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romantic-reveries · 8 months

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I really, really hate how this friend brings out the worst in me.

I’m generally the kind of person who is very happy for other people’s happiness and successes, but the strife between us has made it to where I often feel bitter at any of her perceived successes because I don’t feel like she deserves it. Which is SO mean. God, I hate it.

She makes me feel like an insecure, lonely teenager again. She’s often made comments that feel so unnecessarily competitive, though. Last summer, she told me and our other friend (all virgins at the time), that she wanted to be the first to lose it. We were both like “okay, go for it” because neither of us cared (or at least, I certainly didn’t—I was 28 and a virgin in only the most technical sense because of pain, and saw no need to rush.)

Today, she found out that I’m not anymore, (our other friend hasn’t been for months), and one of the first things she says is: “I’m the last one :(“

This, after listening to a monologue on how she doesn’t want to rush into having sex, and she’s never even been sexually attracted to anyone because she’s demisexual and she just wants to be “normal” (she’s 23 and I kept assuring her that these are all very normal feelings and things I felt myself at that age when I still hadn’t ever been involved with anyone in any way at all) and she’s not going to have sex unless she’s on birth control, etc etc. It’s hilarious for her to be so hung up on having it when she doesn’t even actually sound like she wants to.

When I first met the guy I’m seeing, she’d also met someone on a dating app around the same time, and had the gall to say to me (before even actually MEETING this man): “you might have sex before me, but I’ll probably have a boyfriend before you” which just—? She didn’t say it in a catty tone. She truly said it as if she was acknowledging the weather—like it was a neat little observation. But it felt so incredibly mean. Like, that’s an inside thought. I’d already done more physically than her AND had a boyfriend (even if I hardly counted it), which meant she was only counting like, since we’d known each other. And it just felt like “you might have someone who wants to fuck you before me, but I’m gonna have someone actually WANT me before you”, which wasn’t even true because the guy I’m with has wanted me since the jump, sex or no. If I hadn’t dug my heels in about it, he would’ve been my “boyfriend” in a heartbeat, but I have reservations for a myriad of life reasons. And she knew I’d just been involved with a guy in December who I had wanted to be my boyfriend very badly. Regardless, it just felt like a shitty, weird thing to say to someone.

In a similar vein, around the beginning of the year, we watched a movie—some kind of Hallmark-esque Christmas film where the lead girl has an enchanted advent calendar that gives her a boyfriend. I made some kind of joke like “damn, I need one of those” and she agreed she did too, and then goes: “wait, no! You’ve been involved with someone more recently than me! It’s my turn!” And like, maybe it was supposed to be funny, but why, even as a joke, are you acting like we can’t both have and both deserve someone? As if we can’t both be in a relationship at the same time or something? It’s “her turn”—as if I had to wait for her turn to have mine again? Not to mention, my “turns” had hardly amounted to anything at all, and I’m older than her and have waited longer for it. She could’ve left the joke at “haha me too” and called it a day.

Instead of finding common ground in these moments, she wants to make it divisive, and I don’t get why. It could’ve been like “oh, isn’t it so cool that we both met someone at the same time?” or “haha yeah, I hope we both meet someone soon!”—having her be needlessly cutting and competitive in those ways has made me less than charitable toward her.

And then there are nights like tonight—I’ve had to hear about how Wednesday is “our” night to spend together, and how she doesn’t see me much anymore and doesn’t feel “like a priority”. And every week, I have to hear about how she doesn’t want to go to Singo. She can’t wait to get home and read. She’ll read AT Singo, on her phone. Tonight, she brought an honest-to-God book. To a BAR.

How in the fuck are we supposed to visit while we play a game where there’s loud music AND you’re reading? And on top of it, she got all buddied up with a girl sitting on her other side at the bar, and I couldn’t hear the conversation, so I couldn’t be in on it, obviously. She’s cutting up and having a great time with her, and occasionally checking in with me. And THEN, some other girl comes up to talk to her after seeing her book and they chit chatted and exchanged numbers.

And lord help me, I am a horrible person. Because I’ve been hoping to make new friends considering her friendship usually just makes me feel bad, but every girl I’ve met lately is in their early twenties like her, and I’ve had enough issues with her emotional immaturity. I’d like to make friends my own age. So how come it just falls in her lap and not mine? It made me so irrationally angry. I think some of that is period hormones, but they don’t usually do me quite like that.

It’s like, fundamentally, we have a lot of interests and feelings and experiences in common. But she’s mean-spirited, and selfish, and bossy, and demanding. She thinks the world should revolve around her and she should be catered to. She’s so contrarian and hypocritical and condescending, and she still has that teenage fixation on how she’s so ~different~ from everyone else. She’s weirdly rigid—I offered to help her clean her previous apartment when she was moving out, and she wanted to instruct me on how to clean it—my space is literally always cleaner than hers. My standard of HYGIENE is higher than hers. She doesn’t even brush her teeth or shower daily, apparently???

We made plans to go out to eat recently and then watch a movie at her place, and I asked where she wanted to eat, and she spieled off something about her side of town vs. my side of town, but since she was going to Michael’s after work, we could go wherever, maybe I should pick a place between both of us (for context, we live less than ten minutes apart. I work right next to Michael’s, close to where she lives, and she works closer to where I live, but again: probably like a 6-8 minute drive). I would’ve literally driven us the next town over. I don’t care. She always says how she wants to do more things, fun things, but in reality she doesn’t want to stray from her like, 3 mile radius and her little routines.

She wants to invite me to her house after work often and not offer food. If I invite her over, I make sure there are things to eat, whether that’s snacks or a meal. She once invited me after work and was like “you don’t have to stay long, I know you’ll be hungry” and I showed up and she was eating her dinner. She grew up in poverty and has food insecurity, and I get that, but like—you can’t be for real. Inviting someone to your house because you want their company, knowing they haven’t eaten in hours, and eating in FRONT of them? To her credit, she did offer a piece of brownie, but then—in her own words—gave me the little piece of the two she cut.

And she lies—about the WEIRDEST stuff. Maybe not even lies so much as makes excuses, but like, once recently she came to my house for dinner and left like RIGHT after, because it was 6:30 and “getting dark soon.” She hates driving at night (she hates driving at all but). For the record, it’s summer and doesn’t get dark until like 9. Even my grandma thought it was rude and called her out and then she goes “well, my cat doesn’t like being alone during thunderstorms”—it wasn’t even raining. It’s cool if you just wanna be home, but please. If you’re gonna make excuses, be better at it.

She made a massive deal about how I slept in the car on our way home from the Taylor Swift concert. HER fault. She’d planned for us to stay with a friend of hers (a term I use loosely because she doesn’t like this girl at all—thinks she’s super catty and bitchy), and at last minute decides she simply cannot stay there, and we leave at fucking four in the morning. I’m so exhausted I physically cannot keep my eyes open even though I fight like hell to. She wakes me up close to my house and is like “when we get to your house, you gotta get your stuff and go”—as if I don’t want to get out and go to bed?

Later, I confronted her about it (among other things) and she says how I just don’t understand how bad her driving anxiety is (me, who literally wasn’t driving until a few months ago and her, who when I tried to use it as a point of common ground early in our friendship, insisted she didn’t have issues with it) and it’s so bad she can’t sleep in the car when someone else is driving, how she ALWAYS stays awake on trips to help keep the driver awake, and how I literally fell over on her arm (ACROSS THE CONSOLE?) and she couldn’t move me because she had her hands on the wheel.

I’ve slept in the car a LOT in my life, and never once have I leaned across the whole ass console. I either sit up straight with my neck lolling everywhere (most common) or end up with my head against the door. There’s just zero way that happened and I didn’t feel it, no matter how tired I was.

Anyway, a few weeks later, her and her mom take a trip out of state, and they’re talking on the phone after she gets back. Her mom is giving her shit for sleeping for the whole car ride and she’s like “I wasn’t driving! What did you expect?” Oh… so you do sleep in the car, then. And by the way, her mom is the scariest driver I’ve ever ridden with. So cars are sooo scary that you can’t sleep in them, except with your mom, who is the worst driver I’ve ever met. The math isn’t mathing here.

AND THEN—she’d made sure to let me know how much it stressed her out for me to confront her about how I’d been feeling (because we texted over the period of a work day about it) and how I should’ve “spoken up sooner”, and then recently, in light of our other friend getting a boyfriend and dropping off the face of the planet, I wanted to make sure she wasn’t feeling neglected now that I’m seeing someone, and she said she didn’t, but she also didn’t feel prioritized. Which is not what I asked. We’re friends, and we both work full time. We have standing once a week plans. And when I asked her what she meant, she said something about how anytime she brings something up with me that’s about me and not her, I make it about her and not me, and how she didn’t want to elaborate on that. That we were fine as far as she was concerned, and we’d eventually talk about it. So she couldn’t handle one DAY of me trying to phrase things tactfully, but has this hanging over my head like a guillotine for weeks. And it’s even funnier because she said “when she brings something up” except she never has. The conversation I brought to her is the ONLY one we’ve ever had in that vein. So for her to imply that I like, shift blame and don’t take accountability was so immensely shitty and not even true.

If I were a pettier person, I would call her out on her bullshit as these things happen. This is a short list of a litany. Or I would say mean things back—like how not only did I have sex first, but I also fell in love first. But I don’t.

I’ve considered not being her friend multiple times. Since we’ve become friends, she’s continually made me feel left out, confused, and like a petty little baby because it triggers feelings I haven’t felt since I was a literal child. She reminds me of my dad. He’s the only other person I’ve ever struggled THIS hard to just get along with. And sometimes, she’s great, and I wonder how there’s even an issue.

But I think it boils down to that—if I cut two pieces of something, I will always, without thought, give the larger serving to the other person. She very intentionally gave me the smaller one, knowing I was hungry, and I think that speaks to who we are as people. And I understand that experiences shape who we are, and I see from her family dynamic where a lot of her behavior comes from, but the reality is, I am a giver, and she is a taker, and the balance there just doesn’t work. It’s tedious and exhausting, and what good is being friends with someone when it stresses you out more than it ever feels good?

It doesn’t make me feel supported or cared for or loved. It makes me feel alienated and unchosen and used. One day, I will learn how to navigate things like this better.

I don’t know why I struggle so much with the idea that I can have good friends. This time last year, I had only JUST met the ones I have now. And I had no romantic prospects at all. Things can happen quickly when they do. I just need to allow myself to believe in them.

#personal

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pies-writes-and-more · 3 years

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the first time saying I love you p. 2

Warnings: nothing! Maybe some swearing but all fluff!

Characters: Iwaizumi Hajime, Oikawa Toru, & Tsukishima Kei, all with a Fem!Reader

A/N: Thank you so much @livy384 for asking for a part 2 of this idea!!! I was so excited to see someone wanted to see more of one of my headcanons haha. So here you go lovely!! A big thank you as usual to my inspiration babies @thisnoodlewritesao3 and @satan-ruler-of-hells <3 Also I’m sorry I know Oikawa’s is shorter than the others but I’ve never written for him or thought about writing for him so i’m so very sorry if it sucks xD

pt. 1

Iwaizumi Hajime Who says it first: Neither of you

It was supposed to have been a really cute date - Iwaizumi had remembered you telling your friend that there was a market near by that you’ve always wanted to go visit, but never had anyone to go with. Naturally, Iwaizumi tucked that information in the back of his brain and planned.

It was a Saturday and Iwaizumi had somehow managed to get himself away from practice, making you smile wide when he asked if you wanted to spend the day together. You knew he felt a little bad lately, being so busy with volleyball, and as much as you never blamed him for it, you were happy to be spoiled with his presence. When he started walking you towards the market, your eyes went wide, looking at all the cute stalls that you wanted to visit and the items you wanted to check out.

“Iwa!” You grinned up at him, shaking his arm excitedly. “How did you know I wanted to go here?”

He just shrugged and gave you a smile, patting your head gently, “Let’s find some cute things for my cute girlfriend hm?” You beamed and happily took his hand, the two of you going around to each stall.

There was too much to look at honestly and you wanted nothing more than to carry bundles of everything home. Iwa managed to sneak away from you for a second while you talked to a stall owner, picking out a necklace for you and holding it close to his chest for a moment, just thinking of you. Meanwhile, you managed to find a beautiful lucky charm to give him for his next game. He never really needed it but you always liked the gesture of being the one to give it to him anyways.

It was a perfect date so far.

And then Oikawa showed up.

“Iwa!” He grinned, waving from afar. You laughed, realizing that Oikawa had most likely followed you guys here. You never minded him tagging along on your dates (though the girls that followed him were sometimes a bit extreme), but Iwaizumi on the other hand... never seemed too happy to see his best friend.

Iwaizumi groaned loudly, annoyed at himself for casually mentioning that he’d be bringing you here this weekend, “Why are you here?” He grumbled, glaring at his friend as he made his way over.

Oikawa just pouted, “I just wanted to make sure you were being nice to Y/N!”

“When am I ever mean to Y/N?”

“I dunno, but you’re mean to me and I’m your best friend so I just assumed it was how you show affection,” Oikawa chuckled and gave you a wave, “Are you two having fun?”

You nodded and glanced around at all the other stalls you still wanted to visit, “There’s so much to look at! Are you looking to get anything, Oikawa?”

The boy just smiled and looked around, “I dunno, I’ll have to look around some! What did you two get?” He asked, nodding at the little bags and packages you were holding.

“Oh! I found this cute little decoration for my parents’ kitchen,” you explain, showing off some of the little knickknacks you found. “I wanted to find some sort of accessory for myself. Maybe like a barrette or a bracelet,” you admitted, eyes drifting away again as if you would be able to find something from where you were standing.

“Like this?” Oikawa asked, peeking into Iwaizumi’s bag and pulling out a little jewlery box, opening it to see the necklace that Iwaizumi had bought you.

“You asshole! Give that back!” Iwaizumi’s eyes went wide, realizing he had had his eyes locked on you the whole time you were talking because you were just so cute, he hadn’t even noticed Oikawa practically pickpocketing him.

Oikawa’s bottom lip just stuck out again, huffing and holding the item farther away from his best friend, “Why are you so mean? If you bought it for her, shouldn’t you give it to her? What, were you just going to let her buy something else for herself and waste her money?”

Iwaizumi’s whole face was red. He didn’t want to yell out his whole plan to the market, let alone to Oikawa when you were standing right there, laughing at the whole encounter.

“Stop being so shy, Iwa,” Oikawa cooed, smiling as he looked at you, “I’m sure she thinks it’s really cute that you buy her things to show her you love her!”

“Shittykawa, please shut the hell up,” Iwaizumi glared at his friend, still trying to grab the box away from him.

“Aw don’t put words in his mouth, Oikawa,” you giggled, smiling up at your boyfriend and his friend, “I think he just does it cause he’s sweet.”

Oikawa noticed the way you were so quick to dismiss his words, glancing between you and Iwaizumi, completely confused, “What do you mean?”

“Oikawa, I swear to god, please go before I kill you,” Iwaizumi was practically clawing his hands up to Oikawa’s neck, his whole body feeling flustered.

“Iwaizumi, did you tell her you didn’t want to be embarrassed in front of your friends? It’s okay! She can know I know! It’s not like you don’t talk about it all the time.”

“Talk about what?” You asked, growing more confused as the conversation went on.

“About how much he loves you! He talks about it all the time with the team!” Oikawa beamed, finally letting Iwaizumi grab the jewelry box from his hands.

Your eyes go wide, looking over at Iwaizumi, who seemed suddenly very concerned over kicking some dust on the ground. His whole face was red, eyes looking literally anywhere but at you.

“You love me?” You squeaked out nervously.

“No! I-I mean, yes but- hang on,” your boyfriend groaned. He had the whole thing planned out, he had wanted to tell you a whole speech about how much he loved you and now that whole plan was absolutely ruined.

Oikawa’s body froze as he watched the two of you, sheepishly laughing, “Oh... I spoiled it didn’t I? That’s what the necklace was for hm?”

“Shittykawa, if one more word leaves your lips-” Iwaizumi huffed, punching his arm with an annoyed look on his face.

“I’m sorry, Iwa! I didn’t mean to spoil your first love confession! But honestly, I’m such a big part of your life, maybe it’s better this way-” Oikawa grinned, obviously trying to lift up some of the tension.

“I’m going to count to three, and if you’re not gone by the end of it, I will literally bury you alive.” There was something different about this death threat, a growl in Iwaizumi’s throat building with his anger.

