#bucky x reader sad

[sebastianstansqueen]

Hello! I just started reading ——- as hoping you could do this request (it’s absolutely fine if you don’t) but I had seen this tik tok where this girl explains that she’s never seen a story where a sunshine gets emotional and everyone expects sunshine to go someone but sunshine BOLTS to the grumpy character and sobs into them.

idk if any of that made sense but it made me think of a sunshine reader x bucky so if you have any time to write it i would love to read it but if you don’t that’s also fine

here’s the link to the tik tok

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTR9eNfko/

Title: Sunshine

A/N: Tell me what you think, feedback is always appreciated, if you want to be Tagged, either send an ask or comment on this or click on Taglist open.  

Wordcount:  732

Warnings: Sad Reader, and protective Bucky, fluff

Masterlist //  Tagglists 

Taglist: @cherryblossomsky - @babylooneytoonz - @wonderlandfandomkingdom - @miraclesoflove - @amelia-song-pond - @leyannrae - @avengerlex - @pineprincess - @nik2writes - @dorothea-hwldr - @rosie-posie08 - @scxrletrecsmarvel -

You had been sad for the last few days, because your neighbors had your dogs taken away, and now they lived with your parents, but you went into work your heart hurting and you were in the human resources department, and you may or may not have started a small in work relationship with Bucky, and no one knew, so no harm no foul. But you were hurting all you wanted was to go find him and talk it out. 

“You're dating Y/n from HR aren't you?” Tony smirked talking to Steve. 

Steve side eyed the man. “No.” 

“Oh I get it you don’t wanna get your little girlfriend in trouble.” Tony said still smirking and he walked away. Bucky heard the whole thing while just smirking at how wrong the ‘genius’ was, and he couldn’t help but laugh to himself. 

You just tried to continue even though you really just didn’t want to and so your boss came and talked to you. “What is going on?” She asked as she sat across from you. 

“It’s really nothing, I promise.” You shrugged as you typed up a report. 

She looked at you. “What is it?” “It’s stupid.” You sighed. 

She huffed. “Y/n, we literally take care of the avenger we make sure they are mentaly healthy enough to just go and save the world, and you aren't acting like you, usually you are happy go lucky and a ball of sunshine, so what is going on?” 

“My neighbors called animal control and had my dogs taken away as I was at work yesterday, and there with my parents clear on the opposite side of the city basically in nowhere land.” You ranted. 

“Take a break I don’t care for how long but take an hour to a two hour  long break.” She sighed, getting up and leaving. You sighed out of your computer, and headed to the Avengers common room to find Bucky.

Bucky had been his ‘usual’ moody self that day, just waiting till you get off from work, just to head over to your house and watch a movie and cuddle, but the elevator dinged opened, you walked in and of course every Avenger had to be in the common room at the moment, Tony kept his eyes on you waitin for you to go to Steve because of the sad look on your face, everyone on the team liked you, your kind and soft hearted, along with you brought baked goods to them more often than not.

Your eyes scanned the room, looking for one person, Bucky looked at you with furrowed brows he saw the sadness you were holding in your eyes. You briskly walked towards him, he pulled you into a tight hug, and you let out all of your feelings and started crying into his shoulder. What both of you didn’t see however was the shocked look on the whole rest of the team's face, and Bucky just whispered things along the lines of ‘it's okay’. What no one knew except Bucky himself was he already grew protective over you so once you told him everything that had happened in the last 24 hours he wanted to go to your neighbors house and demand they take back their complaint about your dogs. He also loved your Pitbull and German shepherd Named Pepper and Lulu, and he’d do just about anything to get you to smile. That night he went home with you, and once you fell asleep he went and talked to your neighbors and came down to an agreement, that you could bring your dogs back from your parents as long as while you were at work they went with you and he talked to Tony who agreed that Lulu and Pepper could stay with the team. 

So that night Bucky drove the almost two hour drive to your parents house, they loved him he was glad that he could still make an amazing impression on parents, and he told them  about the agreement that he made with your neighbors and he brought your dogs home that night once they walked through the door, the jumped on the couch where you’d fell asleep, and they licked your face until you woke up. You smiled wrapping your arms around both of your ‘babies’ as you called them, and your smile grew bright once again.

#bucky barnes x reader #buckybarnes #bucky x reader #bucky x reader fluff #bucky fluff #bucky barnes fluff #sad #bucky x reader sad #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes #bucky x sunshine!reader #marvel #bucky x reader fanfiction #protective!bucky x reader

[kiritella]

Love me...

Pairings: Bucky x Reader

Words: 3.8k

Warnings: mentions and descriptions of depression.  Hints but no actual mention of self harm.

A.N: This one was actually very personal for me.  I go through things like this periodically, and I just need some Bucky sometimes.  I am not trying to describe all depression, as everyone is different, but this is just something that I go through...

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The fork scraped against the plate as Y.n poked at her food.  There is something about the way silence can be your saving grace, but at the same time, if left in it, one can easily go mad.  It could be your home, or a complete mess.  The way Y.n knew she was in trouble was because of this.  Her head was getting to be an uneasy place to be when the world wasn’t awake.  Thank the heavens that morning was slipping through the cracks of the curtains.  It was coming again.  The ache was currently soft, easily mistaken for the burn in your lungs when you hold your breath for a few seconds too long.  It blended in with the move of her muscles, or the pressure when she flicked her finger.  The only thing that set it apart from the rest of the casual pains of existence was its familiarity and persistence.  This pain wasn’t like a prick of the finger or the stub of the toe, it was a hollowing pressure.  It was as if her ribs were slowly getting smaller and smothering everything they caged.  They had only shrunk slightly this morning, but Y.n noticed.

The soft padding of feet made her smile despite this.  They were once imperceptible, but with time, those feet had gotten heavier with easement of their owner’s heart.  Bucky walked around the corner of the kitchen in just some old sweat pants and a messy hairdo, yawning with the back of his hand trying to cover it.  Y.n watched from over her cup as she took a sip, steam brushing up against her cheeks.  He shuffled over to her, dipping down to kiss the top of her head.  She smiled.

“Good morning, Sunshine…” he said.  Then, he turned and grabbed his mug from beside the coffee pot, filling it up as he noted the full breakfast cooked and ready in a pan, keeping warm on the stove.  “You were up early.”

Y.n hummed, pushing her berries to the side of the plate as she thought of the nickname Bucky had given her.  “Woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep…” she said.  “But you were quite the sight to watch this morning.”

Bucky laughed softly and gave her an unbelieving look.  “With what I saw in the mirror earlier, I doubt that.”  

“I said quite the sight, I didn’t say what kind of sight it was…” she said teasingly. 

Bucky gasped playfully, scooping his breakfast from the pan and onto a plate.  “That’s cruel.”

“Don’t worry, I still love ya.”

He hummed a ha sound and sat in the seat beside hers.  Taking a sip of coffee, he noted her plate as she pushed her toast around with her fork.  He nudged her arm.  “Not eating?” he asked.  A worried crease formed between his brows, but Y.n shook her head. 

“Nah, I’m gonna eat,” she said, but looked up from where she was staring at the grains in the red plate.  The window was now filtering beautiful golden rays into the dining room.  It gave the place an ethereal glow.  The fire in the living room kept the cold mountain air away from the inside of the log cabin.  Their little sanctuary.  That beauty and heat took too long to warm her skin. 

Y.n leaned her head against Bucky’s shoulder.  “...I think today is a bit cloudy today,” she said after another minute of silence.  The words made the cabin seem colder.

Bucky glanced out the window before he paused.  From her position, she was blind to his lips dipping into a soft frown.  He nodded, lifting the arm she was leaning against and wrapping it around her shoulders.  He pressed a lingering kiss to the top of her head.  “Okay, baby girl,” he said in a voice much quieter than in their previous conversation.  

It was coming. What “it” was, Y.n didn’t know how to define exactly.  Neither did she know when they started to use weather patterns as a way to explain her mental state.  What she did know, was that even having recovered from the darkest, most lingering parts of her depression, there were still periodic times when those feelings came back full swing.  Once every few months, an “episode” would hit and she would sink into the darkest places in her mind.  They never lasted and usually were over in no more than a week, but in that week, she was reminded of everything she was desperate to forget.  And one was coming.  There was a storm brewing in her chest and in her mind.  She needed to close the shutters for the windows and barricade the door, locking her and Bucky inside until it passed.

Knowing the signs of the episode was bittersweet.  Knowing helped her keep logic intact when they hit, but there was still the impending doom of their arrival.  It’d start with some doubts.  Her anxiety would spike to the point she wouldn’t want to leave the house.  She couldn’t because that would take energy.  Energy she could feel slowly draining even now as she forced another bite of food in her mouth that she wasn’t hungry enough to eat. Bucky’s arm released her as she sat up from his shoulder, but it found a new home on her thigh.  Constant and firm.  When breakfast was finished, and the sun was risen enough to see the wonders of their isolated place in the universe, Bucky convinced Y.n to keep him company while he worked.  She sat on the ground at Bucky’s feet while he fiddled under his truck, soaking in the sunlight.  She liked the sun, despite having never been a fan of summer.  Bucky kept her distracted, having her hand him tools or talk about anything or nothing at all.  He knew her well, and at this point, she supposed they had set a routine.  Fresh air, sunlight, and movement.  The three things that helped to keep Y.n from lingering in the darkness of her mind for too long.  Thankfully, the weather there on the mountain stayed on the best side of cold, and their little place had enough to keep their hands busy.  She needed busy to keep her mind occupied.

So, she helped Bucky fix his car, and from there they fixed the leak in the bathroom sink.  And the next day Bucky helped her rearrange the cabinets in the kitchen and mop the entirety of the house.  It didn’t matter that Y.n had wiped the counters down three times, or spent over an hour cleaning the grease out of one of Bucky’s jeans, or that she had readjusted the same picture five times to get it straight.  There was nothing said the next day about the way she rewashed all the clean plates and bowls, remade the already made bed, or when she ironed Bucky’s shirts despite living in the midst of nowhere and with nowhere to go.  Nothing needed to be said about it, but they talked of everything else.  Steadily though, as her mind became a nightmare, and her ribs shrank until her heart could barely beat, even the conversation began to dwindle.  

Bucky was patient. He reminded her of the good things she had so she would have something to fight for and focus on.  He made sure she ate, drank, and got out of bed.  The last one was getting harder to convince her of, though, and on the morning of the third day, he wasn’t sure he was going to be successful until noon.

“Baby…” he whispered, sitting beside Y.n on the bed where she was trying to hide beneath the covers. He wasn’t condescending as he took a heavy breath and tugged the blanket down so he could see her face.  She was lost in the midst of empty space, her gaze set at the curtain closed window, but it was as if she was seeing far beyond it.  She looked away from it and up to his eyes, smiling weakly.  It was a complicated thing to keep logic intact when going through an episode.  Y.n knew exactly what her overreactions were, that all the voices in her head were being irrational, and that she was deserving of love.  She knew logically, but damn, emotionally she was broken.  Her mind and heart were a paradox.  How do you heal something like that?

“G’morning,” she whispered back.

“Good morning,” he said. “I’ve got food on the stove for ya…”

Y.n hummed, but her lips sank into a frown.  “But it’s so warm in here!” she countered cheerfully.

“I’ve got a fire going in the living room…”

“And snugly…”

“There’s your mess of blankets and pillows on the couch from last night…”

“…” she thought a moment. “It’s…My legs are broken.”

Bucky chuckled at that. “Oh!  Well, you should have started with that one!”  He grabbed the blankets and ripped them off her.  She squealed, trying to grip them as the cold air brushed up on her bare stomach and legs.  Bucky quickly but gently grabbed her legs and began poking them.

“What—” she started but gasped as Bucky began gripping her legs and knees just the right way that tickled them.  “No!”

Bucky continued his assault until she had succumbed to laughter.  

“What is it baby?” he teased.  “It looks like your legs are just fine!”  

“B-b-bucky!” she squealed, but Bucky dipped and began planting kisses along her knees and his beard scraped along her skin.  She calmed down as he stopped tickling her, and her eyes softened when Bucky’s peered up at her from his place between her legs.  He leaned forward over her body, his hand slipping to her hip, resting his other one on his elbow beside her head.  A smile peeked on his lips as they descended to her forehead, down over her eyes, and then finally caressing her lips.  He kissed her softly, and then again to tell her it would be okay, and with one more he convinced her that she could find the strength to get up.  When he pulled away from her lips, she sat up with him and pulled them back.  With one more, her chest make room for her to breathe.

“Okay…” she whispered.

He nodded, squeezing her hand.  “Okay.”

With that, Bucky handed her a shirt that was lying on the small stack on the bedside.  She was grateful as she pulled it over her and it covered her belly loosely, hiding the things mind was screaming too loudly about. Buck then took her arms and pulled them over his shoulders, so her chest met his back.  It took a moment, but when she got it, she smiled, laughing, and wrapping her legs around his waist.  Bucky lifted them up and hulled her on a piggyback ride to the dining room.

“You’ve got some strong legs for someone who says they are broken.”

