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#tony stark incorrect quotes
incorrectquotesmcu · 3 days
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Natasha: I saw you on TV yesterday.
Tony: Really? What channel?
Natasha: Animal Planet.
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oscorp-lawsuit · 1 year
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Headcanon that when Peter accidentally calls Tony dad for the first time, he immediately freaks out over his slip-up (as usual) but Tony is running on like -20 hours of sleep and doesn’t even notice the mistake but he responds to it so suddenly Peter spirals into ANOTHER crisis because does that mean Tony thinks of Peter as his son, or did he just not hear him right? And now he doesn’t know how to bring it up without outing the fact that he wants Mr. Stark to be his dad
Peter: “Hey, dad?”
Peter, internally: Wait, shit shit! Why did I say that? I can’t call Mr. Stark DAD. That’s so creepy-
Tony, dead on his feet and hearing colors: “Yeah, Pete?”
Peter:
Peter, tearing up: “Um-”
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incorrectpeterparker · 2 months
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Peter: Getting up a 6am made me realize that 6am isn’t a place it’s an emotion
Tony: 6am isn’t a place at all
Peter: That’s because it’s an emotion
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romanoffshouse · 7 months
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Peter: Can I ride this scooter outside?
Tony: I'm not your dad, do what you want.
Peter: Okay!
Tony: Not in the street!
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gfmaximoff · 7 months
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Tony: I’m making a documentary about my life. Rogers, I want you to play my father.
Steve: I don’t want to be your father.
Tony: Perfect. You already know your lines.
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yourloverfromthepast · 10 months
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Y/n, during an interview: I really do love working with the Avengers, we all get along, have a great relationship and- we just fully accept and comprehend each other, you know what I mean?
*Earlier that day*
Y/n: FUCK OFF TONY, I'M NOT WORKING WITH YOU, EVER AGAIN.
Tony: OKAY GREAT, BECAUSE YOU'RE FIRED.
Y/n: OH I'M FIRED? NO I'M NOT, BECAUSE I RESIGN FIRST.
Tony: WHAT? YOU CANNOT RESIGN AFTER I FIRED YOU-
Y/n: LALALALALA I AM NOT HEARING WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. OOOH SWEET PEPPEEER, DO YOU WANT A FIANCÉ WHO'S NOT A RAGING CUNT???
Tony: I am gonna fucking kILL THIS LITTLE BASTARD-
*Natasha, Steve and Thor, trying to hold him down*
Bruce: *clicks his tongue* Please Clint, remind me what happened?
Clint: In a few words: they ate the last donut. He got angry.
Bruce: ...over...over a fucking donut?
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marvel-lous-guy · 1 year
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Peter: what's a polite way to say "this essay would have been better if I had any clue what the fuck I was doing"?
Pepper: "the analysis is severely limited by my lack of understanding what I am doing"
Peter: wow, that was great! You're really good at this!
Tony: she has to some up with polite ways to say all the shit she wants to in those board meetings
Pepper: not just in board meetings
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louwaffles · 1 year
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Y/N: Hey, guys. What if I told you I made a bad mistake?
Nat: This wouldn’t be the first time I’m disappointed in you. 
Steve: It would show your levels of maturity are dropping. 
Tony: It would actually be alarming to hear you didn’t make a mistake. 
Sam, from the bathroom: Y/N, what did you do to these cookies?!
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Y/N: *struggling to tie shoelaces*
Tony: *sighs and crouches down to help* Remind me why I’m dating you?
Y/N: I’m the only one who can keep your ego in check.
Tony: *realizes he’s basically kneeling* Touché.
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teabag-of-mischief · 3 months
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Peter: Hey guys? What would be a cool way to cancel a plan if you have a flu?
Tony: My mind is open but my sinuses aren’t.
Natasha: My nose is running so I am not.
Clint: I have fever and it’s not a Saturday night one.
Steve: Hi, I’ll have to cancel our plan because I have a flu.
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incorrectquotesmcu · 2 months
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Tony: I'm a Stark, flirting is part of my heritage.
Clint: What does that mean?
Natasha: His father was a slut too.
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oscorp-lawsuit · 1 year
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Pepper: Tony, why do you keep ignoring lab safety protocol when it always ends in some sort of explosion or OSHA violation?
Tony: Well, Pep, some of the greatest scientific discoveries were made by ignoring lab safety protocol. Besides, Tony backwards spells “Y Not” so it’s really in my namesake.
Pepper:
Pepper: Did Peter give you that one?
Tony: Yes, he did.
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Conversation
tony: *towering over y/n not knowing that that's going to be his best friend* well well, who do we have here?
y/n: your mum
tony: my mum's dead
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Avengers Incorrect Quotes #14
(Peter and Y/n are playing who'll say WTF first)
Y/n: yk the animals that lay eggs don't have bellybutton.
Peter: pigs can eat anything, and that includes human.
Y/n: sometimes I just wish I can detach my head from my body then put it backwards so I can braid my hair.
Pepper, horrified:
Tony: it IS 3AM—
Y/n: Adolf Hitler was nominated for Nobel Peace prize
Steve: what the fuck—
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romanoffshouse · 9 months
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Morgan: [drops a plate] Oh, shit.
Tony: WHO THE FUCK TAUGHT YOU TO SWEAR?
Morgan:
Tony: It was your mom wasn't it?
Morgan:
Tony: Oh fuck it was me wasn't it.
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gfmaximoff · 7 months
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Bruce: Cut Rogers some slack Tony! He’s in love!
Tony: That is really not my problem.
Bruce: HE’S IN LOVE WITH YOU!
Tony: Oh.
Tony: I will not deny that brings me in a loop a little.
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