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therealcocoshady · 3 months

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Recovery - Chapter 10

Eminem x FemReader (Y/N) fanfiction

Summary : Y/N tells Talia and Jamal about last night's events.

Tags : Angst, Comfort

CW : Mention of SA, mention of miscarriage, mention of drugs

I can’t believe it ! Talia exclaimed after you told her about the events of the night before. I can’t believe you !

I’m so sorry, you whispered. I was stupid.

Stupid is an understatement. How could you do something like this, Y/N ?!

She was mad. This was to be expected, of course, but there was still an element of surprise, as your best friend was not someone who gets angry easily. If anything, she was one of the most chill persons you knew.

Babe, calm down, Jamal told her.

Calm down ? Calm down ?! she shouted. Don’t you dare tell me to calm down. Tell Y/N to tone down the stupidity. But don’t tell me to calm down, Jamal.

You didn’t even dare to look at her. Instead, you hid your face in your hands as Marshall gently stroked your back. The two of you were sitting on the sofa and Jamal was sitting in a chair while Talia was pacing the room.

Your bag, she said coldly.

What ? You asked.

Give me your bag. Right now. I am not kidding, she said.

What do you want my bag for ? You asked as you handed it to her.

Why do you think I want to see it ?! I’m making sure you don’t have shit on you !

She didn’t bother searching in the bag. Instead, she spilled the whole content on the floor. It was a clutch so it didn’t contain much anyway. There was only your credit card, your phone, a lipstick and the vial, which you hadn’t gotten rid of yet. As soon as she spotted the vial on the floor, she picked it up and held it in front of you.

Is that it ? Is that the shit you took ?!

Yes it is, you mumbled.

You felt like a kid being told off by their parents. You still didn’t dare to look her in the eyes. You were still exhausted from last night and your most recent anxiety attack. If this kept going, you’d probably cry soon.

Go ahead, she said as she placed it in your hand.

What are you… ?

Take some, she ordered as she forced you to look at her.

Babe ! Jamal yelled. That’s enough.

What ?! She snapped. You heard her story, right ? Y/N wants to get fucked up. Let’s see it.

I don’t…, you began.

Give me that thing, Marshall ordered you as he grabbed the vial from your hand. Talia, don’t do that sh-

You, Em, you better shut the fuck up, she said curtly.

Her tone made yours and Jamal’s eyes open wider. Talia was usually a sweetheart. She was nice to everybody, and especially to Marshall, whom she liked a lot. Not only did she have affection towards him, she respected him, as a person, as a rapper and, obviously, as her boyfriend’s friend, boss and collaborator. You half-expected Marshall to respond, but he didn’t. You could tell that Jamal was starting to look uneasy. Yet, he knew better than to contradict his girlfriend at that point.

Why didn’t you bring her home immediately ? She questioned him.

She was with me, he said. She was safe.

That’s why you didn’t even bother getting rid of that shit ? Because she was safe ?

Look, he explained, she was shit-faced, she could barely stand, so I took her to my place. I gave her a bath, put her to bed and I spent the whole night checking on her. Once again, she was safe.

You’ve known her for three seconds and you think she’s safer in your bed than with her best friend ?!

I didn’t say that, he sighed. For the record, she wasn’t in my bed. But whatever… I’m 51, ok ? And I’ve been there before. I managed. I handled the situation and she’s fine now.

You don’t know that, she scoffed. You and Y/N, you might be all close and lovey-dovey or whatever, but you do not know shit about her. You haven’t seen her after her miscarriage. You have not listened to her tell you time and time again that she wished she died the day she lost her baby. You did not see her decay day after day after that. You didn’t have to answer a call from Simon in the middle of the night informing you that she overdosed on pills that she hid from everyone around her. You haven’t seen her lay in a hospital bed with tubes hooked to her body, wondering if she was going to make it. I did. You have no idea how to care for her. The day she overdosed, I almost lost my best friend. You have no idea what that is.

Suddenly, Marshall got up and faced her. His eyes were dark and you could tell by his posture that he was angry.

You’re right, Talia, he said. I didn’t “almost” lose my best friend. I fucking did. I lost Proof. So believe me, I know exactly what it feels like. One day, I could tell you all about the shock, the funeral, the crying, the depression, the emptiness, if you want… All of it. Because I fucking lived it. Believe me, I wouldn’t wish that on anybody. But guess what ? Your best friend is alive. And I would never let anything harm her. You should know that.

He was seething To his words, Talia’s look softened a bit. Still, you knew her well enough to tell that she wasn’t going to apologize. Not yet anyway.

I’m going to your room, she said as she turned to you. If I find anything in there, whether it is a cigarette, a pill, a bottle or whatever… You are out of this house. And if I don’t… Consider this your warning. I will not tolerate any destructive behavior in this house. I will not have you waste your life.

There’s nothing, you said in a small voice. I promise.

You better pray there isn’t, she said in a threatening voice before going upstairs.

You and the boys exchanged looks but didn’t dare speak. You could hear Talia rummaging in your room, probably making a mess. You ducked your head, on the verge of tears.

I’m sorry about Proof, man, Jamal said sheepishly. She didn’t mean to say it like that…

I know, Marshall replied. We’re good.

You glanced at him. You didn’t know he had lost his best friend. He had never mentioned that before. You could tell he was triggered by the memory, as his fist was balled up. You gently brushed his fist with your hand. He seemed to ease a little, though his jaw still seemed clenched. About ten minutes later, Talia got back to the living room. She didn’t say anything, only grabbing her jacket, handbag and car keys.

Today was your Christmas, she said coldly. One misstep and it’s your Halloween, understood ? Now, you have some cleaning to do in your bedroom.

Yes, you muttered.

Tomorrow, we’re finding you a new therapist, she added.

That’s taken care of, Marshall said.

It is ? You asked surprised.

Yeah, I made a call while you were confronting that bitch, he explained. You’re seeing a psychiatrist and an addiction management counselor.

Thank you, you said. But I can also stick to my old therapist and meetings…

You can do that too. But the people you’re meeting tomorrow actually specialize in the management of relapses, he said.

You nodded as Talia shrugged.

Good. I’m leaving, she said.

Where are you going, baby ? Jamal asked.

Out, she simply said, not bothering to add details. I’ll come back later.

Do you want me to come with you ? He offered.

Someone has to keep an eye on the Queen of Bad Judgement, here, she said. She’s not staying alone for one second until I decide otherwise. That’s final.

I’ll stay with Y/N, Marshall offered.

No. Em, you’re coming outside with me.

He looked at her with surprise but nodded. You and Jamal stared at each other as the two of them walked out. You were left with Jamal who came to sit next to you.

I’m sorry, Jamal, you said sheepishly. I ruined everything…

You didn’t ruin “everything”, he sighed. You were stupid, yes. But what matters is that you’re alright now. I mean, I’d rather look at the bright side. You’re not in the hospital this time.

You’re not mad at me ? You asked.

Honestly, sis’, I think the boss is mad at you for the both of us, he chuckled.

You giggled as he referred to his girlfriend as “the boss”. In a way, it was true : she was the one who wore the pants and had all the authority in the relationship. The two of them were absolute sweethearts, but Jamal happened to be a bit softer. Especially with you, and you knew it. You had met him through Talia, and the two of you had formed a genuine friendship of your own. You kind of saw him as your big brother.

Besides, you know I could never be mad at you, he shrugged. I’m just happy you made it home in one piece and that you were taken care of.

I was, you said softly. Even if Talia doesn’t trust Marshall…

She doesn’t trust anyone when it comes to you, he chuckled. I’m not even sure she trusts me. So Em is not even in the conversation…

Of course she trusts you ! You said.

For usual stuff ? Sure. When it comes to taking care of you ? Nah. That woman is like a mama bear !

She is like a mama, sometimes, you giggled softly.

Just be glad she didn’t change the Wi-Fi password, he said playfully. Or take your TV privilege…

I do have the feeling that I’m grounded, though, you pointed out.

Oh, I’m pretty sure you are, he said. But I can’t say I disagree with her on that one. But it’s ok, sis’. But we’re here. We’ve got you. You’ll be fine.

You nodded and he playfully nudged you with his shoulder.

I don’t want to be a burden, you said.

You’re not a burden, Y/N. You’re family. And we take care of our own. That’s what we do.

The simple, kind words brought tears to your eyes. First of all, they came from Jamal, who was the most genuine and honest person in the world. You knew he would never say something like that if he didn’t deeply mean it and cared for you. Plus, that was quite unexpected, as he wasn’t one to make big declarations - other than to Talia, obviously. In Jamal language, telling you you were family was basically a 20-page love letter. And it meant even more to you as you didn’t really have family. Sure, you had your Dad, but you didn’t hear much from him, except from a phone call three times a year (basically for birthdays and Christmas). The two of you were basically estranged.

I love you, you said in a breaking voice. You’re the best.

I know, he replied with a smile.

He wrapped his arms around your shoulder. Another unexpected gesture. Apart from “hello” and “goodbye” hugs, he wasn’t one to show much physical affection to his friends. You let your head roll on his shoulder and he chuckled.

Easy there, sis’. I’m not your personal pillow. I’m not Em !

Sorry, you said as you sat up straighter.

I’m kidding, he said as he put your head back to where it was. I mean, I’m sure you'd rather cuddle with him, right now, but…

What ?! No ! You exclaimed as your face turned bright red.

You’re a terrible liar, he giggled. Whatever, it’s none of my business.

A couple of minutes later, Marshall came back to the living room.

Where is Talia ? You asked.

Went for a drive, he shrugged.

What did you talk about ?

Nothing, he said in an emotionless voice. I mean… she put me in my place.

Jamal and you grimaced and he let out a chuckle.

I should go, he said. You’ll be alright, Y/N ?

Sure, you said with a soft smile as you got up. I’ll walk you out.

See you in the morning, Jamal said.

Afternoon, Marshall corrected him. You’re taking Y/N to her appointment in the morning. Talia said so.

You shouldn’t miss work for me, Jamal, you said.

Don’t worry about it, they said in unison.

He said goodbye to Jamal in his usual way, by dapping him, and you walked him to his car.

Thank you for today, you said. And yesterday. And… Well, everything.

Anytime, he said with a soft smile. Take care, alright ?

You nodded before taking off the medallion he had given you and handing it to him.

Put that back on, he said.

I fucked up, you explained. I shouldn’t wear it anymore… Plus, it’s yours.

Keep it, Y/N. It was mine but I gave it to you. It’s yours now.

Are you sure ?

Of course I’m sure, he scoffed.

He shook his head and hugged you.

Now go and get some rest. You need it.

You nodded as he got in the car and you did exactly as you were told. Or at least, you intended to. When you got to your room, everything was upside down. Talia had emptied every bag, every drawer, searching for evidence. You sighed and started to clean everything, wondering if your friend would come to forgive you.

The next day, Talia was already gone to work when you woke up. You hadn’t seen her the night before, as you fell asleep before she came back. It was unusual for the two of you not to have breakfast together on a weekday. It broke your heart. You knew you were at fault and you were ready to face your responsibilities, but you didn’t want to lose your best friend. Jamal drove you to the appointments Marshall had made for you. You met with a psychiatrist and an addiction specialist. You were a bit stressed out, but both made it easy for you to talk. They were also reassuring : they used the term “slipping” instead of “relapsing”. It was just words, but somehow, it brought you comfort. They said it was not a fatality and that slipping does not equal relapsing and catching bad habits again. All in all, the appointments made you more confident in your ability to move forward. They suggested that you come once a week and you agreed. They also informed you that everything was already paid for. “Anonymously”, they said, though it didn’t take a genius to know who did that.

From : M. “Good luck for today. You got this !”

To : M. “Just got out of the appointments. All good ! Also… Thanks ???”

From : M. “What for ?”

To : M. “For taking care of the bill… You didn’t have to, you know ?”

From : M. “No idea what you’re talking about. :)”

To : M. “I’ll pay you back.”

From : M. “New phone. Who dis ?”

You rolled your eyes and let out a laugh as Jamal picked you up.

You’re in a good mood, he pointed out. Everything good ?

Yeah, you said with a smile. I’m happy I went. Thank you for taking me.

Anytime, he replied. Who’s got you smiling into your phone like this ?

Oh, nothing. Just Marshall.

He chuckled.

Of course it’s him, he said as he shook his head. I should have known.

What do you mean ? You asked.

That’s your “Em” smile right here, he explained.

Can’t a girl just… smile ? You asked as you playfully rolled your eyes.

Oh, a girl can smile. You just never smile like that when you’re not around him.

Whatever, dude, you chuckled.

He likes you, you know ? Jamal said.

He told me, you replied.

No, he actually likes you, he explained. As in… You know.

Not like that, you said as you shook your head. We’re friends.

You know, I’ve worked with Em for a few years now, he said. I know him pretty well.

Yeah ? So ?

So he is not like this with his friends. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he is great. He is there for people. But not to this extent, you know ? Jamal tried to explain.

Jamal…, you said as you sighed. I don’t want to get into it but… He had a chance with me a while ago and he didn’t take it. He doesn’t want me. He said so himself.

Oh yeah ? He asked in shock.

Yeah… we’re close and I think he is the most amazing human ever, right behind you and Talia, really… I guess I get why you’d think there is something between us. But there isn’t, you said.

Now, you were sounding a little sad. The truth was, you knew you liked Marshall a bit too much for your own good. But you also knew that nothing could ever happen between the two of you because he said so himself. And you had come to understand that he said things like he meant them. After all, he had built an impressive career, an empire, on being good with words. If he wanted you, you would know.

I’m sorry, sis’, Jamal said softly.

I’m fine, you said. Being friends is good, you know ? He might be the best friend I have…

Well, thanks, he chuckled. We’ve known you for nearly five years and welcomed you into our house, but he gets the top spot in three minutes ?

I thought we were family ? You grinned.

You got a point, he said.

Now can we stop somewhere to get food, bro ? You asked as you batted your eyelashes.

Sure, he chuckled. We’ll get takeout and eat at the studio. We might as well bring food for the others.

I should really get to uni, you said.

You’d be stuck all alone in your office on campus, he pointed out.

Well, that’s my job, you replied.

I’m just saying you could write your dissertation from anywhere…, he began.

You don’t trust me to be alone, you said.

No, I do, it’s just…

Talia put you up to this, didn’t she ? You asked.

Yep.

You sighed. You could understand how Talia felt, and her worry for you, but you couldn’t help but feel a little pissed off. It was your job.

For how long are you on babysitting duty ? You asked.

I don’t know, he said. You know I can’t say no to her, right ? She is just worried for you.

No, I know, it’s just… you shouldn’t have to do that. I know I fucked up, but I don’t want to interfere in anyone’s life, you know ? You explained.

I know, sis. But… Ok, I gotta be honest… we got to talking last night…

Yes ?

It was either that or have you committed to an institution.

WHAT ?! You yelled, almost causing him to pile.

We agreed on the fact that it’s a little extreme, he said.

A little ?! Jamal… I fucked up, ok ? I know it. No one knows it more than me. But it’s not as if I did crack, you know ?! You said, feeling like you were about to cry. I am fine. I did not harm anyone.

I know, I know, he said reassuringly. Look, we just want to make sure that you’re alright. How about we try it for the week ? You come with me to the studio, and that way, you won’t be alone, you can hang out with us and you can have your computer. Just try it, ok ?

Ok, you whispered.

You were silent for the rest of the drive. Knowing how bad Talia’s lack of trust in you was was hard. When you arrived at the studio with takeout food for everyone, you found Marshall, Royce, Paul and Porter in deep conversation. They barely acknowledged your presence.

What’s wrong ? Jamal asked.

You haven’t heard the news ??? Porter asked back.

What news ? Bad news ?

A motherfucker dropped a diss track on Em about an hour ago, Royce explained.

Oh, Jamal said.

You sat on the couch and listened to them argue. You tried to gather information but you had no idea what a diss was. From what you heard, it was not good news. Plus, Marshall looked pissed off. You listened as they played the track for Jamal to give his opinion. You’d never heard of the artist. Apparently, he was up and coming with a huge following. In the track, he went for Marshall’s family - his mother, ex-wife, even his daughters - he criticized his career, went for Proof and, to top it all off… he went for you. Well he didn’t exactly go for you. He went for « Em’s girl », that he kindly referred to as, « the tiny bitch in the shiny dress ». With the pictures published a few hours after you had exited the party, there wasn’t much mystery as to who the rapper referred to. As soon as you heard that part, your eyes were wide open.

Are you going to answer ? Jamal asked carefully.

That’s the whole debate, Royce said.

Let’s eat, Marshall sighed.

He got up from his chair and sat next to you on the couch, giving you a side hug.

Hey, he said.

Hey you, you said softly.

Sorry you have to come to this, he said.

That’s quite the war council you have here, you joked.

You have no idea, he sighed as he put his head back. So… What do you think of the track ?

I don’t know. It’s… Something, that’s for sure. I’d say it’s aggressive and pretty much uncalled for, you said with hesitation.

Well, welcome to the world of diss tracks, he chuckled.

I don’t even know what that is, you admitted.

He let out a laugh and a smile crossed his face.

Ok, he said. I think I can spare a little time to give you a lesson while we eat.

That’s mighty of you, you joked.

Well, if this is a war council, I can’t have you hang out here and not know the first thing about diss tracks, right ? Anyway, diss means disrespect.

No shit, you giggled.

Shut up and listen, he said with a smile. Usually, when an artist drops a diss track on someone, it’s the result of an existing feud between them and the artist they diss.

Ok, you said in a confused tone. So… When you told me about your beef with other artists and you mentioned songs, those were disses ?

Absolutely, he said. Simply put, the purpose is to verbally attack someone.

Ok, you said between two bites of your burger. So… What’s the feud about, with this one ?

That’s the thing : there is no feud, he sighed. I’ve never heard of this son of a bitch before.

Then why would he come for you ? You asked. I don’t get it.

Because he knows that when Em responds, he’s going to get some massive attention, Royce explained. He’s using that as a publicity stunt.

If he responds, Paul corrected in an annoyed voice.

We’re still arguing about whether or not he should, Porter told you.

Who thinks what ? You asked, curious to see what everyone thought of the situation.

I don’t really care, Porter said. I mean, if he chooses to end this guy’s career, I’m here for it, for sure. But I don’t think the guy deserves attention anyway. Royce, on the other hand…

I think you should respond, man. Absolutely, Royce said. I mean, he didn’t just come for you saying that you haven’t dropped an album in years, you know ? He came for Proof, Kim, Hailie… And Y/N.

You hummed and heard Paul scoff. Everyone looked at him and Marshall rolled his eyes.

What do you think, Paul ? You asked.

Oh, everyone knows what I think, he said.

Paul, Marshall groaned. Don’t start.

We’ve had this discussion earlier, Marshall, he said. I think I made my opinion on the matter pretty clear.

And I think I told you it’s none of your business ! Marshall snapped.

You looked at them throwing death stares at each other. Paul was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and Marshall was sitting next to you, in a very “I don’t give a fuck” stance. You threw a glance at the other three, trying to make sense of the situation.

You don’t want to know, Porter said.

Ok, you said in a small voice.

Well I think she might as well know, Paul said.

His tone made you feel small and intimidated. The man himself was intimidating. He was much taller than everyone else in the room and, as he didn’t spend all of his time in Detroit, you hadn’t really had the opportunity to get to know him. If you had come to be at ease around everyone else, it was not the case with Paul. And something in your gut told you it wasn’t going to happen.

Paul, Marshall warned.

She was there, wasn’t she ? Paul scoffed. So yes, Y/N, I think you might as well know that making a public appearance with Marshall and holding hands in front of photographers was pretty stupid. I think the two of you should know better than that.

That’s it, Marshall groaned. Paul. Office. Now.

The two of them left the room to go into Marshall’s office. They closed the door but you could hear that they were having a pretty heated conversation, though it was hard to decipher the words.

I… I just wanted to know what he thought about the diss track, you defended yourself.

I know, Porter said. But Paul thinks that the photos from Saturday's party is what prompted the guy to drop the track.

So you think it’s my fault ? You whined.

We don’t, Royce shrugged. Paul does, though.

I don’t think it’s a matter of “fault” here, Porter replied. I mean, from what I gathered, you guys just ran into each other at the event and decided to leave together. It’s not like you planned for it to happen.