“Probably because you’ve taken me against the wall so many times…or the fact that you like to be ridd—”

“Okay, okay, missy,” he said, a pink tint rushing up his neck.  Y.n kissed the spot under his ear and he shivered, shaking his head as the hair on his neck stood on end.  “Babygirl…”

She hummed as he let her down off his back.  There was a grey nature to the room as clouds blocked most of the sunlight from the earth. It smelled heavenly, though, and Bucky explained it by presenting to her a plate of waffles and syrup, berries on the side and whipped cream stacked on the top.  It was a plate of carbs and that was exactly what she wanted.  She could regret it later.

~~~

How Bucky had convinced her to take a walk with him was beyond all reason.  Y.n’s breaths were uneven as she hiked up over another steep hill. Bucky was a few steps ahead, but he waited for her at the top.  He reached out a hand and when she took it, he helped her over the last stretch with a tug, unrelenting on his hold as their hands remained intertwined to continue walking.  The day was chilly, and the sun that would normally offer them a bit of reprieve was sunk beneath a thick layer of clouds.  A strong breeze rushed through the woods, rattling the trees, and Y.n pushed her free hand into her pocket to warm her cold fingers.  Her sweater bunched up at her wrist.  Her wrists ached again.  She scratched them against the denim of her jeans.  

Her legs were done, and her chest was too damn tight for this.  It was a short walk.  Rocks settled in her stomach when she remembered that this was a short walk.  She could manage that much…she should be able to.  Lazy.  She took another deep breath.  A promise was a promise, and she promised Bucky that she would take a walk.  Why was it so hard?  The bed at home called out to her, and the thought of being curled up in blankets and sleeping the pain away was heaven compared to this.  Pathetic.  

A sniffle broke the silence between them.  Y.n blinked away the tears that she blamed on the cold air, wiping the remnants off her cheeks.  Bucky’s hand squeezed hers, and its warmth kept her grounded as they trudged through the growing storm.  The swift return to the cabin was quiet of words but filled with the sound of wind picking up and thunder rolling in from the distance.  They closed the front door on it as they entered the cabin.

Y.n slowly toed off her shoes and removed her socks before finding a place in front of the fireplace.  She stoked the hot coals they had left before the walk, adding a couple logs and blowing on the embers to get the fire going again.  She sighed heavily as a small flame grew to take the bottom of the log, sharing its warmth.  Groaning, she sat on the floor in front of it and watched as the yellow and orange grew. Bucky found her there ten minutes later, staring at what was now a steady fire.  

“Hey, c’mon,” he said, walking over and nudging her side.  “Upsy, off the floor.”

Y.n tilted her head up to see behind her with a smile.  “Upsy?”

Bucky chuckled. “Yes, upsy.  Are you making fun of me?”

Reaching her arms up she nodded.  “Yes, yes I am good sir.”

Bucky took her arms and pulled her up.  To give her credit, she did help him by moving her feet.  Still, he groaned in teasing.  “Agh—you gonna make me drag ya all the way to bed?”

She hummed, pouting. “Maybe I am!”

“Ya need a shower before bed—phew!”  he said, scrunching up his face, dropping her arms.  He sank down to his knees in front of her and took a dramatized sniff of her face. “Ya starting to smell.”

She gasped.  “I smell?  You should get a whiff of yourself mister!” she said, shoving his shoulder and he grinned.  “You’re all sweaty and dirty!”

“That’s not me!,” he said, launching forward until she was pinned under him on the floor.  She laughed as he pebbled her face and neck with tiny kisses and teasing remarks.  When she was out of breath, he sat up.  “Fine, we’ll both shower—together.”

Y.n rolled her eyes. “Fine.  I suppose I could do that.  Since you stink so bad you might need help getting it all off.”

Bucky chuckled, rolling his eyes as he stood, offering her a hand and helping her up, leading her to the bathroom.  It was there that the barriers she had put up came down with every piece of clothing that she removed.  She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, and she turned away quickly. Bucky had to drag her into the shower, and under the hot water, she wished that she could scrub away all the parts of her body she despised.  Every piece of skin was on display for the person she loved and admired to see.  Y.n’s arms crossed over her body.  When Bucky lifted her chin up, she looked away, unable to meet his eyes.  His soft tut broke her heart, but fear sank in when he opened the shower door and stepped out.

“W-wait—”

Bucky looked back, smiling dimly.  “I’m not leaving, just hold on…”

She did.  The next thing she saw was nothing.  The lights were turned off and the bathroom was portrayed in complete darkness.  She couldn’t tell her hand from her leg and the knot in her throat welled up again. A moment later, Bucky was back in the shower and his hand found her shoulder, tracing down to her elbow and pulled her close.  

“Keep your eyes closed,” he whispered.  She obeyed, and only after a little shuffling and his hands weaving through her hair did she understand.  Soap bubbles washed down her neck and over her chest as Bucky washed her hair.  The motion of his hands massaged away some of the tension in her head, but it made the knot in her throat heavier.  She didn’t deserve him.  

The water was eventually turned off and they stepped out, drying off in the darkness because Y.n couldn’t bring herself to turn on the light just yet.  She knew with the minimal clothes she was wearing, she would face it when she stepped outside the bathroom.  But she could have a few more moments, right?  Those moments passed too quickly.  Y.n found herself standing at the edge of the bed, fixing the blanket again as one of Bucky’s shirts hung off her shoulder.  Her hands began scratching at the ache in her wrists.

Bucky pulled them away, guiding her to sit on the bed before he sank to his knees in front of her. He kissed the inside of her wrist, right over the pulse point, and her tears overflowed and a sob broke through the knot in her throat.  Thunder shook the room as lightning struck nearby and Y.n cried, covering her eyes with her free hand as she leaned forward over her knees.  Torrents of rain beat against the window, and the wind howled over the mountain.  Bucky held her head between his hands, staying by her side as she fell apart.  As she broke her chest open to release the pressure and pain.  As she screamed at old scars.  He held her in the climax and tragedy.  No, none of it made sense.  It never would.  Logic tried to scream over the pain, you’re fine, you’re fine, you’re fine, but nothing was.  Logic doesn’t know how to talk to a heart that is aching.  Logic speaks, but the heart only knows Latin and doesn’t understand.

Y.n knew the truth. She understood reason.  She knew because her mind told her so, but her heart also said she was bleeding.  The pain accompanying the intrusive thoughts was oppressive—devastating.  She couldn’t escape it if she tried, and she did try, every single time.  She was without sense or hope.  She pulled Bucky close in her madness, her hands screaming love me, love me, love me anyway.  Without him, she was nothing.  Bucky never wavered.  He pulled her into the bed, kissing her head and held her close, tightly, like he was the only thing holding her together.  And he likely was.  

Y.n hid her face in his chest, muttering with a shaky breath, “It’s so dark I can’t see anything in front of me.”

Bucky nodded. “That’s okay.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay…” he said and kissed the top of her head.

Y.n tightened her arms around his waist.  “I know everything’s gonna be fine I just—My head, damn it I’m so screwed up—” she sobbed.

“Hey, hey,” Bucky said, cutting her off.  “You know better than that.”

She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I get like this.”

“It’s not your fault,” he said, pulling her head back so he could look at her properly.  His eyes were red-lined and his hair was a damp mess. “I choose you anyway…we’ll work through this one just like we did the last.  And I’ll be here for the next one.  We’re gonna be okay, okay?”

“Okay…” she whispered. “I love you.”

“Good,” he said, sniffling as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead, “Because I love you too.”

Bucky tucked Y.n in against his chest again, and with some shuffling, they managed to get under the blankets.  He wrapped his legs over and between hers until they were inseparable.  The knot in Y.n’s throat slowly began to ease.  Her now gentle cries were soothed by the rhythmic, though sometimes shaky nature of Bucky’s breathing.  Y.n’s fingers traced over the expanse of his back, between his shoulder blades and sliding down to the dip in his spine.  As the turbulent thoughts began to ease into stinging whispers, she relaxed, and her chest didn’t seem quite as heavy.  Silence settled for a few minutes as her hands slowly came to a halt on Bucky’s back.  The few minutes stretched into several and then into many.  Soon, night fell on them, and she was still, eyes closed at last as she was encased in sleep.  One of the few places her mind let her rest.  Bucky held her still, soothing his own heart by keeping her close. There was only so much a man’s heart could take of watching the one he loves suffer and break.

The morning came too quickly, but it was better.  After a climax, there was always a decline.  The front door closed behind Bucky as he stepped out on to the front porch, sitting in the wooden rocking chair beside Y.n.  He handed her one of the coffees he held.  She smiled, letting the warmth from the mug seep into her fingers.  A calm settled between them.

“Thank you,” she said quietly.  He hummed, a small smile peaking off the corners of his lips as he watched her.  A new life rested in her, and he could tell she was breathing easier by the way she embraced the sunlight sliding across her cheeks.

The rain from the night before left the grass wet and the air a bit colder, but the skies were clearing, and the morning sun was rising steadily.  A gentle breeze brushed past them, bringing fresh air to their little spot. Y.n relaxed back in her chair, her hand falling from her mug to take Bucky’s hand.  He gave it willingly, and she lifted it to her lips, pressing a kiss to his knuckles before intertwining their fingers and letting them rest back on his thigh.  He smiled, and so did she, and he knew.  He relaxed and his features softened.  The storm was clearing.

“Thank you,” she said again, but for more.

“Always…” he said. He leaned toward her to kiss her. “Always,” he repeated, sealing the words against her lips as a promise.  

#love me... #bucky #bucky barnes #james barnes #james buchanan barnes #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky x y.n #bucky x f.reader #bucky x female reader #bucky x reader sad #bucky x reader depression #bucky x reader angst #bucky x sad!reader #bucky x depressed!reader #lumberjack!bucky #lumberjack!bucky x reader #tw: depression #depression #james x reader #james barnes x reader #worried!bucky x reader

[lokiswifeduh]

Long Night

Pairings - Roommate!tfatws!Bucky x Fem!Roommate!Reader

Summary - You've been stood up twice in a row now. Bucky is tired of seeing you disappointed. So he takes you on a date.

Warnings - angst, being stood up, angry/annoyed bucky

Notes - I'm horrible at summaries, I know!! This happened to me a couple days ago, wishing I had a Bucky to take me on a date in Brooklyn right about now! Not proofread so lmk if there are any mistakes! Thank you for reading loves!!

WC - 1,750

masterlist

"Whatcha gettin' ready for, doll?" Bucky leaned on your bedroom doorframe, watching you straighten your hair in the mirror on top of your dresser.

"I have a date." You smiled, not noticing the slight drop in Bucky's smile.

"Oh, with anyone I know?"

You shook your head. "His name's Nash. Someone Sam set me up with," You explained. "He's supposed to pick me up in twenty minutes."

Bucky internally rolled his eyes. The guys Sam hung around with were nice, yes. However, he never got the guts to take you out on the date you deserved. A date with him.

"Are you sure you want him picking you up?" Bucky asked, making you look back in confusion. "I mean you don't know him that well... You could meet him there or uh, I'll drop you off." You let out a small laugh, "Yeah Buck, I'll just have my male roommate drop me off at a date, that'll go over well."

Bucky shrugged. He walked away from your bedroom to grab a beer from the fridge before sitting on the couch. He turned on whatever channel didn't require him to use the remote too much before slouching into the cushions.

Twenty minutes passed by when you slipped out of your bedroom, shutting the door behind you.

"Wow, doll. You.." Bucky's eyes widened slightly, "You look great."

You grinned, looking down at your outfit. It was basic but it was the most comfortable yet fashionable outfit you had. Black flared leggings with a sage green sweater and some white sneakers. It was simple yet appropriate for a late-night-diner date.

And to top it all off your makeup had cooperated for once. Both eyebrows looked like twins and not sisters. Your highlight was perfect, shimmering, but not too much. And you had the perfect lipgloss that made your lips look sunkissed. Perfect.

"He should be here any minute!" You sprayed some perfume, your favorite vanilla scent, and went to sit in the armchair across from the couch.

Bucky hummed, keeping his eyes on the Tv, taking another sip of beer.

However, twenty more minutes went by and Nash hadn't texted you, hadn't called, and hadn't shown up. Bucky was starting to feel bad and you could tell by the pity looks he kept throwing your way.

"He uhm," Bucky cleared his throat, "Maybe he hit traffic. You know, with it being New York and everything." You nodded, trying to hold onto at least a small bit of hope. "Yeah, traffic." But then another forty minutes went by and he still hadn't even texted.

And then another hour.

And another hour.

By the time Bucky finally turned off the Tv it was three and a half hours since the time Nash was supposed to come pick you up.

You were still sitting in the armchair, having dozed off with a couple tears streaked down your face. Ruining your once-perfect makeup.

Bucky sighed, silently cursing Sam even though he knew it wasn't his fault.

"Alright, doll," Bucky whispered, placing his metal arm behind your back, and lifting your legs with his right. You groaned awake, holding your phone in your palm as you wiped your cheek. "What time is it?" Your eyes shoot open, "Did he show up?" Bucky placed you in your bed, handing you one of his t-shirts you had stolen a while ago. "No, doll. I'm sorry." You stripped your shirt off to change as Bucky went into your bathroom, grabbing a couple of makeup wipes.

"Here." He softly spoke, hating your distraught and disappointed expression.

You wiped your makeup off, shedding a couple more tears in the process. The tears dripped from your cheek to the grey henley Bucky had given you. "It's okay. Maybe he was just busy." Bucky wanted to roll his eyes. He wanted to tell you that any respectful man, any gentleman wouldn't have done what Nash did to you. But he kept his mouth shut, opting to hum in your favor, and threw the makeup wipes in the trash when your face was completely bare.

"Goodnight, Doll." He placed a kiss on the crown of your head as you hummed in response. "Goodnight, Buck."

---

A couple days later, you finally got a text back from Nash.

"Bucky I was right!!" You came sliding into the kitchen, your socks making it easy to ice-skate on the smooth wood floor.

Bucky chuckled at your ability to skid so gracefully without falling. He had tried it once but vowed to never do it again after he slid into the dining room table. You would never let him live it down.

"Right about what, doll?" Bucky flipped the pancake, adding some vanilla to the dough.

"About Nash! He actually was busy!" Bucky quirked an eyebrow. Wondering why he had waited this long to text you back. Six days to be exact. "Did he say with what?" Bucky turned back to making breakfast.

"He said he got busy with work, and that something at work pissed him off so he didn't wanna see me while he was upset." You explained what Nash had told you.

Bucky had never wanted to hit someone in the face so hard.

Well, actually that wasn't true. But he did want to sock Nash in the face for standing you up and giving you a half-ass excuse days later.

