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lokiswifeduh · 1 month

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Long Night

Pairings - Roommate!tfatws!Bucky x Fem!Roommate!Reader

Summary - You've been stood up twice in a row now. Bucky is tired of seeing you disappointed. So he takes you on a date.

Warnings - angst, being stood up, angry/annoyed bucky

Notes - I'm horrible at summaries, I know!! This happened to me a couple days ago, wishing I had a Bucky to take me on a date in Brooklyn right about now! Not proofread so lmk if there are any mistakes! Thank you for reading loves!!

WC - 1,750

masterlist

"Whatcha gettin' ready for, doll?" Bucky leaned on your bedroom doorframe, watching you straighten your hair in the mirror on top of your dresser.

"I have a date." You smiled, not noticing the slight drop in Bucky's smile.

"Oh, with anyone I know?"

You shook your head. "His name's Nash. Someone Sam set me up with," You explained. "He's supposed to pick me up in twenty minutes."

Bucky internally rolled his eyes. The guys Sam hung around with were nice, yes. However, he never got the guts to take you out on the date you deserved. A date with him.

"Are you sure you want him picking you up?" Bucky asked, making you look back in confusion. "I mean you don't know him that well... You could meet him there or uh, I'll drop you off." You let out a small laugh, "Yeah Buck, I'll just have my male roommate drop me off at a date, that'll go over well."

Bucky shrugged. He walked away from your bedroom to grab a beer from the fridge before sitting on the couch. He turned on whatever channel didn't require him to use the remote too much before slouching into the cushions.

Twenty minutes passed by when you slipped out of your bedroom, shutting the door behind you.

"Wow, doll. You.." Bucky's eyes widened slightly, "You look great."

You grinned, looking down at your outfit. It was basic but it was the most comfortable yet fashionable outfit you had. Black flared leggings with a sage green sweater and some white sneakers. It was simple yet appropriate for a late-night-diner date.

And to top it all off your makeup had cooperated for once. Both eyebrows looked like twins and not sisters. Your highlight was perfect, shimmering, but not too much. And you had the perfect lipgloss that made your lips look sunkissed. Perfect.

"He should be here any minute!" You sprayed some perfume, your favorite vanilla scent, and went to sit in the armchair across from the couch.

Bucky hummed, keeping his eyes on the Tv, taking another sip of beer.

However, twenty more minutes went by and Nash hadn't texted you, hadn't called, and hadn't shown up. Bucky was starting to feel bad and you could tell by the pity looks he kept throwing your way.

"He uhm," Bucky cleared his throat, "Maybe he hit traffic. You know, with it being New York and everything." You nodded, trying to hold onto at least a small bit of hope. "Yeah, traffic." But then another forty minutes went by and he still hadn't even texted.

And then another hour.

And another hour.

By the time Bucky finally turned off the Tv it was three and a half hours since the time Nash was supposed to come pick you up.

You were still sitting in the armchair, having dozed off with a couple tears streaked down your face. Ruining your once-perfect makeup.

Bucky sighed, silently cursing Sam even though he knew it wasn't his fault.

"Alright, doll," Bucky whispered, placing his metal arm behind your back, and lifting your legs with his right. You groaned awake, holding your phone in your palm as you wiped your cheek. "What time is it?" Your eyes shoot open, "Did he show up?" Bucky placed you in your bed, handing you one of his t-shirts you had stolen a while ago. "No, doll. I'm sorry." You stripped your shirt off to change as Bucky went into your bathroom, grabbing a couple of makeup wipes.

"Here." He softly spoke, hating your distraught and disappointed expression.

You wiped your makeup off, shedding a couple more tears in the process. The tears dripped from your cheek to the grey henley Bucky had given you. "It's okay. Maybe he was just busy." Bucky wanted to roll his eyes. He wanted to tell you that any respectful man, any gentleman wouldn't have done what Nash did to you. But he kept his mouth shut, opting to hum in your favor, and threw the makeup wipes in the trash when your face was completely bare.

"Goodnight, Doll." He placed a kiss on the crown of your head as you hummed in response. "Goodnight, Buck."

---

A couple days later, you finally got a text back from Nash.

"Bucky I was right!!" You came sliding into the kitchen, your socks making it easy to ice-skate on the smooth wood floor.

Bucky chuckled at your ability to skid so gracefully without falling. He had tried it once but vowed to never do it again after he slid into the dining room table. You would never let him live it down.

"Right about what, doll?" Bucky flipped the pancake, adding some vanilla to the dough.

"About Nash! He actually was busy!" Bucky quirked an eyebrow. Wondering why he had waited this long to text you back. Six days to be exact. "Did he say with what?" Bucky turned back to making breakfast.

"He said he got busy with work, and that something at work pissed him off so he didn't wanna see me while he was upset." You explained what Nash had told you.

Bucky had never wanted to hit someone in the face so hard.

Well, actually that wasn't true. But he did want to sock Nash in the face for standing you up and giving you a half-ass excuse days later.

"I mean that explains things, yeah..." Your brows furrowed at Bucky's flat tone. "Do you not believe it?" Bucky sighed, pulling the milk and eggs from the fridge as you sat on the countertop. "It's not that I don't believe it, it's just that it kinda seems like he forgot and or didn't wanna see you so he made up an excuse a little less than a week later to not seem like a dick." You nodded, taking in the information. Bucky couldn't sense your reaction quite yet, seeing how you were just staring at the ground with your hands in your lap, swinging your legs in the air.

"I mean, I'm seeing him tonight. If everything goes well after then I'll know it really was true."

"You're seeing him again?" You nod, "But this time I'm meeting him at the fourth corner Bakery. And I'm meeting him earlier this time, around noon."

Bucky looked over at the clock, seeing it was already 10:45. "Well you better go get ready," He said almost reluctantly, "Breakfast will be done before you need to leave."

You smiled, hopping off the countertop as you gave Bucky a quick kiss on the cheek. "Thanks, Buck. You're the best!"

He smiled, but then remembered he's only making you breakfast before you go on a date with a guy who's already stood you up once. Rolling his eyes, he scrambled the eyes, listening to your music in the other room.

---

You had already left for your date three hours ago when Bucky decided to go over to see Sam. His excuse was wanting to discuss the next mission they were due to go on in a week. But he just didn't want to sit at home all day, thinking about how you were on a date with another guy.

However, before he could reach Sam's he had to pass by the bakery where you were meeting Nash.

Yet when he looked through the window, there you were, sitting all alone at a table for two, eating a piece of cheesecake. No Nash in sight.

An internal war started in Bucky's mind. Should he go in and see if you were okay? Or should he believe Nash was in the bathroom and you were just sitting by yourself for a minute or two?

But then he noticed the solemn look on your face. The way your fork poked at the half-eaten cake. And that was your favorite kind. Bucky mumbled a soft curse, opening the door to the bakery and making his way over to you.

Without words, he sat down, his gloved hand resting on the table in front of your plate. You kept your head down, not quite looking at Bucky but knowing he was there.

"He didn't show, again." You mumbled. If Bucky didn't have super soldier hearing he doubted he could've heard what you had said.

"I know, doll. I'm sorry." You finally looked up, tears in your eyes which made Bucky's heart clench. "Why me, Buck? Why am I the one who's alone?" Bucky stayed silent, knowing you needed to vent.

"Am I unlovable? Is that what it is? Why does every single one of my friends get to find the one? Get to fall in love, get married, and have kids and I'm the one without someone?!" Your outburst made some other customers look over in concern.

You groaned, resting your head on your hand and hiding your face from the rest of the bakery. "I- uh, I'm not sure, doll. But I know one thing.. you're not unlovable. You just haven't found the one who wants to take the effort to show you how effortless you are to love."

You looked up at Bucky, fresh tears gleaming in your eyes. You had never seen him look so vulnerable before. He usually grumped his way through emotions. But not with you, not anymore.

He gave you a sad smile, clearing his throat before he stood, "Y'know what, doll. Let's go." He held out his hand. You looked around, "Where are we going?" Bucky took your palm in his gloved hand, "It's a surprise." You laughed, before standing and throwing the rest of your soggy cheesecake away. "You know how I feel about surprises." "Okay, I'll give you a hint." Bucky opened the door for you, making sure to walk on the side of the road with the bustling cars and traffic. Bucky called a taxi, opening the door for you. "You're about to have the best date of your life." You stared at him in awe before laughing and climbing in the taxi. Bucky's knees barely fit as he scooted in next to you. The driver asked where to go as Bucky licked his lips, "Brooklyn, please." You smiled, "Brooklyn?"

Bucky nodded, throwing an arm around your shoulder. "I may be old but I still know some good spots to take my best girl on a date." A blush rose to your cheeks as you looked over to him. "Your best girl?" Bucky nodded, picking up your hand with his metal one before leaving a soft kiss on your knuckles. "Always and forever, doll."

---

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wintersoldiersoul · 7 months

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Tolerate It

A/N: I think I might make a part 2 to this... if you guys would want that lmk!

Summary: After a mission gone wrong, Bucky shuts you out. (Based on Tolerate It by Taylor Swift)

Warnings: sad, Bucky is kind of an ass, angst,

It started a few months ago when a mission went wrong. You watched helplessly as the Winter Soldier trigger words were spoken in Bucky’s ear. You screamed and cried, begging and hoping that the deprogramming he had gone through had really stuck. You saw him shift for only a minute before he regained control. But you saw it. That cold emptiness in his eyes was terrifying.

You tried to comfort him as best you could afterwards. You cooked him all of his favorite meals, decorating the table with flowers and the nicest plates you owned, hoping that maybe it would bring just a tiny bit of excitement back to his life. You tried to make everything as easy as possible for him, washing every single dish in the sink, doing his laundry, you just wanted him to focus on feeling better. But the things that happened on that mission had shaken him and it wasn’t something that your affection could fix.

Every time though, he would notice the meal on the table and walk right by you without even saying a word. He saw his laundry, clean and folded in the drawers, and would only respond by giving you an empty look. You knew he was going through a hard time but eventually, you started to believe that it was your fault. He didn’t love you anymore. He just tolerated you.

You gave him space, hoping and praying that eventually he’d be okay. That the light inside of him would turn back on and he would go back to the man you had given your heart to. But life doesn't work like that.