From what Porter said, it sounded like they didn’t know about what actually happened. You were a little relieved to say the least. You got along with them, but you had never talked about your past struggles or your sobriety. You weren’t ashamed of it, but it wasn’t something you absolutely wanted to discuss upon meeting people. Then, the subject never got on the table when they were around. You glanced at Jamal who gave you a reassuring smile, as if he could read your mind.

Yeah, you said. It definitely wasn’t planned. I could have done without my picture all over social media, you know ?

That was quite a dress, Royce said teasingly. You usually don’t dress like that.

Oh, well, you know… I think I wanted to try something, you said shyly.

Feel free to try again, he grinned. I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we’d enjoy that very much.

Jamal gave him a friendly smack on the back of the head, causing all of you to laugh. You knew he was just saying that to be funny and didn’t mean to hit on you. He was happily married anyway.

What do you think, Jamal ? You asked.

About the fact that Royce should keep his mouth shut ? He joked. I’m all for it.

You know I would never hit on someone who isn’t my wife, man, Royce said with a smile. And even if I did, I wouldn’t be crazy enough to hit on Em’s girl.

The sentence prompted you to choke on your soda, most of it going through your nose, and spilling the rest on your clothes. It was unpleasant to say the least. “Em’s girl” ? Did they actually believe the two of you to be something ? That couldn’t be right. Surely, Marshall had told them there was nothing between the two of you.

You alright, sis’ ? Jamal asked as he handed you a napkin.

Yeah, you groaned. Sorry about that. Caught me by surprise, I guess.

What did ? Porter asked.

Before you could answer, Marshall and Paul were back in the room, everyone’s attention going to them.

I’m sorry, Y/N, Paul said as he looked at you. I happen to have misread the situation.

It’s fine, you said shyly. Thanks.

Everyone’s faces suddenly turned to you.

What situation ? Royce asked.

I thought they were together, Paul explained.

Wait, you guys aren’t together ? Porter asked.

No, of course not ! You replied. You guys thought…?

I mean, the pictures surely lead to this interpretation, the manager said.

Well, now that the air is cleared up… Can we get back to work ? Marshall asked with a groan.

We’re not done eating, Jamal said.

Then eat instead of talking about my personal life, he groaned.

He sat back next to you and looked at you with a grin.

Still haven’t learned how to drink properly, I see, he commented.

Shut up, you groaned.

Come in my office, he chuckled. I’ll give you something to change into.

How are we supposed not to read into that ? Paul sighed.

Marshall rolled his eyes and led you to his office. You had never been in this room before. It wasn’t big by any means, but it was cozy. It had a big desk, a chair, shelves full of awards and a couch.

That’s a cool office, you commented.

I don’t use it a lot, he explained. I spent most of my time in the rest of the building. But yeah, it’s not too bad.

So, I take it that you haven’t told them that we’re not…?

They didn't ask, just jumped to conclusion, he shrugged. They know I’m not big on talking about my private life.

He rummaged through a closet and grabbed a couple of tee-shirts for you to choose from.

These are merch prototypes, he said. You can wear that.

Do you have a smaller size ? You asked as you looked at the fit - you could actually have worn them as dresses.

Sorry, he said with a laugh. That’s the best I can do.

You chuckled and chose one of the tee-shirts. You turned around and changed.

How do I look ? You asked.

Like a cute house elf, he joked. Seriously, it’s the first time I’ve seen these worn. I like it. Mind trying the other ones ? I have a meeting with my team about these at the end of the week. That way, I’ll give them notes on color, comfort…

Sure, you said with a shrug.

You grabbed the other one and proceeded to change, forgetting to turn around.

Wow, he said in a strange voice.

What ? you asked as you put on the other tee.

Nothing, he said as he looked elsewhere. You just… Sort of flashed me ?

Oh my god, I’m so sorry !!! I didn’t mean to !

It’s fine, he said with a chuckle. That’s a nice bra… I mean… No. Fuck… I-I mean that it’s nice that you are wearing one. As opposed to… uh… Yesterday. You know. Nevermind.

You could see him blush slightly - a first. You couldn’t help but grin at the idea that you were making him blush.

So, what do you think ? You asked.

Yeah, I like the black lace. It’s really sexy, he replied.

No. Not the bra. I meant… The tee-shirt, Marshall, you giggled. For the notes you want to give on merch ?

Oh, that, he said as he looked at you with visible embarrassment. Yeah, it looks nice. I like the logo.

It’s really comfortable too, you said. More than the other. It’s softer, I think.

Yeah ? He asked as he gently touched the fabric on the shoulder.

The contact made you blush and you bit your lip. The idea of him being attracted to you was incredibly satisfying. Arousing, even. He was staring at you, not letting go of your shoulder.

I should try the last one, you said.

Sorry. Sure.

This time, you made sure to turn around. When you turned back, you saw Marshall looking at the floor.

You can look, you said softly.

Ok, he said in a neutral tone that almost made him sound shy.

Do you want to touch ?

Y/N… I don’t think we should…, he replied as he stared at your lips.

The fabric, you reminded him.

Oh fuck, he groaned as he pinched the area between his eyes. I-I…

What’s with you today ? You mused.

I’m sorry. I’m tired, he said. And pissed off about the dude. But mostly tired because of the weekend. Didn’t even hit the gym today.

Oh, that’s why, you giggled as you were reminded of his comment on how exercise helped dealing with the horniness.

Why what ? He asked, not understanding.

Uh… Nothing, you said as you tried to keep a straight face. So… Do you want to touch me or what ?

He let out a soft sneer and gently touched the fabric.

Thoughts ? You asked.

I like it, he said. I think the second one is my favorite, though.

Mine too, you said softly, still chewing on your bottom lip.

Don’t do that, he whispered. Please.

Don’t do what ? You asked.

Don’t tease me like this, Y/N, he said as his eyes got darker.

#eminem #marshall mathers #slim shady #eminem fanfiction #eminem x reader #eminem fluff #eminem imagine #marshall mathers x reader #marshall mathers imagine #marshall mathers headcanons #recovery fanfiction

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bluejaysandblackbats · 4 months

Text

Five Little Ducks

Fandom: DC Comics, Batman

Summary: Bruce finds a magically de-aged Jason.

Chapters: 5/13

Characters: Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Stephanie Brown, Duke Thomas, Zatanna Zatara

Additional Tags: De-Aged Jason Todd, Magic, Babysitting, Father-Son Relationship, Fluff and Angst, POV Third Person, Bruce Wayne is Not Okay, Bruce Wayne Tries, Jason Todd Has Issues, Childhood Trauma

Chapter Five: Borda

Jason knocked on Bruce's door at two in the morning. Bruce groaned, forgetting Jason was seven years old, and he answered the door. He was so exhausted he never thought to look down. "Mr. Wayne," Jason whispered, "I did a bad thing."

"Oh? What did you do?" Bruce questioned, still not opening his eyes.

"I threw up," Jason mumbled. Bruce blinked hard and looked down at Jason. Jason had a greenish pallor, and his eyes were red and puffy.

"You threw up... That's alright. Are you done?" Bruce questioned. He was still half-asleep.

"I threw up on the rug," Jason mumbled. Bruce reached for Jason's hand, and Jason flinched.

"I'm not gonna hit you. Do you wanna be picked up?" Bruce questioned. Jason rubbed his eyes and nodded. Bruce scooped him up and rubbed his back. "I'm sorry that you got sick."

"I can clean it up... I was just-. I-. I got scared that I'd get lost," Jason stammered.

"You don't have to do that," Bruce whispered. Bruce imagined Jason's eyes were puffy because he probably fretted over the mess, crying out of fear of punishment. "Accidents happen, Jason... Okay?" Jason hid his face in Bruce's shoulder as they entered the room. Bruce turned the light on to assess the situation, and he nodded. Sure, enough, there was a little clear puddle in the center of the rug.

"I'm sorry," Jason whimpered. Bruce held the back of Jason's head in his palm and put some bounce in his step as he walked to the hall closet to grab the cleaning supplies.

"It's alright... It's nothing little baking soda and seltzer can't fix," Bruce whispered, "Jason, I've gotta put you down now-."

"Just a little bit longer... Please," Jason whispered. Bruce nodded and bounced from one side to the other. It was so hard to remember that Jason wasn't a baby. He was so small and easy to hold onto. Easy to hold onto. Jason hadn't been easy to hold onto in years. For years they'd been caught up in a violent struggle of push and pull. It felt good just this once to be needed. "Nobody picks me up anymore..."

"Well, I'll pick you up anytime you want," Bruce promised, "I don't care how big you get... I'll always try-." His voice broke. Bruce was bombarded with images from Jason's death. He took a steadying breath, and after a few moments, Jason pulled away.

"You can put me down if you want... I'm tired now," Jason whispered. Bruce nodded and tucked Jason into bed. Then, he tended to the mess on the rug. Jason lay on his side, staring at Bruce. "Mr. Wayne... I really am sorry," Jason apologized again.

"It's alright... Do you feel better?" Bruce questioned. Jason nodded. "That's all that matters..."

"Is Dick your son too?" Jason asked. Bruce nodded. "Why did he go away?"

"He had to go home... He doesn't live here anymore," Bruce explained. Jason blinked hard.

"You live all by yourself?" Jason questioned. Bruce nodded. "Aren't you lonely?"

"Sometimes," Bruce answered as he finished cleaning up. "I'll be right back." He put everything where it belonged and returned to Jason's room.

Jason waved at Bruce. "My dad told me a scary story the other night because he was mad at me... He said his dad told him the same story," Jason whispered.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Bruce questioned. Jason nodded.

"My mommy says if something's scary, sometimes you have to tell the story to someone else so that it won't worry me anymore," Jason explained.

"Alright," Bruce replied.

"Can you turn the light on first?" Jason asked. Bruce nodded and turned on the lamp with a remote. "If it's foggy, I'm not supposed to walk to school unless he's with me... But I went anyway because it was library day. So, when he got home from work, I wasn't there. He grabbed and shook me, and I wanted to cry, but I didn't." Bruce nodded.

"Did he take you to school?" Bruce asked. Jason shook his head.

"He told me kids shouldn't go out in the fog without their mommies and daddies because of the Borda. Do you know what that is?" Jason questioned. Bruce shook his head. "She's a scary witch with a blindfold that kills kids with ropes for going where they're not supposed to." Bruce nodded.

"Were you upset when he told you that?" Bruce questioned. Jason nodded.

"But he didn't stay mad... I told him I was sorry, and he took me home. We played the lock game, and he got his money back from our neighbor," Jason replied.

"What's the lock game?" Bruce asked.

"We played it in our building... Sometimes he'd forget things in people's apartments, so he showed me how to unlock doors with different stuff, so we don't have to bother anybody," Jason explained, "I can unlock a door in less than a minute."

It took everything in Bruce's power to hold a straight face. He was furious. How could Willis trick a child as sweet and innocent as that into breaking and entering into apartments? And Jason was none the wiser. "What's the matter?" Jason questioned. Bruce shook his head. He knew Jason had to learn to steal from someone, but he had no idea this was how it all started.

"Did you play any other games with Willis?" Bruce replied.

"Um... The police game. Mommy didn't like that one," Jason replied, "I had to sit in the car when he'd go shopping and honk the horn when I saw police. I have to smile and wave at the police, and if they stop and wave at me, I win."

Bruce swallowed hard. "You don't play checkers or anything like that with him?" Bruce questioned.

"Oh," Jason yawned, "Sometimes he'd play the drums on my stomach while dinner cooked... I like that one. It's my favorite."

Bruce made a soft noise as Jason closed his eyes. "Any other games?" Bruce asked.

"It wasn't a game, but when he reads-. When he used to read the paper, he would let me hold one side while he held the other... I liked it because he always gave me a kiss instead of telling me to turn the page," Jason replied. Bruce kissed Jason's forehead.

"Thank you for sharing your stories with me," Bruce whispered.

"Thank you for holding me," Jason mumbled. Bruce tried not to seem sad, but he couldn't help but feel pain in the pit of his stomach. Willis's love for Jason was there, but it was selfish. Jason accepted that as it was. Jason accepted scraps of love when he deserved much more. Jason deserved the world, and even Bruce failed to give that to him.

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bots-and-cons · 6 months

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I've noticed people had invested in your story of your scarlet witch reader story so am i, but i understand if you don't want to write this anymore if that makes u uncomfortable then i'm sorry and i understand. But here's my request :

I want to ask for a request one-shot for Scarlet Witch Reader with Wheeljack to have a moment together before Redear's "death", like Jackie noticed her depressed moment one time, alone, away from the bots and wanted to talk to her if Reader needs some comfort but all the Raeder had said :

"I'm sorry...i know you're trying....I'm just so tired ..." Reader mumured, voice cracking, finally gives in. "And every single time I thought it was over I’d arrogantly sit right here, thinking I will suddenly be healed and ready to move on, being accepting again. Little did I know that the wave would keep crashing---knocking me right back down again. A continuous wave I can’t escape from. And eventually, it’s just going to drown me."

Since Wheeljack is the only one bot who didn't resent the Reader or didn't treat her like a monster, how will Wheeljack react to Reader's confession? Will he comfort her? Giving an advice or at least a hug? Will that moment haunt him after her "gone"?

Oh yeah, people seemed really interested in that one. I don’t mind writing more fic stuff for it, it's just that I got a bit tired of answering all the questions about it. I don't even remember everything I said, so this might not go according to what I wrote before. Since I didn’t tag them with anything special, I can't be bothered to look for them either, so here I go with my ramblings again. I wanted to do a scenario, which is why I left this as the last request. The first part to this, or I guess what would come after this can be found here. Just a little disclaimer, the last time I watched TFP was in 2019 so I barely have any memory of Jackie’s character because I write him so rarely. I apologize if this is severely OOC

You’d made your decision, you would disappear. When and how though? You weren’t sure but you would take your chance when you saw it. You packed a bag and hid it in the locker at a nearby bus terminal. You could get to it after you got away from the autobots so you would have something to start with.

On one of your final days with the autobots, you were just wandering around the base aimlessly. You weren’t sure what you were even doing there anymore. Sure the autobots were trying to keep you safe from the decepticons, but you could do that by yourself too. You were strong enough to do that.

For about the last half a year, things had been getting progressively worse. It started almost immediately after the autobots took you under their protection. You were helping them fight some of the decepticons and a boulder you threw hit the wrong target. You hit Bulkhead in the back making him fall down. He almost got his helm crushed in by Breakdown in the process, but managed to avoid the hammer strike at the last second. That’s when it started. The judgemental looks and hushed whispers.

You thought they would be different, that the autobots would understand because they too were different, but you were wrong. You thought they wouldn’t try to chain you down and make you keep your powers hidden, but they did. Ratchet was especially skeptical about your ability to control your powers, and as the little mistakes started piling up, the skepticism spread.

Aside from the incident with Bulkhead, nothing serious happened again, but all the little mistakes and accidents were interpreted as malicious on your part.

“Hey (Name)!” Wheeljack exclaimed, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“Hmm?” you turned around to face him.

Wheeljack had noticed you were getting progressively more tired and anxious during the last few weeks. He had noticed the others treating you in a way that was in his opinion quite unfair. Jackie hadn’t exactly vocally protested against Arcee or Ratchet’s comments, but he hadn’t agreed with them either.

“Ya doin okay?” he asked.

“I’ve seen better days” you joked halfheartedly.

“Come with me” Jackie said, turning to walk back down the hall.

“Where are you taking me exactly?”

“I just thought we could talk without someone eavesdroppin on us” he shrugged, heading for the elevator. “Besides, ya need to get out of this place sometimes”

You followed him, not really saying anything as you took the elevator up to the top. It wasn’t very cold outside yet, so you could easily stay up there for a while without a jacket. You sat down on a rock as you looked at the sunset. If you were lucky, this would be one of your last nights at the base. It was a bit of a pity to lose such a great sunset watching spot though. You sat there for a while, not saying anything, just looking at the horizon.

“So, what’s going on with ya lately? You seem pretty down nowadays”

“I’m sorry, I know you’re trying, you’re probably the only who gives a damn about me anymore anyway” you muttered.

“I’m sure that’s not true…” Jackie said, not really sure if he was lying or not.

“I thought I could find a place here with you guys. A place where I wouldn’t be shunned, but apparently that’s not the case. I thought I could heal here, to finally find some sort of kinship with someone who understands what it’s like to be different, to be unfairly feared by others, but I just keep getting knocked down, continuously…” you vented, not sure why you were suddenly opening up to him like this.

You and Wheeljack weren’t even particularly close, but he was the only one who had never really held your powers against you like the others had. Even though he didn’t defend you against the other bots, not that they ever said what they thought to your face anyway, he never looked at you judgmentally.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I let it all out like that” you sighed.

That was the last talk Wheeljack had with you. He never really believed you had died after you disappeared, but he never went looking for you. Based on what you’d said before you disappeared, if you were still out there, you were probably happier without the autobots, and that’s all he could ask for.

Still, he felt like he should’ve done more. He should’ve at least said something but he didn’t know how to answer you. He didn’t know how to comfort you, or it was even his place to do so. Now it was too late, you were gone, and dead or not he wouldn’t get a second chance, but maybe it was better that way.

#transformers #tfp #transformers prime #autobots #wheeljack #tfp scenarios #transformers angst #reader insert #platonic transformers x reader

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thewriteflame · 1 year

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Find the Word

Thank you @megarywrites for tagging me!

Decided to just do the words. And I took some time to copy most of my stories I have saved to my laptop and cloud into different Scrivener files so they are easier to search. Meaning I can now subject y'all to some of my older writings.

Words: Blur, bellow, bite, bitter, and burnt

Blur This one is taken from an old short story titled Desireless Freedom. I think I will re-write it some day. Jayme is eleven here.

Jayme had tried so hard. He did his best in sports, forced his fears down as much as he could, he even hid his love for cute things. But it wasn’t enough. Why couldn’t his father love him? Why was it always Tynis this, Tynis that… The Perfect Son. Jayme hated his half-brother. No. Jayme hated his father. Jayme’s eyes widened and he stared at the mirror in horror. Hate was such a dark word. The image blurred again and he sunk to his knees. He thought of all the shoves, kicks, and yelling. The times his father locked him in the hallway closet. Hate was a good word.

Bellow

Error 404

Bite From The Revenged

Saavin laughed. He stood, a few bites still left on his plate. He towered above Shuntala but she resisted her instinct to back away from him. He would not win. She would not break or bend to his will. “Such a strong, beautiful woman,” Saavin whispered. He stared at her cheek as he caressed it. “A perfect partner for the king of the seas.” “When I meet this king maybe I’ll consider the idea,” Shuntala said. She batted the offending hand away.

Bitter From The Revenged

Ka’il suddenly lifted his head, pulled from his heavy mood by some inside force. “I’ll tell you more later, take your medicine.” He gently pushed the chamomile closer to her mouth. “Alright, I’ll trust you,” She decided as she placed the spoon in her mouth. She grimaced at the bitter taste that was barely helped by the sweetness of honey. She handed the spoon back to Ka’il. “Don’t trust anyone on this ship,” He told her. “I have no interest in your body but I’ve lost trust even in myself to do the right thing.” He seemed to age before Shuntala’s eyes as a regret filled tiredness weighed his shoulders down.

Burnt From another old short story called Mommy's Prince with the POV of Jayme's mother, Ella. I didn't finish it but I would like to.

They began to eat in a comfortable silence, Ella taking a few moments here and there to watch Jayme eat. She loved how he closed his eyes and mmmed as he swayed back forth. Watching him enjoy her food, no matter what, was one of her favorite things to do. Durion always had something to complain about but her caring son would tell her how much he loved it even when it was burnt. “You aren’t eating,” Jayme observed with a frown. “Ah, sorry.” Ella took a bite. “I was just thinking about my handsome son.” “Mom,” Jayme blushed and Ella laughed.

Tagging: @j-1173 @violets-in-her-arms-writes @oh-no-another-idea @emelkae @pinespittinink

Words: mountain, match, market, muse, minute

#tag games #wip: the revenged #find the word game #wip: atwr #(I guess?)#oc: shuntala #oc: ka'il #oc: saavin #oc: jayme #oc: ella

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riahlynn101 · 7 months

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Whumptober: Day Five - Alternative Prompt: "Broken."

Trigger warnings: implied/referenced kidnapping.

I just want to say, this story fought me. It's fairly short and I apologize if it doesn't make much sense. I might publish another story today just to make up for the low word count.