"I mean that explains things, yeah..." Your brows furrowed at Bucky's flat tone. "Do you not believe it?" Bucky sighed, pulling the milk and eggs from the fridge as you sat on the countertop. "It's not that I don't believe it, it's just that it kinda seems like he forgot and or didn't wanna see you so he made up an excuse a little less than a week later to not seem like a dick." You nodded, taking in the information. Bucky couldn't sense your reaction quite yet, seeing how you were just staring at the ground with your hands in your lap, swinging your legs in the air.

"I mean, I'm seeing him tonight. If everything goes well after then I'll know it really was true."

"You're seeing him again?" You nod, "But this time I'm meeting him at the fourth corner Bakery. And I'm meeting him earlier this time, around noon."

Bucky looked over at the clock, seeing it was already 10:45. "Well you better go get ready," He said almost reluctantly, "Breakfast will be done before you need to leave."

You smiled, hopping off the countertop as you gave Bucky a quick kiss on the cheek. "Thanks, Buck. You're the best!"

He smiled, but then remembered he's only making you breakfast before you go on a date with a guy who's already stood you up once. Rolling his eyes, he scrambled the eyes, listening to your music in the other room.

---

You had already left for your date three hours ago when Bucky decided to go over to see Sam. His excuse was wanting to discuss the next mission they were due to go on in a week. But he just didn't want to sit at home all day, thinking about how you were on a date with another guy.

However, before he could reach Sam's he had to pass by the bakery where you were meeting Nash.

Yet when he looked through the window, there you were, sitting all alone at a table for two, eating a piece of cheesecake. No Nash in sight.

An internal war started in Bucky's mind. Should he go in and see if you were okay? Or should he believe Nash was in the bathroom and you were just sitting by yourself for a minute or two?

But then he noticed the solemn look on your face. The way your fork poked at the half-eaten cake. And that was your favorite kind. Bucky mumbled a soft curse, opening the door to the bakery and making his way over to you.

Without words, he sat down, his gloved hand resting on the table in front of your plate. You kept your head down, not quite looking at Bucky but knowing he was there.

"He didn't show, again." You mumbled. If Bucky didn't have super soldier hearing he doubted he could've heard what you had said.

"I know, doll. I'm sorry." You finally looked up, tears in your eyes which made Bucky's heart clench. "Why me, Buck? Why am I the one who's alone?" Bucky stayed silent, knowing you needed to vent.

"Am I unlovable? Is that what it is? Why does every single one of my friends get to find the one? Get to fall in love, get married, and have kids and I'm the one without someone?!" Your outburst made some other customers look over in concern.

You groaned, resting your head on your hand and hiding your face from the rest of the bakery. "I- uh, I'm not sure, doll. But I know one thing.. you're not unlovable. You just haven't found the one who wants to take the effort to show you how effortless you are to love."

You looked up at Bucky, fresh tears gleaming in your eyes. You had never seen him look so vulnerable before. He usually grumped his way through emotions. But not with you, not anymore.

He gave you a sad smile, clearing his throat before he stood, "Y'know what, doll. Let's go." He held out his hand. You looked around, "Where are we going?" Bucky took your palm in his gloved hand, "It's a surprise." You laughed, before standing and throwing the rest of your soggy cheesecake away. "You know how I feel about surprises." "Okay, I'll give you a hint." Bucky opened the door for you, making sure to walk on the side of the road with the bustling cars and traffic. Bucky called a taxi, opening the door for you. "You're about to have the best date of your life." You stared at him in awe before laughing and climbing in the taxi. Bucky's knees barely fit as he scooted in next to you. The driver asked where to go as Bucky licked his lips, "Brooklyn, please." You smiled, "Brooklyn?"

Bucky nodded, throwing an arm around your shoulder. "I may be old but I still know some good spots to take my best girl on a date." A blush rose to your cheeks as you looked over to him. "Your best girl?" Bucky nodded, picking up your hand with his metal one before leaving a soft kiss on your knuckles. "Always and forever, doll."

---

masterlist

#buckybarnes #marvel #fanfic #bucky angst #avengers #fluff #oneshot #bucky barnes x reader #fem!reader #sam wilson #lokiswifeduh #i dont have any writing ideas #i hate writers block #does anyone read fanfiction anymore #i had popcorn for dinner #bucky barnes smut #angst #sad bucky #sad bucky fanfiction #bucky x sad!reader #bucky loves plums #i quit my job #marvel imagine #james buchanan barnes

[wintersoldiersoul]

Tolerate It

A/N: I think I might make a part 2 to this... if you guys would want that lmk!

Summary: After a mission gone wrong, Bucky shuts you out. (Based on Tolerate It by Taylor Swift)

Warnings: sad, Bucky is kind of an ass, angst,

It started a few months ago when a mission went wrong. You watched helplessly as the Winter Soldier trigger words were spoken in Bucky’s ear. You screamed and cried, begging and hoping that the deprogramming he had gone through had really stuck. You saw him shift for only a minute before he regained control. But you saw it. That cold emptiness in his eyes was terrifying.

You tried to comfort him as best you could afterwards. You cooked him all of his favorite meals, decorating the table with flowers and the nicest plates you owned, hoping that maybe it would bring just a tiny bit of excitement back to his life. You tried to make everything as easy as possible for him, washing every single dish in the sink, doing his laundry, you just wanted him to focus on feeling better.  But the things that happened on that mission had shaken him and it wasn’t something that your affection could fix.

Every time though, he would notice the meal on the table and walk right by you without even saying a word. He saw his laundry, clean and folded in the drawers, and would only respond by giving you an empty look. You knew he was going through a hard time but eventually, you started to believe that it was your fault. He didn’t love you anymore. He just tolerated you.

You gave him space, hoping and praying that eventually he’d be okay. That the light inside of him would turn back on and he would go back to the man you had given your heart to. But life doesn't work like that.

Nothing had returned to normal, even now. Bucky was functioning again, going on missions, hanging out with Steve and Sam, but with you, he was different. Gone was the loving man who would tear down buildings for you. You barely even saw him. He’d leave in the morning before you were awake and come back long after you went to sleep, stumbling in drunk and passing out on the couch. The two of you hadn’t exchanged more than a few words a day for months. And it was breaking you apart.

You couldn’t take it anymore. Being in this limbo where you were his yet you weren’t. Part of you wished he’d just break up with you so that you could try to move on. You’d never have the heart to leave him. 

It was 3am. You were wide awake and based on the sound of the TV out in the living room, you knew he was, too. You got out of bed and wrapped your blanket around yourself before making your way out to the living room. Bucky was seated on the couch, eyes on the TV screen but not really watching it.

You tentatively sat down, waiting for his mouth to open to tell you to go away. “Buck,” you said quietly, reaching your hand out to take his. He flinched when he felt your flesh graze his, quickly pulling away. “Bucky, please,” you pleaded. You wanted to hug him so badly. You needed to feel him and hold him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. 

But he didn’t respond to you. He just continued to stare ahead. You sat with him for a while, just relieved that he wasn’t telling you to leave. That counted for something, right? 

“You should get some sleep,” he eventually said. He didn’t actually care about how much sleep you got. He just wanted you to go away.

Wordlessly, you got up and left, crying yourself to sleep alone once again. You couldn’t help but blame yourself. Bucky could talk to Steve and Sam and all of the other Avengers but he didn’t wanna talk to you. You were too overbearing. You talked too much. You were too young for him. Never smart enough. You’d never make him happy. But you couldn’t let him go. 

The next day, Bucky was working in his office, the door shut and locked. You knocked softly, afraid to disturb him, but you couldn’t do this anymore. You constantly felt like you were drowning, unable to get a full breath of air in. “Bucky? P-please, can you let me in?”

You heard a sigh and footsteps as he approached, opening the door. He looked at you, eyes full of that same coldness that you had grown accustomed to. “What?”

You took a deep breath and tried to steady your shaking hands. You missed how things used to be when at the slightest sign of your anxiety he would scoop you into his arms, hugging you tight and telling you that everything would be okay. But now, he stared at your trembling body and did nothing. “I-I can’t keep doing this anymore. I need you to let me in. I need you to talk to me.” Tears fell from your eyes as soon as you started speaking. You really didn’t wanna cry but you couldn’t help it. Every time he looked at you with that empty stare, you felt like your whole body was ripping into a thousand pieces.

“I don’t wanna talk to you,” he said, emotionless.

“Did I do something? I- I just-”

“Y/N, just stop it, okay? I said I don’t wanna talk to you!” He yelled. 

You were taken aback. Half of you was expecting him to hug you, telling you how sorry he was for yelling. But he didn’t. He just stood, chest heaving and anger on his face. “You don’t mean that,” you said through gritted teeth.

“Yes, I do. I don’t wanna talk to you and I don’t wanna see you,” he answered before slamming the door in your face. 

And you broke. You slid down the wall, unable to keep yourself up any longer. You knew for a fact that he could hear your sobs from the other side of the door but he didn’t come to comfort you. This man, the man that you loved, the man who you thought loved you, was letting you cry alone. Was letting you cry because of him. And he didn’t even care.

Eventually, you picked yourself up and made your way to your room. You crawled into his side of the bed, trying to take in the faint remnants of his comforting scent. You sobbed for hours until you fell asleep.

 You were awoken by the rustling of clothes. “Bucky?” you said groggily, seeing the outline of his figure moving through the room.

“I’m going to Steve’s. I’ll come get the rest of my stuff later this week.” Each word punctured a hole in your chest. Why couldn’t you have just been enough?

“Bucky, please don’t do this,” you whispered, fighting your hardest to not cry again. But even if you did, he wouldn’t care, “Please, just talk to me.”

“Y/N, stop it.” His words were so robotic. “Just stop it. It’s done. We’re done.”

You wanted to hole up in your bed forever. You wanted to sleep away the pain and wake up years later when maybe the ache of him missing in your chest had shrunk. But you couldn’t. Because you were a superhero. And people’s lives didn’t stop needing saving because you felt like you were dying.

So you pulled yourself out of bed. Forced yourself to head to the tower a week later when Steve called for an emergency meeting. You hadn’t slept or eaten, weight loss and dark circles giving you the illusion of a zombie. You didn’t have the energy to put on real clothes. You stayed in what had become your uniform: sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt.

As if the world was playing a cruel joke on you, the second you got off the elevator, you were face to face with Bucky. You swallowed hard, waiting for him to say something. Anything. But he didn’t. He just looked at you, taking in how unwell you looked. How even in the week since he’d been gone, your frame had shrunk. He saw it. He noticed it. He just didn’t care.

“Why don’t we go undercover?” You suggested as a strategy for the mission that Steve was briefing you all for.

Bucky scoffed at your comment. “That’s like asking to get killed. God, do you ever use your brain?”

His comment hit you hard. But instead of only the blinding pain you had been feeling since he left, you also felt angry. How could this man who claimed to love you for so long speak to you that way?

You glared up at him. Even if you did die on this mission, would he even care? “I bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” 

 Steve shot you a look. “Y/N, come on. Not now.”

“What, Steve? I’m just saying what he’s thinking!” You were almost laughing as you spoke, the emotions of the situation becoming too much to handle. 

Bucky stood up from his seat. “I can’t do this. Steve, just fill me in later.” He slammed the door as he left.

The meeting ended but you couldn’t find the strength to move. You just sat in your chair staring mindlessly at the ground. 

“Y/N,” Steve said, calmly approaching you. “I know going through a break-up is hard.”

Is that really all that he thought this was? Just a break-up? Sure, you were experiencing the gut-wrenching heartbreak of no longer being Bucky’s girlfriend but you were also filled with so much self-loathing. You felt completely unlovable. You genuinely thought that if you disappeared from the face of the earth, not a single person would miss you. 

“Steve, what did Bucky tell you?” You asked. You knew Steve well enough to know that he wouldn’t dismiss the way you felt if he knew everything that was really going on.

“What do you mean? He told me what happened. He said you guys got into a fight and you ended it.” 

His words shocked you. Bucky was trying to blame you? He didn’t even give a fuck about what everyone else thought of you and your character? You couldn’t help but laugh. “Is that what he fucking told you? That I ended it? That we broke up in one night after one fight?”

Steve stared at you, confused. He didn’t know that there was a whole other side to the story. Your side. The truth. “Y/N, is that not what happened?” 

“No, that’s not what fucking happened, Steve!” You were losing it, both crying and laughing at the same time. “He hasn’t talked to me for months! Not since that mission where they used the trigger words. He doesn’t look at me, doesn’t speak to me… he was sleeping on the couch! I gave him his space. And when I tried to talk to him again, he left. He fucking left. So no, Steve, that is not what happened.”

He stared in your direction and you thought he was looking at you but really, he was looking at the door where Bucky stood. “Thought you could fill me in on what I missed,” he said, not even looking at you or acknowledging what he had just overheard.

Steve was speechless for a second, not knowing what to do. “Um, yeah,” he finally spoke. “Let’s go.” Him and Bucky left the room leaving you once again, alone.

You cried alone in the boardroom for a while. As you were leaving the tower, you heard voices from down the hallway, yelling.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Captain America’s frustrated voice echoed down the hall to your ears. “She did nothing wrong, Buck. Why would you do that to her?”

“Steve, you don’t understand, okay?” Bucky responded. His voice sounded like…no. It couldn’t be possible. He couldn’t be crying.

“Then make me understand! Did you see her? Did you see how broken she looked? Do you not even care? I don’t get it, Buck. A week before that mission you were browsing engagement rings. And then you just…” he sighed. “Bucky that girl loves you more than anyone ever will.” 

“I know, Steve,” Bucky said sternly. 

“She would do anything for you. She would-” 

“Steve, I said I know!” Bucky’s voice rang out. Your heart raced as you listened. “I know she would. And I would do the same for her. That’s why-” his voice broke. “That’s why I had to do this.”

Your head was spinning. He had abandoned you, froze you out, made you feel like absolute shit because he loved you? 

There was a minute of silence before Bucky continued speaking. “What if I hurt her, Steve?” His voice sounded so soft. It was a tone you hadn’t heard from him in months. It made your heart ache. “The trigger words…they worked, you know. Only for a minute but…they worked.”

“That’s why you did this?” You said, stepping out from your hiding place and making your presence known.

Bucky’s face went white as he saw you. He wanted nothing more than to run to you, to take you in his arms. It was all he had wanted for months but he couldn’t do it. He had to protect you from himself. “You weren’t supposed to hear that,” he said, his tone still soft.

“Too fucking bad, Bucky. I did hear it,” you retorted. 

“I’m gonna give you guys some privacy…” Steve said, walking out of the room and leaving you alone with the man who had ripped your heart to shreds over the past few months.

