, after all. As soon as you stand, Joel’s there at your side, one hand on your arm and the other on your back, trying to guide you back onto the bed. You lightly swat him away with your hand. “Joel, stop fussing over me! I’m fine!”

“Baby, y’need to lie down right now—”

“Take off your shirt.”

His hands fall away from you and his eyes widen.

“What?”

“Take off your shirt and go sit down in the chair.”

The blood drains from his face and he pales. 

It’s not that Joel doesn’t want to do it. He does.

He’ll do anything if it’s for his daughter’s benefit.

Still.

The idea of laying his innocent little baby girl on him without his shirt on—it’s uncomfortable. His chest and stomach are littered with several scars. Rough, raised patches of skin that serve as reminders of a brutal past he doesn’t want her finding out about, not for as long as he can fucking help it.

Rosemary deserves to be wrapped up in softness.

The softness of your smooth, blemish free skin.

The softness of the blankets you’d knitted for her.

The softness of the stuffed bunny Ellie had given her.

Joel?

He isn’t soft.

Nothing about him is soft.

Even holding her in his hands for the first time had been something of a battle. Hands that once snapped necks and slit throats didn’t deserve to hold something so pure and innocent.

“This sounds really promising, Joel.” Slowly, you make your way over to the plastic bassinet, ignoring the dull ache between your thighs. With your back to him, you carefully begin to unswaddle the baby. You try not to wake her as you peel off her warm, knitted onesie and matching socks, leaving her in nothing but her teeny, tiny cloth diaper. Gingerly, you pick her up and turn around to face him. “If Dr. Porter thinks we should try it, then it’s for a good reason, don’t you think so?”

Joel swallows harshly.

“What is it?”

“S’just that I—I’ve got scars everywhere, y’know?”

Your expression instantly softens for him. “Joel, you’re her daddy,” you remind him, gently. “She’s not going to care about things like that.” Pausing, it suddenly occurs to you that it’s not just about his scars. It’s about something else, something that runs so much deeper for Joel. He’d done what he had done in order to survive, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t live with the shame—the guilt and the regret. Rosemary begins to fuss awake and you lightly bounce her in your arms as you assure him, “She isn’t going to care about your past or what you’ve done. Her love for you is going to be as unconditional as yours is for her. She’s going to love you no matter what, Joel. I can promise you that.”

His jaw clenches and his lips press into a tight line.

Rosemary starts to cry—she’s cold, no doubt.

The old heater in the clinic hardly runs.

And when it does, it breaks down.

“Joel, please,” you beg over her wails. “Just try it? For me? For her?”

Sighing in defeat, Joel shrugs out of his jacket and he tosses it aside. With trembling fingers, he begins to unbutton his green flannel shirt—his long sleeved thermal henley comes off next and then he takes off the cotton t-shirt he wears underneath for an added layer of warmth during the winter season. As he stands there shirtless, he shivers and his flesh erupts with goosebumps. “Wait,” he mutters as he watches you take a step forward. He drags the armchair away from the window. He then sits down, his heart racing and the anxiety flaring as he gives you a subtle nod of his head. “Okay.”

You walk over to him and place her on his bare chest.

The second he feels Rosie’s soft skin on his, there’s a shift.

It’s similar to the one he felt when he first felt her move in your belly.

He calms and his heart slows—his nerves dissipate. 

And Rosemary stops crying.

She scrunches, curls up on his chest, and yawns.

Grimacing, you lean over and pick up his flannel shirt. “Here,” you say, draping it over them as a makeshift blanket. “How’s that feel?”

“Think she likes it, darlin’,” Joel murmurs, his fingers delicately brushing over her soft tufts of dark brown hair. His touch causes the newborn’s lip to curl and he catches a glimpse of the prominent dimple in her left cheek—the same dimple Sarah had inherited from him, Rosemary had inherited too. There’s a dull ache in his chest, but somehow, he still smiles as she peers up at him with sleepy eyes. “Hi, Rosie Posie. S’me, babygirl. Your daddy.”

Rolling your lip between your teeth, you stifle a giggle.

“What?” he asks, arching an eyebrow at you.

“She’s not the only one who seems to like it.”

Joel chuckles, admitting, “S’pretty relaxin’.” He presses his nose into his daughter’s curls and inhales deeply, relishing in the warm, sweet milky scent of her. After a minute, his smile falters slightly. “Baby?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you really believe it?”

Your brow furrows. “Believe what?”

“That she’s gonna love me no matter what.”

“Of course I do.”

“How can you be so sure ‘bout it?”

Carefully, you perch yourself on the arm of the chair and press a gentle kiss against his right temple, your lips brushing over his scar. “Because I just am, Joel.”

Somehow, he believes it—he believes you.

Joel tilts his head back, puckering his lips.

Grinning, you give him a chaste kiss before standing. “I’m going to see if I can get a nap in before her next feed,” you tell him, padding back over to the bed. “Do you think you’ll be okay with her for a while, just the two of you?”

“I think we’ll be just fine,” he murmurs, gingerly stroking Rosemary’s silky cheek with his finger. “Yeah. We’ll be just fine, won’t we, babygirl?”

divider credit to @saradika-graphics 🤎

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fluff #joel miller x pregnant reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller drabble #joel miller one shot #joel miller fic #the last of us fanfiction #tw pregnancy #tw childbirth #tw premature birth

[landograndprix]

Birthday boys ✾ l.n

summary: reader celebrates the boys by personal messages, some might enjoy it more than others

requested: yes!

follow up (sorta) from this post

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y/nusername

liked by danielricciardo, heidiberger, landonorris and 7,824 others

y/nusername happy birthday to the one and only love of my life! Honestly feeling bad for the people who don't get to have a best friend like you– i'm so happy we got to grow up together and terrorize the neighborhood and everyone in our way. I love you babes even though you set me up on a date with your weird coworker. also thanks for the job, sorry you got fired before me ❤️

tagged: @/danielricciardo

view all 826 comments

dannyricric lando & heidi who? I only know daniel & y/n

tifosiredbull the first and the last picture 😭

leclerccc_ the last one is too cute!!

danielricciardo can't wait for your birthday babes, got the pictures ready

y/nusername shaking in my boots right now

teammclaren 😂 😂 😂

landohnorry the first one is doing it for me tbh 🤣

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y/nusername

liked by alex_albon, mercedesamgf1, georgerussell63 and 8,723 others

y/nusername don't be down and turn that frown upside-down. Happy 30th birthday to the most British man I've ever met– crickey, you're getting old. Best wishes from one bad bitch to another bad bitch 🎂

tagged: georgerussell63

view all 812 comments

grussell63 what is this and why is this the best thing I've ever seen? 😭

georgerussell63 why are you like this?

y/nusername I ask myself that question at least ten times a day 🥰

maxiel13 put this on my grave please :')

mercedesamgf1 truly iconic 🙌

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y/nusername

liked by isahernaez, carlossainz55 and 9,076 others

y/nusername older? yes. wiser? debatable. Some things are better with age, too bad you aren’t one of them. Happy birthday to my favorite spaniard 🌶

tagged: @/carlossainz55

charlos55 ah yes I love the Jonas Brothers

y/nusername joe is my favorite obviously

charlos55 asjklsas i love you!

scuderiaferrari thank you for perfectly capturing our chili 🌶

gaaaslyyy happy b-day to Carlos and let's thank y/n for her services ☺

carlossainz55 I can't wait to see you on the track this weekend

y/nusername is that a threat?

carlossainz55 keep your eyes open

sainzie my goal in life is to be as close with every driver as y/n is 😭

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y/nusername

liked by landonorris, alex_albon and 8,003 others

y/nusername happy birthday to the guy who can never do anything wrong in his life, the guy who became the little brother I've never had, thanks for being such a great time. (Don't be fooled, I still like your girlfriend more.)

tagged: alex_albon

view all 307 comments

maxmaxmax he truly can't do wrong, protect this men at cost!

