#recovery fanfiction

[therealcocoshady]

Hi coco I wanna try putting in a request

Marshall x fem reader

Marshall and reader have a child there 4 or 5 (boy or girl idc ) and marshal and reader are indulging in late night activities (18+) and there child wakes up screaming bc they heard y/n screaming . So they come running knocking on the door to see if she’s ok .

You don’t have to do this kinda a bad idea

Hey ! Thanks for your request ! I love your idea ❤️. I had a lot of fun writing it, I hope you enjoy reading !

The Monster

Eminem x Reader Fanfiction

Summary : Lily gets scared when she hears Reader screaming during sex. Her and Em need to come up with some explanation.

Tags : Smut - Fluff - Comfort

Warning : SMUT (P in V, use of toys, anal, oral, biting, squirting…).

Author’s Note : I decided to use the same characters as in the one shot « One more baby ? » because why not ?

Your daughter was finally in bed, which only meant one thing : it was on. Baby-making time. Ever since you had decided to try for another child, your evenings with Marshall were filled with… spirited activities. Your sex life had always been active, but trying for a baby had you ten times hornier than you usually were. Same for your husband. For the past two months, as soon as Lily’s bedroom lights were out, you couldn’t jump on each other fast enough.

Trying for a baby not only made you hornier, it also made you more daring, more creative, much to Marshall’s delight. He was definitely enjoying the many new lingerie sets you had bought, as well as the toys and accessories. Since you had Lily on your own, with IVF, you decided to have as much fun as you could as you tried to give her a sibling. New positions, games, accessories, toys… as long as he was cumming inside of you, everything was fair game.

You were ovulating and had been a horny mess since this morning. It didn’t help that your dutiful husband had decided to work from home, staying in his grey sweatpants that you found him so sexy in. Days like this, he would usually stay in his home office but, for some reason, he had decided to work in the dining room. You weren’t going to complain : at least you got to admire him.

It was the holidays so were taking care of Lily but you couldn’t help but throw longing glances at each other. Every time he got a chance, he would tease you, brushing against you, gently squeezing your butt… and you got right back at him, leaning and bending forward every time you were in front of him so that he could have a good view of either your ass or your boobs. You felt your phone buzzing in your back pocket.

From Husband ❤️ : Keep on teasing me like this and you’re not walking for the next week.

You flashed him a smile and « accidentally » dropped the pencils you were holding.

- Mommy, did you drop something again ? Lily asked in an annoyed voice.

- I did, baby, you replied as you tried to hide a smile. I guess I’m really clumsy today…

- Daddy always says that we should be careful with our things, your daughter reminded you.

- And Daddy is always right, Marshall added with a smirk. I swear, Lily is the only good girl around here…

You giggled and bent to pick up the pencils as your husband stared at you - or rather at your cleavage that also showed a hint of the lingerie set that was waiting for him. You saw him licking his lips. Obviously, black lace was always a good choice. You forgot where you were and eye-fucked each other for a second before being taken out of your trance by Lily.

- Daddy, will you come and draw with us ? She asked.

- I have work to do, sweetie, he said with a small pout. I’d love to draw with you but Paul is going to be very unhappy if I don’t review these contracts for tomorrow.

- Uncle Paul always gives you work, she complained as she rolled her eyes.

- True, he chuckled. Next time you see him, you tell him he needs to leave Daddy alone, alright ?

- Yes, she said. You’re my Daddy and I miss drawing with you.

You could see Marshall’s heart melt at these words. He threw a guilty glance at the contracts on the dining room table and you could tell he was tempted to drop everything.

- I really have to work, baby, he said. But if you let me work in peace, I can go quicker and then we can do something together, ok ?

- Ok, she said. Can we make pizza just the two of us tonight ?

- Of course, he said with a smile. We can cook for Mommy. I think she’s a little too clumsy to be in the kitchen today anyway.

You giggled and took your daughter to the living room to draw for a little bit. As the evening came, Marshall kept his promise and cooked with Lily. Pizza was her favorite thing to make with her Dad. The two of them always made a mess in the kitchen, but it made them so happy that it was worth it. When it was time for bed, she insisted that Marshall be the one to tuck her in and read her a bedtime story. She was clearly in her « Dad phase » and he was her favorite parent. You’d read it was normal so you didn’t worry much. Plus, it was fair : he was working a lot lately, so she probably missed him.

You decided to make the most of it and wait for your husband in the bedroom, only wearing your lingerie and high heels. With a 5 year-old, you didn’t wear your heels too much, but you knew how much Marshall loved the sight of your legs when you wore these red bottoms. You were searching for something in a drawer when you heard him enter the bedroom and lock the door. The familiar sound was always arousing to you. It was time to play.

- I have a bone to pick with you, Mrs Mathers, he said playfully in your ear as he stood behind you.

- Do you ? You giggled.

- You drove me crazy all day, he whispered. Time for consequences.

You were about to turn and face him when you felt his hands on the back of your neck, forcing you to bend over the dresser. He got closer to you until you could feel how hard he was. You couldn’t help but moan. After all, you had spent the whole day waiting for this moment. Little did he know that you were soaking wet.

- I could take you right here, he whispered in your ear.

- Please, you moaned.

- Not yet, he chuckled. Let me enjoy the view.

He ran his hands on your sides, your back, your legs, spilling kisses all over your body as you stayed in this position, all his to enjoy. He kneeled behind you and kissed your ass cheek before making your lace panties slide off your legs. He kissed your thigh, going higher and higher until you felt him kissing your pussy, from behind. You let out a soft moan as he ran his tongue up and down your slit. He slid a finger inside you, feeling how wet you were.

- For me ? He asked playfully.

- I was actually waiting for someone else, you couldn’t help but say.

He stopped and you felt a slap on your butt. Of course you had to run your mouth. It was going to be the death of you. You silently cursed yourself for making him stop what he was doing. You wanted his mouth and fingers back to your pussy, in their rightful place. He got up and whispered in your ear.

- Am I not enough ? He asked teasingly. Do you want more ?

- Marshall, you moaned. Please.

- No, he chuckled. I’ll give you more.

He opened the drawer next to you, where you kept your toys, and got your butt plug. He put it in your mouth, telling you to suck on it. When it was wet enough, he inserted it in you, before resuming his initial position and sliding two fingers inside of your pussy. His tongue worked his magic on your clit and you tried hard not to make too much noise. The sensation of the plug, his fingers and his tongue at the same time was sending you in overdrive. It was delicious. You thought you were about to come in no time but he seemed to have other plans.

- I’m not done with you yet, baby, he said. You teased me, now it’s my turn to have fun.

He just loved driving you crazy and you knew he got off on seeing you wrestle with your pleasure. Not that you were going to complain, mind you. After years of dating selfish men when it came to sex, Marshall was a breath of fresh air. You knew you had married the right man but, in that moment, you wished he would just pound into you and make you come already. Patience was definitely not your strong suit, and especially not when you were ovulating.

He grabbed your hand and pushed you on the bed, ass up, face down. In no time, he got rid of his clothes and he did not even bother undressing you. He just pushed your panties aside before entering you. His hip thrusts were painfully slow and you knew it was on purpose. However, you were not having it, so you rocked your hips in turn, owing you another slap on the ass. However, he indulged you and started moving faster. He reached for the plug and moved it a bit, causing you to whimper in pleasure. You were on verge of orgasm when he stopped again and laid down on the bed.

- Get on top, he said.

- You’re killing me, you groaned.

- Told you I’d get my revenge, he chuckled. Now, get on top before I leave you high and dry.

You were pretty sure he wouldn’t do this to you, but you were so needy that you weren’t willing to risk it. You were craving for release and he knew it. This gave your husband way too much power over you. He was smirking I when you got on top and lowered yourself on his length, taking all of it. The presence of the plug in your butt maximised the sensations and Marshall felt even bigger than usual. You moaned as you started moving, closing your eyes and chasing your high. Your man seemed to enjoy the sensations, too. He was usually a rather quiet lover but you could hear him whimper.

- God you’re so tight, he moaned.

- I’m close, you warned.

- Come for me.

Your movements started to become sloppy, much to your frustration. You were on the edge but couldn’t quite get there. You looked at Marshall. You didn’t have to say a word for him to understand you needed a bit of help.

- I got you, he said.

He reached in your nightstand and grabbed your Satisfyer. He turned it on and put it on your clit. Your body’s response was immediate. You were shaking on top of him and your soaked sex was clenching around his. It was so strong that you let out cries of pleasure. Marshall captured your lips in an attempt to shut you up, but to no avail. Your nails were digging in his chest.

- Fuck, he said as you felt him twitch inside of you, his release being imminent.

There were too many sensations at once for you to be able to think straight and control yourself. Every inch of you was stimulated. You let out screams of pleasure as you reached orgasm. You could feel your husband try and cover your mouth but you instinctively bit his hand. He pulled you close to him and your teeth found his shoulder as you kept on having spasms. It felt like never-ending waves of pleasure. You weren’t even sure if that lasted seconds of hours. Time and space had become vague concepts. All you could hear were your own sounds.

Your head was buried in Marshall’s neck as you came to your senses, both of you panting.

- Holy shit, you managed to mumble.

You were taken out of your zone by Lily screaming. Parental instinct kicked in and you stared at each other. « On it », Marshall said before hurrying into some clothes and out of the room. You quickly got out of bed and got rid of the sextoys before getting dressed as well. You were about to check on Lily and Marshall when you heard a knock on the door.

- Mommy ? Your husband asked. Can we come in ?

- Yes, you said.

He opened the door and you could see he was carrying Lily who seemed terrified.

- Mommy ! She cried.

- What’s wrong, my love ? You asked. Did you have a nightmare ?

- I heard you scream ! I’m scared…

You threw a glance at Marshall who was trying to hide a smirk. You never realised you could be this loud.

- It’s alright, you said as you walked to them and kissed her head. Everything’s fine, baby.

- Why did you scream, mommy ? She asked nervously.

- I was… scared, you said, trying to come up with a quick excuse.

- Of what ?

- Of the monster under the bed, Marshall tentatively explained. But don’t worry, I got rid of him.

She looked anxiously at her Dad, who have her a reassuring smile. The mark your teeth had left on his shoulder caught her eye and she looked at him anxiously.

- Did the monster bite you ?! She asked.

- What ? Oh uh… yeah, he said. I had to wrestle him. Scratched my chest too. But you should see him. He looks worse.

You let out a giggle. Thank God for his brain and quick thinking. Your daughter looked at you.

- Are you alright Mommy ? Did the monster bite you too ? She asked nervously.

- He didn’t, you said reassuringly. Thank God for your Dad. He’s a hero.

- I am a hero, Marshall said proudly.

Lily hugged him tighter and gave him a peck on the cheek.

- Thank you for saving my Mommy from the monster, she said. I’m proud of you, Daddy.

- Of course, he said with a big smile. I’ll never let anything happen to Mommy, or to you, or your sisters.

- Mommy… did the Monster pee on your bed ? Lily suddenly asked.

Marshall and you glanced at the bed. There was a huge wet spot, caused by a mix of squirt and sweat. You couldn’t help but blush. You might have had your most powerful orgasm ever, tonight, but you were definitely paying for it. You were absolutely mortified, while Marshall was trying really hard not to cry from laughter.

- I guess he did, you said sheepishly. That’s how scary Dad is.

- Why don’t we go downstairs for some water ? Marshall asked Lily. So that Mommy can sort the mess the monster made in bed.

- Yes, you do that and I’ll join you, you said.

- You should also open your window, Mommy. The monster stinks, Lily pointed out.

She wasn’t wrong. The room reeked of smells typical of sex : sweat, squirt, pheromones and God knows what else. Marshall chuckled and winked at you before carrying her downstairs. You opened your bedroom window and changed the bedsheets. When you joined them in the kitchen, they were eating ice cream. You frowned, as they both knew what you thought of having sugary snacks before bed.

- We’re having a celebration, Marshall grinned. We’re celebrating the defeat of the scary monster under the bed.

- Oh, you giggled. In that case, I won’t say anything.

Lily was sitting on Marshall’s lap. She still seemed a little freaked out. He talked to her reassuringly as she asked some questions.

- I don’t want to go back to bed, she whined. What if the monster comes back ?

- I beat him real bad, you know ? He pointed out. I don’t think he will be bad anytime soon.

- What if his family comes back for revenge ? She asked nervously.

- I’ll wrestle each and everyone of them, he said. Come, I’ll tuck you in.

As he carried her up the stairs, she started hiccuping again. He stopped in his tracks and looked at you. Her cries were heartbreaking. You were a little mad at yourself for scaring her with your screams. You joined and hugged the two of them.

- Can I sleep with you tonight ? She asked.

- Of course, you said. But just for tonight, ok ?

The three of you settled in bed and you were ready to turn the lights out when she started asking about the scary monster again. Both you and your husband kept on trying to reassure her but it didn’t seem to work too well. Marshall sighed and got up. You wondered what he was up to, but you quickly understood as he came back with his huge lightsaber replica from Star Wars, which served as decor in his home office that also doubled as a man cave.

- I thought it was not supposed to be taken from the wall ? Lily pointed out.

- Yeah… except in case of monsters, duh, Marshall replied with a grin. If anyone comes in here, I promise you they won’t last long.

Your little girl nodded and settled between you and Marshall. You kissed her forehead as she held your hand tightly. Your husband smiled at you and mouthed « I love you » before turning the lights off.

In the morning, everything was back to normal, though Lily still mentioned the monster. You weren’t too sure how to deal with it and you were a bit scared you had unlocked a new trauma… you were anxiously staring at Marshall, who proved (once again) to be a quick thinker and the real genius in the house.

- How about we call Lainie and ask her if you can have a sleepover at her house tonight ? He asked Lily.

- Why ? She asked.

- Well, I think Mommy and I should check the whole house for monsters tonight, he said as he winked at you. Just in case, you know ?

Author’s Note : I hope you enjoyed this short story ❤️. I really like writing with these characters (I think Marshall and Lily are so cute) so if you have any requests for them, please keep them coming 💖.

#eminem #marshall mathers #slim shady #eminem fanfiction #eminem x reader #eminem fluff #eminem imagine #marshall mathers x reader #recovery fanfiction #marshall mathers imagine #eminem headcanons #eminem smut

[16woodsequ]

#covid recovery is taking a long time y'all #writing #writing meme #fanfic #brain fog #fanfic meme #fanfiction

[paperultra]

candy stripes.

Pairing: OPLA!Vinsmoke Sanji x Fem!Reader Word Count: 5,048 words Warnings: Swearing, hospital setting [A/n: Soulmate AU. :)]

sortiger (adjective): delivering prophecies of the future; having the qualities of being oracular

Nobody else can see the string but you.

You wish you didn’t. It has no texture, no weight, so you can’t understand why it can’t be invisible too. But the string demands attention with every use of your hands, seizes your eye when you wash dishes in the morning and brush your teeth at night, a garish and bloody red that matches the stripes of your uniform.

You hate your string and you hate the color red.

Miss Xinyu, the old lady in Room 30, has one too. At least, that’s what she had told you when you gained the courage to mention yours one day, not knowing what it meant and how much you would come to dread it.

“It’s your red string of fate,” she had explained. “It connects you to the person who understands you more than anyone else in the world.”

In other words, your soulmate. Your one and only.

Miss Xinyu says you’re a lucky ducky, knowing what your future holds.

Her string goes into the ground now. You don’t think being reminded of a dead person whenever you look at your pinkie is very lucky.

The biggest reason why you hate the string so much, though, is because you’ve always had a problem doing what you’re supposed to unless you want to, which causes a lot of trouble for a nine-year-old girl. You already have trouble being nice to patients who are mean to you, so how can you love and wait for someone you’ve never met? It makes you feel icky.

Why can’t you choose? How come you have to have one at all?

Your only source of comfort is that your string is very, very thin and runs out of the hospital. That means your soulmate, whoever they are, is very, very far away. You’d very much like it to stay that way.

But it doesn’t.

—

Nurse Taoh wants you to watch the patients in Room 8 while he finishes his charts. You don’t really want to, if only because it’s Nurse Taoh asking – he likes to order you around more than Dr. Gu – but you don’t want to get into trouble again, so you go.

(… And okay, you are just a little bit curious about the new inpatients. You only know three things about them: one, they were brought in together last night while you were in your room poking holes into your paper instead of correcting it; two, they’re a man and a boy, presumably father and son; and three, everyone says it’s a miracle they’re still alive.)

(Then again, you’ve seen many miracles here.)

The unit is quiet as you walk down the hallway. Quiet, but not silent, as your polished shoes squeak like little mice against the floor and you whisper the room numbers as you pass by them. Two, four, six – eight.

You stop and knock, three sharp raps against the brown wood.

“Hello?” You open the door and poke your head in. “My name is –”

The squiggly-patterned curtain that often separates patients for privacy is drawn, and you clamp your mouth shut as you realize the patient closest to you is asleep.

Shutting the door silently, you creep closer to the foot of his bed. The man underneath the sheets lies quietly; he is little more than a skeleton, eyes sunken and bones sticking out underneath blistered skin. His beard is long and scraggly, but it pales in comparison to his mustache, each side braided and sticking out to the sides.

He looks angry, even though he’s sleeping. You hope he’s not the type to wake up and yell at you as you tiptoe past to check on the boy.

You pass the curtain, catch a glimpse of the bed sheets, and see –

Red.

Your feet root themselves in place, the room suddenly devoid of air.

You stare. Blink hard, twice. Look again. Then, trembling, you look down at your hand.

Your eyes trace the string around your own finger, following down to the dip of it that barely touches the ground and back up over the blankets until it ends in a red loop around the boy’s pinkie, tied off with a little bow.

Your stomach turns.

Stumbling forward, you make your way to the visitor’s chair in the corner. You slump down into it and stare straight ahead at the curtain, refusing to look at the boy’s face.

He continues to sleep.

You don’t want him to wake up.

—

The boy does not stir during your first meeting, but that small mercy is quickly eclipsed two days later by a single bowl of chicken broth.

The look on your face is sour as you walk down the hallway again, the broth splashing up against the lid with each step. Because most of the patients in the hospital you live in are elderly, the staff have somehow gotten it into their heads that you simply must spend time with the boy in Room 8 because he is your age and you need to socialize with other kids. You very much don’t want to. Not with him, at least.

Dr. Gu is just leaving the room when you arrive. She gives you a quick smile, the corners of her eyes wrinkling, and pats your head.

“So you heard that the boy woke up, huh?”

You grunt, looking away with a pout. “Can’t you give this to him, Dr. Gu?”

“Nope. I have to finish my rounds,” she says. “Go in and have a chat. His name is Sanji. You’ll like him.”

“I doubt it,” you mumble underneath your breath.

Dr. Gu probably hears you, but she doesn’t scold you, merely patting your head one last time before you enter Room 8.

The dividing curtain is drawn this time. The window curtains are pulled back, too; it’s a somewhat cloudy day outside, but bright enough to sharpen the shadows on the walls and make the boy look even paler than you remember.

His eyes are closed as you approach. A sprout of hope that he might have fallen asleep again blooms in your chest – you’ll just leave the broth on the table, you think to yourself, and go about the rest of your day. Nobody said you had to watch him drink it.

You get about five feet away, already planning to drop some books off to the other rooms, when the boy’s nose suddenly twitches.

His eyes open to thin slits. Your hope shrivels like a weed in the desert as he speaks.

“What’s that?” His voice is quiet and raspy.

Your eyebrow twitches. “It’s just chicken broth,” you say tartly, setting the tray down on the overbed table and turning it around so that it’s over his lap. You take off the lid and steam bursts from the bowl.

The boy reaches up to rub his eyes. The red string dangles from his pinkie, and you quickly look away with a scowl.

“Who are you?” he asks, scooting back to sit up more as he gradually becomes more alert.

Reluctantly, you give him your name. “Will you need help with the soup?”

He shakes his head. His gaze latches onto the contents of his bowl, and he stops, transfixed.

You scramble to stop him as he suddenly grabs the bowl and attempts to gulp it all down in one go.

“Don’t do that! You’ll throw up!” Without thinking, you seize his hands and pry the bowl away from his mouth. A few drops of broth splash over the blankets and his gown, and your irritation grows. Now you’ll have to fix that. “Drink it slowly.”

“I haven’t eaten anything for weeks,” the boy complains. “What do you know?”

“I’ve been studying medicine since I was a little kid,” you retort. “So I know a lot.”

He frowns. “You are a little kid.”

“I’m nine years old!”

“No, I’m nine! You don’t look as old as me!”

There’s no way this … this brat is the same age as you! Fuming, you let go of the bowl and jab a finger at his face. “I am nine years old and I know more than you! You can’t drink the broth like that!”

You’re met with silence. The boy’s eyes are wider than saucers. Pride wells up inside you at your ability to shut him up.

But then he puts the bowl down and seizes your hand, and your pride gives way to horror as he folds down your index finger and lifts your pinkie – the pinkie with the red string wrapped around it.

He lifts his own pinkie, the rest of his fingers folded. Your jaw clenches when you see how the string has shortened to mere inches, bridging the space between his hand and yours.

“Holy shit,” the boy says. The largest grin spreads across his face, and it’s blinding and scary and you hate it, you hate it. “It’s you! You’re my soulmate, aren’t you?!”

“No,” you reply quickly, whipping your hand behind your back and backing away. “No, I’m not!”

“But you see the string too! I knew I’d meet you some day. How come you’re”— he pushes the table away, eagerly but just gentle enough so no more of the broth spills—“how come you’re hiding it behind your back?”

“I’m not your soulmate,” you bark, panic rising in your chest. “Don’t you ever say that!”

You only catch a glimpse of the hurt that flashes across the boy’s face before you turn around and dash out of the room.

Mrs. Hong finds you in the storage closet later, curled up behind the shelves of gauze and IV tubing. She coaxes you out with a promise of rice balls and no questions asked. You wish all the adults were more like her.

—

The next day, Miss Jaylee hoists you over her shoulder like a human sacrifice and brings you to Room 8.

“I don’t want to see him! You can’t make me!”

“He’s refusing treatment and food unless he sees you,” the woman answers briskly, each of her steps jostling you up and down. “You don’t want to be responsible if Sanji dies, do you?”

“I don’t care if he dies!”

Miss Jaylee clicks her tongue and walks faster.

You flail, feeling a little guilty for your cruel words but too proud to take them back. Sanji couldn’t have heard you, anyway, and nobody here is going to let him die no matter what he does or what you say.

You hear a door swing open. Miss Jaylee walks into Room 8 and turns around, and you lift your head, glaring at Sanji as his face lights up and his cheeks turn rosy.

“[Y/n]!”

Your own cheeks burn in embarrassment at the position you’re currently in. This, you only now realize, is way worse than walking into the room voluntarily.

“How come they’re carrying you? Are you okay?” he asks.

