#(if your mental health is bad : talk about it with your fam and get help)(don't do like us and brush it off forever) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

moonlit-positivity · 29 days

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Preparing for a Crisis Situation

[Disclaimer: I am not a therapist. I am just some rando on the internet with way too much time on her hands (😭). Contrary to what I've written, the advice in this post is not a substitute for real crisis support. If you are feeling actively suicidal and unsafe, please contact your local crisis unit and take your health & safety seriously.]

This is going to be a long post. Heads up for that.

So you're having a real bad panic attack & contemplating suicide. Your body is activated, your head is spinning, you're gonna reach for the knife. What can you do to make it better? Let's talk options outside of crisis support.

But first, let's talk about why there is a need to address options outside of crisis support in the first place, and why I feel the need to write something like this to begin with. Because yeah, ultimately, this is such a tricky topic to talk about and it's not something to be fooled around with. But for some of us who are actively fighting these types of thoughts on a daily basis, I hope this post can give you a sense of how to imitate a safety zone for when it goes from bad to worse and you feel like there's no one to call.

Suicide awareness is the issue of how to cope with stress. How to cope with the panic and anxiety and hopelessness of when it gets too big to handle by yourself.

The issue with crisis support, is that there is such a huge problem around institutionalization that forces people into a situation with unsafe mental health professionals and abusive staff. And it's incredibly dehumanizing to be forced into the equivalent of an adult time out in a facility that may or may not treat you like you're an actual human being in a safe, clean, and humane facility.

Lets not pretend that people arent still being forced into hospitalization as a form of control and punishment and abuse and subjected to abuse and unsanitary conditions. It still happens. Yes. Even in 2024, this is still an every day occurrence.

So when the panic hits, let's talk about what you can do to plan & prepare for a real crisis situation.

Preparing for Crisis: Safety Plan

Ah yes, the grippy sock vacation ole' reliable. The safety plan.

It may feel dumb & stupid to fill this out, but the purpose is to become aware of what triggers your panic and anxiety, and also what helps vs what makes it worse. That way you can counteract it with your favorite soothing methods. This helps so you can also gauge it on a scale of "yeah I can coast this out by myself" vs "nah fam I need help".

Here is an example of mine:

I feel unsafe when: My alters are too loud, I'm being talked over, not being listened to, the neighbor is outside yelling, I'm having flashbacks, anxiety, triggered, being looked at by others, breathing too hard, breathing too fast, body feels heavy, body feels frozen, can't move, can't breathe, crying a lot, body convulsing, racing thoughts, paranoid thoughts, fearful, heart beating too fast, etc

My triggers are: talking too loud, talking too soft, talking at all (I am nonverbal sometimes), flashbacks, anxiety, yelling, emotional abuse, personal space, privacy, being told what to do, loud noises, can't control my environment, being looked at

What would help: space to be alone, throwing a tantrum, coloring, ripping up a cardboard box, puzzles, activities, video games, teddy bears, comfort items, talking w my therapist, looking out a window, daydreaming, singing, humming, music, warm blanket, juice box, snacks

What would not help: looking at me, direct eye contact, yelling, screaming, accusatory language, demeaning me, being mean to me, hurting me, physical touch, comfort

Who can I call: my therapist, my cat, my teddy bear, my case manager, my neighbors, warm line, etc. Talk to your favorite fictional characters. They are there for you.

Where can I go: outside, the park, local burger joint, my kitchen, the bathroom, the spare bedroom, etc.

Preparing for Crisis: Remove The Weapons

Quarantine any and all unsafe items. Knives, guns, medicines, needles, extension cords, etc. Throw them out, lock them up, or give them to someone safe to hold onto. Remove them from the house entirely.

We can go deeper with this. Kitchen knives got you feeling stabby? Replace them with plastic kitchenware. Razor blades & meds? Disposable razors & medisets.

Spend some time considering what changes you can make around the house. Make your home feel safe.

Warning Signs: Change Your Environment

The quickest way to ground and self soothe is to make an immediate change in your environment. If the room is dark, turn on the lights. Open the windows. Open the doors. Step outside. Step into a different room. If there's no sound, turn on the TV. Put on a podcast. YouTube white noise and soundscapes.

This can work in other ways too. Grab the headphones. Grab a peppermint or a lemon drop or something spicy/sour. Grab something to drink. Grab a stim. Slime, play doh, something with texture, something you can fidget.

Take some time to think about what you'd like to use. You can put together a lil box full of trinkets and odds and ends for quick access. Control your environment to simulate what you'd imagine your ideal safe space to look like.

Warning Signs: Reconnect with Reality

Stand outside. Seriously, just do it. It helps. Open a window. Get some fresh air. Just do it. 5 minutes. Just 5 minutes.

Take deep breaths and ground yourself. Focus on something around you. Anything. What is it? What color is it? How big or small is it? Can you touch it? Is it cold? Is it warm? Can you squeeze it?

Warning Signs: Disconnect From The Stress

Put the phone down and get into an activity. Play a video game. Make some art. Draw your feelings. Color. Crochet. Anything hands on. Step away from the situation and do something relaxing or fun or otherwise stimulating for ur hands and brain to focus on.

This sucks. Yeah. But you're gonna make it worse by continually interacting and engaging with whatever it is that's stressing you out so big and hard that you're spiraling.

Even just 5 minutes will help. But it's a good idea to try for longer. Do you ever really consider how much stress you take in from other people's bullshit on the internet? Think about it.

Crisis Mode: Shut Down & Nest

One way to coast through a massive panic attack is to bunker down somewhere safe and sweat it out. So make a nesting space for you to crawl to while your body cries it out.

This can look like crawling in bed with the lights ON so you can still see and ground yourself through it, or laying on the couch with the lights ON and other comforts around.

Nesting is also good for recovery as a whole. Nesting can give us that sense of safety, that sense of comfort we're missing out on. It's a good idea to consider what areas of your home feel safest for you, and how you can make a lil nesting hole for you to run to. Make it safe, make it private, make it all your own.

Crisis Mode: Human Interaction

It's important to know when you can't coast it out on your own. Seek a human interaction. Any human will do. Neighbors, friends, family, warm lines, support groups, etc. Call someone. Inbox someone. Talk it out. Take a walk. Look at humans. Be human and be around humans.

If none of those apply, here's a really niche thing to try: Podcasts, let's plays, and YouTube videos are seriously goated for the friendly and warm atmosphere of having a conversation with someone.

But please remember if that is not enough then you should really consider reaching out to someone who knows you exist.

Crisis Mode: Where To Find Support

National suicide hotline: call or text 988

Reddit: r/adultsurvivors, r/C-PTSD, r/traumatoolbox

Discord: Trauma Survivors

NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness)

Aftermath: Self Care

Look, nobody likes this okay and that's fine. Shower, or take a sink wash up. Baby wipes. No clean clothes? Go naked. There are no rules. You deserve to feel human again.

Do one good soul cleansing thing for yourself. This can be anything. Even just saying it out loud, "damn that was rough. I'm glad I made it." Self care is a mindset. It doesn't have to be big. Take some care for your self, however you need it.

Aftermath: Emotional Regulation

Take a deep breath. Soothe your nervous system. Roll your shoulders, wiggle your body, and breathe. Yes, there is actual science behind this shit. I have a longer & more in depth post about it here.

Final thoughts

Please remember that none of this is actually acredited or liscenced or anything at all. These are just things I've personally gone through that have helped me coast out massive panic attacks that had me spiraling into unsafe territory.

Hope this helps 🌸

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safyresky · 10 months

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I ENDED UP CALLING MY MOM AND I GOT SOME T E A (a follow up to this post)

Obligatory out of context Jacqueline to preface the vent:

another oldie but goodie, lmao

SO I GAVE INTO THE FEELING IN MY BONES AND CALLED MY MOM

"hey mom, im feelin a lil low bc MIL is mad about the car and is giving Richard crap--"

"oh girl I KNOW I got the lecture too"

I was like UM. HELLO?? GIRL D I S H

so she DISHED and y'all. when my MIL went over last week for a help with technology (bc she is very bad with even the most basic of shit), she APPARENTLY went on the same rant with my MOM, who did NOT appreciate it as my Mom is A) very excited and happy that I got a new car, bc, y'know, now I can go places SAFELY and B) she is of the opinion that it is 100% MY CAR. Which isn't wrong! This was to replace MY car, not Richard's; we just went together and co-signed bc I was more than happy to share it in name (and he was too bc cheaper rates lol). "I didn't want to tell you bc, you know, Richard is ALWAYS with you," says my mom, to which I reply

"JANE it is A-OKAY bc she's giving him SHIT for it too and he's ready to explode about it, they are NOT of the same mind"

It's hard to talk turkey about Richard and his mum with my mom bc back in HS when we met he was v much a Momma's boy, but then, as most people do, he grew up and, as some people do, went away for school and learnt oh god, my mom's kinda toxic??? and emotionally incestuous sometimes??? and does NOT treat me WELL??? and has been working VEYR HARD in the last. 8 or so years. to draw up boundaries with her and such, and this has only increased post-marriage and post me starting therapy a couple of years back as well.

But my Mom does not recognize that, and trying to explain it to her is, frankly, exhausting. So I do what I can to defend his cute lil ass and get on with the point, which is what I did today, but that's not the cruz of the matter here

THE CRUX IS THE TEA!

WHICH IS THAT. MY MIL'S RANT TO MY MOM INCLUDED THE JUICY, JUICY DETAIL OF "you know, why didn't they talk to ME about this decision, I could've helped them get a CHEAP CAR and save MONEY"

Well, Margie. Margie. Sweetie. My darling darling MIL.

1. RICHARD AND I ARE MARRIED IT IS ME AND HIM NOT ME AND HIM AND YOU, AND THIS WAS AN US DECISION, WITH OUR FINANCES, AND OUR TRAVEL/WORK-LIFE BALANCE/MENTAL HEALTH/SAFETY ISSUE.

2. IT ORIGINATED OUT OF ME REPLACING MY CAR; NOT RICHARD REPLACING HIS. AND THAT IS WHY. YOU WERE NOT CONSULTED, BC THE PEOPLE WHO NEEDED TO BE CONSULTED--ME AND RICHARD AND MY DAD (whomst is Fitzy's proper owner) WERE CONSULTED! AND WE TOOK CARE OF IT OURSELVES!

3. WHY WOULD I CONSULT YOU ABOUT A DECISION THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE YOU? AH!

So, there was some interesting stuff I immediately told Richard who replied to my four option plan with a "Well I tried B, and we seem to be going back to C, so I am now going to focus on D" and like, GOOD! YOU DON'T NEED HER OPINION!

ALSO

MY GOD! I DO NOT WANT A CHEAPER CAR. I WANT A GOOD CAR THAT IS RELIABLE AND ISN'T GOING TO BREAK IN ~5 YEARS! AND IF IT DOES, GUESS WHAT? BC IT'S NEWER AND ACQUIRED THROUGH A DEALER, IT'LL BE UNDER A WARRANTY! I DON'T WANT TO GET A LESS SHITTY CAR TO REPLACE MY SHITTY CAR, I WOULD RATHER GET A NEWER ONE THAT I KNOW IS GOING TO LAST A HOT MINUTE! THE LAST 2 HONDAS MY FAM HAS HAD HAVE LASTED 16 YEARS! 16 YEARS! WITH CANADIAN WINTERS! MY GOD! THAT'S IMPRESSIVE AS FUCK AND I LOVE THAT RELIABILITY! AHHHH

So YEAH it's been a DAY and like, I was under the impression that it was ME and RICHARD who were married, not me and him AND MIL! AHHHHH

anyway, I felt better after chatting with my mom, even if she didn't really get it, bc A) TEA and B) she's up at the Falls with my aunts rn and at one point on the phone this happened:

My aunt in the background: JANE. JANE. GIVE ME THE PHONE GIVE ME THE. DANIELLA. DANIELLA CAN YOU HEAR ME

Me: yeah

Aunt: LISTEN, I DON'T KNOW WHY YOUR MIL IS MAD AT YOU, AND IT'S CERTAINLY NONE OF MY BUSINESS, BUT I AM GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING THAT I TRULY BELIEVE GRANDPA WOULD'VE TOLD YOU. FOR HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS SITUATION. WHAT TO SAY TO HER

Me: okay...

Aunt: HE HAD A SPECIAL PHRASE, ALRIGHT? NOW, DON'T GET ME WRONG. HE LOVED HIS MOTHER IN LAW. BUT WHEN SHE GOT TO BE TOO MUCH, HE'D TURN TO HER AND SAY, "comes merda"

Me, RECOGNIZING the Portuguese immediately and having to recalculate: DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME MY GRANDFATHER WOULD WANT ME TO TELL MY MIL TO EAT SHIT

My Aunt, without missing a beat: YES

My Mom was laughing soo hard in the background my aunt had to hold the phone for a hot minute lmao.

#dani speaks #dani vents #dani vents 2: electric bugaloo #i do love my mil. she has her moments. HOWEVER #IT SEEMS HER BAD MOMENTS OUTWEIGH HER GOOD ONES #MAINLY BC OF HOW THEY EFFECT MY BIG OL MANS!!#I WILL KILL FOR THIS MAN Y'ALL DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!! I LOVE HIM VERY MUCH!!! I WILL BE VERY WINTER ON MAIN #AND STAB A BITCH THE MOMENT THEY ARE RUDE TO HIM #GOD i'm not about to SIT HERE and CONSULT HER for EVERY DECISION RICHARD AND I MAKE #ESPESH WHEN IT DOESN'T INVOLVE HER AND IT'S MROE A ME THING THAN A HIM THING #My mom was so funny on the phone lmao. she was ready to go OFF #she was like 'and she's sitting here bashing this decision YOU made for YOUR car and im like uh. hello???? that's my DAUGHTER ur talkin bou #sometimes my mom DELIGHTS me #and my aunts have their moments too!#but my GOD has this been EXHAUSTING #anyway. it is now evening time and im sure richard will check in once mil is in bed bc my GOD #POOR MANS IS HAVING A TIME #dani doodles #out of context jacquelines

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jackalopesao3 · 1 year

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when you get this, please respond with five things that make you happy! then, send to your last ten people in your notifs (anonymously). you never know who might benefit from spending positivity :)

Oh gosh, thank you!

1. My pets

2. My loved ones (fam and friends)

3. Helping others (I know that sounds cliche but it’s literally a big part of my career and I spend a lot of my free time doing it too.)

4. Gaming!

5. How far I’ve come!

I overcame severe depression, anxiety, and CPTSD with extreme paranoia. It was bad. I’ve had a lot of trauma in my life and it changed who I was. Things were dark and nearly hopeless at times but I finally clawed my way out of rock bottom.

I have been symptom free for well over a year now, maybe two or three? It took a very, very long time and I had to learn to love myself. But I just feel so happy and proud I beat over twenty years of struggling. (I still have ADHD but that’s with me for life and that’s okay it makes me who I am and I wouldn’t change that!)

I went from going to sleep hoping I wouldn’t wake up to looking forward to everyday. Any day is a good day as long as the people I care about and yours truly are here!

