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somewhatgreatexpectations · 3 years

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To Die For (Wanda Maximoff/ Reader)

Hello! It is with great joy and a little bit of sadness that I present you all with the final part of “Love Goes”. This part in particular is inspired by Sam Smith’s “To Die For”. Pieces from Endgame are used but very little.

Summary: The aftermath of Endgame, how will Wanda navigate and what will happen to Y/n.

“I long for you, just a touch of your hand. You don't leave my mind. Lonely days I'm feeling like a fool for dreaming… Sunshine living on a perfect day while my world's crashing down.”

Hope. That was all Wanda had left. She knew that she couldn’t let it waver for even a moment. Allowing the hope within her to waver would be the same as accepting defeat. Accepting that you weren’t coming back. That was something she would never allow herself to believe.

Like you told her, you and her were a happy ending. It’s the only ending she could ever envision for herself. The only life she wanted. The only life she’d accept. You and her. Together. Happily.

It had only been a week since the fateful battle and you had been transferred to a S.W.O.R.D. facility since. What worried Wanda most was that you still hadn’t woken up and hadn’t shown much progression since arriving.

She could still feel you though.

Wanda would allow herself glimpses into your mind and could see the vibrancy that still existed within. Your heart was still beating, and your mind was still your own. Even if you weren’t awake, you were still you.

The thought brought comfort to Wanda despite the circumstances. It kept hope alive in her heart.

It was only a matter of time until you were awake and in her arms again. At least that’s what she kept telling herself.

The situation could have been worse though and she knew that. Shortly after you were transferred to the facility she learned the full details of how exactly Thanos was defeated. How Tony and Natasha had given their lives in exchange for the outcome. As much as the news saddened her, she couldn’t help but feel a selfish sense of relief that you hadn’t been dealt the same fate.

Her life – her heart - felt as though it was hanging in the balance. You were all she had. All she wanted. If she lost you she knew there would be no recovery for her. She’d drown. Sink to the bottom with no chance of resurfacing if you weren’t there to pull her back up.

The warmth of your hand in her own anchored her. It always did, but not as much as being in your arms, or hearing your voice. “I’m drowning.” She whispered against your hand. “I’m drowning, Y/n. I need to hear your voice, see you open your eyes, and have you hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay. I’m drowning, and you can’t save me until you wake up.” Her lips trembled slightly against your hand as a single tear fell down her cheek.

The days and nights had blurred together for her. Both of which were spent unwaveringly at your side. The only disruptions often came in the form of varying people in the facility checking your vitals or injecting new medications into your IV that they informed her should wake you up soon.

Besides the worry and fear she constantly felt, there was a sense of bitterness that the only one who had come to see you or her during your time in the facility was Fury. That was only when you were still at S.H.I.E.L.D’s location. It was upsetting to her that Steve had yet to visit you considering the history you two shared and how close you two had always been. Considering how you had been willing to risk your life for him on multiple occasions.

Today was Tony’s funeral and she was reluctantly leaving your side to pay her respects for a short while. Also, to give Rogers a piece of her mind.

When the funeral concluded she wandered over to the lake to collect her thoughts and emotions. Taking in the beautiful day around her, a stark contrast to how she felt internally. The perfect day felt wrong when it still felt like her world was crashing down within her.

As she was staring out the lake, preparing herself for what she wanted to tell Steve, Clint walked up to her. “Hey, kid.”

Wanda kept a neutral face and merely nodded at him. “Hello.”

There was hesitation in the way Clint stopped at her side. “You have every right to not want to talk to me right now.” He began seriously, his head ducked shamefully. “I wanted to go visit Y/n… Check on you. I did. I just-… It’s been hard accepting that Nat’s gone, you know? It’s not an excuse for not being there. It’s just where my head was. I’m sorry, Wanda.”

As much as Wanda wanted to ignore him, she knew she couldn’t. “I understand.” She replied softly, her gaze still on the lake before her.

“I wish there was a way that I could let her know that we won. That we did it.” Clint admitted quietly to her.

Wanda shifted her gaze to him. “She knows.” There was a small pause. “They both do.” Despite not being awake, she liked to believe that you knew.

Clint wrapped a comforting arm around her and she leaned into the embrace.

“Wanda.” A somber voice caught her attention as she turned to find Steve standing there with his hands folded behind his back. “A word?”

Clearly not wanting to be caught in the crossfire, Clint stepped back. “I think that’s my cue to go.” He pressed a kiss to the top of Wanda’s head. “I’ll do better, okay? Let me know if you need anything. I’ll be by to visit Y/n soon.” Wanda nodded slightly at his words as he walked away.

When Clint was out of the vicinity, Steve stepped into his place. Wanda’s jaw clenched. She was more upset at him than anyone. She knew if roles were reversed you would have been uncompromisingly by his side.

“What do you want?” She asked, her tone cold.

Steve’s face remained neutral despite her tone. “How is she?”

A bitter laugh escaped her lips at his question. “How is she?” she shook her head in disbelief. “You have a lot of nerve asking that when you’ve had a whole week to go see for yourself.”

A heavy sigh escaped his lips. “Look, Wanda, I understand you’re upset with me but I-“

Wanda rounded on him, her eyes livid. “Upset? I am far passed upset, Rogers. I’m furious. Y/n needed you and you abandon her. She would have done anything for you! She idolized you!”

Each of Wanda’s words impacted Steve, she could see that, but she didn’t stop. He took it. “She thought you were her family and you couldn’t even be bothered to go see for yourself if she’s okay! You don’t even care-“

“Enough! That’s not true!” Steve roared. The accusation that he didn’t care seemingly being the final straw. Wanda recoiled in surprise. “I feel guilty, okay? I feel like the only reason that she’s in there in the first place is because of me. I couldn’t face her. I didn’t deserve to.” His volume didn’t lower as the emotions he was holding in finally boiled over.

“You know she wouldn’t have blamed you.” Wanda eventually replied, her tone still clipped.

Steve rubbed a hand down his face. “I know, but I do. I blame myself. She was trying to protect me, and she only felt like she had to protect me because I couldn’t stop him the first time. She got hurt because I couldn’t get to her fast enough. She’s my family too.”

As much as she wanted to be angry with him, she found it much more difficult when she learned of the guilt that seemed to be weighing heavily on him. “You know Y/n would have done that either way.” She confessed quietly. “She would have tried to stop him regardless of who she was defending. That’s who she is.”

A weak nod was his only response. Wanda wasn’t sure if he believed her. “How has she been?” Steve repeated, hoping for a genuine answer this time.

“She still hasn’t woken up.” Wanda began unsteadily. “They keep injecting her with new serums everyday saying that each one will wake her up, but it never does.”

Steve closed his eyes at the information, his expression distressed for just a moment until he schooled his features and put on a brave face for Wanda. “She’s going to wake up. I know she will.”

Hearing the words she had been telling herself from someone else brought Wanda a small sense of comfort. “I know she will too.” She turned to him. “I’m going to get back to her now, she needs me. Go see her.”

“I will.” He nodded firmly, his words definitive. “I have to return the stones in an hour and try and see if I can undo something. As soon as I do that I’ll be immovably by her side. I’ll stay with you until she wakes up. You have my word. She has my word.” There was purpose in his voice.

Wanda quirked her lips up slightly at him and nodded without a word. She knew he meant what he said. She walked off to her car to begin the drive back to S.W.O.R.D’s medical branch of the facility. ___________________ Her heart dropped when she entered your room, only to be met with an empty bed. On numb legs, she ran out and stopped the first worker she saw. “Y/n Y/ln. Where is she? She was here just an hour ago.”

The employee looked around nervously. “She’s been moved. I believe it would be in your best interest to speak to the director.”

Wanda’s brow furrowed in confusion. “The director? Why?”

“His office is located on the second floor, third door on the left.” The employee informed her meekly before scurrying away.

Practically running, Wanda reached the office in minutes, throwing the door open. “Ms. Maximoff.” The man who she presumed to be the director greeted her, an unnerving smile on his face.

“Where is she?” Wanda demanded, not caring about anything other than being reunited with you. “Is-is she okay?” Anxiety began to build within her and press against her chest making it harder for her to breath. Her nails dug into her palms.

The man gestured for her to sit in an empty chair, she ignored the request. “My name is Tyler Hayward. I am the director of S.W.O.R.D.”

Wanda merely stared blankly back at him, her jaw clenched tightly. “Where. Is. Y/n?” She enunciated sharply, her patience fading.

The unnerving smile never faltered on Hayward’s face. “That is the unfortunate part, Ms. Maximoff. You see, while you were gone Ms. Y/ln suffered from some brain hemorrhaging. We were able to stop it, but it seems her brain has suffered an extensive amount of damage. We ran some tests and it appears she has lost all cognitive function. She is just a shell now. She only has another day or two at best. I’m sorry.”

Wanda’s world stopped at his words. She immediately shook her head. “That’s not true.” She said shakily as tears began streaming down her cheeks, the weight on her chest getting heavier, forcing her under. She couldn’t breathe. “That’s not true. Let me see her.”

Hayward gestured forward to the large window in his office. “They’re running some tests on her now, but so far the data has remained conclusive. There is no longer brain function.” Numbly Wanda walked up to the large window and glanced down, feeling the life drain from her at the sight of you. Pale and on what looked like an experimentation table, surrounded by several S.W.O.R.D. scientists. “I’m afraid it’s time to start talking about letting her go.”

Wanda spun around to face him angrily. “Let her go?” she cried, her voice cracking. “She’s all I have.”

Hayward held his hands up slightly. “It’s only a matter of days before she’s unable to breathe on her own and her heart stops being.”

Empty. That’s what she felt at his words. She wanted to scream. Her powers reacted to the emotion she was feeling before her mind did as the glass she was leaning on shattered. Without hesitation she floated down to where you were. Her heart hammering in her chest the closer she got.

The world around her went dark and the only sight she was able to take in was the way your chest weakly rose and fell with each breath. With shaking hands, she raised them to your temple as feeble wisps of red floated from her fingertips and disappeared into your mind.

All she saw was darkness.

“I can’t feel you.” She whispered brokenly, the pain in her chest overcoming her. The sensation composing her entire being as everything within her collapsed. She was alone, and she knew she wouldn’t recover. Then everything went dark around her. ________________________________

“Darling, have you seen my notebook? I’m running late for my meeting with my editor and I can’t seem to find it anywhere.” You questioned hastily as you rushed into the kitchen and skidded to a halt in the entry way. Looking around the area with a frazzled expression on your face.

Wanda looked over from her place by the stove and waved her hand, the notebook floating from under your arm to directly in front of your face. “You mean this one, dear?” She asked with an amused smile.

Sheepishly you plucked the notebook out of the air as you made your way over to her. “What would I do without you?” You leaned forward so your lips rested gently against her own.

“Mmm,” Wanda mumbled with a smile as she spoke against your lips. Her arms resting comfortably over your shoulders. “I believe your mind would fail you, sweetheart.”

Your hands fell to her waist as you pulled her closer. “That’s for certain.” You replied easily with a loving smile. “Have I told you how beautiful you look today?”

A small blush spread over her cheeks. “You have not but thank you. You look beautiful as well, darling. I’m beginning to get jealous that your editor gets to spend the day in your presence. Speaking of…” she trailed off and glanced pointedly at the clock.

“My meeting!” Your eyes widened as you pressed one last loving kiss to her lips. “I’ll be going now. I love you, darling. I’ll be home soon!” You shouted as you began running out.

Wanda shook her head at you, the smile on her face never faltering. “I love you, too, dear!” She called after you, pretending to catch the kiss you blew to her as you rushed out the door. She sighed happily and leaned against the wall of the kitchen.

The end.

. . . . . .

“Glad you were able to make it, Rogers.” Fury said seriously as he shook Steve’s hand. “And Ms. Romanoff. Welcome back.” He shook her hand as well.

Steve nodded easily in response. “Of course. You know that I’d be here in a heartbeat for Y/n. Wanda as well.” Both followed Fury into a large make-shift tent located in the woods.

“What exactly are we dealing with?” Natasha asked, confusion lacing her words.

For a moment Fury seemed to ponder her question. “We’re not entirely sure.”

“Does Wanda even know that she saved Y/n? That she was never gone?” Steve questioned seriously, his arms crossed as he stared at the screen before him.

Fury shook his head. “No. It seems Hayward convinced Wanda that Y/n was gone, no brain function. What Wanda didn’t know was he had gone rogue. Every serum they injected in Y/n kept her in her comatose state rather than attempt to wake her up like they were telling Wanda. I’ve looked at the files that my inside contacts gave me, and it seems Y/n should have been up in the first day or two to recover from minor brain swelling.”

“Why are they doing this though?” Natasha questioned as she looked over the chart. Steve’s jaw was clenched as he listened to each detail.

Taking the chart from Natasha, Fury turned the pages until he found what he was looking for and handed it back to Natasha. “Right there. It seems that Y/n carries a rare mutant gene that they could extract and essentially build an army with. They believed that if they removed Wanda from the picture they could continue the experiments and eventually wipe Y/n’s memory to use her as a weapon. Turn her into a super solider… but much worse because of her powers.” There was an edge to his tone. “They are very interested in her ability to manipulate earth and metal. They had considered Wanda briefly as well, but the perfect opportunity presented itself with Y/n. That’s why they insisted on her transfer to their facility.”

“How do we get them back before Hayward gets to them?” Steve questioned quietly, a dangerous tone to his voice.

Instead of answering Fury gestured to the woman who had been sitting and listening to the conversation. “Wanda isn’t letting anyone with ties to your past in. Fury already tried. She won’t let you or Natasha in.” They both stared at her. “I didn’t introduce myself. Sorry, my name is Darcy Lewis. Astrophysics. Big fan.” The bespectacled woman rambled.

Natasha smirked, an amused glint in her eye. “Okay, Darcy Lewis, what’s our next step?”

“We’ll do whatever it takes.” Steve finished powerfully as they all watched you and Wanda share a sweet kiss before the credits began to roll on the screen before them.

Well, that’s all folks! 13 parts completed! It’s been a journey writing this and it is by far the longest thing I’ve ever written. This story has become my baby and it always brings me so much joy to read your comments and seeing others enjoy it. I had a plan for this chapter since the moment I began writing this story but it was so hard when it came down to writing because of the most recent episode of Wandavision, so I tweaked it a little. Was it a sadder or happier ending? You may never know. Thank you all so much for taking this journey with me. I hope you enjoyed.

As always, thoughts and comments always welcome. :)

p.s. I brought back Steve and Nat but I couldn’t figure out how to make Tony surviving make sense or fit the story, sorry. Still love Tony.

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sweater-daddiesdumbdork · 4 years

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Welcome To The Pack: Not Lost

Summary- 8.5k Alpha Steve x You. You wake up, and your not in your northern home anymore, but deep in Wakanda, in the palace of T’Challa and under Shuri’s care with Steve and Natasha at your side. Can Shuri fix you? Bucky is about to head out with Clint, Wanda and Pietro to bring back who Brock and Alanna took, The White Wolf and his team are ready for the hunt. Warnings- Smut, bad words. It’s a softer chapter.

A/N- Wow, thank you everyone who reads this. I always appreciate thoughts on The Pack, and what you would like to see. Much Love and Happy Reading. 🐺❤️

Chapter 7 / Pack Masterlist

Bucky returning home made him sigh in relief once him and Clint pulled onto Pack lands once more. The White Wolf pacing his mind lifted his muzzle in appreciation, inhaling deeply the cool forests that they called home.

Don't get too comfortable, we're headed out right away. Brock still has Cassandra. Bucky wouldn't even consider another thought, one where Brock didn't have the woman anymore.

Bucky thoughts darkened with worry for her and the White Wolf growled deeply in the deepest parts of his mind. They might have nothing more than a physical attachment to her, but he was responsible for her safety. Brock would pay for ever laying a hand on her. Bucky turned back to his current thoughts, watching the dappled sunlight through the trees, like it was welcoming them home.

The tension ebbed from his shoulders and glancing at Clint, he could see the archer felt the same way, immediately taking a relaxed stance, elbow on the window sill of the jeep, fingers thrumming the steering wheel in the same way the songs beat flowed through the cab. Although it was a known fact the archer was partially deaf to an military accident when he was a younger man, his other senses heightened. He had once told Bucky he felt music as much as could hear it. It seemed so the way his fingers danced on the steering wheel, following the beats' vibrations.

“Never thought I would be so damn glad to be back.” Barton said as the jeep rumbled towards the garage, and put it into park.

“It's a shame we won't be staying, are you sure you want to come with me?” Bucky asked as he opened the door and slid out, preparing to go find Wanda and get a hold of Pietro who should be headed back to the east coast anytime now.

“Of course, I wouldn't have made the offer brother if I didn't mean it.” The Archer said as he stretched and they made their way towards the gathering group, Sara leading them as she was now the acting Alpha till Steve returned.

“Boys, am I damn glad to see you.” She held her arms out, first hugging Bucky and then Clint, stepping back to inspect them. “Although you two are a sight for sore eyes, I just got off the phone with Sam, he said that clean up at Pierces is now going much faster, since Stark’s crew showed up, and he's hoping the pack can come home within’ a day or two if you two are sticking around.”

“That's good, I’m sure Sam is ready to be back home, as well as you.” Sara gave an affirmative nod, the mates bond ached for their partners when separated, her hand absently moving up to the mark Sam left on her years ago, rubbing it absently. “We're going after Rumlow, he's still got a hostage and we need to return her home, safe.” Bucky said, staying vague. It wasn't that he didn't want Sara knowing, the White Wolf was always a bit of a loner, and did not want the whole pack knowing his relationship with Cassandra, especially since he didn't entirely know himself what it was. “Is Wanda around? I would like to speak with her.”

At the mention of her name, she came out of the crowd, and Sara nodded over to her home. How about we all go inside? You three can discuss what you need to and fill me in on what's going on with the Alpha, Y/N and Natasha.” Her arms embraced around the two men, leading them away from the group. When she felt the rest of the pack unsettled behind her, she looked over her shoulder growling softly for silence. She would fill them in on the details later.

Sara ushered them inside of her home, everyone settling in comfortably while she got beers for all of them, and sat down too.

Bucky wasted no time while screwing off the top of the beer he was given. “Thanks Doll.” Turning to Wanda, he motioned between him and Clint. “I was hoping I could rope you and Pietro into coming with me and Clint while we hunt down Brock and Alanna. They took someone, we need to get her back.”

“If that's what the Alpha has requested, Pietro can meet us on the road if you’re ready to leave right away.”

Bucky shook his head, and twisted the bottle in his hand, messing with the label. “No Wanda, this gotta be something you wanna do. Steve, he's fine with whatever you choose, and I know Stark is your Alpha, so really you're a free Wolf here. But she is probably going to be hurt, in ways… I just don't know. I can really use a healer for her.”

Wanda listened intently, Bucky could see that she was discussing with her Wolf, the risks going off with him and Clint could mean for her and her brother, but then her resolve passed over her face.

Partly why I wanted her with us.

“Of course I will come, I will message Pietro. My brother, he will want to come.” Wanda was already pulling out her phone to call her twin, pulling away from the table. “Pietro, how do you feel about…” Stepping out of the room, Sara turned back to the two of them.

“And Steve… How's he doing?” It was easy to sense her worry and concern for her Alpha and friend. Bucky and Clint look at each other a moment, recalling how feral he had turned in the tunnel.

“Not good, he was close to attacking us after Y/N was infected and lost consciousness. If Bucky wasn't there to challenge him, he probably would have. I'm sure Sam told you Tony is shipping them to Wakanda. Banner seems to think that the Panthers might have a solution to bring her Wolf back.”

“Even if they can't, Steve isn't just letting her go. You know him and the Wolf are already attached to her as if they have already shared the bite.”

Clint nodded in agreement and Bucky winked. “Mans got it bad, I bet y’all fifty bucks they have bonded before they get back.” Sara gasped and smacked Bucky's arm.

“You're terrible, betting on your friends like that.”

Bucky grinned as he tipped up his bottle. “Doll, never said I was a good man or a good wolf.”

Inside the White Wolf yipped in agreement, making Bucky’s grin wider.

Clint piped up on the other side of Sara. “I will take that bet.” and Sara pointed a finger at Clint.

“You're no better than him.” Leaving both the wolves laughing as she got up, shaking her head at them. “Bond or not, Steve obviously cares for her in a way he didn’t with Alanna. I cant see him going all the way to Africa on a whim for her.”

Bucky thought about his best friend's earlier relationship, and had to agree. Their bond wasn't there, Steve had lied to himself for years about it, but if push came to shove, Steve would have stayed with the pack first and sent someone else. With You, you couldn't pry him away, if it had been anyone other than Bucky, he would have killed them for coming near you when you first went under.

“Your right Doll, there isn't anything Steve wouldn't do for Y/N, bond or not.” Bucky agreed and Sara gave a knowing smile.

Wanda came back into the room, her phone going back into her pocket. “Pietro’s in.”

“Good, then let's get packed.” Bucky finished off his beer.

You finally tore yourself away from the view of Wakanda, and went back in, much to Steve’s persuasion. Once you settled back down at a nearby table that still provided a view for you to get lost in. Steve drew his hand along the back of your neck, and you tilted it back, looking up at him. “Hungry? I can call down for breakfast before we go back to the lab.”

You questioned yourself a bit if you wanted food, and was met with quiet in your mind. A stillness that made you uneasy. Usually your Little Wolf would be demanding some answers right now. Or food, she would have liked that. That silence tightens your chest in grief that for the first time you felt alone inside. You put on a smile instead and a nod.

“Breakfast sounds good. I'm ravished Alpha.”

He gave a soft smile and dropped a kiss to your forehead. “Right away Little One.”

Steve went to make that call, you turned back to the view. Tilting your head to inhale deeply, thankfully you didn't lose your strong sense of smell, cause it was something to behold. Heavy sweet scents of fruit encased your tongue, tasting it on the air as if you cupped that fruit in your hands to inhale. Rainfall, it was crisper than your lake, but not quite like the streams you liked to jump over. It was a heavy moisture that seemed to dew even now on your skin, the shower outside was reflecting the sun in prisms that danced around the walls of your room. All of it was so leafy and green in your mind, dripping constantly in the lushness under the towering trees that stretched up to your balcony. Steve footsteps drew you back from your daydream, seating himself across from you.

“It will be up soon Little One.” He reached across the table, and weaved his fingers with yours, studying you.

You nodded and gave a light squeeze to his hand. “How many days has it been Alpha, since all this happened.”

“About three, after you passed out, Barton flew us to Stark. Banner couldn't do anything, but he told us that maybe the Panthers could. A plant, Shuri is positive, it's what caused this to happen to you. The dose Pierce gave you, more than it should have been.”

You wrinkle your nose at what he's saying, trying to keep calm, without the help of your Little Wolf now. But you can't help the shimmer of tears brimming your eyes.

<She is so lost without her Steve.> The Wolf whined, and Steve softly agreed with his beast.

“Come here Little One.” He gave a soft tug to your hand and you raised from your seat circling around the table, where Steve opened his arms, and pulled you gently into his hold till you were cradled into him, one hand wrapped around your waist, and the other gently tracing your outer thigh, tucking you into his shoulder.

“I promised you that you're not alone, we will find her Little One. Shuri is sure she isn't gone.”

“No? Then where is she Steve? I searched and called for her. She never came.” Your voice was muffled into his neck, and he could feel the wetness falling on his shoulder to slide down his back. “I'm nothing without her.” You said with defeat and Steve shifted you enough to look at him.

“No Little One, that is not true.” He nudged his nose gently against yours, nipping softly at your lips. “You stood up against your abuser just as you are now, and would again. How many times have your decisions been because they are what you wanted, and she supported you? All your choices, the one to escape, the one to trust me, and the one to fight with the pack, all you Little One. You and Her are the same. Even when you can't see or feel her.”

Steve’s Wolf rumbled softly in response, Steve could feel it rolling through his chest, which you felt the vibration, heard it. His way of saying he agreed. You were no less a wolf then before.

A knock on your door made Steve catch your lips quickly, and pull away, calling out. “Give us a minute.” Tapping gently on your thigh to signal you to get up, he reached for a folded robe at the end of the bed, and snapped it open to ease onto you, and while you were tying it shut, he grabbed his own, and slipped it on to go to the door. Opening it, they found Natasha standing there, with a full cart of food.

“Figured I would join you two, if you don't mind?”

“Of course not Nat, there's plenty for all of us.” Steve stepped aside, and when Natasha came in, she grinned seeing you awake.

“Thank God, it's so good to see you Y/N! I thought I was gonna be stuck here alone with Steve.” She ditched the cart once it was inside and went over to hug you, which you were so happily to give back, nuzzling into the red head.

“It's so good to see you to, and I wouldn't subject you to that. What kind of pack member would I be, leaving you all alone with the Alpha. “ Steve strolled the cart past them, snorting at them.

“I see how it is, two against one. That's fine, don’t worry about it. I will just leave you two alone.” He gave a teasing growl while popping a grape in his mouth, stopping at the table.

You and Natasha grin at each other and follow along after him.

“Not like you can eat all this yourself.” You sweep down into Steve's lap, picking up the cup of coffee he just made while Natasha took the seat next to you two, quickly falling into easy conversation till Shuri called for you all to join her in the lab.

Back home Sara was giving the group lasting hugs as they all prepared to leave. Sam still wasn’t back with the rest of the pack, and maybe she was getting a little emotional as she hugged Bucky around his neck. “Stay safe, and come home soon. You hear me Buck? Sam misses it when you take off.”

Bucky couldn't help but grin at this news, and Sara groaned softly. “You can't tell him I ever said that either. My mate would never forgive me.”

At this the whole group laughed, Bucky folding his arms over each other. “Sara, that man worships the ground you walk on. He would forgive you in ten seconds if he thought you were sad about it.”

Wanda arched a brow to see if Sara would deny it and Clint, grinned, knowing full well Bucky told the truth.

“Fine! He really wouldn't, but for the love of god, don't Barnes. Or I won't forgive you.” She said and ushered the three of them to the vehicle. “Be safe!”

Barnes slipped in behind the wheel as Clint and Wanda got in as well, closing the door and letting his elbow rest on the door. “Doll, don't worry about it. We will see you soon” Giving Sara a wink, he flicked on the radio and left.

Sara watched from the side, watching the dust kick up behind the Suv. Trying to battle the unease in the pit of her stomach.

Her Wolf sidled up with a whine, her ears laid back as she watched her family drive away.

It will be okay, they will be home safe. Sam will be home safe. Steve, Y/N and Natasha will be home safe.

Sara didn't answer the Wolf, turning away from the road and headed back to her cabin, clearly not having an answer.

Down in the lab, you stuck close to Steve’s side, again immensely missing your Little Wolf's presence in your mind as you looked around in awe. Natasha followed along close behind, her hand taking your free one, and giving a light squeeze of assurance. Steve's arm was also wrapped around your waist, keeping you tucked in close. His eyes would glance down at you once in a while, and catch yours, giving you a soft smile and pressing his lips to the top of your hair, soft and silken against his mouth as he would mouth softly. “You're not alone.”

You're not alone.

You repeated it back to yourself, and turned back towards the awaiting Panthers. Natasha released your hand while Steve drew you forward to introduce you to the others now that you were awake. Steve could feel the soft nervous shiver that rolled through you, catching these predators scent. It spoke of night stalking in the jungle treetops and danger, although Shuri beamed wide at you, and the King smiled softly. “Alpha, your queen is a true beauty.” Taking your hand he bowed his head to touch his forehead to your knuckles and backed up afterwards. Steve's hand tightened around you slightly. “Y/N, this is the King of Wakanda, T’Challa.”

“Errr, what is respectful to a King? I'm sorry, this kind of etiquette I just don't know.”

Shuri gave a laugh and T’Challa put up his hands. “You have no need to be formal Y/N, that is only for the rituals of old. T’Challa is fine.”

“If we had to bow down every time, his head would get swollen.” Shuri made a motion around her head, and crossed her eyes at T’Challa. You gave a soft laugh listening to the siblings.

“And this is my sister, Shuri.” T’Challa said, clearly ignoring Shuri now. And Shuri bounced forward, slinging her arm around your shoulders.

“What do you say, I drag you away from your Alpha and see if we can't figure out where your Wolf has wandered off to?”

You bite your lip and look up at Steve, who gives a soft nod, and extracts his arm from around your hip. Shuri is quick to drag you away, chatting the whole time while you look over your shoulder one last time at Steve and Natasha before turning back towards her.

“I’m sorry, what?” You can't help but feel your Little Wolf would have really liked her, she was so outgoing and just automatically acted like you two were friends.

“What happened, after Piece gave you the shot?” She asked again and had you sit on an examination table.

“Oh.” You rub at the back of your neck, watching Shuri closely while she tapped on a computer. “It all happened suddenly, the syringe was emptied into me, and then there was pain. All over, and my Little Wolf collapsed where she was, withering in pain, and said she was trying to hold on, but then… she was just… gone.” You wiped at your face, wishing Steve was there, but you could still sense him. Just on the other side of the door, and you took a deep breath to calm yourself. Shuri was typing quickly, hissing in aggravation at your story.

“Fucking asshole gave you like five times what he should, no wonder you fell into a coma like state.” Shuri said sympathetically, and tapped her computer till it projected an image.

It showed a flower, beautiful to look at, something exotic like you've never seen in your woods before. You study it closer, the shape of the flower reminded you of a calla lily, the shimmering purple almost glowing that made it almost seem unreal, ethereal.

“This is what he gave me? What is it?” you tear your gaze away and Shuri comes over by you, also looking at the flower.

“We simply call it a Heart Shaped Herb, native to Wakanda. Very rare, and we grow it in a special place, so how Pierce got it…” She bared her teeth in agitation. “We are looking into that. It’s abilities include putting our Beasts into hibernation. Which, I think is where your Wolf is right now. You can't find her cause she's in a deep sleep. Right now.”

“Can you wake her?” You ask, a bit of hope in your voice. And Shuri nods.

“Give me a bit of time, and access to your mind Y/N, and I think she will be back with you.”

You gave a soft pleased cry and hugged around Shuri’s neck, who hugged you back, patting your back.

“My Panther thinks you're absolutely adorable!” Shuri giggled.

In the other room, Steve and Natasha watched the interactions, Steve’s Wolf pacing back and forth, his ears roving back and forth.

Can you hear them?

<No, but isnt going to stop me from trying.>

She is safe here.

Steve switched subjects on the Beast, tilting his head as he watched you stretch out on the table.

Our Little One, she seems relieved.

Not at all, I think she will be okay. I trust the Panther.

The Wolf finally settled down, still watching. <I do to, she is good for our Mate.>

Natasha gave the Alpha a sidelong glance. “What are you two discussing, I can see the way you're concentrating on Y/N that the both of you are extremely focused.”

Letting his gaze break from you as you and Shuri broke apart, and you started to get comfortable on the examination table, he loosened his rigid hold, relaxing slightly. “My Mate of course.”

Natasha let her eyes roam over her Alpha as he went back to watching you, making sure you were safe above all else.

<Do you think he's noticed that he no longer battles denying she is his?> The Red Wolf thoughts echoed in Natasha’s mind. Although she kept a straight face, not letting the smile she could feel bubbling in her chest cross her face. Natasha was happy for Steve, she had been witness to the years before he was Alpha of the Pack, and many times forced herself to bite her tongue at disrespecting Alanna out loud. But her and her Wolf, neither liked the woman who wound herself into Steve’s life at the time.

I do not know, but being a mate is good for him, having someone to call his own.

Shuri spent about an hour tapping into your mind, searching for any sign of the Little Wolf, and finally once she finished, knowing you were exhausted.