Nothing had returned to normal, even now. Bucky was functioning again, going on missions, hanging out with Steve and Sam, but with you, he was different. Gone was the loving man who would tear down buildings for you. You barely even saw him. He’d leave in the morning before you were awake and come back long after you went to sleep, stumbling in drunk and passing out on the couch. The two of you hadn’t exchanged more than a few words a day for months. And it was breaking you apart.

You couldn’t take it anymore. Being in this limbo where you were his yet you weren’t. Part of you wished he’d just break up with you so that you could try to move on. You’d never have the heart to leave him.

It was 3am. You were wide awake and based on the sound of the TV out in the living room, you knew he was, too. You got out of bed and wrapped your blanket around yourself before making your way out to the living room. Bucky was seated on the couch, eyes on the TV screen but not really watching it.

You tentatively sat down, waiting for his mouth to open to tell you to go away. “Buck,” you said quietly, reaching your hand out to take his. He flinched when he felt your flesh graze his, quickly pulling away. “Bucky, please,” you pleaded. You wanted to hug him so badly. You needed to feel him and hold him and tell him that everything was going to be okay.

But he didn’t respond to you. He just continued to stare ahead. You sat with him for a while, just relieved that he wasn’t telling you to leave. That counted for something, right?

“You should get some sleep,” he eventually said. He didn’t actually care about how much sleep you got. He just wanted you to go away.

Wordlessly, you got up and left, crying yourself to sleep alone once again. You couldn’t help but blame yourself. Bucky could talk to Steve and Sam and all of the other Avengers but he didn’t wanna talk to you. You were too overbearing. You talked too much. You were too young for him. Never smart enough. You’d never make him happy. But you couldn’t let him go.

The next day, Bucky was working in his office, the door shut and locked. You knocked softly, afraid to disturb him, but you couldn’t do this anymore. You constantly felt like you were drowning, unable to get a full breath of air in. “Bucky? P-please, can you let me in?”

You heard a sigh and footsteps as he approached, opening the door. He looked at you, eyes full of that same coldness that you had grown accustomed to. “What?”

You took a deep breath and tried to steady your shaking hands. You missed how things used to be when at the slightest sign of your anxiety he would scoop you into his arms, hugging you tight and telling you that everything would be okay. But now, he stared at your trembling body and did nothing. “I-I can’t keep doing this anymore. I need you to let me in. I need you to talk to me.” Tears fell from your eyes as soon as you started speaking. You really didn’t wanna cry but you couldn’t help it. Every time he looked at you with that empty stare, you felt like your whole body was ripping into a thousand pieces.

“I don’t wanna talk to you,” he said, emotionless.

“Did I do something? I- I just-”

“Y/N, just stop it, okay? I said I don’t wanna talk to you!” He yelled.

You were taken aback. Half of you was expecting him to hug you, telling you how sorry he was for yelling. But he didn’t. He just stood, chest heaving and anger on his face. “You don’t mean that,” you said through gritted teeth.

“Yes, I do. I don’t wanna talk to you and I don’t wanna see you,” he answered before slamming the door in your face.

And you broke. You slid down the wall, unable to keep yourself up any longer. You knew for a fact that he could hear your sobs from the other side of the door but he didn’t come to comfort you. This man, the man that you loved, the man who you thought loved you, was letting you cry alone. Was letting you cry because of him. And he didn’t even care.

Eventually, you picked yourself up and made your way to your room. You crawled into his side of the bed, trying to take in the faint remnants of his comforting scent. You sobbed for hours until you fell asleep.

You were awoken by the rustling of clothes. “Bucky?” you said groggily, seeing the outline of his figure moving through the room.

“I’m going to Steve’s. I’ll come get the rest of my stuff later this week.” Each word punctured a hole in your chest. Why couldn’t you have just been enough?

“Bucky, please don’t do this,” you whispered, fighting your hardest to not cry again. But even if you did, he wouldn’t care, “Please, just talk to me.”

“Y/N, stop it.” His words were so robotic. “Just stop it. It’s done. We’re done.”

You wanted to hole up in your bed forever. You wanted to sleep away the pain and wake up years later when maybe the ache of him missing in your chest had shrunk. But you couldn’t. Because you were a superhero. And people’s lives didn’t stop needing saving because you felt like you were dying.

So you pulled yourself out of bed. Forced yourself to head to the tower a week later when Steve called for an emergency meeting. You hadn’t slept or eaten, weight loss and dark circles giving you the illusion of a zombie. You didn’t have the energy to put on real clothes. You stayed in what had become your uniform: sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt.

As if the world was playing a cruel joke on you, the second you got off the elevator, you were face to face with Bucky. You swallowed hard, waiting for him to say something. Anything. But he didn’t. He just looked at you, taking in how unwell you looked. How even in the week since he’d been gone, your frame had shrunk. He saw it. He noticed it. He just didn’t care.

“Why don’t we go undercover?” You suggested as a strategy for the mission that Steve was briefing you all for.

Bucky scoffed at your comment. “That’s like asking to get killed. God, do you ever use your brain?”

His comment hit you hard. But instead of only the blinding pain you had been feeling since he left, you also felt angry. How could this man who claimed to love you for so long speak to you that way?

You glared up at him. Even if you did die on this mission, would he even care? “I bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

Steve shot you a look. “Y/N, come on. Not now.”

“What, Steve? I’m just saying what he’s thinking!” You were almost laughing as you spoke, the emotions of the situation becoming too much to handle.

Bucky stood up from his seat. “I can’t do this. Steve, just fill me in later.” He slammed the door as he left.

The meeting ended but you couldn’t find the strength to move. You just sat in your chair staring mindlessly at the ground.

“Y/N,” Steve said, calmly approaching you. “I know going through a break-up is hard.”

Is that really all that he thought this was? Just a break-up? Sure, you were experiencing the gut-wrenching heartbreak of no longer being Bucky’s girlfriend but you were also filled with so much self-loathing. You felt completely unlovable. You genuinely thought that if you disappeared from the face of the earth, not a single person would miss you.

“Steve, what did Bucky tell you?” You asked. You knew Steve well enough to know that he wouldn’t dismiss the way you felt if he knew everything that was really going on.

“What do you mean? He told me what happened. He said you guys got into a fight and you ended it.”

His words shocked you. Bucky was trying to blame you? He didn’t even give a fuck about what everyone else thought of you and your character? You couldn’t help but laugh. “Is that what he fucking told you? That I ended it? That we broke up in one night after one fight?”

Steve stared at you, confused. He didn’t know that there was a whole other side to the story. Your side. The truth. “Y/N, is that not what happened?”

“No, that’s not what fucking happened, Steve!” You were losing it, both crying and laughing at the same time. “He hasn’t talked to me for months! Not since that mission where they used the trigger words. He doesn’t look at me, doesn’t speak to me… he was sleeping on the couch! I gave him his space. And when I tried to talk to him again, he left. He fucking left. So no, Steve, that is not what happened.”

He stared in your direction and you thought he was looking at you but really, he was looking at the door where Bucky stood. “Thought you could fill me in on what I missed,” he said, not even looking at you or acknowledging what he had just overheard.

Steve was speechless for a second, not knowing what to do. “Um, yeah,” he finally spoke. “Let’s go.” Him and Bucky left the room leaving you once again, alone.

You cried alone in the boardroom for a while. As you were leaving the tower, you heard voices from down the hallway, yelling.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Captain America’s frustrated voice echoed down the hall to your ears. “She did nothing wrong, Buck. Why would you do that to her?”

“Steve, you don’t understand, okay?” Bucky responded. His voice sounded like…no. It couldn’t be possible. He couldn’t be crying.

“Then make me understand! Did you see her? Did you see how broken she looked? Do you not even care? I don’t get it, Buck. A week before that mission you were browsing engagement rings. And then you just…” he sighed. “Bucky that girl loves you more than anyone ever will.”

“I know, Steve,” Bucky said sternly.

“She would do anything for you. She would-”

“Steve, I said I know!” Bucky’s voice rang out. Your heart raced as you listened. “I know she would. And I would do the same for her. That’s why-” his voice broke. “That’s why I had to do this.”

Your head was spinning. He had abandoned you, froze you out, made you feel like absolute shit because he loved you?

There was a minute of silence before Bucky continued speaking. “What if I hurt her, Steve?” His voice sounded so soft. It was a tone you hadn’t heard from him in months. It made your heart ache. “The trigger words…they worked, you know. Only for a minute but…they worked.”

“That’s why you did this?” You said, stepping out from your hiding place and making your presence known.

Bucky’s face went white as he saw you. He wanted nothing more than to run to you, to take you in his arms. It was all he had wanted for months but he couldn’t do it. He had to protect you from himself. “You weren’t supposed to hear that,” he said, his tone still soft.

“Too fucking bad, Bucky. I did hear it,” you retorted.

“I’m gonna give you guys some privacy…” Steve said, walking out of the room and leaving you alone with the man who had ripped your heart to shreds over the past few months.

“Y/N, I had to protect you,” Bucky said.

You scoffed. You didn’t know how to feel in this moment. You were devastated by the way you had been treated. You were angry at him for putting you through this. But you also just wanted him back. Your Bucky. The way he was speaking to you, looking at you, it reminded you of before everything had been blown to bits. “I don’t need your protection. But I did need you! Bucky, do you know how horrible you made me feel? I felt like you never loved me! That I would never be good enough! I felt like a placeholder until you found someone better! You did that. You did this to me.”

Tears fell from his eyes as he listened. “When they used those trigger words…I wanted to kill you. The Winter Soldier wanted to kill you. Do you understand that? I wasn’t in control. I didn’t know that it was you, the love of my life, standing in front of me. All I knew was that you were a mission. And I wouldn’t have hesitated to kill you.”

“So you decided to treat me like fucking garbage? Bucky, do you know how many nights I spent alone in our bed, crying myself to sleep because my boyfriend made me feel worthless?”

“I know, I know,” he wiped his tears. “I heard you every time. And God, Y/N, it broke my heart. I was crying with you. I wanted nothing more than to get into bed and wrap my arms around you.”

“So why didn’t you?” You said, hot tears streaming down your cheeks now.

“I thought that you’d eventually realize I wasn’t good enough for you. I was waiting for you to end it. To give up on me like so many other people have. But you never did and I-I couldn’t keep living every second terrified that I would hurt you.”

You shook your head. “I would never give up on you. I was never going to give up on you.”

“Please forgive me. I miss you so much, I don’t know what to do. I fucked it all up.”

You were at a crossroads. You wanted so badly to forgive him. To say that you understood. And part of you did, but you also couldn’t forget the way he had made you feel for so long. So isolated and lonely.

