#by now you know that i am incapable of cutting myself short. i’m so sorry

[messiahzzz]

while it’s perfectly fine to have your own headcanons that are non-canon compliant — by all means, go wild. recognizing pieces of yourselves in fictional characters can be a very healing and validating experience. this is nonetheless a casual, well-intentioned reminder that gale, in fact, does not have bpd.

bpd is a pervasive pattern of instability affecting interpersonal relationships, self-image, and mood. the disorder is marked by impulsivity beginning in early adulthood and is present in a variety of contexts. a diagnosis requires at least 5 of the following 9 criteria to be met:

Fear of abandonment

Unstable or changing relationships

Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self

Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors (e.g., excessive spending, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).

Suicidal behavior or self-injury

Varied or random mood swings

Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness

Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights

Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality

source: [x]

i highlighted the criteria that do apply to gale in one way or another in a pretty purple.

i personally believe that it’s rather harmful to equate his relationship with mystra with her being “his fp”. she is a deity, his goddess, and the source of his powers, who is in in full control of the magic he wields.

gale: mystra commands all magic. salvation, if such a thing exists, is hers to bestow or withhold.

gale has been effectively groomed and conditioned to serve and revere her at every turn since early childhood. imo this comparison really undermines a lot of crucial points in gale’s story that deal with his overall trauma and abuse. after all, you wouldn’t call shar sh*dowhe*rt’s fp either.

gale doesn’t revile mystra, nor does he commit benevolent deeds solely motivated by the secret hope that she will somehow notice and take him back. when you meet gale in the game he has already fully come to terms with the fact that he has been abandoned by mystra with no hope of reconciliation whatsoever. he also had some very fitting lines in ea regarding this topic that i'm sad haven't been repurposed in the full release in some way.

gale: [the tadpoles] don't know that some things are impossible. they don't know that... they don't know. player: what is impossible about what you're being shown? gale: forgiveness. gale: it is mystra i see. and yet it cannot be her. there was a time when i would have believed - but no longer. gale: suffice it to say she would not bestow upon me the favors promised in these dreams. that is how i know they are delusions.

he has already reached the stage of acceptance. moreover, gale only starts to realize that mystra might have been in the wrong for requesting his death once the tadpole squad & tav speak some sense into him. and even then he doesn’t ever show that his emotions regarding mystra are anywhere along those lines. he is instead rightfully angered that she only saw value in his death, after he had been worshipping her loyally for years.

gale: i worshipped mystra loyally for years, and in that time she granted me the barest sliver of the power i was ready to wield. gale: even with the fate of the world at stake, she had little more to offer me than the means of blowing myself up at a more convenient time. she's done nothing to help us.

gale: you abandoned me in my hour of greatest need. i had no obligation to help you in yours. gale: because you had no right to ask that of me. you cast me out, remember?

gale doesn’t display rapid changes in mood either. he is a character who is generally very composed and has been known to remain nonchalant even in the face of utter horror. tim downie himself even commented on this once. source: [x]

the only instance i can think of is his sudden switch from resigned-to-death to utter-eye-sparkling-enthusiasm once he spots the crown of karsus. apart from crucial story reasons that i won’t touch upon in this post, i’d also like to add that it’s a rather common phenomenon for people who have just barely survived a suicide attempt to suddenly be filled with zeal and unbridled energy. he doesn't display impulsivity without thorough consideration when it comes to its acquisition either. he considers this a golden opportunity and is positively enthusiastic and elated that this might prove an alternative to him ending up in a cloud of netherese smoke. nonetheless, he knows what he is doing. evident in him actually succeeding in ascending in one of his endings.

gale: this is no passing whim, trust me. if i can obtain that crown, it will affect us all. it is not a decision i'll take lightly. gale: it's our future that i'm thinking of - we can't rely on anyone else to do it for us. gale: for now - we've learned all we can.

neither are his relationships that we do know of (namely elminster, tara, and morena) frequently changing. they are marked by years of mutual respect, care, and consistency. there is nothing unstable about them. while it's important to note that his relationship with tav is still in its honeymoon stages during the main game, there is no inclination of any push-and-pull dynamic between them whatsoever.

gale isn’t preoccupied with keeping up some sort of benevolent act in order to win (back) affection — he genuinely IS a good person and he proves this at every turn. moreover, to have a tressym become your familiar you must be of Good alignment.

(taken from tumblr user galedekarios's post.)

there is never a moment where his ideals or alignment suddenly change. in fact, i’d argue that he and wyll are most consistent in this regard when compared to the rest of the companions. gale makes his moral standpoint very clear from the beginning on and also explicitly states that he believes that in order to survive this entire ordeal it would be selfish of him if he wouldn’t be willing to compromise on his morals. this isn’t a sudden bout of ✨muahahaha wizard hubris✨ that he barely contained to hold in before, this is yet another act of selflessness — it is what he’s willing to do for the group and subsequently, the welfare of faerun.

player: i love unsavoury things. don't feel guilty on my account. gale: that's good to know. although i should say i do what i do out of a sense of utility and pragmatism, not a love of the unsavoury. gale: we're up against the greatest threat faerun has ever faced. i don't mind getting my hands dirty if it gives us a better chance of surviving. gale: whatever advantage i can gain for us. i will. and i refuse to feel guilty for it, no matter how much mystra's chidings might echo in my skull.

this is him, once again trying to be useful in whatever way he can. to give them an advantage, a slither of hope against seemingly impossible odds, so they might make it out of this in one piece. gale wouldn’t approve of those actions under normal circumstances, but their predicament is as far from any definition of “normal” as it can get.

gale is no fool, he realizes this is essentially about survival. he knows that he has no option left other than to tolerate, which is why he can be convinced to not immediately depart tav’s company even if they choose to commit atrocities. this is no character flaw of his or him displaying a previously dormant openness for cruelty, this is about recognizing the necessity.

player: you don't stand a chance alone. you're free to go. i dare you. gale: gods damn you - you're right. few things are more powerful than the will to live.

gale: i thought the orb to be the greatest of my sins, but i see now that there are darker depths to which i might yet sink. you may be content to sink into that abyss, but i assure you - i am not.

gale doesn’t lead a split existence. he has a very strong sense of identity. he knows what he wants, what he doesn’t want and he isn’t shy in expressing his boundaries either. which he has especially shown when it comes to his relationship with tav. i originally had intended to touch upon this in another post entirely but: i firmly believe his entire Gale of Waterdeep™ persona is more of a performance than him struggling to find a sense of identity and trying them on for size. it is an intentional decision to separate gale dekarios from the great wizard of waterdeep, to create distance and make sure his family name remains untarnished in case things should ever go sideways.

gale: i agree. and on the plus side, if i get myself into any truly cataclysmic straits during the remainder of our journey, my family name will go untarnished.

there is also a deep-rooted feeling of unworthiness and his firm belief that love and praise are conditional resources that he will only be granted through his talents alone, naturally. presenting himself as gale dekarios, the man, would mean highlighting his shortcomings and very human flaws, while distracting from the aspects of himself that are deemed praiseworthy, the ones that actually matter: his magical prowess.

i personally believe that part of the beauty of gale’s story is him realizing just how “little” it takes for him to be truly content. he gets his happy ending, with someone at his side who truly sees him, understands him and unabashedly commits to him. they worship and adore him in return — and it is well deserved. he isn’t reduced to be constantly and restlessly searching for some unattainable ideal to fill the gaping void within himself. he doesn’t secretly thirst for more power still or believes that in being with tav he is settling for something. instead, he is finally happy to just be. be and be accepted. teaching a class of unruly wizards and coming home to his spouse each day already fulfills him.

gale: that's how i feel with you - content. it's a rather unfamiliar feeling, i must say. not something gale of waterdeep ever craved.

even if he doesn’t pursue a romance with tav, he reaches a realization of “oh, it appears i am not irredeemably flawed and only able to reach true redemption through my own death. what i needed was actually with me all along.” throughout their journey and through his friend's support. i think that’s a very powerful and comforting message. he is very well capable of finding peace within himself.

devnotes: his default state is that he returned to waterdeep and became a professor of illusory magic at his former school, blackstaff academy. general vibe here is that this is a gale who's found peace with himself - he's a great teacher, one his students are mostly in awe of.

to repeat myself: sharing your headcanons is all in good fun, nor should you ever be discouraged from doing so. this is your personal tumblr experience, after all. but i personally think we should be mindful of unintentionally perpetuating negative stereotypes, such as narcissism being a general indicator or being deemed a classic depiction of bpd. i think we can all agree that the continuous longing for acceptance, connection, praise, and approval is something we all have in common deep down, regardless of whatever disorder we may have. [insert victoria justice meme here]

gale may be many things to many people, but he is no entitled narcissist.

#with love. a person diagnosed with bpd <3 #this turned much longer than i originally intended it to be (aka less of a reply and more of a character study) #by now you know that i am incapable of cutting myself short. i’m so sorry #i debated if i should put this in the tag at first #but i personally think that this is a very interesting discussion #also to reiterate: this is by NO MEANS a slight at the original poster #i just thought it more respectful to make my own post instead of invading theirs with my ranting #fandom is all about fun and escapism. #if you interpret characters in a certain way that i personally disagree with that is a-okay #BUT i’m also gonna have my own specific brand of fun by pointing out why you’re wrong (affectionately) #also i quickly want to add that if you're interested in a very accurate and respectful portrayal of bpd: watch crazy ex-girlfriend!! #its on netflix and genuinely such a funny and unapologetically weird show. the writers have really done their homework #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #bg3 meta #character analysis #it speaks #long post #suicide mention

[amyisherenowitsokay]

*stares very aggressively , I’m foaming from the mouth.*

Howdy-hey! I’m here to pester you abt your works! So I reread “From your memory” and I was like wowza and then I wondered…

What was your inspiration? That concept was just entirely new to me and in the good old year of 2011 I was practically ascending bc I was so invested in the story and it was actually the first fic I ever read from you. (and I fell in love teehee) So what made you write that or inspired yo to do so? Did you have an original storyline that was scrapped, and or changed ?

You don’t have to answer any of this if you don’t want to btw :)

I answer all my asks (eventually lmao) fish! Especially yours!

Long answer under the cut because I'm incapable of giving a short answer. Information about my own fics are constantly on the tip of my tongue ready to be spilled out at their first opportunity, and I'm incapable of resisting.

From Your Memory was actually genuinely inspired by the song mention in the A/N of the first chapter, which is Paramore's Ignorance. This is also where the title comes from.

"I'm not the same kid from your memory Well now I can fend for myself"

I listened to the original and acoustic version on loop. Basically what happened in teenage me's brain did was have an animatic in my head about how this song could figuratively apply to a fanfiction, developed the premise, and went from there.

This is gonna be really funny to explain because there's like legitimate scenes developed around individual lyrics in this song.

Ignorance sounds and sounded a lot to me like a dialogue. It sounded, to me, like one person was saying some parts, and one person was replying in a sort of escalating argument, but at least one party was 'ignorant' (huehuehuehue) of all the details about why they were even fighting in the first place. Based on that premise, the song will (hopefully) make more sense. I'm going to write the lyrics 'assigning' lyrics between two people, and tag them (1) or (2), depending on who I am is talking/replying, with 1 being Zim, and 2 being Gaz. I vividly imagined two people interrupting one another while fighting, hence a lot of the weird breaks.

This is gonna be so convoluted and I'm sorry ahead of time lmao.

Lyric Breakdown

(1) If I'm a bad person— (2) You don't like me (1) Well, I guess I'll make my own way (1) It's a circle, a mean cycle (1) I can't excite you anymore

Just on that dialogue, it's basically like. Zim starts off the story blaming himself for not being there when Gaz was injured, and wars between doing the easiest thing for Gaz, which is to shut up and pretend not to know her, or what he wants, which is to tell her the truth and re-involve himself in her life. Gaz is meanwhile obviously oblivious to his turmoil and is like "why are you even talking to me, you hate me." Zim of course originally chooses to aid her from the sidelines, but he's not happy about it. He essentially is "not allowed" to involve himself in her life anymore.

(1) Where's your gavel? Your jury? (2) What's my offense this time? (1) You're not a judge, but if you're gonna judge me (1) Well, sentence me to another life

Zim's resentment about the situation continues, especially with Dib being irritated about Zim choosing to keep secrets and forcing him to go along with it. Gaz is still like "dude what the fuck is your problem??" while Zim continues to be extra pissy, wishing things were different.

(1) Don't wanna hear your sad songs (1) I don't wanna feel your pain (1) When you swear it's all my fault (1) 'Cause you know we're not the same (no) (2) We're not the same (no) (2) Oh, we're not the same (1) Yeah, the friends who stuck together (1) We wrote our names in blood (1) But I guess you can't accept that the change is good (hey) (2) It's good (hey), it's good

At this point, Zim's dealing with being incapable of helping, desperately wanting to help Gaz, but not actually able to do so. He's just constantly watching her suffer without ever being able to help ease her pain.

Mentally, this was also just more arguing, but with Zim being forced to swallow the fact the meaningful friendship and borderline-relationship he and Gaz had developed is gone, and she's not interested in developing a new one the way he is. Things are different now. They simply aren't friends. He's done nothing for weeks but try to save her life, has had her literal blood on his hands, and now it doesn't even matter. He's got to move on, and he's got to continue to convince Dib that their situation has changed, and his idea is for the better. Lacking context, Gaz meanwhile is like dude take your angst and fuck off. She's also trying to convince herself that whatever is clearly happening behind the scenes, it doesn't matter, and she's better off keeping her head down.

(1) Well, you treat me just like another stranger (1) Well, it's nice to meet you, sir (1) I guess I'll go (1) I'd best be on my way out (2) You treat me just like another stranger (2) Well, it's nice to meet you, sir (2) I guess I'll go (2) I'd best be on my way out

(1) Ignorance is your new best friend (x2)

This is also another parallel back and forth, with Zim still coming to terms with Gaz genuinely not knowing their formerly intense, meaningful relationship. It's more resentment about what he lost. It's meant really sarcastically and snidely. Gaz, for her part, means it really literally. She doesn't have any relationship with Zim aside from 'that guy my brother hates,' and blows him off.

And of course, "ignorance is your new best friend" is pretty straightforward in its meaning. Gaz isn't Zim's best friend anymore, and all she has to keep her company is her new amnesia.

For this next part, queue Membrane (3). The really fun part is after this analysis, if you wanna go back and listen to this song nearly entirely from a Gaz vs Membrane perspective, it also can fit! From a Membrane-centric perspective, if you think of Membrane as he sees himself (aka not in the wrong), needing praise from the public, shrugging off criticism since it's "for the greater good," etc with Gaz (and Dib) shoving back at his preconceptions, it's easy to hear the dialogue. But continuing on, this part was mentally Membrane for me:

(3) This is the best thing that could have happened (3) Any longer and I wouldn't have made it (3) It's not a war, no, it's not a rapture (2) I'm just a person, but you can't take it (2) The same tricks that, that once fooled me (2) They won't get you anywhere (2) I'm not the same kid from your memory (2) Well, now I can fend for myself

This was more later in the story and/or right before Gaz lost her memory during her confrontation with Membrane, where Gaz knows what's going on, and Membrane's trying to convince her to cooperate anyways. Membrane is convinced this isn't something that needs to be difficult, while Gaz is warning him that she's dangerous now, has backup, and isn't going just hand over her independence at his whim.

Further Development

From that context, you can see that the story just kind of happened from there. I filled in the gaps. Why was Zim so mad at Gaz, and why wouldn't she know why he was mad at her? Originally, I wasn't sure who the (3)rd person in the lyrics was that Gaz was fighting with, but to me, it sounded like an authority figure. There's not a lot of those in the IZ universe, let alone one that Gaz would legitimately be threatened by, and eventually, it started to sound like an argument with someone gloating, and then someone who didn't even notice their gloating was actually cruel. They'd also have to be someone who Gaz knew since she was little. Someone she was invested in. Someone exactly like Professor Membrane. But then what would Gaz be arguing with dumb, well-meaning Professor Membrane about?

And thus, a metamorphosis occurred:

This is a meme I made awhile ago for my Discord friends when we discussing From Your Memory. It also makes me laugh every time I see it because it's really spot on to the vibes.

I started to consider the angle that Membrane was actually the bad guy, which, when you consider how many times 'evil mad scientist who think they're in the right' was fed to kids as a trope (and still is, tbh), it was an easy jump. And THAT was when the story really started kicking in.

This was around the time I started to hear the 'Dib is a clone' theories. If Dib was a clone, why couldn't Gaz be? If you were a scientist whose entire life was dedicated to advancement for the betterment of mankind, why would that just be relegated to advancement in technology? Why wouldn't someone just a liiiiiiittle off find themselves stumbling right into advancing the evolution of mankind as a species, too?

So then Gaz and Dib became experiments. And if you were going to make a boy and a girl, you could argue it'd just be the typical white picket fence dream of having a son and a daughter. But if you're me, and grew up in a religious environment, the creation of a man and woman as a pair sound less like siblings and more like Adam and Eve. And that's where the whole 'Gaz is an angel with wings' things came from.

The origin of evil!Professor Membrane was mostly that I thought that no one would ever see that twist coming, but reading back through it, I can definitely see small-me taking digs at my own super-scientist parent lmao.

Evil Membrane is also so incredibly fun just in and of itself. Professor Membrane is the guy above all guys in Invader Zim. He's respected, well-loved, commanding, imperial in so many ways.

I simultaneously started formulating this idea that Gaz had amnesia to keep her from being too OP and dunking on everyone. So the story pretty much fell into place after that. Obviously, the amnesia had to be caused by Membrane, to reset his 'experiment.' Dib and Gaz, as his own form of Adam and Eve, were abominations. Abominations tend to be malformed in some way, meaning they were imperfect creations. Dib was first, and therefore more of a prototype. It'd explain why he lacked Gaz's powers, why she tended to be smarter, stronger, etc in the show.

I also deeply loved the idea of Zim being in love with Gaz, while Gaz is completely indifferent in a way that was atypical than usual ZAGR stories (including MHNY). Zim wasn't fantasizing for a relationship that could be, but pining for a relationship that had been. It made their will-they-won't-they dynamic painful instead of lovey-dovey-ooey-gooey-sentimental, and ya bitch is always down to mix a good dollop of pain into my stories lmao.