“You did great Y/N.” She helped you up, and motioned for Steve to come inside. “How about you go rest with your Alpha, and I'm sure T’Challa has set it up where you two can go do some exploring. Just not too much.” Shuri stressed looking at Steve, who arched a brow, taking your hand to help you to a stand.

“Trust me, my mate's health is first and foremost in my mind.” Steve assured Shuri as he steadied you on your feet, always knowing just where you were at his side even when he wasn't looking at you. You picked up that subtle remark, letting it sink in that he had called you his Mate. Shuri gave a nod, and flashed you a smile.

“I hope to see you at Dinner tonight. T’Challa I’m sure will be extending an invitation. Some of the clans will get together on the palace grounds, and will all love to meet our Northern Friends. But only if you've gotten rest.”

You gave an assuring smile to Shuri as you let yourself lean into Steve. Even without the Little Wolf adding her own desires, you still craved that closeness to him. “Im afraid my attire is very limited.” Steve's hand dipped along your ribs, tracing your body through the wisps of clothing you had been given while here. He started to ease you away, ready to get you back to the room. He could feel the strain the past hour had put on you.

“We will see tonight Highness, if Y/N is up for it.” Excusing the two of you for the elevator, you rubbed at your forehead a bit, and he enclosed you close in his arms during the speedy ride up to your floor, his voice soft as he inhaled against your neck, feeling the rumble more than hear him.

“You okay?” Tilting his head to be able to look at you and you nodded, rubbing your face against his rumbling chest and looked up at him with a grin.

“Im okay Alpha, a shower and nap. I will be as good as new.” Once the doors opened, both of you headed towards the rooms you were staying in, and opening the door, Steve saw someone had brought them up some food. Fresh cut fruit, drizzles of golden honey to spread over it, light and appreciated as you inspected it, surprised to find you stomach rumbling while Steve went to start the shower for you. Taking a slice of kiwi, you put just a touch of the golden sweetness on it, and taste, giving a soft surprised moan at the taste.

“Oh damn.”

Immediately hearing you, Steve popped his head out of the bathroom, tugging off his shirt and tossing it to the now made bed. “Find something good?”

You chuckled softly seeing him getting ready to join you in the shower while you were snacking. Licking at your fingertip, you went to pass him to go into the bathroom. “Fruit and honey. And honestly the best I've ever tasted.” Steve caught sight of some golden droplets at the corner of your lip and he grasped your chin, letting his tongue lap at the stickiness. He rumbled softly in appreciation. “It certainly does taste good, on you.” Catching the wicked gleam in his eye, you bit at your lip and thought about going back for more. But he turned you towards the shower with a gentle nudge and chuckle having seen the shift in your expression.

“Later, we’re not leaving right away.”

You relent, and start stripping off your clothes, and let them fall where they land. Your hand tests the water, and then you duck inside, stepping under the rainstorm shower head, tilting your head back to let it flow over your face and into your hair. A rustle behind you and a brush of Steve’s chest across your back had you backing up to give him room. He ducked his head under and gave a vigorous shake of his head, spraying water before he stepped out. “Turn around Little One, let me wash your hair.”

Glancing at the choices provided, you picked up a bottle and flipped the cap, sniffing it. Fresh and clean, lightly scented with a hint of citrus, you handed the bottle to Steve and did as he asked. The Alpha took it and palmed a generous amount. Letting his fingers massage against your scalp, keeping it in a steady deep pressure without it hurting. You groaned, tilting your head this way and that when he pressed slightly.

Steve admired the way the water beaded on your skin, and streaked down your body, the droplets precarious in the curves before falling over the edge and falling away from your body. Your soft sighs made the Beast rumble softly in appreciation, and it rolled through Steve as he pressed a kiss against your shoulder. “Close your eyes so I can rinse.” His tone dropped an octave, his Alpha tone. There was no impulse directly from your Little Wolf, but you still didnt even think twice about it as you stepped back under and his hands massaged your hair again, making the suds fall away. A light grasp to your throat brought you back into his chest, his nose tracing the column of your neck, inhaling deeply, and nuzzling against your pulse. A lap of his tongue over what you knew would be his preferred spot to mark you made you shiver in his hold. “Steve?” you questioned, but the Alpha just inhaled one last time and let you go. You waited patiently for him to tell you what to do as his eyes looked down your back. You no longer tried to hide the scars, not like before. His hands eased over them, and he felt that shiver that rolled through you. One day he would touch you there, and you wouldn’t fight it.

“Face me Little One.” Hands eased you to face him, and another palmful of soap was applied, his hands sliding down your shoulders, your arms, then back up. He groaned, not hiding at all how turned on he was just seeing you dripping wet. “Little One, you are so incredibly beautiful.” Down to your full breasts, his fingertips just sliding over your nipples, and rolling between calloused pads, pulling slightly to hear you gasp and that shift in your eyes spark in arousal.

“Even though I'm just me right now?” Your brows furrowed, your head dropping enough for wet strands to hide your face from him in that moment. He was quick to bring your back, palming your breasts and giving a firm squeeze. “

“Little One, Y/N” He used your name to really drive his next words into you. “I still want you just as you are now. If you wanted my bite, I would bond with you right now Y/N, don't think that you're not a wolf just because you can't see the Little Wolf. She is you, and you are her.” His hands massaged your quivering belly, and over your hips to reach behind and clasp your ass, pulling you in close against him. Before you could make any kind of argument against what he said, he claimed your mouth, his size pressing you to step back under the warm spray when he advanced. His hands rinsed you off, warm slippery skin under his palms, curves he had grown intimate with. You couldn't help digging your fingers in slightly on his arms when your back contacted the cool tile, you gasped into his mouth.

“That's right Little One.” He growled against your lips, then lapping his tongue along the roof of your mouth, and over your teeth before once more pulling away, making you lean forward and whine at the loss of contact. “I will always want you by my side.” His hands didnt stop till the reached your waist and Steve went to his knees, his nose sliding over your stomach to kiss and nip around your belly button. Everything he said was true, him and the Wolf were completely enraptured with you, and had a lifetime to find out all the little things that made up who you were.

Changing those nips to kisses, the traveled further town, his beard scraping against your thighs till you couldn't take the teasing any longer, the burn making you wetter than you already were. Your fingers plunged into his hair and your thighs parted so that his cheek could rub up against your inner thigh.

“Again Alpha?” You shuddered, and tipped your head back, moaning when you felt the rasp of his beard again and his nose trailed your slit before he even took a taste.

“You smell so sweet Little One, much better than that honey.” A hand moved from your waist to the back of your thigh sliding to your knee and lifting to hook it over his shoulder. Nothing would be hidden from him, and he kissed your inner thigh pressed near his cheek, firmly biting it hard enough to bruise, leaving his teeth impressions without breaking your skin. The sting made your back arch off the tile, tightening your hold in his hair, hissing with satisfaction.

You could feel the upturned curve of his lips pressing where the bruise would form, but then your Alpha turned his attention to your aching core, and you spied a look down, that made you whimper, clench around nothing yet. His gaze on you wasn't just a man in need, it was a beast. Eyes shimmering a slight yellow as his pupils enlarged, the pink of his tongue escaping to plunge between your folds, and gathered your slick all over his tongue with a deep lap, the tip teasing your clit before going back to inhaling your arousal, making his head swarm, the Wolf to start howling in his lust. You were perfect, completely enrapturing him with those soft mewling sounds above him whenever he honed in on a sensitive spot for you.

“Steve, Alpha” you chanted his name, tugging his hair to press him in more. His beard scraping your sensitive folds every time he took those long laps to spread your slick, and when his teeth would pull at your folds, his lips suck on your clit, it was just a mess of sensations that made your jolt under his firm hold. He would growl at you once in a while out of instinct, his eyes flicking up at you to see you start to fall apart. “Please Alpha.” Begging now for him.

The vibrations from Steve made you clench around him the moment he let his tongue fill you, stroking your fluttering walls and sucking all the juices, squeezing you to give him more. Your thigh ached to close against his head, and you tilted your head back, giving a low wail when he took one more demanding stroke with his tongue. “Little One, Look at me.” The Alphas voice was graveled, not giving an option to deny him, you struggled to look at him, but once your eyes locked, he bit your mound, drawing it into his mouth, while he sucked on your clit, and you knew he wanted you to cum for him.

Another lap, demanding growl and harder fingers, one hand pinning your hip against the cool tile while being misted by the warm water, and Steve's other hand had laid claim to your thigh over his shoulder, his arm folded over it, and fingertips biting in your inner thighs sensitive flesh. When the Alpha looked up again, eyes now a weird mix of yellow and blue, the wolf laying claim to you as well, you broke for him. Flooding his mouth with your release, grinding into him as you stiffened almost painfully, he worked your orgasm from its high to low point, letting you sink down the tile, when he let your leg drop, and when you landed before him, he grasped your face in his hands and kissed you deeply, needing to lay claim not just to your body, but to all of you.

Fingers curled at the back of his neck, your eyes closed as your tongue danced with his, when he broke from you, your head fell to his shoulder and you could hear Steve whispering. “I got you Little One, sleep.” and the water suddenly stopped. Somewhere as you were fading away, you could feel his hands sliding around your wet body and then his firm chest cushioning you. Even further away, a barely there howl you were all too familiar with made you stir in his arms, your Little Wolf calling for you before you sunk back into a deep sleep.

When you woke, there was a soft light in the room and that's what your eyes focused on at first. It was a lamp near the bed, and you rolled to the other side, seeking out Steve but he wasn't there either. Rubbing at your eyes to focus them, you inhaled to try and scent him instead. You just barely caught him amid the barrage of other smells, and you would see him on the balcony, ear to his shoulder like he was holding a phone, and leaning forward on muscled forearms against the balconies railing and the muscles in his back were taunt in that position. You allowed yourself a moment to appreciate the sight before you. His deep voice drifted back to you in bits and pieces, but you picked up enough to know he must be talking to either Sam or Bucky. After a few moments you pushed the sheet covering you off and started to seek out some clothes, pushing yourself up out of the soft bed.

Hearing the sheet rustle, Steve glanced over his shoulder to see you move to a stand, arching your arms over your head, and the curve of your back dipped further in an arch. Momentarily distracted as he admired you, Sam's voice grew aggravated.

“Steve? Did I lose you?”

Turning away from watching you sort through some clothes Shuri had provided, Steve went back to Sam.

“No I’m here, Y/N just woke up.” He stated and Sam gave a slight chuckle in a knowing manner. “So you are all about to head back home? Were you able to find a temporary Alpha for them till that pack can figure out what they wanted to do?”

“Caine is going to take over, he wants to. Turns out Pierce didn't actually kill all those Wolves he claimed he did. A few, but there's still plenty there. Tony's crew turned up, helped us out. The Council came down. Ross in particular.” Steve heard a slight growl in Sam’s voice, and he couldn't disagree. Ross had a way of pushing the wrong buttons. “Claims he wants to speak with you once you come home.”

“Well his ass can wait. I don't know when I will be home.” A pair of hands slid up his back, and Steve straightened, his arm moving to rest around yours and pull you in against his chest, his nose dipping into your hair and breathing you in while he listened to Sam.

“What I told him. Besides what he doesn’t know wont hurt his ass any. As soon as I get home, we’re picking up those customer orders that had been sidetracked, but other than that things are all good here. Tell Y/N that Sara is ready for her to come home and send your girl our love.”

“Of course, you can tell her yourself actually.” Steve handed you the phone, and you pressed it to your ear, talking to Sam for a few minutes.

“Miss you guys too, I will keep him in line.” You give Steve a look and he gives a playful growl, snapping his teeth near your ear before kissing your shoulder, making you laugh as you hang up the phone.

“Sam seems to like playing Alpha.” You hand it back to Steve while he drops it into his pocket.

“Well good, I will take you on more exotic vacations like this one.” He teased, wrapping you in his arms and you rubbed his chest looking excitedly up at him.

“Alpha, before I fell asleep…”

“In the shower.” Steve had a bit of a grin, and you felt your cheeks get warm at the memory, his hand catching your chin and pressing his lips to yours. “Don't be shy, it was beautiful seeing you like that.”

You could feel your body warm, and the praise settle in, making you feel good. “ANYWAYS, I think I heard my Little Wolf!”

Steve arched his brows in surprise, and the Wolf stirred to hear you, pushing himself up from where he was resting and pacing closer to the front of Steve’s mind.

Did you really doubt Shuri and Y/N that they couldn't bring her back?

The Wolf flicked his ears back and let his muzzle drop, sighing. <Some of me did.>

I was worried too. You're not the only one.

Steve's hands rubbed along your back and grinned at your news, kissing your forehead, and letting his hands move to cup your face. “We will tell Shuri when we go down to dinner, maybe she will be back home sooner than we thought if you heard her.”

You couldn't help the elation you were feeling, that you might have her back soon, fill that emptiness that you have been feeling since that day.

“Dinner? Oh that's right, but I have nothing to wear.” You frowned a bit and Steve took your hand, leading you inside the room.

“Natasha is waiting for you. The Queen and Shuri had outfits brought up for you two to pick from. Nat insisted they were brought to her room, and that you can change with her once you woke up.” Steve loved seeing the excitement suddenly flash across your face, and he grabbed a tee to yank on, and opened the door. “Shall we?” Slipping your hand into his, he led you down the hallway, your gaze wandering. Beautiful woven tapestries, mostly of Panthers lined the hallways.

You were a bit excited, you had never had the opportunity to dress up before, not for anyone. You just genuinely hoped you could give something for Natasha to work with. Stopping a few doors down from you, Steve knocked and Natasha’s voice rang out “Come in.”

What Steve opened the door to was not what you were expecting and your eyes widened taking in the room. There were outfits everywhere and even Steve looking around seemed a bit overwhelmed.

Natasha on the other hand, with a glass of what looked like champagne was perfectly at home, running her fingers over the richly colored fabrics, until she reached you. “Perfect, Alpha I got her. You go get ready yourself.”

Steve gave a half grin looking down at you in apology, and you gave him a gentle push. “Go on, let Nat doll me up, see if I can't make you pant a little later.” You winked as he growled.

“You always do Little One.” Nuzzling your neck he pulled away and Natasha handed you your own glass of champagne while shutting the door.

“Lets blow his fucking mind. Okay, here's what I was thinking.” She tugged you along, and you were lost in a sea of bright colors and girl talk.

They had been on the road most of the afternoon, Bucky got the coordinates from the trackers Steve had sent when Cassandra first came up missing. Wanda sent Pietro a message of where to meet them once Bucky confirmed where the trackers were waiting. It wasn’t anything more than a few hours drive. Meeting up all together in a truck stop diner, late at night. They all crowded around a table, pulling up extra chairs, and the waitress came over, taking their orders. Small talk was exchanged at first, waiting till they would be left alone for a period of time after food was brought to them. Once everything was brought, and their host left them to enjoy their meals, they turned towards the food, each one digging in.

Ravenous as Bucky, Clint and Wanda were, they spoke between bites, Pietro next to his sister would quickly reach in and snag a fry, making her growl at him while he smirked.

“Can't share with your brother?”

“Get your own.” she responded as she dunked it in ketchup and popped it in her mouth.

“Why when I can just take yours?” He grinned and lightning quick grabbed another.

Bucky normally wouldn't say anything, knowing the twins were playing in their usual manner, but there wasn't time for games. The White Wolf growled at the younger Wolves and they were quick to quiet down, Wanda sliding her plate between the two of them to share while Bucky turned back to the trackers.

“Do you have any idea of where Brock and Alanna are?”

They both nodded, the older, a male named Adam slipped a piece of paper across the table. “From what Tonya dragged up about them, they have been staying here for a few months. We checked it out before you all came into town, and sure enough their scent is all over it. And others, I'm guessing it's your woman Bucky.”

Bucky didn't correct him, even though he did catch Clint's side eye.

<Tonight, we can't wait any longer to get to her and pull her out.>

Tonight, as soon as we clear it with the rest.

Bucky looked among the wolves seated around him, and he knew the White Wolf was right. He couldn't have asked for better pack members then what he had right here with him now.

“And the house is currently occupied, we saw movement inside. Someone checks the curtains once in a while although they are closed all the time.” Tonya added, and Bucky nodded, looking at each member of their tables.

“Tonight, after dark, we storm the place. Get Cassandra out, if Brock and Alanna are casualties then so be it.” Bucky said, and there were nods from around the group.

“Well sounds like a good time Alpha.” Pietro grinned from across the table, and Bucky snorted, arching his brows in amusement.

“I'm no Alpha.”

Clint chuckled and slapped his comrades back. “Ya are tonight man, this is your gig. Were along for the ride.”

Wanda nodded at him while dunking another fry, and the trackers joining them shrugged and nodded. “We did our part, we're just following you now.”

Bucky growled out with a roll of his eyes. “I don’t know how the fuck Steve puts up with all of you.” The White Wolf shook out his fur, arching to a stand.

Bucky didn't have anything to say to that, he just reached over and stole one of Wanda's fries from her fingers and popped it in his mouth with a grin.

Steve had knocked on Nat’s door, but Nat opened it just a peek, not allowing him to look in. “Were not ready yet.”

“Where is Y/N, is she okay?” He asked trying to look over Natasha’s head, inhaling deeply your scent that was reaching him, but she blocked him, hands moving to her hips.

“She’s just fine Steve. Now go on downstairs and we will join you soon.” Natasha worked on closing the door. But the Alpha and the Wolf were not entirely ready for that and his foot blocked it from shutting completely.

“Shouldn't I escort you ladies down? That is the gentlemanly thing to do after all.” The Wolf huffed in laughter at his attempts, but Natasha shook her head, green eyes glimmering in amusement. “I will escort her, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.” Pushing his foot out, the door closed on Steve, and he relented.

“If you're not down in ten minutes, I’m coming back up!” He raised his voice through the heavy wooden door and tilted his head listening. Natasha’s distinct laugh on the other side.

The redhead had her ear pressed against the door, listening to Steve's retreating steps before turning back to you, wriggling into the dress. “You think he's really going to like this?” You pressed once more as you turned in the mirror and Natasha tilted her head, inspecting you.

“Y/N, you got my wolf howling.” Grabbing her lipstick and turning you towards her, applying it on. “Just need this last touch. Done.”

You took one last look, smoothing a hand over the lush fabric, Natasha grinning over your shoulder while also admiring you in the full length mirror. “Trust me Y/N, he will not be able to contain himself.”

Steve had entered the banquet room, to see Wakandians milling around, the Wolf in him alerting all the non wolf predators in the room, his hackles raising slightly and shaking himself out like he was trying to shake out the nerves.

It's okay, they are friends.

<I know, I know.> The Wolf paced around a couple times and started to settle back down in his mind. <Still makes me nervous.>

T’Challa approached him with a friendly smile, still keeping a bit of distance, sensing the Alphas' wariness. “Welcome Roger’s, it's an honor you were able to come.” Steve was first to hold his hand out, and gave a shake.

“Y/N and Natasha will be down soon, they are still getting themselves prepared.”

T’Challa gave a smile in acknowledgment, motioning towards his sister who was excitedly talking with an older lady. “My mother and Shuri were rather excited to be able to send up some clothing for them. How are you three settling in? Accommodations are suitable?”

“Excellent, Y/N is rather taken with the balcony and the view. Over the canopy this morning a flock of macaws caught her eye.” T’Challa laughed with a nod.

“They come by every morning, loud beasts aren't they.”

“Hell yes.” The Alpha grumbled good-natured. “But stunning. Thank You again for opening your home. Should you ever come to the states, we would love you to visit The Pack.”

“I might take you up on that.” T’Challa was quick to surprise Steve. “I plan on traveling there in a year or two to New York. Dr.Cho who works for Stark is tackling the genetics issue of your children, and is hoping to exchange her work with ours, to resolve it. At least let your females come to term easier and safer in their pregnancies. We've had good luck here, again thanks to Shuri.” Steve took interest in this, he couldn't fathom getting into specifics, as he wouldn’t understand, but the problem had plagued the Wolves for a lifetime. “We're only waiting cause Dr.Cho is still doing her own studies. We have similar issues, but separate species and all. I honestly don't understand much of it, but Shuri seems very hopeful.”

“That’s incredible. Do you really think you could help us?” Steve had given up the idea of having his own children years ago, but now if you two decided to make it official, it could be a possibility.

The Wolf had started to grow excited at the prospect.

<Imagine the cabin with our children, bringing them to Little One in the morning so she could cuddle with them.> Steve's mind was filled with images of you with a full bump, the sight of you in the moonlight, bathing in the glow. Inhaling deeply to simmer himself down, the whole idea… well it set the Alpha on edge.

“It is always a possibility. Never say never Alpha.” The King gave a shrug and looked over Steve’s shoulder, his face brightening up. “And here comes the ladies now.” T’Challa turned towards where Steve had entered, and the Alpha caught sight of Natasha first, but then she stepped aside to talk to you, and Steve could have sworn his heart stopped beating.

You were always beautiful to him, he had a hard time keeping hands off you. But when you came in, The Wolf howled your song, and his own eyes widened a bit. Rich blue was wrapped around you, loose and flowing at the bottom, the top hugged around your waist and cusped around your breasts, showing off all those curves Steve had gotten familiar with. A simple bit of silver adorned your throat. Natasha had done your hair in a manner that wasn’t your usual style, but it framed your face in a wispy gentle way. Your hand smoothed down the curves of your side, and looked around. He could even see you tilting your head up a bit, nose in air seeking him out with closed eyes. Images of you again dancing in the moonlight struck him and the Wolf growled softly, need, lust, desire. It was all hitting Steve at once. Would he be able to last through this dinner?

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babylooneytoonz · 3 years

Text

Blood Trails [ Pt. 8]

Chapter Summary : Bucky and Y/N share some moments that are somewhat intimate. Is Y/N beginning to fall for the metal handed Avenger?

Warnings : Fluff , Fake marriage, Bucky Barnes being cute

Masterlist

You woke up early the next morning; or rather, even before the sun had fully made its appearance. The sky was still a faint hue of orange and blue, and the birds sat on the window of your room, singing to themselves in a warm melody. At least the New Year was joyous for someone. The truth was, you could say that you had hardly slept last night; you kept tossing and turning uncomfortably all through the night. Your mind wouldn't stop racing as thousands of thoughts flooded your brain. You didn't know what to expect on your first undercover mission. It didn't make it easier given the fact that you were supposed to stay with James Buchanan Barnes, pretending to be married to him. To add to your misery, you glared at the fake pregnant belly that was laying in front of you on your dressing table, and you didn't understand why you had to even wear that and what was the point of it. You groaned inwardly thinking about what Tony had casually said to you when you had asked him what the need was for all of this. People don't usually suspect a pregnant couple that have moved to the countryside to raise their family, he said to you.

"So this is it, huh?" You frowned, sitting back against the passenger seat of the mini truck that had been provided to you and Bucky as a part of your mission , a look of discomfort spread out evenly over your face. Your elbow rested against the wide open window, while James was sitting next to you, driving. You were already dressed and ready in a bright yellow sundress, your fake baby belly already strapped up to you underneath all these layers of clothes, making you be in your undercover mode already even though it was a 3 hour ride. Your name was Sarah Walsh, while he was supposed to be Steven Walsh, your husband.

"What do we expect once we're there?" You raised an eyebrow, but almost bit your lip when he didn't give you a response. When you turned to your left to look at him, you noticed that Bucky wasn't really there, and was probably lost in his own thoughts. You sighed lowly to yourself, and almost turned away from him, when he suddenly took a sharp right turn, almost causing you to stumble towards him, and had you not grabbed the window, you would have bumped hard into his side.

"Sorry about that," Bucky mumbled in a low voice, finally breaking from whatever thoughts that he was in and you nodded, immediately straightening your dress. You were told that all your belongings had already been shipped over to the house, and all the two of you had to do was pretend.

"James, are you alright?" You questioned.

"Yeah, I am. Just thinking out loud."

"About what, if you don't mind me asking?" You asked, not wanting to pry, but the curiousity inside you overpowering your will to stay quiet.

"I was just thinking about how Tony put a lot of responsibility on you. I tried to convince him to send Wanda with me, or maybe just Clint," he craned his neck so he could eye you while his hands rested against the steering wheel.

You gulped, flicking your eyes from him to the slowing traffic in front of you as the mini truck came to a halt at the traffic signal. You nodded, letting your gaze travel to your hands that were nervously fiddling with the fabric of your loose sundress, "You all did a lot for me. Tony, you, the other Avengers. I was HYDRA, I was made to be a monster, and you all treated me like I was a human, that I was just lost, and was back home. I really am okay with all this, James."

"You sure?" he turned towards you briefly, his hands still on the steering wheel; when he lifted one hand off it and placed it on the gears, changing it so your mini truck could move forward again.

"I'm just a little weirded out, is what. Especially pretending to be fake pregnant. You have to make a pregnancy look believable. I can put in a watermelon in there, but people can still find out that I'm faking it." You sighed, looking down at the fake belly and scrunching up your nose in an annoyed manner as Bucky kept watching you, a look of what you could only decipher as amusement in his eyes. "What?"

"Nothing, you just said watermelon, it was just funny."

Bucky smiled to himself and he quickly pressed his lips shut, running his hand through the back of his hair sheepishly. He was amazed how he was smiling so much, when he never smiled, except for when he was with Sasha. Soon, a comfortable silence surrounded you, lulling you into a slumber as you sat back more comfortably and let your head fall back, your eyes drowsy and heavy.

By the time the mini truck turned into the residential colony in New Jersey, you had already fallen asleep, your head resting against the now rolled up window. Your chest heaved up and down in a relaxed symphony, and a part inside Bucky didn't want to wake you up, you looked so peaceful and soft. A part of him, the part that still felt the same for you like he had felt five years back; wanted to stay there and keep staring at you, not in a creepy way, but in a way you study a still painting, or a nice scenery. You admire it, trying to capture it with the lenses of your eyes, that is what Bucky wanted to do, but unfortunately, he had to wake you up, for he had already pulled the vehicle into the driveway of the cottage that was going to be your new home for the next few days.

The sudden loss of motion caused you to flutter your eyes open, and Bucky couldn't even get the chance to wake you up. When he saw that you were waking up, he quickly turned his head away, masking away the fact that he had been staring at you. "Well, Mrs. Walsh, looks like we are home, our home for the next few days. You ready?" He gave you a weak smile, and you instantly nodded.

You hesitantly lifted your hand, placing it on his hand; that was on the gears, almost leaning forward so you were face level with him. If anyone would see the two of you from outside, it would appear as though the two of you were about to kiss, "Ready as ever, Mr. Walsh."

╞═════𖠁𐂃𖠁═════╡

"Where should I put the swing, Mrs. Walsh?" the man with the packers and movers asked you, pointing towards a lush white garden swing set in one of the trucks parked in front of your cottage. It was a sweet little three bedroom cottage, white walls, white picket fence, flower pots hanging from little hooks on the front porch, dark red roof, and a garden where you could spend your time outdoors, just gardening.

"Yes please, can you dismantle it right here? My husband will set it out later, thank you!" You let him know, and crossed your arms over your fake bump, watching as your husband walked through the gravel path in the garden that led up to your front porch, holding a massive cardboard box, that was big enough to be blocking his view. You couldn't help but glance at him; especially his thick, strong arms and how effortless this whole act looked on him, and you were sure he wasn't even feeling the weight of the box. He was wearing a tight v neck tshirt with the sleeve on his flesh arm rolled up till his elbow, "Incoming, watch out." He announced as he disappeared into the house, and you just smiled, shaking your head.

You were about to turn away, and make your way to where two men were pulling out a grey leather couch from the truck when your eyesight fell on the cottage on the opposite side of the street. The door was partially open, and a woman, who seemed to be in her forties, stood leaning by the door, a curious expression plastered on her face as she watched the unloading of your stuff.

Your mind was already observing, watching her carefully, noticing tiniest details about her and her house, so you could talk to Bucky about later when Bucky's voice pulled you out of your momentary distraction, "Hey, doll, I've set up the boxes, can you come take a look?" He casually placed his warm gloved palm, that hid the metal from public eye, against your arm, his thumb moving in an up and down comforting motion for a bit. You didn't know why but the unintentional casual touch caused a sudden heat to pool up in your insides, and you pressed your lips together, not wanting to embarrass yourself by letting out a sound. You nodded, bringing yourself closer to him so you were now facing him as you placed your hand on Bucky's chest, playing your part as you could feel the woman's piercing gaze on you.

"Well, honey, your nine o'clock, what do you think about her?" The minute you asked Bucky, his gaze travelled to where the woman was standing, and he quickly swiped over the surroundings with his observant eyes before fixing his gaze on you. You stiffened when you felt his hand hold you from the low of your back; as he slowly pulled you closer, so now the two of you were standing almost pressed to each other, "Well, I can see a garage. And I can see a car, that is covered in dust. This means they hardly use it."

"Maybe they prefer to walk," your hand that was earlier on his chest slowly travelled upwards, coming to rest against the side of his face, your fingers now cupping his cheek while your thumb grazed tenderly against his mild stubble. "What else do you see?"

"The garden is unkempt. The hedgerows are growing and I can see a whole lot of weeds."

You nodded, blinking in acknowledgement at your fake husband's words when he started speaking again.

"Well, I see her walking towards us, and she is coming in..пять.. четыре.. три.. два.. один.."

"Excuse me? Hi?"

You turned around at the voice, a faint blush causing your cheeks to appear redder than a tomato. You didn't know why you suddenly felt so heated up, but if you had to guess, it would be because the sudden way you had turned around, and were now standing, with your back pressed to Bucky, you could almost feel his.. well, tools. It was awkward and you could feel Bucky tense behind you, maybe just as embarassed as you were.

"Well, I am sorry but I couldn't help but come and introduce myself. I live right next door! Oh, look at me! I am so silly! I'm Yvonne, and I live just right across the street. Welcome to the neighborhood!"

"It's lovely to meet you Yvonne," you gave her another soft, yet inviting smile, slowly using this subtle distraction to take a step away from him. Reflexively, as you moved away, Bucky's arm came to wrap around your waist and pull you closer so this time your side was pressed to him, "I'm Sarah, and this is my husband, Steven."

"Aww, don't you two just look adorable.. just like a newly married couple.." She smiled, her eyes flicking you to Bucky, and then back at you, before her gaze lowered down to your bump and she started smiling wide in excitement, "And with a little one on the way. You're glowing! So.. boy or a girl? When are you due? Oh my god I am blabbering."

You threw your head back, letting out a forced chuckle through the back of your throat, the back of your head coming to rest against Bucky's chest, whose palm now rested against your fake bump. "Well we wanted to keep it a surprise, my husband does, actually. Don't you, honey?" You nudged your elbow playfully against Bucky's abs.

"Mhm, we just want to get surprised," he nodded back, pressing his lips to the back of your head.

Just then, a male voice from the woman's house reached your ears; that caused all three of you to turn towards the woman's house as she began explaining, "Well, that's my call to leave. my husband's lazy arse finally woke up. In case the two of you need any help settling down, please feel free to call me over anytime, I would be happy to show you around. Sarah, I was wondering if you were doing anything special for dinner today?"

"Uh, we were just planning to prop open some wine, well I'd be sticking to sparkling water, put on a movie on Netflix and run a movie marathon," you grinned, only to get an understanding look back from her as she nodded, running her hand aimlessly through her blonde locks.

"Would you like to have dinner with us? We'd love to get to know you guys. After all, we're neighbours now. And I'm just so excited to get to know you."

You turned towards Bucky, and he gave you a look that you just understood. There wouldn't be a better opportunity for the two of you to look around and bug their home.

"Well, what do you say, doll? I think it will be good for you and our little stinker to get out of the house. And we'll get to know our lovely neighbours," Bucky smirked pointing towards your stomach and you just pushed your elbow into him in a teasing, playful way.