“I need some time, Bucky,” you said before walking out of the room, leaving the love of your life crying on the sofa.

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imtryingbuck · 6 months

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Happy Ending?

~ gif not mine credit to owner ~

Pairing: Steve Rogers x fem!Reader, Future Bucky x fem!Reader

Summary: Reader dates Steve but he’s not a good boyfriend

Word count: 967

Warnings: Angst. Steve not being a good boyfriend, low self-esteem, no smut but smut? Idk I’m sorry. Self-body hating – plus size reader.

A/n: pt 2&3 will be on Bucky’s masterlist

Masterlist

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

You see the love of your life kissing Natasha. Then in the car she jokes about it being his first kiss in 70 years, he doesn’t correct her of course he doesn’t otherwise he’ll have to tell her he’s dating you. For the past 6 months. He tells you that it meant nothing and that they had to do it so they didn’t blow their cover. He takes you to bed has you on all fours and as he’s nearing his release, he says Natasha. You cry and he doesn’t notice.

You’re sitting in the backseat of the car next to Bucky Barnes, having to see the love of your life kissing the next best thing he’s going to get to Peggy Carter, her niece Sharon. You can’t say anything though as nobody knows you two are dating, still. He tells you it’s for your own safety but you know it’s not for that reason. You know he’s embarrassed of you, you’re not skinny. You’re fat. Overweight. Plus-size. However you want to put it you’re not skinny. You’re not perfect like Natasha or Sharon or any other woman he could have. He tells you he loves you in a whisper. He kisses you behind closed doors. Hell he doesn’t even touch you in-front of anyone. Yet you stay with him because you love him.

Later that night he tells you he loves you and only you. You believe it. Your face gets pushed into the pillow, arse in the air and like last time as he’s about to get his release it’s not your name nor Natasha’s that slips past his pretty lips it’s Sharon’s. You cry, again.

You stay silent about the pain he keeps causing you because you are so afraid of being alone, so desperate to be loved by him or anybody for that matter. All you want is real love but you’re too scared to leave. The worst part is even Steve knows this. He knows how much you love him, and he knows himself that he could never love you, not really love you.

A few months goes by, and everything has calmed down so you decide to take him to meet your parents for the first time. He’s so nervous it’s actually cute. He meets your parents, brother and sister. Dinner goes by smoothly, Steve talks to your dad and brother about everything and anything whilst you’re in the kitchen talking to your mum and sister about how much of an amazing guy he is, how much you love him and how happy you are. Your mum tells you you’re absolutely glowing. The night comes to an end you’re sitting in the passenger seat eyes going from him to the stars in the sky, your happy for the first time in months. You both get home, and he tells you how incredible you are, says he wants to make love to you so you let him. Before you know it he flips you onto your hands and knees face being shoved into the fluffy pillows, your brains working overtime wondering which name is going to make its way out of his mouth. Your whole body is hurting because of how rough he’s being with you, your head hurts and your poor stupid heart is breaking all over again as he empties all his worth inside of you while the name he’s keep chanting like a prayer is that of your sister.

How you manage to do it is lost on you, but you push him off of you with what little strength you have left and make a beeline straight to the bathroom locking the door as quickly as you can, you stumble to the toilet in time to empty the contents out of your stomach. In the mist of being sick and crying you hear Steve pounding on the door pleading with you to let him in asking if he’s hurt you. Asking ‘what did I do wrong’ which is ironic as that’s the same question you’ve repeatedly asked yourself. You hug the toilet trying to get some kind of warmth from it.

But it doesn’t happen.

You fall asleep naked, face covered in tears on the cold bathroom floor. Steve falls asleep on the bedroom floor against the door.

The next morning you wake up sore with Steve knocking on the door telling you he has to leave on an important mission that he loves you and when he gets back you both can talk about why you ran off hiding in the bathroom. You remain stuck to the floor long after he’s left.

You know you can’t keep doing this, going through the pain, blaming yourself for not being good enough for him. ‘You need to stop being scared of being alone’ you told yourself and finally after nearly a year of crying yourself to sleep every night you pick yourself off the tiled flooring and with timid steps you head into the bedroom. As you pack all your stuff into suitcases and bags you thought you’d be crying whilst doing this but no tears have made an appearance, you’re completely numb and done with everything. Walking around the apartment taking your things as you go you head to the front door and like a naive silly girl you’re arguing with yourself to put your stuff back and just wait for the love of your life to come home. ‘He loves you idiot’ even though you know it not to be true and with that and your broken heart you take a look around visibly seeing the good times that took place within those four walls, you walk out of the door and into the cold December morning.

You thought he was going to be your happy ending.

~ banners credit goes to @sweetpeapod ~

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oneofstarkskids · 1 month

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don't say that (part 2)

part 1

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

genre: angst angst angst!!

warnings: cheating, lying, !TOXIC RELATIONSHIP!

summary: based on taylor swift's song question

*not my gif*

You had decided to stay with Bucky, if only to keep him from damaging himself.

Even if it meant you were being broken down in the process.

He kept true to his promises, insisting that he break up with her. It should've made you feel better, but it didn't.

Seeing how much pain she was in only made you feel worse.

It didn't help that you'd lost sight of who you were and now your whole world seemed to revolve around him.

Neither of you were fit to love one another. It was as if you were pieces of broken glass and your shattered edges didn't match up.

You hated the whole fucking situation.

And given the circumstances, how could you really be happy?

You'd thought that you'd made it obvious that you didn't want your friends to know about the relationship just yet.

His break up was fairly recent still and you didn't want them to think badly of you.

Bucky had even agreed, but somewhere along the line he'd told Sam and Sam told everyone else. Natasha hadn't spoken to you in weeks.

A part of you wanted to be upset with Bucky, but the other part just blamed it on miscommunication.

You didn't need an explanation.

It was late and Bucky had just had a long day of assignments. His arm was draped over your side and his cold nose was pressed against your neck.

He was already half asleep, but you were staring into the darkness of your bedroom, wide-awake.

"Can I ask you a question?" You whispered.

He hummed sleepily.

The words rolled over in your mind for a moment. You didn't want to upset him, but you thought you'd made your stance clear. What he did today proved otherwise.

You were hanging out with the team. Steve had just gotten back from his solo mission and wanted to tell everyone about it.

Bucky walked in and saw you sitting on the couch. Natasha was standing against the wall watching him.

Bucky leaned down and kissed you in front of everyone. It was so sudden and you didn't know how to react.

At first, the team was shocked. They'd heard the dating rumors, but they didn't expect this level of public affection from the former Winter Soldier.

After a few seconds though, Clint started slow clapping. "Real cute, now get a room." Clint Barton, always the sarcastic jackass.

You turned your head away from Bucky and focused on what Steve was saying. However, Natasha's disapproving expression didn't go unnoticed by you.

"Why did you do that today?" You asked quietly.

Bucky still had his eyes closed. "Do what?" He asked in a sleepy voice.

"Kiss me in front of everyone like that."

"Because I love you," he kissed your shoulder.

"I know, but I thought we agreed to keep the relationship thing a little private," you said with a sigh.

Now Bucky was awake.

"Why does it matter? Everyone already knows," he said in defense.

You sat up, annoyed by his careless attitude, "It matters because we agreed! Did you see Natasha's face?"

Bucky sat up too and pulled you onto his lap. He rubbed your back as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

"I didn't want to hurt her, Bucky," you said guilty.

He kissed your temple, "I know, doll."

You got up and went into the bathroom, needing time away from Bucky. Every second you spent in his arms made you feel worse and worse.

Of course, he got up and started knocking on the door. "Can I come in?"

When he didn't get a response, he opened the door anyway.

You were sitting on the edge of the tub with your head in your hands. You were regretting everything.

He stood in front of you not knowing what to do, "C'mon babe, can we please go back to bed. We can figure this out tomorrow."

You shook your head and ignored his pleas, "It's all too much."

"What's too much? I'm here. Tell me. I'll fix it," he crouched down to your level and held your hands in his.

"No, Bucky. You can't fix it. I just...I need to be alone tonight," you told him with tears in your eyes. "Please."

His jaw twitched, but after a long moment he got up without a word and went into the bedroom. You came out a few minutes later to see him, fully dressed, and grabbing his keys.

He walked out before you could say another word, making sure to slam the door as he left. He hadn't even put up a fight.

The only sound left in your apartment was the soft shuttering breath of your sobs.

tags for those who asked in part 1:

@immyowndefender @ozwriterchick @vicmc624 @eclecticpatrolroadlawyer

thanks for reading, guys! <3

#marvel #mcu #avengers #fanfiction #marvel angst #bucky angst #angst #bucky imagine #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes angst #sad fic

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sjsmith56 · 3 months

Text

Customer Service

Summary: Bucky’s former girlfriend helps him buy a new suit, but he’s there for other reasons. First part of a two part series.

Length: 3.6 K

Characters: Unnamed OFC, named minor OFC, Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson.

Warnings: Bucky showing up unannounced at her workplace, OFC remembering the not so good times, anxiety.

Author notes: Once upon a time I worked retail. An ex-spouse or lover showing up unannounced was always problematic. I’m not terribly knowledgeable about what men’s suits go with an athletic build, although my research did lean to a preference for the Hugo Boss and Calvin Klein labels.

🥾 👔 💔

“There’s a customer here that wants to speak to a manager,” said Lynette, the clerk at the customer service desk, sticking her head in the door of the office. She had a big smirk on her face. “I’m just warning you to be careful.”

I pulled my glasses off to glare at her as I really didn’t have time to deal with a grumpy customer. She shrugged.

“That’s why you get paid the big bucks.”

I followed her out and turned the corner where the most beautiful man I had ever seen leaned on the counter, someone I knew well and hadn’t expected to ever see again. Tall, broad-shouldered, with soft dark brown hair, rugged good looks, and a pair of blue eyes that pierced me as sharp as a knife. He had a smirk on his face as if he knew exactly the effect he had on me.

“Good afternoon, sir,” I said, trying to modulate my voice so that I didn’t give away that I knew him. “How can I be of assistance?”

He looked at me in surprise. I was going to be like that was I? Well, two could play that game.

“I would like to return these work boots,” he said, in a manner that indicated he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. “They fell apart the first time I used them at work.”