“Let them treat you,” you snap, arms limp and dangling. “And eat your stupid food or I’ll get in trouble.”

“Okay.” You nod, opening your mouth to speak again only for him to continue, “But only if I get to talk to you afterwards.”

What is he, a prince?! What makes it so easy for him to demand such things?

“That wasn’t what you told them,” you protest, squirming, but Miss Jaylee only tightens her arm around your waist.

(“Be nice,” she warns. You growl.)

“It’s important,” Sanji stresses, looking pointedly down at his hand and then back at you.

You bite down on your tongue as the red string glimmers in the light.

Dr. Gu and Nurse Taoh stare at you expectantly. Your neck is starting to ache from craning it, and there’s a feeling that you’ll never stand on your own two feet again unless you do what he wants.

“… Fine,” you hiss through gritted teeth.

Only once you promise to stay does Miss Jaylee let you slide off her shoulder. You stand to the side, arms crossed impatiently as they take Sanji’s vitals and ask him some questions. He’s only half paying attention, head turning to look at you more than once, which you merely turn up your nose at.

“All right, we’ll leave you two to chat now,” Dr. Gu says. “If you need anything, just let [Y/n] know, okay?”

“Okay,” Sanji says.

With that, the three adults leave, and you and Sanji are left alone once more.

“I’m glad you came. They were starting to get mad at me,” he says, then cuts straight to the chase. “How come you don’t want to be my soulmate?”

“Because I don’t want a soulmate,” you immediately reply.

“But why? It’s nice, isn’t it? Being special to each other?”

“You can’t be special to me. We’re not even friends.”

For the second time, Sanji looks hurt.

“…We’re not?” he asks. You shake your head. “But … you brought me food.”

You’re befuddled. “Because Dr. Gu made me,” you say, trying to ignore the disappointment on his face. “Besides, I yelled at you yesterday. Friends don’t yell at each other.”

“I thought that you were maybe just really surprised …” His voice gets smaller and smaller. “Some people get mad when they’re just surprised …”

“I wasn’t surprised. I saw it when you were still asleep.”

“Oh,” Sanji mumbles. He looks down at the sheets, scratching at the wrinkle in the thin white fabric. “Okay.”

He says nothing more. You fidget, wondering if he’s pretending to look like he’s about to cry or if he really is trying not to. You’re not good with people who start crying.

You chew on your bottom lip. Sanji tucks his hand with the string on it underneath his bed sheets, his eyes disappearing behind his tangled hair, and fine, you feel kind of bad whether he’s tricking you or not.

“I’ll only be friends with you if you don’t talk about being soulmates,” you finally tell him begrudgingly. “Not ever, okay?”

His head shoots back up. “Really?!”

“Only if you don’t talk about it! I’m serious.” You huff at Sanji’s sudden change in mood and click your tongue. “If you stay sad you might not get better.  Don’t get the wrong idea!”

He nods, grinning bigger than ever.

Oh, dear, you think as he promises that he’ll be a really, really good friend, you might have made a mistake.

—

By the fifth day, Zeff, the man who was brought in with Sanji, is awake.

You hear them arguing before you see them, pushing a cart of books for Sanji to browse through as per your agreement the day before. They’re loud, and Sanji calls the man an old shitbag right as you knock and push the door open.

“I’m here,” you announce, and the two quiet down to look at you. You give Zeff a polite smile. “Hello, sir. I’m [Y/n].”

“Hello, little miss,” Zeff says, his features softening from the angry expression he’d directed towards Sanji a moment before.

“Why are you being nice to her and not me?” Sanji pipes up from his side of the room, all puffed-out cheeks and petulantly crossed arms.

“Because she don’t make my ears ring with nonstop whining,” the man answers sharply. “Now get a book and read so I can finally have some peace and quiet.”

“You get a book and read,” Sanji grumbles.

“What was that, boy?”

You cut in before they start bickering all over again. “Do you want a book too, Mr. Zeff?”

Zeff’s gaze flicks over to you once more, and your shoulders tense. The man takes a deep, calming breath, and then he sighs, reclining back into his pillow and closing his eyes. “No, thank you, little miss,” he mutters. “Reading’s no good for my head right now.”

“Do you have a headache?” He grunts in affirmation. “Do you want me to get a nurse?”

“No, no, don’t need any of that.”

“You didn’t tell me you had a headache,” Sanji accuses.

Zeff’s mustache twitches. “All you need to know is that you oughta stop yappin’ when a man wants peace and quiet!”

(Not again.)

As you give up and walk over to draw the curtains, Sanji says your name desperately. “Can we read somewhere else?” he pleads when you glance at him. “I don’t want to be stuck in here with him right now.”

Narrowing your eyes, you appraise his weak-looking frame, pointedly skimming past the red string that snakes over to you. “Can you even walk around yet?”

“Yeah,” he says defensively. He wriggles out of the bed sheets and swings his legs over the side of the bed. Holding onto the side rail, he stands up and grips the IV pole for support. Though he’s a little shaky, he shuffles a few steps towards you and smiles when he manages to do so. “See?”

Well, you think, if you and Sanji stay here, you’ll need to have some light in order to read. But it will probably help Zeff if the room is as dark as possible, so if you guys go somewhere else, Sanji’s lamp won’t need to be on.

“Okay,” you agree. “Wait here. I’ll get some slippers.”

Ten minutes later, with Sanji shuffling along in his slippers, IV pole in one hand and your arm in the other, the two of you arrive at the common room and find chairs in the corner to sit down in.

“These’re mostly history books and stories for old people,” you explain as you pull out the one cooking-related book you could find from the top basket of the cart. “This was the only food one I could find.”

“That’s okay.” Sanji takes the book from you and begins to flip through it. “Oh, this one’s about seafood in the South Blue! Have you ever had any?”

“No.”

“Me, neither. I’ll try it someday, though … hey, this fish looks like a fried egg!”

Against your will, you perk up. “… Really?”

For the next half-hour, Sanji fawns over the spices used on grilled Sea King meat and how to cook wine clams and the best fish for South Blue-style sushi. And it’s … not boring. He doesn’t hog the book, and the pictures are cool, and he asks you which ones you think are the coolest or would taste the best. Looking at a book with another kid is different from reading with an adult. It feels like you’re sharing, not like you’re being tested on your comprehension or how to pronounce long words.

Hanging out with Sanji is okay when the string doesn’t sour it.

“So you want to cook all of these one day?” you ask after scanning through a full-color page of steamed Ocean Hawk feet.

“I want to cook things from all four seas,” Sanji says. His legs bounce with excitement. “That’s why I’m gonna find the All Blue.”

“What’s that?”

The boy glows.

“It’s where the North, East, South, and West Blue seas all meet. Think about it – fresh-caught fish from all over the world all in one place! I’ll be able to cook dishes no one’s ever cooked or tasted before.”

You’ve never heard of such a place. But Sanji talks about it with such conviction, such resolve, that you figure the All Blue could really exist.

“I hope you find it,” you say, and you mean it.

“I will.” Sanji closes the book. “And when I do, I’ll cook something just for you. A-As a friend.”

He peeks over at you, his eyes even brighter and bluer than before, his cheeks flushing a familiar red. And you find yourself believing him, just a little bit.

—

Sanji keeps his promise.

You know he still likes you (blech) and so does most of the staff (double blech). Nurse Taoh thinks it’s funny and teases you about your little boyfriend in Room 8 who always asks where you are. Mrs. Hong reminds you to be sensitive whenever you stop by to pick up meals. Dr. Gu tells you to tell her right away if Sanji ever does something that makes you uncomfortable.

But he never does. Sometimes his words spill out clumsily like a broken faucet and other times he blushes and stutters, leaving you to wonder what he’s going on about, but he doesn’t try to kiss you or hold your hand, and he doesn’t say a word about the red string that is very much still there. If anything, he just annoys you at times, with how nice he is to you and how sunny he gets when you eat lunch with him sometimes.

You’ve never seen somebody so happy to be in a hospital before, even if it’s just because he wants you to like him. It’s weird.

It’s on the eighth day of Zeff and Sanji’s stay that you learn not everything is how it seems.

You’d gotten in trouble the night before for digging holes in the garden – you had kept the seed from your dinner plum and wanted to see if you could make it grow, but Miss Jaylee had caught you while taking Mr. Hu out for some air �� so you’re somewhat grumpy on your way to Room 8, two notebooks in hand.

One of them is blank for Sanji. He wants to record all the meals he’s gotten and write down how he would make them. The second notebook is full of your notes that you need to study for your quiz tomorrow.

Zeff is sleeping again when you enter. You move quietly across the room to where Sanji is lying with his back to the door.

“Sanji.” You can see his shoulders tense underneath the sheets, but strangely, he does not roll over to face you. “I have your notebook.”

No answer. That is even stranger.

Frowning, you walk around to the other side of the bed. Sanji moves to bury his face into his pillow, but not before you hear a very soft, wet sniffle.

“Sanji?”

“Sorry.” His voice is high and so muffled you can barely understand him. “You can just leave it on the table.”

“Why are you crying?” In the back of your head, you know it is not the most sensitive thing to ask. But for some reason, you need to know. “I won’t laugh or tell anyone.”

You hear another sniffle from the mop of blond hair. It takes a long time for Sanji to answer, but he eventually does.

“I don’t like hospitals.”

Your brow furrows. “Oh,” you say, somewhat surprised. Most people don’t like being in a hospital, you’re pretty sure of that, but you didn’t know Sanji didn’t like it this much. “Why?”

Maybe he’s tired of getting poked all the time, or the bland food, or the hospital smell. Nobody here can change that. Maybe he’s homesick. The hospital can’t fix that, either.

Sanji turns his head slightly and takes in a small, shuddering breath. “’Cause it … it makes me remember my mum … when she was sick,” he mumbles, almost too quiet to hear.

“… Oh.”

You had assumed, upon learning that Zeff and Sanji were not at all related, that Sanji was like you and never knew his parents. He’d never talked about having any before, only his time on the Orbit and with Zeff. But he does know them – his mother, at least. And she was sick. The memory is what’s making him so sad, and it’s yet another thing that the hospital can’t help.

You don’t want him to be sad. You did make him your friend, after all, even if he does annoy you sometimes.

“I’m sorry,” you say, standing awkwardly with his notebook still in your possession. You remember what Miss Jaylee has told other patients before. “That, um, must have been really hard for you.”

Sanji squeezes his pillow more tightly.

Should you go? Should you talk to him some more?

“Please don’t tell anybody,” he whispers before you can decide. “Especially Zeff.”

“I won’t,” you reply firmly. “I said I wouldn’t, didn’t I?”

“I’m sorry I can’t hang out today. I really wanted to, but, um …”

“It’s okay. We can do it later.”

“Okay.”

You set his notebook and a pen on the bedside table. After some thought, you refill his water and, after even more hesitation, fix the bed sheets on him a bit so they’re not as twisted up. That is the best you can do.

The red string follows you as you quietly leave Room 8, and you don’t think about it at all.

—

“How do you spell necessary?”

“N-E-S-E-S-A-R-Y.”

“That doesn’t look right. I think it’s S-S-A-R-Y.”

“Maybe you can find it in the book,” Sanji suggests, kicking his feet as he lies on his belly next to you.

“Yeah, maybe.” You flip through the pages of your textbook, searching for the correct spelling lest you get marked off again.

It is the tenth day. Sanji is doing alright, and Zeff is up and about with his new leg. Dr. Gu says they’re good to go, so they’re leaving after Zeff finishes breakfast. You’re not sure how to feel about it.

In the meantime, Sanji is helping you with your essay about scurvy. He knows quite a bit about it, which makes sense since he’s lived at sea, and you hope the perspective he’s supplying will impress Dr. Gu.

(“That’s why every ship needs a good cook,” he tells you proudly. “We make sure everyone eats right so they stay healthy.”

“That’s why you and Mr. Zeff are going to have a restaurant ship, right?”

“Mmhm.”)

Sanji rests his face in his hands, cheeks squished against his palms while you continue to scan through your textbook. You finally find the word in a photo caption and, with a triumphant noise, jot it down correctly.

Someone knocks on your door. The two of you turn to face it simultaneously.

“[Y/n]?” It’s Mrs. Guo.

“Yeah?” you call, already slightly irritated.

“Is Sanji there? It’s time for him to leave.”

A frown presses down on your lips. Sanji sighs and gets up as slowly as possible, taking his notebook with him.

“Coming,” he says.

The two of you dawdle on your way to the hospital entrance. You pet Cabby the dog when you run into him and his handler and stop by the kitchen so Sanji can thank the cooks. There’s no rush, not really, but an uneasy feeling continues to well up in your stomach anyway.

Upon arriving at your destination, Zeff waiting at the double doors with a giant bag of treasure slung over his shoulder, Sanji stops and turns to face you.

“I’m – I’m going now,” he says, as if just realizing it.

“Okay,” you say.

You and Sanji stand in silence for a moment before Sanji’s bottom lip starts to wobble.

Yours starts to wobble too. The uneasy feeling in your stomach bubbles up into your throat and behind your eyes.

“I’ll write you,” he blurts, voice cracking. “You’ll come visit, won’t you?”

“I don’t know.” You don’t know if they’ll let you. The hospital is busy and the ocean is big, bigger than you, and you don’t know it at all like Zeff and Sanji do. “But I’ll write back.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

You are crying now.

For the first time, your arms wrap around Sanji, and he clings back as both of you bawl. Your tears and snot stain the shoulder of his brand-new clothes. Your uniform grows damp at the collar. It doesn’t matter at all.

“I don’t know if I’ll see you again,” you croak into his shirt, face hot and eyes blurry.

His grip tightens. “You will,” Sanji replies in between sniffles. “I know it. Even if it’s when we’re really old, we’ll see each other again.”

“Okay.”

You believe him. Not because of fate, but because you want to.

—

You write to each other every single week for the next ten years. You tell each other everything.

Well, almost everything.

—

“You seem nervous,” Nami says. “Don’t tell me a little bribery got under your skin?”

“No, no.” You wipe your hands on your thighs and try to relax against the back of the booth. “Just … not used to places like this, that’s all.”

The Baratie is nicer than you imagined. Sanji had kept you up to date over the years, sending newspaper clippings and recipe drafts as the restaurant he and Zeff founded grew in staff members and reputation, but seeing it in person is a whole different deal. You’re telling the truth when you said you’re not used to a place like this.

But it’s not why you’re nervous.

“Hey, look!” Usopp exclaims, pointing across the room. “I think those guys are gonna fight.”

The rest of you look. Near the kitchen, two men are arguing, and the pink-haired man sitting at the table stands up when the pirate shoves his food onto the floor.

Usopp sucks his teeth. “Yikes.”

Luffy leans forward in interest. Zoro simply stares, and Nami rolls her eyes.

One of the waiters approaches them. You watch as he tries to deescalate the situation, but neither party is having it.

The pink-haired man draws a gun.

Within seconds, the gun and both would-be brawlers are on the floor.

The waiter shoves his foot into the pink-haired man’s back to keep him down, then picks up the plate of bread rolls again, stepping over both groaning bodies with the ease of one who’s done it before.

He reassures the other customers as he approaches your booth. You’re not concerned about the fight so much as you are about the way that you know.

It’s been ten years, but you just know, even before he gets close enough for you to see the red string that trails up and disappears into the black of his pants pocket. Even before you see the blue of his eyes and the annoyed set of his brow, exactly the same as you remember.

He places the rolls down onto the table, and for the first time, you wonder what you want.

“Hi, welcome to our shitty restaurant where the only thing worse than the ambience is the food. My name is Sanji. What can I get for you?”

#aesthetic words prompt list #opla #one piece #sanji x reader #vinsmoke sanji x reader #vinsmoke sanji #sanji #opla sanji #one piece live action #opla fanfiction #one piece fanfiction #reader insert #fem!reader #soulmate au #woefully inaccurate portrayal of patient treatment and progression of recovery i'm sorry #usually i'd be more of a stickler but this is one piece where people don't die after 85 days eating nothing but their own leg #zeff and sanji definitely aren't ur typical patients anyway even in the opla universe lol

[bunny-is-cute]

Angel: *holding baby spider kittens in his arms being a proud papa* Say hi daddy!

Husk: *looks at one of the kittens in particular with all white fur*

Husk: Who’s goddamn white baby is that?

Angel: This is your baby. He’s just light furred

Husk: *looks at other two kittens in Angel’s arms* Those two might be mine. Those two right there. But just because they look Husk, don’t mean they belong to Husk. But I don’t care what this baby looks like because this baby is rice-furred but not light furred.

Angel: *turns to the doctor* How strong were the drugs you gave him for his c-section?

Doctor: Oh very strong.

Husk: *recovering from c-section sedation after he gave birth to the kitten-spiders and is rambling like a madman*

Angel: I see…

#hazbin hotel #fanfiction #fanfic #hazbits #mentions of mpreg #surgery recovery #drug-implied #sedation #husk #hazbin hotel husk #huskerdust #angel dust #hazbin angel dust #hazbin anthony #this is just a joke #please don’t take this seriously #mpreg #husk was the pregnant one

[kaeyas-beloved]

Class 1-A with a fem! Quirkless reader! Cold, reserved, yet polite and soft spoken when talking, S/O may as well be an Ice Queen. Growing up alone with no love in exchange for massive training and tons of combat experience in illegal underground rings, making her one of the strongest students. Also, she has countless scars and burn marks all over her body from neck to toe, which she conceals by wearing scarfs, gloves, winter clothes. Class 1-A and some teachers reactions?

Characters: Class 1-A, All Might and Aizawa (really brief Recovery Girl and Nezu)

Genre: General, Minor h/c if you really squint, minor angst if you squint really hard + HCs

CW: Abuse (briefly stated but no in-depth descriptions + physical aftermath talked about), F!Reader (uses the girl's change room but other than that nothing else), all relations are platonic

a/n: Hi anon! Thanks for the request (only took me forever lol), hope you like it :)

Honestly, everyone thought that you were either cold or that the extra layers had something to do with your quirk. Both were plausible conclusions and there had been no other indication it could be some other reason. However, within the first week, the quirk theory was debunked.

Of course, this bred questions upon questions. How the hell did you pass the entrance exam quirkless? And just what are you capable of doing out of the field?

When the opportunity was presented, many not so subtly hinted at you to join the first round of the exercise. Finally, they’d get to see what you can do! Come the end of your round let’s just say they easily understood why you passed the entrance exam and never questioned it again.

This also left them with their final - and only - conclusion that the bundle of clothes you wear is due to you being cold. A few ask if you’d like them to turn the heat up so you could take off an article or two, though you always decline. So be it, they don’t push.

Midoriya has tremendous respect, adoration and idolization for you. Whether he lets it be known or not really just depends on the day. After all, you made it to UA quirkless, the one thing he thought was unachievable. Hell, the whole class may have some ounce of respect for you, seeing as the achievement is inspiring.

They all care very little about your personality or how you first come off. Deep down you’re nice and kind and polite and that's all that mattered to them. You’ll come around eventually, most do.

It's the girls that find out about your little secrets first. Concealing 101 and you trip up; a rookie mistake while changing after class. Shocked and horrified gasps are all you need to hear to know you've let one of the nastier scars show.

Whether you tell them the truth, just some of it or none at all, most will be on the verge of tears. No matter what you say though, they all know that tremendous pain is linked to that mark and insist on reporting it to the police. No accident would leave those scars. And if not the police then at least Mr. Aizawa or All Might (of course, none force you to take this step. They know it's not their place).

Regardless of how much your story was told the ladies all silently agreed to never let slip what they saw that evening. Unfortunately, everyone else knows by the end of the week; another, similar mistake regarding a looser shirt on a warm day slipping down just right being the cause.

It’s more wide-eyed looks than a verbal reaction. You're tossing between running or letting things play out naturally. However, given how your body is locked in freeze mode you don't think you have much of a say. Only when the looks of understanding, curiosity and sympathy (or is it pity?) register are you able to get to your feet. You're making a beeline down the hall and to the safety of your room where no one can see the darker parts of yourself. Unfortunately, it all comes to a crashing halt (literally) when you run into Mr. Aizawa.

Even though he was able to stop you both from falling over the wind is still knocked from his lungs. There’s a quick scolding on the tip of his tongue, something about no running or watching where you’re going, but it quickly dies off when he sees what’s got everyone silent.

The scars are one thing, they’re marks he’s seen often on both himself and others. No, what really has his heart dropping to the pits of his stomach is the branded insignia etched into your skin. He knows it far too well but it’s also something he never thought to see again.

Coming to his senses a mumbled, “…be careful next time," is what leaves his mouth instead, carefully letting you go to walk off to your room. Whatever the Pro Hero was going to say to everyone before doesn't come, instead, he too turns back the way he came. There are some things he has to think about about.

Sleep didn't come easy that night, Aizawa's mind plagued with memories from years ago. He knows that you can't save everyone, it's not always possible, but he could have sworn he and a few others rescued all the victims from the underground ring case. If you slipped under the radar then just how many others did he and his team miss?

There’s a mix of rage and guilt swirling in his chest as he finally drifts off. Aizawa knows what went on in that illegal organization and to think you went through more than you had to because of his negligence? He’ll be kicking himself for it for a while.

Come morning - a weekend thankfully - there were a few ways Aizawa thought to approach this. One was to relay this information to the other Pro Heroes, the ring could still be happening for all they know. The second option was to call you into his office in the dorms and talk with you. Of course, the second option was what he went with.

The room was thick with awkwardness; you, unsure why you'd been called in, and Aizawa was unsure where to begin exactly.

"That symbol... I know, (L/N)." Your teacher didn't have to say much more for you to get where the conversation was heading. He asked if there were others still out there and if there were if you would share their location and any names you might know. Though, he paused in his onslaught upon seeing you curl into yourself.

"Sorry. I just..." want to help. To stop the monsters that do these things to the innocent.

He gives you a moment to calm down before asking if it was alright to continue. Aizawa went slower with his questions, fetching you some water to sip on throughout and staying quiet as you spoke until you were done.

He's a man that gets straight to the point, and at times a man of few words, but he knew that no words would be able to convey how grateful he is or how proud he is that you told him all you could. Even if you couldn't or didn't tell much, it doesn't erase how brave you are for trying.

You have yet to gain your hero license but already you're saving lives. "Thank you."

With your permission, Aizawa told the other Pros that he felt should know. All Might was one of them. He took the news harder than Aizawa did, having worked on the case as well, but he was the one that proudly and confidently stated that all victims had been saved. That every villain was apprehended and that no one else was to be harmed because of them. What a joke - he sees now what a liar he was.