"Aren't the two of you the cutest? I wish my husband tried to show atleast half of how much he is into me, you're a lucky one Sarah, your man doesn't seem to shy away from showing the world who owns his heart."

Unknowingly, you bit your lip, letting your tongue out so you were licking your lower lip, almost giving Bucky a side smirk. Ten points to James Buchanan Barnes for his tremendous acting.

╞═════𖠁𐂃𖠁═════╡

It was almost lunch time; and you being the sweetest little fake wife someone could find, you had prepared the best lunch; some good old mac and cheese. You had laid out the table already, when Bucky stepped out of the shower, leaving a faint fragrance of musk and cinnamon all over the house and he walked into the dining room.

"You made Mac n cheese?" He smirked, as he grabbed himself a plate, tossing a junk load of it into his plate.

"What's a good wife if she doesn't just cook?" You smirked back at him, and knowing well aware that since the curtains of your house were drawn open, so it was a likely probability that your neighbors were probably spying on you from somewhere you ran your palm over your fake bump, stroking circles against it as you lowered yourself next to him.

"Well darling, do you think people are going to buy this? Or are we actually trying too hard?"

"What do you mean, doll?" He dug his fork into his plate, rolling it slightly and brought it up to his lips, taking a bit, and almost nodding to himself in appreciation, licking his lips.

"Well Bucky, the act. You and me." You did a motion with your index finger between the two of you, "this."

"Trust me, we are doing just fine. We're naturals." A cough shot out of Bucky's mouth, and he immediately grabbed a glass of water, chugging it down, pulling his gaze away.

"Oh you're the one that's a natural, this is all new to me."

"Well, in my defense, working in the line we do, I've had a lot of experience going undercover," grabbing a napkin, he wiped the corner of his mouth, and almost stood up, his empty plate in his hand when he threw out his hand towards your plate and you shook your head, playfully smacking his palm away with yours.

"I don't need anyone to wash my plate for me, Barnes. Though thank you for offering," you shook your head as you pushed back your chair so you could stand up, reaching out for your own plate. The two of you walked side by side until the two of you were standing in front of the sink, and he just scratching the side of his face, mumbling in a low voice," that fucking rich millionaire ass plans a whole mission, but misses on a dishwasher."

You just chuckled to yourself listening to the man's not so silent grumbling under his breath, snatching his plate from his hand before he could pull it away.

"Are you telling me, the high and mighty Winter Soldier, doesn't know how to scrub a plate clean?"

He rolled his eyes, snatching his plate from your hand again, as he squatted some liquid dish washing soap onto the plate, and began scrubbing it, " I know how to scrub dirty dishes, but with all of those high tech gadgets and shit Stark has the place equipped with, I don't remember the last time I scrubbed a fucking plate."

You almost rolled your eyes, watching from the corner of your eye as he reached for your plate too and squatted some soap onto it, both his flesh and his metal hand covered in foam as he leant against the counter, scrubbing. There was something oddly intimate about standing in a kitchen with a man who was your fake husband and the two of you were doing the dishes, well technically, he was; you were only wiping the plates once he was done and stacking them aside.

╞═════𖠁𐂃𖠁═════╡

Do I look okay? God, I'm tired of wearing this fake bump." You looked at yourself for probably the fifth time in the full body mirror in the master bedroom. You were dressed in a baby blue jumpsuit; while James sat against the edge of the bed, wearing a casual white tshirt, a navy blue leather jacket, and ripped jeans. His short cropped hair, that you had always seen with not a single strand out of place, were messily stacked over his head, and he didn't seem to mind.

"Come on Johanna, you look beautiful. But I'm really getting impatient. Can we please leave?"

"Someone's pretty excited to see Yvonne," you drawled in a teasing manner, watching Bucky give you an irritated look as you grabbed your heels and sat down next to him to wear those.

"I am not. I'm not into older women."

You opened your mouth, ready to say something mindlessly, but at the right time, you clamped your mouth shut. It wasn't your place to judge, or to wonder what kind of women he was into.

"Come on, let's go."

The two of you stood up, and you aimlessly ran your fingers through your hair, messing them up slightly. You pulled out the bottle of wine that you had picked out to give them, and the two of you, arm in arm, stepped out while Bucky locked the front door while you waited, next to him, shuffling the weight of your body from one foot to another.

Within the next few minutes, the four of you were seated in Yvonne's dining room, and the room was filled with a mindless chatter, where one of them would crack a joke, and the four of you will laugh in response to it. You would momentarily find yourself turning towards James, glaring at him secretly, or kicking him underneath the table; and he knew that you were just pissed off having to drink water while the rest of them were having white wine.

"So, lovebirds, how did you guys spent New Year's Eve?" Yvonne asked, raising her eyebrow lightly and at the same time bringing her glass of wine to her lips as she took a sip. You almost opened your mouth, ready to come up with something quickly, when you felt Bucky's hand on your thigh, underneath the table that caused you to freeze, almost splutter out the water you were drinking.

"Well, doll, do you want to tell them or should I?" Bucky winked playfully, leaning towards you slightly, and you couldn't help but bask in his mild but endearing fragrance of musk and lemon. You motioned with your hand to go ahead, and sat back more comfortably, your fingers stroking over your fake bump, to make it look more realistic.

"Well we spend our New Years on the floor of our newly renovated bathroom, back in Manhattan, while she wretched her insides out, all my effort of cooking up a nice dinner going down the toilet."

You turned towards him, your eyes narrowed, smacking your lips together as you gave him a fake smile. Inwardly, you couldn't help but wonder how he was being so spontaneous, but then of course, he would know, right? He had a daughter.

"Well darling, I wouldn't have ruined your New Year's Dinner if I wasn't pregnant with this one in the first place now wouldn't I?" You deadpanned, pointing with your index finger at your belly.

"I'm not complaining, doll. I'm just being honest."

"Yeah, well. It wouldn't have happened had you decided to keep your cock in your pants."

You didn't miss the way Bucky's eyes almost widened upon listening to your words, and his jaw almost dropped, and for the first time, he didn't know what to say. It was like he had been pulled back in time, when you were pregnant with Sasha, and the two of you used to bicker like an old, married couple. You didn't miss how the edge of his lips curved, just faint enough, but you noticed that he was smiling, looking down at his hands.

"The food is lovely, Yvonne," you immediately changed the topic, grabbing the napkin as you wiped the edges of your lips.

"Well, you haven't even tried the dessert yet," Samuel arched his body forward, his elbows resting against the table.

Slowly, you turned towards Bucky, giving him a knowing look with your eyes, placing your palm on his thigh, before standing up.

"Yvonne, do you mind if I use your restroom? The baby's playing soccer with my bladder."

"Sure, hon. Just take that hallway. Third door to the right."

You nodded, stepping away as you pretended to waddle into the hallway; the sounds of their voices slipping away the further you walked into the house. Very discreetly, you slid your hand into your purse, pulling out the tiny bugs that you started placing around the house. You reached the third door just like Yvonne had told you but instead of entering it, you walked further down the hallway until you were at the end of it.

"This must be the master bedroom," you mumbled to yourself as you stepped into it, as quietly and discreetly as you could, locking the door behind you as you glanced at the four postered bed in the middle of the well furnished room. You ran up to the cabinet, falling to your knees, letting your hand underneath the cabinet as you quickly placed a bug there as well.

Standing back up to your feet, you smashed your palms contentedly against each other, and absentmindedly, you eyes started raking over the room, taking in the pictures on the walls. Nothing seemed to look out of place, and this only worsened that red signal that was blinking at the back of your mind, that this couple was definitely up to something; something neither you nor Bucky had a clue about.

You were about to step out of the bedroom, when suddenly, you caught a glimpse of someone just outside the window from the corner of your eye. When you looked at the window, whoever that was, was already gone, leaving behind a feeling of nervousness and confusion inside you.

Had someone seen you bugging the house?

╞═════𖠁𐂃𖠁═════╡

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melancholymaz · 4 years

Text

UNFORESEEN (2)

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader, Tony Stark x reader, Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff.

Warnings: More angst, sad reader and Natasha. Also I didn’t clarify last part that this is an AU where ultron didn’t happen but Sam, Wanda, Pietro etc. are in the Avengers.

Summary: It’s taken nearly 2 months for Y/N to start socialising again after she finds out about Natasha and Steve, Now she regrets leaving her floor at all.

You should have known that the team would make a big deal out of you coming out of “Hibernation” as Sam called it. You just didn’t feel like you were comfortable with being the centre of attention. You made sure you steered clear of Natasha and Steve, but it didn’t seemed to matter because they made sure they avoided you too. You didn’t really like Steve from the beginning, why, you didn’t know but it kind of all made sense now. Your mother always did tell you your gut instinct was always pretty accurate. One thing that you do know, is that you just can’t seem to get your ex lover out of your mind. Certain colours reminded you of her, certain phrases that came from the team would remind you of your conversations. Your mind is either numb to the knowledge of her or completely filled, there is no in-between.

“Listen up buttercups.” Tony says strolling into the kitchen where most of the team is. “We’ve got a gala in two days and everyone is expected to be present, that even includes you, Y/N/N.”

You do nothing to reply but a nod, secretly panicking over the fact that you have two days to prepare yourself to see the two people you dread to look in the face.

It’s the day of the gala and you can’t help but stare into space as Wanda curls your hair.

“You know, I’ve missed you over the past month and a half.” The young sokovian says, curling another strand of your Y/C/H to perfection.

“Could have always come and seen me, could have definitely used a cuddle buddy.” you reply, giving her a small smile in the mirror, in which she returns.

“Yeah I know, but I’d be afraid Nat would kill me in my sleep. She still loves you, you know. I can feel it. Anytime someone mentions your name she perks up.”

“If she still loved me Wanda she wouldn’t have done what she did, or she would have said something or I don’t know. She doesn’t love me Wanda, not anymore.” You look down to your hands, picturing what your could-have-been wedding ring on your finger.

“I’m finished, are you ready to go down?” Wanda says quietly, resting her hands on your shoulders. You take a deep breath and nod, standing and grabbing your clutch and heading out the door.

As you enter the room you’re overwhelmed with the loud music and strong stench of rich people, your eyes scan across the large room and see the team socialising with sponsors, government officials etc. and yet no Nat and Steve. Maybe they’re skipping tonight you think to yourself. You head to the bar and order Y/P/D, sipping lightly as you start a conversation with the people next to you.

“You look wonderful tonight, Ms Y/L/N, and your make up really brings out your eyes!” One of the women says, her pearly white teeth nearly blinding you. You look down to your outfit with a shy smile, a light pink suit, with a white dress shirt, the first couple buttons undone to show off your jewellery, Your three quarter sleeve jacket showing off your forearms. Your make up is done very minimum, but enough to hide away your heavy eye bags.

“Thank you, everyone looks great tonight.” You smile, their smiles growing as you compliment them. As they carry on with another topic of conversation, you take a sip when you tense at the sound of two very distinct voices behind you. One smooth and almost complimenting effortlessly, with one rough and jittery. The former voice is one you’ve longed to hear in so long, a voice that calmed you down every time without fail, a voice that could resemble a soft lullaby even if it was being used to cuss or threaten. You tune back into the conversation and voice your thoughts when you deemed needed, trying to ignore the love of your life and her new lover behind you.

As a couple hours go by, and people are well on their way to being heavily intoxicated, you take your first chance you get to have some fresh air. You lean over the balcony edge in a corner away from the balcony doors looking over the city, sipping a beer that Pietro had given you, as you hear a pair of heels walking up behind you, you say.

“Finally had enough of Piet and Stark?” You don't turn around, assuming it’s your brown haired-best friend.

“Something like that.” You turn around at the sound of what once was your happiness, and see the woman you were dreading seeing standing there looking as beautiful as always. Her short red hair curled with half of it tied in a bun, a white dress hugging her figure perfectly. Your heart pounds in your ears, your throat bone dry as you take her in, her eyes bright under the moonlight.

“I thought you were Wanda.” You say quietly, turning back around, clearing your throat before taking another sip of your beer. Natasha comes to stand next you, leaning her back against the balcony looking back towards the way she had just came from.

“I know.” She replies just as quiet, silently taking the beer from your hands and taking a swig.

“How are you?” You turn your head to look at her, and you observe her as she thinks of an answer.

“I don’t really know to be honest with you. I haven’t known for the past couple months.” Natasha says shivering a little bit as the hairs on her arms stand up with goosebumps. You nod as you silently take your jacket off and wrap them over her shoulders, now somewhat co-ordinating outfits. She watches as you fix your sleeves to sit at your elbow, and takes a deep breath. “You should be screaming at me, telling me how much you hate me for hurting you.”

“I don’t hate you, I could never.” You reply, taking a sip of your beer bottle then handing it back to her, noticing how she left a lipstick stain on it.

“But you should.”

“Maybe I should.” You agree. “But I still love you too much to feel any hatred towards you. Steve however-”

“I’m sorry for what I did. If I could take it all back I would, but it’d be even more selfish of me if I left him to come back to you.” Her eyes look at you with nothing but guilt and honesty, her big green eyes wet with unshed tears. You look at her for a few seconds as your eyes start to water, nodding as you look down to your shoes before looking back up to the city putting your hands in your pockets.

“What did I do to lose you? Why’d you chose him of all people?” You reply, not looking at the woman beside you.

“You didn’t do anything, I promise. It was all me and my fucked up choices. As for Steve, I don’t know why it was him. When all of that shield and hydra crap happened something just clicked and I just let happen and didn’t stop.” A single tear slips down her face, and you can’t help yourself but wipe it away with your finger, lightly cupping her face with your hand, smiling lightly as you look into her eyes.

“I want to hate you. I want to say I wish I never met you, but I’m not a liar. You can’t help your feelings and I understand that what you did wasn’t out of spitefulness, but I hate seeing you in his arms or laughing at something he said. I had a future planned for us, and it haunts me everyday knowing I lost you to a goddamn 80 year old. I love you with every fibre of my being, I have the engagement ring to prove it.” You can’t help but step back at the end, immediately regretting your words.

“You were going to propose to me?” Natasha whispers, her tears running down her face, ruining her makeup that she no doubt spent hours on.

“Yeah I was.” You reply, chuckling as your own tears start falling freely. “I was planning a week away for us somewhere exotic, like Fiji or Bora Bora, because I know those are your dream holiday locations.”

“Y/N.” She says, turning away, wiping her hair out of her face. “I am so sorry for hurting you, I regret it everyday.”

You can’t help but smile sadly, knowing that no matter what both of you say, the result of your life together comes to an end after tonight. Every date, every shy smile, every I love you’s, every night spent just going round after round, the delicate and intimate touches, the small details you’ll never forget about the girl in front of you will only be memories of a time that you felt genuinely happy and loved, she may have her guilt and uncertainty, but at the end of the day she will have a pair of arms to hold her, hands to give her delicate touches, a mouth to tell her I love you.

“It doesn’t matter now, my love. We couldn’t have foreseen us ending this way.”

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buckbarnesjames · 3 years

Text

Chapter Nine

Pairings: Bucky x reader

Word Count: 2093

A/N: This isn’t my favourite chapter that I’ve written but it’s the one I orginally struggled with (and why I stopped writing this series) and really wanted to move forward with the story so I hope you guys enjoy it either way! Taglist is OPEN. Feedback is appreciated!

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You sigh staring at the pregnancy test...negative. The third test in as many months. You knew it wouldn’t happen right away but given how you and Bucky had been fucking like rabbits ever since he’d suggested starting to try...you were surprised it hadn’t. “Well?” Bucky says as you open the bathroom door. You hand him the test and watch as disappointment flashes across his face. “I don’t know Bucky...maybe we should just take a break?” you say. “You want to give up so soon? It’s only been three months, Y/N.” he says, surprised at what seems to be your defeat. “Not give up...just not repeat this dance every month. Maybe it’s just not the right time? I mean between planning the wedding and the fact that we’re still adjusting to all the changes at work…” you sigh, sitting on the edge of the bed with your hands in your lap. “I’m not saying we have to stop having sex…” you say and he laughs as he walks over to join you. “You just think it’s too much pressure?” he says, taking your hands in his. “Yeah” you breathe out, “I think it’s our best option at the moment...I’m finally getting better and trying for a baby is supposed to be fun and honestly? It’s just starting to stress me out” you admit, resting a head on his shoulder. You were finally recovering from your stress induced vomiting and the idea that this was bringing you stress worried Bucky. He turns his head and kisses the top of your head, “Okay...we’ll take a break,” he says and then you both sit in silent, letting the moment wash over you.

A few days later, you’re planning your bachelorette party with Nat, Wanda and Rebecca. “I’m thinking strippers,” Nat says and you roll your eyes whilst Wanda and Rebecca laugh at her. “I don’t think Bucky would like that, Natalia” you say and she sticks her tongue out at you. “I’ve actually been thinking about the hamptons.There’s a hotel that does custom facials and massages and we could relax by the pool afterwards...I was thinking next friday and we stay for two days?” You say. “Next weekend?! How soon are you guys getting married?!” Wanda exclaims as three pairs of eyes settle on you. ``We were kind of thinking...the next month or so?” you reply to the quizzical looks being thrown your way, “Bucky and I know this is what we want...and we don’t want to wait ages to start the next chapter of our lives” you explain and duck your head with embarrassment when the girls break into a chorus of ‘aww’. “So it’s settled then, I can book for next weekend?” you say, standing from your chair. The girls nod at you and start to grab their belongings. “I just hope my boss lets me have the Friday off” Nat teases and you slap her arm lightly, giggling. Wanda and Nat say their goodbyes whilst Rebecca stays behind, lingering. “Hey...you okay?” you ask her. She’s looking at the floor, twisting a stand of her hair around her finger nervously. “I...um...I wanted to thank you” Rebecca says looking up at you, tears welling in her eyes. “You and your mom both seem to like thanking me” you chuckle softly but stop when you notice the serious look on her face, “Becca? What is it?” She rushes forward and envelopes you in a hug, squeezing you tightly. It takes you a moment to realise that she’s sobbing quietly into your shoulder. You rub her back softly as she chokes out, “For trying to save me from Brock...and I’m sorry that you got hurt”. You take her softly by her shoulders and stare into her eyes, a light smile on your face. “You’re my family, Rebecca.” You say and she hugs you again, tightly. “Alright, alright...Becca...can’t breathe” at that, she releases you. She wipes the tears from her eyes and apologies. You shake your head, “You don’t need to apologise. I’m just glad you’re safe and we both never have to go through something like that again…” Rebecca fiddles with the strap of her bag and starts heading towards the front door. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay for a while? Bucky wouldn’t mind. We were just going to stay in for dinner, you could join us?” You ask as she reaches for the door handle. “No, it’s okay Y/N. Besides, I’ve got to start packing for next weekend if I'm going to be the best dressed” she says, cheekily smiling at you. In that moment, she reminds you of Bucky. You say your goodbyes and head off to find him.

“Hey..” you say, knocking lighty at the door of Bucky’s home office. He looks up at you, beaming. “Hey, doll.” You walk over to him and he pulls you into his lap, your back to his chest. “So, the girls and I finally decided on a bachelorette party.” you say as he moves your hair from your neck and starts kissing the skin there. “Hmmm...no male strippers I hope?” he talks against your skin. You pretend to think about the answer for a moment and Bucky begins to tickle you, his fingers running up and down your side. “Bucky...Bucky, stop!” you laugh out, breathlessly. “N...no...there’s no...male...strippers” you manage to stutter out in between giggles and he finally relents. “Good,” he says grinning at you, “Just leave the details with me and I’ll have it all booked for you.” You nod, turning in his lap to wrap your arms around his neck, “What about you and the guys? Any plans?” you say pecking at his lips in between questions. Bucky shakes his head, “I didn’t give them any specifics. Although, I am a little nervous at what Sam will undoubtedly be roping Steve into planning” he admits and you both start to laugh joyfully at the idea running through your minds. You both stop laughing, look at each other and blurt out “Strippers!” at the same time before falling into fits of laughter again.

The Topping Rose House hotel was absolutely beautiful, the vintage style of the main building contrasting nicely with the modernisation of both inside and outside. You and the girls arrived in the early evening after deciding to drive down, much to the chagrin of Bucky who had suggested taking his helicopter. “I’m going to freshen up and then we could grab some dinner?” you say, dragging your suitcase through the halls of the hotel towards the rooms you had booked. “That sounds great, I’m starving!” Wanda says, following closely behind you. “We’ll meet down in the restaurant at seven thirty then?” Rebecca says, stopping in front of her hotel room. You all agree before heading into your respective rooms.

You’re putting the final touches to your outfit when your phone rings. You look at the caller ID to see it’s Bucky. “Miss me already?” you say upon answering the call and hear his gruff chuckle. “Just checking you arrived okay...alright I miss you a little” he admits and you giggle softly before sighing out an “I miss you too.” You spend a few minutes telling Bucky about the drive down (and how Nat drank most of the complimentary mini alcohol bottles) and about the hotel before there is a knock at your door. “That’s the girls, we’re about to grab some dinner. I miss you and I love you” you say. You hear Bucky sigh sadly on the other end before he replies, “I miss you and I love you. I’ll see you soon, doll.” The line goes dead and you take a deep breath. This weekend was going to be hard, it was the longest you had been away from each other since the arrangement you guys had agreed upon. That felt like a lifetime ago now. You push your thoughts away, sure...you missed Bucky but you were here to celebrate.

“To the weekend!” Wanda declares raising her glass before bringing it to her lips and downing the contents. “To spending Bucky’s money” Nat shouts next, before copying Wanda’s actions. You squint your eyes at her in warning whilst Wanda and Rebecca laugh at her. “To the Hamptons!” Rebecca says once she’s stopped laughing at Nat. She raises her glass to her lips and downs her drink just like the others. “Your turn, Y/N” she says and all eyes turn to you. You raise your glass in the air, “To...umm..getting married!” you say and down your drink. All three girls roll their eyes at you and your sappiness and you stick your tongue out at them. You were all pleasantly buzzed by this point, having had several cocktails with the meals you had ordered. “Maybe we should call it a night?” you saying, placing your glass down. “But it's your bachelorette party?” Wanda whines, sticking her bottom lip out in a pout. “I know but we have all weekend and I’m kinda tired after the drive…” you say biting your lip nervously. You didn’t want to be boring but you truly were tired after the drive and missing Bucky. “Y/N’s right, we did have a long drive and we still have all of tomorrow to celebrate.” Rebecca says, sensing your nervousness. With that, you and the girls pay your bill and head to your rooms.

“Hey…everything okay?” Bucky’s voice comes through the phone as you lie in bed, your phone against your ear. “Yeah...yeah...I just miss you.” you say, sighing as you roll over in the bed trying to get comfortable. “I know, doll. I miss you too. Just two nights and then we’ll see each other again. Try to have fun...it is your bachelorette party after all” Bucky says, and you hear him stifling a yawn. “I’m sorry, I’m keeping you awake.” you say softly before letting out a yawn of your own. “It’s okay, doll. Get some sleep okay? And try to enjoy yourself tomorrow, alright?” he replies, his voice heavy with sleep. “Goodnight. I love you” he says, you can practically hear the sleepy smile that’s on his face. “Goodnight. I love you too” you say before ending the call. You plug your phone in to charge and settle into the bed, closing your eyes. You fall asleep pretty quickly after that.

You’re awakened by a knock on the door and someone shouting “Room service.” You clamber out of bed and head over to the door. You swing it open to find Nat, Wanda and Rebecca standing there. “Good morning!” Rebecca greats you cheerfully as all three of them push their way into your room. “Pack your bikini! We’re hitting the spa and then we’re going to sit by the pool drinking for the rest of the day” Nat says, buzzing with excitement. You turn on your heel and walk towards your suitcase. You rifle through your suitcase looking for your bikini as the girls discuss the plans for the day. “Hey, we got you something to go with your outfit,” Rebecca says when you return from the bathroom, having changed into a Versace bikini. She presents you with a white sash, gold letters adorn it spelling out ‘future bride’. You smile in thanks as you slip the sash on. “Also, we know you miss Bucky but, try to let loose a little bit okay?” Nat says as you all head to the door of your hotel room.

You may have let loose a little too much. Having spent the morning getting facials and massages, you and the girls were now drinking by the pool and dancing to the music that the hotel had graciously allowed your friends to play to set the mood. The alcohol courses through your veins as you drunkenly climb on to one of the poolside tables. “Y/N, be careful!” Wanda shouts when she spots what you’re doing. You down your drink and throw your arms out in celebration, glass still in hand. “I’m going to be Mrs Barnes!” you shout drunkenly and the girls all laugh at your antics. “Y/N?” a voice sounds out, making you spin around on the table and nearly fall off. Your blood runs cold when you see who is standing there.

‘Well, isn’t this great’, you think to yourself as you stare in disbelief at the person standing in front of you.

#bucky x reader #bucky x reader series #the arrangement

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jbbarnesnnoble · 4 years

Text

When We Were Young and Naive

Summary: A death brings you back to the town you’d left behind after high school, reminders of a love past surrounding you.

Features/Warnings: Angst. Sadness. Major Character Death; Mentions of Real People in a Fictitious capacity (several Pittsburgh Penguins players; Modern!AU

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff/Reader

Notes: This is just pure sad. I really need to write some happy!Nat because almost all of my Natasha stories involve angst or character death.

Based on ‘Amelia’ by Tonight Alive

Word Count: 2386

You never thought you’d be back in the small one stop sign town you’d grown up in. Getting out had been your only goal when you were a kid. College was your freedom. Most people stayed local. Tony Stark was the only other one who went away, but even he returned home. His family had an attachment to the small town, no matter how wealthy they were.

You were one of the few who had gotten out and planned to stay out. But then your mother called. It had been years since you spoke to Natasha, to any of your friends. You’d been best friends growing up, until you said you were moving across the country. There had been a big blowup at the Rogers’. You had kept your college decision to yourself until graduation.

“Weird to think we’ll be at college in the fall,” Natasha said as the two of you laid on the hammock in the Rogers’ back yard. Steve was cozied up with Sharon Carter, Bucky was trying and failing to impress Wanda Maximoff while Sam watched and laughed. Clint was sitting on the side of the swimming pool, watching a game of chicken going on. Maria Hill on the shoulders of Carol Danvers, facing off against Pepper Potts and Tony Stark.

“Yeah,” you said, your voice quiet. You still hadn’t told her you didn’t commit to the local university. It was a good school, but it wasn’t your dream school. You’d applied to a few other places and got in. Pittsburgh was calling your name.

“Did you put in your roommate request yet? I got mine today,” she said. You sat up and Nat looked at you with concern.

“I’m not going,” you said. She frowned.

“You’re not going to college? Bug, you always said you were going to go to college,” she said. Bug, short of Lightning Bug, born of your love of the summertime insect.

“I didn’t say I’m not going. I’m not going to the U,” you said.

“When were you going to tell me? Where are you going?” she asked. You sighed.

“I didn’t know how. You were so excited when I got my letter. I’m going to Pittsburgh, Natasha,” you said. She nodded.

“We can work with that. It’s not that far, it’s six hours by car, an hour flight. You’ll be home for vacations. Nothing has to change,” she said. You and Natasha were more than friends. You were high school sweethearts. And here you were, about to break her heart.

“Natasha,” you said softly.

“Oh my god. You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?” she asked, her voice cracking.

“I...Tasha...it’s not fair to you. I love you. But sometimes, you have to let the people you love go,” you said, standing up.

“You’re such a bitch, you know that? We’ve been together for four years and you’re just what? Throwing it away because we’re going to be long distance? You hid this from me. What else are you hiding?” she yelled. You felt tears stinging your eyes. Natasha looked at you with an anger and hurt you’d never seen on her face. Your shoulders slumped.

“I should go,” you said, looking away from her. Everyone was staring. You grabbed your bag and headed to your car. No one stopped you.

You spent the rest of that summer with your cousin, a distant relation, out by Pittsburgh, after packing up your things for college sooner than you expected. Your parents drove out to move you in.

You hadn’t been back since then, not even for holidays. You were effectively cast out. It wasn’t so much that you’d gone to Pittsburgh, it was that you’d hurt Natasha. You’d lied to them all. Your friends couldn’t understand your decision making. You glanced at the person in the driver’s seat.

You had started out working for the Penguins as an intern, working your way to a permanent position by the time you graduated. The organization really was like family, and like family, they weren’t letting you face this alone. Sidney had volunteered to go with you. Geno and Tanger had all but talked you into letting him.

“You good?” Sid asked. You nodded.

“I haven’t been here since...the last time anyone saw me, Natasha and I broke up. And I ran. That was...like six years ago...and now,” you said your voice trailing off.

“You’re here for her funeral,” he said.

“I’m not ready for this, Sid,” you said.

“No one ever is, kiddo. Come on, your mom’s been staring at the car out the window for ten minutes now. It’s now or never,” he said. You sighed and undid your seatbelt. Sid had insisted on driving. You were grateful for that. The Barton’s house next door seemed to have an endless stream of people. They’d adopted Nat when you were children. You could feel the stares as you got out of the car, hear the whispers.

“She’s got nerve coming here and bringing a guy with her,” you heard Sam say. You sighed. You knew forgiveness wouldn’t be found.

It had been an accident. You weren’t fully aware of the details, you knew enough to know it had been bad.

“How are you holding up, sweetie?” your mom asked, pulling you into a hug when you got inside.

“Fine, mom. Just...shocked,” you said.

“Bucky was asking if you’d be coming home,” she said. You snorted.

“Sure he did. Just like the rest of them are looking to welcome me with open arms,” you said.

“Sweetheart...they’re hurting too. They lost a friend, a sister,” she said.

“Yeah. I know,” you said, sitting down on the couch. You couldn’t bring yourself to go to the Barton’s, not yet.

“I know you don’t like talking about it, but you’re going to have to eventually. Natasha would come here daily that summer, asking if you were coming home. You stopped answering texts from your friends. I don’t understand,” she said.

“They chose sides, mom. They made their choice when they didn’t have to,” you said.

“Did they? Or did you shut everyone out? Steve said he tried calling you right after the accident to tell you Natasha was in the hospital but you blocked his number. Clint said after you left town you weren’t answering anyone,” she said. You shook your head. You didn’t think she’d ever understand.

“I should go over,” you said, standing up. Sidney was your ever present shadow. You felt the stares as you entered the Barton’s house, the door open. Clint sat on the couch, a blank stare, his parents talking to Mrs. Barnes.

“You came,” was all Clint said before standing up and pulling you into a hug. After hearing Sam’s comment outside, you weren’t sure what kind of reception you’d get.

“Of course I did,” you said, hugging him tighter. You felt him shake with the force of his sob. For the first time since you got the news, you let yourself cry too. The two of you sunk to the floor, holding on to one another.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” you said. You weren’t sure if you were saying sorry for his loss or for the years that had passed since you’d set foot in town. You lost track of time as the two of you sat there, holding on to one another. Clint knew. He knew the one thing no one else did.

“Tash, we’re gonna get caught if you come on another trip so soon,” you said, a giggle threatening to erupt as you spoke to Natasha over video chat. It had been two years since you left town, a year since you reconciled. You both agreed to keep it quiet. At first it was because your friends were still angry with you for how you’d walked away. Then it became nice having something that was just for the two of you. She knew you had blocked their numbers. You weren’t ready to mend those fences. Not when the immediate aftermath had been so bad.

“Would it be so bad if we did?” she asked. You sighed.

“You think they’re ready for the truth? That their Bug wants to steal you away to the big city?” you teased.

“I love you, you know that?” she asked.

“Nat? Who are you talking to?” you heard Clint ask in the background. You fumbled with your phone as he came into frame. You were so busted when he saw you.

“Since when are you two talk...you two are back together aren’t you? Since when? I have to go tell everyone,” Clint said. Natasha set her phone down before going to jump on her brother’s back. You laughed as you heard their antics.