They say misery loves company.

Vanessa can’t disprove that. Not when she finds solace in Mike’s suffering.

It reminds Vanessa so much of her own.

The anguish of losing a sibling.

That burning, fiery feeling of self-loathing.

And the constant thought of, it’s all my fault.

Of course, logically, it wasn’t. Neither of them couldn’t have done anything differently. They were both kids.

Vanessa had been eleven at the time, and bedridden that particular day. Her brother was invited to a party. Technically, both of them were invited, but she had contracted a nasty stomach bug. So, her parents made Vanessa stay home.

The boy that invited them, Gabriel, also went missing.

Sometimes she thinks about how close she had been to sharing their fates. The what-ifs making her dizzy.

What if I didn’t get sick.

What if I went to the party?

What if Cassidy was the one that stayed home?

What if we both went missing?

What if…what if….what if….

Mike hasn’t shared much about his brother, or that day in general. It’s obvious even now, a decade-and-a-half later, it haunts him.

“That day….we went to a park. I can’t remember why…” Mike trails off, as if actually trying to recall ‘why’ his family went there.

“Mike,” Vanessa murmurs, trying to keep him on track. They don’t have a lot of time together. She got here late tonight, and her shift starts in an hour.

“Uh….sorry…um….we went to the park. Me and Garrett were so excited.” Mike smiles softly at the table, a faraway look in his big brown eyes. “We played pirates on the playscape, tag, and….”

“And?” Vanessa presses, quirking a brow.

Mike blinks, shifting in the chair. “And I was ‘it.’”

Vanessa listens patiently. Taking in his shuddering breaths and wet eyes.

“I…I was supposed to- supposed to find him, but I ... .uh ... .couldn't. I ran all the way to the parking lot. I thought maybe he hid under our car. He wasn’t allowed to, but since when do kids listen?” Mike chuckles a little at that, but his eyes remain fixated on the tabletop. “But when I got there I saw him in the backseat of someone else’s car, and they were driving away. I remember trying to chase after them, but I tripped. I think, maybe, I screamed. But I can’t remember very clearly after I tripped.”

Vanessa watches him closely. The words, ‘it’s not your fault,’ sit heavy on her tongue. But she knows from experience that he won’t believe her. Years of being told the same by therapists and counselors and every other adult didn’t make a dent in her self-blame.

“My brother,” she starts, watching Mike perk up at the change of topic, “and I were close. I told you once that I used to come to this place as a kid.”

He nods.

“Well, I came here a lot with my brother. Our parents couldn’t afford daycare and didn’t trust us enough to stay home alone, so they would just give us a few bucks and send us here.”

“Huh, very responsible of them.”

Vanessa makes a show of craning her neck to where Abby’s sleeping, curled up in the little fort Mike made.

He coughs. “Yeah, yeah, okay.”

“Anyways, so we spent a lot of time here.” It’s Vanessa’s turn to stare at the table. Memories rush back to her. The smell of pizza. Children cheering as the animatronics sang the same five songs over and over and over again. “Well, one day, my brother went to the pizzeria alone. It was a weekend, and we normally didn’t go on weekends. But my brother and I were invited to a birthday party. I….got sick. A stomach bug or the flu, I can’t remember now. So, I couldn’t go. My brother did though…” She bites her bottom lip to keep from crying. It had been years, almost as long as Mike’s brother’s been missing, and still, she can’t keep it together.

Mike lays a gentle hand on top of her’s. He doesn’t say a word, but the concerned look in his eyes says it all.

For once, Vanessa feels seen.

Misery loves the company of broken people. And Vanessa, the most broken of them all, staring at the only other person she’s ever met that could rival that, would be a fool to deny that.

#whumptober2023 #no.5 #alt prompt #“Broken.”#tw implied kidnapping #tw implied death #tw referenced murder #mike schmidt #vanessa shelly

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earlgreydream · 3 years

Text

lover of mine.

| winter soldier!bucky barnes x reader | angst | fluff |

lover of mine.

/When I take a look at my life/And all of my crimes/You're the only thing that I think I got right//I watched the world fall from your eyes/All my regrets/And things you can't forget/Light them all up/Kiss them goodbye/

“You loved him once. You can love him again.”

“I never stopped loving him. That’s what you don’t understand.”

The fellow Avengers had watched the world fall from your eyes, the joy draining from you with every headline that involved Bucky. Not only had he changed, but you had too. You became completely enthralled with your missions, pouring every waking second into the Avengers. Because if you thought about anything else, you would break.

Steve begged you to take breaks, begged you to take time off. You insisted you were fine, never wanting to be left alone with your thoughts. You didn’t want to think about the newsreels of Bucky-- the winter soldier-- wielding machine guns.

You couldn’t bear to see the love of your life slaughtering people.

“I’m not picking up Parker from school... He’s in high school, he doesn’t need me to pick him up! He can take the subway! Or use his webs!” You snapped at Stark, who stared at you impatiently.

“You need to rest. This is how you’re filling your afternoon.” Stark was insistent, and you shook your head, grabbing the keys to a Tesla.

“Steve?”

“Go, Y/N.”

You sighed and went down to the garage, driving uptown to get the teenager from school. You parked outside of the high school, leaning against the hood of your car while you waited.

You never got used to the modernity. You were like Steve and Bucky. You’d been alive in the 40s, and frozen like they were. Luckily, you’d fallen to S.H.I.E.L.D. instead of Hydra. You’d managed to stay safe with Steve, and become an Avenger, not suffering Bucky’s fate.

Before the war, you and Bucky had been married. The memories in your mind of dancing in the kitchen, jazz bars, drive-ins, and reading the Hobbit when it came out, were all raw. Before he was deployed, there was a wedding.

You’d been surrounded by flowers and your friends, celebrating the love of your life. Steve was the best man. You’d left the ceremony with Bucky in his yellow vintage car, going to the coast for your honeymoon.

You remembered the beach house, and running in the sand with your young husband. It was perfect back then, before Hydra got their hands on him. He was loving and gentle, the kind of man who danced with you in the kitchen and brought you flowers.

You remembered when he’d gone off to war. You wore his dog tags, and hung a flag in your window. You’d kissed him goodbye, tears blinding you as you tried to focus on the silver eyes that were full of adoration and love. You remembered when Steve came back, and Bucky didn’t.

There were so many memories of crying in Steve’s arms, and falling asleep with him beside you. Even when you’d moved to Stark Tower with him, even after becoming an avenger decades later, you still slept beside him. He’d listened to you sob for Bucky a million times; Steve had witnessed a lifetime of your heartbreak.

You remembered waking up from being frozen, and finding out who James Buchanan Barnes had become.

“Y/N?!” Parker’s cheerful voice snapped you out of your thoughts as he came bounding down the stairs of the high school.

“Hey kiddo. Stark sent me to get you.” You stood up off the car and hugged him. He waved goodbye to his friends and got in the passenger seat. He immediately started chattering, and you welcomed it, appreciating the distraction from the deafening silence. That was why you were fond of Parker, he was easy to be around, and he was always happy to fill the silence.

“Let’s go to Starbucks!” He announced as the two of you drove back to the tower.

“Are you joking?”

“No! It’s on me.”

“It’s on Stark,” you smirked, and Parker broke out into a wide grin.

You and Peter walked into Stark Tower a half hour later, chattering and laughing. Parker was the only one of the Avengers who cheered you up, and he never made you feel bad for not wanting to talk about Bucky. He was bubbly and warm, and always made you laugh. You were giggling at a story from his school as you went upstairs to the penthouse, unaware of what you were walking1 into.

You nearly crashed into him, stopping dead in your tracks.

“Y/N!” The voice was so familiar, and yet, you thought you’d never hear it again.

You were suffocating. The air was ripped from your lungs, and you couldn’t breathe. It felt like the earth was swaying underneath you, everything shattered.

Steve ran to you as you passed out, and Parker caught you with a shout before you hit the floor. He knelt on the marble, your head in his lap, and Steve shouted for Banner, who came running to follow you to his medical lab.

“Stevie, what’s wrong with her?!” Bucky demanded, and everyone looked at him.

“It’s the shock of seeing you.” Steve admitted, and Bucky looked like he was going to break.

“I’m better now, I’m no longer the...” he couldn’t even say it, his eyes anxious and frightened.

Bucky had spent months trying to free himself of Hydra’s psychological bonds. He was free now, motivated by the thought of coming home to you. Bucky had waited years. Now, he was home, and the second he said your name and laid eyes on him, you’d panicked and blacked out.

Steve attempted to comfort him, and even Parker, the boy he didn’t know. They tried to explain to Bucky that you were just in shock, but his heart broke.

“I took care of her, Buck. She still loves you, she always has. Just give her some time. Seeing you like that...”

“I know,” Bucky breathed.

Everyone left Bucky alone with you, giving you privacy. He sat beside the bed where you were asleep, Banner assuring everyone that you were fine, you had only fainted.

He watched you. Bucky hadn’t watched you sleep like this since the 1940s.

He was suddenly back, leaning in the doorway, the soft light pouring behind him as he drank a cup of coffee, taking in the sight of his sweet wife sleeping before he went to work. You’d glow in the golden light of the morning, your face peaceful and serene. It was so intimate back then.

Bucky sat up as you stirred, familiar eyes slowly opening. You didn’t know where you were at first, your mind running through events. You’d picked Parker up from school, stopped for a snack, and came back to the tower. And seen your husband.

You sat up suddenly, and he put his arms out, one made of vibranium. His eyes were soft, full of love, not the empty steel you’d seen on the news. Your name fell from his lips, desperate and anxious.

You jerked away at first, startled by the reality of what was happening. You were frightened, alone in the room with your husband. You scrambled back against the headboard, trying to put distance between you and his outstretched hands.

You were about to scream when you realized he looked just as frightened as you. You slowly sank back against the headboard, slowing your breathing as you stared at him.

“James?”

“It’s me, doll. I’m home.”

You didn’t know how long the silence lasted, but it felt like hours. The two of you stared at each other, and when you finally decided he wasn’t going to hurt you, you gingerly moved toward him.

“I’m free from them. It’s just me, it’s not the winter soldier anymore,” Bucky’s voice was soft, and you blinked back tears.

“It can’t be you. You were gone.” Your voice trembled as you spoke.

“I’m back now. I came back for you. I’m never going to hurt you, or anyone else again.”

“James-”

“I’m not a killer anymore.”

The plea broke your heart, the shattered boy begging you to believe him, begging you to take him back. Tears slid down his cheeks, terrified of your reaction.

“James, I love you.”

“I love you, Y/N.”

Bucky felt like he’d waited a million years to say it, and the words spread through you, filling your empty soul.

You wanted to fall into his arms, to hold him close and feel him again. You wanted all of it to happen instantly, but that’s not how it was. You needed time, time to adjust, and time to trust him again before you returned to your husband fully.

You reached out to touch his arm, and he noticed the wedding ring wasn’t around your finger. His eyes flitted up to yours, and you pulled the chain from around your neck that hid beneath your shirt. It held his dog tags, and your wedding ring. Relief flooded Bucky, and you offered a the slightest hint of a smile.

“What happened?” You asked, cautiously running your fingers along the vibranium.

“I lost my arm when I fell from the train. Steve told you?”

“A bit... you fell, he didn’t know what happened after.”

“Can I touch you?” Bucky spoke gently, understanding your hesitation and being patient.

You nodded, and his hand slowly lifted to your face, fingers brushing over the curves of your skin. You laid your hand over his, kissing the inside of his wrist. He cried softly, a smile crossing his face as he felt you, promising it wasn’t a dream.

“Bucky, we need you for a meeting.” Stark leaned into the bedroom, hours later.

“Stark, now?”

“I’m sorry. Y/N will be here when you get back.”

“I’ll wait for you.” You promised, and he nodded, the words falling heavy between you.

Bucky followed Stark out, and you sat on the bed, processing the day. Bucky had quietly explained the Hydra brainwashing, about how he was held captive in his own mind. You believed him, but it would always be hard to shake those memories of him on the news.

“Hey, we didn’t mean to just drop this on you.” Steve came inside, sitting down on the mattress.

“You couldn’t have kept from me that my husband was suddenly free and home. Is he really, though? It is him? He won’t kill me in my sleep?” You asked, and Steve gave you a sad smile.

“It is. He’s traumatized, he won’t be the same as before the war. But it’s not the winter soldier, it’s Bucky.”

You knew it was true. You knew the man before you, his heart and his soul, and you were going to grow to know his mind again.

You were curled up in bed, Steve beside you on the other side of the large mattress.

“Stevie? Y/N?” you heard a soft voice from the doorway, and you sat up in the dark. You had trouble sleeping, and you were awake when he came in during the middle of the night.

“Bucky?”

“I can’t sleep.”

“Come here,” you whispered, moving over in bed, closer to Steve, who was waking from the disturbance. You didn’t fear Bucky, especially not when he looked so frightened and upset.

You lifted the blanket, and Bucky got in on the other side of the bed. You pulled him to you, silently wrapping your arms around him. You felt Steve against your back, leaning over to place his hand on Bucky’s arm, smoothing over the skin slowly to comfort him.

“You’re okay now, it’s over, my love,” you whispered, settling between the warm bodies.

Your head rested on Bucky’s chest, and you realized how long you’d spent waiting for it. You felt his lips press a kiss to the top of your head, and Steve bury his face into the back of your neck, needing to be close.

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planetsano · 3 years

Text

everyone finds out you two are dating.

SYNOPSIS: Class 1A find out you're in a relationship with some of your favorite MHA boys.

TAGS: established relationships, secretly dating, social media, making out, date night, sitting on kirishima's lap, fluff, slice of life.

CHARACTERS: bakugou katsuki, eijirou kirishima, todoroki shoto, kaminari denki, izuku midoriya

— bakugou

Everyone finds out you two are dating when he accidentally posts a video of you captioned, "this idiot 🧡", on his snapchat story.

It was a Saturday night and you both decided that it would be nice to spend the night in enjoying each other's company. Obviously you told your friends that you would be busy studying but in reality you were actually with each other.

You were on his bed wearing one of his ridiculously oversized hoodies. Admittedly, he thought you looked cute. You had sweater paws like c'mon. He wanted to save the memory.

(Contrast to popular belief, Bakugou is capable of being a cute boyfriend sometimes. He's just rough around the edges, ya'know?)

When you looked up from your switch you saw your boyfriend recording you with a smirk on his face.

"Stop, I look ugly." You whined and hid your face behind your handheld game.

"No, you don't. Shut up." He scoffed.

"Make me." You stuck your tongue out and flipped him off.

"What do you want anyway, stinky?" You asked resuming your animal crossing gameplay.

"Show me your shitty island." He said.

"Really?!" You looked up at him again with your face lit up in excitement.

"Sike, no." He deadpanned behind the camera.

"I hate you!" You whined & jumped on him starting a play fight. The video was cut with a shaky camera & couple of your giggles.

After about maybe a minute of roughhousing, Bakugou's phone started to blow up with texts, snaps, and facetime calls.

"Someone's popular." You said while looking up at him. He pinned you down easily since he had a physical strength advantage over you.

You were curious as to why his phone was blowing up so suddenly but you were too entertained by squeezing his surprisingly squishy cheeks.

While you did that, Bakugou grabbed his phone. The facial recognition automatically unlocking it for him.

"The fuck?" Was all he said scrolling through all the notifications. He was confused.

One text in particular out of 64 unread stood out to him. It was from "Mina 👽", and it said:

"No but really, did you mean to post (Name) on your story? 💀🤚🏾 I knew you guys were going to date at some point!!"

"You've got to be fucking kidding me."

— midoriya

This man Midoriya is terrible at secrets. So it didn't surprise you when he accidentally spilled the tea about your relationship.

It all started when Uraraka, Momo, Iida and Todoroki asked him if he wanted to join them for dinner that night. Apparently they were treating themselves to something fancy.

"I'm sorry guys. I can't. I have a date with (Name) tonight." Midoriya doesn't even give what he said a second thought.

Everyone literally stops. "Date? 🤨"

"Yeah. I have a date... with...." Realization hits. "You know what? I've really gotta go guys! See ya!" This boy tries to run but they stop him so fast.

They have so many questions. The main being when exactly did you guys become an official thing and why didn't they know about it.

Midoriya tells them that he's not sure if he feels comfortable without you being there to answer all the questions they have since they weren't even supposed to know to begin with.

They're all understanding and don't push him any further. He's already embarrassed enough. The most important thing is that they're happy for the both of you.

Now the only thing on Midoriya's mind was how to tell you he told half the friend group you two are dating over dinner.

— todoroki

You both really thought no one would catch you guys sharing a "quick" makeout session in the kitchen area.

It was risky to begin with because it was like 9pm on a weekend and more than half the class was still awake roaming around the building.

But honestly, neither of you could help it. You were at that point in the relationship where you just couldn't keep your hands off of each other.

Plus that little adrenaline and dopamine you got from pulling little stunts like this made it all the more fun. It was you guys' little secret. It was fun.

You were sat on the kitchen counter with Todoroki standing between your legs. His hands were placed on your thighs mindlessly kneading at them while your arms were lazily draped around his neck.

"Sho, I really wanna kiss.." You said softly.

"The others might come in soon, love." His voice was so smooth. He really didn't want to tell you no but you guys were already pushing it in this position.

"Just one tiny little kiss?" You gestured the words tiny and little with your thumb and pointer finger. "Pretty please?" You pouted playfully and batted your eyelashes at him.

Todoroki mentally sighed in defeat. He just couldn't say no to you.

With that you two shared a simple kiss, then another just a little longer... and the last kiss turned into a full blown makeout. You didn't know how much time passed before you both heard a forced cough.

You guys pulled away and looked at this kitchen area's entrance to see Denki, Kirishima, Tokoyami and Asui.

Denki: "Care to tell us when UA became Love Island?"

Kirishima: "Aw, come on guys. The counter?"

— kirishima

Honestly, this pairing is bold because you two fully outted yourselves out willingly.

1A decided to have a movie night in the common area one Friday night. It would be some fun considering training and classes were particularly hard that week. It would be nice to blow off some steam and goof off.

You were a little late coming down from your room because you had to finish up some important papers your work study requested.

When you finally got down to the common room, everyone had already claimed their seats.

Kirishima sat at the end of one couch and the spot next to him was already taken :(

Through 1A's chaos and chatter, you locked eyes with him and pouted subtly.

Just when you were about to sit on one of the empty pillows on the floor, Kirishima beckoned you over with his head and patted his thighs.

He gives you a wide toothy grin when he sees you walk your cute self right over to him to plop yourself right on his lap.

"Hey." He looks up at you with a goofy smile while he wraps one of his arms around your waist.

"Hi." You smiled at him and ran your fingers through his hair. He had it down which was your absolute favorite. You guys didn't even notice the chatter die down until

"Um.. are you guys dating?" Midoriya asked carefully. The whole room silently thanking him for being the one to ask.

"Huh? Oh yeah, totally! I'm her/his/their man!" Kirishima smiled widely and gave a triumphant fist in the air.

*cue Denki, Mina, Sero, & Bakugou angry (but supportive ❤️) at you guys for not telling them*

— denki

Okay, this one is pretty funny.

Behind closed doors, Denki made it a habit to quickly kiss your lips before you two part ways. For example, when he leaves your dorm to sneak back to his, he gives you a quick peck before he leaves.

Everyone engaged in their own separate conversations waiting for class to begin.

Denki was sitting on your desk while you sat normally in your chair. Mina, Sero, Kirishima and Bakugou were gathered around holding a conversation about the homework that was due today and how it was harder than usual.

"Alright, everyone to your seats." Aizawa said as he walked into the classroom. Everyone audibly sighed and sulked back to their seats.

"I'll see you after class, babe." Denki as he leaned down to give you a quick kiss on the lips.

Now...

It only registered until after he pulled away from you that he kissed you in front of everyone.

You guys just stared at each other like "😀"

1A: 🤨🧐🤭

Aizawa: 🧍🏻🗿

"I don't care what you guys do outside of class.. but PDA isn't allowed in the classroom."

Yes, Aizawa put y'all on blast and if you weren't already embrassed, you are now.