The former number one apologies to you. Full on “I’m sorry... for failing you...” because that’s what he believes he’s done. And in some ways, that's what he did. While others got to go home to whatever families they had or live better lives, you sat chained to a cold and lonely routine, unable to leave the side of the group who used you for their own personal monetary gain and sick entertainment. But perhaps, another part of you wants to forgive, because you too know that the operation was huge and that there are always those few that aren't found. Who are you to hold it against them when they obviously did all they could? Besides, it's not their fault for being deceived - told by those they caught that they had everyone, that there was no one else to catch.

When you were advised that Recovery Girl might be able to patch up and ease the more prominent scars, you weren't sure what to do or say. Still, you figured it wouldn't hurt to go and see her. The moment the little old lady peeked at your skin her smile faded. Before, she had kept a conversation going with you but now she continued her examination in silence. She'd been told what to roughly expect but she couldn't be prepared for the sheer volume of it all.

As soon as the old woman finished she told it to you straight: "I'm sorry dear. At best I can give you something to allow them to fade but I make no guarantee that any would disappear." Despite the news, you thank her and leave with the cream and ointment she prescribed.

Nezu asked for you to visit him a few days later. While keeping his cheery tone he told you that if at any point you couldn't complete an assignment, accommodations would be made for you. After all, he wishes for all UA students to be safe and succeed - you included. (And perhaps it's because he too understood a fraction at least of what you'd gone through. He knew the trials it takes to get back on your feet and that there is no easy, straightforward path.)

Your friends encourage you at times to shed the scarf or jacket you wear around the dorm, assuring you that your scars don't scare them and that they won't judge you for them. While old habits are very hard to break (especially when tied to something traumatic, something that each of your classmates understands is hard to unravel) there are times when you can let yourself breathe just a little easier and stay cool during the warmer months. In these times, it's the little achievements that go a long way.

The whole class makes it so that they watch their tones and movements - they don't want to accidentally bring forth a memory. Half the class already was pretty quiet but it's students like Bakugou that you can really see the change in. Anyone can see that if you're around his voice isn't as loud compared to before, or that there are fewer and fewer times his hands will pop with mini explosions. Midoriya, Mina, Ida, Uraraka, Denki and Kirishima become more aware to tone down their own voices as well, knowing that they can get pretty loud at times. Shouji watched where his extra limbs were and Tokoyami instructed Dark Shadow to not creep up on you.

Todoroki will sometimes randomly come up to you and share a tip or two on how to care for your burns (both long-term and for any more recent ones should there be any) while Midoriya tells you how he personally maintains his scarring.

There was only once that everyone collectively told you that you could talk to them if you'd like. A few pointed out that if you were told repeatedly then you might be inclined to not reach out, hence their decision. Teachers, classmates, whoever, you could talk to them if you want or need to. Each of them would be there for you no matter what and they want to make that clear. Whether you reached out or not is up to you.

Tag list: @tickotaku // @dorkylittleweirdo // @thylocalcrackhead //@unidentifiedzombie // @that-enby-alien // @xenuuu // @lordbugs // @akiria12167

. . .

Wanna be tagged in future works? Consider filling out this form! And if you want to be removed just DM or send an ask into my inbox!

#bnha fanfiction #bnha class 1 a #class 1a headcanons #class 1a x reader #bnha class 1a #class 1 a headcanons #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #my hero academia x reader #boku no hero academia x reader #platonic x reader #aizawa x reader #all might x reader #nezu x reader #recovery girl x reader

[bumpkinspice0]

Recovery Time Masterlist

Joel Miller X Fem!Reader

Rating: Explicit

Summary: Ten years into the outbreak and you'd seen a lot. Through it all you'd managed to make a comfortable life for yourself in the end. A lonely life, but a comfortable one... then a bleeding man comes stumbling into it.

Warnings: Dude in distress, Slow Burn, Injury, Hurt/ Comfort, Angst, Forced Proximity, smut, masturbation, pining

All chapters marked with * contain explicit NSFW content (Minors do not interact!!!)

AO3

Chapters

Mystery Man

Recovery Time

The Grand Tour

Trust

Good Time Charlie's got the Blues

Happy birthday Joel Miller

Through the Window*

Storm Brewing

Storm Breaking

Just adding the chapters as I think of them. This story should end up being abooout 20 so far.

Taglist

#Recovery Time Masterlist #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel tlou #tlou #the last of us #Recovery time

[siflshonen]

Happy Kacchan Bakugo day! Y'all want some Bakudeku post-canon fluff?

Rating: T

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya IzukuBakugou Katsuki &

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, but there are mentions of post-surgery like bandages and stitches and hospital stuff.

Excerpt:

“I can move faster n’ you,” says Kacchan, suddenly more like Izuku remembers him acting throughout the rest of their lives, except still so soft and quiet. The dissonance between his words and tone makes Izuku dizzy. “Even without Gear’s help,” continues Kacchan. “Even if you used Gear.” His eyelashes cast a barely-there shadow as he spreads Izuku’s hand over his cheek, and then parts his lips just barely around the pad of Izuku’s thumb when it swipes against them again in its uncoordinated pliability. Kacchan’s fingers fit around the back of Izuku’s hand to hold it there, and he kisses his thumbpad again. And again. Izuku can feel his own heartbeat in his ears. “Aren’t gonna say nothin’ to that?” "U-uh," stutters Izuku.

#bakudeku #katsudeku #bnha manga spoilers #fanfiction #bnha #my fic #bakugo katsuki #izuku midoriya #recovery girl

[spicerackofblorbos]

Chapter 1: November

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Summary ➼ Due to childhood trauma, you find yourself an adult without the ability to speak. After years of working on it, you have found ways to live without a voice. Now here in your late 20s, you are 5 months in getting used to a new town. On a fateful day in late November, you and your adopted sister visit a local bookstore-café, unaware of the friendships about to blossom. Throughout the months, one friendship in particular develops into something more.

☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, oblivious feelings, angst, mention of minor character deaths, trauma, illness, adoption, mentions of fire, disabilities, alcohol use, very light nsfw mentions, eventual smut (these update with every chapter)

☾ Author's note ➼ Hey guys! This is my first time writing fanfiction in a loooooong time, like the last time I wrote was probably in 2011. So with that said please be kind with any feedback or comments. I hope you enjoy! (also I made Hange's pronouns she/her/them/they)

Edit (11/27/2023): Hey guys, welcome to my little world of Unspoken Words. I have quite literally used this story as a way to better myself as a writer. As you read on, you may find that I've progressed (ofc I have a long way to go) but because of that, my first few chapters might be rough. With your patience, you may find a liking to this story as I know I've loved writing every word of it.

☾ word count ➼ ~7.1k

20-something years ago 

You’re not sure how, but you find yourself sitting in the back of a big, white van. Red and blue lights danced in your eyes, and it felt like a thousand people surrounded you. Something plastic is placed on your face then you are instructed to breathe in deeply. You thought it was funny to be told to breathe, like you don’t just do it naturally, but you follow instructions regardless. It’s hard though, every part of your body hurts, chest included. Every breath you take feels like your insides are on fire.  

‘Fire’, you think.  

Everything is on fire.

Present Day

Levi stood blank faced as he meticulously cleaned the blender station for what felt like the 100th time today. The late afternoon rush had just tapered down so he took advantage of the next to empty café to clean as much as he could before closing for the evening.  

“It’s 20 degrees outside, how are people still wanting frozen drinks.” he murmurs to himself, placing the blender back in its spot. Levi turns to the front counter and slings the towel he was using to dry things onto his shoulder.  

His best friend, roommate, and business partner could be seen restocking some books on tall shelves, a gentle smile lighting up his boyish features. It’s been about a year and a half since they started this business venture together and they had no idea at the time how successful their bookstore-café combo would be in this small town.  

Erwin’s thirst for knowledge kept their shelves as variable as ever while Levi’s love for perfecting the art of tea kept the drinks flowing. The problem, however, was Levi’s lack of people skills. He was seldom seen at the register, nor would you ever see him smile or talk to the customers. He often would leave you with a grunt and a swift turn after handing off the drinks.  

No, for that, they had hired a couple of local highschoolers to do the facing work.  

“Mr. Smith, Levi?” a soft voice rang out to the left of him. Levi shifted his attention to a taller girl with shoulder length raven hair standing next to him. Being as Mikasa is his cousin, they found early on how weird it was to be called ‘Mr. Ackerman’ as they shared the same surname. It was this connection too that got them to where they are today.  

“Would it be okay if Eren and I take off a little early tonight? We have some big tests coming up and we’d like to take some extra time to study.” Mikasa shifted her dark eyes to the darkening windows as the sun set just over the horizon. Pinks and oranges flooded the partially clouded skies.  

”Tch.” Levi could not help but roll his eyes. He raised a brow at her and leaned back against the counter behind him for support. “Sure, I guess,” he continues. “But do you really need it or is it for that blockhead?”  

As if summoned by his words, Eren comes up from behind Mikasa and wraps a red scarf around his girlfriend’s neck, both of their jackets hanging off one of his arms. Eren is a good kid, always on time and followed directions, but the amount of sass he held in his body was something else. Levi and Erwin did not mind though, as he added a certain energy in the café that the customers seemed to enjoy. The two men wouldn’t say it out loud, but they really appreciated having them both on the team.  

“Hey, I heard that. And yes, I need to study desperately. Econ is so hard and for what?!” Eren’s teal eyes widened for emphasis. To add to it he even put on a fake pout.  

“I-”  

“Just take the trash with you on the way out and you’re good to go.” Erwin piped up from behind a bookshelf.  

Mikasa nodded in acknowledgement towards the voice, a silent thank you. Like Levi, she was not one for many words. He once thought it was an Ackerman thing but then he thought back to his annoying uncle and changed his mind quickly.  

With that, she and Eren both untangled the aprons from their bodies, grabbed their belongings, and picked up the trash bags that were already taken out of the cans. They opted to leave through the back since the dumpsters were located that way. Again, Levi wouldn’t say it to anyone out loud, but he really did like those kids.  

Erwin could be heard stacking more books into the shelves which left Levi to polish the counters again. It was the last hour before they closed so it stayed quiet for the most part, only interrupted by the sounds of scuffling shoes and books being placed on hard surfaces. Light jazz filled the rest of the silence. Then the bell signifying new customers rang from the front.  

“Levi, can you grab that?”  

The raven-haired man just huffed in response then stepped over to the register. His eyes fell on two figures right in front of him. A frazzled brunette and... you.  

Due to the season, you are bundled up in a thick parka and knitted beanie. A big scarf wraps around your neck and face so that all Levi could see is your flushed cheeks and thick lashed eyes. Truthfully, you reminded him of a marshmallow.  

“What’ll it be?” he asks, deadpan. The brunette is the one to respond, the voice loud enough to make him wince.  

“Hmmm... well one English breakfast tea latte with lots of room for sugar aaaaand I’ll take a peppermint hot chocolate. Oh, and extra whip! We’ll drink it here.” She fished out a card with a dramatic thwip and handed it to Levi’s outstretched hand.  Their café is one of those where if you were to stay, they offered washable cup ware as to keep the prices down on disposable cups. Not to mention the lessened ‘environmental impact’ as Erwin would say.  

Levi glances at you before turning to make both orders. You give a small wave and smile a little, but he was already working quickly on the drinks. 

He went into autopilot as he steeped the tea and steamed the milk. He really appreciated customers that ordered anything outside of coffee, especially when it came to tea. It’s not that he hated coffee, though it’s not like he liked it either, but it just wasn’t his thing. Coffee offered a different kind of bitterness that he wasn’t very fond of. With extra whipped cream in one and extra space in the other, he whirled around to place the drinks on the counter.  

The one with glasses is the one that picks them up and they promptly walk in the direction of where you currently sit, one of the tables in the back corner by the window. You were stripped of your big parka and scarf, though the beanie stayed. Your eyes were wandering around the café in wonder, and Levi was pretty sure this had to be your first time here. But truthfully, he wouldn’t know, he didn’t make it his business to know his customers. That was Erwin’s and the kids’ job. 

“The shelves are full and I’m exhausted.” Erwin came around the counter with a couple of empty boxes in his arms, heading straight for the back to the dumpster. Levi stepped back and leaned against the counter once again, his own black tea that had steeped while making yours cradled in his fingertips. He kept looking at his only customers while he sipped the black liquid. The teacup almost slipped out of his grip as he saw you dumping a large amount of sugar into your cup.  

 There you sit, extremely focused on the cup in front of you and lips pressed together tightly, almost as if you were afraid you’d put in too much. The sight would have been funny if you hadn’t just ruined your entire tea, he thinks to himself. You smile to yourself in satisfaction and put the sugar jar back where it came from. While you stir the sweetener in gently, the brunette in front of you talks animatedly. Hands were flying everywhere, and Levi could practically feel the energy radiating from the corner of the room.  You were doing the same, silently laughing. 

Suddenly the front door flew open, the bell ringing loudly with it. Levi grits his teeth, steeling himself for yet another customer interaction. But his shoulders dropped in relief at the sight of only Carly, Erwin’s girlfriend. She saunters up to the counter with a big smile aimed towards Levi and without even asking she slid behind the bar. Erwin had already made it from the back and was in the process of putting away the leftover ingredients from the day. Carly wraps her arms around her boyfriend and plants a big kiss on his face, to which Levi quickly looks away. It wasn’t weird for her to come in right as they were about to close.  

What was weird, he thought, was the shock that flooded your face as you eyed the very public display of affection. Levi knit his brows in confusion as the brunette pivoted in her seat to see what you were staring at. Their face fell, any evidence of a good time completely erased.  

“Carly?”  

The person in question whipped around so fast at the voice and the panic that exuded from her was palpable. She quickly unwrapped herself from Erwin’s embrace.  

“Hange.”  

If it wasn’t for the jazz in the background, the lengthy silence that followed would have been deathly.  

Carly clears her throat and laughs awkwardly.  

“Uh, why are you here?”  

The person named Hange just lifts their hot chocolate cup awkwardly, not really saying anything. Their eyes shift between Carly and Erwin, clearly understanding what had happened.  

“I-I’m sorry, you guys know each other?” Erwin sounds cautious, like he already knew the answer. Of course, he would, he isn’t dumb. His piercing blue eyes survey the situation, going back and forth between the two.  

“Well, uh. I-” Carly stutters, clearly at a loss of what to say in the predicament she found herself in.  

“She’s my girlfriend.” Hange claims calmly.  

This admission makes Erwin sigh heavily, confirming what he had pieced together. Levi stared at him in bewilderment as the man just chuckled quietly.  

“Well. I suppose that’s it then.” And with that he turns on his heel and stalks off to the back room. 

“Wait, Erwin I can explain!” She follows right on his heels and disappears into the back room as well. A minute later you can hear hysterical crying and calm retorts reverberating from the back. If Levi could shrink into the cabinets to get out of this situation, he would. Instead, he focuses on the other party who were having a very quiet and rushed discussion. Well, a one-sided discussion, as he only heard one voice.  

Levi, realizing it was almost time to close anyways, rushes to close the distance between him and the front door. He really did not want to have to deal with other customers while the drama unfurled. So, he flips the door sign to ‘Closed’ and unplugs the ‘Open’ neon sign hanging in the window. A couple walks by about to open the door, probably out for a café date from the looks of it. But they were only met with a dead stare from the sharpest eyes they’d ever seen. With that, they briskly turned around and left down the sidewalk.  

Levi spins around and from here he gets a better look at the two trapped customers. You were moving your hands all over the place like you were earlier. But with an even closer look he realizes you weren’t just talking animatedly with your hands; you were talking with them. You were signing. 

You reacted to your partner’s conversation just fine, so it was clear you had some sort of hearing. Your scarf now hung loose around your shoulders, and it looked like you had tears brimming in your eyes. Levi swiftly walks back to the counter; this is obviously not a conversation he needed to be a part of.

“Hey, don’t worry about me. It’s only been a couple of months. Really, it’s better to find out now than 3 years from now.” They laughed without humor. You know when Hange was saving face for your sake, she was never as sly as she thought she was.  

‘You don’t need to be strong right now.’ You sign then reach your hand out to touch her cheek softly. Physical touch had become your second language early on, if only to emphasize. Fortunately, Hange was okay with that and often embraced it with open arms.  

“I know, my little strawberry. I just need some time to process everything.” They pat you on the head lightly with a small grin. You swat their hands, blushing at the nickname you were so graciously given so many years ago.  But you nod back, knowing they would not change their mind.  

The tall blonde glides through the back door, alone. His face was grim as he tugged loose the tie around his neck.  

“Hange, was it?” He started walking towards you and your very startled sister.  

“U-uh yeah. That’s my name! Listen I had no idea, I’m so sorry. I would have said something obviously but-”, they take a deep breath. “I’m sorry. What’s your name again?”  

“Erwin Smith. There is nothing to apologize for as I can only assume there’s only one blame to be given. I hate that we must meet under such a circumstance, but it is truly nice to meet you.” He raises a hand waiting for a handshake.  

Hange takes it after a second of processing, shaking the hand vigorously with both hands.  

“Well, unfortunately it is what it is. I’m sure Carly and I will be speaking soon. I’m assuming she’s not just hiding back there.” They flick their gaze to the back door he had just come through.  

“Ah well, yes. Long gone... how long were you two...?”  

“Only like, 3 months or so. You?” 

He flinched at that and murmured, “3 Years.” 

Thinking back to her comment not 10 minutes ago, Hange bit their cheek.  

“Oh man I’m so sorry.”  

“No, please. It’s alright. None of this is yours or my fault. We couldn’t have known, but now we do.” Erwin chuckled to himself. You wonder if he’s trying to save face the way your sister did. His gaze now shifts to you. He is a very handsome man. To your extreme surprise, he starts signing to you. 

‘I'm sorry, who might you be? I noticed you signing earlier. I know a little from the books I have read.’ His crystal blue eyes sparkle at you as he signs. You can’t help but break out into a huge grin. You sign your name back and compliment him on his raw signing form.  

‘I am of hearing, though. So please feel free to talk, and I will sign back.’ You clarify to Erwin, the smile not falling from your face.  

“That sounds like a plan. Levi, stop hiding behind the counter and come say hi.” Erwin calls out, not bothering to look over his shoulder. You hear a grunt in response and not 10 seconds later, the barista stands cross armed next Erwin. He nods a hello to each of you.  

You knew he was shorter than you, at least a couple inches, based off the interaction at the counter earlier. But seeing him side by side with his friend was almost comical. But as short stature as he was, it did not keep him from holding himself with such authority. It made you nervous.  

‘Thank you for the tea, it was very good.’ You sign, your sister translating in real time for you.  

“Tch, are you sure? I saw you dump enough sugar in it to make it syrup.” Levi retorts dryly.  

That makes you smile sheepishly. His fixated stare unnerved you a little, but you stare back regardless. Now that he was closer, a glass case no longer between the both of you, your eyes traveled along his face in close inspection. 

He’s beautiful, you think to yourself. His features are sharp and angled. Steely gray eyes pronounced a permanent exhausted look. It was a shade of gray you’ve never seen before, and they were mesmerizing. As if he could feel you staring holes in his face, he flicks his eyes to the side, clearly uncomfortable. But you can’t help it, because really the most intriguing thing about him was not his metallic eyes. It was the scars that marred his porcelain skin.  

A couple of scars ran down the right side of his face. The prominent of the two trailed from the top right of his forehead all the way down to his chin, cutting into his right eye and both lips. You’re pretty sure his eye was quite damaged due to the slight muted discoloration of the eye color.  

He’s beautiful, you repeat to yourself. You glance over to Hange, and they just look over at you with a knowing look. You know she was just begging to ask Levi too, but she just shakes her head. So, you fold your hands together and pinch your lips together.  

“Well!” Hange yells out, breaking the silence. “This human really needs a drink. Let’s all go! Erwin, I demand you let me treat you to a couple drinks!” She wraps an arm around your shoulders and laughs.  

“A drink sounds fantastic; I will gladly take you up on that offer. Let me just close up rea-” He’s cut off by Levi raising both of his hands up in protest. You notice the two missing fingers on his right hand. The pointer and middle were gone. Whatever this man went through, you just had to know. But you toss those questions onto an ever-growing pile and bite your cheek.  

“Erwin, I can close up. You go ahead.” Your sister just smiles widely and practically jumped up and down. The blonde man just clapped his hand Levi’s shoulder and smiled at him.  

“Thank you. You’ll join us after? The usual place?” Levi just shrugs his shoulders in response.  

Part of you hoped he would. You couldn’t place a singular reason why though.  

.

Fifteen minutes later, the three of you found yourselves in a well-lit and very crowded bar. Somehow Erwin had snagged a table near the back wall. Heavy rock blares loudly from a live band maybe 20 feet away. Overwhelming was an understatement, but you grit your teeth and sit down on one of the stools.  

“Whatcha want, my darlings?!” Hange yells over the music, slapping both hands down on the table and staring at the both of you.  

“Whiskey neat, whatever they offer is fine.”  

You sign the words ‘apple’ and ‘juice’ followed by a ‘thank you’. You’ve never been one for a drink. While it was tolerable to be around, you’d rather not have to taste it if you could help it.  

Looking around, you see all manners of people surrounding you. Something about it makes your stomach turn but you shift in your seat to quell it down. You’re sure it’s only so crowded because of the prospect of a Friday night and the promise of no plans the following day. The town of Jinae was not anything special, but it was quaint. You and your sister found out quickly it was a place where everyone knew mostly everyone. After only settling down here from your hometown 5 months ago, you were still learning of all the local spots.  

From the looks of it, this bar was one of those. “The Scouts” was an inviting place, decorated with dark greens and wood tones. The walls were littered with many frames of a lot of different people. You imagine it might have been local residents in various locations of the town. All of the wood was worn down, so it was clear this place has been in business for a while. A neon sign hangs above the stage where the live band played, something that resembled blue and white wings. It makes you wonder what the significance is.  

Your thoughts are disturbed as a glass is placed in front of you. Realizing the dryness in your throat, you pick up the glass and take a big swig of the amber liquid. You’re met with a burning sensation, and you gag. This alerts Hange of the unfortunate mistake.  

“Ah I’m sorry my little strawberry!! They do look quite similar though, don’t they?” They switch the glasses quickly and laugh. You notice the very noticeable cup size differences between the two and you stare at her quizzically. “I may have taken a shot while at the bar, sorry.” she adds on. It makes you shake your head, but you grab her hand reassuringly and chuckle.  

‘I’m sorry.’ You sign at Erwin, and he just smiles back.  

“Not a problem. But I have to ask, how was it?” A bushy eyebrow raises at you in amusement.  

You just stick your tongue out and make a gagging gesture at him. You laugh though, not really upset.  

Two apple juices in, the live band ends. Hange and Erwin are very deep in conversation, which you suspect might be about Carly. You can’t really hear what’s being said though. With the absence of music, chatter quickly fills the air. Honestly it was really starting to get to you. So, after tapping on the pair’s shoulders and signing where you were going, you find yourself leaning over the guard rail just outside the bar’s door.  