🤺🤺🤺🤺

alex_albon thanks y/n, it's okay I too like my girlfriend more than you 😀

alebonooo like you should 😇

lilymhe hey could you intruduce me to this guy, he's cute

alex_albon 👋👋

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y/nusername

liked by charles_leclerc, danielricciardo and 10,897 others

y/nusername Smart, funny, beautiful..but enough about me, happy birthday to monaco's (and my) favorite. Here’s to another year of questionable fashion decisions. Happy birthday queen. ♥

tagged: charles_leclerc

sharllekler not charles questioning his life in these pictures 😭

lestappen_ I would too if my team was ferrari 💀

leclerc16 bestie the least thing you could've done was take those pants away from him

y/nusername friend if this man wants to embarrass himself, who am I to stop him?

charles_leclerc thank you queen ❤️

checooop don't known if I want to be charles or y/n

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y/nusername

liked by landonorris, carlossainz55 and 9,726 others

y/nusername Happy birthday to the guy who always knows how to make me laugh, who matches my weird, to the most good-looking guy I've ever met, to my best friend, to my person and to the one I love. I hope i get to spend many more birthdays with you..anyway, who needs a gift when you have me? Love you always, muppet 🧡🧡

tagged: landonorris

view all 910 comments

norris4 the difference between the birthday post of the other guys and lando's one is insane 😭

mercmartin the last picture will always be my favorite, thanks for sharing it once again

landonorris love you, muppet ❤️

Bottassv will I ever get over the muppet thing? Probably not

danielricciardo best friend?

landonorris people change their minds, daniel

scottyjames31 feeling rather betrayed right now

y/nusername guys please, I can't stand y'all equally. No need to fight.

#lando norris x reader #daniel ricciardo x reader #charles leclerc x reader #alex albon x reader #george russel x reader #carlos sainz x reader #social au

[hideawaysis]

hello. absolutely hate involving myself in fandom drama, but ifeel this is an important post to make as i have seen a lot of people taking a certain post at face value and believing it.

im referring to this one, made by @/realultimatehater

now, before i say these things, i feel the need to preface this by saying that i do not personally wish to align myself in this fandom debate. i am a tax-paying adult and do not have any energy or time to put into arguing about a tv show on the internet. nonetheless, i have seen people blindly spreading this post around and i feel this needs to be addressed.

this person is lying.

it feels like it should be obvious with the levels of "down with cis bus" energy pulsating off of this, but it's a huge fucking lie.

this person is a known harasser and has targeted children in the past. they will do anything, and i mean ANYTHING to rack up attention and internet points. they have made bold claims like this with little to no evidence in the past all so they can garner more hatred for certain fandoms on the internet. testimonies here and here, and some pretty damning screenshots here.

i advise you all to stop reblogging the post ive shown. it's disinformation, a story fabricated to direct more vitriol towards a fandom with little to no proof that it can somehow make people like this or attract people like this. this person is either a troll or just plain deranged. please stop believing what they say.

tags added for reach.

edit: i received an anonymous ask giving me extra information on this topic, apparently this person is in fact an internet troll who has gone under countless aliases and will often fake identities in order to ruin the reputations of others. more information here and here.

edit 2: another anon ask gave me a preserved version of a post from realultimatehater's first account, showing how they'd crop screenshots of dms in order to make it look like they were being harassed for simply having a negative opinion on hazbin hotel. here's the post, though do know the reblog is from a supporter of them, make of that what you will. here's another version of the post ifound showing how they'd bait people into saying these kinds of things in order to make them look bad. and here's another one! wow!

i also found a few asks showing how this person would literally approach hazbin fans and just blatantly insult them, rather than blocking them. because yeah, when you detest a fandom, you clearly must stir up conflict! that'll keep them away from you! said asks can be viewed here and here

edit 3: the anon i received telling me realultimatehater was an internet troll who'd been trolling people for years apparently was not being truthful, this does not discredit the other evidence ive listed but id really appreciate if people would stop spreading that ask around. ive removed the link to the ask, sincere apologies to anyone affected by that

#hideawaysisposting #hazbin #hazbin hotel #helluva boss #anti hazbin hotel #anti hazbin #anti helluva boss #vivziepop #anti vivziepop

[gethelpplease]

All the Pretty Stars (shine for you, my love)

Ellie x Reader

tags: fluff, stargazing, loser Ellie, cursing, best friends to lovers, one-shot, Loser!Ellie, Jackson!Ellie

synopsis: You and Ellie have been friends since she first came to Jackson. The moment you saw her, you knew she was special. Years later you suddenly realize you're in love with her. One day while stargazing, everything changes between the two of you.

Or: A fluffy fic with making out and a cute little forehead kiss at the end.

word count: 4.7k

AN: I might make a second part with angst. I'm not sure I just rlly wanna write Ellie angst but we'll see if I ever get the time to. School is taking over my life. Anyway, I posted this on ao3 too: All the Pretty Stars (shine for you, my love) by siriusly_not_moony

Enjoy! <3

The view of the stars in Jackson was the best thing anyone could ever see. Ever since the outbreak, there hasn’t been much light pollution outside of QZs. Meaning,1 there’s a good view almost anywhere else. This makes the view of the stars pretty clear, but Jackson has something everywhere else doesn’t have. Ellie Williams. Stargazing with her isn’t just “stargazing.”

Ellie first got to Jackson when she was fourteen, you remember very clearly. Seeing her for the first time quite literally knocked the breath out of you. You’d been in Jackson for a while before her, still adjusting to the new environment. Tommy had finally given into your pestering to improve your defense skills for patrol at 14. Maria never let you go of course, she said you needed more practice and maybe when you turned 16, she would let you. Once she let up, going on patrols with Tommy, Joel, and Ellie, made the pair of you closer. Your connection with Tommy is how you got to meet Ellie. Without him, you probably would have never approached her. He kept insisting you should talk to her, “She’s only a few weeks apart from you, Joel says she’s a good kid. Just talk to her.” “Kid, you need friends, just say hi.” “You know, Joel says she likes comics. Just like you.”

Meeting Ellie was confusing to describe it at best. She was kind, but very curt with all her responses. You almost felt as if she didn’t really care to get to know you. As for you, she was all you thought about since you first saw her.

Joel and Tommy were talking as the three of them walked down to the stables. You watched quietly as they got closer. Ellie stayed close to Joel, but a bit behind silently looking down, looking anywhere but the pair of brothers. It was obvious she felt a bit out of place. You honestly felt bad for her. She must not know anyone in Jackson yet, the only people she knows are grown adults.

They stopped near the open doors of the stables; you were in the first stall brushing Willow’s mane. She was your neighbor’s horse, but she liked you a lot for some reason.

You leaned against the stall door, “Hi.”

Ellie took a few seconds to turn around and see you, a straight look on her face, but her eyes. She has sad eyes. Beautiful, sad, green eyes. The eyes you want to stare at forever, to draw hundreds of times until it’s perfect. The eyes that put you in a trance when you see them up close. And those freckles.

Regret started to fill your stomach, but you pushed it back. You’re doing this for her, so she has a friend. Not because she’s the prettiest person you’ve ever seen. Her eyes were so mesmerizing. You’ve never seen eyes so hypnotizing. And they were looking at yours now. “Hi?”

“Oh,” You introduce yourself completely forgetting how social interactions go for a moment. “I—uh Tommy mentioned you’re about my age, I just wanted to introduce myself. I’ve only been in Jackson for about a year, so I know what it’s like to be new to it all. But, um, if you want a look around, I can show you?”

“Uh,” She looked back at Tommy and Joel. They were definitely into whatever it was they were talking about. You could see Ellie’s internal debate deciding if she should or shouldn’t accept your offer. “Sure.”

“Cool! I’m kind of still learning new things about this place every day. It’s kind of awesome how a place like this is growing and flourishing. It gives me hope you know?”