Didn’t mean for this to turn into my life story but I wanted to get this out there for anyone struggling. You are not alone. You will get through this. Keep going. I’m here if you ever need to talk.

I’m a huge mental health advocate and am very open about my own struggles! By doing so, I hope to reduce the stigma around mental illness and being neurodivergent.

Sending you all love and good vibes!

#jackalopes thoughts

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minceyrecover · 2 years

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Steps to Recovery

So here I'm going to talk about my Main Goals and little goals I'm going to complete this week to help me reach my main goals.

It can be hard to set goals for yourself when you have gone through hard shit quite frankly. That's how I currently feel. I have no want to carry on, to plan for the future. But I know I have to. I know I can't forever live in the past. I know no matter how badly I wish to end all right now I can't. I can't let him win. I can't them win.

I hope to write a post about what to do on bad mental health days either today or tomorrow.

Main Goals

Finish School (because of mental health reasons I'm a semester and 1-4th behind in school. So my main goal is to graduate)

Cut off unhealthy relationships/Create better ones ( I have a bad habit of allowing people to use me and continuously hurt me. So I want to cut those relationships out of my life and try to make new friends)

Gain better control over food, clothes, etc (I have a binge eating disorder and I will sometimes go days on end without eating so I want to repair my relationship with food. Overall just try to be less obsessive and learn to let things go aka stop being a hoarder)

Grow self-confidence (I'm an extremely insecure individual so I wish to be more confident in myself)

Start to lead a more healthy lifestyle

Learn to be alone (As I have said in another post, I'm aware that I will probably forever be alone.

This Weeks Goals (10th - 17th)

Overall Goals

Eat vegetables every night

Journal - Every Night

Exercise for 15min a day

Walk Every day

Yoga Everyday

Meditation/Gradtuitde

Start School plan

Saturday (Fam Jam Day) (Today)

Get lunch with Family

Meal Plan

Plan Week

Make an Exercise plan for the week

Journal - Open Letter

Sunday (Self Care Sunday)

Self Care

Journal - Open Letter

Monday (Chores)

Clean Room

Go through Pant and Shirt Drawers

Clean Bathroom

Laundry

Fill out Forum

Journal - Feelings

Tuesday (School Focused)

Journal - Open Letter

Try new path

Wednesday Day (Me Day)

Yoga Class or See Movie

Movie Night

Art

Journal - Open Letter

Thursday (School Focused)

Journal - Feelings

Friday (Friend or Family Time)

Journal - Open Letter

As you can probably tell, many of these steps aren't super trauma-focused. AND THAT'S OKAY! That doesn't always need to be. I'm aware of the fact that I am super fragile mentally right now. Doing anything that facing my trauma head-on is going to do more damage than good right now. One of the most important parts of recovery is knowing your limits. The most confronting I'm doing this week is in the Open Letters I do. Even then I will probably write them towards more current people in my life vs. past people.

#scheduled #recovery #health & fitness

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xthe-writing-vampirex · 2 years

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I would like to request a Sundrop/Sunrise or Moondrop or both x non-binary depressed reader, that tries their best to keep others in high spirits but doesn't deal with their own problems. maybe either of them find out one day when the reader's smile falters and starts to breakdown, because of all the bad thoughts they've been thinking all day (I honestly just need this since my Depression is trying to get the best of me)

-Burnt Dadtrap and Acc Creator whilst trying out text colors

Here you go fam, I hope this helps. Depression is a bitch and I definitely get your pain.

Sun/Moon x Nonbinary, Depressed Reader

Word Count: 818

Warnings: Mental health talk

Pairings: Moon/Sun x reader

Fandom: FNAF SB

——————

Any other day Y/N would be running around the daycare helping out where they could and making sure everyone was okay. Their smile never faltered, they were always there for those in need and they did all they could to make sure everyone around them was happy. Sunny was unimaginably grateful for Y/N's abilities but worried they were pushing themself too hard. Eventually the day came when that happy facade broke down and Y/N ran out of the room crying. Sunny didn't know what to think at first. It seemed to have just come out of nowhere with no cause, but he couldn't just leave Y/N to deal with it alone.

After calling a certain star bear down to watch the kids while he was gone, Sunny made his way into the unused room Y/N had run into earlier. The door slides back, revealing you sitting against a nearby wall with your knees pulled to your chest. You were hugging them tightly, as if you were struggling to feel grounded. Sunny carefully makes his way over, sitting beside his distraught friend.

"Hey Sunshine, what's going on? Are you okay?" He asks, keeping his typically loud and cheerful voice in check. You were silent, staring blankly at your hands around your knees. It was almost like you were in a trance. Sunny didn't really know what else to do to snap you out of it so he gently puts a hand on yours, causing you to flinch and look over at him. "Woah sorry Sunshine, I just thought something was wrong." He says, concerned.

"Huh? Oh….sorry Sunny. I was just…..not really in my head you know?" Y/N replies, glancing at Sunny's hand.

"Oh I lose my head all the time!……more when Moondrop takes it over." He replies cheerfully, not really understanding what you mean. Y/N laughs lightly in response. Your friend didn't get it but he did manage to make you laugh like he always does.

"Well……what I mean is I keep zoning out. I can't focus on things like I usually would." Y/N explains, leaving out the flashbacks for the time being. You didn't think Sunny would want to know.

"Hm….like seeing something shiny? Like glitter?" He says happily. Y/N smiles up at him weakly.

"Sort of like that I guess." You reply, looking forward again with a sigh.

"But….why did you start crying? I was worried about you Sunshine." He replies, continuing to watch you as you seemingly begin to drift off again.

"Oh….that. It was nothing sunny….don't worry." But he was worried. He was worried someone had hurt you or that you had something going on that you needed to talk about. Maybe he couldn't help but he did know someone that might be able to. Often Moondrop would help the children with their fears and mental illnesses, acting as an animatronic therapist in a way. With that Sunny pushes his companion forward, causing the lights to flicker off in the room.

You look around the room as the lights go out, concerned at first until you realize what your friend is doing. He seems to think Moondrop may be better for this job. You hadn't been around him nearly as much as Sun but you still enjoyed his company. Soon enough Moon's familiar red eyes fall on you.

"So Sun thinks there's something wrong. Is there anything you want to talk about?" He asks, studying you for any evidence of the issue that he can find. "Did you just get overwhelmed by all the kids?" At first you were going to just say yes, but you knew Moon wouldn't exactly buy that after all he's a bit more observant than Sun.

"Its…..its just that my depression has been acting up. I keep getting flashbacks and my brain just keeps repeating horrible things. I usually don't let it bother me but its been nonstop for the past few days and I just couldn't take it anymore." You reply, hugging your legs tighter to you for comfort. "I know you guys expect me to be my happy go lucky self but…..I'm really struggling."

"Its okay to not be okay Y/N. You should never have to force yourself to act a certain way. I know Sun appreciates your happy attitude and ability to make everyone smile but its okay to let that image fracture sometimes. Its okay to struggle." Moon says, watching you closely. He's immensely worried but tries his best not to show it so he doesn't overwhelm you.

"Thank you moon…..that…that really means a lot." You reply before carefully laying your head on his shoulder. After a moment he turns, allowing you to lay on his chest as he wraps his arms around you.

"We better get back to the kids. Freddy has a show soon."

——————

#my writing #fnaf #fnaf fandom #fnaf sb #fnaf security breach x reader #fnaf security breach #fnaf x reader #sundrop x reader #fnaf sun and moon #sundrop and moondrop #fnaf moon x reader

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i-cant-sing · 3 years

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Todoroki Clan reacting to reader dating Bakugo

Check out my MASTERLIST for more!

Yeah, no one approves of Bakugo. They mainly disagree on the point that you date at all, but right now, they'll pin the blame on Bakugo. I know Natsuo and Dabi are already trying to find dirt on him, Fuyumi's jealous because why do you need to date at all??? Shotou's giving you all reasons why Bakugo is a bad for you because "he's loud, angry, brash and bullies Midoriya" and when you say "I thought you said Bakugo's your best friend." He'll curse himself for being friends with him.

Enji doesn't discriminate. He would've rejected anyone in place of Bakugo as well because apparently "no one is good enough for his little princess."

But as previously mentioned, Hawks was able to convince them to at least meet the boy.

You might be thinking that Katsuki VS Todoroki Clan, the obvious winner would be your family. But do you really think that Bakugo would've dated you if he didn't consider that factor? Of course he did, and he came with support and protection. And you know whats that?

His family.

Oh yes. Katsuki will be taking their help to get you. So, its a fair match now isn't it?

Bakugo Clan VS Todoroki Clan.

Now the Bakugo family, they absolutely adore you. There's very few things Katsuki's done to make Mitsuki proud. Dating you is one of them. Masaru is like so happy to finally have a calm, sweet child like him and he just adores how both of you are similar in many aspects.

I swear, they're all over you. They spoil you just as much as your family, maybe even more.

Dating Bakugo provided you a new sense of freedom. He saw how controlling your family is, so when you're with him, he's gonna help you do all the stuff they don't let you. For example, going out to eat fast food (because Rei took offence to you eating anything but her cooking), and you want to go to the club? Done, because he's there with you to fight off all creeps. Man, you hate your clothes (the pastel pink outfits)? His parents will design clothes that you specifically like. And its of top notch quality too.

So, yall might be wondering like Endeavour, the no.1 hero, could literally make them disappear. Well, Mitsiki and Masaru are in the fashion industry, right? So, they know everything about everyone. Mitsuki probably got some dirt on pre redemption Enji, how Dabi is a villian, and how Rei was sent to the asylum. A word of this gets to the public (after twisting and exaggerating it), and you'll be ripped away from Todoroki Clan and then the Bakugos will swoop in and take you away.

In conclusion, Bakugo's family has got his back and are prepared to get dirty if required.

I can just imagine Rei and Masaru passive aggressively talking about your schedule. "Oh she's going to have lunch with us on Friday" "No. We already got her booked for a trip in Bahamas." "Oh well, we already took her there so, no need. She'll be busy with us this weekend" etc.

And your siblings will constantly be trying to steal you away from Bakugo. Shotou will straight up freeze Bakugo so that Dabi and Fuyumi can kidnap you.

Oh and Bakugo is a little shit too. He sees how your family gets jealous when you spend time with him. He's not one for PDA but he will kiss you, cuddle you and all the lovey dovey stuff, while your family watches in anger, because you actually enjoy your time with him.

And now with two yandere families, you'll have double the protection. They'll be tracking all your moves, who you're meeting, what's bothering you, etc. I know Mitsuki will be having discussions with Enji about your mental health as well as how you're scared of Rei and Dabi, etc.

------------

BONUS

After meeting Bakugo:

Dabi: he's ugly.

Y/n: no, he's not! Besides, it what on the inside that matters. Beauty fades away.

Dabi: oh baby, that's just something ugly people say

Y/n: well, then you must say it a lot

*bakugo wipes a tear away because he's so proud he's rubbing off on you*

Send in your ideas/scenarios! I have another todoroki fam reaction in the drafts, but I'll take more!

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ramzawrites · 3 years

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Hey, so I'm having a really rough time rn (dealing with bs from my friend group, we have to take my really old dog to the vet today bc we found blood in her pee and we're scared that she won't make it this time, I'm struggling with my mental health, I'm just kinda goin thru it rn ig) so I would love a comfort fic with the sbi maybe with the reader as their sibling where the reader is the one that always comforts the fam, but hides their emotions until (1/2, very sorry about splitting it)

(2/2) something happens that makes the reader have a full on breakdown? I'll leave the rest to you, it can be a good or bad ending, headcanons or one shots, anything. You can ignore this request if you want/if it makes you uncomfortable. Please don't feel pressured/guilt tripped to write anything from this, your mental health comes first and I'm sure you're already really busy. Reminder to eat something today if you haven't yet and get a drink of water <3

We are family - Reader and SBI!Brothers

Pairings: none

Characters included: Wilbur, Technoblade, Tommy, (mentioned) Niki, (mentioned) Schlatt

Warnings: n/a

Series: a request <3

Summary: Y/N came back from an errand and surprises their brothers with their weird behavior. Trying to put on their usual smile, trying to hide away their real emotions but their brothers know them better than they inititally suspected. They could immediately tell that something must have happened.

Words count: 2060

Authors Note: I’m so sorry this took so long! I hope you and your dog are doing better! 💙 I wish I could give you more than words of encouragement and that I managed to get faster to this request, I apologize Please make sure to take care of yourself, alright? Take time for yourself to deal with the stress and anxiety! Make sure to stay hydrated and remember to eat! Even if it’s just something small!

Once again I apologize for the long wait, I felt really bad already and then I kinda put it off because I felt bad.

adhd hit hard again and haven’t checked for typos yet, but will get on it as soon as I can o7

On another note if you want to read another comfort fic; I have a small series called “A Painful Reminder” which is more angsty but the 2nd part is more about the comfort, if that is something for you

Living in the SMP was chaotic, turbulent and at times downright painful.

Most people tended to gravitate to one cause or other people to deal with this. Holding on to something so they don’t get pulled under. Get buried beneath the chaos and the violence.

So having people like Y/N around was like a godsend. They were one of the few people that seemed to be able to withstand the constant waves of misfortune and stand strong. Be the rock to hold onto when everything got too overwhelming.

Wilbur, Technoblade and Tommy loved their sibling for it.

After Wilbur and Tommy got exiled with Y/N out of L’Manberg, they were there and cheered both of their siblings up. Immediately making plans on how to set up a safe home and collecting ideas on how to get back. They were the one who managed to get a message out to Technoblade and asked him to visit them. Maybe help them.

Wilbur often jokingly said that Y/N was the glue that held the family together, to which they would always reply with the warmest of smiles “I’m glad.”

And what he said was true. Whenever the family fell on hard times and they began to drift apart it was Y/N who pulled all of them back. Pulling them back to reality and giving solutions for their problems if needed.

Sitting down with Wilbur when things got to much. Listening to his thoughts and worries, letting his emotion run freely without judgement. While they looked worried for him, their comforting smile never faltered. Offering him solutions to problems if he wanted it, otherwise they gave him the chance to just air his own thoughts out. To be angry with him. Sad with him.

Working with Tommy on his own projects. Listening to his ideas and giving him a different perspective that could improve some things but also respecting it when Tommy wanted to do this his way. And while he liked to brag and pretend that some things didn’t hit him that hard, they were still patiently listening to him as he spoke about his own pain in a more roundabout way. Telling him that he was not alone and making him feel heard.

Talking to Technoblade whenever the voices got too loud or out of hand again. He would just walk over to them and nudge them away, asking them to talk about something, no matter what. He just needed to hear their voice and be able to concentrate on it. Tune out the garbled voices in his head with a familiar sound that calmed him down no matter what. Leaning against them, slowly falling asleep as Y/N told all about how they were happily working on their own farm and what shenanigans they got up to.

Y/N really was like the warm sun on a cold day. Warming them up and protecting them.

Yes, Y/N was strong. So strong that even Technoblade considered them stronger than him. Maybe not physically but mentally and emotionally.

A clanging of metal rung through the cave. Techno was training with Wilbur while Tommy was just watching. Cheering on Techno.

It wasn’t an unusual situation and something Y/N expected to see as they made their way down the staircase. Wilbur in full iron armor and weapon while Techno just fought back with his own iron sword.