“Clint said he’ll keep our secret,” she said with a laugh.

You knew the hometown crew knew Nat had been seeing someone for some time. She’d been cagey when it came to spilling the details. At this point, it was down to you being ready to come back into their lives, ready to reconcile with your past and make amends. Five years of keeping secrets. A box was heavy in your pocket. One you’d been carrying for weeks. You knew Clint felt it.

“You brought it,” he said. You nodded.

“It’s hers. It will always be hers,” you said, your voice raw from crying.

You knew the others had come in. Bucky was the first to piece things together. Clint had left a photo album open on the coffee table, one Natasha had put together of photos of the two of you from the past five years.

“How long?” Bucky asked.

“We made up by the end of summer. Took a break for the year,” you said.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” he asked.

“It was a funny game at first. Seeing if any of you would figure it out. I was still mad at how you all reacted. And then it just became a matter of enjoying having it be us, just us. I wish I had a better explanation but I don’t,” you explained. You weren’t expecting the hug from him once you and Clint stood.

You weren’t sure you were ready when it came time for the funeral a few days later. You had slipped the ring box in the casket when you were given a moment to privately say your goodbyes to her. You weren’t ready to say goodbye. You were lost in a memory, the last time she’d made the trek to Pittsburgh. The two of you had finally settled on a house you liked and put in an offer. It had only been a few weeks before. You were lucky to be in a place where you could get a house, thanks to your job and hers.

“It’s perfect,” Natasha said as the two of you did one last walk through before finalizing your offer on the house.

“I can’t wait. Maybe it’s time to finally come clean,” you said.

“They’re going to be so mad...but I think they’ll get over it,” she said with a laugh.

“They can consider it payback for the last prank they pulled. We just...played the long con,” you joked. She pulled you into a kiss before spinning you around, dancing with no music playing in what would be your living room.

“My wife, becoming a PR boss in the sports world,” she teased.

“We’ll need to get married first, Tasha,” you said.

“And we will,” she said with a wink. You pulled her close, feeling her relax into your embrace. This was the dream. Life, you thought, would never get better than holding Natasha Romanoff in your arms. She was your forever, of that much you were sure.

“This seat taken?” Bucky asked. You were alone in the funeral home. It was still early. The Bartons had taken their time earlier, giving you yours.

“No,” you said.

“We knew, you know. Tasha was good at keeping secrets, but Clint’s shit at keeping them,” he said. You laughed.

“Then why did Sam make a snarky comment about me bringing Sid?” you asked. Bucky gave you a look.

“It’s Sam. I think he’s hurt that neither of you trusted him enough to tell him. But you told Clint,” he said. You laughed.

“In all fairness, Clint found out accidentally,” you said.

“We missed you, Bug. I hate that it took this to bring you home,” he said.

“We were planning...I was coming to town in a couple weeks. We bought a house. Out in Pittsburgh. I know she mentioned she had found a job in a new city, that she’d be able to spend summers out here. That she and her mystery partner were taking that step. I bought a ring. I was going to propose down by the creek, you know the spot,” you told him. He nodded, a fond smile on his face. The creek was a spot your group had spent many summer days and nights at. As children playing hide and seek in the day, manhunt at night. As teenagers, stealing beer from your parents and spending nights by the fire, hanging out. The creek was your spot on the edge of the Barnes’ property.

“Bet you had a whole plan, Bug,” he said. You nodded.

“I did,” you said.

“So, why did you bring that guy?” he asked. You laughed a little.

“The team is like a family. They played rock, paper, scissors. Sid won. They...they didn’t want me to travel alone,” you explained. The rest of the day was a blur, from the services at the funeral home, to the burial at the cemetery on the edge of town. Saying goodbye wasn’t easy.

But in saying goodbye, you found yourself at home again, surrounded by old friends, family. The light in the dark. It had rained most of the day until the procession made it to the cemetery. The sun broke through long enough to shine on the plot, to shine on you, wrapping you in a warm embrace. You swore you could smell her perfume faintly in the wind as the sun was once more hidden behind the clouds as you laid a flower on the casket. You knew things would be okay, eventually.

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha romanov #natasha romanoff/reader #natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha romanov/reader #natasha romanov x reader #marvel fanfic #marvel fanfiction #marvel reader insert #natasha romanoff reader insert #black widow fanfic #black widow reader insert

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thiscrimsonsoul · 4 years

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Meta: Physical and Emotional Ramifications of Hydra’s Experimentation on the Maximoff Twins

INTRODUCTION:

Anyone who knows me as a writer knows that I enjoy writing these kinds of huge metas and really getting down to the details about my muses and their lives. Not only does this help me to come from an informed place when I write my muses, but I also genuinely enjoy over-analyzing things that probably no one should really be looking that closely at, haha.

Narrowing this down to just MCU Wanda and Pietro, I am going to look at what might have happened to them during their time in the Hydra laboratory and what the short and long term consequences of that might have been for them. MCU has a habit of saying “hey this traumatic/terrible thing happened in a character’s past, and now we’re going to completely ignore it and said character’s reaction to it forevermore,” which can get annoying when trying to flesh out my muses’ emotional and psychological health. It feels incomplete to me, and so, even if I never specifically write any threads during this time in their lives or referring to these specific things, it helps me get into my characters’ heads to have a complete picture of what they’ve been through and where they’re coming from mentally as they react to new things that arise in rp threads.

DISCLAIMER:

Lots of triggering themes ahead! Things like doctors, needles, surgery, physical and emotional abuse, behavioral conditioning, and bad things happening to minors (depending on what ages you ascribe to the twins at the time of their experimentation). Please take care when reading!

(Under the cut because LONG. XD)

LOSS OF FREEDOM / VOLUNTARY IMPRISONMENT:

We see in Captain America: The Winter Soldier that the twins are kept in cells. Observational rooms, to be more accurate. Arguably, they are not being treated very well, for reasons I will get into as I continue this meta. So the question is... why do they stay? MCU gives us the reason that they wanted to strengthen themselves and gain a means to fight back against those who were making Sokovia a war zone, but once they volunteered for Strucker’s experiments and saw what they entailed, they probably realized they were in over their heads. Not that they weren’t capable of surviving, since they were the only ones who actually did survive, but just that this would require things of them that maybe they weren’t expecting... like a lot of invasive medical procedures, punishments for not doing as their told, and worst of all, separation. So again, why do they stay?

Once could argue that they aren’t free to leave, but this isn’t true. In the beginning of Avengers: Age of Ultron, we see that the twins are permitted (at least sometimes) to move about the facility freely. Strucker’s not an idiot, and neither are probably a majority of the soldiers and scientists employed at that facility, so they had to know that with Pietro’s and Wanda’s power combined, if the twins wanted to leave, they absolutely could. And yet, they stay. I don’t have a great answer as to why this is, but I can hazard some guesses.

First, maybe they really believed their cause that they were willing to sacrifice a lot to see it through to the end. I buy that mostly, except for the separation issue and the fact that they were each probably incredibly stressed out and upset by anything happening to the other. That had got to be one of the most central themes with the twins: don’t separate us, and don’t hurt my sibling. I feel like Pietro especially would not be cool with staying in a place that treated Wanda poorly, regardless of what happened to him. So there must be something else keeping them there.

I have sometimes thought that, as time went on, maybe there was a strange sort of psychology going on here, something akin to Stockholm Syndrome, where they might have come to psychologically see their captors as allies in some way. This is especially believable if you remember that the twins thought they were in good hands, namely being taken in by SHIELD. Hydra is likely well acquainted with the signs of this syndrome, and therefore probably felt comfortable letting the twins have some freedom, knowing they would always come back. Not that they would have necessarily befriended people who kept them in cells and treated them poorly, but they might have identified with them as far as feeling like everyone in the facility was working toward the same end for the same reasons. Of course that wasn’t true, but they had no way of knowing that.

EXPERIMENTAL DESIGN AND MONITORING:

Alright, now we get really depressing. I was thinking the other day about what these experiments would have entailed, and I think most people assume that oh, we’re like touching the staff to the twins or aiming it at them and boom, magical powers. But as a scientist myself, I started to think about Hydra actually running real experiments... as in, not fly-by-night, haphazard, hey let’s try this, sorts of things... but true structured experiments with hypothesis, scientific methods, reps, sampling, data, results, and conclusions. Once you do that, things get pretty grim for the twins.

The actual experiments were never described in the movies, but just thinking about what they could have entailed is rather shocking. They could have involved transferring energy from the scepter to the twins, perhaps with wires or some other sort of delivery system. Restraining them would probably have been necessary, and I would guess that once wouldn’t have been enough. Once Hydra began seeing actual results with the twins, they most likely would have wanted to push further to see if greater enhancement could be achieved by repeating the process.

So how could they tell if their experiments were doing anything, aside from the twins developing powers? In order to standardize their experiments and ensure that real changes arose in their test subjects, Hydra would need to not only monitor them visually, but medically and genetically. This would require a lot of samples of things... Blood, certainly, but also perhaps hair or cheek cells or maybe even skin. Blood is great for certain types of genetic makeups, but swabbing the inside of someone’s cheek for cells can provide detailed genetic information about them upon analysis of those cells. And hair is like a time capsule as far as showing when certain physiological changes might have occurred. For example, certain dietary changes, heavy metal exposure, or other types of poisoning can not only be detected in hair, but how close to the follicle it is found would determine how long ago it occurred. If the twins were there for several months or a year, this type of monitoring would have been ideal for data collection.

So not only were the twins probably subjected to needles and scalpels and other things that may have been used to collect biological samples from them, but they would have been subjected to this on a regular basis. The more data points you have, the more sound your data set is, and Hydra probably would have wanted to be very sure and thorough. They also have little regard for humane treatment of those they view as test subjects, so that would not have helped the twins. Which brings me to my next topic...

ASSURANCE OF THE TWINS’ COMPLIANCE:

Even if the twins did develop some sort of psychological rationalization for remaining in the laboratory voluntarily, they likely resisted things that hurt or scared them or their sibling. It is realistic to think that Hydra would have employed physical punishments such as withholding food, use of shocks or maybe even tasers, and goodness knows what else. Maybe even the threat of these things would have been enough to get them to submit to testing and sampling.

Depending on how long the twins were at the laboratory, these punishments and behavioral control mechanisms would gradually have changed the way the twins behaved toward the scientists and soldiers who either were administering these things or were doing the testing they were ordered to comply with. Especially if they were each threatened with the other’s pain, suffering, or deprivation in order to ensure that they obeyed, which I’ll come back to later.

PHYSICAL / HEALTH EFFECTS:

If we look closely at the twins’ appearance during their time in the laboratory, there are many signs that they were being neglected or outright abused. There is also a definite indicator that they may have been drugged at times. Let’s take these ideas one at a time.

(gif cred.)

Looking first at Wanda, she seems pale and gaunt, which may be an indication of malnutrition. Her eyes are red (aside from the red glow in them) and there are dark bags under them, which might indicate that she’s not sleeping well. Her hair looks stringy, greasy, and not brushed, an indicator of poor hygiene. She’s also wearing a glorified smock, so... not much dignity or care taken there with her clothing.

(gif cred.)

Pietro isn’t much better in his loose sleeveless shirt, although he might have needed a cooler outfit due to his high metabolism. His hair also looks a bit greasy and is overgrown compared to what it looks like later in Ultron. Notice the tremors in his right hand? I’ll come back to that in the emotional/psychological section.

Now... all of these things might have just been the result of intense scientific experimentation and the fact that they were often confined to cells, the time and space afforded them just not enough for proper bathing or conducive to good sleep. Maybe Hydra monitored their sleep or woke them up for testing. Maybe they have them on a very strict or limited diet for some reason. Or... Hydra may have been attempting to control them by not letting them sleep a lot, withholding food, and otherwise depriving the twins of basic human comforts and needs. Given the nature of Hydra, I tend to go with the latter when writing their backgrounds.

The last thing I noticed was that Wanda and Pietro have matching hand wraps. Both of their right hands are wrapped up in similar ways. At first I thought this was just meant to make them look injured or otherwise poorly treated, or that it was meant to imply that something had happened to Wanda’s hand while using her powers and to Pietro’s while repeatedly running into the wall, but now I don’t think this is true. I think the bandage is securing something that’s not only on their hands, but in them.

You see the little white piece of plastic near the little blue round piece of plastic on the centers of the backs of their hands? It’s most visible in Wanda’s gif. To me, that looks like an intravenous injection port. In other words, it’s a little port inserted into their hands, into a vein, and it’s left there for convenience sake. Anytime Hydra would need to administer medication or maybe a sedative of some kind or even a test drug, they could open the port, insert a needle and inject the liquid directly into their veins with a syringe. I won’t paste the picture here in case anyone is triggered by images like this, but this is what an I.V. injection port looks like here.

This pretty much confirms that the twins were being injected with something. The most likely thing to be would be a sedative, although I doubt this would have lasted very long or worked very well on Pietro with his increased metabolism. Maybe they just upped the dosage for him and did what they needed to do quickly before he woke up. The use of sedatives may have been necessary while procuring blood or other tissue samples from them if they were frightened, panicking, angry, or just plain unwilling to comply. Also, while something was being done with one twin, they may have drugged the other so they wouldn’t have to put up with one trying to come to the other’s defense.

Of course it might not have all been completely nefarious (although it’s likely, given that it’s Hydra). Maybe they were injected with antihistamines to prevent allergic responses, anti-inflammatory agents to prevent tissue swelling, antibiotics or antivirals to prevent infection, things like that. It opens up a lot of possibilities for development as far as what the experiments might have entailed and what sorts of things were done to the twins during the course of them. It also makes the idea that Wanda was drugged at the end of Captain America: Civil War all the more traumatizing for her if she had lasting psychological effects from having this done to her by Hydra previously, which takes me to the next section...

EMOTIONAL / PSYCHOLOGICAL CONSEQUENCES:

The stress and trauma of the experiments themselves, the monitoring and sampling, the restraining and the confinement, the separation from each other, and being deprived of their basic needs has got to have had some emotional and psychological effects on the twins, both in the moment and long-term, right? Let’s take the twins one at a time and look at what their experiences might have meant for their mental health.

Wanda’s experience would have been one of both fear and frustration. She might have seen her brother treated poorly, been drugged against her will, felt pain as a result of the effects of the scepter on her or from being treated roughly by Hydra scientists and soldiers, and she would have most likely been restrained in some way to ensure the safety of those working in the lab. Maybe Hydra had some kind of high frequency device or collar or something similar to prevent her from using her powers. So... what might the effects of this type of experience be?

While at the lab, Wanda might have started out afraid and later grown rebellious and angry. Definitely, she would have developed a general distrust for people, and may even have some fear of being accosted by people or approached too quickly. Anytime someone approached her in the lab, she learned she was going to feel pain or have something frightening done to her, so through this type of conditioning she might develop fears of strangers getting too close, of needles and medical equipment, and of being grabbed. Even certain seemingly insignificant things like the sound of a syringe being flicked to void the air from it, the smell of latex gloves, or the sight of a white lab coat might make her panicky or even send her into a flashback. PTSD is a reality for Wanda, and for Pietro as well.

And just like Pietro, Wanda’s sense of solidarity and the psychology of “us against the world” with her sibling would be greatly intensified. If Hydra thought that separating them and subjecting them to all these terrible things would break their bond, they were wrong. If anything, their bond would have been strengthened even more by these experiences. Even if Hydra sought to employ behavioral modification tactics (such as hurting one twin until the other complies), I feel like this wouldn’t drive a wedge between the twins, but would only cement their dedication to one another and desire of each to protect the other.

Which brings me to the effects on Pietro. Pietro... I feel had the worse time here, and I’ll explain why. He would have had the same experiences as Wanda as far as everything else I’ve mentioned in this section so far, but then on top of that would have some problems, fears, and side effects unique to him. So let’s go into what some of Pietro’s unique issues with the experimentation might be.

Some believe that Pietro is so protective of his sister because he loves her and is the older twin and therefore feels a great responsibility to watch over her, and that is certainly true. But for those of you that draw from the comics, as I do, and incorporate that Wanda was the victim of a sexual assault as a child and therefore believe that Pietro felt a lot of guilt over not protecting her then, her treatment in the Hydra laboratory might have really hit upon Pietro’s protective instincts and brought all that guilt from their childhood back up to the surface for him. Especially if the scientists used Wanda to get Pietro to obey, such as hurting or threatening to hurt her if he didn’t do as they said, he would once again be responsible, however indirectly, for Wanda being hurt. That would have had a big and traumatic effect on him, and once they were freed from the lab, he would have been even more protective of her because of this.

That’s how his sibling’s treatment would have effected him, but how would he be dealing with things on his own? Aside from probably developing all the same fears of scientists, doctors, needles, medical equipment, etc. that his sister would, Pietro would also have felt confined, maybe even claustrophobic in that tiny observation room.

Look at the impact here with the wall. My goodness. Yes, he was learning to use his powers here, so he wouldn’t have had the kind of control he had in Ultron, but he’s also not stupid. After a couple attempts, he would have realized that launching himself inside a tiny room like that would have painful consequences. Continuing to slam himself into the walls would have resulted in all sorts of bruises, maybe even torn muscles or broken bones, and maybe things like dislocated shoulders. He heals very fast, but even so, he would feel the initial pain of these injuries, which is in itself traumatic. The reason I didn’t include this in the “physical effects” section is because I feel like there is a psychological component to him doing this as well...

Have you ever been to a zoo, especially one that isn’t handled all that well and has really small enclosures for the animals, and they’re behaving really funny? Walking in circles, making repetitive motions, walking around in the same pattern over and over again within their enclosure, sitting facing a wall or corner, or even walking into the walls? This is because they are actually suffering from psychological trauma (that could result in physical trauma depending on what they’re doing exactly) from not being free to move, run, or just exist as they wish to. Not just wish to... need to. Well, Pietro needs to move.

I headcanon that even before the experiments, he was a high-energy guy, and if you go with the comics and say the twins are mutants, then their powers are also genetic/hereditary. So Pietro is, by nature, someone who is high energy and needs to keep moving and to move fast. Being confined to a tiny room would have had an immense effect on him psychologically, and he might have developed the same strange behavioral patterns as mistreated animals at a zoo. He might have rationally known that attempting to use his speed within his cell would harm him or at least be really painful, but emotionally and physiologically he is driven to move and simply cannot resist doing this, even if it harms him.

Which brings me to the tremors in his right hand in that first gif of him. If you look closely enough, you can actually see the muscles all up his arm spasming as well. They could be an indicator of many things. It could be a sign of neurological damage. Whether the result of the experiments or from the impact of hitting his head or back against the walls of his cell, Pietro might have injured himself, resulting in nerve damage. It likely healed, given his body’s fast healing capabilities, but that’s what it could be.

However, it could also be entirely psychological, and if so, there are three potential reasons for it. First, Pietro may be so full of energy and filled to the brim with a desire to use it, that running for one second inside a cell isn’t cutting it. Kindof like if you have a lot of caffeine and get jitters, he’s literally shaking from being so high-strung and not having a sufficient or positive outlet for his energy. Second, and this is kindof sad, but it may simply be a sign of psychological stress. Like when someone shakes during an anxiety or panic attack, his nerves might be shot from all the stress he’s experiencing in the laboratory. And third, it may be another behavioral tic resulting from feeling like a caged animal in a zoo, a sign that he is not emotionally or psychologically stable that is manifesting as a physical tic.

CONCLUSION:

All of this amounts to either 1) it’s a wonder they were as normal and stable in Ultron as they were (and beyond for Wanda), or 2) they should not have been this stable but MCU didn’t want to deal with all the physical, emotional, and psychological impacts that being treated this way would have had on the twins. I tend to incorporate a lot more of the potential damage they have suffered into writing them because it lets me write what I feel are more realistic and rounded characters. I’m not cherry-picking the easy or happy bits, avoiding mentioning when things would upset them, or sugar-coating their reactions to triggering things, but instead I’m letting them express it as I feel befits their personalities. Wanda and Pietro don’t deal with things in the same way or express their emotional traumas the same way, and part of fleshing out these characters and taking them through arcs of healing and recovery is acknowledging that they are damaged people. MCU glosses over so much with them that either the twins would not have been able to ignore or would have come back to haunt them at a later date. I instead want to present them as they are, two people who have been through many different kinds of hell, and see what they can do with it, how other muses can help and guide them, and what they can become through the process of recovery. That is what is most fun and fulfilling for me as a writer, when I can realistically flesh out a character and take them to places the canon never dared or bothered to tread. =)

Alright I’ve rambled enough! I hope you have enjoyed this, and if you’ve gotten to this point I just want to say thank you for reading! Feel free to comment through replies, asks, or messages if you wish. As with all metas I write on any of my blogs, I love to get feedback and hear other people’s takes on what I’ve mentioned.

#the maximoff twins #wanda maximoff #pietro maximoff #hydra #marvel

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visionsofus · 5 years

Photo

Field Trips, Infinity Stones, and oh mY GOD IS THAT SPIDER-MAN?

CH1 | CH2 | CH3 | CH4 | CH5

| CHAPTER 6 ~ sudden surprises and sombre sentiments |

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Peter unveils the last gift that Mr Stark left him along with an emotional message that he isn’t quite ready to hear.

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Peter tried to avoid his classmates' gaze as he slowly made his way over to the CEO of Stark Industries. He had been looking forward to catching up with Pepper, Morgan and Happy but it seemed she had other plans. Peter wasn't entirely sure what he'd done to earn such a cold reaction from her but he had an inkling it might have something to do with him sneaking the iron spider suit into SI earlier that morning. Not that Peter bringing his Spidey suit to work had ever been a problem before.

"Peter!" A little voice cried and the sound of small shoes could be heard tapping against the polished floor of the lab. As Peter slowly rounded the group of students and interns he came face to face with Morgan Stark.

"Oh hey!" Peter said immediately breaking into a smile and dropping to his knees to hug Morgan once she reached him. "How you doing kiddo?"

"Good." Morgan replied sweetly, hugging Peter back.

Growing up Peter had never had the experience of having a younger sibling, or even cousins, given that May had never had kids. Though he had only met Morgan a few times, Peter already doted on her like an older brother. The first time they had met at the funeral, Peter hadn't been able to keep himself together knowing that Morgan was going to have to grow up without her dad. Peter had gone through that first hand and knew how difficult it was and he was determined to be there to help if Morgan needed him.

"Morgan." Pepper said sighing, her poker face dropping immediately in favour of fond exasperation. Peter looked up at the CEO again and took in her all black attire, a clear mark of the tragedy she was still recovering from. Peter couldn't help noticing the faint bags under her eyes and the red that rimmed her eyelids. It seemed the last month hadn’t treated her well. Knowing that Pepper was here at SI helping the rest of the world get back on its feet even though she had just lost a core part of her worldfilled Peter with endless admiration.

A couple of quiet 'aww's had broken out amongst Peter's classmates as Morgan took his hand in her small one and dragged him over to her Mom.

"Sweetie, Mommy said to wait outside with Happy." Pepper said taking Morgan's other hand once the two had reached her.

"But Happy said I could come in and see Peter." Morgan said beaming up at Peter.

"Of course he did," Pepper said shaking her head, "Abigail, Mr Harrington, please excuse Peter until lunch, I have a few things to discuss with him regarding his internship.

Peter glanced at his teacher whose eyes were flicking between Peter and the CEO, betraying the confusion he was obviously experiencing. "Of course, we'll see him again at lunch time then…" Mr Harrington said trailing off.

Deciding that the adults had finished their business, Morgan took the lead and pulled Pepper and Peter behind her as they left the lab.

"Sorry if I was a bit cold back there Peter," Pepper said once they were clear of the lab, she let go of Morgan's hand and pulled Peter in for a warm hug.

"Oh it's no worries at all." Peter said returning the hug with one arm, given that his other hand was still held in Morgan's tight grip.

Pepper drew back again, "I got Friday to keep an eye on you and it seemed that you were having a few issueswith some of your classmates. Particularly, after that run in with Dr Banner, Ms Maximoff and the Princess of Wakanda, I don't know why they had to stop at that floor, they should have just come straight up to the lab… Anyway," Pepper sighed, "I figured me coming in and acting all friendly wouldn't really help things if you're still trying to fly under the radar re the whole Spider-Man thing. But little Morgan had other ideas." Pepper said taking her daughter's hand again and squeezing it.

Before Peter could reply he was clapped on the back by the strong hand of Happy Hogan.

"Happy!" Peter said, not realising how relieved he was to see his 'babysitter' again, though it had been little more than a month.

"It's good to see you kid." Happy admitted with a smile, quite unlike the unbothered front he used to put up around Peter.

"Let's head up to my office and we can talk more there." Pepper said calling an elevator down. It arrived within seconds and the four of them got on.

"I'm hungry." Morgan said rubbing at her eyes.

"There's food up in Mommy's office, we'll get you something tasty." Pepper assured, smoothing Morgan's hair down and tucking it behind the little girl's ear.

"So how you been kid?" Happy said turning to Peter and leaning casually against the glass interior of the elevator.

"Oh you know." Peter said shrugging, "I'm getting by, trying to do homework again, thinking about the future and where I am going for college. Those sort of things." He knew that Happy was probably trying for a deeper answer to his question but didn't seem inclined to push Peter any further. "What about you?"

"Eh," Happy said shrugging. "Helping out where I can, sometimes I'm at SI, sometimes I'm babysitting squirt here," he said looking fondly at Morgan, "other times I'm doing recon with the Avengers. It's all Pepper though."

"You're very helpful Happy." Pepper said smiling.

"I feel like I should be doing more…" Peter said looking at his feet. "But after everything that's happened I just haven't been able to bring myself to…" He didn't like how quickly he was ready to fall apart as he let the sentence die off and tried to breath slowly.

"You did so much, Peter." Pepper said smiling sorrowfully and taking a deep breath. "We're all just trying to do our best, sometimes that's all we can manage."

Peter swallowed and nodded, looking down at his feet once more. He wasn't sure how much Morgan understood of their conversation but she seemed to feel the sorrow that was now emanating from them. To fill the silence she started to chatter, telling Peter about one of her toys that she had pulled apart and put back together again. There was definitely a large part of Tony in her.

Eventually the elevator reached Pepper's office on the top floor of the building and the four of them got out.

"I hope you don’t mind me pulling you out of the tour, I figured you've probably heard and seen a lot of what they were talking about anyway." Pepper said walking across the open plan office space towards her desk which looked out over a stunning view of New York City. Happy took Morgan off to the kitchenette in search of the food she had been promised.

"Oh no it's completely fine." Peter replied following Pepper. "This gives me a break from some of the uncomfortable questions I've been getting today too." He'd no doubt have more once he returned though.

"From what I saw on the feed they were more like accusations." Pepper mused, shifting a few files on her desk as she searched for something. "I saw what Wanda Maximoff did to one of your classmates, I only hope that he doesn't make it into a problem."

He deserved it though. Peter had to bite his tongue from saying that out loud, he really didn't want to say anything that would disappoint Ms Potts. Implying that a weak and defenceless human like Flash deserved an ass kicking from the Scarlet Witch, no matter how much Peter would have paid to see it, wasn't right. Right?

"He won't cause any problems, he's probably too embarrassed about it anyway." Peter assured her.

"Let's hope so." Pepper said absentmindedly as she continued to search through the papers on her desk before picking up a faded envelope with scrawled writing on the front.

"Is this about what you mentioned in your email?" Peter asked, his curiosity besting him.

"It is." Pepper said extending the envelope to him.

Peter took it in both hands, it was too heavy to just hold paper but from the outside it didn't seem to be anything more than an ordinary envelope. There was one thing about the envelope that Peter noticed as he held it in his hands. It was old. The corners were slightly worn as though it had been handled a fair bit. The writing on the front, Peter's name and address, was slightly faded as though it had been written a long time ago.

"What is this?" Peter asked, shadowing Pepper's movements as she walked over to the window and turned her gaze out to the overcast skyline. The clouds had hung over New York for the last three days though it seemed that there was finally a bit of sun starting to creep through the dense, grey cover.

"A gift," Pepper said quietly, folding her hands before her, "from Tony. He meant to give it to you for your 19th birthday but then the Snap happened and… well he never got the chance."

Peter looked down at the envelope and turned it over in his hands, feeling the frayed corners. It seemed uncharacteristic of Mr Stark to write a letter so Peter wondered what on earth the envelope could contain, it had to be important for them to have kept it for five years.

"Go ahead and open it." Pepper prompted.

Peter did so, slipping a finger under the flap in the corner and tugging the paper apart gently. It tore easily and Peter carefully shook the contents out onto his palm. A thin, shimmery card, a slip of paper and a SI hard drive tumbled out.

"A clearance card…?" Peter said in confusion, picking up the first item that drew his attention. "But Mr Stark gave me a Platinum X card for my 18th birthday."

"This one is different, specially made, it's one of a kind."

Peter held the card up to the light and admired it. It was indeed different from his current clearance card. There were no details embellished on it, no ID number or clearance level. There was however, the Spider-Man logo on one side of the card and it shifted depending on how you tilted it, making the spider seem almost holographic. Peter flipped the card over and sighed sorrowfully. The Avengers logo took up the back of it with a glittery red and blue finish.

"There was a letter with it as well, but Tony burnt it after the Decimation." Pepper said quietly. "He almost snapped the card too but I don't think he could bring himself to."

"I don't understand." Peter said, his voice thick, he hadn't realised he'd been getting emotional. "This? What is this? What does it open?"

"Check the piece of paper." Pepper said indicating the slip of paper that had fallen out of the envelope but not answering any of Peter's questions.

Peter picked it up and turned it over. The date '21 April 2023' followed by 'level 27' was written messily, as though it had been done in a hurry.

Peter turned his attention to the third and heaviest item. The hard drive. It was a simple black but had a piece of paper stuck on its back with sticky tape that read 'PETER PARKER' in capital letters. Peter frowned in confusion and bit his lip.

"Still don't understand?" Pepper said smiling in sad amusement.

"Not quite." Peter said looking back at the piece of paper. The 21st of April was just over a month ago but what was so significant about that date? Level 27? Peter wasn't sure he had ever had any reason to go to level 27.

"He wanted to show you round himself but since that's not possible now I'm guessing that there is some sort of explanation for you saved under that date." Pepper explained turning away from the window. "Head down to 27. The key card is designed specifically for your use on that level and at the moment none of the other employees have been granted access."

Peter remained standing by the window and looking at the dated piece of paper a moment longer. "Tony was confusing at times but I know he would have wanted you to have this no matter what. Go down to 27, have a look around and then we can talk later about your future at Stark Industries and potentially your future role in the Avengers too." Pepper told him.

"And the hard drive?" Peter asked holding the object up in his hand and turning it over.

"You'll understand everything down there." Pepper said shepherding Peter towards the lift.

"Ok…" Peter said quietly, walking with her. He turned his attention to the key card again and flipping it over a few times, marvelling at how the light danced on it's shimmery red and blue surface.

"Have a look around 27 and when you're ready head back down to get some food, we'll see you again later at the memorial." Pepper said pressing the button for the elevator. Peter craned his neck to try and catch a glimpse of Happy and Morgan before he left. "Don't worry, they'll both be there this evening." Pepper assured him warmly.

"Alright, thank you." He said looking up at Pepper one last time before he go into the elevator.

"Oh and try not to blow anything up while you're down there ok? We'll need to run through all the safety protocols as well, if you decide to start working with us." Pepper said cryptically.

"Umm ok." Peter said nervously, his voice cracking slightly. What on earth was there to blow up on floor 27?

The elevator doors slid shut and a bot spoke up from the receiver to his right, "Please input level."

Peter looked down at the slip of paper that he had clasped in his hand and shrugged. "27?"