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uwuwriting · 3 years

Text

Kids getting their quirks w/ Todoroki, Deku and Bakugou

Request: *cracks knuckles* uH may i pls have a headcanon for half half bastard, deku, and king explosive murder when their child’s quirk manifests? have a great day (or night lol) iajsmsjsnsk :D 💕- anonymous

Okay my baby fever isn’t over but now I know the main factor. Apart from my new obsession with dad Nanami, my period is also here so yay. I’m in pain. SO let’s feed my baby fever even more with some pro hero dads bc I love them and cherish them. Nanami is still ruling my heart though. Love ya💖💖💖

masterlist II rules

warnings: babies!!!!, domestic au, dad au, fluffy, no warnings really, unless it causes you baby fever so beware of the baby fluffs.

Todoroki Shoto

-Baby was called from the daycare because the twins teacher couldn’t control their quirk manifesting.

-Daycares are ready for quirk manifestation but someone hurt Rei and Ren kinda exploded and they couldn’t control the fire.

-Rei got startled and her ice blocked both toddlers from the outside world as they were now existing in their own little igloo.

-He panics because he fears that they hurt themselves or each other by using their quirks.

-Scenarios of them attempting to hug each other, a habit they’ve had since they were wittle babies, and burning their skin or causing frostbite.

-He rushed to their daycare, paperwork long forgotten on his agency’s desk as he stormed inside the classroom the small ice barrier splitting the room in two making his heart skip a beat.

-Motioning to the teacher to leave he approached the block of ice, touching it with his left hand watching the ice melt as he finally spotted his two little girls, huddled together in the furthest spot of their igloo, trembling in each other’s arms.

-Shoto ducked inside, slowly approaching them as they untangled from each other and rushed to him, meeting him half way in a crushing hug.

-They both sobbed in his chest as he rubbed their backs.

-Shushing them he tried to get a coherent story out of them but the only answer he managed to pry from them was a jumble of sorries and sobs.

-Picking them up, he asked them where their stuff was and after getting everything he excused all three of them and left the daycare, leaving a now melting igloo for the staff to clean up.

-Back at home he managed to get them to calm down completely and made them something to eat.

- “It’s alright, you protected each other like we’ve taught you. Your quirk activating is not your fault so stop blaming yourselves.”

-They didn’t seem very convinced and they reminded him of himself back in high school, when he wouldn’t accept his left side as part of himself.

-Hugging them close once again he left a kiss on each of their little heads, blowing a raspberry on their cheeks making them giggle at the feeling.

-He loves the sound of their laugh.

- “You have no control over your powers and that’s okay. Me and mommy will help you with that.”

-Deep down he was proud of his girls.

-They didn’t lose complete control and Rei managed to minimize her ice from coating the whole classroom.

-He was so happy to have these two little things as his kids.

-They truly were his world.

- “I’m so proud of you my little snowflakes.”

Midoriya Izuku/ Deku

-He thought his son was quirkless.

-You were quirkless, he used to be quirkless so the logical thing was for your kid to also be quirkless.

-Nope you were wrong.

-Turns out he took after his grandma and he has a form of telekinesis.

-Nothing really strong since both of his parents are biologically quirkless.

-It was triggered while you were all chillin in your living room.

-Izuku was scribbling something in one of his notebooks while your son was playing with his hero figurines on the floor.

-You were watching kitchen wars.

-Izuku’s phone started ringing and he shot up to get it, sending the notebook and pen flying across the room.

-You were ready for the inevitable crash but it never came.

-Looking up you saw both the notebook and the pen, levitating a few inches from the floor a slight green glow surrounding them.

-You were shocked looking back and forth from your four year old to the levitating objects.

-Izuku was still talking on the phone and hadn’t realized the revelation that was being displayed in the living room.

-Finally the call was over and he stepped back in, letting out a fucking SQUEAK when he saw his son using his quirk.

-That was enough to break his concentration and the items clattered to the floor, your toddler looking back at his father with huge green eyes, chubby hands reaching out for him.

-In a flash Izuku was on his knees next to the little boy, hugging him so close you thought he couldn’t breath.

-He peppered his chubby face with kisses, praise pouring from his lips like rain as he raised the four year old into the air, baby giggles filling the room.

-You joined them on the floor taking your fill of baby Midoriya pampering before looking at your husband, tears flowing down his cheeks.

-You hadn’t seen him cry ever since your son said his first words.

-And even then you couldn’t blame him, his first word was dada who wouldn’t cry?

- “He has a quirk! Oh my god he has a quirk!”

-Izuku brought both of you into a hug, crushing you to his chest as he kissed both of your foreheads.

- “Thank you thank you thank you.”

-It hit him like a truck how lucky he was to have you both.

-A beautiful wife who loves him for who he is and not for his fame *like many other pros had warned him about* and a son who adores him and asks for daddy every second of the day.

-He didn’t care about a quirk.

-He was scared that his son would also get bullied if he didn’t have one.

-Right now everything was perfect.

Bakugou Katsuki

-If you asked him he didn’t want your son to get his quirk yet.

-If he did that meant that he grew and he wasn’t his wittle baby anymore.

-Your son was playing with his uncles outside while Katsuki was setting up the barbeque.

-He was simultaneously holding your one year old and you were having a heart attack seeing your baby so close to a fire but you trusted him.

-Your son was laughing his ass off as he was chased around the table by four grown ass adults.

- “Be careful around the table.”

-The fact that all five individuals said yes mom terrified you.

-Heading back into the kitchen you only managed to reach the sink before a scream pierced the air and in a flash you were back outside, scanning the yard for who got hurt and where.

-Then your eyes landed on your son who had a hand outstretched in front of him, smoke leaving his small palm while Kaminari was laying face down a few feet away from him, a groan leaving the pro hero as a palm shaped hole was etched on his shirt.

-Everyone was silent as they stared at your four year old, eyes wide in awe at the sheer force of a singular explosion.

-The person who broke the silence was Kirishima who let out a loud woah snapping all of you out of your stupor .

-Bakugou looked at you, pure disbelief in his gaze as his son turned to him.

- “Dad I’m just like you!!”

-You swear in his daze he almost yeeted your baby over his shoulder.

-In one swift motion your son was in his other arm being swung around as their laughs synced into one.

- “Hell yeah you are.”

-Joining them you ruffled your son’s hair as you kissed his cheeks, a deep scarlet blush painting his plush cheeks as he hid his face in his dad’s shoulder.

- “Bravo bud!”

-Sero was next with the praise followed by Mina and Kaminari who also whined about his Hawaiian shirt being ruined.

-For the next hours Katsuki didn’t let him go.

-Didn’t want to let either of his kids go but it got kinda hard with the whole barbeque being his responsibility.

- “We can train together, and work at the agency and go on patrols and…”

-As your son rambled on about the things they could do now that he has his quirk, you looked at your husband, a soft smile plastered on his features.

- “He will never stop needing you Katsu.”

-You whispered as you kissed him softly on the cheek, catching a glimpse of a single teardrop leaving his eye before he quickly rubbed his face on your shoulder.

- “I know.”

TAG TEAM AY:

@the-arcana-fan-fic @angelwritings @axerrri @reinyrei @dnarez @storage11037 @wolfkid22 @letscheereachotheron @ezoyscorner @luluwiie @threeamwriting @dark-thoughts-and-red-roses

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fruitcoops · 3 years

Note

Hi!! I was wondering if you could do another fic involving jules and coops together? Just like sweet moments between the three? I loved the baby sitting series you did and could not stop thinking about it❤️❤️ Thank you!!

Yeah, of course! I love writing my boy at any opportunity. SW credit goes to @lumosinlove, but the relatives are my ocs!

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Sirius asked under his breath as Remus finally—finally—appeared from the mass of people.

“It’s fine,” Remus said around a forced smile to a middle-aged man across the yard.

Sirius hid his mouth by pretending to look down at the nearest casserole dish. He didn’t even know what was in it; nobody had bothered with labels, and everyone’s dishes were the same basic florals in different colors. “I love you, Re, and I totally get the whole ‘meet the parents’ thing, but this is a bit much if I’m being honest.”

“Honey.” Remus’ shoulder pressed against his own. “I’m sorry you’re not having a good time, but my Aunt Jen would skin me alive if I didn’t bring the man I’m marrying to the family reunion. We can leave tomorrow if you really hate—oh, no.”

“Remus!” a shrill, excited voice called. Sirius felt his fiancé straighten up as a tall, redheaded woman in star-painted jeans hurried across the grass with three other women in tow. She reached up and gave Remus’ cheeks a squish, then leaned in a planted a lipstick-stamped kiss to his forehead. “How are you, my duckling? Was your flight alright? Make sure you stay away from the salt or else your feet will swell.”

“Hi, Aunt Jen,” Remus said, grimacing a little at her rib-crushing hug. “I’m doing well, and our flight was fine. How are you?”

“Peachy keen,” she assured him. Dark brown eyes lasered in on Sirius half a second later and he felt his fight or flight kick in. “And who are you?”

“Aunt Jen, this is—”

“It was rhetorical, honey,” Jen interrupted with a pat to Remus’ arm as she stepped closer to Sirius and immediately hauled him in for a hug. She was as tall as Remus, but broader in the shoulders and hips; he had never felt so engulfed by someone. It was a strangely enjoyable feeling.

“Aren’t you a handsome one?” the shortest of the group cooed, as if she was talking to a particularly small dog in a purse. “Our Remus always knew how to pick them.”

Remus furrowed his brows. “Aunt Lisa, this is the first boyfriend I’ve—”

“But he’s not just a boyfriend!” Jen trilled, giving Sirius’ cheek a pat. “He’s a fiancé, something I learned from your mother. Not from your father—oh, I gave him a talking-to about that—and not from you, duck.”

Sirius bit back a laugh at the nickname and spared a glance to his left, where Remus had gone pink all the way to his ears. “Sorry.”

“Introduce us!” the shortest insisted, taking the other two by the hands as pulling them forward with an eager smile.

“Everyone, this is Sirius Black, my fiancé.” Remus gestured between them, and the four women beamed at him. “Sirius, this is Aunt Jen, Aunt Lisa, Aunt Allison, and Aunt Mary, my dad’s sisters.”

“It’s lovely to meet you,” Sirius said, holding a hand out.

“No need to be so formal,” the brunette grumbled with a teasing grin. “We have heard so much about you from Lyall. After those damned pictures—”

“Allison,” Jen hissed.

“—after the damned pictures,” Allison repeated with a pointed look. “I was about ready to drive up to Gryffindor myself and give that lousy son of a bitch a piece of my mind—”

“Allison!”

“—but Lyall talked me down and I have been waiting to meet you ever since.” She finished with a soft huff and gave his arm a quick squeeze. “Remus is a lucky boy to have you. It’s very exciting to see you in person at last.”

Sirius’ heart gave a happy little ka-thump and he smiled. “I’m glad to be here. Thank you for having me.”

“He is so polite,” Lisa said to Remus out of the corner of her mouth with a wink and a thumbs-up. “Good choice.”

“You know what I just realized? We haven’t said hello to Jules yet. We’ll see you in a few, yeah?” Without waiting for an official answer, Remus wrapped an arm around Sirius’ waist and practically carried him away from the table. Once they were out of earshot—and the aunts had busied themselves with one of the younger Lupins—Remus relaxed with a slow exhale. “I am…so sorry.”

“For what?”

“I had no idea they were going to corner you like that. I mean, I did, but I was hoping it wouldn’t be for another few hours. They tend to move in a pack at reunions, like sharks. Or wolves.”

“They’re really sweet.”

“They are,” Remus said grudgingly, though Sirius could read the affection dripping off him like his favorite book. “My dad’s the youngest of five, and I was the first nephew. You can imagine how that went.”

“Baby of the baby?”

“Exactly.”

“Can I ask one thing?” Remus nodded, visibly confused, and Sirius found he couldn’t keep his grin down any longer. “Duckling?”

“I hoped you didn’t hear that,” he groaned as they headed toward the kids’ play area beneath a large oak. “Long story short, it involved five-year-old me, a pond, and a sinus infection that made me sound like a duck when I sneezed.”

“Oh my god,” Sirius laughed, earning himself a light elbow to the ribs. “And the name stuck?”

“Considering she was the one that had to stay with me while my folks were working, she could call me whatever the hell she wanted. Please don’t ask her about it unless you want a thirty-minute TED talk about the ins and outs of my sinuses.”

“She’s a doctor?”

“No, she just overshares.”

“Sirius!”

Sirius looked up and saw a herd of small children racing toward them, led by his favorite person under the age of eighteen; Jules crashed into his legs and squeezed him tight around the waist. “Hey, I missed you!”

Jules propped his chin below Sirius’ sternum and stared up at him with the classic hazel-gold eyes that were far more common than Sirius believed before they arrived in the Lupins’ backyard. “I missed you, too! How’s the team? How’s Harry? Is he still super small or did he do that weird thing that babies do where their legs grow and the rest of them still looks normal? How was your flight? Did you have turbulence?”

Sirius thought for a moment. “Good, also good, growing normally, and yes.”

“Sweet! Come play cornhole with us!” Jules grabbed his hand and dragged him along the grass at the closest thing he could manage to a sprint with Sirius’ added weight—the pre-teen years had lent him gangly legs, though he didn’t seem quite sure how to use them yet. He looked more like a foal than a sixth-grader.

“What the hell is cornhole?” Sirius muttered as the flock of kids ran ahead to grab armfuls of beanbags.

Remus grinned. “Something I’m about to kick your ass at.”

------------------------------------

By the time the sun set, Sirius was exhausted. He had been introduced to dozens of people who looked just enough like Remus to be eerie, as well as plenty who seemed to have been acquired by one Lupin or another over the course of their life. Jules fluctuated between laminating himself to Sirius’ side and disappearing for an hour at a time, only to return more grass-stained and rumpled than ever as he begged Remus to swing him around by the ankles again. His ass had been thoroughly kicked at cornhole and freeze tag; it was a true miracle he hadn’t already passed out into a food coma. For all of his earlier griping, Sirius couldn’t think of a time in recent months when he had been more content.

“You’re a brave soul,” Remus remarked as they sat in the grass together and watched the fireflies wake. Though it was a warm night, it seemed the citronella candles littering the tables were doing their job of chasing off mosquitoes.

Sirius leaned his head on Remus’ shoulder. He smelled like grass and summertime and sunbaked warmth. “Am I?”

“Mhmm. I’m sure most people would have run screaming by now.”

“I like your family.”

A beat of silence passed; Remus rested his temple against the top of Sirius’ head. “I’m really glad to hear that. They’re weird and loud, but I love them.”

“And I love you.”

“Are you saying I’m weird and loud?”

“On occasion.”

“Asshole,” Remus laughed, giving him a nudge that hardly qualified as more than a gentle sway.

“Language, there are eight million kids around.”

“They’re busy.”

Sirius watched as small group run by in a wave of giggles, all clutching mason jars of fireflies with their names written on masking tape. “Thank you again for asking me to come with you.”

“Like I said, Aunt Jen would—”

“Remus.” He fell quiet. Sirius didn’t remember the last time he said Remus’ full name aloud. “Your family loves you so much. They’re everything I ever wanted growing up, and it means the world that you wanted to share them with me. All they want is to see you happy. It was amazing to finally meet them.”

“They really, really love you,” Remus said softly, his voice a little thick. “I had about twenty people tell me how wonderful you are. They all thanked me for bringing you, and not a single one mentioned the celebrity thing. Even my Uncle Jay didn’t say a word about hockey.”

“He was the one in the jersey?”

“I’ve known him for my entire life and I��ve never seen him without one.”

“Huh.” Sirius tucked his face closer to Remus’ neck and let the sound of the bullfrogs in a distant marsh lull him. “What time is it?”

“Almost eleven. The adults will be up for a while, but the kids will start crashing soon.”

Footsteps on the cool grass rustled to their right and Sirius looked up. “Who wants pie?” Aunt Allison singsonged, breaking their quiet bubble with paper plates and utensils. “This one is blackberry, but we have peach, pumpkin, and a few others on the table if you’re still hungry.”

“Just a small piece, please,” Sirius said.

Allison paused and cocked her head, then burst out laughing. “Oh, you’re funny!”

“I am?”

“Don’t fight it,” Remus whispered.

“You are a growing boy,” Allison said as she cut a thick slice and plonked it onto his plate. “And there’s no such thing as too much pie.”

I’m 26, Sirius wanted to say, though he held it in. “Just a small one for me, as well,” Remus said.

“Ha!” Allison snorted. “You’re already too skinny. Eat your pie or you’ll end up a string bean like your father. The NHL might have given you muscle, but it’s useless if you don’t enjoy some of your favorite aunt’s—”

“—woah, hey now—”

“—pie once in a while.” Allison kissed the tops of their heads once both plates were secure and bowing in the middle. “I’m going to make sure the kids aren’t poking around in the river again. Sleep well, you two.”

Sirius stared down at his plate as she wandered away. “I’m honestly going to die if I eat this.”

“Yeah, please don’t make yourself sick on pie. You really don’t have to eat all of that. The aunts and uncles are convinced that none of us are eating properly once we turn eighteen.”

“Really?”

“I wish I was kidding. You’re going to sleep so well tonight, though.”

As if on cue, Sirius stifled a yawn with the back of his hand and cuddled under Remus’ arm again. A familiar shadow bounded over not two seconds later and he barely held down a groan. “Hey, can I join you?”

Remus shrugged. “ ‘course.”

“Sweet.” Jules settled himself across their laps, staring at the sky with his head pillowed on Sirius’ thigh. “Did you have fun? I’m really glad you could come.”

“I had a great time,” Sirius answered honestly. Now please move on so I can take a nap.

“Mom and dad and me got here yesterday, and Aunt Jen kept checking the door for you guys even though she knew you weren’t coming until today. She was worried you wouldn’t like us, I think.”

“That was never an option, Jules.”

“Yeah, I know.” A devilish grin flickered over his face. “Remus is the weirdest of all of us, and if you want to marry him—”

“Get off,” Remus grumbled, shoving Jules’ legs onto the picnic blanket. “You know, you were a lot nicer before you turned eleven. Can I return you and get a new one? I have the receipt somewhere.”

“Nope.”

“That’s all a birth certificate is, right?” Sirius raised his eyebrows. “If you bring it back in good condition, I hear they give you a ten percent discount.”

Jules scowled. “That’s so not true.”

“How do you think I got Regulus?”

“Isn’t it past your bedtime?” Remus asked with a pointed look. “Run along, problem child.”

“Of the two of us, I’m the least problematic.” Despite his words, Jules clambered to his feet and dusted his hands off over Remus’ head. “I’m not the one that got a secret boyfriend and got engaged in a year. I’m so easy. Mom and dad want two of me.”

“Keep telling yourself that,” Remus sighed as he stretched out on the blanket. “They had a second kid because they wanted two of me.”

“You’re adopted.”

Remus cracked one eye open in disbelief. “No, I’m not.”

“How do you know?”

“Because—y’know what, go to bed. Or go find the stampede, I think they’re by the river.”

Sirius whistled lowly as Jules scampered off again. “That was impressive. Isn’t your aunt over there?”

“Yep.”

Realization clicked into place. “She’s going to make him go to bed.”

“Yep.”

“You’re brilliant.”

Remus smiled without opening his eyes, and tugged Sirius down by the sleeve to lay next to him. “You’re just figuring that out now?”

The stars were brighter than anywhere Sirius had ever seen; for a moment, he was struck speechless by the endless rivers of sparkling white overhead. He stared until his eyes burned from dryness, then put his head on Remus’ chest and kept on looking. There was no way he could tear his gaze from it. A few shooting stars streaked across the clear sky and he felt his heart skip a beat in pure amazement when he realized there was nothing else he would wish for in that moment. He could listen to Remus’ heartbeat and the sound of his new family talking against a backdrop of the night, relishing in a full belly and cool wind, and simply stay there for as long as he liked.

#sirius black #remus lupin #julian lupin #coops #lupin family #sweater weather #lumosinlove #my fic #fanfic #family reunion

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jean-does-not-have-a-horseface · 3 years

Note

How bout a fic a levi x civilian baker? Reader finds him intimidating at first but as time goes by she get to know him and slowly falls in love with levi. Likes his cleanfreakiness, obsession with tea, his gentleness, how he treats his comrades etc. Reader sees his softer side, hidden under the gruffiness and glares. The setting could be scouts relaxing in a small bakery x teashop every dayoff they get and/or reader donates bread for the scouts? Just a peaceful love story❤ with funny banters❤

This has been in my inbox for months but I only now found some inspiration to write it (I'm basically baking stuff every single day so maybe that's why) anon, if you're still out there I'm sorry for the long wait, I hope this is what you wanted.