Changes Down the Line

This one I'm gonna preface with to anyone reading this: don't go digging through my reviews. I'm too old and my bones are too tired to stir up shit, or incite drama.

I lost focus/desire to finish this story somewhere around I think when Gaz got kidnapped the first time (ch 19ish). I had a whole (now lost to time/deleted) chapter of her being in a warehouse, losing her shit, and breaking free via her powers.

ORIGINALLY, in a world where that version of the story happened instead of what's published, this was going to lead to Gaz being an actual, active threat to humanity incapable of controlling her powers. There was going to be a scene where Dib has to really debate on killing his own sister, or let her destroy the world in a fit of grief. Zim and Dib turned against one another because of it, with Zim fully willing to let her destroy as much of the Earth as he needs to as long as she stays alive.

It was undecided whether or not I was going to make Gaz kill Membrane, or just get really close. Most of the end of From Your Memory was me winging it and losing steam, so I was going back and forth on it.

However, I did know Dib would eventually manage to get close enough for the 'moment of truth,' so to speak, but find himself unable to actually kill his little sister. That moment of humanity would snap her back to cognizance. She'd realize just how much both Zim and Dib care for her in their individual ways, and sort of collapse. They'd eventually disappear, and the rest of story would play out pretty similarly to the published ending (assuming Membrane didn't die).

This all was scrapped legitimately because of one singular review.

Someone, and I genuinely do not remember who but I vaguely remember getting into it in my A/N's with them a few times, wrote this really rude review about how predictable the story was getting, and wrote out basically that it was obvious that Gaz was about to have a power freakout, how played out that was, blah blah blah. In 2011/2012 however, I was like 15, so instead of rolling my eyes and/or patting myself on the back for leaving enough narrative hints that the entirety of my story could be devised from what was already published, I got really mad lmao.

So in an effort to not be 'predictable' and prove that person 'wrong,' I deleted the entire chapter and rewrote it to what's now ch 20. That whole storyline was gone just cause one review really rubbed me the wrong way on the right day lmao. I think there's even an A/N even at the end of 20 that mentions offhand the scrapped rewrite.

As a reminder, this fic was finished over 10 years ago. I am not interested and would in fact be really irritated by anyone digging up the review to go harass someone who probably isn't even active on fanfiction anymore (I mean god, is anyone? Lmao). But that is what happened, and it is relevant to the question, so there.

Additionally, I was debating on writing out a few prequel chapters and inserting them somewhere in the story. Maybe 1 - 3(?) chapters written out, with a beginning, middle, and end of how Zim and Gaz's relationship developed. Like a lot of small, detailed flashbacks of when Zim first started treating Gaz, some middle bits when they stared falling for one another and really began to allow themselves to lean on one another, and then the final kiss scene, just before Gaz lost her memories.

I don't know quite remember where I intended to put that. I had vague ideas of Gaz being knocked out, those 1 - 3 chapters of flashback, and then her 'waking up' right after she slips into a coma, back in the present. These chapters were never written, partially because I couldn't figure out where to put them, and then by the time I got to scenes that could work for that kind of transition, I was really burning out with the story and just wanted to be done with it.

.

I think that's everything! Hopefully somewhere in this mess was a cohesive answer that answered your question! If I missed anything specific you were looking for, please let me know, and I'll be happy to answer! <3

#ravenfollower13 #zagr #zim #invader zim #iz #fanfiction #amyisherenowansweringyou #gaz #from your memory

[marvel-and-mischief]

Lilacs and Pink Camellias

Part of my Floriography Series

Pairing: Agent Whiskey x F!Reader Words: 1500 Warnings: mentions of death, angst, visiting a grave Synopsis: You reminisce over your most treasured memories of Jack.

Lilacs: a reminder of an old love. Pink Camellias: longing for you.

💐

It was customary to bring flowers to a grave, but seeing as the grave itself was a flowerbed with a vast array of purple buds and pink petals, you didn’t think it necessary. 

The mound of earth stood in a private fenced off area on a small part of land that was technically yours now, it was written in the will after all. A little under hundred feet away was the house that was also left to you, a one storey building with all the basics, nothing fancy, it was perfect for what you and Jack needed.

Jack Daniels Loving Husband Gone Too Soon

You read over the words on the grey stone slab. Simple, to the point, just like the man. It reminded you of the first time you’d met him, the way he’d been so forward yet charming in only the way Jack could get away with.

“I need these files sorted before- why hello there, you must be new because I would have noticed someone as beautiful as you if you’d been here before.”

You stared at the man, who had thrown down multiple files on your desk, like a deer in headlights. He was wearing the most outrageous whiskey bottle shaped belt buckle you’d ever seen, and on top his head sat an oversized stetson with small studs along the brim. He looked like he’d jumped straight out of a wild west cartoon but here he was, in the flesh, waiting for a response.

“I started today,” you breathed out, earning a smirk from the man and a wink.

“Agent Whiskey, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” he took your hand off the desk and left a lingering kiss on the smooth skin, “I hope I’m not being too forward, but how about I show you round this place, give you the grand tour, maybe get lunch along the way, what d’ya say?”

You chuckled to yourself and could almost hear his Southern drawl in your ear. It had hypnotised you from day one, rendered you incapable of ever saying no to him. Lunches became dinners, which became late nights rolling into early mornings. 

Your shoulders hunched up at the sound of thunder in the distance and you looked up to notice greying clouds in the sky that hadn’t been there when you first arrived. It would rain soon, and the overgrown grass would grow higher and then you’d have to find the energy to cut it soon. It would be for the first time, the grave only a couple of weeks old. 

You felt a shudder run through your body at the thought of the upkeep, keeping the weeds trimmed, the flowers watered in the dry summers, the gravestone clean. Would you have to do this forever? Would there come a day where you would stop? Was that socially acceptable? 

You didn’t know how to keep flowers growing, had never had a garden to call your own until Jack came along, but you somehow needed to keep the lilacs and the camellias around the grave growing. They had been in the bouquet at your wedding and in the vases on the tables at the reception. Everyone had commented on how pretty they looked, including Jack.

“How’re you doing, darling?” Jack spun you around effortlessly before pulling you back into his chest to continue dancing. This was the first time you had had the chance to speak to him, the rest of the reception having been taken up by playing host, making your way around the guests, ensuring everyone was happy with the music choice and the buffet food.

“I’m happy, tired, but I wouldn’t have it any other way,” you smiled genuinely, mesmerised by the look of love in Jack’s eyes as he swayed you to the slow song playing in the background. The lights of the dance floor had been lowered, twinkling fairy lights along the wooden beams of the barn the only source of light, meaning everybody but Jack was in darkness.

“I told you to enjoy yourself, stop trying to please everyone,” Jack pressed a chaste kiss to the corner of your mouth and pulled you closer to rest his temple against yours. His chastising was in jest, he knew you’d be like this, you always thought of others before yourself, and he wouldn’t want you any other way.

“I am enjoying myself,” and you were, you couldn’t believe how well everything had turned out, “because everyone is happy.”Jack snorted, pulling back to give you a disbelieving look.

“My wife.”

You grinned, a chuckle escaping your lips as you prepared to say the words for the first time.

“My husband.”

Those flowers would remind you of the most important day of your life so they had to stay.

You felt the first droplets of rain fall on your head. You wrapped your cardigan around you tighter and turned in the direction of your home, hurrying for shelter. 

You reached the wrap around porch that allowed you to look out over your garden. The vegetable patch to the left was created when you moved in shortly after your wedding day. Jack helped you plant winter vegetables, squash, carrots, you even tried pumpkins for Halloween but that hadn’t worked out, much to your amusement. 

Straight ahead was the path to Jack’s grave, in your direct line of sight when you opened the front door every morning to collect your mail. It would be a reminder of how fragile life was, how quickly it could change and to never take anything for granted, especially love. 

You sat on the porch swing, watching the pitter patter of rain turn to fat droplets that hit the porch roof with loud smacks. It was raining like this when you got the phone call telling you about Jack’s mission gone wrong. You’d never forget that day.

Ginger ran through the door of your office like her life depended on it, short hair askew and a cell phone in her hand. You were lounging on the loveseat, shoes kicked off and feet up, lunchbox resting on your lap as you ate a sandwich and counted down the minutes until you’d have to be back behind your desk. 

You nearly laughed, your lips were starting to curve upwards but you froze at the look on Ginger’s face. It was pity, and sadness and horror all rolled into one. You didn’t understand something was terribly wrong until she opened her mouth to speak.

“Whiskey, he’s… oh god, I’m so sorry.”

The words, the delivery of them. Your heart dropped, you swear you felt it happening, it was pushing against your ribs, trying to rip through your chest, that’s how much it hurt. You were choking on your own throat, or was it the sandwich you hadn’t quite managed to swallow? 

Ginger was waiting for a reaction, prepared for a barrage of tears or a complete breakdown but she witnessed neither. Instead you put your hand out for the phone in her hand, silently demanding you hear the news from the scene.

Taking the phone, you held it up to your ear and heard heavy breathing on the other end.

“Jack?” Your voice broke as you awaited the news.

“No, it’s Tequila. Whiskey’s gone. There’s nothing we could do.”

It was obvious to say it, but rain made you think of tears, which made you think of heartbreak, which in turn made you think of that day. You think it always will.

The storm was getting worse, darkening the sky so much you could barely see over the porch railings but you still managed to spot the headlights of a car heading towards you. It drove through your gate, onto your land and parked up near the steps leading to your home. 

The man that stepped out of the car held a bag of takeout in one hand and a bottle of champagne in the other. He kicked the car door shut and ran up the steps, pausing in surprise to see you sat out in the cold.

“Darlin’ you best get inside before you catch your death,” he grinned and took a seat on the swing beside you, “I wouldn’t be a good husband if I let that happen now, would I?”

You chuckled and saw a glint of mischief in Jack’s eyes, those eyes that always looked at you with love and adoration.

“I was at the grave before it started raining.”

“Ah, and how was I?”

“Still dead.”

“Good, and that’s exactly how I want to stay. If it means spending the rest of my life with you.”

You sighed in relief. No Statesman to bother you, no criminals to catch, no more putting your lives on the line to save the world. Just you, Jack and your little plot of land, until the end of your days. 

Permanent tag list: @phoenixhalliwell @autumnleaves1991-blog 

#Floriography Series #Agent Whiskey x Reader #Agent Whiskey #kingsman the golden circle #Pedro Pascal #tw: death #but not really

[skyeventide]

Okay so for a Tolkien character Míriel and for other fandom I'm vaguely aware you used to write frev things, i THINK. So uhhh Marat. I am so sorry. Yes I chose Marat because his name starts with M also.

okay let's do both starting with miriel

How I feel about this character

I like her! there's a lot of little details about her that are great, and for however much I might mourn that her narrative story is cut so short, there's something I find very interesting in the fact that you can make a very solid argument for post-natal depression as part of her story. she's a pretty harrowing look into matters of mental illness in elves and in valinor as well, as well as one of those mother characters in the legendarium that imo inherit something from Tolkien's own mother (and his mother's death, as well). cool, 10/10, I dig her.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

I'm gonna be big boring and say Finwe (and I do actually ship it), but also Indis if you spin it right, and Finwe/Indis/Miriel? the poly three-way is something I would like to read, or even write, but it's hard to do it in a way that I find satisfactory, primarily because some of the pivotal metaphysical conflicts of the laws and customs are centered around them and solving those is harder than simply working through interpersonal relationships. a challenge for another time.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Vaire and Nienna are up there, then if we are counting the obvious familial relationships also Feanor, and the platonic Indis relationship is also interesting.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I'm not sure I have any opinion that can be considered unpopular? I don't think there's any discourse around her that would warrant the definition. I have some strictly in-universe thoughts that I would like to loudly share with people of Arda who seem beyond incapable of letting this woman choose and keep the names she wants and her personhood seemingly co-opted for this and then that; and that's like, beyond the Therinde/Serinde thing, though of course it's related, but I'm referring to the Fíriel name primarily, which? "the one who died"? come tf on guys. but like I said, that's a bone to pick with the elves, not really an opinion per se.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

okay, hear this. she returns to life after Finwe's death, but before the kinslaying at Alqualonde, and leaves Vaire's halls. a story I want to read.

and now Marat under the cut

How I feel about this character

okay I should specify that I never wrote FRev, only read a lot about it, gobbled down other media, and read historical accounts, so it's a little hard to talk about how I feel about Marat as a character while restraining myself from like, tryna distinguish between the historical Marat, the reception of Marat in later literature, and the hmmm propaganda of Marat in his favour or against him. thorny issue. so I'll pick one thing: it's fascinating how the sanctification of Marat specifically happened through the visuals of Jacques Louis-David, whose knowledge of historical sources is ample and evident if you know where to look. I'm talking specifically about the position of his arm in the very famous painting. google any deposition of Christ and you'll see the exact same arm position, sooo how's that for religious symbolism in a secular icon

All the people I ship romantically with this character

uhhh probably Simonne Evrard, his wife. I've seen and read some plays where there's some wild writing of sexual tension via blade-penetration with Charlotte Corday (notable the Marat/Sade by Peter Weiss, no that's not a ship name it's how the play is shortened) but like, I enjoy it solely for how unhinged it is.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

France

My unpopular opinion about this character

the leopard print of his lapels is incredibly fashionable actually. also, he's not always as extreme as some detractors painted him if you go and read his actual positions and their development.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

heh, good enough health to keep going coulda been cool.

#meme. #galadhremmin #Miriel #Marat #well never thought I'd use these two tags together lmfao

[bonesandquills]

Dreamboat (Dream Sans x Reader)

The odd figure always appeared in your dreams. Not that you much minded, not that you minded at all. But, well, you sought to know who he was. He was always there, always a part of your dreams, but he never spoke to you. As things were in dreams, it seemed that you could never quite reach him.

Until finally. . . you got your chance.

It was bright, quiet, peaceful. You were in a calm meadow, with the wind swaying in the grass.

At the far end, you could see him and as you always did, you started towards him.

Perhaps the oddest thing about him was that he was a skeleton. That, however, didn't stop him from being adorable in your eyes. He had dark eyesockets, but from them glittered two pools of gold. He looked bright, cheerful, kind. Around his skull there was a golden band. All his clothes were either pale blue or gold. Somehow, you didn't perceive him as out of place. He seemed natural, a part of the space around him.

You drew close. Rather than disappear as he always did, you finally reached him.

He didn't look at you, barely acknowledging your presence until you spoke.

"I.... hello?"

He smiled, and replied in a voice light as air. "Hello, (Y/N)."

You paused. "How do you know my name?"

He laughed, a regal sort of sound. "Have you forgotten already? This is a dream."

Oh. Right.

"So you're not real?" It was hard to imagine this, him, being a figment of your imagination.

"No," He said, turning to you. "No, I'm as real as you are."

"That doesn't make sense."

He chuckled and explained.

"I am the Prince of Dreams, and good emotions. Sometimes, I go Dreamwalking, as I am now."

"What's your name?"

He laughed again. "Dream."

You tilted your head. "How fitting."

"It was well-intended," he said, turning back to stare over the meadow. There was silence for a moment, then you asked, "Why my dreams, then? You've been here long as I can remember."

At this he seemed to gather a light dusting of gold across his cheekbones.

"Even when we were both young, your dreams were... fascinating. Vibrant, warm, cheerful. I found myself drawn to them. From them I got to know you."

You tilted your head. "How long have you been here?"

"Since the earliest I could Dreamwalk. Since you were young and so was I." As an almost unconscious thought, he took your hand. "I couldn't explain it. Why I was always drawn to you."

You opened your mouth to reply when a shadow seemed to fall over the meadow. Dream looked up.

"You're waking up."

Somehow, you didn't want this to end, and you tightened your hold on his hand. He seemed to notice for the first time that you were holding it and blushed further. "I... I will be here. Next time you dream, look for me." He seemed to consider for a moment, then leaned forward and kissed your cheek. "Goodbye."

You woke up suddenly. You couldn't tell if it had been a dream or not.

You raised your hand to touch where he had kissed you, and it was warm. You smiled.

You looked forward for nightfall.

-------------------------------------

Nightfall didn't come soon enough. The time crawled like it had two broken legs. You ran out of things to do. You tried busying yourself with work, which didn't last long. You tried reading, only to find yourself stuck on the same page for who knows how long.

But finally, finally, finally, came a reasonable hour for you to go to bed.

You got ready, and thought to yourself. What did you look like in your dreams? What did he see?

There was a fair uneasiness that gripped you suddenly. What if you didn't look like yourself in your dream? What if he saw someone completely different? Someone more beautiful, more perfect?

Suddenly you weren't in such a hurry to go to sleep. If there came a time to meet him in real life, would he be disappointed? Would the real you be underwhelming?

You shook off your feelings for a moment. No, what's the worst that could happen?

But that anxiety settled and stayed with you the whole time you were pulling on your pajamas and slipping into bed. It took longer for you to fall asleep that night, much longer...

You woke up in a field of golden flowers. You smiled softly, the gentle yellow buds tickling your face as you slowly sat up and looked around. You didn't recognize this place, didn't recognize these flowers. Was this one of Dream's creations?

You looked around, but couldn't see the figure that you had looked forward to seeing. You slowly got to your feet, and went looking.

You walked for what felt like hours. The golden flower field seemed to go on, and on, endless and forever.

You couldn't find him. After a while you started to feel the same anxiety come back. What if he wasn't coming? What if he decided you weren't worth it? He had always been in your dreams, where was he now?

You tried to breathe deeply, to tell yourself that maybe he was late, maybe he had other things to do. Besides, it was selfish for you to assume that he'd just drop everything for you...

Somehow your thoughts didn't do much to comfort you, and you continued walking. Finally, you found the end of the flowers.

You looked up and the sky was suddenly plunged from it's soft airy blue to a dark inky black. The warmth of the sun that had shone on your back was suddenly replaced with a chilling wind, one that seemed to cut right to your bones. What was going one?

You turned around, looking to head back the way you had come, but there was nothing there except darkness. What had happened?

You shivered and hugged yourself, already missing the sun. Suddenly, in the distance, you saw a short, familiar figure.