Oikawa’s smile tensed and he just turned to you with a little wave, “I suddenly remembered I have to be literally anywhere else but here. Have a nice date! Please convince him not to kill me!”

You had never seen Oikawa dash away so quickly, his figure gone almost immediately after waving goodbye.

Iwaizumi seemed so angry, all you could was offer a small smile, “You okay?” You asked softly, touching his arm gently.

He seemed to relax a bit at your touch, sighing and just turning to look at you, “Yeah. Please don’t listen to anything he says. He’s literally an idiot.”

You smiled shyly, rocking on your heels awkwardly, “So... you don’t love me then?”

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened immediately, shaking his hands in front of him quickly in denial, “N-No. I mean. Yes. Just don’t listen to him. But yes, I love you.” He hesitated for a moment, seeming to watch your eyes. “Unless you don’t love me back, then we can just pretend none of this happened,” he mumbled shyly, rubbing the back of his head.

You couldn’t help but giggle, pushing his arm playfully, “You idiot. Of course I love you.”

He blinked in surprise, staring at your face and trying to make sure you weren’t just joking with him, “Oh. Well in that case, this is for you.” He handed you the small box holding the necklace, watching as you open it to find a small pendant of your favourite animal. “The heart ones just seemed so cheesy,” he admitted with a shrug. “But I hope you think of me whenever you wear it.”

Your heart literally grew three sizes, this boy was being so cute and sweet. You nodded up at him happily, still admiring your new necklace, which was exactly what you had hoped to find at the market, “I will.”

He whispered another “I love you” to you as he helped clasp the necklace behind your neck, pressing a kiss to your cheek from behind and sending a tingle down your spine.

He said “I love you” to you every hour after that - if his surprise was going to be spoiled, he was going to spoil you with those words over and over again, never wanting you to forget how he feels about you.

Oikawa Toru Who says it first: You

Oikawa was literally the worst person to study with - he was always so distracting. How could someone who barely looks at his notes during your study dates be in Class 6? He was always busy with volleyball anyways, so how was it possible that he had any other time to do work?

“Hurry up and finish your work so we can go do something fun,” Oikawa hummed with a smirk on his face, having already finished his homework. He refused to let you look at his answers, or even help you, because “how are you supposed to learn, Y/N?” Smug ass look on his face how rude. “I might just have to go on some adventure on my own while I wait for you to finally finish.”

You just roll your eyes and mumble something about hating him making him laugh.

“Aww, is someone pouting?” He teased, ruffling up your hair happily. “I’m sorry, baby, I just love looking at your cute concentration face!”

You rolled your eyes, glaring at him playfully, “You’re refusing to help me because you want to look at my face? Take a picture why don’t you.”

“I already have,” he beamed, showing you the new background for his phone. You did not look the least bit attractive in your opinion, but Oikawa was smiling so happily at the photo, how could you argue?

“You’re an idiot,” you mumble with a huff, scribbling a half-assed answer on your sheet of paper.

“Aw come on, Y/N,” Oikawa smirked, sliding closer to you and tilting your chin up with a singular finger so you were forced to look him in the eyes. “You know you love me,” he teased in that fake sultry voice of his.

Normally, you’d just get a bit flustered - there was just something about those bedroom eyes of his eyes that made you squirm. But here, just sitting here with him and realizing that even when he took ugly pictures of you, this perfect pretty boy still wanted to be with you... you realized there wasn’t a single person you’d rather be with right now. Or ever.

“Ya you’re right,” you smiled up at him, pulling away from his teasing look and turning back to your homework. “I do love you.”

The expression on his face was probably photo worthy and later, you’d wish you had snapped a picture of it. The utter shock was enough to send all the blood flying out of his face, a nosebleed soon ensuing.

“Oikawa! Are you okay?” You asked with wide eyes, rushing to get tissues.

“F-Fine! I’m fine!” The fact that all the blood was rushing to his rosy cheeks probably wasn’t helping his nosebleed, only making it flow faster.

The two of you laughed when his bleeding was under control, Oikawa blushing enough to look like a marker colour, “You can’t just say stuff like that to a guy, Y/N! That’s so mean! Teasing me like that.” He pouted, crossing his arms like a child.

You tilted your head slightly, watching him for a moment before saying, “Teasing? What do you mean? I meant it, Oikawa, you idiot.”

His eyes would just widen and suddenly homework wasn’t all that important anymore.

“Oikawa! it’s due this week!” You insisted as he dragged you out of the house, your hand firmly held in his.

“Too bad! We’re going for ice cream!” He declared with a grin. “Oh and Y/N?”

“Hm?”

“I love you too. Idiot.” His smile was as wide as ever but there was a genuine love in his eyes as he looked at you, soon leaning down to press a kiss to your cheek.

But don’t worry, later he’d help you with your homework. As long as you said “I love you” to him one more time.

Tsukishima Who says it first: Him

Tsukishima says he loves you in actions more than he does words at first, throwing you snacks that he carries with him specifically for you, when he notices you getting hungry. He’ll bring an extra hoodie or wear one when he knows he’ll get too warm for it, because he knows you like to be comfy and warm. He offers to come over and study with you when you’re getting nervous over a test, holds your hand and squeezes it gently if he notices you getting anxious over something, and he walks you to and from home every day.

He loves you. And even though you can feel it through his actions, you weren’t quite sure if he was ready to hear that you loved him too.

Honestly, you would’ve been fine just going about your relationship the way that it was. But of course, what good would having upperclassmen in his volleyball team be if they didn’t annoy the shit out of him and talk about your relationship?

Tanaka had been going on and on in the club room about how badly he wanted a girlfriend, pouting to himself because he was still unsure of how Tsukishima, a salty brat, managed to get a cute girlfriend like you before he did.

“God it must be so nice to have someone to hug and hold hands with and tell them ‘I love you’ every five seconds! If I had a girlfriend, I wouldn’t let her leave my presence until she knew how much I loved her!” Tanaka was saying, Noya nodding aggressively in agreement.

Tsukishima’s ears perked hearing this, pulling his gym shirt over his head as he got ready to head home for the night.

“How did you do it, Tsukishima?” Noya asked randomly, a grin on his face. “I bet you’re secretly super romantic aren’t you? You got her flowers and chocolates and stuff huh?”

“How did I do what?” Tsukishima asked flatly, glancing back at them. The second years shared a look and then looked back at him, both tilting their heads simultaneously.

“How did you first tell Y/N you loved her,” Tanaka explained, his eyes narrowing as he watched Tsukishima’s eyes move away from them. “Wait a minute, you haven’t told her yet?”

“Tsukishima! You asshole! Don’t you know how lucky you are to have such a cute girl on your arm? Always doing cute things for you like that time she made you a bento box? Or when she comes to our games and always cheers the loudest for us?” Noya’s yelling was soon turning into a tearful whine, still upset that he didn’t have these things that Tsukishima did.

The blond boy just tried to turn away, packing up his things as his upperclassmen moaned.

“Tanaka, Noya, leave the boy alone,” Sugawara scolded. “I’m sure Tsukishima’s going to tell her on his own time! Aren’t you, Tsukishima?” His voice was so sweet, as if he was only trying to help him out, but Sugawara’s eyes told a different story - one where he was really trying to pry an answer from the first year.

All eyes were on him once again and Tsukishima was silently wishing he had left earlier without getting dressed. The question loomed over the club room like a raincloud, pressure on Tsukishima’s answer building the more the silence lasted.

“Sure,” he answered finally before leaving the room, shifting his bag on his shoulder slightly. He hadn’t really thought about it before. Why hadn’t he told you yet? He knew he loved you, it’s not like he was an idiot in denial over it. He had spent a good year in denial but he wouldn’t admit it. He knew he loved you but why hadn’t he said anything yet?

The idea of telling you made his whole face feel hot but why? It’s not like he hadn’t sent you songs about love, or watched those sappy romantic movies with you and thought about you the whole time. So why hadn’t he said it? It was just three words after all, wasn’t it? Three little words.

There you were, waiting for him again outside of the gym. You had that cute little smile on your face that you always had whenever you caught his eye. He loved that smile.

“Ready?” You asked happily, him holding out his arm for you slightly and you link yours with it and just look up at him with those gorgeous eyes. He loved your eyes.

“How was practice?” You asked as the two of you walked and he told you all about how annoying Hinata and Kageyama was, you always laughing when he expressed his annoyance. He loved your laugh.

At some point while you two were walking home, Tsukishima felt himself stop. He could feel Tanaka and Noya’s words starting to get to him, an uneasy feeling in his stomach making him feel... different. He knew if he didn’t say it now, he never would.

“Tsukishima?” You blinked up at him, noting the way he stopped so abruptly. “Are you okay?”

He took a breath - if you were going to reject him, that would be fine. Everything would be fine. No it wouldn’t, he heard that little voice in his head say. What the hell would we do without you?

Despite his conflicting thoughts on the matter, Tsukishima pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to silence them as he managed to get out weakly, “I love you, Y/N.”

You just stood there for what felt like forever. Why weren’t you saying anything? His heart fell a little as you just stared at him, your face not betraying any of your emotions.

“What?” You squeaked.

He sighed frustratedly, unsure if you were trying to give him a way to go back on his words, or if you were really this deaf. “I love you,” he repeated himself, his voice louder and firmer this time. If he was going to get rejected, it wouldn’t be because he backed down. He would make sure of it.

But soon your lips were curling into that smile that he loved, your eyes were sparkling up at him, and a giggle fell from your lips, “I-I love you too, Tsukishima!” You beamed, hopping a little where you stood in excitement.

He couldn’t hide how happy that made him. His lips turned into a smile and he reached up to pat your head, his arm wrapping around your shoulders, “Alright, stop looking at me like. It’s late, we should get you home,” he told you, scolding you as if you had been the one to stop first.

But it didn’t matter. Because Tsukishima Kei said he loved you and those were the last three words you had ever expected him to say, even though you had felt the same all this time.

For the first time ever, Tsukishima actually took the advice of his upperclassmen and made it his promise to himself that he would never let you leave his sight without telling you “I love you”, even if it had to be over text because he wasn’t quite ready to say it in front of everyone else yet. But he would tell you over and over again, because even when he was annoyed at you or in a bad mood, Tsukishima loved you and he didn’t ever want you to think otherwise.

Haikyuu taglist (let me know if you’d like to be added!)

@scphiredrafts @aurumk @devilkittymusic @thisnoodlewritesao3 @satan-ruler-of-hells @trashy-simp @jeppiet @lucyheartfilias-wife @darkvadeeer @haikyuutothetop @wolfishwriting

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devildomimagines · 3 years

Text

Part 2 Remix

Ok, listen. First, I’m going to need you to go read this *chef’s kiss* of a post if you haven’t already. The Brothers and Undateables at one of Diavolo’s balls when a Noble starts talking down on MC by @arcadejohn127-9. There is now a part 2 for the ending (and it has been up for a while haha)!

Somewhere after the first post was published but before we had the ending, I started writing my own twist on the ending because I was so inspired and because I needed the comfort from the hurt/comfort lol. I’ve finally gotten around to finishing it and I wanted to share. You will see why it took me so long as some of these parts really ran away from me. The younger brothers and the Undateables are under the cut to save everyone’s dash. 😂

Lucifer

For a second he was torn, making that Noble pay or chase after you.

The choice was obvious, you came first.

As he made his way through the crowd, Diavolo caught his eye.

With a few quick gestures, Lucifer had communicated he was going after you. Diavolo nodded, making his way to the Noble to take care of that side of it.

The crowd opened up enough for Lucifer to see the door to the butler’s pantry close.

He had to catch up to you before you met up with Barbatos.

His worst fear right now is that you would take advantage of Barbatos’ power and have the timeline altered to where you never came to Devildom and never met him.

Once he was close enough he used a blast of magic to open the door and rushed into the room.

You had been wiping your tears but with the door bursting open, you jumped and scowled at who was entering. Realizing it was Lucifer, your face softened but looked away.

“You’re still here,” Lucifer held a hand on his chest, allowing himself a moment of relief.

“Well it’s not like I can teleport or fly. I’m just a human.”

The way you talked down about yourself made Lucifer’s own heart drop, your pact physically affecting him, your pride was at the lowest he had ever felt.

As the Avatar of Pride, he wouldn’t stand for it. “You’re not just a human, MC. You’re unbelievably important.”

You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, because I’m Lilith’s descendant and a part of the exchange program.”

“No, you’re important because you bring kindness and joy into everything you do. You’re important because you’ve become the anchor I’ve been trying to be for my family for centuries. You’re important because you truly try to make a meaningful difference even when it’s difficult.” Lucifer moved in front of you, gently tilting your chin up to meet his gaze, “You’re important because I love you.”

Mammon

When he recovered from the shock, he looked around.

The first brother he saw was Levi. He marched over and ordered him to deal with the Noble.

Next he moved in the direction you had stormed off in. He finally caught up to you at the coat check.

You noticed him and looked away pretending you didn’t.

“MC! You going home? I’ll go with,” he dug out his own coat ticket and handed it over to the coat checker.

“You really don’t have to.”

“Don’t be stupid, I’m going where you go,” He moved to sling an arm around your shoulder like he normally does but you shrugged out of his reach. That hurt.

“Well maybe I am stupid! Just a big dumb human who doesn’t realize they’re being used.” You hugged yourself to try to self-soothe.

It took a few moments for Mammon to register all of your words, “What? Who��s using you? Was it that Noble??” He scowled back at the ballroom.

“No, forget it.” You started walking to the exit.

He growled as he grabbed his coat and jogged to catch up to you.

You heard the rushed footsteps and paused more out of habit than anything else. “Mammon, stop.”

He had made it right behind you before he was forced to stop, the pact binding him in place. That didn’t stop his mouth though, “MC, whatever that Noble said to you, it’s a lie!”

“You don’t know what he said,” you replied coldly, “He said that I’m being used, by you and your brothers, by Diavolo, he said that none of you ever really cared about me, I was just a replacement for Lilith.” Repeating the words made them worse, it had you shaking as the sobs started to rattle your body.

“MC,” Mammon whined your name, clearly trying to force his body to move, “drop the spell,” you shook your head no so he begged, “Please MC.”

His desperation softened your resolve for a moment long enough to release the hold you had on him.

Mammon immediately turned you to face him, your tears broke him and he started tearing up. He pulled you into his chest and started, “We never thought of it that way. I was so relieved that Lilith got to lead a fulfilling life where she didn’t have to suffer turning into a demon. You were the result of her happy life that it made me so happy, unbelievably happy. But I liked you before we knew all of that, I was the first of my brothers to see how great you are.” He placed a soft kiss on your forehead, “MC, I love you so much. Please don’t doubt that.”

Leviathan

“Ouch,” he thought as he looked around. The first of his brother’s he found was Beel, his height and orange hair made him stick out. He was also in the most likely place to find him, in front of a table of food.

Levi maneuvered around party guests and tapped at Beel’s shoulder. Very quickly he explained the situation, Beel nodded with a piece of meat hanging out of his mouth and started muscling his way through the dance floor.

Next was to face you. He was nervous, had he done something he wasn’t aware of? Did the Noble point out his inferiority and MC was disgusted to have a pact with him?

He got to the bathroom and hesitated. He could hear your soft cries muffled behind the door. All nervousness left him as he knocked and called out to you, “MC?”

The cries stopped and you answered, “Go away.”

“No,” Where was this confidence coming from, he wondered as he added, “I’m here for you, please let me help you.”

“You can’t help me, you’re part of the problem.”

All of the confidence he just had was shattered. “MC… I’m sorry. If it was something I did, or didn’t do, please tell me. You know I don’t know how to handle these situations but I would never try to hurt you.”

The door swung open and Levi jumped.

“And why is that Levi?” Your tear stained face stared him down.

“Because I c-care about you?” He was confused why you were angry at him now.

“Because I’m a replacement for Lilith?”

“No way!” Now it was his turn to be angry.

A bit of the venom was removed as you asked, “Because I’m a dumb normie human?”

“Well…” He started to joke but when you pouted he took it back, “of course not.”

“Then why?” You sniffled.

Levi looked around, you two were in a pretty secluded area. He took a deep breath and braced himself so he wouldn’t lose his nerve. “I wouldn’t hurt you because we’re a team! My player 2, my Henry, my friend! When I agreed to form a pact with you, it was because you opened my eyes to how valuable it would be to let people into my world. At that time, I had no idea about Lilith, Lucifer kept us in the dark and I chose not to seek out the light. Then you came into my life and you were so bright it hurt my eyes.” He was rambling, “Anyway, you might be a normie human but you’re my normie human! Whatever that Noble said to make you question that, it isn’t true.”