Pairing: Levi/ Reader

Tags: fluff, canonverse

Loaves of Love

It all started with a young brunette soldier who had been awestruck by your shop's enamoring display. With her shaky hands and her oily teenage skin pressed against the shiny glass while a streak of drool run down her face.

You had been waxing some tables to start the day with, your feet much swollen and numb by the long standing position when you noticed her; big, round brown eyes that were swooning over the loaf of garlic bread you had placed at the shelf on display were blinking rapidly between you and the object of her desire. She seemed to ignore the voices that we calling out to her as she was fixated on the streaks of smoke that danced in the air, rubbing a tiny area in the glass as if she longed to caress the loaf like a lover.

You couldn't help but crack a smile.

If there was one word that could be used to describe the bakery shop you were working for that word would be 'delicious'.

Or so you wanted to believe.

Your uncle, the owner of the shop and a top baker in Trost, had poured a lot of money to it's renovation after the store was trashed by the breachinf of the walls. It was profoundly evident element in the store that could be found anywhere from the elegant stalls and shelves that were filled with different types of bread and numerous plates of traditional pastries, to the most divine and fine glass that shone on every large window.

The wooden floors were polished to perfection, and twice a day at that, by your uncle's command, and all the tables at the restroom area of the store were cleaned meticulously every single morning. It was a necessary policy of your uncle's; a clean store attracted more customers which meant more income, and thus more independent financial stability for you through a bigger wage. One that you didn't have to split in half with your brother.

Until that day came though, you were stuck with scrubbing and waxing the tables each and every morning.

Wiping down the excess residue of wax, you eyed your brother, noticing how he was setting up loaves of bread neatfully over the caramel brown baskets, carefully making sure he didn't mix up the different breadths of bread. You brother noticed, smiling at you in return and you pointed out to the young brunette whou wouldn't seem to get her face off of your display window.

"She's cute."

"Oh my god Beau, she must be so young you gross little shit."

"The scouts have had their income reduced once again." He announced. "That's why the poor girl is drooling. They're looking for a new bakery to take up their orders too."

"Oh."

"Yeah and uncle said we should do it."

You gave a hard eye with puckered lips to your brother as he voiced that, letting a long sigh escape you. He replied with a side smileand brought his hands to his hair, shipping his locks back before searching for the little hair band in the pocket of his apron. By the time you laid eyes on the small brunette, you noticed that her friends we're accompanying her. You pressed your lips together as you eyed the group of teens, half smiling at them in any case they could see you through the glass. One of them shook his head to the side, shyly blushing as his wide eyes were instantly hidden by his blond bangs.

The were all oggling the display with eyes as wide as the brunettes, You guessed, as your brother had said that they must have been rather hungry; Scouts never really have a big budget nonetheless, and your heart skipped a beat at the paleness on the teenagers' faces, the mere thought of them not having eaten anything for breakfast was more fearful than looking a Titan in the eye.

So, by setting down your table waxing kit, you wiped your hands at your apron and rushed to the small stall that your brother was leaning on.

"Beau, do me a favor and step aside please." You spoke as you marched to him and the hem of your skirt flapped over your ankles.

"Wait, what?"

"I'm feeding the kids."

"(Y/n), they're not stray dogs you know."

"Fine giving them some bread, whatever." You scoffed.

"Uncle's gonna be mad."

"As if I care. I didn't ask to be a baker and work here, plus less loaves means it's on demand."

Your brother sighed at you and slowly shook his head a couple of times. You didn't miss the sly smile that he hid once he burried his face to the palm of his hand, just like he didn't miss the cooking of your eyebrow as you smirked victoriously at him. Taking a complete turn to the opposite direction from the one you were facing you pushed your brother aside and kneeled down to the shelves on the inside of that cashier stall where numerous tote bags laid, folded neatly, ready to accommodate any of your costumer's orders.

You quickly grabbed one, and jounced it open in the air.

Your eyes shot to the teens that still stood before the display, now trying to pull their friend away from it, and hurriedly grabbed a few medium sized loaves in your hands. Once you filled the bag with more loaves than the number of teens you took a quick turn again, your feet stomping the mahogany tiles of the floor underneath you.

"Hello!" Your costumer friendly cheerful voice chatted.

"Ah agagagagagaga!" The brunette from before panicked as she turned to you, her hands stood confused before her chest.

"Hey miss" The tallest of the group, an ashy blond boy, spoke back to you. "We're sorry were standing here like bunch of idiots-"

"Speak for your self Jean! I feel in love with that loaf!"

"Sasha stop being such a glutton!" A girl with ebony hair spoke.

"Oh no it's fine, I just got these for you."

With steady hands a compressee smile on your face you extended the bag to Sasha's direction, the material flapping as it hung from your grip. Sasha's eyes shit wide open, they glimmered with tension and her mouth fell agape as she went to scream at you. Another boy, one with a buzzcut, quickly got his hands on her, linking his elbows inside hers as he wiggled his right palm to her mouth, ready to stop whatever sound the girl wanted to utter.

"Thank you! Please don't give food to Sasha so bluntly, she will bite your hand off." The ashy blonde told you and took a grip of the beige straps of the tote bag. His hand wiggled inside, grabbing a small loaf and he brought it to his nose to smell it before placing it into Sasha's hands.

"You bastars, did you just smell something that was a gift?"

"It smelled good Eren." The boy greeted his teeth.

"Not very accepting of you, she's giving us their most popular bread and the first thing you do is smell it?"

"You've been very annoying today Eren don't test me."

"Eren?" You said, shaking your head in disbelief "Eren Yeager? As in the kid who can turn into a Titan?"

Eren oggled his eyes in yours, marching a foot forward so he could come into a better view and opened his mouth to speak by flapping his lips together. You couldn't help but let out a giggle as you watched Jean roll his eyes at him before taking a step back and tapping Connie's shoulders in order to tell him to unhand Sasha. Any other group of teens would have annoyed you, but these young scouts in particular were known faces of the front lines and over the newspapers at some occasions. You couldn't really hold a grudge to teenagers with issues bigger than yours, you gave them that.

"Yes I am that-"

"Brats."

"I am that brat, what?"

Eren looked around in confusion, questionimg the words that had just left his mouth. You chuckled at him briefly, closing your eyes in the funny of the situation before shooting them open once again as you laid them on the person who had spoke over Eren.

Captain Levi. You almost gasped absurdly loud at the realisation.

Raven hair that shone with a strobe under the early morning light, a porcelain complecion to contrast it, a heart shaped face and narrow almond eyes with thick lashes, a nose that looked like it had been sculped by gods with uttmost delicacy and thin, a pair assymetrical lips that were pressed into a pout. He truly looked better that anyone you had even seen from up close and you found yourself choking with unsaid words as his gunmetal gaze was fixed on you.

"Are you the owner of the store?" He said bluntly, the question reminding you more of a statement.

"Ah, I'm, I'm not! My uncle is and-"

"See I told you he intimidates women!" Connie whispered to Sasha as she stuffed another bite of garlic bread into her mouth, earning a sharp glare from the captain. The duo burst in laughter shortly after the captain turned his gaze from them and you watched as he rolled his eyes at them while digging his lips under his teeth to sink them in his mouth.

"Speak up, my nails don't exactly smell like what you want to say."

You eyed him in confusion, struck by the bluntness of his sarcasm. Still you managed to gather your thoughts with a single inhale. "My uncle is the owner of the bakery, feel free to come in, I'll give fetch him."

"Hm"

With a nod the short man agreed to your proposal, fixing the waist height camel jacket on his chest. It was the beginning of a warm day in Trost, that was for sure and you could see the soldiers around you tense inside their attire slighty. The captain bored his eyes into yours once again as you gestured you to get into the store before him.

Sighing, you entered the the store, giving your brother a wide eyed look before with an awkward smile that vanished in a matter of seconds. You quickly checked to see that the group of teens were lazing out of the bakery, not bothering to follow their captain, as they chit chat they with each other quite loudly.

"Hi, have a seat captain, what can we get you? Something to drink? Or eat? " Your brother greeted from behind the stall, giving the gloomy captain an ear to ear grin.

"Just black tea. Unsweetened."

The captain waved off his hand as he took a seat on a dim lit table and you noticed as his body sank in the chair momentarily. A soft smile over came your features as you stared at him, taking in his bulky form as streaks of light peaked over him, inevitably bathing him in warm morning colors. His finger traced over the table, rubbing softly in a small area as if reluctantly inspecting it.

Of course, you were aware of his antics; many fellow shop owners would compete on who would get to provide captain Levi with his cleaning supplies on his monthly stroll around the town to shop necessities. His mania with cleaning was something that probably unbeknownst to him was a big thing for anyone to his service or even swooning fangirls.

Oh, he had a few of them.

Now, you could see why.

He stood so gloomyon his own, carrying such a mysterious aura around him. With his sleek hand holding the side of his face while being balled up in a tight fist, with his navy gray button down shirt and the knee length boots. Despite being as short as most people said, a fact you were trying to get in your head, because you've only seen him from afar and on his horse, he was still rather bulky, with thighs that were barely restrained by the straps of his gear. With biceps that flexed tight in his jacket.

Shoot, he kind if was a little dreamy, you weren't going to lie.

"Are you going to fetch our uncle or shall I give you a day off to drool over the captain?"

Oh, your brother was always quick to call you out on the bare minimum.

"Fine, fine. I'm off. By the walls."

Okay, yeah, so what if you found the captain a little dreamy, it wasn't going to hurt anyone.

.....

Thinking about your cleaning routine you had concluded that at this point you didn't know if this bakery smelled like the delicious fluffiness of freshly baked bread or sanitary products. People really seemed to compliment you on both nevertheless, whether on individual or collective level. You were simply happy about how most seemed to enjoy their experience at your bakery.

Most, but mostly him.

Captain Levi of the Scouts. He was a regular at your shop for, give or take, three months now. And you couldn't be more happy about it.

Just like today, he was usually dropping by on Mondays, each and every time with a new book in hand, dressed in casually formal attires, that mostly consisted of the same onyx suit and a dress shirt that sat too tight on his petrocals. Your brother would tease you afterwards, making snarkly comments about how you were flirting shamelessly with him, and you'd brush him off with a reply on how unresponsive the man was to anything.

Not convinced with the silly things you told yourself, you brother stood with his back against the bread shelves, grinning victoriously as the little bell of the store rang when the mighty captain slipped inside the store silently. You shit him a glare, a harsh furrowed glare before eyeing the apron that was hanging right next to him. Catching the signal, your brother grabbed the article and rouched it in his hands before tossing it to you.

"The usual?" You smiled slightly at Levi.

"Mhm"

Setting the apron over the bust of your dress, you drag your hands over the cotton front, pinching a few if the ruffles to perfection, then lowering your hands to the small of your back to idle with the straps of the waist in order to tie them in the perfect bow. The heels of your shoes clapped over the mahogany tiles of the floor as you run to the small kitchenette behind that cashier stall, just a few meters away from where your brother stood.

You bent down, then back up, examining the hangers in the area with a cocked eyebrow. Just where were your oven gloves?

"His apple pie is here," You brother said and you clapped a hand over your mouth "I took it out of the oven while you were drooling at him."

"No, oh my god! Is it baked?"

"Would I taken it out if it wasn't?"

You didn't reply. Instead, you chose to fixate your attention at the jars of tea that rested on the top shelf of the kitchenette. The choices weren't many, of course, your store wasn't exactly a tea shop or a coffee shop, the small variety of beverages you had only existed in order to help people digest their pastries better. Nothing too fancy. Yet, for Levi, you had spent days collecting some of the chamomile outside your house, you had tried drying red forests fruits, hell you had even tried making jasmine tea for him.

And for what?

Maybe the look on his face when you'd present him with a new tea blend was all the satisfaction you could use. Actually, that was the only thing it should be; the happiness of a service worker as their costumer enjoyed consuming their product, the fact that it made them come back, maybe the fact that despite not liking sweets they welcomed your pastries without objection.

But it wasn't just that. You knew, your brother knew, maybe even Levi knew and he pitied you.

You had fallen in love with Captain Levi. You had tried your best to supress it, to put it in a box, lock it and dig a hole twenty feet under the ground and bury it so light wouldn't see it again. Him and you weren't possible and you were more than aware ever since the very first day. Still, you had found him becoming so familiar to you in the little times you had seen him that you felt like you couldn't help yourself.

"Are you going to stand there for long? The kettle has been whistling for a long while now."

"Uhh, yes, yeah."

Shaking your thoughts out of your head you fixed your eyes on the whistling kettle. You took another step closer to it and since there wasn't any heat protecting glove in sight, you grabbed the length of your apron in your hand before wrapping your palm around the mettalic handle. You poured the hot water carefully into a large porcelain teapot, through the small almond tea brew that you had previously arranged onto the infuser.

"Don't have that face..."

"What face?" You asked nonchalantly and places the teapot on a tray, right next to the small pot of apple pie.

"You know.. the face... the I'm sad about my boyfriend face."

"I don't have that face." You snarled "and he's not my boyfriend. Shut up before he can hear you."

Walking to a glass shielded cupboard, you slid the little door open and grabbed a matching cup to the teapot, setting it too onto the tray. From the corner of your eye you watched as your brother sighed and shook his head disappointed in you, but you brushed it off quickly; you just wanted to give Levi his order, you'd have all day to endure your brother's teasing after the man of your desire left.

"Hello"

Levi's eyes shimmered as light splashed onto them; the little blue circles on the outer edge of his irises shone a different hue today, one that didn't accentuate the darkness of his eyebags, though it still was enigh to merge with how soft his time was to you.

"Hi" You pressed your lips together "here you go, almond tea and your apple pie."

"Ah, ye-yes, the apple, the apple pie."

Was he, by any chance, stuttering?

You glanced to the left and then to the right, then back to Levi again. Pressing your hand to his forehead didn't seem like a good idea, mostly because you respected his personal space and also because the man was quite fond of being obsessed over cleaningness and maybe your hands weren't clean enough for his standards. Or it could also be that you were overall too awestruck to do anything other than lean down closer to him, bum popping in the air, as your knees remained unbent.

"Is everything alright Captain?"

Had you been dense, you would have missed the way his eyes were magnetized by the action, and consequentially get back to your standing position. Levi quickly cleared his throat though and closed his eyes, brushing the happening off as if it had never happened.

"Yes, I'm, I'm good, just a little" He cough again "Isn't it a bit warm here?"

"Ah, yes, I mean it is a furnace. Anyways I'll leave you to your book."

"No you're welcome to-" Levi begun and his hand traced over the black leather cover of the book.

"What was that?"

"I said, you're welcome. And call me Levi, cut the shitty formalities."

As you turned on your heels to walk to your brother, you felt your heart skip not one, but numerous beats. Quickly, you left the tray on the counter before your brother and rushed to the back room of the store, desperate to hide the embarrassing joy you were feeling. You squatted down on a dim lit spot just behind a few sacks of flour and buried your face in your hands.

Nonetheless you sighed, setting your gaze at one sack of flour before you that was filled to the top, hoping the the neat white color would help you calm down. Why did it have to even be like this? With a deep sigh you put your hands over your knees and unbent them, your body willingly standing up as you wiped your eyebrow with the flat of your palm.

Your head was probably throbbing just as much as your heart.

You felt guilty that you experienced such emotions in the first place. You had been too eager to wear your heart upon your sleeve when it came to Levi that you ignored that most of your interactions rolled as awkwardly as this one.

Maybe that's why he stuttered.

Maybe he even had someone he had feelings for just like you had for him.

Maybe..

Maybe...

Maybe....

You kept repeating the word inside your head until it became a mushy pile of goo that stuck to a crevice of your mind and prevented it from functioning correctly. All you knew was that you had to finish baking the weekly amount loaves the scouts had ordered you. And that's what you set as your task. With your uncle nowhere near the store at this -ungodly for him- hour you walked to the enormous tin in which he kept the dough you were looking for.

All you had to do was shape it into loaves and bake it. Easy and soul mending.

It should be something that could keep your mind off of him for a long while.

.....

The sun shone a bright orange as it spilled from the small windows of the room, bathing the the enormous amount of loaves you had baked as they rested inside the deckles you had placed them in. The warmth of this evening was beyond bearable and combined with the heat of the furnace you could feel your cheeks going numb to the excessive heat.

A droplet of sweat run down your forehead, lukewarm as it was when it formed to the top of your hairline, freshening up a little ribbon over your skin. With the back of your hand covered by the edge of your apron you wiped it away, leaving your skin complaining over the harsh, erratic movement.

"I think your boyfriend is waiting for you."

You turned your head to your left when you heard the tomed down voice. Your brother, was leaning against doorframe of the workshop, his hands crossed and pressed sturdily across his chest, his hip pressing against the casing of the door. There was this warm expression all over his face, that little teasing glimmer that flickeres in his eyes as the light of the sunset painted him orange as well.

"For the last time," You furrowed your brows and looked away. "he's not my boyfriend. And he's free to stay here for as long as he wants."

"Please with how slow things between him and you are going I'm going to have to ask him to ask for your hand in marriage."

Just what you needed.

"Beau. No."

"(Y/n). Yes." He smiled at you once you rolled your eyes "Anyways, he's waiting to help you get the loaves to the Scouts Headquarters. Because I have a date to attend to."

You didn't speak, you didn't even throw your brother a glance as the words left his mouth. You simply furrowed your brows together painfully over your shut eyes and puckered your lips. Your hands reached to your bum, wiping down any residue of flour to the pleats of your skirt ithout giving it a second thought.

"Fine. I hope this isn't one of your match making tricks."

Your brother smiled and tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear. You already knew what his answer was going to be.

"Cross my heart and hope to die."

....

The big wooden table that hung from the balcony above it read "Uncle Ben's leather goods" in a big, cursive font, and by the looks of it, Levi had stopped by to retrieve something commissioned for him by his squad. You curiously peaked once or twice inside the store, as you leaned over the cart, the tips of your fingers rubbing lines along the thick wooden borders.

Had you taken the shortcut you had suggested the trip to the headquarters was no more than ten minutes. This evening though, since you were accompanied by the captain himself, taking a shortcut wasn't exactly a preferable option in your agenta, thus, you hadn't insisted on it.

When he finally exited the store with a tote bag hanging from his shoulder you realised you hadn't spent a lot of time waiting for him, still the little commotion in your heart begged you to cease every single moment you had alone with him

"Okay, time to head off to the headquarters" You said with a soft smile.

Levi hummed in response and walked to the back side of the cart. With steady hands he pressed onto it, his fingers flexing onto the metallic handles. He hung his head low, his shaggy bangs waving over his eyes a little before he turned his head again to look at you. Gunmetal orbs fell into yours with serenity, blinking ever so slowly.

"You seem to be into reading, Levi." You said, your eyes being the first ones to look away.

"Ah, yes, I couldn't enjoy reading in the past thus I am doing so now."

You found yourself in loss of words for the thousandth time this evening. You didn't know what exactly you had to say to that, seeing you had heard rumors about him being a former thug, though in your best judgment that would be an intensitive subject to bring up. Immediately, your brother came to your mind, he would not hesitate to pester you for days you if you didn't make any progress over crush now, would he?

Maybe asking for his favorite literature genre was the way to go with this.

"What's your favorite gen-"

"Can I tell you somethin-"

Levi blinked his eyes rapidly into yours and you giggled slightly at his confused face. The ravenette stared back and forth between the two of you with puckered lips, wondering who shall speak first.

"Go ahead Levi."

"The almond tea you're serving me is rather good. Care to tell me how to make it on my own?"

A shy smile came over you, still you felt the need to conceal it. You could see the headquarters peaking from the other buildings in the background, the cobblestone color of the building contrasting the violet of the sky only ever so slightly. You didn't have that much time left with Levi and that was a fact, so now wasn't the time to get all shy.

"I'll bring you a jar next week then. Just a small one though, or not!"

"No?" Levi said and cocked an eye brow at you.

His eyes were fixated on you again, his features bearing a soft expression that you couldn't exactly pinpoint, still it spread a little warmth inside you. Instinctively you run your eyes over your outfit. The only thing you found was as perfect as it was when you left your house in the morning was the top of your dress. You slightly fixed the cord that was holding the corset part of your dress tied, tucking it into where it had escaped from.