“Y/N, I had to protect you,” Bucky said. 

You scoffed. You didn’t know how to feel in this moment. You were devastated by the way you had been treated. You were angry at him for putting you through this. But you also just wanted him back. Your Bucky. The way he was speaking to you, looking at you, it reminded you of before everything had been blown to bits. “I don’t need your protection. But I did need you! Bucky, do you know how horrible you made me feel? I felt like you never loved me! That I would never be good enough! I felt like a placeholder until you found someone better! You did that. You did this to me.”

Tears fell from his eyes as he listened. “When they used those trigger words…I wanted to kill you. The Winter Soldier wanted to kill you. Do you understand that? I wasn’t in control. I didn’t know that it was you, the love of my life, standing in front of me. All I knew was that you were a mission. And I wouldn’t have hesitated to kill you.” 

“So you decided to treat me like fucking garbage? Bucky, do you know how many nights I spent alone in our bed, crying myself to sleep because my boyfriend made me feel worthless?”

“I know, I know,” he wiped his tears. “I heard you every time. And God, Y/N, it broke my heart. I was crying with you. I wanted nothing more than to get into bed and wrap my arms around you.”

“So why didn’t you?” You said, hot tears streaming down your cheeks now.

“I thought that you’d eventually realize I wasn’t good enough for you. I was waiting for you to end it. To give up on me like so many other people have. But you never did and I-I couldn’t keep living every second terrified that I would hurt you.”

You shook your head. “I would never give up on you. I was never going to give up on you.” 

“Please forgive me. I miss you so much, I don’t know what to do. I fucked it all up.” 

You were at a crossroads. You wanted so badly to forgive him. To say that you understood. And part of you did, but you also couldn’t forget the way he had made you feel for so long. So isolated and lonely. 

“I need some time, Bucky,” you said before walking out of the room, leaving the love of your life crying on the sofa.

#bucky barnes #sebastian stan #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes imagine #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #marvel imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #james bucky barnes #marvel #bucky barnes angst #sebastian stan imagine #bucky fanfic #sad bucky #james buchanan barnes #james bucky buchanan barnes #avengers #captain america #mcu #the avengers #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barns x reader #bucky barns fanfiction #bucky barns imagine #bucky barns x y/n #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan x reader

[tmpestuous]

Six Days

Summary: You make the effort to avoid Bucky during a mission after he upsets you in an argument, but things quickly take a turn for the worse. 

Pairing: bucky x avenger!reader

Word count: 4k

Warnings: fluff, angst, slight mentions of torture/hydra experimentation, blood, canon level violence, hurt!reader, sad!bucky

a/n: welcome to my first (real) post! i haven’t written in a long time so my apologies if this is a bit rusty. this was inspired by an excerpt on a post i saw and decided to turn it into a prompt: 

“He held her face in his hands. 

‘Do you think I care about anything but you?’”

--

You were on edge. 

This was the first mission in a long time where you hadn’t spent the night before with Bucky, wrapped in the warmth of each other’s arms, and waking up with another before heading off. Your regular routine almost happened. It would have happened if it hadn’t been for the argument that happened just about five minutes before you were ready for bed, an argument you deemed unnecessary and frustrating the second you stormed out of Bucky’s room and back into the one you barely spent any time in anymore. 

Not having that routine definitely threw you off your game. After dealing with a restless night and a series of tosses and turns, you decided to just stay up until you had to leave. 

Biggest mistake you could have ever made, you thought.

You packed everything you needed and, first thing in the morning, walked straight into the kitchen to fill up a thermos with a lot more coffee than you’d ever drink on a normal day before heading off to the quinjet launchpad without a word. Everyone else eyed you as you walked out; your usual, greeting nature was replaced by a silent one, a sight no one had seen since you first joined the Avengers. Once you exited, everyone’s eyes quickly turned to Bucky who had walked in just as silent. Though it was less rare for Bucky to avoid conversation, the two of you being separate was the clear elephant in the room.

Bucky looked up to meet everyone’s gazes on him, his brows furrowing immediately in annoyance.

“What’s the problem?” 

“Something going on between you and Y/n?” Sam asked without hesitation. He beared witness to the entirety of your relationship with Bucky, especially since he was often assigned to missions with the both of you. If anyone could tell something was off, it’d be him. 

“She’ll get over it,” Bucky replied monotonously before also heading out to the launchpad, everyone else straggling out shortly after.

You were already sitting in your normal seat inside of the quinjet, scrolling absentmindedly on your phone to distract yourself from the eyes that would eventually fall on you as you heard everyone else approaching. 

Though you were still angry, Bucky was not. In fact, he was more angry with himself than he was with you. He didn’t even think he was upset with you at all, but he was convinced you thought otherwise. 

Finishing a shower after an intense sparring session had never felt better to you. 

You had been with the Avengers for about two years now, picking up on more useful ways to use your fighting abilities rather than always being so destructive. Old members of Hydra, who decided they wanted to somehow reinstate and resolidify the organization, had taken you–along with more people than you could count on both of your hands–to be experimented on with a serum similar to the ones used on Bucky and Steve. After managing to escape, you had definitely lost a piece of yourself. It took a while to warm up to the thought of fighting alongside such honorable people, but after two years, you had found your home. 

The first year and a half was strictly training and shadowing anyone who had gone on a mission. You were eager to prove yourself as being part of the team, and in the last six months, Steve and Tony had agreed to allow you to not just shadow missions, but be part of them. You had just finished mission 26 as being “part of the team” two days ago, and Steve had stopped you before your workout with Natasha to let you know that he thinks you might be able to do your first solo mission. 

That news definitely kicked your motivation into overdrive during sparring. Natasha’s never been one to go easy on you, per your own request, and was riding on a 10-0 streak against you.

That streak got broken fairly quicker than she had expected.

Upon finishing your workout, you were most excited to tell Bucky the news. He had been there the whole ride to see just how hard you’ve worked to get to where you are today, especially sharing the experience of being under Hydra and struggling to use your abilities for the right reasons. 

But for some reason, things just didn’t go as you expected. 

And it hurt. Really hurt.

Bucky stepped on the jet and gave you a quick glance. Everyone else had taken their usual seat, meaning the only one available was the one he always took right next to yours. He sighed deeply to himself before sitting down, seeing you immediately cross your arms across your chest from his peripheral vision.

This was definitely going to be a long trip.

You didn’t say a word to him the entire ride. Not even so much as a shoulder or thigh touch. You kept your stoic nature for all of the ten hours you were sat next to him. 

Bucky was losing his patience, and the only person he blamed was himself. This might have been the first day in the year and some months that you’ve been together that you hadn’t said a single word to him, and it was eating him alive.

It was most definitely eating you alive too, but you couldn’t get the argument you two had out of your head. 

Bucky was starting to pack his things when you had walked into his room, his attention quickly diverting to the door and onto you, shooting you a soft smile.

“You’re back already?” He asked, knowing you always took a hefty moment to yourself to relax after sparring with Natasha. 

“You are now looking at the woman with a singular victory against Agent Natasha Romanoff,” you said confidently with a playful victory bow, making Bucky chuckle as he stood up and made his way over to you. 

Standing up straight to look up at him, Bucky cupped your face in his hands and kissed your forehead. “I’m so very proud of you, baby,” he said with his lips grazing yours that had just pulled into a small smile. 

“I also might have really good news,” you said in an eager tone, which Bucky noticed and loved immediately. 

“What’s the good news?” He asked right away as he wrapped his arms around your waist, wanting to hear your excitement. After seeing you have so many losses, with yourself and others, he knew you took every win very seriously. You reminded him of himself when he first joined the Avengers as well, and knew just how difficult it was to adjust and get even just a glimpse of triumph.

“Steve pulled me aside today and said he thinks I might be ready for solo missions,” you responded as you wrapped your arms around Bucky’s neck. “He saw how well I did during the last mission and wants to see how I do alone. He just wants Tony to agree first.”

Bucky’s face dropped slightly. “Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you asked rather than answering his question, furrowing your eyebrows in confusion.

Of course you thought you were ready. You had prepared long enough for this and knew you could take on the challenge. You also thought that Bucky of all people would be able to recognize that and agree. 

“You’ve only been on 26 missions, honey,” he contested. “It took me a lot longer than that before I was even able to handle a mission with just Sam.”

“So you think that I can’t go on a mission by myself because it took you longer to adjust than it took for me?” you asked incredulously as you pulled out of Bucky’s grasp and took a few steps back. 

Bucky ran his hands over his face in frustration. He knew just how stubborn you were; he had seen it mission after mission and debrief after debrief. You were never one to stand down from defending yourself and your decisions. However, you had never been so persistent with him over anything beyond a playful dispute between the both of you.

“You know that’s not what I meant, Y/n, so can we table this conversation and go to bed?” he bargained with you softly. 

You scoffed. “You just patronized me by implying that I’m incapable of handling a mission on my own and you want me to ‘table the conversation’?”

Given your tenacious anger, you knew it’d be best to not say anything at all until you felt a lot calmer about the situation. You had surely pondered if you were just overreacting, but Bucky’s words still hurt you.

He was never one to patronize you or make you feel like you couldn’t do something. In fact, it had always been the opposite. To hear that he felt you were incapable of taking on something you felt you were ready for had stung you harder than any other accusation ever thrown at you. He was the man you loved, the one person on the team who you trusted the most, and he thought you were unprepared.

So you avoided him. The jet landed and you gathered your things and walked right past him. You got lucky that Clint couldn’t come on the mission anymore and you could take his room so you wouldn’t be stuck with Bucky for the entire week. 

Bucky had felt like he was stabbing himself in the chest. He couldn’t sleep the entire night. This seemed to be a mission of firsts for the both of you, including the first time you were both on a mission and slept in different rooms since you’ve been together. 

The next morning, Bucky felt he made it worse. He wandered over to your room before it was time to meet everyone else, knocking on the door loud enough for you to hear it but not make himself obvious in the hallway.

You opened the door, looking right at him though Bucky felt like you were looking through him.

“Can we talk?” he pleaded softly. “I know this isn’t the best timing—”

“Then maybe we should wait until we get back, don’t you think?” you interrupted, your voice a bit raspy from the lack of communication with anyone.

“I can’t think straight on a mission knowing that you’re upset with me, baby,” he said, a slight tremor in his voice. You knew he didn’t want to upset you, but you also didn’t want to direct your anger towards him. It was the one thing you had both promised to each other. “Please?”

“I don’t want to talk about it right now, Bucky,” you replied sternly, your use of his name feeling like a knife through his back. “Can we just do this after?”

He nodded, not wanting to prod you any further than your limit. He whispered a soft “okay” before walking back to his room.

That was the last you spoke to each other before everything happened.

Your mission started off smoothly. You were paired up with Steve, who wanted to monitor you a bit closer while on a mission to further confirm his confidence in you. He also didn’t want to pair you with Bucky when you had tension with each other, wanting the mission to go successfully and without distractions.

You and Steve would take the fifth and sixth floor of the building to locate the files you needed to extract. Natasha would take the third and fourth floor, Bucky and Sam the first and second. Tony would be eyeing the outside perimeter for extra threats and also spotting Natasha a helpful eye, though everyone knew she could handle herself well. 

After fighting off a few straggling guards, you found the file you needed. The only problem was the faint beep, beep, beep you heard somewhere in your vicinity. Steve was keeping watch outside, fighting off the backup that was eventually called when they realized you were here. You couldn’t locate where the sound was coming from, but you knew it wasn’t a good one. 

“Hey, Steve, you busy?” you said, the hint of fear in your voice.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, hearing your tone. You could hear his shield bouncing off the walls as he responded.

“I’m hearing a beeping noise from in here and I can’t find it at all,” you said as you kept tearing the room apart carefully, not trying to accidentally trigger anything. 

“What do you think it is, Agent?” he asked, and you knew he was trying to turn this into some sort of test like your life wasn’t probably at risk.

“The only possibility is an explosive of some sort,” you responded, trying to hide the irritation in your voice from still being monitored on a mission like a child. “I can’t really make out where it’s coming from and it’s nowhere that I’ve searched in the entire room, so it’s probably hidden somewhere.” The beeping then started at a quicker pace, only making your nerves go into overdrive.

“I’ll finish up out here and then help y—”

Boom. 

“Rogers? Y/l/n?” Tony spoke anxiously into comms.

“What the hell was that, Tony?” Bucky asked immediately, not liking the tone in his voice while he said both yours and Steve’s names.

“Explosion on floor five. Rogers and Y/l/n aren’t responding.”

“Y/n? Steve?” Sam tried to reach out. Nothing.

“All I’m getting is static, guys,” Natasha chimed in. “I’m headed up.”

Bucky jolted into the staircase, running faster than he could even process. He eventually caught up with Natasha, Tony and Sam both flying in from either side of the building to the fifth floor. The entire floor was filled with smoke, though the hallway was a bit clearer than the room you had been in alone.

Natasha caught a glimpse of Steve, who was thankfully conscious, as he tried to lift himself up with a a cough to expel the smoke from his lungs. Tony helped him up and Steve immediately caught Bucky’s eyes, filled with anxiety he hadn’t seen in him in a while. He then looked at the door and Bucky understood that you were in there.

He knocked the door in with no hesitation, though something was blocking his entry. Steve and Tony made their way over to help him push the door, moving the cabinet that had been flung across the room with the impact of the explosion. Bucky slipped through the door, blue eyes scattering across the room until he saw your hand sticking out from behind some debris. Using his metal arm to lift up the equipment that had fallen on top of you, he moved it over to the side before kneeling in front of you. He noticed the large piece of shrapnel sticking into your abdomen, a fairly large blood stain tainting your suit and your breaths extremely shallow.