"Please scan the appropriate clearance card." The panel on the side of the elevator lit up, indicating where Peter should scan his card.

Out of habit Peter immediately retrieved his Platinum X card from his pocket and scanned it. The panel flashed red, denying the access card. Peter frowned, that had never happened before… unless…

Peter waved the new Avengers x Spider-Man card in front of the scanner and this time it flashed an affirming green.

"What the heck." He mumbled, returning both key cards to his pocket. He then thought better of it and put them in the back pocket of his backpack for safe keeping, alongside his phone and wallet. Ned was going to lose his absolute mind when Peter told him all about this later.

Peter felt the unpleasant feeling of his stomach dropping as the elevator went down. He bounced on the balls of his feet nervously as he watched the screen above the door counting, 33….32…. There were only six levels that it had to go and soon the elevator came to a stop at level 27.

"Welcome Spider-Man." The elevator bot said as the doors opened. Peter jumped in surprise, that had definitelynever happened before.

"Hello?" He asked hesitantly, looking at the corridor that now stretched out in front of him, the only way in or out of the elevator.

Naturally there was no answer. Feeling that he had no other choice and slightly overwhelmed with curiosity, Peter stepped into the corridor and strode quietly towards the door situated at the end, his sneakers whispering against the white floors. He thought about retrieving his ear piece so that he could talk to Karen but decided he was being a baby and didn't need the comfort that the AI probably would have provided. Besides, she was no doubt observing what was happening from the security cameras positioned in the corners of the hallway.

"Please state your full name." A bot asked when he tried to open the imposing stainless steel door.

"Peter Parker?" Peter said thinking how MJ probably would have teased him for the way he managed to make his own name sound like it were a question.

Slowly, and somewhat ominously, the door slid open. Peter breathed in deeply, noticing how the air felt different behind the door. It seemed old and undisturbed and he could almost smell the thick dust already. Whatever stretched beyond the doorway was somewhat difficult to tell. Even with his enhanced sight the room extended so far and faded into such deep darkness that Peter struggled to make out anything past the first 7 feet.

Peter stood up to the threshold and strained his ears, listening for any sign that the room was otherwise occupied. He relaxed a little after a few seconds, finding relief in the fact that he was truly alone. He loved being around his friends and May but there was definitely a part of him that had missed having some alone time to think this last month. He'd always gotten that little bit of solitude through being Spider-Man and watching over the city at night when he did his rounds. But that was before and this was now. Peter turned his attention to the situation at hand.

As he stepped over the threshold he triggered a censor above the doorway that resulted in all the lights being turned on. Peter heard the hum of energy in the walls as it coursed towards the overhead lights. He quickly raised a hand to shield his eyes from the bright light above that made the corridor behind him seem positively dark in comparison.

Peter expected to be met with the same, insistent ringing sound of the fluorescent lighting strips that he was all too familiar with at SI. Instead the lighting was somehow softer, and while he could still hear the electricity thrumming through the room, it was a lot easier to sound out. For some reason the type of lights in this room were different to the rest of SI.

As Peter tried to take in the room before him he felt his stomach drop to the floor.

The entire left wing of level 27 appeared to be open plan, Peter could see it stretching around the corner of the wall he was standing in front of. The space was wide and open unlike the rest of Stark Industries that was divided into labs and corridors and conference spaces. Peter ran his eyes from the wall all the way on his left over to the window to ceiling windows, currently shielded by thick black-out blinds. The main feature of the room he was looking at was the work space, defined by the rubbery black mat it was built around, reminding Peter of Mr Stark's lab which he had got to work in a few times. The black mat always made Peter feel like he was bouncing when he walked but it was actually so that the floor beneath didn't get damaged, the bouncing was an added perk though. Though Mr Stark hadn't been exactly pleased with Peter jumping around the testing area. Dotted around and on the work space were long metal benches and holo-tables, covered with dusty plastic sheeting as though they had never been used. Over to Peter's right was a sort of living space with two long couches, a coffee table and a huge flat screen television, again, all of it was covered up to protect it from the dust.

One part of the space drew Peter's attention above all else and he strode over to the back of the room. Against the wall stood three large cases that reminded Peter of the one's he had seen Mr Stark keep the Iron Man marks in. Peter reached up hesitantly, glancing around though he knew that there was no one else in the room with him. Peter grabbed a corner of the plastic sheet covering the third case and tugged firmly, sending it cascading to the ground along with what seemed to be a years worth of dust. Peter coughed and waved a hand before his face so he didn't inhale anymore than he had to. Peter tried not to gape at what the case was holding. It was entirely black, combat looking suit with two eyes on the headgear. Peter tilted his head, there was no arachnid that marked the suit as a Spider-Man suit but those eyes were definitely-

"File name: 21st April 2023." A disembodied voice said from built in speakers in the roof above Peter's head, cutting off his train of thought.

Peter spun around to see that a large holo-table, at least two times the size of the ones the interns used, was lit up with a blue file waiting to be opened. Peter walked around to the other side of the table and set his backpack down at its foot. Glancing down at the piece of paper he was still holding he confirmed that the date was indeed the same, 21 April 2023. Hesitantly, Peter extended a hand and opened the file.

Peter yelled in surprise and jumped back, falling to the grown as the hologram burst to life.

Tony Stark leant casually against the holo-table.

"Mr Stark?" Peter said, his voice cracking with emotion as he slowly picked himself up. Hologram Tony wasn't moving but was looking down at his hands folded before him.

"Hey kid…. Hey Peter." Tony began after a few seconds and looked up to somewhere past Peter's head. "I don't know if you'll ever get to see this."

Tony paused thoughtfully and then shook his head, "Hell, I don't even know why I'm filming this video… I'm probably just being paranoid." Tony rubbed at his eyes with the palm of his hand and sighed. "What do I even say?"

Peter scrunched his hands into fists to keep them from shaking as he hung onto everyone word that the recording of Tony said.

"Its been five years… things are very different now. I'm so sorry kid. I - I never thought that it would end this way, I never meant for-" Tony broke off abruptly and looked down at his hands again, seemingly collecting his thoughts before speaking again. He sighed loudly and pushed himself off the holo-table.

"What am I talking about right now…. Yes right, the Lab. This whole space was supposed to be for you. Surprise?" Tony said gesturing behind him with little enthusiasm.

Peter's resolve was beginning to crack and he could feel his eyes pricking as tears threatened to spill over.

"I was going to ask you to come work here at SI, at least part time while you were at college, maybe we'd get you in on the whole avengers gig too? And that hard drive? All of my work since 09 is stored on it so look after it and don't go showing it off to your friend… Nick? Niall?" He waved a hand, "Buttttt…. If you're watching this video it means that something happened to me which is why I can't be hear to show you round myself- who am I kidding… everything is going to be fine." Tony said, more to himself than the camera that was recording the message. He nodded firmly to himself.

Peter gave up and let the tears trickle down his cheeks, one hand pressed against his mouth to silence sobs.

"We’re gonna try something crazy kid… I don't know if it's going to work and I gotta be honest with you… I'm scared."

Tony was quiet for a moment and looked down at the floor before speaking again. "You know that photo we took together for the internship? Well I picked it up again a few days ago and it all sort of hit me. I've been so, so lucky these last five years. Looking at that photo… it just made me realise that I have a responsibility to do whatever I can to bring you back, if we have a chance, even a tiny change to bring everyone back then we have to try. Whatever it takes."

"Mr Stark." Peter said wiping at his cheeks and hiccupping slightly. "You should've just stayed with you family, now they're all here but you're not and Morgan is going to have to grow up without you and-"

Peter was interrupted as the recording proceeded. "The thing is… even though I have my family here I know that there are plenty out there that are divided and broken. Hell, even though you could be a real pain in the ass sometimes you were a really great kid Peter. Oh god here I am getting all sentimental, who would've thought." Tony said frowning. "Point is… we have to do this. We have to try. And I'm probably over thinking this all and it'll all turn out well and we'll bring everyone back and I'll delete this stupid recording and be able to show you the lab myself. You'll be able to meet Morgan, god she'd really like you." Tony mused, resting his chin on his hand and smiling to himself.

Peter's resolve had well and truly broken and he was now sobbing quietly, his breathing hiccupping here and there. He crossed his arms in front of his chest in a weak attempt to contain the sound. The crying won out and he let out a heaving sob as his breathing hiccuped irruglarly. God… he hadn't cried like this since the day it happened.

"But… you know just in case I don't- if something goes wrong or- if I'm not there… I want you to know that what you're doing… it's all enough. My dad never told me that, and I really needed to here it, so hell maybe you do to." Tony paused after that and stared at the ground thoughtfully before looking up again. When he did, Peter, though his view was significantly obscured by tears, felt as though his mentor's eyes were looking directly at him and it only made him cry more.

It wasn't fair. Why had everyone else gotten their loved ones back but Tony wasn't here to see it. Peter's heart ached for Morgan and Pepper and Colonel Rhodes and Happy and Harley.

"You're good enough, kid." Tony said simply shrugging.

Peter's heart ached for every single person that had needed Tony Stark in their life, including himself. He cried because he'd never get to see Tony again. He'd never be able to go to Tony with dumb questions about science or slightly more serious moral dilemmas about being a superhero. Peter had lost the one person who truly understood him, both his brain and his alter ego. He'd lost the one person he'd wanted to make proud above all others, not just as Peter Parker but as Spider-Man.

"I know I could be harsh on you. But you've always been enough, I hope you know that kid. I know this super-hero thing can be a lot but no matter what, you areready to be an Avenger… I feel it, " Tony tapped at his heart earnestly.

"But I'm not.' Peter said through tears. He tilted his head back, trying to force his sobbing to stop. He was so sick of being sad and wanting to cry all the time. Peter hated being in this weird limbo of happy and sad where he could laugh easily at a joke but then feel so hopeless a moment later. He'd give anything to go back to life five years ago, hell he'd probably even rather go back to life before the Avengers, before he met Tony and before that damned spider bit him.

"I'm sure things aren't ideal right now but know that whatever life throws at you, you have the strength to get through it all, no matter what I know you-"

Peter lunged forward and paused the video not able to hear any more. They were the words of a dead man talking to Peter's past. Things were different now.

Peter took a few deep breaths and bit at his lip so hard that he wondered if he had drawn blood. The tears had stopped but they had only been replaced by a deep ache that made him want to lie down and go to sleep.

Peter looked back at the holo-table and sighed. He shut the video down and turned the table off , retrieving his backpack from the side. He was angry. He hadn't felt angry like this in a long time. But he couldn’t help it. He didn't need any of those fancy words, as comforting as they were… he just needed Tony here to tell him in person that everything was going to be alright.

Peter didn't want to be in the lab any longer. It wasn't his. Not now. He didn't want… or deserve it.

He turned away from the holo-table and made to walk for the exit but stopped as he felt the weight of his bag bumping against his back.

With a burst of irrationality, Peter stalked over to the glass cases he had been looking at and pressed the touch pad on one of the empty ones. He pushed the open button and it hissed slightly as the glass slid back. Peter tore at the zip on his bag, lucky he didn't carelessly tear it off, and pulled the iron spider suit out.

He wasn't sure what he was doing anymore. Everything was so confusing at the moment and he had no idea what direction his life was going in. Before the Snap he had had all these amazing plans and different paths he could choose, but now he wasn't sure what to do. It was all too confusing and overwhelming and carrying this suit in his bag just made him feel like a fraud. Why had he even brought it with him today?

Peter pushed the suit onto a similar metal stand as the one that supported the black suit to his left and somehow the contraption locked the suit in with a click. Peter let go and watched as the suit unfurled into its full form and the glass hissed shut in front of it.

"Peter…" Karen's voice said through the speakers, it seemed she had been observing what had been happening in the lab. "Peter, listen-"

"I'm sorry Karen but please just leave me alone." Peter said tiredly, righting his bag on his back and stomping towards the exit. "I really don't want to be lectured right now."

"As you wish." He heard her say as he left the lab, the door sliding shut firmly behind him.

"Hey Peter, what floor can I take you to?" Friday asked, surprising him once he had made it into the elevator and scanned his Platinum X card.

"7." He said flatly. He might as well get lunch now.

"Sure thing."

Peter sighed and let his body fall against the side of the elevator. He pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes and tried to get a grip. Why was he letting himself fall apart like this? He'd been keeping it together for a month and one stupid video was all it took for him to break.

"What am I doing?" He said to himself, his voice thick from all the crying. Peter closed his eyes and pressing his head against the cold glass of the elevator wall.

"Can I be of service?" Friday asked in response.

"No that's ok, just talking to myself." Peter said shaking his head and opening his eyes again, they were no doubt puffy and red now.

"Anything you need Peter, just let me know."

"Thanks Friday." Peter said getting out at floor 7 and looking down the corridor to where the communal lunch area was for SI. He really didn't feel like facing anyone at the moment. He just wanted to go home, sleep for a bit, maybe watch Star Wars with Ned, maybe ask MJ to lunch… just normal things. He could do normal, he'd been so good at normal. Just look how normal he'd been in the last month!

Peter gathered his thoughts and headed reluctantly for the cafeteria. He was really starting to feel tired now, as though all the energy had been drained from him. He was well and truly exhausted, at least in the emotional sense.

Peter reached to open the door to the cafeteria and jumped when it was pushed outwards by someone leaving.

"What the heck." Flash said almost walking into Peter. "What's up Parker, finished getting fired from your internship?"

"Not right now Flash." Peter said quietly, not bothering to come up with a retort. What shitty timing, of course Flash was leaving just in time for Peter to bump into him as he arrived.

"Oh get off your high horse-" Flash began and then caught sight of Peter's face, which must have looked a good deal worse than Peter had thought. "Oh…. Um are you ok?" Flash asked uncomfortably.

"I'm fine." Peter snapped turning his eyes away.

"Are you sure? Do you need me to-" Flash began, his tone so reluctant that it somehow made Peter feel bad, even though he had no reason to.

"I said I'm fine." Peter said angrily and pushed past Flash into the cafeteria.

He just had to get through the rest of this day. Get through this damn tour and the memorial tonight and then he could rest.

#avengers endgame spoilers #spiderman fanfiction #spiderman field trip #field trip to stark industries trope #field trip trope #Peter parker #Michelle jones #Peter x mj #a little irondad and spiderson #more mentor Tony than fatherly but still wholesome #a little sad #visionsofusfics

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avengerofyourheart · 6 years

Text

Flour Girl {6} (Bucky x reader AU)

Characters: reader, Bucky (Jimmy), Wanda.

Summary: Discovering the cute guy you just flirted with is the heir of a rival bakery, you suddenly find yourself running into him all over the city. Can your small boutique bakery compete? And how do you deal with the guy who seems determined to make your life a living hell? Luckily you’re distracted by a secret admirer…But who is he? (Inspired by “You’ve Got Mail”, Enemies to Lovers)

Warnings: none! Mild swearing?

Word Count: 1.9k

A/N: She’s ready to fight!!! Are you ready? ;) There’s a bit more about the actual baking process in this part. I’m toying with the idea of sharing recipes or maybe doing short videos while making some of the yummy things I’ve mentioned. Let me know if that is of interest! And I’d love to hear your thoughts on this part, all feedback is appreciated and adored! Thank you alll for your love and support. I love you.<3

<<Part 5 Part 6 Part 7>>

Flour Girl Series Masterlist

Full Masterlist

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(**gif is not a representation of the reader, only the act of kneading dough**)

Recipe development was always one of your favorite parts of the job. Inventing some new product that no one else had thought of, testing it out, and then tasting the end result was a satisfying process. Baking was a science and in order for it all to come together, you had to have the right ingredients in the correct amounts. Some people struggled with baking because it required more attention to detail and a lot of patience. You loved it though, every bit of it. Ever since you started making cookies in your mother’s kitchen as a young girl, you felt at home.

In order to avoid wasting time and ingredients, you grabbed a few of your current recipes and took them back to your desk to formulate a plan. After about 20 minutes, you decided to modify a scone recipe and a filled croissant. Having written down your adjustments, you grabbed your bag and told Wanda you’d be back shortly before walking down the street to the market.

Stepping inside the store, you felt your stomach clench at the memory of the last time you were there, that night when you’d run into Jimmy. It was mid-morning, though, and the chances of having a repeat interaction were slim to none. Fetching a basket, you walked down the aisle and selected the ingredients you had in mind before stopping at the cheese department and then checking out.

Back at the bakery, you set out your savory ingredients and got to work. You already had a sweet scone that was selling well in your pastry case. The flavor pairing of tart, zesty orange and rich dark chocolate pieces filling the scone and then drizzled with an orange glaze after baking made for a tantalizing treat.

English scones were much like a crumpet or a buttermilk biscuit, but a little more complex. For the savory version you had in mind, you weighed out your dry ingredients like flour, baking powder, and salt, but reducing the amount of sugar so the other flavors would be more prominent. Cutting up the butter into small cubes, you mixed them into the flour until the butter pieces were the size of peas. Next you slowly added the heavy cream and egg mixed together until it became a dough. Last came the sun-dried tomatoes and cubes of Havarti cheese that would bubble and melt to perfection in the oven. The thought of it made your mouth water.

You turned out the dough onto a floured surface and kneaded it with your hands a few times before patting it into a circle and then cutting that into triangles. You placed each one on a baking sheet, brushed them with cream and sprinkled coarse salt on top before sliding them into the oven. Washing your hands, you cleaned up the table and checked in on Wanda before starting your next project.

The filled croissant combination seemed a little odd, but if it worked out, the taste would be divine. Plucking the pears from your grocery bag, you peeled one of them, halved it, removed the seeds, and then began to slice it thinly. After rolling out a piece of croissant dough and cutting it into long triangles, you spread a small amount of spicy mustard on the wider side, placed a slice of smoked gouda cheese over that, and then layered the thin slices of pear on top. Carefully, you rolled up the croissant and placed it on a baking sheet.

It was easier to adjust and experiment with the croissants, since they were rolled individually. You put more cheese in some, more pears in others and then did a few without the mustard, in case the taste was too overwhelming. You wrote the contents of each one on a piece of parchment in black marker and then brushed them with an egg wash before baking. As the timer went off for the scones, the croissants were ready to go in.

You waited a few minutes before trying the scones and as you glanced at the clock, you were surprised so much time had passed. Caught up in your new experiments, it was a shock to realize it was almost lunchtime. Your internal clock was out of whack anyway, given your extra early wake up call this morning. Just then, your phone chimed so you pulled it out and woke up the screen.

A text from “B”. Seeing the initial pop up on your phone made you smile, and just like this morning, there was an attachment. He seemed to be respecting your desire to keep your interactions anonymous, so you weren’t expecting a selfie or anything. However, you also weren’t expecting a picture of a slice of pizza with the sign for Ruby Rosa’s Pizza. The caption read “Best slice in the city.”

Grinning with a bite of your lip, you pulled up the keyboard to respond.

FG: I might have to fight you on that. Their sauce is much too sweet. I prefer Capizzi’s.

“B” replied with an emoji of a shocked expression with a hand on each cheek.

B: You can’t be serious. Their crust is all wrong! I really thought we could still be friends after the whole Beatles/Stones debacle but this might be the last straw…

Letting out a chuckle you, rested your hip against the table and replied.

FG: If that’s how it is, then so be it. I stand by my pizza. You and your sugary sauce deserve each other. I should have known you’d love it, considering your THREE SUGARS in your coffee.

Those three dots appeared and lingered for a few minutes, so you took that time to taste one of your scones. They were delicious and just as you had hoped, the melted cheese had created delectable little pockets of gooey-ness in the scone, but the sun-dried tomato flavor was much too subtle. It would take at least one more adjusted batch to get it right. You weren’t surprised; sometimes you had to re-make something five times before the recipe was perfect.

B’s response finally arrived.

B: Whew. Alright, alright. We’ll drop the subject for now. I’ll definitely convert you one of these days, though. So how’s your day been?

You felt a flip in your stomach first of all, because it meant that he wanted this…whatever it was…to continue. And honestly, so did you. It had only been a short time, but hearing from him had become the highlight of your day. It didn’t matter that you didn’t know his name or what he looked like, in fact it was part of the fun at this point. Pecking out a reply, you sent it and then made notes on your scone recipe as you awaited his reply.

FG: Day started earlier than I’d like, and ran into that insufferable person but it’s been all uphill since then. :) How about you?

B: Man, can’t that jerk take a hint? Franny doesn’t need any of your dickhead-ed behavior. Especially running on less sleep. ;) I’m sorry that happened again. Need any more distractions? I’m available.

Your heart skipped a beat at that last phrase. He probably didn’t mean it in the way you might have interpreted. Maybe? In fact, since you knew almost nothing about him, it was possible that you were conversing with someone who might be…involved? Married? It was a ridiculous notion, since all you were doing was texting, but there was definitely a flirty tone in your conversations. Or you thought so. It was difficult to tell through text.

Just as you were about to respond, you got a phone call and the name on the screen made your face light up as you answered.

“Hi, dad,” you said with a smile.

“Hey, how’s my little Flour Girl? The big city still treating you alright?” you heard your father’s voice through the phone. You spoke at least twice a week and he always asked how you were getting by in the city, even after living there over a year and half. You loved that he still worried, though, so you just smiled and shook your head.

“The city is fine, dad. The shop is still doing great. How are you?” you asked, peeking in the oven at your croissants at the same time.

“Oh, I’m just fine. Not much changes around here, not like in the city.”

You grinned, knowing how much your dad preferred the quiet, small town life. You told him all about your new savory pastries and everything about the shop, but you held back the information about Barnes Bakery and this new “competition” with Jimmy, or whatever it was. That information would only make your father worry and besides, you had it under control.

Your parents had always been supportive of your career choice, never failing to taste your latest cookies or cake experiments growing up. Some of your first memories were of spending time with your mom in the kitchen. Whenever your dad came home from work, most nights he found you in the kitchen covered in flour. Thus, you became his little Flour Girl. A play on words that also rang true.

When your mom got sick during your senior year of high school, you became obsessed with finding new recipes that would sound good to her and that the doctors would approve. Her passing the following summer left an everlasting hole in your life and heart, but she wanted your dreams to come true, no matter what. She even set aside some money for your bakery in her will, making you even more determined to succeed in her honor. Since then, it had just been you and your dad against the world.

“Well, pumpkin, I better sign off. The boss is giving me the eye,” your father told you after a wonderful, lengthy conversation that you definitely needed.

“Yeah, I better get back to work, too. I love you, dad,” you said, trying to hide the emotion in your voice. His phone calls never failed to make you a little homesick, no matter how much you loved living in the city.

“Love you, too, Y/N. You be careful.”

“I will. Bye.”

Lost in your thoughts after hanging up, you jumped a little when the oven timer went off. Pulling out the croissants, you waited for them to cool before tasting a little bit of each one. Confident that you had found a winning combination, you also had Wanda taste them and select her favorite, which also happened to be the same as yours. Never hurt to have a second opinion. One last test batch of your Sun-dried Tomato and Havarti scones and you felt good about the recipes. Clint was going to be blown away and you’d get your spot back in their pastry case. You were sure of it.

Preparing both the croissants and scones to be baked fresh in the morning, you cleaned up your mess and checked what was needed up front. A few more trays of cookies in the oven and you finally pulled out your phone to respond to B’s text.

FG: Sorry, got interrupted by a phone call and work. But I’ll take a rain check on that distraction.

You read it over one more time, hoping it sounded just a little suggestive but not over the top, and hit send.

B: No problem. Offer still stands. :)

Smiling from ear to ear, you left the conversation there and went about your day with a little more pep in your step.

_____________

Part 7>>

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OooOOOooohh!!!! Don’t those croissants and scones sound delicious?? *heart eyes* I actually do create recipes and change the flavors of baked good as part of my job. It’s pretty fun. :D And now he find out the origin of the “flour girl” nickname!! That’s pretty sweet, right? And a bit of background about why the reader loves to bake. Whether you sympathize or not, I hope you enjoy those little tidbits. Ooh, a distraction?? B just gets more adorable every day. ;) I’d love to hear your thoughts on this part, any feedback is appreciated. I adore every one of you!! Thank you. <3

Permanent tag list and FG tag list are CLOSED.

Permanent Tags:

@pietrotheavenger @thisismysecrethappyplace @part-time-patronus @feelmyroarrrr @ria132love @interestedbystanderwrites @abovethesmokestacks @hymnofthevalkyrie @spideypnw @badassbaker @janeyboo @palaiasaurus64 @dustycelt @mylittlefandomfanfictions @officialcaptain-marvel @maryehudson @sebbytrash @bionic-buckyb @sebastianbarnesandchrisrogers @jaybird6232 @bemystucky @averyrogers83 @beccaanne814 @eyesofgoldenambers @missmotherhen @bunnieandcrow @mizzzpink @buckysberrie @imaginingbucky @deathbyarabbit @avengersandchill @timeladylaurel @indominusregina @queen-merc @vaisabu @1800-peggys-orange-lipstick @piensa-bonito @msshadowboxer @withahintofpestoaioli @cant-decide-at-this-moment @jaderbugz @blue1928 @jbarnes87 @whothehellisbella @captainrogerss @sebseyesandbuckysthighs @themcuhasruinedme @ilovebeingjoyful @maririn @hello-sweetie-get-the-salt @girlwith100names @writingruna @lokiandbuckyaremine @hufflepuff-ish @pixierox101 @supernatural-girl97 @stay-wokke @airixaram @buckyssxxhair @buckys-newarm @lostinspace33 @poealsobucky @buckyofthemyscira @joannie95 @4theluvofall @im-a-light-child @1999yanira @escapetheshackles @lbouvet @black-eyed-bucky @finhabastos

FG tag list:

@yallneedtrek @lexie-mo @flowercrownsandmetallicarms @kingcarterprince @snuggleducky @acunningstargazer @zadyalyss @satans-knitting-club @honey-bee-holly @just-add-butter @captainradicalpassion @chook007 @peekingsunshine @odinhson @chrisevans1fan @fangirlwithasweettooth @angryteapot @srhls @jurassicbarnes @livingoffsavvyillusions @ahufflepuffbitch @sebbystanlover-vk @thisismyfriend-tree @susmita121 @fandom-addict-aesthetics @lowkeybuckyb @jitterbuck @lunacajun @aligatorinavest @isnt-the-blog-youre-looking-for @lilyblack78910 @uservalkyrie @hawaiiantozier

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fic #baker au #reader x bucky #reader x bucky barnes #bucky fluff #bucky au #reader x james buchanan barnes #marvel fan fic #marvel fan fiction #avengers fan fiction #avengers au #you've got mail

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unfallen-angel · 6 years

Text

Loki’s Pain

I’m so sorry this took me this long to get up. I’m getting married on Sunday and have been dealing with all the last minute wedding dramas and details! Please don’t hate me too much. I hope you guys like it. Tag list is open. I’m also overwhelmed by the responses. When I wrote the original piece I didn’t expect it to turn into this! Thank you all.

WC: 3k

*** Loki ***

“Have I made you proud, father?” Loki hisses and pulls against the restraints on his wrists. Odin looks down at him from his throne, a deep frown on his face. Loki’s stomach churns with anger as he looks around the room at all the familiar faces staring down at him from their seats of judgement and power. “I did it all for you,” he sneers venomously.

“Enough, Loki. Stop this foolish game. You are no more than a child. You are not fit to rule anything. You will be punished for your crimes after you stand trial. Until then, you will be kept in the dungeons, like the criminal you are.” Odin’s voice rings out, full of power and authority. The room was silent. No one dared utter a sound after Odin’s decision.

Loki’s eyes dart desperately from Freya to Thor, his mind spinning as his thoughts land on you. How could he get back to you if he was imprisoned on Asgard? Thor shook his head, his eyes flashing with realization. The guards yank Loki forward as they start to walk toward the stairwell to the dungeon. “I’ll see you soon, father,” he sneers the word through clenched teeth, his eyes flashing in the dim firelight. His heart beat uncontrollably fast as the guards toss him into the cell and the door seals itself shut. He lands unceremoniously on his hands and knees. His chest clenches painfully as Loki pictures your face in his mind and realizes that it might be the last memory of you he has.

Movement to the right catches his attention. “Yes, brother?” He asks sweetly, not looking up from his clenched fists.

“I will talk to father. He will work something out to you can get back to y/n. He will understand I’m sure once we explain things to him - “

“Enough, you babbling imbecile, he will not understand. He isn’t my father and he doesn’t care about my happiness,” Loki snaps quietly. “I will await my punishment here. The girl is the least of my concerns right now.” That was a lie, and both he and Thor knew it.

“Maybe father will let her come here to Asgard…” Thor muses to himself as he paces along the glass wall of the dimly lit cell.

“Surely you must be joking. Father would never allow it. Could you see a Midgardian living happily here? No, I didn’t think so. She’ll stay on earth where she belongs and I will remain here...where I belong.” Loki tries to hide the bitterness in his voice, but does a poor job. “Leave me, brother. Go celebrate your victory with the rest of them.” He waves his hand at Thor, still not looking up from where he’s kneeling beside his cot.

“I will not let you brush young y/n aside like she is some harlet. You at least owe her an explanation,” Thor snaps, his fist pounding heavily on the glass.

Loki rolls his eyes and sighs. “Yes, brother, you shall ever be the valiant hero. Now leave,” Loki says again and rises to his feet. His back to Thor but his shoulders tense. Thor turns and strides away without another word. Loki heaves a heavy sigh and sinks back to his knees, his legs shaking and his throat so tight he fears that soon he won’t be able to breath. “y/n,” he whispers softly and closes his eyes once more, willing the image of your smile to resurface.

*** You ***

“It’s been three months. Is your apartment ever going to be ready? The entire floor smells like musty dog,” Tony complains and waves a piece of toast around for emphasis.

“It was 26 story apartment building. They can’t just rebuild those things in a few months. They had to clear everything away first. As soon as it’s done we’ll be out of your hair,” you mutter and drop your forehead to the table.

Nat, Tony, Clint, and Bucky were sitting with you at the table in the kitchen and Tony was standing in front of the toaster, making breakfast. “I don’t smell anything,” Nat says nonchalantly and pops a strawberry into her mouth.

“My dog does not stink, okay? And my dog is very well behaved. No one else is complaining, Tony!” You nearly shout and push away from the table. “I’m not hungry anyway. I’ll see you guys later. I’m going to the gym.” You clench your fists at your sides and nearly sprint to the training room, itching to punch something. It had been three months since you said goodbye to Thor and Loki. Three months since you had heard Loki’s voice. Three whole months since he had given you that mind-numbing kiss.

The hole in your stomach rears its ugly head and your knees almost give out as the pain threats to overwhelm you. Your fingertips tingle with the sudden urge to punch something as tears slide unbidden down your face. “Damn you, Loki,” you whisper softly and sit heavily on the bench against the wall. Taking a deep breath, you try to steady yourself and push the pain and anger back down, far away from your conscious thought.

“I’m sure he’ll be back soon,” a voice from beside you says softly. You look up, startled, and meet Wanda’s kind eyes. “I’m sure he’s fine,” she says and takes your hands in hers, giving them a gentle squeeze.

You smile gratefully and squeeze her fingers back weakly. “I know. I know. Time passes differently there. I’m sure he’s busy with all sorts of royal duties. I just…” your voice dies and you shake your head, fighting another wave of tears. “I don’t know why I miss him so much. I only met him the one day. I feel so silly,” you let out a shaky laugh and wipe the tears from your eyes.

“When you find your soulmate it doesn’t matter if you’ve known them for five minutes or five decades. Your soul just recognizes them and that’s that,” Wanda explains with a shrug. “Don’t feel silly.”