After a beat, you jumped into his arms. His heart was absolutely pounding as he wrapped you in his arms, he knew you’d hear it but he was relieved he somehow said the right thing.

Satan

He knew it was the Noble that caused your mood shift.

You retreated through a door, Satan didn’t have time to make the Noble suffer in the ways he was already imagining.

As he headed for the door himself, he bumped into Lucifer.

It was grinding on his nerves but for your sake he asked Lucifer to take care of the Noble.

Without question, Lucifer whisked off to take care of it. He probably knew it was important since Satan would never ask anything of Lucifer if it wasn’t necessary.

Satan picked up the pace to get to the door and catch you.

He looked down both sides of the connecting hall and found you leaning against the wall facing away from where you had come from.

As he approached he realized your shoulders were shaking. It broke his heart.

When he placed a hand on your arm, you jumped out of your skin and stepped away.

You relaxed seeing it was Satan and not someone else but making eye contact with him hurt, “Leave me alone, I just need a moment.”

You had turned to leave but he wasn’t letting you go again. He regripped your arm.

“Don’t go.”

“Satan…” You sighed trying to bring back some of your usual strength.

“Whatever that Noble said…” A thought dawned on him mid-sentence, “Did he do something to you?” The wrath in him bristled anew.

“He didn’t do anything besides point out some things.” You laughed weakly, “Actually he made some good points I should have seen for myself a long time ago.”

“What points did he make?” Satan asked.

You looked down the hall, debating an escape, “That I was just a pawn to Diavolo’s plans and a replacement for Lilith.”

“That’s not true,” Satan defended.

His tone of finality made you look back at him. He took the opportunity to explain.

“You’re no one’s pawn. You always had and will always have your free will to do as you want. Just as you’ve shown me that I’m my own being,” he held a hand to his chest, “You are your own person.”

You scoffed, “and being related to Lilith-”

“Doesn’t matter to me,” Satan interrupted and finished the sentence. “I’ve heard all the stories from my brothers but I never met her. I met you though,” His hand moved down your arm to your hand.

Automatically you gave his hand a squeeze just falling into habit and he smiled.

“It doesn’t matter how you got here,” Satan started, hoping you would complete the quote from a book you both read.

Quietly you added, “All that matters is you’re here now.”

He pulled you into his arms and you let him engulf you in a warm embrace. It was so different from the sharp, cold feeling you got from the Noble that it felt like home to be here with him.

“I’ll always be here for you MC,” he whispered and you believed him.

Asmodeus

Well clearly something was wrong, you never pulled back from him like that.

He first looked around for some assistance. Things had been fine before your dance with the Noble so something happened in relation to that dance.

The first person he spotted was Satan. Asmo waved him over to the table. Satan nodded and departed from the company he had been talking to. Asmo quickly described the situation in a pretty grim light knowing exactly what would flip the wrath switch in Satan.

The blond demon stalked off after his newly provided prey.

Asmo checked his appearance in a pocket mirror before setting after you. It wasn’t like he had something on his face or a hair out of place that drove you off but he had to be sure.

He found you looking out over the Devildom with the most somber look on your face.

“MC~ You look absolutely stunning under the Devildom moon.”

You sighed.

That wasn’t the reaction Asmo was aiming for. “Won’t you tell me what’s wrong, love?”

“It’s nothing,” you tried to smile but it didn’t light up your face like he knew it could.

“Ok,” Asmo put up his hands. He could take a hint, you didn’t want to talk about it and he wasn’t going to push and make it worse. “Let’s go home then?”

“I know you don’t want to leave. You’ve been looking forward to this all month,” You looked back out at the cityscape.

“Well I don’t want to be here if you’re not having fun,” Asmo snaked an arm around your waist and looked out across the city himself.

He felt you stiffen under his touch and he tried very hard not to pout outwardly but you rejecting him really hurt.

He said he wasn’t going to push but he had to know, “Did the Noble say something unacceptable to you?”

“No, if anything it was too acceptable, factual even.” You leaned away from him and against the railing as your face soured further.

“What did he say?”

“That I’m being used,” you looked at him to see how he reacted to the second part, “by Diavolo and your family.”

His brow furrowed and you knew it was genuine emotion since he would never risk the wrinkles otherwise.

“No, no, no, no, no!” Asmo shook his head, “That’s absolutely not what’s happening.”

“It’s fine,” you shrugged, “we all have our part to play.”

“MC,” Asmo took your shoulders and stared you down, “You are not just some pawn, you’re a very important human to me and my family!”

You looked to the side, “Only because I’m related to Lilith.”

“No? We love you for you!”

You blushed at his blunt honesty, “Oh.”

“Did you think that we didn’t care about you before we learned that you were distantly related?”

“No!” You defended, “But when he was laying out all the info, it did kind of seem like that.”

“Who are you going to trust? Some random or me?” Asmo batted his eyes at you.

After a moment you conceded, “You, of course.”

You both giggled and he whisked you to the dance floor to show you the best night of your life.

Beelzebub

“Wait MC-” Beel jumped up from table, his knees knocked it and it wobbled as he pushed his chair back.

“You couldn’t just leave like that,” he thought, “I can’t lose another…”

He found you on the front balcony. From what he could guess, you paused to take in the fresh air but then watched as you steeled yourself and briskly started your way down the stairs.

“MC,” he caught up easily even in his formalwear, “Let me at least walk you back to the dorm.”

You hesitated, not making eye contact with him, you shrugged, “fine.”

The two of you walked in silence. Beel had no idea what to say to make you stay. He cursed himself that words didn’t come as easily to him like Asmo or Mammon, he couldn’t relate it to something he read or watched like Satan or Levi usually did and he couldn’t think of the perfect solution like he knew Lucifer would.

He was the only thing standing between you and the metaphorical exit and he had to do something.

So he did the only thing he could think of and apologized. “I’m sorry.”

It made you stop, “What?”

“I’m sorry. If it was something I said or did or ate, I’m sorry. If it was one of my brothers then I’m also sorry. Whatever it was, I’m sorry.” Tears pricked in the corners of his eyes. He wasn’t usually one to cry but he was so frustrated and felt so helpless. If this wasn’t what you wanted then you’d be gone.

“No,” you sighed, “I’m sorry, I took out my frustration on you. I’m not mad at you or your brothers. If anything, I’m mad at myself,” you laughed dryly.

“Yourself?” Beel repeated, trying to figure out how he could help you with that.

“Yeah, I should have seen it for myself but that Noble was right,” you continued onwards to HOL.

“Right about what?”

You finally looked at him and it crushed him to see the saddest smile on your face as you answered, “That I’m just some kind of replacement for Lilith. I thought you all really cared about me but your behavior did change after everyone learned I was related to her.”

Beel was frozen in shock. He watched you pick up walking home again.

“That’s not-” he started but you raised a hand to stop him.

“I get it, you guys were so happy that she lived that you wanted to show it in some way,” this time when you turned toward him you couldn’t keep the tears from falling, “and in a way I’m grateful because if I wasn’t her descendant then I wouldn’t be here, I wouldn’t have met you all, and I wouldn’t have been a part of a family like yours. But I’m selfish and I wanted you to love me for who I am.”

He was finally unfrozen and wrapped you in a near-bone-crushing hug. “We do!” Beel confirmed, “We love you, MC!” He began crying, “I love you, please don’t leave.”

Enclosed in his arms, you felt his earnest emotions flood into you, “I believe you,” you wiped his tears, “Thank you for loving me.”

Belphegor

He knew it, that Noble was bad news.

Belphie looked around and easily found Asmo in the middle. He pushed past his fans and told Asmo what happened. Asmo left to take care of the Noble.

Belphie caught up with you in your room back at the HOL.

He had followed the noise and found you were angrily packing a bag, in between wiping your face.

“What’re you doing?” Belphie asked from the door.

The sudden voice made you jump, “Leaving.”

“Why?”

You paused, wringing the shirt in your hand, “We’d all be better off.”

“Because you’re a replacement?” Belphie threw your words back at you but realized his mistake too late.

When you shuddered and fell to your knees crying he wanted to disappear. How could he be so tactless?

“Yes! I’m not Lilith!” You cry-yelled at him. “I wanted so badly to be a part of your family. I did everything for you and your brothers to make amends, to prove myself and my intentions and it didn’t matter! The second you all learned about my lineage, it all changed.”

You sniffled and added, “You hated me for being a human, I’d almost prefer that if that is honestly how you feel about me.”

Ouch. But he deserved that, “I don’t hate you,” he knelt in front of you.

“I’m just a stupid human,” he grabbed your arms and pulled you into him as you sobbed, “I don’t want to be used as a pawn, and I’m not a replacement for your sister.”

“I know, MC,” Belphie soothed, “You’re not a pawn and we know you aren’t a replacement for Lilith.”

“B-but,” you blubbered.

“No buts,” there was an edge to his voice, that he wasn’t going to take any rebuttals. “Without you, we wouldn’t have been able to move forward as a family. We’d be worse off without you in our lives.”

You shifted back a bit to look at him, “Really?”

“Really,” Belphie verified. “Don’t go,” his voice caught in his throat, his own emotions finally hitting him. What would he do without you?

You grabbed his face, assessing for yourself. “Ok…ok.” You relaxed in his hold and finally felt secure in how he felt about you.

Diavolo

You ducked into the kitchen.

He tried to follow but got stopped by a high ranking demon that he could not brush off. He was trapped, that is until Barbatos caught his gaze.

The butler swooped in, distracted the demon with appetizers and began leading them away.

Ever grateful, Diavolo smiled and then another thought hit him. He stopped Barbatos and whispered in his ear what happened between you and the Noble. Barbatos nodded and made his way to find and complete his new task.

Diavolo jumped into the kitchen before anyone else could stop him.

“MC?” he looked around and found you sitting on the counter with your head in your hands. His heart dropped.

You sniffled, “Go back to your party.”

“I don’t feel like it.” he mused.

“What a spoiled prince,” you replied.

He felt hopeful, if you were joking then surely you would recover. “Won’t you tell me what happened?”

When you tensed, he stopped inching closer.

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t matter.”

“That’s not true,” Diavolo tried to take your hands but you fought him slightly, still trying to cover your face. When you finally relented and looked at him with tear stains on your face, he swore he never felt a greater rush of love and the need to protect like he did in that moment, “You’re so important to me.”

“Because I’m an exchange student?” You searched his face for any reaction.

“What?” He was actually dumbfounded. “You think that’s the only reason I care for you?”

“What other reason could there be? Isn’t that the whole point of why I was here in the first place?”

He paused to gather his thoughts. There were so many reasons to love you and the fact that you could be undone like this from one conversation proves that Diavolo was failing you. Still holding your hands, he raised one to kiss your knuckles. “I’ll admit that at first, my goal to build bridges between the realms was my focus, but as the program went on, I found myself looking forward to our meetings. Much to Barbatos’ chagrin, I would sneak out to steal a few moments with you and they meant everything to me.”

You had begun rubbing his hand with your thumb, tears were gone but you still looked sad.

He rested his forehead against yours, “I can’t imagine what my life would have been like if I didn’t meet you. You’ve brought a joy and sense of adventure into my life that I wouldn’t trade for anything.”

“Thanks Dia,” When you smiled softly, he could swear his heart was melting into a puddle. “I’m sorry if I ruined your night.”

“Nonsense!” Diavolo laughed and backed up to help you off the counter, “The night’s still young and I think I owe you a dance.”

You squeezed his hand, “Wait, I probably look terrible from crying!”

The kitchen door swung open to Barbatos trying to hold back Asmo. Asmo chirped, “We can help with that!”

Diavolo laughed at the sight. Barbatos sighed and released Asmo as he whipped out his travel make-up kit and busied himself with you.

Barbatos stood next to Diavolo and in a hushed tone affirmed, “The target has been captured.”

A dark look passed over Diavolo’s face as he responded, “Good. We’ll deal with him in the morning.”

Barbatos

He wanted to chase after you but his duty was of course to Diavolo and the ball at hand.

Within a few moments, he reasoned that the ball was in danger of being compromised if you weren’t there and the Noble was allowed to roam free of consequence.

Barbatos wasn’t one to ask for help but he knew that if he mentioned the Noble’s actions to Lucifer, the demon would take matters into his own hands to deal with it and Lucifer did so.

That left him to track you down. He had a feeling of where he’d find you.

Out in the garden, seated on the bench, you were fidgeting with his handkerchief.

Careful to make noise as he approached you so as to not spook you with his usually silent steps, Barbatos sat on the other end of the bench.

He caught you peeking at him so he tried not to look directly at you, knowing it would make you feel uncomfortable.

“Thank you for this,” you held out his handkerchief.

“Any time,” he accepted it and even through his gloves, he could feel the dampness. Had he left you alone for too long to have cried this much? Very slowly he folded the cloth and put it in his pocket.

“Also I’m sorry for my behavior before.” You shifted and began to explain, “I was confused and hurt, that Noble… actually nevermind.”

“There’s no need to apologize to me, though I am sorry for the distress you’ve gone through.”

Still bothered, you had to ask, “Why do you tolerate me?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you only nice to me because you’re under orders to be?”

He couldn’t lie, “Lord Diavolo has directed me to be of use to the exchange students, but I’ve come to genuinely appreciate your company, if that isn’t too presumptuous.”

You peeked over again and could see a light blush on the butler’s cheeks, he wasn’t looking at you now out of embarrassment.

That earned a small smile, “It’s not, I’m grateful to hear your true feelings.” You paused thinking on what the Noble said, “Do you think the others feel the same? That they actually like me, not as some replacement for Lilith or as a tool to be used?”

Ah so that’s the idea that the Noble had planted, he rubbed his chin in thought. “While I can’t speak for the brothers, I can conclude that you mean much more to Lord Diavolo than he’d like to admit. He has never spoken ill of you in my presence. Even Lucifer, who has often verbalized his distaste for his brothers’ shenanigans, has never voiced the same of you even if you were involved in said shenanigans.”

“Well that’s something.”

“It certainly is,” He confirmed.

You giggled and it was like Barbatos was hearing his favorite song for the first time.

After a beat, he stood, brushed himself off more out of habit than any actual dirt accumulation and faced you. You looked slightly surprised. He bowed and offered his arm, “Shall we head back in?”

Hesitantly, you took his hand, “Can I stay with you?”

“If that is what you desire,” Barbatos smiled and led your hand to hold his arm, “How could I deny a direct request like that?”

Solomon

He was stunned for a minute. Had you meant him and you weren’t on the same page or the humans and the demons weren’t on the same page?

Solomon was pretty sure that the pacts were a clear indicator of a human and a demon being on the same page.

This was the perfect opportunity to take advantage of one of his new pacts, he sent the demon to gather as much information, good and bad, that they could dig up about the Noble that had danced with you.

If knowledge was power then he wanted as much knowledge on his side as he could get before making a move.

That left him free to follow you. He caught the sight of you as you left into an adjoining hallway.

Shuffling through the crowd he broke free and got himself through the door. He looked both ways and found you at the end, turning the corner.

Although not one for running, he jogged down the hall to catch up with you.

You had turned to watch for the approaching noise and at the sight of your watery eyes he skidded to a stop.

Solomon couldn’t remember a time when he had seen you cry, not like this, where your whole being seemed depleted.

“MC…”

“I’m fine,” you wiped the tears away quickly, “I was dumb for thinking that any of this meant something to them, that’s on me.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The exchange program, the demons, everything here was just all part of Diavolo’s plan and I played right into it.” Bitterly you added, “I was a pawn and I couldn’t even see it.”

“That’s not true,” Solomon rebuked. “I’m sure they did not count on you making pacts with the 7 demon brothers. They are extremely high ranking, that wasn’t an easy feat.”

“They’re not any better, they probably only did so because I was some sort of replacement for Lilith.”

“Lilith… oh yes the fallen angel that almost did not survive.” He nodded as he remembered, “Is that what they said when they made the pact with you?”

“Well not exactly…” you admitted.

“I see,” he took your hand and pulled you to a nearby bench, “I happen to know a bit about pacts.”

You rolled your eyes but he took it as a good sign, “And when entering the pact, usually one or both parties admit their reason behind entering the contract. Usually it’s the human asking for something only that demon can offer like money, power or influence, but that wasn’t the case for you was it?”

“No.”

“What was it that they were looking for from you?”

You didn’t answer for a while, thinking back on each of the pacts being forged. “If I had to sum it up for all of them, love or acceptance.”