There was a black garbage bag on the counter that I assumed held the boots in question. Before I looked in it, I looked at him, trying to gauge if he was going to be one of those customers to me, in front of a witness. You know the type, someone who buys something to replace the worn-out ones he already has, then tries to pass the worn-out ones off as the newer model in order to get his money back. It’s a scam, and I could always pick out the type of person who would do that, which he wasn’t but it would be just like him to push the boundaries, trying to make me react to his being there. Internally I really hoped he wouldn’t go this far to punish me for ending it with him but his manner, although brusque, had none of the tells of someone who was trying to make life hard for me.

“Do you have your original receipt, sir?” I asked politely.

He nodded, pulled his wallet out of his jeans and opened it, revealing a carefully folded receipt that he handed to me, from his gloved hand. Lynette noticed the glove but stifled her reaction to it, except I could tell he noticed, as his eyes narrowed slightly, as if he was a little bothered. Briefly, his eyes flickered to mine. Had I not told anyone about us?

Swallowing, I opened the bag and looked inside at a pair of boots that had definitely seen better days. Although the top portion of them and the tread looked fairly new it was obvious that whatever mission he used them for was too much for the boots to handle. In several places the top part of the boot had pulled away from the sole. The stitching had also split in several of the stress points. I could only imagine what he went through that had caused this much damage to the boots. It was one of the reasons we broke up; nights of imagining the mission, wondering if he was alright but not hearing from him, not until he walked through the door all bruised and battered, sometimes still bleeding because he didn’t want to bother the medical staff. Meaning that I had to patch him up and deal with the stoic suffering he inflicted on himself by not believing he was worth being looked after.

“May I ask what line of work you’re in?” I asked politely. “These were new but seem to have been subjected to a lot of ….” I didn’t want to say the abuse word. “Um … stress.”

“I have a stressful job,” he answered, still playing the part of the customer who was a stranger to me. As if he hadn’t ever touched me in ways that no other man had; had never told me he loved me, who hadn’t argued with me sometimes just for the sake of arguing and liked seeing me all fired up because it meant the makeup sex after would be incredible. “It sometimes involves a lot of … running, jumping, kicking, and often moving through uneven terrain of all types.”

“Okay,” I replied, taking in a breath and deciding I couldn’t do this anymore. “I’ll authorize the refund, since your receipt shows you’ve only had them a week but obviously this brand won’t stand up to the pressures of your job. I would suggest you try a specialty footwear store that can provide something sturdier for you.”

His face changed when he realized I wasn’t going to prolong this moment anymore. Mentioning he should buy elsewhere could also be taken that I didn’t want to see him come back here, to where I worked. I entered the refund in the cash register, asking him to insert his bank card to finish the procedure, then had him sign our copy of the new receipt. I looked at the signature, J.B. Barnes, then at him.

“Is there a problem?” He looked at me with his eyebrows raised; as if he was willing me to say something, anything that he could respond to.

“No, no problem.” I made the mistake of getting caught by those eyes, becoming a little lost in them. It wouldn’t have been the first time those eyes made me change my mind, but not this time. “You have nice handwriting.”

“Thank you,” he smiled sadly, making my heart flutter a little. “I appreciate the good customer service.”

“You’re welcome,” I replied, then smiled my customer service smile as he turned around and walked away.

That should have been the end of it, except he turned around and looked at me one more time when he met up with Sam Wilson. He almost waved at me, but Bucky shook his head at him, and instead he just put his hand on his friend’s shoulder, in support. I heard Lynette gasp.

“That was Captain America,” she exclaimed. She grabbed the receipt that he signed. “That meant he was Bucky Barnes. He looked at you.”

“Of course, he looked at me. I was processing his refund.”

She wouldn’t stop talking about it, so I went out on the floor, wanting to get away from her incessant blathering about how I should go out with Bucky as it was obvious to her that he was sweet on me. Although I normally worked as a manager in the clothing department, I sometimes acted as customer service manager when that person had a day off. I still had a duty to walk around the store, making sure everything was working the way it should. That’s when I saw him again, Bucky, that is. He and Sam were in men’s wear, looking at shirts. By the sounds of it they were having a disagreement.

“Can I help you with something?” I asked.

They both turned to look at me then shared a look that can only be described as polar opposites. Sam grinned at Bucky, who scowled at him.

“He needs a dress shirt,” said Sam, playing along for the benefit of the male clerk on duty in men’s wear. “There’s a little problem in that he thinks a button cuff will be too tight. But he hasn’t worn a French cuff since the 1940s and thinks they’re old fashioned.”

“On the contrary,” I replied. “A French cuff is very fashionable. Personally, I think it offers a classy look to a man. Are you wearing a suit or a blazer?”

“Suit,” said Bucky, who seemed taller now that he wasn’t blocked by the customer service counter, taller than the last time he held me; broader than the last time I placed my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat, sexier than the last time we made love.

“What colour of suit and what colour of shirt do you want?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I don’t even have a suit yet.”

“What’s the occasion?”

“A formal event that he doesn’t want to go to because he doesn’t have a date,” smirked Sam. Trust him to be blunt.

“Sam,” glared Bucky. He turned to me, looking a little flustered. “Sorry, I really don’t know what I want. He’s right. I haven’t bought a suit since the 1940s and the one suit I had then was what I could afford.”

He looked a little lost, not that I could blame him. Outside of his missions, his wardrobe consisted of black jeans, blue jeans, long and short sleeve T-shirts, and Henley shirts, and those plain black combat boots that he wore constantly. He never wanted to go out anywhere that required a suit; always saying that he just wanted to stay in, as I was all the entertainment he needed. It was nice until it became stifling. The male clerk was helping another customer, and I suddenly didn’t want Bucky to leave. When we were together, I offered to help him buy a suit, but he always turned me down, saying he didn’t want to be my customer. But if this was the only way I could show him that he would be more than that then I was going to take my shot.

“Would you like me to dress you?” I blurted out.

“Excuse me?” His eyes opened wide. “What do you mean?”

“Sorry,” I smiled. “What I mean is, would you like me to help you find the right suit and shirt for this event?”

“I don’t want to take you away from your manager duties,” he answered, still looking unsure.

“Our store prides itself on its customer service,” I stated. “It would be my pleasure to help you find the right clothing for this event, Mr. Barnes.”

“She knows what she’s doing, Bucky,” said Sam, in a low voice. “I think you should listen to the lady.”

“Alright.” Bucky’s acceptance of my offer was said softly but loud enough for both me and Sam to hear.

I called up to the office to advise them I was helping a customer in men’s wear, taking measurements for a new suit so I wouldn’t be available for the next half hour. Then I pulled a card out of a drawer and wrote James Buchanan Barnes in the Customer Name portion.

“I’ll mark all of your measurements here,” I said. “That way, you won’t have to be measured again if you ever decide to buy another suit with us. It will also mark your preferences in suit style, shirt style, colours, and shoe size.”

“Shoe size?” he asked.

“You will need a pair of dress shoes,” I replied, looking down at his combat boots, all worn and scuffed. “Those won’t exactly complete the look you’re going for.”

“No, I guess not,” he agreed. “What do you need me to do?”

“Well, we can start with taking your height and weight measurement,” I began. “We have a scale here, unless you’re pretty sure of what you weigh.”

His eyes went soft. “6 feet even, 220 lbs., it doesn’t change.”

I wrote it down. “We need to take your body measurements; in one of the dressing rooms if you want privacy as you’ll have to take your jacket off and your Henley. We can choose a shirt first then wear that while I take the suit measurements, so the jacket fits properly.”

“Let’s do that,” he agreed, and waited for me to lead him to one of the larger dressing rooms.

He took his jacket off, then his Henley. Sam took them while he sat in a chair. I got the measuring tape and stood in front of Bucky, before wrapping it around his neck, taking the neck measurement.

“How are you?” he asked, in a low voice meant just for me.

“Managing,” I answered, getting a slight grin from him at my pun. “You?”

“Existing,” he replied, making me look up at him, and noticing how tired he seemed.

I took his arm measurement and wrote both measurements down on the card. “So, what type of shirt would you like? Classic fit, with room for your shoulders? Close fitting to display your physique? Button cuffs, French cuffs?”

“Why don’t you pick out some suitable choices, so I can see them on me?” he suggested.

Nodding, I left him and Sam there and went out to our selection, looking for some candidates. I picked white ones, thinking that if he wanted a coloured shirt, he could grab one with the same size and features. Taking them into the dressing room I was surprised to see he had his T-shirt off.

His physique never failed to impress me. His vibranium arm and shoulder had been made to match his right arm and shoulder, and the Wakandans had done a superb job of duplicating the musculature of that limb. As I removed the updated classic look shirt from its package, then removed the pins holding it together, he watched me, standing close enough so that I was aware of his scent. That mixture of citrus and sandalwood, from a cologne I gave to him on his birthday, brought back memories of burying my face into his neck during our more intimate moments, breathing in his unique essence. Fumbling with one of the pins, I stopped and took a breath, recenterring myself before handing the shirt to him. Without a word, he took it and put it on then buttoned it up. I handed him some cufflinks to go with the French cuffs. Taking the glove off of his left hand he attached that cufflink first, then the next one before standing in front of the mirror and taking in the fit.

“That’s almost perfect,” I said. “The length is enough to tuck in, without the threat of it coming out. The shoulders are snug enough to show your form but roomy enough for your muscles to move. The French cuffs give you a tailored look with enough room not to bind your wrists.”

Sam coughed and we both looked at him, at his timing. “I didn’t say anything.”

With the shirt on I began measuring Bucky for the suit jacket, starting with the chest, over arm, neck, and sleeve length. Then I continued with the shoulders, waistcoat length, jacket length, bicep, wrist and stomach. The next set of measurements were for the pants, waist, hips, thigh, knee, then the rise, running the tape from the front of waist down over the crotch and up to his back. We both glared at Sam who pointedly looked elsewhere for that measurement as well as the inseam measurement, before finishing off with the out seam.

“We can go look at the suit styles,” I said. “I think with your broad shoulders and slim waist that you should stick with Hugo Boss or a Calvin Klein suit. They’ll need minimal tailoring to be fitted properly. You can leave the dress shirt on, while you try the jacket on the sales floor.”

Both men came out and I showed them the suits, not surprised when Bucky gravitated towards the black ones. Colour was hard for him, as he always thought it made him too visible. The arm already did that, in his opinion. He tried on several jackets in his size before he found one that he liked, nodding his head as he looked at himself in the mirror on the floor. I found his waist size in the matching slacks and draped them over my arm.