You didn't let him know you caught him staring, but by the way he was looking at you, maybe he didn't have a certain someone among the scouts.

Or were you just seeing what you wanted?

"Of course not, I'm not about to lose a regular at my store."

"A regular huh?" Levi questioned with that nasal undertone of his

You looked at the sky before you went to answer him. The evening breeze smeeled wondrously, mixed with the mouth watering aroma of the slightly season with garlic and poppy seeds bread, you could even say it was heavenly. The air wasn't as heavy and awkward as you had expected, rather, Levi was in a somewhat playful mood if you could place it correctly.

It struck you that he might have been like that because he was feeling the change in the atmosphere as well.

"Would you like to be more than a regular?" You paused "shoot never mind that"

"What was that? More than a regular?"

"Yes, a super regular!" You smiled slyly.

"If you keep spurting entertaining crap like that more often I might be tempted to become one."

Without realising it, you found yourself gaining confidence over the little territory you had conquered in the captain's mind. Every step you took that lead ultimately led you to the Headquarters was a proof of that. Levi seemed to be as bummed as you, he seemed to be flustered like a teen whose date had ended, you could see it now for some reason.

And when it came to you, your feet weren't shaky anymore, your voice wasn't the squeaky polite voice you'd put on for strangers. This was the first time in a long while where you felt like you could be yourself in Levi's presence and you couldn't help but hope there would be more instances like this.

"Here we are."

"Yes, here we are." Levi sighed, turning his face to look at you.

"I uhm, I'll help you get those in."

"No need to, I'll have the brats sweat for it, I haven't tortured them in a long while."

You couldn't help but laugh a little at that comment, though the bubbling sound died down immediately, bowing before the reality of your current situation. Your stroll around Trost had come to end. What an unfair way for your little walk to die.

Nevertheless your chest rose and fell as you looked at Levi, your heart pulping hard inside your chest. Heat rushed just under your skin, stinging you in millions of places at once as you contemplated on what to say next. You were going to speak, and very soon at that, just omge you found the words to do so.

"I'd like to see you again." You spoke, though you doubted this was the right choice of words.

"You see me every single week."

"Not like that!"

"Tch, then?" He clicked his tongue.

Your stomach turned. It twisted and turned and tied itself in a horrid knot; you couldn't just not panic. At his cocked brow, the little press of his lips, the way his eyes remained narrowed as the glared at you. On no, this was your doom for being bold before, wasn't it?

"Like this, but, without the bread."

You didn't miss the way his eyes softened at your words, frankly because it was a rather beautiful sight. The little creases of his eyes overlaoped each other, narrowing his gaze with a mellow tint that was gone as soon as you blinked. It only made you feel like you shouldn't blink again as to not miss his small reactions.

"Hmh, that can be arranged."

Honestly, you couldn't wait until then.

Taglist: @sasageyowrites @ackermans-freedom-inc @melancholicmonologue @ladyofpandemonium @levisbrat25 @hawkssnugget @berrijam @lzrers @levisbrat25 @callmepromise

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namjoon-koya · 3 years

Note

Since we got a Todoroki having a little sister what about Dabi ?

I’m going to make this as fluff as I can because reading chapter 300 broke my hEart

Warnings: some spoilers? Angstish also the reader is young so you don’t know what happened in the Todoroki household.

Him being the older sibling he’s the first one to hold you at the hospital. Tells himself that he’s going to be the best big brother to you and will protect you with any means necessary. Whenever he isn’t with Fuyumi and Natsuo he’s with you, usually you’ll be sleeping though since you’re still a baby.

You tend to make his days better he has a lot of emotions he’s holding back, but one giggle from you and he suddenly forgets what he feels (for a while at least) he gets upset that Enji doesn’t show you any affection at all (he’s not surprised, but he hates it) he tries giving you the attention you deserve since Enji doesn’t.

When you start learning how to walk he’ll take you to the park (with Fuyumi and Natsuo tagging along) you have your cute lil squeaky shoes with a fluffy sweater (when you pull the hood up little bear ears show from the top) if you want to go down the slides you’ll have to sit on their laps (because I’ve seen videos on what happens when kids go down the slide ALONE💀) because they KNOW if you get hurt or even a little scratched their mom is going to give them an earful on having to be careful.

Whenever it’s your bedtime he’ll read stories to you (which makes you fall asleep fast) it becomes a routine he does. Usually he’ll pick a story or you’ll pick which one you want him to read, once he knows your fully asleep he’ll leave the room.

It broke him to leave you alone when he faked his own death, he was hesitant to do it, but he couldn’t back down he had a plan and he intended to complete it in the near future. After that he didn’t come to check up on you he could only hope that Fuyumi or Natsuo filled in his role.

Since you were still a kid and didn’t understand much about death yet you’d always ask Fuyumi or Natsuo where Touya was, but they always gave you a sad pitiful look before trying to distract you with something else. Natsuo was always busy with college so Fuyumi mostly had to take care of you after Rei got hospitalized.

Todoroki spent somewhat time with you, but he ended up training most the time and at this point you were 7 years old already. You finally understood what death meant and what happened to Touya whenever you got home from school you’d grab a book from your shelf and read outside near Touya’s shrine. You always believed that Touya’s spirit was with you even if he was gone.

(Endeavor’s arc I guess)

Todoroki was surprised that Enji was starting to spend more time with you (he was sorta.. nervous with him around you so he made sure to keep an eye out) he tried being more at home and eating dinner together. Fuyumi would always pick you up after school, but not anymore it was endeavor who was picking you up now. (Everyone was intimidated seeing Endeavor hold your small hand in his as you both walked to the car)

Shoto finally brought you to see Rei you haven’t seen her since she got hospitalized. So when he opened the door and Rei saw you she smiled and tried not to cry you grew up so much “mom!” You shouted running into her arms she kissed the top of your head while holding you in her arms. (Shoto takes a picture and sends it to Fuyumi and Natsuo and yes Fuyumi started crying her eyes out)

One time you got sick and went to Endeavor’s hero agency (since Fuyumi couldn’t take a day off from teaching) and lord behold you met Hawks. You were kind of intimidated by him his wings made him seem more bigger. He was going to say hi to you, but you quickly hid behind Enji (which Enji laughed while Hawks pouted about it) since Hawks spent so much time around Enji though you started to trust him.

NOW let’s talk about when Midoriya and Bakugo came over Todoroki’s house to have dinner. They didn’t even know Todoroki had a younger sibling so when you opened the door to them they both stood there SHOCKED. “Nii-San!” You said happily to Shoto “I’m home Y/N is Fuyumi making dinner?” You nodded before going back inside. “Todoroki you didn’t tell us you had a younger sibling.” Midoriya said as he started taking off his shoes. “Sorry, nobody ever mentioned anything so I didn’t. That’s Y/N though she’s only 7 so Bakugo don’t say any cuss words.”

You didn’t really understand why dinner was so awkward Natsuo was upset at Enji, but half of the things he was saying you didn’t completely understand (since no one mentioned what happened in the household) you saw Natsuo get up angrily and leaves. You didn’t leave the table until dinner was over Enji took the Shoto, Bakugo and Midoriya back to school and you decided to go find Natsuo.

He looked upset not that he was crying, but you could tell he was angry. “Nii-San are you mad at dad?” Natsuo quickly snapped his direction up at you his eyes softening he took off his sweater and wrapped it around you “it’s cold Y/N you shouldn’t be out here.” “You’re alone out here, but are you mad at dad?” Natsuo didn’t know what to say. The three of them made a promise to never tell you what happened the last thing they wanted to do was hurt you with the past “we just.. had a little disagreement Y/N it’s okay.”

You gently wrap your arms around Natsuo “if you need to cry you can nii-san whenever I would miss Touya I would do the same.” Sigh.. Natsuo really appreciated that even if you didn’t understand the full context of the argument. “Let’s go inside Y/N it’s cold and you’ll end up getting a fever again-“ suddenly he heard something he quickly pushed you behind him protectively. It was too dark outside he couldn’t see where the noise was coming from! “Y/N!” that’s when he finally saw what was coming he shoved you aside making the Nomu grab him “Natsuo!” You shouted as you fell backwards onto your butt the thing took off flying with him.

Fuyumi quickly rushed outside when she heard you scream “Y/N!” “Natsuo! That thing took Natsuo!” You cried into her shoulder. When Natsuo was recused the first thing you did was jump into his arms while crying “Y/N I’m fine see? Dad.. saved me on time it’s okay.”

You get to met Eri at first you both are shy she hides behind Mirio and you hide behind Shoto. Slowly you both start getting used to each other to the point where you two were running around the school festival excitedly.

So when does Dabi finally see you again? You went to the park alone. At first Enji and Fuyumi were kind of iffy about you being alone, but you kept repeating how you were old enough to go alone (hAhA of course Enji is going to check up on you a couple of times though) the park isn’t completely vacant, but your a bit more alone since some of the kids were playing on the playground while you were on the swinging.

As you were swinging back and fourth you started to remember when Touya would bring you to the park and play with you until sundown. He’d carry you on his back and asked what was your favorite part of the playground. The swings were you favorite Touya would push you (of course though not too high) you stopped swinging as you continued to remember the things you’d do with Touya at the park. Even Fuyumi and Natsuo would join in playing together so much time has passed and now usually everyone was busy.

Natsuo was still busy with school, Fuyumi was a teacher and didn’t have time to play all the time, Shoto was staying at U.A, and Enji was often at the hero’s agency.. you couldn’t remember the last time someone read you a story. You sniffle lightly as you rubbed your eyes “what are you so upset about?” You heard a voice next to you say you quickly looked up and saw a young man with raven black hair and a piercings on his face “I’m not upset.” The man chuckled before sitting down next to the swing beside you “then why did I hear you sniffle?”

You sighed “I miss my older brother his name was Touya.” Dabi’s hand clenched a bit “I love my other siblings! They try to make time for me, but Touya was always there he always brought me to the park or just read me stories at times! He passed away, but I always tell myself maybe that’s he’s still here with us as a spirit.” Dabi wanted to comfort you, but there’s a reason why he had to completely cut off connections with his family he couldn’t ruin his plan. “I’m sorry that you feel that way, but better times are coming soon.” He said getting up you looked at him questionably “how do you know?” “I know Y/N.”

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sxltedcxramel · 3 years

Text

Lover’s Quarrel

c!techno x gn!reader

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

: ̗̀➛ Summary: You and Technoblade have been friends for decades, always by each other’s side you two faught alongside each other. That was once in a lifetime, and should never happen again. Unfortunately life doesn’t play out that way and you happen to need him one more time... or maybe they’ll be a change in plans?

: ̗̀➛ Word Count: 1515

: ̗̀➛ Chapters: 1/1

: ̗̀➛ Tag(s): No beta reader we die like ghostbur, c!techno, gn!reader, immortal reader x immortal techno, angel!reader, god!techno, angst, friends to enemies to friends, complicated ik

: ̗̀➛ Warnings: slight cursing, mentions of torture and death

: ̗̀➛ Taglist: Here

: ̗̀➛ Link(s): Ao3

: ̗̀➛ Notes: *screams into oblivion* one this is all platonic I didn’t specify 😓 two I barely survived the writers drought (no friken inspiration) but I bring to you my first c!dsmp x reader fic (please be kind I tried-) basically this taks place in really old times and not modern considering how its writter like I just finished reading shakesphere although the idea came while listening to classical music so that it how you will. Also this isn’t edited so my bad if theres mistakes-

The room was dimly lit with candles and the r oaring fire that burned passionately at the fireplace. White tiles were plastered with gold diamonds, the shade almost as if it was antique jewelry, Old but could tell an amazing story. The colour completing the beige-coloured room

You waited patiently, cross-legged glaring at the clock that ticked every second or so. 10 minutes you thought to yourself while you grind your teeth. That man seemed to be early only when it was for his own convenience, how distasteful.

Just as you finished that thought you saw the dark oak wood door being pushed open. A man walks in, he wears a white loosely fitted blouse, with bishop sleeves which was decorated with frilly fabrics. Along with death-black dress pants that were worn up to the waist. His face where his mask usually is is replaced with glasses and the man's delicate bubblegum pink hair is loosely braided and thrown on the right side of his shoulder.

“Your late” you glare crossing your arms

He let out a sigh “Well pardon me for taking a while to get ready, It's almost like you didn’t come here unannounced” he spoke sarcastically.

He walked over to the glass tray and picked up a small glass cup with a gold ring around it and poured himself a drink. He eyes you “Would you care for a drink y/n?”

“I don’t drink”

He shrugs “Suit yourself”

“Technoblade, I didn't come here for idle chatter.”

He arched his eyebrow slightly “Oh?” Techno placed his cup down “Pray do tell, what exactly did you come here for?” You watched him walk to the other side of the room as he said that.

“I-“ you could even finish before being rudely interrupted by a rustling noise. You watched as your patience grew thinner by the minute he took out a black vinyl disc and placed it on a wooden box making sure the oin was adjusted well. A soft tune of the piano came out of the music player.

“Would you care for a dance?” He holds out his hand, you stare at it contemplating whether you should grab his hands, you really shouldn't, you didn’t want to play his games, you wanted what you came for, but then again it would harm a dance. Or course your brain chose the latter considering how you delicately placed your hand in his letting him place his hand on your waist the the other on your shoulder. He lead the way,(just like he always does)

“Apologies for interrupting music helps me think.” He spoke as he spun you around the floor “They calm the voices” . You knew all about the voices, how much they love to chant and clog his brain with different variations of thoughts, perks of being his ex-partner you suppose. But you watched as he hid a smirk, you guess he’s just telling only half the truth. You roll your eyes

“You can finish”

“Wouldn’t you mean start idiot” you snap

“Meh”

You clicked your tongue in annoyance, his inability to ever grasp the mood of the situation was flawless. It seemed as if he never cared about the other person's feelings, unless you were the god of death you were out of luck for a serious conversation. You’ve dealt with that for decades

You could remember once in a lifetime the two of you were partners, fast and precise that's how the job went. The blood god and the angel of destruction are an amazing duo. You remember when the two of you used to watch as people begged on their knees for their life or perhaps a mercy kill. Watching as your foes tried to retreat to their bases only for their pitiful lives to end in such a disgraceful manner. At the end of the day the two of you stood in the battlefield side by side knowing the world could shake in fear knowing you two were alive

And you loved it like that desire to make people fear you brought giddiness to your body and enlightened your world. You wanted one thing and it was to get revenge.

Revenge on all who did you wrong from your youth up, and now you were strong enough to bring it tenfold.

Everything was fine, It wasn’t until one day the two of you had sat down for a cup of tea like you usually did on Thursday evenings. He told you he wanted to retire, he was done with the killings and the torture.

He was finally putting down the title ‘Blood god’

At first you thought it was a joke but then you saw his eyes and they were as serious as he could ever be, anger rose up in you unable to process the statement.

How could he leave you like this, he promised to be by your side when no one else would.

A liar that's would your made him out to be

A slap to the cheek was all you left him that day

Now here you were decades later, hand in hand dancing to the sounds of the instruments harmonizing becoming one just the way you two were.

He spun you around gracefully on the tiled floor, there's something about dancing in an empty room that makes you feel weird inside. What was this feeling? Him making you feel weak in the knees, perhaps it was the fact the last time you did this it was when you two were young and reckless. He always seemed to know how to brighten your life,even to the point the friendship you two had was envied amongst the other gods.

He twirled you across the room dipping you slightly “Cat caught your tongue”

You rolled your eyes “As if”

You saw outside the glass panes, the sky was painted a blood orange mixed with lavender purples and hints of blue. The sun slowly sets,bringing the nightfall.

You chuckle to yourself, how romantic of the sky to show such a sight for people who would die before dating each other.

You turn your gaze to the god “I need you one last time” you say cutting to the chase

Technoblade glared at you “I already told you I’m retired, don’t be so stubborn”

“I’m not, your being selfish putting your needs before anyone else's”

He snorts “Isn’t that what you're doing y/n? Or am I reading the situation wrong?” He says sarcastically “Plus I thought you made it clear that you wanted nothing to do with me, or was that slap something you did on impulse and you couldn’t face me after?”

You grind your teeth “It was not, and why are you making it seem like you're the victim? You're the one who wanted to leave me!” You snapped

He took his hands away from you and pinched the bridge of his nose “See, this is why we cannot have a conversation. You always jump to conclusions” he growls

“I do not!”

“You do! I never intended to leave your side, only retiring. Is it so bad I wanted to stop killing and do something better with my life, and here I thought you’d be happy with it.”

You stared at him shocked, “I..”

Was he right? You were known to act on impulse which did cause problems in the long run but he’d be there to be by your side every time. But yet, you couldn’t fathom the thought of him leaving his life behind to start a new one. Why? You weren’t sure.

Techno sighed “You act so tough when actually you're broken inside. The thing is you weren’t mad at me for retirement, you were mad that things were changing. You're scared of change because you don’t know where you’ll fall between it all.”

The piano falls into a soft handsomely rhythm

The violinist quietly drag their bows delicately

You cast your eyes aside, you couldn’t argue with the truth. You swallow hard fighting back the tears. You couldn’t fathom the amount of times you’ve been in the wrong or how much you’ve hurt him

Stupid

Stupidstupidstu-

A hand is placed on you head

“You think too much, stop that”

“I’m sorry”

“For overthinking or for being impulsive” he questions

“Both” you whisper keeping your eyes on the floor

“And?”

You huffed “You were right about everything”

He grinned showing his pearly whites “I’m sorry what was that? I couldn’t hear you?”

You laughed slightly making your worries go away for the time being “You asshole, get your head out of the skies as if I’m repeating that again”

He chuckles shrugging “Worth a try”

“So, let's get something straight. I’ll help you one last time then I’m forcing you to retire. Seriously you have no say so.” He eyes you “You probably need therapy too jeez”

“Fuck You I’m perfectly fine”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night” he responds ushering you out the room

“Bold of you to assume I sleep”

“Bruhh”

Taglist: @ttakinou @angstyx

#caramel writes #c!techno #c!technoblade #c!techo x reader #gn!reader #angel!reader #c!techno x gn!reader #immortal!reader x immortal!techno #blood god techno #dream smp #dsmp #angst #fluff #not beta read #we die like ghostbur

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sunnysunoo · 3 years

Text

Love Letters ; Sim Jake

Pairing: Jake X Reader

warnings: explicit language and cursing

word count: 3k words

genre: friends to lovers au! fluff with tiny pieces of crack lmao

Jake was always known for being this perfect guy in school. I mean, they're not wrong. They always described him as if he's this walking piece of art in the hallways. People would stop to just stare at him. You'd stare at him all day too, but you set priorities first: writing him love letters.

You're no Lara Jean, but I guess you can say that she's what inspired you to write Jake letters. Who needs Peter Kavinsky when Jake Shim exists anyways?

note: Not me completely disappearing off of tumblr for like months and then showing up again suddenly lol. I got really busy the past few months since I was completing requirements for school, and I really didn't have the motivation to do anything at the time so I took so time off to take care of myself first so I hope you understand :) But now since it's summer break, I am given at least 2 more months until I go back to school in August :)) Here's the long-awaited Jake imagine that I completely forgot about lmao hope you enjoy <3

P.S I finished writing this at 1:26 am so please excuse the really shitty plot and grammar ill rewrite it once i wake up

tag list: @cha-raena ( sorry for the rlly late post bestie )

Dear Jake, First of all, I will never call you Jaeyun because calling you by your English name makes me feel like I'm your friend. Calling you by your Korean name makes us feel like we're cold strangers to one another and I don't want that. I want us to be something more than that, but it's hard when you don't even know who I am. I'm surprised how you don't grow tired of me just dropping letters right into your locker every time you open it, and that's one of the things I love about you. You don't just throw away people's efforts and you treasure them with care. It makes my heart beat so fast as if I ran miles away from here.