Your eyes were half open as they landed on him, though your body desperately wanted to fall out of consciousness.

“Hey, honey, I’m here,” he said as your eyes glossed over. 

You felt too weak to talk, it hurt just to breathe with the impeding metal in your stomach. The one moment you wanted to say something to him and you couldn’t. 

“I’m here, okay? We’re gonna get you out of here,” he said as his eyes stayed firmly on you, his ears tuning out Steve directing Sam, Tony, and Natasha to prepare for an emergency evac back home. “You’re gonna be okay, everything’s gonna be okay.” 

Bucky cupped your face lightly, running his thumbs across your cheeks carefully over a few cuts. His face and tears streaming down his cheeks was the last thing you remembered seeing before the darkness reeled you in.

_

It had been six days. 

Six days since you all successfully evacuated the mission. Six days since they removed the metal from your stomach safely. Six days since they found out the extent of your other injuries from the blow. Six days since you had been unconscious. Six days that Bucky hadn’t left your side for a second.

He had already regretted everything he said to you the night before your mission, but now he felt like he had made the biggest mistake of his life by even upsetting you. Bucky knew you probably wanted to cool down, memorizing all of your coping mechanisms and the way you communicated your feelings. But something in his head told him to talk to you sooner, and he only wished you had let him before everything else fell apart.

He hadn’t slept in the six days you’d been unconscious. You had suffered such a serious head trauma that the doctors in the medical wing of the compound were surprised your scans came back clean. On top of the fractured ribs, the wound in your stomach, and the broken leg, everyone had already known you were a trooper.

By the sixth day, Bucky’s eyes were finally starting to get tired. 

He fought sleep off as hard as he could, not wanting to take his eyes off of you for a second. Sam had come in several times throughout the week to bring him food to eat, though he could barely finish any of it. Steve had urged him to go shower every day, promising to watch you and alert him if any changes had happened, pleading with him until he finally agreed. Bucky would rush to shower and immediately ran back as he had finished and gotten dressed. Steve would just give him a pat on the shoulder and a longing look, knowing he couldn’t push any more out of his best friend who was watching intently over the love of his life. 

Bucky laid his head on the small space on the side of the bed next to you, his thumb running soothing motions back and forth on your hand as his solemn, blue eyes watched you take small breaths in and out with your eyes sealed shut. His eyes then pulled him into a slumber, one he didn’t even remember falling into.

After a few hours, he felt you shuffle a bit on the bed, shooting his eyes open and seeing you rub your eyes with your free hand, his hand still intertwined in your other one. 

“Y/n?” he spoke softly, your eyes redirecting to his face and a small smile creeping on yours.

“Hi,” you said groggily. “Did I wake you? I’m sorry.”

Bucky sat up and shook his head. “You have nothing to apologize for, baby. I’m just glad you’re awake,” he reassured as he let go of your hand and moved his to rest on your cheek. “How are you feeling? Does anything hurt?”

“I feel like I got hit by a truck,” you joked in a tired voice. “How long have I been out?”

Bucky sighed, though he was glad you were feeling well enough to be playful. “Six days,” he answered. “You had a lot of injuries.”

You nodded slightly. “What about the mission?”

“Natasha and Tony took care of it,” he informed you. “They stayed behind while we evacuated to finish and found a copy of the file. Mission successful.”

You nodded once again, biting down on your bottom lip as you knew there was still unresolved tension between you and Bucky. He noticed it too, but he didn’t think it was the right time to talk about it. Not right after you woke up. 

_

A few days later, you had been discharged from the medical wing and had gone back to your room. You had told Bucky you wanted to go back to his, but he had insisted it’d be better for you to rest in yours. 

He stayed with you the first few days you were in recovery, though he didn’t sleep next to you. It hurt a bit, but you had at least felt comfort in knowing he was in the room with you. 

One morning, you had woken up and saw Bucky sleeping peacefully on the couch chair in the corner of your room, knowing he had finally gotten rest after a few days. You stayed watching him and he met your eyes immediately when you woke up.

“Hey,” he said in the raspy morning voice you knew all too well. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay,” you said as you sat up a bit in bed, to which Bucky moved to your side to help you do.

“Don’t exert yourself too much, Y/n,” he warned in a light tone. “You’re still recovering and I don’t want you to prolong y—”

“Buck, I’m okay, I promise,” you cut him off, placing your hands on his face and forcing him to look you in the eyes. His normal, cerulean eyes were a bit more clouded. They looked more gray in the dim lighting of your room, but you could also make out the sting of sadness in them. 

The longer he looked in your eyes, the more tears formed in his. “I could have lost you,” he said with a crack in his voice. “I almost lost you without making things right with you. I’m never gonna forgive myself for that.”

“We don’t have to talk about this right now, Bucky—”

“No,” he cut you off this time. “I can’t wait any longer, Y/n. It’s eating me alive and I want to make things right with you. I need to make things right with you. Everything that went wrong on that mission only made everything worse. You could have died while being on bad terms with me and I’m never, never, going to let that happen again. Do you understand me?”

You nodded slightly, tears quickly glossing your eyes as well while a tear slid past Bucky’s. He cupped your face in his hands, wiping the tears that fell down your cheeks with his thumbs as you started to play with your fingers in your lap.

“Do you think that I care about anything in this world but you?” he said, a noticeable shake in his voice while he didn’t break eye contact with you. “There is nothing that compares to you in my world. Nothing. When I heard that explosion and Tony say your name, it felt like my heart dropped. I don’t want to experience that again. Especially if I’m not with you.”

Your eyebrows furrowed. “So you mean—”

“I said what I said because I’m too scared not to be with you, Y/n. It’s wrong and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry that I made you feel like I felt you weren’t ready to be on your own. You’re more than ready and I was clouded by my own fears and patronized you when you didn’t need that. I can’t lose you, I can’t picture what the rest of my life would even look like without you in it. But my fears should never come in the way of your accomplishments that you deserve and earned, honey. Never. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you and I’m sorry that it took everything that happened for me to say it to you.”

If the tears weren’t falling from your face before, they most definitely were now. You wrapped your arms around Bucky’s torso and sobbed into his chest. He was crying too, but he wrapped his arms around you and rubbed small circles in your back to soothe you the way he always did.

“I’m sorry,” you choked out between sobs. “I didn’t want to fight with you, I just—”

“Shh,” Bucky comforted you. “It’s okay, baby, I know. I didn’t want to fight with you either, it’s on me.”

You pulled away slightly to look up at him once your sobs died down, sniffling a bit as he looked down at you with all the love and adoration he’s always had for you.

“Promise me we’ll never fight before a mission again,” you urged softly, and even though your tone was slightly playful, Bucky knew you were also half serious.

“I promise, baby,” he said, kissing your forehead twice. “Now let’s go back to sleep.”

You nodded as he made his way around the bed and slid next to you, carefully wrapping his arms around you as you both laid down and enjoyed each other’s warmth again.

__________________________________

thank you so much for reading! i thoroughly enjoyed writing this and i hope you enjoyed reading my first piece! 

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky fanfic #bucky angst #sad!bucky #boyfriend!bucky #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n

[imtryingbuck]

Happy Ending?

~ gif not mine credit to owner ~

Pairing: Steve Rogers x fem!Reader, Future Bucky x fem!Reader

Summary: Reader dates Steve but he’s not a good boyfriend

Word count: 967

Warnings: Angst. Steve not being a good boyfriend, low self-esteem, no smut but smut? Idk I’m sorry. Self-body hating – plus size reader.

A/n: pt 2&3 will be on Bucky’s masterlist

Masterlist

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

You see the love of your life kissing Natasha. Then in the car she jokes about it being his first kiss in 70 years, he doesn’t correct her of course he doesn’t otherwise he’ll have to tell her he’s dating you. For the past 6 months. He tells you that it meant nothing and that they had to do it so they didn’t blow their cover. He takes you to bed has you on all fours and as he’s nearing his release, he says Natasha. You cry and he doesn’t notice.

You’re sitting in the backseat of the car next to Bucky Barnes, having to see the love of your life kissing the next best thing he’s going to get to Peggy Carter, her niece Sharon. You can’t say anything though as nobody knows you two are dating, still. He tells you it’s for your own safety but you know it’s not for that reason. You know he’s embarrassed of you, you’re not skinny. You’re fat. Overweight. Plus-size. However you want to put it you’re not skinny. You’re not perfect like Natasha or Sharon or any other woman he could have. He tells you he loves you in a whisper. He kisses you behind closed doors. Hell he doesn’t even touch you in-front of anyone. Yet you stay with him because you love him. 

Later that night he tells you he loves you and only you. You believe it. Your face gets pushed into the pillow, arse in the air and like last time as he’s about to get his release it’s not your name nor Natasha’s that slips past his pretty lips it’s Sharon’s. You cry, again.

You stay silent about the pain he keeps causing you because you are so afraid of being alone, so desperate to be loved by him or anybody for that matter. All you want is real love but you’re too scared to leave. The worst part is even Steve knows this. He knows how much you love him, and he knows himself that he could never love you, not really love you.

A few months goes by, and everything has calmed down so you decide to take him to meet your parents for the first time. He’s so nervous it’s actually cute. He meets your parents, brother and sister. Dinner goes by smoothly, Steve talks to your dad and brother about everything and anything whilst you’re in the kitchen talking to your mum and sister about how much of an amazing guy he is, how much you love him and how happy you are. Your mum tells you you’re absolutely glowing. The night comes to an end you’re sitting in the passenger seat eyes going from him to the stars in the sky, your happy for the first time in months. You both get home, and he tells you how incredible you are, says he wants to make love to you so you let him. Before you know it he flips you onto your hands and knees face being shoved into the fluffy pillows, your brains working overtime wondering which name is going to make its way out of his mouth. Your whole body is hurting because of how rough he’s being with you, your head hurts and your poor stupid heart is breaking all over again as he empties all his worth inside of you while the name he’s keep chanting like a prayer is that of your sister.

How you manage to do it is lost on you, but you push him off of you with what little strength you have left and make a beeline straight to the bathroom locking the door as quickly as you can, you stumble to the toilet in time to empty the contents out of your stomach. In the mist of being sick and crying you hear Steve pounding on the door pleading with you to let him in asking if he’s hurt you. Asking ‘what did I do wrong’ which is ironic as that’s the same question you’ve repeatedly asked yourself. You hug the toilet trying to get some kind of warmth from it.

But it doesn’t happen.

You fall asleep naked, face covered in tears on the cold bathroom floor. Steve falls asleep on the bedroom floor against the door.

The next morning you wake up sore with Steve knocking on the door telling you he has to leave on an important mission that he loves you and when he gets back you both can talk about why you ran off hiding in the bathroom. You remain stuck to the floor long after he’s left. 

You know you can’t keep doing this, going through the pain, blaming yourself for not being good enough for him. ‘You need to stop being scared of being alone’ you told yourself and finally after nearly a year of crying yourself to sleep every night you pick yourself off the tiled flooring and with timid steps you head into the bedroom. As you pack all your stuff into suitcases and bags you thought you’d be crying whilst doing this but no tears have made an appearance, you’re completely numb and done with everything. Walking around the apartment taking your things as you go you head to the front door and like a naive silly girl you’re arguing with yourself to put your stuff back and just wait for the love of your life to come home. ‘He loves you idiot’ even though you know it not to be true and with that and your broken heart you take a look around visibly seeing the good times that took place within those four walls, you walk out of the door and into the cold December morning.

You thought he was going to be your happy ending.

~ banners credit goes to @sweetpeapod ~

#marvel #marvel fanfiction #bucky barnes #bucky barns x y/n #the avengers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers fic #steve rogers x you #steve rogers and reader #steve rogers #steve rogers angst #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers sad #Steve rogers yn #steve rogers x f!reader #Steve rogers yn angst #steve rogers and you #Steve rogers reader #Steve rogers x you angst

[gaysindistress]

Sad Girl Masterlist

Pairing: mob!bucky x reader

Status: complete as of 4/29

Summary: James has an interesting new business proposal and one hell of a condition to deal with.

Warnings: Mob Bucky because he is his own warning, verbal abuse (but not from our lover boy), angst, arranged marriage, blood/gore, death, fluff, forced marriage, guns, language, mentions of sex, murder, slow burn, smut, violence, weapons. Each chapter will have it’s own warnings as well and please read at your own risk!

18+ minors do not interact 

disclaimer: credits to original creator/poster of image/gif. found on google/Pinterest

part 1 

part 2

part 3

part 4

part 5

part 6

part 7

part 8

part 9

part 10

part 11 nsfw

part 12

part 13

part 14 nsfw

part 15

part 16

part 17

part 18

part 19

The Barnes Family

#bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #mob!bucky #mob!bucky barnes x reader #mob!bucky barnes and reader #mob!bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes #mob!au #sad girl - bucky barnes

[oneofstarkskids]

don't say that (part 2)

part 1

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

genre: angst angst angst!!

warnings: cheating, lying, !TOXIC RELATIONSHIP!

summary: based on taylor swift's song question

*not my gif*

You had decided to stay with Bucky, if only to keep him from damaging himself.

Even if it meant you were being broken down in the process.

He kept true to his promises, insisting that he break up with her. It should've made you feel better, but it didn't.

Seeing how much pain she was in only made you feel worse.

It didn't help that you'd lost sight of who you were and now your whole world seemed to revolve around him.

Neither of you were fit to love one another. It was as if you were pieces of broken glass and your shattered edges didn't match up.

You hated the whole fucking situation.

And given the circumstances, how could you really be happy?

You'd thought that you'd made it obvious that you didn't want your friends to know about the relationship just yet.

His break up was fairly recent still and you didn't want them to think badly of you.

Bucky had even agreed, but somewhere along the line he'd told Sam and Sam told everyone else. Natasha hadn't spoken to you in weeks.

A part of you wanted to be upset with Bucky, but the other part just blamed it on miscommunication.

You didn't need an explanation.

It was late and Bucky had just had a long day of assignments. His arm was draped over your side and his cold nose was pressed against your neck.