“Ties?” I asked, walking towards our display. “You have your choice of plain, patterned, paisley, stripes.”

“Plain, black,” stated Bucky. “Could I try a black shirt as well?”

As much as I wanted him to experiment a little, I also knew he would look stunning in a monochrome suit ensemble of black. I found a black shirt to match the white one he wore then took them back to the dressing room. While he put them on, Sam came with me to the shoe department to find a pair of shoes. As soon as we were some distance away, he stopped and hugged me.

“How are you?” His eyes were full of concern. “This must be hard for you.”

I shrugged. “I miss him, even with all of his quirks. He can’t just show up here unannounced. Why is he really here? He wouldn’t even step foot into the store before even though I offered to help him find clothes many times.”

“I know.” He looked back towards the men’s wear department. “This formal event is mandatory for him. We’re going to the White House to receive a commendation and attend a banquet. It’s made his anxiety level go up through the roof. You always had a way to keep him level. It was my idea to come here and hopefully get your help. The work boots still had to be returned. He just bought them on impulse when he came here by himself the first time to ask for your help but couldn’t find you.”

I began walking to the shoe department; suddenly angered that Bucky was only here so I could make him feel better. Sam hurried after me.

“Seriously? You thought I could give him an emergency psychological bandage to get him through an anxiety episode? You’re better than that, Sam.”

“He needs you. He’s pretty lost without you.”

I could feel the need to cry bubbling up from my stomach and stopped at a display of men’s shoes, plain black Oxfords. Picking up a pair I held them up to Sam.

“What do you think? He’s going to look great in the suit and these will be just the thing to finish it off.”

“Yeah, he’ll like them,” replied Sam. “Size 12.”

I went in back to find the shoe, taking the moment to compose myself before coming out with the box. We began walking back to men’s wear when Sam stopped me again. With a sigh I looked at him, feeling almost at the end of my tether.

“Tell me the truth, are you happier without him?”

What an unfair question to ask. I wasn’t happy. I was miserable but I just didn’t know if I had it in me to put up with everything else. The moodiness, the lack of communication, the emotional withdrawal that happened around every anniversary of his fall, the possessiveness … the good things we had never seemed to outweigh the negative. Without even answering Sam knew what I would say, and he touched my arm, then nodded his head sadly. As we stepped into the dressing room Bucky stood there in the suit, wearing the black shirt, with the black tie, and the black pocket square poking out of the chest pocket. I took the shoes out of the box, doing up the laces, then kneeled in front of Bucky, helping him on with the shoes, before pinning the length of the trousers to fit the shoes and stepping back to look at the almost finished product.

“There you go,” I said. “You look great.”

“I feel good,” he replied. “Thank you.” His eyes flickered to Sam.

“You do look good,” said his friend. “The all-black look suits you.”

“I’ll take it,” said Bucky. “All of it, and the white shirt as well, with a tie of your choice. Just so I have two looks.”

“I’ll pick something out while you get changed,” I said. “Then I’ll meet you at the desk. The slacks can be left here for our tailor to shorten. They’ll be ready in two days.”

I found a tie, a paisley design, black with silver and gold accents, that matched the colours of his vibranium arm. There was even a pocket square to match, and I tossed that on the pile. I entered the information of the suit on the card. It would be entered into our database so that anyone could help him find what he needed in the future.

Sam came out with the suit, shirts and shoes, placing them on the desk. Bucky came out a few moments later, seeming a little more withdrawn. After entering the work order for the slacks, I handed him a claim ticket. It seemed odd that in this digital age we still used paper claim tickets, but it was what our customers liked, as part of the service. I tallied up the total, presenting the amount to Bucky, and he didn’t bat an eye as he pulled a black credit card out of his wallet. It seemed the superhero business had finally started paying off. As he entered the code on the terminal, I placed the suit jacket and shirts into a suit bag, the shoes and ties in a paper shopping bag. Then the receipt was handed over, and I looked at him, wanting to say something other than my usual customer service ramble.

“You should launder the shirts before you wear them, just so they’re softer on your skin,” I suggested. “In the shoe department are some protective sprays that will help keep them looking good in wet weather. You can also polish them with regular shoe polish.” Those blue eyes met mine, boring into me, maybe for the last time. “I hope your event goes well. You’ll look great and you’ll be fine.”

“Thank you for your help,” he smiled softly, seemingly accepting that it was over.

He gathered up his bags and stood awkwardly for a moment before turning away. This time he didn’t look back.

Part 2>>

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binkszamsstuff · 1 year

Text

Couldn’t help but stare at her photograph

Summary: James let his faults and insecurities take over his life. Saying things he doesn’t mean because he doesn’t deserve them. This costed him the love of his life and his children.

Warnings: like none really? Crying, angst, kissing, Bucky and reader have children, No happy ending!!!

🎞️

For a while I sat there staring at her photograph, For a while I cried and tried not to make a scene.

James watched the old tape of their wedding. The way she looked ingrained into his mind evermore. How he sore to any and everything that he would spend the rest of his life loving her. That’s the only promise he kept out of all of them.

There in the small coffee shop he watched crying as his y/n and their children sit at a table smiling and talking. He tried not to make a scene.

There was a time when we were young I used to make her laugh. But life is long, my love has gone away from me, gone away from me, gone away from me

“Ew James stop! No..no don’t you dare put that on meeee!” James chased her around the island in their home with raw cookie dough, trying to smear it on her. He was shirtless just in some sweatpants, she was in his shirt.

“Come on baby come give me a kiss” he said playfully.

“If I walk over there and give you a kiss promise you won’t get that on me?” She asked hesitantly

“Yes, yes I promise!” He laughed. She slowly made her way to him like a bunny trying to approach a wolf. He had his arms out waiting for her smiling like a fool. Drunk on love. Once she was in his arms, he held her tight and kissed her. It was warm and comfortable. No lust just pure admiration and love.

Once they broke out of the kiss he rubbed the spatula on her nose.

He broke the promise

“James!” They laughed together

life is long, my love has gone away from me gone away from me, gone away from me. Life is long, my love has gone away from me.

“Why!? James have I done something wrong? Just let me in” she begged

“I can’t do this anymore, the routine and boring life. I have a second chance to live my life! To be free from hydra! And…”

“And you don’t want to spend it with me? Or our children?” Hopelessly. Was how she said it. And when she put it that way James felt guilty.

“I-i yes! Alright!” He took his regret out on her, in anger.

“I can’t fucking stand to be in this house! The mess! The noise! The nothingness! There’s nothing here!” He yelled

“Our kids are here! I’m here! Our family and love and home is here! We built this! I thought you loved us” she cried, sobbed, feeling like her whole life had been ripped apart.

Because…it had.

Lately I can’t seem find myself no sleep at all. Lately I just lie awake and hear and dream of a time when she was mine,felt like I had it all. But life is long, my love has gone away from me.

In different beds, in different houses that are not quite home. The broken couple that is no longer one lies awake. Thinking, missing, and dying for the other. The presence of one another still lingers on the other side of the bed. James sits in a half empty house. His kids rooms all cleared out, nothing but some left toys they didn’t want anymore. The other side of the closet, bathroom,and bedroom are still ‘moms side’ James in his heart is still married.

Y/n even though in a new house still has an empty space in the bathroom, closet, and bedroom, and her heart. Her stuff on right his on the left, but now she just has a half empty everything. She still makes room for him even though he is not there.

Gone away from me, gone away from me, gone away from me. Life is long, my love has gone away from me.

He didn’t want the endless hookups or a new woman every night like he once told her. He wanted what he used to have, what has left him. He pushed her away because of his insecurities. His arm, his age, his past, his ability to be a good father which he used to be. The kids were still young. Cecily and grant only 6 and 8, could he make it up them? Make it up to her?

Gone away from me. Life is long, my love has gone away from me. Yesterday is gone. Yesterday is dead. Get it through your head and walk away. Yesterday is gone ain’t no use of hanging on to her memory that only causes you pain.

“I’m sorry and I love you”

“Please don’t give me false hope. I love you James you’re the love of my life! But you made this decision and I- I don’t know if I could survive another thing like this happening. I’ll miss for the rest of my life.”

“I’ll miss you until the end of time.” He kissed her goodbye one last time before the kids could notice them, the two kids sitting in the car waiting for them to stop talking so they could go get ice cream with their dad.

At least he tried to get his life back after he broke it.

For awhile I sat there staring at her photograph. For awhile I cried and tried not to make a scene. There was a time when we were young I used to make her laugh. But life is long, my love has gone away from me.

🎞️

He sat and watched her marry a new man. One who could hold and keep his promises. And not let insecurities get in the way of his love and family. For this was James’ life now. Staring at her photograph.

The end

🥲

#bucky barnes #bucky x female reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes oneshots #marvel #spotify #bucky angst #the winter soldier x reader #winter soldier x reader #james barnes x reader #winter solider fanfiction #sad bucky #sergeant bucky barnes #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes x reader angst #bucky barnes x curvy!reader #marvel fanfiction #marvel angst

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lokiandbuckysdoll · 9 months

Text

What could’ve been

Summary: Bucky says goodbye to the woman he loves

Paring: Bucky x reader

Word Count: 485

Warnings: Angst

A/N: This made me cry while writing it… so that says a lot 🥲

The memory replays constantly in your head as you close your eyes.

A Small house in the suburbs of Brooklyn with a white picket fence, you are in the kitchen making lunch as your children run around in the backyard with your dog.

Bucky is sitting on the back porch admiring the life you both created, so beautiful yet so delicate. “ Lunch is ready! Come wash up!” You yell from the window seal, Bucky gets up from his spot. “ You heard your momma, come on James, Becca wash up” he playfully chases them inside.

The sounds of footsteps and giggles soon fill your home, and that makes the biggest smile appear on your face. As your children, rush past you to go wash their hands, Bucky quickly comes to aid you as you hold the tray of food. “ Woah now, my wife shouldn’t be carrying heavy things, especially in your condition” he points an accusing finger at your pregnant belly and takes the tray from your hands.

You scuff at him playfully, “What are you going to do about it, Sarge?” You tease him, he simply shakes his head before kissing you and setting the table.

Those are the memories that would’ve been real if life didn’t happen the way it did. If Bucky hadn’t left for war.

A tired, yet graceful smile appears on your face as you open your eyes to stare at the love of your life. “Oh my James it’s more and more beautiful every time” You reach to move his hand that was holding yours to rest on your cheek. “ if only things were different, but we can’t dwell on the past” you’re weak lips place a kiss on his hand.