We're already one year left until we graduate high school, and I don't want to end my high school years without you realizing my feelings for you. I know for sure that you would never reciprocate the feelings that I have towards you, so I want to treat this as closure in case we do forget about each other in the future. Yours truly,

Moon

"How is this person not over you? That's like the tenth one this month," Jay said, looking over Jake as he reads the letter from his secret admirer. Jake has always been receiving these letters from the same person everyday for the past four months. He's thankful for the letters because they definitely make his day better, knowing that there's someone out there who loves him as who he is regardless of looks. He's not gonna lie that these little notes and letters make his heart race too. "Do you have any plans with finding the person behind the letters?" Jay asked as he watches his best friend trying to hide the small smile that's been growing. No one really knows who this mysterious person is and why they decided to name themselves the moon, but we don't judge anyone in here. If they want to be the moon in their next life, then so be it. "I really want to find the person who's making these letters," Jake shoved the letter in his backpack, trying to not wrinkle it. "But I don't know where to start." "Who's finding who?" A voice popped suddenly beside the presence of the two boys. You leaned beside the locker beside Jake's, watching him as he grabs his books from his locker. "Did Moon drop your daily letter today again?" "They did as usual," Jake wasn't even surprised. He would expect the letters every time he enters the school in the morning. He would open his locker to see the usual small letter placed inside his locker. He usually arrives at seven or earlier, but he's surprised that he could never even catch a glance of this anonymous sender around the campus. "Should I go to school at five in the morning?" "Five in the morning? Isn't that a bit too early?" You questioned, followed by a shaky breath. "The school doesn't even open until six." "I could just walk to that nearby convenience store I always pass by to grab a coffee." He argues, closing his locker shut before walking towards his classroom.

You and Jay followed beside him, and you sneered under your breath, "You don't even wake up to your alarm clock."

"Why don't you even want me to go early anyway?" He glances as you try to give him an answer. But before you could say something, Jay replies first.

"You’re probably hiding something." He said. You rolled your eyes and narrowed your eyes at him. "You are so weird." You grunted, before walking ahead of them. You feel panicked because you were scared that you made yourself obvious to them.

You were inside your classroom sitting on your desk. There were only fifteen minutes left before lunch, but you had eaten your packed meal before instead of going to your school cafeteria. You were fidgeting in your place, conflicted about Jake finding his secret admirer, not knowing that it was you who's been sending him letters the past few months. You're not scared of him finding out that the letters were from you; that was the entire reason why you wrote him letters in the first place. You're scared of how he was gonna confront you about it. Would he like you back? Would he hate you? Would he avoid you?

Your mind was full of scenarios but you were suddenly brought back to reality when a hand planted itself on your desk. You look up and saw Jay standing in front of you, eating sushi with his other hand. His face kinda looks like he knows something, and it's freaking you out a bit.

"What?" You asked, suddenly flustered over how his eyes stared right into you. He took the seat in front of your desk and flipped it so it was facing you. He sat down and blurted the phrase that you were dreading to hear from anyone.

"So, you like Jake?"

You suddenly feel like punching him in the face with his sushi.

"What??" Your body felt like, and you were left a nervous mess. Your heart like it was going to pump right out of your chest any minute, and your hands started to sweat.

Jay's mouth formed into a smirk. He caught you. "Jake may be a bit oblivious, but I can totally see right through you."

“Haha...no you don’t,” You tried to deny, but it was all useless when his expression looked unconvinced.

“Oh yeah? Then why are you all red? You look like a bursting tomato.”

“You don’t know that," You leaned further into your seat, playing with the strings of your hoodie.

“C’mon Y/N, you’re not even trying. Just give up and admit it,” Jay was trying to help you confess your feelings for Jake. Frankly, he knew it was you sending him letters this whole time—how can Jake not see it?

With a heavy sigh, you slumped and laid your head on your desk, embarrassed. “Fine. I like him, okay? Are you happy now?”

The smirk on his face grew wider, feeling proud of himself. You are not dealing with his annoying crap this early in the morning. He grinned and munched on his half-eaten sushi. “I knew it.”

“Congratulations,” It was muffled because you hid your red face away from him. All that was on your mind now was how you could book yourself a flight all the way across the world.

“But seriously, since when did you have a crush on him?” You raised your head to face him, giving him a look that could kill, except Jay finds it entertaining rather than intimidating.

“I started having a crush on him when we were in fifth grade. It was at a friend's birthday party, and he saw me being all quiet and lonely. Honestly, I forgot who’s birthday that was.” You told him the very first time you had discovered feelings.

“He saw how sad I looked so he accompanied me the whole time. He was even trying to feel more included in the games and stuff.” You felt a smile ghosting on your lips as you can still vividly remember how you felt your heart tug the first time. “It was kinda like I fell in love at first sight.”

Jay faked a gag, so you lightly punched him in the shoulder. He may be a bit of an asshole, but he’s one the most caring and kind people you’ve ever met. It honestly felt good spilling out your feelings about Jake to him.

Speaking of, Jake was watching you two play around and laugh at Jay's little jokes from outside, and he felt something burning from inside him. Was it that he felt jealous of you and Jay?

No, he can’t be...right?

Maybe it was because of how he felt separated from you and Jay because of him being a separate class.

Yeah, maybe it's because of that.

Dear Jake,

I just had the most bizarre day today, and I felt like telling you about it.

It was chemistry period, and we had to be partnered with someone for a lab project. I ended up getting paired with Yeojin. We kinda created this unexpected friendship, which I love. We would crack jokes at each other, tell funny stories, it was so fun to be with her that we had completely forgotten about our project. So now, we both got a detention slip for making an accidental explosion.

How about you? How was your day? I hope it was just as fun as mine. If you feel like the day just wasn't as happy or you're feeling down, just now that it's okay to feel that way because days like these just lasts for 24 hours. It will be all over before you know it and you'll be greeted by another day. Maybe it will be different, and you would be all happy again just like how my day went. Maybe being with you would be my happiest day yet, and I couldn't wait for that day to come. See you soon :)

Love,

Moon

"Yeojin!" Jake called, seeing her walk down the opposite way. "Hey, mind if I ask you something?"

"Hey Jake," She greeted him with a smile. "Sure, go ahead."

"Could you perhaps give me any information about your partner in Chemistry?" He had hopes of getting any kind of description about his mysterious sender, but he was instead given a sad frown on Yeojin's face.

"Sorry Jake, but that person told me not to tell you about their information." She gave an apologetic smile. "I wish you all the best in finding them!"

Jake muttered a small "okay," and sighed before walking away, feeling defeated.

Yeojin knew that he was gonna ask about Moon the moment he called her from across the hall. She couldn't wait to tell you about this.

"Hey Y/N," A voice said from behind. You turned around to see Jake with his backup hung on his shoulder. He brought his hand up and raked his hair, and you felt your face grow red. Jake is like a gift from the gods. How can someone look so ethereal even if they're just standing there? You could stare at him all day. You couldn't even understand a thing he said until he started waving his hands in front of you.

"Hello?" You blinked multiple times as you were brought back out to reality. You saw Jake's face grow into concern. "Are you okay? spaced out."

"O-oh..No, I'm completely fine." You reassured him, feeling embarrassed. "What were you saying again?"

"I was asking you if you wanted to go to school with me early tomorrow."

Well, shit.

Your eyes started to go wide, and your hands started to go clammy.

"Tomorrow?" You repeated, voice trembling.

'Well, yeah." He pouted his lips, and you felt like melting into a small puddle in your place. Your heart started to pound heavily.

Oh my fucking god, he is so adorable.

"Okay, sure I can go with you tomorrow," You weakly smiled at him, slightly tense.

How we're you going to give him the letter now?

"Good Morning," Jake said as he watches you close the gates of your house. It was past five in the morning, and you were a mess.

"Morning," You replied back before running your fingers through your hair, getting rid of any flyaways.

As you started walking your way to the bus stop, Jake kept on glancing towards you from time to time. He knew you were pretty, but since when did you become really beautiful in his eyes?

The walk was pretty quiet, but it was a comfortable silence. For him, mostly.

Meanwhile, you couldn't stop freaking out. You had written a letter the night before, but you don't know how you were going to slip it into his locker without him taking notice. If he saw you, he would know.

"Are you sure you're okay? You've been like this since yesterday," Jake blurted. You looked at him before heaving a sigh.

"It's nothing," You mouthed, suddenly feeling anxious and gloomy.

"Something on your mind?"

"Something like that." It was hopeless. I guess he would have to miss this letter today. It was the first time you skipped a day, and you're feeling guilty that you would have to see Jake's face sadden that he wouldn't receive it today.

As you two stop at the bus stop, Jake looked slightly panicked as he was rummaging through the pockets of his blazer before looking through his bag. "Hey, do you have an extra pen? I left mine at home and I have a quiz today."

You snickered, "Out of all the days, Sim Jake. The same day you have a quiz is the same day you forget your pen."

"Very funny." He scoffed.

As you unzipped your bag to grab your pencil case, a folded piece of paper fell out without you realizing it. When Jake went to pick it up, he notices that it was folded the same way as the letters in his locker. It looked so identical.

Once you already got your pencil case out, you were about to hand it to him when you saw what he was holding that made your body freeze with your hand holding the case in the air.

"Why were one of my letters inside your bag?" He glanced at you, waiting for you to reply.

If you were freaking out before, this is a whole other thing. The thing that you were fearing the most is happening right before you.

"Maybe it fell into my bag yesterday..." You stammered, making up an excuse to look like it was an accident. You were tightly holding onto your pencil case, chanting many curse words in your head as you watch Jake unfold the letter.

"I don't think I've received this one yet," He said before he opened the letter and read it.

You watch as his expression formed into confusion as he reads through the paper. It only took a few moments before something in him clicked that it was you sending him the letters.

"Y/N," He began, and you started quivering in fear.

You should've known this would happen, but you didn't expect it to happen this sooner. In fact, you believed that this wouldn't happen at all. But it did.

"Let me explain," You eventually gave up and accepted fate and watch as your identity as "Moon" be revealed to your crush. You're now exposed so you didn't have any other choice but to explain everything. "Yes, I am Moon. I was the one writing you the letters that you've been getting in your locker."

Jake's face was unreadable. He looked bewildered and puzzled. He was trying to comprehend what was happening right now. All this time, it was you?

"I started crushing on you when we attended that birthday party before. I didn't want to confess my feelings for you because I was scared that you were going to harshly reject me, so I started writing down letters as a way to tell you how I feel about you without making you feel awkward around me." You continued, eyes suddenly taking an interest in your shoes. They were brand new too.

Jake was silent, and you felt your heart crack into pieces. You were mad at yourself for being so careless about it that he ended up finding out about you as his secret admirer. You wanted nothing else but to run back home, lock yourself in your room and cry with your sad playlist on loop.

You were expecting a harsh rejection coming from him, but what surprised was how he took dangerous steps towards you, minimizing the gap between you two. He placed his hand under your chin, forcing you to look up at him.

"I don't plan on rejecting you Y/N," You stare into his eyes as it reflects the sunlight of the early morning. "I'm actually happy that it was you."

You look at him, puzzled. He lowly chuckles under his breath before leaning over to place his lips against yours. It was a light, quick kiss, but it brought you feeling ecstatic. You've dreamed of this moment before, and now that it happened, you thanked your clumsiness.

As he pulled away, you were sure your face was a red mess.

"Thank you," His smile was as bright as the stars in the sky. It was the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. "Thank you for making me like I'm special to someone."

You felt flustered over his words. You were scared that he could hear the sound of your heart pounding loudly. The butterflies in your stomach were going wild, and you felt like this was all a dream.

"So, what am I to you now?" You broke into a smile as he grabs your hand, intertwining your fingers with his.

Jake acted as if he was thinking, "Hm..maybe my best friend still?"

He bursts into a fit of giggles as he sees your smile slowly disappear, replacing it with a look of disbelief. You removed your hand from his and walked at a faster pace away from him.

He ran to match your pace beside you before holding your hand again, "I'm sorry, I won't ever do that again. Is my girl mad at me?"

"Oh my god, it's only five-fifty, Jake." You too broke into laughter over his cheesiness, but your heart fluttered over the thought of Jake calling you his.

HERE’S A LITTLE BONUS! since I've made you guys wait for 4 months :(

"What the fuck?" Was the first thing You heard from Jay as you and Jake entered the classroom. All of your classmates were staring at your and his hands intertwined together.

Jay stood in front of you two, crossing his arms together. "Can one of you explain when this happened?" he motioned towards your linking hands. You and Jake smiled at each other before walking away, leaving Jay in a fit of joy, and confusion.

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danniburgh · 3 years

Text

Rushingly Bittersweet (Javier Peña x f!reader) part 23

Pairing: Javier Peña x ofc//f!reader with name.

Summary: After the fall of Escobar everything starts happening way too fast for Javier; his raise, his new office, his new team, the Cali cartel’s operation, the sudden arrival of a new agent that was transferred to his team for no apparent reason, the way he was falling in love with her almost unintentionally.

And he couldn’t seem to stop any of that.

Word count: +6.4k

Chapter warnings: lmao angst and then fluff, a brief mention of food, and drugs and a dog.

A/N: This chapter is set after season three. // aAAAAAA this is so long i dont even why but it took me like ALL day FUCK FUCK FUCK anyway thanks to all my babies that got me through the desperation of wanting this to write itself lmao, also two chapters and we are DONE with the main story holy shit

ao3 // fic index // Masterlist // fic playlist

comments and reblogs are eternally appreciated 💓 let me know if you wanna be tagged

←previous // next→

gifs: @pascalsky

Javier groaned when he sat up and moved his legs to get them out of the bed and looked at the alarm clock on his nightstand; three forty-eight in the morning. He turned on the lamp, reached at his nape and scratched with blunt nails and reached for the pack of smokes that he left on the nightstand before laying down to try to sleep with the other hand.

He pulled the last one out of the pack and stood up to throw the empty carton in the trashcan near the door; he eyed the empty pack from the day before in the bottom of the can with the cigarette clinging to his lips thanks to near dry spit making them sticky and let out a deep sigh.

It wasn’t working.

His tongue moved to shift the cigarette from his lips and he let it fall inside the trashcan, knowing it wouldn’t be the last one he put between his lips, but at least he didn’t light it.

Javier thought of getting out of the room and raiding his dad’s bar again, but he knew it wouldn’t do him any good.

It wasn’t working.

He knew it, and it couldn't be denied any longer. He wasn’t getting any younger and his old ways weren’t helping him forget as they used to ten or fifteen years before.

Javier walked back to the bed and sat on the edge, letting his half naked body fall backwards on the mattress and looking at the ceiling, he felt his hand twitch and he felt it empty without a nicotine stick firmly pressed between his index and his thumb but did nothing to calm it down.

Ten or fifteen years before: had it really been that long? Javier huffed at nothing and scratched his chest, leaving his hand there, uselessly wondering what would it be of him if he did something different; incidentally working through years and years of missteps, mishappens, mistakes, and shaping them in some other way that would have saved him from five months of poor sleep and constant drunkenness, five months of chain-smoking and lack of sharpness, five months of only remembering the bad things he had done and the bad things he deserved.

He huffed again because of course his retirement wouldn’t be him sitting on a porch to enjoy the evening Texas breeze and a glass of scotch; even if he had tried it.

It was having nightmares every third night he wanted nothing but to shove deep inside his head, but that then, reluctantly, he had to tell his new therapist his dad had forced him to go to.

It was having to remember all the men he saw dying every time he heard the words war or coke or shooting. Having to remember them changing and fighting and dying for a cause he wasn’t sure if he still believed in. Having to remember Carrillo every time he and Steve talked on the phone.

It was remembering you each time someone sent him a letter congratulating his work or asking for consultation or asking for an interview; because he had an idea of what you had been through and he was sure he didn’t deserve all that claptrap. He did nothing but cause chaos and destruction and death and even though his therapist said it wasn’t his fault he knew it was because he aided for it to happen.

But you? You did everything you could to find yourself a way to recover what was yours, and you still lost it.

Javier sat up again and after six exact seconds of consideration, he leaned forward and opened his nightstand drawer. He took the black tape he had been clinging to for five months and held it in front of him for a couple of minutes.

He chuckled at himself and gripped the small cassette, took from the drawer his tape player, pressed the red button for it to open, let the tape fall in the slit and closed it, turned it on and rewinded the tape, trying to make the calculations in his head of how many times he had repeated that process as the tape ran to the beginning.

He put the headphones on, laid down back on the bed and pressed play.

“Hi, Javi, uhm…”

God, how he missed you.

The phone rang again, fuck the phone, you thought, and hid your face under a pillow, trying to fall asleep again despite the clear signal that you were no longer sleepy.

And the phone rang again, you lifted your head from the cocoon of pillows and eyed the clock on your nightstand, who was calling you at five seventeen in the morning?

Grunting, you got out of the bed and walked out of the bedroom to the small space that made your living room, dining room and kitchen and got to the phone.

“Hello?” your voice was a deep groan, and you cleared your throat.

“Another letter came for you, when are you gonna change your address?” your dad’s voice broke through the receiver and you closed your eyes, breathing in and out the stress it was already provoking in you.

“I’ll get to it, dad,” you replied “are you gonna send it to me or can I go to the house?” you questioned, feeling already your lower lip tremble.

“I’ll send it, your mom doesn’t wanna see you yet,” he let out in a stern voice “sorry, pumpkin.” he whispered and hung up the phone.

You sat on the armrest of the loveseat next to the phone and let your tears fall from your eyes, not even bothering about cleaning them anymore.

You sighed and nodded to yourself, letting your tired gaze roam around your tiny living space and you missed the openness of your family house, the one you had come back to and were expelled from by an angry mother that felt ashamed of the truth you told them.

But you had to give it to her, she didn’t even know you went down to Colombia, or that you’d been having drug issues, or that they fired you.

She had told you she didn’t know who you were anymore.

Neither did you.

So you left, they couldn’t be more disappointed in you than you were in yourself, so you walked out as your mom wanted and tried to find a home for yourself as you still wondered what the hell were you supposed to do. There wasn’t a handbook or a protocol that taught people how to stop being a DEA agent, the government didn’t train people to go back to civility or even offered a program to forget all the shit you had lived in the places they had sent you.

You stayed in your hometown, unknowingly to your old friends and twenty minutes away from your parent’s home and didn’t leave your house unless absolutely necessary; Albuquerque wasn’t a small town, but it wasn’t big, and you were dreading walking past someone who knew you before you had lost yourself and tried to explain all your baggage, you didn’t have the time, or the energy. And you didn’t want people feeling sorry for yourself, with the woman in the mirror you had enough.

Everything seemed pointless, and you felt heavy all the time, as if you were carrying a chain ball in each foot and shackles in your hands while being dragged down by quicksand.

In the kitchen's corner you saw the last two boxes you still didn’t have energy to unpack after moving them across the continent and let out a teary sight as you stood from the armrest and walked to them.

You opened the first box and saw it filled with office clutter; pencils, markers, some notebooks and notepads, the brown journal you had been looking for to burn on your stove; a set of keys you weren’t sure what they opened and in the bottom, folded pieces of paper.

“Oh, no.” you muttered to the air of the warm kitchen and you doubted reaching in for it… The hesitation lasted two minutes but for you it was like two hours, you knew what it was, you knew why it was in that box and when you took it it felt hot and heavy. You were holding feelings in that letter, you were holding hours of shed tears and memories you didn’t want to have anymore. Memories that still haunted you whenever you smelled roasted colombian coffee and saw an ad of Malduros on tv.

You didn’t open it. You knew what was written there. And for a few seconds you thought of burning it on the stove instead.

“Well, I don’t want this, might as well send it.” you muttered under your breath, recognizing it would do you some good to stop holding to it, acknowledging it would do you some good to know he had it. If he wanted to rip it into millions of pieces or burn it or toss it in the trash or eat it, it was his problem.

You bit your lip as you walked to the phone; you hadn’t thought of him in a while. But as you sat on the loveseat all the shit you wanted to bury if not get rid of came back to your mind like a high wave of a rough sea; sharp, cold, gritty.

“Shit.” you gasped, trying to breathe in and out several times because you didn’t want to cry. It was too early for crying.

You grabbed the phone and thought who could have Javier’s address. God, even thinking of his name made your chest flutter and your stomach churn. You had fooled yourself into thinking he didn’t have an effect on you anymore, into even assuring five months was enough to forget him. What a fool.

You dialed the number of the only person you knew for sure knew the address by heart; the phone rang three times before it was answered.

“Hello?” a sleepy nasal voice greeted, and you smiled through the few tears that had accumulated in your eyes, grateful that he still had his embassy issued cell phone.

“Stod!” your smile was making your cheeks hurt, and you wondered in the back of your head when was the last time you had smiled.

“Who’s this? Flor?” he asked and you let out a stiff chuckle. You decided not to be a huge asshole and dump something heavy as your actual name that early in the morning, so you went with it.