You ran toward him, calling his name, smiling. He would make this go away, right? After all, he was the Prince of Dreams.

As you got closer, he turned to face you, and your heart sank suddenly. This wasn't Dream. This wasn't your Dream.

The figure in front of you was a skeleton, yes. But he was the opposite of Dream in every way you could think of. Instead of giving off a soft golden glow, this skeleton seemed to do the opposite, taking all the light from around him and giving only darkness in return. From his back sprouted four inky tentacles that you wanted to stay far away from. One of his eyesockets was fused shut, and he wore a plastered-on smile that send a chill that was colder than the wind.

"Who are you? Where's Dream?"

"Miss my brother, don't ya."

His brother?

"He was so... upset that he couldn't make it tonight. He wanted so much to be with you." The skeleton took a step closer to you, his one eyelight darted over you, examining you. "Though I can't see why."

You lowered your eyes to the ground. "What... what did you do to him?"

"Me? I didn't do anything."

"Liar."

"Temper. My brother had important work to do. He didn't have time for an ugly freak like you."

His words stung. So you were right. Dream had other things to do, couldn't make time to come see you. So why had he sent this... this...

"Who are you?"

"My name is Nightmare."

You could gather what his purpose was right from his name.

"Why did Dream send you?"

"I came to deliver a message; he's not coming. He won't come to see someone so low, someone so self-centered. You really thought he was going to drop everything just you come see you? You-"

The flurry of insults continued, and with each one you sunk lower and lower. You didn't deny any of his words. They were right. He was right, why would Dream ever...

You could feel the new negative thoughts spilling out of you, overflowing like the tears on your eyes. You thought that you should do something, say something back, turn and walk away, but it was like you were frozen there. Unable to move and incapable of getting away from his cutting words.

Nightmare was suddenly cut off by a strangled cry, and your head snapped up.

Dream stood there, facing his brother with a blaze in his eyes that you hadn't ever seen.

"You bastard."

Huh. You didn't take Dream for the swearing type.

"Look who finally showed up." Nightmare said with a sneer. "Guess he does pity you a little, huh? I'll bet he-"

He was cut off again as his brother shoved him back and held his hand out threateningly.

"Get out. You've caused enough damage here, told enough of your lies. Get out!"

"She's not worth protecting, If I were you-"

"I said GET OUT."

Nightmare glowered for a moment, then said to you, "Until we meet again, freak show."

With this final remark he vanished. The sky, however, did not return, the flowers remained wilted at your feet. You sank slowly to your knees, holding your arms tight around yourself like you could somehow hold the pain inside. Suddenly you felt a warm pair of arms wrap around you.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here. He stopped me from coming... he must have sensed negativity from you..." He tilted your head up slightly. "I'm sorry. Please... forgive me."

"He w-was right." you said quietly, in a voice barely above a whisper. "Everything he s-said was right."

Dream's eyes widened and he shook his head. "No! Don't listen to him. He feeds off bad feelings, bad emotions, he only told you those things for his own gain. But you're none of it!"

"How do you know? You've only ever seen me in my dreams, what if I look completely-"

Dream, with a regal sort of wave with his hand, summoned a small handheld mirror and gave it to you. "Look..."

You gazed into the mirror and saw... yourself, undoubtedly, but you were different. You're eyes had a sort of gleam to them, your skin was glowing.. you would have looked perfect if not for the tears on your cheeks.

The view in the mirror didn't make you feel better. "See? That's not what I look like. I only look like that here.. but I'm completely different! Ugly and-"

Dream kissed you. Hard enough to shut you up.

You made a small sound, but he didn't draw back until you absolutely had to breathe.

"Will you listen to me?" He pleaded. "Just for a little bit?"

Still reeling a bit from the kiss, you nodded.

"Here in this dreamworld, you look like you do through the world's eyes. Not through yours. What you would look like if every negative thought wasn't there to warp your view."

He smiled fondly. "That's what you look like to me."

"B-but-"

He shook his head and pulled you closer. "Put the negative thoughts out of your mind. Think of me... think of how much I care for you."

The world around you started to glow a little brighter as you listened to him.

"I was so angry when I found out what he'd done... I knew that I couldn't let him damage you, couldn't let him hurt you... but I'm here now. I'm here, and I love you."

A little brighter.

"You were always kind, always tried to do what was right. Your dreams were filled with happiness and laughter. I got to know you... I got to know you, and I loved you."

The sky above was a beautiful, airy blue. The flowers beneath were gold and blooming. Dream smiled brightly at you. "There... I won't let him hurt you again."

He pulled you flush against his chest in a tight hug, and you smiled. "You.. you love me?"

"I know that's odd, considering, but..."

"No.. no, that's okay. You were always there in my dreams. Always there to comfort me and make me happy." You smiled at him. "I.. I think I love you too."

There was nothing to compare to the bright look on his face as he kissed you again.

"We will go as slow as you need... but I'll always be here."

"Do you think... do you think that we could meet in real life?" You said. You had to know that he wasn't just something that you made up, something from your dreams...

He smiled softly. "That can be arranged."

Suddenly, you woke up.

The room was dimly lit, but... suddenly it glowed with a soft, yellow light. A sort of warmth filled the room as Dream moved to sit next to you.

"See? I'm real. And I'm yours, if you'll have me."

You nodded and he pulled you close to him.

You quietly leaned against him, finding comfort in his warm embrace. Here was someone who loved you, who sought to make you feel happy, who would keep the negativity away. And you loved him too.

When you glanced into the mirror at the far end of the room, you saw the same reflection of yourself that you had in your dreamworld. Uncorrupted, unwarped.

You smiled softly to yourself and drifted back to sleep in Dream's arms.

And he was waiting for you with that same quiet smile when you started dreaming again.

(A/N)

I can't tell if this is good or not, you'll have to tell me. Also, I take requests because why not. I'll write for Undertale and it's AUs, Markiplier egos, Hazbin Hotel and Helluva boss, among others. Cheers, and have a good day.

#dream sans #x reader #fluff #reader has mild anxiety #dream

[parachutingkitten]

Season 5 Analysis

STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I am going to be applying the concept of criticism to a TV show you presumably love and adore as much as I do. If you do not want your idea that the show is immaculate to be challenged, I would not advise reading past this point.

Additional Disclaimer: This includes criticism of Nya’s arc, so if you’re the type of person to get catty about this subject, turn back now.

Mood for this season: It’s spoopy time.

You don’t need to, but if you are interested, and haven’t seen my analysis of past seasons, you can find those here:

Pilot - Season 1 - Season 2 - Season 3 - Season 4

You can also find all of these, and future installments, on my blog using the tag #analysis 

Hey everyone! I’m still doing these things! Let’s see, when was my last one? Over two years ago...? Yikes, I owe y’all an apology. I really didn’t mean to put these off that long. Anyway, get ready to hate me, cuz although (for the most part) this seems to be the fandom favorite season… I think it’s overhyped. I know, don’t kill me. I’ll explain myself. I don’t think it’s bad or anything, it’s very well structured, but I definitely wouldn’t rank it among my favorites. First, for a little context, I am making a one second of every ninjago episode video right now, so I’ve been binging the series and all it’s shorts back to back, so I think I’ll have a bit more to say about connective tissue between seasons, and hopefully you guys can look forward to more of these analyses between now and the new year when I’m releasing that video. I’m also officially a film major now so… sorry if I come of as extra pretentious or get too deep. Anyway, let’s jump into the thick of it, shall we? 

Plot

This is probably the area I have the fewest number of complaints about. This season has a breakneck pace and it keeps everyone busy. I think that’s why people like it. Everyone’s favorite has something to do. Which brings me to the question… which ninja’s season is this? Lloyd is on a lot of the promotional stuff, but he’s possessed and out of the picture for over half the season, so that can’t be right. Cole turns into a ghost, and the season is a ghost season, but that can’t be right cuz I don’t know that I’ve ever heard anyone claim it was his. Nya reaches her true potential, maybe it’s hers? Well, she does have a large b-plot, but she is consistently not a part of the a-plot. Kai has a whole thing with being protective of Lloyd, he has his fear of water, maybe it’s just another Kai season? Thing is, it’s no one’s. It is an ensemble season, and I think that’s a healthy thing for ninjago to keep doing. The more we label certain seasons for certain ninja, the more complaining we’ll get about who’s turn it is for screen time that we’ll miss out on telling a good story. Also, If the season is focused on a ninja you don’t like, you are less likely to like the season (see my next analysis for that can of worms). Again, this season tells it’s story really well. Morro directly ties into the ending of last season, and Nya’s getting water powers was foreshadowed the season before. That’s some cool connective tissue to start. The opening episode establishes the three different things the ninja will be looking for, and for once they’re actual tools instead of a series of weapons, blades, masks, whatever. I like that. Jay has some really good humor, Zane has his speech changes, Kai has his irrational fears and protective instincts, Cole has his ghost angst, Lloyd has to deal with his father’s passing, Nya is a new water ninja, Wu has a shop to run and a student to reconnect with, even Ronin has an arc about developing morals and gaining friends. There’s the mystery about how to deal with the ghosts, what the rules are, there’s the leader subplot, the ninja’s money situation, and lore of the different realms, they even worked in Skylor and Borg, there’s a lot of cool stuff going on. This is a tightly woven script that manages to include a lot of new concepts that you get pretty quick. I don’t feel like there’s even that much fat to cut. The opening is a little slow and strange, and the cloud kingdom episode feels a little unnecessary, but I do like the idea of visiting a different realm early in the season so the audience isn’t caught off guard in the climax. Again, the plot all works for me, it’s the other stuff I find myself pretty meh on.

Characters

Ronin

I’m pretty sure Ronin is the only new (non villain) character introduced. I like him a lot. Ninjago needed a true wildcard to shake things up and be unpredictable. I also think he’s pretty nicely woven into the action of the plot. I think his introduction is a bit strange. Like, the ninja already know him, but we’ve never seen him before? Just the way they talk about him sounds like they’re quickly recapping who this guy is for those who missed previous episodes. It’s fine if the ninja already know him but either 1) Introduce or foreshadow him a season earlier or 2) Introduce their dynamic to the audience before it becomes plot relevant. Maybe the ninja are grumbling about him being a nuisance while tea shenanigans are going on or something. Or maybe you have a scene of him stealing the scroll and making snarky remarks about the ninja while he does it. Idk. just something so his sudden plot relevance isn’t out of nowhere. Also, I don’t hate his and Nya’s dynamic, but I know a lot of people love it, and I’m just not totally here for it. Is he supposed to be a father figure for her? Mentor? Frienemy? Just plain friend? (love interest???) it’s not super clear and I could have used some clarification. I also like his use and tie to the next season, so overall, well integrated character.

Nya

I’m adding in Nya here cuz she goes through a major character change, and how she’s handled is one of the things that rubs me the wrong way about the season. A lot of people will probably disagree and/or hate me for this section of the analysis so… here we go! The thing she has to get past to reach her true potential is fear of failure (supposedly) and the solution to that is to just… not care as much? First of all, I know this isn’t supper important, but the fun thing about the ninjago elements is that every elemental master matched up personality wise with their element. Jay is the energetic master of lightning, Kai is the hothead master of fire, Zane is the calm and calculating master of ice, Cole is the strong and dependable master of earth, Lloyd is the literal child master of energy. This especially goes for all the new season 4 masters. So what qualities are often associated with water personalities? Well, serenity, control, flexibility, elegance, patience… calm. You know, like a Zane type character (the element directly adjacent to hers). These are things that Nya isn’t - or at the very least don’t define her. (there’s also something to be said about water and its ties to more feminine qualities, which Nya has been actively shown to reject, but I won’t go into that rant here.) She was designed as the fire master’s sister, and when you try to fit a fire personality into a water shaped character mold… it doesn’t exactly mesh well. It doesn’t make sense. But, like I said, whatever. Maybe that’s the point? Like she has to change her personality to be more in tune with water? Sure. But let’s talk about this fear of failure thing. Because that’s the stated thing that dialogue tells us she needs to overcome. But when has Nya ever been afraid of failure? Fear of failure means avoiding doing something because of fear. Nya is ridiculously persistent, always has been (you know, fire personality). She tries training when no one tells her to, she makes her own alter ego to try and be a hero and save the people who would constantly tell her she wasn’t ready. Wu says she only wants things that come easy, but that’s never been her character before now, she has carried the team with her tech, research, and covert ops that no one forced her to do, all things which are not easy. Fear of failure is usually characterized by what if questions. If Nya is so afraid of failure, why don’t we hear her saying stuff like “but what if I’m not strong enough, what if I can’t save them in time, or worse, what if I lose control of my power and end up hurting people?” Cole shows much more of a fear of failure this season surrounding his insecurity about being a ghost. He wants to sit out from missions because he’s not sure he’ll be able to do it - he’s afraid of failure. But whatever, the writing isn’t clear at expressing her true setbacks, but she does display a real problem that a lot of people have and I think could have been well done if set up correctly. She shows an undying persistence that gets her too close, and makes her increasingly incapable. She lets her frustration hinder her progress (again, fire personality trait), and I think that’s interesting because I don’t think ninjago has done this character arc yet. The supposed solution to this problem is that she just needs to… care less? And yes, I kind of see where they were going with this, we sometimes cloud our natural potential by thinking about it too much, but saying “you need to stop caring” is the absolute wrong way to word it. Caring is not her problem, the problem is her control over the emotions that come from her caring. Caring is a good thing, and teaching kids that if you’re ambivalent about your problems, they’ll go away is not a good message. What she needs to do is take a step back. She needs to take a break, stop to think, and look at the big picture instead of hyper focusing on the roadblock directly in front of her. The usual and much better wording of the moral I think they were going for is “stop overthinking things”. Teaching kids to look at a problem from a different angle and give themselves time to cool down is a great thing. And just think of it, in the climax she could have this ah-ha moment where she steps back and looks at the bigger picture - the whole town, surrounded by the ocean - and gets the idea to sink the preeminent into the water, you could even easily tie that back into the bucket exercise, and that’s what triggers her true potential rather than the current… I’m honestly not sure what. Random flashbacks and the end of the season approaching quickly. Alternatively, you could tie it more directly into samurai x, and make her struggle with letting go of the past and allowing yourself to give up something good in your life to progress to something better. Anyway, I don’t think this was a bad decision long term, she needed to be solidified on the team as a full fledged ninja, I just think this season doesn’t handle the transition that well. Anyway, whatever, I’ll be waiting for your hate comments in the notes.

Romance

Um… there’s none this season? Like there’s a few Wusako moments that are still as weird as they were in season 2, but they’re really not prevalent. There’s also the Jay seeing the future thing which has some weird implications next season (again, some interesting connective tissue between seasons), but that’s about it. Maybe that’s part of why I don’t love this season? Like where’s the pixane? Lol, I’m kidding. But maybe that’s why a lot of people do like it. If you don’t like the canon ships… this is a nice little safe haven for you. Rare for a majority of the series.

Villains

So Morro is a good idea… in theory. I know he’s the fandom’s favorite edgy boy, but idk I think the brand of angsty teen they ended up with was more of an angsty 13 year old than 17 year old. His voice is really grating and I always want to yell at him to just… go get some cough drops. Stop throat screaming, use your diaphragm man! Also, everyone goes on about his last minute redemption, but as far as season 5 goes, he has like half a second of a change of heart. Literally, when Wu comes over and he’s drowning, he’s still being a persistent little idiot like “you never cared about me nooooo!” and it’s only at the last possible second that gives him the crystal, and even that he does it kind of saltily. The preeminent is pretty cool, I like her concept, her design, all that. All the other ghosts are fine I guess. Nothing super memorable out of them, although their aesthetic, especially when there’s a bunch of them swarming around is pretty cool. One last thing was I never understood how Morro “becoming the green ninja” worked and what exactly it was that… did for him? Like he didn’t actually get the power of energy, right? I don’t remember him using it. Did just him defeating Lloyd make him the green ninja? How does that transfer work? And why did he need it to take over the world or realms or whatever? Like I get that it’s supposed to give him more power and what not but idk, it wasn’t super clear. That’s a minor thing though.

Climax

Pretty cool. I like the ATMOSPHERE. Green light is a hard thing to use and justify correctly, but it works really well here, especially with the dark kinda gray blue sky complimenting it. When the preeminent starts walking into the ocean, it’s genuinely terrifying, but you understand exactly how it works and why she’s strong enough to do it. Nya’s true potential is again a little out of left field and could have had some better motivation put behind it. Like what is it Nya learned in that instant? To not be afraid to protect people? She’s… been doing that. Idk. I’ve hit on that enough for now. Overall, there was good variety. I like the green ninja fake out, I like the realm hopping, I even like the little Garmadon visit and Lloyd getting the robe. I feel like we didn’t need a part one and two, you could have had different titles. I mean come on. But hey, now we know, if Pix had only been there, the whole climax would have been wrapped up in like 10 minutes apparently. Pix for the win.

Humor

Really good. Like I’m surprised how much I laughed. Jay wasn’t annoying humor, it was good stuff, there were some good running gags, there’s a solid fourth wall joke about who the lead ninja is at the beginning of the season. Overall, I am pretty impressed. My favorite joke was perhaps the bit where Jay is sarcastically positive, the voice acting is just really solid. Then again, there’s also the whole Borg scene where he roasts half the ninja, that’s solid stuff right there. There’s just some really solid character interaction this season and the humor feels a lot more natural and less forced.