“Yeah.”

“So, where are you from?”

“Boston QZ.”

“Oh.” She seemed distracted. Or uninterested, who could tell? “So, what brought you here?”

She sighs, “It’s a long story. I came here with Joel. He was looking for Tommy. He found him now so…that’s that.”

You didn’t want to ask about that yet, it seemed a bit too sensitive for a first conversation. “This is the community garden. Some people grow their own stuff in their own yards for easy access, but this is the main source. We all help out here.”

You showed her around the most important parts of town. You found out she’s staying around the corner, just a minute's walk away. She cracked a smile once when you mentioned that almost everyone you knew would rather run into infected than listen to Seth drunkenly rant about his philosophical discoveries that make zero sense. You walked her back to her place after roughly less than an hour. You gave her directions to your place and said goodbye with a smile. The one you got in return made you weak to your knees.

After that first interaction, you didn’t speak for a couple of days before you saw her at the diner for breakfast. After that, you got breakfast together every day, which led to hanging out together. After a couple weeks of talking, you actually felt a really strong connection to her. She was your first real friend, and it was the best thing ever.

A couple years later, once Maria let you out on patrol, you convinced her to let you go with Ellie. And Joel and Tommy of course. She wouldn’t trust just the two of you alone. At this point, you spent most of your days with her. You got to know Joel too. You got to know just how sassy that man was despite his tough exterior. He was definitely Tommy’s brother.

Now, it was safe to say Ellie was your best friend. You two also made friends with Dina, Jesse, Cat, Riah, and Travis. You were also acquainted with a few others who you met through Dina. Meeting Dina really brought you out of your shell, and you can thank her for it. She’s the reason why you allowed yourself to become friends with other people. Dina was both yours and Ellie’s closest friend, besides each other. That’s why you came to Dina when you realized you were completely in love with Ellie. You knew you had a crush on her when the two of you had just started talking, but you were convinced it would go away. You pushed it back and kind of thought it did go away, but years later you now know that’s not the case. One day it just dawned on you that you were in love with her. One random, normal day.

You and Ellie were lying about on her bed. You found a bottle of alcohol on patrol and obviously brought it back. You two were drinking out of it just until you felt a buzz, not trying to get too drunk. Because of this, you two reached a somewhat dizzy and sleepy state. She was practicing a familiar tune on the guitar while you were sketching exactly what you saw. You both bonded over drawing, she was definitely better than you. She was always getting so much better so quickly. It was amazing. You were drawing the freckles on her face and that one distinct freckle on the top of her left cheek when you just started staring freely at her. She was distracted and you took the opportunity to just take in all of her features. In doing so, you got a dangerously strong feeling of butterflies in your stomach. You felt it first, and then a few beats later you realized what that meant. Your breath was suddenly gone.

Shit.

You sat up clenching your jaw trying to think straight for just one moment.

I’m in love with Ellie Fucking Williams…

In love. Love. God, this isn’t going to go away.

That night you slept beside her which was kind of a normal thing for the two of you. She slept soundly from what you could hear, but you stayed up for hours nervous and jittery. You only got a few hours of consistent sleep.

When you finally got the chance to tell Dina, she already knew of course. You told her about your “big realization,” but she said it was incredibly obvious from the very beginning. She even thought you and Ellie were dating before you two became friends with her.

She helped you come up with an outline on what to tell Ellie. It really shouldn’t be that difficult to talk about your feelings, but this is Ellie. Your best friend who you know is a bit emotionally constipated. You feel like even if there was a chance that she liked you back, she would never grant herself the ability to do anything about it. For someone so deserving, she never let herself be truly happy.

“You got this.” Dina grinned your way as she walked you to the door.

You spun quickly back towards her ready to go back to her bed and just talk to her instead of Ellie.

Dina grabbed your shoulders and turned you back to the door, literally kicking you out. “Nope. You’re doing this today. Trust me, it’ll work out.”

“No Dina, I really don’t think I can. If she turns me down, I will actually hide away forever. I’ll go throw myself into a horde of infected and it’ll be your fault.”

She lets out a long sigh and gives you a knowing look as you stand outside her door, “If you never do it you could be missing out on something really beautiful. At least try? You both deserve to be happy.”

You groan loudly. You agree with her of course, if the roles were reversed you would probably tell Dina the same thing. “Okay. I’ll do it, just give me a few days to prepare. I’ll talk to her sometime this week. I want to.”

“Yes you will.”

“Thank you Dina. I probably would have rotted in self-doubt without you. I’ll see you for dinner.”

“Bye Hun.” She gives you a small finger wave as you walk away.

After that conversation with Dina, you tried to keep your feelings for Ellie behind a curtain. The last thing you would want is to make things weird between you and her. You also noticed that knowing how you felt and continuing your friendship as normal was pretty tiring. You had to constantly think about every choice you made and every word you said. In a perfect world, you told her the moment you knew and she told you she liked you back. Too bad. This isn’t that world. Ellie is hard to read. Yeah, she smiles at you a lot, will stare at you when she thinks you don’t notice, and she’ll hold you or play with your hair when you guys watch movies. That’s being friendly. You kinda do some of those things with Dina? Despite your internal emotional battle, you told Dina you would tell Ellie. You’re not doing this for Dina though, you’re doing this for yourself. Going on pretending you’re not completely in love with Ellie would be too much.

It was a couple days later when got to spend the entire day with Ellie. Those days came rarely now. You love spending time with Ellie, so it wasn’t exactly a problem, but you definitely needed some time alone at the end of it all. You were laying down in an empty field behind one of the small playgrounds. The grass was a bit taller and uncomfortably itchy, so you had a sheet under you and your mini telescope lens Maria gave you for your 16th birthday. This was your spot to look at the stars at night. Ellie would usually go with you since she loves space too, but you didn’t tell her you were here this time. Because of that, you didn’t expect to hear footsteps approaching. Much less Ellie’s footsteps.

You sit up to look behind you, “What’re you doing here?”

“Tommy told me where you were.”

“I thought you were going to sleep earlier tonight since you have morning patrol.”

“Yeah, but…I dunno, I changed my mind.” She sat beside you partly on the grass. You knew she wouldn’t really be bothered by the grass since she’s wearing pants and a long sleeve, but you scooted over to make a bit more room for her. You patted the spot next to you and she took the offer and smiled, “I wanted to make sure you were okay. You were kinda spacey today. You know? I feel like you zoned out a lot.”

“Oh yeah, I’m fine.” You stare back up at the sky hoping she isn’t thinking too much into your behavior. “I’ve just been tired.”

“Yet you’re out watching the stars in the middle of the night.”

You chuckled, “Whatever.”

You let out a big sigh. A few moments of silence fall over you two, but it’s comfortable.

You lay back down on your sheet to get a good look at a small bunch of stars that look like one of the constellations you read about. You turn your head a bit to the right, and you are finally able to connect the stars and make out the figure you’ve been trying to find for a few nights. Ellie’s still sitting up, watching you observe the stars. You look at her and she takes a few seconds to notice. She had a soft smile on her face that was so beautiful it haunted you. When she notices you’re shift of attention she darts her eyes around before finally settling back on you, accompanied with a confused look.

“I found it!”

“Found it?”

“The constellation we were looking for the other night. I found it. C’mere.”

She lays down by you, her shoulder touching yours. “Where?”

“Here!” You point to a spot in the sky, but it doesn’t seem very effective. You lean over, your face so close to Ellie’s, looking at the sky. Your eyes are trying their hardest to stay focused on the sky despite the fact that Ellie’s eyes are like magnets. You’re trying to see the stars from her perspective to give her a better idea of where the bunch of stars are. “There.” You say quietly due to your proximity.

When she notices your eyes on the sky her eyes follow, hoping you didn’t see where her eyes were originally. She looks back at you and her eyes dart to your lips before looking back and forth between your left and right eyes. She slightly licks her lips causing you to look at them. It becomes too much so you lay back down in your original spot.