“Yeah, sorry to call at this hour, did I wake you?” you played with the edge of the loveseat’s armrest.

“Kinda,” a noise of shuffle was heard “but it’s almost seven here, so I’m not that mad,” he teased, making you chuckle again “how are you? to what do I owe the honor?”

“Uhm, I–‌I’m calling to take advantage of you,” you said, hearing his chuckle through the line and a whisper of of course you did, “by any chance do you know Peña’s address in Texas?” you asked, closing your eyes and crossing your fingers, wishing for him to not ask:

“Why?”

“I–‌I have something of his...” you mumbled under your breath “I just found it and I wanna send it.” you said, which wasn’t technically a lie.

“Uh…” Stoddard hesitated, and you heard a faint of a pouring noise in the back that made you sigh, a cup of coffee would do you wonders, “well I do–I don't know if I’m allowed to just say it, y’know?” you frowned.

“Oh, come on, please?” you pleaded, your leg started bouncing because of the anxiety that was growing in your chest.

“What is it? is something important?” he asked.

“Super important,” you nodded even though he couldn’t see, “he needs it.”

“How do you know?” he questioned again, and you whined under your breath.

“Uhm, I ju–‌I just know, uhm…” since when were you a twitchy, nervous mess? “can’t you just tell me?”

“Not really, no.” he muttered in that voice that made you want to punch him and hug him at the same time.

You let out the air of your lungs and controlled your body.

You had promised yourself to tell the truth when it was necessary. So you were going to.

“Look, Stod, this is long to explain, okay?” you began, and he hummed affirmatively in response, “the only thing you need to know is that the thing I have here is very important that he gets because he needs to know that I kept it for him.” you said, closing your eyes again.

“Flor you just told me nothing.” he let out, his voice was being muffled and it sounded like he had something in his mouth.

“Fuck, Stoddard, I love him, okay?” you let out “and this thing I have is a letter that I need him to have so he knows I love him!” you panted and bit your lip when he didn’t answer.

You just had said out loud you loved someone, you just had said to someone you loved Javier Peña for the first time. Shit.

“Oh,” Stoddard said after a moment and you held your breath, “you have where to write?”

“You’re a fucking king!”

Six hours later, you wanted nothing else but to turn the fucking car around.

“This is a mistake, this is a fucking mistake!” you yelled inside your car, opening the glove box to toss there your sunglasses. The highway 285 was eternal, and you hated driving through it; it was empty, there was nothing but desert landscapes and the occasional tree, but you were halfway, just crossing the state border and there was nothing in the everlasting earth that would make you drive back home, not even your fucking hesitation, not even your self-doubt.

“What the fuck am I gonna say?” you asked yourself again, chewing on your lower lip and gripping the steering wheel, “am I just pulling on his driveway and knocking on his door and saying hi I’m sorry I broke your heart I have a letter for you? Fuck!” you saw the beginning of yet another town and you drove slowly looking for a gas station, “or better yet, I read this shit to him to complete the humiliation!” you turned your head for a second at the letter resting easily in the co-pilot’s seat and you groaned, finding a gas station. You were also hungry.

With the car’s tank full and a plastic bag filled with snacks for the remaining six hours, you sighed to yourself and started driving again.

“You’re doing this because you need closure,” you told yourself, shoving your hand into a bag of salted chips and bringing three to your mouth “if he doesn’t wanna see you, too bad, he’s gonna miss your haircut,” you mumbled, chewing at the same time “you leave the letter and let him decide what to do with it.”

With the highway 285 long behind you and the sky just beginning to turn orange, you had convinced yourself of your own reasons and you even had a plan to go back home as soon as you were done in Laredo. You also had promised yourself and all your Muertos, you wouldn’t react to Javier Peña if he didn’t react to you and as you had learned in your three-year station in México, you can’t break a promise you made to dead people.

“Shit, shit, shit,” you said when the marked map told you you were a block away from the Peña’s ranch house, you were chewing the last bit of a nearly melted chocolate bar you had bought hours ago as your nervousness betrayed you and you started chuckling at your impulses, “holy fuck, I wanna go home!”

But you were already there. The gate was open and there were two trucks parked on the driveway. So you sucked everything you were feeling, and you turned off the ignition. Fuck. It.

You breathed in and out several times before you unbuckled your seatbelt, grabbed the letter and opened the door. You did it again as you walked the gravel path to the house and were grateful it was already dark, so at least the night could help you hide until the last second.

You stopped walking, rationality coming back to you.

“What the fuck am I doing?” you whispered to yourself and turned around, shaking your head as you walked back to the car.

“Mija!” you heard behind you, you froze in place and stiffened at the sound of a thick accent in a rough and warm voice.

“Oh, no.” you said under your breath.

“It’s you!” you turned around, and you saw the face of the man you had only met through an old picture Javier carried with him at all times. “viniste.” (you came) behind him walked a black, large dog that ignored the man and huffed at you.

“I’m sorry?” your voice went out thin and high, and you wanted to chastise yourself for it. You had given yourself a seven-hour pep talk on the way, and you were already breaking.

“I told him,” the man rolled his eyes behind the glasses he was wearing and gestured for you to walk closer “Jesús Peña, nice to finally meet you,” he extended his hand to you and you took it and shook it, the dog got closer to you and smelled your legs, you tried to smile at him and at the dog but tears were already gathering inside your eyes “le dije que ibas a venir a buscarlo.” (I told him you’ll come looking for him)

“I’m sorry, Mr. Peña, I–‌I do–‌”

“Mr. Peña nada,” he interrupted, “call me Chucho,” you nodded and sniffed slightly “ven,” (come) he gestured again and started walking towards the house, “Pepe, métete.” (get inside) he called, and the dog trotted to his side.

“Wait, Chucho, wait!” you called him under your breath as you followed him, he didn’t stop.

“Come on in,” he opened the house door and waited for you to get inside. He nodded his head for you to walk in and you frowned.

“You don’t even know who I am, what ar–‌”

“I know enough,” he said solemnly, walked inside and you and the dog did too and he pointed to an armchair “siéntate, mija, he’s on the back.” he turned around and walked through an archway to what it looked like the kitchen and disappeared through a door, Pepe behind him.

“What the fuck.” you sobbed out, knowing you had little time to leave the letter you were clutching in your hands on the coffee table in front of you and walk out and leave for good. But you couldn’t move, you were in Javier’s house and you wanted to stop being there, but your body was frozen in place and you felt like you couldn’t breathe. You wanted to scream at yourself, at your fucking impulses; you had all the opportunities to turn around and go back home, why didn’t you listen to your logical, rational, always right brain?

“Hi.” you heard behind your back and you covered your mouth with the hand that wasn’t holding the fucking letter.

You turned around and blinked the first two tears of what you already knew was going to be a sea of them.

He was wearing the red shirt. And God, it was his color.

Javier wanted to run away and hide.

He had just made peace with never seeing you again; he had just accepted that the only part he would have of you was that voice mail you had left him months before. But there you were, teary and gorgeous in front of him. Shaking and with your hands holding a piece of paper as if it were your lifeline.

His head was a contradiction, because he wanted to grab you and hug you all the same he wanted to grab you and shove you out of his house and his life.

“What are you doing here?” Javier asked, knowing deep inside him he wanted to tell you how good you looked and how much he liked your new hair. You let out a shaky breath at his deep voice. You had missed it.

It was the first time you saw him in five months, and the weight of your feelings for him fell again on your shoulders like a recently broken off boulder, heavy, rough edged and shapeless.

“I don’t know.” you answered truthfully, he sighed and deviated his eyes from you, you breathed in heavily and the only thing that got into your lungs was his essence. You cursed under your breath and he huffed, putting his hands on his hips and leaning to the side.

“How d'you found me?” he questioned, and you huffed through the tears.

“I have my resources.” you let out on a whisper. Trying to find his eyes, you needed to see his eyes.

“What do you want?” Javier asked again, and you deflated at the tone of his voice. The rational part of your brain yelled I told you so at your feelings and you knew it was right, you were expecting too much of yourself and of him.

“See you,” you bit your lower lip and Javier saw from the corner of his eyes how you scrunched up your nose, and he felt something inside his chest flutter, hating and loving all the same how much of you he still had stored inside his memory, “I have something for you.”

“Keep it.” he let out. You shook your head and raised your hand with the letter on it.

“Read it.” you half ordered, half pleaded, Javier chuckled and then shook his head, mimicking you.

“I don’t want it.” he knew he was lying to himself, he wanted to know what it was, he wanted to grip it and smell the paper and read it over and over but his body wasn’t responding to what his feelings were telling him and only responded, almost in automatic, to his prideful side, to that side of him that still resented you and himself.

“Alright then,” you said, standing straight after realizing you had regained the ability to read him even through your tears, and understanding there was something he was struggling with, “I’ll read it.”

“Stop.” Javier frowned and looked at you, his eyes pleading for you to do something you couldn’t decipher.

“I know, okay?” you said, trying to reassure him and yourself “I know I’m in no position to ask for shit,” Javier dropped his hands to the sides “but I just want ten minutes, just ten of your life, and you’ll never have to see me again if that’s what you want.”

You knew it was a risky thing to say, but you needed him to know, you needed him to understand you because you knew and he knew you did understand him. And he needed to know you. You and your version.

He said nothing, you took it as his queue to start so you breathed in deeply and unfolded the letter.

“Stop.” Javier said under his breath.

“No,” you wiped a tear off your cheek “I wrote this when I went back to Colombia after I got fired,” Javier looked at you and you saw his face quirk in something close to pain “uhm, before I wrote this I drove around Bogotá,” you recalled that last day in the city and how much it pained you to be there, “I went–‌I went to some of the places you told me you liked” you tried to smile and dropped your eyes to your shoes, trying to find something to cling to and compose yourself “even that little cafe you told me about, near the palace of justice, remember?” you sobbed out. And he called your name. Making you gasp.

“Stop,” you looked up at him and saw him frowning, his eyes glistening with unshed tears, “we don’t need this.”

“I do!” you let out, Javier brushed his lips with his thumb and felt his hand twitch in need of nicotine again “I need to tell you all this!” you wiped your tears away again “I need closure!” you cried out.

Javier felt his stomach turn around and all the blood of his body went to his feet. Fuck.

How could he had been so stupid? he got into his own feelings too much and he forgot that you had cried your eyes out to him all those months ago when you handed him everything you were in a couple of manila folders. He had gotten wrapped by his own feelings and the hurricane your declaration had created in his life that he had forgotten just how much you were suffering as well. Because he might have thought about you; all the time, every day; he thought about your past and your reasons and motivations. He even thought of you naked on his bed in Colombia, under his body, moaning and gasping when he needed some release, but he forgot to think about your feelings.

“I didn’t come here to ask for forgiveness because I know I don’t deserve it,” you said and Javier felt the wetness of a tear escaping his eye and making its way through his cheek, “I’m trying to get closure, Javier, please let me try.”

Javier nodded.

You cried more when you saw him brush a tear off with his thumb and chew the inside of his mouth. You wanted to run away; you were sure he was better before you came to his house and disrupted his peace; you were hurting him again, and you wanted to kneel in front of him and ask him for what you said you weren’t seeking. He made you want so much.

You sniffed and dropped your eyes to the open letter in your hand, Javier didn’t move from where he was standing.

“No amount of guilt will or can change the past,” you began, Javier crossed his arms on his chest and saw movement to his side, “that much I know. I kno–‌know that it doesn’t matter,” you sniffed again and Javier turned his head to watch the dog casually walking towards him and sitting next to his boots. You saw it too, and you let out a sad chuckle.

“Ignore him.” he just said. You nodded.

“Uhm, it doesn’t matter how much I apologize, or how many I’m sorry’s I mouth, forgiveness doesn’t come for free.” you didn’t want to lift your eyes to see him, so you continued.

Javier only saw you reading him something he was sure you had poured your heart into, and he wanted nothing but to hear what you wanted to say to him, but he couldn’t focus into listening, because there you were, again in front of him doing what he never dared to do.

Opening your fucking chest, taking your heart out and giving it raw to him.

“...knowing and realizing and acknowledging just how much I love you.”

Javier drowned a gasp, as he fell in love with you all over again, you were doing what he didn’t have the balls to do, because in his sleepless sleep he wanted to look for you, in the middle of his idle nights, just after waking up after a nightmare, he wanted to find you and go to you and tell you whatever the fuck he could to be back with you. But he never did, he never did because he was a coward, because he feared his own feelings so fucking much.

He couldn't hear anything of it after your declaration of love. God, how much he loved you. You were standing there, with your eternally hopeful eyes filled with crystalline tears and several pages of written feelings. And he realized, there, with you in the middle of his living room, shifting to the next page, that even though you were extremely similar, you were also very different.

“...with you I found a reason to give up after all the shit I've lived in…” you muttered and he found the differences inside him; you were braver than him, you were smarter and more connected with what you felt; you weren’t scared of your feelings as he was. You went for what you wanted and even though it had been five months of that dreadful day when he saw his heart squeezed out of his body by your hesitant hand, that day he still replayed inside his head when the day was just over and his brain was floating between sleep and awakeness, he still wondered why you were bothering.

“There were so many things I thought…” you kept reading as he wondered if it was possible for the two of you to connect with each other outside of shared trauma and sympathy for each other’s experiences. But he answered to himself that even if you two weren’t as emotionally available as you needed to be to build a relationship or if you both were having a hard time adapting to be and live out of the system, maybe the love was real.

You stopped reading after noticing he was just standing there with his arms crossed and his eyes on you but not seeing you; you wiped the last of your tears and chuckled bitterly to yourself. Making him blink a few times.

“Fuck this,” you crumpled the pages in your hands and dropped them on the coffee table, shaking your head. Javier frowned, “it doesn’t matter what I read, I shouldn’t have come.” you said, drowning your sobs and gasping for air. He wasn’t paying attention, and nothing about it was making you feel any better about anything.

“What?” Javier whispered, dropping his hands to his sides.

“A’right, then…” you didn’t look at him and tried to control your breathing again “I guess that’s what I wanted to do,” you walked to the door and opened it, Javier wanted to ask what the fuck was happening, he wanted to grab your arm and stop you as he didn’t do it when you were leaving his office back in Colombia “I’m sorry to have bothered you, Javier,” he winced slightly involuntarily at the way you sobbed out his name “I’ll go.”

You walked out of the house covering your mouth with your hand to muffle your sobs, your rational brain was right, it was a mistake; it was a complete and utter mistake, and you were so ashamed of yourself for even thinking it would change anything. You walked to your car feeling the sharp, stinging sensation of a migraine settling in your head. You heard steps behind you and you turned around slowly, not wanting to put hope on the source being Javier.

“Mija,” you look at Chucho trying to catch up with you, “¿a dónde vas?” (where are you going?)

“I’m going home.” you said, shrugging at the man when he stopped in front of you.

“Why?” he asked, frowning.

“Because he said nothing, Chucho,” you bit your lip and looked at the Texan night sky and huffed at yourself, “he said nothing.”

“But he wants you, mija!” he assured you, and you shook your head several times.

“If he wants me as you say,” you pointed towards the house behind him, “then how come I’m not with him?” you reasoned, “he doesn’t want me.”

You dropped your eyes to the gravel path as Chucho sighed and raised his hand to squeeze your shoulder just enough for you to feel less sad. Just how a father would do.

Chucho glared at the house, the door open and Pepe standing in the threshold; his son had been back for months, he had been living next to him, eating next to him, working next to him and breathing next to him just as he did before he went away but he knew, just like a father could, he was not the same man that left.

He reminisced over the muchacho his son was before he left Laredo, so eager to get out of the small town he grew up in and that harbored his family home, so anxious to meet new horizons, so keen to find and explore new places and learn new things; he sometimes found himself missing that boy, he sometimes missed his Javi; the one that helped him build a paddock for his own horse, the one that washed his truck without asking and without failing each friday evening, the one that took care of his Mamá’s funeral at sixteen when himself was too sad to think about coffins or tombstones; because the man that came back to him after almost two decades too far away from home wasn’t the same.

He had seen and done things that Chucho never wanted to to ask about but he imagined, his Javier wasn’t the same. And Chucho knew why, but he also knew about you. Javi had talked about you way too much for his own good, as he did everything. And Chucho also knew why, he wasn’t letting the woman that made his son come back home run away.

“He does want you,” he said, slowly, with a low voice, as if it were a secret, “mijo… es un idiota a veces, but he loves you.” (he’s an idiot sometimes)

“You don’t know that.” you refuted.

“I do,” he gave you a smile that was barely visible under the white mustache “el te ama, y yo…” (he loves you, and I…) “I’m so grateful.” you shook your head as two thick tears left your eyes.

“I broke his heart.” you sobbed out.

“Y me lo trajiste a casa, Florecita” (and you brought him home to me, little flower) you sobbed harder, not able to control it anymore, and he brought you to him, and held you.

“He told you my fake name?” you asked between sobs.

“He told me what you look like.” he muttered.

“I’m so sorry.” you let yourself be wrapped by him and you hid your face on his shoulder.

“Don’t be, without you I would’ve lost my only child.” you held him tighter.

“Please.” you pleaded for nothing and everything at the same time.

“You gotta fight for him, mija.” he muttered to your ear, and you shook your head, still leaning into him.

“I’m fighting for him!” you almost yelled “I’m here, aren’t I?” you lifted your head to look at the man and you gasped for air, dropping your hands to your sides “I drove almost thirteen hours non-stop all the way from Albuquerque just to be here!” you told him and the man stiffened as you lost your shit in front of him, you gripped your head between your hands “thirteen hours to read him that stupid letter and he didn’t say shit!”

“You did what?” you heard and lifted your head to see Javier standing behind his dad.

Chucho looked at Javier and then at you with your cheeks dampened with tears. He squeezed your shoulder again and turned to walk to the house.

“You were in Albuquerque all this time?” he said, and you nodded, noticing he was holding the letter in his hand “when you said you’d go you meant back there?” he frowned in confusion.

“Well, yeah, I have nowhere to stay so I might as well drive home.” you muttered, Javier’s frown deepened, and he stepped towards you.

“Stay here,” he said, “if you wanna leave you leave in the morning.” his voice was thin and low. You looked at his eyes and saw them reddened and wet.

“Did you read it?” you whispered out. He stepped towards you again, nodding.

“Stay.” he whispered back.

“You don’t want me.” you said under your breath as shook your head and he stepped closer.

“Who says that?” he asked, and you looked at the gravel path again.

“I won’t stay.” you felt Javier’s warm fingers graze under your chin and lift your head to him slowly.

“Don’t be so stubborn,” he chastised you with half a smirk forming on his lips “stay with us.” you shook your head again.

“You don’t want me here but you want me to stay,” you said, frowning at him “Javier you can’t have it bo–‌”

“I want you to stay,” he interrupted you “I want you to stay with me,” he whispered as his fingers moved to your cheek and wiped away a tear. “please.”

Javier had read your letter after you walked out and realized, at the prospect of you leaving for what it seemed like forever, at the possibility of you leaving him for good and he never getting to see you or your gorgeous face or your hypnotizing eyes or hearing your voice that did so many things on him, that the balance of his other losses leaned upwards when he weighed the probability of losing you.

Did he care about what you did? of course he did, it still stung sometimes deep inside his chest, it still filled him with something close to grief.

Was he willing to work it out and let it aside because he didn’t want to feel the agony and deep sorrow of not having you by his side he had been feeling for the last five months again? yes.

And the answer to that question inside his head startled him and shook him deeply.

You were there. God, you were there, there was no way he was going to let you leave.

Javier decided you could work it out later, he loved you way too much not to try. He didn’t even plan to love you the way he did, the way he discovered by reading that letter or remembering the man he was without you. He didn’t even plan to love you at all, but he did. He was madly, insanely, deeply in love with you.

Javier moved his hand to your shoulder and let the one holding the letter find its way to your waist. Find its way home.

“Don’t go.” he whispered again. He moved the last step to wrap his hands around you. You let out a low yelp at the feeling of his body so close to you, for a second you froze in place, your eyes closed and his warmth invaded your entire body as he hid his head in the crook of your neck. He inhaled your essence as you hugged him back and gripped him tightly against you.

Javier felt as if all his parts were being glued back together.

“Stay with me.” he whispered against the skin of your neck.

So you stayed.

←previous // next→

*THE LETTER*

Pepe:

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