Drama

Okay, we’ve got a lot this season. Y’all know how I feel about Nya’s arc by now. It does not work for me. Ronin’s relationship with her is alright, but kind of comes out of nowhere. Ronin’s solo plot about kinda working for the ghosts works. Cole’s ghost angst works for the most part, although I wish he would have actually skipped a mission and then gone in to help save his friends once they can’t do it without him. That was probably the most solid drama of the season. The other main thing we have this season is Kai’s whole… fear/protective streak. This also doesn’t really work for me. Like, I get that Lloyd and Kai are friends and stuff, like his whole true potential was centered around Lloyd. But like, why does it have to be framed so weirdly? Sometimes in trying to make it seem like Kai is protective of him, it seems like the other ninja just like… don’t care about him? Not all the time, but there are some weird vibes. Also, it doesn’t really go anywhere. No one learns anything about themselves from this subplot, nothing comes of it, there isn’t really a payoff. Also, Kai has yet another irrational fear, this time of water, which really comes right the hell out of nowhere. They try to explain it away like “Oh, Kai feels powerless and so water can get to him” but like… what? That’s the exact situation he was in at the end of season 2 and he seemed perfectly content to literally swim across the ocean (which um… what do you mean the sworn protector of ninjago can’t swim?). Where is this coming from?! Again, it doesn’t really go anywhere, there’s not a point where he has to learn to confront it or he grows because of it. It’s just pointless stuff added cuz the writers like giving Kai vague trails to try and develop him. The cloud kingdom is kinda cool. That last minute twist about them working with Morro is… stupid and unnecessary though. 

Spotlight Episode

I really like the Spinjitzu master tomb episode. Some cool riddles, I like the first two rooms a lot. I do think the third room is a bit strange. Like, the clue was “don’t look ahead” and the solution was to look beneath them, which is the exact same solution as the previous room. Like, you already have magic ice that shows the future, why not play into that? Don’t look ahead could maybe mean don’t look to the future, the opposite of that being the past. Maybe they have to draw on their past adventures to solve it somehow? Learning from the past is a good lesson, right? But overall, I really like it. Some real solid humor this episode. This episode has the sarcastic Jay optimism, Kai totally stalling for time, Zane dealing a pretty sick burn on Cole, just a lot of fun stuff. I like it. It just has great energy and nothing feels like it’s drawn out for too long.

Misc

The aesthetic this season… can be inconsistent, but the main ghost vibe displayed in the opening theme is really solid and I really like it

Speaking of the opening, Ghost wip is great and the opening in on par with last season’s (which is my fav) for sure

Ice age references… okay.

Chima references…. OKAY...

Okay, but like Deepstone can… kill ghosts? Or not? Is it just something ghosts can touch? It’s supposed to be like water in weapon form, right? Like that’s how I understood it when they first introduced it. Wouldn’t the deepstone bars kill Ghoultar then? And then like, Cole’s bike is made of deepstone. He uses it as a weapon. Wouldn’t it kill him? It kills other ghosts when they touch it. How… how does it work?! I need answers!!!

The captain of the steam boat says they’re going as fast as possible, but later Ronin comes in and cranks it up like twice as fast… that always bothered me like, why would he lie about that? Who is this captain and why is he so chill about everyone’s lives?! And then later Wu cranks it up yet again, like the ship had slowed down to it’s previous speed. What the hell is happening with the controls of this ship???

So pissed that the nasty CGI nightmare cloud monster that chases the ninja is named Nimbus. Totally forgot about that. I have an OC with a cat named Nimbus… I promise, there is not going to be a stupid twist bout the cat being the monster thing in Mists of Fate. That would be very stupid.

I was all excited that season 13 gave us minecart chases, but I totally forgot season 5 gave us one first. I really like the return to the caves of despair btw, good reuse of a known location.

How many times this season did we do the: 

Kai: Oh, I don’t like water, I can’t do it uwu  Cole: ...You serious?

Thanks for reading! And if you got this far… I don’t know. I would love to hear your thoughts if you have any! These are just my opinions, so don’t think too much of it if you disagree.

-Kitten

#ninjago #analysis #ns5 #ninjago possession #parachuterants

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

Sorry if I’m rude, but I really don’t get the Ugetsu hype at all 😕, would you mind explaining it please, I would like to widen my perception of him

Hello, dear anon!

First of all, I’m so sorry for keeping your ask waiting for so long. You would think that as an Ugetsu fan, I would have been jumping up and down because of this question - and don’t get me wrong, I am excited. But much like with my previous Given ask, I found myself a bit puzzled by what to say, to be honest. Turned out this wasn’t as “simple” of a question as I originally thought. 

Secondly, don’t worry, your question isn’t rude. On the contrary, I think it’s admirable if you want to try to understand someone else’s bias and interests. It doesn’t mean you will start liking and being passionate about the same things, but I think it’s always welcomed to ask people why they like something. I’m not expecting you to start liking Ugetsu after reading how I feel about him, but your attitude is something I think we desperately need more of in this fandom.

“I really don’t get the Ugetsu hype at all 😕, would you mind explaining it please”

It’s interesting to me that you speak of “Ugetsu hype”. According to my time in the Given fandon, Ugetsu does have fans but he is probably one of the least liked characters. My gut feeling says that out of the main cast (Uenoyama, Mafuyu, Akihiko, Haruki, Ugetsu), Ugetsu is definitely the least liked among the fans. So, I can’t say I have witnessed any “hype” regarding him. Apart from a couple of hardcore Ugetsu stans, the closest to “hype” I have seen is people wishing he would find happiness after he and Akihiko broke up.

Also, I don’t think I can really “explain” anything either. Certainly not as some kind of fandom phenomenon. I can only speak for myself and myself only. The reasons why I love Ugetsu might not be why some other fans love him. I think that’s important to remember whenever talking about favorite characters/ships in general. We can never know why someone loves something, so I don’t think we should judge anyone on a personal level for liking something in fiction.

To give my answer some structure, I thought I would use some of my favorite Ugetsu illustrations. 

His character design and overall “vibe”:

As a reader/viewer/fan, I am more often than not interested in the somehow controversial characters and they usually end up becoming my favorites. Gotou Masamune (3-gatsu no lion), She Li (19 Days), Sing Soo-Ling (Banana Fish), Bakugou Katsuki (Boku no Hero Academia), Joker (DC Comics), Oikawa Tooru (Haikyuu), Severus Snape and Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter), and Oh Sangwoo (Killing Stalking) to name a few. I have always connected more with the antagonists and found them more interesting.

So, with a track record like that, I wasn’t surprised when my heart made a beeline to Ugetsu’s character. To me, it was pretty much love at first sight. I was instantly drawn to him: dark, sensual, and beautiful. In the anime, I absolutely loved his character’s mischievous and playful voice acting.

Ugetsu had an aura of solitude and distance to him, but he was also needy and affectionate in his own way. His frankness and mischief seemed to work as defense and yet he was also surprisingly vulnerable and even afraid. In many ways, he was like a cat who are often misunderstood as assholes when there is also a lot of character, affection, and intimacy packed in them.

Kizu’s choice of instrument for Ugetsu also fascinated me. To me, the violin is one of the most beautiful and intricate instruments, and it fits Ugetsu’s character perfectly. It's elegant, incredibly difficult, and kind of temperamental. The violin is sorrowful, seductive, and possesses loads of charisma. It sounds beautiful on its own though the more solitary it is, the more lonely it sounds. But it can also be a light, playful and mischievous sound, bouncing and chasing in the air. In either case, the violin won't allow itself to be ignored. 

To pair Ugetsu with the classical violin especially was also great. First of all, learning the violin on the level of becoming a soloist requires incredible discipline, dedication, and passion. Violin is a very unforgiving instrument, but it also gives you freedom. Things like intonation and phrasing are where a talent like a soloist could shine and express themselves. I think that kind of combination of disciplined precision and expressive freedom fits Ugetsu so, so well.

His softer and more vulnerable side:

I often see comments that Ugetsu didn’t really love Akihiko or care about him. Some readers think he was selfish, heartless, and abusive/toxic towards Akihiko in their relationship. And they feel sorry for anyone who later ends up in a relationship with him. To some people, Ugetsu came across as the lowest of low in his time with Akihiko.

Now, I am not going to try and claim that Ugetsu didn’t hurt Akihiko. He most certainly did, oftentimes knowingly when he was trying to push him away. Their relationship was no doubt turbulent and painful for both of them, and I’m sure they will both be happier now freed of their cycle. Even though I am an Ugetsu fan, I don’t want to make it sound like he couldn’t have done a lot of things differently.

However, I also see some parts of myself in Ugetsu. I relate to his certain type of uneasiness when it comes to letting someone/something occupy my priorities. It makes me restless and defensive easily, and I end up rejecting that someone/something which often comes across as being cold. That was an important part of why Ugetsu originally wanted to break up with Akihiko. His love for Akihiko grew so deep it posed as a “threat” to Ugetsu’s sense of “order” when it came to his passion for music. Despite of how their relationship ended, I don’t agree that Ugetsu is somehow incapable of loving someone, it just scares him and is something he needs to figure out for himself. Also, because I somewhat relate to Ugetsu in this sense, it kind of stings when people are so eager to proclaim that his kinds of people don’t deserve someone to love them.

I also believe Ugetsu cared about Akihiko and was worried about him. He did notice Akihiko had started to lose his passion for music and in a way, was giving up on himself. He wanted Akihiko to find his “trigger” again somehow. I have also read interpretations that Ugetsu probably felt guilty about how their relationship seemed to affect Akihiko’s drive. I think that’s an interesting point. Overall, it’s important to remember that partly why Ugetsu initially wanted to break up was to also “free” Akihiko from his suffering. I don’t think that is something that a heartless character would do.

I do think Ugetsu was happy with Akihiko in many ways, but it’s not his style to be flustered and lovey-dovey about it. Which is another thing I find myself somewhat relating to. Instead of being super romantic, I think Ugetsu shows his love and happiness by being clingy, playful/mischievous, and letting someone in his space both mentally and physically (by this, I don’t mean just sleeping with someone but actually letting them see him as a private person). Despite of the lack of proper communication being one of the problems in AkiUgetsu, I think Akihiko was one of the few people who really knew Ugetsu.

AkiUgetsu as roommates:

The beautiful coloring of the panel is by o_yang_o on Twitter.

I think it’s safe to say that most of the Ugetsu-hate stems from his time of being roommates with Akihiko. It was a very dark time for both of them despite the occasional islands of reminiscencing the good parts of their relationship. Ugetsu hurt Akihiko in many ways during that time and realized his behavior was hurting him.

But I think people often forget that Ugetsu was unhappy and hurting, too. Of course, it doesn’t excuse his actions but it explains them. Letting go of Akihiko was just as hard - if not harder - for Ugetsu as letting go of Ugetsu was for Akihiko. In his incapability of cutting the relationship off, Ugetsu resorted in trying to push Akihiko away by hurting him, but Akihiko wouldn’t give up on him. So, his actions didn’t come from some deep-rooted evil but rather being in pain and scared. He wanted the suffering to end but at the same, he couldn’t picture Akihiko not coming back and was terrified of everything, even the music, disappearing in the basement if Akihiko did leave him. 

I think the breakdown Ugetsu had when Akihiko finally broke up with him was telling of how difficult taking that last step had been for Ugetsu as well. He was scared of letting go and being let go of because surely nothing would be left behind. It’s true that it was Ugetsu who originally wanted to break up, but it was Akihiko who needed to walk away first when it finally came down to it. I think Ugetsu’s reaction spoke volumes of how deep his feelings for Akihiko truly ran. In short, AkiUgetsu ended up in a bad and painful direction, but I most definitely believe Ugetsu overall is capable of loving someone and he has a caring/affectionate side to him as well.

Overall, what I love about Ugetsu is his complexity and layers. You need to see deeper than his behavior to see his character as a whole. He’s not innocent and has many flaws, but he’s also not the cold and distant human monster he’s sometimes made out to be. I think Kizu put a lot of care and effort into building his character and did a beautiful job.

Liking a character like Ugetsu ultimately comes down to personal taste and preferences. I can understand that he’s not everyone’s cup of tea or if he evokes negative feelings. But I don’t think it’s fair to see some characters in a black-and-white manner if you’re at the same time making an effort to see behind some other character’s behavior. You don’t have to like every character and you can have biases, but if you catch yourself knowingly ignoring something, your reading probably isn’t the most accurate. A “lesson” I came to realize in my journey with AkiHaru.

Thank you for your question and patience, dear anon!

#given #murata ugetsu #akiugetsu #answered ask

[pagingevilspawn]

You Said You’d Grow Old With Me

again, another one-shot that i never posted on tumblr, only the link, so yeah! im also pretty sure this fic makes no sense, but my 4 am brain wrote it so...

____

"thought we had the time, had our lives, now you'll never get older, older"

~*~

TW// major character death

takes place some time after 16x15, before 16x16.

____

Jo was laying in her bed. Their bed. The bed that felt too cold. The bed that felt too empty. The bed that felt too big. After crying she felt better, having Link comfort her while she broke down. She wanted him back. She wanted him to answer her calls. She needed to know if he was okay. If he left her like she thought he did she at least needed to know if he was okay. One call. One text. Thats all she was asking for.

Except she wouldn't be satisfied with that. The five different positive pregnancy tests to the side of her were an example. She was pregnant. They were pregnant. How the hell did that happen? She was just pranking him about having a baby a two months ago, and now she really was going to have one? And at the best of times too. Right when her husband decides to go MIA.

She wasn't sure how long she sat there for, staring blankly into the distance, her body incapable of feeling anything. Numb. Thats how she felt. She felt like she was bathing in a tub of ice and all her sense and nerves had just shut down. Numb.

She'd only been numb once before, after seeing Paul for the first time in five years. Bu this was worse, oh this was so much worse. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't move. She couldn't talk. She couldn't do anything, she was just numb.

She wishes she could say she was startled by the sound of knocking her door, but she wasn't. She'd gotten used to Meredith and Link coming over at random hours of the day. Sometimes to rant about anything, or sometimes to just talk with her.

Maybe it's Alex, she thinks, and with that thought she gets up from the too big bed and makes her way to the loft's wooden door.

Please be you please be you.

The door opens and the sight she sees is one she wishes she didn't.

In one second she knew that her whole world was about to crumble under her feet. Oh god, how badly she wished she stayed in bed, how badly she wished she was at the hospital.

"Ma'am is this the home of Alexander Karev?" the officer asks, looking up from his notepad, his partner standing next to him dutifully.

Jo gulps visibly, already feeling the tears burning in her eyes. "Y-yes, he's my husband, i'm his wife."

The two officer share a sympathetic glance. "We're afraid there's been an accident.

____

After a short phone call with Meredith and one plane ride to some place in Oregon, Jo is standing outside some hospital she's never heard of, Meredith right by her side, holding her hand so tightly, like it was a life-line. Because it was. They knew nothing. All they knew was that Alex was involved in a ca accident that involved a drunk driver, and they hadn't been able to identify him for the past two weeks. They didn't know anything. Was he alive? Was he dead? Had they simply only contacted her so they would know what to do with his body? Was he seriously just okay and he was in a medically induced coma? Did he have amnesia? Did he not remember who he was?

For two weeks her husband had been just another John Doe. One that they see in the pit nearly every day.

He wasn't Doctor Alex. He was even a doctor. He wasn't her husband. He wasn't a best friend, a companion, a lover. He wasn't a surgeon who saved the lives of tiny humans. He wasn't a guy who made little kids less scared of the hospital. He was just another meaningless John Doe, taking up space in the ICU.

But oh, she felt guilty. So guilty. She was worried that he was having some kind of secret affair while he was really just in the hospital.

Meredith squeezes her hand, "You ready?" she croaks out, her red rimmed eyes string up at the hospital in front of her. Meredith wasn't ready. She wasn't ready for what stood behind those doors. She wasn't ready.

"No." Jo shakes her head, a few stray tears already coming down her cheek. She hadn't gotten them to stop. She physically couldn't get them to stop. Ever since those six dreadful words came out of the officer mouth.

Meredith sighs in understanding, "I know." she says, stepping forward and taking the first steps, Jo following behind her robotically.

No, not robotically. Numbly.

How naive she was, thinking that what she felt earlier was numbness, this was a whole new level. This was paralyzing. This was frightening. This was feeling her body start to disintegrate piece by piece.

Without knowing it she was standing on the sixth floor, the ICU. Meredith leans over the nurses station, asking for the room number for Alex Karev.

Jo doesn't see the sad, sympathetic smile the nurse gives the two, but Meredith does. And that's when she knew that things weren't going to be alright. Nothing was going to be bright and shiny and happy with unicorns and rainbows.

Somehow, they end up on the other side of the Alex's room, but Jo had yet to look up from her gaze on the floor. She's never noticed how white the linoleum of hospital floor were. They were shiny too. So shiny that she could see her reflection.

It was when Meredith lets out a soft sob that she finally decides to look up, not at all prepared for the sight in front of her.

The sight of her husband, the love of her life, lying in a bed, tubes sticking out of every possible place in his body.

It was then she felt her whole world crash down. Crash down and burn. A gut wrenching sob escapes her throat, a hand coming up to cover her mouth as the tears come down her face. They come down so fast she cant even wipe them away until her face is soaked again.

"Mer I-i," she chokes out, feeling her breathing start to pick up as she tries and fails to form her words.

Meredith nods, "Go in." she whispers brokenly, watching as a doctor makes his way towards.

The doctor holds out his palm to the blonde, "Hi i'm Doctor Kelsey, i'm the neurosurgeon on Mr. Karev's case-"

"It's doctor." she interrupts him. "Doctor Karev. Doctor Alex Karev." she says slowly.

The man nods, "Okay, Dr. Karev has been here for fifteen days now. There was an MVC on the 45 with a drunk driver and he ended up getting very severely injured-"

She cuts him off again, "I'm sorry, let me introduce myself. I'm Dr. Meredith Grey."

She watches as the man's eyes widen in surprise. He was standing in front of Meredith Grey? The Meredith Grey? Catherine Fox Award Meredith Grey? Daughter of two time Catherine Fox recipient Ellis Grey?

"W-wow. I-its an honor to meet you Doctor Grey, i'm a big fan." he says, smiling brightly.

Meredith jolts back in shock, eyes narrowing at the man who was about ten years older than her. "It's an honor to meet me?" she hisses, watching as the fellow surgeon's smile falls as quickly as it appeared.

"I-its an honor to meet me? That's what you have to say? You have the audacity to say that, as i stand here, outside of the room of my best friend, who is alive because of tubes and vents? It's an honor to meet me, when the only reason i'm here if because my best friend, my person, is lying there, unable to move or breathe, or talk? It's an honor to meet me?" Meredith yells , tears escaping her eyes, earning the attention from the others in the ICU, but she didn't care.

The man nods furiously, "O-of course, i'm so sorry Doctor Grey, that was very disrespectful of me." he says, going on to explain the extent of Alex's injuries.