The sun was already far gone. A crescent moon sits high in the sky and a smatter of stars surrounds it. The cold air felt very welcome on your very flushed face. You exhale a big sigh, which garners a puff of steam. It makes you laugh so you do it again. Then you start to wonder how long you might be able to last out here before getting frostbite when suddenly a body starts leaning against the rail next to you.  

With a start, you whip your head to face the newcomer. Instantly you relax at the sight of Erwin’s friend. He was adorned in a big peacoat and his casual slacks. A tan turtleneck sweater peaks out from the jacket’s collar. His face was flushed as well, no doubt from the cold.  

Levi. 

He wasn’t paying you any mind though, instead his gaze laid upon the sky above, at the stars. You wave at him anyways and offer a small smile. He glances at you with a side eye and returns a curt nod.  

Not one for words. 

So, you both stand there in silence, staring up at the twinkling lights above. It wasn’t uncomfortable in the slightest. Something about his presence radiated a sort of calm, and you were happy to bask in it.  

After a few minutes, he shifts his weight in your direction, so you face him. He’s staring up at you and it makes you swallow hard. His eyes glowed silver from the moonlight. Truly you have never been this fascinated with a person until now.  

“You like the stars.” It wasn’t a question, more like a statement.  

You nod in agreement, smiling to emphasize your love for them. He purses his lips at that. It seemed as if he wanted to say something else to that, but nothing came out. It just makes you frown a bit. You just have more questions that keep piling up. Everything about him just emanated mystery and it made you want to know all about him.  

‘Are you okay?’ You sign to him, exaggerating your frown to show your concern. You’re only met with a look of confusion. You forget that he does not know much if any sign. And you kick yourself for leaving your communication tools at home. To be fair though, this is not where you expected to be tonight.  

You then get an idea to use your phone to type to him but before you even reach into your pocket, you’re interrupted by a sudden blast of warm air as a couple stumbles out of the bar, both in a giggling fit as they cling to each other. They take off down the road, laughing even harder. The brief warm air makes you shiver, reminding you of the cold outside.  

As if thinking the same thing, Levi catches the door before it closes and holds it open for the both of you. You’re suddenly well aware of the very loud singing happening from within and your eyes widen at the familiarity of one of the voices. You and Levi make your way to the voices and are greeted with the sight of Erwin and Hange duetting a Backstreet Boys song.  

What a sight it was. The tall brunette, face flushed and glasses askew, had their arm around Erwin. He his blonde hair was quite tousled, and he looked like he was having the time of his life. They both swayed together as they belted out the lyrics. As if their smiles were contagious, you felt yourself grin. It was kind of cute. So, you pull out your phone and snap a quick picture, sure to show Hange in the morning. It was a good thing too, because the song ends right as you put your phone away in your bag. Levi clicks his tongue and huffs. You glance over at the noise and notice a small upturn to the corner of his scarred mouth. Noticing your gaze, his face vacates itself from any emotion as he stares back ahead.  

“Oi! Eyebrows!” He calls out to his friend. Levi starts making his way to the stage, walking with a slight limp. Yet another question to add onto the pile. “I’m gone for 45 minutes and you’re already singing.”  

“I’m fine! Just a couple drinks in.”  

You all make your way to the table you had laid claim to earlier. You survey the table and count at least 6 more glasses, not counting your two. It was hard to see who drank what.  

‘Are you okay?’ You sign to your sister, concern etched on your face. They just nod lazily and give a thumbs up with both hands. Levi is regarding you with a look of understanding, and it seems he realized that you had asked him outside.  Music starts playing over the speakers again, and people start making their way to the dance floor. Hange squeals and downs the rest of her drink quickly.  

“Erwin let’s go!” She grabs his arm, not waiting for a response. He gives a mock salute to the two of you and follows without question. Levi just clicks his tongue again and heads to the bar to get himself something. So, you plop yourself down on the stool and stare out into the room. Out of nervous habit you start fidgeting with the napkins in front of you. A moment later, Levi’s hobbling over with a tray of drinks. 

“I got the idiots some water, they look like they need it.” He places the glasses down with a thud, including one of his own housing some sort of caramel liquid. Then he’s sliding something over to you and you’re about to protest that you don’t drink but you realize it’s not a glass. It’s a notepad and pen.  

“If you need something, this might come in handy.” is all he says.  

You’re quick to show your appreciation with a bright smile. You also note to yourself that you could have very well have used your phone to communicate but you were not one to disregard someone’s thoughtfulness. It makes something bloom in your chest, warm and comforting.  

Your many years of not having a phone of course meant writing – a lot. Your handwriting evolved plenty with time so that meant it was extremely neat. It had to have been so that the reader would be able to read it without an issue. 

First you write your name, as you realize no one had really said it out loud while at the teashop. Following that you add ‘I think your shop is wonderful, and I really did enjoy the tea you made.’ You also want to jot down the questions from earlier that were still swimming in your mind, but you hold yourself back. You tell yourself maybe later, granted if there would even be a later.   

When angling the paper so he could see it, his eyes flit across the words quickly and you’re given a grunt in acknowledgement. Pulling back the notepad, you bite the inside of your cheek. While it wasn’t awkward being next to him, he sure made it hard to talk to. His cold demeanor gave you the feeling he wasn’t the type to talk about himself, especially with someone he just met. So, asking questions about him or his life was out the window. Likewise, he did not really seem interested in hearing your life story, not like you were planning to spill it anyways for fear of being met with disdain. You had plenty of experiences with that growing up.  

Tapping the pen against your chin, your eyes drift around the bar room. There a multitude of people lingering about, shouting over each other to be heard. A couple sits in a corner, whispering who knows what to each other. Both of their cheeks are flushed and eyes heavy with lust. A handful of people are on the dance floor grinding away, your sister and new friend sticking out like a sore thumb as they dance with reckless abandon. All of this gave you an idea, remembering something you’ve read before many moons ago. You start scrawling on the paper again.  

‘Are you a gambling man, Levi?’ 

You shift the pad back over to him and he glances down again after taking another sip of his spirit. He was holding his glass in a way you’d never seen before and honestly it was a little weird.  

“Tch, hardly. Why do you ask?” He looks hard at you as you scratch something else down.  

‘I propose a game to pass the time. Let’s make some bets about the random people in this room.’ 

He looks at you incredulously. You stand your ground, not averting your gaze even a little. When you don’t back down, he just scoffs and shakes his head at you.  

“I literally could not care less about these people,” he clicks his tongue. “But I suppose there’s not much else to do so I’ll bite.” Knocking back the rest of his drink, he moves around you to lean back against the wall so that he is facing the rest of the crowd. You shift so that you are doing the same. You don’t overlook the proximity to the shorter man, nor the fact that your arms are almost touching. You start to scribble once more.  

‘Winner gets to ask the loser one question.’ As his eyes fall on your words, he seems a little taken aback. Levi seems to think for a moment, like he’s weighing his pros and cons.  

“One non-personal question.” He amends. You both nod in agreement. So, your eyes travel around the room, looking for your first target. It falls on a group not so far away.  

‘I bet that gaggle of young girls over there are here for a bridal party.’

You point in the direction of the said group. Currently they were taking tequila shots, lime and all. All of them sparkled and were dressed up to the nines, save for the silly little hats adorning their heads. And they were having so much fun.  

“No way,” Levi scoffs, “That has to be a 21st birthday. They all look like babies.”  

Suddenly someone comes through a parting in the crowd with a tray of assorted colorful drinks garnished with cute little accessories. They all yell in excitement at the sight. One of the girls raises her glass and starts shouting.  

“To Estelle! May your married life be full of infinite love, happiness, and orgasms!” They all cheer and take big gulps of their drinks, followed by more giggling.  

Levi glances art you, his gray eyes dull in the dim bar light. An eyebrow lifts at you as well.  

“How did you know?” 

You do a sweeping gesture starting from one shoulder down to the opposite hip. He looks back over to the women and conveniently the soon-to-be-bride had faced your direction. She was indeed wearing a white sash sporting the word ‘BRIDE’ in bright pink letters. He huffs as he rolls his eyes, and you smirk at him in return. You press the pad over to him, already equipped with your question.  

Levi scoffs at your question. As promised, it wasn’t very personal. You figured ice breaker like questions were a good start. But his pause made you question if this was a good idea, you didn’t want to run him off or make him uncomfortable. Then he clicks his tongue, and his face softens ever so slightly.  

“My favorite hobby, huh? It would have to be cleaning.” He simply states. 

Cleaning?  

‘Like mopping, dusting, all that jazz?’  

“Yeah, it brings me peace. I like the control. Plus, I can't stand filthy things, people, or places. It’s repugnant.” He scrunches his nose at the last statement. A laugh bubbles up and you can’t help but let it loose. You’re shot with a glare and a sharp tone.  

“Funny?”  

You shake your head no and smile lightly while your hands move adeptly on the pad.  

‘Not funny, just amusing because it’s not something I would have expected. It’s different. If it makes you happy then it is an admirable hobby.’ 

Levi’s looking away from you now. If it wasn’t so dim, you would have seen there was a light dusting of pink color his cheeks and ears. He clears his throat and scans the room for his victim. His eyes land on the couple in the back corner whispering to each other. He notices their not-so-subtle hand movements as they felt each other up. Nodding in their direction, he looks back over to you, leaning close so you can hear.  

“I bet that couple will get up in the next 3 minutes and excuse themselves to somewhere private.” Your eyes travel in that direction, only to look away hastily at such an intimate scene. You’re not able to think of a counter-bet because honestly, you’re thinking the same thing. Your eyes settle back to his face, but he’s already looking back at the couple. If he noticed you staring, he didn’t say. Suddenly his face is filled with a satisfied look, only to be replaced quickly with a look of horror. You follow his gaze again, afraid of what you might see.

Fortunately, it’s nothing risqué, as you catch the tail end of the couple slipping into one of the public, unmarked restrooms. But the thought of their future actions was enough to gross you out. Looking back at Levi, you scrunch your face up in disgust. He nods in understanding.  

“This is why we don’t use public restrooms, especially in a bar.” He pinches the bridge of his nose with his good hand. “When I said somewhere private, I meant like a residence or something. Filthy animals, unbelievable. They better scrub that bathroom down. Maybe I should tell the bartender when they’re done. Maybe I should help clean.” 

His retorts crack you up, your shoulders bouncing from silent laughter. He just stares at you impassively as he runs his fingers through his hair to get it out of his face.  

“Well, it’s not like we should ruin their fun. Anyways I suppose I won. Let’s see... what’s your favorite color?” 

You part your lips, dumbfounded. This was never an easy question, as you found joy in a lot of different colors. You bite your lip and start writing, but after a couple minutes Levi rips the pad from your hands out of impatience.  

salmon 

turquoise? 

canary yellow! 

orange 

dark forest gre- 

He just looks at you in alarm.  

“Just pick one.” he scolds. 

You snatch the pad back and scribble down, ‘It’s not that simple!’  

“It is to me. White, easy.” You just stare right back at him, not believing what you just heard. Out of all the many shades and hues out there, this man decides the color white.  

‘Why?’ 

“It’s clean.” is the only response you get.  

It makes sense, you think. But seriously, this man was so weird. But like you said earlier, it was different and that made it refreshing to you. You start searching for your next bet.  

As if in a scene from a movie you’ve seen a dozen times came to life, your eyes snap to a lone woman sitting at the bar, nursing a drink and playing on her phone. A couple seats down, you spot a few men chatting. One of the men is staring hard at the very oblivious woman. You nudge Levi with your elbow, not unnoticing the slight flinch from your touch. You point to the scene, and he is quick to understand.  

“I bet when he walks over to her, she’ll get up and leave.” He says confidently.  

Trusting your instincts, you scrawl back quickly as you notice the man started making his way towards the woman. Sticking your tongue out at him, you angle the pad to him so he could see.  

‘Absolutely not. She’ll tell him off right away.’  

To both yours and his surprise, not one moment later she throws the rest of her drink contents onto the man’s head. She gathers her belongings, throws a wad of bills on to the bar, then stomps out of the establishment. The rejected man staggers back to his friends, and they applaud him for his supposed gall. This event left you both stunned. There’s a moment of pause where you and Levi just stare at each other before all hell breaks loose as he starts talking and you start scribbling furiously.  

“She walked away, I win.”  

‘She threw that drink on him, that’s practically telling him off. And that happened before any walking off.’  

“That hardly counts, no words were used.” He scoffs and folds his arms across his chest as he stares hard at you. You weren’t sure if the indignation was real or not, but it was evident in his face.   

‘Words are not always needed to convey intent.’ You shoot back at him, shifting your weight to tap your foot defiantly. You would know this of course.  

This makes Levi pause. He opens his mouth to say something but then Erwin and Hange came crashing into the little bubble you two had made. Suddenly the sounds of clinking glasses and mindless chatter came rushing in and you took a step back.  

“Um, I think Hange might have had a little too much tonight.” Erwin says, to which your attention is drawn to a very drunk Hange. They were a blubbering, sobbing mess. Whining about things that ranged from Carly to her work stress and everything in between. Your sister rarely got this drunk, but you imagine the events from earlier might have been her breaking point. This was a sign to get her home.  

You hastily round the table to wrap her arm around you and prop her up. Then after whipping a $20 out of your purse and throwing it on the table in front of the boys, you give them a grateful smile and sign to Erwin.  

‘Thank you both for tonight. She and I had a lot of fun. But I need to get her home before she gets worse.’ As if on cue, they let out a loud wail and start sobbing into your shoulder. You shift your body to hold them closer so that you don’t drop them. Erwin grabs your $20 and shoves it back in your purse before zipping it up. He had left you no time to protest as he places a large hand on your shoulder and stares intensely at you.  

“Please, let me take care of this. Tell them this was an exceptional time. And to please stop by the café again, we owe each a good, sober talk.” His bright blue eyes crinkled in the corners as he smiled at you warmly. “It was a pleasure meeting you too. I hope you join Hange on the café visits as well. I think Levi has warmed up to you just nicely.” He wiggles an eyebrow at his friend. Levi just shoves him back and rolls his eyes.  

“Tch, fuck off. She’s alright, I guess.” He’s staring at you now, not as cold as before. “You owe me an answer next time we meet.”  

You purse your lips at him and shake your head in disagreement. 

‘I totally won that, don’t even think otherwise.’ You jot down lazily on the notepad still on the table. It wasn’t as neat, but you were propping up a whole human, you couldn’t help it.   

“Are you sure you’re safe to get home okay? We can he-” You cut Erwin off with a wave of the hand. Their spot of choice was actually very lucky, as you only live a few minutes away. And to be honest, you needed the cold air. So, you sign a quick goodbye to your new friends and make your way out. 

Walking down the snowy sidewalk, you pat Hange’s head as she grumbles about random things. She opted to walk herself, but you kept your hand in theirs to lead them in the right direction. She only stumbled a few times but overall, you were able to keep a steady pace. You note that before you left, her glass of water had been untouched, so you make a mental reminder to hydrate her before throwing her in bed.  

‘Alcohol was not kind to those in their 30s’ you heard their voice say in the back of your mind.  

As your steps left crunching noises in their wake, you peer up at the moon and glittering stars. A certain raven-haired and silver-eyed man etched in your brain. You wonder how soon it will be before seeing him again.  

‘Levi’ you sign to yourself with a free hand. A smile cemented to your face the whole way home.

☾ Next Chapter: December

#Skys blog recovery #this is ported from my old fandom blog chaotic-on-main #I did not steal these I swear lol they’re mine #attack on titan #attack on titan fanfiction #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyojin fanfiction #levi ackerman #levi ackerman fanfiction #fanfiction #modern!au #fluff #angst #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #erwin smith #hange zoe #pls be nice to me #i'm trying #levi x fem!reader #aot #aot fanfiction #levi ackerman x you #snk fanfiction #mikasa ackerman #eren yeager #eren jaeger #long fic #snk #aot fluff

[lexosaurus]

i've spent the past week not sleeping and also editing literally thousands of instances of combat foley/fx (punching, body falling on floor, crashing down stairs, gunshots hitting chestplate, etc) and what has happened is that now my brain is subconsciously judging every little impact sound and grading it by how satisfying it sounded.

Backpack hit the floor? Ooo very nice sound—hey you know we should record—

Dropped jacket? Ooo did you hear the way the fabric—

Swung suitcase shut? Wow the way the hard parts of the suitcase combined with the jingle from the zippers—

Dropped something on rug? Hey you know what would be a really good idea—

#not dp related #lexospeaks #sorry y'all for the lack of both fanfiction and me being funny im in recovery from my thesis panel #literally just microdosed on sleep for 2hrs and now im eating dinner at 12:30am cuz i forgot to eat a proper meal yesterday

[emberfrostlovesloki]

Roses and Sparkling Water [Hotch x Reader]

Photo credits: Left (@hotchs-big-hands) Center (@brainstormingg) Right (@edwardian-girl-next-door)

Prompt: Aaron surprises the reader by stopping by her apartment after work to celebrate her first month of sobriety.

Pairing: [established relationship] Aaron x fem!non-BAU!reader. The reader uses she/her pronouns 

Category: fluff/comfort 

Word Count: 4.3K

Content Warnings: Discussion of alcoholism/recovery [binge drinking, being drunk, hiding bottles, sobriety], food is mentioned, Aaron and the reader take a shower together, implied intimacy/sex. If I missed any, please let me know. 

A/N: Hi loves! Here is another fic based on the amazing @imagining-in-the-margins January/February Writing Challenge. The prompt this was based on was “Character celebrates a milestone of sobriety.” I wrote this because I am one month sober today! Much of what happens in this story is what I felt before and after deciding to stop drinking. I have my friends and followers (and Aaron) to thank for supporting me and helping me get so far. Y’all are amazing and I love you. If you find yourself relating to any of these things, please know I am proud of you. It is never too early or too late to reach out for help. If you enjoy this fic, likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated! I hope you’re having a great start to your week and thanks for reading. Love Levi - ❤️

List with all stories 

y/n = your name 

_y/c/e_’s = your color eyes 

_y/h/c_ = your hair color 

y/n had gotten home from work a half hour ago. It normally took that long for her to relax and be de-stressed enough to do anything enjoyable or productive. y/n didn’t want to be this stressed all the time, but things had piled on with life recently, and she was trying to accept it as best as she could. y/n was just lighting a candle and making a final cup of coffee when there was a knock at her door. y/n looked at the door confused. She hadn’t ordered anything on Amazon, and as likely as she was to get food delivered on yet another stressful day, y/n hadn’t gotten food either. y/n approached the door not sure what to expect. y/n looked out of the peep hole and her face broke out into a smile. This was the best kind of surprise that y/n could hope for. Without thinking about why Aaron was here, particularly with a dozen roses in hand, y/n threw the door open and said, “Hey, you. What are you doing here?”

Hotch stepped inside and moved forward, enveloping y/n in a tight hug. y/n breathed in his classic scent of cologne and shampoo. He had such a rich and deep scent. It was something akin to the smell of rain before a thunderstorm. The scent of green and dirt. It was something that y/n loved about him. Of course, y/n loved everything about Aaron. His smell was just a bonus. He still hadn’t answered her question, so y/n asked again, “So… why are you here? Did you come straight from the office?” y/n studied Hotch as if she was a profiler. He was still wearing his black slacks and white button-up. It looked crisp and well-pressed. y/n remembered a comment he had made on Saturday about picking up his laundry with Jack before he swung by to pick y/n up for an evening at his apartment. Apart from these articles of clothing, Hotch was missing his tie and suit jacket. It was an odd but becoming look on him, and y/n flushed at just how attractive he was in any state of dress. 

Aaron smiled at y/n and leaned in to place a kiss on her lips. It was soft and he relished the slight stickiness of y/n’s chapstick which she must have just put on. When Hotch pulled back he said, “I’m here to celebrate you, darling.” He watched as she got slightly flustered and looked at him. y/n was now concerned that she’d forgotten some milestone of their relationship. They’d been together officially for nine months, and they weren’t the type to celebrate each month being together. y/n smiled and loved being celebrated and getting flowers from Aaron, but the why was still a mystery. y/n smiled and said, “Well you’ve got me stymied. Why are we celebrating me? Is it my un-birthday or something?” Hotch pulled back and replied, “Well maybe it’s that, but I was thinking more along the lines of the fact that today is one month of you not drinking.” y/n’s _y/c/e_’s shot open a little more. She hadn’t expected Aaron to remember the date when she’d given up drinking as she hadn’t brought it up much. But y/n loved that Aaron paid such close attention to her and the things that were important to her. y/n shouldn’t have been surprised but was and smiled even more and said, “Honey, that’s so sweet of you. How did you remember?” 

Aaron took one of y/n’s hands gave it a squeeze and replied, “Sweetheart, when you decided you’d had enough I was incredibly proud of you. I know you only told a few people with me being one of them, and I know you don’t bring it up often, but I think it’s so important for you to feel accomplished in making it this far.” y/n let out a little laugh and said, “Aaron, it’s only thirty-one days. It’s not like a year or something. Every Saturday I still think about getting a drink at the bar. You must see it in my face sometimes. Or like before we go to bed.” Aaron nodded and gently took y/n’s chin in his hands so that y/n was sure to be looking at him. He was serious but not angry as he said, “I do notice, y/n. I notice every time I’m with you, and every time I see you choose to not go for a drink I’m so proud of you for that. I know it’s not easy. I want to highlight and celebrate all those times you’ve said no and let you know how strong I think you are.” y/n’s eyes began to water with emotions. She leaned into Aaron’s chest again. Hotch had placed the roses on the kitchen counter by this point with his long arms so he could more comfortably wrap his arms around his partner. y/n swallowed back the lump in her throat and said, “What have I ever done to deserve you, Aaron?” Hotch chuckled and said, “You never had to do anything to deserve me. We found each other and that’s all that matters to me. We give and take equally, if we didn’t this wouldn’t work.” Hotch pulled back again and asked, “So, would you like to do something to celebrate? I’m down for anything. I told the team and Strauss that I wouldn’t be available tonight. We could stay here or go out. I’m down for what you like.” 

y/n beamed at the idea of a night assured that Aaron wouldn’t be snatched away by work. y/n said, “Well, such an offer is too tempting to answer without thinking about it for a minute.” Aaron smiled and replied, “Well while you think about it how about I’ll get a vase for those flowers.” y/n looked at the flowers, almost forgetting that they were there with Aaron in front of her. She chuckled and said, “Okay. There’s something in that top cabinet that I can’t reach that would work to hold them. Thank you for bringing them. They’re so beautiful.” Hotch nodded and said, “Well, nothing’s more beautiful than you, but I’m glad you like them.” As the tall man approached the kitchen to look for a vase, y/n pulled the flowers in front of her face and inhaled the light floral scent. It reminded them so much of Spring and just how thoughtful Aaron was as a partner. He’d seen it all from day one. Her problems with drinking. The anxiety and stress of the recent move and new job. 