He was already half asleep, but you were staring into the darkness of your bedroom, wide-awake.

"Can I ask you a question?" You whispered.

He hummed sleepily.

The words rolled over in your mind for a moment. You didn't want to upset him, but you thought you'd made your stance clear. What he did today proved otherwise.

You were hanging out with the team. Steve had just gotten back from his solo mission and wanted to tell everyone about it.

Bucky walked in and saw you sitting on the couch. Natasha was standing against the wall watching him.

Bucky leaned down and kissed you in front of everyone. It was so sudden and you didn't know how to react.

At first, the team was shocked. They'd heard the dating rumors, but they didn't expect this level of public affection from the former Winter Soldier.

After a few seconds though, Clint started slow clapping. "Real cute, now get a room." Clint Barton, always the sarcastic jackass.

You turned your head away from Bucky and focused on what Steve was saying. However, Natasha's disapproving expression didn't go unnoticed by you.

"Why did you do that today?" You asked quietly.

Bucky still had his eyes closed. "Do what?" He asked in a sleepy voice.

"Kiss me in front of everyone like that."

"Because I love you," he kissed your shoulder.

"I know, but I thought we agreed to keep the relationship thing a little private," you said with a sigh.

Now Bucky was awake.

"Why does it matter? Everyone already knows," he said in defense.

You sat up, annoyed by his careless attitude, "It matters because we agreed! Did you see Natasha's face?"

Bucky sat up too and pulled you onto his lap. He rubbed your back as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

"I didn't want to hurt her, Bucky," you said guilty.

He kissed your temple, "I know, doll."

You got up and went into the bathroom, needing time away from Bucky. Every second you spent in his arms made you feel worse and worse.

Of course, he got up and started knocking on the door. "Can I come in?"

When he didn't get a response, he opened the door anyway.

You were sitting on the edge of the tub with your head in your hands. You were regretting everything.

He stood in front of you not knowing what to do, "C'mon babe, can we please go back to bed. We can figure this out tomorrow."

You shook your head and ignored his pleas, "It's all too much."

"What's too much? I'm here. Tell me. I'll fix it," he crouched down to your level and held your hands in his.

"No, Bucky. You can't fix it. I just...I need to be alone tonight," you told him with tears in your eyes. "Please."

His jaw twitched, but after a long moment he got up without a word and went into the bedroom. You came out a few minutes later to see him, fully dressed, and grabbing his keys.

He walked out before you could say another word, making sure to slam the door as he left. He hadn't even put up a fight.

The only sound left in your apartment was the soft shuttering breath of your sobs.

tags for those who asked in part 1:

@immyowndefender @ozwriterchick @vicmc624 @eclecticpatrolroadlawyer

thanks for reading, guys! <3

#marvel #mcu #avengers #fanfiction #marvel angst #bucky angst #angst #bucky imagine #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes angst #sad fic

[buckyalpine]

so this pertains to the “always you” fic. it’s one of my favorite fics of yours, just the perfect blend of angst and fluff, just absolutely amazing.

but.

but i cannot help but wonder what would happen if it never happened. like okay, imagine this: bucky never admits his feelings and never clears up the entire confusion and misunderstanding his girl has ab his and nat’s relationship. so, while he’s in love with her, and she’s his choice above everything else, and nat’s basically his baby sister, she doesn’t actually know any of that. so she’s still waddling in a mass of self-hate, hurt, heartbreak, yada yada yada.

then, on a mission, she gets the opportunity to bring nat back, but with a price- her life for nat’s. so, imagine everyone’s surprise and happiness when natasha returns, alive and well. and bucky is just beyond himself, bc now he got his lil sis and his best girl and he can finally heal. until he asks, “hey, where is y/n?”

and that’s when he realizes.

what do you think he would do? i like to think he would go mad, screaming out her name, falling to his knees, begging for her to return to him. letting out the most painful, gut-wrenching cry. his girl died thinking he didn’t love her or care ab her, and that will forever haunt bucky.

The only change I’m going to make here from the actual fic here: is that everyone is alive because of how I imagined this playing out.

Warnings: ANGST, Death, pure sadness, 0 happy ending, thought’s of suicide 

Word count: 1.4k

Happy Alternative ending 

You smiled one last time, remembering his beautiful blue eyes. You had a number of choices but your mind was made up as you pushed Nat through the portal to send her home, darkness quickly consuming you immediately after. All the internal pain you felt withered away along with your life, your final thoughts remembering the one person who made your heart feel whole. Who you loved with your entire being. Who didn’t love you back. Bucky didn't feel the same way about you but it didn't matter anymore. You just wanted him to be happy. You hated the way you felt. You were so in love with him, his adorable goofy grin, his dimple chin, his soft eyes, his warm hugs, his corny jokes from the 40's.  You hated that you would never compare to the person he missed the most. You weren’t as skilled. Not as Attractive. Not as charming. You just weren’t her. He’d been through so much pain and if one person would make him happier then... 

*****

She was alive. She was healthy. She was back. Bucky’s heart fluttered, he finally felt complete. He had his baby sister, he had you. His sweet baby doll. He hadn’t told you before but he had to now, you had to know how in love he was with you. You’d always been there for him, holding him when he needed comfort or listening to him when he needed someone to talk to. He’d fallen for you a long time ago but he never had the courage to tell you. Until now. He couldn't wait any longer, he just wanted you to be his, it’d always been you. 

"Where's y/n?" Bucky looked around the platform, but you were nowhere to be seen. The team looked at each other, their hearts sinking when Nat's eyes filled with tears, a sob escaping her lips.

"Nat?" Bucky looked down at her, before moving around the lab, confused, where could you have gone? You were supposed to come back. "Nat, where is she?"

Nat remained silent, chewing her lip, staring at the floor, the light leaving your eyes would haunt her forever. The feeling of your hands pushing her still lingering on her skin. 

"W-where is she?" Bucky looked at her, the soft innocence in his eyes breaking her, how could she tell him the girl he loved with all his heart would never be coming back. 

“I’m sorry” 

“What do you mean?” Bucky swallowed thickly, panic rising in his chest, you were supposed to come back. “She didn’t come with you?” You were supposed to come back. 

Nat shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself, she couldn’t bring herself to speak, she couldn’t even look at Bucky. He’d lost plenty of things in his life, but none like this. After all, you were the only girl he’d ever fallen for. 

“I-I don’t understand” Bucky’s voice grew shaky; you were supposed to come back.  You were supposed to come back. You were supposed to come back. “Where is she? Bruce?” 

His eyes pleaded with everyone around the room, waiting for someone to tell him you’d be back in a second, you’d be back through a different portal, you’d be back fucking tomorrow, just anything than the deafening silence he was receive.

“WHERE IS SHE?!” 

“Buck...” Steve’s eyes welled with tears, shaking his head “She’s….” Why the fuck was Steve crying, why was everyone so quiet, why didn’t Nat look at him? No one was able to speak, frozen on the spot. It was a high risk mission and the chances were slim; they loved Nat, they really did, but if things had taken a turn, they hoped you’d pull through, accepting their friend’s death over losing you in the process.

“Steve?” Bucky’s chest heaved, hoping his friend would tell him you’re just going to take a little longer, this couldn’t end like this, he wouldn’t handle this, you had to come back. Steve took a step forward to hug his friend but Bucky stepped back shaking his head, no. You were coming back. You had to.

“No, I have to tell her, she has to come back, Bruce?”

Bruce sat in his chair in defeat, staring at his hands. If he could he would. He would have done anything to try and bring you back if it was possible.

“SOMEONE TELL ME SHE’S COMING BACK” Bucky couldn’t stand the sight of everyone looking at him, tears streaking their faces, how could you be gone, he had to tell you. He needed his baby to know how much he loved her, how could she die without knowing how much he adored her. The gut wrenching cry that escaped Bucky’s lips tore through the room as he collapsed to the floor, pained his screams were going to haunt the team forever.

Steve and Sam sat by his side, unable to process their own grief, along with the pain of seeing Bucky so broken.

*****

Bucky only slept in your room. He missed your voice, your hugs, your sweet scent, your smile. He missed your laugh, the way you’d play with his hair, the way your nose would scrunch when you laughed. He didn’t know what else to do, crying into your pillow every night, hoping the nightmare would end. But it didn’t .

He thought the pain wouldn’t get worse.

He was wrong. So fucking wrong. 

He found your dairy. 

Bucky had felt darkness but nothing like this before. The type where death called for him. The type where he wanted to sleep forever. The type where the cut of a knife would bring him peace and not pain. 

His beautiful doll. His everything. The one girl who completed his heart didn’t know he loved her. She’d been in love with him and thought he never felt the same. She wrote the kindest things about him, only to finish her entries about how he’d never be hers because his heart belonged to someone else.

Bucky sobbed, tugging his hair; you died not knowing how much he loved you. You died thinking he loved someone else. You died feeling like you were hidden in the shadows when you were the light in his life. He never got to hug you and kiss you and tell you he loved you. He didn’t get to touch you, feel you and make love to you.

You died not knowing he always loved you.

He found a small box under your bed and his heart somehow broke more. He truly didn’t think he had any more tears left to cry, but he sobbed. His wails carried down the hall as he looked through the tiny thing’s you’d saved from things you’d done together; movie tickets, a candy wrapper from a chocolate bar you shared together, a cheesy valentine’s day card he gave you “as a joke” and many other knickknacks you’d collected as little reminders of time you spent with him.

The pained screams worsened.

Steve ran down the hall as FRIDAY sent out an alert of distress coming from your room. Bucky sat on the floor, surrounded by shards of glass, the mirror shattered, his hands grasping onto larger shards, droplets of blood staining the floor.

“Steve…I can’t anymore”

Steve remained silent, his heart racing, he didn’t know anything that would make Bucky better. Nothing would ease the pain. 

“I can’t, I want my y/n Steve” 

“I just want my y/n”

“She didn’t know I love her” 

Bucky’s sobs reduced to whimpers, his body drained and exhausted. 

“My girl. I want my girl”

5 years later

Bucky sat on the grass, his forehead resting on your headstone. A few years may have passed but the pain remained. Since you’d been gone, he’d hardly spoken to anyone aside from Steve and Sam. The closest thing he had to holding you was your named etched in ink on his chest, above his heart. His angel. 

He picked up the pen and put it down a hundred times. He couldn’t bring himself to write it, to accept you were gone. To accept  you wouldn’t be coming back. But you deserved to know.  He never got to tell you. At least not yet. He placed the envelope on top of the flowers he brought you, sitting quietly as he thought about you.

My Angel,

I’m sorry I never told you that it was always you. You were my first and only love, you still are. You’re the only girl who’s ever given me butterflies. You’re the only one who’s ever left me speechless after just one hug. You’re the only one I wish I got to kiss just one last time. I just want to hold you. Just one last time.

You’re the only girl for me. My best girl. My doll.  

I should have told you. I should have told you I fell in love with you. I should have told you, you were special. That you are the light of my life. That no one else mattered to me the way you did. I’ve never felt loss like this. I miss you everyday. No one will ever replace you.

I miss you sweet heart. My babygirl.

Till we meet again,

JBB

-

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#Bucky Barnes #bucky fanfic #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x f!reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky x female reader #bucky x f!reader #bucky barnes angst #marvel angst #avengers x reader #bucky angst #bucky barnes imagine #sad bucky barnes #james bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #bucky barnes x avenger!reader #natasha romanoff

[romanestuffsposts]

Sorry to bother you

Could you maybe write a drabble about mafia stucky and their little where one of them gets frustrated and tells her to go away while he works cause he has real work to do. And she gets sad "I have a degree to ya know? I could do real work"

And they don't realize how bad it hurt until they find out she's been looking for a job and have to sit down with her to explain everything?

If not, that's okay. Thank you!

Hi there love! You don't bother me at all 💜

Thank you for the request! I hope you like how i turned it 💜

****

Warnings : upset little reader, sad little reader, busy daddies, you want to make your daddies proud and look for a job,

Pairing : Mafia!Stucky ; Daddy!Bucky x Papa!Steve x Little!Reader

Summary : ⤴️⤴️

****

You're happy. Everything this day can give will make you happy. It's one of those days where you are in a good mood and you want to show it to your daddies. They're always happy to see that you're in a good mood. There's time where you are more grumpy than another day, as it can happen to everyone but when it happen, it's easy for no one.

Your Papa isn't here today, he is at the building dealing with some work while your Daddy works from his office. You were sad when you woke up to see that it was only your Daddy and you. Usually your Papa gives you a kiss before leaving even if you're sleeping. However this time, either he didn't kiss you or you just didn't felt it. In all case you weren't please at all.

But since then, your mood had got better and you wanted to tell your Daddy about it. And on top of that, you did math exercises all by yourself and you're proud of it! Just like your daddy will be. You quietly walk to the office of your Daddy, your paper in hands and your smile on your face

You know he is busy but he works hard and you want to change the frown who is surely on his face. You knock on his door and wait for his voice to tell you to come in

Bucky sighs. He didn't want to be disturb while he works. He never like being disturb while he works and everyone around him know it. So it better be an emergency

"Come in" he sighs. He lifts his head when he hears the door closing and nothing after. He expected an employee speaking but there's just silence

He quietly sighs when he sees you standing across the room. You shift on your feet as you wait for your Daddy to tell you to come to him. However, it won't happen.

"Not now, little one" he says before getting his eyes back on his work. You take a step forward "Loot Daddy" You say excited. You smile as you grab your paper with both of your hands

"Baby, I'm busy right now" He says more frustrated. His brain tries to concentrated on his folds infront of him but with your voice around it's impossible.

"But Daddy I did it" You say walking to his desk. You try to show him your work but he only groans and looks away "I said not now" He closes his eyes trying to concentrated on keeping his calm but when he opens them again he sees that you brought the paper just infront of his face

He snaps the paper off of your hands in a harsh movement making you flinch. Your eyes widen and you look up at him "What did I said ? I told you I was busy and i didn't had time to speak with you. I have work" He pauses to look for one second at your paper of exercices "I have real work to do" He finishes, breaking your heart. You gasp quietly and you can't help the tears who are forming in your eyes. He gives you the paper back but instead of taking it, you just stand there and watch with empty eyes your hard work