“Thanks. I really appreciate it… I think… I just need to release some frustration.” You stand, eyeing the hanging bag with a purpose. “I’m going to go punch some things now. I’ll see you around?” She nods and leaves the room without another word. Without even bothering to wrap your hands, you start on the bag. Throwing punch after punch and kick after kick, ignoring the sharp pains shooting up your forearms. With each impact you release a loud grunt and swing harder.

“What did that bag ever do to you?” Steve calls from the doorway. You swing one more round house to the bag and then turn to look at him, panting heavily. “I think you’ve killed it.” He points to a ripped seam where sand is slowly starting to leak out.

Your eyes dart from Steve, who is dressed in a tight white t-shirt and jeans, to the long, blonde haired man in the metal armor beside him. “Thor?” you breath out and brush your sweaty hair from your forehead. “Are you alone?” you ask quietly, already knowing the answer deep down.

“Loki is back on Asgard,” Thor confirms quietly. His eyes fall to the bruises already blossoming on your swollen knuckles. “Do you always train this hard?” You shake your head but say nothing, trying to wrap your mind around why Thor would be here and Loki would not be. “We have much to discuss, y/n.”

“Come on, y/n, we can talk in the conference room. Thor has some news from Asgard that we all need to here. Everyone else is already there.”

“I need to feed Fenrir. I haven’t done that this morning and I’m sure he’s starving,” you mutter and blot your face with a white, cotton towel.

“Fenrir?” Thor asks cautiously and raises a blond eyebrow.

“My dog,” you explain with a smile, realizing how that must sound to him. “I minored in Norse mythology in college. You could say I love the Norse myths. Fenrir was always one of my favorites.”

“Of course but there’s no time for that,” Thor mutters, a confused look crosses his face as he follows Steve up the stairs and into the room full of Avengers. “Hello!” he greets everyone enthusiastically. “I’ve news from Asgard!” His deep voice echoes off the walls.

“Yes, Shakespeare, we got that. What is it?” Tony asks and drums his fingers against the wooden conference table. You roll your eyes and sit down beside Nat and Wanda.

“Odin is weak and will not be able to handle the throne much longer. The burden will be passed to me. We have had an attack on the palace from dark elves and my mother is dead,” Thor says solemnly, his voice cracking on the last word. “My father is distraught. We fought them off and defeated them, but we lost many good warriors.”

Your heart stops at his words and all you can imagine is Loki lying lifeless on the battlefield. Your mouth opens, but your brain cannot find the words to speak. Nat gives your arm a gentle squeeze.

“We’re sorry to hear about your mother, Thor,” Steve says and pats the Asgardian on the back. “What is it that you need from us?” He urges gently.

Thor nods and looks at you firmly. “I need y/n.”

“Me?” You yelp and lean back in your rolling chair, nearly toppling backward in the process.

“Yes. Loki… He is not himself. I fear he has lost the will to survive any longer,” Thor explains quietly, his voice full of urgency. “I fear that he will do something rash… and stupid… and possibly get himself killed in the process.”

“But why do you need y/n? Loki hasn’t even tried to contact her. As far as we’re concerned, he should stay on Asgard where he is. Maybe then we can all get some peace,” Tony mutters and folds his arms across his chest. Your cheeks heat up because you know he’s referring to your crying at night.

“My father imprisoned Loki as soon as we arrived in Asgard. He’s been in the dungeons and heavily guarded. There would have been no way for him to contact anyone,” Thor explained, as if that was a reasonable reason.

“You could have contacted us,” you say quietly, not looking up at Thor and picking at a chipped piece of wood on the edge of the table.

“He never asked,” Thor stated simply with a shrug of his broad shoulders.

Your mouth went dry and you felt your chest tighten in anger again. “Of course he wouldn’t ask. Why bother? Why extend the effort. I’m only a stupid Midgardian girl,” you spat and pushed your chair roughly away from the table. “I’m not going anywhere that I’m not wanted.” And with that you turn and stomp out of the room, leaving them gaping after you.

“Stupid Asgardians. Stupid Loki. Stupid Thor. Stupid me. Stupid…. Ugh Stupid stupid stupid,” you mutter under your breath as you stomp up the stairs to your apartment. You couldn’t tell if you felt sick because of the anger or because of the heartache that was threatening to stop your heart from beating altogether. “Why am I so stupid.” Fenrir jumps from his bed as soon as you open the door and greets you with a happy wag and a head tilt. “Hey, Fen,” you whisper and drop to your knees in the living room floor, letting the dog sniff around your face and neck. He sniffed and licked, searching for a wound or the cause of your anxiety. “I’m fine,” you assure him with a gentle scratch behind his big ears.

“Y/n,” Thor says quietly, his head barely peeking through the doorway.

You jump and Fenrir growls viciously, baring his teeth and licking his lips. “Down,” you say sternly and the dog sits, expression blank, and stares directly at Thor as he enters the room. “I didn’t hear you come in. You scared him,” you whisper and keep a firm hand on Fenrir’s collar. “What do you want?”

Thor sighs and holds out his hands in surrender. “I just thought that if Loki were to see you. He might rethink whatever he is plotting. I don’t want another repeat of what’s already happened here,” Thor says quietly and runs his fingers through his long hair. He pauses and looks distracted.

You take a moment to look at him, really look at his face. He looks battle worn and weary, like he’s fought many wars and only won a few. The corners of his eyes are wrinkled from laughing, and his brow is creased as if he’s spent many nights worrying over something. “Alright. I’ll go talk to him. But then I want you to take me home. I don’t think I could bare to stay up there any longer than I need to,” you whisper breathlessly and hug Fenrir’s neck. “Nat will take care of you while I’m gone.”

You pull out your cell phone and type a quick explanation to Nat and instructions for Fenrir. “I’ll be back soon,” you promise your companion and follow Thor out of the apartment. “Lead the way, point break,” you smirk as Thor’s shoulders tense at the nickname, but he doesn’t speak as he leads you out of the tower and into the street.

“You must hold onto me, and remember, don’t let go for any reason.”

“What happens if I let go?” you ask weakly, unsure if you want to know the answer.

“You’ll be hurtled through space and ripped to pieces,” he says simple and wraps his arm around your waist. You gulp and grip his body with both hands as he lifts his hammer into the air. You hear a loud hum and then a flash of light surrounds you, nearly blinding you. You close your eyes tightly and exhale as the feeling of being squeezed through a small pipe overtakes your body, and then, you feel nothing. Not even Thor’s arm around you. “Y/n?” Thor’s voice floats to your ears. “You can open your eyes now.”

Blinking rapidly, you look around and take in the never-ending rainbow bridge just outside the door of the round, golden building you are standing in. “Wow,” you whisper and look over your shoulder at the galaxy and all the stars stretching endlessly behind you. “This is your home?”

“This is the gateway to my home. The palace is there,” he says proudly and points his hammer toward a large, golden building reaching toward the sky in the distance. “Come. There’s no time to waste here. You can have a tour later.” He wraps his arm around you again and starts to spin his hammer. “It’s faster than walking,” he explains when you start to protest.

“Fine. Let’s go,” you mutter and try not to look like a sullen child as his hammer pulls the two of you off the ground and through the air. Your eyes stung and your hair whipped around wildly as you sailed through the sky. “ Oh my god,” you mutter breathlessly when you stop at the palace doors and Thor sets you on your feet. You take an unsteady step forward.

“I’ll take you to Loki before anyone sees you. If my father sees us you will never be permitted to the dungeons,” Thor explains quietly and pulls you down and narrow set of stairs that were hidden from sight by a large statue. “Secret passages,” he mutters and raises his eyebrow mischievously.

“Oh geez,” you mutter at his cheesy sense of humor and try to calm your nerves at the thought of being this close to Loki. Your eyes take a few moments to adjust to the firelight on either side of the narrow corridor. Tracing your fingertips along the cool stone walls, you imagine what it would be like to grow up here like this. Away from earth and all the technology. It seems simpler here.

“Stay behind me. Don’t make a sound,” Thor instructs quickly before stepping out into the open space of the dungeon. You follow quickly behind him, stepping where he steps and trying not to look around at the prisoners. Your eyes dart rapidly from cell to cell and your heart races as some of the creatures take an interest in you. Thor stops suddenly and you run into his back with a quiet ‘oof’.

“Hello, brother,” Loki’s voice is like velvet, soft but with a cutting edge. “To what do I owe this unwelcome visit?” The blood in your veins freezes at the sound of his voice and your breath catches in your throat as you try not to utter the sob of anger and pain that is threatening to explode inside of you.

“I know you are plotting something, Loki, and I’ve come to talk you out of it,” Thor states firmly and folds his arms across his chest.

“Are you?” Loki chuckles. “And what makes you think I’ll listen to anything that you say?”

“Oh I don’t think you’ll listen to me,” he pauses and steps to the side suddenly so that you are in full view of the cell. “But you will listen to her.”

Your eyes rake over Loki’s body, taking in how thin he looks and how unkept and long his hair has gotten. The cell is large and bright with nothing but a table with a lamp and a book and a bed in the far corner. You watch as the color drains from Loki’s face and pain flickers in his eyes. He drops to his knees as if he couldn’t find the strength to keep standing and reaches his hand out to you. His fingertips gently brush the glass wall as a tear slides down his cheek. Your chest constricts at the sight of Loki’s pain.

Without thinking, your legs are carrying you forward. You fall to your knees in front of him and touch your fingers to where his are pressed against the glass. Your heart is beating so hard you fear that it might beat out of your chest as you stare at the man before you. “Hello, Loki,” you whisper softly. In the corner of your eye you can see Thor’s reflection in the glass. He’s smiling.

TAGLIST: @mirtaqueen @markusstraya @jessiejunebug

#loki laufeyson #loki odinson #loki x reader #loki x you #thor #avengers #attack on nyc #norse mythology #asgard #midgard

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jpat82 · 6 years

Text

Feather

CHAPTER 9

It was weeks later, the two of you had just finished training, both covered in dirt and sweat. When he dropped a biggest bomb, he was going on a routine mission with the rest of the team. It worried you, he had told you all the details of it.

Fairly standard, he explained, going into a facility that was very much the ones that had turned him into the person he had been. The teams goal was to go in and take down their intelligence, try to round up as much of the people they could and turn them over to the Feds. They should only be gone a couple days, he reassured you it nothing to stress over. But didn't quell you, there was a lingering since of dread as you watched the quin-jet leave from your window.

The night when you a heard a commotion coming from the common room, you peaked your head out. Hurried voices, a sense of panic.

"God dammit, someone get the med kit!" A woman yelled

"Tony I promise my sources didn't tell me they were heavily armed." A male voice stressed.

"Well, sources were wrong. They knew we were coming." Someone yelled back.

"Let's get past the bickering and the arguing we need to figure out how to get Bucky back." An angry voice raised above the rest. You felt the blood rush from your face. Your hands started to tremble as you held tightly to the door knob.

"No." You whispered, you crept out into the hall, you snuck around the corner before darting out of the building. They took him, they had him and from everything tony had said, people like Hydra that he had discussed with you this was bad. No body knew where these people had taken your dear friend.

You walked briskly outside, unfurling your wings, you sped up and sprang up. Your wings spread out catching the wind, you thrusted them down, taking you higher. Before you realized it you were hundreds up feet up, you knew where the mission had taken place. Bucky had given you all the details you needed, in an attempt to calm you down. So that's where you were headed, with each powerful stroke of your powerful wings you got closer.

Soon your were there, you could see the burned out wreckage of the building beneath you. You held your wings out steady, catching the up draft from the heat that was bellowing up from the buildings below. You weren't sure what you were hoping to see, just something to go on. Something they might of missed.

You tucked your wings in tight, leaning forward. You went into a drive, bringing yourself closer to the ground at quick rate. Feet from the ground you sharply splayed them back out, using them to slow you. Your feet touched the scorched grass, there were bodies littering the ground.

Shell casings cast all about, the smell of copper and gunpowder filled your nasal passages. Slowly you walked through the battle field, chunks of cement upended against a tree broken in two. No doubt from Bruce, you saw deep scored marks in it. Slowly you placed your hand up on it. They were human finger marks, but not from flesh and bone. No they were made from metal, one person on the team could of made those marks.

"Bucky, where are you?" You whisper, looking around again. You saw heavy foot prints in the grass coming from the cement, you followed them. As you turned around the edge of the cement you could see that the grass was trampled, and flattened, then drag marks leading away with footprints on either side. You picked up your pace as your heart quicken.

You knew some how they had rendered him unconscious. You continued to follow the marks in the grass till they hit the dirt road and vanished. They went down the dirt road away from burning building, rushing along side you took a leap into the sky.

You followed the winding dirt path till it hit a main road, luckily the ground had been damp and you could still make out the tire marks as they headed north before they vanished.

"I'll find you Bucky. I promise." You say, your wings started to burn, indicating to you that they were tiring. Slowly pulled yourself away and headed back to the compound.

You dropped down from the sky with ten feet to go, tucking and rolling on impact. Your chest heaved as you pushed yourself to your feet, sweat dripping from your brow as you walked into the compound. The common room was void of anyone, they were probably having a conference, so you headed to the room where they always held those.

You shoved the heavy metal door open, everyone in the room turned to face you. Tony, Natasha, Bruce, Steve, Wanda, vision, and Sam, this was a first for you. You had only met a two of the people in this room but that didn't matter at the moment.

"Uh, Tony?" Sam stated, slowly taking his eyes off of you as you walked up to the map, trying find the place where the mission took place on it.

"Feathers?" Tony asked confused by your sudden appearance.

"Tony, who is she?" Wanda asked, looking at him. He held up his hand to her, watching you as you frantically looked for the building.

"Where is it?" Why isn't it on here?" Your words filling with panic. Steve stood next to you, brows knotted up.

"What are you looking for y/n?" His words soft, almost a whisper bringing you back to the moment. Slowly you turned you head, staring at the star on his chest till you raised your eyes.

"You know my name?" You asked, looking over your shoulder at Tony.

"Bucky told me about you, what you looking for?" He asked again.

"The mission, where was it on here?" You ask him pointing at the map in general. He walked over to the far side and place his finger on a spot covered in trees.

"Keep your finger there!" You dashed over ripping the pen from Natasha's hand, and sprinted back. You place a giant x where his finger was, and drew a winding line away from it.

"There is a dirt road coming away from it." You explain as you continue to mark up the map, finally getting a decent distance, looking at the map again before drawing a straight line intersecting it.

"It lead to an actual road, and they went north. But I don't know after that."

"How?" Tony asked, cutting himself off as he came up to look at your marks.

"You're sure."

"Yes, I'm sure. The distance might be a bit off but yes. It's the only road leading to the dirt road." You express, panic starting to well up again.

"You flew." Steve breathed, you turned your head slowly looking at him.

"Yes."

@kitkatkl @lilypalmer1987

#bucky #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #avengers #feathers

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airagorncharda · 6 years

Text

Surprising no one, I have some Fucking Thoughts about Infinity War:

(I don’t know if it actually is, but this FEELS like the longest post I’ve ever written. And that is impressive because I am a long winded motherfucker on a good day and because it’s literally ALL negative)

So first off, I Did Not Enjoy this movie. For my complete list of things I DID like, read this very short post instead. If you enjoyed the movie and don’t want to read somebody absolutely slamming it, you should probably leave now.

Secondly, if you don’t want spoilers I’m not sure why you clicked the readmore, but you’ve now been warned:

SPOILERS past this point!!!!!!!

I disliked this movie so much that I need to break down the varying ways I disliked it into fucking sections. So starting right off:

I find shock value character death to be cheap and lazy.

And boy did they go hard on the shock value character death. Boy, oh boy. BOY oh boy, did they ever. That was pretty much the entire movie.

If you can’t make the stakes feel high without death, you’re a bad writer. If death is the only card you know how to play, you’re a bad writer.

I was expecting the characters who’s actor’s contracts are up to get killed off as a cheap and lazy way of explaining why they’re leaving. I was instead handed a movie in which literally everyone ELSE died for even cheaper and lazier shock value reasons that are almost certainly going to get undone (and thus be made pointless) in the next film. I was not impressed.

The writers are painfully white, and refused to stop reminding us.

When the setting of the movie shifted to Wakanda, I wanted to be happy to see Wakanda. But I wasn’t, because the whole reason we went to Wakanda seemed to be so that the racist ass writers could jerk off while watching Wakanda (and Wakandans) get wrecked (and killed in horrific numbers), all so Wanda (who the MCU super duper whitewashed) didn’t have to kill her white robot boyfriend.

“If Wakanda falls, it will have been for a noble cause” said the racist white writer puppeting T’Challa.

Prioritizing the feelings of a white girl and the life of her white boyfriend over not just the hypothetical “half of the universe” Thanos thing, but also the very immediate and literal danger to the lives of ALL OF WAKANDA AND ALL OF THEIR FRIENDS was absolutely bewildering levels of antiblack racism and I was just sitting there shaking my head through it all. It was horrible. It is horrible. I cannot believe that line from T’Challa even made it into the movie. “A noble cause” my ass, that’s so violent, what the fuck.

The writers are painfully heterosexual, and refused to stop reminding us.

Again I scream at Wanda and Vision. Wanda and Vision, who I was hyped about being brought into the MCU because I liked them in the comics, but who have been a constant frustration and disappointment (whitewashed and underutilized as they have been) since their introductions.

Also Quill and Gamora.

Like, the writers couldn’t figure out a way to make the story interesting or have stakes without threatening hetero’s heterosexual feelings and heterosexual partners. They just.... couldn’t....................... do it............

Like, lets be real. If the lives of literally half the universe was at stake, everybody I know would be like “sure, I’ll die for that cause”. The conflict felt fake as fuck. People who are that selfish aren’t interesting, and half the characters they made that selfish didn’t used to BE that selfish.

Also, like, Gamora demanding Peter promise to kill her was weird on multiple levels.

She definitely could have been like “I know the location of an infinity stone, and I know he’ll be able to get it out of me if he gets me alone, so I need you to kill me if that happens” but instead she was just like “I can’t give you a single explanation or detail, just promise me you’ll murder me because you love me so much.” Bad writing.

And I feel like for Peter specifically, asking him to do that was really cruel. His whole issue with his parents was that his dad murdered his mom, like... asking him to kill her seems extra cruel? And she would know that. Doesn’t she have other friends? Couldn’t she have asked Peter to, like, not get mad at Rocket if Rocket kills her for the same reason? Or Drax? Why did it have to be Peter?? Why ask the person who’d be most emotionally traumatized by having to kill you to be the one to kill you if necessary? And why have her remind him of the death of his mom as a way to convince him to kill her? Bad writing.

Also Bruce and Nat were never interesting to begin with.

Also also Tony talking about wanting kids to a very obviously frustrated and uninterested Pepper was weird and uncomfortable. I feel like we’re supposed to be getting some sort of “they should have kids!” vibe but all I got was a “she doesn’t want to have kids and he’s not getting the memo” vibe. I also am very tired of “my partner wants me to stop being a superhero, guess I’ll feel conflicted but do it anyway but also not break up with them” narratives. Bad.

Thanos’ “random” selection of half of earth didn’t seem that random to me. Like, at all.

The shot of Wakandans dying wasn’t half of them dying, it was like 90% of them dying. And if you pay attention to who disintegrated, it’s....

T’Challa (black king of a powerful beautiful African nation, the most technologically advanced nation in the world)

Bucky (disabled and neuroatypical)

Sam (a black man)

I forgot to watch the end credits scene because I was so mad but apparently NICK FURY disintegrates in it, my blood is boiling with rage.

Apparently Maria Hill also disintegrates in it, so there goes a strong female character too.

Again I point to the, like, 90% of Wakanda who survived the combat turning to ash anyway.

Mantis (a woman, played by a Korean actress)

Wanda (a woman. Also whitewashed, but Jewish and Romani in the comics)

Groot (played by a man of color)

Peter Quill (played by one of the three white Chris’ in the movie, but dating a character played by a black woman, so of all the white men to die I find this suspect as fuck)

Drax (played by a Filipino actor).

And that’s not to mention Heimdall (a powerful black man), Loki (who is queercoded, and actually queer in the comics) and Gamora (played by a black woman) who Thanos also killed.

“Random.”

Right.

Except the movie was written by people who clearly have a bias and think it’s quality entertainment to watch PoC and marginalized people in general die. And/or they wanted most of those characters out of the way so Infinity War 2 could focus on the white dudes. Which brings me to my next hated point:

Infinity War 2.

Just.

Fuck that.

Fuck that cash grab bullshit of splitting major motion picture movies into multiple movies for no good reason. Fuck letting people go into a movie with a cliffhanger not knowing it’s going to have a cliffhanger. Fuck forcing people to commit to a years wait for closure on a plot without agreeing to.

People don’t go to superhero movies to watch the villain win, motherfuckers, we want to see HEROES win! It’s supposed to be a movie that feels GOOD to watch because you can pretend for 2 hours that good people triumph over bad people, and we fucking NEEDED that 2 hours of escapism right now! We did not need a movie about a megolomaniac who wins the election and ruins the lives of everyone we love! We didn’t pay for that shit!!!!

I mean, I didn’t pay for anything, I watched a bootleg version while curled up in bed, but if your movie hadn’t been a sack of cash grabbing propaganda horse shit I WOULD have paid to see it.

Also.

People are “SPECULATING” a bunch of stuff like “Dr. Strange did what he did to ensure the eventual defeat of Thanos!!” and “everybody who got disintegrated is going to be resurrected in the next movie!!” but like... it’s not speculation if it’s obvious as fuck, guys. Don’t give the writers more credit than they deserve (they deserve zero credit). Don’t act like it’s not obvious and predictable when it is.

1) Dr. Strange was not being subtle. “I’ve looked at all the potential outcomes and foreseen one in which we win” “We’re in the endgame now.” “It was the only way”. That’s blatant. That borders on heavy-handed.

2) Most of the characters who died have movies scheduled. They’re coming back. This is not unclear.

As a result... their deaths don’t even feel real, they just feel like racist shock value fodder deaths. I’m not sad about it, I’m furious at the writers. They just killed them off so they could watch them die, and/or so they could avoid utilizing them. And that’s... so gross.

Ending a movie with the genocidal villain winning is not edgy or whatever. It’s just dissatisfying and, especially in the current climate of the world, it feels violent.

Like, I’m mad that they split the movie, because it’s a cash grab, and then ending it on that note was just violent.

I guess the writers just really hated Ragnarok (and Black Panther).

Cuz like... they just completely wrote Ragnarok out of the MCU, made the whole movie pointless, and backpedaled on everything it accomplished.

Ragnarok: “Asgard is destroyed, but it’s okay because the people of Asgard survived, and can rebuild somewhere else. Thor lost his eye and his hammer, became a leader to his people, learned that he didn’t need a weapon to harness his powers, and Thor and Loki finally managed to be a team again. Heimdal is given the credit he deserves as a hugely important part of Thor’s life. Also here, have an AMAZING black female character! The story ends with hope for a ship full of refugees.”

Infinity War: “Thor immediately gets a new eye, all (or maybe half??? it was really unclear) of the other Asgardian refugees are slaughtered off screen (big middle finger to refugees and also hope) and then Thor goes off on his own so he’s not really a leader anymore, Loki and Heimdal are dead within 5 minutes of screentime, Valkyrie doesn’t exist, and Thor’s entire plot in the movie is about how he needs a new weapon because he can’t be useful without one :)”

Me, who enjoyed Ragnarok: “wow, fuck you”

Similarly, after watching all the characters from Wakanda in Black Panther be written as their own people, whose stories and lives didn’t revolved around white people... their white-prioritizing characterization in Infinity War, as well as the IMMEDIATE choice to fucking wreck Wakanda at the first available opportunity, was a real fucking let down and kind of a slap in the face.

Peter Dinklage played a literal (though giant?) dwarf??????????

I FEEL LIKE THIS IS FUCKING OFFENSIVE??? Honestly I’m just so so tired of this poor guy getting hired only for roles where his dwarfism is a character trait. He’s a really good actor and I wish he got hired to play characters other than “the dwarf” every fucking once in a while, like jfc.

(Side note apparently he’s been cast as “the dwarf” in a movie adaptation of the awful book “the dwarf” so that’s... happening........ i guess...................)

I FEEL like this role was particularly weird and maybe particularly offensive, but maybe I’m wrong, idk.

Also his actual visual design was bad. I looked up the character (Eitri) from the comics, and he looked pretty cool in the comics and animated show. He did not look cool in this movie.

Bendick Camdsfgbitch has too big of a role.

Literally I’ve never met anybody who cares about the Dr. Strange movie or MCU character. The only people who care seem to be Sherlock stans who cannot let go and still think Bean Cummerbund playing [an intolerable asshole who we’re told (but not shown) is smarter than us, who never lets the audience in on his genius] is compelling.

He’s boring, he’s an asshole, he’s playing an arguably whitewashed role (which is a pattern for him) and he’s not even playing it in an interesting way. Stop trying to make Dr. Strange or his actor happen. We don’t care.

And if the whole two movie plot is going to be about how he really did outsmart Thanos, the supposedly super smart supervillain, then I’m extra super bored as fuck. And so far that’s... super predictably what’s going to have happened.

It was just really poorly written??

Idk, like it wasn’t even... funny... or good. All the lines were either predictable or they didn’t make sense. And everybody felt slightly (or severely, depending on the character) out of character.

The plot is fucking garbage, AND THANOS IS TOO

The concept of the world being overpopulated (and that that’s why resources aren’t available for everyone) is an irl lie, my guys. It’s not true. It’s a lie perpetuated by racists and xenophobes and rich assholes who want to excuse letting people die of starvation rather than give up literally any of their giant Scrooge McDuck style piles of money to allow even the most minimally necessary distribution of resources.

We HAVE enough resources to feed and clothe and house and care for everyone on this planet, we just DON’T DO IT because of the bigotry and selfishness of the 1%.

Also, “Genocide will fix all the suffering in the world” is literally nazism.

AND LIKE!! If the POINT was that Thanos was a space nazi and needed to be killed as a result, because his views are fucked up and have no basis in reality, and nazism must be stopped at all costs-- that could have been okay??? EXCEPT THAT’S NOT HOW THEY HANDLED IT!! Instead of going “Oh, yeah, Thanos is super fucked up and no one should agree with him or his actions or his ideology” they showed him in this weird and uncomfortably reverent light, and gave him this weird and uncomfortable side arc about how much he wuvs Gamora (that’s why he abused her, you guys-- it was because he LOVES her so much). So we’re supposed to like, feel sad for him or something? Oh no, nobody understands him and his logic, he HAS to do this to SAVE everyone. Oh nooooooo.

But really, he’s a genocidal scrotum-faced piece of shit abuser, and his entire narrative felt like a nazi who abuses his kids just sucking his own dick on screen, and it was NOT enjoyable to watch, or compelling, or edgy. It was just gross, and violent.

ALSO there was NO REASON to give him that backstory. There was no reason to explain his desire to kill everybody. We already knew he wanted to kill everybody. That was already known, and we did not need an explanation about why. Like, they built toward this movie for ten years and they STILL dropped the ball by ignoring 90% of their own goddamn source material that built up to it in the first place.

Plus, Thanos’ plan was to kill half of everybody in order to save the other half, out of a warped sense of... mercy.... Except literally nobody wants him to do that, including (he said) himself. He doesn’t enjoy it. Neither does anybody else. Everybody is trying to stop him constantly. WHY CONTINUE IF LITERALLY NO ONE WANTS YOU TO, INCLUDING YOURSELF?? It just doesn’t hold up or make any sense as a plot once you think about it for ten fucking seconds...??? How did this ever get past the editing stage???

Additionally, Thanos’s visual design was way better in the end credits cameo he had like 10 years ago. This guy was not visually threatening to me, and did not read as powerful or ancient or anything. He didn’t even read like he was an alien, he was just an asshole, and it didn’t impress me like it was meant to.

If the only way to make your villain seem competent is to make your heroes suddenly incompetent, you’re a bad writer.

How did Loki, god of mischief, fight Thanos? KNIFE TO THE FACE!! FRONTAL ASSAULT!! Of... of course that failed? And furthermore, why did they make it a point to remind the audience repeatedly that Loki is a god, right before Thanos killed him by just, like, choking him/snapping his neck? Apparently that’s how you kill a god? Seems like it should be harder than that.

Why didn’t Dr. Strange do his “check all the different realities” thing when they first heard about Thanos? Why didn’t Dr. Strange chop off Thanos’ arm with a portal like his buddy did with one of Thanos’ underlings?

Why didn’t anybody just shoot Quill when he was obviously about to become a problem?

Why did Quill, who had been willing to kill Gamora himself earlier in the movie, suddenly go off the handle at the worst possible moment upon finding out she was already dead? And why was his response so minimal? Like I get that he’s grieving and stuff, but you need to be able to compartmentalize that shit at least a LITTLE bit, buddy-- and if you can’t, then you need to do something bigger than just like punching the guy. At least shoot out his eyes or something.

Why didn’t Thor aim for Thanos’ head? (and for that matter in all the bazillion timelines Dr. Strange looked at, why were there NONE where Thor aimed for Thanos’ head???)

Why did Wanda decide her boyfriend was more important than literally everybody else ever, especially when Thanos winning would mean Vision dying anyway, so like... I get that killing your bf would be traumatic, but suck it up? Why didn’t they consider breaking the stone and THEN reviving Vision? He’s not a human, he’s synthetic, so why would they assume he wouldn’t be able to be rebooted later with a different power source? And why did they gamble half the universe and actively throw away Wakandan lives for him?? I JUST???

The Hulk got his ass kicked by Thanos (a weird scene; why does Thanos know WWE wrestling moves??) so he just... stopped helping. Like, that could have been interesting, if it wasn’t a general theme throughout the movie that most of the characters conveniently stopped being good at what they’re good at so that the plot could progress with adequate Drama.

Basically I just wanted to scream “get it together!” at most of the cast of this movie throughout the whole film. Don’t nerf your cast to make your villain seem stronger than he is. If you can’t make him stronger on his own merits, you’re a bad writer.

I don’t understand the reality stone (or how Thanos used it).

It seemed to change whatever he wanted, but... only while he was focusing on it? Or only while he was nearby? As soon as he left, Drax and Mantis reverted back to their normal forms, so does he need to be in the vicinity for it to work? Or was it like an illusion? If so, that’s not changing reality.

And either way, the ways in which he DID change reality were bizarrely whimsical and made no sense for his character. Like, he kept turning everything to bubbles. If somebody bought him a bubble wand, would he have stopped murdering everyone? Is that his aesthetic? Bubbles and spiralized people?

Or was that the aesthetic of the stone itself? Because that’s weird too.

That scene where the ladies fought the lady villain.

On the one hand, I’m glad there was a lady villain and her design was cool, and I’m glad whenever there are scenes where there are no men and only ladies.

ON THE OTHER HAND I’m fucking tired of the trope where male heroes fight the male villains and female heroes fight the female villains because.... ??? Because they’re fighting someone in their own league? Or because men can’t hit women? Or something?? I find it very weird and suspect whenever a combat situation gets evenly split up between the genders.

Wanda's powers >:(

Wanda is more powerful (by a LOT) in the comics than she is in the MCU, which is sort of understandable because she’s pretty universe-breaking levels of OP in the comics (like, one time she literally broke the universe), but it’s also pretty frustrating as a fan of comic!Wanda just how MUCH they nerfed her for the MCU. HOWEVER! In this movie they implied that she IS more powerful than she’s seemed up until now.

And then they barely used her at all.

I, a fool, thought maybe they were going to do something interesting about her magic. With the repetition that her power mirrors that of the stone, I thought maybe she was going to kill Vision, and then Thanos would use HER instead of the stone because she’s got it’s power inside of her.

But no.

They couldn’t have done something interesting where a woman has a role beyond “she’s precious to a Man and therefore important”. Nope.

Every Single Scene was a foregone conclusion.