Huh, that was pretty straightforward, Solomon wondered why he hadn’t thought of that. “That seems like something only you could have given them, I doubt they would want the same from me.”

You laughed, “I wouldn’t say that, Asmo really loves you, he always talks about you.”

Solomon groaned for effect but you both knew he cherished the bond with the demon.

“You were never their pawn, they chose to offer the pact and you chose to accept, that was not something orchestrated by someone else.”

Finally, you nodded, seeing his perspective. “You’re right.”

“Of course I’m right,” he joked.

With a light punch of his arm, you both made your way back to the party. Solomon planned on showing you a magical night.

Simeon

The walk back to Purgatory Hall was quick, too quick for Simeon to figure out what happened.

He’d seen you dancing but not who with, also why had you been in such a hurry to get away from the brothers? He thought things were going well with them.

“I’ll put on some tea, ok?” Simeon offered as you two entered the front door.

You nodded and sat at the table.

“Simeon~” Luke called, “You’re back early!” The cherub entered the room and saw you from behind, “And MC!? What a treat!”

Luke came up to your side and caught your sad expression before you could turn away. “What happened?” He shot an accusatory glare at Simeon.

Simeon looked shocked, Luke thought you were upset because of him?

“It’s nothing Luke,” you replied softly, “you were right, I shouldn’t have trusted demons.”

The two angels looked at each other shocked, neither had expected that. “Well of course!” Luke defended, “What did they do?”

You sighed, you didn’t see a way to brush them both off so you recanted the dance with the noble, the things he knew about you and the ideas he had brought to your attention.

Luke chomped down on a cookie, “Well he’s not wrong about Diavolo’s plan.”

“Luke,” Simeon admonished, “I’ve known Diavolo for a long time, he’s not one to use others for personal gain, even if he is a demon. He’s always preferred to do things his own way.”

“And those brothers?” Luke asked. You looked at Simeon expectantly, your face repeating the question, ‘And those brothers?’

“I’ve known them for a long time too. Of course they adored their sister Lilith, we all did. But no one could serve as her replacement because she was irreplaceable.” Simeon allowed that thought a moment to sink in. “I think that you've made your own bonds with them, different and separate from your ancestral lineage.”

“I suppose…” You conceded.

“Why do you even put up with them MC?” Luke offered.

Now you had to laugh, “For a while I thought they were the ones putting up with me.”

“No way!”

“Yes way,” you smiled at him as you sipped your tea. “I think you forget sometimes that you’re all powerful beings and I am not.”

Luke blushed, “You’re powerful, in your own way!”

“Thank you,” you put your hand on his cheek and he smiled.

You looked over at Simeon, “Can I spend the night here?”

Although he still sensed some sadness from you, it certainly was not the same level as he had felt when he bumped into you before.

“Yes!” Luke answered first, “Please Simeon!”

With the two of you giving him pouty looks, “How can I say no?”

“Yay!” Luke cheered and ran from the room, “Sleep over!”

“It’s alright if you’d rather not entertain Luke all night,” You offered, “I can go back to the HOL, I don’t want to impose.”

“You’re not getting out of this that easy,” Simeon teased, “He probably has six movies lined up already and he has been practicing making pillow forts in his room.”

You both laughed, “I appreciate you listening Simeon, I’m glad I have a guardian angel like you,” you winked as you joined Luke on the floor. He did already have a stack of movies to watch.

Simeon blushed and then shook his head to clear his thoughts as he joined the blanket pile.

#obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me asmodeus #obey me satan #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me solomon #obey me simeon #obey me angst

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loving-all-for-loki · 3 years

Note

Your writing is so wonderful! Could I maybe request something comforting? I’m currently recovering from a surgery to repair my foot with bone anchors and I’ll be bed ridden for 6 weeks. Maybe something with Loki being very supportive and caring for the reader 24/7, moving into her room etc. and the team are just surprised at how helpful he’s being to her. 🤗.

A/N: I’m sorry if I posted this at a weird time, but I have the next chapter to my series Voiceless Love coming out and I wanted to give this fic some time to be seen before that got posted. It’s also a little short, but I felt like this was perfect as a short and sweet fic, instead of a 2k+ story, haha. Also, I know it isn’t 100% exactly what you wanted, but I get stuck with one idea and run with it, oops. I hope you are getting better with your foot. That stinks so much and I’ve been there with my own ankle injuries. If you have any requests for some fics while you recover, send them my way! I always need some inspo and if I can give you some entertainment during your recovery, that would be great. Now, read this, get some sleep, and drink some water. I hope you heal nicely <3

Lucky

Loki x reader

Word count: 1533

Warnings: Pure fluff, just fluff, fluffiness, maybe a bit of sexualizing Loki (I couldn’t help myself)

Seeing your friends carrying big heavy boxes for you swells your heart. It’s also hilarious to see Thor actually struggling to carry something. Tony finds it amusing too given that he’s not doing any of the work but it’s sipping mimosas next to you. Thor grumbles about getting all the heavy boxes, but you also know Sam and Bucky purposely avoid the big ones.

If someone were to tell you ten years ago that you’d be saved from getting tortured by Hydra and become an Avenger, you’d tell them they’re delusional, but this is your life. Even after years of torture and pain, you considered yourself lucky. You could have been the new Soldat, ruined over and over again to be a war machine, but now you’re a trained assassin like Bucky and Nat with a broken leg.

You lean yourself against a wall in your room with your crutches beside you (along with Tony, of course, that lazy bum). Steve, Bucky, and Thor are carrying in boxes while Sam, Nat, and Peter help unpack some things. Today is the day you officially move into the tower with the rest of your teammates and due to your current disability, the other avengers offered to help you. Another reason why you consider yourself lucky.

Peter is by far the most adorable on the team. He’s fully unpacking for you, even arranging the frames on your shelves and the organizers on your desk. He at point made your bed when Steve brought in your blankets and sheets. Bucky has been super sweet, too, giving you funny looks every time he passes by and asking where the best spot for the box he is carrying to go.

But the one “avenger” you didn’t expect to be as helpful as he is, is Loki. The others told him to move out of the way, not wanting his condescending attitude to ruin the fun day, but Loki started to carry boxes in as well. The first time, the avengers were stunned by him, but then they were gracious because he used his magic to transport them, making the job go by quicker. Loki just stands at the bottom of the truck outside and wipes his hand over each cardboard box, sending it to your room.

You really are lucky.

Two days pass by and you decide to ignore your laziness and finally unpack the rest of your boxes. You attempt to push some photo boxes on the top of your shelves, but you find yourself stretching so hard to reach the top. Your foot injury really is stupid and you just want to be able to normal walk, or jump, or even go on your tip toes.

Then you hear a sly chuckle coming from behind you. You let out a frustrated sign knowing exactly who it is.

“Loki, if you’re going to stand there and laugh at me, could you least help me and laugh at me?”

“Of course, darling.” He jokes.

He comes up behind you and takes the box from your struggling fingertips and carefully paces it on top of the shelf.

“Is there anything else you helpless being needs help with?”

“I could use help with hanging my window curtains.”

You point to the box in the corner with your large sheer curtains folded in them. He chuckles and goes over the box, carefully picking them up and hanging them on the frame. You can’t help but notice his figure as he hangs them. He is a marvelous being and who are you to deny your eyes of such a sight?

The sight in front of you proved that you are lucky

Tony gathers the group for a game night and it results in everyone becoming drunk and children. At some point, it becomes a truth or drink game night and everyone has their poison. You have your legs laid over Loki’s lap, who was really hard to convince to join the game, and a bottle of Smirnoff Ice in your hand, only because Tony didn’t have anything else. Loki’s slowly running his fingers over your legs, but higher than your cast.

“Okay, Steve,” Natasha coos, “your turn. Have you ever done drugs?”

“I did marijuana in high school once.”

The whole team gasps and whistles at his answer.

“Captain ain’t so wholesome, now, is he?” Sam cackles.

“I remember that night,” Bucky laughs, “You were so high.”

Steve chuckles and nods his head before looking to see you cuddled up next to Loki and gets a wicked idea.

“Loki, you’ve been quiet. Your turn.”

“Please no, I’m beyond your little games.”

“Aw come on, brother! One question won’t hurt you,” Thor laughs.

“Who in this room would ever kiss?”

Tony whistles and takes a sip of his drink as everyone else laughs. You can feel the ice giant get slightly warm out of embarrassment. His face is flushed with a rose pink color as you get nervous, lightly chuckling to himself.

“I uh…”

“Answer it. Answer it. Answer it.” Sam chants.

Everyone chuckles at the clear uncomfortableness of the god, not seeing him like this often.

“Y/N.” He whispers, almost too quiet for you to even hear.

“Louder, brother. I couldn’t hear you,” Thor says innocently.

“Y/N.”

You smile up at Loki in shock. He won’t look down to meet your eyes but stares straight out the window past Tony. The entire team cheers and chuckles.

“Oh, we’re never letting that one down.”

“How lucky am I?” You laugh.

You attempt to cook yourself some lunch but your stupid cast is getting in the way of moving around. It’s getting tiring to pick up your crutches every time you need a tool two feet away from you. Letting out a frustrated sigh, you hit the edge of the counter with the spatula in your hand.

“What is wrong, dearest?”

You turn your head to see Loki standing behind you with a concerned look on his face, this time not here to make fun of you.

“I’m tired of my stupid foot getting in the way of doing normal activities.”

“Darling, sit down. I’ll make lunch for you.”

“Loki, you really-”

“I know I don’t have to, but I want to.”

Loki picks you up and sets you down on the couch while also handing you the remote. He goes to the kitchen and attempts to resume your lunch.

“Sweetest, what are you cooking?”

You laugh really hard at his confusion.

“Fajitas.”

“What are those?”

“See Loki, it’s fine! You really don’t have to.”

“And I’m not going to. I’ll make Stark do it.”

Loki orders JARVIS to get Tony and finish making lunch for you. You laugh and shake your head at Loki as he sits down beside you on the couch. He starts to run his fingers through your hair but keeps getting caught in the tangles.

“Why is your hair like this?”

“It’s hard to do anything while standing up. I can barely brush my teeth without falling over.”

“Well, it looks like I’ll do that for you, too.”

“Loki, I swear if you-”

“No point in arguing. I’m going to assist you.”

You rolls your eyes at the cocky god as he smiles at you. Nuzzling your head into his neck, Loki holds you tightly in an embrace. Tony comes in to see you two cuddling and shakes his head.

“You are so lucky we love you.”

You wake up the next day to see Loki sleeping beside you on your bed. You try to remember anything that happened last night, but you were so tired, nothing comes to mind. If you didn’t have a broken foot, you would be concerned about waking up next to a god, but you also know he wouldn’t have done anything with your injury. He’s too kind (much to some disbelief).

“Good morning, darling.”

Loki leans over to you and kisses you on the forehead. He wasn’t as asleep as you thought he was, but you’re not complaining. Waking up beside this adonis isn’t the worst way to spend a morning.

“Good morning.”

“I don’t care what you say,” Loki smiles, brushing a piece of your hair behind your ear, “you’re staying in bed and I’m waiting on you.”

“That’s very sweet. Thank you.”

“I’m glad someone learned something last night.”

“Actually, I don’t remember a lot from last night. I was tired.”

“We bickered about me waiting on you, hand and foot.”

“Hmm, that sounds about right.”

“So, today I’m treating you like a proper princess.”

“Does that mean we’re together?”

Loki looks at you confused, but his face lights up when he realizes what you’re implying.

“I suppose so. In that case, my princess, I will wait on you.”

You watched as the god all day served you lunch and dinner. He brushed your hair and teeth. Helped you change clothes. Played your music to cheer you up. Even carried you to the bathroom when you had to go.

Thinking about all the things your friends have done for you and all of the things that Loki, your prince, has done, all you can say is how lucky you are.

#loki fluff #loki fanfic #loki fan fiction #loki laufeyson #loki #loki x reader #loki x reader fluff #loki oneshot #marvel x reader #anonrequest #lovingallforloki

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storytellerofuntoldlegends · 3 years

Text

gods and the mortals they worship

A/N: honestly this idea started out due to the fact that scott and jack are gonna be housemates, and a friend and i were like "haha what if c!scott moved into Innit Hotel with jack" which turned into "haha what if c!scott was the god of mcc but he just seemed like a Dude to everyone else" which made my brain go brrr and think "haha what if god!scott and goddess!kristin met for tea" and then this fic happened. it got much angstier than i intended it to whoops

Warnings: implied/referenced temporary character death, grief/mourning, hugs, emotional hurt/comfort

Summary: Kristin, the goddess of death. Scott, the god of champions. Two deities that at first glance, have nothing to do with the other. But all the same, the two deities are close friends, meeting for tea and talking about the mortals they adore. However, some conversations painfully remind them of the mortality of their loved ones.

Kristin rather enjoyed it when a fellow deity joined her for tea. Not many would, XD was a little wary of her, being her opposite in a sense. And his sister Drista visited her often enough, but the young goddess was a bit on the rambunctious side, which was expected for the trickster. But the deity's whose visits pleased her the most were Scott's. The god of champions was always lovely to chat with, and she looked forward to each event he organized- always rooting for her husband's team, of course.

They met for tea weekly, but this visit... something seemed off about Scott. He seemed cheery enough, talking about how he had recently moved into the Innit Hotel with Jack and the other servers he was drifting between. But there was a melancholy expression on his face for a brief moment as he traced the flower pattern on his teacup, and a lost, faraway expression would come over his face from time to time. These were expressions Kristin recognized all too well- grief. She saw it in the faces of many mortals when she called their loved ones to her side- and it was unnerving to say the least to see such an expression on a god's face.

"Who are you mourning?" she asked, startling Scott slightly. The god's ever color-shifting eyes refused to meet her.

"The loss of my mcc team, of course," Scott countered with a half-hearted smirk. Kristin gave him an expression of disbelief, and the smirk melted away to something more downcast as he fiddled with something on a chain around his neck. A ring.

"Oh Scott," she said softly.

"Tried the married life thing. It was nice, for a bit. But it was a modified hardcore world, and it didn't end well. For him... or for me," Scott said, hand drifting to his throat with a grimace. Kristin set down her tea, placing a comforting hand on Scott's shoulder. Scott had a unique position as a god- he was one of the few who felt the sting of death. As he willingly lived among mortals most of the time, his godly power had to be diminished to do so. Which meant he could die- but it would never truly stick for him. Granted, death didn't really stick for most of the crowd he stuck around with. They would be reborn into other servers, maybe retaining impressions of the ones before- but Scott was the only one who truly remembered each server he had been on.

"I'm so sorry. Is he..." Kristin trailed off, unsure if she wanted to know if Scott's husband had been reborn into a different server.

"He's on another server with me now. Empires SMP. Calls himself the Codfather these days. I keep hoping he'll remember... but I don't know if I want him to," Scott said, eyes watery.

"Why not?" Kristin asked. If she was in a similar situation with Phil, she absolutely would want him to remember her.

"Because what kind of god can't even keep his husband alive?! I couldn't protect him before, who says I could do it now. Besides with my luck, by the time he'd remember me, I'd only lose him again. Why waste the effort on more heartbreak," Scott said, something vengeful in his tone. The aura around him tinged red, and Kristin drew her hand back with a jolt. Scott took notice of his surroundings, and with a sheepish smile his aura shifted to something more neutral and warm.

"That's why you're hiding in the Dream SMP with Jack, isn't it? You don't want to risk him remembering," Kristin asked softly. Scott let out a sigh.

"I'm not... hiding, exactly. Just lying low, somewhere where I don't have to pretend I'm not a god," Scott explained with a faraway glance.

“What if you were to tell this... Codfather," Kristin suggested. Scott wrinkled his nose in disgust in the name.

"Jimmy. His name is Jimmy," Scott corrected, sounding reverent as he murmured his name the second time. It was almost silly, a god worshipping the ground a mortal walked on- not that Kristin was one to talk. But then again, Phil wasn't exactly mortal.

"Then why don't you tell Jimmy the truth about who you are," Kristin prodded. Few knew the truth about Scott's godly status- Phil, most notably, and Wilbur. And now, she supposed, all who were on the Dream SMP. Otherwise, most knew Scott as someone who had a connection to the god of champions, and carried out his invitations to the games- not that Scott himself was the god in question.

"I... I don't know. Maybe it's safer for him if he never knows," Scott said with a sigh. Kristin squinted at him suspiciously.

"Scott, I've known you for centuries. Tell me the real reason you don't want to tell him," she said pointedly. Scott laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. With a deep breath, his expression settled into something more solemn.

