#winter soldier x pregnant!reader | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sergeantbarnessdoll · 15 days

Note

I was thinking of reader being pregnant but not being aware yet but bucky can hear the heartbeat of his unborn child but what if the reader and Bucky weren't in an established relationship in fact the two don't really get a long at all but they hooked up once and Reader got pregnant. After a mission they end up in a safe house and Bucky realizes that he's hearing the heartbeat of their unborn child

Unexpected » Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier

Pairings: Avenger!Bucky Barnes x Avenger/Pregnant!Reader

Summary: Bucky finds out Y/N is pregnant with his unborn baby when he hears the heartbeat.

Warnings: mix of Fluff and Angst, language, mentions of sex (18+), kissing, use of pet names

A/N: Thank you for requesting @annekelovesreading 🩵

A/N #2: @little-miss-dilf-lover wrote a similar one shot. Just know I’m not copying her in any way. Her and I just got the same request. She said I can write this and I thank her for allowing me to write this🩷

Written on my phone. I’m sorry for any mistakes and typos.

Header made by @buckys-wintersoldier

GIF IS NOT MINE! Credit goes to the creators. I found this one on Pinterest.

“I had him, Barnes!” You yelled, panting.

“No you didn’t. You could barely-” That’s when he heard it, the noise he’s been hearing all week.

“I could barely what, huh?” You asked.

“Nothing.” He clears his throat. “Let’s just finish this mission so we can go to the safe house.” He says, gently nudging you in the direction you two need to go.

Bucky thought he had been hearing things all week. He has been hearing a little thumping noise. He only hears it when he’s around you which is weird, considering that you two don’t get along. He’s been trying to figure out what the noise is and it’s driving him crazy. That was the only thing on his mind as you two finished the mission and went to the safe house. It didn’t take long for realization to hit him. The little thumping noise he has been hearing all week is a heartbeat of an unborn baby. Meaning, you’re pregnant with his child. Bucky remembered the one time you and him had sex. You two got drunk off of Asgardian alcohol Thor gave you and him at Tony’s party a few weeks ago, making his eyes widen.

“Oh my god.” Bucky says to himself.

Bucky ran his fingers through his hair as he paced back and forth in the bedroom. If you knew, you would’ve told him, right? You wouldn’t keep something this important from him, would you? Or maybe you don’t know it yet. Instead of jumping to conclusions, he laid down on the bed and tried to relax, but that got him nowhere. He just stared up at the ceiling. Bucky already knew that he wasn’t going to get any sleep that night so he just tried to relax. He turned the TV on for background noise to drown out his thoughts. He soon fell asleep. A few hours later, he woke up from his dreamless sleep. A sigh left his lips as he got out of bed to get something to drink. He stopped in his tracks, hearing the heartbeat of his unborn child coming from your bedroom. Bucky was tempted to go in your room to hear the heartbeat better, but he didn’t want to wake you. He went to the kitchen and got some water and went back to his room. Bucky laid down on the bed and stared at the ceiling once again till he fell asleep. When morning came, he woke up to the sound of birds chirping and the sun shining through the curtains. Bucky rubbed his eyes to wake himself up more before getting out of bed. He went to the kitchen, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion when the smell of coffee didn’t instantly hit his nose.

“You didn’t make coffee?” Bucky asks, slightly annoyed.

“No.” You took a sip of your orange juice. “For some reason, it’s been making me nauseous for the past couple weeks.” You tell him.

Bucky’s breath got caught in his throat when you mentioned being nauseous.

“That’s weird.” He says, clearing his throat.

Bucky got a cup from the cabinet and poured himself some orange juice. He went to the living room and sat down next to you.

“Just out of curiosity…” Bucky took a sip of his orange juice before asking his question. “Does anything else make you nauseous?” He asks curiously.

“Now that I think about it, some of my favorite foods have been making me feel sick lately.” You answered. “Wait a minute. We don’t like each other. Why are you asking me this?” You asked, looking at him.

Bucky shrugged his shoulders and took another sip of his orange juice.

“Are you thinking I’m pregnant?” You asked.

“What? No. I’m not thinking that at all.” He says, lying through his teeth.

That’s when Bucky heard the little heartbeats again. He glanced down at your stomach, listening to the heartbeat of his unborn child.

“Either you have a staring problem or you know something I don’t.” You say.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He says, moving his eyes away from your stomach.

“You’re a terrible liar.” You tell him. “Tell me what’s going on before I interrogate you.” You say, turning your body to face him.

“Last time I checked, you’re not a detective or a cop.” He says, standing up and went to the kitchen.

“I was trained in that area, Barnes.” You followed him to the kitchen. “I’m going to ask you again, do you know something I don’t?” You asked, crossing your arms over your chest.

Bucky gave in with a sigh and turned to face you.

“Heartbeats.” Is all he said.

“You mean our heartbeats?” You asked.

“Not ours. An unborn baby’s heartbeat.” He says.

“What do you mean an unborn baby’s heartbeat? I’m not-” You stopped to think for a moment. “I’m not pregnant. Am I?” You say, more to yourself.

You kept thinking. You haven’t gotten your period in two months and most of your favorite foods and drinks make you nauseous. Some of your clothes don’t fit you like they used to. Your mind started to wander to the time you and Bucky had sex. That was two months ago as well. You two got drunk on Asgardian alcohol Thor gave you guys and neither of you thought to use a condom when you guys had sex. As you were putting the pieces together, it was beginning to make sense.

“Maybe I am pregnant.” That’s when your eyes widen in realization. “Oh my god.” You whispered. “I’ve been taking a lot of hits during this mission. What if- What if I did something to hurt the baby?” You say, looking at Bucky with tears in your eyes.

“Hey, don’t go there.” Bucky cooes, wrapping his arms around you. “You didn’t know, doll. I’m sure the baby is fine.” He says softly, rubbing your back to calm you down.

Bucky stood in the kitchen, holding you in his arms till you said something.

“How can we raise a baby together if we don’t get along?” You asked, looking up at him.

“We’ll figure something out.” He says, moving a piece of your hair from your face.

“What about the mission? I obviously can’t finish this mission in the condition I’m in.” You say.

“We’ll call Steve later and figure something out. As of right now, let’s get you comfortable.” He says.

Bucky lead you to his bedroom. You got underneath the blanket while Bucky stared at your stomach for a moment.

“Can I listen to the heartbeat?” Bucky asks.

“Of course you can. It’s your baby too.” You say with a smile.

You took the blanket off of you and moved your t-shirt just above your stomach. Bucky’s eyes filled with adoration when he seen your baby bump beginning to form. He laid down on the bed next to you and pressed his ear against your stomach, smiling when he heard the baby’s heartbeat.

“What’s it like?” You asked curiously.

“It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.” Bucky says, completely astonished.

You couldn’t help but reach a hand down, running your fingers through his hair. Bucky hummed at the feeling.

“You know…” Bucky starts. “I’ve always wanted a daughter. That was in the 40s and I still want that now.” He tells you.

“Wanna know something?” You asked. “I’ve always wanted a daughter too.” You say with a smile.

A smile grew on his face. What Bucky did next surprised both of you. He leaned up and kissed you passionately.

“Sorry.” He mumbles, pulling away.

“No need to be sorry. I’m pregnant with your baby. You get to kiss me all you want.” You say, cupping his scruffy cheeks and rubbed your thumbs over his beard.

“Well, in that case…” Bucky kissed you again. “A kiss for my doll and…” He moves down to your stomach. “A kiss for our little one.” He says, kissing your stomach.

“You really think we can work this out?” You asked.

“For the sake of the baby, I hope we can.” He says, lying down next to you.

Bucky wrapped his arms around you protectively and pulled you closer to him, placing one of his hands on your stomach. You and Bucky spent the rest of the day cuddling and talking out your differences so you two can raise this baby together.

🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

-Bucky’s Doll

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wintersoldiersoul · 6 months

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Bucky x pregnant reader

Bucky started working from home and everything was great! You spend time together and made plans for Baby coming along but the longer Bucky stayed at home the more he hid himself away in his office working, and one day as your hormones kick in, you're feeling very emotional and just wanting cuddles from him, so you go to his office and ask him about coming to bed and cuddling and he just says he's busy he will be there soon and you say that he's been working all day and you haven't seen him and he ends up snapping at you and it makes you cry and you tell him that you don't want to see him for the rest of the night and storm away, after a while bucky can't concentrate on work because he made you cry and he comes to find you and when he finds you aren't in your shared bedroom he panics thinking you left him and he shouts and runs around the full house only to find you curled up sleeping on the bed in your baby's room and he carries you to bed and apologises and tells stark that he won't be working anymore until the baby is here and settled

I wanna carry his children so fucking bad. What who said that?

The day that you told Bucky you were pregnant was the best day of his life. He couldn’t believe that you, the love of his life, was carrying his child. You were going to make him a father, something he thought he’d never get to be. You were terrified to tell him, as the pregnancy wasn’t planned but the second he burst out in a wide grin, you cried. You were hoping that Bucky would be on the same page as you in terms of keeping it.

Within an hour, he had called Tony and asked for permission to work from home for the duration of your pregnancy. He wanted to keep an eye on you 24/7, especially since you were carrying his super soldier baby. He treated you like precious cargo, bringing you everything you wanted, carrying you when you complained about your feet hurting, and constantly giving you stomach and back rubs.

The two of you were in a state of complete bliss, setting up the nursery, picking out potential names, and going on shopping sprees for your future child. Bucky sobbed when you found out you were having a girl. He couldn’t believe it. “I hope she looks just like her mother,” he said, smiling.

You would often wake up in the morning finding Bucky’s lips pressed against your stomach, whispering to your unborn child. “Your mama is so pretty, you know. So kind, too. And oh my god, is she smart,” he would say, not realizing you were yet awake. “You’re so lucky because you have the best mom in the world.”

“Your daddy isn’t too bad either,” you said, announcing your presence. “I hope you have his eyes.” He smiled, moving up to kiss you gently.

Unfortunately, even though he was working from home and not going on missions, Bucky still had to work. He was tasked with a lot of research before the other team members would go out onto the field. He had to do all of the mission reports and put together briefings. And as luck would have it, 8 months into your pregnancy, the team was facing a big threat.

Bucky began to spend hours and hours in his office every day. He was trying to get it done as fast as possible but there was so much ground to cover. You could sense how stressed he was and you didn’t wanna bother him but you missed him dearly. And you were getting to the point where your bump was so big that you couldn’t even put on shoes yourself. You needed him.

One night, you reached a point where your body was just begging for his touch. Not even sexually, though your hormones wouldn’t protest it, but you just needed him to cuddle you. You missed him whispering to your stomach, something that he didn’t even have the time to do anymore. You still hadn’t decided on a name for your daughter and you didn’t wanna stress him out but you missed sitting and talking for hours about all of the things you would do as a little family. The bottom line was that you were pregnant and you needed him. He could take a little break, right? You walked - more like waddled - to his office and knocked on the door. “Come in,” he called. You stepped inside and he looked at you, smiling. There you were, his beautiful girlfriend, stuffed full of his baby wearing one of his shirts. He looked so tired, dark circles hanging under his eyes. “How are my girls doing?” he asked, placing a kiss on your stomach. Even the small display of affection made you grin. You needed to be in his arms more than you’d ever needed anything.

“We miss you,” you pouted.

He sighed, rubbing his eyes. “I know. I’m sorry, beautiful. This mission is really kicking my ass and I’m not even going on it.” You felt so bad for how much stress he was under. He hadn't really relaxed in weeks and you had no idea when the last time he got more than 4 hours of sleep was.

“Take a break, Buck. Please. I’m all hormonal and my back hurts and I just wanna be held by you.”

He looked at you with a sad expression. “I-I can’t. The team leaves in a couple days and I’m still trying to find out everything that I can about these guys.”

“Please? Carrying your damn super-soldier daughter is making me feel all kinds of things. I just really need to cuddle for a little. I’ve been trying so hard to not bother you but I really need you to hold me right now, Buck.”

“Y/N,” he breathed, getting agitated.

“10 minutes,” you begged. You hated interrupting him but you had been so patient for so long. You just needed him right now.

“I said I can’t!” he snapped, voice raised. “What don’t you get about that?”

Your eyes welled with tears. “Oh,” you whispered quietly. “Well don’t worry about it cause I don’t wanna see you for the rest of the night anyway!” You walked out of the room as quickly as you could, slamming the door behind you.

The second the words left his mouth, he regretted them. He didn’t mean to snap at you, he was just so incredibly tired. He was trying his best to finish all of his work so that he could go back to giving you all the love and attention that you wanted 24/7. He missed you so much, too.

It took everything in him to not chase after you when you walked out the door. He wanted to hold you, to apologize, but he couldn’t. The sooner he finished this, the sooner he could just go back to loving you.

You started crying harder as soon as you left the room. Deep down, you knew he was so exhausted and stressed. You knew he didn’t mean to snap at you and that he probably felt awful about it. But your hormones were so intense that you couldn’t help the crying. You just wanted him. Your whole body was so tired from carrying a growing human inside of you and all you needed was for Bucky to make you feel better. But he couldn’t even do that.

You went into the nursery, looking around at all the progress you had made. What had started as a blank room with no purpose was now full of life and love. This was the room that you were going to raise your daughter in.

Rubbing over your bump, you sat down on the floor. You felt a kick as you settled, something that had been happening frequently but a feeling that would never stop amazing you. “It’s okay, baby girl,” you said to your stomach, wondering if she could somehow sense your distress. “Mama just misses your Daddy right now,” you sniffled.

You were so tired. Growing a human, while something your body was meant to do, was fucking hard. You hadn’t been sleeping well the past few nights either, pains in your back preventing you from getting comfortable. You let your body relax, eventually curling up on the floor and closing your eyes, surrounded by the decorations that your daughter would hopefully love.

Bucky tried his hardest to go back to work, but it was impossible. He couldn’t believe he had made you cry. “Piece of shit,” he mumbled to himself.

You were his entire world. You and the little baby in your stomach. His girls were so much more important than any job he could ever have. With a sigh he pushed himself out of his chair, desperate to wrap his arms around you.

“Baby, I am so so sorry,” he said walking into your bedroom. But he was met with an empty bed. He walked back out into the living room, wondering if he had somehow missed you on his way from the office. “Honey?” he called out when he still couldn’t find you. “Y/N?”

When he got no answer, he started to panic. You had left him. Packed your bags and gone somewhere else. You never wanted to see him again and you would never let him meet his daughter. He was a fuck-up and had burned everything to the ground. “Oh god,” he whispered to himself, trying to not fully break down. The exhaustion was getting to him. He couldn’t even think straight.

In a panic, he ran to the nursery, hoping that you hadn’t left it completely bare. He creaked open the door, expecting the worst. The lack of sleep was making him extremely paranoid. That’s when he saw your sleeping frame curled up on the floor. “Oh thank fucking god,” he breathed with relief. He sat down next to you, wrapping his arms around you from behind and rubbing your stomach.

“Bucky?” You said after a minute, waking up.

“I’m here, honey. I’m so so sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I should have just gone to you when you needed me, I just-”

“You’re here now. That’s what matters,” you hummed, just happy to be in his arms.

“I’m done with this,” he affirmed. “I’m telling Stark I’m not working anymore til the baby comes. And for a while after that. He can dock my pay if he wants, we’re fine without it.”

“Buck, you don’t have to do that. I just really missed you.”

“I’m doing it. I miss my girls. More than anything.”

More tears fell from your eyes, but they were laced with happiness and love. “Thank you.”

“Let’s get you into bed, Sugar.” With ease, he lifted you up, not even phased by the weight of the human you were carrying. He set you down and tucked you in before changing into pajamas and sliding in next to you. “I love you so much. I can’t wait for our little girl to get here. I’m so sorry again. God, I just can’t express how much I love you.”

“I love you, too.” As you said the words, the baby kicked again, happy to have her parents reconciled.

Bucky bent down and peppered kisses all over your stomach. “Come soon, Princess. We can’t wait to meet you.”

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buckrecs · 1 year

Note

could you rec some protective Bucky fics/oneshots?

Protective Bucky

masterlist | req masterlist

Purgatory by @wkemeup

While on a mission, Bucky becomes dissociated into the Winter Soldier. But instead of becoming a threat, his instinct is to protect.

Behind the Storm by @wkemeup

On a mission, you're hit with a spell that takes away your ability to see. Bucky does what he can to make you feel safe.

stairs by @lovelybarnes

overprotective!bucky at its finest.

Savior by @buckysgoldenheart

Basically, Bucky saves you and then stalks you.

vodka on rocks by @kinanabinks

when you find out that someone you slept with secretly took photos and videos of you during sex, you feel betrayed - but bucky won't stand by and let that happen to his best friend.

more than safe by @witchywithwhiskey

when you're injured on a mission in sokovia, bucky barnes comes to help—and you share a soft moment together.

Dark Divine by @sebbytrash

Bucky and you are in a relationship and when you get hurt during a mission, he seeks comfort the only way he knows how. Revenge.

seeing red by @buckysfaveplum

bucky can’t just sit and watch as a man makes you uncomfortable in a bar.

Divine Retribution by @pellucid-constellations

Nobody touches Bucky’s girl. He was going to make that very clear.

Counting by @pellucid-constellations

Time heals all wounds. Bucky’d been holding onto that proverb ever since blip. But time had never been particularly kind to him, so he opted to keep track of the sweet girl’s in his apartment building instead, the one that made him banana bread and took him to diners at two in the morning. Sometimes, you didn’t keep the same schedule. That made Bucky panic.

Expectations by @softlyspector

Bucky is overprotective of the reader, who is pregnant with his baby.

Gentle by @invisibleanonymousmonsters

Y/N has never seen Bucky be anything but gentle and loving. It’s hard for her to believe her boyfriend was ever the world’s deadliest and most lethal assassin.

Safe by @coffeecatsandcandles

You become a stripper during the blip. When Bucky comes back, he has a lot of thoughts about it.

How’s Your Head by @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky

A run in with a less than kind stranger on the Subway send a knight in shining armor your way.

What Could Go Wrong? by @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky

A SWORD function at the compound has Bucky feeling uneasy. He can’t seem to stop himself from checking up on you, but you swear to him that you’re not in danger- you’re wrong.

Nothing Fucks With My Baby by @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky

Bucky shows up late to a Shield party and finds out that a new agent made you uncomfortable. He takes care of it.

False Reality by @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky

Running into an unpleasant person from your past sends you into a shame spiral. Bucky gets you home and takes care of you- reminding you of your worth.

knight in shining armor by @b6cky

when a valentines date from hell makes y/n rethink all her life choices, a knight in shining armour is there to save her. or a knight with a shining metal arm.

Imagine | 2 by @im-an-octopus

40s!Protective Bucky + protective Bucky post Winter Soldier

The Protective Soldier by @dabblinginmarvel

Bucky met the Avengers and is atracted to the reader and protective over her.

protective by @onceuponastory

Bucky gets protective over Y/N during a mission.

Her by @avecra

When Bucky's anger gets the best of him during a debriefing meeting, your touch is the one thing that can ground him.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fic rec #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x f!reader #bucky barnes smut #winter soldier x reader #bucky barnes series #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #protective!bucky #bucky barnes x pregnant reader #winter soldier!bucky #bucky barnes x agent!reader #bucky barnes x avenger!reader #bucky barnes x stripper!reader

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unabashedcandymaker · 7 months

Text

Uncertain 01

Summary: When you find yourself unexpectedly pregnant, your future with your partners starts to feel uncertain.

Natasha x Reader x Bucky

Warnings: Uh, idk, lots of pregnancy talk, lots of doubt, lots of sexy times. It’s shameless, but it is what it is.

Words: 3.9k

Uncertain Masterlist

“Okay, you can do this,” you try to talk yourself up as you stare at your reflection in the mirror of the guest bathroom. “You can do this! They love you! They won’t…It’s not …” you take in a deep, shuddering breath. “It’s not that bad. It’s not that bad. Stop being a coward! Stop. Being. A. Cow-” You were cut off by the urge to throw up, yet again, and dove for the toilet.

When you’re sure you're finished, you rinse your mouth out for good measure and chance another glance up to yourself.

Now or never.

Nat and Buck, you’re partners, loves of your life, the most caring and loving people you’ve ever known, they’ll be up by now, probably waiting for you in the kitchen. Both had just come back the night before, back early from being gone all week. Both still blissfully unaware that you were about to turn their lives upside down.

“Okay, champ. Let’s get this over with.”

You clutched one of the dozen white plastic sticks lined up on the sink and made your way out of the bathroom.

Natasha was the first one to greet you as you crossed the threshold into the kitchen. “Good morning sweet girl! Are you feeling ok?” She stood from her seat at the bar, kissing you on the cheek as soon as you were within reach. “We were worried that you weren’t in bed when we woke up this morning.”

Bucky didn’t say much, but you could see the worried furrow of his brow above his coffee mug as he took a long sip.

“I’m good. But, uh, maybe you two should sit down. There’s something I need to say…” you said as you took half a step back and gestured to the couch in the living room. “Please.”

Sharing a quick look, so quick you’d almost missed it, they moved quietly, taking a seat beside each other on the plush couch. You start pacing, keeping yourself separated from them with the coffee table, pacing a line back and forth in the small room. Every several steps, you pause, giving them a meaningful look, even opening your mouth to force the words out, but you can’t. The stick still clutched in your hand still goes unnoticed by the other two.

“Are you breaking up with us?” Nat teases, a smirk ghosting across her lips.

Bucky whips his head towards the red head, then back to you, eyes wide and his whole body tensing.

“Is that it? Do you want to break up?” He asks quietly.

“Fuck. No, of course not. But it’s serious! I’m…shit…well, I’m…” you sigh heavily. “I’m pregnant.” With a huff, you hold out the pregnancy test you’d been white knuckling.

Natasha is on her feet first, leaping gracefully over the coffee table and prying the stick out of your hand with ease.

“You’re sure? This is, this is for real?” She whispers as she examines it for herself. Bucky, who moved so fast, you didn’t process his movements at all, appearing as if out of thin air, is pressed behind Nat, his head nearly resting on her shoulder as his eyes are glued to the little pink plus sign on the test.

“As real as the other dozen I left lying on the sink in the guest bathroom,” you assure them both.

It’s silent. It’s silent for way too long. So long that your skin feels like it's going to crawl right off your body if someone doesn’t say something soon.

And you can’t wait for them anymore.

“Listen, I don’t know how this happened. We’ve always been so careful. I’ve stayed diligent on my birth control, even though we assumed you both were…sterile…and I swear there’s been nobody else…”

“Stop it,” Nat whispers, tears brimming in her jewel green eyes. “Nobody thought…no…nobody thought you’d…” she shudders for a moment before regaining her composure. “We know better than that. Right Buck?”

She looks back at him only to see a blank expression on his face. He’s not looking at her. He’s not looking at you. He’s not even looking at the test anymore, his gaze locked somewhere just beyond, on the carpet beneath his feet.

“Buck?” you whisper, taking a step forward to reach out to him, but he steps back, flinching involuntarily at your outstretched hand.

Your hand immediately falls to your side and it feels like your stomach has turned to lead.

“Bucky…” Natasha admonishes quietly, which pulls him out of whatever trance he’d been in.

His eyes go wide, almost fearful, and then just as fast, they go soft, and then he looks guilty.

“No…I…” he croaks, but shakes his head, as if he can shake off what looks to be an impending panic attack.

“Bucky, this doesn’t have to be anything,” you offer, voice barely a whisper. “We don’t have to let this be anything. I could, I don’t know, I could just…”

“I’m sorry,” he says as he skirts around you and Natasha, so graceful despite his upset. You barely hear the door click over the sound of your heart pounding in your ears as he closes it behind him.

He left.

Fuck.

Oh god, he left. He’s upset. You’ve upset him. You broke him. He’s never going to forgive you for this. You should have known better. Oh god, why did you have to tell them? Wouldn’t it have been so much easier to have taken care of this problem on your own? You shouldn’t have told him. He’s mad. And he should be. You’ve done this to them. You’ve done this to them both.

Natasha has your face in her hands, gently cooing, but you can’t understand what she’s saying.

“...hey, stop it, you did nothing wrong…” her gentle voice breaking through the ringing in your ears.

“Tash…I…” you barely manage to croak out.

“No! You’ve not done anything wrong. These things happen,” she assures you, kissing you gently on the forehead.

You must have been thinking your thoughts out loud.

“But…Bucky?”

“He’s fine. He’s gonna be fine. He’s just…he just needs a little time.”

You aren’t convinced.

He was so upset.

“What about you, sweet girl? How are you? How do you feel? How long have you been sitting with this on your own?” She asks.

“Just, uhm,” a long breath shudders in and out of your chest. “Just today for s-sure, but, uh, it’s had to have been a few days I think. I don’t r-really know.

Your noncommittal shrug must give you away which earns you a pointed glare.

“Maybe a week,” You answer.

She nods. “The whole time we’ve been gone?”

“I didn’t buy the tests until this morning. I wasn’t brave enough on my own.”

“Listen to me, no decisions need to be made right now, right? Just give it a few days, let everyone process. You still need time to process.”

“He’s so upset. I’ve upset him.” you whisper, your hands coming up to hold her wrists.

“No, you’ve not. He’s not upset. At least not with you. This was just…a surprise. A wonderful surprise, but a surprise no less.”

You hadn’t realized you were crying until her thumb swiped a tear from your cheek.

“What do you say we get you in the shower, my love? That might help you feel a little better.” She suggests.

“Yeah, ok, I guess that does sound nice.” You agree, nodding your head slowly.

When she lets go of your face, you hold one hand close, bringing your lips to her palm, kissing it. She smiles so beautifully, then disappears into the bathroom.

She’s only gone for a minute, then she’s in front of you again, helping you undress, just like any other time. You stay quiet, barely sniffling anymore as she strips you, then watch as she bares herself to you. She takes your hand and gently leads you into the shower that is now running hot, the steam billowing up around you.

“I’m sorry,” you finally break the silence.

“Hmm?”

“What if he doesn’t come back? What if I’ve ruined e-everyth-thing?” You admit your fear, screwing your eyes shut as more tears stream down your cheeks.

“No.” She says sternly as she pulls you into her body, your face nuzzled in her neck as she strokes your hair. “You should never be sorry for this. This is a beautiful thing that’s happened, don’t you see that?”