You take a few seconds to regain your calm, releasing a soft sigh. “Um, this was the dog constellation I was telling you about.” You had a moment. You definitely had a moment.

“The one with that super bright star? Sirion? No, wait, Sirius?”

“Yeah, Sirius. Did you learn that from the constellation book I gave you?”

“Obviously…Have you read the space mysteries book I gave you?”

“I’ll have you know that I have read some of it, actually.”

“You haven’t.” She said with a deadpan face.

“No, I really have,” you say giggling, “I swear!”

“I can never tell when you’re being sarcastic.” She rolls her eyes and lets out a gruff breath as she turns her head the other way.

You two lay in silence for a few minutes enjoying the quiet ambience. In Jackson, most settle down around 10:30 p.m. The only noise you hear now is the wind causing leaves to rustle against each other, a few crickets, and the soft background of cicadas.

“I have a question.” Ellie says randomly.

“What?” You respond still laying down on your back, eyes darting between Ellie and the sky. One reason why you love the stars and constellations so much might, or might not, be because of how they remind you of Ellie’s freckles. It just makes so much sense. She has the bigger more prominent freckles under her left eye and above her left eyebrow kind of like how there are brighter stars in constellations. You smile to yourself just thinking about it.

“Okay,” she says moving to lay down on her side with her head propped up on her fist, “you said that you immediately liked me when you first saw me, but what did you mean? Because I was really thinking about it the other day and I remember kind of being a jerk when we first met.”

Thinking about that makes you chuckle. She wasn’t that much of a jerk she just acted as most teens do when they see someone their age. The weird critical glances and kind of guarded attitude. “I don’t know. You—I mean… you weren’t a jerk from what I remember. Maybe I just ignored it. But, you did seem shy like you were afraid to make friends and I think that made me want to be friends with you more. And I liked you when I instantly saw you because you… I don’t know I just immediately knew I had to talk to you. I didn’t have any real friends at that point in my life, but I thought maybe it could be you.”

“Wow.”

“Shut up. I don’t mean to be cheesy but I just got a feeling I guess.”

“No, no, it’s cute.”

“Yeah whatever… What about you? I don’t think I’ve ever heard you’re first impression of me. Just that you’re glad that I talked to you.”

“I mean there’s not much to say. You said it all.”

“Uh, yeah. I said my side. Now I wanna know your side.” You poke her shoulder with your finger to make your point.

“Ok… fine,” She pauses for a second gathering her thoughts, “I remember seeing you kinda linger around when I first rode in with Joel. I didn’t want to look your way ‘cause I knew you were looking at me. I definitely knew you were weird.” You shove her shoulder, a wide smile plastered on your face. “I didn’t really expect to make friends actually. You already know I’ve only ever had one real friend my age, so when you came up to me, I thought I should try. I remember that talk very clearly actually. You gave me a tour and a rundown on how the social life is here. We talked a bit about our interests, and I found out you liked comics too, so I think that did it for me.”

“Aw, it wasn’t my great jokes?”

She shouts, “Ha!” Obviously making fun of you.

“Your puns are just as bad so you better keep your mouth shut.”

“My puns are amazing. You know you love them. You’ve told me before.”

“Mmm, no. Must have me confused for someone else.”

She smiles and nods her head, a sweet look on her face you wish you could take a photo of.

“The moon looks so nice right now.” She says as she stares in awe at the full moon overhead. She then reaches over you to grab the mini telescope lens. When she grabs it, it rolls off a bit causing her to lose her balance and slip. She catches herself before she slams into you, just hovering over you with her hand on the side of your head and the other half-folded on your other side providing her with support.

Your instant reaction was to grab her, so your hand is hovering over her waist, “You okay?”

“Yeah, my bad.” She still hasn’t moved, staring at your eyes, then looking around your entire face.

Your heart is beating too fast and too strong. You feel the need to breathe faster, but you can’t make it too obvious. You’re staring at her lips just waiting for her to do something because you don’t have the will to make the first move. Then you see her lips form into a smirk, so you look back up at her eyes. “What?”

“Nothing,” she says letting out a breathy laugh.

“No, what?” You say, turning red. Was she laughing at the way you looked at her lips?

“Just… you.” She’s still chuckling.

“What about me?” Your eyebrows scrunch up, an almost pouted look on your face. You feel very left out of whatever is making Ellie so entertained.

“I don’t know,” she is still laughing. “You just make me smile.”

“Ha ha. Fuck you too.” You reply out of defense feeling like she’s teasing you.

You’re partly confused because of this sudden mood change from Ellie. She’s cute when she’s giggly, but she usually only gets that way when she has a bit of alcohol in her system or when she’s taken a couple hits too many. You smile, brows still scrunched, but her comment makes you blush. You turn away from her thinking, What the fuck was that?

You turn back to face her, but she’s still smiling at you, still hovering over you. Your hand is gone from her waist and now it’s on the floor, feeling like it’s glued down. Your entire body feels frozen as if gravity has doubled in force, trying to staple you to the ground.

She stopped laughing so there’s a moment of pure silence between the two of you. That’s when it feels too real, the energy around the two of you changes completely. Her smile slowly falls and she’s staring at your lips, then looks into your eyes with permission. You could be imagining it, but that thought depleted from your brain when Ellie finally leans in. She lowers her head, only a centimeter from yours for one second almost second-guessing herself. Butterflies flood your stomach and then your entire body as you take in what is happening. You both end up moving your heads at the same time and it’s the best thing in the world. Her lips touch yours so gently, lingering there for a bit. You try to process the moment, but you can only focus on Ellie.

Ellie. Ellie. Ellie.

You move your lips against hers slowly. It’s a closed-mouth kiss that lasts a few long seconds. She pulls away, eyes closed, still so close, and she sighs shakily. You’re still looking at her in pure shock and admiration because this is it. This is what you were so scared of and it’s all you ever wanted, except you didn’t have to make the first move. She did.

Ellie repositions herself so she’s not relying on only her arms for support. She kneels down, one of your legs between the two of hers and then she lowers herself back on top of you, one hand on your neck and the other beside your head.

This time, you lean in to kiss her first and it’s different. You know what it’s like and you want more. She holds your head closer, pushing you into her as much as she can. One of your hands find the back of her head, fingers brushing through her hair. The other hand is under her shirt on her waist, moving back and forth occasionally to her lower back. She slightly moans into your mouth at the sensation. It’s not freezing outside, but your fingers hold a slight chill against her warm back. You’re thinking you could just live in this moment forever, but then things get better and your mind starts racing.

More.

Ellie’s the one to deepen the kiss, slipping her tongue into your mouth first. Then, to top it all off, she grabs your leg, pulling it down to get you closer to her. She doesn’t move her hand, keeping it on your leg stroking up and down slowly occasionally squeezing your thighs. You use that leg to feel closer to her, wrapping it around her. She pulls away for a second and you think it’s over, but she takes a deep breath and starts leaving feathery kisses down your jaw to your neck. Your eyes fall shut. It’s a struggle to stay calm when you feel her lips on your skin, her hand on your neck, fingers in your hair, and her other hand stroking your thigh.

“Ellie.” You barely croak the word out, not wanting her to stop. “Ellie,” you say a bit louder now, still a whisper “Ellie.” The last time you say her name, it comes out as a giggle. Her lips brushed against a sensitive spot on your neck.

She looks up looking dazed, “Yeah?” she whispers back.

You grab her face to pull her closer and kiss her briefly, her eyes still closed for a few seconds after you pull away and a smile forming on her face. Meanwhile, you’re grinning like a fool. You push her off of you playfully as you laugh, “We have to get back. We need some sleep.”

“Five more minutes.” She sighs staring up at the sky.

“Okay.” You sigh, “Five minutes.”