___

Jo stumbles into the room lifelessly, seeing the unmoving body of her husband lying on the bed.

The sight causes a whole new round of tears to spring into her eyes and down her cheeks, "Oh Alex," she chokes out, grabbing ahold of his left hand, clasping it firmly in her palm.

it was cold. Way too cold. Normally his hands were warm. Not sweaty or clammy, they were just warm and soothing, perfect for her's to slip into at any time of the day.

She feels the cold band of his wedding ring touch her fingers and that's when she lets the sobs take over.

The gut wrenching, heart breaking, deep sobs as she collapses on the side of his bed and onto her knees, completely ignoring the chair next to her.

She couldn't hold herself up. its like her legs could not longer support her, like they had turned into helpless piles of water, "Alex please." she begs, lips trembling as she places kiss over kiss on his hand.

She wasn't stupid, she was a doctor. She knew what all the tuning and the wires and the ventilators meant.

"Please tell me this is just some joke. Some really mean, really awful joke. Please Alex. Please." she cries.

"Please tell me this is just a nightmare, an awful, awful nightmare. Please tell me this isn't real Alex. Please." she begs, holding his hand so tight as her body shakes with sobs.

She shakes her head, laughing softly at first, then louder and louder, "Oh god." she sobs, her laughter coming to a halt. "This is real." she whispers, feeling as her tears drop from her eyes to the floor.

"No Alex. you don't get to die on me alright? Because, because i cant live without you okay? You-you need to know that. If you, if you die, i die." she says, taking both of her palms and clasping her tiny hands around his big one.

She shakes her head, "No Alex. You don't get to do this to me. You don't get to leave me. We-we meed to grow old a and grey, and we need to have kids. So many kids. We need to have at least three kids. We need to get a dog a-and travel the world. We still need to do that Alex."

Jo sniffles, "But it's not only you that needs me Alex, this baby needs you too." she sobs, standing up and sitting down on the bed, taking Alex's hand and placing it over her stomach, hoping that this would be enough. That this would be enough for him to wake up, to defy all medical standards and wake the hell up.

"Please Alex, this baby needs you." Jo sobs, "Because, i sure as hell can't do this without you. Y-you're the peds surgeon Alex, you were practically born to be a dad." she wipes her tears to no avail, since they just kept coming. "You need to hold this baby in your arms, you need to be there with me to tell them about how we had sex in a shed next to a corpse on our wedding on their wedding day. You-you need to see them grow up and graduate Alex."

"Y-you need to be there Alex. I need you, Mer needs. Zola and Bailey and Ellis, they need you. The tiny children that you save all the time need you. They need Doctor Alex. I need Doctor Alex."

"I-i need you to get so overprotective if it's a girl when she has her first boyfriend. I need to watch you teach our baby how to wrestle if he's a boy. Or a girl, i'm not judging." she chuckles soft'y, holding his palm against her still flat abdomen.

She lays down beside him, laying there in silence for a long time. She lets the thoughts roam in her mind.

Jo sighs, "I hated you at first." she starts, absentmindedly threading her fingers though his hair like she had done so many time before. 'Like seriously, you were one of the biggest assholes I ever met." she chuckles softly.

"And then there was the teen mom who was just going to abandon her baby that i went al crazy on, rightfully so by the way." she smiles slightly, knowing that if he could somehow hear her he was probably rolling his eyes. "And then suddenly, i told you my whole life story, just like that. I'd never done that with anyone before." she sighs, glancing back down to her stomach, where she had her hand clasped in his in a hold over her stomach. "I'd never opened up to someone so easily before. It was like... my heart knew I could trust you before any other part of me could."

"I know i know, you're laughing at me. I sound like something out of a cheesy lifetime movie." she smiles softly. "And then came Ben and Bailey's wedding, and then, before i knew it, you were my best friend."

She starts to trace his fingers, something she always did to calm her down, "And then, one day, i was drinking a beer at Joe's with Jason, and all i could think was that i would rather be with you, on the couch that I bought, and watching action movies with you. That's when i realized i was i love with you." she whispers, some new tears building in her eyes.

"And then we wen through crap. So much crap Alex. That's why this can't be the end. Thats why this can't be the end of us okay? Because we've been through too much crap to let a drunk driver end us."

"Please Alex, i'm begging you, come back." she sobs, starting to pound her fists on his chest.

"Come back! Come back you son of a bitch! Come back!" Jo cries, unable to atop the steady flow of water coming down her face.

"Please Alex." Jo begs, her eyes so red and puffy that they looked like she had been crying for years. "You-you have my whole heart Alex. And i-if you die, you will crush it, and I wont make it. I cant live without you okay? You hear me? I need you Alex. I- i cant breathe. I cant breathe, ii cant exist in a world without you in it, okay?" she sobs, hyperventilating as she trues to get her words out, which only came out in barely audible sobs.

Somewhere along the way she cries herself to sleep, waking up a nearly a whole day later to a view of Meredith, Amelia, Tom, Jackson, Arizona, Callie, Link, Cristina, Bailey, and Richard standing outside the ICU.

And for one second, before she opens her eyes, she forgets everything, simply snuggling into the body and the scent she missed so much, a combination of aftershave and spearmint.

And then she remembers.

And oh god, she just wants to die.

She feels like a knife is being driven through her heart, stabbing her again and again and again, with absolutely no intention to stop.

Eventually Meredith breaks her out of her trance by knocking on the door, in which Jo responds by a head nod, letting her know that it was okay to come in.

The blonde enters, flowed by Amelia and Tom. "I called them. I wanted them here to consult, look at all his scans, everything." Meredith mutters, her voice hoarse and broken from trying to hold in her tears.

Jo looks up at the two, a small glimmer of hope shining in her eyes, "P-please." she stutters out, her voice high pitched and squeaky, sounding more broken than they'd ever heard her before, "tell me you guys can do something."

Amelia takes a deep breath, letting a few drops of water pool in her eyes, "Jo-"

"No," she sobs, shaking her head. "It took me twenty-seven years to find him, longer to realize i loved him, and even longer to be able to marry him." she starts to shake, trying to take in every detail of his face.

His overgrown stubble.

The soft creases around his eyes.

The slight wrinkles etched into his forehead.

"Jo, we can't bring him back. I'm so sorry." Tom says, trying to put a comforting hand on her shoulder, which she shakes off.

She slowly nods, unconsciously mumbling something about how she was going to let everyone say their goodbyes before she said hers.

So thats what she did. One by one the said their tearful, heartbroken goodbyes, still i denial that the man they loved would soon be gone.

Jo goes in one last time, lying down next to him, holding his figure in her arms. "I love you." she sobs.

"I haven't said that enough. I love you Alex. God, I love you so much jerkface. I didn't know it was possible to love someone as much as i love you." she cried, her tears an endless flow into a river. "I love you, i love you, i love you."

"And, please, please love me enough to come back." she begs him, still holding onto that tiny bit of hope.

"You said we'd be together forever Alex. You and me. Please, please let there be forever." she pleads with him one last time, giving him a soft kiss on his cheek.

With one deep breath she gives a nod to the nurse, who slowly begins to remove the ventilator. Then she unplugs him from all the machine.

She lays her head on his heart, feeling as he breathes one last time under her.

And then, she places a kiss on his lips, one last time

and all of a sudden,

he was gone.

"we had plans, we had visions, now i cant see ahead. We were one, were golden, forever you said."

"didn't say goodbye now I'm frozen in time getting colder, colder. "

"One last word. One last moment. To ask you why, you left me here behind."

"You said you'd grow old with me."

#jolex #jolex fic #jolexau #ignoring canon #jolex fanfic #jolex fanfiction #alex karev #jo wilson #jo karev #greysanatomy #greys anatomy #greys abc #meredith grey #major character death #based on a song

[prkchimins]

I Hate That I’m In Love With You Final Part 20

previous/ / finale //next epilogue

Jungkook x reader

Masterlist

Crackhead angsty fluffy social media au

Jimin, Taehyung, & Yoongi set up a plan for Y/N to get together with Jungkook to get into his famous college parties.

Word count: 2.1k

Warnings: this is crackhead writing - its not a masterpiece lolol, ass grabbing, grindING, jk x y/n bumping uglies but not that detailed, ANGSTY, fluff at the end

Summary: jk brings y/n food on New Years eve and they get into a fight & things get angsty + heated and they fuck for the first time basically adjaskljsdlk

You hear the doorbell ring as you put a pause on your ongoing Ratatouille movie only thirty minutes in. You glance at the clock on your bedside table reading 10:22 p.m., less than two hours until the new year. You sigh realizing how much time has passed and how crazy this year has been.

The loud noise of the doorbell ringing repeatedly broke you out of your thoughts not realizing how long you’ve been in your own world. “I’m coming, jesus,” you mutter to yourself as you tear your blanket off your body hopping off your cozy bed. You take your sweet time walking to the door because you knew exactly who it was waiting for you.

You swing the door open being greeted with none other than Jeon Jungkook. “What took you so long, princess?” He questioned with his figure leaning against the doorframe. “Princess? Now that’s a new nickname,” you state completely ignoring what he just asked you. “I’m not wrong am I?” he smirked knowing exactly that your cheeks would turn bright pink from his comment. 

“Just come inside already, you look like an idiot standing there,” you try to avoid the subject turning the attention back onto him. “I come bearing gifts and this is how you treat me?” he gasps as he pretends to be offended. “Head ass, just come inside,” you roll your eyes grabbing Jungkook’s hand leading him to your bedroom.

~~~

“I don’t get it. A rat can’t actually be a chef. It’s impossible,” Jungkook says as he finishes his last bite of his burger. “This movie is fictional, of course a rat is physically incapable of cooking a meal,” you playfully slapped his arm. “Owwwww! What was that for Y/N?” Jungkook fake whines as if your slap actually hurt him.

 You knew damn well that it didn’t hurt, his biceps and workout routine say otherwise. How can he be such a cute little bunny, but a gym rat at the same time? Him showing up to your house in only a plain white t-shirt and grey sweatpants that hugged his figure so tight, and managing to still look so good at the same time? It’s unfair.

“Y/N?” he asks breaking you out of your thoughts. “Y-yeah,” you stutter focusing your gaze back on his doe eyes. “Are you okay?” his eyebrows furrowed as he brought you closer to him. You two have been cuddling in your bed for the past hour indulging yourselves in the Inn-n-out he bought whilst watching Ratatouille. “Yeah I’m fine, it's just I’m tired you know. It’s almost midnight hahaha…” you awkwardly reply not knowing how to explain how you were admiring his physique moments ago.

“Why didn’t you want to go to the party earlier?” He asks all of a sudden changing the subject. You bring yourself closer to him resting your head on his chest, “I told you already, I wanted to try something different this year.” “I know you Y/N, whenever there is a party, you jump at any chance you get to go to one.” Jungkook chuckles seeing through your lie.

“You got me detective Jeon, I lied. Do you want a reward or something?” You sarcastically retort tracing over the tattoos on his hand. “I’ve already been given the reward of spending my New Years Eve with you Y/N,” he cheesily replies already knowing you would get flustered. You slap his chest as you bury your face in his arm as he giggles at your embarrassment. “Please tell me the real reason why you didn’t go,” he pleads running his fingers through your hair.

“I didn’t go to your party, because I was afraid that the same thing that happened at the last one would happen again,” You quickly confess with your sentence sounding as if it was all one word. Jungkook stops combing through your hair letting the silence linger for a moment. You lift your head up from his arm and look at him with his frozen facial expression.

“Jungkook?” you question. “You thought that I would cheat on you again?” He asks weakly with his voice barely coming out as a whisper. “Y-yes no it’s-” you start to say before he cuts you off. “After these past couple weeks that I’ve been with you, you thought that I would cheat on you?” He asks with his voice raising. “I-I don’t know Jungkook, the last time we were at a party things didn’t go so well,” you replied with a harsher tone.

“Is that what you think of me? You thought that I would drop you like that?” His voice sounding even louder than before. You could tell he was hurt and furious at the same time, but you were angry at him too. “I haven’t seen you in two months, how am I supposed to know that you’ve changed,” you spat. “I’ve been trying to prove to you that I’ve changed Y/N. Constantly texting you asking how’s your day or if you’re okay. Facetiming you when you’re sad, bringing you food cause you’re too lazy to cook, agreeing to hang out with you and Yoongi, even though he scares the shit out of me,” Jungkook starts yelling standing up off the bed.

“I don’t know what it will take to show you that I’m never going to make that mistake again,” Jungkook keeps raising his voice staring down at you. “I just need time Guk,” you shrug at him. “How much time Y/N? I’ve been bending over backwards to show how much I care about you!” he shouts back running his hands through his messy hair. “If you weren’t so impulsive maybe we would have gotten back together sooner,” you grunt as you stand up on the bed becoming eye level with him.

He narrowed his eyes at you, “If you weren’t so demanding maybe we would have.” “Demanding? You’re the one who’s demanding, bugging me when we’re getting back together,” you scoff crossing your arms over your chest. “I have never bothered you about our relationship until now Y/N. I have been patient with you these past weeks that we’ve been friends again, but I can’t take it anymore,” Jungkook lowers his voice having a shift in atmosphere. “So, what are you going to do about it?” you challenge raising an eyebrow at him.

Jungkook suddenly clashes his lips against yours as he unexpectedly catches you off guard. You close your eyes and start to kiss him back as you wrap your legs around his waist. He grabs you by your ass and pins you back onto your bed, “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting to do this?” “Long enough,” you breathe in between kisses. You tangle your hands through his wavy hair, which looked incredible on him by the way.

He let out a low moan as you grinded on his DICC, “I can’t believe you wore those tiny shorts of yours and only a tank top. I could barely contain myself when you opened the door. Are your trying to torture me?” He was referring to the minimal clothing you had on. You realized that your pajamas were a bit revealing with your cleavage showing and your shorts that practically had your ass hanging out. You didn’t think much of it, because it was last minute that Jungkook announced he was coming over.

“This is what I normally wear to bed,” you roll your eyes pulling away from the kiss. “Maybe I should sleep over more often then,” he cockily smirked knowing that would send you off the edge as you squeeze your thighs together. “Let’s take this off shall we?” you smile as you tug at his t-shirt. “Are you sure you want this Y/N?” Jungkook eyes soften for a moment. Your gaze lingers on his, even though he was furious only seconds ago and how turned on he was by his member pressed up against your thigh, he would only go forward with your consent. “I’ve been wanting to ever since I met you,” you smile pressing your lips against his as the clock struck midnight.

~~~

“Happy New Year Y/N! How was-” Taehyung swung  your bedroom door open before he screams at the sight of a shirtless Jungkook with you sleeping on top of him. Jungkook and you shout in unison meeting the face of a horrified Taehyung. “Y’ALL REALLY BUMPED UGLIES IN THIS HOUSEHOLD?” Taehyung screeched looking back and forth between the both of us. “Taehyung,” Jungkook and you both whine as being woken up by your best friend wasn’t the most ideal way to start the morning.

“I’ll leave you two alone...BUT WAS IT GOOD? WAS HE BIG Y/N?” Taehyung gushed jumping up and down. “I’m not going to answer that,” you say as your face turns bright red at Taehyung’s abrupt question. Of course Jungkook is, but that is none of Taehyung’s business. “I should have known those shoes at the door weren’t mine. I was wondering when did I buy these? Those chunky black combat boots? They looked really nice, but they were not my style. I knew they were Jungkook’s or maybe even Jimin’s, but then I was like why would Jimin be here?” Taehyung started to ramble as if he was having a conversation with himself

“Get out!” Jungkook scolded him as he threw a pillow at his face. “Y’ALL ARE TOO CUTE! HAVE FUN!” Taehyung giggles as he runs down the hallway into his own bedroom. You yawn as you cuddle yourself closer to Jungkook, “I’m sorry about him.” “It’s fine, I’m used to roommates barging in on me,” he says as he presses a kiss onto your head.

“Guk, what are we?” You ask all of a sudden. Where does your relationship with him stand? A couple weeks ago you hated everything about him, but now here you are in the warm embrace of his arms. You’ve been avoiding this inevitable question for a while now, and all you wanted was closure.  “Whatever you want us to be,” he lazily smiled. “I’m serious, Jungkook. Where do we go from here? What am I to you? Are we-” he cuts you off. “You’re mine.” Jungkook’s smooth morning voice rings in your ears.

“What?” you choke out trying to process what he actually told you. “You’re mine, Y/N. I want you to be mine. I’ve wanted to be yours ever since you insulted me in our Psych class. I knew that I loved you ever since we hated each other. Getting our first detention together didn’t bother me as long as I spent it with you,” Jungkook started off with his eyes locking onto yours.

“Fuck, I’m going to cry,” you say as your eyes start to water. “You drove me crazy Y/N. Do you know how jealous you made me when you went out with Jin hyung?” he said as he closed his eyes to calm himself down. “ I wanted to take you home that day and show you who you really belonged to, but I could never call you mine. Until now,” his voice deepened leaving shivers down your spine.

“I promise you that I will never make the mistake of cheating on you again. I love you Y/N L/N,” His voice started to shake as if everything he said was going to backfire on him in a second. You don’t know what took over you, but you broke free from Jungkook’s grip and turned to face him. He looked broken for a second, like a lost puppy wondering what he did wrong.

“You know I hated you when I first met you, head ass. I thought that you were some fuckboy, that could never love anyone back, but I was wrong,” you said as you got up to straddle his lap and he placed his hands on your hips. He raised an eyebrow to look up at you wondering what you were doing.

“As I got to know you after these past few months, you aren’t actually a fuckboy you know,” you giggled booping his noise. “Hey!” he pouted knowing you were insulting his manhood. “You’re actually the cutest,” you pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Sweetest,” *kiss* “Hottest,” *kiss* “And most kindhearted person I’ve ever known,” you pressed a final kiss on his nose. “Anymore compliments?” he hummed in satisfaction with all the attention you’ve given him. “Shut up Jeon,” you laughed at his sudden cockiness.

“The point I’m trying to make is, I hate that I’m in love with you, Jeon Jungkook,” you breathed out before pressing your lips against his.