“But what about Buck?”

“He’s scared. But he will come around. He always does, doesn’t he? He just needs a little more time. He’ll be in this with us, 100%.”

“But what if he doesn’t?”

“But what if he does? Sweet girl, just take a minute to breathe. He’s going to come back through that door, just like he always does. He just needs a little space to process.”

Natasha has always been perfect like that. Always knew exactly what to say. She always knew exactly what to do. You think that’s what made your time together so special, when it’s just you and her. She knows you. Truly and completely.

You live for moments like this with her. Her hands soothing down your back and up into your hair, her steady fingers massaging your scalp so perfectly. She knows how to touch you, where to touch you, when to touch you. Everything with Nat is always perfect.

It must be the same when it’s just her and Bucky, you assume. There’s no doubt that she devotes the same attention and care to both her partners. She always has this magical way of making every moment, every interaction, so unique and exquisite…like you, and only you, get to see this tiny sliver of herself that she saves for you, and only you. It is always in these moments where she is so soft and delicate. And you cherish it. And her.

She washes your hair first, not letting you lift a single finger to help or return the favor. Then, she grabs the special body wash, the one she’d specially ordered from France as an anniversary gift. She uses only her hands, bringing the soap to a rich lather, then starts with your shoulders, down your arms, across your back, and then lingers around your belly.

It’s not like there’s anything there yet, no noticeable change in any way whatsoever, but she slows her movements, lingering just below your navel, where the small cluster of cells that is to be your baby are supposed to be. Her fingers linger there, tracing delicate patterns on your skin. Her touch is so warm and so soft, so distracting that you barely notice she has dropped to her knees in front of you.

“Tash…” you moan.

Then she’s kissing you, from your belly button, and down to your mound. Your release is so close, so alarmingly close, as her tongue dips to your slit and prods teasingly. Her hair is wet and silky slick as your fingers tangle in it.

“F-fuck, baby, I’m gonna-” you choke out as you are throttling closer and closer to your climax.

“That’s it, my love, come for me,” she coaxes, bringing your knee up to prop over her shoulder, opening you up wider for her exploring mouth.

Her fingers part your folds and then she slips two inside you, pushing all the air out of your lungs. She barely has a chance to curl them as she sucks your clit into her mouth, causing your release to crash over you. Waves and waves of white hot bliss thrum throughout your entire body.

She doesn’t let up until you’ve stopped shaking.

Her lips make their way back up your body, not leaving a single inch untouched. When they find yours, you moan as you taste yourself on her. She moves slow, unhurried, gently guiding you back under the stream of water, rinsing off the rest of the bubbles from your body.

“You taste different.” She purrs as she rests her forehead against yours.

You try to touch her too, to let your hands roam down the curves of her body, but she tuts as she brings them back to wrap around her shoulders.

“Please, Tash, I wanna feel you,” you beg.

She moans, your words affecting her just like they always have.

“Yeah, but not here. Let me get you dry and in bed, then I’ll let you do whatever your sweetest little heart desires.”

In a whirlwind of movement, you’re both out of the shower, mostly dry, and tangled up in one another, rolling around on top of your shared, unmade bed. Your hands can’t get enough as they grasp and caress every inch of her flaming hot skin. You dig into her curves, greedily exploring her body as if it were your first time all over again.

But, before you can get between her legs, she’s got you on your back, your hands pinned under hers beside your head, and one thigh slotted between yours. She meets you with a fiery gaze that has you reluctant to even breathe.

“I love you. You and Bucky, you’re my heart. And I need you to know, whatever happens, I’m with you. Always. If it were up to me, which I know it’s not, but if it were, there’s no question…I’d keep this baby.

“I never dreamt I could ever have any of my own. That part of me was taken away so long ago, and I try not to dwell on it, trying to never let myself linger over what was denied me…before I met you. The very first time I ever laid eyes on you, I knew you were it. I could see a future with you…with us, all of us. I saw a family. Not in the traditional sense, but it still would have been so good, because it would have been ours.

“I want this with you. And I have a feeling that deep down, Bucky will too.”

Aaaaand you’re crying.

Your previous attempt at a sexual conquest is forgotten as you cling to her. She settles down beside you, pulling you close, tucking you under her chin. The blankets are brought up and cocooned around the both of you as she holds you just as tight as you are holding on to her.

There’s a dip in the mattress behind you and another warm body is pressing against your back.

Bucky.

He smells of sweat as he nuzzles his head into your shoulder, his nose grazing along the length of your neck before settling into the curve.

One of Natsha’s hands move from your middle and up into Bucky’s hair, carding her fingers through his dampened locks.

“M’ sorry,” he mumbles into your skin, drawing in a shuddering breath. “Fuck, baby, I’m so sorry. I know I’m a moron. I shouldn’t have left you…shouldn’t have froze…I was…I was so fuckin’ scared…still am…I’m gonna fuck this all up, I know it…I’m not gonna be good at this…not at all…but I need you to know, if this is what you want, I want it too.”

You sob as you struggle to roll over, Nat having a good chuckle as she helps you untangle from blanket so you can reach Bucky. She ends up curled around your back as Bucky shimmies his large body down the bed and nuzzles into your bare chest.

Being settled between your two loves, warm and content and safe, you let your emotional exhaustion take over, pulling you into a dreamless sleep.

There’s no way to tell how much time has passed, but when you open your eyes, the golden light of the sun setting outside your window tells you you’ve slept the entire day away. Your body feels heavy and languid, but blissfully satisfied. Sleepily, you reach an arm out to your side only to find that side empty and cool. Your brows furrow, reaching out for the other, finding it warmer, but equally as empty.

There’s rustling around your knees, and as you continue to wake up, you note a heavy pressure between your thighs, and then warm, wet heat scalding you almost from the inside out. With a great amount of effort, you pry your eyes open to see a large mass under the blankets near the bottom of your bed.

“Sh-shit,” you moan as you feel a thick tongue push through your folds.

“Different, right?” Natasha’s muffled voice comes from under the blanket.

Bucky hums in agreement and you can feel it vibrate all the way up your spine, earning another wanton moan to spill from your lips. Hands on your thighs, one warm and calloused, another smooth and cool, is spreading you wide open. Another swipe of his tongue has your back arching off the bed, your hands scrambling to rip off the blanket, reaching to tangle your fingers in his hair.

Natasha crawls up beside you, her fingers caressing the swell of your breast, trailing down over the hardened nipple before pinching it.

“Does Bucky’s mouth feel nice, sweet girl?” She coos in your ear, her lips ghost over your sensitive skin, before she takes your lobe between her teeth.

Your thighs clench and Bucky moans as he spreads them back wide. He released one knee just to bring his fingers to your soaked entrance, teasing one finger inside, and then two. And that’s all it takes to send you careening off the cliff and into your release just as quick as the first time.

“What a sweet girl,” Nat beams proudly, still thumbing one nipple, and then moves to the other.

Bucky is climbing up your body, his scruff tickling all along the way as he places sloppy kisses all over your belly and chest, until he reaches your neck. His mouth is hungry and demanding against the sensitive flesh of your throat, threatening to suck a mark there. His cock is hard as it bobs just above your mound.

With weak hands, you push at his chest, and he automatically falls back on his heels, looking only a little concerned that he might have hurt you. You whip your head to Nat and pull her face to yours, searing her lips with a scorching kiss.

“What do you want, my love?” she asks, your teeth clashing with hers.

“Mmmm, wanna see you ride Bucky’s cock.”

It’s rare you ever take the reins in the bedroom with these two natural dominants, but oh god, for you, and only for you, they’d do anything you asked of them. They might as well have been putty in your hands, the way they bend to your will at any given moment.

Bucky takes your hands that you hold out towards him and pulls you up, pulling you against his chest and plants a kiss to your lips, then lets you push him onto his back where you’d been laying. You straddle his thighs, pulling Natasha with you, her back to your front, and you guide her down onto the thick head of Bucky’s cock. With one hand around her waist, you can feel her breath hitch, just like every single other time either of you try to take his thick length even with proper preparation. But she manages beautifully, just like always.

Your other hand trails down between her legs until you can feel where both of your loves meet each other.

“Tell me, baby, how does he feel?” You whisper in her ear, holding her tight as you roll your hips, then up, then back down, pulling her along with you, until she is settled down on his entire length again.

Bucky’s hands are on her waist, helping her follow your movements. Your fingers dance along her folds until they swipe across her clit, earning a heady moan, her head falling back onto your shoulder.

“How does it feel to have him so deep, baby?” you ask her. She can only shake her head as moans spill from her mouth. “Will you come for me? Both of you? Will you come like this?”

Your voice is soft, and oh so sweet, exactly the way that makes them melt in the palm of your hand.

You roll your hips, again and again, fingers flicking over her clit in time with your movements, speeding up their speed as you start bouncing faster and faster. Bucky has a white knuckle grip on Nat’s hip, looking terribly pained as his back is starting to arch up off the bed ever so slightly. He’s so close, you can see it in the screwed up expression on his face, and you can almost hear his silent prayer for Nat to finish before he does.

You pinch her clit between your fingers and slam your hips down with hers maybe a little too harsh, but it does the trick. Tasha is screaming her release as Bucky groans his own as well.

Holding her shaking body against your own feels as if you also came again.

You ease your fingers from her, moving slowly to bring her down easily. Bucky helps by guiding her up and off his length, his cock falling out of her with a slick ‘pop’. You try to lean to the side, guiding her to lay down with you, but she's too fast. You’ll never know how she moves the way she does, but somehow she has managed to switch places with you, rolling you to the middle as your head hits the pillow, secure between both their bodies.

And it’s nice, feeling them on either side of you. It feels safe. And warm…maybe a little too warm if you were honest, but it was comforting nonetheless.

Arms and legs and hair are all tangled into one large mess as the three of you lay together, not a stitch of clothing between you. The quiet that settles is comfortable, and for a moment, you forget about everything else that happened earlier today.

“Are you ok?” She asks you as she burrows into your sweat damp hair.

“Hmm? Oh. Yeah. I think so. What about you?”

“Mmm, perfect,” she answers.

“And you, Buck? Are you ok? I know what you said, but you don’t have to be. If this isn’t the right time, then it’s not the right time.”

Natasha freezes on your other side, but doesn’t say anything.

“Nah, I’m good. Really. Steve knocked some sense into me,” he chuckles, also snuggling into the mattress and you to get more comfortable.

“You mean he kicked your ass for being so stupid,” Nat grumbles, nuzzling deeper into your hair.

“Hey now, he wasn't stupid,” you admonish weakly. “It’s a big deal. This is a potential whole ass brand new human being we are talking about.”

“Nah, she’s right, I was being stupid. I mean, yeah, I’m scared. I’m more terrified of this than I have been about anything else in my entire life. I don’t know how to be a father…I’m barely a good partner, but…” he takes a deep breath and smiles as he releases it. “But as long as I have the both of you, I know everything will be ok.”

“Like I would ever let you fuck this up,” Nat quips, words still muffled as she softly kisses the soft spot under your ear..

You giggle as Bucky blindly swats at Natasha, earning a slap in return. Which quickly escalates to the two of them flailing at each other over your body, hitting each other in a playful manner while you can only lay there and laugh between them.

“By the way,” Bucky adds as everyone calms down again, “Steve says congrats. And that he’ll be exceptionally upset if we don’t name it after him.”

“Oh my god,” Nat groans, earning another peal of laughter from you.

And at least for this moment, your future doesn’t seem as uncertain as before.

Chapter 2

#marvel #winter soldier #captain america #bucky #bucky barnes #bucky x reader x nat #natasha #black widow #pregnant!reader #uncertain

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buckyalpine · 2 years

Text

Pieces

18+ Minors DNI Bucky x pregnant reader

Edited this, lets pretend I never deleted this part of the story when I posted it cause I’m a dumb ass, thanks. Also the ***** indicates a time jump.

PLEASE READ WARNINGS, I really loved this prompt and I might do an angstier one, separate from this...stay tuned if that’s your thing.

Warnings: Still birth, child loss, drinking, swearing, bit of violence, thoughts of suicide, bit of fluff

Word count: 5.4k

“I’m sorry”

Two words. The weight those two words carried, no one would understand. You knew pain. You’d loved and lost. You’d been nearly ripped into pieces and sewn back together. You’d lost countless battles. Yet nothing prepared you for this. Where your heart was being seared. Where death made sense because living was too painful.

“I’m so sorry”

You cried. Wailed. Screamed. Nothing brought him back. You curled up in the hospital bed, desperately sobbing, hoping to wake up from the nightmare but it never happened, the little bundle of hopes and dreams you wanted in your arms, he was never coming. You cried for him, screamed, pushed, nearly tore your body apart but it didn’t matter. You were met with silence. You were met with panicked nurses. You were met with your scared husband, who didn’t understand what was happening. Why did they take his baby son away before he got a chance to hold him, he’d waited so long. You were met with the solemn face of your doctor, hardly able to look at you. Your little baby boy, your tiny angel. Your whole world, his entire being summarized in two words.

I’m sorry.

Bucky didn’t say a word. He sat motionless. He didn’t look at you. He placed a hand on yours, devoid of any love or comfort. He stared blankly, watching his son disappear before his eyes. The names he picked out, the hours he spent talking to his baby, the clothes, the nursery he decorated. His little one would never know how excited he was to meet him. He’d never know how badly he wanted to hug and kiss and hold him. Read him stories. Hear his first words. See his first steps. Have a family. The new found purpose he had to nurture a life instead of take one. It was all gone. His little baby boy was gone.

*****

You couldn’t take the sympathy cards. The flowers. All reminders of how your baby wasn’t there. He wasn’t coming back. Ever. You wanted to burn them. Destroy them, the same way every passing minute was destroying you. You’re mind sucked you into hell, the silence of your home reminding you of how your body had failed. No tiny babbles or coos. No hungry little cries. No warm cuddles. You had failed. You were supposed to have a healthy baby and you couldn’t do it. The worst part was you knew Bucky felt the same way.

Bucky ran through the motions while remaining cold and distant. He brought you food. Made sure you rested. Checked on you. All without meeting your eyes. Without touching you. The gap between you grew; sleeping with his back to you. Sleeping at opposite ends of the beds. Till he didn’t sleep in the same bed any more. Hollow empty words. You tried so hard to be understanding, yes you were suffering but so was he. But you needed him; you needed him to hold you, to talk to you, comfort you. The same sweet husband who kissed your belly each night, promising to love you no matter what happened. The man who promised he’d take care of you till his last breath. You needed your Bucky. You found him sitting on the couch of your shared room, staring blankly at his hands, the hands you wanted to hold you so badly.

“Bucky, I- please talk to me, I feel like I’m drowning, I feel like I’m alone, I need you-

“What’s there to talk about” He scoffed, crumpling the list of baby names he’d kept in his pocket. You felt your heart break, standing in front of him, reaching for his hands, your eyes pleading for him to at least look at you.

“Bucky?”

“I-I can’t even look at you right now” He yanked his hands away before you could touch him, walking away from you. You felt your blood turn into ice as Bucky got up, making his way to the door.

“What does that mean” You whispered, rooted in place as he shoved his boots on, refusing to look at you. Bucky glared at you with cold eyes, his lip twitching, he’d kept everything inside and he knew it was wrong. It was wrong. It was wrong. It was so fucking wrong but he couldn’t stop once he started.

“IT MEANS I CAN’T FUCKING LOOK AT YOU. I DON’T WANT TO BE NEAR YOU. I DON’T WANT TO BE IN THE SAME ROOM AS YOU. YOU TOOK AWAY THE ONE THING THAT GAVE ME HOPE”

“Y-you think I did this?”

The earth beneath you cracked open, swallowing the fragments left of your soul. You thought you felt broken before but this was unbearable. You swallowed the bile that rose in your throat, staring at the broken man that stood before you.

“You think I hurt our baby?”

“Well he’s not here, is he?! WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SON?! He’s not fucking here. He never will be”

Your mouth went dry, unable to respond as Bucky’s metal arm whirred, his jaw clenching. The spiral started and he couldn’t stop, he couldn’t stop the venom that laced his words, the small sense of hope he had for a better future was gone.

“I can’t take this. I told you over and over again to just fucking rest, stop being reckless, no more missions, BUT YOU DON’T FUCKING LISTEN. NOW FUCKING LOOK. I JUST WANT MY SON”

You squeezed your eyes shut, covering your ears as glass shattered against the wall, Bucky’s chest heaving, glaring at you. It wasn’t your fault. Deep down he knew. He fucking knew. But he couldn’t climb out of the darkness that sucked him in, clouding any ability he had to think rationally. He stalked over to you, his hands gripping your arms, his hot breath fanning over your face.

“I just. Want. My son. And all you do is remind me of the fact that I’ll never get to hold him. I can’t stand being in the same place as you. This wouldn’t have happened if it was someone else”

He regretted his words as soon as they came out, but it was too late.

He’d never dare think about being with someone else but the pain was too much, he wanted to hurt you, why the fuck did he want to hurt you. Why did he want you to feel more pain when you were suffering already. He pulled his hands away, desperately needing to leave before he did or said something worse that he’d regret.

“What the hell’s going on here-

Tony raced down the hall with Steve and Sam to find Bucky standing by the door, broken glass across the room. You stood motionless, trembling on the inside as Bucky shoved Steve out of the way, slamming the door shut, the roar of his bike engine screeching away.

You blinked at the three men, hardly registering Steve catching you as you fell to the ground, sobs wracking your body making it difficult for you to breathe. You felt empty, limp in his arms, unsure what hurt you more; the loss of your little one or the loss of your loving husband because this wasn’t the man you married.

“Come here sweetheart, it’s okay” He held you tightly to his chest, rubbing your back, holding your hands gently in his to keep you from tugging your hair and digging your nails into your skin.

“M-my-my b-baby” You cried harder, clutching onto Steve’s shirt. “He’s gone; I’ll never get to see him”

“And now J-James thinks…” You couldn’t even get the words out. You already blamed yourself but to hear Bucky tell you to your face that it was your fault was worse than the actual loss.

“Shhhh, let it out, we got you, it’s okay” Sam sat with Steve, softly stroking your hair. It pained him. Pained him to see you so broken. To see Bucky hardly a shell of the person he once was. He thought about all the time you spent with his sister, finding out what you’d need, what to expect, what not to worry about. This wasn’t one of the things you talked about.

Tony walked out, waiting in the hallway, unable to see you so broken. While he didn’t agree with how Bucky was handling things, he also didn’t blame him. He remembered the day Morgan was born. The joy he felt when she was placed in his arms. Bringing her home. He didn’t even want to imagine a situation in which that didn’t happen. He didn’t want to imagine what if felt like to be told the little one you thought was going to come home with you would never see you. Would never open their eyes. Smile up at you. Grab onto your finger. Your baby wouldn’t be coming home with you.

*****

“Shit”

Bucky staggered back in the compound, his eyes bloodshot, unable to walk straight. He crashed onto the couch, not noticing the team sitting in the living room, waiting for him to get back home. Steve stayed with you until you fell asleep, before waiting for his Bucky to return.

“I thought he couldn’t get drunk, how much did he drink?” Sam ran over to the nearly blacked out super soldier, with Steve by his side, throwing Bucky’s arms over their shoulders to lift him up.

“I-I don’t want to know” Steve shook his head. Steve’s eyes brimmed with tears, biting on his lips to keep from shaking. There wasn’t a moment Bucky’ didn’t talk about how excited he was to be a father. Asking for help to order little Avenger onesies online. Spending hours picking out the perfect crib. Practicing how to hold a baby. Getting his arm modified so the plates were smoother and more comfortable to the touch. Bucky’s head lulled to the side, groaning as they got into the elevator, pressing the button to your shared floor with Steve.

“Let him crash in my room, y/n doesn’t need this right now” Steve walked passed your room, letting Bucky fall on his bead, pulling his boots off, before switching the light off and moving some sheets to sleep on the couch.

*****

Steve’s eyes shot open when he heard a pained groaned from the bathroom, looking up to see Bucky sitting on the floor. He’d had managed to drink enough to the point he stumbled into the bathroom, throwing up most of his insides, his head between his knees before throwing up again. Steve managed to clean Bucky up, helping him get back into bed, his heart breaking further seeing Bucky clutch onto the picture of an ultrasound from when you first found out you were pregnant.

“Steve?”

“Yeah pal”

“W-what did I do wrong?”

Steve swallowed thickly, looking at his best friend stare at the ceiling, tears streaming from the corner of his eyes, spilling onto the pillow. Bucky’s fingers twitched, careful not to crumple the picture, holding onto it for dear life, the pain was too much for him. He thought he did everything right. He took care of you. He read up on everything he could.

Nothing mattered.

“He was supposed to be named after you and Sam” Bucky slurred, remembering the way you giggled at his ridiculously long list he added to every day, knowing damn well he already had the perfect name in mind.

“I read to him every night” Bucky cradled your belly, reading books, whispering to your tummy, his hand soothing the little kicks he’d feel inside. The little flutters would settle as soon as Bucky started talking, his voice lulling both you and the baby to sleep.

“I-just wanted to hold him and tell him I loved him at least o-once. He was so small. He’ll never know h-how l-long I waited for him”

Bucky sobbed, curling into a ball, the picture clutched to this chest. He could hardly feel Steve sit by his side, wrapping his friend in a hug, he could only register pain. Your pained screams while you lay on the hospital bed. The tiny bundle that looked sound asleep, never meeting his eyes. All the nights you softly cried beside him, waiting for him to hold you but he couldn’t. The way you pleaded with him today and all the anger he had kept inside crashed onto you when you were the last person who deserved it.

Guilt sucked him deeper into darkness, he didn’t want anyone anymore. He deserved this. For all the pain he’d caused people. He was stupid to think he deserved to be happy. How many families had he broken. Destroyed. Innocent lives that never got to go home because of him. And he really thought he’d have a chance. He didn’t deserve to be called dad. To feel the warmth of his son sleeping in his arms. Crying out for him. Wanting his daddy to carry him and comfort him. He didn’t deserve any of it.

Then there was you.

Bucky pulled at his hair, his voice hoarse as he continued to break down, his mind fighting against him. It wasn’t your fault. You took away his baby. You gave him a family. You destroyed his happiness. He loved you so much. He resented you. You were his angel. You reminded him of what could have been. You were suffering more than he was. He couldn’t do this anymore. He just wanted to hold you and cry with you in his arms. He was done.

***** You sat up slightly when you heard the door open, rubbing your eyes to see a disheveled Bucky walk in, going straight to the closet, grabbing his duffle bag. He spoke before you could say anything, still not looking at you, grabbing his clothes from the shelves.

“I’m moving out” He murmured, zipping up whatever he could stuff in his bag, deciding he’d come back for the rest of his stuff later.

“Why” You had no tears left to cry, no more pieces left to break further. You looked at him blankly, your voice was emotionless. You didn’t even care for the answer but you let him answer anyway.

“I can’t do this. I just-I can’t y/n”

You nodded, lying back down, pulling the sheets over you. Bucky felt pain seep deeper into his bones as you turned away, curling up and going back to sleep.

He didn’t know what he expected. You had no reason to fight for him to stay. He failed as a husband to care of you, to hold you through your pain, to protect you from the demons that were eating away at you. And now he was leaving like a coward because he was angry at the world and didn’t know who to blame.

He temporarily stayed with Steve, before moving to the spare room, sleeping on the couch when he wasn’t spending hours in the training room. Each time he thought he could take a step forward; he’d remember something and spiral further down. No one could look at either of you go down your paths of self destruction. Bucky continued to drink himself into oblivion. He was more reckless on missions, putting himself in harm’s way, his temper uncontrollable. You were holed up in your room, skipping meals, isolating yourself from the world. It was clearer than ever you need each other and yet…

Bucky had managed to avoid seeing you, but it wasn’t difficult, seeing as you hardly left your room. Of course, it’d only be a matter of time before you crossed paths.

*****

At first, Bucky felt numb. No feeling at all. He felt like he’d been thrown back to hell when he escaped from Hydra, with no sense of purpose, no identity, no will to live. Your pained screams never left him. The things he said to you were seared in his brain. He’d managed to escape everything but not this. His own words haunted him the most. He drank more. Avoided sleep. Trained. Nothing. All he could hear were your cries for him to hold you and his venom of blaming you.

Numbness turned into a different pain. The longing for his wife. His doll. His baby. His sweet angel who cradled him, kissed him, held him when he was broken. When he wasn’t enough. When he was nothing but a hollow shell of the person he once was. When he had nothing to give.

The woman who trust him. Trusted him enough to carry his child. Who endured pain for months. Who cradled her belly, telling her baby their daddy was a hero. Whispering to her baby in the middle of the night about how excited she was for them to come. How excited she was to have a family. With him. In return, he betrayed her without a second thought. He took his moment of sorrow and tore you apart further when you were already tattered and torn beyond repair. What the hell did he do to you.

His sobs could be heard down the hall, the sounds of destruction echoing from inside the room; absolutely no one dared to see how Bucky was doing. You covered your ears; you heart only breaking more when he repeatedly wept your name every night, continuing to call for you in his sleep. You wanted to feel his arms. Feel his love again. And then you remembered the way he looked at you with such disgust and the numbness would return.

He passed by your door 100 times, hesitating to knock. How could he ask doe forgiveness, he didn’t deserve to even see you. Though he was desperate. He had to see your face, even if you threw him right back out, he just wanted to see his sweet doll again. He knocked quietly, squeezing his hands when you opened the door, holding himself back from wrapping his arms around you.

“Y/n I’m sorry-

You shut the door on his face, the coldness of your eyes unwavering. Until you no longer had to look at him, falling to your knees as soon as the door clicked.

“Baby, please, I’m so fucking sorry” His voice was muffled from the other side. You slapped your hand over your mouth, refusing to let him hear you cry, though it was a futile attempt. He heard you, sitting by the door, just like you, desperately wanting to just break it down so he could hold you. He could have broken the door. Easily. But it was unfair to you. He walked out without giving you a choice. He couldn’t walk back in again and demand you take him back.

It went on for weeks. Bucky was practically on his knees every morning, every night, pleading with you to at least look at him. Funny how things turn out. He cried by the door, falling asleep against it most nights, unaware that you’d fallen asleep on the other side, a part of you desperately missing him. But it was too late. There were something’s that just couldn’t be forgotten.