The rims of his eyes are red as he struggles to not let his tears fall down his face. “ Don’t cry, my love. Be thankful for the short time we got to have. I am grateful for the life I lived, Please know that I will always love you, My James Buchanan Barnes. You’re still the charming man I remember. Don’t let what those people did to you, define who you are. You deserve to be happy and live the life you want”. You closed your eyes and kissed his hand once more. The memory replays one last time as you close your eyes.

The heart monitor in the room begins to flat line, soon silence is the only sound that filled the room. With sad eyes, Bucky watches as your grip begins to fall from his hand, he leans forward, brushing your grey hairs out of your face. He places delicate kisses on your forehead, eyes, and lastly, the corner of your mouth, “Rest peacefully my beautiful doll. I will always love you”

Just like that Bucky lost the love of his life, the woman he thought he could have it all with.

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TAGS 🏷️ @shadeysprings @caothicshit @mochie85 @missvelvetsstuff @huntressandlioness1 @just-another-blog34411 @imyourbratzdoll @hannibals-favourite-meal @nana1000night @silverfire475 @vbecker10 @sarahrogersevans @Tomandcakes @hallecarey1 @lyds247 @pigwidgeonxo @michelleleewise

#bucky barns fanfiction #bucky barnes #bucky barns x you #bucky barns x reader #sad bucky #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes angst #sad fic

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bisamwilson · 1 year

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Sam stands at his bathroom sink, splashing water on his face to rid his eyes of leftover slumber, and looks up into the mirror.

Every day, he finds himself older than he ever remembers getting.

Flecks of gray sprinkle his goatee, a leftover look reminiscent of his golden years, and a small roll of his tummy peeks out over the elastic of his briefs.

He stretches out his neck and his back, the cracking noises louder every day, and rubs at the spot beneath his shoulder that always seems just a little sore these days. It’s not enough to stop him from going on his morning run—even if it is more of a fast walk/jog these days on account of his poor knees—but it is enough to make him a little more careful when he stretches.

Strong hands take over the kneading at his shoulder, and Sam relaxes into his husband’s touch, groaning when he thumbs over a problem spot just right. His eyes close for just a moment, appreciating the fact that Bucky knows his body just as well as he does, before he opens them and studies Bucky’s face in the mirror.

Bucky’ll never show his true age, sure, but the weight of the years has run down his face all the same, if at a slower pace than it would anyone else’s. There’s a bit of silver in his short beard to match with Sam’s own, bits of hair near his ears that gleam against the rest.

He wonders how many of the smile lines on Bucky’s face are because of him.

finish on ao3 (M, 1k, fluff, complete)

(written for @winterfalconevents bingo square K4: not until i say so)

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mrs-bucky-barnes106 · 9 months

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you haven’t seen my man

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numberonestuckyshipper · 4 months

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I Just finished my first fanfic!

The question is: is this going to encourage me to finish and post my other WIPs or not? 🙃

*posts and runs away*

#bucky barnes #fanfic writing #fanfiction #first finished fanfiction #post catfa #catfa bucky #sad bucky #hurt Bucky #james buchanan barnes #Bucky misses Steve #fanfic #don’t mind me

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sebastianstansqueen · 2 years

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Hello! I just started reading ——- as hoping you could do this request (it’s absolutely fine if you don’t) but I had seen this tik tok where this girl explains that she’s never seen a story where a sunshine gets emotional and everyone expects sunshine to go someone but sunshine BOLTS to the grumpy character and sobs into them.

idk if any of that made sense but it made me think of a sunshine reader x bucky so if you have any time to write it i would love to read it but if you don’t that’s also fine

here’s the link to the tik tok

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTR9eNfko/

Title: Sunshine

A/N: Tell me what you think, feedback is always appreciated, if you want to be Tagged, either send an ask or comment on this or click on Taglist open.

Wordcount: 732

Warnings: Sad Reader, and protective Bucky, fluff

Masterlist // Tagglists

Taglist: @cherryblossomsky - @babylooneytoonz - @wonderlandfandomkingdom - @miraclesoflove - @amelia-song-pond - @leyannrae - @avengerlex - @pineprincess - @nik2writes - @dorothea-hwldr - @rosie-posie08 - @scxrletrecsmarvel -

You had been sad for the last few days, because your neighbors had your dogs taken away, and now they lived with your parents, but you went into work your heart hurting and you were in the human resources department, and you may or may not have started a small in work relationship with Bucky, and no one knew, so no harm no foul. But you were hurting all you wanted was to go find him and talk it out.

“You're dating Y/n from HR aren't you?” Tony smirked talking to Steve.

Steve side eyed the man. “No.”

“Oh I get it you don’t wanna get your little girlfriend in trouble.” Tony said still smirking and he walked away. Bucky heard the whole thing while just smirking at how wrong the ‘genius’ was, and he couldn’t help but laugh to himself.

You just tried to continue even though you really just didn’t want to and so your boss came and talked to you. “What is going on?” She asked as she sat across from you.

“It’s really nothing, I promise.” You shrugged as you typed up a report.

She looked at you. “What is it?” “It’s stupid.” You sighed.

She huffed. “Y/n, we literally take care of the avenger we make sure they are mentaly healthy enough to just go and save the world, and you aren't acting like you, usually you are happy go lucky and a ball of sunshine, so what is going on?”

“My neighbors called animal control and had my dogs taken away as I was at work yesterday, and there with my parents clear on the opposite side of the city basically in nowhere land.” You ranted.

“Take a break I don’t care for how long but take an hour to a two hour long break.” She sighed, getting up and leaving. You sighed out of your computer, and headed to the Avengers common room to find Bucky.

Bucky had been his ‘usual’ moody self that day, just waiting till you get off from work, just to head over to your house and watch a movie and cuddle, but the elevator dinged opened, you walked in and of course every Avenger had to be in the common room at the moment, Tony kept his eyes on you waitin for you to go to Steve because of the sad look on your face, everyone on the team liked you, your kind and soft hearted, along with you brought baked goods to them more often than not.

Your eyes scanned the room, looking for one person, Bucky looked at you with furrowed brows he saw the sadness you were holding in your eyes. You briskly walked towards him, he pulled you into a tight hug, and you let out all of your feelings and started crying into his shoulder. What both of you didn’t see however was the shocked look on the whole rest of the team's face, and Bucky just whispered things along the lines of ‘it's okay’. What no one knew except Bucky himself was he already grew protective over you so once you told him everything that had happened in the last 24 hours he wanted to go to your neighbors house and demand they take back their complaint about your dogs. He also loved your Pitbull and German shepherd Named Pepper and Lulu, and he’d do just about anything to get you to smile. That night he went home with you, and once you fell asleep he went and talked to your neighbors and came down to an agreement, that you could bring your dogs back from your parents as long as while you were at work they went with you and he talked to Tony who agreed that Lulu and Pepper could stay with the team.

So that night Bucky drove the almost two hour drive to your parents house, they loved him he was glad that he could still make an amazing impression on parents, and he told them about the agreement that he made with your neighbors and he brought your dogs home that night once they walked through the door, the jumped on the couch where you’d fell asleep, and they licked your face until you woke up. You smiled wrapping your arms around both of your ‘babies’ as you called them, and your smile grew bright once again.

#bucky barnes x reader #buckybarnes #bucky x reader #bucky x reader fluff #bucky fluff #bucky barnes fluff #sad #bucky x reader sad #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes #bucky x sunshine!reader #marvel #bucky x reader fanfiction #protective!bucky x reader

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druigprotectionsquad · 2 years

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||WHERE ARE YOU?|| Bucky x F! Reader WHUMP

Inspired by my own whump prompt that you can read here

Summary- You are captured on a mission by a HYDRA agent from Bucky’s past, a dangerous man with a thirst to inflict pain. You are tied to a tree miles out where anyone could find you, forced to face the harsh elements and no food or water. It’s days before the team find you, and when they do you are weak, severely sun burnt and freezing cold.

WARNINGS- whumpee reader, caretaker Bucky, reader is tied and gagged to a tree and left for days, reader suffers from sunburn, sunstroke & almost hypothermia, stab wounds,VERY VERY BRIEF MENTIONS OF IMPLIED SEXUAL TORTURE BUT NOTHING ACTUALLY HAPPENS

“Bucky she’s not here”

Steve sighed out in frustration as he looked at his friend. You had been missing and presumed captured on your last mission 5 days ago. You had gotten cocky and went after a HYDRA Agent who was closely involved in The Winter Soldier Program. Before the mission everyone could see how unnerved Bucky was, but he insisted on coming because he knew what the agent was capable of doing.

One second you were there, the next you were gone from Bucky’s sight without a trace. There were too many agents and the team were forced to retreat, much to Bucky’s pleas for them to stay.

It had been days. Your tracker was knocked off during the fight but it was the only lead the team had, according to the tracker you were still in the building. Tony received word from SHIELD that the base they stormed had began to evacuate. They had to move now or risk loosing you forever.

“Yes she is, Steve” Bucky said through gritted teeth, he doesn’t know if he believes his own words but he can’t bring himself to think otherwise. He and Steve stood in a room full of unconscious agents, each one were questioned on your whereabouts, and the agent who took you. You were both gone, which Bucky knew meant only one thing, that you weren’t going to survive much longer.

5 days ago

You were stood by Bucky’s side against a wall, waiting for the right moment to strike the room full of agents ahead. You looked up at him, he was focused but you could see the deeper fear that resided in his eyes. The night before he told you about the horrors he seen at his time at HYDRA, the torture this specific agent, Agent Henry Cassidy, had committed. Bucky has never told you what he himself had suffered, and he swore he never would, but he made it clear that this agent had done despicable things to him. He did not want to see this mans face again.

“James, it’ll be okay, we’ll find him and bring him in” You whispered, putting a hand on his upper arm.

He gulped and nodded, he couldn’t find the words to speak.

When you finally struck it became a struggle, fighting every agent who came your way. Dodging punches and bullets was no easy task, even for an Avenger like you. You had taken care of most of them, while Bucky was fending off the remaining four. You were ready to rush in and help him but a clatter in the opposite direction caught your attention. It was Agent Cassidy. He had slipped into the room, presumably to surprise attack his former victim but as soon as he was noticed he took of running.

You looked back at James who had 2 men left to take down, he caught your eye and new exactly what you were about to do.