In fact, being with Aaron had been one of the main reasons y/n had quit. She had gotten sick of having to hide empty bottles when Hotch said he could stop by with or without Jack. It took work to throw away or hide five empty wine bottles or lug them out to the recycling. The hiding of the extant of her problem was also embarrassing. Every time she went to the recycling bin across the street, she thought that everyone she passed was looking and listening to the bottles clink on each other. On top of that, Aaron would always offer to drive her to work and she’d get into his car with either a headache or a hangover that she was badly hiding. The scent of Listerien must have been so strong in the small confines of the car. The problem that y/n had with drinking was that it never got so bad that she got in trouble. Not at work or with her friends. y/n was incredibly lucky that her binge drinking late into the night had only resulted in her showing up an hour late to work one day that wasn’t very important. She’d not even gotten a reprimand for it. 

The real impetus for change had happened in two waves. The first had been on a day that had been so bad and overwhelming that y/n had called Aaron in near hysterics. Once he had heard her in distress so bad that she couldn’t even talk, he’d dropped everything and come over. He found y/n in her bed in what looked like such emotional pain that it nearly broke his heart. Aaron sat next to her, rubbed her back, and whispered words of comfort while y/n tried to stop the tears seeping from her eyes. y/n sniffled and asked, “Can you get me some water from the fridge? Please.” Hotch nodded and got up. y/n had completely forgotten that she hadn’t taken care of the bottles of wine both empty and full, nor the plastic cup that she’d put back into the fridge the night before at 3:00 a.m. when she couldn’t force down one more sip. y/n was too upset to think about it right now. But when Aaron opened the fridge, he instantly noticed the bottles and cup on the side of the door. Hotch knelt down and made sure he was seeing what he thought he was seeing right. He silently lifted the bottles to see which were full and which were empty. He knew that y/n had a drinking problem even though she never drank in front of him. It was easy to see even if y/n tried to hide it. But this was worse than he had ever imagined. It hurt Hotch to see y/n trying to drown out her pain like this. With the way she was right now, he could understand the desire to self-medicate, but he cared about her too much to see her hurting herself like this to not say something. But he’d save that conversation for later. He quickly got the water she had asked for and moved back to give it to her and cuddle her until she could explain why she was so sad. 

That Saturday, as Hotch and y/n went on their normal trip to the park for him to run and y/n to walk before picking up Jack from Haley’s, he brought up what he’d seen in her fridge earlier that week. y/n was confused at the beginning when Aaron didn’t start his normal stretching and jog, instead opting to walk with her. y/n looked at him and asked, “Are you feeling alright, love? Is your hip hurting you again?” Aaron gave his head a small shake as he said, “No, I’m good. I just wanted to talk to you about something.” y/n tipped her head to the side slightly. His tone was serious as was his expression. Suddenly y/n felt like she was under a microscope, and she was panicking. y/n wondered what she’d done and her brain came up with the worst thing imaginable like Aaron breaking up with her. So when he said softly, “I saw the bottles in your fridge, y/n, and I’m really worried about you.” It took y/n’s brain a few seconds of buffering to let Aaron’s words register. When they did, y/n instantly felt shame well up inside her. She’d forgotten about the fact that he’d looked at the fridge. y/n’s brain fired all its neurons for some kind of response but it was useless, and she said in a defeated tone, “I know I’ve got a problem. It’s bad and I feel bad about it. I’ve tried stopping so many times and it just never works. I can’t do the moderation thing. I’m sorry you saw that, I’m sorry I hid it, I’m just sorry…” y/n didn’t have anything more to say in their defense. y/n realized that what they had said wasn’t even a defense. It was just useless words that didn’t mean anything. At least y/n didn’t think they meant anything to anyone. But as Aaron walked alongside his partner, he felt a profound sadness yet strength at y/n speaking at all. He moved in front of y/n and stopped them in their tracks. y/n ended up running into him as her eyes were glued to the ground. y/n looked up at Aaron expecting him to be angry or upset, but he just looked concerned. y/n swallowed and said, “Why are you looking at me like that?” His facial expression wasn’t the one she had expected and it threw her off completely. She had almost hoped for anger. y/n was used to anger in response to her shortcomings. Empathy was so new to her that it felt wrong somehow.  

Aaron pulled both of them off the trail gently and to a nearby bench. When they were settled, and y/n was looking at him with concern, he responded, “y/n. I’ve only ever cared or been worried about you. Your drinking, which I’ve known about for a while now, never made me angry. It just made me sad that you were hurting so much and not telling me, or anyone. When I saw your fridge and just how much you were drinking it made me concerned for you. You were so upset and I just want you to be okay. I know it’s hard. It’s gotta be so hard, but would you let me help you? Can you tell me why it started? How it got like this?” y/n was a sniffling mess by now and nodded without saying anything. After she’d taken a deep breath and realized that Aaron didn’t hold the shame for her that she held for herself, y/n said, “Yes. I’ll tell you, Aaron. But can we not do this in the park? Maybe we could go to your house where there isn’t a bottle for me to be tempted by?” Hotch had to let out a soft chuckle at y/n’s statement and gave her shoulder a slight squeeze and the top of their head a kiss as he said, “Of course, love. Let’s go to my place where we can both relax and talk more privately.” A few minutes later the couple was settled on Aaron’s comfy couch and y/n started sharing. She thought that it would be hard to let out those feelings and the draw of the numbing effect that wine had on her. Although it was uncomfortable at the start, Aaron’s compassion and caring questions that dug at and begged to understand y/n on a deeper level allowed her to let him into the part of her life that she had kept hidden away for over three years. As y/n spoke, it was so clear to her that he’d loved her through all of her flaws and bad choices she’d made. Not only did he love her, but he tried to understand and be there for her pain. 

y/n was thrown from that memory when Hotch returned with a tall vase that would accommodate the flowers, and y/n felt like a giddy schoolgirl at just seeing him. Aaron couldn’t help but smile too as he said, “I’m never going to get tired of seeing that look on your face, y/n. I’ll have to stop by your place more often after you get home from work unannounced.” Aaron took the flowers from y/n and nestled them in the glass vase. y/n stood behind him while he did this, wrapped her arms around his waist, and leaned into him. As Aaron arranged the flowers to their optimum fullness, y/n looked out the window and remembered just how pretty a day it was outside. It wasn’t too hot or cold, so y/n said, “I think I know what I want to do with our free evening.” Aaron looked over his shoulder and said, “Oh, yeah. What’s that y/n?” y/n replied, “Well I’d like to go to the park near your place, and then if you’re down we could go to that Italian place where we went to on our first real date?” Aaron turned around and relaxed into her embrace and said, “Darling anything you want to do tonight we can. Well, anything but go and have like five tequila shots.” y/n nearly choked laughing and said teasingly, “Oh my gosh, Aaron, you’re the worst. Plus you know I hate tequila shots.” Hotch smiled and leaned down to kiss y/n on the forehead. He loved how lowkey y/n was. He knew she’d understand the joke, if she wouldn’t have, he never would have said it. He pulled back and said, “Well maybe we can have some sparkling water instead. Now. Do you still have that blanket from when we had that picnic with Jack?” y/n nodded and said, “It’s in the hall closet. I washed it a long time ago. It might have moth balls by now, to be honest.” Aaron stepped toward the closet and said, “Well, we can shake them out when we get to the park if they’re there. Do you want to grab a coffee to go? I see you’re machine is still running.” y/n whipped their head toward the kitchen and said, “Shoot, I forgot about that. Thanks for the reminder. Do you want a cup too?” Aaron called out over his shoulder, “Yes, that’d be great.” As Hotch got the blanket, y/n pulled two cups from the cabinet and made the coffee. She then quickly grabbed her purse and sunglasses. y/n held the door open for Aaron and they both walked down to his car. 

In the park, the pair found a spot under a shady tree that was private but gave a view to a field where people were tossing a frisbee around and some dogs were chasing tennis balls in the lush grass. Aaron and y/n were quiet for a while as they both took in the lovely weather and coffee. When Aaron finished his cup, he set it on the quilted blanket and lay down to look at the sky. Seeing the expanse of Aaron’s chest so wide open, y/n set down her cup and made sure it stayed up before placing her head and upper body on his chest. Hotch snuggled y/n’s head into his chest a bit more and his hands found their place on her back and in her _y/h/c_ hair. y/n sighed contentedly into him, not in a tired way just a “I’m happy to be here way.” Aaron’s eyes gazed down to her back and shoulders and he said, “y/n, would you tell me why you decided to quit? I know you don’t make a big deal about it, but if you’re willing to tell me, I’d like to know.” y/n smiled into his chest and her mind flashed back to the second reason why she’d given up drinking. y/n’s fingers traced patterns over his skin and replied, “Well, it’s kinda silly, but I was just sick of being sick. I remember that Monday when I woke up as foggy as ever and I was thinking about how I only had one bottle left in the fridge and that I was going to have to walk to the store and buy another one to feel comfortable for the night because one bottle was never enough. And then I wondered if I had the money for it because it was the end of the month. And it thought about the type of power that alcohol had over my emotions and finances. It felt like it was controlling my life and I was sick of it. I had such better things to live for, like you and Jack and work. There was so much more to pay attention to in life. So I got out of bed that morning and poured all that I had out. Then I threw away all the bottles, immediately, so I wouldn’t be reminded of them. Let me tell you, I didn’t sleep for two days after that. It was pretty shitty.” y/n chuckled at how terrifying the choice had been for the first two days. Aaron listened and his face broke out in a smile as his hands ran up and down y/n’s back. He said, “Well I’m so happy for you. I see how much you’ve kind of come into yourself over this last month. I know it’s been hard, and yes I said that before, but you’re doing great, and I’ll keep supporting you however you need me to, tomorrow, next week, next month, until the end of time. I promise you that.” y/n looked up from his chest and gave his jaw a series of kisses that left Aaron fully flustered. 

When it got dark the pair moved to the restaurant where they were seated at a corner table inside. The place had little tea candles on the tables and Aaron, true to his word, ordered a chilled bottle of sparkling water for the table. He even asked for wine flutes like they were having champagne. y/n laughed slightly as he poured them both glasses and handed one over to her. y/n picked up her glass as did Aaron. y/n’s eyes lit up as they clinked glasses and he said, “Here is to my love and how proud I am of you.” y/n added, “Well here this should also go out to my love and just how amazing you are to me. I wouldn’t be here at a month sober if you didn’t remind me how happy I can be without drinking.” Aaron couldn’t help but flush a little. They both took a sip and as y/n set down her glass she smiled at him and said, “You know Aaron, as simple as you are, you can go all out on some things.” y/n winked at the bottle of sparkling water and Hotch chuckled saying, “Well, I only think I’m extra for the important things, and I think this is one of them.” Soon after that, their food came and they had a nice meal together reflecting on their relationship and how it had evolved over the months.

When the pair got back to y/n’s home, she turned to him and asked, “So, are you going to spend the night tonight? Was that calling out to the team and Director Strauss just a tonight thing, or could it maybe extend into tomorrow morning?” y/n gave him her best pleading eyes because it was so nice to have him around unexpectedly, and she wanted to capitalize on his time if he could get away with it. Aaron smiled and said, “Well, I let the team get away with being in the office late once or twice, I don’t know why I can’t follow suit once in a while.” y/n grinned and said, “That’s my rule breaker. Now…I was thinking maybe I could do with a shower. How would you feel about joining me?” Hotch’s eyes flashed dark with a desire for a moment and he said in a voice suddenly much lower, “Well, that sounds like a good idea to me. Let me get it running at a good temperature.” 

While Aaron was getting the shower set perfectly, y/n stripped down to nothing. y/n looked at herself in the mirror, glad to see her bold glow without the feeling of fuzziness from drinking, When Hotch said that the water was ready, she moved into the steamy room. Aaron’s eyes widened as she stepped past him and into the shower. She turned to face him and let the water cascade down her naked body. y/n loved the fact that she could freeze him like this, and she teased, “Are you going to stand out there in the cold love?” Aaron snapped out of his daze and he quickly stripped out of his clothes. y/n looked him up and down as he also got drenched from the shower. Aaron couldn’t stop himself and moved forward and began kissing her neck and shoulders. He stopped and asked, “Is this okay love? Do you feel like it tonight?” y/n smiled and ran a hand down his jaw and chest toward his navel. y/n nodded and said, “Of course I do Aaron. I want you like this whenever we can enjoy each other. Getting to be this close to you makes me feel so alive.” Aaron’s eyes roamed over her face again and he said, “Good, because I want to give it to you tonight and whenever you want it, y/n. Now let me get back to this very very important job.”

He moved back to sucking and nipping at y/n’s warm skin and his mouth moved lower to a more sensitive area. As his tongue started working the spot on her chest and his hands worked over his body as well, y/n leaned her head back and let out a gasp. y/n ran her hands through his short hair. As Aaron kept working fervently and lovingly, she realized how much better was to experience all things with a clear head. Especially when it came to scenarios like this. To feel Aaron taking care of her with such love and desire was the best feeling she could ever have. When they were like this, giving themselves to the other, the idea of a drink, no matter how good, would never even cross y/n’s mind. As y/n let out the first soft moan of Aaron’s name and his hands moved to her thighs, y/n gave into the passion of the night because when it came down to it, Aaron was the best drug of all.

Tag List: @tgskitten @geminitapestry @silk-spun

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#aaron x y/n #aaron x reader #ssa aaron hotchner #aaron hotcher #aaron hotch x you #aaron hotch x reader #hotch x reader #hotch x y/n #criminal minds #fanfiction #cm #reader insert #fluff #comfort #hotch fluff #hotch comfort #read the tags #read he warnings #sobriety #recovery #tw alcohol #tw alchoholism #tw recovery #aaron is so sweet #one month sober #criminal minds x you #hotch blurb #hotch drabble #levi writes #female reader

[therealcocoshady]

Recovery - Chapter 33

Eminem x FemReader Fanfiction

Summary : Reader finally moves to Detroit with Marshall and gets used to living with him and getting to know him even better. She is on cloud nine... Until she learns she's going to meet someone special.

Tags : Fluff - Smut - Bit of angst

Author's Note : I hope you enjoy the chapter ❤️

Y/N’s POV 

After you finally landed in Detroit, you spent almost two days sleeping, trying to fight the jetlag. Marshall seemed to be dealing with it pretty well, probably because he was so used to traveling. You, on the other hand, were really suffering from it and it wasn’t only affecting your sleep schedule, on the rare occasions you were awake, you also had trouble focusing, which did not help you get reacquainted with the house. You didn’t think you would have much trouble settling in, since you had spent so much time there before moving back to Paris, but actually moving in with your boyfriend was a bit different : you had to learn where everything was located and you got familiar with Marshall’s quirky ways, like how he organized the pantry and his weird tidying up habits, that were really different from yours. Also, you hadn’t really thought about the fact that you might feel ill-at-ease in the house, but it was definitely the case. Your boyfriend was incredibly welcoming and made a point of saying that it was your house too, but it didn’t feel like it. Every piece of furniture reminded you of the fact that he had lived there for about twenty years and had lived a full life in it before you were in the picture. You weren’t jealous per se, but it felt weird, like you were starting from scratch and he was already on level 20. So far, the corner you managed to claim as yours was the bedroom, probably because you spent so much time sleeping and fighting off jet lag. On the third day, though, you managed to wake up at a decent time and found Marshall training in the home gym. The sight of him bare chested and all sweaty doing some push ups was definitely a nice way to start your day. 

Hey sleeping beauty, he said as he got up to kiss you. Didn’t expect to see you awake until a couple of hours at least. 

I think I’m starting to run on american time again, you giggled. You know, if I had known I’d see this in the morning, I would have fought the jet lag harder… 

Just got back to it today, he chuckled. Gotta start training back, after all that pasta in Italy. You don’t want me to get all chubby, now, do you ? 

I wouldn’t mind, you said as you ran your hand over his stomach. The more of you the better. 

How about you help me shower ? He asked with a smirk. You’ll get to see more of me. 

Are you really propositioning me this early in the morning, Marshall ? 

Haven’t seen much of you for three days, you know, he chuckled. 

Now I wonder how you managed for six months, you giggled. 

Not going to lie, it was hard. Pun intended. Are you coming or what ? 

Actually, your man having his way with you in every room and against every single piece of furniture did a great job helping you feel at home in the house. In the following days, you spent a lot of time doing each other but not getting much else done. After a while, though, you decided to finally unpack the few things you had taken with you. To be fair, it wouldn’t take too long and your things would not take much space either, seeing as you only had the bare essentials. You might as well start a blog on minimalism, at this rate. At least, you wouldn’t spend too much time choosing what to wear, your options being somewhat limited. 

Last chance to reconsider this whole me moving in thing, you said playfully as you opened your suitcase. 

Not a chance, he chuckled before kissing your cheek. 

Do you think you can spare a drawer in your closet for my stuff ? You asked. 

No need, he shrugged. You can have a whole closet. The house came with his and hers. 

Fancy, you giggled. Although, I would have thought your centipede ass would have taken over the second one for your sneakers… 

I did, he chuckled. But I freed up the space the day after we arrived, while you were sleeping like a baby. 

You’re the best. Although we can definitely share the space, I literally only need a drawer, you said as you pointed to your suitcase. 

I guess you’re going to have to shop, he said with a smile. 

I will, when I have a job, you said. 

Why wait ? He asked. 

Money, you shrugged. 

He rolled his eyes and handed you his credit card. You looked at him without taking it, waiting for him to put it back in his pocket. He stared back, not moving. It was like a silent argument. He had told you before that he was intent on taking care of you in every way possible, but you had your pride and there was no way in hell that you would shop with his hard earned money. You were already moving into his giant house, coming back from an expensive holiday in Europe that he had paid for, wearing a watch and a bracelet that, combined, probably cost more than what you had made in the past year. 

Just take it, he finally said. 

Put that back, you said. I can wait. 

You barely have enough clothes to go through a washing cycle, he pointed out. 

I’ll just borrow yours, then, you playfully retorted. Or walk around naked. But I am not taking advantage of your money. 

I kind of like the idea of having you walk around the house naked, he replied with a smirk. And you know I love it when you wear my stuff. But seriously, you don’t have to be so noble. It’s no big deal. 

I’m not a kept woman. And there is no way I will act like a trophy girlfriend and have you pay for my stuff. All of this is already too much, you said as you gestured around you. 

Technically, it would benefit me too, you know ? He pointed out. I like undressing you. Let’s not underestimate the importance of wrapping paper around the present… 

And what would the ideal wrapping paper look like ? You asked. 

Lingerie, obviously, he giggled. I like the lacy stuff. Can I confess something ? 

Go ahead, you chuckled. 

You know, the black lace bodysuit you wore in the picture that leaked last year ? He asked. It drove me absolutely crazy. I deleted the picture, out of respect for you, but I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t been in a few dreams of mine. 

Oh really ? You asked playfully. Too bad I don’t have it anymore. 

You have no idea what I would do to you if I saw you wear this thing, he said. 

I’ll put it on my list, then, you said with a wink. 

Or you could buy it right now, he said as he waved his card in front of your face. As a congratulation present for the album’s success ? Or early Christmas ? And let’s not forget that Thanksgiving is just around the corner, so, really… 

You couldn’t help but giggle. He reminded you of a kid asking their parents for a new video game. He was making puppy eyes at you, batting his eyelashes and whispering “please, please, please ?”. You rolled your eyes and ended up caving in. “Fine, you said. Only lingerie, though.”, you mumbled. Without a second of hesitation, he grabbed your iPad. For someone who often played dumb when it came to technology, he was incredibly proficient. In a couple of seconds, he had ten tabs open on various lingerie websites. He had a fancy taste in lingerie and definitely had a lot of ideas on what he would like you to wear, leading you to think he had given it some thought for a while. What initially started in a search for one lacy black bodysuit ended up in Marshall adding tons of things to the cart because “shipping is an ecological disaster so you might as well make the most of it”. At some point, you were sure that there were less items in a full Victoria’s Secret fashion show and you hoped for his sake that he had invested in Agent Provocateur, because the bill was going up insanely fast, with each click. He seemed like a kid in a candy store and was absolutely unstoppable. 

Babe, I don’t think I need a bodychain that looks like a butterfly, you pointed out with a giggle. 

I like accessories, he chuckled. 

They do have beautiful things, you admitted. Like, those rose gold rope handcuffs… 

You’re into that ? He asked with a raised eyebrow and a smirk. 

No, you said shyly. I mean, yes, but… well… 

No need to blush, he said. I’m adding these to the cart. Just in case… Oh, look, they have a matching choker. 

When you thought you were done, once the order was placed, he started arguing that you would need at least one pair of heels to go with it, just to complete the look and you didn’t even have time to answer before he started browsing Louboutin’s website. At that point, trying to reason with him was a lost cause. Plus, if you were honest, he did have good taste. 

You realize you just spent the equivalent of the gross domestic product of some countries, simply on stuff you want to ravish me in, right ? You pointed out. 

As a businessman, I’d say it’s an investment, he said with a smirk. 

As a rational person, I’m tempted to ask how this little investment would bring some actual profit, you giggled. 

That’s actually really simple, he said. That’s an investment in our relationship, which is important to my work-life balance, hence my creativity. 

Almost a fair point, you conceded. 

Plus, I think I could base a whole album on your body and all the things I’m doing to you once we receive that package, he chuckled. So if it goes well, it might pay for our next vacation… 

I swear to God, Marshall, if I hear one reference to our sex life in a song… 

One ? He said with a grin. Babe, it’ll be at least four or five… 

I’m serious, you said sternly. 

We’ll see, he replied with a wink. 

You thoroughly enjoyed having Marshall with you while you got used to the house. It was a far cry from your fancy holidays in Europe. Of course, discovering cities, eating at restaurants and staying at luxury hotels was nice, but this felt more real, more domestic. You also liked the fact that, in spite of his obvious wealth, the house had an actual family feel to it, far from what a lot of real people showcased on Instagram or Architectural Digest videos. The place was actually lived in, filled with memories and it had a nice vibe to it. Most people probably wouldn’t expect one of the world’s most famous rappers to live in a place like this, but once you got to know Marshall, it sort of made sense. The house was secluded and located in a gated community - for obvious reasons - and it was impressive in size, for sure, but it wasn’t flashy by any means. The furniture was all about quality but unassuming, with a nice cozy feel to it, with comfortable chairs and sofas, as well as spaces designed to have people over and entertain. The perfect nook for someone who actually spent a lot of time at home. You had never thought you’d live in such a place but you were happy you ended up here. Not that it mattered too much anyway, since you were sure you could be happy anywhere as long as you had Marshall by your side. After a few days, it was time for your boyfriend to go back to work and you’d be left alone in the house for the first time. The night before, as you were laying  in bed, the two of you were talking about his upcoming projects. Now that he was no longer in album recording mode, it would change a tad from what you had witnessed. He would spend as much time « in the lab », as he put it, but he would have more people over and prioritize his work as a producer for a bit. He seemed genuinely excited to go back to work, especially since he hadn’t indulged in such a long break in almost a decade. 