You both lay in each other’s company for those five minutes, silently processing what just happened.

“Okay five minutes are up, it’s pretty late.” You say, grunting as you push yourself up and begin to gather your things.

Ellie’s still laying down. You both know you should go home and sleep, but you don’t want to leave this moment just yet.

You sigh and kick her leg. “Get up.” You say reaching your hand out.

“Damn, okay.” She takes the invitation pulling herself up.

The two of you begin to walk towards the road where you live not knowing whose house you’re exactly going to. Ellie’s place comes up first and as you slow down to say bye, she doesn’t stop.

“Let me drop you off.” She insists turning to face you.

“Drop me off? Ellie, we’re already at your place, I’ll be fine walking down the street alone.” You say in disbelief.

“Come on,” she says grabbing your hand as she drags you down the street towards your place.

“Uh-” you utter in surprise. What is this girl on?

You walk for a couple minutes looking over at Ellie, she looks lost in thought as she unconsciously swings your hands.

“I’m grabbing breakfast extra early in the morning with Joel, he wants to give me woodworking lessons again.” She looks away, “He’s—he’s trying.”

“That’s good though…I don’t really know exactly what happened between the two of you, but I know he cares about you so much and from how you talked about him Ellie, I know you care about him just as strongly. I want you to be happy, and if this is how, then that’s good.”

She looks at you thoughtfully, then looks down. “Yeah.” A slight pause, “Thanks.”

“You’re going to do that before patrol?”

“Yeah.”

“’Kay. Do you wanna come over later? I was just going to help out in the stables for a bit after then kinda chill for the rest of the day.”

“Yeah, sure, that sounds good.” A smile back on her face. She turns to walk you up to your door, “See you tomorrow—or later I guess.”

“Goodnight, Ellie.” You smile softly at her, releasing your joined hands. You want to tell her just how much you’re going to remember tonight and how much you like her, but not yet. Not yet.

While you’re thinking, she leans in to brush a soft kiss on your forehead, catching you off guard. She doesn’t let it linger too long, but just long enough for you to still feel a tingle in her lips’ absence. “Night.” She whispers against your forehead. She turns and walks back down the road, just like that. Meanwhile, you’re watching her go in disbelief at how much happened in one night. This is going to change a lot.

#ellie williams #tlou #tlou2 #ellie the last of us #ellie tlou #the last of us #tlou part 2 #ellie needs therapy #ellie williams is my wife #soft ellie #ellie x reader #ellie x fem reader #loser!ellie #stargazing #nerd!ellie #ellie williams one shot #ellie tlou x reader #ellie tlou2 x reader #ellie williams drabble #ellie fluff #Jackson ellie #ellie x you #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams fanfic #ellie williams fic #ellie williams fanfiction #ellie x female reader #female reader #best friend!ellie #ellie miller

[diedicontroversial]

[discourse] in defiance of the author’s wishes (re: mxtx fandom)

table of contents : context  : moral arguments : addressing the legal side of things  : closing remarks

Context

on March 17, 2018, mxtx posted:

“As long as you don't split or reverse the top/bottom positions of the main couple, I won't mind what you ship. I myself have a lot of fun shipping couples in mainstream shows, and isn't reading all about finding joy? You can imagine freely or ship whoever you like, just don't break up or reverse the top/bottom positions of the main couple.”

(I realise that the 不拆不逆 “no splitting or reversing” rule might be implicit within the entire Chinese danmei fandom, so i do not wish to single mxtx out. for example, i know that Chinese 2ha fans also go around policing people who ship, say, chu wanning with shi mei — so this isn’t just a mxtx thing. although i do not know if other danmei authors have explicitly stated “no splitting or reversing” since i have not been a part of other danmei fandoms.)

Nevertheless, “no splitting or reversing” became the constitution in Chinese mxtx fandom. Fans parade around with the slogan “拆逆死“ which means “kill yourself if you split or reverse”. Since the pronunciation of 拆逆死 (chai-ni-si) sounds like “chinese”, some fans on the Chinese internet have been putting “chinese” in their bios to mean “kill yourself if you split or reverse”.

From now on I will be referring to split/reverse ships as cult ships, as Chinese fans like to call them.

There are two main consequences of the “no splitting or reversing” rule (on the Chinese internet):

You will receive permanent bans with no option for appeal if you post cult ship fanworks in the novel communities on Weibo

It is implicitly agreed upon that you are not allowed to use individual character tags, the novel tag, or the author tag when posting cult ship content on any platform. So, for example, if you write Wei Wuxian x Jiang Cheng, you are not allowed to use #weiwuxian #jiangcheng #mdzs #mxtx. The name given to this conduct of tagging only your cult ship is 圈地自萌, which means “enclose a piece of land and amuse oneself within it”. You are not allowed to step out of your land. 

However, not everyone agrees with the practice of “don’t step out of your land” — this includes people from both sides of the debate. Some official shippers believe that cult shippers should not have any land to begin with, and purposefully leave the cult ship tag unblocked so they can police cult shippers at every opportunity. Some cult shippers believe that because their ship involves the individual characters, originate from the novel written by the author, they are in the right to use the individual character tags, the novel tag, and the author tag, and that people who dislike their ship should just use the block function. 

-

Moral Arguments

There are two main types of moral arguments that Chinese official shippers make.

1. If you split the official ship, you condone cheating behaviour and that makes you a bad person.

The first argument is too trivial so I will leave the refutation as an exercise for the reader to do at home /j

2. You are not respecting the author's wishes and that makes you a bad person.

The author has wished many different things. For example:

Screenshot 1 translation: I strictly forbid any crowdfunding or fundraising related to me, my works, or my characters, regardless of the purpose, whether it be for celebration, group buying, rankings, charity, or any other named activities.

Screenshot 2 translation: Once again, I emphasize: No new social media pages related to my works are allowed, nor organizing readers in a roundabout way, whether it be for celebrations, group buying, rankings, charity, or any other named activities. Please also refrain from flamboyantly organizing any collective birthday events.

Screenshot 3 translation: I've repeated many things many times and do not wish to repeat myself. Could everyone please just listen to my words occasionally.

(A brief aside before I address the second argument, something I used to say when debating Chinese fans: “I don’t think people who violate the author's wishes mean any disrespect. I don’t think they’re shipping or hosting charity events or birthday parties out of spite, but rather, it just so happens that the author prohibits a ship they enjoy or an event they organise. Just because I cult ship, for example, doesn’t mean I hate the author.” And they would respond: “if you really liked the author, you wouldn’t go against her wishes. You do not deserve to like the author. You are a mxtx anti.” And I would say, “I like my mom a lot, but I won’t listen to everything she says, simply because I don’t think everything she says is right. Plus, I don’t think the world can simply be explained by like vs. dislike. Also, Xie Lian said this: [For instance, if you admire or like someone, you won't always treat them well, no matter what happens.]” But then the most hilarious thing happened, in the revised version, a rebuttal for that scene was added:

【”For instance, if you admire or like someone, it doesn't mean you will always treat them well, regardless of what happens."

"Why not?" San Lang questioned. "If that's not possible, it only shows that this so-called 'liking' isn't anything significant."

Xie Lian shifted the conversation, asking, "Then... does it mean that aside from liking someone, the only other option is to dislike them? Are these the only two attitudes one can choose from?"

San Lang chuckled and retorted, "Why not? Right is right, wrong is wrong. To love is to love, to hate is to hate. Why can't things be clear and straightforward?”】

… ah.)

To address the second argument for real, i believe that producers retain no moral authority over the methods by which consumers engage with their products. for instance, i believe that choosing not to follow the official “twist, lick, and dunk” method when eating oreos does not constitute disrespect towards the oreo brand. Or to use another analogy, suppose a farmer selling apples insist that you peel the apples before eating them. I believe that it does not make you a bad person if you choose to eat the apples unpeeled, despite the farmer being the one who watered and harvested the apples from their trees.