"I don't want things to be different between us. I liked the way it was, on that modified hardcore world. We had a flower valley, with a pond and overgrowth and- and his silly insistence on wanting to protect me, like I was the fragile one, not him. I even experienced a brief afterlife with him, after we had lost all our lives on that world. And that... that was beautiful. But then things reset, and he was reincarnated. And how could I not follow him?" Scott said wistfully. His eyes shone with bittersweet tears, a fond smile on his face.

"You truly have the heart of a mortal, my friend," Kristin said with a soft smile. Scott chuckled, shaking his head.

"Well I certainly can't let anyone know that, think of my reputation," he joked. Kristin laughed.

"Oh please, we all know how much you cherish your champions," she teased.

"Don't tell a soul," Scott said in a mock-serious tone.

"Oh please, the only souls I know are dead ones," Kristin replied with a chuckle. Scott laughed too, but it fell short as his eyes landed on the flowers that decorated the teacups.

"I think the worst part is that he sees me as an enemy. I guess rightfully so, I pushed him away because I was afraid of letting him back in. I don't think I'll be able to look him in the eyes if we end up on the opposite sides of a battle," Scott said, voice fragile as the delicate teacups on the table before them.

"Maybe there's still time to make amends. You could extend some token of peace towards him?" Kristin suggested gently.

"Maybe. I just..." Scott trailed off.

"You just want to mope around in a world of constant hardship and destruction?" Kristin teased lightly, smirking. Scott laughed.

"I guess the Dream SMP isn't the greatest place to hide out," he said, still chuckling. Kristin was relieved to see her friend back to his more genuine smiley self, multicolored eyes glinting with amusement.

"Maybe not. Are Phil and Wilbur staying out of trouble?" Kristin asked, picking her tea back up to sip at. Scott laughed again.

"Staying out of trouble is asking a lot for your family. But I think Phil has forced Wilbur to make friends with Ranboo," he replied, picking up his tea as well.

"Oh? How did that go?" Kristin asked.

"Not sure, honestly. I think they opened a burger place? I've mostly been keeping to myself in the Innit Hotel," Scott said with a shrug.

"I'm sure Tommy loves that," Kristin said dryly.

"Oh yes, cussed me out until I threatened to not let him on mcc anymore. He changed his tune pretty quickly," Scott laughed.

"Doesn't Jack actually own the hotel now?" Kristin asked.

"Yes, but Tommy doesn't seem to know that," Scott answered with a sigh, shaking his head.

"I'm sure he'll get over it. Probably still a little jumbled from being brought back," Kristin muttered, unable to help looking miffed at that. She wasn't exactly fond of people being torn from her domain, especially by an overzealous mortal and the god who he eerily resembled. Although she couldn't exactly blame XD, the book had called him and he was forced to answer.

“Maybe life and death shouldn’t be toyed with anymore,” Scott said softly, after a few beats of silence. Kristin thought of Scott’s struggles with death and rebirth, then thought of her own family. Her husband who survived and lived, never dying- and her son, who fought and died, but ended up living.

“You wouldn’t see me complaining,” Kristin replied, voice coming out more melancholy than she meant it to. Scott looked to her with brows creased in sympathy.

“What a pair we make,” he said with a humorless laugh. Kristin laughed too, just as bleak as Scott’s own laugh.

“The goddess of death whose loved ones live, and the god of champions whose loved ones lose,” she said, voice forlorn. Scott set down his tea, dropping his gaze from Kristin’s.

“I do tend to be drawn towards the lost ones, don’t I?” he said with a weak smile.

“Nothing wrong with rooting for the underdog,” Kristin pointed out with a shrug. Scott looked at the flowers on the teacups, and his smile was a bit brighter this time around, less sad and bittersweet.

“I guess not. Maybe you’re right, maybe there is time to smooth things out with Jimmy,” Scott said, looking back up at Kristin.

“Good! Being mopey doesn’t suit you. And telling him the truth couldn’t hurt either,” Kristin insisted brightly. Scott rolled his eyes with a chuckle.

“Okay Mumza, no need to get on my case. I said I’d try and smooth things over, not reveal that I’m an all-powerful god that was married to him once because I like playing mortal,” he replied, dragging out her nickname with a teasing grin. Kristin grinned back.

“I guess your situation is a little different than when I told Phil I was a goddess,” she said semi-sheepishly.

“Phil was also hopelessly head-over-heels for you when you told him. Jimmy is decidedly not,” Scott pointed out with a laugh.

“Oh Jimmy will come around eventually. If he knows what’s good for him,” Kristin said, sipping at her tea. Scott blinked at her in confusion.

“Are you threatening my ex-husband?” he asked, tone so adorably baffled that Kristin couldn’t help but laugh.

“All I meant was that he doesn’t know what he’s missing. Any man would be lucky to have captured your attention," she clarified with a teasing grin. Scott flushed in embarrassment, the aura around him tinging pink.

“You’re acting like an embarrassing mum trying to convince her son to get out there and start dating,” Scott huffed, trying to play off his flusteredness.

“You’re the one who called me ‘Mumza,’” Kristin pointed out, still grinning.

“This is rude, I’m being attacked and you’re twisting my words against me now-” Scott cut off with a laugh, unable to keep up the mock-offended act as his aura shifted back to being a neutral warm color. Scott finally looked the most himself that he had been all day- aura full of warmth, a smile on his face, and color-shifting eyes sparkling.

“Oh, whatever will you do?” Kristin teased. Scott shook his head, picking up his tea and finishing it off with one last sip before standing from the table.

“I think I’m gonna leave, actually. It’s about time I head out anyway,” Scott said. Kristin looked at how low her own tea had gotten, and sighed before standing with a gentle smile.

“Well as always, it was wonderful to have you. I hope everything works out,” she said softly, holding out her arms. Scott hugged her without hesitation, and Kristin got the feeling he was silently thanking her for her advice through the hug.

“See you next week?” Scott asked after he pulled away.

“I look forward to it,” Kristin replied. Scott smiled, giving a two-fingered salute before disappearing in a burst of color. The lightshow faded, leaving Kristin in her rather gloomy domain. The loneliness after a fellow deity left was always the worst, and the heavy conversation from before didn’t help matters much. Scott and Kristin were very similar beings for two deities that ruled over extremely different things- both of their hearts were too big, too smitten with mortals. Scott could at least compete alongside mortals if he so chose, but Kristin was in a plane of existence that her loved ones could only reach through tragedy. Perhaps Scott had it worse- Kristin could at least distance herself from mortals, while Scott stubbornly refused to. But all the same, Kristin was hopeful that things would work out for the god of champions. And maybe, things would work out for her family as well.

MCYT Taglist: @corazon10000 @damiensaidno @franticfandomfanatic @hetapeep41 @space-ace123

#dsmp #3rd life smp #empires smp #mumza #scott smajor #mcyt #mcyt fic #hurt/comfort #sage writes

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lostinthewiind · 3 years

Text

𝓙𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓪 𝓙𝓸𝓴𝓮

Bokuto Kōtarō - Haikyuu

Synopsis: when your best friend, Bokuto, asks you out in front of his entire volleyball team, you’re sure that he’s just joking around and play it off as such. What you don’t know, however, is that he is completely serious.

Rating: PG

Warnings: None

Glancing down at the time on your phone screen, you sighed softly and picked up the pace a little, moving as quickly as possible through the halls of Fukurodani without breaking into a full-out run. You were supposed to have met Bokuto at the gym doors to walk home together about twenty minutes ago but your own club meeting had run late and there was nothing you could really do about it.

Normally, this wouldn’t be much of an issue, but you knew Bokuto far too well and knew that being late and not having the time to text him would probably send him into a downward spiral. He was probably already complaining that you had completely forgotten about him and found a new best friend or something. Yes, he was that dramatic.

When you finally reached the gym doors the two of you usually met at, you were surprised to see that he wasn’t sitting in front of it sulking. In fact, he wasn’t there at all. There was no Bokuto in sight.

Assuming that his practice was running late as well, you simply slid open the gym doors as quietly as possible, so as to not disturb anything if the practice was still going on, and peeked your head inside. What you saw, however, was not volleyball practice.

Standing in the middle of the gym, the entire volleyball team was gathered around Bokuto and whispering.

Suddenly feeling as though you had interrupted something much more important than volleyball practice, you moved to close the door again and wait outside quietly for whatever was going on to end. Before you could leave unnoticed, however, Bokuto’s wide eyes locked onto you over his teammates’ shoulders and a characteristic grin spread across his face.

“Y/N!” he shouted and gave an exaggerated wave, bringing a halt to the whispering all at once as everyone turned to face you.

Stopping in your tracks, you waved back sheepishly. “Sorry to interrupt. My club ran a little longer than I thought,” you said. “I’ll just wait outside for you.”

“No, don’t go!” Bokuto snapped rather abruptly, his tone a little more demanding than he had originally intended. All of a sudden, the tone in the gymnasium flipped like a switch. You couldn’t put your finger on what it was, exactly, but something was definitely going on.

Akaashi’s eyes flitted from you to Bokuto and then back at you again. Soon, everyone on the team was glancing between you and the tall, owl-eyed man.

“Did the volleyball team turn into a cult overnight?” You chuckled, trying to ease the tension. “Am I the chosen sacrifice?”

When no one answered, you turned to Bokuto, whose smile was slowly faltering. He was fidgeting with his hands at his sides and his gaze kept breaking from you to look at the ground. That was the tipping point for you to realize that something truly was going on. Bokuto was never this weird around you.

“Okay, out with it.” You crossed your arms across your chest. “What’s wrong?”

Bokuto continued to remain silent, cautiously turning back to look at his teammates, who were all nodding at him encouragingly.

“Oh, for crying out loud.” Akaashi shoved him forward forcefully. “Will you get on with it already so we can all go home?”

Feeling a tingle of nerves work its way up your spine, you straightened up and swallowed hard. “I was kidding about the cult thing earlier . . . but now I’m actually getting worried. Bokuto, seriously, what’s going on?”

“Y/N . . . I . . .” Bokuto stumbled over his words and it was easy to sense the gears working overtime in his head. Eventually, it seemed as though a wave of confidence washed over him and he looked you dead in the eyes. “Y/N, would you like to go out with me?”

The gym had never been so quiet. All eyes were on you, waiting impatiently for you to respond.

You felt your heart pound harshly against your ribcage and knew that you had to say something soon in case the thumping got louder and the boys were able to hear it. A thin layer of sweat spread across your palms and your mouth hung open slightly.

Was this really happening right now? Was your best friend—and the man you had secretly harboured a crush on for the past year—really asking you out?

No, there was no possible way this was real. You had been lucky enough to get Bokuto to be friends with you at all in the first place and you had decided a long time ago that that was all you were ever going to get. You were happy with that. There was no way Bokuto actually wanted to go out with you.

This had to be a joke.

Looking at the faces of his teammates, who were still waiting for you to say something, you fabricated the amused glint in their eyes and decided on the spot that this entire thing was some elaborate prank on you. They were all in on it.

Slowly, you let out a gentle laugh, trying your best not to make it sound nervous but instead, entertained. “You almost got me.” You forced a smile. “That’s a good one, Bokuto, but you should know that your pranks never get past me.”

Bokuto’s hopeful smile faltered for half a second before he too started laughing. “Yeah, haha, you caught me.” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously and averted his gaze. “The guys all helped me plan it but it wasn’t good enough to trick you, apparently.” He turned to his friends. “Right, guys?”

After a second of confused and stunned silence, the team started nodding and agreeing. “We’ll just have to try harder next time.” The annoyed expression had left Akaashi’s face, only to be replaced with sympathy for his friend who had just gotten shut down in one of the worst ways possible.

The idea of going out with Bokuto was so humerous to you that you had immediately assumed the entire thing had been a joke. Harsh.

“Well, I’ll wait for you outside.” You turned back toward the door. “Don’t take too long. It’ll be dark soon.”

“Yeah, I’ll be right there.” Bokuto nodded.

As soon as you had stepped outside and closed behind you, you exhaled sharply. The cool breeze on your warm skin was a welcomed feeling and you closed your eyes. Crisis averted. How embarrassing it would have been for you to fall for something so childish.

Willing your pounding heart and nerves to steady, you drew in deep breaths while you waited for your best friend. A part of you wanted to high-tail it back home without him and avoid the awkwardness that was sure to come, but you knew that delaying the initial confrontation after the incident would only make things worse in the long run.

The best thing to do would be to laugh about it together and move on.

Five minutes later, Bokuto emerged from the gym and you fell into pace beside him, the two of you following the path you took home every day—a path you could no doubt walk with your eyes closed at this point, which was exactly what you wanted to do. There was no laughing happening and the last thing you wanted to do was look up into those bright golden eyes beside you and have to face the emotions waiting there.

Halfway through the slow and silent walk, you couldn’t ignore the fact that something was obviously bothering Bokuto. No matter how exhausted or how bad his day had ever been, he always had something to talk your ear off about. The exuberant Fukurodani ace was known for many things, but being reserved and quiet was not one of them.

Then it hit you like a brick wall. He hadn’t been joking at all when he had asked you out. Somehow, he felt the same way about you that you felt about him and you had shut him down, too afraid to look stupid in front of his friends.

Too afraid to confront your true feelings out in the open where everyone could see.

When your footfalls stopped from beside him and you were no longer at his side, Bokuto turned around to face you. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, you voiced what was on your mind.

“You weren’t kidding, were you?”

Bokuto’s eyes softened and his shoulders slumped. “No.”

Anger and sadness overwhelmed you all at once and you slapped your hands over your face to hide the slurry of emotions. “I’m such an idiot!”

“You’re not an idiot.” Bokuto was immediately in front of you, prying your hands away from your face and forcing you to look up at him. “You just don’t feel the same way that I do. That’s okay. We can still be friends.”

“But that’s the thing!” you exclaimed. “I do feel the same way!”

Bokuto’s wide eyes grew even wider and his jaw dropped. “You . . . what?!”

“I thought it was so impossible that you liked me like that that I convinced myself you must have been joking,” you told him. “That’s why I’m an idiot.”

“Why would it be so impossible?”

You let out an exasperated chuckled. “Because you’re you—the larger-than-life ace of Fukurodani who everyone adores—and I’m . . . me. I thought I was pretty lucky to even get to be friends with you in the first place so I had completely written off ever being anything more.”

“You’re right. You are an idiot.” Bokuto grinned wide, proving that there was no malice whatsoever in his words. “Of course I like you! You’re the best person I’ve ever met. You being you is exactly why I like you.”

Balling up your fists at your sides, you huffed. “Then why didn’t you tell me sooner?! I’ve been pining for you for a whole year, Bokuto!”

“A whole year?” Bokuto’s eyes lit up brighter than the night stars. Before you knew what was happening, he was scooping you up into his arms and crushing you into a hug. “You mean to tell me we could have been together for a whole year at this point? We’ve missed out on so much!”

You couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, like what?”

“Like this.” He gently pressed his lips to yours, continuing to hold you tightly in his arms. “We could have been doing that for a whole year.”

Wrapping your arms around his neck, your lips curled into a blissful smile. “Well, then I guess we’ve got some catching up to do.” With that, you pulled him close and kissed him once more . . . well, maybe more than just once.