Three weeks off is rare for me, he chuckled. My team almost freaked out when I told them I needed this much time off, at first. 

Why did you, by the way ? You asked. 

I figured I would need a lot of rest after the tour, he explained. It was a short one but it was intense and, since I don’t perform as much as I used to, it’s harder on the body. Plus, I was still very much heartbroken over a certain someone… 

I’m sorry, you said sheepishly. 

Don’t be. All is well in the end, right ? I got my much-needed break, I have the most amazing woman back in my arms, we got to travel together and you even moved in ! I wouldn’t have it any other way, he said as he looked at you lovingly. 

They’re going to have you back in a good mood, you giggled. 

I’m pretty sure I’ll turn back into my usual bitchy self as soon as I get back, he chuckled. Doesn’t help that we’re starting with a full day of meetings, too… 

What meetings ? You asked, feeling curious. 

Bunch of them, he shrugged. One to plan the next months ahead, review the collaboration requests we’ve got, one about potential performance dates, a meeting with a journalist for an interview… oh and another one with Tracy. 

As soon as you heard her name leave his lips, you couldn’t help but grimace, which did not escape his notice. He chuckled and kissed your forehead. Since you had gone on vacation, you hadn’t mentioned her. To be fair, you were so busy that you had momentarily forgotten about her existence - which was not the worst thing. The mere mention of her was enough to make you groan and you had to put in a lot of effort not to have a mental image of her kissing your boyfriend the very day before you got back with him. Obviously, neither she nor Marshall had medium powers so they couldn’t have planned that you’d get back together but still… it irked you. You did not want that woman anywhere near Marshall. Especially since he had told you she had confessed to hoping they would get back together. He had given her a few weeks to sort her feelings out and decide on whether or not they would keep on working together, leaving the choice up to her. Your boyfriend was definitely a class act and a gentleman. Now, you secretly hoped she would quit. A shameful feeling you would never confess to having, of course. 

Stop clenching your jaw like that, it’s bad for you, Marshall chuckled as he traced your jaw with his fingers. 

I’m not clenching, you groaned. 

You totally are, he said with a smile. You still hate her don’t you ? 

Me ? Hate her ? You asked. I don’t hate her. Do I like her ? No. Do I hope she stubs her toe on some piece of furniture every morning for the rest of her life ? Maybe. But I don’t hate her. 

You’re so petty, he chortled. It’s hilarious. 

You mean pretty, right ? 

I said what I said, he chuckled as he kissed your temple. You know you don’t have anything to worry about, though, right ? 

I know, you said. I just have to shake the feeling. It’ll pass. 

I hope so, he replied. If she keeps on working as my personal assistant, you might run into her from time to time. I don’t want it to be weird. 

I can be civil, you assured him. As long as she keeps her hands off you. 

Territorial, much ? He teased you. 

You’re mine, you said. 

Yours, he said with a nod before kissing you tenderly. 

You settled in his arms as he turned off the lights and you put a hand over his perfect chest before drifting off to sleep. When you woke up the next day, he was already gone. You found a sweet note on your nightstand, telling you to enjoy having the house to yourself and that he would come home at 5:30PM. You missed him already but decided to make the most of your first day with some intensive self care. It was Monday so Talia was at work, otherwise you would have told her to come over for a girls day. Still, being on your own wasn’t going to prevent you from pampering yourself and trying to be pretty for your man when he would come back from work. You started with a bath, taking some time to do a full body scrub, some hair care and a face mask. One of the many perks of the house was the bathroom adjacent to the master bedroom, which was basically like a home spa. You could definitely get used to this life… you were getting dressed when the doorbell rang. It felt weird answering the door, but it was your new home after all. It was actually the delivery of your package from Agent Provocateur, and it was a huge one. As soon as you got it, you brought it to your closet and started unboxing. You had always liked lingerie but so far the most expensive stuff you had ever bought was probably from Victoria’s Secret or Princess Tam Tam, as well as a few Aubade pieces (on sale). This was different. It felt insanely sexy and luxurious and, to be honest, you weren’t too sure you deserved to be wearing such garments. Still, now that all this stuff was in your closet, you might as well wear it, so you decided to try it on. You were unsure whether it was the expensive fabrics and accessories adorning your body or your extensive pampering session from earlier, but you were absolutely feeling yourself. As you examined yourself in the mirror, you couldn’t help but think you looked great, which was quite a feat. Ever since you had lost weight, you had had trouble appreciating your body. You had always been on the curvier side and you had learned to love your body like this. So liking a skinnier version of your body was a bit hard. Still, the lingerie worked wonders. You tried on a few pieces and wished Marshall could be there to see it, sure that he would gladly enjoy the view, rather than being stuck in meetings with Paul, Tracy and God knows who else… That's when you had an idea : you might as well show him what was waiting for him at home when he would get back. Plus, it would also serve as a reminder that he might have a personal assistant, but you were the woman who was deserving of his attention. You didn’t actually worry about him being unfaithful, you fully trusted him, but you still had your doubts about whether or not Tracy would try and flirt with him. You barely knew the woman after all. As you tried on lingerie set after lingerie set, you snapped a few pictures and ended up having a little fun photo shoot. God bless good iPhone cameras, mirrors and timers. With a bit of color editing, the pictures looked even better. You sent one to Marshall, with the caption : « Good luck for your meetings. Miss you already. Can’t wait for you to be home ❤️ ».  Within a few minutes, he answered. 

From M❤️ : Can’t wait to be home either. Better not be wearing anything else when I get back. 

You chuckled and decided to tease him a little more, with pictures of other sets. You were curious to know what his favorite one was. There were so many options, from cute and simple bras with matching panties to more intricate things with corsets or garter belts…  

From M❤️ : Got told off by Paul for not paying attention. You’re getting me in trouble… 

To M❤️ : oops. Sorry for distracting you, my love. I’ll go and put some ugly sweats right away 👀 

From M❤️ : don’t you dare. 

You giggled and carried on with your little picture-taking, sending him the best ones. He didn’t reply much, but at least you knew he enjoyed it. It was the middle of the afternoon and you were casually chilling in the bedroom, in your finest lingerie with music playing loud on a portable speaker you had found in the living room. Not too bad for a Monday. You had just taken a cute selfie and we’re trying to edit it when you felt a presence. Before you could turn and check, you felt a hand firmly grasping your waist. You let out a scream of terror before another hand covered your mouth and you heard a giggle in your ear. It was Marshall. You immediately relaxed and turned to face him. 

You scared me ! You whined. 

I yelled at you but your music was too loud, he said with a grin before turning off the speaker. 

I thought I was being attacked, for a second ! 

Babe, it’s a gated community with security and cameras everywhere, you’re safe, he chuckled. Believe me, if my paranoid ass feels safe, it is safe. 

You giggled and kissed him before checking the time on your phone. It was 3:45PM. You looked at him in disbelief. You definitely didn’t expect him home this early, not that you were going to complain. 

Aren’t you supposed to be at work ? You asked. 

Called off the last two meetings, he said with a smile. If anyone asks, I’m feeling under the weather. Couldn’t focus anyway. I wonder why that is… 

Oops, you said as you blushed a bit. Am I in trouble ? 

Depends, he chuckled. Do I get to see more pictures ? 

You really suck at negotiating, you giggled. You could ask for a runway show and all you want are lousy pics ? 

He smiled and firmly grabbed your waist to pull you in for a deep kiss. His hands wandered around your body as your tongues found each other. 

You look incredible, he complimented. Your pictures drove me crazy. 

Glad to know there’s a way to get you to get back early, you said teasingly. I’ll remember that. 

I’ll be in trouble if that happens too much, he chuckled. But please feel free to send more of these pics… 

He pulled you closer and you could feel him being rock hard through his jeans. Knowing you were the cause gave you quite the ego boost and you felt quite proud. You kissed him and ran your hands on his chest. Even when he was wearing a tee-shirt, you could see the outline of his pecs and it was enough to drive you crazy. You gently squeezed one pec and he leaned into your touch while one of his hands cupped your butt cheek. 

So… do I get my runway show ? He asked with a smirk. 

Only because I’m a good girl and I don’t want to get in trouble, you said with a wink. 

You proceeded to try on a few of the items you hadn’t tried yet. The first was a black bodysuit with a lace up back, which wasn’t showing much but was giving glamorous vibes. The second was an opulent set with black lace and dainty chains, completed with a black waspie. As soon as he saw you, Marshall’s eyes widened. His mouth was slightly agape while he was staring. 

Do you like it ? You asked with a smile. 

You’re perfect, he said. These were fucking made for you. I think that’s my favorite set right here. 

Is it ? You asked teasingly. I should take a pic, so that I can send it to you next time you’re in a meeting… so you can remember me. 

I’ll take it for you, he said with a smirk as he grabbed your phone. 

You got on the bed and posed for him as he smiled and tried to take a decent shot, trying different angles. You teased him and bit your lip while you ran your hands over your breast, gently pinching your nipples through the fabric. 

You’re so hot, he groaned. I swear I could film you… 

You can do it, you said flirtingly. 

Are you serious ? He asked with a raised eyebrow. 

Sure, why not, you nodded as you kept on stroking your breast and caressing the rest of your own body, teasing him with your eyes. 

His blue eyes were devouring you and you absolutely loved it. His look was one of pure adoration, mixed with desire. This prompted you to put on a little show for him. You sat at the edge of the bed and started touching yourself on top of the lacy underwear that was covering you. Your fingers circled your clit and you could feel just how wet you were, simply from knowing how aroused Marshall was. You kept on looking him in the eyes as you pleasured yourself. He was still holding the phone, staring at you, while his free hand was mindlessly palming his crotch. You looked at him with a devilish grin and walked to him before dropping on your knees. 

What are y-? He began asking. 

Shhhh. Just keep filming and enjoy, you said with a smirk. 

You unbuckled his belt and managed to get him out of his pants and boxers. You stroked his erection, your touch making him sigh in pleasure. Precum was already dripping from the tip and you couldn’t resist licking it, gently teasing the head of his cock with your tongue as you kept on stroking him. His hand that wasn’t holding the phone went to the back of your head, gently encouraging you to keep going and you took that as you cue to start sucking, which caused him to moan and slur a few obscenities. You weren’t sure if it was the camera pointed at you, his unusually vocal response or the lingerie that had you feeling so confident, but you loved it. You stared at him as you kept on sucking him, trying to take him in as much as you could. He started bucking his hips while praising you for taking him so well. You had a bit of a gag reflex but kept going until the tip of your nose was touching his pubes. Tears were welling in your eyes but you loved hearing him moan. It was music to your ears. His hips started thrusting faster as the hold he had on your head tightened. You weren’t sure you could keep going for long and, for the briefest of moments, you were almost scared that you were going to choke. He stopped and looked at you, phone still in hand. 

Bed. All fours. Now, he said. 

Yes sir, you giggled playfully before doing as he said. 

Hold this for me, he said as he handed you the phone so that he could shed the rest of his clothes. 

When he was completely naked, he grabbed a condom from the nightstand and put it on before taking the phone back as he pushed your thong aside and positioned himself at your entrance. You let out a gasp when he entered you and immediately started moving at a frantic pace. Unlike most of the time, he did not give you time to get used to his size but you did not really mind - you liked the roughness. His hand was firmly holding your hip, his fingers slightly digging in your skin. In this instant, you belonged to him and you were his to use as he pleased. He was pounding hard into you as you moaned his name, tears still rolling on your cheeks from trying to deepthroat a few minutes earlier. 

Fuck it, he groaned. 

You heard a “plop”, it was your phone being carelessly thrown onto the bed and bouncing God knows where. Marshall’s now free hand found your waist. He was now firmly holding you, thrusting like a piston. 

I-I’m coming, you warned. 

Yes baby, he groaned. Come for me. 

You both exploded in an orgasm at the same time and Marshall collapsed onto you, letting out a small grunt as his head hit your shoulder. You stayed in the unlikely position for a couple of minutes, taking the opportunity to catch your breath. You were panting and you could feel his strong heartbeat in your back. You buried your face in the sheets and enjoyed the warmth of his breath on your skin. 

You are fucking incredible, he said. 

You too, you said. God, that was so intense. 

Too much ? He asked. 

Just enough, you said with a smile. Perfect. You know I like it a little rough. 

You’re also a little kinky, he pointed out. 

Maybe, you admitted with a giggle. 

He placed a small kiss on your shoulder and changed position so that he could properly lay next to you. He looked at you with a soft smile and placed a strand of hair behind your ear. You couldn’t resist kissing him. 

You are so hot, he said. I swear to God, I have never, ever been more turned on by anyone. 

Really ? You grinned. 

God, the pics, actually seeing you wear this, and then filming you ?! Babe, you are… wow, he said. 

I guess I was feeling a little frisky today, you giggled. 

I’ve noticed, he said with a grin. What got into you ? 

I don’t know, you shrugged. I mean… the lingerie got me feeling all sexy and… I always wanted to try filming, so… 

Really ? He asked. 

I mean… yeah, I was curious, you admitted. What ? Do you think it’s weird ? 

No, he shrugged. Not at all. You’re just a little kinkier than I thought, I guess. Not that I’m complaining. 

I guess I am kinky, you said with a smile.

He let out a small laugh as he stretched and got rid of the condom before laying back on the bed. 

What ? You asked, worrying that he might be making fun of you. 

Nothing. It’s just kind of funny. I guess you don’t really come across as the kinky type, you know ? When I met you there was no way I would have thought you enjoyed being filmed and stuff. 

Do I look that vanilla ? 

Frankly ? Yes, he laughed. But hey, I love your kinky side too. It’s a pleasant surprise. Makes me wonder what else turns you on. I realize there’s a shit ton I don’t know about you. 

It’s true, I haven’t been too daring in bed, so far, you admitted. 

Why ? He asked. Didn’t you feel comfortable enough with me ? 

It’s not that. I guess I wasn’t in the mood for kinky stuff at that particular time ? You tried to explain. I mean, getting to sleep with you is enough for me. I enjoy vanilla sex just as much. 

He hummed in response, still staring at you. As if he was waiting for you to elaborate. 

It’s true - we’ve been pretty vanilla so far, he said. 

How about you ? You asked. Any kinks you want to tell me about ? 

Hey. We were talking about yours. Don’t change the subject, he said. 

Are you feeling uneasy ? You asked. 

Maybe a little, he admitted. 

We don’t have to have that conversation if you don’t want to, you said as you kissed his jaw. 

Oh but I do want to have it, he said. I want to know about you. Go first and maybe I’ll tell you about me, he added with a grin. 

Let’s see… I feel like that’s pretty basic you know ? I like it rough but I don’t know if it registers as a kink ? Maybe it does. I mean… I’ve never really got to take it as far as I want to, so, I don’t know, you said. I haven’t had too many partners, and I’ve never felt confident enough to try all the things I want to. 

Really ? 

Yeah. I mean, it takes a certain amount of comfort in a relationship, you said. 

I guess, he admitted. 

Plus, you know, I had my first boyfriend when I was 18, and he is the first person I ever slept with. It lasted about three years and we never tried anything crazy. Then there was Simon. We were together for a while but we didn’t explore much. It was mostly light spanking, hair-pulling, but that’s all. Then Josh, but we didn’t do much. And then… you. 

How far did you go with Josh ? 

Foreplay, you said. 

He hummed, his eyes darkening. 

What ? You asked, I answer, you said. 

That motherfucker, Marshall commented. 

You really hated him, didn’t you ? You asked. 

Hate is a strong word, he said. But yeah, I wasn’t his biggest fan. He didn’t deserve you. 

He was nice and caring, you pointed out. That’s more than a lot of dudes. 

He was kind of stupid and he put you in danger, Marshall said flatly as he referred to the salsa bar incident that had led you to the hospital. 

You know it wasn’t his fault, you said as you rolled your eyes. I think you’re being a bit jealous here. 

Maybe I am, he admitted. I must say it was not the most fun time for me, when you dated him. I was trying hard not to be all over you, and he was the one who got to kiss you, take you on dates and everything. 

You are the one who got the girl in the end, you reminded him, which caused him to smile. 

The kinky girl, he added. Let’s not get lost here… I want to know stuff. So… slept with three people and that’s it ? 

Well, no. I only dated three people before you. I did sleep with a couple more people though. Girls actually. 

Oh I didn't know you liked girls, he said surprised. 

Yeah, I’m bi. I never dated a girl though. They’re too impressive, you said with a laugh. Men are easier to get, I think. 

Have you ever had a threesome ? He asked. 

That’s on my « list » but no, never. I’d be into that, though, you admitted. Any type of threesome. Or more than that, who knows ? But yeah, I think it could be fun. And I wouldn’t want to die stupid and ignorant you know ? 

Right, he chuckled. Though I must admit that in my opinion, it’s a bit overhyped. 

You’ve had threesomes ? 

A bunch of times, yeah, he shrugged. I mean, I get a lot of opportunities on tour. I’ve had threesomes, foursomes, moresomes… 

You looked at him with curiosity. You figured that, given his age and occupation, he must have had a lot of experiences, but you didn’t really know how far he had taken it. You were kind of curious and there were a lot of questions you wanted to ask. 

Did you enjoy it ? You asked. 

I mean… Yeah, he said. That was a point in my life when I wanted to get all the pussy I could, so in that regard, that was fun. Though there’s something about the logistics. Threesomes are fine but when there’s more people or an actual orgy, there’s a lot going on at the same time so you can’t really focus, you know what I mean ? But yeah, that was exciting. I mean, I did get a lot of opportunities and propositions, a while ago. 

I bet you still do, you said. 

Not really, he chuckled. I mean, with the level of security that I have, it’s hard to get to me anyway so there’s not a lot of people who can actually proposition me, you know ? Back in the day, we were more lenient with security and letting people hang out with us after shows. But regardless, my interest in that is different. 

You’re still a regular horndog, you giggled. 

True, he said with a smile. But getting sober made a big difference when it comes to my approach to sex and intimacy in general. 

I have so many questions, you said. 

Me first, he reminded you. 

Fine, you said as you rolled your eyes. What do you want to know ? 

Mmmh… How rough do you mean, when you say you like it rough ? Marshall asked. 

I don’t know, you said. I haven’t tested a lot of things yet, so I think I’d like to push my limits and test stuff. I wouldn’t necessarily want to get punched in the face, but being shoved against a wall, the ground and roughhousing ? Yes, absolutely. 

Ok, he said with a nod as if he was making a mental note. What else ? 

Let’s see… Well I wanted to try being filmed and we did that, so I guess we can cross that off my list… 

You’d never done that before ? He asked. 

Never. 

He smiled at you with pride and his grin made you scoff. Male ego at its peak. 

I wouldn’t say I’m into exhibition, but I wouldn’t mind trying stuff in public either, you added. I think the fear of getting caught can be really exciting. Other than that there’s… uh… submission. 

Really ? He asked with a raised eyebrow. 

Yeah, you confessed shyly. I think it’s really really hot when your partner takes control. Especially of you’re the partner. 

You could feel the heat in your cheeks and you were pretty sure your face was crimson red at this point, but there was something about Marshall, his aura, his natural charisma, his voice that called to your submissive nature. It had never been the case with anyone else, only him. 

Me ? He asked with a smirk. 

Oh yeah, you admitted. When you get that deep voice… ? God… 

You got lost in your thoughts for a second. The mere idea of Marshall domineering you was turning you on. 

Keep going, he said. I want to know more. 

I think that’s it, actually, you said with a smile. I mean, I haven’t done a lot of research either. I just want to explore stuff and have fun. 

I guess we might be able to try some stuff together, if you’re up for it, he said before kissing you. 

Really ? You asked in excitement. 

Sure, he chuckled. I mean, I wouldn’t consider myself like much of a dominant, but if you wanted me to try, I might give it a go. 

Ok, you said softly. 

The idea of being able to explore sexuality and furthering your intimacy made you really happy. You had never felt so safe with any of your partners before. You trusted this man with all of your heart and soul. 

What else would you be willing to try ? You asked giddily. 

What was on the list again ? He asked. 

Hum… Threesomes ? I mean, you’ve done it before so it wouldn’t be anything new to you, you said. 

I don’t know about this one, he admitted. 

Oh, ok, you said. 

I mean, I’m not sure how I feel about sharing you, he explained. Given the right opportunity and person, it’s not a firm and definitive no, but… Yeah, I don’t know. But threesomes can be fun, for sure. 

Ok, you agreed. That makes sense. But if it were to happen, like, hypothetically, you’d rather have it be with another woman, right ? 

Absolutely, he said. I’m definitely straight and I understand that a woman might want to have two men with her but… No way I’m sharing you with another dude. Not happening. Sorry babe. 

That’s fine, you giggled. Just testing the water here. So, when you had threesomes and all, it was just girls ? 

Yep, he chuckled. My ex is bi so she would have girls over and that’s how it would happen, most of the time. 

You were in an open marriage ? You asked. 

Not really, he chuckled. Though there was so much cheating that it might as well have been an open marriage, I guess. Let’s just say I was more lenient if she hooked up with girls and especially if it could benefit me as well… 

Ok, you said with a smile. My turn, now ? 

Fire away, he said. 

Are you sure you’re straight ? You asked cockily. Like, have you ever been with a man ? 

I have, he said casually. 

Really ?! 

You were in shock. You definitely weren’t expecting that and your question was actually a joke. You didn’t have a problem with it, obviously, but seeing as he had been portrayed as homophobic in the past, you didn’t think he would have given it a try. 

Can I ask questions about that ? You asked. 

I guess, he shrugged. I mean, I don’t think I have really talked about it but I trust you so, yeah, go ahead. But there’s nothing to say, really. 

When was it ? 

Uh… Twenty years ago, I’d say ? He replied after taking some time to think. So, yeah, it was a while ago. When I performed with Elton John at the Grammys… 

NOOOOOO ?! You almost yelled. 

Your mouth was wide open and you were almost in shock. Had your boyfriend really slept with Elton John ?!?! He immediately burst into a fit of laughter, so much so that he was actually crying. 

You should see your face, he said as he tried to catch his breath. Fuck, you’re so gullible, babe. 

You’ve been leading me on, haven’t you ? You asked with a grin. You’ve never tried guys. 

Oh no, that part was true, he chuckled. It happened after the Grammys but it wasn’t with Elton. He’s great, he’s a friend but it wasn’t him. I don’t think I remember the guy’s name though. In my defense, I was high. 

So, what happened ? You asked. Hooked up with a guy and didn’t like it ? 