*****

“I can’t forgive you James” You refused to meet his eyes knowing you’d break if you looked at him. You stared at your feet, shaking your head when he tried to touch you.

“Baby?” Bucky’s voice was a pained whisper, he knew you were right. He didn’t deserve an ounce of the love you’d given him, let alone any type of forgiveness.

“You can’t call me that anymore” You whispered, digging through your bag, finding the folder. “Just sign them. That’s all I want from you”

“Please baby, no” Bucky shook his head, not even wanting to look at the papers you handed to him where you’d already signed. You had every right, every fucking right, and he was being selfish again, begging, pleading, “You’re my angel baby, I can’t, please y/n, can’t you at least think about it?”

“It’s for the best” You held the door open for him to leave, quietly locking it after he left, feeling more empty than before. Bucky considered just ending it all because the pain he caused you was already killing him; the world would have been better without him anyway.

*****

“You can’t keep fucking trying to get yourself killed on missions, you need to get it together” Sam glared at Bucky, while he hissed in pain, sewing a gash on his side.

“I need her back” Bucky had his head in his hands, his torso bandaged from throwing himself in danger on yet another mission, punishing himself in every way he saw fit. “She wants a divorce”

Sam and Steve looked at each other, before looking at the broken super solider.

“Look. I’ll be honest with you. I know you’re hurting and I can’t comment on the pain you’re feeling from losing a child. But you need to realize what you did was beyond fucked up, that’s your wife man. You’ve been through hell, I get that. But she. Is. Your. Wife. She was carrying your baby, she needed you more than ever. You blamed her Bucky, it wasn’t just you not being there for her. You fucking blamed her”

“I just-

“You left her when she needed you. She needed you more than anyone else, you realize she carried your son in her for months. Did you account for how much pain her body went through, just for the doctor to look her in the eyes and say I’m sorry? For her husband to not look at her, not touch her, accuse her of losing the baby. I can’t even being to imagine what type of hell she’s going through because of you. The pain she’s in now? Its not from the loss. This is all you”

Bucky’s lip trembled, the pain he felt in his chest was unbearable and he’d caused you misery worse than this.

“She hates me”

“And I don’t blame her” Steve scoffed, shaking his head while Bucky closed his eyes, tears streaking his face. “Can you? She lost the baby, you blamed her for losing the baby and then she lost you. It hurts. I get it. Not entirely, but I get it. I don’t get what you did to her. Did you hear her cry the day you left?”

Bucky shook his head, he didn’t want to know. The broken screams you cried at the hospital haunted him. He couldn’t take more. He didn’t stop Steve from speaking, but God he wished the earth would swallow him on the spot.

“You have any idea how long she cried for? How badly she wanted you to come back even after you blamed her for everything? This poor girl sobbing on the fucking floor because she lost a child and then her husband decides to leave because he can’t even look at her. You know you bruised her arms!?” Steve’s voice turned into a growl, Sam squeezing his shoulder before anything escalated in the jet. “I can’t even sleep properly because I can hear her when I close my eyes, so how the fuck you stayed in the same room with her, without even looking at her, not comforting her once, is beyond me”

Bucky’s arm whirred, his ears red from anger but it wasn’t toward Steve; it was towards himself. Every impulsive word he let slip from his lips because he felt like he was in pain destroyed a piece of you instead.

“Took a lot of self-control for me to not kick your ass” Steve stared at the floor, still heavily debating on punching Bucky at least once.

“I think you should give her space. You did your thing. Now its her turn, just let her do what she needs” Sam sighed, he did feel for Bucky. He felt for you more.

*****

Bucky stood at your door, his hands trembling when he gave you the papers, his named scribbled on the line, tear stains littering the document.

“Y/n….please sweetheart…”

You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath before speaking.

“I loved you. So much. So fucking James”

“I love you doll-

“No” You cut him off, glaring at him, ignoring his pleading eyes. You anger steadily rose, all the rage you’d managed to keep in control erupting all at once. “NO, FUCK YOU”

“You-you don’t- you will never fucking understand. I- You read to him each night. But I-I felt him James, do you understand? I could feel every kick, every flutter, documenting every single movement. I counted down each day, waiting for him to come, I waited for the day I’d get to see you hold him”

“Did you consider I’ll never get to feed my baby? How much pain my body was in, having to pump fucking bottles of breast milk FOR WHAT?! TO THROW DOWN THE FUCKING DRAIN BECAUSE THE ALL DOCTOR COULD SAY WAS I’M SORRY”

Your chest heaved, eyes wild with fury. He wanted to hug you so fucking badly but he didn’t dare move, silently standing in front of you while tears dampened his shirt.

“I won’t hear him call me mommy. All I have are empty reminders. You were supposed to love me. So why didn’t you, why wasn’t I enough? Am I not part of a family? If it was just me and you, I would have still said we were a family, but that isn’t how you feel is it-

“No baby, please, you are my family angel, you’re my absolute everything, I’m so sorry y/n-

“You’ll never fucking understand. Because you’re selfish. I don’t understand why you married me, just-just go”

Everything was over.

“GO”

***** Bucky finished another late night workout, the easiest way to numb his feelings, anxiously fidgeting with empty space of where his wedding ring used to sit. He stepped out of the elevator, freezing when saw you. He swallowed thickly, his heart dropping to his stomach; you were hardly able to stand, holding onto the wall as you made your way to your room. You had bags under your eyes from never sleeping. Your lips were chapped, hair in a loose pony tail, wearing just your (his) oversized t-shirt. You stumbled, trying to open the door, shrugging his hand off when he tried to keep you from falling.

“Don’t touch me” Your voice was nearly a growl, white hot anger surging through you when he didn’t let go of your arm. You yanked your shoulder away, stepping into the room, hoping to close the door on him, only to have Bucky follow you inside.

“Let me help you” Fresh tears stung his eyes watching you shrink away from him, fear and anger in your eyes when he reached for you again.

“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME” I need you to hold me. You voice echoed through the room, your chest heaving when he took another step towards you, he hated himself, he hated himself so fucking much for making you suffer alone when you needed him the most. He wrapped his arms around you, refusing to let you go while you cried and screamed trying to get out of his hold. You pushed against his chest, weakly hitting him, angry at the way he softly cradled your head, hating the way he rubbed your back, you couldn’t stand how his strong arms felt when he was hugging you, refusing to let you escape.

“L-LET ME GO” Don’t ever leave me again. Your words were broken between sobs, squeezing your eyes shut, you need this for so long, to feel his touch, to be held by him, but not like this.

“Let me go” Hold me tighter. You nails dug into your palms, refusing to melt into his embrace. Bucky felt his throat tighten, he couldn’t understand how he’d left you, how he blindly blamed you, he failed you after promising he’d never hurt you.

“You-you don’t have the fucking right-” No one else can take the pain away. You tried to pull away again, only to have Bucky shake his head, sniffling and holding you tighter.

“You don’t get to fucking touch me after you left me” His lip trembled, tears spilling down his cheeks. The sounds of his sniffles broke you from your rage; you looked up at him, meeting his tried eyes. His beard had grown, cheeks more hollow, eyes puffy and nose red from crying each night.

“Y/n I- I’m so sorry angel-

“NO, you fucking left me, do you have any idea how much pain I was in?!” I needed you so badly. Your body was fighting to escape but your heart needed him to hold you tighter and cradle the broken pieces left inside you. Bucky felt like he’d been stabbed in the chest, his heart racing when he realized the weight of his actions.

“Baby no-

“THEN WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU THINK?!” I just wanted you to hold me while I held you.

“You think I hurt our baby?” You voice as a pained whisper as Bucky sobbed, holding onto you tighter, dropping to his knees, his face buried in your tummy, shaking his head.

“No no no, you didn’t, I’m sorry baby, I’m sorry” His voice as muffled, his arms wrapped tightly around your hips as he cried clinging onto you. “I’m sorry y/n, I’m sorry sweet heart, I’m sorry I hurt you baby”

“I just-” Your legs felt weak, falling into Bucky’s lap; he carefully held you to his chest, laying down with you on the bed, cuddling you close to him “I carried him, I lost him, you’re right it’s my faul-

“NO” He slapped his hand over mouth; he’d never forgive himself for this.

“Please, no. I didn’t mean a fucking thing I said, you didn’t do anything my angel, you didn’t do anything. Please don’t ever say that, I- I was just so upset baby, I took it out on you when you needed me, I’m so sorry angel” Bucky wept, clutching into you, you were his life line.

“You left me when I needed you” You whimpered, the ice in your heart melting, “I needed you and you left”

“I’m so sorry baby, I love you y/n, I love you so much angel, I’m never leaving you again, never, I’m here baby” He kissed every inch of your face, his hand gently wrapping around your tummy, rubbing soft circles on your skin, soothing you.

“I want our baby” You whispered, curling up in a ball on Bucky’s lap as he cradled you to his chest, his tears dampening your hair. “Me too, sweetheart, me too”

*****

You felt panic rise in your chest, flashes of the last time you felt this type of pain plaguing your mind.

“Bucky what if…” You screamed as another contraction tore through you, unable to get the words out, you didn’t want to even think about such a thing ever happening again, you wouldn’t get through it. Still, it ate at the back of your mind, draining the little energy you had left.

“What if….w-will you leave?”

Bucky shook his head frantically, gripping onto your hand as you cried in pain, his metal hand resting on your forehead to cool your heated skin. It wouldn’t happen again, but even if it did, he’d be there with you through everything.

“Never baby, never, I’ll never hurt you like that again, I promise, no matter what happens angel, I’m here”

Your body felt like it was being torn in half, squeezing Bucky’s hand, searing pressure radiating through your lower half.

“Come on mama, push, you can do it, almost there baby”

“I’m here doll, breathe y/n, keep pushing”

“One more sweetheart, you’re doing so good, my strong little mama, I love you, just a bit more”

You screamed. Cries filled the room. You could hardly see, tears clouding your vision, holding your healthy, crying, baby in your arms, his tiny hands grasping out, trying to find you.

“It’s a boy!”

You were met with smiling nurses, whisking your baby away to clean him up. You were met with your crying husband, kissing you endlessly, refusing to let you go. You were met with your team mates, waiting with gifts by the door.

It didn’t erase the little angel you’d lost

It didn’t erase the pain.

But the pieces were put back together.

When you both held your baby in your arms, you felt whole again.

Not perfect.

Whole.

- Bonus dedicated to @xcaptain-winterx

Your feet never touch the floor once during the entire second pregnancy because he carries you EVERYWHERE.

He still hasn’t forgive himself. Sometimes you find him softly sniffling in bed, he can’t answer when you ask him what’s wrong.

“I’m sorry” He clings onto you, whimpering, repeatedly telling you he’s sorry, he can’t believe he’d hurt his beautiful angel.

He definitely wants more babies.

The first time his son babbles out dada he’s nearly inconsolable.

He has a small pair of angel wings engraved onto the wrist of his metal arm. He still loves his little angel.

When you have triplets, he’s full on dad mode, a baby in each arm, one on his shoulders, your older song happily clinging to his leg while he warms up milk, letting you rest. He’s not sure what to do when your third pregnancy is twins but his heart is full (so are his arms)

Please let me know if you want to be added or removed! (also this is an 18+ blog, I can’t tag nameless/ageless blogs)

Tags: @glxwingrxse @hungryyeyes @sebsgirl71479 @beabutterfly987 @teambarnes72 @witchy-whore @jamesbuckybarneswify @slutforsexyseabass @chrisdrysdale @littlemarvelmenfan @buggy14 @whimsyplaty92 @sergntbarnes @needybabygirlstuff @goldylions @inkedaztec @pono-pura-vida @moonlightreader649 @brooklynscherry-z @high-functioning-lokipath @elle14-blog1 @littlelightnings @psychomann @happyt0exist @emmabarnes @bethyruth @matchat3a @cjand10 @getwellsoontana @cherryschaos @lokisasgardianvampirequeen

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lazydoodlesandfanfic · 11 months

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Sister Responsibilities PT 2(Steve Rogers X Maximoff!Fem!Reader)

Characters: Stever Rogers X Maximoff!Fem!Reader, Wanda Maximoff X Sister!Reader

Universe: Marvel, Avengers

Warnings: Pregnancy, spoilers for End Game also just gonna totally ignore what happened to Tony and Natasha

Request: A part 2 to sister responsiblities. She is pregnant with twins when wanda is back and helps her cope with the loss of vision. Wanda is happy her sister and steve asks for wandas help to propose. She tells them its twins after the proposal. And the twins are boys. Reader also tells them she wants to name the twins peitro and james.

PT 1

The feeling that Steve felt the moment he heard Sam’s voice in his ear saying “On your left” felt surreal. When he then saw the man, along with Bucky, and then Wanda, he felt a weight he had long forgotten about lift off his shoulders. Pure relief.

He didn’t get to properly interact and catch up with them until Thanos and his army were finally defeated. He got to hug Bucky and Sam first, the pair immediately asking how he was, what they’d missed out on, but before Steve could go into any details, he heard Wanda. Crying.

“Y/N? Y/N where are you? Where’s my sister? сестра?!” She was calling among the crowds of hundreds of soldiers and people catching up, also looking for friends and family. Steve followed her voice, going in search of her, Bucky and Sam following after him until they found her, seeing she’d found Clint and was begging him for answers, though he was lost on what to tell her, until Steve approached, reaching his arm out, signalling with his hand to Clint to hand her over. Clint turned her by her shoulder so she faced him, her eyes wide and terrified. “Steve, where’s my sister?” She demanded. “She’s not here- is she dead? Has she died?”

“Wanda, breathe.” Steve assured her, his hands holding onto her shoulders to ground her. “She’s fine. Perfectly fine, I promise. I know exactly where she is, and I’m going to take you straight to her, alright?” He assured her, getting a vigorous nod from the woman in response. He tucked her under his arm, keeping her close and he started to walk with her away from the battlefield the closest available vehicle, and as he got her seated in the passenger seat, he wasn’t too surprised to see Bucky and Sam not far behind, getting in the backseat without a word.

“Why wasn’t she there, Steve?” Wanda asked as he started the car, starting to drive. “Is she hurt? Did something happen?” She asked.

“Wanda, she’s fine, I promise.” Steve assured her.

“Steve.” She growled. He glanced at her from the corner of his eye, seeing her panic was turning into pure frustration with him at him being vague with her. “Why wasn’t she there?”

“I told her to stay back.” He finally answered. “I wanted her to be safe and away from any danger. With how things turned out with Thanos showing up- I’m glad I did.” He explained, missing the point where he had actually argued with you about it- finally convincing you with the main point of the possibility the plan failed and you ended up out there on the base looking for a miracle all for nothing, only to trudge back, and how it would be easier for you emotionally if that happened for him to come back and tell you the results. There were several smaller reasons, but in the end, whatever he pulled out his ass as an excuse, he’s glad he did.

Sam cleared his throat, breaking Wanda’s suspicious glare of Steve. “So, mind telling us any major events we’ve missed?” He inquired, hoping to ease the tension, but with Steve now becoming more tense, he realised quickly that he just accidentally stepped into dangerous territory, and in no doubt- it involved Wanda, and more importantly, the subject of the woman’s anxiety- her older sister.

“Well… I should give you a heads up. Y/N and I live together.” Steve started with. The silence in the air other than the rumble of the car’s engine was worse than if Wanda was just yelling at him- Steve had dealt with his fair share of arguments with the eldest Maximoff in the past five years, especially in these last few months with tensions running at an all time high, so he was sure he could handle Wanda, but the silence? It was the worst.

“How many bedrooms?” Bucky spoke up.

“Buck-”

“Two. Two bedrooms.” Steve quickly interrupted Sam’s scorning. “Two bedrooms, one bathroom, closed floor plan in a nice part of the city. We got it together a few months ago.” Steve explained, talking just to fill the air at this point.

“How many bedrooms was the last apartment you two shared?” Wanda asked, the tone in her voice taunting him. She knew.

“...One.” He admitted. That silence returned. “We started seeing each other a few months after… we relied on each other and… we just clicked.” He admitted. He couldn’t see it, his eyes too focussed on the streets as he entered the centre of the city, over crowded by people reuniting with their loved ones and running to look for people, but Sam and Bucky watched Wanda sink into her seat a little, her head resting, rolling over to look at the blond.

“You’ve been looking after my big sister? Keeping her safe? Keeping her happy?” She asked, her voice now a lot softer. Her tone made Steve relax as well.

“I’ve tried my best and intend to keep trying.” He promised her, a faint smile appearing on Wanda’s face. The silence now was a lot nicer. Bucky and Sam were able to sit back in their seats, not scared that Wanda was gonna throttle Steve. “Wanda? I know this is all sudden, but…” Steve hesitated to speak, but eventually gained the courage. “Do I have your permission to marry her?”

“Have you been waiting till you got us back just to ask her that?” Sam asked.

“Honestly, yeah.” Steve admitted, everyone in the car sharing a light chuckle.

“Yes. You have my blessing. My sister isn’t an idiot- if she’s chosen to stay beside you for so long and live with you, you must be special to her.” Wanda granted.

Eventually Steve parked the car on the side of the street, everyone piling out, and Wanda looked up at the building Steve parked outside of- he wasn’t lying, it was a nice building, on the nice side of town. She felt a tap on her shoulder, and Wanda turned to see Steve, offering her a set of keys. “Third floor, on the left.” He told her. She grinned, grabbing the keys and dashing up the stairs the three men not too far behind. Wanda reached the floor, finding the door and knocking on it with no hesitation, before waiting impatiently. She heard shuffling, before a bolt unlocked and the door opened.

“Wanda?” Was the first thing out your mouth, absorbing that she was actually in front of you- a few cuts and bruises from a fight, but there. In person. Alive. The back of your eyes burned as you reached your arms out to her. “моя драгоценная сестра!” You sobbed, grabbing your sister and pulling her as close as possible.

Close as possible, being the keyword there.

Wanda felt the obstacle stopping her in being as close as she could to her sister, pulling away to see what it was, and was greeted by the comically large bump attached to you. She gaped at it for a moment, before her eyes met yours. “You’re having a baby?”

“Babies.” Steve corrected as he came up the stairs, Sam and Bucky, who had frozen on the stairs at the sight of the eldest Maximoff heavily pregnant. “It’s twins.”

“Twins? Like…” Wanda’s words caught in her throat, as you sadly smiled and nodded. You looked at Bucky and Sam still on the stairs, before back at your sister.

“Let’s all go inside, stop crowding the hall.” You told them, stepping aside for Wanda to come in, having to shuffle past your bump before Steve took over holding the door for Bucky and Sam. Once back in side, you hugged your sister again. “I’ve missed you so, so much. I wanted to be there for your return but the base is so far away, and with them being due next month and the doctor saying twins like to come early-” You rambled before Wanda stopped you, holding your cheeks on her hands and smiling.

“Don’t be, I understand, you have to look after yourself and your babies. I also understand why Steve had been adamant on you staying behind… also, it was for the best. I’m glad you weren’t there.” Wanda admitted, though your smile dropped as you turned to Steve alarmed, looking for answers.

“Thanos from the past found his way through and tried to snap again, but this time snap every living thing. We managed to stop him and he’s completely gone now… We’ll go into the gritty details later, okay?” Steve explained.

“I take later means when stress might not make me go into early labour?” You asked, Steve grinning and nodding. “Thought so. Fair enough. The longer little Pietro and James stay inside the better.”

“Pietro?” Wanda’s head snapped around at the name, quickly followed by the same reaction from Sam and Bucky. “Your naming your babies Pietro and James?”

“I’m jealous.” Sam quickly added.

“Pietro Oleg and James Samuel. If that makes you feel better.” Steve added on, getting a smile from the man in response.

“Oleg? Like our dad?” Wanda noticed and you nodded. “I’m so happy that I’m going to be here to meet my nephews.”

“And you better not go anywhere anytime soon my baby sister.” You told her, holding her close. Steve smiled to himself, before nudging his two friends to the kitchen.

“You two get comfy, we’ll do dinner.” Steve called.

“We are?” Sam asked, making Bucky laugh as Wanda pulled you to the living room to get comfy and begin catching up.

Hope you like it! If you have any questions, please send them in!

*Not my gif

TAGS: @klanceiscannon14 @marvelhoeingismyhobby-blog @bellamyblakemorley @dummiesshort @freyathehuntress @abbybills22-blog @mutantjediavenger @theoraekensnotsosecretlover @alicedanganh @sleutherclaw @sleepy-coffee-bean @stawwpp Steve: @dailyteambucky @mxrvelsaos @insanityismysanity12345 @courtneychicken @graysonmalfoy @bellero @originalpottervengerlock @supernatural-pan @esoltis280 @lady-of-lies @lenaswritingandstuff @macbetheliza @mandywholock1980 @cdwmtjb8 @caswinchester2000 @determinedpines @huntheimpossible @automaticbakeryfreakshoe

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avengersfantasies · 7 months

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A Night With Him in Bucharest - 12

Summary: You, Bucky, and James make a big decision.

Taglist:

@pattiemac1 @justsebstan @crist1216@kandis-mom @winterslove1917 @lady-loki-barnes-djarin @vonalyn @gojoismysensei @mavrellover91 @natashasilverfox @ilovetaquitosmmmm @casa-boiardi

Bucky has a Tumblr! @bucharestbuckybarnes

Series masterlist: Here

Author's note: I'm sorry it's a short chapter. Writer's block is starting to take over, so if you have ANY ideas you'd like to see in this series, please let me know!

Also, thank you to @nicoline1998enilocin for the help! It is greatly appreciated!

James looked at the two of you in complete confusion.

“Dere’s a baby in momma’s tummy?!” he exclaimed.

You and Bucky chuckled at the toddler’s reaction. “Yes, buddy,” you confirmed, picking him up and placing a kiss on his cheek. “There’s a baby in here.” You touched your belly, showing the little boy where his younger sibling was growing.

“When it be here?” he asked, looking back and forth at you and Bucky.

“About nine months,” Bucky smiled. “So, we don’t have long to get ready.”

James squirmed to get down, so you let him down. “I gots to get ready for da baby!”

Without another word, the toddler ran off to his room. You and Bucky chuckled at his excitement. “What do you think he’s doing?” Bucky asked as he pulled you into his arms and kissed the top of your head.

“Getting ready,” you laughed, looking at the young boy standing in the entrance of the living room holding out his toys.

“Da baby can have these!”

You and Bucky sat in the living room of the apartment you shared, looking at the ultrasound that proved that there was, in fact, a little person growing inside you.

“I can’t believe this is actually happening,” Bucky smiled and kissed your head, smiling against your hair. “We’re actually doing this.”

You smiled and rubbed your finger over the small bean-shaped being on the paper. “You’re already an amazing dad,” you smiled up at him.

“And you’re an amazing mom,” he replied, kissing you softly. “We do need to talk about something, though.”

You exhaled. “Right. Madripoor versus New York.”

“I’ll live anywhere,” Bucky told you. “As long as I have you and our little ones, I’m happy to call anywhere home. I just need to know if we need to start moving your stuff to New York, or if I should get my stuff sent here. I can’t keep buying clothes every week.” He let out a soft chuckle.

You nodded. You understood where he was coming from, and it was something that needed to be figured out. “This is the only home that James has known,” you told Bucky. “As silly as it might sound, I’d like for him to have some sort of say.”

“That makes sense,” he agreed with a soft smile. “Might cause some sort of issue if we just uproot him from where he’s grown up.”

You lay down with your head in his lap. “Well, if we do decide to move to New York, I’d prefer to do it before I get big,” you stated, watching Bucky rub your belly with his flesh hand. “If this pregnancy is gonna be anything like the one before, I am gonna to be exhausted.”

Bucky smiled down at you. “We’ll talk to him about it while we eat dinner.”

That night at dinner, you, Bucky, and James were eating homemade chili. Not knowing how to start the conversation, you glanced over to your lover.

“Hey, buddy?” Bucky said to get James’ attention.

The toddler looked up at his dad. “Yea, daddy?”

Bucky cleared his throat. “So, your momma and I were talking earlier, and we wanted to ask you something.” James nodded and Bucky continued. “How would you feel about moving to another big city?”

“Another big city?” James questioned, looking at the two of you. “What wrong with here?”

“Daddy lives in Brooklyn, in New York,” you told him. “And now that there’s a baby on the way, we need to figure out where we’re going to live.”

The toddler seemed to understand. “So we gonna have to move?”

“If you’re okay with it, buddy,” you promised. “We didn’t want to make any decision without telling you and knowing what you think about it.”

James thought for a moment, eating the peas on his plate. “Is it a real big city?”

“It is,” Bucky smiled.

“It’s where daddy’s from,” you said. “Remember how old daddy is?”

“Yeah!” James exclaimed.

“So daddy knows all the fun places to go,” you smiled. “You could have a new giant world to explore!”

“I wanna go!” James excitedly bounced. “Daddy, you show me all the fun tings?”

Bucky chuckled. “Yes, buddy…I’ll take you to all the best places that I loved going to as a child.”

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x you #james bucky barnes #james bucky buchanan barnes #the winter soldier #the winter soldier fanfiction #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky x you #bucky x female reader #bucky x f!reader #pregnant reader #pregnant!reader #dad!bucky #dad!bucky barnes

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gracescor3 · 3 months

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Does anybody have any works/Know any works that has Bucky relapsing into the winter solider and reader being pregnant.

Or anything similar to that?

#the winter soldier #winter soldier #pregnant reader #pregnancy #fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #mcu #marvel #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader

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a-reader-and-a-writer-for-all · 2 years

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Is That My Present? (Bucky Barnes Drabble)

Fandom: Marvel, Captain America, Bucky Barnes, Winter Soldier, f!reader

Word Count: 512

TW: mentions of pregnancy, surprise, anxiety

“Is that my present?” Bucky asks, leaning against the doorway as he watches you slip something under the bed.

Whirling around in surprise, you hurriedly try to hide whatever you had just been messing with. “Bucky! You weren’t supposed to be back until tonight!”

He smirks. “I know, but Steve let me leave early. Said he figured we’d want to start my birthday celebrations as soon as possible. And I thought you’d be happy to see me.”