✨Tag list: @deolly @scarredbytheworld @rjsmochii  @lemonteacyst @cowward​ @birdie-aesthetic 

A/N: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING THIS SERIES I’M SO GRATEFUL FOR ALL Y’ALL SUPPORT SORRY MY WRITING IS ASS. This is the last part, but I’ll release an epilogue like next week to check up on jk and y/n and the whole friend group ya know. I love y’all and jk and y/n they really bumped uglies  💞

#bts texts #bts angst #bts oneshot #bts fic #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #jungkook x oc #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook social au #jungkook social media au #jungkook texts #bts social media au #bts social au #jungkook smut #bts smut #jungkook #jungkook au #jungkook drabble

[imjustalonesomewriteblr]

Chapter One

Word Count: 1,936

Warnings: Maybe mild language (I forget), tiny bit of violence (it isn’t described besides a bruise/mark and hinting), government people and maybe some politics (?).

Alright, this one’s three and a half weeks behind schedule, but who cares. It’s done now. So far the only criticism I’ve gotten on this one is that the dialogue in the beginning is too long and the ending is too short, so I’ll try to fix that next time. :)

Léonie enjoyed listening to Florette whistle in the morning. It was a nice, peaceful way to wake up, especially because the alternative would be a loud alarm. Today, even though it was summer, Florette was whistling a Christmas song, but Léonie didn’t mind. It still made her happy.

The room’s large windows gave the two of them a wonderful view of the lake. That was the one good thing about waking so early in the morning: everything was calm and quiet. The dim light from the moon lit the room more than their weak ceiling light ever could. A few birds sang and flew past the window.

“Good morning, Florette,” Léonie turned over and looked down from her top bunk. Florette was stretching on the floor, as she had done every morning for almost three years.

“Mornin’,” she replied.

“How did you sleep?”

“Not as well as I could’ve.”

“That is too bad,” Léonie laid on her back and looked to the ceiling. She hardly had any wall space next to her bunk, so she had resorted to decorating the ceiling.

Ms. LaPore had only allowed the volunteers to take objects home from their missions that could fit in a tiny plastic bag. This resulted in the volunteers having an unusual amount of posters and short books and not clothes or larger objects. Léonie’s ceiling was mostly covered by old movie posters and magazine covers, plus several postcards.

“We’ve gotta hurry up,” Florette tied her shoelaces, “The meeting’s early.”

“I am aware,” Léonie scooted to the end of her bed and jumped down, “Did you read over your folder?”

“Nope. I’ll do that during breakfast,” Florette said. Léonie sighed.

Léonie walked over to her dresser and pulled out her uniform: a grey shirt, black pants, and simple white shoes. She had been instructed to wear her name badge this time, so she pinned it on her shirt.

“Why don’t you wear a dress or something,” Florette was sitting on the lower bunk now, watching a deer walk in front of the window.

“I am not supposed to.” It was only then Léonie realized Florette was not completely in uniform. She was wearing a dark green flannel over her shirt and her socks were pink. Florette’s hair was in two buns, which was against Assembly policies.

“Take those off, Florette,” Léonie put her own white socks on, “and change your hair.”

“I’m going to wear my hair however I want.”

“You will be in trouble.”

“I wasn’t last time.”

“Last time, Mr. Steinberg interrupted Ms. LaPore as she was trying to discipline you. That was simply luck,” Léonie put her final shoe on and began making her bed before it was time for breakfast.

“Whatever,” Florette mumbled, laying on her back, “I don’t care.”

Léonie shook her head and sat down on the rocking chair next to the window. She picked up the book she was currently reading and opened it to the page she had bookmarked. Léonie had read Aesop’s Fables innumerous times now, but it was one of the only books she had and she didn’t want to bother Mr. Johnson for any new ones.

Within five minutes of Léonie sitting down, there was a knock on their door. Florette opened it, revealing Reese on the other side.

“Breakfast’s ready,” she said, “I wouldn’t get too excited about it, though.”

“What is it?” Florette asked.

“Water and toast. There isn’t any butter or jam, either,” Reese said.

Florette groaned and walked past Reese.

“At least it is something,” Léonie said as she exited the room. Reese shut the door behind them.

Breakfast was held in the kitchen of the main house. The main house, which was owned by Mr. Steinberg, was a large, brick building from the early 1900s. It had seven bedrooms, all of which were converted to offices, a large basement, and multiple repurposed living rooms. It also had a nice conservatory, which Mr. Steinberg and, occasionally, Danilo spent time in. The main house and the volunteer’s guesthouse were separated by a large yard, forested area, and pool.

Danilo met the tree of them in the hallways and, together, they grabbed their folders and began walking to breakfast.

“How did you sleep?” Léonie asked.

“Fine.”

“Bene.”

“That’s good.” Léonie said.

The smell of fresh grass wafted past them. The yard had been cut recently, probably for the officials who were visiting. A pool boy was taking the leaves that had fallen out of the pool and another was cleaning the stone.

As the volunteers neared the house, they could see a large group of men in suits and women in nice dresses crowded in the conservatory. Others were viewable through the windows and glass door.

“What the crap is going on here?” Florette said.

“Did you not read the stuff in your folder?” Reese asked.

“No.”

“Oh my God, you idiot.”

“If I read this stuff,” Florette motioned to her folder, “would I know who those people are?”

“Duh!”

Danilo shushed the two women as the glass doors opened in front of them.

“Volunteers, I need to speak to you in the kitchen,” Ms. LaPore whispered almost immediately after they stepped into the house. She examined their appearances quickly, before stopping at Florette, “Especially you, Travere.”

The volunteers made their way to the kitchen. It was noticeably quieter, and colder, than the entryway. The only person in the room was a maid, who was cleaning the metal counters. The room was all white except for the metal counters, which had dark red details, appliances, and chairs. There was a plant in the corner and a chalkboard, but otherwise, the room was empty.

“You’re late,” Ms. LaPore snapped, her anger visible on her face. Her red dress and black heels seemed to match to her mood perfectly, “I don’t tolerate late volunteers.”

“I’m sorry, ma’am, but it took a while to.. find our uniforms,” Reese said.

“Really? All of you had trouble finding one of your three pairs of uniforms?” Ms. LaPore asked, then she turned to Florette, “I see Travere he-”

“It’s Miss. Travere, Juliette.”

“Do not address me by my first name,” Ms. LaPore hissed at Florette, “I see Travere had no problem improvising.”

All eyes turned to Florette’s outfit. She pulled the legs of her pants down so that her socks were covered, but her flannel was simply unhidable.

“Do you have an explanation for your attire, Travere?” Ms. LaPore said.

“Uh, yeah, Juliette,” Florette responded. Léonie mumbled a quiet ‘Oh my goodness’ and shook her head. Florette continued, “I thought, because I’m ninety-two and not incapable, I should be able to dress myself in whatever I see fit.”

Ms. LaPore’s face turned bright red and she stormed towards Florette. Almost like they were in a cartoon, Ms. LaPore grabbed the back of Florette’s collar and began pulling her towards the other room. Before they entered, Ms. LaPore turned to the rest of the group, “I want complete silence in here until I return! Anyone who speaks will end up like Travere here.”

The door slammed behind them and the three volunteers were left alone in the kitchen. None of them spoke and they ate their toast in silence.

A man in a business suit worth more than Léonie had seen in her lifetime walked in the room quickly to grab some cups. His glare lingered on the three of them and their measly pieces of toasts as he made his way through the room. Other than that interruption, their breakfast went on quietly.

The moment Danilo finished his toast, Florette walked through the doorway. Her head was down, hiding a bright red mark on her face, and her arms were crossed in front of her.

“Ms. LaPore says to meet in the amphitheater,” Florette said as she grabbed her piece of toast and continued towards the other door.

-

The amphitheater was in the front woods, so that guests could not see the volunteer’s housing. It was surrounded by trees, but because of its weekly cleaning, there was no sign of dirt on the stage or seating. There was a circle stage made of bricks in a herringbone pattern. The seating was also brick, and for this occasion, cushions had been put at each of the guests’ spots. The volunteers had been placed in the very back, with only Mr. Johnson to watch over them.

After a few minutes of the volunteers mindlessly flipping through their folders and Florette refusing to talk to Léonie, Mr. Steinberg and DeBurrow began leading the guests towards the amphitheater. Some of them looked at the amphitheater in an awe-like wonder, while others, who were unimpressed with the small size, chatted among themselves. The volunteers watched as the guests filed through the rows of seating and selected their spots. Most of them already had partners and sat together. A few of them were in military uniforms.

“Good morning, ladies and gentlemen,” Mr. DeBurrow spoke. He stood behind the pedestal that was positioned in the middle of the stage. He shuffled some notecards, “I thank you all for being here so early in the morning.”

Mr. DeBurrow cleared his throat, “Did you know that 98% of the officials in this room were formerly employed by their militaries? Mr. Howard Steinberg, Mrs. Juliette LaPore, Mr. Xavier Johnson, and myself included. Yet, 100% of you still work in the governm-”

Mr. Johnson awkwardly ran down the terraced seating down to Mr. DeBurrow. He whispered something in the elder man’s ear and then returned to the volunteers.

“Excuse me,” Mr. DeBurrow, “I know you all have been out of school for years, but I need to take attendance. We’ll do this quickly.

Anyone associated with the United States Central Intelligence, please raise your hand.”

Two men raised their hands. Mr. DeBurrow crossed something out on a piece of paper and told them to put their hands down.

“British Secret Intelligence Service?” A woman who resembled Reese raised her hand along with another man.

“Polish… Agencja Wywiadu?” A woman raised her hand.

Mr. DeBurrow called out names for at least five minutes until Florette was sure he had listed every country in the world. Well, every country except two.

“Now that that’s finished,” Mr. DeBurrow glanced at Mr. Johnson, “I can continue my speech. You all are gathered here today because you are, one, the best of the best in your respective countries and, two, you are some of the few individuals aware of the troubles brewing in China and Russia.”

A wave of murmurs rushed over the amphitheater. A few individuals seemed confused at the mention of the two countries, but were quickly informed by their companions.

“As of two weeks ago, China and Russia have been at war. It started near the town of Jalai Nur and Lake Hulun, on the Northern Chinese-Russian border,” suddenly, several holograms appeared behind Mr. DeBurrow. The Assembly had installed them instead of screens because of their effectiveness and inability to get wet. Only a few of the crowd was surprised by their appearance, as holograms and projections had been used for at least a decade.

A map of Russia and China, plus several statistics, appeared on the projection behind Mr. DeBurrow. He grabbed his pointing stick and directed the crowd’s attention to the map.

“I won’t get into much detail on the attacks so far,” Léonie sighed in frustration. She wanted to know what was going on. Mr. DeBurrow continued, “but if this war between these two countries carries on any farther, the world will irreversibly be thrust into World War III.”

#assembly of absolutists #11.. 4.. 3.. #writblr #writeblr #writers of tumblr #writers on tumblr #writing #my writing #chapter two #leonie gloria thalmann #florette priscille travere #danilo santo potenza #reese daisy ellis #xavier clement johnson #fiction #realistic fiction #my oc #my ocs #imjustalonesomewriteblr

[startledstars]

It's really sad that you've convinced yourself to accept evil because God will better you for it. You can believe in God and believe that he wouldn't want evil to happen to you or anyone else. That's a problem with Christianity though. A lot of religious, cult peoples have a "by all means, even evil, necessary for the greater good" mentality and that's not okay. I'm so sorry you believe your god is abusing you and that you're okay with it. Life or the universe is both good and bad, not god. The trials in life aren't there to benefit you, it's there so when you get through it, you'll grow and learn and prevent it from happening to someone else, not be blessed as an individual. A supreme being of love doesn't dole out pain or evil. Someone who loves you wouldn't hurt you with such abuse that you call it evil. You need to believe this in your life, not in just some spiritual way. Please don't ever justify evil for a cause for good. Please. No one deserves that.

Hi anon,

First of all, thank you for this question. I can honestly see how my previous post can make me sound like a battered, self-deluded housewife trying to justify a miserable situation. Just a few months ago, if someone said what I said today, I would sincerely pity them too.

I actually agree with 90% of your message, and the 10% is a misunderstanding: I’m not being abused by anyone right now, least of all God. I don’t think anyone deserves to be abused. I do not accept evil. I despise it. And while I don’t think God wants people to suffer evil, if you look at the world, you see that He allows just that.

You can’t believe in an all-powerful God who can change or prevent or reverse any situation instantly, and pretend that he doesn’t have absolute power over evil too. God has power over evil, but there are times when He lets evil run its course. The question is, why?

You also said:

“The trials in life aren’t there to benefit you . They’re there so you can help other once you get through them.”

I agree with the second part of the statement, but disagree with the first. The trials in life, even the most horrible suffering, are used by God to benefit you, too. I’ve experienced these benefits firsthand.

(If there is a single thing that God doesn’t use to benefit you personally in the long run, as in eternity, can you say he’s 100% good? Even one exception means He falls short of that 100%. This sounds really extreme, but it’s a great thought exercise.)

And you’re right in saying that God does not ‘will’ evil. That’s why I said that he ‘allowed’ me to be abused by evil people. In other words, he gave me to other people with free will and wicked intentions. He allowed their will, instead of imposing his own, because this is one way God gives freedom to his creations.

I have been abused over and over again, for years on end. These evil people were actually the ones closest to me; my parents, one grandparent, and a parade of so-called ‘friends’ who never really treated me like a human being. The abuse started when I was under 4 years old. Every single one of my abusers have tried to convince me that their abuse was actually an expression of love, and I believed them, even while they relentlessly tried to snuff out my will to live.

(Anyone who’s been abused and is coming out of it will understand how the abuser does this and what effect it has on you. It is a horrible thing.)

While the abuse was taking place, I didn’t know it was evil, and I did not know they were evil. This world teaches us to not believe that evil exists, or that evil is somehow exclusive to genocidal dictators. The world teaches us that abusers aren’t evil; they’re victims of their own twisted psychology, and can be ‘fixed’ with the correct treatment.

This may be true, but the reason evil people become evil is because even if they are aware of their shortcomings, they’d rather project their dysfunction than take any responsibility for fixing themselves. Evil people actively refuse to change for the better, and are only interested in dragging other people down. They are incapable of love, though they can imitate it well enough.

So, how can God give a child into the hands of people like this, and still be considered ‘good?’

I can only speak to my experience, but due to the length and extent of my entanglement with evil people, I can:

Say with confidence that evil exists, and if there’s such great evil in this world, there must be a greater good.

Recognize potentially problematic individuals and avoid them

Recognize the potential for evil within myself, and work to prevent myself from becoming abusive. (Even as a ‘victim’ I had developed abusive tendencies. I am not innocent. This is Another Fucking Pill.)

Cut off toxic relationships without a single glance backwards; I have not been abused by anyone for months now, on any level, and if someone tries to cross a line, I assert myself firmly and confidently. Most victims of abuse either become abusers, or fall prey to other abusers. I avoided both these traps.

Strengthen my faith and relationship. When there’s an abusive/controlling person trying to ‘get me’ (anyone with a job will understand) I pray to God to remove this person from my life. He does, every. Single. Time. Because He also doesn’t want me to fall prey to anyone ever again; He’s already let me see what happens if I trust the wrong people.

Recognize ‘good’ people too and build relationships with them. Because many people are good, have the right intentions, and don’t need you to make excuses for their shitty behavior because they behave just fine on their own.

Appreciate the healing power of God. If God allows you to suffer, he will use that suffering to make you wiser and more powerful, then carry you out of the fire and make you brand new; better for the pain, but also like the pain never touched you in the first place. If you met me irl, you would never guess that I’d ever struggled as much as I did. This goes for appearance too; stress should age people rapidly, but I actually look much younger than I should, untouched by the burden of all these years. He did that.

Ok this answer has gotten so long and there’s so much more to say even though I mostly agree with you anyways lol. Also thanks for the comment on ‘cult mentality,’ because once again, you’re right, and that deserves it’s own post. I believe that all cults are Satanic, and Satan tries to imitate God. To imitate God, you need to really, really understand how God works. So Satan knows that only God uses evil for good, which is why cults employ this mentality; it’s another way the devil mocks the creator. It’s another lie, but to lie, you have to know the truth first. Hope that makes sense; cults can’t use evil the same way God can.

Tl:dr evil is never justified, but if God allows evil, it is because that evil is a ‘channel’ for greater good, like the labor pains to bring a child into the world. I do not condone evil, and people should never knowingly hurt others or let themselves be hurt. But if it happened, God allowed it. And if God allowed it, it’s for a good reason.

Thanks again for the message and for sharing your perspective. I hope this gives some food for thought, because that’s what you’ve done for me. Merry (late) Christmas and hope you have a great 2021 :)

#spiritual awakening #spiritual awareness #spirituality #I have so many thoughts on everything and want to be concise without losing any finer points #so here we are #hopefully anon can at least skim this #listen to deepen your relationship with god you do have to question him constantly #faith is never blind #and he’s the ultimate intelligence and ultimate goodness so he WILL answer any sincere inquiry #including “how can you do this to me? it makes me want to hate you. #because above all else God wants you to be honest with him and youself #and that means really grilling him about evil #you can’t skirt the issue just because it’s painful

[ryrycaptain]

My Juliet - PBB 2020

Hello and welcome to my fic for the PBB this year. I took inspiration from reading Romeo and Juliet to create this story. I’ll be forever grateful for ilikestopwatches who helped me so much with this fic. I’d also like to thank Divy for making some amazing art to go along with my fic. 

ao3 link

Dan was growing tired of following the lively man in front of him. He had a mop of brown curls resting on his head and green eyes that were framed by a lopsided pair of glasses. They’d already covered the dressing rooms, prop room, and wardrobe, and he was starting to sweat from the beating sun. “Ah here we are, sir,” the man, PJ called out, “the stage.”

Dan gasped in disbelief. He’d never been to the Globe Theatre before, and to see the stage he would be performing on in person was thrilling. The woodwork was intricate, and the stage was strong under his feet. “It’s amazing,” he cheered.

“It surely is a beautiful feat of architecture.”

At the end of the stage, people were spread out busying themselves with their scripts, but one person in particular caught his eye. The man had brown hair with the slightest tint of red and sparkling blue eyes that were framed by a simple pair of glasses. He looked to be in his early thirties, and he was currently staring intensely at the paper in front of him. “Who’s that?” Dan asked PJ.