Honest to god, I don’t remember a single scene where I was like “gosh, what’s going to happen next??” Every single scene was just me thinking “I know exactly what is about to happen, and I don’t want it to” and then I was right, and disappointed.

Every part of this movie was predictable with certainty, except I suppose for the scenes where I thought “surely they wouldn’t do something so weird and/or boring as what it seems like they’re setting up here” but then they did anyway.

Why did Tony think Steve would know where Vision was when Tony didn’t? And why was he right?

They just never explained this and I found it utterly perplexing.

Tony was like “Probably Steve Rogers would know where Vision is” and my friends and I had to pause the movie to compare notes and be like “wait, why? Why would HE know?” and none of us could figure it out, and then the movie never explained it either.

Nebula was underutilized.

I was just really frustrated at how few scenes she was actually in and how little she was allowed to DO in a movie completely centered on trying to fight the guy who tortured and experimented on her for her whole life. Like, she was in it and she was relevant, but mostly only as a set piece, not a person. But I guess they couldn’t figure out how to make her Precious To A Man, so she didn’t really matter to the writers.

My only hope is that she’s vitally central to the next one, but like... I expect literally nothing good out of the next movie, so it’s not exactly a thriving hope.

The female characters were all underutilized.

The writers are misogynists and you could tell by how few lines any of the women had when they weren’t being shown as Precious To A Man. Which female characters got to be involved in whole entire conversations (rather than just one-off lines)?

Wanda (while being Precious to Vision)

Gamora (while being Precious to Quill, then to Thanos)

Pepper (while being Precious to Tony)

Honorable mentions for Mantis, Nebula, Shuri, Okoye, and Nat for having a handful of lines each in the entire movie that was HIGH KEY centered on white men.

The Thanos Fandom

I’ll leave off on people who actually LIKE Thanos right now, because I assume they’re mostly eugenicist nazis and aren’t worth my time.

No, I’m talking about people who like him AS A VILLAIN and think that the movie did a GOOD JOB of making him clearly and wholly and unequivocally a villain who the audience should clearly and wholly and unequivocally feel antagonistic towards.

It didn’t.

The movie portrayed him as someone trying to do “the right thing” who has to “make hard choices” because of his “tragic past” which is NOT an acceptable portrayal of a genocidal megalomaniac-- ESPECIALLY not in the current climate of the world.

If the audience is not explicitly told how to feel about a villain (by point-by-point countering and condemning them), the lowest common denominator of the audience (which is not a small percent of said audience) is going to interpret the villain’s tragic backstory as justification, their “hard choices” as being worthy of empathy, and their worldview as something worth considering. Especially if you write them as such, and ESPECIALLY if they WIN.

And yet all I keep seeing is people who want to justify enjoying the movie (unnecessary: you can enjoy it and admit it’s content is bad at the same time) by yelling “Of course Thanos’ is CRAZY-- that’s the point!! People complaining about it aren’t giving the audience enough credit!!”

Please read this relevant post talking about Fight Club (and Mad Max).

“Media designed to teach morals often backfires [because] just exposing [people] to bad behavior is enough to make them internalize that the behavior is [...] acceptable for people to do, [especially when a] movie only really devotes 5% of its screen time to explicitly denouncing [said bad] behavior, and that [...] only arrives at the very end of the film.”

--a summarized quote from the above, much longer, post.

This is extra EXTRA relevant if you have to WAIT A YEAR before you even GET to the “consequences” part of the morality story. “The typical adult audience member does not think critically enough about film media to process this moral” is a true statement even when the moral is in the last 10 minutes of a 90 minute film-- it’s WAY more true if the moral doesn’t come until A FUCKING YEAR LATER. Another relevant quote from that post is “The director has the responsibility to clearly spell out to the audience the difference between supporting a behavior by depicting it, and criticizing it by depicting it.” This movie half assed that at best.

Another relevant quote: “Every villain is the hero of their own story. And when the villain is the narrator, the audience is hearing the version of the story in which the villain is the hero, and the audience is moved by that perspective.”

Thanos was in charge of the narrative of the entire movie. He was functionally the central and thus main character on which the story turned, made clearest by the end screen “Thanos will return”, which up until now has been reserved for PROTAGONISTS. That’s what I’m talking about here.

He was the villain, but he was also functionally the main character, and the narrative did not put in the work to properly condemn him or his actions. They spent all their time and energy making him fake deep, and then threw a couple “You’re insane!!!” lines in there from heroes to cover their asses that really didn’t have any effect on Thanos whatsoever.

Also please consider that “He’s just CRAZY!! That’s why he’s violent and evil!!” is a tired and ableist trope used primarily to villainize real mentally ill people and to let white men (who are not mentally ill) off the hook for violent toxic masculinity. Mentally ill people in reality are disproportionately likely to be the VICTIMS of violence, not the perpetrators, no matter what media would have us believe.

Thanos isn’t crazy, he’s a self absorbed, entitled, genocidal megalomaniac, and calling him crazy is a cop out.

Assuming everyone understood that he’s purely and simply wrong is giving the audience WAY too much credit, especially when his motivation is based on a fabrication that the writers seemed to actually believe.

No one in the movie said “Thanos, our world isn’t overpopulated-- people in power are just greedy. If you’re going to kill anybody, kill those people. Don’t ‘randomly’ kill half the populous when some people are actually at fault." No one in the movie said “Your logic is based on fallacy” they just said “I don’t care about your logic because murder is always wrong (except when I do it).” Most or all of the protagonists in this series have killed people. I’m not saying they were wrong to, necessarily, but saying “You can’t just kill people” rings hollow from these characters in particular, especially when they’re actively trying to kill Thanos as they say it. Again, they’re right to do that, but IF they’re doing that, they need to be written to have a better argument than “Murder is wrong!”

Basically the writing of this movie, where the heroes clashed with the villain, was just countering a fallacy that major parts of the audience may actually believe with some fallacies that fall apart at 10 seconds of critical thinking. Therefore, plenty of people will walk away with the wrong message.

ESPECIALLY when you depict Thanos in a reverent light, and have an entire subplot about how much he Loves the daughter he abused and continues abusing and then murders on screen. ESPECIALLY when he faces no genuine threat throughout the entire movie and then wins at the end, and the consequences for his actions have to wait a YEAR to be seen.

Thor "needed a weapon" to survive after taking the full force of a star??? I dont?? Get that.

That’s it, I just don’t understand it.

Eitri the dwarf was like “BUT YOU’LL DIE!!!” and Thor did the thing anyway (predictably) and didn’t die (predictably) but was sort of dying for The Drama (predictably) and then Eitri was like “He needs the weapon!! to live!!!!!” and I still don’t understand what that meant or why.

Relatedly, I don’t understand why Groot’s arm is an adequate substance for Thor’s anti-infinity-stone-weapon, when Groot #1 was obliterated by an infinity stone. Am I remembering that right? I don’t understand this. It feels like somebody thought “Hey you know what would be cool?” and that was literally the only thought process behind it. Nobody thought very hard about this before writing it into the movie. Though to be fair, that tracks with pretty much everything else in this movie, so why not, I guess.

Also stars are way bigger than that, that was not a star. Just saying.

The Red Skull cameo made no sense.

I understand that the tesseract spat him out somewhere else in space, and I’m fine with that (like, that could have been interesting actually), but I don’t understand why he ended up as, like, a ghost doing the bidding of the soul stone or whatever??? Do the stones interact? Did the tesseract tell the soul stone to fuck that guy up cuz he’s an asshole? Was that just the effect of being transported too close to the soul stone? I don’t... understand that at all.

And, in line with the rest of the movie, he was very out of character.

“Thanos is sad because he LOVED Gamora”

Then he shouldn’t have fucking killed her.

Even the smallest violin in the universe playing “my heart bleeds for you” would be too much. Fuck that guy and his fake depth.

Look I’ve touched on this multiple times already, but I keep coming back to it because it’s absolutely one of the worst things about the movie.

If they wanted to make a point about Thanos' abuse not being mutually exclusive to the emotional experience of love on his part, they really should have hit it home instead of letting it just flounder. Abuse and love are not mutually exclusive, and we DO need more media that acknowledges that, but this is not how to portray that.

Gamora (or literally anyone) needed to actually SAY “I don’t care if you love/d me, you HURT me. You ruined my life. Your love is worthless and changes NOTHING.”

Gamora suffered under his abuse pretty much her WHOLE LIFE and then he KILLED her. And he did it BECAUSE he “loved” her? And it was done to give him some sort of fucked up complexity/depth? That’s fucking violent.

They didn't go hard enough on any of their character arcs/points

like... Steve was clearly shut down and depressed but that was never addressed.

What was that about Tony wanting to stop being a hero and settle down and have kids??? They spent like 5 whole entire minutes (which is a long time in a movie actually) setting that up as a plot point and then never addressed it again.

Bucky looked so tired when he saw the arm, like you could see on his face when he realized he was being sent back into war. Another assignment. Gotta kill more people. He looked so TIRED but then the next time we see him he’s smiling at Steve, and it never got addressed (AND THEN HE DIED SO???)

Bruce and Nat shared like one line, and then never spoke again (and while I’m not interested in them as a couple, that still felt weird).

Rhodey went against that hologram asshole’s instructions and then it never came up again.

Rocket talking to Thor, asking if he’s okay, and Thor saying basically “I have nothing left to lose so I’ll be very useful” never became relevant. Rocket saying “Well, I mean, I’ve got a lot to lose actually” also never became relevant.

Dr. Strange’s whole “duty” to protect the stone was supposed to be more important than anything, and yet it was not in practice more important than... like... anything, tbh. Nor did he have to deal with the consequences of failing his duty, even a little bit.

Vision was having headaches and then it turned out to be the stone, like, warning him about Thanos or something?? Never became important.

Bruce couldn’t get the Hulk to help out. That’s... that’s it, that’s the whole character arc, he just couldn’t get the Hulk to help out.

Peter Quill was asked by Gamora to kill her. When the time came, he was actually willing to, but was stopped by an outside force. This was never addressed again, and then they both died. Cool.

I understand that they might be trying to introduce all these plot points so they can address them in the second half, but.... like........... half these characters died already, and also that’s not a good way to write a two-movie story. Series’ need to have satisfying arcs within each independent installment. This movie did not.

((You may have noticed, also, that most of the characters the movie TRIED to give actual character arcs to, even if they failed, are white men. I noticed that too.))

Characters who have barely if ever been allowed to know happiness or contentment or safety, and then just die, are not enjoyable character arcs, fuck off.

Especially Bucky, but also somewhat true for Gamora, Mantis, Wanda (plus I’m still mad about Pietro). Don’t kill characters who’ve never really gotten to live well. Don’t make characters who only get to suffer and then die. Character arcs like that are almost always written by white male writers about marginalized characters, and it just feels violent.

Steve’s new shield was weird.

I was actually hyped about T’Challa being the one to get him a new shield, because then it’d still be made of vibranium!! And everything from Wakanda so far looks rad as hell. But, uh... I wasn’t a fan of the design. It doesn’t look throwable, or big enough, or particularly useful. It didn’t do anything cool that I noticed. I thought maybe it was going to have a force field like the shield capes W’Kabi and the other male warriors used in Black Panther, or something else technological. Instead it just, like, gets 4 inches wider if you... put it on... or something??? Mediocre. Not worthy of having been made in Wakanda.

I just wasn’t a fan of pretty much any of the new designs they added to this movie (except the new spider suit, and that one lady villain; but that was really it).

“All the stones together can alter reality!! Obviously the only solution is murder.”

I know everybody has said this, but why... didn’t Thanos just... create more resources. If the problem was too few resources, why didn’t he snap his fingers and make more??? If you have the ability to alter reality and remake the universe with a snap of your fingers, and your intentions are to improve the quality of life of all people’s throughout the universe, why the fuck is your only solution “murder half of everybody”??

And why would you murder a RANDOM half of everybody? Why wouldn’t you murder, like “the half of everybody who is the shittiest to other people, on a planet by planet basis” or something? Like, if your intentions are truly benevolent but you also truly can only use murder to improve the universe (which, like, is a very VERY bullshit “if” but I digress), why would you think the best use of murder would be “random”? That just seems like a privileged person trying desperately not to sound bigoted (while sounding bigoted nonetheless).

So it doesn’t matter if they’re a mass murdering dictator, or a serial killer, or a sexual predator, or a corrupt politician lobbying for a skewed distribution of resources based on bigotry? They’d still only have a 50/50 shot at dying, even though you claim to be doing this for the betterment of the remaining people’s quality of life?

What about communities that have already suffered genocide? They have to suffer that again, because you can’t get your head out of your ass long enough to comprehend the nuance of this bullshit situation you’ve created?

What about people who are studying genetically modified food to make resources more plentiful? People who spend their whole lives making hugely positive differences in the distribution of resources? People who are just good, and care about others, and take steps to improve the lives of others, people who aren’t going to fuck up the paradise you want to create? They also have that same 50/50 shot?

And if your goal is only the deaths of 50% of the people in the universe, what about bus drivers who are actively driving buses? What about surgeons who are in the middle of surgery? What about people driving cars on the highway? Killing half the population instantaneously would result in way more death than just half the population.

This plan falls apart more and more the more you think about it.

"The biggest cast of all time” and NOBODY is queer.

Like, there are two characters in the entire MCU who could conceivably be considered canonically queer:

Valkyrie, because she was supposed to have a scene indicating her canon bisexuality. And even though they cut it, it was IN THE SCRIPT so it’s halfway canon.

Loki, but only because he’s queer (genderfluid and pansexual) in the comics. So like, he’s NOT canonically queer in the movies, but he’s also not specified as NOT queer, so...? The writers definitely didn’t intend it, despite queercoding him, but we can pretend.

And in infinity war, Loki dies 5 seconds in, and Valkyrie straight up doesn’t exist. So????? It was boring and sucked.

They attempted to address the MCU Villain Problem, and failed.

The MCU villain problem, AKA the villains in most MCU movies are forgettable and boring because they and their schemes always came as an afterthought.

Recently, to address this, the formula (as seen with Killmonger and the Vulture) seems to be "a villain that needs to be stopped, but who is understandable and maybe even relatable and likeable". In both the case of Killmonger and the Vulture, this worked (not perfectly, but it did). They made the villains PEOPLE outside of their villainy. They made them complex, and it was compelling and therefore memorable and interesting.

They tried to apply this formula to Thanos... in the worst possible way.

As I’ve already talked about. They tried to make him complex to avoid their usual villain problem, except in the process they MADE HIM THE PROTAGONIST. There wasn’t a hero protagonist. There was only Thanos and a lot of heroes trying to stop him, and posing no real threat to him or his plot at any point.

And the heroes OPPOSED him, but they did not properly condemn him or his logic, and then he won.

Fatphobia and emasculation aimed at Quill for the lulz

They wanted Peter Quill to be threatened by Thor for some reason, and the way they chose to do that was to make Quill’s friends call him “one sandwich away from fat” and thus “not a man”.

Then he started vowing to commit to a better exercise routine or something, and tried to lower his voice to sound more like Thor. Bless Thor for not understanding what was going on and thinking Quill was mocking him (aka, not thinking of Quill as having anything he’d need to compensate for), but Quill being threatened by Thor, as well as his jealousy of Gamora’s attention to a “more attractive” man, honestly just felt like the writers scrambling for a reason to give the characters conflict, and settling on a toxic and offensive trope.

Especially because Chris Pratt is In Shape. He has like a six pack. He’s objectively NOT fat. If he were, and they mocked him for it, that would be fatphobic and shitty, but the fact that he’s NOT just makes it baffling on top of being fatphobic and shitty. It’s like those makeover movies where they put glasses and baggy clothes on a conventionally attractive woman and then claim she looks terrible.

Bad.

There were better options for Thanos' reasoning and the writers... really should have taken them.

I have HEARD that the comic version of Thanos’ motivation was “He’s in love with the embodiment/god of death, and wanted to kill half of everybody to impress her” and to be honest that would have been a better option.

(Side Note: Maybe the use of Hela as the Goddess of Death in Ragnarok is why the writers of Infinity War hated Ragnarok. Maybe they were mad they couldn’t use her for this movie, and that’s why they murdered and buried everything Ragnarok accomplished with such thorough dedication.)

Other better Thanos motivations just off the top of my head:

He wanted to take over/colonize/enslave other planets to house his own people who DID use up the resources on their own planet.

There’s actually something ELSE he wants to use the Infinity Stones for, but he needs to kill tons of people to get it, or to get the Infinity Stones.

He was cursed to be immortal and will not be allowed to die until he kills enough other people.

He needs to trade like 10 million souls to the embodiment of death to bring someone he loves back from the dead.

He plans to harvest people from a bunch of different planets to produce a youth serum for alien elites-- (no wait that’s the plot of jupiter ascending)

He just hates people and thinks people should die.

He literally eats people, and he’s enormous so he needs to eat a lot of people.

Just saying, all of these are better motivations than “I’ve just gotta murder people cuz if I don’t then people will run out of food, and then they’ll die. I don’t WANT to, nobody else wants me to either, but I’m going to anyway. I’m sad about it.”

"We don't trade lives"

This was a line from Steve about killing vs not killing Vision, and in the subsequent context of the movie, it’s violent as hell.

“We don’t trade lives” he says, to discourage Vision from consenting to death to save everyone. Then he/they take Vision to Wakanda where Wakandan soldiers lay down their lives by the dozens to hundreds to protect Vision. Vision, who was willing to die.

Steve Rogers is a soldier. He KNOWS that trading some lives for other (hopefully more) lives is how this is going to go. He knows. This was like the “Language” line from Avengers; it doesn’t make sense for the character.

But even beyond that, as I’ve said, they are absolutely going to-- and for that matter they were PLANNING to trade black Wakandan lives for Vision’s safety. And even if that weren’t a plot point, they’d be planning to potentially trade their OWN lives for those Thanos would kill if (when) they fail.

“We don’t trade lives.” Yes, you do. Of course you do. And the audience knows it because the audience has seen all your other fucking movies.

Why couldn’t the writers take a breath and stop trying so hard and just let the characters say what they mean. “I don’t want you to die.” “Please let us try to save you.”

Why couldn’t they have just, like, made up an actual reason why they couldn’t afford to lose Vision? Maybe Vision’s headaches could have been actually utilized as a warning system? Maybe Vision could have communicated telepathically with Tony’s AI all the way through space, so Vision was their only was to know what was going on with Tony and Co.? Maybe destroying the stone while it was inside Vision was massively dangerous (like, could have gone off like a bomb or something....? I mean he CAN use the stone like a laser, maybe trying to destroy it would make it detonate.).

THERE WERE OPTIONS. Instead they went with the absolute fallacy of “We don’t trade lives,” delivered by a character who would never have said that, and followed by the traded lives of MANY black people for one white man.

Bad.

The Soul Stone has really low standards for supposedly having high standards

Why require somebody to go through with a whole test of “give up the thing or person you love most” to acquire the Soul Stone? Like, the explanation “A soul for a soul” was kind of cool, but what does that have to do with love? It’s not the Love Stone, it’s the Soul Stone. Love doesn’t have anything to do with that, and even if it DID, Thanos’ version of love should have made the stone go “Um, I think the fuck NOT, you abusive motherfucker,” instead of “Sure! I’ll hand phenomenal cosmic power over to you because you just seem super legit. Nothing could go wrong here.”

Was the love thing even real, or was the Red Skull just bein’ his racist self, and wanted to watch Gamora get tossed off a cliff because he’s a nazi and bored as hell?

Furthermore, why did only one of the stones require a test? Is the Soul Stone just really needy? What is the deal with these stones??? Nothing was ever explained at ALL and it made NO SENSE.

Gamora deserved better, and so did every audience member who’s ever been abused.

I’m just gonna circle back to this point and address it head on.

Here’s a great article on this subject from somebody better equipped to address it than me.

But basically just... fuck the writers for showing us her power, and then making it pointless. Making her stab Thanos in the throat and then allowing him to wave it off like it didn’t happen or didn’t matter or like he was just testing her. Fuck the writers for letting her be murdered at the hand of the man who ruined her life, to further HIS goals, and to give HIM ‘depth’.

If she doesn’t get resurrected in the next movie and deliver the killing blow, I will be even more furious than I already am, and that is honestly already an impressive level of fury.

God I’m so fucking glad I didn’t pay to see this garbage fire of a movie.

#infinity war #infinity war review #spoilers #my thoughts #readmore #movie review #my rants

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i-am-a-closet-fanfic-fiend · 7 years

Text

On Your Right - Bucky Barnes x Reader (Part 1)

A/N: This story literally started out because of this shirt.. . And all I wanted to do was right a quick little drabble about the reader running with Sam so there was someone between him and Bucky. And then I started writing about Bucky and I couldn’t stop, so here’s part 1 of like probably at least 3 maybe more. I hope you enjoy.

Summary: Starts with Bucky, Sam, Cap and reader running around the reflecting pool and then goes from there. There’s Bucky fluff. A little bit of angst. Inexperienced!reader

Rating: T (to be safe)

Word Count: 1786

Masterlist

Sam had been begging you for weeks to go on his morning runs with him. When you found yourselves on an extended stay in DC, you finally agreed, waking up before the sun and changing into your workout clothes. You met at the far end of the reflecting pool and started off at a light jog.

The two of you ran at about the same pace, so it was easy to keep in time. You were about to comment on the slowly lightening sky, when you heard heavy, hurried footsteps behind you.

“Just ignore them,” Sam ordered.

Before you could ask, you heard Steve’s familiar voice, “On your left,” and saw him pass by Sam. You weren’t expecting the low “On your right,” murmured in your ear as Bucky passed you and you jumped in surprise.

“Do they always do that?” You asked as you sped up to keep pace.

“Constantly,” Sam grumbled.

You didn’t understand why Sam was so put out. It was kind of funny. You supposed it might get irritating if it happened every day.

It was plenty irritating by the thirteenth time that same morning.

“Okay, now I get why you wanted me to go running with you,” you laughed as you leaned back against the tree, trying to catch your breath.

“It was one thing when it was just cap, but both of them. I needed a barrier.”

“Fair enough. Well, if running with you means a view like this, I can dig it.”

“Are you two calling it quits already?” Steve asked, walking up to you, barely even breaking a sweat.

Stupid super soldier.

“We’re just getting started,” Bucky added on, looking even less fazed.

“Well, by all means, have at it. We wouldn’t want to hold you back.”

“You could never hold me back, doll,” Bucky smiled genuinely at you, and you lost your train of thought. “Of course, I could always slow things down, if that’s the way you like it.”

Steve rolled his eyes at his best friend and Sam fake gagged next to you. In your head you responded with a witty quip about how he would never know how you like it or something similar. In reality you just sort of gaped at him, stomach flipping and brain fritzing.

Standing up abruptly, you mumbled an excuse, “I better head back to the tower. Wanda said she wanted to train together this morning. See you later, thanks for the run, Sam.”

“If that’s what you call it,” Steve barked out laughing.

“Yeah, you’re hilarious. That hasn’t gotten old at all,” Sam sneered.

Rolling your eyes, you jogged away from the three guys, but once they were out of sight, you slowed to a walk. You remembered too late that Wanda had left the night before.

“Ugh, idiot,” you mentally slapped yourself.

You had no doubt they had all picked up on your lie. Figuring it wasn’t worth it to face Sam’s teasing or Steve’s knowing glances or Bucky’s dumb flirty perfect face you didn’t bother going back to the compound.

“Stupid super soldier,” you muttered to yourself as you wandered around D.C.

You ended up at the Smithsonian, roaming around the Captain America exhibit. You liked to come here whenever you were in D.C. You had come with Bucky pretty frequently when he was first sorting through his memories after Wakanda. Being there brought back your own happy memories.

You smiled at the video clip of Steve and Bucky they had playing on a loop. They were so at ease, joking and teasing. It had taken a long time, but the light in Bucky’s eyes had eventually come back. He and Steve were constantly laughing together making up for lost time you were sure.

You’d also seen that smile thrown your way more than once. It always made your stomach warm, like when you finally got a home cooked meal at the holidays.

No. No. No.

You didn’t want to admit that Bucky had started to feel like home. That would mean that you liked him. And you definitely did not like the dumb, wonderful, sweet, perfect super soldier.

Shit.

It wasn’t that you actually had a problem liking Bucky. He was one of the best people you knew. T’Challa and his team had managed to deactivate the programming Hydra had given him. He could never be turned into that again. He once told you it was one of the happiest days of his life, followed quickly by months of the worst.

Knowing he couldn’t turn back into the Winter Soldier was a huge relief for him. But then he was finally forced to confront what he had done. That was a long struggle. The major turning point was when Tony came to visit the compound and forgave Bucky.

Natasha had provided Tony with the same intel she had given Steve. The intel that offered excruciating detail into everything that was done to Bucky. You weren’t sure about everything, but given the night terrors he often had, you could guess. Even with that info, it took time for Tony to come around. But when he finally came to the compound, he sat with Bucky. He told him how he understood that they had turned Bucky into a weapon. How it wasn’t really him that pulled the trigger.

That had been the first time you saw hope in Bucky’s eyes. After that he started to heal and you slowly began to see the Bucky Barnes Steve had once known. And Sergeant Bucky Barnes, was a merciless flirt, and you had fallen right for it. He took particular pleasure in riling you up.

You were “cute when you’re flustered, doll”. He drove you nuts. Because while you wanted to be bold and confident like Nat, and your sarcasm skills were definitely up for the job, you were as inexperienced as pre-serum Steve on the dating thing. That’s why Bucky’s comment about taking it slow threw you. Yeah he was teasing you about sex, but in reality if you were going to be with him you really would need him to take it slow - right from the start with dating, all the way through to sleeping together. That is why you never gave into your crush. You knew he’d get bored with you before anything ever happened.

“On your right.”

You jumped at the interruption to your inner monologue, more than a trained agent should have.

“You know when I told you to take a picture because it would last longer, I didn’t mean it. You’re always welcome to take a peek at the real deal.”

“Who says I was looking at you?” You shot back.

“Same goes for Steve. It’s not like he’d toss a dame like you out of bed.”

“Always a gutter brain. Were you this bad in the 40’s?”

“I’m a perfect gentleman, doll. Remember I promised to take it nice and slow with you,” he whispered at the shell of your ear.

You repressed a shiver.

“Let’s get out of here,” he suggested abruptly.

He tried to play it off as a pick up line, but you sensed the sudden tension in him. You looked around and noticed the large tour group of kids coming your way. Kids always recognized Bucky, that wasn’t the problem. The problem was the parents who pulled them away.

Pulling his arm around your shoulder, you stuck your hand through his belt loop, guiding him away.

Public displays of affection make people nervous. Nat had taught you that. A happy couple drew much less attention than a baseball cap and jacket ever would.

Outside in the fresh air, you felt Bucky instantly relax beside you, but he didn’t remove his arm from around you. It felt nice, so you let him lead you around the city, letting your feet fall in step with his.

“You look nice, by the way,” you complimented him after catching sight of your reflection in a store window. “What’s the special occasion?”

His dark jeans fit him perfectly, and the blue striped button down he wore was snug in all the right places.

“I… uh… had a date planned. But the dame never showed,” he explained, using his free hand to adjust his baseball cap.

Your heart sank at his words. A date.

“So you decided to take a trip down memory lane instead?” you queried.

He shrugged.

“I hoped you’d be there. I thought we could spend some time together.”

Because you were the easy part. Always there, but never wanted until you were the last thing left.

“Well, you found me,” you huffed.

Noting the change in your expression, he steered you toward the nearest shop. The sweet smell of sugar, butter, and chocolate pushed away the worst of the bitterness. Bucky ordered a giant brownie and a giant chocolate chip cookie. You took your goodies and settled into one of the small tables in the corner.

You moaned as you bit into the warm chocolate chip cookie, not feeling an ounce of shame until you noticed Bucky repressing a smile.

“What?”

“Nothing,” He shook his head, “Not a thing, doll.” He grinned and then turned to people watch.

While he was distracted, you reached out to steal a bit of his brownie. You were a millimeter away when you felt his hand close around your wrist.

“Paws off my sweets, doll.”

You managed to look a little sorry and moved to retract your hand but Bucky didn’t let you. Instead, he moved both of your hands under the table and entwines your fingers. With his other hand he pinches off a piece of the brownie, offering it to you. You go to grab it, but he pulls back with a smirk.

“Ah ah. I said paws off,” he reminded you, offering the bite again.

“Then what… Oh,” you said, realizing what he was getting at.

As he held up the bite of brownie you inclined your head and he fed it to you, smirking triumphantly. He offered you another bite, with that same infuriating smirk.

‘Mmmm, god that tastes so good,” you groaned, and his smirk faltered for a moment, as he shifted in his seat uncomfortably. It was so quick you soon decided it must have been your imagination.

Halfway through his brownie, you realized your cookie had gone relatively untouched.

“You know, you’re looking mighty smug for someone who’s willingly giving up half his dessert without getting anything in return,” you grinned, opting for a bite of your own cookie. Breaking off a piece you offered it to Bucky, who snaked his tongue out and took the bite.

“Who says I didn’t get anything in return,” he commented, smiling brightly.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed it. There will be more coming because I am down the Seb Stan/ Winter Soldier rabbit hole and I’m not coming back. Feedback is appreciated but be kind lovelies.

Part 2

#Bucky Barnes #Bucky x Reader

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floatingpetals · 7 years

Text

Vanish in the Dark Pt 10

Pairings: None at the moment(Kind of)

Warnings: Language, nothing major

Word Count: 1600+

Summary: Assassin’s Creed AU and Marvel AU crossover. The Brotherhood has spent years hiding in the shadows keeping the Templars in line as the years pass on. When the Templars company Abstergo Industries strikes up a deal with Hydra, things have to change. The Brotherhood decides to step out of the shadows, reaching out for the help of the Avengers. What could go wrong?

A/N: Yaaassss, shit’s gonna go down next part! I’m excited, are you excited, cause I am! No but for real, I wanna take time to thank YOU GUYS for reading and sending me love! Seriously, it means so much to me! I’m not super close to the end of this series but it’s getting pretty close. I hope you guys enjoy this part! Also, reblogging and like lets me know if you guys like it or not! Enjoy!!

Once again, the gifs are not mine, credit to the owners.

Part Nine | Part Ten | Part Eleven | Series Masterlist

“Wait a minute. What?”

Y/N had to hold back the eye roll she felt coming on. Tony wasn’t stupid, so she wasn’t certain why he was continuously questioning every shred of information she fed them. Right now, she was trying not to pummel him.

“Do you need a hearing aid, Stark?” Y/N spoke through gritted teeth.

“No. I just wanted to double check. You’re telling me, they’re in a dormant volcano. In Russia?”

“And Georgia. Don’t forget Georgia.” Aubree added, twirling her knife between her fingers. Tony shot her a glare, but otherwise ignored her.

“There are so many reasons why that can’t be possible.” Tony turned back to Y/N, who was debating on whether or not she could clear the table and deck him before anyone else could react. She had already told him the base information three times. Now for a fourth.

“Not inside. Beside. For the last time, Stark. Their base is BESIDE the mountain, that just so happens to be a dormant volcano.” She growled, tapping the hologram to pull up the landscape map once more. She spun it around, pointing at the locator on the map. “It has a cloaking device on the entire structure, and that’s why it looks invisible.”

“Then how do you know it’s there?”

“Because we’ve been in it!” Alright, now things were just getting sad. Tony didn’t say anything else. He stood staring at the map, hand resting against his mouth as he thought everything over. Y/N rolled her eyes and shot Steve a look, who had been watching the entire thing with silent amusement. He sat to the right of Tony, with Bucky beside him. Natasha leaned against the wall, talking quietly with Victoria as they waited for Tony to get his shit together. Clint and Sam were seated beside Heath and Clark, quietly debating between the four of them who was going to win the football game that weekend. Banner sat in the corner, watching the group interact with wide calculating eyes.