You walk over to him, wrap your arms around his waist, and plant a kiss on his lips. “Of course, I’m happy to see you. I just thought I had more time to get everything ready, that’s all.”

“I told you I didn’t want anything special. Just me and you and nothing else.” Bucky grins. “Besides, I’ve had enough birthdays at this point. Once you pass 100 years old, birthdays aren’t such a big deal anymore.”

“Oh come on! You know at least half of those don’t count! Plus I wouldn’t say you look a day over 60.” You tease playfully. But then you glance down nervously. “But, um, about it just being you and me….”

Bucky’s face fell. “Please tell me you didn’t plan some elaborate party like last year. I know you wanted to do something special but it’s just not my kind of thing.”

“No, no. Trust me, I learned my lesson. No party, but…maybe you should open your present now.” You slip out of his arms and retrieve the small box you had just slid under the bed. Biting your lip, you nervously hand it to the birthday boy.

Bucky is a little confused by your reaction but opens the lid of the box. Digging through the paper inside, he pulls out a small plastic stick with a screen that is clearly displaying two solid pink lines. He looks up at you, face slack with disbelief.

“I found out a few days ago but I wanted to tell you in person, not while you were away on a mission. So, I guess it’ll be just you and me and baby makes three.” You anxiously rub your hands together, waiting for any kind of response from the dad-to-be.

He glances down at the test in his hand then back up to you. “Are you sure about this?”

You nod. “Yeah. That was my first test, but I took four more afterward. It’s pretty definite.”

“Huh.” Bucky stares at the test for another moment. Then a short chuckle escapes his lips. Then another, this one louder and longer. And when he finally looks back up at you, his eyes are shining with joy. “Doll….we’re gonna be parents.”

Your smile is so wide it feels like it is splitting your face in two. “Yeah, Buck. We’re going to be parents.”

He grabs your hips and pulls you down on top of him on the bed, still beaming brightly. And as he runs his metal hand across your stomach, he cups your face with his other palm. “This is the best birthday ever.”

#sfw repost #drabble #bucky barnes drabble #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x f!reader #bucky barnes x reader #f!reader #winter soldier #winter soldier x reader #sebastian stan #captain america #avengers #marvel #marvel x reader #pregnancy tw #pregnant reader tw

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winterarmyy · 8 months

Text

Welcome Home, Daddy

The aftermath of when Bucky accidentally relapsed into the Winter Soldier.

Summary: Bucky was over the moon when he discovered that Y/N was pregnant with his child. But, when the danger that lurks in dark threatened to steal his family away, a fellow soldier decided to come home.

Note: Highly recommend to read 《 Welcome Home... Soldat? 》 for backstory. But, you can also read this as a stand alone (though you might miss some call backs on the soldat's behaviour if you skip)

Pairing: winter soldier!bucky x female!reader

Words: 7.1k++ (bare with me, please)

Warnings: graphic violence, torture, blood, gore, deaths, dark undertones, sudden fluff, tiny bit of angst, google translated russian, and just so much detained anger exploding around, soldat is just deadly yet adorable in this one (i can't even handle it, and i'm the author), this event takes place far in the future after what happened in 《 Welcome Home...Soldat? 》

A/N: Looks like we have the winner for the poll 👀 Who's ready for our lovely soldat to make his appearance again? I know I'm not, but here we are. So, strap in and let's do this!

P/S: Also, I might as well make this as my submission for the seven writing event hosted by @nickfowlerrr 💌 Check out the event masterlist and support the writers by reading and reblogging their stories!

Read my other works here: Masterlist

They say the wrath of a fighter may threatened a heinous war but the wrath of a lover will let the earth drenched in bloody gore. And if a fool was daft enough to tore a lover from his other half, then they might just court themselves right into the hands of death.

And this couldn't be more true, especially if we consider the crime that the soldat was currently committing. Surely, the blood pooling on the floor will forever leave a grim mark that'll haunt the people who ever witness it.

"Where is she?" the soldat prompted the frail woman, limping on the chained chair. Despite the horrid situation, he sounded rather calm when he spoke.

How unfortunate it was for Elle to be associated with Hydra yet to also be so exposed to the dangers of the ghost himself, the Winter Soldier. Hydra may have their suspicion about the soldat making a move, but she didn't expect that she would be involved in the mess of this ordeal.

The cold metal of the soldat's vibranium fingers, particularly his index and thumb, latched themselves on another one of her nails. Her mouth slacked open but no sound was able to be formed when the soldat mercilessly ripped her nail right off her finger.

And oh, the pain was beyond any kind of injury that she had ever experienced, not a even a bullet through her flesh could be compared to this agony of a torture.

He harshly grabbed Elle by the back of her neck, forcing her to watch the blood leaking from the reddened flesh of her fingers, "I asked you a simple question, су́ка (bitch). Where the fuck is she?" The soldat's patience had been running thin and rage had clouded his judgements.

He needed to find her. His precious Родная (darling).

No matter whose neck he needed to slay or whose blood that have to be shed dry. He had to bring his darling home; no matter what it takes.

Unfortunately, it had been almost a month since he lost her.

And no one saw it coming.

Who would've thought that the old Hydra compound that the team raided were meant to be a part of a plan to weaken the Avengers. It was just a distraction filled with unexpected traps and triggers. By the time they flew home, the team were already tired and injured as the result of the raid.

So imagine the desperate struggle and utter panic that Bucky had to go through the moment he stepped his foot into the comfort of their home and had to witness Y/N's exhausted figure fighting for her life.

Hers and the baby's inside.

After hitting the 2 months mark of pregnancy, Bucky decided that Y/N shouldn't be involved in any high stake mission anymore. At first, she only laughed to his statement, thinking he was surely joking but when his stern expression didn't flatter, that was when she reliazed Bucky was not open for negotiation.

Y/N knew it was way too early to settle into her maternal leave but after having a long conversation with Bucky, they both agreed to keep her missions strictly on low-risk stakeouts and desk works at the tower.

It was supposedly be some kind of a precaution for her, to keep her and the baby safe, away from any type harm that might come their way. But, that certainly back fired.

When Bucky's burning anger had pumped him full with high stream of adrenaline, it was as if he went into an auto pilot; a murderous one at that. And soon enough he managed to take down half of Hydra's best agents that joined the mission of collecting Y/N from the tower.

For a moment, it seemed like luck was on their side, at least it felt like it.

It lasted only until Bucky saw how harsh the kick of the enemy landed on Y/N's hip, and how she managed to shield her stomach seconds before her body slammed down to the ground.

That was when fear crawled into his pumping nerves and the roots of it ran extremely cold.

And that was all it takes for Hydra to distract Bucky then immobilize him on the spot with a replica of the Sonic Taser developed by Stark Industries a few years back.

Bucky grunted painfully in protest of the high pitched sonic frequency from the device that overloads his nervous system. His body couldn't help but to slowly paralyzed its movements as his skin turned pale and the strain in his blood vessels became visible.

On the opposite side, Y/N could be seen being forcefully dragged away by a few of the Hydra agents that was left. There were couple of nasty injuries torn all over her body yet she was still stubborn on fighting back.

While she was being pulled farther away from him, she shouted his name loud and desprete, "Bucky!" Hot tears broke from the corner of her eyes as she desperately reach out her hand.

It felt as if she was right there when Bucky's hand was reaching back towards her. Like, a little bit of a push would've been enough to catch her but alas fate was not planning to be merciful.

Bucky's menancing eyes never left her wavering ones as Hydra tortured Bucky by stealing a part of his soul from him; and no one really knew how his heart clenched and torn to the fact that he was helplessly useless when Y/N needed him the most.

And when he only managed to scream back Y/N's name, he was forced to watch her wailed as she was unwillingly being taken away.

The moment when Bucky drowned himself in regret and rage, that was when the Winter Soldier took over his consciousness.

Unfortunately for the soldat, his mortal body was already worn out from all the intense fight that happened prior; he was knocked out right after he took over the body.

But in those few seconds before the darkness consumed him, the soldat managed to catch a glimpse of his darling. He saw the image of her; teary and bruised in the hands of those who created him. The very same monsters who uses him for despicable things.

That was all that he needed to see in order to break those chains around the dark pandora residing deep within his being.

The team was absolutely not ready to deal with the soldat again, this time without Y/N to tame him. Especially when his demands were unrealistic for them to fulfill.

It's been nearly 3 weeks since the incident and they had failed to locate Y/N; repeatedly. Even if they did manage to get some kind of an intel, all the of bases they had raided were basically bunch of abandoned spaces that Hydra used to occupy.

So of course the soldat was agitated. He had every right to be, more so when he thought of the increasing risk of his darling getting hurt in the hands of Hydra. And at this point, those scumbags were just messing with their minds. Especially with his.

"Listen, we're doing our best here, soldat." Steve tried to reason with him but it only fueled the burning flames within the soldat, "ты делаешь недоста��очно! (You're not doing enough!)" He spat harshly that he didn't even noticed that he uses Russian language. It seemed like the unkempt irritation had conquered the chaos of his mind.

So that very night, the soldat decided to do this on his own; thus he ran away from the tower in search for his darling. He had to. Especially when he knew precisely why the Avenger was not able to find Y/N as quickly as they should be.

It was because they were the good guys. They were the heros, they were the light. And the soldat was not. In fact, he was the very opposite.

Unlike the Avengers, the soldat was not planning to play nice and soon enough he managed to find a lead.

Which bring us to this very moment in which he successfully snuck into a Hydra agent's home to interrogate her.

But, in contrast of those Hydra troops that attack the Avengers Tower a few weeks ago, Elle was not even involved in the mission of retrieving Y/N. She was actually on a solo mission to infiltrate a certain high school to collect informations on Peter Parker. Hydra suspected that he might be involved with the new hero appearing in Queens.

However, even if she was not a part of the team mission, she knew bits and pieces of the overall plan, especially the whereabout of the main character herself, Y/N.

However, the appearance of the Winter Soldier in her temporary house was completely unexpected.

It felt like it was just few moments ago that the intel on Y/N's location reached her ears. Then, she distinctly remember the glimpse of those murderous eyes glaring into her soul. Next thing she knew was everything went pitch black.

Even if it was temporary, however it felt so surreal.

The darkness surrounding her.

The bone rattling cold.

It felt like death itself.

But unfortunately for her, the soldat was far from stopping.

Elle was fraying at the edges while the soldat crouch to her level. Even if she could barely reconstruct the unclear and blurry images through her dazed eyes, however, that didn't stop the soldat from maiming the dying woman's soul through his unforgiving gaze.

"Wake up..." he growled as he yanked her face upwards, "...we're not done yet."

It took a while for Elle to finally adjust to the light, after being in the dark for – how she felt like – so long.

After the light hits her vision, the striking pain came next. The pulsing pain surrounding of her right eye, her broken nose, her busted lips, her bleeding skin; neck, chest, arms, and almost every part of her limbs.

Everything were – slowly but surely, in each cuts and bruises on her skin – blooming its pain into existence.

How can she skipped all of this when she lost her consciousness?

Perhaps that was how she managed to stay alive as long as she had. By running away from the misery; from her reality.

Elle whined in pain but her voice suggested that she might already torn her throat apart when it sounded more like a broken grunt. Her disoriented gaze fell into her aching fingers, each were missing its nail; the tips of them was where the icky blood trickled from and had shaped a pool of blood on the floor where she rested.

The dim lighting from the room reflected on the surface of the deep-red puddle, revealing the resemblance of it to a mirror. And the blurry image looking back, was the soldat, with a sinister expression on his face.

This game, that they're playing.

It hardly seems fair to one of them. To be tortured if not speaking the truth? That's simply unjust; but if we're talking about fairness, then none of those injuries could ever be compared to the pain Y/N might be going through at this very moment. Every second of Elle's useless stubbornness was costing Y/N's safety.

And the soldat didn't like that. Not one bit.

"You mentioned Spain? Where exactly?" In one swift, harsh motion, the soldat thrust his knife through her thighs, "FUCK!"

The loud scream of pain that tore from Elle's throat was probably the last coherent word that she uttered as the torture continued.

The soldat pulled the knife out and stabbing it into the open wound, he listened to Elle's gasp for a moment, relishing her breathless pleading and the tears now openly streaming down her face.

He stabbed again, twice, each was quick and deep, not caring about the blood that spurted out across his face.

At this point Elle was just a puddle of blabbering mess; streams of saliva pouring out her mouth, sobbing, gasping for air; mixture of grunts, moans and whispers of curses and pleas were all spouted incoherently.

Anger.

Frustration.

Rage.

Wrath.

Even hatred.

The soldat was feeling it all.

It was consuming him, devouring any sanity that was left of Bucky's moral values. The eerie glint in the soldat eyes suggested that he was not planning to stop until she gave him what he wants.

God, if it wasn't for chilling atmosphere around her, Elle might just mistook that she was actually in hell.

"Pyrenees!" She cried out. The soldat instantly stopped when she confessed. He waited for an answer and right on cue, she spoke again, breathless and almost silent as the fear that engulfed her prior refused to release her from its haunting grip. And truthfully she doubt that it will ever let her go, "T-there a secret base n-near the Irati forest."

She exhaled a shaky breath as she pleaded, "S-so please. Please stop this." The was tired of the pain and the numbness that came after. And the soldat knows it.

The room was left silent momentarily, as if he was actually considering her plea but alas he already had plans for her all along, "Shame. You should've killed yourself before I came here."

As he finished the last word, the soldat viciously plunged his knife deep into her neck, digging the sharpness of it through the delicate flesh until it reach the base of the blade.

Elle gasped in response, her hands scrabbling around in effort to break free, to stop all of this. But considering the situation she was in, there was nothing she could do about it other than to take it as it was given to her.

When the motion finally stopped, the soldat simply walked away from the scene as if it was a complete norm for him to behave as he was. He didn't even thought of cleaning the mess he left behind. Or hide the corpse somewhere.

Isn't he afraid that he might leave his tracks for the police to find?

Why would he?

This has been his life for decades on end. His sole purpose of living was to kill. So best believe that the authorities will never be able to link the soldat or Bucky to this crime.

Not today, not ever.

Through the days that Y/N was locked deep within Hydra's base, she hadn't been treated the worst. In fact, the sick and twisted agents and residents in the facility was more than willing to care for her.

This was all because they wanted her baby.

It was always sickening to hear them referring her child as merely a tool for their success. And the way they worship Y/N like she was a gift from God to fulfill their purpose, was beyond insanity.

"Oh, to have the privilage of bearing the offspring of the Winter Soldier. To be able to create the perfect weapon, unlike the father. It is just honorable."

It made her stomach churned with pure disgust whenever she heard those types of comments floating around her.

Besides the eerily digusting behaviour of the agents, there was also the regular check-ups and the lab tests that she needed to attend. Out of all the things she had to endure these past few weeks, the medical check-up has always dreaded her the most.

There was this constant debate within her troubled mind; of the possibility of Hydra manipulating her baby's health and genes by inserting unknown substance into her.

"Come on, mama. On the bed." The doctor said as he patted his rubber gloved hand on the surface of the rigid single bed.

She always found it vile that the people here calling her by that nickname. It tickled her throat in a way that she wanted to puke all the tasteless gunk that they had fed her with.

As she laid on the bed and let the process went on as it usually do, the doctor suddenly stopped everything that he was doing. At first she was weirded out by the irregular act of the man, but when she felt the vibration on the ground and the rushing footsteps from the floor above her, she knew exactly why the doctor suddenly froze on his spot.

And the emergency siren that shortly blared after, had only confirmed her speculation.

But mostly, it was the panic in the doctor's eyes that gave him away; then when Y/N noticed the man scrambled to search the drawers from one of the cabinet, she knew that he was up to no good.

The second that the doctor's hurried his steps towards her with a syringe in his hand, Y/N's body immediately recoiled. She quickly stopped him by grabbing his wrist and twisted it back until the syringe dropped from his hold.

The man cursed under his breath and decided to take her by force when he grabbed a handful of her hair, almost dragging her out of the bed. Y/N shrieked painfully while her hands blindly grabbing the silver tray by the bed next to her.

She then slammed it hard against his head, and watched the contents on the tray fell and scatter onto her. She took quick skim over all the tools and saw a potential weapon for her defence; a scissor.

"Stay still, mama. Or the baby will get hurt." The doctor foolishly threatened.

Maybe it was her defence mechanism or maybe it was just her motherly instinct kicking in but something just snapped inside of her when he said those words. There was this incredibly strong urge to either fight or take flight.

Of course she could easily slipped away and make a run for it but she just couldn't risk it. Especially when her baby's life was currently at stake. So, after a short moment of hesitation, she swiftly grabbed the scissors and surge it through his ribs. The man wailed in pain as he staggered off the bed and fell onto the floor.

You'd thought a single yet firm stab through the guts was enough to quench Y/N's need of fighting back but no. Apparently, the haywire of her nerves had drove her feral and she needed him to be soulless by the time she walk out the room.

That had forced her to nearly jumped on him like a predator pinning on a meek prey and the lack of struggling on the victim's side had only gave her full control to dominate him.

Then all of the sudden, the doctor felt another strike of the pain, digging into the flesh of his chest.

He woefully cried in extreme pain while Y/N did not utter a single word or let out any sound, she stayed silent as she thrusts the scissor in and out his flesh.

Each surge was vicious than the previous. Each stab was gradually speeding up as the motion increases it's number of repetition.

She completely let her emotions took over her sanity.

Until what's left in the room was only the sloshing and splashing sound of blood seeping through every thrust, as she continued to violate the body of the corpse.

Until the calm puddle of blood on floor rippled as the tears that broke from her eyes dropped on it's surface.

And when she realized that the doctor was long dead, that broke Y/N out from her feral state. Realizing what she had done; she shakily loosen her grip on the scissors and scrambled off from the lifeless body.

Her breath was near erratic; it was a chaos of unsteady rhythm as her words was lost at the tip of her tongue. She jolted in shock when the commotion in the facility got louder than before, reminding her that Bucky was there to save her.

Y/N felt a sob choking in her throat as her hands searched her stomach to coax the child in her womb, "It's okay sweet bean, daddy's here for us."

Have you ever heard how ear-ringingly loud it is when it's hailing? How the sounds of the frozen raindrops hitting – the top of your car or the roof of the shades of an outdoor café table – can completely mute your words for anyone to hear?

That has nothing compared to the thundering sounds that echoed throughout the whole facility. The shots were fired from multiple range of stolen guns, all were coming from one moving figure.

The once clean grey and white painted walls of the hallways, were now stained and splattered with the color of crimson. The usually empty hallways, were occupied by the dead bodies of fallen Hydra agents. And the distinct scent of well-kept lair, were effortlessly replaced by the unpleasant and pungent smell; a mixture of blood and sweat.

It was a clear trail of the Winter Soldier's deeds.

This place was supposed to be pristine, but now feels more like how it should be; hell.

While the enemies were roaring into their death, the soldat on the other hand was very much the opposite.

Unlike his foe, it took him very little work from the tips of his tongue and much more on the tips of his gun. When the enemies barked like a dog, the soldat pounced like a wolf; silent and resilient.

By nature, the soldat had never been a patient man, especially when it comes to people harming his darling.

Sure, maybe he can tolerate and play along with people who messed with him, but if one were to touch even a strand of hair of his beloved, then they practically reserving themselves a first class ticket of a one-way trip to hell.

And that unhinged tendencies of his only worsen when wrath was the one reigning his mind while hatred was its ruler. His mind was nothing but a chaos of rampage and vengeance. Seeking nothing but blood and death of his foolish foe.

At this point of time, with the amount of life he had taken from the moment he step foot into the gate of the base, to the very stairs he was currently climbing, one could probably matched his heart rate with the rhythm of the shots formed by the bullets he shot.

Magazine upon magazine he reloaded his gun and waste no less than zero bullet as every shot made was accurately deadly and terrifying fatal to his prey.

As the soldat's feet reached half way up the stairs, a Hydra agent's voice spoke from the lower level, "She's on the LG2, we need a team to come and collect her as soon as poss--" A bullet went straight through the top of his head before he could finish his sentence.

And that was the soldat's last ammo.

While he mentally took note on the intel, his feet was quick to jumped into action and made his way down to LG2. As he entered the hallway, his wild eyes wondered around to steal another gun from a dead man's body.

But he rose into a stand, he felt a tip of a cold steel nudged at the back of his head.

Some would call out the soldat's mistake for letting his guard down in the middle of a battle, but another would definitely ridicule the stupidity of that fool's guts for even thinking that the soldat couldn't counter-attack his weak threats.

However, none of the two man managed to made any move towards each other when there was a faster, more accurate trigger was pulled from someone else, from across the hallway.

And that action left an aftermath of the fool's body to drop flat on the floor, quickly finding it's perfect spot with between the other pile of corpses scattered around.

When the soldat turned around, the sharp of his gaze softened almost immediately.

There she was standing there, in the pastel blue of her 'prison' attire. Her hair was a bit messy even if it was tied, and her complexion looked slightly pale with fatigue but to the soldat, she was glowing like angel; despite the blood on her clothes or the gun in her hand.

She was right there.

His heart.

His love.

His darling.

Her eyes were red and puffy, as if she had been crying for days. Her pouty lips trembled when the soldat stepped closer and closer towards her, tears threatening to fall as if she haven't done that during all the weeks that she had been here.

The soldat's steps grew faster.

So does Y/N's.

Tap taping until they were almost running towards each other.

Until the moment they reunited in the middle.

Catching each other's lips in a desperate and insatiable kiss, the soldat pulled her body tight around the waist as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

Both whimpered in a yearning moan, both still had their guns hanging on one of their hands.

So many feelings at once, relief and grief, with each of them had a different story to tell.

The couple kept breaking and mending the kiss ever-so-passionately as if they weren't in the middle of the grave-less cemetery; as if they weren't in the center of the piling corpses.

Briefly opening his eyes, the soldat could see a shadow running towards them. When Y/N heard the footsteps from her back, she knew they need to pull away, but the soldat was firm and stubborn with his hold.

So instead of letting her break the kiss, he groaned in disapproval and pulled her lips back to his. An angry growl vibrated against her lips as he continued to explore her wet and warm mouth.

Caught off-guard she melted to his silent demand, almost forgot that the enemy was right behind her. But, she should've know better when the soldat loosen one of his arms from the embrace and pointed his gun towards the target.

His finger pulled the trigger almost as easily as his teeth tugging into the bottom of her lips. And suddenly the sound of a body collapsing behind didn't matter anymore.

When the soldat felt that he had enough of the sweetness of her kiss, he finally pulled away, at least for now. He whispered dearly, "Родная (darling)..." he cupped her face in his large hands and rested his forehead on hers.

She thought she heard it wrong, but did he just called her darling? It took her a few second to piece it together and realized that this man was not Bucky, that he had relapsed into the Winter Soldier again, "Soldat?"

The soldat smiled and leaned forward to steal a chaste kiss on her lips, "Yes, it's me, мое Родная (my darling)" he cooed as he swept her by her feet, off the bloody ground and carried her in his arm, "I got you, Куколка (little one). You can rest now."

"We're just wanted make sure she's alright."

"You can follow us if you want so just please--"

"Soldat! You're going to hurt her."

The familiar voices leaked through Y/N's ears as she was drifting through her dreamless slumber. Soon enough, the loud commotion of her surrounding woke her up from the deep sleep.

The words that the Avengers were yelling out became clearer as she gained her consciousness, and the ever-changing movements of the soldat, evading every step the Avengers made to get closer to him, made her aware of the way she was resting in his arms; perfectly cocooned in a form of a bridal carry style.

The soldat halted on his spot when Y/N opened her eyes to see what was going on, "Soldat?" She blinked multiple times as she adjusted to the lights. The menacing frown of the soldat melted into a much softer expression, "Родная(darling), you shouldn't be awake yet." He craddled her closer to him as he cooed.

Where is she? How long was she out? When did she changed her clothes?

"What is happening?" She asked as she peered over his shoulder to see Natasha sighing in relief, "Sweetheart, thank god you're awake."

Y/N then looked over to Steve, "You've been gone for weeks, y/n. We got news about your rescue yesterday, and you guys just arrived home. Now, if we could just to take you to the medbay and get you check-up, that'll be great." He briefly explained.

"Yeah, that's all we want isn't it? But, someone just had to be sappy and refuse to let anyone touch you. You know, how it is with the soldier." Tony quickly intercepted.

The soldat didn't pay them any attention now that his darling was awake. He was merely focusing on whispering the sweetest things as he traces delicate trails of kisses on her forehead, her nose, her cheek, basically all over her face.

Sam took it as opportunity to get closer when the soldat was distracted on suffocating Y/N with kisses. But he should learn by now how alert and agile the soldat can be, especially when he have Y/N close to his proximity.

So, when Sam took a step closer, the soldat recoiled almost immediately, putting quite of a distance between them.

"Man, if Bucky has a staring problem, then the winter soldier over here has a hogging problem." Sam accusingly pointed at the soldat, only getting grunts as a reply.

Looking at the current situation, Y/N pondered for awhile. As much as she wanted to get herself check-up, it was also wise to not pressure the soldat to give her away.

Considering what she witnessed at the Hydra base, Y/N knew the risk that comes when we let the soldat dwell in anger for too long.

So she consulted the rest of the team to back down for now, and let the soldat do what he wants. Y/N promised them that she will conviced the soldat to let her get a check-up as soon as possible. But for now, they really need to trust her words.

At first every one of them was reluctant to let her go but in the end they agreed to her suggestion.

When the team spread out and gave some space for the soldat, he didn't waste any time and marched straight to where their bedroom supposed to be. As soon as they arrived at their safe space, the soldat almost threw Y/N onto the bed and swiftly drew a knife from the holster of his thigh as his predatory eyes searched the room.

He refused to move even an inch away from where he stood and remained close to Y/N; shielding her figure with his own.

It was very faint, but the soldat could sensed that they weren't the only ones in the room.

Y/N eyed him curiously, wondering why the soldat was still on edge when he wasn't supposed to. So, she hopped off from the bed and stood on her feet before reaching out to hug the soldat from behind.

"You can put the knife down, soldat. It's just us here." She coaxed but the soldat refused to believe her. He pulled her by the arms, breaking her hug in the process and hold her close to his chest, "There's someone else here."