#Bokuto Kōtarō #Haikyuu #bokuto x reader #x reader #fanfiction #lostinthewiind #volleyball #anime #manga #reader insert #bokuto kotaro x reader

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hopefullystillatheatrestudent · 3 years

Note

this might be a weird thought but the way jensen performs masculinity (and i KNOW it’s a performance cause like, have you SEEN the mockumentary?) is just.... so inherently queer to me lmao

ok. okokokokokok. you asked for this. i have a LOT of thoughts on this. it’s gonna be under a cut because i’m gonna be annoying and psychoanalyse a celebrity i’ve never met(and hope i never do) but trust and believe when i tell you i know what i’m talking about so

you want my opinion? here goes. there is absolutely no way jensen ackles is straight. i hear you, ‘how do you know that he’s bi? that’s invasive and creepy’ but may i counter that point by saying how do you know he’s straight???? why is the default for everyone heterosexual? that’s a toxic mentality to have; ‘oh you don’t know for sure so just treat him like he’s 100% straight just in case’ like....what? heteronormativity drives me wild i’m sorry

and also, um, just to, um, prove my point that this man is decidedly not straight™(i really don’t want to do this but like it has to be said) we KNOW he’s not straight because his d*ck has spoken for itself around misha, like, four times. I HATE SAYING IT!!!!!!! but, um, straight men don’t get aroused by men. ...do i really need to explain myself further???? that’s what i thought(and don’t give me the ‘it could have been for unrelated reasons’ or ‘that wasn’t a boner!’ crap because um good lord yes it was and misha caused every single one so no it wasn’t a coincidence i’m gonna move on before i collapse into myself like a dying star)

anyway, on to the topic at hand which is jensen and his performative masculinity. and it’s a juicy one.

after the unconscious amount of hours i’ve put into watching and subconsciously judging jackles, i have come to the conclusion that like, 90% of how he presents himself and talks and even moves is an act. it’s a facade. it’s a shield. he is not that person. it actually seems exhausting, because he tries to compose himself in this macho, manly, confident and effortlessly cool way, but he’s not that person he desperately wishes he was and wants to be perceived as. he’s on guard every second, even the slightest tilt of his head is like, pre-meditated in some way? if i’m going FULL body language analyst mode, i’ve noticed he has a certain posture he always shifts himself into, and it’s very ‘pursed lips, stoic faced, gruff voiced, square-shoulder, broad and manly’ but, not to be rude jensen, it kind of reads as a little kid imitating the adults he thinks are cool? oof i am going IN huh(it’s out of love though i promise)

he is trying to be this person at every second:

because that’s who he wishes he was, because that’s how he gets validation from the people around him that he looks up to; straight white guys. but to me, who he presents himself to be at conventions is just as much of a performance as this whole eye of the tiger bit is.

oh i should mention i know his body language isn’t naturally like that because how he naturally carries himself is actually pretty flamboyant? like he seriously must be toning himself down HARD

examples:

there’s no tension in his body here as opposed to the eye of the tiger gif. i’d describe it as...generally loose and free? he’s at ease when he moves like that and you can see it.

oh and dude!!! DUDE!!!! how could i not mention the fucking SPECTACLE that is his voice??? jensen. i watched season one. i know where your voice naturally sits. THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU SOUND LIKE. and there have been so many accounts of fans visiting jensen in his trailer and being surprised that his real voice is two octaves higher. again, his performance of masculinity is all encompassing. he can’t even talk normally because, in his mind, that’s a chink in his armour.

and, like you said, anon, this whole smokes-and-mirrors gong show of ‘i am the cool texan man’ is inherently queer. who are you trying to impress??? guys??? that’s pretty gay dude.(btw: gay[honorary])

i feel like i’ve already read this man for filth but i have to keep going bc i have so much to say

ok next thing i’m gonna talk about is how jensen says one thing but everything else about him tells us the exact opposite. another HUGE element of performative masculinity, ONE THAT DEAN WINCHESTER IS A MASTER OF. have i mentioned how dean and jensen are like mirrors of each other when it comes to their sexuality and queer identity??? because it is fascinating how everything i say about jensen also directly applies to dean.

allow me to introduce the grumpy face™. as in, the face he glues on when he’s enjoying doing something but doesn’t want to let anyone know it. and it’s ALWAYS when he’s doing something that could be seen as unmanly in any way. (and when i say manly i mean the ‘ideal’ version of manhood that doesn’t really exist but that jensen seems to be striving for[and dean too])

prime example is this video he did with daneel. the grumpy face™ doesn’t budge the whole time as he’s like,,,,playing an instrument and acting like he doesn’t want to bc i guess that’s too girly??? but i also find this video fascinating because the joke IN it is kind of that they’re both poking fun at him for being so insecure about playing a freaking flute. because, i mean, he gets into it, but he wants you to think he is not.

also this picture.

what is this. i hate them. jensen is smushing himself into misha’s forehead but noooo his face is telling us ‘i hate this’ because CLEARLY he does. also misha’s so happy ew gross

he does that face in photo ops with misha ALL THE TIME but how many times has he also literally asked the con goers if he can also have those photos on his phone too? because of course he actually loves touching misha and is actually a sentimental fool but he tries so hard to hide it and fails so spectacularly.

oh and this. and of COURSE this. actually let’s talk about the hitch kiss for a hot minute because it’s a perfect example of exactly what i’m talking about

(he is so transparent guys. he tries so hard but he’s so obvious.)

1. misha was never supposed to be onstage with him. so it’s a boldface LIE and OBVIOUS PLOY TO GET MISHA TO KISS HIM when he says ‘they’d like us to make out now’. but of course the way he says it is ‘oh my god can you believe what these crazy panel people are making us do haha but i mean what they say goes amirite’. same energy as ‘oh my god did you just dare us to kiss rn???’ ‘....no i didn’t’ ‘oh my god i can’t believe you’d ask that haha but i can’t say no to a dare lol’ it’s the SAME THING

2. the fact that he was in the worst mood before misha came onstage and FAKE KISSING HIM made him feel...SO?? much better? like not just a little better a lot better like, again, that says a lot, because if they weren’t dating he would not be in a better mood if misha kissed his cheek unprompted. bc that cheek kiss wasn’t a joke it was a genuine sign of affection and AHHHH

3. after the kiss happens. you know, the one that jensen actively leans into and is smiling like an idiot the whole time through and is quite clearly having the time of his life during....he says ‘well, that was uncomfortable’. .......my guy. um. i don’t know how to tell you that i do in fact have eyes and you are NOT pulling the fast one you think you are

like i’m so sorry jensen but i have you pegged. it’s literally no use.

god there’s so many instances of him doing this with misha specifically. the whole ‘ew gross lol’ but then everything about him tells us the exact opposite. like this(i hate this. how dare he say ‘he has though, hasn’t he?’ LIKE THAT?????)

so yeah my point with that is he really wants us to think he is one thing when he is the antithesis of what he’s trying to be. he really likes those things that he talks down about, and everything he’s loudly projecting is all to hide how he really feels. he went to a gay bar with daneel, for crying out loud. he wants to play a role in drag. he’s queer and he likes it. pov: you’re jensen ackles train of thought: ‘ok so i really like this thing that people might make fun of me for or call me gay for liking so if i just say ‘lol as if’ and make a grossed-out face they will be FOOLED. i am a genius. hey misha wanna blow on my ear lol i meAN GROSS EW’

i have two more things i want to talk about when it comes to this topic so PLEASE bear with me anon this is why you took so long to answer clearly lmao

ok so we’re now going to go over my favorite hot take of all time. which is ‘how do we know dean’s performing masculinity? because sam isn’t.’ only replace dean with jensen and sam with jared and oh my god do we ever have a case

jared is as STRAIGHT as they come. he is secure in that knowledge. and that’s why he is perfectly comfortable treating misha like this:

and not try to scream ‘i am not enjoying doing this!!!!!!’ at us. because he doesn’t care what we think of his sexuality like jensen does(because he has nothing to hide whereas jensen DOES)

something i found the other day that no one has brought up but i SCREAMED upon finding it is this one clip THAT I CAN’T FIND OH GOD but i promise i’m not making it up. i can’t believe i can’t find it guys it is gold. i need need NEED to talk about it. and if anyone knows what i’m referencing and can apply links in any way i will love you forever but here’s what happens off the top of my head:

ok so i’m a bit too braindead to explain it perfectly but um basically it’s a j2 panel and someone brings up magic mike and i think jared says ‘yeah i didn’t watch it’ and then jensen says ‘all the way through’. stupid joke. whatever. the joke is that jared is gay for watching magic mike.

and then i literally kid you not. jared gets this like ‘jesus christ ok dude? lol’ look on his face and then goes ‘projecting much, mr. ackles?’ and jensen gets a guilty look on his face and walks away. and jared did not say it as a joke. he was being dead pan and earnest. and jensen knew it too, he knew he was projecting. i wish i could show you guys the clip i promise if i ever find it i’ll link it but IS THAT NOT SO DAMNING FOR JENSEN????? like come ON. also proves my point that when you compare how they feel about watching magic mike. jared doesn’t care bc watching it just doesn’t interest him, but he also thinks that just watching it in itself doesn’t make you gay. jensen however.......has a different mindset, clearly.

‘projecting much, mr. ackles?’ is actually a great title for my next and FINAL section(we’re almost there folks) which is how jensen projects his insecurites about his own sexuality and relationship with misha onto misha.

i hope by now we’ve all seen this video of jensen impersonating cas. it is a blatant microaggression on his part. and like obviously homophobic. it’s like in his mind if he makes fun of them for being gay it makes them both less gay somehow??? it’s self-deprecation in a way??? let’s just tell it like it is: that impression was just jensen’s overt internalized homophobia rearing it’s ugly head. he does it a LOT too when it comes to misha.

i mean:

and that whole mess where he’s making fun of misha for being a bottom in their panel in 2016? ‘so you’re saying, like with football terms, there’s a handler and there’s a receiver heheheehe’ jensen you’re not exempt from being gay just because you know football terms lmao

oh and his OTHER impression of misha where he mocks him for...bicycling...because it’s not a manly enough sport??? jensen NO ONE else has ever thought this hard in their lives about what constitutes as masculine enough to be a sport before. that’s all you bud. we don’t find those jokes nearly as funny as you do. you are reaching, sir

the good news is that misha thinks it’s hilarious and knows it’s projecting on jensen’s part and will tease him endlessly for it. many stories come to mind, like that one photo op story where they’re literally dressed in rainbow banners and pride stickers but when misha goes to hold his hand jensen said something like ‘no way’ and then misha stepped back, put his hands on his hips and went ‘that’s the part that’s too gay for you???’ and jensen LOST it

or when that whole underwear thing happened(messy messY MESSY BTW) and then a fan asked a question about what dean and cas would do in rome and misha just said ‘when in rome’ and jensen makes a face like ‘are you serious’ and then misha says ‘you can’t look at me like that anymore, because of what you did!!!!!!’

OH and that whole story about when misha suggested they put jensen in the closet for that cat video....yeah um

and then when jensen was asked to do bisexual finger guns for a photo op and the con goer said ‘he looks bisexual here’ and misha literally said ‘oh he definitely looks bisexual here. i would say he’s actually closer to the gay side of the spectrum’ so..um...make with that as you will

OH MY GOD i’m finally done. wow. WOW. that was a lot. i hope i’ve blown your minds. ty anon i really wanted to talk about this and i hope you’re happy with the outcome!!!!!!

#cockles ask #sexuality spec #jensen is bi #anti rps for ts #cockles #liz answers #ok i have to admit it is crazy i have retained all this info #i hope someone appreciates it #my analysis #mine

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dameronology · 3 years

Text

home {poe dameron x reader}

summary: poe made a promise to always come home, and it’s one he’s determined to keep

warnings: swearing, mentions of injuries

more hurt/comfort fluff?? i almost sent myself off to sleep writing this bc of the ending and bc i am shattered. anyhoo, enjoy!

- jazz

p.s i skimmed this, but it has not been properly proof read haha oops pls bare with me, i will do it in the morning

It had only been five days.

You’d been apart from Poe for far longer than that; sometimes weeks, sometimes months. It was just part of being in the Resistance, and something you both knew you had to do, but it didn’t make it any easier. You must have had some pretty foul luck to have met the love of your life during a time in which the galaxy insisted on keeping you apart - but one look at the pilot, and all that faded away. He always made it home to you, no matter what. He’d made that promise to you pretty early in the relationship, and you knew it to be true. You could never doubt Poe.

The Blue Squadron was due back to base at midday; the mission had been pretty secretive, so the comms lines had been shut most the time. Even after begging Leia to let you man the singular one that connected you to Poe, she’d refused, knowing it would only make things worst. The General only ever spoke from experience, and she had plenty in waiting around for cocky pilots. Whilst Poe was arguably a little less reckless than Han, she knew that you would both act as a distraction to one another’s work. You were equally important to the Resistance, and she couldn’t have you moping about on a commslink for hours a day. The joke was on her for that one, because you still moped, even when you weren’t trying to reach your guy.

‘What time is it?’ You asked Finn.

‘11.56.’ He glanced over at you, eyebrows raised. ‘So the same time as when you asked thirty seconds ago.’

‘I’m just anxious.’ You grumbled. ‘I’ve been so lonely the last five days.’

‘You mean the last five days that you’ve spent with me?’

‘Hey, it’s nothing personal!’ You nudged him in the ribs. ‘You miss him too.’

‘I do.’ Finn nodded. ‘We really are just a pair of simps.’

‘Friends who simp together, stay together.’ You grinned. ‘And if me and Poe ever break up, you have first dibs.’

‘Same for you, if Rey and I ever break up-’

‘- that would require you getting together in the first place.’ You reminded him. Finn could only scowl in response.

‘I’m trying!’ He held his hands up in defense. ‘It’s just complicated.’

‘Nothing’s complicat - they’re here!’

You leapt off the crate you’d been sat on, sprinting across the hangar to where a fleet of X-Wings were grouping. Jess came in first, followed by Snap, and then Kare. Poe’s jet was the last to come in, which was unusual for him. He almost always lead the squad - aside from the time he’d managed to blow an engine and had to call you out to tow him back (it’s how you’d met, actually). Bar a few new dents and scratches, his jet looked to be in decent condition, with BB-8 whirring away from where he was perched in the back. You took that to be a good sign, even if he’d been the last to get in.

A crowd of mechanics reached the fleet before you, tools in hand and ready to repair whatever damage the First Order had thrown at them. You gave Jess a smile and a high five as you passed, but your line of sight was dead set on finding the curly-haired pilot. You had to elbow your way through the crowd, heartbeat picking up as you did. Man, you’d missed him. The last few weeks had been rough for you both and being constantly pulled apart only made it worst. All you wanted to do was to see him, to hug him and-

- You hit Poe with a thud, chests colliding. He immediately wrapped you up in his arms, pulling you tightly against his chest and burying his head against yours. He smelt faintly of jet fuel and smoke, which was fitting.

His lips were on yours the minute he’d let you go, hands tightly gripping your cheeks as he kissed you with all his might. Yeah, he’d missed you too.

‘Hey, baby.’ You couldn’t help but smile, eyes finally meeting - it didn’t last long though, not when you saw the state of his face. ‘Oh my god. Your eye! And your lip! And-’

‘- I missed you.’ Poe brushed it aside, pressing another exhausted kiss to your lips.

‘I missed you too.’ You softly sighed. ‘The fuck happened to your face, though?’

‘Just...First Order stuff.’ He bit his lip, brown eyes falling to the floor.

You sighed. ‘Shit, Poe.’

‘I know. He gently nodded. ‘I’m okay though. I’m here with you. That’s the important thing.’

‘You’re right.’ You agreed. ‘C’mon, I’ll take you to medical-’

He cut you off with a groan. ‘Let’s just go back to my room. Please?’

‘But your face.’ You gently ghosted a thumb across his bruised cheek, flinching when he shuddered slightly. ‘I mean...I have a first aid kit. I can always take a crack at it.’

‘That sounds a lot nicer than those nurse droids.’ He smiled.

‘But you have to promise to get checked over tomorrow, okay?’

‘I promise.’

Poe flung his arm across your shoulders, pulling you into his side as you headed out the hangar. His own room was actually in the opposite direction, but he practically lived with you in yours. It always felt so much nicer. You’d managed to make it a lot homier, with photos of the two of you and fairy lights strung up. The scent of your perfume always lingered in the air and sleeping in your bed was the closest he could get to you when you were away on missions. In return, he left his jumpers and hoodies laying around for you to have free reign of. It was a weak form of paying rent, but he hadn’t heard any arguments.

You could tell that Poe was tired from the way he walked. He usually had a swagger in his step, smiling at everyone who passed. Now, he was leaning on you for support, dark eyes staring dead ahead with exhaustion, his brain working at a thousand miles an hour to process what he’d witnessed over the last few days. You’d been on his mind the entire time.

‘Here we go.’ You gently lead him to the bed, helping him shrug off his charred flight suit. He caught your lips in a chaste kiss as you moved it off his shoulders, hands suddenly grabbing yours.

‘You know I love you, right?’

‘Of course. I love you too.’ You murmured. ‘Is something up?’

Poe pulled you down onto the bed beside him, eyes finally meeting yours. ‘I just...I got captured on the mission. Very briefly, but still. It was scary, and there was a moment when I wasn’t sure I was gonna make it back.’

‘Poe.’ Your breath caught in your throat. ‘Is that why your face is all...’

‘Like this?’ He chuckled slightly. ‘Yeah. I’m sorry.’

‘Hey, don’t be.’ You squeezed his hands. ‘It’s not your fault, and like you said earlier, the important thing is that you here now.’

‘I know, but I promised you, didn’t I? That I’d always come home?’

‘And you did.’ You pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. ‘Now c’mon, I gotta stitch you up before this scars.’