“Hey, Y/N! Welcome back!” Wilbur breathed out. Sweat running down the side of his face as he stopped attacking his brother.

The three men looked happily over to their sibling who slowly walked towards them but soon their expressions fell. Something was off about Y/N and it confused the three.

Their smile was as always plastered on their face but it looked strained. Their eyes wide open, trying to look sincere and loving but the glassy look of them gave off a different picture.

“Y/N? You okay?” Tommy asked as he stood up from the ground. Taking a step closer to them which made them in return stop in their tracks.

Y/N was hugging themself, shakily opening up their mouth to answer but nothing came out. It was then when Techno got very aware of how they were shaking in general.

This all seemed so wrong. This shouldn’t be possible. It just didn’t seem to register fully inside their minds.

Wilbur made sure to get rid off his sword and armor as fast as he could, walking over to his sibling, trying to get a better look at them but they just avoided his gaze.

Staring at the ground, slowly shaking their head “It’s- It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“You aren’t. You really aren’t. What happened? Did they find you?” Techno asked, his voice full with worry. A bit of anger hidden as well.

Y/N had their own little farm in order to support Pogtopia. The potatoes from Techno were great but variety is important after all. Though they also had an abundance of wheat they usually tried to smuggle into Manberg for Niki. Trying to help her out as much as possible with her taxes and work.

This time Y/N nodded “They did… It’s fine though. I’m fine. I’m not hurt. It’s all good.”

Wilbur’s frown deepened “Usually when people have to be so adamant about being okay something isn’t alright.”

Tommy nodded, supporting his statement only to whisper to himself “Adamant? What does-“

But Wilbur continued “We are your family, talk to us.”

Y/N licked their chapped lips “I’m-“

The tears finally escaped their eyes and begun streaming down their face. Sobbing they fell down on the ground. Wilbur immediately followed suit, laying his arm around them and pulling them against his chest. His hand flew up to their head and begun going through their hair, trying to calm them down. Humming a soft tune from their childhood.

It was the first time in their lives they saw Y/N break down like that and it was quite frankly shocking.

Unsure what to do with himself Tommy squatted down “Um, uh, what- what happened?”

Techno was still gripping the iron sword in his hand. Pacing up and down. Manberg found them? What the hell did they do to make Y/N break down like that? His own sibling! Whatever it was he would make sure to pay it back a thousand times over.

“Tommy can you grab them some water?” Wilbur laid his chin on top of Y/N’s head, rubbing circles now on their back.

He didn’t even hesitate, jumping up to run towards one of the chests with food items that Y/N had always ready for them. Grabbing a water bottle and running back over. Happy that he could do something else besides staring.

Tommy then pushed the bottle towards Y/N who gratefully took it, putting some space between them and Wilbur as they drank some of the cold liquid which helped them to calm down.

“You ready to tell us what happened?” Techno stopped pacing around. His gaze purely trained on his crying sibling. Anger still rising in him just like the voices.

Screaming things like “Technosib! How dare they hurt them! Protect them! I love Y/N so much! Why would anyone hurt Y/N! They always help us! Let’s help them for a change! Technosib! Let’s go out and fight them! Yeah! Blood for the Blood God and Y/N!”

Y/N’s voice was still wavering and a bit scratchy from their sobbing as they begun speaking “Hey, hey! Techno don’t concentrate on the voices. Listen to me. It’s all good.”

This somehow made Techno angry. He threw the sword away and finally knelt down next to them as well so his face was on the same eye level as theirs “Stop. Please. Stop thinking about us for one second. Stop trying to not make us uncomfortable or worried! Tell us what happened! Please.”

He was basically begging at the last part. All his worry packed into it.

“Yeah, honestly you trying to make sure everything is okay for us makes us even more worried.” It surprised the others a bit that this came from Tommy but he was correct.

Tears fell down their face again “I- I was just delivering more wheat to Niki and someone must have followed me. They followed me back to my farm and- and- they burned my fields down. There were explosions. I- it was just my farm. I did not harm. Just, why does it always have to end like this. Why do all the good things always end like this. Why can’t this place let something be. There is always something.”

The farm was so important to Y/N. It was their little project they put so much sweat, love and work into. It was their home away from home. A place to retreat and enjoy some peace. This obviously was devastating. It was their one thing they had for themself. The one thing that wasn’t there for anyone else but them.

It was also clear that this seemed to be the straw that broke the camel’s back and it broke the three a bit that they only now seemed to notice this. That it took that long and their whole farm being destroyed for the realize this was heartbreaking.

“Who?” Techno urged but Y/N shook their head.

“I don’t know. Everything went so fast and I tried to save as much as I could but- but it’s all gone. It’s all gone.” Their voice jumped up an octave at the end, burying their face against Wilbur’s shoulder again. Silently sobbing.

It should have been impossible but Wilbur’s frown deepened and his expression turned more grim “Don’t worry. We will get back at them. We will get our revenge. They will see firsthand what they did to you, I promise.”

Shocked Y/N looked up, their red and puffy eyes wide open “Wil, that’s not what I- no revenge. There is already too much misery going around I just want this to stop. I just want all of us being able to live in peace.”

Wilbur should have known that Y/N was too good natured for that but he couldn’t help himself. He was just so angry. Angry at Schlatt and Manberg. That they went for him was one thing but to go out of their way to treat Y/N like this? Let’s just say he put it on the list in bold letters with reasonings on why he will get back at the Manberg faction.

“Listen Y/N.” Techno begun, his voice now calm again “Stop it. Just for once think about yourself. Stop thinking about others for once. You are also worthy of the same care you give us. Let us at least help rebuild your farm. You always help us with our projects, let us help you with yours.”

Tommy seemed to lit up at that “That sounds like a good idea! We could build towers around your new farm and make sure no one gets in! We could put down traps and all!”

He really wasn’t sure how to react but that was at least something he could do for them. As the past General’s right hand man, this should be something he can do. If he couldn’t protect his sibling how could he ever hope to get L’Manberg back.

Wilbur seemed to think about it for a bit but agreed “Yeah, how does that sound?” Though the dark glint in his eyes stayed. The cogs in head still running off with his own thoughts.

“You guys would? Since when can you guys build?” a dry laugh escaped them but it was a laugh nonetheless.

Both Tommy and Wilbur looked almost appalled at that claim while Techno just shrugged and nodded. Just looking around Pogtopia was more functioning than good looking after all. Y/N tried to pretty it up a bit but usually something always happened around here.

“Also Y/N, please talk to us more. Don’t bottle everything up. Please. We worry a lot about you and we love you. You always do so much for us, let us do the same.” Wilbur pushed Y/N a bit off of him and looked them deep into their eyes, hoping that this would really hammer in that this was a genuine plea.

As a respone Y/N wiped the tears off their face “I understand. I’ll try to remember that.”

“Don’t try just do it.”

#mcyt x reader #dream smp x reader #dsmp x reader #mcyt reader insert #mcyt x Y/N #dream smp reader insert #dream smp x Y/N #dsmp reader insert #sbi x reader #sbi reader insert #dsmp x Y/N #ramza writes #Anonymous #anon request

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noyashighlight · 3 years

Text

My little dove

Child!Suna x Mother!Reader

Warning: Angst, death.

A/n: was reading a manga and listening to “fourth of July” by Sufjan Stevens when I thought of this idea.

“ Could you at least try to make some time for your family? Rintarō and I miss you- yes I understand work is important but so is your fam- That asshole!! I can’t believe he just hung up on me. “ you huffed softly shoving your phone into your purse feeling defeated, not having a use for it anymore. It was a typical Wednesday currently as you and Rintarō rode in the back of a black Limo going to drop him off at daycare before going off to work. You had just gotten off the phone with the sorry excuse of a husband and father, the man being a total workaholic.

Rintarō opened his eyes widely hearing you curse for the first time in front of him. “ Mommy who were you on the phone with? Also, mommy what’s an asshole?” The innocent four-year-old said the curse word with such ease and purity, that no one could be upset with him. Scooping him up into your lap hugging him against your chest, he looked like a spitting image of his father but with bright eyes full of life. Your son was the best thing to have happened to you during this loveless marriage.

The boy's father had one goal from this marriage and it was to produce an heir for the family company who would take over once it was their time. You were a knowing pawn in this all, but at least you could keep the man you love close to you with this marriage. It was draining though not only being an emotional support for your child but also keeping your own mental health in check.

Smiling you peppered kisses his plump cheeks, he was the cutest child ever. “ My little dove, that’s a bad word that you shouldn’t say okay? You can never say curses or Santa is going to be upset with you.” If only you could have taken a picture of his face, mouth wide with shock. Other than you, Santa was the only person he looked up to. “ I was talking to your father..” you kept it short and sweet not wanting to trouble your child. Maybe it was cause he was getting older or just sharp in general he frowned at the mention of his dad.

“ I don’t like daddy, he’s scary!” He shouted shoving his head into your chest hiding as of his father was present. It shocked you that even your son felt his cold gaze. Even if you resented him you didn’t want Rin to feel upset with his father and never build a relationship. “ What do you mean you don’t like daddy? Don’t you have a good time when dad comes home and we go out to eat dinner?”

He rapidly shook his then pulled your face down so he could whisper in your ear, probably not wanting the driver to hear. “ No, I like it better when it’s just us Mommy when daddy is here you never smile or make me laugh! Daddy is always like this.” He made a face his eyes relaxing and no sign of emotion on his face, he looked like a carbon copy.

To cover up your giggles you covered your mouth with your hands. Who knew your toddler could be so hilarious. At that moment the limo came to a stop indicating it was time for him to go. “ Well, my little dove we can have dinner together after I pick you up okay? If you’re extra good today I can sneak you a cookie before daddy tucks you in.” You kiss him on the head as the driver opens the door. Little Rintarō looked so adorable with his little backpack as he walked back to you while using his other hand to hold his teacher's hand.

“ Why do you coddle him so much y/n? He’s not a baby anymore and needs to start growing up. You’re so insolent when it comes to your motherly duties!” A now six-year-old Suna heard his father's voice boom down the hallway, rubbing his eyes he slowly got out of bed to see the commotion. Peaking his head out of the hallway he sees you and his dad sitting at the table. You looking down at your lap, it was visible you were shaking from trying not to cry loudly. A site he was used to this his household, his father never yelled in front of Rin.

“ He’s not too old for his mother to love him! I’m just trying to be a good mom, what about you? Do you even know his favorite color or what kind of cereal he prefers. “ you fought back at least trying not to be a doormat anymore, it was fine if he wouldn’t love you but he wasn’t just going to treat your son like some stranger. Not wanting his parents to fight anymore he walked into the dining room holding his blanket that was the cause of this argument.

“ Daddy, why did you make mommy cry again?” The two adults froze in their actions hearing the soft voice, he walked over to you and hugged you even though you were sitting. Climbing into your lap he glared at his father. “ You’re a bad man daddy! You always make mommy sad, when mommy is sad I get sad.” Hearing your young child stand up for you made your heartache, he really was your anchor even though you were the parent.

“ Mom why’d you come today?” Suna said raising his eyebrows as he got into the back of the limo, the now thirteen-year-old looked very handsome. Since he had gotten older it was rare for you to pick him up, but sadly you couldn’t make it to his volleyball game yesterday due to work so this was your way of making it up to him. You sometimes wondered if he got any of his genes on his outside appearance from you. “ Well, I thought you and I could get ice cream after school before we go have dinner with your dad.” You smiled smoothing out his hair, he leaned into your touch.

Your son smirked mischievous mirroring your smile, “ He’s gonna be pissed when he sees the driver took us to get ice cream before dinner. Why don’t we take a walk around the park to, make him wait a bit longer at the table.” Your husband had his hands full with you two being absolute trouble makers, he could never break the bond you two shared though it was his fault for his neglect.

Two hours later Rintarō received a call from his angry tell him that he’s been at the restaurant for over an hour. “ Sorry Sir, we’re on our way.” He held back his laughter. Rin never called his father in a loving tone anymore to him he was an empty shell of a dad. After getting off the phone you two look at each other bursting out in a laugh, soon quieting down feeling the sleepiness after eating all of that ice cream. Rin rested his head on your shoulder, your child was now taller than you and still growing.

“ Mom, can you sing that song, that you used to hum?” You thought he has fallen asleep he was silent for so long. The young male hasn’t asked you to sing in years, though you were happy to accept his request anyway. The song wasn’t a happy one but your soft voice made it a gentle lullaby.

“ Sitting at the bed with the halo at your head was it all a disguise, like Junior High. Where everything was fiction, future, and prediction. Now, where am I? My fading supply. Did you get enough love, my little dove? Why do you cry? And I'm sorry I left, but it was for the best though it never felt right. My little Versailles, Shall we look at the moon, my little loon. Why do you cry? Make the most of your life, while it is rife, while it is light.” His breathing slowed signaling to you he had fallen asleep, it would be a pain to wake him up when you guys arrived to the restaurant but for now it was peaceful.

Suddenly the limo tumbled, Suna’s eyes shot open feeling his body being thrown multiple times. As quick as it happened it had come to a stopped the limo feeling less spacious. His body ached feeling glasses shard pricking his back as now he was laughing on the window, the vehicle on its side. Looking up was you on top of him caging him in like you were shielding with your own body. “ Are you okay?” You croaked out, blood trickling down from the side of your mouth. You looked pale and almost lifeless but still kept a warm smile not wanting your precious child to panic. You caressed his cheek softly glad he only had a few scratches. You frowned a bit seeing him now crying. He must have been hurt.

“ Don’t cry my little dove, help will be here soon to get you out of this.” You cooed wiping the tears escaping his eyes. “They are going to get us both out of here right mom?” He cried out with pleading eyes seeing you turn paler as the minutes passed. How could you tell him the truth that you were going to make it? You kept eye contact with him not wanting him to look down, because if he did he would see you were being pierced by a sharp metal-like object. Just the sheer worry that your son needed help kept you going.

You nodded your head slowly with a sweet smile, “ Of course, we are going to be okay.” You started hearing the sirens in the distance, feeling relieved they weren’t going to take long seeing as you were running out of time. “ You were always a bad liar mom, always saying you’re okay when you aren’t. “ he saw right through you, why wouldn’t he after all he was your best friend and son.

Letting out a soft chuckle even though it hurt you pressed a kiss on his forehead, “ I love you my little dove, make sure the old man gets you all the ice cream you want after you get all patched up or give him hell.” It was time to go, the feeling left your legs long ago now your body was feeling more peaceful.

“ Mom please don’t go, you’re all I have! You can’t leave me in this world with the old geezer! Please mom just stay awake a little longer!” He sobbed uncontrollably as he felt your thump lifelessly on his chest, he hopes his loud cries and shouts would keep you awake just like when he was a child wanting your attention. He let out an agonizing scream hearing the ambulances park, not cause he was hurting from his injuries no because he had just lost the most important person to him in the world.

Suna Rintarō’s eyes were cold and half-lidded as he stood at your funeral, the picture of you smiling staring back at him. He looked just like his father more than ever. Losing you meant he lost one of his reasons to smile, no one could replace the love of his mother.