His actions was rather rougher than he intended it to be; even Y/N was startled by the sudden movement, "Oooff, careful there, soldat. You might give the little one a fright." She chuckled softly as she give her belly a loving rub.

And suddenly his attention was completely focused on Y/N now. Usually his frown symbolized irritation, but this time there was a clear confusion in his eyes. The amount of appalled blinking of his eyes increases when the puzzle pieces in his head started to merge.

The soldat knew that he heard a third heartbeat in the room; that was why he was on alert for threats but apparently he had been closer to the source than he thought was.

In fact, it was right his arms. Or maybe a little bit lower, somewhere around his torso.

Y/N didn't say anything, she simply nodded and smiled up to him as she continued to rub her belly.

When the conclusion finally hits him, the soldat dropped the knife in his hand at the same time he fell on his knees. His gaze never broke from hers, not even a split second, until he was face to face with her tummy.

The soldat leaned one side of his ear closer to her and the thumping sound of the third heartbeat got louder. The discovery had caused him to jolt away as shock decorated his features. He titled his head upwards to Y/N with the same wide, confused look in his blue eyes.

"It's okay, love." She giggled amusingly when the soldat repeated his previous actions. He leaned in and jolted back again as if he couldn't believe what he just heard was real, "Is it... his?" The soldat asked as he implied his existance to be separated from Bucky.

There was a hint of sadness in Y/N's expression when he said it like that. There's been many long conversations that she and Bucky had about the soldat after his first relapse.

Though Bucky was still unsure of his own dissociating self, Y/N on other hand believed that the soldat, this particular man whose drenched the earth with blood just to save her, the same man whose currently on his knees to hear a heartbeat of an unborn child; he deserved a little kindness in his life.

"Yes..." Y/N answered truthfully before she continued, "...and he's yours too."

And that surely knocked the air out of the soldat's lungs, he couldn't tell if she was telling him the truth or was just trying to kill him; either way the butterflies in his chest was suffocating him from the inside.

The soldat couldn't speak a single word; because he didn't know what to say. But there was this beam on his features, light in his eyes, softness on his smile when he dreamily stared at her growing belly.

Y/N took him by his flesh hand and place his palm on her stomach, then she spoke tenderly to the baby inside her, "Wanna say hi to daddy, sweet bean? Say, 'Welcome home, daddy.' "

She knew it was silly, because obviously the child in her womb shouldn't be able to speak, and he was not yet developed enough to be kicking his feet. Hell, they don't even know his gender yet.

But how could she not say it when the soldat looked so damn happy when she did. He looked so peaceful and has this daze and some of those twinkling hearts in those steel-blue eyes of. The soldat sighed in pure joy before he leaned to kiss her stomach.

And as it turns out that was all she needed to do to persuade the soldat to letting her see the doctors. He was there through the whole process, refusing to let go of her hand. It was such a good news to hear that the baby was healthy and there wasn't any foreign substance that might contaminated her during her times in Hydra.

After getting proper medical care and some food in her system, the soldat immediately carry her back to their room to settle down. While she laid on the bed, making up for the lost time to finally get the mental rest she desperately needed, the soldat on the other hand, had made himself comfortable by lying his head on her stomach.

He just couldn't stop; as if he was hypnotised by the melody of the baby's heartbeat. His hand snuck under her shirt, lifting the fabric up to reveal the belly where their miracle resides.

Y/N's droopy eyes followed his actions as she watched how carefully the soldat approached her. Out of habit, her hands absentmindedly rake through the softness of his hair as she held him by the head.

The soldat dotingly caressed the child's sleeping chambers as he leaned closer to it, "...Hi there, little one." he greeted with a quiet and loving whisper.

Immediately, a smile beamed brightly on Y/N's face when the soldat proceed to pamper her belly with countless of tender kisses, "...it's daddy." he introduced himself, as if the baby was able to understand him.

The silence that came after was so sweet and comfortable. And Y/N knew she wouldn't be able to have this without the soldat. She tucked a piece of his loose strand of hair behind his ear when she spoke gently, "Thank you for saving me, soldat."

He briefly lifted his head and smiled up at her, "You know I can't live without you Родная (darling). I will always need you." He declared a truthful confession before turning his attention away. His lips grazed on the skin of her belly as he mumbled against it, "And you too, little one."

Y/N could burst into tears just from this interaction alone but she try not to. She doesn't want to look back at this moment and remember how much she wept, so she blinked her tears away while she watched the soldat spoiled the little buddle of joy inside her with so much endearments.

Even though it was always a happy memory for the soldat when he spend time with his darling, but this... this was rare. And he wanted to cherish it for as long as he could.

The soldat laid on his ears again when he peered from where he had his head rested, his deep gaze captured her attention, "Has he been taking care of you good, darling?" He asked.

The soldat probably had no idea how Bucky adored her; if anyone paid enough attention they might even caught him worshipping the very ground she stepped on.

A breathy chuckle escaped from her mouth as nodded with a drunken grin, "He's the best." She hummed approvingly, "Best husband, and best daddy too." She exclaimed brightly as she glanced at the ring on her finger; it was barely visible through the thick of the soldat's hair.

Surprisingly, the soldat didn't react negatively to her remarks, instead, a proud smile curved on his lips as the pride in his chest overflowed and leaked all through his very being, "Good." He simply said.

The smile lines on the corner of his eyes didn't flatten even when he closed his eyes. For a moment, he tried to silenced everything else around him and focused on the fluttering sounds of the baby's tiny heart.

It might have been the thick haze of lavender smoke in their head or the swarming butterflies in their chest, that they didn't even notice the fatigue that had been slowly taking over them, until the tenderness of their caresses were barely moving.

When the heaviness of her eyes weighted the lids, she sleepily asked the soldat, "Will you still be here when I wake up?" Truth to be told, she was afraid that all of this was just a dream; an escape from reality of the cruel captivity.

The soldat briefly opened his own tired eyes and cooed softly, "I'm always with you, Родная (darling)." And Y/N took it as a promise for her desprete soul to cling on; a ray of hope for her to hold onto, if she ever wakes up in that cell again.

Not long after, both of them lost to the lure of somnolent and their soul quickly drifted into the peaceful dreamland. Soft snores were filling the quiet of the room as their mortal body continued to entangled themselves with each other.

It was safe to say that if Steve would ever barge into the room, he'd probably maxed the storage of his phone with photos of the soldat smushing his face on Y/N's belly as she perfectly curled around him.

Maybe it was the sunlight leaking through the window or maybe it was the intense gaze she felt burning on the skin of her face. Eitherway, it certainly disturbed her from her sleep.

When her body stirred, Y/N realized that she didn't need to open her eyes to know that last night was not a dream, especially when she can feel a pair of familiar arms wrapping around her waist under her shirt.

Y/N slowly peeled her eyes open to see a recognizable ceiling. Her eyes then trailed to her side and met a pair of blue of eyes staring back at her. Her gaze searched for the soul within him and found the semblance of Bucky reflected in his eyes.

Still dazed from sleep, she continued to watch him blinking at her, slowly and silently, like a cat declaring their love to their human. But even then, he couldn't hide the afterglow of the tears on his face.

"Bucky, honey. Have you been crying?" Her voice rasped from lack of use, yet her tender fingers find themselves crawling across his wet cheeks.

It was as if her voice was a trigger, and tears quickly reformed in Bucky's eyes again. Y/N gently pulled him to her chest, one hand threading his hair and another rubbing his back as he sobbed in her arms, "It's okay, Bucky. We're okay." She continued to coax him lovingly.

They spend most of the early morning holding each other close and dear. Then when the tears started to lessen, Bucky finally pulled himself away from her. Y/N wiped the excess tears on his cheeks but he caught her hand underneath his; he relished in the relief of her presence when he sighed to her touch.

Bucky's gaze wobbled in the pool of tears in his eyes but he was still determined to speak his mind "I'm so sorry, doll." He apologized, "I couldn't stop them. Even with this damned serum in me, I still couldn't protect you; both of you." If his defeated voice didn't convey his truth, then the tremble of his touch should be enough.

And Y/N's heart simply shattered for him; what did he meant by that? He did save her though. The winter soldier or Bucky. It didn't matter who but she was here now because of him. She was safe; they both were, "But you saved me, did you not?"

"But, I didn't. The sol--" Before Bucky could even finish his sentence, Y/N quickly cuts in, "The soldat is always going to be a part of you, Bucky. And if he saved me, that means you saved me too." She reassured him.

Seeing the hesitation in his eyes, she continued to persuade him, "And if I could speak for our child, which I absolutely can because I'm his mother, then he would say that he is proud that his strong daddy managed to beat the absolute shit out of those bad guys."

Bucky blurted out a hearty laugh, "I don't think it's good to teach our baby to curse when he is still in your womb, mama." His laugh gradually reduced to a chuckle when he wiped the remaining tears from his eyes.

Y/N simply shrugged to his suggestion, "It's not like he wouldn remember this anyway." She smirked playfully.

Another chuckle managed to slip through Bucky's lips before he lowered his face to her tummy, "And you? How's your play date with Winter, hmm sweet bean?" He mumbled as his lips planted on her skin.

Besides the heartbeat of his child, he could also hear the tiny twitching of the baby's limbs moving ever-so-slightly, "Yeah, I bet he spoiled you with lots of kisses and cuddles, huh? Like he did your mommy?" He continued to coo against her belly, unaware of the shock on his wife's face.

"Winter?" A small smile cracked from the corner of her lips. Yes, she was shocked but that doesn't mean she wasn't pleasantly surprised by it.

Bucky didn't even bother to look up at Y/N's face as he was busy blowing raspberries on her stomach, "If he's going to keep popping up in our lives then we might as well call him something else other than 'soldat', don't you think?" He simply said, marking one last kiss on the small growing bulge on her belly, before working his way back up to her face.

Y/N's heart swelled to his gesture and when he laid his head next to hers, she carefully took him by his cheeks, pulling him in for a gentle kiss, "I think he'd love that, Bucky." She whispered against his lips, feeling his smile in return.

Bucky nudges forward to catch her lips again; kissing her slow and sweet as if his whole world has been waiting for this moment. And when the kiss naturally broke, he tempted her with something he knew she couldn't resist, "Now, how about we grab you both something to bite, hmm?"

End.

Read my other works here: Masterlist

A/N: The use of the title in the fic is suprisingly wholesome despite the insinuation of it, don't you think? Lol. Btw, thank you so much for stopping by and read my work. Leave your thoughts behind for me, I'd love to hear from you!

#winterarmyyfics #welcome home soldat au #the seven writing event #nickfowlerrr’s writing event #winter soldier!bucky #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x you #winter soldier x you #winter soldier x reader #winter soldier fluff #bucky fluff #nickfowlerrr's writing event

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cosmos-coma · 3 months

Text

My Sun, My Star

A/N: I'm so weak for Winter soldier Bucky. I cant wait to write more of him, I love this sad guilt ridden man.

Pairing: Winter Soldier!Bucky x Reader

Words: 6756

Warnings: Breaking and entering, Minor violence, Injury and Blood, Winter soldier Bucky, GN reader but also Pregnant reader, mild language, I'm not sure if this is fluff or angst or both??

Summary: You wait up late for your boyfriend Bucky to return from his mission, but it isn't Bucky who finds you.

Part 2 | Part 3 | Epilogue | Bucky Masterlist

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Your eyes blinked slowly, heavier with each passing second, yet you still managed to open them once again. Glancing at the bright white numbers of the digital clock you watched it change to 1:46 AM, causing a groan to pull from your lips. Bucky was supposed to be back tonight (yesterday technically) from his latest mission, but he still had yet to show up at your shared flat.

You checked your phone again, the lack of notifications mocking your tired eyes. You let out one more sigh before you turned off the mindless babbling of the TV and stood up to get ready for bed. You were sure Bucky wouldn’t want you waiting up so late in your current condition anyway, he had been harping you about getting enough sleep and water and everything in between.

“I’m only four months pregnant, Bucky. I’m fully capable of staying up late” You had said to him.

“Five months, Doll, and it’s about your cortisol levels. It’s not good for you or the baby, and it could lead to them being underweight” he said, reciting exactly what the doctor had told him during your last checkup.

“Four and a half,” you argued as you stuck your tongue out at him, “and she was talking about getting chased by a bear kind of stress, not staying up to watch Bake Off.”

You snorted at the memory of just earlier that week, a small smile coming to your face as you went through your nightly routine. You continued to check your phone here and there as you went, “Did you get back safe? How’d your mission go?” you had texted two hours ago, yet it still remained unread and unanswered.

‘Maybe one more quick text wouldn’t hurt,’ you thought to yourself as you typed out the simple message and hit send.

“Stay safe, okay? I love you.”

You sighed as you set the phone down, “it’s okay, everything is okay,” you assured yourself as you pulled one of his large hoodies over your head, enjoying the way the hem brushed against your bare thighs and the sleeves threatened to swallow your hands. “He’s a former assassin and a super soldier! Nothing is going to happen that he can’t handle,” You stated firmly to your reflection in the mirror. Your eyes remained unsure despite your voice’s conviction, but you did your best to ignore it, focusing instead on the achingly tired look they held.

“Yes, I know. It’s finally time for bed, little one,” you mumbled sleepily as you felt your baby kick against the walls of your protruding belly, being quick to climb between the layers of blankets and lonesome sheets. “Fuck, that's cold…!” you swore quietly as your bare legs hit the icy fabric- having gone unwarmed by your personal space heater and super soldier.

Thankfully sleep came easily, the thought of waking up to Bucky’s sleepy, scruffy face only further urged your body to wind down so the moment would come sooner.

----

Bucky’s phone buzzed again in his bag, lighting up with your smiling face as your text displayed on the screen, but nobody reached down to check it, as everyone found themselves in a far more urgent situation.

“Keep him busy, Rodgers! I just need one more minute!” Tony yelled as he dug through the equipment in the quinjet, “For fuck’s sake, who organized this last?”

“What do you think I’m doing…!” The blond grunted with a justified hint of frustration,” Sam? Any help??” He shouted with a pointed look, telling more than asking as he struggled to restrain his thrashing friend. A swift metal fist flew toward his already battered face, barely giving him time to duck out of the way and attempt to restrain it again.

“Honestly? Seems like you’ve got this one,” Sam said, holding up his hands.

“SAM.”

“I’m coming..! God, can’t either of you old men take a joke?”

No one knew exactly what happened, Bucky had gone off on his own in the Hydra base they were exploring. It was supposed to have been recently abandoned, something about the agents leaving in an urgent rush that left files upon files sitting out in the open. It was supposed to be a simple mission; everyone goes off in teams, gathers what they can, and makes sure there are no surprises. But Bucky assured them that he would be fine to go on his own, he hadn’t had a sign of relapse in over a year, and he would only be picking up what looked important. A simple job.

He should’ve listened.

It was when he didn’t return to the jet with the rest of them that they started to get worried.

“So, where’s the Manchurian candidate?” Tony jested, looking at his watch. They were supposed to leave maybe 10 minutes ago, not terribly late by any means, but enough to start getting worried about Bucky’s quietness over the coms.

“Man, come on.. ” Sam sighed at Tony’s joke as he crossed his arms.

“Bucky?” Steve tried calling over the coms, ignoring both of his teammates, but the line remained all too quiet.

They found him finally in the basement level of the office building, old discarded computers lining the walls along with cabinets upon cabinets of old files and other equipment. He hadn’t even realized it was a trap until he stepped right into it, triggering a switch that had the computers and hidden speakers flashing images and sounds that assaulted his senses with fragmented memories long forgotten.

He should have listened.

Sam had found him first, on his knees in the middle of the floor with hands desperately covering his ears, trying to block out the incessant noise. Hauling his teammate to his feet, he rushed back to the jet, calling everyone off from their search before anything else could be sprung.

At first, they thought he might be fine- quiet, but fine. He had given them a small smile and a wave of his hand as everyone tried to check in with him, taking a seat as the jet took off to go home. It had all seemed relatively normal until they were halfway back and the unseen battle inside him must have taken a turn.

“Got it!” Tony yelled as he pulled out the dart gun, aiming quickly as he fired two shots into Bucky’s chest, readying a third as he waited and watched for the tranquilizers to finally take effect. It was slow as Bucky continued to struggle against the drug’s drain, his body and mind turning into slow-moving molasses. Low grunts emanated from his throat as the last of his strength ebbed away, leaving nothing but forced sleep in its wake.

“Was two really necessary?” Steve asked as his shoulders finally relaxed, the strain and worry now temporarily over.

Together they dragged the drugged-up assassin into the jet’s small quarantine area for the remainder of the trip, satisfied only when they heard the mechanical locks slide into place. It wasn’t much, and they knew that and if he really wanted to there would be no stopping him from getting out, but it was something- enough to give them a few seconds of preparation if nothing else.

“I’m not giving a super soldier only a single dose, you two metabolize things like this way too fast and I’m not taking any chances with the Tin man over there.”

Bucky- no, the Winter Soldier, seemed to still be out of it when they finally landed, sat up and leaning against the wall, head slumped forward just as they had left him.

“Alright, let's just get him into one of the holding rooms for the night. We’ll work on resetting him-” Tony lifted his hands as the two men glared in his direction, “- on ‘fixing him up’ as soon as he’s been secured.”

Sam shook his head as Tony corrected himself, taking notice of the lit-up phone in Bucky’s bag, buzzing with an only recently delivered message. Sam had quickly become one of your closest friends after you were introduced to the team. He was one of the few people Bucky trusted with his life and between his sarcastic jokes, his incredibly loyal nature, and his willingness to give Bucky shit whenever he deserved it, you knew very quickly how great a friend he would be.

But now his stomach twisted as he saw your name flash across the screen, the alert quickly minimizing itself as it joined the other messages you had sent that night. How was he gonna break this to you? The last thing you needed was a bunch of unnecessary stress on your shoulders, but it’s obvious you were beginning to worry over their late return. Sliding the phone back into its rightful place Sam told himself that he’d call you once they had things more figured out.

“Heart rate still seems to be resting. With any luck, he’ll remain knocked out until we get inside,” Tony relayed as he monitored the Soldier’s vitals and pressed the button to open the heavy quarantine doors.

The doors slid into their resting positions with a soft click.

As soon as that click landed on sensitive ears, vibrant blue eyes shot open. Sparing not even a second, the Winter Soldier surged forward from his seat, not nearly as far gone as he left them to believe. With the element of surprise, the Soldier easily knocked past his teammates, throwing his body weight against them and knocking Sam and Steve off balance, leaving him a good headstart as he dashed out the jet’s open door.

“Fuck, Bucky- Wait!,” Steve swore as he stumbled out behind him, having to use his super soldier speed just to keep pace. But between the settled darkness of the night, and the winding alleyways the brunette stuck to, Steve was left falling behind in no time. “Shit,” Steve swore as he slowed to a stop, looking around for any sign of his compromised friend.

However, the streets lay barren, the fluttering of moths in the streetlights the only sign of life on the entire block.

---

The heavy thud of his boots echoed against the alleyway’s pavement. He wasn't sure where exactly he was headed as his silhouette slunk between the warm light of the streetlamps, but part of him- a currently repressed part of him- knew that safety was bound to be just ahead.

His heart beat smoothly as he kept his pace, every other step falling in time as he rounded the corner. Blindly, he let himself be led by instinct and his feet maneuvered the city’s countless paths with a mind of their own. They slowed before a little apartment building and as those emotionless eyes looked up, he knew this was it.

The lateness of the hour had almost assured that no one was around as he slipped inside, footsteps padding up the stairs before stopping at the third floor. His heavy boots left nothing but wet prints in their wake as he wandered down the hall, impossibly silent, as even the notoriously creaky boards dared not announce his presence.

The closer he got, the more the back of his mind itched, as if something- someone- was begging him not to go any further, but he refused to listen; he knew this was where he was meant to be and where he would find what his body was so inexplicably drawn to.

With each step his head turned on a swivel, looking for the sense of safety and familiarity that the other half of him seemed to find here- and desperately wished he wouldn’t discover. Just as his foot was about to take another step he stopped. ‘No. Here.’ His gut told him, turning to the door.

His door.

Your door.

The former assassin bypassed the lock with ease, quickly slipping in before shutting the door behind him. A dim light illuminated the living room, the little lamp you left on for him casting its orange glow over his surroundings as he surveyed them.

A few mugs stand beside the sink, framed photos dot the wall and side tables, and a veritable nest of blankets lay across the couch. It was obvious someone had been here, and recently. A deep breath pulled into his lungs, causing his head to tilt to the side in contemplation as an unfamiliar scent hit his nose, something just as earthy as it was sweet and speckled with distant notes of… him?

“Hmmph”

His sensitive ears picked up the soft grunt from down the hall immediately. His shoulders squared and tensed as his body leaned into a defensive position. Cautious fingers pulled the knife from his boot, ready for whatever may come at him as he approached.

The sounds of soft breaths lead him to a door left ajar. Light just slipped past the curtains into the darkened room. Badum… Badum… Badum… a heartbeat pulsed in his ears as he took a step closer, leaving the door open and letting further light fall onto the source of the noise.

His wolfish gaze ran down your form as you lay there on your back, swallowed in the extra fabric of the old sweatshirt. Your hand rested casually over your stomach as your other one squished gently against your cheek. Your legs lay bare to the world after having kicked the overbearing sheets away, leaving just a glance of your underwear for him to take in.

“Mmph” You grunted again as you shifted, your face now turned to him as that earthy scent of yours gripped him like a vice and refused to let go.

Your sweet sleep became interrupted though- much to his dismay- as the phone on your nightstand began to light up and buzz incessantly. Still, as a statue he watched as you groaned, propping yourself up on your elbows as you went to check what your device could possibly want at this ungodly hour.

With one loose fist, you rubbed the sleep from your eyes away, blinking consciousness back into them until you saw Bucky’s illuminated figure before you, standing tall and quiet as he watched you intently.

“Bucky..?” You couldn’t hide the grin that spread across your face as you saw the familiar face of your lover lit up by the bright light of your phone screen. But the longer you looked the more you noticed.

His eyes were all wrong, his gaze was devoid, that’s the only way you could put it. Devoid of meaning and humanity, it seemed every gaze- every movement- was a means to an end. Empty… save for a flicker of fear; It was probably the only thing in those eyes right now that registered as human. The fear of someone who was lost, unknowing of their purpose, and confused as to why your gaze was made his cold heart falter.

His expression was flat and stoic, save for the knit of confusion that pulled his brows together. His stance was tense and prepared, the discrete knife still glittering in his hands as he took another step forward, his head slowly shaking in response to your question.

A gasp caught in your throat as you finally understood. Glancing at your phone you saw it was Sam who was calling, undoubtedly trying to tell you what you now already knew.

“Soldat…” You whispered, trying to hide the way his name sent shivers across your skin. Your phone went black then, as you didn’t pick up in time and you were left blind by the sudden darkness.

You and Bucky had talked about what to do if you found him like this, “You call Sam and Steve, Okay? You find a place to hide and you stay far away, no matter what you hear. There’s no reasoning with him,” He had told you.

So much for that

Your phone lit up again with Sam’s urgent call, its revealing light sending ice down your spine as you saw the man nearly standing over you now, just a hair’s breadth away.

Your hand rose slowly, shaking as you tested a reach for your phone, stopping dead in your tracks as he let out a disapproving grunt. Your head nodded slowly as you gulped, returning your hand to your stomach as you watched his gaze finally shift away.

With unbothered calmness, he looked toward your phone to see Sam’s face and name scrawled across your screen. Wordlessly he reached over and pressed the ‘decline call’ button, cutting the call short and leaving you two in perfect silence once more.

Panic began to rise in your throat as his gaze turned back toward you, darkened now only by the lack of light. With slow movements the Winter Soldier reached out, putting the knife away as he crouched down, as if trying to attract a skittish animal.

Your whole body tensed as his reach came closer, eyes screwing shut as you waited for the worst, “Please… Just don’t hurt her…” You whispered, fear and desperation rattling your voice, just as it did your anxiety-filled body.

But the pain never came. Instead, the cool touch of metal fingers ran down your cheek, barely denting your flesh as he relished in its softness. Your eyes peeked open cautiously, as his fingers moved along the slope of your jaw, tilting your head up as he came to your chin.

His eyes had changed, you noticed, instead of being a harsh blizzard, they had now settled into something more human, something warmer and… yearning?

“Soldat..?” You questioned as you watched his lips part, his senses focused only on the way your body reacted to his touch. You were sure he could hear the rapid pattering of your heart beneath your ribs, its pace only increasing as his fingers moved down your neck and to the exposed collarbone in your loose neckline.

“Красивый [Beautiful]...,” was all he could reply. It came out so soft you weren’t sure you heard it at first, it’s quiet reverence meant for your ears and your ears only. “Из-за тебя он чувствует себя здесь в безопасности...? Замки дерьмовые, видимость слишком высокая, но ты… [Are you why he feels safe here…? The locks are shit, the visibility is too high, but you…]” He continued, quiet and unbothered as if he assumed you couldn’t understand him.

“He’s been bugging me to get better locks all week…” you replied with a huff, quickly shutting up as his stare found your eyes again. Between Bucky’s ramblings in the night and Natasha’s tendency to only gossip in Russian, you had made an effort to learn it; You were still learning, and your pronunciation was shit, but your understanding had gotten far better.

“And you have a good ear…” He spoke in English this time, the vague hint of an amused smile pulling at the assassin’s stern lips. You couldn’t help but wonder if he’d ever done that before. If that odd little smile had been seen by anyone else- anyone still living that is.

A breath of relief left you as your lips stretched to mimic his, the tension easing out of your body a little by little.

His metallic touch continued to linger, running down your covered chest until it settled on the waistband of your underwear, the cool metal trailing across your ticklish skin.

“Ah, wait, Sol-” You jumped at his touch, grabbing his wrist, despite knowing you wouldn’t have the strength to stop him if it’s what he wanted.

But instead of dipping his fingers lower, he simply tugged the oversized hoodie up, gathering it over your chest and exposing the firm baby bump concealed below. His head tilted to the side as he listened to the tiny heartbeat that fluttered in your belly as well as the thuds of its little movements against your skin. Slowly, still with that inkling of a smile, he turned to look at you, his hand hovering just above your vulnerable midsection as if awaiting permission.