Bucky sighs and slams the paper on his desk. He grabs your arm harder than what he wanted and starts to drag you out the office. He turns you around once you're on the hallway and he finally lets go of your arm. You didn't made a noise. It hurt, so much. Your Daddy always forget his strengh with you when he is mad

He gives you one last glare before slamming the door to your face and get back to work

You don't want him to see your tears. You don’t want him to hear them. You don't want to see your exercices anymore either.

Bucky sighs and sats back down on his seat.

You run to your room and close the door behind you. You let yourself slipping more into little space than before after what he said and did. It's the only safe place you have right now

I have real work to do

That's not fair. You can do real work too. You have a degree and you are able to do it too. It's not hard, it's just work after all

-----------------------------------

Steve comes home with a big smile on his face. He's happy to get back to you and his husband. He is happy to come back and to be welcomed by a little running monster who will jump in his arms. Even if work was hard, he keeps his smile on, just for you. He opens the door of his warming and welcoming house. The end of the afternoon is tapping inside the house through the windows making it more comfy

He closes the door behind him and waits to hear the noise of your little feet on the ground. He quickly frowns when the only thing who is heard is the silence, as if the house was empty for a while now. He removes his shoes and hangs his jacket on the wall beside the other ones and starts now to walk inside the quiet house.

He goes first in the living room, maybe you felt asleep on it ? Bucky was probably too much in his work to keep an eye on you the whole time so you probably missed your nap time. He knows you aren't in the kitchen because if you were he would have heard you when he was in the living room.

He decides to go check on Bucky, maybe you're with him or he knows where you are. Knwoing you, you probably went beside him at one point so maybe you're still with him. He knocks on the door causing once again Bucky to sigh in annoyance

"yeah" he sighs pinching his nose. When Steve enters the office, he sees Bucky with his eyes close and his deep frown on his face. "Hi, Buck" Steve smiles walking to him

Bucky opens his eyes and gives his husband an exhausting smile "Hi" He turns his seat so Steve can stands between his legs. Steve grabs Bucky's cheeks with his hands and benches over to kiss his sweet lips "How was your day ?" Bucky asks resting his back against his seat "Better than what I expected" Steve nods with a small smile "Yours ?"

Bucky sighs "Worst than what I expected" Steve peers down at his husband with soft eyes "what happened ?"

"I had much more work than I expected and I was here all day. I didn't take a break at all and I'm exhausted" he sighs again looking around his desk

Steve follows Bucky's gaze and sees all the folds on the desk open. Steve's hand find its way on the side of the desk. He grabs a crumpled paper "what is it ?" he asks looking around the paper

Bucky breathes through his nose "She came while I was working to show me this" He says keeping the subject short knowing what he did.

Steve's eyes light up as he gazes the answers "those are really good. She gets better at it every time she tries to" he smiles proudly "I'm so proud of her" He mumbles to himself

Bucky feels more and more guilty as the second pass by. He had time to think about what he did while he was working. He had a hard time getting back to work, he still sees your face, your trembling lips, your teary and scared eyes. All of that will haunting him for a long time.

Steve looks down at Bucky and his smile disappears as he sees the expression of your Daddy. "Buck ?" he frowns lowering his arms "Buck, I can tell something happened. She isn't downstairs and she didn't came to greet me like she always does. I see it on your face too. Tell me what happened"

Bucky sighs looking up a Steve "I messed up, Steve. She came to tell me how proud she was of her work and she wanted me to praise her about it. She probably felt lonely too so she came and I yelled at her"

Steve nods "You know Buck, It happened that we yell at her, you know how she get when we raise our voice at her, she just need time but she probably already forget what happened" He says trying to reassure his lover

Bucky shakes his head "No, I didn't just raised my voice at her, Steve. I yelled at her" He clarify, trying to make it more clear to Steve "I scared her Steve" His voice shakes "You should've seen the look on her face, the way she was looking up at me. I never wanted to see that and now that it happened, I never want to feel that again"

Steve takes his husband’s hands in his ‘’you aren’t a bad guy, Bucky. She loves you and she’ll understand. You just have to apologise to her about what you did’’ Bucky nods, he kisses Steve's hands before standing up

He walks to the door of the office and open it "Buck" he turns around, lifting an eyebrow. Steve walks to Bucky with the paper "Take it with you" He says giving him the paper full of your answers.

Bucky thanks him and takes the paper from him. They both walk down the hallway to your door. Bucky grabs the paper hard, as if his anxiety can get out from the squeeze. Steve rests a reassuring hand on Bucky's back as he leads the way

Bucky stops walking infont of your bedroom door. He takes a breathe and peers down at the paper in his hands "it's gonna be okay, Buck. I can stay with you if you want to" Steve quietly says

Steve knows that Bucky is scared, he's scared that you're zfraid of him, he's scared he was too harsh with you, he's scared he hurt you in any way someone can get hurt

Bucky grabs the door handle and turns it slowly. When he walks inside, he sees you sit down against your bed, a phone in your hand and a paper in the other. "Baby ?"

You look up toward the door "What ?" You watch your daddies walking in the room and sitting beside you. Steve takes the paper from your hand and frowns "what is it, sweetness ?" He asks resting a hand on your thigh. You take the paper from him and move your leg away from his hand "Notin" you mumble as you look through the phone

Steve had time to see what it was. Your degree

"Baby, can we talk ?" Bucky asks looking down at you. You shake your head as your frown got deeper. Bucky sighs and looks up at Steve who nods at him. Bucky looks back down at you "baby, please. I just want to apologise" he says watching you

You shake your head again "I buty" You say. Steve looks up at Bucky who was already looking at him with pain in his eyes. He grabs his hand and squeeze it before nodding his head "Alright, sweetie. We'll call you when dinner is ready" Steve says. Before leaving, Bucky puts the paper you brought him beside you. He want to kiss your forehead so badly. He never leaves without kissing a part of your face.

It took him everything to just walk away

------------------------------------

'I goot news" You say after swallowing a bite of your food. Steve looks up at you with curious eyes "what is it, sweetie ?" Your Daddy never looked away from you the whole time, since you sat down on this chair until now.

You take a sip of your drink before continuing "I have a job" You say slowly to be sure to say all the words correctly. Steve frowns as he nods his head while Bucky's eyes widen "what ?" he says looking at Steve to see if he's as shocked as he is

"I have a job" You repeat with the exact same way "sweetie, Daddy heard you the first time but- baby what are you talking about ?" Steve says resting his fork beside his plate "Why did you looked for a job ?"

" 'cause I can do weal work too" You say gazing now your Daddy. He takes a breathe before sighing "Baby, i'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean to-" you cut him off "is oki. I just want to pwove you I can work too"

"We know you can work. You're good at everything you do so we know you can be the best if you have a job but, you don't need one. You never asked for one, you never talked about getting a job so we just want to understand what made you want one so suddenly ?" Steve says as his eyes look around your face. Something is wrong, he can see it but he doesn't know what it is

You sigh and rest your back against your seat "I wanted job, i get one" You cross your arms and look down at your laps "why you don't happy fow me ?" you mumble. Bucky gets up from the table and kneels beside your chair "we are so proud of you, babydoll for getting this job on your own but we just want to understand. Is it-" he swallows "is it because of what i said ?"

Steve's head change from you to Bucky. His frown is forming on his face as he looks at Bucky who doesn't leave you "what did you said ?" Steve asks from across the table. You shake your head and press your lips together. Maybe if you squeeze them against each other they won't tremble ?

You close your eyes when a warm hand is resting on your thigh. This hand starts stroking your thigh as you let out a tear "is it because of this ?" your Daddy asks again but once again, you shake your head

"I know I hurt you, badly. Nothing I can say or do will make it better because it's deep in you now. I made a mistake and I had to have a better control over myself earlier and i'm so sorry for that" he says wiping away a tear "what you did was- I'm so proud of you, as is Papa. You had almost all the right answers and I had to see this when you came to show it to me. I had to be there for you. I'm here for you and always will be" he kisses your forehead

You open your eyes back "just wanted you be pwoud of me" you say with a shaky voice "I pwoud of me"

Bucky gives you a warm smile "as you should. You should be proud of you just like we are. We are the proudest daddies in the world. You worked hard to succeed with that and you made it. It may had taken times but you didn't gave up. You made it and we are so madly proud of you, baby" he caresses your cheek "I know that’s what I should've said to you in the office, and i'm sorry i didn't because that’s what i felt and that's what I still feel. You make us proud everyday because every days you make something or do something you weren't able to the day before"

You smile down at him "so i real wok ?" you ask sniffing and Bucky chuckles while nodding his head "every work you do is more real than ours. Don't let anyone make you think otherwise. Not even us" You giggle softly at the last phrase before nodding your head "otay"

You look up at your Papa who was still glaring at Bucky "I keep job ?" you ask looking between your daddies. Steve breaks his gaze to look at you. His face soften "We don't want you to feel overwhelmed by the job but if you feel like you can do it then you can keep it. We'll make sure to make it as comfortable as we can for you but you have to feel capable of doing it, it's important. And if you decide to keep it, we will support you, as we always do"

#@aagn360 #bucky barnes x steve rogers x little reader #daddies!stucky #daddy!bucky #little space #little!reader #bucky barnes #papa!steve #steve rogers #stucky x little reader #sad little reader #bucky x little!reader #steve x bucky #steve x little!reader

[lokiandbuckysdoll]

Not Your Happy Ending

Summary: You thought you were his happy ending, turns out he had other plans.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader, mentioned Past Bucky x Natshsa.

Word Count: 1,131

Warnings: ANGST!

A/N: So this idea got stuck in my head and this fic is a product of that idea. I'm sorry in advance! also for people who have requests, I'm working on them !!!!! Also, this is not MCU TIMELINE accurate so please no hate!

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

You had thought that everything was going well, the world was finally getting back to normal after the defeat of Thanos, Steve gave Sam the shield and is now Captain America, and well Steve that old man somehow figured out a way to bring Peggy back to your timeline and have his happy ending. 

With all this good happening after such tragedies, you still couldn't help but feel as if something was still wrong. As if at any moment something was going to happen. Maybe a little part of it had to do with the way Bucky has been acting since he met with Steve last week. You shook off that feeling and tried to occupy your mind. Yet something told you that things were wrong with bucky. 

Today you decided to surprise him and have a talk with him about his distinct. You'd gotten off of work early and stooped by one of Bucky's favorite bakeries in Brooklyn, you thought he'd enjoy one of his favorites and hopefully ease him into a conversation. 

However, you would soon regret having made that decision. As soon as you arrived at the compound, you had asked Friday to send you in the direction of where Bucky was. She had told you he was in the kitchen with Sam and asked if you would like her to announce your arrival. You asked her not to and then made your way to the kitchen.

Upon walking down the corridor, you stop yourself before turning as you can hear Bucky having what seemed like an intense conversation with Sam. You knew it was bad to east drop but that worried feeling in your stomach began, so you quietly listen to his conversation. 

" Just hear me out okay, all I'm saying is that if Steve brought back Peggy to our timeline then maybe.." You felt your heart tighten at what bucky was trying to say. Did he want to go back to the 40s? you were pulled out of your thought when you heard Sam speak. " Maybe what buck?" Sam questions him. 

"Then maybe I can bring back Nat from this timeline or a different one and have the life we always wanted, I miss her Sam and I can't stop thinking about the 'what ifs'. Steve even said there might be a chance I could bring her back!" At this exact moment, you felt your heart being ripped out of your chest and stepped on. You knew the passing of Natasha wasn't easy on bucky, she was more than a collage or a friend. They were Ex-lovers for crying out loud, they had a connection like no one else. It was one of your top insecurities going into this relationship, you knew you could never be Natasha or live up to what she and bucky had. 

You were in deep contemplation that you nearly forgot you were holding the box of baked goodies in your hands until it almost slid from them. Just as Sam was ready to start speaking again, you swiftly tightened your hold. 

"Are you insane or simply fully insane?" Sam shouted. Sam shook his head and said, "You can't mess with death, Bucky. Bringing Peggy back to our timeline is one thing, but to bring Nat from our timeline or another one is a whole different thing." He stopped, "Hell, I'm sure strange wouldn't even help because it's bizarre." Before Bucky could respond, Friday informed him that Torres needed them at the hanger immediately. When the close was evident and it was plain what you had to do, even if it hurt, you had to leave bucky. 

The last moment that you spoke with Bucky was through a text message from Sam informing you of a last-minute operation they were going on and when they planned to return. It had been a full two weeks since you had heard what Bucky had said to Sam. After what Bucky had admitted, not even he could text you. 

You have recently packed up the life and memories you had with Bucky. You sobbed as you took one last look around the partially empty apartment, soaking it all in before bidding it a fond farewell, lamenting the loss of something that may have been more.    

Bucky knew he had to visit you as soon as he stepped off the Quin-Jet. Sam helped him understand during the past two weeks that the idea of bringing Nat back was impractical. Sam also taught him to value and understand that his relationship with you is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. When times were tough, you were the rock that supported him. Everything you do, whether you dance, grin, or cry, stays in his memory. The more he considered leaving, the more he could not bear to go through that because he adored you. You were always there. 

 Before he could even leave the compound Sam stopped him. He gave him an envelope, "What's this ?" he questioned as he opened it. "Friday said it was from y/n" That was all bucky needed to hear before opening it. 

Dear James,

I look back at the early days of our relationship, the days that were filled with love and innocence with affection heightened and improved over time. Falling in love with you felt like those fairytale moments in a child’s movie. It’s weird to say, but it feels like I cannot exist without you like my life revolves around the love I have for you. I feel as though you have absorbed me. 

I often ask myself. How did I love before I knew you before I possessed your affection? Maybe it’s when you love someone like how I love you that you know how to Indore everything that can perish. I hate to be selfish, but I have to admit it. I will always love you, my sweet James Buchanan Barnes. 