“ Rin it’s time to go.” His father’s voice wasn’t so stern today, making Rintarō angry. His father didn’t have the right to be sad when he was one of the reasons you had cried so much. Well, he wasn’t going to take over this stupid company one day, remember how you would cheer him on to the games you would attend made his chest ache. Volleyball was his passion, he would succeed and make you proud no matter what.

And I'm sorry I left, but it was for the best though it never felt right.....

#haikyu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu!!#suna headcanons #suna rintarō #suna x reader #hq suna #suna rintaro imagine #suna rintaro angst

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i-love-hobbies · 3 years

Text

The biggest criticism Lilith's redemption arc gets and Eda's biggest strength

(ft. me getting completely side tracked and wanting a Hooty redemption arc)

Ok, so firstly I wanna talk about real life and then say how it was done in the owl house.

I hate the words "Everyone should get what they deserve." Cause firstly this never happens, secondly, the words are very vague and it opens a window of miscommunication and thirdly, cause in Lilith's case they are focused at, she needs to be hurt in order to change.

There are even people that have said that they are looking forward to watching Lilith suffer (I don't know if I've said it on the internet but I was one of them.)

Revenge has been proven to not make people feel better. And a lot of therapists usually say you need to forgive people. That doesn't mean fix the relationship, it means try to stop wishing they get hurt. Cause the feeling is only hurting you.

Also it's a normal human feeling to be angry, so no I'm not calling people monsters for this. And forgiveness is a hard process that takes a lot of work, but it usually isn't helped by hurting others.

The words people usually use to defend this sentence are:

"Consequences change people's minds or at the very least make them scared of doing it again."

Ok so how about we use this sentence instead, it's short enough and the main mission now is keeping ourselves safe Instead of it being hurting someone, you're still wishing it but it's not the main goal, it's a secondary one.

Well, cause it immediately shows two issues both statements have.

Firstly a friendship with someone that wants to hurt you but is scared of doing so is not a healthy one, cause they'll just try to be sneaky. You can only do it with people that aren't close to you like how the authorities do it towards criminals.

Secondly punishments rarely change people's minds. They've never worked on me, especially when you attack my identity, cause this way you make it even worse. And expecting that you can change someone usually means you're about to fail.

"But we can't get rid of punishments, people will hurt us."

I'm not saying we should. I'm saying our main goal should be our safety and hurting them may happen but it shouldn't be important.

Or better yet:

"Building healthy boundaries to the point where you're not getting hurt anymore, but not going overboard."

Examples:

- You have a friend you see Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday. But on Wednesdays, after work, they usually are very ignorant of your feelings and sometimes joke at your expense. So you stop going out at Wednesdays.

They might never ask why you did it and that's ok, cause you're not getting hurt anymore.

But usually they do ask why? You explain to them the issue with respect, don't call them names.

Some people will change after this and you can get rid of the boundary later on.

Other people may acknowledge this and say it's a good idea, cause they are overwhelmed, but never change.

Other other people may start hurting you even more. You build the boundaries even more, sometimes to the point you cut them out of your life, even if they weren't hurting you intentionally.

Which is completely ok if you can't maintain contact without being hurt.

- Eda's handling of Gwendolyn's cures is another good one. She never called her names or anything. She just made sure that Gwen can't hurt her anymore. Cause it wasn't only the cures. Eda's feelings were always getting ignored. She literally couldn't talk with her about anything other than the curse. Her emotions were getting neglected.

- Eda's handling of Tibbles is also an interesting example.

At first after the scamming she just left him. She couldn't see how he could hurt her.

And in episode 14 she killed him. Cause he showed that he would do anything to murder her dump kids and knew their address. Almost same story with Adegast.

Yes murder in this extreme cases can be a healthy boundary.

Lilith's relationships with the owl fam

King:

King didn't know Lilith was living with them and knows about her neglect.

Luz:

Luz would only stand up for others never for herself which is very unhealthy. I don't know if she forgave Lilith, but I can see her not mentioning it if she hasn't and playing along as a teacher.

"The real mystery is how she can be both so smart and yet so wrong at the same time. Academics, am I right?"

The closest one to her she has roasted like this, is her mentor, who firstly makes people feel safe.

"EDA, You're embarrassing me Infront of my crew." - Raine, after thirty years of not seeing her.

Secondly, she was being a jerk, she was teaching Luz about cards while she was begging for magic lessons and was not getting it for weeks.

"Cards, the paper rectangles that old people think are fun."

Heck, she might even be scared of Lilith. She almost got killed.

So far I don't have a reason to think she likes her. She hasn't really talked with her or about her much.

Eda:

Eda has already shown that she can handle conflicts in relationships. Like in episode 9, where she got Luz into Hexside and everything I already said.

I made an entire post about Eda being too emotional and I still stand by it, but serious situations that have to do with relationships, she usually is very rational and good at handling them. Probably because of the curse making her afraid of her anger and countless people attacking her.

At the beginning of the series Eda probably was expecting that the worst case scenario would be for Lilith to catch her and if Lilith isn't given the time to realise what she did, she'd be killed and best case scenario Lilith changes.

Episode 5, where Lilith burned down her wanted posters, episode 8 where Lilith was gonna get her straight in the coven instead of arresting her, episode 11, where Lilith said she wanted for Eda to join on her own and episode 17, where they played grudgby.

Proved to her even more that Lilith cares a lot for her and maybe she will change.

Then episode 18 happened and King wanting hugs and Luz's "Let me die!" Suddenly the worst case scenario became not her dieing but her dieing and the trauma the kids will experience. The fact that they won't have her in their lifes.

Lilith says "Then why were you so easy to curse?!?" This does not sound like "I accidentally did this and I'm sorry." No, Eda thought Lilith did this on purpose. And now her kids might get killed by her own sister cause she was too naive to trust her.

From now on I don't think she was trying to kill her cause Lilith isn't dangerous without raw power like Adegast and Tibbles, but to disable her is a possibility.

To add to this Eda wasn't rational almost throughout the entire finale. She probably didn't pick up on the line "If you would just let me explain." Just like she didn't question why Lilith was thrown in a cage.

Then she learns that Lilith commited treason together with her kids and started feeling like she doesn't know the full story, but Lilith is still a caring person. So she jumps Infront of the beam to save both Lilith and King.

Afterwards Lilith shares the curse and has nowhere to go if she gets kicked out so there is no reason to believe that she would hurt them physically.

I know in a post I said I don't think she fully processed the situation with Lilith. But now I think I was only half right.

She didn't fully process how much she was hurt but she understood Lilith's situation. Forgave her as soon as possible, not immediately. But that doesn't mean she rebuilded the relationship as soon as she forgave her.

First of, the forgiveness part happened after episode 1. The entire episode she was guilt tripping her, which I don't think was helping the situation. It makes Lilith more emotional which then makes it harder for her to face reality.

I'm not calling Eda a bad person for this but I do think it was a mistake.

What wasn't a mistake but a good thing is Eda wasn't the one to listen to her problems, it was Hooty. Cause her emotional health matters too and standing in one room with her sister is challenging.

And now I'm wondering does Eda know about how Lilith was treated by both the coven and their parents.

Eda calling Lilith a tool, seems to me more of them competing with each other rather than the recent events. Also Lilith forcing her rules without saying why they are there.

I'm glad the episode ended with them switching roles, where Lilith is now more powerful. Though I'm pretty sure the roles are getting switched again.

So what about the rebuilding of the relationship or should I say trust.

Well they didn't show us much, but I think the trust isn't fully back.

Cause she has only been proving that she can be physically trusted like when she saved King's life.

Eda never opens up, which is unhealthy. But in this case it's a healthy boundary, cause King did it and he got Lilith projecting onto him.

Lilith isn't good at being mentally supportive and still has bad habits.

Lulu and Hootsifer

Hooty helping Lilith was something, she really needed and didn't take for granted, cause the only one to ever even consider this is Eda.

They are buddies that look out for each other. I wouldn't say they talk a lot about feelings as they have no idea how to do that, but there are examples where they do.

Like "What kind of a witch am I?" and Hooty's letter.

Her letter for Hooty, was supportive, but ignored the issue of Hooty always being in people's personal space.

Which led to Hooty drugging Eda, kidnapping three children and almost killing said kids when his plans didn't work the way he wanted. He also ate the letter for King.

I want a Hooty redemption arc, now!

#toh #the owl house #eda clawthorne #toh eda #eda the owl lady #edalyn clawthorne #the owl lady #lilith clawthorne #toh lilith #toh Luz #luz noceda #toh king #king clawthorne #hooty #toh hooty #lulu and hootsifer

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shhhhsh · 3 years

Text

About Tim’s New Story….

I just really hope they address Tim’s mental health. Like, DC just been ditching really good plot lines in favor of being “woke” or pandering. Just look at all the live action shows.

Now I’m not saying they can’t make Tim queer/bi/gay, but (as someone pointed out to me) Tim’s previous story writer was bi and he still chose to write Tim as straight & in a healthy romantic relationship with Stephanie Brown. I’ve seen several people who identify as queer/bi say that to have Tim go “ ooooh I’ve fooled myself into thinking I was straight, but now I’m freeeee” sends the message that Tim’s previous relationship failed b/c he was with a woman and not because of Tim’s poor mental and emotional health.

To go back to my previous statement; by him not writing Tim as bi tells me that he didn’t want or care for Tim to be bi, but instead saw Tim as, or preferred him to be, straight. The writer had free control to write Tim how ever he wanted and yet he chose to keep Tim straight. And he actually liked & wanted Tim/Steph. Again, I’m not saying Tim can’t be queer/bi, I’m just saying I find the motivations for this possible change very fishy. Almost as if the new writer is trying to get brownie points for pandering to a portion of the fans.

I think this way b/c in every other media where a character is revealed to be LGBTQ they just did it. They didn’t beat around the bush or do any queer coding/baiting. They either announced it, just made the character that way right out the gate, or just dropped the bomb w/out warning (as seen in Netflix’s Voltron, Amazon Prime’s Invincible, and Nickelodeon’s Legend of Korra respectfully).

DC currently has a bad habit changing things to be “woke” and bragging about it or shoving it in our faces. DC is becoming the “pick me girl” of superhero media. If you want to do it, just do it. Again I just get the “look at me, look at me” & “carrot on the stick” vibes from them now. If you truly feel in your heart to do something you would just do it without the need for recognition or to be so dramatic about it.

Now what I much rather see & think it’s a natural progression for Tim:

I personally believe that if Jason, Dick, & Damian can get a story that attempts to give them character development beyond romantic relationships (romance was more of a B-plot to the character driven A-plot anyway) I think they can give it to Tim as well.

I know that the Bat-Family all struggle with some form of mental health problems (most commonly paranoia and PTSD). However, I would like to point out that trauma is was what brought the others into the vigilante lifestyle, while Tim & Barbara became traumatized because of the vigilante lifestyle. Yet, Barbara was shown overcoming her trauma and using it as motivation to get better. Tim is yet to have this moment.

We all know that Tim struggles with depression, self-esteem, and suicidal tendencies. I mean heck, him becoming Red Robin only happens because of Tim’s degrading mental health. I hate to say it, but Tim is very psychologically broken and has been show to get so depressed that he can’t even get out of bed some times. To my knowledge, Tim is the only one in the Bat-Fam that struggles in his head with the idea of not being needed, useful, or forgotten when in reality that is furthest from the truth (Steph, Jason, & Damian also feel like the black sheep periodically, but that is because they have been presented with real evidence that would lead them to logically believe this. I.e being actually forgotten or dismissed for past mistakes despite great efforts to better themselves).

While yes, Dick did Tim dirty by replacing him without having a proper conversation first, the motivation was because he saw Tim as his equal and not Damian. He thought highly of Tim, but Tim couldn’t see that over his offense. Tim is so beat down by life that he see’s everything with negative lenses. Everyone came to check on Tim’s mental health but Tim took it as an insult instead.

And even though now Tim has reached some form of “peace” in his life, that only happens because the people he lost came back (Bruce, Conner, Bart, Cassie, etc). Tim never fully learned to handle grief, to handle his emotions, instead he represses them. Again in the Red Robin run, the main reason he doesn’t believe in any form of God is because he can’t logically justify the pain he has gone through. He is hurting and doesn’t know how to deal with that. In his original Robin run, when he tried talking someone out of committing suicide……the words and comfort he gave….that wasn’t something that was just inside Tim, this is something that was told to Tim. This is followed by him calling Dick to get the same pep-talk he just regurgitated to someone else.

In short: Tim is hurting. Deeply. And having been someone who’s emotional & mental sanity was pushed to the brink and attempted to jump off several times, I think it’s really sad that DC just ignores it. Now as someone who’s gotten the help they needed & now helps other people who struggle with the same issues as myself & Tim, I think that they’re going to say a lot of Tim’s problems come from him not being “aware” of his own sexuality, which is just sad.

In the story in question, Barbara talks about Tim not having a solid identity. People are more than their sexuality. People are capable of making future decisions for themselves without it hindering on their sexuality. If Tim was real, I would brake down his struggle as so:

Tim refuses to go to college and do something more with his life because he cannot see anything beyond his current circumstance. And the only reason why Tim cannot see anything beyond his circumstance is because he has no internal sense of purpose, identity, and acceptance beyond the cape & cowl. And when Tim finally found that in being Robin, Tim held onto it as a lifeline. There’s a reason why everyone says Tim is basically Bruce 2.0: it’s because he is Robin/Red Robin/Drake & Tim is the mask. At a young age, he did not grow up having these things instilled into him due to his parents neglecting him at a very important age in his development. Tim raised himself, and for a lack of better terms; an idiot cannot teach themselves to be smarter, an idiot becomes smarter by learning from the intelligent. A child can’t teach themselves to be an adult, they have to learn from others to grow & better themselves.

Now a parent doesn’t necessarily have to sit down and give a lesson about how to be an individual, but children learn how to live life by watching their parents. A good example of this is the rest of the Bat-Fam; they all grew up with some form of parental figures that taught them how to behave (for better or worse). Of course children have their own personalities, which is why two kids can go through the same type of trauma but come out differently, but it is a battle of nature vs nurture. Steph, Jason, Cass, & Damian grew up in abusive/unstable homes, while Dick, Barbara, & Bruce grew up in loving homes, but their personalities & character dictated how they responded to trauma. They took what life gave them and decided what to leave or take.

Tim had nothing to work with & is basically playing catch-up with the rest of his peers.

In a weird sense, Tim is like Zuko from The Last Airbender: only living to serve their father’s purpose. Anything outside of that they don’t know what to do. They’ve been trained to be something externally without been given a chance to figure out who they are internally.

Again you are not your sexuality, your sexuality does not determine who you are as a person. When a person struggles through life, it is due to the conditions of thier soul. Everything starts internally and shows it’s self externally.

I want to make that very clear because I am truly scared that in DC’s attempt to claim “clout” they are missing the bigger picture. Tim doesn’t have identity problems simply because he “doesn’t know” he likes boys, but because DC never gave him is own identity to begin with. Robin was never his own identity, Red Robin was never his, & Drake was his first attempt to make his own but he quickly gave it up so that he can be Robin once again. What is Tim going to do once Damian gets back? Is Damian going to get his own identity before Tim? Or is Tim just going to go back to one of his old identities?