‘I reckon I’d look hot with a couple battle scars, y’know.’

‘You would, but I’d rather you not bleed out all over my sheets for the sake of vanity.’ You smiled.

Digging out your first aid kit, you grabbed a few cotton swabs and some bacta spray. You weren’t a nurse, but your medical skills weren’t terrible either. After a few too many injuries and close calls out in the field, you’d learnt the basics. Half of the scars on Poe’s body had been from your handiwork after he’d been injured -- some of them were a little wonky, but he hadn’t died yet, so you figured you’d done a decent job. The ones he’d done for you were much neater but in your defense, he was reckless as fuck and had a ton more experience in dealing with injuries.

On the bright side, Poe’s torso seemed fine and relatively uninjured. The white shirt he was wearing was only smeared with soot from the blaster fire, and his bare arms were broad and uninjured, save for one scrape on his left bicep. Okay, maybe the broad part wasn’t relevant to the context, but it was definitely relevant on the whole. He did have good arms. You only ever truly felt safe when they were wrapped around you.

‘This might sting a little bit.’ You crouched between his legs, pouring a little bit of bacta spray onto the cotton swab. You gently wiped it across his forehead, doing a double take when he let out a hiss of pain. ‘You okay, baby?’

‘Yeah, I’m good.’ Poe’s eyes met yours, and he gave you a half smile. ‘Better now that you’re here.’

It didn’t take too long to clean up the rest of his cuts and bruises; they were relatively minor given what he’d been through. The last time he’d been caught by the First Order on Jakku, he’d come home ten times worse than this. You’d spent days by his side in the medical room, mostly chiding him for how funny he looked in the bactasuit, but also to offer emotional support. The duality of love.

You finished up by wrapping a bandage around the cut on his left arm, gently tying it in place with a safety pin. It was enough to keep it clean and safe until tomorrow, when you’d hopefully be able to convince him to see an actual nurse. You knew that for now, he was tired and probably just wanted to rest. His eyes were sunken with tiredness, and his body had become more and more slumped as you’d gone about cleaning him up. Poe never slept well on missions; a mixture of anxiety and your absence always made for a bad night’s sleep.

‘That should keep you in one piece for now.’ You said, running a hand through his hair. Poe leant into your touch, pressing a kiss to your wrist. ‘You should get some sleep.’

‘Mmm.’ He murmured. ‘You’re staying, right?’

'Absolutely.’ You offered him a soft smile. ‘Gotta lose the boots though. These are clean sheets.’

‘Can you do it for me?’ He asked, flopping back against the mattress.

You rolled your eyes at his...Poe-ness, before leaning down and unzipping his shoes, tossing them in a pile across the room. Yours joined them, followed by your jacket and the crumpled flight suit. That was something else to worry about tomorrow. For now, your main focus was him.

Poe climbed under the covers, shuffling across to make room for you. He reached out to you as you joined him, naturally wrapping his arms around your shoulders and pulling you into his side. The tiredness really hit him then, and you could feel his body untense as you pressed a kiss to his jaw. His body was warm against yours, which was a welcome contrast after sleeping alone for the last few nights.

‘I love you.’ Poe murmured quietly.

‘I love you too.’ You peered up at him with a smile.

‘And I’ll always come home to you.’ He gave your shoulders a light squeeze. ‘You know that, right?’

‘I do.’

‘I’ll never break a promise to you.’

‘I know.’ You softly sighed, trying to move closer to him (as though it were even possible).

It was hard for him to fight the exhaustion now that he was laying with you -- after a few moments, his breathing became a little deeper, and his grip on you a little looser. You pressed one last kiss to his cheek, before settling back against his side and letting sleep over take you.

#poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x you #poe dameron fluff #poe dameron imagines #poe dameron imagine #poe dameron blurb #poe x reader #poe x you #poe fluff #poe imagines #poe imagine #poe blurb #star wars x reader #star wars x you #star wars fluff #star wars imagines #star wars imagine

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samnyangie · 3 years

Text

Since people liked rsl interview on dps, I’d like to share one of my favourite interview by him. I think it’s one of those rare interview where he wasn’t joking around that much but discuss acting quite seriously haha

So enjoy:DD

(Credit)

____________________________

1990 New York Times

Young Actor's Life Has the Makings of a Movie

by Lynn Mautner

New York Times

May 20, 1990

It would make a good movie. A 15-year-old sophomore at Ridgewood High School is playing the Artful Dodger in the musical ''Oliver'' with the school's theater group, New Players, when he is discovered by a casting agency secretary and whisked off to Broadway and the movies.

That's exactly what happened to Robert Sean Leonard, now 21, and a star of the 1989 film ''Dead Poets Society,'' which received an Oscar for best original screenplay.

''My mother took me to New Players' summer performances when I was 10,'' he said, ''and I loved the camaraderie of people, rehearsing and singing. I began spending more time there, painting signs and moving furniture, and soon became an element of the company, with small roles in 'The Miracle Worker,' 'Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat,' 'Barnum.' ''

Starting as an understudy for three roles at the New York Public Theater (he never got on stage), Mr. Leonard amassed credits that include ''The Beach House'' with George Grizzard for the Circle Repertory Theater, television movies, ''Brighton Beach Memoirs'' and ''Breaking the Code'' on Broadway, plays at the West Bank Cafe on 42d Street and the recent ''When She Danced'' at Playwrights Horizons.

He has just completed a part as Paul Newman's and Joanne Woodward's son in the movie ''Mr. and Mrs. Bridge,'' filmed in Kansas City, to be released in August. ''I age from a 15-year-old Eagle Scout to 22, coming home from World War II with a mustache,'' Mr. Leonard said.

Mr. Leonard, who received a general equivalency diploma when he was 17, lives in New York City and attends Fordham University between performances. Soon to return from the Cannes Film Festival with his fellow actors in ''Dead Poets,'' he is next scheduled to go into rehearsal for the film ''Married to It,'' a romantic comedy.

Q. Do you remember when you decided on an acting career?

A. I never decided to pursue an acting career. It just has happened. I still think it's going to stop and I'll have to get a real job soon, but I'm afraid to question it because if I do, it will disappear.

Q. How do you think your theater experience in high school has helped you?

A. It was a great teaching experience that prepared me in a lot of ways. We did 10 shows in 10 weeks, so there was no time to think about method. It was running for the stage, hoping you'll make it in time for your entrance. In Steven Soderbergh's new book of his diaries when directing the film ''Sex, Lies and Videotape,'' he said that on a film set there should always be a chain of command, but never a chain of respect.

At New Players, those three to four years, everyone was given the same respect. You had to, because you'd be the lead one week and painting sets the next. That's a luxury that is not available in New York, unfortunately, because of the unions. You're an actor and that's it.

Q. Have you taken any acting lessons? Do you recommend them for others?

A. I've taken two classes - a video acting class to help me get from stage to film, with Marty Winkler, currently my manager, and an acting class at H. B. Studios.

Acting classes are tricky. It's like asking someone in therapy if they'd recommend going to a psychiatrist. For some people it's great; for some it's not necessary; for some it's harmful. The best way to learn acting is just to do it.

There's a danger to the classroom, because it's safe, and you can get addicted to it. The clique of people are there, and you might tend to remain with them and never go out on your own. So it can give you the safety net which can eventually strip away your courage to go out and really try. On the other hand, you can get a wonderful teacher who brings out the best in you and gives you the courage to go out and dazzle everybody.

Q. You went from high school to Off Broadway. What were your feelings and fears during your first professional performance?

A. The first time I performed in New York - in ''Sally's Gone, She Left Her Name'' - I played Michael Learned's son. I think I was too young. I wasn't even aware of reasons to be afraid. I was just there for the fun of it. Fresh out of New Players, I knew it to be fun. I've never worried about lines. In ''Brighton Beach'' I should have been tense, because it was Broadway. I was nervous, but not racked - more excited.

Q. What do you enjoy most about acting?

A. The people, and opportunities to learn, to travel, both physically and emotionally. To look at people other than myself and try to figure out what makes them tick.

Olivier said you never play a villain; you play a man considered to be a villain; that you have to justify everything he does first; you have to know that what you are doing is right and find a way to make it right - even murder.

I just played a conceited piano player in ''When She Danced,'' and I had to figure out what would make a person be conceited and make that O.K. with me. I learned where conceit comes from - from confidence and talent.

Worst thing you can do is play someone and judge him at the same time, saying: ''Here I am. I am so conceited.'' First you have to understand why you're that way so that people interpret you as conceited.

Q. Do you consider acting an escape?

A. I don't look at performing as escaping, as really becoming another person and leaving my problems for two hours, so I don't have to deal with me, because I don't become another person. I work, so that when I am working, in a way it is me at my best. I'm not leaving myself; in fact, I'm more focused on myself than ever. I don't become that person, but I fully understand him, fully explore him, as to why he does what he does and justify it.

You can't play a fool to play Bottom, who's the opposite of fool in Shakespeare's ''Midsummer Night's Dream.'' What makes people fools is that they're completely confident in what they're doing. They don't think they're fools; they think they're right on track, which makes them so funny and makes them look like fools.

Q. Who influenced you the most?

A. I have not had one person or experience that stands out that's a turning point. Every step in acting relies heavily on the one before. Everything I've learned colors everything I have known before, and suddenly changes it.

I have learned a little bit from everyone I have known, whether about acting itself, or living and working as an actor. Like a good detective novel, for every clue that is solved, two more appear. Every time I learn something, it opens two other doors. In ''Dead Poets,'' the rooftop scene, where I throw the desk set off, was improvised. Are instincts then a part of acting?

Q. Are there desirable qualities to have as an actor?

A. Concentration, perseverence, lack of inhibitions. There's no room for self-consciousness on stage. Also, there is an element in acting that is not fair. Whatever talent is, part of it can be learned and part can't. There are people that audiences like to watch or don't. In Soderbergh's book, he says that talent plus perseverance will equal luck. But I don't know what talent is; it is beyond definition.

Q. Do you learn by watching other films and plays? Your own? Other people?

A. Sometimes I watch for directing; sometimes for performing. There are lines in ''Dead Poets'' I would do differently, if given the chance. For example, Todd said: ''You talk and people listen to you, Neil. I am not like that.'' I answer, ''Don't you think you could be?'' I think I could have made it clearer. I don't get much from observing strangers, because although I see what they do, I don't know where they're coming from.

Q. What are the main differences between stage and film work?

A. I feel that as an actor, you should start in theater, to learn the process of creating a character, in rehearsal. Film is an arena for people who already know that, because on the set they expect you to know the character inside out.

Film work is harder, because this tangible part has to happen in your head before filming takes place. And it's more solitary. You create your character alone, without the give-and-take of other actors.

Q. What tips would you give young, aspiring actors?

A. Read plays aloud with friends at home; do any work you can do in high school. Hang out with jocks, leatherheads, and see what makes them work. Don't be a theater rat and only talk to actors. Read a lot. You really have to feel it; really want it; then take it. Don't take no for an answer. Seize the day.

___________________________

There’s another one I really want to share as well, I’ll bring it with me at some point:))

#robert sean leonard #rsl #theatre #acting #interview #I love how he ended the interview with seize the day

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motherjoel · 4 years

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fine line series (spencer reid x reader)

part 3/3: fine line

summary: you and spencer are having a hard time staying apart from one another

a/n: woohoo! the last part! thank you guys so much for reading this, i had a blast writing! once again, i recommend listening to the song just cause it helps with the mood i was going for haha (but you dont have to)

wc: 1.6k

part 1, part 2

we’ll be alright

Another week had passed since you’d cried to Emily and JJ in the bathroom and you didn’t feel any better- you felt worse. You couldn’t help but think that if Spence could smile to you after everything that happened, he had to be okay. You were not okay.

On one fateful night, not even the Gilmore Girls marathon you had going could brighten your mood. It was one of your bad days- the days where you got no peace and no sleep. You longed for those moments in the morning where it was too early to think. Those moments where your mind was still in a sleepy haze and the weight of the world had yet to inflict its pain on your shoulders. This morning, that moment had lasted mere seconds.

It was a paperwork day today, so you luckily didn’t have to interact with him. If you saw him getting coffee, you knew where not to go. For some reason, you thought that limiting your interactions would lessen the pain, when in reality it only fueled the fire in your heart. On days like these, not even paperwork was enough to take your mind off of your life- you weren’t hoping for a murder, but a case would definitely be more distracting. You didn’t want to go home alone again to your empty apartment, but you had no other choice.

So here you were, phone in your hand for the millionth time this week, finger lingering over the call button. You paused the TV and hit call before you could stop yourself, anxiety peaking with each ring. You cursed yourself for calling, but hanging up seemed like a bad idea, so you sat there, paralyzed. After a moment, the call went to voicemail. You considered hanging up, but the embarrassment from leaving a message was better than the loneliness of sitting in silence. So, you did.

“Hi Spence. It’s me. I’m sorry for doing this, gosh this is really unlike me,” you laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation. “I was thinking today. About loneliness. And, how I'm experiencing a great deal of it recently,” you confessed, wiping a tear from your cheek. You couldn’t hang up now, so you continued. “They always show on TV that people normally call their best friends when they're sad after a breakup- I guess people in real life do that too. But… but what do you do when you break up with your b-best friend?” you asked, audibly sobbing now. You tried to even out your breathing. “I just- I can’t do this without you anymore Spence. We were real. You were it for me, and… and I think I ruined it. Please, just come over. I need my best friend. I need to know that we’ll be alright. I just, I need to know,” you begged. After a moment you gasped and hung up, as if you just realized what you had said.

You set your phone down and put it on silent before turning the TV back on. After your confession, you felt oddly relaxed. Like everything was out of your hands now. You relaxed so much so that you were finally able to drift off to sleep on your couch.

You woke with a start to banging on your door. Checking your phone, you saw it was 1 AM. Who in the hell would be bothering you at this time? Grabbing your gun from the coffee table, you inched over the door and looked through the peephole. Spencer Reid, in all his glory, stood outside your door with messy hair and a worried expression plastered on that beautiful face of his. You set down your gun and composed yourself before opening the door. He looked up from wringing his hands and took in your appearance: puffy eyes, messy hair, and tear stained cheeks. To him, you were beautiful.

“Y/N, I need you to know something,” he started, trying not to fidget. You nodded, urging him to continue. “My entire life, I never knew I was capable of feeling so deeply for someone. I felt like… a loser,” he choked out. You wanted to reach out and hug him, but you refrained. “Morgan took me to a club tonight to try to make me feel better, I guess. But you know how I feel about clubs… So I went to the bathroom to see I had a missed call from you,” he continued talking with his hands, visibly nervous. You thought back to the call and blushed, remembering your confession.

“Y/N, my heart shattered hearing you like that. It wasn’t until 20 minutes ago that I realized why I felt so completely empty these past few weeks- I lost my best friend, too,” he said with tears brimming in his eyes, his hands getting shakier. “I saw you that day, you know,” he said. You furrowed your brows. “After you cried. I saw you hug Rossi and fix your makeup, and I saw you put down that picture of us. My favorite picture of us,” he confessed, tears were now rolling down his face and you could feel your heart stutter. “We were so happy that day, and if I leave you now, I know that I’ll never be that happy again and I can’t do that, Y/N. I can’t.” You stood in awe, not sure if he was finished. He was not.

“When you asked me to come over, I obviously had to. Because my best friend needed me. So, I’d like to be your best friend,” he paused, looking for something in your eyes. You were deep in thought, so he continued. “It’s up to you if you want to be more, but just being your friend is enough. For now,” he finished, not bothering to wipe his tear streaked face. You both stood, motionless for a few moments.

You realized you had been crying the entire time he was talking. It took one step towards him for you both to embrace, as if it was on instinct. You had never hugged anyone tighter, with more passion and love, in your entire life- it said a thousand words. You cried into his chest and he stroked your tangled hair, and everything was right. You cried and he cried, and you finally felt in sync again.

“We’ll be alright,” he whispered in your ear, over and over again like a mantra.

Two years had passed since the worst few weeks of your life, and Spencer spent the entire time proving to you how worthy he was of loving. He was right- you would be alright. And as you walked down the aisle on your wedding day in the dress you had picked out with your best friends and maids of honor (you couldn’t choose between Penelope, Emily and JJ so they agreed to share the title), you felt more than alright. At the end of the aisle was your soon to be husband, who was totally not crying, as well as Hotch, Rossi, and Derek (the best man). They were all trying to be as macho as possible, but their eyes were glassy.