PJ gave him a look of confusion. “That’s Philip Lester. He’s the author of the play.”

“Oh I’ve heard of him. He’s one of my biggest inspirations, but I’ve never seen him before.”

PJ nodded curtly and clapped his hands together. Everyone looked towards them and Dan’s cheeks flushed at the attention. “This is Daniel Howell, everyone. He will be playing the lovely Juliet. Please give him a warm welcome.”

With that, PJ started walking towards Phil which left Dan awkwardly standing alone on the stage before someone waved him over. He walked over carefully, wary of breaking something if he stepped too hard or breathed too loud. The man who had waved him over was even taller than Dan, which was a surprising feat since Dan was almost 6 feet tall, and had a shock of red hair framing his face. “My name is Christopher, but you can call me Kit. I’ll be playing the charming Romeo,” the redhead said.

“Um it’s nice to meet you. I’m Daniel but you can call me Dan,” he said, shaking his hand.

“Would you like to practise with me?” Kit asked. “We have a lot of lines together.”

Dan laughed. “I suppose I can make some time to practise with you.”

—

Dan had spent a good hour going over the script with Kit, and he had to admit that the story was brilliant. He could tell the play would be a huge hit with the plot twists and romantic storyline. He wasn’t totally surprised though because Lester’s plays always seemed to amaze him. Speaking of Philip Lester, he was currently perched on a seat in the highest viewing room and yelling at Kit.

“No. No. No. You’re doing it all wrong, Kit,” Philip sighed. “You sound too happy about your recent breakup. The whole point of this scene is to show Romeo’s impulsive behavior. You must be saddened by the loss of your relationship.”

“Ok,” Kit said. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Alas, that love, whose view is muffled still, should, without eyes, see pathways to his will!”

“That’s better, but I still feel like I am watching someone recite lines not mope about their lost love. You must practise this scene. Now, go on and take a break.”

“Yes, Sir,” Kit replied before walking over to the water where Dan was.

“I promise you he’s not always like this,” Kit stated after seeing the worry in Dan’s eyes. “I was an understudy for one of his other shows. He has a soft side, but it takes him some time to de-stress.”

Dan nodded. “I understand.”

Although he tried to play it off as a causal concern, Dan was worried he’d be cut from the show if he didn’t meet Philip’s expectations the first time around. He wasn’t a big name and it was a miracle for him to have a lead part in a Lester original. He needed this role to launch his career.

Pursuing his dream of acting was a huge risk, and his parents were doubtful of him. They were expecting him to earn money and to start a family in the near future and didn’t believe he could do that by playing dress up on a stage, and Dan needed to prove them wrong.

“What’s going through your mind,” Kit said, interrupting his thoughts.

“This is my first major role, and I don’t want to disappoint anyone,” Dan stated.

“I’m sure you have what it takes,” Kit encouraged. “After all, Philip does most of the scouting for his plays so the chances he picked you himself are high.”

Dan felt slightly reassured by that fact but also intimidated by the idea that Philip had seen him perform before. It had taken him a while to perfect his character and he didn’t want to seem incapable. He just had to hope for the best.

——

It was time for Dan to get on stage and to say he was nervous was an understatement. The actors who were playing the nurse and Lady Capulet seemed nice enough, and had some experience acting.

Philip seemed pleased enough with their performance and only commented on a few minor things throughout the run of the show. When they were done with their scene, Dan was pulled aside by a woman named Louise who needed to take his measurements and have him try on a few pieces of clothing. She led him through the halls of the theatre and into a room that was filled to the brim with various costumes and fabrics.

“I’m sorry it’s such a mess, dear. I’ve been a bit busy these days,” she hummed. “Can you step up onto that stool.”

She had long blonde hair and bags under her eyes. She looked exhausted and Dan wondered how many hours she spent at the theatre a day.

He stepped on the platform and she started measuring him with the tape measure that had been hanging on her shoulders. “You’re very nicely built, but I don’t think I have any previous outfits that would fit you. It’s a shame I’ll have to start this one from scratch,” she sighed. “Now to pick a colour!”

Her excitement was cut short by a knock on the door. “Mrs Pentland, may I come in?” A rough voice sounded from outside the door. Dan recognised the owner to be Philip and started to panic.

“Calm down, now,” she whispered to Dan before directing her answer to Philip. “Yes, come in sir.”

Philip let himself in and looked at Dan with a scrutinising gaze. “I was unaware you had company.”

“It’s no big deal, sir. Daniel and I were just deciding which colour dress he’d be wearing.”

“Ah, I believe you’ll make the right decision,” he said with a nod. He turned to Dan and stuck out his hand. “I’m sorry I haven’t introduced myself yet. I’m Philip Lester the director and writer of this play, but you can call me Phil.”

Dan took his hand timidly and shook it. “My name is Daniel Howell, sir. I prefer Dan though.”

“Yes, my Juliet,” Phil stated, making Dan blush. “What got you into acting?”

“Ah, I've always been a fan of the art. My parents took me to a show when I was younger and it’s been my dream to star in one since then.”

“Sounds similar to how I got into theatre although I’m much too shy to be a performer. I’ve always had a knack for writing though. I guess it all worked out in the end.”

“Of course, sir. Someone with as much talent as you is destined to be famous.”

“Can I ask you why you choose to portray women? I know it’s an essential job within the theatre but I rarely meet men who are excited to portray the role,” Phil said, deflecting Dan’s comment.

“I’ve always enjoyed trying on my mother’s dresses and messing around with her makeup. It seems a bit odd, but I like to take advantage of it.”

“I don’t think it’s odd at all,” Phil said with a twinkle in his eye. “I personally believe normalness leads to sadness. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to get back before PJ does anything rash with the scene. I’ll see you on stage, Dan.”

He nodded to Louise and shut the door behind himself on his way out. “See, he isn’t as intimidating as he seems,” Louise chuckled, “Now which colour should we go for?”

——

Dan walked out of the room with a smile on his face and a little more confident now that he could imagine the dress he’d be wearing. He wondered if it’d be made of the same itchy material that the ones for his last production were. He would have liked to imagine that the dress would be made of silk but he didn’t know how much they put towards costumes here.

He was stuck in his own fantasy world when he bumped into someone. He immediately bent down to collect his things with a muttered sorry. A hand touched his and he looked up to see Phil staring back at him curiously. “You’re still here? It’s getting pretty late.”

Dan blushed. “Louise and I got caught up talking about the costumes.”

“Oh, do you have experience too?" Phil asked, handing Dan the things he had picked up.

They both stood up and started walking towards the entrance. They weren’t going nearly as fast as they could have, almost like they had mutually decided that they wanted to prolong their conversation.

“I’ve sewn some clothes before but besides that I don’t have any experience. It’s always been an interest of mine.”

Phil nodded. “I’m sure Louise appreciates the company. I worry she gets lonely sometimes.”

“She sounds like she’s important to you,” Dan hums.

“Ah, she’s a family friend, nothing more. She’s already happily married with two kids. I’m afraid our parents would force us to marry if she wasn’t.”

“Oh, so you're single?”

“Yes. I’ve always been dedicated to my work, and it leaves me little time to meet people. Besides, the women my parents set me up with are unbearable. I assume you’ve got someone. You’re young and handsome after all.”

“No, it’s just me,” Dan answered. If he was being honest, he’d never met a woman he was interested in. He found men more intriguing but he would never admit that. He would eventually be married off, and it was for the best. That was just how it was.

“Oh,” Phil stated, “I thought you’d have women lining up to marry you.”

“My family isn’t the best off,” Dan admitted. “My father owns a small shop but that’s our main source of income right now. I hope to change that with this job. After all, my brother is going to university soon.”

“Ah, university. Those were some of the best years of my life. I miss my professors sometimes. They were always my biggest supporters,” Phil mused.

“That sounds charming. I never got to go, not that I really wanted to anyways.”

“That’s interesting. You took a big risk, unless you have some sort of craft you’ve perfected.”

“My only skills are in business, and I don’t have anywhere near enough money to run my own. Besides, I’m happy with my job right now. I’ve already met some nice people.”

“The cast and crew are exceptionally kind though they can get rowdy, especially when they’re under the influence of alcohol.”

“A lot of men are,” Dan agreed.

They were nearing the main doors, and Dan was surprisingly disappointed for their conversation to end. Phil didn’t bore him to death like the others he’d conversed with, and they actually had a solid conversation.

Dan yawned, startling himself back into reality. “You should head home,” Phil stated. “I hope it’s not too long of a walk to your house. It is quite cold and I can’t have my Juliet getting sick.”

“I’ll make sure to bundle up,” he assured the older man. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Dan.”

——

Dan had been standing in the same spot for the past twenty minutes, and even though he was supposed to pretend that he was chatting with others, he was watching Phil direct Kit and the others around the stage.

Phil looked nothing like the shy, nervous version of himself that Dan’d met. On this stage, Phil looked like he was in his element. His voice was firm, and he commanded the attention of the actors around him.

Everyone was starting to look tired, as they were four hours into practice, and people weren’t putting as much effort into their lines. Phil was clearly starting to get annoyed, as his jaw was clenched and his unoccupied hand formed a fist.

He watched as PJ walked his way and waved him over. “What’s wrong, Dan?” PJ said. The exhaustion was clear in his voice, and he glared at Dan. Dan didn’t take offense, because if he was directing a play he’d probably be glaring daggers at everyone too.

“Phil seems to be getting angry, and everyone is exhausted. Do you think we could take a break? Just for everyone to relax a bit,” Dan pleaded.

“I think that’s a wonderful idea, but I’ve got to see what Phil says.”

“Can you go ask him now?”

PJ nodded and walked over to where Phil was directed and pulled him aside. Dan watched as they interacted, and Phil’s jaw slowly relaxed. He nodded and called out for everyone to take a break.

Dan exited the stage and grabbed his water. It was nearing summer, and it was almost unbearable to work out in the heat. The canopy above the stage blocked out the harsh sun, but the humidity still hung in the air.

“Thanks for saving me.” Dan jumped and looked over to see Phil looking at him with a grin on his face.

“You looked like you were about to murder someone,” Dan stated.

“I might have if you hadn’t asked for a break. I don’t know how difficult it is to stay in a straight line, but the torchbearers could not stay behind each other. We all know that movement causes the audience to get distracted.”

Dan hummed in agreement. “It takes a lot of power not to fidget, but if they’ve been in previous productions then they should know better.”

“Well enough about them. What did you do after practice yesterday?” Phil asked.

“Ah, I just went home and practised my lines. I’ve found that there aren’t many things to do on the weekdays,” Dan explained.

“How about you and I go to the archery range? I try to practise from time to time, but I'm afraid I'm becoming a bit rusty,” Phil suggested.

“I’m not sure. I’ve barely touched my bow since I finished learning how to shoot,” Dan stated.

“Perfect!” Phil exclaimed. “That means we can be horrible together. Now what's your address? I would feel awful if I didn’t give you a ride.”

Dan was still unsure about going to the range with Phil. If he was being honest, he became quite fond of the eccentric playwright and he wasn’t sure if he could risk it. Phil was clearly not interested in men. It was a sin after all. Dan needed to put a stop to his growing crush on Phil, but he couldn't resist the pleading eyes the other man was sending his way. Sighing in defeat, Dan muttered his address to Phil and, with their plans arranged, Phil skipped off with a grin on his face.

____

When Phil had said he would give Dan a ride, Dan had been expecting a carriage, seeing as he was a famous playwright and could afford one. Instead, he was met with Phil and a single horse. He blinked at the scene in front of him, wondering if he was seeing things properly. There was no way Phil expected him to walk. After all, Phil had specifically offered him a ride.

Dan looked up at Phil with a blank expression and realised the man was talking, “much farther away from the theatre than you. Dan are you listening?”

“Yes, yes, of course.”

“Are you okay? You look a bit dazed.”

“I’m just wondering how I’m getting to the range,” Dan stated.

“Oh, you’ll have to ride behind me. You see my brother is borrowing Dante today so this is our only option,” Phil stated. “Unless you want to walk of course.”

Dan knew that Phil had meant the last part as a joke but he seriously considered it. He didn’t know how well he could handle being so close to Phil, especially with his crush on him. He decided that he couldn’t walk seeing as they were in a crowded city which meant the next range was more than a few miles away. “How do I get on then?” Dan stated as confidently as he could.

“Just stick your foot in the stirrup and hoist yourself up.”

Dan followed his instructions, and got up onto the horse. He tried to distance himself from Phil but it caught the attention of the other man. “What are you doing? You’ll fall off if you don’t hold on,” Phil laughed.

“Sorry,” Dan muttered, putting his arms around Phil’s middle.

Phil dug his heel into the horse’s side and it took off down the streets. Dan gripped onto Phil tighter, and watched as the scenery passed by them. He’d only ridden a horse once when he was younger, so to be high on top of one was quite intimidating. “Are you scared?” Phil shouted back.

“No.”

“Ok, Dan, I believe you, but can you let go a bit? You’re suffocating me.”

Dan blushed in embarrassment, loosening his grip. He didn’t mean to hold on so tight, but the speed of the horse had startled him. “Sorry.”

The rest of their ride proceeded with much less awkwardness, and a comfortable silence encompassed them.

When they arrived at the range there were very few people. It shouldn’t have surprised Dan seeing as it was the middle of the day and most men were at work. They went to find a target to practice on and finally settled on one that was positioned on the outskirts of the range.

Dan watched as Phil set his quiver of arrows down in the grass and fiddled with his bow. “Who’s going first?” Phil asked.

“Definitely you,” Dan answered.

“You’re really going to make me embarrass myself first?”

“I don’t want to be the first one to embarrass themselves.”

“Very well then.”

Phil picked up an arrow and positioned himself in front of the target. He stood for a moment, aiming to the best of his ability, and then he let go. The arrow whizzed across the range and hit the innermost white ring. “I thought you were out of practice!” Dan groaned.

Phil smiled. “I promise it’s just luck. Now it’s your turn.”

Phil stepped away and Dan took his place. He picked a bow out of his quiver and aimed at the target. His hands were shaking, and his pulse was racing so he knew he was going to do horribly. He didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of Phil though, so he took a deep breath and hoped for the best before letting the arrow fly. When Dan looked up he saw the arrow lodged into the outermost ring.

Phil chuckled behind him and Dan spun around at him. “You can’t make fun of me. Unlike you, I was telling the truth when I said I was out of practice,” Dan huffed.

“What? Do you need a quick lesson from the master?” Phil cooed.

“I suppose I could use one,” Dan muttered.

When Dan agreed, he thought Phil would show him how to aim and shoot, but instead Phil came up behind him and handed Dan an arrow. He fit his hands over Dan’s and positioned the bow correctly.

Phil’s hands were slightly cold but his body radiated a comforting heat, and Dan felt warmer just from standing by the other man. Dan's heart was beating rapidly and he couldn’t stop thinking about how compromising the position that they were in was.

“Let go,” Phil whispered, breaking him from his thoughts.

Dan let go of the arrow and watched as the arrow launched into the innermost black ring. “See you've got it,” Phil muttered.

Suddenly realising they were still together, Dan blushed and pulled away to face Phil. “I’m still not as good as you are. Besides you did most of the work that time,” Dan huffed.

Phil grinned, “You’ll just have to keep practising.”

Phil picked up his bow again and quickly aimed the arrow at the target. Dan watched as it flew and hit into the yellow circle at the centre of the target. “Bullseye!” Phil exclaimed.

Dan rolled his eyes. His competitive side was finally coming out. “Ok, Philip. Let’s play ten rounds and whoever gets the most points wins.”

“What does the winner get?”

“I suppose the winner can pick a punishment for the loser.”

“It’s on then.”

——

Dan ended up winning. He was surprised he’d beaten Phil and his years of experience, but when he thought about it, Phil had given Dan a lot of tips during their match. Phil had definitely let him win. “Did you let me win?” Dan scoffed.

“Of course not, Daniel. You won fair and square,” Phil laughed. “You just have to believe in yourself.”

Dan still didn’t believe him, but he wasn’t going to question Phil anymore. “Now, since you’ve won, you have to pick a punishment for me.”

Dan thought about it for a second until his stomach grumbled. He assumed Phil could afford much better food than the stale biscuits and bitter coffee Dan had based his diet on. “I suppose you can buy me dinner. I am quite hungry,” Dan suggested.

“That’s not much of a punishment,” Phil commented

“No, but I’m starving right now so I’ll let it slide,” Dan hummed.

“Alright, I suppose I can treat you to dinner. Is there any specific place you’d like to go?” Phil stated, picking up his quiver.

“No, it’s your choice. I don’t eat out much,” Dan said following the other’s lead.

“Ah, are you a chef?”

“I wouldn’t say that, but I can cook a few meals.”

They walked back to their horse where Phil had put her in a stall. Phil led her out and gave her a few sugar cubes before using the stirrups to pull himself up on the horse. Dan followed suit and they were off again, heading back to the city.

——

Dan didn’t think Phil would take him somewhere fancy but, to his surprise, Phil did. There was a musician playing the piano softly on the stage with tables surrounding the raised platform. Candles decorated each table and customers sat in sharp suits and flowing dresses. “I don’t think we’re dressed well enough for this,” Dan whispered to Phil.

“Sure we are,” Phil stated. “Most of these people are on first dates anyway. They want to make a good impression.”

Dan blushed at the thought of it being a date. Sure he might have had a tiny crush on Phil, but nothing would come of that. Maybe if they were born in a more accepting time but in their day it wasn’t going to be accepted anytime soon.

“Right this way, sirs,” a waiter spoke.

Dan followed the man around the outskirts of the table and watched as they sat the menus down at a table. It was a bit secluded from the rest of the tables, and Dan instantly sighed in relief.

Phil sat across from him and picked up one of the menus so Dan copied him. The writing was riddled with flourishes and Dan couldn’t read it very well. His face heated up. He’d had an education, but it wasn’t one of the best. His parents couldn’t afford to send him off to a fancy private school like the other boys his age.

“What do you recommend?” Dan asked Phil.

“I usually get the chicken, but the lamb is also quite good.”

