LMAO Jason holding a goon up against a glass display and telling him to be quiet so he can watch the televising of Dick's award ceremony is hilarious, THAT'S HIS BROTHER, YOUR HONOR, NOW SHUT UP HE'S TRYING TO LISTEN
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Batfam's beige flags
Dick: says "when I'm famous" like he's not Dick "Nightwing" Grayson
Jason: reads by candlelight even though he has a perfectly functional lamp
Tim: has a monochrome Google calendar
Damian: has everyone saved in his contacts by last name only
Duke: plays equivalent-length shows or movies in the background instead of setting a timer
Cullen: turns every song into the Black Parade when there's a G note
Stephanie: acts out dramatic scenes with eggs before cracking them
Cassandra: opens plastic packaging with her teeth
Barbara: refers to house music as "that stuff with DJs"
Harper: glues sponge pieces to rubber gloves for dishwashing
Carrie: sips ketchup between french fries
Kate: keeps a pair of dumbbells in her purse
Helena: makes homemade garlic spray in case of vampires
Luke: waits for sparkling water to go flat before drinking it
Bette: eats bananas like watermelons
Alfred: buys the Trader Joe's version of popular snacks
Selina: refuses to call villains by cool monikers
Bruce: introduces himself as "Selina's husband" instead of his name
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I just read your NSFW alphabet and hear me out. Jason fucking reader in the batmobile, let the man play out his fantasy
may your harvest be bountiful anon. I was praying someone would ask for this muahaha 😈 you can find the prompt from the nsfw alphabet here ❣️
18+ minors dni
warnings: semi-public but not really 🏎️
★・・・★・・・★・・・★
you should probably have tried to sound a little more appalled when jason todd told you he’d ‘borrowed’ the batmobile, but there was something about the way he was sitting in the driver’s seat, with his red hood mask over his face, and his arm hanging out of the window, that weakened your resolve.
all it took was a cock of his head and a coy, “you gettin’ in, ma?” for your scowl to melt into a giddy smile. that’s how you found yourself here; zig-zagging through traffic in gotham with a barely-reformed crime lord piloting the in the batmobile like it’s a ferrari. sure, piss off batman. what could go wrong?
thankfully, you don’t have time to dwell on the thought as jason’s hand inches up your thigh, slipping under the hem of your short dress. “wanna take a detour?” he asks, and you can practically hear his grin under the mask. you glance over at him with a smirk as he veers off the city’s main motorway, heading towards the old harbour.
★・・・★・・・★・・・★
jason’s large hands knead the soft flesh of your ass harshly as you grind against him on his lap, dragging you along his rock hard length and drawing out another whine from your lips. maybe it’s the knowledge that you’re in the batmobile when you definitely shouldn’t be, maybe it’s that jason is in his full red hood gear, or maybe it’s just because it’s car sex—whatever the reason, there’s a sense of urgency between you that has you both rearing to go now.
you lean back slightly to unbuckle jason’s belt, your back bumping into the steering wheel as your hands move dextrously. “shit, you in a rush, princess?” he chuckles, but you barely hear him. your lower lip is between your teeth as you work fast to free his cock from his boxers, and he hisses in pleasure as you pump him gently, smearing his precum down his shaft. he reaches between your legs to hook his finger around your panties, pulling the gusset to the side.
his green eyes widen as he feels your slick drooling out of you—fuck, you really are in a rush. you align your hips with his again, teasing your entrance with the tip of his cock. in the dim light of the setting sun, he can see the way your eyes flutter shut at the feeling, and it sends heat rushing down his abdomen. you brace yourself on his shoulder with your free hand, sinking down on him gradually. you’re so wet that it only takes a moment to adjust to his size before you’re rocking against him again, and he pulls you back in for another hungry kiss, guiding your hips with his hands.
jason grins as he feels your cunt tightening around him when he brings his fingertips to your clit. “what, already, ma?” he teases, pretending his own release isn’t just moments away. “c’mon, that’s gotta be a new record.” you try to laugh, but he increases the pressure on your clit, and you arch your back as the coil in your belly tightens. shit, you realise, you’re about to cum in the fucking batmobile.
“fuck, jay, I’m so—” you begin, tangling your fingers in his hair. he cuts you off by sucking harshly at the delicate skin of your throat, and instantly you feel the coil snap. you cry out as you convulse around jason’s cock, slumping forward onto his muscular chest with a shiver. the sensation of your walls clamping down on him like a vice makes jason dig his fingers into your flesh as he pumps his own release into you, swearing raggedly as his hips buck.
the batmobile is silent apart from your heavy breaths, and the windows are conspicuously fogged up. you’re glad the harbour is deserted, or rumours might start circulating about what batman gets up to in his free time. jason runs his hands along your back tenderly, laughing to himself. “what?” you ask with a smile, picking your head up off his chest.
“that’s been on the bucket list for a while’,” he grins, and you giggle. you’re about to pull him in for another kiss when an incoming message from bruce wayne that makes your eyes widen lights up the dash. you know there’s a tracker in the car. I suggest you and your guest bring it back now. there’s a pause, and you and jason share a panicked look right as a second message comes through. in good condition.
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