#incorrect tony stark
Steve, muttering: Ah, fuck.
Steve: Wait. Y/N. Y/N don’t-
Y/N, running out of the room: TONY GUESS WHAT-?!
100 notes · View notes
Tony: I’m good
Tony: I mean, I haven’t slept in 73 hours, but I’m good
7 notes · View notes
Tony: Be super critical.
Rhodey: You're short.
Tony: I meant about my new suit.
46 notes · View notes
y/n: Steve, my old arch enemy.
Tony: ... I thought I was your arch enemy?
y/n: I have a life outside of you, Tony.
20 notes · View notes
Peter: I can't believe we're at Hogwarts!
Tony: No, that's Buckingham Palace
Tony: Hogwarts is fictional. Do you know that?
Tony: It's important to me that you know that.
129 notes · View notes
Tony: Ugh the power went out
Peter: Don’t worry Mr. Stark I got this!
*jumps up and down*
Tony: Peter why the heck is your stomach glowing……..
Peter: Well I ate some glow sticks earlier and the-
Tony: PETER WHY THE HEL-
1 note · View note
Store Worker: Would a Dr. Strange please come to the front desk?
Stephen, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?
Store Worker: *points to Tony and Peter*
Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?
Tony and Peter, simultaneously: We got lost :(
Stephen: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me- Tony, you’re an adult too
25 notes · View notes
Bucky: Steve, I’m sad
Steve: *holds out arms for a hug* It’s going to be okay
Tony: Stephen, I’m sad
Stephen, nodding: Mood
12 notes · View notes
Steve: Why do you two always have to make gay jokes?
Tony: Because we ARE gay jokes
Stephen: *uses cloak to slap Tony’s behind*
11 notes · View notes
Peter: [Had a bad dream]
Tony: It's okay, pal. Reality is much scarier
106 notes · View notes
Peter: Everytime I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.
Bucky: Okay, but what is updog?
Tony: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.
Natasha: Not, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.
Clint: No, that's an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.
Wanda: Surely, that’s Uppsala, where’s updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.
Sam: That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.
Natasha: You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.
Tony: No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.
Bucky: What’s a henway??
Peter: Oh, about five pounds.
18 notes · View notes
Customer pointing to a picture of Tony on the “celebrity wall” in a Chinese restaurant: Oh my god, Tony Stark!
Owner: Uh huh, he ordered shawarma, then he tried adopting my son.
7 notes · View notes
Tony: When I was born, God said, “Oh he’s too perfect for this world.”
Natasha: Oh, please.
Natasha: You were born and Satan said, “Ah, finally, competition.”
51 notes · View notes
tony, whispering: SHHHH, morgan is asleep
peter, whispering: sorry
tony, whispering: what’s wrong?
peter, whispering: our kitchen is on fire-
tony: OUR KITCHEN IS ON FIRE???!?!?!?!?
21 notes · View notes
Tony: I can't believe you'd do this to me. We're best friends. We share EVERYTHING. You remember vowing to me that 'what's mine is yours', right? Was that another lie?
Rhodey: TONY, I CAN NOT SHARE WITH YOU MY PASSWORD.
23 notes · View notes
Tony: You’re judging me.
Steve: I’m not! It’s just riding a bike is a pretty basic skill.
Tony: Mm, is it though?
Steve: I think that most kids learn how to ride a bike!
Tony: Yeah well, most kids also get head lice. I’m sorry if the opportunity never presented itself.
Steve: Oh what, there was no gap year in Belgium? *with a French accent* No Tour de France boyfriend?
Tony: Yeah, but I never had to ride the bike!
Steve: *silent judging*
Tony: And Sharon was such a little drama queen when Aunt Peggy tried teaching her, that they threw all the bikes into this big bonfire up in the Hamptons, and never talked about it again.
Tony: Anyway, I have lots of skills that you don’t have.
Steve: I am sure that you do.
Tony: Like, have you ever had to negotiate in Arabic? It is very difficult.
Steve: I believe you.
Tony: And try getting into “Kiss Kiss” in Tokyo without a lock of human hair.
Steve: Now, you see, if you can do all that, I’m pretty sure you can learn to ride a bike.
Tony: *looking into the distance, giggling*
Tony: *tuning back in* Sorry, I was just thinking about this crazy night at “Kiss Kiss”
17 notes · View notes
Stephen: I hope you're not doing anything dumb.
Tony: I hope you're not hoping too hard.
14 notes · View notes
Rhodey: What are you doing?
Tony: Stephen asked me to look after his plants for the day while he runs errands with Peter, so I’m guarding them with my life.
Tony: I have the greenest of green thumbs. I put the ‘clue’ in succulent. I am So Capable.
Stephen, via text: James don’t you dare tell him he’s watering fake flowers
62 notes · View notes
Tony: Oh, oh! I've got a great idea about what we can do tonight!
Rhodey: The last time you said that we had to get your stomach pumped.
95 notes · View notes
Tony: *gives a disappointed look*
Peter: Don’t look at me like that. You’re not my real dad
Stephen: *gasps* How could you say that to your dad?!
23 notes · View notes