Heat rose to your cheeks as you hesitated. On one hand, you felt a surprising amount of calm under the assassin's touch, his need for your approval only increasing your sense of security. But on the other hand, Bucky would never be able to live with himself if something happened to you or the baby, accident or not.

“Oh. I-”

CRASH.

You nearly jumped out of your skin as were cut short by the loud noise. The door to your apartment slammed open, surely breaking the hinges with the sheer force of it. Over a dozen heavy boots stormed into your apartment as the lights turned on, flooding your senses and forcing the Soldier’s attention elsewhere.

Your hand found his instantly, the heat of his calloused skin a comfort to you just the way Bucky’s was, especially as it squeezed around yours just the same. Sitting up properly now your sweatshirt swallowed your pregnant form once again and you peeked out to see just what was going on.

Through The Winter Soldier’s defensive stance in front of you, his knife is now drawn once more, you watched a small armed group, covered in black tactical gear raid your home, all guns pointing towards you- or more accurately- the former assassin attempting to shield you. You recognized the symbols on their vests as the team’s secondary security force, having even met a few of them over the years. But where was the rest of the team? Where was Sam, and Steve, and Tony?

“Step away from the civilian!” “Put your hands in the air!” “Sir, drop the knife!” They all shouted, overlapping with each other as each of them rushed out their demands.

“Don't shoot! It’s okay! It’s okay!” You rushed.

You tried to slip your hand from his, but he only held fast, “Soldat, please… It’s okay, just do what they say… They don’t want to hurt us. Please,” You urged, giving his hand a gentle squeeze,

His defenses faltered as he listened to you beg him to stand down. It wasn’t the usual begging he heard in his line of work, and coming from your lips had his walls cracking in an unprecedented way.

He shouldn’t have looked back at your eyes, wide and pleading, as they shook his walls further. Moving slowly he turned, kneeling before you despite the way the armed group yelled at him not to. You just held up your hand to them, pleading for them to be as gentle with him as he was with you.

“Мое солнце [My Sun]...” The warm flesh of his hand came up easily to cradle your face and a small smile pulled at him again as you leaned into his large palm. “Я только что нашел тебя. Я не потеряю тебя снова так быстро[I’ve only just found you. I will not lose you again so quickly]. ”

Your heart both swelled and pained for your Soldier. You looked into his eyes and saw a sense of certainty, a sense of knowing, you hadn’t seen from him earlier. “Oh… my soldier, my star,” Your fingers entwined with the hand holding your cheek, ”You can not lose me in any way that would last…” You whispered to him past the shouts, the commotion, and the tension, like you were the only two in the room.

“Sir, put the knife down!” A young squad member called again, his voice far more concerned than his superiors. You didn’t recognize him or his number and you figured he must’ve been new. His gun trembled in his hands as he shouted again, but as the Soldier failed to move and the kid’s finger unexpectedly twitched, there came a sudden-

BANG.

“Ah-!” Your face twisted with pain as you pulled away, “Fuck…!” Your hands instinctively grabbed your leg, clamping over the shooting pain in your calf that hit you- well- like a bullet.

You winced again as you pulled one of your hands back, the raw skin of your leg angrily letting you know that it did not like being brushed against. Warm, wet crimson covered your fingers as you looked down, becoming slightly dizzy at how much had already covered your palm. You were thankful it only seemed to be a graze, but the burn you already felt and knowing you were losing blood had your stomach lurching in uncomfortable ways.

Concern painted the assassin’s expression as you recoiled away from his doting touch, but as the unmistakable warm, metallic smell curled into his nose, his expression darkened dramatically. What was once kind, curious blue eyes now saw nothing but red as he caught sight of the wound slashing across your skin. His jaw set firmly, almost audibly grinding his teeth as he stood and turned to the young kid.

You looked back at the newcomer as you tried to breathe through the pain, the horrified look on his face telling you that he knew he was a dead man walking. His face went ghost white as the super soldier stalked toward him and through even worse trembling hands he raised his gun to shoot again.

“No…!”

A sickening thud rang out as the bullet hit the assassin square in his good shoulder, getting lodged in the muscly flesh. His shoulder jerked back at the force, but it wouldn’t stop his stride as he closed the gap. Another shot rang out, but with the solid vibranium arm now covering the barrel it did little to help this poor dumb kid. Snatching him by the neck, you watched as your assassin held him up until his feet kicked uselessly in the air.

Every gun immediately trained on him and with their proximity you knew they wouldn’t miss a fatal shot if it came to it.

“Stop! Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! Soldier, put him down!” You yelled as you maneuvered towards the edge of the bed. “Please, don't shoot, I can fix this!” you continued, trying to convince yourself as much as you convinced them. Familiar voices joined in on your plea as Sam and Steve finally entered the picture, urgently trying to talk down both the Winter Soldier and the secondary security team.

“Bucky, It’s okay... Just put the kid down, alright?” Steve tried to reason with him, “He’s new, he doesn’t know what he’s doing yet.” Steve tried his best to stay calm and patient, but the young man was beginning to change colors now. “Bucky, put him down before you do something you can’t come back from.” But Bucky’s ears were deaf to the outside pleas and the Winter soldier refused to listen.

“Ah..!” You whimpered as you tried to stand and approach the commotion. The pain in your leg reached new heights as you tried to put weight on it, causing you to tumble to your knees almost immediately. You clutched your belly, hoping the sudden jostle wouldn’t upset the baby too much as you tried to get up again.

“Hold on, Y/n. Stay down for a minute so we can wrap your leg…” Sam asked of you, moving over to help as soon as he saw the blood on your hands, “You’re losing plenty already.”

“No, I have to…. I can’t let him get hurt,” you argued, pushing away his helpful hands as you tried to stand again. You heard the crashing thud and rushed voices as you shakily got to your feet, leaning all your weight on your good leg. As you looked up again you came eye to eye with worry-filled icy blues.

“Sol-”

“Мое солнце [My Sun]...” He interrupted, his metal arm snaking around your waist to pull you in possessively and away from those who threatened your safety. On the other side of the room, the nervous kid now coughed and wheezed for breath, but you were just happy to see he was still alive.

“Please just listen to them. You’re already hurt, don’t get yourself killed…” you pleaded, your hand barely brushing over his bleeding wound before pulling his hand to your rounded belly. He tried to keep his expression steady, but you saw the way his eyes widened slightly as he looked down. “She needs someone looking out for her and I can’t do this on my own. I can’t keep away all the dangers of the world…” Your forehead rested against his as you tried to shift your weight, whining as you gave up and moved back. You couldn’t deny that this part of Bucky was her father too, even if he had been hidden away for ages, she was still his too. Whether Bucky would see it the same way you weren’t sure, but right now you were just concerned with making sure he got out of this alive.

“I can’t do this without you…”

The silence felt deafening as he considered. He never had to think about other people relying on him, not like this. His orders had always been to leave no threats, to finish his job and move on, no matter the cost to him. But the pain in his soft, fleshy shoulder was getting harder to ignore. The way his blood-soaked shirt clung to his arm now climbed to the forefront of his mind as he watched your big eyes stare back at him, desperate to understand. He was between a rock and a hard place.

“I’ll be right beside you the whole time..” You assured him, “We both will, but please let everyone get us some help.”

A gentle nudge pushed against his palm as his thoughts swirled around him, snapping him back to a single line of thought and he knew then. Defeat laid heavy on his shoulders as they slumped, accepting what must be done., “Мое солнц [My Sun] …”, He said, “Если вы так хотите, то я не буду жаловаться [If it is what you wish, then I will not complain].”

You couldn’t tell just how long you had been holding the breath you let out, your muscles relaxing as he finally held his hands up. The security squad began coming forward with an array of cuffs, but it was Sam who stopped them this time, glancing back at you for confirmation as he assured them that they could take it from here. Despite the arguing and the hesitation, they seemed to relent, shifting their focus now to their injured colleague.

Both Sam and Steve looked tired but relieved as they turned to the two of you, bloody and pained in your current state. Though they weren’t quite better; both of them looked like they had been the unfortunate punching bag of a certain super soldier mere hours before. Sam had bruises lining his arms from where he was surely blocking blow after blow and Steve smiled a bit with his busted lip, dried blood still stuck in the corner of his mouth.

“Let’s get you two to the tower…”

----

The journey to the tower was quiet, your soldier never letting you out of arms reach as you all boarded the armored truck, and made your way up the tower and to the lab.

Doctors tried to treat the both of you, but as soon as anyone dared to come close your assassin was right there to growl them back. They’d hardly be able to get past his possessive hands even if they could manage to get close, his touch keeping you pulled beside him at all times.

“Soldat…” you warned him, but he was too preoccupied gathering the medical bag they had been dropped. Coming over to you, there was no warning as he scooped you up from the ground and set you on a table to get to work.

“Oh-!” You exclaimed as you held onto his strong shoulder, quickly getting plopped back down on the corner of the cold metal table. A shiver ran down your skin as you shifted against the sleek table, watching as practiced hands scoured through the medical bag, producing everything he needed as he went about fixing up your leg wordlessly.

You were beyond thankful for the haze of the (baby-safe) painkillers as his fingers slid over the raw flesh. Despite the gentle numbing of the painkiller your fingers still lay tangled in his hair as he worked, only tugging in discomfort as the gauze wrapped tightly around your leg.

"Thank you..” You said when he finally finished, moving back to appreciate his work before giving it a satisfactory nod. His eyes had grown distant again, bits of confusion and uncertainty swirling in the storm of his eyes, and you reached out to stroke your thumb across his cheek. His stony cool expression remained as you touched him, his mouth staying a firm line as he instinctively leaned into your palm. You watched him for a moment before you continued, knowing that his thoughts must be far away.

“It's your turn now, big guy.... your shoulder is still seeping and you can’t keep losing blood like this," You urged him just as you had on the ride to the tower. He had refused to listen then, letting nothing else occupy his mind until he knew you were fully taken care of. But now as you sit safely before him, the only looming threats being Sam and Steve who seem to haunt the hallway outside, he finally relented.

You moved to stand, needing the angle to effectively dig out the bullet still lodged in his muscles, but he held you still with a single large hand on your shoulder, "Stay," he urged you with that low rumble of his. His eyes lingered on yours, ensuring you would do as he asked before he began to move again, gathering the supplies you would need.

He slid his bloody shirt off, revealing the weeping wound beneath and the scars of many wounds past. You expected him to stand in front of you, maybe sit so you could take care of him, but that didn’t seem to be the important thing right now.

He climbed up onto the cold table where you sat, curling onto his side with his back facing the door so his wounded shoulder sat closest to you. His head lay in your lap with a look of unmatched serenity as he pressed his forehead against your rounded belly. And there he rested, quiet and unmoving as he took his quiet moment. But he was far too exposed like this, far too trusting of “threats” lurking outside, and he almost reminded you of Bucky again. Was Bucky fighting to come back…? Was the Winter Soldier trusting you to watch his back? … or was he accepting of something you weren't sure he knew yet?

"Are you sure? It's going to be harder to take the bullet out this way. I don’t want to hurt you more than I have to," you tried to explain as you pulled out the forceps.

But he simply shook his head, "I know my time here is short, my Sun..." he said with an even tone, no semblance of fear to shake his voice, "Please let me enjoy it like this…."

Your voice caught in your throat as he answered, his blunt acceptance and knowing catching you off guard. You wished beyond anything that you could soothe him, to tell him no one was going to hurt him or take him away again. But you wouldn’t lie to him, so instead you said nothing, Your words rasping as you replied, "Of course, My star…."

The room was quiet as you worked, the only noise the sweet mumblings from your boyfriend's lips as he filled your baby’s ears with loving promises. His body let out a grunt and a soft squelch as you finally tugged the crushed bullet out. Pain creased his brow but his words never faltered and neither did the nudges or kicks he got in reply.

Carefully you cleaned up the blood, packing the wound as best you could, but you were sure Tony and his team would be redoing it soon nonetheless.

A sigh escaped him as he heard you putting away your tools, "My Sun?" he asked.

"Yes?"

“Is it time…?”

You cast your eyes downward, looking into those confused and swirling blues as they watched you with unbridled hope.

You nodded, wiping away the tears that welled in your eyes, “It’s time…” you whispered.

He nodded, thinking quietly as he looked down at your belly again, his hand smoothing over the skin he’s exposed, “Will I see you two again…?”

Your heart broke at the slight waver in his voice, “Oh, my star…” you said, resting your palm against his cheek, “It’s just like I said, ‘you can not lose me in any way that would last’. I’ll see you again and again, in this life and the next,” you assured as you leaned down to kiss his temple, a small smile forming at the corners of his lips. Tears blinked from your eyes as you continued, “I don’t know when, or for how long, but you will see us again. You can always come home to me, and I will always be there to welcome you.” You leaned, slow as not to scare him, and kissed him gently as he turned again to look at you.

It was awkward at first, but you didn’t mind, you couldn’t imagine the last time the Winter Soldier had felt such gentleness, let alone a kiss.

But the moment was ripped away as the door opened, Steve, Sam, and Tony all standing in the doorway. “We’re ready for him,” Tony said simply, “Let's get this started so my lab techs can go home….”

-----

You watched behind thick glass as Tony and his team of technicians attached various wires and machinery to Bucky’s body. Sam and Steve’s hands lie on your shoulders, trying to comfort you as you watch them finish tuning and placing everything. You watched as his blue eyes stared vacantly at the ceiling, as still as a statue as he let them do their work.

“I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to watch this…” Steve tried to comfort you, but you only shook your head.

“No… I promised I’d see him off,” you replied, then thought with a pause, “Despite all the warnings Bucky gave me I’m happy I got to see him face to face…”

“Well, it helps that he wasn’t trying to beat the shit out of you…” Sam mumbled, getting an immediate nudge from you right in one of his bruises, “ Ow…okay, point taken.”

You smiled and shook your head. It was true though; despite the fear, blood, and death that dripped from his moniker, despite the pain you endured in his presence, you would do it all again. Bucky had hidden this part of him from you for so long, only ever showing you half of his face. And though you know he wouldn’t like it, you’re happy to finally see him in full light- to know and love him completely as he’s meant to be.

Tony says something that’s hard to make out through the glass, but you see him give a thumbs up to you all so he must have been ready. He moved to the switch, hesitating for a moment to let you say a quick goodbye.

Your Soldier’s eyes found yours right away, but there was no trace of sorrow for you to see, no discomfort or fear. In fact, he seemed almost excited; excited and hopeful that when he saw you next he’d have a bundle of joy to look forward to as well.

“Мое солнце [My Sun]...” you watched him say beyond the glass.

“I’ll see you again, My stars. I’m sure of it…” You replied with a soft smile.

He had just enough time to smile softly back at you, an image now pleasantly etched in your brain before Tony flipped the switch and the reset procedure began.

You covered your eyes quickly as Bucky’s body began to convulse, his strained grunts and shouts breaching containment despite the way he tried to hold it all back. The sounds of pain continued for minutes, but it felt far longer. Though, it wasn’t until it got quiet that you began to worry.

“Is it done? Is it over...?” You asked the men on either side of you, afraid to peek past your hands for fear of the worst.

“Doll…?” you heard the familiar voice call, gritty and rough from its recent use but still carrying that same soft tone he used with you.

Your heart swelled, “Bucky...?”

_____________

Taglist: @writingmysanity @simpxinnie (sorry I forgot to tag!)

It's been a while since I've written for our favorite sad man, so if I've missed you/you want to be added to the taglist, DM me to let me know!

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sergeantbarnessdoll · 26 days

Text

New House and A Cat » 40s Bucky Barnes

Pairings: Husband!Bucky Barnes x Wife/Pregnant!Reader with Alpine

Summary: Bucky and Y/N move into their new house with their cat and have a baby on the way.

Warnings: Fluff, language, nothing but cuteness, kissing, use of pet names

A/N: I was curious to know what it would be like if Alpine was in the 1940s🥰 I hope y’all like this🩵

Written on my phone. I’m sorry for any mistakes and typos.

Header made by @buckys-wintersoldier

“Alpine, sweetie, you can’t be on the counter while we’re moving stuff in here.” You say, gently placing her on the floor.

Alpine meowed before walking over to the window and jumped up onto the window ledge and laid down. You smiled and looked at her for a moment before putting more dishes away. Bucky walked up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, placing his hands on your 3 month baby bump that’s starting to show.

“Doll, what did I tell you about lifting things?” Bucky asks softly, kissing your cheek.

“James, I’m 3 months pregnant, not made of glass.” You say.

“It’s better to be safe than sorry, babydoll.” He says.

“Fine.” You sighed, finally giving in. “I’ll sit outside on the porch and watch my husband and his best friend move our stuff in our new house.” You say, turning around and kissed his lips.

“That’s more like it.” He says, kissing you once more.

You walked outside to the porch and sat on one of the chairs with Alpine following behind you. Alpine jumped up onto your lap and made herself comfortable as the two of you watched Bucky and Steve take stuff inside of the new house. You gently pet Alpine, luring her to sleep.

“How are my girls doing?” Bucky asks, walking over to you and Alpine.

“I’m doing good, but I think moving took a lot of Alpine today.” You say, looking down at Alpine who’s sleeping comfortably on your lap.

“What about our other little one?” He asks, placing a hand on your baby bump.

“Baby Barnes is doing amazing.” You say with a smile, placing a hand on top of his.

Bucky leaned down and kissed you passionately, his hand remaining on your baby bump.

“Sorry to interrupt your moment, but I should get going so you guys can get settled in.” Steve says.

“Thank you for helping out, Stevie.” You give him a smile. “I’d give you a hug, but I kinda can’t at the moment.” You say, referring to the sleeping cat on your lap.

“It’s ok.” He says, leaning over to give you a hug.

“Just know, you’re welcome to come over anytime you want.” You tell him.

“Thank you, Y/N.” He smiles. “See you guys later.” He says.

“Bye Stevie.” You smiled and waved.

“See you later, punk.” Bucky says to him.

After taking the rest of the day to get settled in the new house, you took a moment and walked around the house, admiring what you and Bucky have and what you two have to share with your baby when he or she is born.

“What’re you doing, babydoll?” Bucky asks, wrapping his arms around you from behind.

“Just taking a look around.” You tell him. “I can’t believe all of this is ours.” You say, turning your head to look at him.

“You better believe it, doll.” He kisses your lips. “In a few months, we’ll be sharing all of this with our little one.” He says, making you smile.

You turned around and wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. Bucky’s hand found their way to your waist and gently pulled you against his body. You two smiled against each other’s lips when Alpine rubbed against your legs, wanting to get in on the attention. You two pulled away from each other and Bucky bend down to pick her up.

“How’re you liking the new house, princess?” Bucky asks her, gently scratching behind her ear.

Alpine purrs in approval. You two smiled at her. Bucky put her down so she can explore the new house more. Bucky places his hands on your waist and gently pulled you against his body, your baby bump against his stomach.

“I love you so much, doll.” Bucky says before kissing you passionately.

“I love you more, Buck.” You say, smiling against his lips.

🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

-Bucky’s Doll

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simplyholl · 4 months

Text

A Night With The Winter Soldier

Summary: You’re sent to be Hydra’s test subject for a new serum.

Pairing: F. Reader x Winter Soldier Bucky

Warnings: Smut. 18+ Only. Minors DNI. Dark Bucky. Non con. Oral. Unprotected sex.

See My Masterlist Here

A/N: I know I don’t usually write for Bucky, but this idea has been stuck in my head for a long time. I’m just tagging my regular tag list, if you’re not into dark fics, please skip! ❤️

Fucked. That’s what you were or at least what you were going to be. You shake your head as you cover your skimpy lingerie with the matching robe your mother gave to you.

Your father is the head scientist for Hydra. He had been working on this experiment for years. He had created a serum that would cause Super Soldiers to want to reproduce. The end result would be a perfect Super Soldier baby. He finally perfected it. Who could be a better test subject than his daughter?

You begged him. You pleaded and cried. It was unfair to expect this of you. But he didn’t care how you felt. He said it was your duty to do as you were told. You didn’t want to make Hydra upset with your family, did you? You knew the horrors that awaited you if you refused. Your best friend, Lilly and her whole family disappeared three years ago when her father refused a command from Hydra. They were brutal and cruel. Sadly, you were used to it.

Hydra came first. Before yourself, before your family, your loyalty had to be unwavering. You knew it wasn’t really your father who had suggested it be you. Your mother told you it was one of the higher ups. He had seen you in your new sundress a few weeks ago and thought you would be perfect to carry the first Super Soldier baby.

It made you sick. How could they do this? You didn’t want to know what would happen if you refused. “At least, he is the strongest Super Soldier. This baby’s genes will be impeccable with the both of you for parents.” Your mother reassured you, as if it would help you feel better.

You weren’t naive. You and the baby would be monitored from the moment you got pregnant. As soon as you gave birth, the child would be ripped from your arms and watched closely. It wouldn’t really be yours.

You take the elevator to the thirteenth floor, heart racing wildly. You were scared. You had seen the Super Soldiers behind glass doors where you were protected from them. Now, you were being offered on a silver platter to the biggest baddest one, like a worm on a hook waiting for a fish to jump after them.

Two guards stand outside the door to the windowless room. Their eyes roam over your barely covered body. They smirk at you as they type in the code to let you in. “Good luck, princess. You’re going to need it.” They evilly laugh as the door opens. Slowly, you walk in, your breath catching in your throat as you hear the steel door bang tightly shut behind you.

The room is dimly lit. A leather chair in one corner, a bed pressed against the wall, there’s a table with a half worked puzzle on it. It was so dreary, your heart aches for the poor guy that called this room home. You walk over to the table, running your hand over the puzzle. That’s when you feel it. Even though you couldn’t see him, you’re not alone. He’s in here with you, hid in the dark corners somewhere. You turn around to find him staring at you.

The Winter Soldier, Bucky Barnes, you had demanded to know his name before you did this. His dark hair hung in waves by his cheeks, his cold blue eyes focused on your body. He was beautiful. You weren’t used to seeing him without the black mask he usually wore. He was shirtless, his silver, metal arm catching your attention. You studied it. The way it looks like it was forcefully put on, the red star on his shoulder. He was always silent, brooding in the shadows. You had never been this close to him.

You reach for his face, wanting to feel him before all this started. His metal arm stops you, cold hand wrapping around your wrist. You squeak when he twists your arm behind your back, walking you toward the table.

He presses you against it, you feel his erection threatening to burst out of his black pants. One swipe of his free hand knocks the puzzle to the floor. Colorful pieces scatter all around you. He lifts you on top of the table, the cold surface making you gasp when your bare legs land on it.

Bucky holds you with his metal arm, the other one makes quick work of your flimsy robe. He grabs your breast through the thin fabric of your lingerie. You squirm under his touch as he pinches your nipple through the lace.

“You don’t know how bad I need this. Been a long time since I’ve had a pretty girl like you in my bed.” You’re shocked when he speaks to you. You had been warned that he wouldn’t talk to you at all. He takes a step back to look at you, zeroing in on your panties.

He pushes your back to the wall, commanding you to stay there. You obey, you didn’t want to upset him and make this worse for yourself. He holds your top in one hand, jerking the material. The sound of it’s ripping, startling you. He was crazy strong. The thought of being manhandled by him sounded better by the second.

Next was your panties, he stripped you of them quickly, pulling you by your legs to the edge of the table. He got on his knees before you, shoving his face to your core. He licks one fat stripe up your center, moaning as he tastes you. He swirls his tongue across your clit, you buck your hips up to get closer.

Bucky pushes you down with his metal arm, ensuring that you wouldn’t be able to move. You accept your fate, laying back as he laps at you. He fucks you with his tongue, his nose rubbing expertly against your sensitive nub. The band tightly wound in your stomach snaps as he drags his wicked tongue across your clit, sucking you between his lips. He doesn’t hold back his moans as your arousal floods his face.

When he emerges, his face is glistening because of you. He wipes it off with the back of his flesh hand. Bucky jerks you off the table, pointing to the cold, cement ground. “On your knees.” You sink down in front of him as he sheds his pants. You’re surprised he hadn’t already taken them off.

You shift on your knees, trying to get comfortable. He could at least offer you a pillow to kneel on or something. You look around, and spot the only one on his bed. You’re about to ask for it, when he pulls your hair roughly, jerking your head toward his throbbing cock. It was huge. The kind of big that would hurt. You open your mouth, trying to take all of him inside.

You choke and gag, spit dribbling down your chin onto your breasts as you struggle. He looks down at you, hand still tangled in your hair. Your jaw aches already and he’s just getting started. He thrusts his hips forward, pushing your head down simultaneously. Tears fill your eyes as he hits the back of your throat. You can’t help the sob that escapes you as he pulls out, only to forcefully push his way back in.

His thumbs follow the tears on your cheeks, your mascara pooling under your eyes making you look like a raccoon. “You look so pretty when you cry.” He coos, while looking at you adoringly. He thrusts three more times, your nails dig into his thighs, a silent plea to stop. He finally pulls out, collecting you from the floor and gently placing you on his bed.

He places one leg over his shoulder, lining himself up at your entrance. He pushes inside and it’s too much. “It’s- you’re too big.” You explain. Bucky moves your other leg, spreading you wider. “You’re gonna take all of it.” He grunts, wedging himself inside you, bottoming out with one thrust. He ignores your pained scream, leaning down to lick your fresh tears.

“So tight. So perfect. Just for me.” He praises in your ear. Finally, the pain subsides. Bucky feels incredible, his thick cock dragging against the spot that makes your head swim. A gush of arousal soaks him as he swirls his metal thumb in circles on your clit.

“Look at you, such a good girl, dripping all over my cock.” You moan, clenching around him, your long nails clawing his back, drawing blood as your second orgasm rips through you. His thrusts grow sloppy as you feel him go still inside you. His hot cum, drips down your legs as he withdraws himself from you.

Bucky swipes it with his index finger, rubbing it with his thumb. He brings it to your lips, you swirl your tongue around his long digit, loving the way he tastes. You’re caught off guard when his icy, metal hand collects as much cum as he can, stuffing it back inside you.

You twitch, trying to pull away from the cold hand on your heat. “Ah ah ah.” He scolds. He presses his cool thumb to your clit, toying with the oversensitive pearl. “You have to take every drop.” When he’s satisfied with his work, he makes you lay on your back so it doesn’t drip back out.