I am thinking of potential counterarguments, and the strongest one I came up with is: “but products like oreos and apples are fundamentally different from intellectual property.” And I think the main issue here is that, to employ economics terminology, the content of novels like tgcf is a non-rivalrous good (not the novels themselves but the abstract content), which means that my consumption of it does not reduce availability to others. In other words, unlike Oreos or apples wherein after I purchase them, the specific items I bought are no longer physically in the hands of the vendor; after encountering characters like Shen Qingqiu, Shen Qingqiu still exists abstractly in MXTX’s head. This gives the illusion of ownership on the author’s part. I want to be very careful here because I think it’s easy to equivocate between different uses of the word “ownership”. I am not arguing that the author fails to retain ownership in negation of all the blood, sweat, and tears that went into the creative process, i.e. their copyright. Instead, I am contending that, just as I paid for my Oreos and apples, upon my purchasing of the Seven Seas version, the paperback Chinese version, and the revised uncensored version of TGCF on JJWXC, the author does not own the ways by which I choose to engage with these fictional entities. Once a work is made public, its ontology becomes independent of the author’s intent, and in all its readers’ heads exist distinct versions of the characters, in effect making them belong to all of us.

(There. As a bonus I have also resolved the issue of not being “chinese” enough. Ah, is this a bad place to make a communism joke?)

Addressing the legal side of things

In 2022 I wrote to the legal team at AO3, and here is their response:

Regarding the “moral rights”, that’s actually a thing. Upon receiving lots of spam from 12-yr-old readers that “you are breaking the law”, I did a quick Baidu search (China’s Google) concerning the legality of splitting/reversing ships. Surprisingly, the search results yield “yes, it’s illegal”, and hence the 12-yr-olds' confidence. But that is akin to getting a cancer diagnosis from searching symptoms on Google. So I dug deeper. 

After reading tens of published papers and court cases, here are the key takeaways of what I found:

Given that intellectual property rights are a bit behind in China, they have largely based their laws on US copyright law. As organizations like OTW continue to fight for the rights of transformative works in the US, China probably will just follow suit.

The semantics of “distort, mutilate, or otherwise harm the integrity of their works in a way that harms the author’s reputation” is very vague and debatable. There are at least three ways to interpret it (I think one of the papers I read offered four). The first is that they only have to prove that you distorted the integrity of the work. The second is that you satisfy the condition of harming the author’s reputation. The third is that you satisfy both conditions (integrity of work and author’s reputation). It depends on the court. 

None of the court cases pertained to unserious, just-for-fun fan works. Usually what happens is someone makes a film out canon, for example, and sell it for profit, or someone publishes their own novel which contains characters from another published work. 

And that is for China only^ if you live outside of China, you are under another country's jurisdiction.

-

Closing remarks

I am addressing this issue because it has impacted me and my friends in many ways. "kill yourself if you split/reverse the official ship" is probably the least of our concerns, mainly because it is such a popular phrase that we've become desensitized to it. @/Eleven receives private messages on Lofter on a weekly basis of people wishing her entire family to get murdered. A hualian main friend of mine has been posted to Weibo for following me; and I had to pull a Shi Qingxuan with "hey let's not be friends anymore if being associated with me is gonna get you cancelled".

mxtx has been through a lot and i understand where she's coming from. and maybe, the people who identify as "kill yourself if you split/reverse the official ship" don't truly mean it -- maybe they're just expressing their love for the official ship.

Recently i've been seeing the sentiments I used to only witness in Chinese fandom surface on Twitter and sometimes I worry that western mxtx fandom is going to turn into Chinese mxtx fandom, with the in-group/out-group mentality -- you're either with us or against us. At the end of the day, I do like mxtx, I admire her tenacity and I think she's a brilliant author, I love her works and the characters in them. I simply do not want to be backed into the corner of "anti" due to not following every order she gives.

祝墨香和她的粉丝们平安。

#mxtx #tgcf #heaven official's blessing #mdzs #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #svsss #scum villian self saving system #scum villain #discourse

[plutoccult]

HOW CAN I SNOOZE AND MISS THE MOMENT? YOU JUST TOO IMPORTANT

pairing: kei tsukishima x gender neutral reader

description: even after a long and frustrating day at work, you can’t help but fight to stay up with your favorite person on earth.

word count: 1.6k

also available to read on my ao3 here

author’s note: i wrote this because i hated my job at the time (i have since quit and found a job that pays me way more), and this idea spurred after a draining day at work. i debated on who to write it for, but ironically the #1 tsukishima anti (/j) @heavenfilm suggested i write it for tsukishima. i mean, since no. 1 party anthem was so successful, it makes sense for me to write for him once more. plus, the fandom is probably bumping again thanks to the new movie. i know this is short, but don’t most people want that? anyway, i hope you enjoy!

tags: @solefleurs @heavenfilm @mayariviolet @dragon-slayer5 @darthferbert @5sos-wdw @todorokiskitten @intheewrld @localgaytrainwreck @rasisarchive

taglist form here

the second you walked through the door and slammed it shut behind you, you wanted to fall to the floor and rot there. it was incredibly overdramatic, you were well aware of that, but you felt such theatrics were more than valid after the hellish day you had at work.

your job was easy for the most part. while you knew you wouldn’t spend the rest of your life working there, you at least wanted it to be somewhat tolerable. sometimes you dealt with annoying customers, treating you as if you were an idiot despite knowing the policies like the back of your hand. but today wasn’t one of those days where you put up with some snotty karen, funnily enough. the villain of your work day happened to be your manager.

when things are going their way, they’re the coolest person in the world. but whenever there was the most minuscule inconvenience, it turned into everyone’s problem, and you couldn’t stand it. it was like playing survival mode on the hardest level. many a time were you tempted to put your foot down and quit, but you were too afraid of being jobless for too long and leaving your boyfriend to pay all the bills. it didn’t help that applying for jobs was such a pain in the ass either.

after a long day at work, you scrunch your face in frustration then let out a long sigh, sliding your back against the door as you found comfort sitting on the carpet. too lazy to do anything else, even kick off your shoes, you sit there for a few moments with your eyes closed. it was the most relaxing moment you’ve had all day, but that title would soon be taken over once your boyfriend tsukishima emerged from your shared bedroom, having heard you come through the door just moments ago.

“y/n?” he pattered down the hall, finding you in your current position. “why are you on the floor?”

you open your eyes and see tsukishima’s face. it was hard to read him most times when you first met, but you had learned him inside and out, down to the way he let out a sigh once agreeing to something he didn’t really want to do. the sight of him just standing there, looking down at you with his head slightly tilted brought you utter joy. his face was the one thing you always looked forward to see after days like these.

“hi, my love.” you say. “it’s been a long day��”

“your manager again?” tsukishima asked. he knew you all too well.

“a pain as always.” you groan. it didn’t require any more detail than that for him to understand your struggle. days like these had been going on for a while, and it pained him to see you like this.

“well,” tsukishima offered his hand, you taking it immediately as he pulled you to your feet, bringing you close to him by wrapping an arm around your shoulder, all in such slick movements. “you should probably have some food then get to bed.”

you quickly shake your head in protest. you didn’t want to go to bed yet. you just got home. you wanted to spend time with him.

“go to bed? but i wanna stay up with you…” you pout.

while your puppy face was one of tsukishima’s weaknesses, he valued your wellbeing far too much than to be selfish and let you sacrifice time that could be spent resting.

“you need to rest.” he insisted.

“but—”

“you’ll fall over if you stand a second longer.” tsukishima interrupted you, gently running a hand through your hair, which almost lulled you to sleep on the spot despite your resistance. “i’ll bring you something to eat as long as you get to bed, okay?”

“okay…” you let out a sigh, looking down to the floor as you dragged your feet to your bedroom. you stop for a moment, your feet aching too much for you to bother taking another step.