However, I cannot stay in this agony of wanting you to love me how I love you. So I must set you free so you can truly be happy, go explore the world, and live the life you so willingly deserve because in the end that’s all that I care about is your happiness. 

I am sorry I am not your happy ending. 

In that moment Tears began to pull around his eyes as he read the last sentence those words finally sinking into him and hitting him in the face. You must’ve heard his conversation with Sam. He rushed out of the compound and straight to your apartment. He skipped up the stairs desperately to see you, and ultimately when he opened your apartment you were nowhere to be found. He knew he lost you for good, all because you thought you were not his happy ending. 

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#bucky barnes #bucky #sad bucky #bucky fic #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #bucky angst #james bucky barnes x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky x natasha #james bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #mcu bu #mcu bucky barnes

[binkszamsstuff]

Couldn’t help but stare at her photograph

Summary: James let his faults and insecurities take over his life. Saying things he doesn’t mean because he doesn’t deserve them. This costed him the love of his life and his children.

Warnings: like none really? Crying, angst, kissing, Bucky and reader have children, No happy ending!!!

🎞️

For a while I sat there staring at her photograph, For a while I cried and tried not to make a scene.

James watched the old tape of their wedding. The way she looked ingrained into his mind evermore. How he sore to any and everything that he would spend the rest of his life loving her. That’s the only promise he kept out of all of them.

There in the small coffee shop he watched crying as his y/n and their children sit at a table smiling and talking. He tried not to make a scene.

There was a time when we were young I used to make her laugh. But life is long, my love has gone away from me, gone away from me, gone away from me

“Ew James stop! No..no don’t you dare put that on meeee!” James chased her around the island in their home with raw cookie dough, trying to smear it on her. He was shirtless just in some sweatpants, she was in his shirt.

“Come on baby come give me a kiss” he said playfully.

“If I walk over there and give you a kiss promise you won’t get that on me?” She asked hesitantly

“Yes, yes I promise!” He laughed. She slowly made her way to him like a bunny trying to approach a wolf. He had his arms out waiting for her smiling like a fool. Drunk on love. Once she was in his arms, he held her tight and kissed her. It was warm and comfortable. No lust just pure admiration and love.

Once they broke out of the kiss he rubbed the spatula on her nose.

He broke the promise

“James!” They laughed together

 life is long, my love has gone away from me gone away from me, gone away from me. Life is long, my love has gone away from me.

“Why!? James have I done something wrong? Just let me in” she begged

“I can’t do this anymore, the routine and boring life. I have a second chance to live my life! To be free from hydra! And…”

“And you don’t want to spend it with me? Or our children?” Hopelessly. Was how she said it. And when she put it that way James felt guilty.

“I-i yes! Alright!” He took his regret out on her, in anger.

“I can’t fucking stand to be in this house! The mess! The noise! The nothingness! There’s nothing here!” He yelled

“Our kids are here! I’m here! Our family and love and home is here! We built this! I thought you loved us” she cried, sobbed, feeling like her whole life had been ripped apart.

Because…it had.

Lately I can’t seem find myself no sleep at all. Lately I just lie awake and hear and dream of a time when she was mine,felt like I had it all. But life is long, my love has gone away from me.

In different beds, in different houses that are not quite home. The broken couple that is no longer one lies awake. Thinking, missing, and dying for the other. The presence of one another still lingers on the other side of the bed. James sits in a half empty house. His kids rooms all cleared out, nothing but some left toys they didn’t want anymore. The other side of the closet, bathroom,and bedroom are still ‘moms side’ James in his heart is still married.

Y/n even though in a new house still has an empty space in the bathroom, closet, and bedroom, and her heart. Her stuff on right his on the left, but now she just has a half empty everything. She still makes room for him even though he is not there.

Gone away from me, gone away from me, gone away from me. Life is long, my love has gone away from me.

He didn’t want the endless hookups or a new woman every night like he once told her. He wanted what he used to have, what has left him. He pushed her away because of his insecurities. His arm, his age, his past, his ability to be a good father which he used to be. The kids were still young. Cecily and grant only 6 and 8, could he make it up them? Make it up to her?

Gone away from me. Life is long, my love has gone away from me. Yesterday is gone. Yesterday is dead. Get it through your head and walk away. Yesterday is gone ain’t no use of hanging on to her memory that only causes you pain.

“I’m sorry and I love you”

“Please don’t give me false hope. I love you James you’re the love of my life! But you made this decision and I- I don’t know if I could survive another thing like this happening. I’ll miss for the rest of my life.”

“I’ll miss you until the end of time.” He kissed her goodbye one last time before the kids could notice them, the two kids sitting in the car waiting for them to stop talking so they could go get ice cream with their dad.

At least he tried to get his life back after he broke it.

For awhile I sat there staring at her photograph. For awhile I cried and tried not to make a scene. There was a time when we were young I used to make her laugh. But life is long, my love has gone away from me.

🎞️

He sat and watched her marry a new man. One who could hold and keep his promises. And not let insecurities get in the way of his love and family. For this was James’ life now. Staring at her photograph.

The end

🥲

#bucky barnes #bucky x female reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes oneshots #marvel #spotify #bucky angst #the winter soldier x reader #winter soldier x reader #james barnes x reader #winter solider fanfiction #sad bucky #sergeant bucky barnes #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes x reader angst #bucky barnes x curvy!reader #marvel fanfiction #marvel angst

[first-edition]

Lyrics

Mafia boss Bucky x singer! Reader

Sum- you and Bucky had been together for 3 years before he left, he had even put a ring on your finger. You never knew why he left but it broke you to peices. One day he comes to the club you sing at and you change the song to show him how much your hurting.

Warning- mention of breakup, cussing, sad ending (if you want a good ending ask for it. For now you get to cry.) mention of guns, vehicle destruction.

This is part 1

Part 2 ‘letter’

Part 3 ‘love’

I’d rather go blind by Beyoncé (Etta james)

Bucky walks in a few of his body guards following close behind.

“Bucky!” Steve calls from the other side of the room. He walks over giving his friend a hug smiling.

“How have you been.?” He asks

“Im alright you?” Bucky asks

“Yeah I’m good, hey I gotta treat for you tonight we hired this girl a few months back she’s got an amazing voice. Her name is pudding she’s fucking incredible.” Steve says.

Bucky chuckles

“You got strippers too now?” He asks Stevelaughs

“That’s next week pal” he says other people begin to gather in and pretty soon the show begins to start the lights dim and music begins to play.

Bucky takes his seat in the middle table around the best row. Buckys ear perk as the steady melody hits his heart the familiar music. The curtain opens revealing you.

Bucky sits up his eyes widening. You seem to notice him and sigh rolling your eyes you walk off to the side as the music cuts you walk back in the stage and a different song plays. Bucky frowns confused if your okay. Seeing you in the beautiful skin right dress your make up done and hair falling down your back.

The music begins to play again but it’s a different song.

You begin to sing the song your wrote after Bucky had left you. The lyric hit his ears as he begins to realized just how much he hurt you. He didn’t get to tell you why, didn’t give a reason, didn’t leave a note, or a text, he left 1 million dollars in your bank account and you in the California king bed in his pent house that he’d left in your name.

Something told me it was over (Yeah)

When I saw you and her talking deep

Something deep down in my soul said cry girl (cry, cry)

When I saw you and that girl walking around whoo ooh

You remaine your glaze on him feeling tears begin to fall down your cheeks. Your voice becomes stronger as you sing about how he hurt you.

I would rather, I would rather go blind boy Then to see you walk away from me child naw naw whoo ooh

Bucky runs his fingers through his hair sighing as he ties it up in a bun, looking down not being able to bear your face now tear stained. He’d always promised you he’d never hurt you even though he left to keep you safe he needed you. When steve had asked him if he’s been alright that wasn’t the truth.

He left 6 months ago and hasn’t had a good night sleep since. He’s more hostile to his empylees and takes less bullshit than he did with you. You keep him sane, calm, loved…Happy.

So you see I love you so much that I don't wanna watch you leave me baby

Most of all I just don't

I just don't wanna be free now whoo ooh, Woo oh

Bucky feels a lump in his throat something he hasn’t felt since you had yes to marrying him the pure joy the engulfed him but now it was filled with sadness. Pain that he’d been hiding this entire time.

That ring still on your finger it glistens in the stage light. ‘Why do you still wear it if you’re so hurt?’ ‘why dont you look away from him?’ ‘do you still love him?”

I was just, I was just, I was just sitting here thinking of your kiss, And your warm embrace yeah When a reflection in a glass that I held to my lips now baby Revealed these tears that are on my face whoo ooh

Bucky gets up from his seat sniffing before finishing the glass of bourbon steve so kindly placed in his hand. He takes on last look at you before walking off his body guards follow. He walks out of the club before letting out a yell not angry not to cause attention of pure pain pissed off at himself for not treating you right in the end you deserved a goodbye, a reason, you deserve better that too much money and shit memories.

And baby, and baby, baby I'd rather be blind boy

Then to see you walk away

Walk away from me yeah ”FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!” Bucky yells kicking his car and breaks off the side mirror chucking it through the windshield. He punches the door of the car denting it in his metal arm making sparks fly before drawing his gun and shooting it until the ammo is out.

And baby, baby, baby I'd rather be blind boy

Then to see you walk away, Walk away from me

He falls to his knees beginning to sob. Still being able to hear your voice from outside the club as it dies down into Applause then default music begin to play.

Bucky pants sobbing into the black asphalt not even realizeing your steps up to him you kneel down in front of him. He looks up his hair disheveled falling out of the bun it was once tied up in a bun.

You see his tired face the stubble and bag under his eyes. His blue eyes darkened and red by the tears.

“Im sorry…im so so sorry.” His voice breaks.

You nod. Your eyebrows knit together. Tears stream down his face. You place you hand on his cheek he leans into it. Yo lean into him kissing his lips to which he immediately kisses you back.

Lips against his for a few more seconds before you pull away and looking into his eyes his gaze softening. You look down at you hand the ring glistening against your skin. You take it off and take his hand placing it in him palm.

“Y/n..” he begins.

“You left me…but you forgot this.” You say before getting up and walking back into the club. Bucky pleads out watching you walk away.

#Sad bucky x reader #marvel #james buchanan barnes #Bucky x reader #james barnes x reader #mafia boss #mafia bucky x reader #mafia bucky barnes

[wintersoldiersoul]

Headcannons for when you have a bad day

- he notices immediately when you’re in a bad mood

- he sits down next to you and kisses your forehead and hugs you tightly

- asking things like “what’s wrong, my darling?” and “why are you sad, baby girl?”

- listening intently while you tell him so that he can figure out how to make you feel better

- he cooks your favorite meal for dinner (or gets takeout. whatever you want)

- he puts on your comfort show for you while you eat so that you can just relax and distract yourself from whatever upset you

- he’ll give you a long massage, taking his time to work the tension out of your neck and back

- “i’ll be right back,” he tells you with a kiss before disappearing into another room

- a few minutes later he comes back and leads you to the bathroom where he’s run you a bath with rose petals and lit candles

- “do you want me to leave you alone or should i join?”

- of course you want him to join

- when you get out he brings you one of his sweatshirts and your favorite pair of pajama pants

- he brings you a glass of wine (or whatever your fave drink is)

- bucky just wants to spoil you and make you forget about everything that’s upsetting you

- he’s constantly giving you kisses and stroking your arms

- he hates seeing you sad more than anything in the world

- he holds you so close you him when you eventually go to bed, whispering over and over how much he loves you

- even if your day was bad because of something small, he’ll still do everything he can to make you happy

#sebastian stan #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes imagine #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #marvel imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #james bucky barnes #marvel #bucky barnes smut #bucky imagine #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky #sad bucky #bucky fluff #bucky hc

[thewintersoldier111]

(SMUT. Sweetness. :)

Please,... For the love of God! Do things to me! 😭 Throw me around and demand me, boss me around, choke me, fuck me so hard that I'm crying. Tie me down to a bed. Call me your servant and slut. Call me your pet. Come home to me and throw me up against the wall and make out with me roughly. Let me scream your name until my voice is raspy and weak. Say dirty words in my ear while we are in public or when we are together just relaxing on the couch. Tease me. Tell me I'm a bad girl/good girl. Take care of me. Let me call you Daddy. Mark me for everyone to see. Suck me as I sob in pleasure. Look into my eyes then down at my lips while you drag the pad of your thumb across my bottom lip. Lick your lips when looking at me. Let me grip your hair. Let me kiss you. Tell me how much you love me. Let me tell you how much I love you. Hold me against you while we sleep together. Wake up in the morning with me. Hug me. Dance to music with me. Dance under the stars with me. Travel the world with me. Prep kisses all over me while I laugh and you laugh as well while doing so. Let me jump in your arms when you come home to me. Let me cry on your shoulder while you comfort me. Tell me everything is going to be okay, even when I'm at my absolute worst. Let me hug you while you cry on my shoulder when you're at your absolute worst. Tell me you'll marry me. Tell me you'll forever love me. Let's laugh as we watch lame movies and shows together. Let's have fun watching SpongeBob on TV as we sing the intro song. Let's watch the sun rise in the early morning as we sit in silence outside. Let's watch the sun go down behind the hills. Let's stand outside at night while we watch shooting stars go across the sky and make wishes. Let's go to theme parks. Let's go to a skating rink and fall then start laughing together. Let's go to the movies together. Let's get a house together. Cook with me while we rummage through the kitchen in comfortable silence.

Let's grow old together.

#bucky barnes #mcu #mcu bucky barnes #sebastian stan #winter soldier #love #bucky marvel #marvel #x reader #sad thoughts #please 😫 #hot as fuck #picture #bucky fanart #james bucky buchanan barnes #bucky fanfic

[jasminocano]

i can't really explain it but winter soldier looks like enter sandman by metallica sounds

#bucky x reader #he looks like sad but true too tbh #because it's badass #i hope it makes sense #bucky barnes #marvel headcanons #james buchanan barnes #winter soldier #marvel cinematic universe #bucky headcanon #mcu #marvel mcu #Spotify #metallica