I would like for Tim to personally move on from being a vigilante and rejoin civilian society for a while. Go to college, do something for himself and only for himself. Give Tim the self-discovery story, let him heal, and grown to be his own person. Besides you can never have a functional romantic relationship if you are not a functional individual. Self love > romantic love.

#red robin #batman #dc comics #tim drake #batman and robin #bruce wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #damian al ghul #damian wayne #stephanie brown #batgirl #cassandra cain #batfam #robin #I just want a good and meaningful story that doesn’t have some secret agenda #just do right by Tim #beware the pandering #not everything has to be about romance

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thejakeformerlyknownasprince · 4 years

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Have you noticed the thing in fanfics of children's lit where the writer gives the protagonist new parent figures? The parent figures say things like "no child should have had to do x!". PF's don't prevent protagonist from doing heroism but might ground them for it after. Under their care, the protagonist is likely to get a job, often at the business of the PF. Seems less common for the Animorph (more in ATLA and Harry Potter), but if you have seen this, what's going on? Why do writers do this?

Why do writers do this?

Welcome to the fandom renaissance, Nonny! My best stab as to what’s going on here is that we’re seeing fewer and fewer shipping wars due to a whole range of forces from “the average age of fandom is increasing” to “there’s an ongoing post-monogamy societal shift.” BUT that there’s still a desire to see relationship-building fic go in the gaps where (for instance) Pro-Jacob Anti-Edward fic used to go. So instead of writing about Edward and Bella’s romance, people are writing about Edward and Carlisle’s mentorship, or Leah and Rosalie’s friendship.

What’s going on?

Again, a stab in the dark: it’s a really fun story premise, one that can get away from the way ships are sometimes fraught with baggage. Found Family is intensely cathartic, in the sense that it takes characters who are miserable and/or lonely in canon and allows them to build loving relationships with each other. It also (IMHO) reflects that trend among Millennial Whippersnappers to move away from nuclear definitions of “family” and toward embracing everything from polyamory to sexless romance to adult adoption.

Not only that, but it’s awesome in that it lets writers play so much with foils. Stranger Things obviously does this Up to Eleven (pun intended): Steve’s an arrogant jerk when he’s interacting with Nancy but a dorky sweetheart around Dustin, Hopper’s at his worst around Joyce but at his best around El, Billy’s evil to Max but might be redeemable around his mom, etcetera. This premise gives fan writers the chance to get wildly different characters into a room together — what if the Tonks family adopted Neville Longbottom? — and start playing out the fun potential.

Why Avatar and Harry Potter (but not Animorphs)?

In a word: FOILS. Both AtLA and Harry Potter are series filled with good, bad, and ugly mentors, and both series have contrasts between the good and the bad. For AtLA, it’s no accident that Zuko finally reuniting with his father in S3E1 is intercut with the scene of Katara finally reuniting with her father. Katara’s fam airs their grievances, talks things out, yells, cries, apologizes, forgives, hugs, and affirms their ongoing love. Zuko’s fam deals with having 500 times as much baggage by... Zuko kowtowing silently on the floor while Ozai talks about everything but their problems with each other. After that sequence, the desire to get Zuko into a room with Hakoda for some proper fathering is practically overwhelming, and many brilliant fan writers have obliged us by doing exactly that.

For Harry Potter, there’s no scene that’s as in-your-face with the contrast between healthy vs. unhealthy disagreement with one’s father, but there are still plenty of mentor foils. Sirius and Petunia are probably the clearest examples. Sirius is a raging mess who (on the surface) has nothing to offer Harry: he’s an ex-con with a drinking problem and untreated mental health issues who spends much of the series homeless. Petunia has her shit together and (on the surface) is the perfect guardian for Harry: she’s a wealthy full-time parent who lives in a large suburban house, and is both his closest surviving relative and his legal guardian. But of course all Harry needs from a parent is love and support, and Sirius offers that in spades while Petunia has none to spare. Again, the desire to rip Harry away from the Dursleys and ship him off to go be a Black is overwhelming, and many beautiful works of fan fiction have done exactly that.

Animorphs... doesn’t have mentor characters. Like, none. Elfangor dies, Toby does her own thing, Erek can’t be trusted, neither Ax nor Jake wants to mentor, and all adults are possible controllers. Eva’s the closest we get, but by the time she’s free, everyone (especially Eva) recognizes that the Animorphs are already more experienced than her. We don’t even see a dynamic like the Teen Titans show where the villains mentor the heroes — Jake and Marco might occasionally parallel Visser Three and Visser One, but they don’t learn from the vissers the way that Robin does from Slade or Raven does from Trigon. The kids just... find their own way. So while people have written fic where Elfangor or Eva or Mertil or Tom mentors the team, there’s not this in-your-face missed opportunity for the kids to get the parenting they deserve in Animorphs the way there is with Harry Potter and Avatar.

Have you noticed the thing?

Personally, I love this trend. I’m not much of a shipper — I’m not fond of “will they or won’t they” romantic premises, and actively dislike “they will because they’re soulmates” premises. My favorite Ship Dynamics are all platonic. Like, my faves include (but are not limited to):

Grubby Semi-Feral Mentee and Aloof Socially-Incompetent Mentor Bond with Alarming Speed Over Niche Magical Interest (see: Briar and Rosethorn in Circle of Magic, Boy 412 and Marcia in Septimus Heap, Jason and Bruce in Batman, Wart and Merlin in The Once and Future King)

Well-Intentioned Loving Parent Irretrievably Fucks Up Child, Copes with Fallout (see: John and Dean in Supernatural, Adam and Cal in East of Eden, Soichiro and Light in Death Note, Elaine and T.J. in Political Animals)

I’ve Only Known This Person With Extremely Specific Shared Trauma for 10 Minutes But If Anything Happened to Them I Would Kill Everyone (see: Toph and Zuko in AtLA, Luke and Annabeth in Demigod Diaries, Ax and Tobias in Animorphs, Spike and Angel in Angel, Parker and Eliot in Leverage, Johanna and Finnick in Catching Fire)

Saving the World Sucks But At Least My Ultra-Competent Siblings Are Suffering With Me (see: Edmund and Lucy in Chronicles of Narnia, Sam and Dean in Supernatural, the Hargreeveses in Umbrella Academy, the Crains in Haunting of Hill House)

Just Because I Tried to Kill You That One Time Doesn’t Mean I Won’t Help You Hide a Body, JFC We’re Still Family and I Don’t Know What You Take Me For (see: the Robins in Batman, Septimus and Simon in Septimus Heap, Kyle and Ian in The Host)

We Were the Weird Cousins At All the Family Reunions and We’ve Only Gotten Weirder Since (see: Kate and George in Story Time, Jake and Rachel in Animorphs, Po and Bitterblue in Graceling Realm)

#fan fiction #animorphs #animorphs meta #animorphs fic #animorphs fandom #fan meta #fandom #harry potter #avatar the last airbender #ship dynamics #found family #atla #Anonymous #ask #mentoring #i write sibs not romance

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jess-rewatches-prodigalson · 3 years

Text

The Last Weekend (S2, E13)

It’s been a trip fam. Hopefully, it continues for a third season. Thanks for sticking with me this far.

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:19 - That taxidermy is creepy af.

0:25 - Ok. But like, this is amazing. Look at Malcolm. He’s confused, annoyed, and a little pissed off but he doesn’t actually look scared. He just woke up in a strange place tied to a chair and the last thing he remembers is telling his father to run. He knows his serial killer father kidnapped him but he’s not scared because there’s a part of Malcolm that is so so desperate for Martin to love him. Malcolm is NOT okay. His reaction to being kidnapped by his serial killer father is evidence of that. This dude is not in a good mental place. I'm here for it. This is bad.

0:40 - Groggy, annoyed, and sassy Malcolm is adorable.

0:51 - This is a woman who thinks not telling the NYPD about that Capshaw phone call killed her son. She doesn’t know where Malcolm is right now or if he’s alive. BUT Jessica knows Martin has Malcolm and therefore - Malcolm is not safe. The guilt and fear is oozing from Jessica and I want to hug her. :( <3

1:13 - Again. Malcolm is in danger. Why doesn’t Ainsley seem to be worried? At all?!? This girl’s lack of empathy is genuinely concerning. If my brother was abducted by our abusive father I would be a wreck.

1:25 - “Don’t get cocky.” HA. What a great line. Although, it’s really sad to see how desperate Ainsley is for some attention from her mother. Although, I do love the contrast between this line and the line from 1x3: "You watch my reports?" "Not with the sound on". Jessica really is growing as a parent. I love that for her.

1:31 - “Capshaw is claiming Malcolm was Dad’s accomplice.” WHY ISN'T AINSLEY UPSET ABOUT THIS. SHE’S ACTING LIKE IT’S JUST SOME JUICY GOSSIP. BE ANGRY GIRL. BE SCARED. BE UPSET. THIS IS YOUR BROTHER. At least Jessica is pissed and scared about it.

1:46 - “Cruel eyes.” Has Capshaw ever looked at Malcolm? That boy has the sweetest eyes ever. They’re a gorgeous shade of blue, wide, and expressive. Never cruel. Often fearful. ALSO the fact that Capshaw looks at the window (where she knows Malcolm’s friends are standing) when she says this INFURIATES ME. I want this woman dead. She is the spawn of Satan and you can't change my mind.

1:50 - The way Dani looks at Gil when he says, “You buying this?” is wonderful. This girl is scandalized at the idea that Gil might be buying Capshaw’s story. This girl is team Malcolm and I love her for it. She's so offended at the idea that Gil - the man who's known Malcolm since he was 10 years old - might think Malcolm is a bad guy. <3 <3

1:52 - “Our boy’s crazy, but not that crazy.” <3 <3 <3 Every time JT calls Malcolm “our boy” or “our guy” my heart explodes. I love the evolution of their relationship so so so much. <3 Also JT is giving off major big brother vibes to Dani and Malcolm this episode and I LOVE IT. <3

1:54 - “Good. We all know she’s lying. Problem is we’re the only ones.” This whole scene. *CHEF’S KISS* Seriously, protective!Dani, protective!JT, and protective!Gil in the same scene?!? All going to bat for Malcolm? I’m in love. This is the found family content I’m here for. ALSO look at GIL. This man is so so pissed that someone is trying to paint his surrogate son as the bad guy. Gil is a good man but someone is threatening his family and that means he’s going to break his own rules. <3 I’m here for it. This is the kind of inner turmoil I subscribed to this show for.

2:02 - "Good morning sleepyhead." I have thoughts. 1) If Martin truly cared about Malcolm why didn't he restrain Malcolm on one of those twin beds (where he could actually sleep) instead of tying him to a chair?!?! 2) Look at how hard Martin is trying to act like Malcolm's friend (not even a good friend). He's not acting like Malcolm's dad. A dad or a good friend wouldn't leave a guy who just suffered from an embolism alone and tied to a chair. They'd take him to a hospital, obviously that was out of the question here. So for the sake of this comparison, a good friend/dad would have put Malcolm on the bed, gotten some warm blankets for him, made sure water was close by, and stayed with him until he woke up - to you know, MAKE SURE HE'S STILL BREATHING?!?! BUT not Martin, this dude just waltzes into the room and delivers a mildly condescending yet cheery rendition of "good morning sleepyhead" almost as though Malcolm's unconscious state was a burden to Martin. Even though Malcolm was unconscious because MARTIN DRUGGED HIM (also not good!Dad behaviour).

2:04 - "You drugged me?!?" This breaks my heart. After everything, Malcolm is still surprised (and rightfully annoyed) that his father drugged him. Malcolm knows that Martin is a bad man. He knows Martin has drugged him before. He knows he shouldn't trust Martin but after everything there's still a part of Malcolm desperate to believe that Martin loves him. PLUS one of the last memories Malcolm has before he woke up in this motel is of Martin saving his life. Malcolm was giving in to the "maybe Dad really does love me" mentality. It's heartbreaking and I want to give Malcolm a hug.

2:23 - I find this whole exchange so upsetting yet interesting. Both Malcolm and Martin are being openly hostile to each other. Usually, Malcolm is civil to Martin but right now, Martin is NOT chained to a wall and Malcolm is acting like an argumentative and whiny teenager (and rightfully so but still not a safe move). Martin is matching Malcolm’s mood. Martin is engaging in Malcolm’s frustration with an off-putting amount of cheer. I honestly believe Martin is just ecstatic that he’s been given an opportunity to ‘be a father’ again. There’s also a part of me that is completely convinced that Martin was already hatching his plan to have Malcolm kill him. Why would he do that? My answer: 1) Martin doesn’t want to go back to prison, 2) To finally get revenge on Malcolm for turning him in in 1998, 3) he’s a predatory psychopath and he saw an opportunity to screw with someone, 4) Martin is pissed off that Malcolm keeps trying to distance himself from Martin. Martin see’s it as betrayal and he wants to make Malcolm suffer.

2:25 - THIS. IS. AMAZING. The way Malcolm immediately panics and tries to escape Martin when the switchblade comes out is incredible. You can see Malcolm’s perspective shift. We actually see it flip back and forth all episode. Half the time, Malcolm is a little boy desperately trying to convince himself that Martin has changed and that Martin loves him. The other half of the time, Malcolm is a logical and educated adult who knows Martin is a dangerous killer who is trying to manipulate him. It’s such a compelling dichotomy.

2:44 - “We are the victims here Malcolm.” I absolutely believe that Martin believes this statement. HOWEVER, I also think he’s using the situation to his advantage in an attempt to sway Malcolm’s trust in him.

2:52 - “You’re in a pickle.” This infuriates me. Martin does NOT love or care about Malcolm. What Martin does love - is what Malcolm does for him. ie. Providing him a connection to the real world (visiting him in prison), giving him an outlet for his attention-seeking needs, giving him a plaything to manipulate. Martin views Malcolm as a pet NOT a person and NOT a son. That kills me.

2:55 - “I need to call Gil.” <3 <3 This is absolutely beautiful and terrifyingly stupid. Beautiful because Malcolm is in trouble and his knee-jerk reaction is “Gil can help. I trust Gil. Gil loves me. He’ll listen. He’ll help.” <3 <3 So precious. It’s scary though because it’s no secret that Martin views Gil as a threat to his family. This will make Martin more determined to manipulate Malcolm. Because again, Martin views everything as possessions. He doesn’t actually love Malcolm, Ainsley, and Jessica. He loves the idea of them and what he can do with them. He doesn’t actually care about them though. He only cares about their wellbeing to the extent of how it will affect him. (SIDE NOTE: I’m honestly crushed that we didn’t get a proper Gil+Martin face off during this finale.)

2:58 - “Gil’s great and all.” This man speaketh from his ass. He hates Gil. This is some damn fine manipulation. He’s interaction with Malcolm in a way he knows Malcolm will have a positive reaction. I respect it. It also makes my blood boil (out of love for Malcolm).

3:05 - “Who would you believe?” This hurts. Look at how absolutely crushed Malcolm looks. Malcolm knows no one will believe him. Why would they? He’s the son of a serial killer with well documented mental health issues and well documented issues with rule-following. It’s common knowledge that he’s an intense and weird dude. And it’s all Martin’s fault.