Dan nodded. “Lamb sounds nice.”

“Yes, the chefs here make the best in the city.”

They sat in a comfortable silence, enjoying each other’s company and the soft melody from the piano, until the waiter came back. They placed their orders and at the end Phil spoke up. “Do you drink?”

“Occasionally,” Dan remarked, “but if you're drinking, I’ll drink with you.”

Phil nodded. “We’ll have two glasses of your best wine then.”

——

They might have had more than just a glass each, and maybe Dan was having a hard time controlling his stupid limbs, but that wasn’t anyone else's business was it? He was using all of his energy not to trip, but it was bound to happen. He never drank so he wasn’t surprised that he was such a lightweight. He didn’t regret it though. He’d had a wonderful night, and it was nice to be free from his nerves for once.

Unlike Dan, Phil wasn’t drunk. At least he didn’t seem to be. He’d had a glass more than Dan but he was perfectly composed and Dan wasn’t sure if it was impressive or not.

Phil was leading him out of the restaurant with his hand clasped firmly onto Dan’s shoulder. They made their way to where the horse was being kept in a small set of stables behind the building. A nice man led the horse out, and Dan looked at it warily. “Do you think you can get up?” Phil asked.

Dan's face flushed red. He definitely could not climb the horse drunk. After all, he could barely climb it sober. “If you can't, don’t attempt it. I need my Juliet to have fully functioning limbs for the play.”

“Then I guess I won’t be getting on the horse,” Dan muttered.

“We can walk then,” Phil stated.

“No that isn’t fair. I can walk home from here and you can ride back to your house.”

“You’re far too drunk to walk home alone. You’d definitely get robbed. I’ll walk you home.”

“What about the horse?”

“She’ll follow us.”

Dan nodded and followed Phil down the road. They were only a few blocks from his house so it wouldn’t take long for them to get there, but Dan still felt guilty for making Phil walk.

They chatted about the play, their holiday plans, and a variety of other things. Dan learned more about Phil’s family which was made up of his mother, father, and his brother, Martyn, as well as his sister in law, Cornelia. Phil seemed to have a strong bond with his family, and, unlike Dan’s parents, his seemed to be supportive of his career.

After around ten minutes they finally stopped in front of Dan’s door. Dan blushed thinking about the times he’d been in this position with the girls he’d courted. He remembered his manners and thanked Phil. “Dinner was delicious. I hope we can hang out again sometime soon.”

“It was my pleasure. After all, I lost our bet.”

“I still don’t understand how that happened,” Dan laughed.

“I told you I was a bit rusty.”

“Yes but your first few shots were amazing.”

Phil shrugged. “I guess it was luck.”

There was a lapse in conversation then, and Dan wasn’t intent on leaving Phil just yet. He must have been more drunk than he originally thought because the next thing he knew he was kissing Phil.

Dan pulled away quickly when he realised what he was doing. He was blushing fiercely and he was internally groaning at his stupidity. He’d risked both of their safety and made a fool of himself. He was likely going to get cut from the cast if not worse.

“I’m going to go in now,” Dan muttered. “Goodbye.”

Dan rushed inside and slammed the door leaving Phil to stare blankly at the spot where Dan had disappeared from.

——

When Dad woke up the next morning he had an awful hangover and an even worse memory of the night before. He didn’t feel like getting himself out of bed but he somehow managed to get himself up. He dragged himself to his wardrobe and threw some clothing on before leaving the house and walking to the coffee place he frequented.

When he stepped in the door he immediately shrank into himself. Sitting at one of the tables was Phil with a newspaper in his hand and a cup of coffee in front of him.

Dan almost snuck out of the coffee shop successfully but then Phil made eye contact with him. Dan had no choice but to stay at the shop. He hoped if he acted normal then Phil would forget everything that happened.

He walked toward the counter and ordered a coffee. When it was done he sat at his normal table in the corner of the room. For a few minutes, Dan watched the people passing outside before he heard a chair scrape across from him. “Morning,” Phil stated, sitting down across from Dan.

“Good morning,” Dan muttered.

“Would you like to talk about last night?”

Dan stared at Phil in surprise. He didn’t think Phil was a very blunt person but he guessed there was no beating around the bush when it came to the kiss.

“I want to apologise-" Dan started.

“No I’m not mad.”

“What?”

“I thought you would catch on eventually but I guess you didn’t.”

“What are you saying?”

“I like you Dan. I know it’s wrong but I don’t think you’re going to judge me.”

“I wasn’t expecting this.”

“You are a bit dense.”

“I am not.”

“Ok, Daniel.”

“Can I ask what made you wait?”

“I had to make sure you weren’t a homophobe. After all, we don’t live in the most accepting age.”

Dan nodded. He wasn’t surprised that Phil was hesitant because of the world they lived in. Honestly, this was a fairy tale come true, but then again, there would never be a fairy tale about two men.

“What do you want to do then?” Dan asked.

“Well I think I’d like to take you on a date.”

“Really?”

“Of course.”

[jawabear]

(2) Flowers (Javier Pena x Reader)

Not my GIF

A/N: So I didn’t really intend to make a second part to ‘Flowers’ but it had this idea and thought it would write it anyway. I kinda like it? So here’s a second part of some soft and sad Javi because we’ve established that I am incapable or writing anything happy. I do not speak Spanish so the Spanish is did use is from Google translate (which is not always the most reliable source so it may not be accurate) Sorry for any mistakes. Stay safe :)

Genre: Angst, fluff

Warnings: fem!reader, Sad!Javi, Soft!Javi, not really a lot, its a little sad, happy ending though, Pedro Pascal comes with his own warning

Summary: Javi opens up about his love for his friend

Part 1

Javi set the flower down gently onto the grave, smiling softly at the sight. He could practically hear his mother’s soft voice telling him how beautiful the flower was, and how well he had done to keep it alive long enough to bring it back to Texas. “Ahí tienes, mamá” (there you go, mama) he whispered. “Finally, a Miltoniopsis vexillaria orchid for you. I’m sorry it took so long for me to get you one but...” he sat on the soft grass at the foot of her grave, pulling out pieces to fiddle with. He felt incredibly guilty that he had been gone from his mother for so long. “I became...distracted” he admitted. 

“I’m sure you know what happened down there...I should’ve listened to Papa and not have gone down there. I’m sorry. But, I don’t think I’ll be going anywhere for a while now. Although, I might take a trip to the DEA Headquarters at some point, to see a girl. She’s the one who got the flower. You would’ve loved her” he let out a soft laugh “she’s...she’s so beautiful. And she’s funny, and she’s smart, and she’s so kind. She told me it was never too late to live up to the promise I made you about getting one, I guess she was right. She’s always right though. Right about everything she ever said. Apart from me”

“She said I was a good man. But I’m not. You would be disappointed in me if you knew half the stuff I did down there” he sniffed, trying to hold back his tears, but he didn’t really see the point, there was no one there to see him cry, except from his mother, but she was always the one to wipe away his tears, tell him everything would be okay even if she knew it wasn’t “but there, you probably already do. I want to be a good man, for you, for dad...for her. But I don’t even know what makes a good man anymore. Surely, at this point, I’m incapable of being one. Desearía que estuvieras aquí (I wish you were here). To tell me what to do...to tell me where to go from here”

“Sure, I have dad, he’s always giving advice but...I need you mama. I need you to tell me it’s all going to be okay. I just...I...” he pulled his knees against his chest, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand “I just want a hug” he chuckled softly “as stupid as it sounds. I’m fucking done with sleeping with every girl I can find, it got me nowhere. But she...(Y/N)...she hugged me...and she would...tell me it was going to be okay. And when I kissed her...she kissed back and it was like...like it was meant to be. It sounds so childish, like some sort of fairy tale bullshit, but that’s how it felt. It was like, fireworks or something cliché like that”

“But I don’t think I’ll ever see her again. She told me that if I’m ever back in the states to go see her but I don’t think she knew how long it would be until I was. She’s probably forgotten about me, moved on, found someone better. A good man. It’s a good thing if she has, I mean, what could I give her that she can’t find somewhere else? All I’d give her is pain...I’m not cut out for relationships, mama, I never was. Look what happened with Lorraine, everyone was convinced that was going to work, shit, even I was. But it didn’t. Because I got fucking scared. I’m fucking terrified of love. I haven’t...been loved since you died. And...I guess I just hate the thought of loving another woman...scared that...you’ll think I’m replacing you or something”

“God, this all sounds so fucking stupid. Why am I such a coward? You didn’t raise me to be. You and dad raised me to be strong, brave, kind. But I’m not any of that anymore. I’ve fucking failed you. I don’t think Pops understand what I mean when I say that, but I know you would. I feel like I’ve messed up everything. I could...see myself with (Y/N), in a relationship. And, you know what, I didn’t feel scared. She made me feel brave. She made me feel...great, actually. And then she disappeared. And I know that’s not my fault but it sure as hell feels like it is”

He let out a heavy sigh and he stopped his depressive rambling for a moment. He just looked to the grave stone, his eyes scanning over the black letters of her name carved into the grey stone. Javi missed her like crazy. She was the only woman he ever trusted, who he ever loved, and she was taken from him far too soon.

“Lo siento, mama” he whispered to her “I didn’t mean to offload on you like that, but I don’t really have anyone else to talk to. Laredo isn’t much different” he laughed “everything’s still pretty much the same. Which is kind of nice, I guess. I think I’ll stay here. I know this place better then anywhere else, I need that constant in me life right now. Dad has tried to keep your flowers alive for as long as possible. He didn’t do a very good job, but to be fair, it was kind of more a you and me thing. Unless he got some books or asked around, I don’t think he would know how to tend to each flower”

“But now that I’m back, maybe they stand a chance at living for another year. Maybe I should make it bigger. I’ll need something to keep me occupied while I’m here, and I don’t think I can spend my time playing cards with Dad for much longer” he stopped again and took in a steady breath “I wonder if you would be proud of me. Proud of what I have done, proud of what maybe I’m going to do. Or if you would just say you were because I’m your son...”

A gentle breeze blew through his hair making him smile. It felt like she was there.

“I think she would be...” he heard a voice from beside him that made him jump slightly.

“(Y/N)?” He asked in pure confusion when he looked up and saw her standing there with a soft smile, one that he had missed these past years. She had gotten no less beautiful, but he noticed her hair was a little longer than it had been before. It was nice.

“Hey, Javi” she said quietly as she sat beside him at the foot of his mothers grave.

“What are you-how...how did you get here?” He asked “how did you know where to find me?”

“I used my super secret agent abilities” she laughed.

“You checked my profile, didn’t you” he told her.

“Yes. I checked your profile” she confirmed “I stopped by your dads place, hoping you were there, he said that I might find you here. He’s really sweet by the way, something you two have in common”

“Why did you come out here to Laredo?” Perhaps he was just dreaming, there was no way she would traveled out here just to see him.

“Well, I resigned from the DEA. It’s just not for me anymore. And then they told me that you had too, and that you moved back here. You always used to talk about Laredo, how small and quiet it was. I wanted to see it for myself. And I really missed you. I took a chance in coming out here. I didn’t know if you would want to see me again, or even if you remembered me. I guess it is pretty weird me just showing up in your hometown after a few years of not seeing each other. But I really wanted to see you again, Javi”

“I...really missed you too, (Y/N). I’m sorry I didn’t come and see you before-“

“It’s okay, Javi. I can understand why you wouldn’t. You don’t need to apologise” he saw her eyes move to the grave, she noticed the flower, it was still alive “you kept it” she said.

“Yeah, of course. I wasn’t going to not keep it”

“Was it the right one?”

“Yeah, it’s beautiful. Thank you. It...it really made me happy when I saw it on my desk. When did you get it?”

“Pretty much as soon as you left. It was really late but I knew there was one place that may have still been open. That was the last one they had” she said motioning to the flower “I put it on your desk right before I left for the airport”

“Thank you, (Y/N)” she smiled to him. “How long were you standing there?”

“Um...not-not all that long. I heard you apologise to her and then talk about your dad taking care of her flowers. And then you said something about not wanting to play cards with your dad anymore, and that you were going to look after the flowers-“

He didn’t really know what came over him. Perhaps it was longing, or maybe it was fear, or maybe it was love. But something drove him to kiss her. Something inside him made him take her face in his hands and pull her lips against his. He didn’t know what it was, but he wasn’t complaining. It felt great to kiss her again. It felt even better when she kissed back. That fire was burning inside him again, as it had the first time they kissed. He had forgotten how good that fire felt inside him.

She shifted closer to him slightly, her hand resting on his thigh as she pushed against his lips. It wasn’t all that long until they pulled away from each other. Both dragging their teeth over their bottom lips to savour the taste of each other’s kiss. “I love you” she whispered suddenly. There was a pang of fear in his heart at her words but he didn’t know why, he loved her, so he shouldn’t be scared of it.

He felt that gentle breeze again.

It was soothing him. Calming him. Opening his mind, making him realise that he didn’t have anything to be scared of. He wanted this. He wanted her.

“I love you” he whispered to her, stroking his thumbs over her cheeks. “I really love you” She smiled and kissed him again, it was only a short little peck but it made his heart flutter. She turned her head to look at his mothers grave. He rested his head against hers as he grabbed her hand tightly in his.

“Do you think she likes that flower?” (Y/N) asked quietly.

“Yes” he nodded “I’m sure she loves it. She hasn’t told me other wise” (Y/N) giggled lightly at his words, turning her head to kiss him again. They were both addicted to each other, neither one of them now ever wanting to be to far from the other.

“She is proud of you Javi. So is your dad. So am I” he nodded to her, not trusting his words.

“Do you-“ he cleared his throat “do you want me to show you her flowers?”

“I would love that” she nodded. He pulled her to her feet and began to lead her from the grave. He couldn’t help but turn back to look over to the grave.

The wind blew again. It blew through the flower on her grave, almost making it turn to face him. And he smiled brightly, knowing that his mother was proud of him, knowing she was there for him, and knowing that beside him he had someone who loved him. 

Masterlist

22/06/20

#javier peña #javier peña x reader #javier peña fanfic #narcos #angst #fluff #Pedro Pascal #fanfic

[synonym-for-life]

Hiyaa :) For the ask game: 33, 34, 36 pls :D P.S : your writing is sooo gorgeous! Thank you so much for sharing it with us🥺 your latest fic was amazing as always..haha this is totally NOT coming from someone who's spent most of quarantine so far aggressively checking your ao3 to see if you had posted anything new (yanno, instead of doing uni work lol) anyway, point is, your writing is amazing and you have such a knack for feelings and characterisation! Hope you're doing ok in these tough times!

First of all, thank you SO MUCH for your kind words, I’m just ---- 😭😭😭 You cannot even comprehend how honoured I am that you were actually waiting for me to post something new! It’s so nice to hear your writing is desired! 😭 I’ll actually write a small, fun(ny) sequel to a hat, a horse (a Hyundai), and the will to ride this week so you’ll get some more of that world! I couldn’t stop thinking about those four idiots + Nat, so you’ll be getting them all together this time!!!

And, yes, I’m doing relatively okay? I mean I’m absolutely exhausted just from existing in this year but ain’t we all? Thanks for asking, though! I hope you’re doing well too!  ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

33. Have you ever stopped yourself from writing something? Why? 

This can either be answered with “all the time” or “never” hahahha. I’ve definitely ‘stopped myself’ from writing down some ideas and just like randomly opening new WIP folders because if I don’t stop myself when ideas strike, I become overwhelmed with the number of unfinished things and just...not write anything in the end. 

But when I truly, truly, want to write something, I never stop myself. I do sometimes have to stop myself from making it too angsty or too ridiculously hilarious because I operate in extremes, but other than that, when I really want to write something, I do. After a lot of procrastination and putting it off and general executive dysfunction, of course. We’re not neurotypical in this house.

34. Have you felt emotional while writing a scene before? What scene was it? Answered more fully here, but short answer? ALL THE TIME! I am basically incapable of not being emotional while writing. Since I didn’t give an example in that ask, let’s just make this answer of mine obnoxiously long and let me cite this scene from a hat, a horse (a Hyundai), and the will to ride : 

“Do you remember what she did to you?” Steve had been wondering.

“Bits and pieces, fragments, an actual memory here and there,” Bucky spoke when a big ship was stirring the water below them. “Her last name means tailor. She used to tell me nomen est omen. That she would tailor me to perfection. Cut me open and sew me back better.”

Steve closed his eyes, then dropped his head onto his hands, sighing. He was going to have sugar crystals in his beard, but he didn’t care. “You’re going to need so much therapy.”

Bucky laughed. “Yeah, yeah, I will.”

“I’m going to need so much therapy.” Steve rubbed his face, thankful that they hadn’t gotten donuts or he would have had jam all over his face by now. “Not because of you. Just in general.”

“You always did have many problems,” Bucky agreed readily. Too readily.

“The biggest of which is your smartass mouth.” Steve scowled at him from his dramatic posture.

Bucky laughed again and the air felt lighter, the sun rays stronger.

“I missed you so fucking much, Bucky,” Steve told him, not turning away, not hiding. “Every day.”

Bucky’s blue eyes met Steve’s under the blue Budapest sky. “I missed you, too, Stevie.”

When I say I was bawling, I mean BAWLING.

36. What fanfic of yours has the symbolism you’re proudest of?

Oh man...is there symbolism in any of my fics?😂 I just feel like there isn’t? Idk why, but I feel like my fics aren’t “high brow” enough to have symbolism. Maybe I just don’t know what symbolism actually is.

I will say, though, that two of my most poetic fics are The Sound of Silence (an angsty Drarry fic) and Troubled Water Running Cold (an angsty Stucky fic). They have the kind of imagery and atmosphere that I always crave to write, but they are also so painful that I had to literally emotionally recover after I’d written them. Which is also why I will not be writing anything like this for the foreseeable future hahahah

Thanks so, so much for being so lovely and for sending me this ask! I’m sorry that I wrote an entire novel in reply! 

The questions are from this post!

#fanfic #fic writing #writing woes #and non-woes #stucky fic #stucky fic rec #drarry fic #stucky #drarry #synonymanswers #lovely anons #😭😭😭 #fanfic writing #a hat a horse (a Hyundai) and the will to ride