Pepper: You're drunk.
Tony: Correction; drinking. Present tense. Grammar, Pepper.
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Tony: what the hell were you thinking!?
Peter: Obviously I was thinking I would get away with it and wouldn't have to explain myself!
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Tony, texting Harley while in a meeting: Call me in five minutes and say I gotta come get you.
Harley: On a scale of 1 to 10, what kind of emergency is this.
Tony: 10, get me out of here.
Harley: Put me on speaker, I'll even start crying.
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Peter: “I’m gonna be just like you!”
Tony, panicking: “No, no, no, no. May is gonna kill me. No, no, no. That’s a bad idea. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.”
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(Kate, Peter and Yelena leaving together)
Natasha: Should I worry?
Yelena: No.
Clint: Should I worry?
Kate: No.
Tony: Should I worry? Please, say no.
Peter: If we don’t come back, avenge our deaths
Tony: That’s a no for me.
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*in Stark Industries*
Tony *works with other engineers*
15 year old Peter: wOooow
Tony: wtf?!? who is this kid? who let this kid in?
Peter: I-
Tony: omg he’s got really cutie face. I love your face, bud.
Peter: omg thank you, m-mr.Stark🥹
Tony: what a cutie funny face. you wanna cookie?
Peter: n-no, but thank y-
Tony: CAN SOMEONE GET THIS KID A COOKIE? He's got a very soothing face and I like looking at it. it's like a Gapchinska painting.
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Thor: if I was a gardener, I'd put our two-lips together
Bruce: Awww babe <3
Tony: If I was a gardener, you'd be my hoe
Steve: thanks...I guess
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Cheese.
Y/n, try to soothe their crying baby: I know you can't tell me what's wrong but at least please stop crying for a moment.
Natasha: Is it the diaper? Hungry?
Y/n, almost mad: Oh maybe I didn't check it. Nat, it is the first thing I checked! I changed his diaper, I gave him bottle, I breastfeed him, check his tummy! Everything that comes to mind.
Natasha, takes her baby: It's alright baby, please stop crying soon or your mommy will cry too. We both know that she's a lot to handle.
Y/n, put back her water from the fridge: What did you said?!
Natasha: Nothing babe.
Tony: Whoaa, what's with all the fuss? Can't figure out why your baby crying? *looking at y/n
Y/n: Why are you at me?
Tony: Because you're the mother. You birth him. Don't you two have some kind of bond or something?
Natasha: Tony..
Y/n: How am I supposed to know what he said. He's a baby! He can't even talk! Not a fucking word! I don't understand the crying language Stark! Nobody does!
Tony: jeeeeezzzz. I'm trying to help!
Y/n trowing cheese at Tony but it fallen on the baby's head and all silent: What in the world-
Tony: Told you, that you guys have special bond!
Y/n: That cheese was meant for you. Now hush!
Natasha: Thank you, cheese. Never in my life I thanked a thing but here I am, thanking a slice of cheese. Yeaaa, you did it mommy! Yes, mommy did. And you're laughing now.
Y/n: cheese huh?
Tony: Do we have enough cheese?
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A Random Rainy Night:
Peter: *Enters completely drenched & shivering*
Tony: Underoos!! *starts screaming & pampering him*
*While making cold chocolate to warm up his little spiderling*
Tony: Why didn't you swing in your suit? It would have saved you from resembling a kicked & drenched puppy.
Peter: *pouts* I am not a puppy
Peter: Also, it’s a million dollar worth suit, Mr. Stark. Couldn't get it wet
Tony: astonished, slackjawed, flabbergasted
Tony: Is my age catching upto me or did you actually took a nose dive into a freaking lake with that suit?
Peter: oh! It was waterproof?!
Tony: Flabbergasted Stark
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*Arguing heard in Avengers Tower*
Bruce: (gasps) “Uh-oh.”
Steve: “Ouch…”
Pepper: “Oh, god.”
Dad Tony: “Don’t you talk to me that way, Miss Smart Mouth! You just bought yourself a ticket to your room.”
Y/N: “Oh, fine. Best money I ever spent! You can’t ruin anything in there.”
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Peter: Anxiety is literally just conspiracy theories about yourself.
Tony: ...
Tony: Wow, kid. That’s deep.
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Tony: people are like math
Peter: how?
Tony: some people seem complicated at first, but if you spend time with them and are patient, you'll get to see who they really are and it's not really that complicated
Peter: ...huh, thats cool i guess
Bucky: ...I hate math
Peter: I like Buckys version better
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Peter, calling Tony: Hey, are you busy right now?
Tony: A little bit. Why?
Peter: Oh, no worries. Nothing important.
*5 hours later*
Tony: You were in jail?! Why didn't you say anything?!
Peter: You were busy!
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8 year old Morgan: When I was 4 I went out into the backyard and let a spider bite me so I could be like the spider man.
Morgan: then my parents took me to the doctor and he diagnosed me with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder
Morgan: I was terrified that the spider had done this
Peter: you… you what?!
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Morgan: Aunt Yelena, could you teach me Russian?
Yelena: Of course, sweet girl.
Kate perplexed: What about me? Why don't you teach me Russian.
Yelena: I taught you one today.
Kate crossing her arms: That's not what I meant.
Yelena: Don't be a baby, Kate Bishop. I'll teach you before we have children.
*Kate smiles*
Natasha: It's almost disgusting the way you're in love with my sister.
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Harley: How long can spiders last in a cold environment? Well..for example in the refrigerator?
Bruce: umm..actually spiders are quite adapted to..
Tony: WHERE'S PETER?
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