3:07 - “Can we talk?” I’m impressed. First, Martin complements the man he knows Malcolm respects more than anything. Then, he appeals to Malcolm’s insecurities and fears of being ‘The Surgeon’s son’. He does it all calmly, in a comforting tone of voice. This is manipulation at its finest.

3:17 - “You look ridiculous.” This is Malcolm fully aware that Martin just tried to manipulate him. It still hurt Malcolm because those fears about no one believing him are completely rational and a very logical outcome of the scenario but at least Malcolm is aware of Martin’s game.

3:30 - “I’m Clare.” .....Clare = Claremont. Did Martin do that subconsciously or is he aware? I can totally see him accidentally picking that name because after 20 years he’s begun to define himself as a part of the Claremont institution. He’s almost trying to maintain that link to the life he’s become accustom to.

3:35 - “Too insane.” Holy shit. Malcolm sassing Martin is 1) hilarious but 2) super scary because I just keep waiting for Martin to snap and hurt Malcolm for his “disrespectful and ungrateful behaviour”. Malcolm really has no fear in this scene and I’m scared for what that means for his mental state. It’s not good. That much I know.

3:45 - “I’m not your friend.” This broke my heart. Malcolm is so upset as he delivers this little outburst. He can see that Martin is trying to act like his friend instead of a loving father. It’s killing the little boy inside of Malcolm. It’s also frustrating for Malcolm because he wants so badly to do the right thing (turn Martin in) but he also just wants his dad to act like a real dad.

3:55 - The fear in Malcolm’s eyes when Martin brings the knife back out. <3 Gorgeous.

4:00 - The trepidation in Malcolm’s face as Martin cuts him loose. <3 ALSO, “I didn’t kill you. That’s gotta count for something.” why the hell should that count for something now? Martin tried to kill a 10 year old Malcolm. That should be the end. Any FATHER who tries to kill his 10 year old son (no matter what the kid may have done) is a garbage human and that child should never be told he has to forgive, trust, or have a relationship with his father. On some level Malcolm knows this BUT he’s also desperately trying to convince himself that Martin is a changed man.

4:12 - WTF Ainsley? This scene genuinely makes me believe Ainsley has been somehow involved in this whole prison break scheme. Or at least, she’s been in contact with Martin since the escape.

4:43 - “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Okay. Fine. Ainsley is finally showing a bit of fear here. But is it because of the Woodsman? Something tells me Martin has gotten into Ainsley’s head and Ainsely genuinely believes that Malcolm is safe with Martin. The Woodsman changes things though. Maybe the Woodsman was a variable Ainsley wasn’t expecting or didn’t plan with Martin.

5:00 - “Why are we in Vermont?” First of all - there’s something precious about the way this line was delivered. Secondly, why is Malcolm eating? Doesn’t most food make him sick (1x1)? This is a high stress situation - presumably he’d be too nauseous/stressed to eat right now.

5:15 - “That dream’s as dead as your 23 victims.” hahahaha ZING. This line actually hurts though. It’s not just Martin’s dream that’s dead. Malcolm’s is too. Presumably Malcolm has a fantasy somewhere in the back of his mind where he’s happily married with children. Hell, maybe his children visit their grandparents every weekend for Sunday brunch? But Malcolm probably doesn’t actually think he can have kids or a spouse because he’s terrified of what kind of a father and husband he’d be. That’s Martin’s fault. Martin has doomed Malcolm to avoid the deep, meaningful relationships in life that Malcolm clearly craves.

5:25 - “I’m absolutely right” The anger in Malcolm’s voice is incredible and concerning. On one hand, it’s great that he’s being honest with Martin. He’s making Martin work for his trust and he’s communicating that Martin ruined certain aspects of Malcolm’s life. On the other hand, this boy has no sense of self-preservation. He’s provoking a predatory psychopath. He’s almost begging Martin to hurt him. I’m terrified at what that means for Malcolm’s mental health.

5:35 - “Don’t you ever think it’s possible that I changed?” Look at Martin’s big stupid face. He doesn’t believe that he’s changed. He’s just trying to manipulate Malcolm. Martin doesn’t view Malcolm as a son. Just as a plaything.

5:55 - “You want to find a missing woman. That’s your brilliant plan?” It’s an excellent plan. It’s a plan Martin knows Malcolm won’t be able to deny. Martin has observed Malcolm’s obsession with understanding serial killers for 23 years. Martin has watched Malcolm torture himself to save the victims of serial killers. Martin knows this is the one plan that will (at least temporarily) stop Malcolm from turning him in. Malcolm’s need to help other people is stronger than his need to help himself. So again, Martin is a shitty father.

6:19 - “I worked the Woodsman case at the bureau for years.” Of course he did. $100 bucks says Martin knew that and he planned this out before his escape. Capshaw was an inconvenient hiccup in the plan but he was always going to kidnap Malcolm and try to manipulate Malcolm into becoming his partner in crime.

6:42 - “Someone who’s not going to call Gil Arroyo the first chance he gets.” Damn. Martin feels threatened by Gil’s relationship with Malcolm. Which is why an escaped!Martin and Gil showdown would’ve made my year.

6:46 - How convenient that Jeannie is from New York.

6:52 - “But we could save her. Together.” Ugh. This breaks my heart. You can see that Malcolm knows Martin is manipulating him. You can also see that this is an offer Malcolm can’t deny. Saving people and finding/understanding killers is what keeps Malcolm sane. PLUS he desperately wants to spend time with the ‘nice’ version of his dad. The one he remembers from 1998. Malcolm is eating out of the palm of Martin’s hand and it’s so so so upsetting.

7:01 - Why does Gary look so much like Deputy Crutchfield? It’s the moustache.

7:10 - “This is my partner. Cameron.” UGh. I’m going to throw up. 1) Malcolm’s startled expression melts my heart. This boy does not want to be Martin’s partner in any sense of the word. 2) Was Martin implying that Cameron is Clare’s sexual partner? The hand around Malcolm’s shoulders made it feel that way to me.

7:15 - Ugh. :( The way Malcolm looks at the hand on his shoulder. :( You can see how conflicted he feels. He likes the gentle, fatherly physical affection from Martin but he knows that Martin is a killer and this is an act. You can see that Malcolm knows this is all a hoax but you can also see how desperately Malcolm wants to believe in it.

7:45 - OMG. This is a man who hasn’t been in public for a very long time. This is not socially acceptable behaviour and Malcolm looks so embarrassed and scared (that someone will recognize the serial killer making loud noises of pleasure over his pancakes).

7:55 - I love that Malcolm isn’t eating. It aligns with Malcolm’s canonical eating problems. Kudos for the rare plot consistency.

8:13 - “I suppose I’m a little bisexual.” Ugh. Shut up Martin. You absolute moron. You’re not bisexual. You’re just a manipulative nutcase. It does make me wonder though, is this Martin’s way of trying to bond with Malcolm? Like maybe (whether it’s true or not) Martin thinks Malcolm might not be straight and he’s trying to have a father-son coming out of the closet moment? .....it sounds like a reach even in my head but here I am with this theory.

8:39 - The fact that Martin is such a verbal feminist throughout this show is so off putting to me. He’s a serial killer. He has no issues MURDERING people for FUN. Yet somehow it feels like I’m supposed to respect him more than the average man because he believes women are people with rights? Nah. It makes me hate him more because I don’t thinks he’s an actual feminist. I think he’s acting. He’s trying to appeal to what will make him seem more likeable. I think it’s a tactic he uses to soften Malcolm to his manipulation.

8:48 - “I worked this case for years. Almost lost my mind over it.”........okay so I want more details on this. Did the FBI take him off the case? Did he stop working the case because he was fired? Did Gil watch Malcolm become consumed by the case and beg him to take himself off the case?

8:52 - “I called every number at the FBI. You wanted nothing to do with me.” I hate Martin. He’s trying to blame Malcolm. He’s suggesting that more women could have been saved from the Woodsman if Malcolm hadn’t been ignoring Martin while he worked for the FBI. Martin is actually implying that the Woodsman could have been caught years ago if Malcolm wasn’t such a bad son.

8:57 - “...such anger issues. Still do.” I’m going to punch him. I hate Martin. He’s mentally torturing our mental-fragile baby and he’s having fun doing it. Malcolm looks absolutely wrecked and my heart is shattering. Someone needs to give Malcolm a hug. Yesterday.

8:59 - This moment has been giffed but damn is it worth pointing out again. The way Malcolm is self-soothing with his left hand while his right hand shakes is gorgeous. It really shows the depth of Malcolm’s inner conflict. I’m in love with this moment. Give Tom Payne an Emmy. Please.

9:13 - “There’s no time, my boy.” Every word that comes out of Martin’s mouth is calculated and manipulative. He has Malcolm exactly where he wants him and I hate it.

10:05 - I’m 90% sure Martin already knows who the Woodsman is. He’s just playing dumb so he can screw with Malcolm’s head for longer.

10:17 - YES MALCOLM. Stand up to Martin. I love it. It also makes me worry about Malcolm’s mental health but I think we can all agree that Malcolm’s been on a downward spiral for months. At this point, our boy is not going to start improving his mental state until he hits rock bottom.

10:19 - Martin actually looks shocked when Malcolm demands he earn his trust. Like it never occurred to him that Malcolm might be willing to rebuild the trust to begin with.

10:30 - This whole scene between Gil and Ruiz is genuinely one of my top scenes of this episode (maybe even of the season). “The media will crucify him” “You might as well issue a shoot on sight order” “This isn’t a joke” “He has his demons but he’s not his father.” “I’ll stake my career on it.” This is one of the purest Papa!Gil scenes of the season and Malcolm isn’t even present. I love how Gil is literally willing to put his entire career on the line for Malcolm. I love how Gil is fighting for Malcolm in a public setting. Look at how the whole precinct watches the exchange. Gil is putting himself on the line in front of an entire precinct of people who respect him out of love for Malcolm. <3 <3 <3

10:47 - “If he’s still alive.” If. Gil is terrified. Gil is losing hope. This isn’t like Watkins. Gil knows how desperately Malcolm wants Martin’s love and Gil knows that compromises Malcolm’s ability to profile his way out of a dangerous situation. Gil knows that Martin will kill Malcolm. Maybe not today, this week, or this year but it’s part of Martin’s plan. Gil knows that even if Martin doesn’t kill Malcolm - he’s capable of taking Malcolm away forever. Maybe by going on the run but maybe just because he tormented Malcolm to the point where Malcolm regresses to the scared 10-year old that Gil worked so hard to help. Gil knows Malcolm won’t survive that kind of trauma again. At least not mentally. Gil is terrified and I’m in awe.

11:05 - “C’mon kid. Where the hell are you?” Hear that? It’s my heart shattering into a million pieces because this is the type of father Malcolm deserves. The fatherly concern Gil has for Malcolm is everything to me.

11:20 - “Damn his daughter’s smoking.” hahahaha the irony.

11:24 - Why am I so shocked and delighted that Malcolm has an NYPD ID? <3 It makes perfect sense that he’d have one but now I have these headcanons of Gil taking Malcolm around to the accounting office, and the administration offices to get him set up at the NYPD and my heart can’t handle how cute it is.

12:12 - “You brought egg salad.” Ugh. These guys are so artificially in love and it grosses me out.

12:54 - See what I mean? Crutchfield looks like Gary from the motel. I can’t unsee it.

13:12 - Look another moment where Gil is CLEARLY thinking “this family I swear” hahahaha this man is so done with life today

13:44 - “I know that look Jess.” <3 Aww....they’re practically married. <3 Jokes aside, this is amazing. Jessica respects Gil and she stops her plans when she notices the look on Gil’s face. She knows he’s not trying to control her - he’s trying to protect her and her children. He loves them and he’s trying to lighten her load.

15:00 - “It’s your Lieutenant.” there’s a split second when you can see the hope, confusion, and fear clouding Malcolm’s face. For just a moment he thinks Gil is on the phone. Then the deputy says “Clare” and Malcolm’s expression transforms into one of annoyance and disgust.

15:20 - “I didn’t have a credit card.” BAHAHAHAHAHA can we all just agree that talking about porn with your adult children is gross?

15:27 - This. Is. The. Worst. Thing. That. Could. Happen. The headline says “Son of Martin Whitly” and then later we find out Malcolm BRIGHT is on a wanted poster. Malcolm’s privacy from the press has been compromised. His life has been compromised. Nothing will ever be the same. This is bad for Malcolm’s already fragile mental health. His flimsy sense of safety has been forcibly removed and the public is going to crucify him again. Just for being Martin Whitly’s son. People are going to Google him. They’re going to find out he went to Harvard, that he was fired from the FBI, that he has mental health problems (although, Ainsley already exposed that).

15:52 - Damn. It should be illegal for someone’s wanted picture to be that attractive (and I say that as an asexual).

16:00 - “You need a minute?” I love LOVE this interaction between JT and Dani. You can see that JT is a little unsure of how to talk to Dani because he loves her like a little sister and he knows she loves Bright. It’s adorable. <3 Big brother JT is my favourite JT.

16:17 - “I like the guy.” UGH. I’m going to go sob in the corner. <3 <3 This line is AMAZING for two (2) reasons. 1) JT is admitting that he likes Malcolm. The bromance is real and I’m here for it. 2) This is JT subtly telling Dani that he knows she likes Bright as more than a friend and it’s not a bad thing. Malcolm isn’t a bad person and he can understand why she’s attracted to the annoying little dude. <3

16:35 - Why is Ainsley working with Dani and JT? Does she actually want to find them? I still think she’s somehow involved in this.

16:48 - “Did you steal this truck?!?” Good boy Malcolm. Don’t trust him.

17:05 - Martin’s biggest mistake: he underestimated how devoted Malcolm is to his ‘mission’. He wasn’t able to manipulate and subdue Malcolm as quickly as he would’ve liked and now his plan is unravelling because Malcolm is snapping out of his ‘Martin might be good’ trance.

17:19 - “I’m calling Gil. I should’ve known.” <3 I have no words. Just joy.

17:45 - “I do not want my son getting killed because of it.” LIES. Martin tried to kill Malcolm because of it when Malcolm was 10 years old. Martin didn’t care when Malcolm was bullied, shunned, and literally locked in a closet because of Martin. Martin didn’t care that the weight of his crimes destroyed his son’s childhood and continued mental health. Martin. Doesn’t. Care. The problem? Malcolm so so desperately wants to believe that Martin cares about him. You can convince yourself of almost anything if you want to badly enough.

18:13 - Annnnnd Martin’s plan is back on. He’s lied his way back into Malcolm’s tentative good graces and the manipulation is still in full force.

18:18 - The parallel that Martin is going on a stakeout with Malcolm right now and the fact that Gil used to take Malcolm on stakeouts as a kid is overwhelming. Do you think Martin knew about those stakeouts? Is this Martin’s way of trying to prove to Malcolm that he’s a better father than Gil?