Basically, yeah, he said. The guy looked good and I though “If I ever have to be attracted by a man, I think that would be someone like this”, so when he flirted and made a pass at me, I went for it. He was cool and an ok kisser, but the hookup was a disaster. If you can even call it that. I was fucking high but that sobered me up and I knew right then and there : straight. 1000%. 

At least you know for sure, you giggled. 

Exactly, he chuckled. Next question ? 

Do you have any kinks ? 

Not so many, he said. I’ve tried a lot of stuff, out of curiosity and for the sake of experience but I’m not into freaky, kinky stuff. I’m a simple man. But I suppose it depends on what you call a kink ? 

I don’t even know, you giggled. I should have done my research if I had known I’d get to quiz you. 

Find a list and I’ll tell you whether or not I’m into it, he shrugged. 

You grabbed your phone and took the first list you found - there went the purity of your web browser. 

Age play ? Like “daddy-dominant-little-girl” ? 

Absolutely not. Being called daddy in bed is a huge turn-off. Maybe it’s a Dad thing, I don’t know. Not to kink-shame but I think it’s sort of twisted you know ? He said. 

You have called me “babygirl” before though, you pointed out with a smile. 

Yeah but I don’t see it in the same way. Probably a double-standard he admitted. 

Let’s see… Bondage ? You asked. 

I don’t mind it. It can be fun but not a necessity. 

Blindfold sex ? 

Hate it, he said. I love being able to look at my partner. I think I’m pretty visual when it comes to sex. As for blindfolding people… maybe. Once again, it can be fun once in a while. 

So no blindfolding you, you noted. Cuckholding ? 

Is that shit alphabetised ? He asked with a laugh. Cuckholding is a no for me. First, because I don’t do humiliation, secondly because I’m not big on sharing. 

Yes it’s alphabetised, you smiled. 

I do enjoy that. I know it’s not a kink but I like things in order. 

Good to know, you chuckled. Claustrophilia ? 

It depends. I’ve had sex in elevators, closets and airplane bathrooms, so I think it counts. You ? 

Never thought of it but I’m not against it, you said with a wink. 

Good to know. Glad I can easily get a jet for us to try that, too…

You chuckled once again. You liked learning more about him. 

Dominance we have already talked about… how about DIY porn ? You asked. That’s the next item on the list. 

Didn’t we just do that ? He asked back. 

Yeah but how did you feel about it ? 

It was fun. I’m not even sure I did a great job with the filming though. But I guess it’ll be fun to have the video as a memory if i’m ever away from you and horny, he stated. 

Electrostimulation ? 

Nope.

Erotic Asphyxiation ? 

They could have put that in the B section under “Breathplay” he commented. I don’t really like being choked but if you want me to do it to you, sure. Safely, of course. 

Both his alphabetical comment and the statement made you smile. 

Foot fetish ? 

Nope. A girl asked me to try that once but I didn’t like it. 

Food play ? 

It can be fun but I’m not big on it. Next ? 

Gagging ? 

Not for me, no. You ? 

No thanks, you said. I don’t really mind if I gag a little during a blowjob, though. But not voluntarily. 

I do like the idea of making you gag with my cock, he confessed with a little grin. Next ? 

Gerontophilia ? 

Nothing against the elderly but that’s not a kink for me, he said. But I’m sure I’ll find you sexy as fuck when you’re an old lady though. 

Thanks, you laughed. We’ve covered humiliation already… how about impact play ? Like hitting ? 

I don’t really want to be hit or spanked, he said. You ? 

I think I’d like to try, you said. I’ve been spanked before but I’d gladly try more. 

As long as I’m not physically hurting you…, he said. 

You could see a hint of sadness in his eyes. 

Are you alright ? You asked immediately. 

Yeah, no, I’m good, he said dryly. I just… well we might as well talk about it… 

What’s wrong ? We can stop this conversation if you’re not ok, baby, you said. 

It’s fine, he said. It’s just… in the past, Kim and I got physical a couple of times. I mean, you probably know about that, because of the media and I’ve written songs about it. It’s never been to a point where I was actually beating her down, but we’ve definitely hit each other a number of times. But thinking about that… it’s hard because it’s one of the worst mistakes I’ve ever made, you know ? That’s not the person I want to be. 

That’s not the person you are either, you said softly. You wouldn’t hurt a fly. 

I’d rather kill myself than hurt you, he stated in all seriousness.

You looked at him and his stern expression. You gently stroked his hand. 

I trust you and I know you’ll never hurt me, you said. 

You don’t think I’m an asshole who deserves hell for what I’ve done ? He asked pensively. 

I don’t. I mean, I’ll never condone domestic violence and if you ever lay a hand on me in circumstances that aren’t sexual, I’ll leave, that’s for sure. I’ll never say it’s ok that you hit your ex, but it’s also in the past and I know you have changed. So I trust you and I don’t think you deserve to suffer. I can see on your face that you suffer enough from the memories. 

I deserve to, he said sternly. 

Sorry, you said. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have brought up impact play. If it triggers you, we’ll never try it. 

If you want to try, maybe we can keep it on the soft side, he said. But yeah… I don’t think I’d be ready to really hit you too hard. Even if you begged for it. 

We can stop the list there, if you want, you said. I mean… I love talking about that with you but I’d be happy to just cuddle and go to bed, you know ? 

Nah, it’s good. Keep the list going. I like learning stuff about you, he said with a smile. 

Ok, so… interrogation play ? 

Not really. 

Japanese bondage like shibari ? 

Not my stuff either. I get the hype but it’s too intricate and I don’t have time for that shit, he said with a grin. It’s really sexy to see though. 

Klismaphilia ? You asked. 

What the fuck even is that ? He asked laughingly. 

It’s Greek and it means… oh… it’s enemas. 

Ah. Then no. Absolutely not, he said. 

Me neither. How about Katoptronophilia ? It’s masturbating in front of a mirror. 

Nope. 

How about masochism ? You asked. 

Down to M already ? No, I'm not a masochist. 

Reading the description I might be into that, you commented. It’s enjoying pain so… maybe I’m a bit of a masochist after all, you shrugged. 

Yeah ? Well as I said… as long as I don’t mistreat you… I guess I can pull your hair and spank you gently, he said with a smile. 

Sounds fine, you said with a smile. Next on the list is… Melolagnia, you added with a grin. I think I’ve just discovered a new kink of mine. 

What is that ? 

I’ll read it to you : “ Melolagnia is a fetish that involves being turned on by music. This doesn’t simply mean having a go-to Spotify playlist when you have sex, but rather experiencing strong sexual reactions in response to music and also fantasizing about certain songs or genres. The arousal can derive from a combination of the musical elements including the singer’s voice, beat, repetition, or even the quality of the composition, all of which can lead to physical sensations like goosebumps, a faster heartbeat, or even more natural sexual lubrication.” You quoted. 

Oh wow. Didn’t know that existed, he said. But yeah music turns me on. You ? 

Oh, definitely, you said blushing and attempting to hide your face. 

Why are you suddenly so red and looking away ? He asked with a grin. Any songs I should know about ? 

Shut up, you muttered. 

Come on, Y/N. Tell me. 

No. You’ll never let me live it down, you said. 

As long as it’s not MGK, that should be fine, he joked. 

Come on… 

Tell me ! What ? Is it an artist I’ve had beef with ? Mariah ? Christina Aguilera ? Ja Rule ? Please don’t say Ja Rule… 

I’m not having this conversation, you said, embarrassed. 

Now that I know you like domination, I can make you talk, woman, he said as he put a finger underneath your chin. 

You wouldn’t, you mumbled. 

Try me. 

Your eyes met his. He stared at you. 

Tell me, he said in his deep, authoritarian voice. 

“Not fair”, you thought, definitely turned on but unable to speak. 

Do I know them ?

You nodded. 

Is it a friend of mine ? Dre ? 50 ? He asked as you were unable to make a sound. Then who ? Tell. Me. 

There went the voice again. 

It’s… you. 

You spoke so softly, hoping he wouldn’t catch it. Unfortunately for you, he did. 

Ah, he said with a grin, trying not to laugh. 

Don’t judge me, you muttered. 

Well it depends… is there a song in particular ? He asked softly. 

Do we have to have this conversation ? You asked as you rolled your eyes. 

Come on babe, it’s fun. And it’s flattering. I’m glad you think my music can be sexy. 

Marshaaaaall…

Please ? 

He was looking at you with adorable puppy eyes. 

Fine, you grumbled. Superman. And Heat, too. You happy ? 

You hid your face in your hands in embarrassment. You heard him scoff and he gently kissed your shoulder. 

Come on, it’s fine. It’s not as if you had said FACK, you know ? Then I probably would have laughed in your face. But Superman… ? I sort of get it. I mean, it’s kind of the intention we had when we recorded. Heat too. I mean, it’s in the title. So it’s fine, babe. 

You don’t think I’m a weird groupie ? You asked. 

Of course not. I think you’re the cutest thing ever, right now. And I can definitely sing those for you sometime, he said with a grin. Let’s just not play one of my albums while we fuck, ok ? I’m not that much of an egomaniac. 

Mmmh. 

Let’s get back to the list, he said as he took the phone from your hand. So… Nylons ? No. Nebulophilia - steam and fog ? Neither. Oh… objectum sexuality. You like toys ? 

I have a couple, you admitted. You ? 

Yeah, a couple too. Though I don’t use them much. But we could definitely have fun with that, he said. 

Sure, why not.  What’s next ? 

Uh… pregnancy fetish. 

Well I’m attracted to women but not pregnant ones, you stated. I get that the creation of life can be beautiful and stuff, but they look like aliens to me. 

Yeah ? Well I have to admit… I don’t want anymore kids because I’m all done with that and too old for that shit anyway but… yeah, I think pregnancy is sexy, he admitted. I mean, I sort of have a breeding kink.

Really ? You asked in shock. 

Yep. Never been more attracted to my ex than when she was pregnant, he said. 

Was that because she was carrying your baby ? You asked. 

No, not even that. I mean, that plays a big part in the appreciation, but Stevie isn’t technically mine and still, when Kim was pregnant with her… I found her so hot. 

Ok, you said. 

You’d had the kids' conversation before and you were ready to give that up, but him saying that kind of made you regret the fact that you’d never be pregnant anymore. 

You ok baby ? He asked when you went silent. 

Sure, you said softly. I’m just thinking… I’ll never get pregnant again, so… I’ll never get to experience this kind of attraction from you to me, you know ? 

Doesn’t matter, baby. I’m always attracted to you. You’re my kink and fetish, you yourself, he said. 

Yeah ? You asked. 

Of course. Plus, I may have a pregnancy fetish but it’s not that much. Like, I’m not going to jump on every pregnant lady I see like some sort of creep. And I’m not crazy to the point of dealing with 20 years of consequences for 9 months of kink. 

Makes sense, you chuckled. So if my belly gets too round because of pizza, that’ll turn you on ? 

I don’t know, he said as he burst out in laughter. Probably not though. I like your belly just the way it is. 

Ok then. Next item ? 

Public sex, he said. That’s a no for me. Obviously. I can’t risk it. Then we have… Quirofilia, the fetish for hands. I don’t really have that either. 

Good. I’ll save on getting my nails done, you joked. 

No, you can still do that. I mean, I love seeing your pretty hands… especially on some places… but it’s just not really a kink. Also, nail biting turns me off. 

Really ? 

Yup. Next is… role play. What do you think about that ? He asked. 

Not really my thing, you said. But if it’s something you like, I’ll give it a try. 

It’s not really my thing either, he said with a smile. Robot fetish ? 

Nope, you replied. You ? 

Neither. I mean, I guess that if I was single and really in need, I’d love to get a sex robot, but the idea doesn’t really turn me on, he said. 

Yeah, you’re just a guy, you teased. 

Probably, he admitted with a laugh. Next is spectrochilia. Do you believe in ghosts ? 

Not really. But if they were to exist, they’d be more scary than sexy to me, you said. 

I agree. Then we have Stygiophilia. That’s a good one, he said. The pleasure of the idea of going to hell or facing eternal punishment. I guess I’d better get going on that one because there’s no way I’m going to heaven so… 

Don’t be silly. Of course you’ll go to heaven. You’re the best human I know, you said. 

Do you even believe in God he asked ? 

Depends. In times of despair, I hope he exists and hears my prayers. Plus, when I look at the marvel of the universe, I think it’s not something random… but I’ve never even read any sacred text or anything, so, not really. How about you ? 

I’d say I’m a Christian, he simply stated. Not churchy or anything, but yeah, I’ve read the Bible and I believe in God. 

I didn’t know that, you said. 

I don’t talk about it a lot. What’s the point ? Everyone has their beliefs. 

True. What’s next ? 

Tentacles. Nope. 

Me neither, you said.

Trichophilia - are you attracted to hair ? 

Are you kidding ? I’m a girl born in the 90s. If anything I’ve been taught to despise it, you said with a laugh. You ? 

Not attracted to it, nope. But I’m also not one of those guys who is disgusted by it. It’s just… hair. 

What’s next ? 

Urophilia. That’s a no for me. You ? 

Neither. 

Thank God. I mean… if you had been into it, I would have respected it, but there’s no way I could be involved in it. 

Yeah it’s gross. Let’s change the subject. What’s next ? You asked. 

Underwear. Well, you know I have a thing for lingerie, obviously, he chuckled. How about you ? 

I like lingerie too, you said with a smile. As for male underwear, I don’t really care, but I like your boxers. 

Then we have… Voyeurism, he said. 

Oh I’m not a voyeur, you said. If anything I am scared to catch anyone I know in the middle of sex. 

Same, he chuckled. But I have to admit that seeing you touch yourself is the hottest thing ever. That gets me really horny, really fast. 

Really ? You asked. 

Fuck yeah, he said. Remember the night I told you I loved you ? 

You blushed at the memory. The whole thing had been caused by his very own sex scene in 8 Mile, of all things. 

I like masturbating for you, you said softly. And I kind of like watching you masturbate too. 

So kind of a voyeur too I guess ? He said. 

I guess. Next ?

Vicarphilia - that’s the… oh, the arousal of hearing someone talk about their sec life. What do you think of that ? 

I guess that can be sexy. Never thought of it before. But talking about sex is sexy anyway. 

True, he said. Even casually like right now… it’s kind of cool and sexy, he admitted. Then we have whips. Once again, not too keen on those. 

Oh, ok, you said. 

You ?

I wouldn’t have minded trying but it’s not necessarily on my list either, you said earnestly. Next ? 

« Wet and messy », he said with a laugh. I do love when you’re all wet and messy.

Isn’t that one about wet food like jell-o though ? You asked. I always thought it’s kind of gross though. 

Oh yeah, he said upon reading the description. Then no, that’s not my thing. Wax play ? 

Maybe, you said. I like the idea of massage candles and stuff. 

Yeah, that sounds pretty cool, he agreed. Then we have yoni eggs. I don’t have a vagina so I don’t really have an opinion on that one, I have to say. 

Yeah… not my thing, you said with a grimace. 

Zappers ? He asked. Like electro-stimulation ? Yup, no thanks. 

It sounds scary, you said as he nodded. 

And there’s the last item on the list : Zentai. Like the latex body suits, he stated. 

Not sure I’d like it, you said. 

Same here. I mean, you’d look hot in one though, but I’ll survive if I never see it. 

That’s it ? We’re done ? 

We’re done, he said. Unless you have more questions for me ? To be fair I asked you a lot of them too. 

You took a second to think. Of course you had tons of questions you’d like to ask him. After all, he was a worldwide renown superstar, so you assumed he must have crazy stories to tell. 

Do you know exactly how many people you have had sex with ? You asked. 

I should have known this one was coming, he chuckled. No, I genuinely have no idea. Anything else ? 

Do you miss the era when you were… you know… getting a lot of action ? Instead of just having one partner ? 

No, he said with a smile. It was fun for a while but it wasn’t fulfilling. When you don’t have a lot of opportunities, you fantasize about it and you think it’s going to be the best thing ever, but you don’t actually get to build a connection with someone, you know ? And the sex is so much better when you have that. Especially with you. 

Do you really like our sex life ? You asked. 

Of course, he scoffed. What ? Do I look like I don’t ? 

No, you said with a smile. But sometimes I worry that I’m not… experienced enough for you. 

You don’t have to worry about that, baby, he said as he took you in his arms. I love fucking you, making love to you… It’s great. Are you happy with our sex life ? 

Of course, you replied. I mean… You already know you’re the best I have ever had. And I love that we’re able to talk about it, too. Thank you for opening up to me, my love. 

I like talking to you, he said. Now, how about a shower ? I’m all sweaty. 

You nodded and you went to the bathroom where you showered together, kissing and exchanging love words. After, you lounged in the living room, mindlessly watching TV as he told you about his day and his meetings. 

How did the meeting with Tracy go, by the way ? You asked. 

Went well, he said with a smile. We talked for a bit and she said she actually feels comfortable to keep working with me, so that’s one less thing to worry about. I would hate it if I had to hire someone else. Sorry, babe, I know you would have loved to see her go. 

I never said that, you defended yourself. 

I know you too well, he chuckled. You don’t have to worry, though. About how she feels about me, I mean. We cleared the air and she said she was just feeling super lonely. 

Do you believe her ? You asked as you squinted. 

I do, he replied. So you don’t have to worry about anything, ok ? 

Ok, you shrugged. I mean, I trust you. By the way, have you slept with anyone else from your team ? 

No, he chuckled. Just her. Why ? Are you jealous ? 

I’m not, you said. But I just want to know if I risk running into someone who’s slept with you, you know ? 

You should be fine, he chuckled. I mean, you don’t risk meeting any ex of mine besides Tracy. Oh, and Kim, obviously. But that’s it ? 

Why would I meet Kim ? You asked confused. 

Well, she’s going to be here at Thanksgiving, he shrugged - as if it were no big deal. 

You looked at him with a confused look. You had agreed to celebrate Thanksgiving together this year, with his family. It sort of made sense, since the two were living together anyway. However, you had absolutely no idea that it would imply meeting his ex - the infamous Kim Scott. The one that people considered as Marshall’s one true love. You were so taken aback that you had no control over your facial expression. 

Anything wrong ? He asked after a few seconds of silence. 

You didn’t tell me that when we talked about Thanksgiving, you pointed out. 

I thought I did, he shrugged. 

I think I would remember if my boyfriend told me his ex-wife would be here, you said sternly. 

Sorry, babe, he said casually. Is that an issue ? 

I mean… yeah, you said frankly. Why would you celebrate Thanksgiving with her anyway ? 

Because she is the mother of my children, he explained. It’s a family holiday.

But she is your ex. You’re divorced, you said. 

Yeah but we will always be family, you know ? He continued. It allows the girls to have both of their parents with them and not have to choose. Especially now that they all have boyfriends and spend holidays with their in-laws every other year. Plus, we’re good, you know ? We get along pretty well so it’s no big deal. 

Ok, you mumbled. I’ll just celebrate with Talia and Jamal, then. 

Not with me ? He asked with his eyebrows furrowed. I was kind of looking forward to our first holiday together, babe. 

Me too, you admitted. But that was before I knew your ex would be here. 

Why would that change anything ? He asked. 

Because it changes everything, you said. How do you expect me to enjoy it if the woman you married - twice, mind you -, the mother of your children is here ? I’m going to be… intruding. 

No you wouldn’t, he said as he took your hand in his. You’re my girl, you’re the lady of this house. You can’t intrude in your own place. I want you here, with me. 

I don’t know, you said. I don’t feel comfortable. And I bet she wouldn’t either. 

She knows you’ll be here, he shrugged. And she doesn’t mind. I think she’s looking forward to meeting you actually. 

You stared at him in surprise. You definitely didn’t expect to spend your first holiday as Marshall’s girlfriend with his ex-wife being around. He didn’t seem phased by the situation, as if he didn’t see the problem. You, on the other hand, could smell the disaster from ten thousand miles away. Right when you thought you didn’t actually have to worry about another woman in Marshall’s life, you were about to meet his fucking ex-wife. What could go wrong ? Absolutely everything.

#eminem #marshall mathers #slim shady #eminem fanfiction #recovery fanfiction #eminem x reader #eminem fluff #eminem imagine #marshall mathers x reader #marshall mathers imagine

[rayassecretlife]

𝙎𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙏𝙤 𝙎𝙩𝙖𝙮 ੈ♡˳

PART 2 HERE

𝙋𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: 𝘼𝙜𝙚𝙙 𝙪𝙥!19 𝙔𝙚𝙖𝙧 𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙉𝙚𝙩𝙚𝙮𝙖𝙢 𝙎𝙪𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙭 𝙊𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙮𝙖!𝘾𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙𝙝𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙗𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙!𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧

𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜(𝙨): 𝙈𝙖𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙚 𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙪𝙖𝙜𝙚, 𝙈𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙢, 𝙈𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙝

𝙎𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮: 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙧𝙮𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙗𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧, 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚, 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙖𝙛𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙗𝙡𝙤𝙬 𝙪𝙥 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙛𝙖𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧, 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙝𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙪𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙛 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙤𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣--𝙧𝙪𝙣𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙤𝙣𝙡𝙮 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙥 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙝𝙪𝙧𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛.

“Don’t come back!” Your father’s voice slowly fades away as you ran, tears streaming down your face like no other. You were hurt—so very hurt from his harsh words and rough actions. Did he even love you? You could barely think while running, hardly even breathing from the pain you felt in your chest.

You didn’t want to leave. You didn’t want to feel this way—not again.

But you couldn’t stay and let that urge take you again. You couldn’t hold more scars to your body then you already had before.

You and your father had many fights, but this one—this one was different.

"𝙄𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙛𝙖𝙪𝙡𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙙𝙞𝙚𝙙!"

"𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙝 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙡𝙖𝙣! 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙢𝙚!"

"𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙢𝙞𝙨𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙤 𝙢𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙟𝙤𝙞𝙣 𝙝𝙚𝙧!"

His words clouded your mind like smoke filling a room with no windows—your legs almost falling weak at the thought. Oh Eywa, how much you missed your mother. You were in so much pain and nobody knew except him, yet he was always the one hurting you.

Finally, the small hut in front of you came to vision—and your mind became a haze trying to find the right way through your tears. The sully family slept peacefully in their pod, but you knew that a lot of nights the oldest sully boy would sleep in this hut in the trees, seeking some peace and quiet from his family and the world.

This wasn’t a new routine. You and your father would get into a fight and you’d always come running to him—ranting to the boy for hours on end about how much your father annoyed you.

But you had 𝙉𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 came crying to him.

Within all the years of knowing each other, Neteyam could only remember seeing you cry once—and that was when your mother had passed. He hated seeing you cry, it shattered him to watch you like that. His heart was too good for you and you knew that, you didn’t deserve a best friend like Neteyam.

You finally entered the hut, calling his name the best you could without your voice cracking. You continued to walk through the silent hut, praying to Eywa he had just been sleeping and that’s why he wasn’t answering.