You close your eyes, the sweet promise of sleep taking over you. You are almost in dream land when you feel the familiar nudge of Bucky’s cock at your sore center. “What are you doing?” You ask, too tired to fight him. “I’m not finished with you yet, doll.” He smiles wickedly, snapping his hips to fill you again.

Tags

@lokisgoodgirl @fictive-sl0th @lokidbadguy @ozymdias @cindylynn @cakesandtom @eleniblue @marygoddessofmischief @mochie85 @goblingirlsarah @wheredafandomat @freegardenbanananeck @lokidokieokie @l0ki3000 @multifandom-worlds @alexakeyloveloki @ladymischief11 @kats72 @mischief2sarawr @lamentis-10 @loz-3 @litaloni @lulubelle814 @iamlokisgloriouspurpose @avengersfan25 @silver-tongue-taken-to-bed @mybugabomlb @bunny24sstuff @luthien-elvenia-asher @gruftiela @asgards-princess-of-mischief @weirdothatwritess

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buckrecs · 1 year

Note

Hiii! I love ur page and I was wondering if u could rec some fics with a pregnant reader? Thank you sm hon 🫶

Pregnant Reader

masterlist | req masterlist

These Hands Are For You by @majestyeverlasting

The raking of leaves, muffins, and baby kicks on a fall afternoon. A very warm and fuzzy domestic piece filled with lots of love.

Always Back to You by @majestyeverlasting

After coming home a little roughed up, Bucky seeks forgiveness for not being candid about a mission in D.C. But all you truly care about is the fact that he's okay and made his way back to you.

Two Becomes Three by @sleepypanda27

“I’m pregnant”

Chocolate Chip Cookies by @sleepypanda27

Bucky wakes up in the middle of the night only to find that you’re not in the bed, because you're craving chocolate chip cookies.

Scent of Home by @pherelesytsia

Bucky attended one of Tony parties and returns to his small family.

small bump by @bucky-bucket-barnes

Bucky has fought literal armies, survived multiple murder attempts, and still nothing worries him like his pregnant wife.

Paint + Ladders by @mvtthewmurdvck

Bucky comes home to find you not where you're supposed to be, and instead in the nursery, doing exactly what you shouldn't be.

two little lines by @duuhrayliegh

the reader is pregnant, this is how she tells bucky and the rest of the avengers.

Here To Help by @itsjustmelainey

Your super baby is so heavy that you’re uncomfortable, fortunately Bucky might have found the solution to help you.

Any day now by @randomperson351

Bucky didn't think he could have the life he does, and he's grateful each and every day.

happy secret by @bentobarnes

bucky is having lunch with Nakajima after 2 years of not talking with him. Yori wants him to go on a date with Leah (the bartender) but encounters a pleasant surprise.

Breath With Me by @planetofawe

You and Bucky decide on a home birth however you’ve got to do it all alone as your midwife is stuck in some traffic!

Oh Baby! by @fairydxll

You tell Bucky the big news.

Support You by @marvelmushroom

Bucky finds a way to take some of the weight off of you during pregnancy. Literally.

Daisy by @chrisevansredbelt

bucky gets you pregnant. complications ensue?

Names by @softlyspector

Bucky and Y/N are expecting a baby, and soon, but they still haven’t decided on a name.

One In A Trillion by @softlyspector

Bucky is sterile. Or, so they had been told, that was basically what he was. There was a one in a trillion chance of them ever conceiving, completely impossible.

Expectations by @softlyspector

Bucky is overprotective of the reader, who is pregnant with his baby.

one plus one equals… by @lokiskitten

after waking up from a nap, Bucky requires a hug. He then gets the chance to learn that you are pregnant.

actually… you can help by @classylo

you were miserably pregnant and knew of only one way to get the baby out of you.

“Alexa, Play Go There With You” by @touchstarvedirl

Bucky’s been having a hard time being okay with your work schedule now that you’re pregnant. An arguments ensues and after you only have one thing on your mind, so Alexa helps you set the mood.

Daddy’s Home by @starshipsofstarlord

whilst with Wanda, you go into labour. Bucky is on his way home from a mission with Steve and Vision, you’re just worried that he won’t make it on time.

we’re gonna need a bigger house by @sunmoonandeddie

You find the courage to tell Bucky about your latest ultrasound.

Come Back to You by @buckyalpine

What happens when a time travel mission ends up with a version of Bucky from the 40′s standing on the time travel platform.

Imagine by @buckyalpine

Imagine Bucky finding his adorably, heavily pregnant girl perched onto kitchen counter rummaging for snacks like a little gremlin in the middle of the night.

Be(tter) in Reality With Me by @t-lostinworlds

Bucky needed to remind you how he would never ever betray you, especially when the him in your dreams was showing you otherwise.

All I Ever Wanted by @majestyeverlasting

You and Bucky visit a park in Brooklyn that stirs up some nostalgic memories. But what he doesn’t know is that, later that night, he’ll learn that he’s going to be a father.

Relax by @itsapeterthing

while the avengers help you and bucky move, you attempt to help carry something only to have your overprotective husband get in the way

The Three Times They Think She’s Pregnant by @skyeisawitch

Hopelessly Pregnant by @kiritella

Light Carries On Endlessly by @marvelingatthewonder

Bucky goes back under after cacw and you’re pregnant. 8-ish months later you give birth to a beautiful baby girl.

#bucky barnes fic rec #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x f!reader #bucky barnes series #bucky barnes smut #winter soldier x reader #bucky barnes x pregnant reader #bucky barnes x wife!reader #husband!bucky barnes #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes oneshot

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unabashedcandymaker · 6 months

Text

Uncertain 02

Summary: Pregnancy progresses, and while your relationship stays strong in the beginning, the dynamics start as the pregnancy progresses.

Warnings: self-doubt, depression, anxiety, general not great feelings

Words: 5.6 k

Natasha x Reader x Bucky

Uncertain 01 / Uncertain Masterlist

Less than a week later, you’re in the med bay, flanked by both Natasha and Bucky, lying on your back, knees spread, waiting for the doctor to finish with the ultrasound.

Seeing as how you were the first person to be carrying the progeny of a super soldier, the very best OBGYN in the world had been brought in just for you. A whole new wing has been added to the med bay now too. The idea had been to keep everything ‘in house’ until they had an idea of what to expect with this pregnancy.

Not that it mattered to you one way or the other. Natasha was grateful for the preparations and that there would always be someone close by if anything happens. Bucky, on the other hand, grumbled about letting the government have their hand in your very personal, very private ordeal. But, he didn’t really mind as long as you were ok with it.

You were an anxious mess regardless, trying your best to focus on the grainy image on the big screen tv that was attached to the ultrasound machine. Nat squeezes your hand, and you look up to her to see her giving you a reassuring smile. She was excited. You and Bucky were more reserved, but it did nothing to dampen her spirits. Her brilliant green eyes were shining as they moved between your face and the screen.

It was easy for you to get caught up in the moment with her. You didn’t have to force the smile on your face when you looked back too. You reach your other hand over your head in the general direction where Bucky was brooding, and was greeted with his warm hand engulfing yours, fingers interlocking, his thumb stroking your wrist.

“And here’s your baby. Let me take some measurements and we can get a more approximate idea of how far along you are,” the doctor says as she points to the peanut-shaped blob right in the middle of the screen. “Looks like you’re a little further along than we expected. I’m getting about 9 weeks. Which means that maybe, let me just see here, maybe we can…oh yeah, here we go…”

And breath is sucked out of your body when a rushed whooshing noise fills the room. You know what it is even before the doctor tells you.

“...there’s the baby’s heartbeat.”

Natasha is squeezing your hand harder, holding it to her chest, and you can feel Bucky shift behind you, releasing your hand so he can lean down to kiss your forehead. His fingers stroke your hair, never breaking contact as he looks up at the screen again.

The doctor is printing out a long line of pictures, makes a couple notes in your chart, and then is cleaning you up.

“Everything looks great. Mama and baby both look healthy and everything appears to be as expected at this stage. I don’t see anything abnormal or that would be a cause for concern. Your hormone levels look normal. I know it’s too early to say, but I don’t see anything here or in the bloodwork that would indicate this would be unlike any other normal and healthy pregnancy.

“But with that being said, I’d like to see you again in two weeks. I'd also like to repeat the bloodwork then too. Just to be on the safe side. Please don’t hesitate to call me if you have any questions or concerns. This is my personal cell phone and home number,” she says as she hands you a card that Bucky promptly takes and puts in his back pocket with a nod. “I’m on call 24/7. You are my only patient until we deliver this baby. So believe me when I tell you I am being very sincere. Please. Call me with anything. It has been a pleasure to meet all of you. I’ll give you the room and you can let yourselves out whenever you’re ready.”

And for the next few months, everything has been great. Natasha has been over the moon. Even her normally stoic demeanor when working with the team has been a little softer, a little less scary.

Sam and Steve have been the only ones brave enough to tease her, and she only replies with a smile in kind. ‘How could I not be so happy. Look how perfect my life is.’

But when she’s in the privacy of your home, she’s a wildfire. She consumes you, every bit of you, every chance she gets. Always touching you, always seeking you out, craving your closeness.

She’s also obsessed with making sure you are eating enough and eating well, but also indulging every single craving. Bucky has fussed at her more than once for it, but it hasn’t stopped her yet. You want ice cream at 3 am, you best damn well believe that she’s already on her way to get you your ice cream. She helps you remember your vitamins and to drink plenty of water, quick to chime in with the, ‘no, my love, that has too much caffeine. Maybe I could make you this tea instead.’

She dotes on you constantly. Everyday that she’s home, she’s making your breakfast, bringing you lunch to your desk at work, sneaking in extra snacks in case you get hungry later. That part wasn’t unusual to happen before the pregnancy, but now she’s made it part of her daily routine. She’s made it her mission to spend as much time as physically possible by your side.

And you won't deny, you absolutely love it.

And Bucky. Your poor, sweet, hopelessly overwhelmed Bucky. He hasn’t figured out what to do with himself. Right after the first doctor’s appointment, he bought a dozen different pregnancy and baby books, and threw himself full force into reading them all as quickly as possible. Every morning he greets you with a sweet kiss and a new fact he’s learned concerning the development of your baby.

“Did you know the baby can open and close her hands?”

“The baby can sense light and soon, it’ll even be able to taste...how wild is that?!?”

He spends a majority of his time brooding just like before, but the further you progress with this pregnancy, the more relaxed and comfortable he becomes, and dare you say, he may even be getting excited. Which is refreshing as you are officially starting to experience symptoms of your pregnancy other than morning sickness.

But when you’re in public, his attitude is wildly unpredictable. Sometimes, he’s constantly following you around, hovering over your shoulder, throwing threatening glares at anyone who might try to come too close. Other times he’s so soft and gentle, like you’re made of glass and may break if you overexert yourself. He’s always got you in his line of sight whenever physically possible. If he’s in the building, you may not be able to see him, but you better not doubt that he can see you.

You love the predatory behavior just a little less, but you appreciate it all the same. It’s his way of showing you he cares.

In the bedroom is where you’ve noticed the biggest change.

Bucky barely touches you. It’s almost like he’s afraid to. He’s too soft, too hesitant. And it doesn’t matter what the pregnancy books say, or how many times you try to assure him that everything is fine, that he shouldn’t handle you any differently, he only ever gives you a small smile, kisses you on the forehead. Sometimes he will pull you into a hug, and although he never says anything, you can tell he is silently dismissing the conversation. You never want to push him or make him uncomfortable, so you always let it go, chalking it up as an unpleasant side effect.

The biggest change in the relationship comes after you first start showing. It happens around the 5 month mark, just a couple days before your next ultrasound appointment.

It’s Sunday morning and you’re all three lounging on the couch, your head in Bucky’s lap, your body lying on the length of the couch, while Natasha is laid between your legs, her cheek resting on your belly, her hand rubbing lazily along the slight swell. Everyone’s quiet and you’re even on the verge of a nap when suddenly, Nat is jumping from her spot up to her knees, hands held up in front of her, a wild look on her face. She’s starting at your belly for a long couple seconds before her eyes dart up to yours.

“What...I...did she just...I think I felt her move…” Natasha whispers as she stares down at your belly again.

You giggle and relax back into Bucky’s lap, reaching both your hands out for hers. She’s slow to comply, but eventually does. You take her wrists and push her hands under your shirt, her palms flat on your stomach. Your hands cover hers and you’re moving them around, trying to find the spot where you feel the baby kick the most.

You settle and hold her hands still, just watching her face as she’s staring at your intertwined hands. Then, her eyes light up again when she feels the baby move again.

“You feel that?” She asks in wonder.

“All the time,” you smile, relishing in her excitement as she lowers her body back into the couch, her hands still planted firmly on the spot you put them. Her face is inches from your belly and she’s whispering something you can’t hear, but she’s delighted when she can feel the baby bump against her hands again.

“You wanna feel?” You ask, looking up to Bucky who looks like he’s frowning from this angle.

“Maybe later. Don’t wanna impose on her moment,” he says with the smallest smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, as he jerks his head to Natasha who is clearly having the time of her life as the baby keeps pushing up against her hand over and over again.

Something about his reaction feels off and it’s almost unnerving, but you push it to the back of your mind as Nat starts with rapid fire questions.

‘What does it feel like?’

Like I have gas.

‘How long have you been able to feel it?”

I don’t know, a couple weeks maybe?

‘Why didn’t you say something sooner?’

Lord, Tash, I don’t know, cause of this?

‘When is she most active?’

When I’m trying to sleep mostly.

There’s a dozen more questions, and you answer each with what’s left of your patience as you try to close your eyes. All the while, Bucky sits above you, still as a statue, his blank expression giving nothing away as you relax into his lap again.

At your 20 week appointment, during the anatomy scan, all three of you are surprised to find out that the baby is a boy!

All this time, you and Natasha were so sure it was a girl. It felt like a girl. The image in your head was a girl. But you’re not disappointed in the least, as the image starts shifting to a little mini version of Bucky, with deep, blue eyes and shaggy dark hair.

The image on the screen in front of you is a strong, healthy, active, and quite large baby boy. Absolutely perfect and healthy in every single way.

“You’re measuring a few weeks ahead of gestation age, but that’s nothing to worry about just yet. Maybe start taking it a little easier at work. Might be a good time to start to lighten the load at work. Maybe also not physically exerting yourself too much. As I’ve said, nothing to worry about, you’ll be able to feel it when it’s uncomfortable. Just don’t push it,” the doctor assured.

So with a clean bill of health, you leave the office. Bucky beaming like the proud papa he is, staring down at the new ultrasound image, but isn’t offering you much else besides a bashful smile and a sweet kiss to your temple.

Natasha wants to celebrate. She’s insisting on throwing a party, and wants to invite everyone in the compound so she can express her excitement with everyone that means anything to her.

You’re not sure how you manage, but you and Bucky talk her into a quiet dinner at home instead. She’s not especially thrilled about it, but she relents when you promise she can be in charge of decorating the nursery anyway she likes; total artistic freedom.

And everything still continues to be fine.

Your belly has started to become more noticeable every passing day. You’ve long since stopped being able to fit into your regular clothes, finally surrendering yourself to pick up a few new outfits from the maternity store. Natasha is unbelievably excited to help, throwing shirts and pants and dresses and skirts over the door of the changing room.

It’s not long after that she sneaks into your dressing room and makes you come twice as she presses you against the wall.

And she continues to be as affectionate as she’s always been, if not even more so.

But Bucky has just about pulled away from you completely…at least he has physically. It happened so slowly that you weren’t really sure it was happening at all until he stopped joining you and Nat in your bedtime activities almost every night. There’s always an excuse why he can’t come to bed just yet with you, opting to wait until you’re already fast asleep before crawling under the blankets and pressing himself into your back.

You know he still loves you, he shows you that everyday. He still kisses you good morning and goodnight. He occasionally drops by to intimidate all of your coworkers. He still laughs at all your stupid jokes and does all those little things he’s always done to show you he still cares.

But he won’t touch you anymore, not like he used to. He’s careful not to touch your belly and it’s been too long since you’ve been intimate with him.

And every single day, you try to tell yourself that it’s not you, that everything’s fine, everything’s normal. This is all in your head.

But also with every day that passes, it’s getting harder.

All those insecurities you’d felt before you’d met Nat and Bucky, and even at the beginning of your relationship, and all your self-doubt starts to creep back in, whispering to you every single reason Bucky doesn’t want you anymore.

Every time he pulls away before you can deepen a kiss, the voices start to get a little bit louder. Every time you see his hands lingering on Natasha’s waist instead of yours, you sink a little further down. And on the several occasions you’ve walked in unexpectedly to see his dick sink deep, deep inside of her instead of you, you’re already so far gone that you can’t see the light anymore.

Why won’t he touch you like that anymore?

Why doesn’t he hold you the way he holds her?

Does he not find you attractive anymore?

How could he, have you seen yourself in the mirror lately?

Everyday it becomes more harrowing a task to push the repulsive thoughts away.

Now, you agree with them. How could you not? They’re true. You have gained a lot of weight.

Sure, the doctor says you're well within the healthy range, and it’s what is supposed to happen! This is healthy for the baby, right?

But you are unable to ignore them when you’re standing in front of the mirror, in the privacy of the guest bathroom, all by yourself.

Suddenly, the light seems harsh and you can’t help but see everything that’s changed in the last few months.

You aren’t sure how you let it get this far, but you’ve become so self-loathing that you can only see every extra pound you’ve gained and every horrifying, ugly stretch mark.

Your hips have widened. Your butt is bigger. Your boobs have started to swell and droop just slightly. Is one boob bigger than the other now?!? Even your face seems to be a bit chubbier. At 6 and a half months, these things were to be expected, sure, but you can’t stand it.

Now that you see all the ways your body has changed, seeing what you believe he is seeing, you completely understand why Bucky doesn’t want to be intimate with you anymore.

So, it starts to feel almost natural that you should start shying away when Natasha tries to initiate intimacy. At first, she’s worried because you’ve never denied her before, you’ve never wanted to before, but she eventually brushes it off as a side effect of this later stage of your pregnancy.

Your wardrobe starts changing along with your mood. All the cute maternity clothes you’d bought with Natasha six weeks ago have all been exchanged for overly large, shapeless sweaters and tee shirts; anything you can find that hides your baby belly.

The time you used to spend cuddling on the couch, you now opt for the plush armchair across the room. Bucky furrows his brow, but doesn’t say anything. Natasha will try to persuade you to join them, making plenty of room for you to snuggle in between them, but that usually ends with you excusing yourself to the bedroom for the rest of the night.

Then, you started changing in the bathroom where neither could see you. You started locking the door whenever you would shower, not wanting to risk them accidentally walking in and seeing you.

They’ll be repulsed.

And it’s not long after that that you start sleeping on the couch. Or in the guest bedroom that Natasha was slowly transitioning into the nursery.

Both protest the first time it happened, but when you claim you’re too uncomfortable and need a little extra space, they let you do whatever you say you need to do. They both give you very disapproving glares when you snatch up your pillow and make your way out of your bedroom, but they never try to stop you.

Natasha is trying to spend all her free time with you, but you were soon finding excuses as to why you can’t anymore. You’d start staying later at your desk, claiming you had too much to do to prepare for your maternity leave, even though that would still be almost two months away.

But no matter how many times you tried to convince them otherwise, they both still insisted on going to all your doctor appointments with you. They were both still so incredibly into this baby.

The appointments were becoming more frequent since you entered your third trimester. Instead of twice a month, you are being seen every week. And used to, the three of you would walk to the appointments together, but now, you worked right up until the last minute, meeting them in the doctor's office not a minute sooner than you had to.

They both stand when you enter the room, each pressing a quick kiss to the top of your head, or your cheek, but you’d shrug away as you’d take your place on the exam table. Natasha, as always, looked like a kid on Christmas whenever she would hear the baby’s heartbeat. Bucky is always right there, his hand on your shoulder, smiling like a proud papa.

For these brief moments, your life would feel normal again, that everything was as it should be, especially when they’d look at you the way they are right now. But, as soon as the doctor walks out, the spell is broken.

You’re coming up on the 34th week of your pregnancy, and you absolutely can not take any of this anymore. Your hormones are wreaking havoc on your mentality. Everything makes you cry; songs on the radio, tv shows, the fucking commercials about the dogs…EVERYTHING.

And that’s not counting the physical changes. Your body has stretched to unbelievable proportions, and you feel like you’re looking into a funhouse mirror every time you accidentally catch a glimpse of your own reflection. Everything hurts no matter your position. You’re never comfortable. The baby has gotten so big now and he thinks your bladder is his own personal trampoline, causing you to run to the bathroom every 30 minutes.

And above all else, the icing on the cake to make everything so much worse, you miss Bucky and Natasha.

You HATE yourself for how much you miss them.

You miss the way Bucky’s eyes would crinkle when he smiles at you first thing in the morning. You miss the way Natasha’s hands always felt so soft as she would cup your face when she’d kiss you. You missed their heat as you snuggled between the two of them every night. You missed the way the three of you used to fit so perfectly together.

You used to think that it was going to be the three of you, forever. You used to think that there would be nothing that could have separated you from each other.

Oh, how wrong you were. Turns out that this tiny baby, weighing no more than 6 pounds at this very moment, was just big enough to set your world on fire, destroying everything you ever loved.

A tiny nudge from the inside pulled you back. And crushing guilt was added to your already depressing episode. Of course the baby was not to blame for your crumbling relationship. You had nobody to blame for that but yourself. Because you weren’t enough anymore. You were never going to be enough ever again.

Unsure of how you managed to get here, you find yourself curled up as much as your belly will allow you to in the middle of the bed, clutching Natasha’s pillow to your chest as half your face is buried in Bucky’s. You don’t hear the front door open, so you don’t bother trying to hide the fact that you are full on sobbing as you were supposed to be home alone for the rest of the day; Natasha and Bucky both supposed to be at some training exercise off site.

And you can see them almost as perfectly as if they are standing in front of you now. Natasha, clad in compression capris and a sports bra, so firm and voluptuous, no doubt commanding everyone’s attention with her graceful movements and perfect form.

And then Bucky, so tall and broad and handsome as he broods, but executing each drill with commanding force and precision. What a beautiful pair the two of them make.

Maybe Nat is sending Buck a flirtatious wink from across the training area. Maybe he’s giving her that playful smirk. Maybe there’s some teasing touches, some witty banter. Maybe their hands linger on the other for a second or two longer than is necessarily polite.

And you sob harder.

Of course this was why Bucky wouldn’t want to touch you anymore. That’s what started all of this in the first place. Your body was changing and he didn’t find you attractive anymore. And who the hell would be compared to what a knock-out Natasha is at any given moment.

And you know from experience exactly how beautiful she is. When you have someone like her, someone with such ethereal beauty that transcends all of space and time, how could anyone ever look at someone like you the same way? You only wonder how Bucky had ever found you attractive in the first place.

God, they are going to be so much happier once they cut you loose and get you out of their way.

You imagine their life may go back to the way it was when they were together before, all those years ago, before you came along.

It takes a moment to register that someone’s in bed with you, curling themselves around your body under the cocoon you’ve made with the duvet. Your instinct is to pull away, but strong, slender arms only hold you tighter as you’re pulled closer.

“Please,” Natasha’s voice is in your ear, broken and small. “Please, don’t push me away anymore. It’s killing me.”

You can feel a shuddering breath as she inhales and it’s more painful than you'd ever imagined, to know that she’s hurting too. That you’ve been the one hurting her.

“Talk to me, милая девушка (sweet girl). I can’t…'' Her voice definitely breaks this time and you can feel her sobs more than hear it. “I can’t be without you any longer. Tell me what I’ve done to hurt you.”

Oh no. Does she think she’s done something wrong? How do you begin to tell her how perfect she is? How could she ever think she had hurt you?

It’s you. You’re the problem. She has to know that.

You have to tell her the truth. It’s the only way she will finally understand what you already know.

You tell her everything, even though it hurts, but it would continue to hurt so much more if you didn’t.

She holds you close as the words mixed with broken sobs pour from your mouth. Every insecurity that has grown into a festering wound inside of you; every dark and sinister thought that whispers its vicious poison when you’re alone, filling your mind with darkness and pain; every self-deprecating realization that your only loves deserve far better than you.

You lay it all bare and then you wait. You wait for her to tell you it’s all true and while they might still love you, you’ll never fit into their perfect little family anymore.

When she lets you go, you know this is the beginning of the end. You know she’s pulling away. She’s going to walk away from you, this time forever…

But no, while she does release you, it’s only to crawl over your body so she can lay face-to-face with you. Her green eyes are red-rimmed as her own tears fall freely.

“I need you to understand something. I am always going to love you. I am always going to want you, whether you weigh 100 pounds or 300 pounds or even 500 pounds. It doesn’t matter to me if you wake up tomorrow morning, having developed elephantitis and are permanently deformed for the rest of your life.

“It doesn’t matter to me what you look like, because that’s not the part of you that I fell in love with. I fell in love with who you are on the inside, and on the inside, you are always going to be the most beautiful person I’ll ever know.

“You, my sweet, sweet girl, have always been, and always will be my greatest love,” she whispers as she cups your jaw and swipes at the steady stream of tears running down your cheek. Her hands are soft and her movements are so gentle and you’d forgotten how wonderful it was to be touched by her.

“B-but Bucky…” you argue, but she cuts you off with a finger pressed to your lips.

“I love him too, always, with everything in me, but it doesn’t make anything I’ve just said any less true. I’ll never have anyone else like you. There’s nobody that makes me feel the way my sweet girl does.”

She pulls you in close, carefully positioning herself against you so she’s cradling your large belly in her lap, your head under her chin. You still cry as her hand rests gently on your belly, rubbing soothingly across the taut, stretched skin.

“I thought it was me,” she admits after you’ve finally started to calm down. “I thought...I thought you were going to leave. When you started pulling away from me, I thought I was going to lose you because I wasn’t enough anymore.

“And then, if you left, it would only have been a matter of time before Bucky would leave, too. He’d follow you anywhere. You’re the mother of his child, how could he not? And what am I compared to you? What can I give him? There’s no future with me if you’re not here.”

It was your turn to hold her as she cried. It took some serious wiggling, but you managed to pull her into your chest, cradling her, comforting her. Her tears came hard and fast, staining the front of your shirt.