“tsukki?” you turn around, tsukishima saying “hm?” as he anticipated your next words. “carry me?”

ah, of course. he couldn’t ever say no to that. “alright…”

tsukishima lifted you up with ease, a given considering he always stayed in tip-top shape throughout the years thanks to playing volleyball. as relaxing as it was to be in his arms, you fought like hell to stay awake, wanting to keep your eyes on that gorgeous face as long as humanly possible.

he placed you down on the bed, going as far as to take your shoes off your feet and set them aside. the constraint of your shoes were killing you all day, so you felt immediate relief upon their removal. you were thankful for tsukishima doing such things for you without you even having to ask. he truly understood you through and through, his love shown in his acts of service rather than words spoken.

“get comfy while i bring you a plate.” tsukishima placed a kiss on your cheek and ruffled your hair before leaving the room. you were tempted to get under those cozy blankets, but you knew it would only make you sleepy, and you couldn’t have that. you didn’t work all day just to fall asleep before you could spent more than just a moment with the one you love.

tsukishima found you yawning as you tried sitting up as straight as possible. he came in with a bowl of fettuccine alfredo, having made it earlier with you in mind, just freshly reheated for your enjoyment. but tsukishima couldn’t help but sigh at the display in front of him.

“didn’t i tell you to get comfy?” he rolled his eyes as he sat down on the bed next to you. “here. i’m sure you’re starving after a long day.”

“i’d start gnawing on your arm soon enough.” you joke and take the bowl from his hands. “but thank you.”

“i’d rather you didn’t.” tsukishima cringed at the thought. funnily enough, he thought that such a thing would affect his performance at games. he wasn’t the same as he was as a teenager, that’s for sure.

you’re too busy to even respond, inhaling your food like it was going out of style. sometimes you’re just too caught up at work to even think about taking a snack break. even if you did relax for once, someone was always bound to ask for your help because they either didn’t 1. have a clue on what to do or 2. feel like doing their job. you were truly stuck to a ball and chain because of these people.

once you finished the last bite, you didn’t have to say a thing as tsukishima took the bowl out of your hands, already thinking to wash the dishes for you later so you didn’t have to lift a finger. he placed the bowl down on the nightstand for a moment, grabbing the edge of your shared comforter, which you immediately took notice to.

“woah, woah, woah!” you exclaim and grab tsukishima’s wrist. “i’m not lying down!”

“you think just grabbing my wrist can stop me?” he snickered, harshly tugging the blanket like a magician pulling a tablecloth off the table while leaving the dishes unscathed. you plop over face first onto the bed as you try to scramble for the blanket, but fail miserably. tsukishima couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight.

you roll onto your back and pout over his laughter. “what’s so funny?”

“i just don’t understand why you want to stay awake so bad. you’re clearly exhausted.” tsukishima said as he gently stroked your hair, almost trying to lull you to sleep. had he scratched a certain part of your head, you would’ve been a goner and he knew it.

“because i…” you sit up, continuing to resist your inevitable slumber. “i wanna spend more time just with you. you’re too important to me.”

“you’re important to me too.” he replied. “and if you weren’t, i wouldn’t care about your health.”

you can’t help but smile at his words. curse him for caring so much, you almost want to say, but how could you? it’s not like you’d rather he didn’t give a damn at all, you would never. but still, you can’t resist wanting to lay your eyes on him as long as you humanly could.

“ass.” you say, a giggle escaping your mouth with ease.

“butt.” tsukishima grinned, leaning in and planting a kiss on your lips. his kiss felt like a spell to you, and you’d be pulled in each and every time.

as you lay down now, the only source of light being the lamp on the bedside table, you find yourself starting to succumb to the sleep you fought so hard to resist. tsukishima took notice, pulling the blanket over your body and reaching his hands to scratch your head. you fell asleep within seconds, just as he predicted.

tsukishima couldn’t be mad seeing you in this state. sure, he missed you like hell all day, but watching you now, looking so peaceful, tsukishima knew this was one of his favorite sights in the world. if he could sit here and just stare at you like this all day, he would do it instantly.

“i love you, y/n.” he said, gently caressing your cheek, hoping he wouldn’t wake you up. “i know i should say it out loud more often, but i hope you know that i do. there aren’t enough words to describe the feeling, but i love you.“

even if you didn’t hear tsukishima, you could still feel his love just from him sitting beside you. you feel it when you look at his face down to when you yap your mouth off while he just listens. you would never feel this with anyone else, and you would forever try to savor it.

© plutoccult / 310802. please do not copy, repost, modify, or translate any of my content in or outside of tumblr. reblogs are appreciated <3

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #tsukishima kei x reader #kei tsukishima x reader #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima kei #kei tsukishima #pluto writes 📝

[alicerosejensen]

Tags: Dad!Leon(Older), Leon is the girl's father; fluff.

Warning: There are none.

He was really afraid of becoming a father. It's not so much the news of your pregnancy that scares him, but the likelihood that an innocent child may be harmed. His child. Leon is paranoid to worry about you and the baby. He'll probably get drunk before he puts that thought in his head. Don't get him wrong, he wants a family, he had plans after completing the police academy to get married in a few years and have two children, he still wants a family, but his fear devours this desire entirely because he knows that if something happens to the child and you one day, he just won't survive it.

It takes two to tango so I don't think he'll start getting angry and blaming you for everything. Leon just needs a little time, but when this happens and he thinks it over, he will want to transport you to some place that he thinks is safe.

You might have to get into a long debate with him, but this guy doesn't want anything like the Winters family to happen to his family. If someone kidnaps his child, he will simply go wild.

Due to the fact that he is a government agent, all information about you is classified. Also, if a bioterrorist attack suddenly occurs, you will be quickly evacuated along with your child. At least that's what Leon wants to believe.

The house will be nice and simple (perhaps like the Baker's house but without additional extensions) I think Leon likes something classic and cozy rather than modern and abstract. It is unlikely that you will be against it, especially since he does not skimp on quality items and excellent appliances.

Your child will definitely have a great room at all stages of growing up. But when the baby is born, Leon will still insist that the baby girl sleep next to him and with you for the first time. He would have put her in the middle of the bed, but since it was not safe, he agreed to just put the crib on his side. He's just calmer that way.

“Look, I found a catalog with a whole selection of cribs. There are different options, classic, round, even some very strange ones, what position should the child lie in?”

You will laugh, but in the end you will find the right option. Not too expensive, but first you need to explain to Leon that the baby in the first months of life will definitely not be whimsical in which bed he sleeps on. Leon, of course, knows this, as well as the fact that many of the toys that he has already ordered will not be needed by his daughter until at least six months, but he cannot do anything about it.

Choosing a name is a whole challenge. You two will have a debate about this when you find out the gender of the baby. Leon will want a simple name and will roll his eyes when you read him rare names from your notebook.

"Laura, Mary, Ashley, Sarah, Jessica, Kate? These names are for weaklings! Need something crazy and original, right?"

It will really be difficult, but he will win and his daughter will have a normal name.

When his baby is born and Leon holds her for the first time… you will see tears running down his cheeks. He would have kissed this pink, swaddled bundle of joy, but he just sat there, held her in his arms and cried from the fact that he was now the father of a little girl.

This girl will be lucky as hell. Her father would literally give her the whole world at her whim so you're a little worried that she might grow up spoiled. However, while she is a baby, your only problem is the fact that your daughter loves to be held in her arms because Leon constantly carries her around the house, showing her things and telling her some stories.

Leon will wake up at the first cry and immediately try to calm her down. Change a diaper? hungry? If you are not breastfeeding, Leon will easily prepare the formula and feed her. Sometimes you think that he is a better mother than you.

The best toys, a special children's area when your daughter begins to explore the world around her, beautiful and comfortable onesies. Your daughter will definitely have a bodysuit with the inscription "daddy's princess"

A stern special agent in the White House and on missions, Leon becomes an affectionate bear at home.