“Y/N don’t you dare!” Before he could finish you were sprinting to catch the agent. Your mission was to capture him for questioning then release him to SHEILD’s custody so he could no longer cause anymore harm. You were alone running down the corridor, Bucky’s shouting getting fainter the further away you got.

You stopped for only a second, but that second allowed him to get the jump on you. Before you could register what was happening you were unconscious.

“Any luck?” Tony’s voice rang through the comms, hoping that they had found you yet. Both men winced at Tony’s words. No one had found you.

“Check the perimeter”

“We have Bucky-”

“-Well then check again!” Bucky’s words cut through Tony’s, but he agreed to check again.

Bucky placed both hands on his head and trembled, trying his best not to burst in anger. You were here, you had to be.

4 Days ago

Bright light from the setting sun blinded you as you attempted to open your eyes. Waking from unconsciousness you found yourself tied with thick rope to the shaft of a thick tree. You had been gagged with thick silver duct tape that was wrapped several times around your mouth. Realizing your predicament you began to shout and thrash, but no luck. The rope was tightly secured from your chest to ankles, keeping you firmly stuck against the tree.

A sinister laugh brought your thrashing to a halt. Squinting ahead you saw the figure who put you here, Agent Cassidy.

“Struggling is useless, Y/N.” He laughed again. Bucky had no idea that his worst nightmare was playing out at the same time he was begging Steve not to leave without you. You were miles outside the base, further than the team would think to look, just like Agent Cassidy had planned.

You huffed and whined through the tape in anger. A million thoughts were running through your head;

What is he gonna do? is Bucky okay? where are the team? Did he hurt Bucky? God what is he going to do?

The sun was setting in the sky and you were tied to a tree miles away from your team...was he going to leave you here?

You looked around in despair, searching for a way out when the agents voice cut in again.

“You look just like how he did when I tortured him for the first time” He waited in silence with a horrible evil grin on his face. You huffed out in anger again, knowing he was talking about Bucky.

“He screamed, he cried, he begged. He begged for the pain to stop while he was strapped down, as a peeled of his fingernails one by one-”

“MMHP!” you tried to scream through the gag for him to stop. You couldn’t take hearing the pain Bucky went through, he never wanted to speak to you about it and as much as you wanted to help him you were happy not to hear about the things he went through.

“You however...” He trailed over to you as he spoke

“will be subjected to a different kind of torture, a method I have been just dying to try out. I didn’t think you’d be in my clutch so soon but you made it so easy to lure you out.”

You were wishing you had listened to Bucky, he knew better than you. He knew immediately that you were being lured out, but was unable to stop you in time from taking the bait.

Tears ran from your eyes, he was now face to face with you, scanning you quietly to think about all the things he could do to you, if only he had the time.

The sun was setting fast and the cold would be taking over the night. He pulled a small knife from his pocket and twirled it in his hand.

“I wish I could witness all this in person for longer, but I can’t risk the Avengers finding me, I have too much work to do. So until they find you-if they find you, you’ll be here tied to this tree fighting the hot sun and the freezing nights. There are cameras hidden in the trees that are connected to the base and my residence, so I can take notes on how effective this torture is, understand?”

You couldn’t help but scowl at the satisfied look on his face, he had lured you into a torture trap and you let him, any one could have seen the bait from miles away. You were so caught up in being the one to catch him so that Bucky could have some peace that you abandoned all protocol and logic and put yourself in this situation.

A car horn beeped in the distance and the agent turned to leave.

“One last thing, hold this for me” Before you could try to respond, the knife in his hand was forcibly driven into your inner thigh. As you screamed out in pain he disappeared into the night, leaving you in the cold with blood streaming down your leg.

For the next 4 days it was you versus nature.

Day 1 you started with little energy, not being able to sleep from the night before due to the discomfort of the rope, gag, and knife that was still firmly in your leg.

Day 2, an unforgiving sun and unforgiving heat. Winter was still here but spring was approaching. The sun wouldn't have been such a big issue had you been at the other side of the tree, but you felt it was deliberate to have you in direct sunlight. With no clouds and no coverage, the sun was focused on your face and neck, you couldn’t see your reflection but as the day progressed you were being left with serious sunburn, and sunstroke developed. By night the sunstroke kicked in and you were getting weaker. With no food or water and your mouth still taped shut it was beginning to dawn on you that the Avengers weren’t going to find you as soon as you hoped.

Day 3, you had passed out during the night and woke up to heavy rainfall and wind. You were feeling the affects of hunger and thirst, frustrated that you couldn’t try to catch the rain drops on your tongue. The wind was irritating the dagger in your leg and you hoped it might be knocked out if you tried to move it, but to no avail. The rain stopped in the afternoon, you were completely soaked and starting to freeze as the wind battered your skin. You were beginning to loose the little strength you had left as you could no longer feel your hands. The night of the third day was the worst of it, still ill from the sun you were struggling not to throw up, but couldn’t expel it due to the tape. The wound in your leg had become infected without you noticing, and you were nauseated from the pain of hunger in your stomach. 3 days tied to a tree in the woods, you were cursing out your team for not finding you yet, you were cursing out yourself for being so incredibly stupid.

You wondered where the cameras were, you wondered where that bastard was and if he was watching every minute of your struggle.

At the same time, on the third night Bucky was pacing around the living quarters of the tower, while Bruce was attempting to calm him down. The search never stopped but it was too dangerous to return to the base, which Bucky exploded with anger when Natasha said that to him. He wasn’t listening to anyone, only listening to the terrible thoughts in his head.

The only thing Bucky was thinking about was how sick and twisted his mind was. Bucky failed to mention how much pleasure Agent Cassidy got out of torture. He never wanted to tell the team but Cassidy was driven by a pure sexual desire, he got off on the torture and pain of others, especially when he was the cause of it. He was pacing in fear knowing this information, fearing what things Y/N could be subjected to at this very moment. The team knew something deeper was wrong with Bucky, but Steve urged them not to push him for more information. All they knew is that this agent was good at torturing his victims, and that he enjoyed doing it.

Day 4

You had passed out during the night loaded with a fever, you were too weak to stay awake and hold your head up any longer. You were struggling to breathe through your nose because you began to panic that you would die out here if no one found you. It was in that panic your head felt light and you were out. The sun was just rising, and unbeknownst to you, Bucky and the team had come back and were only miles away.

Bucky and Steve had left the room of unconscious agents and ran to every room in the base, screaming your name until their throats were raw, until Clint’s voice rang through the empty base speakers.

“Guys I have good news and bad news. Good news I found the control room cameras, bad news she’s not on any of them.” Clint and Wanda had found the control room filled with security camera’s but most of them had been smashed or damaged.

Bucky had reached the control room while Steve split up to find Tony outside to continue the search. He was loosing all hope, he merely sat down in the middle of the floor and wrung his hands.

“I don’t recognize that location.” Wanda pointed to the the small cluster of trees on screen.

Bucky looked up and observed, still saying nothing. Clint squinted at the trees.

“If it’s on the cameras then it must be close right? maybe it’s a few miles further out”

Wanda and Clint turned to look at Bucky who had turned his head to the side as if he was figuring something out. He stood up suddenly and walked over to the camera.

“What are you doung there, Buck?” Clint questioned.

“I’m turning the sound on” Bucky replied in a grumble.

“Security Cameras don’t have sound-”

“-These ones do!” Bucky shouted back at him. After fiddling with buttons on the back of the monitor showing the trees, the light whistling wind picked up. Wanda and Clint looked at each other and back at their slightly unstable teammate, unsure what his plan was.

Bucky held his finger to the comms system,

“Everyone be on standby, I have a plan”

“Copy that” Steve’s voice came strong through.

Bucky searched his pockets for his phone and the plan became clear. he had no idea what he would do if this didn’t work, this was the last shot he had.

He opened his phone and clicked on your number, everyone was silent...

A faint ringing came through the screen, Wanda held her hand over her mouth, Clint sighed and Bucky let out a cry of relief. He informed the team to fly out as far as possible until they reach the end of the woods then start working inwards, Tony took the North, Wanda the East, Thor took off west, while Wanda flew south with Bucky and Steve in a HYDRA jeep they found just outside the base. Bucky was behind the wheel driving at a furious speed.

“I found her!” Wanda’s voice echoed through the sky, Bucky finally reached Wanda who could only stare at the state her friend was in.

“Y/N!” Bucky had never shouted so loud in his life, he ran towards her, mind completely blank as his legs carried him to his injured lover. Steve stood behind them to talk through the comms telling the team to get the Quinnjet ready, and to contact Doctor Cho immediately. Bucky took a small blade from his pocket and slowly cut the tape around your head, carefully peeling it off as gently as he could to avoid hurting you any more. He went to cut the rope as quickly as he could before Wanda stopped him.

“She’s injured, she’ll collapse as soon as the rope is cut. Hold her up, Steve will cut it and I’ll get Tony to read her condition.” She flew off to find Tony and Jarvis to help. Steve noticed the knife in your thigh and carefully pulled it out so when you fall it doesn’t cause more damage.

“It’s infected.” Steve spoke and Bucky nodded.

Bucky put both his hands on your face and gently tilted your head up, now seeing the burns on your face and the paleness of the rest of your skin.

“Shit” Bucky inhaled under his breath as Steve came to see the damage. He held it together to keep Bucky calm, but he was just as distressed to see his teammate and friend in such condition.

“She’s gonna be okay Buck, get ready I’m cutting the ropes”

Steve cut through the ropes, careful not to cut them all at once to avoid giving you a fright. Your body was finally free and you fell into Buckys arms, he lay you down on the ground with your head in his lap to take the strain off your neck.

“Y/N, c’mon wake up” Bucky repeated, lightly tapping on your cheek to try get your attention. He placed his hands lovingly on your cheeks and put his forehead against yours.

“James?” You spoke out softly, the words came out as barely a whisper. You didn’t have the strength to open your eyes but you knew the touch of your boyfriend anywhere. He smiled and lifted you up slowly, carrying you in his arms to place you in the backseat of the jeep.

Consciousness was beginning to fade again, but with the little strength you had left you reached your arm out to grab Bucky before he pulled away.