Generally, Y/N would want everyone pay attention, but that expectation flew out the window twenty minutes ago with Tony’s refusal to accept the information he was given. Everyone knew it was because he hadn’t found it out first. They just didn’t have time for him to come to terms with it.

“Alright. How did you manage to get in there without detection?” The entire room groaned.

“Tony!”

“What?!” Tony asked with a false sense of innocence. Everyone knew what he was doing, but no one could seem to care. He was irritating them all. “I just don’t see how any of this can be real!”

“Just. Would you-?” Y/N fought to find the right words, but even with her years of training, nothing could prepare her for this. “Would you quit being an idiot?! We don’t have time for this shit! They’ve already shown you what they can do within a few weeks! If we waste any more time, then it will only get worse!”

Tony’s lip pulled back into a snarl, but Y/N cut him before he could even begin.

“No, I’m done. You’ve seen what becomes of them first hand. But you clearly don’t know the details, or even care to learn or accept them. Those men that attacked you, none of them were forced. They were willing participants to turn into the mindless bodies you fought. To them, their end game is all that matters. If that means because an empty puppet who ends up dying for the cause, then so be it.” She struggled to contain her rage as she went on, her hand clenched to keep from shaking “That’s not even the worst of them. They were fresh, didn’t have practice. They broke into your home with ease, and it took you how long to beat them? Even then you didn’t actually win, they retreated because their point was made. They terminated themselves when you tried to apprehend them. Because all they were assigned to do was to show you a sliver of their power.”

The room grew silent, the Avengers growing tense with her words. They knew it was serious, they just didn’t know the level. If what she was saying was true, then they really were underestimating the Templars. They hadn’t heard of them before, so to them, it was a new threat. They needed to shake that thought, the Templars have been around for centuries. They had more power then they seemed to let on.

“Look. I get it. Your scared, and you don’t want to accept that.” Tony let out a strangled laugh. “You can deny it all you want, but until you accept it, you’ll never be able to face them. They are a legitimate threat, who’s now teamed up with another. I know it’s a lot to take in all at once, but right now, we need to get our collective shit together and go take down this base.”

Tony’s brows were furrowed, deep in thought. When he said nothing in response, Y/N began speaking of the mission they were all going to take part in. She flicked the hologram, pulling up separate video feeds and layouts, zooming in on highlighted areas.

“This isn’t their main base, but they made the mistake of keeping their main machines here. It’s the Animus 4.36.”

“4.36?” Steve asked, flicking through the designs of the Animus. Y/N waved her hand, dismissing the question.

“Not super important with the number. Just that it’s the reason why they learn as quickly as they can. They get put in for a few hours and come out with years of combat knowledge.” Natasha leaned forward with interest. “It’s not without quirks, but supposedly it’s better than the other versions. With Hydra’s technological advances, they were able to combine the two and limit the bleeding effect. On top of the Animus, they also have one of their data base terminals there. It’s one of three and contains a third of the data. Templars are paranoid and split up their data. Of course, higher ups have complete access to all locations, but for everyone else not so much.”

“When did they decide that move?”

“About a year ago. They got all twitchy when their headquarters got broken into and a bunch of their files were leaked.” A smug grin broke on all the Assassin’s faces, apart from Y/N’s. She turned and shot her members a hard look. “This will not turn into another leg incident. When we go in, you listen to me. Got it?”

The four nodded, sobering up at her tone. The Avengers knew there was a story, and while they wanted to press for more, they didn’t have the time. Maybe on the flight there.

Y/N returned back to the mission, explaining the known weakness of the building and the last known guard rotations. She made sure to go over everything, answering the other questions the popped up. How many were to be expect in the base? Why was everyone needed to complete this? What would this mean for the other bases when word of this base gets out?

“The plan is to go in, and destroy the machines while getting as much information for the data terminals as possible. Under no condition can we blow up the base. It’s way too close the volcano, and I’m not dealing with a possibility of it waking up. So, we can’t destroy the base, but we can try to strip it as best we can. If we do that, it might slow down the partnership between Abstergo and Hydra long enough to allow us to figure out our next move.”

“And if this doesn’t work?” Tony asked, genuinely concerned. What if they did all this and it turned into something beyond a leg incident? What if it became a body incident? He knew this was important, but so are the members of the Avengers. They were the only family he had left. He couldn’t see them get hurt.

Y/N considered his question for a moment, she herself having her own doubts. Even though odds weren’t high this would work, she wouldn’t put her team in danger if there was any other way. Y/N’s gaze turned to her own family, the weight of keeping the innocent safe a heavy burden for them all. Yet, someone had to do it. Slowly turning back to address Tony, Y/N gave him a sad smile.

“We can only hope it does.”

No one said a word as they looked over the plans, each deep in their own thoughts. Both Steve and Bucky shared a forlorn look when they saw Y/N’s shoulders slump. She acted like she could handle this, that she was tougher than she seemed. In the end, she was human too. Steve’s heart went out to her knowing her struggle. Sometimes the battles they fought were needed to keep others safe, but not without a price. It didn’t mean he was going to let her handle the entire mission herself. They were going to be a team, and they needed to act like it. Starting with him deciding they all needed to get rest.

“That’s enough for tonight. It’s late, and we need to get some rest before we leave. Natasha, can you debrief Wanda and Vision?” The red head nodded, scooping up the paper files and spare tablet on the table. “Tony, we need to let Parker know-.”

“No.” Tony interjected, his tone firm. “He doesn’t need to be a part of this. At least not yet.”

Steve looked to Y/N, silently asking if that was alright. She nodded. The Brotherhood knew of Spiderman’s real persona. And she agreed, he was still too young to be in this deep.

“He’s right. Spiderman’s too young. I didn’t account for him anyways.”

Nodding, Steve stood, casting one last look to the others in the room.

“There should be rooms ready for you, Wanda made sure to see to it. Get some sleep. We’ll meet at 0500, geared and ready to head out. Dismissed.”

Vanish in the Dark Tag List:*

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(OPEN) Send me a message if you’d like to be added! Also, let me know if you’ve asked and I’ve missed you! I didn’t mean to miss you:)

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roobierubyroobieruby · 7 years

Text

I Remember It

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Word Count: 5,520 (minus song lyrics)

Warnings: angst and heartbreak - no resolution to it (sorry)

Summary: In a short amount of time, Steve became one of your best friends. Over the course of your 11 month friendship, things changed so drastically that you could barely keep up - and you’re still suffering the Rogers Effect a year on...

(italics are all flashbacks, **flashback scene in a flashback)

A/N: This is based off of the Taylor Swift song “All Too Well”, so I wrote this for Steve because I wanted to do an angst-feels fic that essentially was all about heartbreak. This fic talks about events taking place over 11 months, then 3 months after those 11 months - so where I’ve written “1 month post...” means 1 months after the events of the 11 months. If that makes sense? And I designed it to jump around, it’s a rollercoaster! I used real experiences for this too so yeah, hopefully it breaks your heart a little <3 ily

You stepped through your apartment door, your heart heavy with sadness. You had been on your way home from SHIELD, mindlessly flicking through your social media when you saw a photo Wanda had uploaded two hours ago of the whole team. Your heart had sunken into your chest, your breathing ceased, as your eyes were drawn to look at his face. You tortured yourself doing this, stopping to stare at the photo instead of scrolling passed it like you should have.

It had been just over a year since you’d seen him, even longer since you had spoken, but the pain was as fierce as if no time at all had passed. Your eyes studied his features - his carefree smile, the way he stood behind Wanda with his hand on her shoulder, his other arm slung over Bucky’s, his hair was so perfectly swept to the side as he always liked it, and his eyes shone so brilliantly blue that it felt like you were staring into the sky after months of darkness, having forgotten what it looks like.

You bit down on your lip, your leg bouncing up and down, trying to ward off the tears as your throat closed up. You had held yourself together until the moment you’d stepped through your door, feeling the hot tears run down your face.

You shuffled through the lounge and hallway, taking solace in your bedroom while you changed into comfier clothes. Thankfully, this was one place he hadn’t invaded, hadn’t tainted, with his own personal poison to ensure you were haunted by him forever.

You heard the front door open and Nat’s voice sing out, realizing she was home earlier than expected as she moved through the apartment. You were perched on the floor of your room, your back resting against the cold, hard wall, and your knees pulled up close against you.

“(Y/N) are you ho- oh my god are you ok?!” She rushed over to you, crouching down to look you in the eyes.

I’m fine.

You wanted to say, the words stuck on your tongue.

I saw a picture of him and barely felt anything.

You wanted to scream, but it died in your throat.

I finally think I’m over it, over him.

You thought to yourself, the words sinking you further into the floor.

Instead, you let out a loud sob, unable to hold it in anymore, your chest cleaving in two. As soon as the floodgates opened, it all came out. Your mind raced through everything that ever happened between you - from start to finish, and every beautifully pure detail in between. Your body shook with the ferocity of your tears, Nat moving to sit next to you and pull you tightly into her in an attempt to provide some comfort.

(Nat’s POV)

She knew exactly what had happened, that you had seen him. She was sure it was that photo Wanda had uploaded, since there was nothing else that could cause you to break like this since you deleted him from all of your social media, and your life. She had been there every single day, from the moment he’d left you high and dry, to now. Even though you were still healing your broken heart, you had made so much progress.

You had lost weight at the beginning, your pallor looking thin and sickly, you stopped sleeping and eating, and that was when she insisted that you two move out from the tower. She even spoke to Agent Coulson and got you moved to another team - although they weren’t the Avengers, they all had their own abilities and worked missions the same way the Avengers did. They weren’t as high profile either, being dubbed “The Silent Knights”, so you got a break from the constant media frenzy that used to surround you.

It had worked in your favour that this team was specialized for covert, highly classified missions that relied on stealth, since you and Nat had both had the same...treatments. Where she was the Avenger’s super spy weapon, you went back to your roots with the Knights, enjoying the thrill of the hunt in the cover of darkness.

After a couple of weeks off, away from him and the tower, you had begun to gain some colour. You filled out your clothes a bit better and you begun venturing outside of your shared apartment, even if it was just down to the shop and back. You had even begun to laugh again, a sound that nearly brought tears to her eyes because she feared he had broken you to a point you wouldn’t be able to recover from entirely.

She had kept Bruce away from the apartment, not wanting to flaunt her relationship with him in front of you, but you had noticed how his absence had affected her and you’d given her the okay to have him over. You had explained that you were a big girl and that you didn’t want to be the one standing between her and her happiness, that just because your heart was broken, she didn’t have to suffer alongside you.

Besides, you had to start moving passed it all eventually, and Bruce was lovely, he knew the situation and wouldn’t dare bring up his name, so he was safe to you.

As she sat there, cradling you and soothing you, she wondered whether there was going to come a day where you would be able to be truly happy again, a day where the mere sight of him wouldn’t reduce you to anything. A day where you were finally indifferent, or at the least unaffected by him.

(Your POV)

You were captive into your head, your mind forcing you to relive those 11 months with him, and the 3 months after that in limbo felt like your own personal brand of torture. You held onto Nat, your fingers curling around her arms as you struggled to regain control, but it was no use. This was it. You had fallen again, your body draining of energy and falling apart at the seams, each memory another blow to your already fragile heart.

I walked through the door with you, the air was cold

But something ‘bout it felt like home somehow

And I left my scarf there at your sister’s house

And you’ve still got it in your drawer even now

(Four months in)

You collapsed through his door, laughing as he scrambled to pull you back into his arms.

“Steve no, please stop,” breathlessly squealing through his attack, “you know I hate being tickled!”

“I’m trying to warm you up and get your blood pumping! I’m helping you doll!”

He laughed, wrapping his body around yours and nuzzling into your neck. The sensation of his skin on yours jolted you away from him, turning to face him.

“I forgot my scarf! I knew I was colder on the way back here than when we went there! You thought I was crazy!” You punched him in the chest, knowing he would barely feel it, “well I will get it back for you then, I’m sure Wanda probably picked it up on the way out.” He moved in to kiss you, his lips warm and soft, his arms encircling your waist. It was slow, lingering, your fingers moving up around his neck to play with his hair. You heard a low moan when you did, his grip tightening before you broke apart.

“I think I’m pretty warmed up now Steve, you’ve done well.” You chewed on your lip, savouring the taste of him.

“Oh love, I have much better ways to do that...:” His eyes grew hungry, his hands wandering down your body as he pressed his lips against yours, moving you back through the room and kicking the door shut.

A week later, you were rifling through Steve’s drawers - wearing nothing but your gym shorts and sports bra - looking for your favourite shirt of his to steal, when your hands brushed over familiar fabric. You pulled your scarf out of his drawer, staring quizzically, wondering when he’d picked this up.

“Oh, I’ve been meaning to give that back to you. I kept forgetting.”

He was standing in the doorway, fresh from his morning run, his hand nervously running through his hair.

“Or, maybe you keep it because you secretly want to wear my pretty red and blue floral scarf?” You wiggled your eyebrows at him, snickering at the image in your head. “The red and blue are your colours after all, Captain America.”

He strode up to you, his hand pulling the scarf - and you - to him, “I also wear white, Red Widow.” He pressed a soft kiss to your cheek while you feigned shock at him using your spy name, before sauntering off into the adjoined bathroom, allowing the door to remain ajar so you could see him strip his shirt off through the mirror.

“You know, between you stealing my shirts, and leaving your own stuff here, it’s as if we live together at this point.”

He stared at you through the mirror, a smirk playing on his lips as you shook your head at him.

“You know, maybe this is home somehow. Not the room, just wherever you are.” You moved through to the bathroom, poking your head through to see him in the shower.

He opened the shower door, “you know what I think?” A mischievous grin broke across his face as he launched himself out and wrapped his arms around your torso, lifting you and carrying you towards the shower.

“STEVE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” You squealed in delight, your arms flailing to grab a hold of anything that might give you some leverage. He smoothly reoriented himself to pin your legs, edging towards the water.

“I need a shower, and I want you to help me.”

You relented, nipping at his lips, “aren’t you a big boy? Why do you need my help?”

“Maybe I just want some company.” His fingers brushed under the waistband of your pants, tickling your skin. “I’ll deal with these in a minute.”

He stepped into the warm steam, putting you down gently while his mouth worked its way over your neck, up to your jaw, before finally giving in and meeting your mouth. His hands roamed your body, grabbing your waist harder as he grew more frenzied in his actions.

You both had a really, really good shower that morning, feeling right at home.

Oh your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze

We’re singing in the car getting lost upstate

Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place

And I can picture it after all these days

(2 months in)

You snuck a glance over at Steve, the sunlight gleaming onto his face - highlighting his soft, pouty lips, his long eyelashes framing his crystal blue eyes, and his golden hair creating a halo around his head. His brow slightly furrowed in concentration as he absentmindedly ran his fingers over his lips, driving one-handed in his usual fashion.

You heard the familiar chords of the electric guitar fill the speakers of the car as you leapt with joy in the passenger seat, causing Steve to yell in panic.

“What, are you ok?!”

You stared at him, eyes wide with joy, “it’s my song Steve!! Sing with me!”

He chuckled beside you, shaking his head as you turned the volume up, drowning out the world.

You swung your head wildly with the beat, pointing over to him, “I’m going out tonight, I’m feeling alright, gonna let it all hang out. Wanna make some noise, really raise my voice, yeah I wanna scream and shout.”

You winked at him, stomping your feet to the rhythm, “come on, sing with me!”

“The best thing about being a woman, is the prerogative to have a little fun, yeah!”

You belted out the chorus, looking over to see Steve staring at you in his usual sweet way as he held his hand up like he was holding a microphone - belting out the chorus alongside you.

“Oh oh oh, like totally crazy, forget I’m a lady, men’s shirts short skirts, oh oh oh oh really go wild yeah doin’ it in style,”

You squealed in delight, his moves exaggerated - rolling and shaking his shoulders, slightly moving his head from side to side - as if he were performing to a stadium instead of just a girl in a car, his eyes shining with glee.

“oh oh oh get in the action, feel the attraction, colour my hair, do what I dare, oh oh oh I wanna be free yeah, to feel the way I feel,”

With the final line, you both turned to stare at each other, holding your invisible microphones, deadpan expressions on your faces, “man, I feel like a woman!”

You threw yourself back into your seat, lost in a fit of laughter over the Captain breaking out into a Shania Twain song - ‘Man! I Feel Like a Woman’ no less. You would remember this moment forever.

And I know it’s long gone

And that magic’s not here no more

And I might be okay

But I’m not fine at all

(9 months in)

“No please Nat, don’t go talk to him. If he wanted to see me, or even talk to me, he would.”

“(Y/N), he’s being an ass! He can’t treat you like this just because he feels like it. You’ve been there for him for months now, and what, just because he’s ‘busy’ he has no time for you anymore?”

“Look, I am more hurt by this than I ever thought I’d feel, even more so because I never thought he would be the one to hurt me. But he has, and I don’t know what I did to deserve it but whatever we had is gone.”

“You seem awfully okay to just let this go…”

“I’m not okay, I’m not even remotely okay or fine or managing at all. But I have to anyway, because if he’s too busy to even let me know he’s okay then I can take the hint.”

“You shouldn’t have to just take it. He’s the one that’s pulling away for no reason and you shouldn’t be expected to just accept that.”

“I have to. If he wants to talk, he knows where to find me.”

‘Cause there we are again on that little town street

You almost ran the red ‘cause you were looking over at me

Wind in my hair, I was there, I remember it all too well

(2 months in cont.)

Your laugh echoed through the car, almost drowned out by the wind whistling through and moving your hair in wild directions, your eyes taking in the small town shops and the way the light shone through the trees to cast an earthly glow on the entire place.

You felt him slip his hand underneath yours, his fingers intertwining, squeezing gently. You turned back to him, meeting his eyes, your lips parted slightly in surprise before melting into a smile at the sight of him smiling at you.

You bit your lip gently, feeling his thumb move over your skin, sending shivers across every nerve, butterflies erupting through every part of your stomach. You glanced down, your mind wanting to make sure this was real, before you were jolted in your seat as the car came to a halt.

He erupted into deep, raucous laughter when he realized that he’d narrowly avoided running a red light, a little old lady glaring at the two of you in your own personal bubble, oblivious to the outside world when you had each other.

Photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turning red

You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin sized bed

And your mother’s telling stories about you on the tee ball team

You tell me ‘bout your past, thinking your future was me

(6 months in)

One night, you were sat on the barstool next to Steve, leaning forward into his side, looking through some old photos that he had found of himself, as well as photos of you when you were younger. He didn’t have many, seeing as it was the 40’s and after his parents died and he went to war, there wasn’t really anyone around to keep things.

He treasured what he had, regaling stories of times when he and Bucky would get into mischief, or when the two of them were so inseparable that he had tried out for the school baseball team just to be with Bucky.

You stared at his profile, taking in every feature - big and small - while he told you of the time that little seven-year-old Steve tried to jump from his twin bed across the room onto his dresser. He had missed and hit the floor with a thud so loud that his mother had raced in fearing he was unconscious. He had broken his glasses, thankful they were intended to be temporary anyway, and he had cut his lip open on his teeth, causing blood to run down his chin and stain his clothes. He’d never heard the end of it from Bucky.

Sliding your photo album forward, his eyes roaming over every single photo and page - studying your child self and commenting about how cute you were, how similar you looked to your mother, how much you had and hadn’t changed - you began telling your own childhood stories.

You rarely opened up to people, having the experience that they always left once they got what they wanted from you, but you slowly began to trust that maybe - just maybe - Steve might be the one who changes your mind, breaks through your walls, and will stick around to be part of your future. Whatever that was, however it happened, you didn’t care so long as he was in it.

And I know it’s long gone

And there was nothing else I could do

And I forget about you long enough

To forget why I needed to

(3 months post…)

As much as you hated to admit it, Nat was right. Being in a new apartment, away from the tower, was good for you. Eating became a regular habit, as did sleep, and you had even moved teams so you didn’t have to see or speak to Steve anymore.

You had deleted him from all of your social media the day you’d started seeing posts of him with Sharon Carter, not wanting to subject yourself to the torture of wondering what she had that you didn’t - why she was good enough for him. Why giving yourself over to him, giving whatever he wanted of you to him without a second thought, wasn’t enough.

Soon, you noticed you’d go a day without him entering your mind, then two, then three. Soon, you were giving him a passing thought at best - focused on your team, missions, and life. Even though you hadn’t gotten any answers, or apology, regardless of the times you’d reached out in hopes of getting one, you had begun to accept that there was nothing else you could do. This was his choice, to cut you out of his life as if you were a malignant tumour that was killing him, and you didn’t need someone like that in your life.

Every now and then, your mind would wander back to him and you’d think of the good times you had, enjoying the untainted memories before you remembered why you were in this position in the first place - why you needed to forget him at all. You deserved better. That was what mattered, and that was why you were determined to forget him, because he didn’t give you any sparing thought when he was cutting into your heart and ripping it to pieces with his silence. Why should you have to continue to suffer for someone else’s choice. You don’t. You deserved better.

You just had to try and remind yourself of that every time you remembered his face, and why you were no longer a part of each other’s lives. You deserved better.

‘Cause there we are again in the middle of the night

We’re dancing around the kitchen in the refrigerator light

Down the stairs, I was there, I remember it all too well, yeah

(7 months in)

You had wandered from your room, seeking out a hot cup of tea in the hopes it would calm your mind enough to sleep. You sat on the very same barstool as the night you had reminisced about your past with Steve, letting the memory relax your body, closing your eyes as the heat flooded through your cold limbs.

“Can’t sleep?”

His low voice, so familiar you didn’t need to look to know he was already sitting next to you, broke through your trip down memory lane.

“Nope, another night of exhaustion and an inability to make up for it. But hey, it’s only 1.30am, I still have time to get in a couple of hours if this tea does its job.”

You smiled weakly, sparing a glance at him while he moved to open the fridge - always on the hunt for food - taking the opportunity to gaze at his form: the way his sweat pants hung low on his hips, his shirt stretching across his shoulders, the way his soft hair was standing haphazardly on end, sleep making him look at least 50 years younger than his 95 years old and almost as if he were vulnerable.

He turned around to face you, sighing with a small smile on his beautiful, soft lips, “ok, come here.”

You quietly put your mug on the counter, shifting off of the barstool and moved into Steve’s open arms. You wrapped your arms around his neck, him hugging your waist, nuzzling into your neck as he began to slowly rock. He pulled away ever so slightly to rest his forehead against yours, moving his arms to rest on your hips, licking his lips.

You both were turning in a small circle, illuminated by the fridge light, the only sound being your slow breaths and your heartbeat thundering in your chest. You heard him begin to hum, one of his favourite slow tunes from the 40’s, letting the sound wash over you and relax your mind. Your eyes grew heavy, laying your head against his chest as he kissed your forehead, his steady heartbeat syncing with yours.

“You know I love you right? You’re my best friend, and I know I said that I don’t think you can love a person unless they’re family or a lover, but you were right. You can love someone more than other people, you love them because you treasure them above all else, without wanting it to be romantic. So, I love you (Y/N).”

You felt a small smile tug at the corner of your mouth. “I know I said that, but I don’t expect you to tell me you love me just because I believe in that kind of love. You don’t and that’s fine, because I know you care about me whether you say it or not.” You let out a long breath, “but in any case, I love you too Steve. You’re my best friend, and I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have you in my life.”

You felt him breathe a sigh of relief, his fingers moving under your shirt to trace small circles in the sensitive skin above your hips.

“I’ll always be here. I have nightmares about you leaving me, you know. I wake up panicked, scared you’re really gone.” His hands tightened around you, his voice low and laced with anxiety. “I actually had one tonight, which is why I was up. I’m glad I have you right here with me right now.”

“You know you could always call me or come and find me if you’re having nightmares. I’m always here for you.”

The cold from your body was gone, replaced with his warmth as you nestled yourself further into him, soon begging sleep to let you have just five more minutes.

Maybe we got lost in translation

Maybe I asked for too much

But maybe this thing was a masterpiece

‘Til you tore it all up

Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well

(1 month post…)

He’d gone radio silent again, only one week after you’d gone to the movies together - his attempt at repairing the rift in your friendship. Relationship? Whatever this was. The pain buried itself deep inside your heart, constricting your chest, as your finger hovered over his name in your phone.

Should you bother texting him anymore? All you got were limited responses, if any at all, but you just couldn’t forget about everything that had happened between you - dropping it as if it never existed in the first place.

It’s as if he got scared of the idea of being close again and high-tailed it out of there, as if you had the plague. Not only had he hurt you the first time he did this, but he’d tried since to hope you’d forgive him, to earn back your trust. You had given him both, even though fear and experience told you to run for the hills and not look back, knowing that your friendship was worth fighting for.

The fact that history repeated itself only told you that whatever you were - whatever you had - he’d torn up, thrown away, burned. What you thought was a masterpiece, was just scrap paper to him. You began to look back over your friendship, trying to pinpoint moments where you might have gotten confused and misunderstood his friendly intentions, or maybe times when you’d asked too much of him, but the only things that came to mind were the times when he’d sought you out - which was every single time - to hold you, kiss you, touch you, and tell you he loved you. There was no mistaking that, right?

Hey, you call me up again just to break me like a promise

So casually cruel in the name of being honest

I’m a crumpled up piece of paper lying here

‘Cause I remember it all, all, all too well

(10 months in)

“Nat, he texted me. I mean, he didn’t come and see me or call me, but he messaged me, asking to go to the movies. He said he misses me. He said he loves me.”

You were staring at your phone in your hand, looking at the text message as if it were physically hurting you, like a hot stone burning into your palm.

“Well what do you want to do?”

You put the phone face down on her bed, throwing yourself into her pillows. “I just want to ignore him, hope that he suffers even a smidgen of what he put me through last month, but I can’t say no. God, why can’t I say no!”

You felt silent tears sliding down your face, thinking back over the way he’d so casually just dropped you from his life without so much as a message or anything. You ceased to exist before you snapped and confronted him. It’d been hours of arguing, yelling, him insisting that he was only doing it out of concern that you were getting feelings for him and he was trying to spare you.

“Steve, I’ve been upfront and honest with you this entire time, and I’ve never made a move on you or done anything unless you initiated it. You hold my hand because you want to, you hug me because you want to, you told me you loved me because you wanted to. I never initiated any of that because I knew you wanted to keep your distance, that you’re not an overly affectionate and emotional person, which is fine by me, just don’t go putting this on me when it was your decision to cut me out.”

“It’s as if you want me to be two different people! You say you want Steve Rogers but then get mad when I’m not Captain America. I can’t be both at the same time, you can’t just pick and choose the parts of me you like.”

“Since when have I ever asked you to choose? I chose you - all of you - from the get go. Not once have I done anything to have you question that, or at least you’ve never brought it up to me. Everything was fine until you decided it wasn’t, Steve, so I can’t play this game. You hurt me, you don’t get to decide you didn’t, and you don’t see how that’s your problem.”

You had stalked away, hiding away behind your locked door, buried under your blanket as you crumpled into a sobbing mess.

The unanswered text message taunted you, before you finally relented and said yes. The whole time, he’d held your hand, grabbed your waist, and made sure that in one way or another, he was always in contact with your skin. When you’d gotten uncomfortable in the theatre seats, he’d shifted the arm rest up, pulling your feet onto his lap as he lazily drew small circles over your thighs.

He’d wrapped his arm around your shoulder when you’d gotten cold, laying small kisses on your cheek and temple, his attention warming the chill you had been trying to maintain in defence. He’d told you he loved you as he dropped you at your door, insistent on walking you even though you lived in the same building, and as soon as he’d left, your phone lit up with a message from him saying goodnight and reminding you he loved you once more.

You began to question what his love meant, fear creeping into your skin as you debated whether his declarations of love were starting to mean something more to him.

Time won’t fly, it’s like I’m paralyzed by it

I’d like to be my old self again but I’m still trying to find it

After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own

Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone

(2 months post…)

You were packing up the last of your things, glancing around at the stark, bare room in shock. This had been your home for so long and now it was time to go. Of course, you couldn’t stay anymore when it meant being around him, but you didn’t want to leave your home and your family just because of him. Nat had been insistent that you two needed to move out together, calling your apartment the ‘Widow’s Web’ in an attempt to get your more excited, but you were grieving. The loss of your friend, and the loss of your home.

You were putting the last of your clothes in a box when you pulled out a dark blue plaid shirt, instantly recognizing it as one of his. Your chest caved, remembering how many nights you spent wrapped up in it, the smell of him relaxing you into a deep sleep devoid of your own nightmares. Now, you had to find your own ways to cope, now with your normal nightmares and the ones he’d induced.

You folded it up, placing it on top of the empty dresser as Wanda poked her head in the open door.

“Hiya (Y/N)! Wow, it’s really happening. It’s so strange to think we won’t be neighbours in the tower anymore.”

She put some things down on the stripped bed, hugging you hard, fighting back her own tears.

“I’m so sorry you felt you had to leave to find yourself again lovely.”

You pulled away, nodding for fear that you’d begin crying if you opened your mouth. You noticed the pile of things she’d placed on the bed, your throat closing up.

“Oh, yeah. Steve gave me these to give to you. I wouldn’t of given in if it had been stupid stuff, but I noticed it was all yours and I thought you’d want it back before you left.”

“Thank you Wanda.” You slowly grabbed everything off the bed, handling it as if it were poison, and dropped it into the last box, not caring that it was meant for clothes. You wanted it all out of your sight unless you wanted to spend another hour crying your eyes out.

Wanda pulled you into another hug, your body paralyzed as your mind was lost to thoughts of Steve, and what had happened over the last year - almost a year. You hadn’t even gotten through a year of true friendship before he’d disappeared from your life. No rhyme or reason except being too busy. Even that excuse had faded into nothingness. Silence was what your friendship with him was now. Just devoid of everything except the deafening silence.

But you keep my old scarf from that very first week

‘Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me

You can’t get rid of it ‘cause you remember it all too well, yeah

You had noticed in the months since Steve froze you out, the only thing you hadn’t found was your scarf. You thought maybe he had kept it, wanting a piece of you with him as if he still cared. But anyone who cared about anyone wouldn’t do what he did, so he’d have no sentimental reason to keep the scarf.

You guessed you’d misplaced it sometime, putting the absurd idea that Steve might care for you out of your head.

‘Cause there we are again when I loved you so

Back before you lost the one real thing you’ve ever known

It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

It had been six months since you’d left the avengers tower, and your dreams were still haunted by his beautiful face, the way he’d throw his head back whenever he laughed, and the way he’d hold you close - always wanting to be touching your skin, hugging you with his hands on your waist, kissing you on your cheeks or temple. You thought back to the countless times he’d said he loved you, sometimes for no reason at all.

You knew you would’ve gone to war for him if he’d asked. Your love for him would’ve defied anything, because you trusted in him that he would be true to his words and actions, and that he treasured you just as much as you treasured him.

He had always said that he rarely felt true attachments, scared for them to leave or something to happen to them, and yet he was unable to imagine being without you. He’d told you over and over that you were one of the most important people in his life, one of the few he loved and one of the only people he ever told he loved. He felt what you had together was rare, and that he wanted to have you in his life forever.

You realized you two had different definitions of what forever meant.

Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all

Down the stairs, you were there, you remember it all

It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

You had made it through an entire year without Steve in your life, experiencing moments of joy and triumph that were only yours, not poisoned by his presence, You had been on your way home when you saw the photo. It brought back memories you had tried to bury, not wanting to relive his words and touches, his glances and kisses, not wanting to remember the way he said he loved you, and forever. It was rare he said, but evidently not so rare that it was priceless.

You remembered it all too well.

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