18:33 - I DO NOT LIKE THIS. I DO NOT LIKE THIS. I DO NOT LIKE THIS. Capshaw is crazy and I don’t like her alone with my queen Jessica. #stressed

18:37 - “Believe me, I understand.” Ugh. Someone (preferably Gil) hug Jessica. This woman has been repressing her emotions for too long. :(

18:56 - Ooooooooohhhhhh Capshaw just made the biggest mistake of her life. This woman is actively trying to convince the world that Malcolm is just like Martin Whitly and then she said as much to his mother’s FACE. I’m here for the lady fight. Say what you want, but vicious girl fights are so much more entertaining than dudes who just hit each other.

19:29 - Bitch. Jessica regularly mixes pills with alcohol. Research your victim, moron. This isn’t going to work.

19:56 - “You. Always you.” .....isn’t that what Malcolm said to Eve? Ew. ALSO the way Martin dismisses Malcolm’s admittance is very upsetting. If he wanted to prove that he’s a good father he should really pretend to care. At least a little.

20:25 - As far as Martin is concerned, this is a victory. His son trusts him enough to let him out of the car - unsupervised. Martin’s plan is working (as far as Martin knows anyways. Malcolm is still definitely conflicted).

20:43 - I love that Malcolm keeps calling for “Martin”. Not “Dad”. Not “Dr. Whitly” (that would be bad on account of the manhunt). Just “Martin”. This goes back to Malcolm not knowing who “Martin” is to him He’s still trying to figure it out. Hell, he only resorts to calling him “Clare” when he thinks it’s the only way Martin will get back in the truck.

21:15 - “What the hell is he doing?” EXCELLENT question. Seriously - did this moron not recognize the Surgeon and his son? There’s a literal manhunt for these two right now. It’s all over the news. It was playing on the precinct TV only a few hours ago. WHY DID CRUTCHFIELD NOT CALL ANYONE ABOUT THEIR IDENTITIES?!? Isn’t it protocol to call the NYPD about this or a hotline? I’m sure it said as much on the wanted flyers and the news.

22:05 - I’m honestly so stressed that Jessica is tipsy and drugged right now.

22:35 - “Back then I wasn’t a good judge of character. Now I can sniff them out a mile away.” UGH. This honestly gives me PTSD. My mom says the same thing. She married an abusive man and now she claims she’s self-aware and is an excellent judge of character (spoiler alert: she’s not). My mom is about as good at it as Jessica. I mean, anyone remember Endicott? Or Eve?

23:06 - “What was that Jessie?” OMG. I hate Capshaw more with each passing moment.

23:16. - GIL. OH THANK GOD. JESSICA IS GOING TO BE OKAY. EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY. JESSICA DIDN’T GO LONE RANGER ON THIS.

23:34 - Is that a picture of baby Malcolm on the mantle? <3 So cute. <3

24:10 - This bitch is going to jail for a looooonnnng time. Gil Arroyo and Jessica Whitly just heard her admit to torturing their son. She’s going to suffer. I’m happy about it.

24:28 - “Daddy. Daddy.” My heart is breaking. This is a real insecurity that Jessica has about Malcolm. She feels like she’s not enough for Malcolm. That’s why he keeps visiting Martin. That’s why Malcolm was so attached to Gil and Jackie as a kid (and now). Jessica feels inadequate as a mother. That probably contributes to how she emotionally neglects Ainsley. She’s afraid of trying and failing to be enough for both of her children. So she denies herself the possibility of failure by throwing the match.

25:07 - Jessica and Malcolm studying Krav Maga together. Headcannon accepted. My heart swells at the thought.

26:12 - Anyone else think it’s interesting that the picture of baby Ainsley was smashed over Jessica’s head. It just feels too convenient. It has to be some sort of hidden message. Does it mean that Ainsley’s the one who is going to destroy the family? Does it mean Ainsley’s working with Capshaw (or Martin)? It has to mean something. Right?!?

26:34 - “I meant for her sake.” I love Gil. He’s not threatened by the fact that Jessica is a badass. Hell, he thinks it hot. Weak men are intimidated by strong women. Gil’s a keeper.

26:46 - WHUMP. <3

27:15 - This wasn’t part of Martin’s plan but I do genuinely think Martin’s not nearly as scared as he’s acting.

27:38 - Why doesn’t JT introduce Ainsley? Because she’s not law enforcement and she’s not technically supposed to be there?

27:56 - Damn. Ainsley is desperate for attention from anyone. I bet you that’s why she became a reporter. People have to listen to you when your face is on their TV reporting the news.

29:41 - JT is triggered. :( This is PTSD. The last time a gun was pointed at him it was extremely traumatic “I’m a father. I’m a good man and I am not a threat to you.” :( Someone hug him.

29:57 - “But she is.” <3 DAMN. Badass!Dani for the win. <3

30:34 - “Predatory psychopath married an emotionally compromised enabler.” Is this a comment on Jessica and Martin’s marriage? Jessica didn’t consciously enable Martin but her rich lifestyle and the things she was willing to overlook to maintain appearances definitely gave Martin more leeway than he should have had.

30:48 - “You haven’t been in my league for decades.” Yep. Now Martin wants to kill Don. He didn’t need Malcolm to beg him to hurt Don. Martin was already chomping at the bit.

32:00 - “NO.” Malcolm’s not his father. Even now he doesn’t want anyone to get hurt. He tries to protect everyone from physical harm. Even serial killers. That’s a good man.

32:30 - I hated this speech from Ainsley. It felt....artificial? I just can’t see Ainsley actually believing that her Mother is light, kind, and good when she clearly resents her Mother for paying so much attention to Malcolm and neglecting her. This whole speech just felt really out of character to me. It felt like Ainsley was pulling a Malcolm - saying whatever she needed to get the suspect to confess to the truth.

33:43 - “I can’t. Not anymore.” Bullshit. Martin clearly wants to hurt this guy. He just refuses to do it until Malcolm begs. Also, it feels like the show is trying to suggest that this is Malcolm giving into the ‘darkness’ that Ainsley was referring to. I disagree. This is typical Malcolm - consumed by the need to save a victim and solve the case. This is the guy who chopped off a guy’s hand to save his life, the guy who tried to infiltrate a cult to save Andi, the guy who tried climbed out of an elevator shaft to arrest a serial killer. Malcolm just doesn’t care about himself and his mental health isn’t doing so great. That doesn’t mean he’s becoming a killer. He’s not ‘going dark’.

34:40 - “Please. I’m asking as your son.” This wrecked me. 1) Malcolm looks so utterly destroyed here. Anguish is all over his face. You can see him grasping at straws because he’s so desperate to save Jeannie. He’s willing to compromise the idea that his Dad may have changed. Malcolm knows Martin hasn’t changed but asking him to do this will make it real and kill Malcolm’s desperate fantasy of a bio-dad who loves him. 2) Martin is a piece of shit. You can see how utterly delighted he is when Malcolm begs and refers to himself as Martin’s son. Martin views Malcolm as a possession and it delights him to hear Malcolm confirm that possession (”I’m asking as you son.”)

35:00 - Okay. His hand isn’t shaking but look at him. You can’t tell me he’s enjoying this. He looks terrified, guilty, nauseous and I don’t think it’s because he’s suddenly realizing that he and Martin are the same. I think it’s because he just compromised his moral code to save a total stranger. He somehow found it in himself to favour a Jeannie over Don. Yes - Don is a serial killer. Yes - Jeannie is his victim. So, yeah - picking Jeannie over Don is logical but does that make it right? That’s what Malcolm is struggling with. That AND the fact that he just asked his Dad to hurt someone - the screaming is probably bringing back suppressed childhood PTSD from that camping trip in the woods.

35:13 - Another crazy theory for why Malcolm’s hand isn’t shaking. Have you ever been so so so scared/stressed/anxious that you felt nothing? Seriously - it’s like your brain just shuts down everything but life support and your body goes on autopilot. I honestly think that could be happening to Malcolm as a way to cope with the stress.

35:20 - This is Martin pretending to be tormented and I HATE HIM FOR IT. He’s playing with our broken boy and I despise him for it. Hasn’t Malcolm suffered enough?!?!

36:04 - Something tells me that Don’s testimony will be vital to clearing Malcolm’s name next season (yes, I’m in complete denial that this show is cancelled).

37:03 - This hurts. Martin is comforting Jeannie and it’s bringing back childhood memories for Malcolm. Memories of a Dad who used to read him bedtime stories and tuck him into bed at night. Memories that are tainted with the knowledge that Martin is a serial killer. Look at how sad Malcolm is. He’s fully accepting that Martin hasn’t changed and that he never will. He’s letting go of the desperate hope that Martin might love him the way he remembers as a child. He’s remembering that the love he experienced as a child was all a hoax on Martin’s part to begin with.

37:07 - WHEN DID MALCOLM GET A PHONE??!?! WTF.

37:14 - “The bad man is gone now.” Except he’s not. He’s always been here. He didn’t change. He just tried to be cleverer than his son. It failed.

37:52 - Do you know what would have made this scene even more powerful? A flashback to the phone call baby Malcolm made to 911 in 1998.

38:08 - NOW Martin is Dr.Whitly because Malcolm has fully accepted that Martin = The Surgeon = Dr. Whitly. They’re all the same and they all suck.

38:33 - “Maybe I need to work on that.” <3 <3 Yes, get sober sweetheart. Your dependance on alcohol and pills is not healthy.

38:45 - This Gillica moment will live forever in my heart. I swear I’ve never shipped to people so hard while fully wanting them to be my parents.

38:51 - OMG. Of fucking course it’s Edrisa. <3 hahahahaha

39:29 - The fact that Malcolm gave Jeannie his jacket is so cute to me. Just more proof that Malcolm’s a good guy.

39:57 - Looks like the Claremont cardio program is lacking. (I’m so mean).

40:08 - I love this whole exchange between Martin and Malcolm. 1) I fully believe that Martin is genuinely upset that Malcolm turned him in (the dude doesn’t want to go back to prison - fair enough). 2) Malcolm just looks so broken as he listens to his father rant. You can see how bad Malcolm feels for turning his own father over to the cops. Again. The guilt is consuming Malcolm. Very bad for his flimsy mental health.

40:22 - “You made me become him again.” Okay. Stay in your lane Martin. Let’s not victim blame here. You’re a monster. You’ve been manipulating Malcolm all day and you’re still at it. You wanted to hurt Don but you want to hurt Malcolm more.

41:11 - “This world isn’t for you.” My heart is shattering. You can hear the pain in Malcolm’s voice. This isn’t a conversation anyone should have to have with a parents. Especially not when you’re already wracked with guilt and mental health issues that you’re not coping with.

41:20 - “Dad. Listen to me. I’m trying to save you.” THIS. THIS is the show. For two years we’ve watched Malcolm try to empathize and understand killers because he’s desperate to save his father and alleviate his guilt for turning Martin in.

42:00 - “I was a good father. But you, you were never a good son.” ...............this is bad. Shit. This. Is. Bad. This is going to torment Malcolm for the rest of his life. He is going to constantly question “should I have been nicer to Ainsley? Should I have been more obedient? Should I have shown more of an interest in medicine? Would that have stopped that from killing? Did he kill because I wasn’t a good enough son?” Logically Malcolm will know none of that is true but it won’t matter because pain isn’t always logical.

42:26 - 1) Damn. This family is stabby. 2) holy shit holy shit holy shit. 3) I’m shook. I fully expected it but I’m still shook. It was self defence but that won’t matter. Sure, there’s a 90% chance that Malcolm won’t suffer legally for this but there’s a 100% chance this is going to ruin Malcolm’s life. The guilt is going to swallow him whole. His mental health is going. to reach an all time low. The media will crucify him. No one will look at him the same. He won’t be able to go anywhere without people making assumptions about him. He’s going to be transported back to 1998 - this time with more trauma. It’s not going to be good (and I’m ecstatic at the thought of it because I’m an emotional whump whore).

42:40 - His hand’s not shaking. I honestly think it’s because he’s in shock because Malcolm still looks like hell. He’s dissociating. If this triggers a mute!Malcolm episode I’m going to be the most excited person in the world.

42:46 - “I was right. We’re the same.” This was Martin’s master plan. He knew once he escaped Claremont there was no going back. He didn’t want to go back to prison so he found a way to get himself killed (I’m assuming this kills Martin because that’s a lot of blood). No only did he plan to either 1) be on the run forever or 2) die trying - he made sure that he could torment Malcolm as much as possible along the way. This sentence is going to destroy Malcolm. That sentence has been his greatest fear for 23 years. Now he thinks it’s true. It doesn’t matter that he stabbed out of self-defence. Fear isn’t logical. This is a big problem.

43:12 - “Bright? What did you do?!?” ..................It’s been 3 days and I still can’t handle this sentence. You can see the shock on Dani’s face and the fear in Malcolm’s eyes. He looks like a cornered animal. He thinks she’s going to arrest him - he knows she has to. He thinks he just ruined his chances at a happy ending with Dani. He’s realizing all at once just how bad his life is about to get. AND DANI - she doesn’t believe he’s a killer but that doesn’t mean she’s not scared for him. The dude looks like he’s in the middle of a mental breakdown plus the legal issues - it’s not going to be a good day.

I CAN’T BELIEVE THE SEASON ENDED LIKE THIS. I HATE IT. I LOVE IT. I’M CONFLICTED. I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS. I WANT CLOSURE AND THIS JUST GAVE ME MORE QUESTIONS. UGH. THANK GOD FOR AO3.

I sincerely hope another network picks us up for a third season - I’ll be back if they do. If not - thanks for hanging out with me. I’ve had fun and this show will always have home in my heart.

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inacatastrophicmind · 3 years

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Hey, this is another ask about the big sad but it's a little different.

What I figured out a long time ago and is now my go-to starting point for this is:

You don't actually want to *die* ; what you want is a life without the problems you are facing. Whether those are family, professional/school, mental, friends, relationships, anything. Whatever the problems you have, what you really want is a life without those problems.

When you're deep in it, sometimes you just want these things to be over and to never have to deal with it again. Whether that is in the form of suicidal ideations, wanting to pick up and move and start over in a new place, wanting to crash your car or get into some kind of trouble so you don't have to do a job/school you hate anymore, etc.

But none of that actually solves the problems. It just ends your ability to live the life you want to live.

So then the question is, what is the first steps you can take towards making the life you want to live a reality?

Saving money/getting help to get out of a bad situation? Cutting contact with certain people? Etc.

I was suicidal as a kid because I was bullied at school and not allowed to be myself at home either. I was also punished and pressured a lot by my family. (This is a quick glossing ove; I'm not going to specify and make this about me.). I attempted several times but thankfully as a kid I didn't have the knowhow to succeed. I don't think my family knows even though I almost got caught once.

Then after I became an adult I had a bad relationship (again I'll spare the details - emotional abuse) and a couple of times I walked up the road to get away for a bit and had in my head that I could go hide where they wouldn't find me and drink myself to death. Never actually tried to do it though.

And now I'm in a situation where I'm happy with my personal life (except for the fam, who are homophobic on top of everything which guess what - applies to me but they can't know that (although they're supportive of my career and so so of my hobbies and are the reason I have food and shelter)) but I'm temporarily stuck in a job I cannot take another day of (and have been at that status for months). I fantasize about fucking off to California or somewhere and starting from scratch, leaving a mess and likely losing my professional licensure but being sorta ok with that. Or morbidly I often think that if I had a car wreck then I wouldn't be expected to show up and that I could more easily work my way out of this. I have no desire to actually do that though because pain and possible permanent injury. And also my car is the only thing of value that I own.