“He can see-see us, Buck” You struggled to breathe let alone speak, before you could see his reaction you had promptly passed out again. The cameras had not been spotted by him or Steve, but agent Cassidy had a full view of your torment, and now he could see just how much The Winter Soldier cared for you...Now he had a plan to bring The Winter Soldier back

#fanfiction #buckybarnes #buckyxreader #whump tropes #whump blog #whump prompt #bucky fanfic #injured reader #james buchanan barnes #bucky being a sad mess #the winter soldier #x reader #whumpee #marvel fanfiction

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wintersoldiersoul · 5 months

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Headcannons for when you have a bad day

- he notices immediately when you’re in a bad mood

- he sits down next to you and kisses your forehead and hugs you tightly

- asking things like “what’s wrong, my darling?” and “why are you sad, baby girl?”

- listening intently while you tell him so that he can figure out how to make you feel better

- he cooks your favorite meal for dinner (or gets takeout. whatever you want)

- he puts on your comfort show for you while you eat so that you can just relax and distract yourself from whatever upset you

- he’ll give you a long massage, taking his time to work the tension out of your neck and back

- “i’ll be right back,” he tells you with a kiss before disappearing into another room

- a few minutes later he comes back and leads you to the bathroom where he’s run you a bath with rose petals and lit candles

- “do you want me to leave you alone or should i join?”

- of course you want him to join

- when you get out he brings you one of his sweatshirts and your favorite pair of pajama pants

- he brings you a glass of wine (or whatever your fave drink is)

- bucky just wants to spoil you and make you forget about everything that’s upsetting you

- he’s constantly giving you kisses and stroking your arms

- he hates seeing you sad more than anything in the world

- he holds you so close you him when you eventually go to bed, whispering over and over how much he loves you

- even if your day was bad because of something small, he’ll still do everything he can to make you happy

#sebastian stan #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes imagine #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #marvel imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #james bucky barnes #marvel #bucky barnes smut #bucky imagine #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky #sad bucky #bucky fluff #bucky hc

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fineprintedsunsets · 9 months

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𝕯𝖊𝖆𝖉 𝕽𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖊𝖗 | 𝖇. 𝖇𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖊𝖘

Master-List Link | "Dead Ringer" Mini-Series

Synopsis: You and Bucky have found refuge in an underground bunker, and it's breaking you both.

Word Count: 1.6k

!Trigger Warnings! - talk of corpses. au. sad smut. apocalyptic settings. mentions of grief/loss. Please Read With Caution. This is heavy content, it describes the feeling of loneliness and desperation: feeling trapped in a situation you cannot control.

ring·er a person or thing that looks exactly like another.

ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ :

Panic Room - AU/RA

1:35 ───ㅇ─────3:47

You both were safe for now, stationed in a bunker far away from New York. It was your first attempt at rest in months. Bucky places his gun down, switching on the light. Dust specks illuminate through a beam of artificial light, a decayed smell hugging your nostrils.

“I'm just like them, you know, dead.”

Bucky finds a place on the floor, his back propped up against a metal wall. “Physically?” You ask, raising your eyebrows.

“Mentally”

You take off your jacket, empty shotgun shells fall from your pocket, hitting the dust-coated floor. “We are all dead ringers to zombies here, whether that’s inside or out.” Your footsteps echo as you join Bucky at the far end of the bunker, a shadow from a looming shelf coating your body.

“What if we could have saved them, before the accident?”

Your eyes widen at Bucky’s words, having not wanted to remember what had happened that day.

What you both realized was, The accident hadn’t been an accident.

☬

New York City, 2012

It was too late. You watched life die out of his eyes, every memory, every hope, every joyous event that had ever taken place had just imploded inside Bucky’s mind. You were both two super soldiers sent to the apocalyptic ruins of New York, in hopes to rescue any survivors.

Except there wasn’t any. All of them were grinded down to the bone, their white eyes sunken into their skulls, rotting organs beating on the outside of rib cages instead of internally flowing blood through their bodies.

They were all gone.

Every. Last. One. Of. Them.

The outbreak had been caused by an internal source, someone who had eyes and ears inside and out. They had to be one of you, working against their own kind. Cacyusllim is a man-made element, made to enhance the power of supernatural beings. Whoever had found the correct compounds and made the element in the first place was already a profound phenomenon. This time, they got greedy.

Taking Cacyusllim is the equivalent of swallowing a violent fire, filled with pain and misery, and the horrific smell of death. Imagine that but inside your stomach. Eating at your organs, breaking down blood cells, rotting you from the inside out. Only to rebuild you over again.

But, what if the rebuilding never came? What if you ingested the liquid form of the element, let your body rot, and waited for the fire to cease, only for it to never come? No human could withstand the fiery vengeance of the toxin, but a super soldier?

A super soldier’s power would be enhanced. Along with the pain, the traumatic memories, and the suffering. Every single compound made from your body would triple the amount you feel now.

It’s the same with the rotting.

A super soldier can fight battles, externally. But internally?

Internally, they don’t stand a chance. You can not fight your own organs.

It’s what happened to all of the deceased soldiers laying on the ground in front of you, and the breathing ones who pound at the barricaded door. The rotting overcomes every other element, reducing you to all but one thing.

A walking corpse.

☬

A shiver courses your spine as you're removed from your memories, Bucky’s voice filling the void. “I just wish..” You wanted to steer the conversation away, not being able to bear the memory of seeing friends and loved ones rotting corpses. His lips part when your hand comes up, resting it on his thigh.

An attempt at comfort, but also a distraction.

Your eyes stray to your fingers, rubbing a gentle circle. “What are you doing..” Bucky’s voice is hoarse, his eyes dilated. Your fingers graze his cheek, looking into his sunken sockets.

Your arms come out awkwardly at your sides, requesting Bucky to come closer. He stares before your tone echos, “Come here, Buck.”

He hesitates, but the soldier's desires outway his patience. You course him into your arms, feeling the weight of his body press into yours. You rest your chin on the top of his head, his lips grazing your throat. You both feel safe in that moment, for the first time in months.

In each other's arms.

Your fingers weave their way through his overgrown hair, messing with the brown strands, twirling them around your bruised fingers. Bucky looks up at you, feeling your gentleness, and your eyes lock as time begins to slow.

A quick dart down to his lips has Bucky pulling away, snapping out of the trance.

“No. I won't go there with you.”

You shrug, a faux amused look pillaging your features, “We’ve been to worse places.” You pull his face back to you, trying hard not to gasp as you focus on his eyes, the wetness of his cheeks.

Bucky grabs your wrist, stopping your movements, placing a small kiss on the inside flesh, “We can’t do this, doll. I won't use you like everyone else.” A single tear slides from his eye ducts, a faux smile painted on Bucky’s worn features. Your free hand comes up to cup his cheek. Before Bucky can protest, you swing around, your shadow following as you straddle his lap.

A broken smile, “Forget with me, just this once.”

Despite Bucky’s protest, you can feel him grow hard in his restaurants, his tip pressing into your wet folds. “We can’t..” Ignoring his pleas, you reach for his zipper, and Bucky’s protest halt, his breath growing heavy.

You release him from his pants, his cock hard, pre-cum dripping from the tip.

“It will all be here when we come down.” Bucky hesitates as your hand finds his cock, pumping him once. Although his words attract the opposite, his fingers help your pants down, throwing them beside you, landing somewhere in the filthy bunker.

You move your panties aside, ready to accommodate him. You both needed to forget the world around you, even if that meant using each other. It’s what this cruel world made of you both.

Monsters.

“Forget.” You whisper against his ear, your fingers caressing his spine.

Tears slide down his face, landing in his beard and dropping on the concrete floor. Bucky’s words are broken as he replies, looking somewhat distant.

“Okay.” And he pushes into you, pulling you down onto his cock. The stretch is uncomfortable but the feeling of being filled, the feeling of memories slipping into the wind, being shot down by bullets and staying in the rotting rib cages of forgotten people was harmonious.

It was the feeling of forgetting.

He lets you adjust to him, placing a rushed ‘sorry’ kiss against your neck, his fingers roaming your body, playing with your curves. The anticipation builds inside of you as you begin to rock gently, feeling the way Bucky’s cock is a perfect fit inside you.

“Move with me,” Bucky whispers against your throat, his face damp with tears. His fingers grab onto your hips, as he guides his first thrust. You move up, as he thrust back in, making you yelp. Bucky groans, closing his eyes as your face finds the crook of his shoulder, the top of your head against the curved wall.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” He bucks again, as you match your pace with his own, feeling pleasure shoot through your body.

“I’m so sorry.” Bucky sobs as he continues to use your cunt, both driving pleasure from each other. The sounds of skin-on-skin echo throughout, the ill-suited noise of arousal mixing with arousal.

You bring a finger up to his lips, coursing his mouth closed, forcing your eyes to meet his own. “Shh-”

“Don’t be sorry, I want this.” You moan as his thrust turns sporadic, his fingers piercing your skin, his cock pounding into your cunt. Bucky taking all his anger out on your body, and you the same, using his cock to give you pleasure. A type of emotion you haven’t felt since the beginning of the end.

“Do you?”

Your arms cup the back of his neck, as you sit up from his neck, allowing your hair to frame his face. You smile, laughing a little, feeling your orgasm start to crest. “Even if I didn’t, it doesn't matter.”

Bucky groans, his lips kissing at your throat, your breaths colliding, tangling yourselves in each other's warmth. You both sit there for a while, moving, sliding his cock in and out of you, while he places harsh kisses against your throat.

Bucky’s voice breaks the silence, “Of course, it matters.” His breaths pan out, as his metal fingers come up, running the back of them against your cheek.

“Nothing matters now, not when our days are so clearly numbered. It’s you and me, we knew that the moment we came here.” You reply, trying your best to reassure him.

Bucky’s cock is punishing now, pounding into your pussy with the strength of a super soldier. You cup each other's cheeks, melting into your embraces. Your body moves on its own now, riding his cock, your wet folds gripping, milking his every thrust.

“The beginning of the end,” Bucky whispers, you can tell by his eyes, he’s reminiscing on the beginning, the day you both agreed to come here, to save people who were already too far gone.

A weak smile brightens your cheek, a sad attempt at reassurance. “At least it will end with us.” You moan, feeling his cock twitch inside of you, hinting at his release.

Your pussy grips his dick, the waves of pleasure knocking at your door, trying to force its way in. You slow, letting Bucky move on his own, finding his own pattern as the tide rips open the door, hitting you with waves of mind-blowing pleasure.

You finish, your cunt clamping down on him as Bucky speeds his pace, grunting every time he fucks into you. You manage to get out words, words you’d never thought you’d say,

“Together, Buck.”

“Till the end of the line.”

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