He is a truly caring dad. Watching cartoons with her, coloring coloring books, playing games when she grows up. This child is the only person who can attack him from behind and Leon’s reflexes simply won’t work.

Often he needs your help and advice on what to do best. He will especially need your help when her first childhood love and first broken heart happen. Because he can get really angry at anyone who causes his baby any pain. He really doesn’t understand how it’s possible not to love her, but more on that later.

At the age of 3-6 years, Leon can only be seriously shocked by some accidental injury or illness. Be serious but he will panic even if it is a common cold. You will have to work hard so that he doesn’t drop all his business and take your daughter straight to the doctors for all the examinations. Of course, you will dissuade him, but he will repeatedly check the baby while she is in bed. He will kiss her on the forehead and lie with her for a while so that she does not worry (even if she was initially calm). It would also literally break his heart if Leon heard you sneeze.

She will definitely be daddy's princess. She almost literally walks on his head, does her dad's hair with pink bobby pins and combs his bangs, and paints his nails with polish. Leon allows her to do almost everything to him. But of course he won't come to work with pink nail polish.

Support any hobby. It could be dancing, drawing or playing football. The main thing is that she likes it herself.

What Leon definitely won’t allow is to look into his safe where he stores weapons and ammunition. The password will be complex and only he will know it. This is one of the few things that Leon forbids his child.

He, of course, loves his baby and is ready to do anything for her, but… he won’t have a second child. Every time he returns home, a terrible thought comes to his mind: “What if something terrible happens to my family.” He often has a nightmare in which you and your daughter have turned into zombies, so he will need a drink.

I think one day, when your daughter woke up, she left her room and went down to the first floor, holding in her hands the plush bunny with whom she usually sleeps. She saw her father sitting at the table with a bottle of whiskey as he simply looked thoughtfully into his glass.

Leon, of course, immediately noticed her and looked at her. God, tears will immediately flow from his eyes when he stretches out his hands to her and your daughter runs to him. His arms wrap her tightly in his arms and pull her onto his lap. You will see this picture and the perplexed look of children's blue eyes turned to you when your husband is just sitting at the table, holding his beloved child and crying because he is fucking AFRAID!

You understand why Leon behaves this way. He finds it difficult to get rid of these thoughts because of his job. He survived Raccoon City, Tall Oaks, saved the president's daughter in Spain from parasite-infected fanatics, and a whole bunch of other crap that you probably don't even know about. He has every reason to be afraid and sometimes you regret that you did this to him. Although you know that Leon loves your daughter with him, the very thought that something like this will happen to her simply destroys him to the core.

Your little girl wipes the tears from his cheeks and kisses her daddy on the cheek, telling him that he doesn’t need to cry. Leon simply presses her too tightly, feeling her scent. If he could put an end to zombies and their creators once and for all…

Leon will take her and you back to the bedroom. Next to the two of you, he will be able to sleep a little peacefully, but you know that his sleep is never sound.

You try to talk to him but he pushes you away. He really loves you, but he hates it when people mess with his brain. Of course, whiskey is a bad medicine and Leon himself does not want his daughter to find out that her dad sometimes has the weakness to drink, thereby ignoring his problems, but still… no matter how hard he tries to be perfect, he is not perfect.

When your daughter goes to school, Leon will rejoice at any of her successes. She will also help with homework as much as needed. He will explain everything in detail, clearly and without shouting (sorry, this is a sore subject for me).

He will not always be able to attend school events, unlike you, but if possible he will not miss them. However, he asks you to record everything on camera.

Oh yes, on his desk at home there is a framed family photo of the three of you in the park, joyful and carefree.

So, adolescence is…complicated. Leon understands that his baby will begin to grow up and has no problem organizing small changes in her room. And he also understands that hormones are coming into play. Sometimes screams and anger accompanied by loud slamming of the door are simply inevitable.

That's the time when he can really start to get angry and swear in response, so you realize you need to cool his temperament… The truth is that you really have to punish your daughter when she crosses all boundaries.

Nevertheless, if something suddenly happens, she will always run to Leon, knowing that he will protect her. He may be angry, but as mentioned above, he will do everything possible so that nothing happens to his family.

Partying with friends at night? Absolutely not! Never! Have pity on the old man's heart. Leon will find a bunch of reasons not to let her go anywhere at night. After all, there will be alcohol, shitty guys who can offend her or get her drunk and take advantage of this by ruining her life. Perhaps Leon will exaggerate, but until the age of 16 he will definitely be adamant about this. Sometimes being the daughter of a government agent just isn't possible.

And then, before letting her go to the party, he will sit her down on the sofa and give her a long lecture, telling her to always watch her drink, drink only what she pours for herself or is poured in front of her. If are distracted, do not drink under any circumstances, but take another glass! If someone pesters her, he will show several self-defense techniques and immediately tell to call him. Well, the cherry on the cake - he still won’t allow her to stay there all night. He also won’t bother with calls, but she will need to respond to all his SMS, if not… he will come right away.

Even you yourself will get tired of this overprotection, realizing that Leon often goes too far.

But you ask your daughter to be more lenient towards her father, because he is simply worried about her life. However, when you are young and have not seen what Leon saw, it is difficult to understand his actions and behavior.

There will be conflicts and there will be a lot of them.

The only thing that can make your daughter understand the actions of her father is if someone kidnaps her and confronts her with the infected, forcing her father to go to another wilderness inhabited by the infected. (bad version of events).

Leon will immediately go after her, promising you that he will return her safe and sound. He remembers how he saved Ashley, but she was already an adult girl and not a teenager who, at most, had seen horror films on TV.

Leon, like Barry or Ethan, is ready to kick the ass of any bastard who hurts his baby. In any case, he will do everything to save her.

I imagine this concept as a teenage girl hiding behind her father's back, holding on to his kurta or vest while he shoots enemies, sometimes throwing improvised objects like bottles or stones, stunning the opponents.

After returning home, she will hug you tightly and cry for the hundredth time, promising her father that she will no longer contradict him.

There is no need to say what condition Leon himself will be in after this personal rescue mission. All three of you will experience extreme stress after what happened.

In a good scenario, bypassing the kidnapping, peace between father and daughter would most likely have come much later, when the teenage years would have been long behind us. Probably this realization would have come to her when her naive view of the world ceased to be naive and she began to understand what her father had been struggling with for many years.

Oh yes, about first love. Leon would definitely be vigilant and keep a close eye on everything. He has a whole database and he will immediately run through all the boy’s data, having learned everything about him, and yet he doesn’t really like the idea that some dubious guy is hunting for his daughter.

If Leon realizes that this is an ordinary bastard who runs after every skirt… well, he will find a way to take him away from his treasure. If not and he's just a normal guy… he'll just watch and give a couple of warnings.

The first parting… Leon consoles as best he can, but he has no idea what to do. He himself got drunk and slept through his first day of work, but this option is definitely not suitable. That's why he needs your help again.

"Movies, books, maybe give her something? What can I do to stop her crying into her pillow?! I don't know what else to tell her!"

In the end, he will gain strength and give a good speech, comforting your daughter's broken heart. After all, life does not end with one boy who, in Leon’s opinion, only proved that he is not worthy of his daughter.

He's a good dad. Not ideal, but your daughter wouldn't want it any other way. Of course, she is sad that he may not be home for a long time and sometimes he is too suspicious, but he is her dad who will move the earth for her.

#leon kennedy #leon scott kennedy #leon s kennedy #resident evil #leon kennedy x reader #leon x reader #leon s kennedy x reader #resident evil x reader #leon kennedy x you #reader #papa leon s kennedy #papa leon #leon kennedy resident evil #leon scott kennedy x reader #resident evil leon #leon resident evil #leon #dad leon kennedy #dad leon s kennedy #leon kennedy dad #leon kennedy headcanons #dad!leon kennedy #Papa!Leon Kennedy