But you know what I'm doing? I'm working on step by step doing the things I need to do to get out of this job clean and move on. I have legal obligations to finish certain things so it's unfortunately not something I can just walk out of as much as I may want to.

I have felt trapped and broken, but I am working on it, baby steps.

No matter how trapped or dire your situation may feel, there is a way out.

Your family and friends can help you in many ways; you probably need to ask for the specific help you need (cooked meals, someone to talk to, an accountability buddy, etc.).

I saw in another ask you mentioned 12 years of failures. Although you may have had some disappointments, try not to compare yourself to others. While other people your age may have done x,y,&z, you have done other things that they haven't done. There is no specific age and accomplishment benchmark for success.

And most importantly, your happiness and health come first. Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. Seriously. Let go of caring what anyone, even your family, thinks about it. Just do what you need to do to make your life the life you want to live.

I rambled for too long, but I hope this is helpful.

-@sohelpmejack (it's a sideblog so I'm signing with a tag)

Sorry for taking so long to answer. I was at work and I knew that if I answered, I'd start crying. I had to fight really hard against the tears when I read this.

First of all, I'm sorry you had to deal with all that shit and that you still have to deal with some of those. And i hope that you find your goals and happiness soon.

I agree with what you said that I don't really want to die, I just don't want to live the life I have. I've been trying to get the life I want to have for around 10 years, but things keep going to shit over and over again, and I'm just tired of failing all the time. I'm just tired of trying really hard and never being enough.

I know I should just go step by step and don't compare myself to others, but I still have to work through my low self steem and hating myself first, and that is a constant work in progress.

I also know that my friends could help me, but not my family. Every time I feel slightly bad and talk about it, they think I'm being stupid or that I should just put up with it, that there are worst things in the world. Luckily my two best friends help me, but I'm always sscared of asking too much becuase I don't want to be a burden. Also, I really have a hard time talking about this in front of people.

Anyway, thank you for your message. I'll try to find some little happiness and get the life I want, even if I'm exhausted of life.

Thank you for this.

#anonymous #my answers

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thathelpfulstranger · 2 years

Text

so i just finished top boy: summerhouse and BRO WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME IT WAS THAT GOOD?

I mean shit! What the fuck? Top Boy was fucking amazing but summerhouse? Kmt!

SPOILERS!

For instance, the last episode of the final season? WOW! I don’t know what they did differently but it was top (hehe) notch quality - there were so many moments I loved such as the shot they did for dropping off Kayla’s kid Elijah - idk why but I replayed that scene and just had to admire it; there was something about the way they placed elijah in front of the door and as the camera zoomed out, it just made me realise how small he was, literally because in comparison to the house and the door, my man was like 0.1% of the picture but then when you remember how much of a pivotal piece he played in the whole kamale ting - it's kinda marvellous...

idk if that makes a whole bit of sense but there are honestly so many nuances in this show and i just appreciate it sm because we need more shows like this yk?

especially about the working class living in london and how much the system has failed them cus' yeah you can watch this show and think "rah this shit is so fucking wild!!" or yell in chorus with the characters whenever a good thing happens (or bad) but at the end of the day, it's still very much so real like i'd hope that of all the things people take away from this show when they watch it, is the realisation that that way of living? isn't fucking fantasy -- perhaps exaggerated to a certain extent, aye true but nonetheless, it still represents the authentic experiences of living in a criminally deprived area:

there are still kids at risk of ending up in foster care or being taken away by social services because their parents (singular really) can't afford to look after them, be it at the cost of their mental health, sobriety or just the fact that being a single parent in london the UK and raising X number of kids is a fucking madness anyway

that the local educative institutions are a fucking joke and that is not at fault from the teachers or folks working inside but entirely up to the government and how little of a fuck they give for anyone lower class

or how there are still young girls and boys being groomed into these gangs under the pretence of "second family" - and it's not even like you can blame the gang members either - i mean it's all a fucking cycle! you grow up poor, you've got little to no money (or maybe just not enough), you want to help your family (or yourself), maybe you're not doing great in school or maybe you are but the financial burdens keep rearing their head at you, you hear whispers of people making bank and even though you know you shouldn't (or maybe you don't and you don't care) - desperation pushes you towards it (or maybe it finds you anyways) and before you know it, you're slanging gear and pills before the age of 16...

and don't even get me started on the racial elements of all this and how it gets x100 worse if you're black (and i'm gonna stress that part especially because yes, being black is a whole factor in itself, people of colour have it bad but the UK is very much so anti-black my g!)

all in all though, it's a terrible terrible life that wc kids in london (and elsewhere because this shit is national fam) have to live and it hurts me at my soul that people are still going through it -- i'm snorting now at myself because i didn't expect to end up with a massive rant about the depravities of the uk's working class and crime but i think it's something we all as brits should be talking about - how can the UK with her whole chest shout "first world country!!" but we've got kids from the ages of 10 YEARS OLD in gangs, a pitiful excuse of support for folks with addictions, single parent folks, folks in abusive relationships - or fucking all bloody three - and an even more pitiful excuse of a fucking government - we must do better. we have to.

#rant #unintentional rant tbh #but it had to be said because even tho i fuck so hard with top boy #this shit is always at the back of my head spinning and whirring #top boy #summerhouse #top boy summerhouse #anyways bring on top boy s2 already!!#top boy s2 #top boy season 2 #top boy s1 #oh and watch summerhouse if you have seen top boy!!!!#and IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN SH OR TOP BOY - YK WHAT TO DO !#black british

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makeste · 4 years

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I’ve just realised it’s been over a year since you last listed your top 10 characters! Has anything changed since then?

a lot has changed! actually, every single ranking has changed from last time except for one (which you can probably guess, lol).

1. Bakugou (previous rank: 1)

yes, believe it or not, Bakugou is still my favorite. I’ll understand if you all need a moment to recuperate from the shock of this.

2. Deku (previous rank: 4)

hi, so. I really love Deku a lot. I think he is a great character and there’s a lot of subtlety and complexity to him that he doesn’t always get credit for. he is loving and kind, but he’s not a pushover. he has moments of deer-in-headlights anxiety when he’s in the spotlight or talking to celebrities (or girls), but then he’ll go and launch into a five-hour speech if someone mentions a topic he’s interested in. he’s very much aware of the huge burden that’s been placed on his shoulders, and is struggling to figure out how to become his own person (which is fucking hard, you guys; how many sixteen-year-olds do you know who have a solid, firm idea of who they are as a person and what it is about themselves that makes them unique individuals?) while still living up to All Might’s legacy. he’s smart and determined and capable of extraordinary things, but second-guesses himself and has a tendency to overthink everything he does. he is interesting!! and he doesn’t always get credit for being interesting! but he is! anyways Deku ilu.

3. Aizawa (previous rank: 2)

still the best. still so tired. the manga is tripling down lately on highlighting how awesome he is. childhood angst and guilt and trauma?? yes. kicking lots of ass?? hell yes. being outrageously sexy with his floating wavy hair and glowy red eyes and spending almost this entire arc in Eraser Mode while Horikoshi hopes to god no one remembers how he made it a Whole Thing after USJ that Aizawa supposedly couldn’t hold his quirk for long periods like that anymore?? oh, you bet. who is even gonna complain about it. you?? I sure am not. and last but not least, being the greatest dad in the world who’s willing to stab god in the face in order to stay alive to protect his children and continue to watch them grow?? fam. you goddamn know that is a YES WITH CAPITAL LETTERS. how can one character honestly be so great. how can he even contain it. he’s so powerful.

4. Todoroki (previous rank: 5/6)

Ochako slid all the way off my top ten list and I feel so bad about it. but she hasn’t had the spotlight for a long time, and meanwhile Shouto has had what feels like ARC AFTER ARC of being awesome and doing awesome things like becoming Bakugou’s Undisputed Best Friend, having the longest and purest canon romantic relationship in the series (I am of course talking about him/soba), and playing a key role in one of the most beautifully executed family arcs I have ever seen, with his conflicted feelings about his father that are so layered that THEIR LAYERS HAVE LAYERS. and meanwhile his quirk kicks as much ass as ever. remember that one time Shouto almost burned Tetsutetsu alive. remember that other time he fucking annihilated Ending (“GIVE ME BACK MY BROTHER”)?! and meanwhile he remains the goodest and purest child in the entire series, making sure Mt. Lady’s heart is okay, and offering his two friends internships without a second’s hesitation because THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS DO. it’s just what they do you guys.

5. Hawks (previous rank: n/a! welcome to the top ten kiddo.)

OH NO I LOVE A MURDERER WHAT A STUNNING INDICTMENT OF ME. send me off to jail. anyway so I have always liked Hawks, but the latest arc has sent him skyrocketing up through the ranks of my heart. not because of the murder thing, but... okay well but actually, it is because of the murder thing though. NOT BECAUSE I’M HAPPY HE KILLED A GUY WE ALL LOVED, jesus, but because of how well Horikoshi portrayed his struggle over it. he didn’t want to do it!! but he ended up having to in the end, and he paid one hell of a heavy price for it. and listen, but if you give me a character who is smart, who is compassionate, and who is one of the most mentally and physically capable characters we’ve seen in the series and yet simultaneously does not have even the slightest ounce of regard or self-preservation for his own mental health? a character who is tired, who is willing to make sacrifices up to and including the ultimate sacrifice for what he believes is the greater good? a character who is achingly alone and isolated in so much of what he has to go through, who doesn’t dare drop his guard ever, who’s not able or willing to share his burdens with anyone else? if you give me a character like that, and then ask me not to love him, it’s like. I am very sorry but I truly have no say in it at this point. he’s adopted. I’m sorry it’s the law.

6. Tomura (previous rank: n/a)

OH NO I LOVE TWO MURDERERS WHAT EVEN IS WRONG WITH ME. hahaha. so in between the time of now and when I last did a character ranking, Tomura had a flashback! and it was very traumatic! he was little and sweet and his dad was a dick and there was a lot of blood and gore and a dog died!! and then AFO was all “HELLO IT’S ME COME TO SWOOP IN AND ADOPT YOU AND ENCOURAGE YOU TO KILL STUFF AND ALSO HERE ARE YOUR DEAD FAMILY’S SEVERED BODY PARTS TO ADORN YOURSELF WITH SO YOU NEVER STOP FEELING MISERABLE.” and everyone sitting there reading was all, “well I’ll just come out and say it, I can sort of understand why he became a murderer now,” and we all agreed that yes, it did indeed make a great deal of sense, when you put it that way. anyway, so obviously you can’t not feel empathy toward the kid after all that, even if he is going around killing A WHOLE LOT MORE people now, and has basically gone batshit insane actually. I remain steadfast in my conviction that Tomura is not the actual final villain -- AFO is. and call me crazy, but in spite of everything, I still think this kid has a shot at redemption. it won’t be pretty, and it’ll be a long, long path, and he might not ever fully make it all the way, but he’s someone who’s been manipulated and used as a puppet his entire life, and I want him to have the chance to finally break free from that. hopefully he’ll get it.

7. Mirko (previous rank: n/a)

so previously this section just said “MIRKO!!!!!”, which I honestly think sums it up pretty well. I honestly can’t think of any other character who has come along and just slapped me straight across the face with their sheer awesomeness as much as her, though. every time she’s onscreen/on the page my face is just a huge grin the entire time. she is fearless. like, she’s the type of person who actually does laugh in the face of danger -- like that’s not just an expression, she will LITERALLY LAUGH. she is Peter Pan with a dagger to his throat, smiling and saying “to die would be an awfully big adventure.” she is someone who’s found her purpose in life and is thriving. Mirko has no time for your existential angst; she’s too busy kicking ass every minute of every hour of every day. I love her so, so much. thank you so much Horikoshi for being obsessed with her and making her the biggest badass in the whole series.

8. All Might (previous rank: 3)

I still adore him! he just has had next to nothing to do for what seems like forever, so the other characters who are still getting steady development are kind of just sneaking past him one by one. but he is still the absolute best. he cares so much. so, so, so, so much. he’s not always the most natural when it comes to being a teacher or a mentor, and he stumbles and makes mistakes, but he loves his kids. he cares about them so fiercely. and that’s far and away the most important thing, and it’s not even close. and he’s also just so endlessly self-sacrificing and constantly putting everyone else before himself, and it’s insane. he’s someone who is just constantly thinking, “how can I do more, how can I help more, what else can I do to try and make the world better” even as he stumbles along with half a lung, and struggles with his feelings of inadequacy and helplessness and feeling like it’s just still not enough. I want to give All Might the biggest hug in the world and tell him that it’s all right, that he did good, that the kids are going to be all right. when Aizawa told him “you being alive is enough” I almost had a breakdown tbh. anyway if I keep going I’m gonna talk myself into moving him back up the list and then I’ll have to rearrange this whole thing lol so suffice it to say, fuck yeah All Might.

9. Momo (previous rank: 7)

when is Momo gonna do more stuff, Horikoshi?? huh??! he does realize that whenever she does stuff it’s always amazing?? so why is she not just constantly doing amazing, awesome stuff all the time?? I don’t know, and frankly I’ve had just about enough of this. let Momo do stuff 2020. but I won’t talk about this anymore for now because I haven’t ready any chapter 278 spoilers and I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

(ETA: I HAVE READ CHAPTER 278 NOW AND ALL I CAN SAY IS YESSSSS!!! MOMO!!!! also I swear to god I genuinely had not seen any spoilers when I was writing this post lol, it was a total coincidence. I’m glad the “let Momo do stuff 2020″ campaign was so immediately successful though.)

10. Kaminari (previous rank: 8)

last but not least, my five-and-a-half-year-old traitor son, Kaminari Denki. he is just such a shining beam of light and life and goodness and chaos. there is this amazingly buoyant energy whenever he’s on the page that just fills me with love for him. I constantly just want to ruffle his hair, just, all the damn time. he is everybody’s friend, he loves them all so much, and he fearlessly calls Bakugou “Kacchan” heedless of the repercussions (OF WHICH THERE WERE NONE!!), and he sincerely tells Jirou that he’s in awe of her musical talents, and he wrecked his fingers learning to play guitar for her but he was happy to do it, and he was afraid to fight in the big ALL THE VILLAINS VS ALL THE HEROES battle because DUH!?! but he still did it anyway because he had to protect his friends. and his quirk and its side effects are constantly used for comic relief and not taken seriously at all (even though it’s actually insanely powerful holy shit), but he doesn’t care because he’s happy to make his friends happy. he’ll willingly be the butt of the joke if it means he gets to see them laugh. he just has such a big heart, and in all seriousness, if you think he’s the traitor I just don’t even know what to say to you.

so that’s it! Tokoyami, Ochako, Shinsou, Iida, and Sero would probably be the next five, with Endeavor, Toga, Mina, Jirou, and Mirio rounding out the top twenty. maybe not in that exact order but it’s close enough. really there are only like three characters in the series I actually truly dislike, so I’m honestly glad “top ten” is the general standard otherwise I’d be here all night running through them all lol.

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