But it was empty. The whole hut had been empty and in that moment, you lost your mind, covering your face as tears began to stream down your cheeks once again, sinking to the floor under you.

“𝙉𝙤, 𝙉𝙤!” You didn’t want this—you didn’t want to do this again. You didn’t understand why, why you couldn’t control it, or why it was even a thing. It scared you horribly, and you needed help.

You spread your legs on the floor, your eyes catching the multiple scars that sat in between your thighs. Your breath shook as you reached to your hip, slowly taking the handle of your knife and pulling it out of its holster.

You hesitated, cringing at your actions. You couldn’t stop, you couldn’t pull away. You closed your eyes with one last cry, the cold blade barely touching your skin.

You were 𝙐𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨.

“Y/N?” Your eyes almost immediately opened and you quickly threw the knife away from you, turning to the voice as quick as you possibly could. “What are you—are you crying?”

His soft voice made it so much harder to stop, and the worry in his eyes just made you cry even more then before. You didn’t want to bring this on him, but you did—and now there was nothing you could do to change that.

Like it had been a command from his father, he kneeled to your helpless body, pulling you close to him as he shushed you. You could feel his fear of not knowing what happened, and his anger that someone could have done this to you. He spent 13 years protecting you—what could have slipped through his fingers?

“Shhh, Syulang. It’s okay” (Flower) his hand rested against your head, pulling you the closest you could be to his body. Eywa, he was so worried. He didn’t know what happened, but he knew he was going to kill whoever did this to you.

He held you for what felt like forever, not wanting to push you to speak. You could feel his breath against your ear as his head laid against yours. Maybe it had been your shaky breath, or your limp body, but you could slowly feel yourself slipping away from reality—closing your eyes against his chest in attempt to ease the tears.

“Is it your father?” He asked hesitantly. He didn’t know what else could have bothered you this much, but you had never cried over your father in front of him before.

“Everything, Teyam” your breath had still been catching in your throat from time to time, Neteyam’s hand rubbing your arm for comfort. “I-I…I don’t know what to do”

“Did someone hurt you” it was more forward then a question. Crying wasn’t a normal thing with you, he couldn’t even remember the last time you even said anything sad.

You didn’t answer the boy. He knew about your father’s aggression, but he didn’t know about you hurting yourself—much less having those thoughts.

“Y/N” he pulled you away from him gently but your eyes still avoided his, you should have known you couldn’t hide from him forever.

He cupped your face in his hands, making you look up at him. His bright eyes staring into your own as you blinked away your tears.

“What’s wrong with me, Nete” you asked genuinely, biting down on your lip to stop yourself from crying. “Why was I never good enough?”

His heart shattered at your words, how could you ever talk about yourself like that? You didn’t know it, but you were his heart—his world in one person and you were more then enough. He tried to find the answer, but there was no explanation in his mind. You always listened to your fathers words, but you had never actually believed them.

You shook your head at his silence, dropping your face to look at your lap where your hands sat. “This is so stupid” your voice cracked as he lifted your face again, his eyes now pleading.

“Don’t do that” His voice barely over a whisper. “Don’t shut me out, Y/N” a new stream of tears began to slip from your eyes as you looked at your best friend, watching him completely beg you to talk to him. You had never seen him this worried, this vulnerable.

He always worried about you, but you never gave him a reason to. Of course he worried about your father hurting you, but you always reassured him. He was truly convinced you were the strongest girl he knew besides his mother.

Almost as if a switch had been flipped, your chest started to feel heavy and your hand almost immediately flew to it, feeling your heart begin to race ten times faster then usual. Your breath was slipping from you—you felt everything slow down.

“N-Nete!” His eyes widened as you choked out words through your now very shortened breaths—and you found yourself hyperventilating, grabbing onto his arm while you cried. “I-I can’t-“

“It’s okay, breathe. Just breathe, Syulang. I’m right here” he took your hand in his, feeling you tighten around his hand. You were so scared—it felt like your heart was stopping. “Hold onto me, okay? Just look at me, I need you to breathe”

As if he wasn’t worried enough before, he definitely was now. His free hand cupped the side of your face as he pressed your intertwined hands against your chest, keeping your eyes on him. He needed to know what happened, a panic attack? That wasn’t you.

“Breathe, baby. I’m not going anywhere, I’m right here” Baby? You breathed in, coughing a few times before trying to salvage back your voice. You kept your eyes on him, his ears falling back at your tears. “That’s it” You sighed as he wiped your tears, placing his other hand on your leg. “Your okay, you can breathe, you can breathe” he pleads with you, begging you to take a steady breath. “Do it with me” You follow his breaths, taking a breath in and slowly letting it out.

“I-I” You couldn’t stop the tears as he let out a heavy breath, reaching over and wrapped your arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. Neteyam didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you, his head down laid in the crook of your neck.

He felt so much rage in that moment. He never saw you this hurt—his strong girl. Hell, you even scared him sometimes. You found a sense of comfort in his arms, your shaky breath calming down against his ear while he whispered reassuring words to you. He had no idea what to do or even what to say, but he just knew he couldn’t let you go.

“What’s going on, Y/N. Your worrying me” he whispers to your ear, a long sigh of relief leaving his chest. He just wanted you to be safe—and he knew as long as you were here, you would be.

“Can I stay here? Just… Just for the night?” Your voice cracked as you spoke, your hands finding their way through his hair for some sort of comfort.

“You know you can stay with me, Y/N” He sighs, running his hand along your back as you held him tighter—almost afraid he’d let you go.

He truly was your safe space.

Your home.

“I…I came because…” you couldn’t bare the thought of admitting it to him. Afraid that he’d finally see what you’d been hiding for so long—and realize that his perfect, Strong best friend was not as perfect and strong as everyone had thought. “I didn’t want to do it”

“Do what, Syulang?” Oh, how much you loved that nickname—always giving you flashbacks from when it was given to you—back when you and neteyam had just been kids.

“Hurt myself” your voice had barely been audible but he heard you, his ears falling back at your words. What did you mean? “I came here because I was going to hurt myself if I didn’t”

“What do you mean?” You sigh at the boy, pulling back from him. You hesitated to open your legs the smallest bit, showing him the many scars you had across your inner thigh.

His eyes widened once he realized and his hands moved your leg outward more, revealing more and more scars scattered across the area. You bit down on your lip, trying your hardest not to cry. You knew this would only worry him more, he’d never let you go now.

“Nete-“

“Why? Why would you do something like this, Y/N” your ears fall back at his words and his eyes looking up at you, like he was disappointed in you or something.

Your worst fear was coming true. Neteyam was disappointed in you.

You closed your legs, looking down from the boy as you felt your heart shatter. He was the only person you didn’t want to upset—the only person who actually saw you.

“Please don’t be mad at me” his eyebrows creased at your words but you hadn’t seen, only looking down at your lap with tears threatening to fall from your eyes. “I really, really fucking need you, Neteyam”

“I don’t want Mo’at, or to talk to my father” your voice cracked as you look up, your eyes meeting his vibrant yellows. “I need you. I need you to tell me everything is going to be okay because I know if you say it, I’ll finally believe it”

You were practically falling apart in front of him. On top of your tear stained cheeks, you couldn’t even speak to him—having to fight yourself to keep eye contact with the boy, but he wasn’t mad at you. He could never be mad at you.

But it hurt him watching you break apart, feeling like you had to beg him to hold you. Neteyam would do anything for you, even if it meant hurting himself. His hands cupped your face once more, this time way more stiff—his eyes almost begging for you to listen to him.

“Next time you feel like this, tell me. I might not get it, and I sure as hell have no idea what I’m doing, but I never want to see you go through this alone again, you hear me?”

His voice was a lot more stern and you could tell he had been talking from anger. You leaned into his hand and nodded, laying your hand on his arm. “I’m sorry for barging in on you” you apologize, realizing this all happened so fast.

“Are you kidding me? You made my night a whole lot better” you laughed, wiping your eyes and nose. “I like having you here”

You smile at the boy, feeling your cheeks get hot at his words as that wave of stress washed over you. He wasn’t mad, and that was all that mattered to you.

“Just don’t ever scare me like that again, yeah?” He pulled you into one last hug, placing a gentle kiss against your head. You knew you shouldn’t have been thinking of this—but it was so attractive when he was protective, you stressed him out more then Lo’ak.

“I like when your around, too” You sigh against him and his ears perked, he had hoped you didn’t know, but his tail swaying side to side like a dog was enough for you to notice. “I’m tough, Teyam”

“I know you are” he agreed, stroking your back with his hand. “I see you, Y/N” You pulled back from the boy only a bit, your eyes searching his. Usually, this would have been just a statement, but you couldn’t ignore the way he said it. How hesitant he had been, his voice low with the fear of your reaction.

“Neteyam” your voice was soft and quiet, your hands intertwined with his on your lap. You were scared of what he might say, or even a little bit nervous if he had thought this was weird. You wanted him to kiss you so badly, even for a small second—and for a moment, you actually believed it would’ve happened.

But it didn’t.

“We should get some sleep, I have to go hunting with my father at sunrise” his words break the trance between you two and you nod your head, letting him pull you up to your feet. He glanced at the single hammock on the other side of the room, his hand still in yours. “Take the hammock, okay? I’ll-“

“Not alone” he looked back at you but your eyes had already ignored his, looking anywhere but at him. Did he not want to sleep with you? Maybe your thoughts were wrong.

Maybe you were just friends.

“If you don’t want to-“

“No! Uh, I mean…that’s fine, didn’t know if you were comfortable and I didn’t want to assume I just-” He rambled on, trying to save himself from his previous answer but you covered his mouth.

“Neteyam” You laughed at him, watching his ears fall back as he sighed. You removed your hand from his mouth and he nodded his head.

He was the first to lay on the hammock, his heart skipping a beat as he opened his arm out to you—eyes watching your every move as you laid against him.

“Is this okay?” He asks as you lay your head on his chest, legs tangled in his. You could hear his heart racing against your ear but he damn near prayed to Eywa you didn’t.

“More then okay” His mind was all over the place as he watched you melt into him. The amount of times he had imagined this moment was inevitable, he’d go to sleep every night wishing you had been there, and you did the same—hoping one day it would be real.

It felt so right.

“Neteyam?” You mumble against his chest, hearing him hum as you placed a hand on the side of his torso to pull him somewhat closer. “Don’t let me go”

Eywa, help me. The boy thought as he pushed your hair behind your ear, his fingers roaming through your soft hair. He dipped his head down to yours, pressing the smallest kiss against your head before leaning against you—his head resting on yours.

He was so warm. You felt weightless in his arms. You could finally breathe. You could finally fall asleep knowing you’d wake up safe, to wake up knowing you had someone that wasn’t going to leave. You finally, had someone to stay.

“I wasn’t planning on it, Syulang”

PART 2 HERE

#avatar #avatar fanfiction #avatar 2 #avatar the way of water #avatar x you #neteyam sully #neteyam sully x y/n #neteyam #neteyam x reader #neteyam angst #ptsd recovery #idiots in love

[fruitsand-peachies]

Art for the incredible @ardenrabbit's story "A Long and Slow Recovery" which is my FAVORITE tgcf fic right now, I can't recommend it enough. Seriously broke my heart and mended it like eighteen times by now.

#tian guan ci fu #HuaLian #hua cheng x xie lian #TGCF #heaven official's blessing fan art #heaven official's blessing #ArdenRabbit #A Long and Slow Recovery #Fanfiction #My Art

[projectbluearcadia]

I Am and Always Will Be

(Coping) Lucifer x GN!MC

[ Story Premise - Lucifer gets upset because you don't value yourself. ]

TW: SELF-HARM, SUICIDAL IDEATION

Note: The reason I have not marked this as mature is because everyone, including those who are underage, should know that they should seek help. If tumblr decides to give me a slap on the wrist for this, then so be it.

Wordcount: 1652

You don’t really remember how it first started.

  A heartbreaking comment from a cherished friend, and suddenly you’re in the nearest bathroom with your hands on the sink. You look at yourself in the mirror, and all you can think is that there is something less than human staring back at you. Something cruel and hideous and malformed. You hate it. You hate it. You hate it so much that it makes your skin crawl. It makes your eyes water and your teeth clench. 

You can’t escape it. You can’t run away. You can’t even scream, because what would be the point? You’d only attract attention to yourself in the most awkward place possible, where at least one person was trying to take a shit in peace. You can’t stand yourself. My personality is the problem. Every single time I try to make things work, it just turns to nothing. I overreact, and then it all falls apart. I’m so sick of myself. 

You’re sick of it.

And that’s when you finally turn to it. To the only thing that stopped you from feeling like this, even temporarily. A blade, one that had broken free of your cheap shaving razor after you threw it one too many times. I want to see this horrid blood spill. I want it. I need it. 

You drew a thin line. A thicker line. A deep line. 

Your skin, already scarred in some places, was quickly smearing with blood. Drenched. The toilet flushes, and in hindsight, you vaguely realize that doing this in a public bathroom was a dreadful idea, and you leave, adrenaline pounding through your veins—

  No one can know. No one should know. I don’t want them to know. 

—Despite the fact that your blood is leaving a trail behind you, leaving you weaker and weaker with every step. It’s practically gushing from your wounds, and you start to sniffle. It doesn’t really hurt; no, the rush is still too strong. But for some reason, you can’t stop yourself from crying. 

“Hey, someone spilled their Koolaid Ja… Holy SHIT!?” the person, likely from the bathroom screamed, and they fumbled at their phone as you ran further, further, further. “Why are you running away?! You’re bleeding!” Maybe I want to be bleeding, you have the time to think before a sudden bout of dizziness floods your brain. You collapse. You fall. 

And fall. 

<><><>

Surprisingly, you wake up. Funny; you wished you didn’t. Was this it? Was this your first (or was it second?) commitment to the hospital? 

“Lucifer, they’re awake,” came a soft man’s voice, and no sooner had it come than was a man by your side. One with jet-black hair and tragically garnet eyes. 

“MC,” he whispers, his hand caressing your cheek with shuddering fingers, and you find yourself realizing that was a dream. Or, rather, the reliving of how you came to live in the Devildom. You’ve been living here for months now, with Lucifer and his brothers in the House of Lamentation. You’ve been… enjoying living here. How could I wish that I wasn’t alive here? 

“We took away their dagger,” Barbatos said gently as Lucifer shook, holding onto you. “They are okay.” 

“MC, why did you do something like that?” Lucifer whispered, leaning his head into the pillow, right next to your head. His voice agonizingly shuddering, and your body wracks itself with guilt. “MC, MC, MC…” I should have finished the job so he wouldn’t have to feel like this. 

“...I thought I hurt you,” you mumble. You expect him to yell, but the voice that comes from his mouth is soft and excruciatingly slow as he struggles not to sob. 

“And you thought this would hurt me less?” 

“Over time… yeah.” 

“MC…” he whispers, and he sharply sniffles. It hurts to hear—the avatar of pride, breaking down and starting to cry because of you. Because of what you did. I should have eaten the rat poison. “How could you think that leaving a hole in my heart would hurt me less over time? What have I done to make you think that you’re not important to me? I haven’t been able to think for the past three days.”

“...I’m sorry.” You look away from his shoulder, shortly finding that Barbatos has quietly left so that you’re permitted privacy. “I just… I don’t know…” Your eyes prickle. “I-I just… I hate myself so much for what I put you through, and I… I can’t take it anymore.” 

“And you think the best way to put me out of my misery is to rip out half my soul?” Lucifer gasps, and his tears hit your cheek as he finally brings his face up from the pillow to look at you. To show you the tears streaking down his pale, beautiful face. “Why didn’t you tell me anything? I already knew that you hurt yourself in the past, so why did you have to do it again, after all this time? What did I do to make you feel like that?” 

“It’s not you…” 

“It must be!” Lucifer retorts hoarsely, his hot tears splashing your forehead. “You’re supposed to be my partner, and I’m supposed to protect you! I couldn’t do that, so tell me why you couldn’t trust me! Please!” 

“I…” Your voice is breaking up. From one hellish scene to another, you’re not sure how much your heart can take. “I’m sorry. I-I thought… I thought…you would hate me.” The mere thought sends your lacrimal glands into a frenzy as you realize he might hate you now. “I-I couldn’t bear to… lose someone else… so I…” 

“Shhhh,” Lucifer hushes with anxious shudders, and he hugs you so tightly you wonder if he might be trying to break your ribcage. You can feel his ragged breathing, his racing pulse. You almost break into an incomprehensible mess right then and there, unable to speak a single word. “I love you. I love you. I love you,” he murmurs, rocking you with him as you sniffle and try your damndest to get ahold of yourself. “I will always love you.”

“What if I kill one of your brothers?” 

“You would never do that,” Lucifer murmurs, trying his hardest not to let his voice tremble.  

“You don’t know that.” 

“Yes, I do. I know you, MC.” 

“No, you don’t. There are parts of me you’ll never know. There are parts of me you shouldn’t know.”

“I want to know.” 

You shake your head. 

“You can’t just keep hiding everything. I hate it when you do. Don’t you think I’m strong enough of a person to talk to you when you want to kill yourself?” 

“You don’t know what it’s like,” you whisper. 

“That’s irrelevant,” he says, recovering some of his usual sternness as he sniffles. “I don’t need to know how exactly it feels. I just need to know that you’re in pain. I just need to know if there’s anything I can do, anything I can’t do. Please, MC, I can’t just watch. That’s the only thing I’m not strong enough to do. Just indulge my selfishness and just… just lean on me. I don’t care if I have to take the entire burden myself.” 

“You’re already carrying too much…” 

“Me?!” Lucifer growled as he pulled away from you. “I’m not the one in agony! It’s true that I’m stressed, and I usually have a lot on my plate. But it stresses me infinitely more that my own lover won’t tell me about their problems! How hard do I have to drill it into your head that you come first?!” 

“...sorry.” 

Lucifer sighs deeply and heavily before he leans his head against yours, his fingers nestling into your hair, massaging your scalp. 

“Please… don’t ever do that again,” he murmurs. “If you’re scared of losing me, then don’t eliminate any possibility of ever seeing me again. I don’t know where you’ll go when you die, but it won’t be here.” 

“I get it, and I’m sorry,” you mumble. 

“Do you get it?” 

“I get that you’re mad at me…” 

“Did you listen to a damn word I said?!” Lucifer snaps, his voice breaking again, and you flinch in his arms before he squeezes you again. “I’m not angry with you. I’m upset and scared. Do you have any idea what it feels like to not be able to protect someone that matters to you? That the person you love doesn’t even think they’re worth protecting? That I can’t help you through the monstrosities that plague your mind?

You can’t find it in yourself to answer. It’s painful to try. 

“I’m begging you, MC…promise me. Promise me you’ll help me help you. I could live knowing that you are happy even if it’s in the human world. All I want is for you to live a full, happy life. I know you, and I know that you deserve that.” 

“Do I? I’ve done so many things…”

“I let my own sister die,” Lucifer replies somberly. “I brought Satan into the world, confused and angry. I didn’t know that the only reason Asmo thought I kept him around was because of his beauty. I let Levi feel inferior. I locked away Belphie when we could have just talked… there are so many things I’ve done wrong, before and after falling from Heaven, and I hated myself for it. But I was the only one who kept hating myself after Belphie forgave me, after Satan accepted me. Anger is brief, MC. I, and everyone else, care about you so much more than all of the bad things that might make up your mistakes in life. I am, and always will, feel that way. I am, and always will, be there for you. Even on the occasions where I am not physically there, I am still there for you.” 

“Always?” 

“Always. So promise me… okay?” 

From the author: As fans of my work may have guessed, I have been on both sides of this conversation many times. Talking about it was the best thing I, and people I knew, ever did. And, believe it or not, Lucifer has genuinely comforted me in both scenarios. I hope to have imparted some of that onto the audience regardless of whether or not they are struggling with depression, self-harm, or suicidal urges. The storm may rage, but I believe that we can be stronger than it if we stop trying to weather it alone. Thank you for reading my two cents, and I hope that both I and you can spread life and love rather than hatred and death.

Obligatory Suicide Hotline Information

(Seriously, PLEASE CALL THESE IF YOU'RE STRUGGLING)

U.S. 988

Canada 833-456-4566

Australia 13114

U.K. 0800-689-5652

For other countries and counseling services that may be available in your country -> OpenCounseling

#obey me lucifer #obey me lucifer x mc #please talk to people who care #obey me shall we date #fanfiction #obey me! #lucifer x mc #lucifer simp #comfort #reassurance #obey me angst #suicide #self care #lucifer x gn!mc #recovery #self acceptance #healing journey #coping #self compassion

[emotionaldisaster909]

aaaAAAAAAAAAAAA-

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE-

I AM IN SO MUCH FEAR

PLS MY BOYS A-

-

upd.

…

…hey what the fuck

What the fuck

What the fuck

What the fuck.

.

.

.

This is the best tgcf fic i’ve read.

What the fuck.

This chapter.

Was the best chapter in this fic.

And the worst.

In the best possible way.

Oh what the fuck.

#tgcf #hualian #alasr #a long and slow recovery #hualian fic #tgcf fic rec #tgcf fic #hualian fic rec #tian guan ci fu #xie lian #hua cheng #tgcf thoughts #fangxin guoshi #heaven officials blessing #天官赐福 #tgcf fanfic #tgcf fandom #tgcf fanfiction #tgcf fics #hualian fanfic #hualian fanfiction #hualian fics

[steevbuckk]

FAVORITE STUCKY FICS | 53/100

Effects of Obliteration by @geneticallydead

[Post CA:TWS, 25 553 words, Explicit]

Summary:

“I watched a documentary on the bombs dropped on Nagasaki and Hiroshima a while ago. In the blast radius, sometimes a… a person blocked the bleaching effect of the radiation. So the person was vaporized, but a shadow was left behind, on a bridge or a wall – their shape, their outline, when they were completely gone," Steve said. "It’s called a nuclear shadow.”

“If you’re implying the Soldier is like a nuclear shadow, then that is seriously fucking dark, man,” Sam said dryly.

OR

Before the fall of the Soviet Union, the Winter Soldier was sent to the American arm of Hydra - only there was a malfunction in the cryo-unit that meant it couldn't be opened, and it was left, powered but abandoned, in an underground base.

25 years later, the Avengers find it.

more fics

#100stucky #stucky #stevebucky #stucky fic #fic rec #my recs #steve rogers #bucky barnes #mcu #marvel #post tws #post ca:tws #canon divergence #captain america #captain america tws #captain america: the winter soldier #captain america the winter soldier #winter soldier #recovery #stucky fanfiction #steve/bucky #steve x bucky #steve rogers/bucky barnes #steve rogers x bucky barnes #steve and bucky #avengers family #domestic #sharing a bed #stucky fanfic #moodboard