“You’re my forever, Tasha. I wouldn’t...I couldn’t live without you. And I’m so sorry that I did this to us. I...I...I don’t know how to fix it,” you whispered into her hair, stroking the sweat dampened locks with one hand as the other held her close.

“There’s nothing to fix, sweet girl,” she said with a sniffle, pulling back to look up at you. “I’m yours, мое сердце (my heart). I’ve always been yours.”

“But what about Bucky?” You whisper, willing yourself not to cry again as you think about the other half of your heartache.

“It’s not what you think. I don’t know what’s up, but I know him and it can’t be what you’re thinking. He adores you. I know you can’t see it, but he still looks at you like you hung the moon. You’ll need to sit down with him and talk about it. We have spent too long tiptoeing around each other and look what it’s done to us,” she says as she scoots up so you're lying nose to nose.

“And come back to bed. Please. I can’t stand to spend another night away from you. I don’t know if I can suffer through broody Bucky on my own anymore.”

“He can’t have been that bad,” you say with a small chuckle, curling a strand of red hair behind her ear.

“You have no idea how insufferable he’s been without you,” she assures with a warm smile.

“Speaking of, where is he? No...wait...what are you doing here? Both of you are supposed to be at…”

“At the thing, yeah, no, I couldn’t stand to be there a second longer knowing that you were here all alone.”

“Won’t Steve be upset you left?”

“Nah. But hey, even if he was, what is he gonna do? Kick me off the team?” She says with a scoff and a wink. “Besides, it was mostly for the incoming agents. We were there just as a morale booster.”

“But Bucky stayed?” You ask in a whisper.

“I-“

“No, he didn’t,” comes a deep voice from the doorway. Your head whips around, your body following sluggishly after, to see Bucky standing in the doorway, arms crossed, and brow furrowed.

“How long have you been here?” You asked as you struggled to push yourself up off the bed, to move anywhere else, feeling incredibly vulnerable and exposed in this position.

But Nat’s arms hold you in place, keeping you on your side, as Bucky walked over, kicked off his shoes, and laid down next to you.

“Long enough. Nat beat me here by a few minutes. I would have been here sooner if she would have waited for me to get in the car…” He’s smiling playfully, but his eyes are shining, wide, unblinking, and a little pained. “I waited in the hall, figured I’d give you two a few minutes…”

The silence stretches as you stare at him. There’s so many things you want to say, but you can’t seem to make yourself speak. You need to tell him how you feel. You need to tell him…

“I’m sorry,” he says, cutting you off before you can even get your mouth to open. “I’m sorry I made you feel like this. I’ve done this to you; I’ve done this to all of us, and I’m so, so sorry. But it’s not what you think. Not that there’s an excuse, but I never imagined it would have led to this; that you’d think I wasn’t attracted to you anymore…that I didn’t want you.”

You’re blinking away tears when they start springing back up. His hand reaches out slowly, pausing just inches from your face, giving you the opportunity to pull away. And when you don’t, his hand falls to your hair, pushing the tangled mess back away from your face. The touch is so tender that you can’t fight the tears from falling anymore.

You’ve closed yourself off from them for so long that you’d forgotten how wonderful it felt to be loved by them.

“It was me,” he whispers, closing his eyes. “I’m not...I won’t be...I’d die if I ever hurt you, or him. It’s all I can see every time I close my eyes. It haunts my dreams. And, ok, I’ll admit, I did pull back some, but you just seemed much more delicate than before. There’s a brand new little person growing inside you. And if I hurt you…or him..I couldn’t…”

His voice breaks and he’s blinking away his own tears. You know how he feels. It’s the same self-loathing you’ve been dealing with for the past few months.

What a mess this has turned into. All three of you have been suffering through the same exact thing, feeling inept compared to each other, and instead of anyone talking about how they feel, you’ve been keeping it bottled up until it’s reached this breaking point.

“What a trio we make, huh?” You whisper, reaching out and placing a hand on Bucky’s bicep. You’re giving him a watery smile which he returns as Natasha is hugging you from behind.

“Maybe this would be a good time to suggest we go back to therapy…together…” Natasha piped up as she shifted upwards again, curling around you so she, too, could reach Bucky.

“S’ not a bad idea,” you agree. “It helped before. Could be good to go in for another refresher before the baby gets here.”

Bucky sighs and nods.

“I’ve missed you,” you breathe as you feel the both of them snuggle into you. “I’ve missed you both so much.”

And for the first time in months, with both of your loves snuggled in close, you feel whole and loved and complete.

Chapter 03-Final Chapter

#marvel #captain america #winter soldier #black widow #bucky x reader x nat #bucky x reader x natasha #nat x reader x bucky #natasha x reader x bucky #bucky #bucky barnes #nat #natasha #natasha romanoff #pregnant!reader #uncertain

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mellowsaturns · 11 months

Text

in losing grip, on sinking ships (you showed up just in time)

BUCKY BARNES X FEM!READER

summary: when the avengers pick up unusual activity, they realize that not all of hydra was destroyed. one unidentifiable face sends the team into a frenzy but bucky knows it. he could recognize those eyes anywhere.

warnings: heavy angst, one sided enemies-to-lovers-ish, hydra!assassin!reader, hurt/comfort, happy ending, brainwashing, trauma, guns & knives, fighting, implied kidnapping of reader when young, all the feels, misunderstandings, poor attempt at writing action

wc: 4.7k

a/n: sorry it’s been forever but i hope my fellow buckyluvrs are still here <3 i actually wrote this a long time ago but never got around to editing until recently so i guess you can say this is (from the vault) ? inspired by the idea: what-if there was another winter soldier and bucky finds himself in steve’s position this time trying to get you back to him. anyways, i hope you enjoy this one :)

Bucky’s life was a never ending montage of gunfire and bloodshed. It didn’t matter if he was under the clutches of someone else, he still lived through the wars—the lingering smell of smoke and tang of metallic forever ingrained in his senses.

And just when he thought it was finally over—a glimmer of peace at last—it comes and steals that dream away from him.

Like deja-vu, he’s looking at faces that were once responsible for his pain.

On the screen, three Hydra officers stare back at him. All faces identified by Tony’s system. Alive. Last seen in the outskirts of some small country in Europe. Irrelevant low ranking officials that had managed to survive the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D and have been hiding and secretly continuing Hydra’s mission underground ever since. Low officials or not, it was one too many.

Bucky freezes in his spot when Tony swipes the screen. The billionaire goes on a rant saying this particular face cannot be identified, which was according to Tony, bullshit because his face recognition system is the best in the world. The rest of the team is arguing and flipping through countless files and internet archives. But Bucky knows. He knows that face and those haunting eyes that he still sees in his dreams.

“Buck,” a voice calls out. “You know her, don’t you?”

He looks up at Steve from his spot, his best friend's face worried and all knowing.

One thing about Hydra was that they were always prepared. They had backups and multiple plans ready, or else how would two heads take its place when one was cut off? Unfortunately for the world, Hydra managed to make another deadly assassin, one whose work was so discreet and nimble that even intelligence didn't know they existed.

You were a ghost story that lived in the shadows of the Winter Soldier. You were another one of Hydra’s prize possessions—less known, but just as deadly.

With Steve’s comment, all eyes are now on Bucky. A pregnant pause fills the air and he gulps before he confesses, “I wasn’t the only one.”

The room becomes tense. The war that they thought was over suddenly looms over like an unpredicted oncoming storm. “Jesus Christ, Barnes. You couldn’t have informed us about her earlier?” says Tony.

“I thought,” he says, shifting his eyes onto the ground, “I thought she fell with S.H.I.E.L.D.”

Bucky couldn’t find you anywhere after he escaped their grasp. After he joined the Avengers, he tried once again secretly using Tony’s technology but it was to no avail—it always ended up being a dead end. And for that, he assumed Hydra had put you out of your misery the day they were caught.

But the face on the screen says otherwise. And suddenly, Bucky feels very guilty.

Steve clears his throat, “Well, they were picked up not too long ago heading north. If we leave now, we might be able to find them and stop them once and for all.”

Everyone looks at each other, debating on his proposal. “What the Captain said. Everybody, suit up. Quinjet leaves in ten,” says Tony.

On the jet, Bucky stares off into space but countless questions run through his mind.

Steve walks over and sits beside him. “What’s going on in that head of yours?” he asks, voice quiet.

Bucky sighs, “I just… I thought she was gone.”

“Hey, it’s not your fault. You didn’t know.”

He looks up, wondering if he should tell Steve the truth. That he’s not brooding about the fact that he concealed you to them. After a moment, Bucky speaks up. “When we get there, let me handle her. Please.”

Steve didn’t know what kind of history Bucky had with you. But judging from the look his best-friend is giving, it’s more than what Steve could understand or even comprehend but he trusts Bucky and so, he gives him a nod. “She’s all yours.”

After scouting the area and tracing the location to a very hidden underground warehouse in the middle of nowhere, they split up. The warehouse was dark and dusty, surely abandoned, but Bucky knew better—it was their facade behind the most sinister of activities. Through the comms, Natasha announces that she has already taken care of all the troops in the West wing. Moments later, Sam reports that he has eliminated one of the Hydra officers. They wouldn’t last long. Hydra didn’t have much resources or time to rebuild—their current empire was weak, they were no match for the Avengers this time.

The only person Bucky’s truly worried about is you. The fact that he trained you, made you into what you were today already gave him the chills. He’s not the Winter Soldier anymore, but he was certain that you were still in that killer mindset that Hydra forced upon you.

Step by step, Bucky walks through the quiet hallway, the echoes of his footsteps the only noise. It’s cold here, he notices, which gives him flashbacks to those days in his dirty cell and the cryostasis chamber. Down a hallway to the next, round a corner and another, there wasn’t a single soul in the eerily Eastern wing.

But he spoke too soon, because seconds later, a garrote wire was around his neck. The swift invisible steps and the perfect pressure that was being used to quickly cut off his air supply was all too familiar. He knows this move, he taught this move. You’re here, and you’re dragging him backwards.

Before all oxygen gets cut off to his brain, he jabs his elbow backwards and hits you hard on the rib which releases the hold you have on him and sends you stumbling back. Bucky takes a moment to regain his breath but you’re on your feet again. He looks at you and for a moment he freezes, then you let out a sinister grin. “Nice to see you again, Soldat,” you taunt, before running towards him.

Bucky’s deflecting your punches one after another. Maybe he’s glad he was the one who taught you everything you know because your moves were predictable—if it were another person, there is no doubt they would’ve been on the ground with multiple concussions bleeding out already. You’re ruthless when you do a triple roundhouse kick on him. On the fourth one, he manages to catch your leg and twists it, sending you to the ground with a groan.

How familiar this scene was, Bucky thinks.

Some forty-years ago, Hydra brought a woman into the training room. There was no further instruction than to train you and that’s what he did. He could tell you were well trained already—compliant and pliable. You were good. And you were just like him, injected with a serum that made you a hundred times more efficient and stronger. In just under a year, Hydra would start sending you on missions. Sometimes with him, sometimes alone.

During training, the both of you would spar for hours, leaving each other bloody and bruised, but it didn’t matter to the overlookers, the both of you would heal in a few hours anyways.

Once you pick yourself back up, he pulls a gun out on you. “Stop this,” he commands.

You smirk, “You going to shoot me, Soldat? I want to see you try.”

He clenches his jaw. You continue to look at him, a dark look on your face that shows no sign of true recognition.

His thoughts are disrupted when you tackle him onto the ground. You kick his gun away and pin his arms down as you straddle him. “I’m going to kill you,” you declare, “I’m going to put a bullet through your head.”

When he looks up at you, your eyes are full of rage. Bucky doesn’t know whether that’s the brainwashed version of you talking or the actual you talking—maybe both.

“What are you going to do after you kill me?” he says, irritated. C’mon, please recognize me. “This is all that remains of Hydra. Half the troops are already dead. One of your new leaders is dead. In a few hours, Hydra will be no more. What will you do after that? What are you going to do after you kill me?”

“What does it matter? You’re my mission. I’m going to finish it.”

He groans at your stubbornness that was identical to his Soldier persona.

He says your name slowly. “Get off. You can walk away from this.”

You frown, but he continues, “I know how you feel. You’re feeling helpless.” He clears his throat, “There’s someone behind this version of you. I want to talk to her.”

“What are you talking about?” you utter in annoyance. “Stop stalling.”

He says that name again, with calamity and care. You want to rip out his tongue.

“Let me talk to her. Please.”

“I don’t know who you’re talking about!” you shout, grabbing for the gun that’s strapped onto your waist. “Stop talkin–”

“I was in the cell next to yours. You liked the colour green. You were wearing white when we first met. You always wanted to visit Bucharest. You hated the leaky cold showers in the Siberian facility,” he rambles, trying to remember every single thing about you in a desperate attempt to get your attention so this version of you won’t shoot him in the face.

And for a moment, it works because your hand freezes on the grip of your gun. He takes that moment to flip you over, so you’re under him now, hands pinned above your head. He takes your gun and throws it behind him.

You snarl at him while trying to escape his grasp. “I know you’re under there,” he says. “Please, come through. Please talk to me.”

Your face scrunches in pain, not from him—he would never hurt you—but from the mental warfare that’s currently going on in your mind. You close your eyes as he speaks again. “Listen to my voice, you know me, don’t you? мой милая.”

My darling.

For a moment, your entire body tenses up and then you let out a painful breath. When your eyelids start to flutter open, he finally sees the eyes he came to know and rely on—eyes he came to love.

The both of you are looking at each other unblinking. A scene neither of you expected but always dreamt about.

You break the silence with a whisper of, “James?”

Bucky slowly nods at your disbelief. Finally, he thinks. But such respite doesn’t last long, because seconds later, you hook your foot under his and flip him over and escape his grasp.

There's darkness in your eyes and he can tell that the Soldate is back and the fighting resumes.

You’re chasing him down the twisting hallway and when you catch up, you grab his shoulder and throw a punch to his jaw. He stumbles back and then a voice comes through the comms.

“Just took down the second one.” Steve. “Bucky, how are you holding up? You’ve been quiet ever since we split up.”

He’s trying his best to block your hand, which now has a damn pocket knife. Your quick movements are starting to tire him out. Maybe he taught you too well, he thinks.

“Buck? Bucky. Confirm your status, right now.”

Groaning in frustration, he taps his earpiece. “I’m fine,” he grunts. A second later, “Shit!” he huffs out as you nearly slice his face.

“You don’t sound fine. Is she with you? I’m sending back up.”

“No!” he says, “Don’t send anyone. I can handle her.”

In truth, he’s struggling right now—your stamina has always been better than his—but he’s worried that you’re going to accidentally get hurt and even more agitated when people appear. His main priority was keeping you safe. Fuck the mission statement they talked about back on the Quinjet.

You’re angry—no, you’re extremely angry at him. It doesn’t take a genius to tell. It’s a mixture of pure rage from both the brainwashed and actual you.

He supposed he deserved it. You should be angry. Because for the longest time, it was you and him.

Other than turning you into a ruthless assassin just like him, an unexpected companionship also formed during those hazy in-between moments when the two of you weren’t frozen or on the metal chair getting fried by those machines—during the times when he was just Bucky and you were just you, two unfortunate innocent souls that shared the same suffering.

They weren’t pleasant moments. It was dehumanising. It was getting shoved into draughty cells with nothing but a blanket until it was time to train or time to embark on a mission. Luckily, your cells were next to each other and it made the endless nights a little more bearable. He was a little off-putting at first, but when he yelled at you to stop crying because they would torture you even more for it, you knew he meant well.

During your shared time together, glimpses of your true selves would seldom come up and you would tell each other about the little bits and pieces of a life once known. And the both of you would hold onto each other's memories and stories in case the other forgets.

And whenever they prep the two of you for the chamber due to there being no current missions for the time being, the two of you would look at each other—a look of longing with the secret squeezing of each other's hand before going under.

Despite the absolute awful situation the two of you were in at the time, the both of you were hopeful for the next shared moments together. Because even when all hope was gone, you had each other. And that was good enough for the two of you.

He misses you. So damn much.

“Shut up,” you mutter.

He didn’t even realise he said it outloud. “Well, I do,” he admits, his back hitting a wall.

“You talk too much, Soldat,” you say, creeping up on him. “I ought to cut your throat.”

“I’m sorry I left you with them.”

You halt in your steps and your jaw ticks. In a second, you pounce on him, your knife against his throat. He’s gripping your hand to stop you from continuing your job.

He says your name again. You’re pushing but he’s pushing back just as hard. “I’m sorry…” he repeats, “I’m so sorry.”

The desperation in his voice… You glance up at him slowly and he sees the pink forming in your eyes and your trembling lips. “What are you doing? What are you doing to me?” you whisper.

He sees the internal war behind your eyes once again. Bucky gulps for a moment before letting go of your hand, trusting that you won’t do any actual harm, and moves his hands so he’s cupping your face, firm enough so you’re forced to look at him. You look into his eyes for a second, then a minute, and for a moment, everything stops. Your breath hitches, because those eyes… those arctic blues… you know them. You fell in love with them many years ago.

A realisation washes over your face, one that Bucky doesn’t miss. You’re back.

The first tear falls. Then the second. “Bucky.”

“Hey, sweetheart,” he whispers.

You let out a small cry before you press the blade harder against his neck, your grip a vice from his betrayal. He could feel the sharp cold metal pierce through his skin ever so slightly, but he doesn’t try and stop you.

“Give me a reason to not kill you right now,” you grit through tears. “You left me. You left me behind to rot alone. You promised me. You fucking promised,” you say, voice laced with venom and so much hurt.

Bucky’s heart breaks at the sadness of your voice. Because he did promise. There wasn’t much to do in the cells other than throw around false hope. But whenever he told you he was going to escape one day and that he was going to take you with him—it didn’t feel like false promises at all because it wasn’t, and you knew it too.

Until he broke that promise and left you all alone.

“I didn’t mean to,” he says, voice breaking. “I didn’t mean to leave you there with them.”

“I waited for you,” you cry. “Day and night I waited for you to come back. Even when they relocated, I waited for you because I knew you’d find me.”

You remember that day clearly. Everyone was in a frenzy when the death of Alexander Pierce broke out and that they could not locate the Soldat. For a moment, you could taste your own freedom because government officials would come anytime now and finally arrest all these criminals. But right when they came, a few Hydra officers managed to escape and took you with them, and when you woke up, you didn’t know where the hell you were. But even then you didn’t lose hope because James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes, the name you committed to memory, was going to come for you just like he promised.

Until days, months, and eventually, a year came with no sign of him.

You were angry at first, but it slowly turned into worry because what if something bad had happened to him? But what do you know? You were stuck in this building and only went out whenever they spoke those trigger words to you. And you were always under their watchful eyes, giving you no chance to even attempt an escape. Surely he would never break his promise to you so something must’ve happened to him, you told yourself multiple times.

But he was standing here right in front of you. Alive. We’re under attack, your handler said to you moments ago, Kill the Soldat before he kills you.

“You’re a liar. You never cared about me,” you hiss.

Sometimes, it got too much. But whenever reality was a bit too hard to endure, Bucky was there, always reaching his hand out to you through the metal cage, which you took and held tight. And it meant the world to you, that someone cared.

“All those moments, did it even mean anything to you?”

He uses this opportunity to pull your arms down slightly, knife finally away from his neck and his eyes start to sting from his own tears. “They meant everything to me. I care about you.”

You look up at him with a defeated expression and Bucky never wanted to punch himself in the face more. “Then why? Why didn’t you come back for me?”

“I did,” he chokes out. “When I escaped, the first thing I did was go back for you, but the facility had already been raided and there was no one there. I checked every inch of the building.”

Bucky had never felt so scared, because what if the government took you too? They would never understand—framing you as a villain even though that was far from the truth. But there was no news of your capture, so with a breath of relief, Bucky continued to look through other known Hydra facilities.

“I tried my best looking for you, but I also had to be careful because I was a wanted man at the time. When months passed by and there were no clues, I thought that maybe you had escaped. I was in Bucharest waiting for you. Remember how you said you always wanted to go there? I knew that if you escaped, you’d find me there. Even when you didn’t show, I never gave up. Steve… I think I told you about him once—he found me, he helped me and cleared my name. After that, I still searched for you but it all ended up being dead ends. And…” he pauses for a moment, “and so I thought you were dead. I should’ve tried harder. I’m sorry.”

He had mourned you and blamed himself endlessly for it.

He knows he should’ve asked for help, but instead, he took this task upon himself until it got too much—because that was the one thing he struggled with the most, asking for help.

When his side of the story finally comes to light, you break into a sob. “I don’t expect you to forgive me,” he says, “but please, drop the weapon and let me help you.”

You swallow hard at his confession. He never stopped looking for you. You didn’t even consider how hard it must’ve been for him after everything and yet you’re lashing out on him.

“How are you going to help me?” you say. “I’m a mess. All you have to do is say those words and I turn into a weapon.”

Twelve. Ember. Fragment. Nine. Academy. Order. Frigid. Yearning. Blue.

Those were your trigger words.

“I got you out of your trance, didn’t I?” he says with a gentle smile.

Hydra needed you to rebuild their empire and they relied on those nine words to do so. To them, those nine words were your greatest weakness but one of them, the last one, the one they liked to spit out in vexation, was also your greatest strength—your salvation.

Blue.

You think back, moments prior, when all he had to do was use his voice and all you had to do was look into the blues of his eyes. Hydra can repeat those words all they want, but Bucky would always be able to bring you back.

At that, your grip relaxes and the knife finally drops onto the floor, it’s noise ricocheting off the walls.

“There’s a place called Wakanda and I know someone there who can help you. Her name’s Ayo and she’s amazing. She helped me overcome my words.”

He brings his hands back up to cradle your face and you shutter at the familiar touch—at the calluses on his palms. “And I think you’ll like it there. It’s quiet and there’s so much… green.”

You let out a small laugh through your tears but doubt still fills your mind. “But… all the things I did,” you whimper, “I did such terrible unforgivable things. There’s… there’s so much blood on my hands.”

Sadness flares around his heart. It was all so familiar. He knows the feeling.

“It’s not going to be easy. God knows how long it took for me to believe that none of it was my fault. But let me be the first one to tell you,” he says, wiping your tears away with his thumb. “None of what you did was your fault. You were a victim.” He swallows a deep breath, “There are going to be days where it’ll be too much too bear and there are going to be nights where all those casualties will haunt you,” he admits. “But… but you’ll get there. Someday, you’ll learn to stop punishing yourself for something you didn’t do.”

And he vows that he’ll help you every step of the way.

You breathe out slowly, digesting all his words. “You can trust me,” he tells you, “I won’t let you down this time. I’ll be here.”

Blinking up at him, the small hesitant part of you so desperately wanted to say, “How can I trust you?” but his eyes were telling you everything you needed to know. Because it was filled with nothing but honour and truth.

He breaks away from you and reaches out his hand. An invitation. You stare at it for a while, then you slowly lift yours and brush your fingers amongst his before grabbing it tightly—a truce of sorts, a promise. He squeezes back in return, a loving smile on his face, just like all those nights many moonlights ago.

Your breath hitches when he pulls you into his embrace, your face burying perfectly into the valley of his chest. He wraps his arms around you in urgency, in fear, almost afraid you’ll slip out if he doesn’t.

“It’s over,” he mumbles into your hair.

Because two floors down an explosion erupts, finishing off the last remaining garrison of troops. Three hallways down, Natasha sets fire to a room that contained the other small red leather book that held those nine suffocating words written in Russian. Outside, the last Hydra officer attempting to flee falls to his knees from an arrow to the chest. And the only hope they had left to rebuild their regime was safely in Bucky’s arms.

He pulls away and uses his thumb to rub gently across your cheek, “It’s over. The war is finally over.”

Now that the worst is over, Bucky’s hopeful. There will be other conflicts to come, that was just how it worked, but this one, the one that held you and him underwater for years was finally over. War always took too much, but this time, it gave something back. Because among the ashes and ruins you came back to him, no more oceans in between.

“What do we do now?” you press nervously. You were taken at a young age and spent years in the Red Room before you were sold off to Hydra. Like Bucky, you’re in the wrong time period, there’s no one to go back to.

There’s so many things you could do, Bucky thinks. You can finally start living the life you deserved, the life that was taken from you too early. He’ll have to explain all this to his teammates but he knows they’ll understand. They treated him so well, there’s no doubt they’ll show the same kindness for you. Then, he’ll go with you to Wakanda, get rid of the words, maybe stay there for a while so you could heal—maybe show you the goats he took care of during his time there.

You’ll probably adjust to the 21st century better than him—you won’t need to start off with a flip phone, that’s for sure. He’ll make you listen to all the great records and watch all the movies you missed out on. There’s so many things he wanted to do with you. He knows you have no memories, no recollection. It didn’t matter, Bucky thinks, he would make new memories with you, ones worth cherishing and remembering. If you’ll have him, of course.

But first and most importantly, “Let’s get you cleaned up, okay? Then we can talk about it,” he says, rubbing the grime off your nose.

He grabs your hand and heads for the exit. But before he does, you pick up your knife from the floor and in one quick motion, you spin around and throw it. The knife embeds itself into the wall a few metres away, right next to a prying face. You stand in front of Bucky and stare at the intruder with a murderous gaze and Bucky’s heart races at the thought of you still wanting to protect him after everything.

The blond raises his arms up in surrender.

“Steve,” Bucky says from behind and you briefly recognize that name. You turn around to look at him and he meets your eyes, nodding. You relax your stance.

“Hi,” Steve says, voice slightly hoarse. “I hope I didn’t interrupt anything.”

Bucky scoffs at him, as if he wasn’t eavesdropping the whole time.

Steve looks at the both of you, then a gentle smile adorns his face. “C’mon, the rest are waiting outside for you both.”

You step forward. This is it. Freedom. A new life. Bucky notices your hesitation as you suddenly stop in your tracks. Intertwining his fingers with yours, he squeezes with reassurance. You take a deep breath, then the two of you follow Steve to the exit, leaving behind the smoke and memories of your old life.

Outside, the sun comes up slowly but surely on the horizon, painting the awakening sky a gentle warm hue of oranges and pinks.

A new beginning awaits.

#bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes oneshot #bucky barnes imagine #bucky #bucky barnes

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