You said your vows, promising devotion to each other, and kissed like it was your last. The cheers from your friends and family rang out in the church, but you could barely hear it over the blood pumping in your ears. You were marrying the man you loved, the man who was looking at you right now like you were the last woman on earth.

Your reception was held at the Rossi mansion, as per his request. You couldn't say no to him- it saved money and he was one hell of a host. The music consisted of a mixture between Frank Sinatra and a few modern requests by Garcia, and you couldn’t ask for anything better. You took turns dancing with everyone, Rossi was first to take your hand.

“I knew you two kids would make it,” he says, the two of you swaying to “Fly Me to the Moon.” You looked over his shoulder to make eye contact with Spencer, who was dancing with your mother (who was holding him a little too close for comfort). He widened his eyes and jokingly mouthed “help”. You smiled and returned your focus to your dance partner.

“Me too,” you told him as the song finished. You danced with Morgan next, who was surprisingly emotional.

“You look beautiful, princess,” he told you as you danced.

“Thank you Derek,” you blushed. “You don’t look half bad yourself,” you smiled.

“I should’ve snatched you up when I had the chance,” he joked in your ear. You laughed and swatted his arm- you knew he was kidding, and you were glad you could joke about it now.

You made your rotation through the whole team before you made it back to your husband.

“May I have this dance, Mrs. Reid?” he asked, cheesily holding out his hand.

“Why, yes Dr. Reid, you may,” you laughed, taking his hand and beginning to waltz. You wordlessly swayed for a few minutes, bodies impossibly close together as you listened to his heartbeat.

“I told you we’d be alright,” he whispered in your ear. You looked up at him like he was the only other person in the room before giving him a kiss, a kiss that said everything you wanted it to say. The rest of the night consisted of laughter and love- two things that you would have your entire life with him.

a/n: i imagined the last 2 minutes of fine line playing as there’s like a montage of the reception where everyone’s dancing and happy and in love and harry is just singing “we’ll be alright” over and over like UGH I CANTTT why am i making myself cry rn dsakbfjb

taglist: @easygoingtheatre, @rexorangecouny, @kaytlyngraygubler, @fear-less-write-more, @yesimaunicorn, @mariahreid, @bestyearslftv,

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aithuzah · 3 years

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What is your opinion on the knights (Lancelot, Gwaine, Elyan, Leon and Percival)?

Overall, I think they're a lot of fun! But I wish they'd had more screentime as individuals with character development and growth that contributed a bit more to the story as a whole. That's a problem with every side character in the show, though--they're almost never used to their full potential.

Percival gets the worst of this because he has like....no lines lmfao. one time i counted and he said literally 12 words before Arthur knighted him. He's sweet and funny, I love his teasing relationship with Gwaine and the whole quiet gentle giant thing he has going on, and when I was first watching the show with my friend we just called him Sir Muscles because we could never remember his name and the silly sleeveless chainmail is great.

But we know the least about his history and beliefs out of anyone, and it seems like Arthur knighted him more out of desperation and trust in Lancelot's judgement than a genuine assessment of his character. It would have been cool to get to know him better and to see his relationship with Arthur in particular develop more, considering he's supposed to be one of the trusted ~Knights of the Round Table~ and all, to reaffirm his worthiness of that trust after the crisis was over.

Leon.....I'm sorry Leon but his character has never really interested me personally haha. I can appreciate him in an objective way, like how he stood up to Morgana or his comedy in the assassin episode ("oh you're going to kill Arthur? that's hilarious, take a crossbow"), but he's always been pretty forgettable to me. The jokes about "Immortal Leon" and such in the fandom made more of an impression on me than the character himself.

It's mentioned once or twice that he grew up with Gwen and Elyan, and I would have liked to see that "childhood friend" dynamic explored more, especially once Arthur started courting Gwen. ORRR, what if we saw Leon struggle to reconcile his conventional, law-abiding nature with his loyalty to Arthur and his unconventional, rule-breaking ideals? I think that would have made him feel more well-rounded and human than the Generic Loyal Knight character.

Speaking of knights' relationships with Gwen, Elyan is a really fun character! I think their sibling relationship is super sweet. But a lot of my memories of him are really vague, both because it's been a long time since I've actually watched the show, and because he was never all that heavily discussed in fandom. He's overlooked even more than Leon, and was sometimes actively hated, so I feel like his role and personality weren't as consistently reinforced in my mind and my impressions are a little muddy now as a result. I'm still SO sad that he died trying to save his sister, only for her to be enchanted during his death AND (iirc) the whole mourning process. I do think he suffered Merlin Side Character Syndrome (I wish we knew more about his life outside Camelot, his past with Gwen and Elyan, etc), but I remember he had a lot of fun scenes with the rest of the knights and I think there could have been a lot more to say if people (including myself) paid more attention to him.

Compared to everyone else, we know a LOT more about Gwaine and Lancelot--their histories, their beliefs, their goals, their values, all that good stuff. (Even though Lancelot was only in a handful of episodes, all of them centered on him in one way or another.) So I love them both and could say a lot more about them, but I'll try to keep it brief heheh. I've already talked about both of them quite a bit in other posts.

I think their personalities are a wonderful contrast; Lancelot is outwardly noble but subtly playful, whereas Gwaine is outwardly playful but subtly noble. It is a Criminal Crime that they barely interacted in canon (did they even ever say lines directly to each other?? I don't remember), because I think they would have gotten along alarmingly well.

It really pains me that Gwaine became the idiot comic relief in season 5, because he showed a lot of depth and strength of character before he became a regular and they stopped doing episodes that highlighted him as an individual. And with Lancelot dead and Gwen either enchanted or relegated to doing her queen thing, it felt like Merlin lost all his friends in s5, even the ones that were still technically there.

Lancelot is 100% my favorite knight just because he was so casual about Merlin's magic. I think that's something Merlin desperately needed in his life, and I'll always be sad he (and we as viewers) didn't get more of them being partners-in-literal-punishable-by-death-crime and just having FUN with Merlin's abilities.

The Lance/Gwen/Arthur love triangle was handled really badly in multiple ways though. First of all, Lancelot did the dumb "I don't want to make her choose between us....so I'm going to make her decision for her by removing myself as an option" thing that I hate. And then he dies in the SECOND EPISODE of the season where he would have been living in Camelot full time!! And the whole enchanted Gwen/undead Lancelot thing? ughhhh.

I don't really hold any of that against him as a character, I just hate that they're plot points that removed him from the story when the story only ever benefited from having him in it--or were just a big dumb waste of time, in the case of the zombie love triangle. That screentime could have been spent on Merlin/Lancelot/Gwaine shenanigans!! We were DEPRIVED, I tell you.

#replies #anon #anonymous #knights of the round table #when i think about the knights nowadays i just want to imagine gwaine and merlin and lancelot having a blast together

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marshmallowprotection · 3 years

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Kait’s Emotional Crisis and Analysis on Saeran’s After Ending

That’s right. it’s here folks! You’re here because we’ve managed to survive the waiting period that has been two-years in the making. Are we all happy that we have made it this far and survived the wait? Yes, yes, we are. You wouldn’t still be listening to me babble about how much I love Saeran Choi if you weren’t. We all know what we’re here for, so let’s get down to business.

THIS IS A VERY LONG POST. I’m not even joking this time. It’s a very long post.

Spoilers for Ray Route and Another Story!

I’ve been having to control the flappy hands when I see this photo so forgive me if my thoughts are all over the place as I talk about everything that has been on my mind. I literally had to pinch myself when I woke up to a flood of messages on the matter.

It’s him. It’s my boy. It’s my boy. It’s my boy! Mom, holy fuck! It’s my boy and he looks great. I’ve had a lot on my mind since I first saw the title screen so let’s get down to what I have to say about that. First of all, I’m in love with MC’s outfit. I’d wear that, that’s the fucking mood tonight. I’ve been frothing at the bit to be able to draw my MC wearing this outfit and I didn’t even wanna start doing something like that until they gave the official release to us.

What can I say? I’m a sucker for really frilly tops. Those pink jeans are a really nice shade of pink too. It’s not hot pink, it’s a nice bubblegum which is a good contrast to Saeran’s hair, haha! I just like seeing all the pinks around this boy and his MC, of course, has to be cloaked in those colors as well. It just makes me really happy. I love some of the other outfits that MC gets to wear in the game but oh, God, oh, Fuck. This has to be my favorite outfit that we’ve been able to wear thus far.

The little necktie? Perfect. Those sleeves? Iconic. The hand-holding? PURE AS FUCK. THE VIBES? CHECKED.

Now that I’ve covered my bases with MC, let’s go onto the Choi brothers and talk about them. I actually like that they’ve been drawing Saeran in more brown and pink outfits. It just feels very right for him.

It goes to show that his mental state is much better than it was in recent years, like, from Ray to Suit Saeran and to Unknown, we all know that they would dress in black and darker themes if they were given the chance. Ray’s outfit was given to him by Rika to wear, and Suit Saeran was the one that picked his suit out to wear. Unknown walked out of the clearance bin at Hot Topic and added those cowboy boots to enrage me. But, I digress. I’ll fight Unknown at a later date about that.

The natural and earthy tones that they’re going for here with him are very nice to see. He seems like he’s a lot comfier with himself here. He’s got a cozy little old sweater on and his posture is better than I’ve seen it in many photos. If his style is just cozy sweaters, then, well, I can vibe with that. I can see him working in the garden wearing that and I think that’s the point that they’re making with this style of his.

The loose collar is also nice. I’m used to seeing his clothes buttoned up and out of the way, making sure that he isn’t showing his body. So, seeing him play with his style and wearing something much looser against his body is a good thing as well. I think I saw someone call him a comfy grandpa in one of the posts that I’ve seen floating around. I chuckle at that mention.

Saeran doesn’t care that much about fashion, to be honest with you. He would, of course, choose something that’s minimalist and comfortable. These browns work with him very much so. I’m happy to see it! It’s in line with the style that I’ve had in mind for him after the Ending!

Can you see the way that he’s gazing at the player, though? Can we talk about the way that he’s looking at us?

The longing in that gaze... the way that it looks like he’s been getting some good sleep for once in his life because the discoloration of purple is gone! The way he has that tiny smile that only we know is a smile because he only shares that side of himself with us? His MC? God, I’m in love with you, you fucking bastard man why is your smile making me cry so much?

I could talk about his smile for hours. His expression. The longing. The way that I love you cannot be contained in words, Saeran. It’s far too strong. Just know I’m the person that can feel what’s going on his body from looking at him. He looks to be in a good place.

Anyways, onto Saeyoung.

Oh, my darling, Saeyoung. I’m used to seeing you in green palettes. It’s just a tried and true theory with your red hair and you lean heavily into being a walking Christmas palette. It’s rare to see you without your glasses, and I’m sure that a lot of people are swooning over you for that. You know you’re handsome and you will use that against those MCs that love you. I don’t have a lot to say about his outfit but I do think it’s really fitting for him.

It seems like a muted pull-over and some worn jeans, which seems in line with everything that I would style him in. He knows plenty about style himself and he knows how to make my head spin.

What is this somber look in his eyes? There’s a smile on his lips but there is this feeling to me that it doesn’t meet his eyes. Is he happy that we’re with Saeran or is he weighed by the fact that he wasn’t the one to save Saeran? Does he know what happens with Rika? Does he feel angry over that? What are we going to tell the RFA and him about this? I know that he would be happy that we saved his brother...

But the guilt in his heart is nothing to scoff off. He always blames himself for what happened to Saeran even though Rika is the one that broke his trust for good and forever. I feel like there’s something bittersweet in his eyes. Does he think that Saeran and the player are going to live happily while he’s not there?

I always intended to imagine Saeyoung living with Saeran and the player, because they can’t be separated again.

But does he feel like a weight and a third wheel? I don’t know. I’m scared to think about how he may feel like Saeran is happy now without him and he’ll try to pull away instead of adding anymore trauma onto Saeran’s life. I know that it’s not going to easy for recovery for either of them, but I want to have faith and care for the two of them.

Saeyoung, you better not self-deprecate. I’ll smooch your forehead too. I just really don’t know how I feel about that look in his eyes. It’s just matching the smile in my opinion.

I’m still screaming. I’ve been a pit of screaming for nearly three hours now and I know that I’ve still got plenty more to say today on the matter. But, I know why you’re here for real, you want me to analyze what I see in this picture and what I think will be in the AE from what we’re shown. I’ve had a few days to think it over and I’ve got my ideas.

Where are you Saeyoung? This title screen is not confirmation that Saeyoung is alive. For all we know, this photo could be more inspiration for the theme and the emotion that takes place in the After Ending.

I have to remind people that when we first played Saeyoung’s AE, it was a rouse and we were treated to a happy dream sequence that sought to talk about Saeran living with us and Saeyoung as he made a toy store. There’s a possibility that in the midst of the search for Saeyoung, we’re confronted with dreams and nightmares on Saeran’s end in regards to his brother.

It’s my biggest fear that Saeyoung isn’t alive. We don’t know if the Prime Minister took him or if an enemy took him, or if it was the agency, or a combination of all three of these options. I don’t know how I feel about it. I’ve considered that we won’t have the answer until the After Ending itself comes out but I’m interested to know what the answer is.

If it was Saejoong, well, I fear for Saeyoung’s health if we do find him alive. His emotional state... God, that was always his biggest fear. His and Saeran’s biggest fear that their mother always whispered. She was a monster to the two of them with her abuse but the unknown of what their father would do to them had to be even more frightening. Their mother always said that Saejoong would kill them if he caught them.

But, he could have honestly done a lot of horrible and twisted things. They could have become political pawns and a sob story that Saejoong could have sold if he wanted quite easily, and their mother could have been killed to silence that story. There was a lot of worse case scenarios. Saeyoung knows and has thought of all of them.

So the idea that he’s living his worst nightmare?

The fact that Saejoong could have killed Saeran without him being able to protect him?

The fact that he’d not be able to talk to V?

He sent a frenzied message to the chatroom for us to contact V for him. This only implies that he was trying to warn V to protect Saeran at the last minute, so it feels like it could only be Saejoong that took him. He panicked hard. He had to make sure that Saeran was protected even if he died. I think that was what he did with his message in the chatroom.

But, we all know how it turned out.

I felt like that sacrifice of panic on his part was.... it still hurts me to think about all of it.

My worst case scenario is a dream sequence and Saeyoung not... not being alive anymore. I don’t know what that would do to Saeran. He wants to make things right with his brother, he really does. The gaslighting and manipulation done by Rika is going to take some time for them to work past, and I know that he can make progress in therapy and as he challenge his intrusive thoughts as we stand by his side. He can see it through.

He is hopeful for his brother.

However, it’s going to be tested when he actually faces his brother in the game and that’s the real test. Therapy is one thing. Facing your fears is even harder than talking about them. Saeran is going to... be overwhelmed with everything and he may need to step away when push comes to shove.

I want Saeyoung to see us together holding hands and let him have that moment realization that even though Saeran went through a lot of harm while they were separated, he wasn’t alone through all of it. He never wanted Saeran to be alone in any way. If Saeran has to step away, then well, that would leave us with his brother in the process.

I can’t say how much I’d choke up if he thanked us for loving his brother. The guilt in his eyes as he cries and we reassure him. I think that’s one thing that I want the most with Saeyoung. I want him to know freedom from his chains and I want to help him too. There’s a lot that I want out of that and there’s so much of this potential that we can talk about in the AE.

There’s a lot with Saeyoung that I want to think about but so much of it makes me wanna cry.

I also fear for V and I’ve discussed many of my fears on that matter. I’ll repost my thoughts right here.

Now, in regards to what I sincerely don’t want is a repeat of what went down with V’s After Ending.

I’ve shared my feelings on that matter before and I understand that Cheritz was going for that moral high-road that many people take where they say that it’s better to forgive on your path to healing, and while that can be good for some people, it can leave a sour taste in the mouth of people who don’t pick to forgive the people that hurt them.

I don’t choose to forgive the people that hurt me in many cases. That doesn’t make me a bad person. The problem with the Forgive/Judgement ending is that it can make you feel ashamed for not forgiving someone who quite literally, took funds from the RFA’s first two parties (that’s the only way she could’ve gotten the money to fund Mint Eye, even coercion and manipulation of people on the level that Rika does wouldn’t give her that much ability), manipulated and gas-lit Ray and Saeran for years, deceived and drugged countless people, so on and so forth.

I hate that she’s never punished for her actions. She needs to be rightfully punished for what she did. I want her to get therapy, and I want her to learn that she was wrong for what she did to everyone. I want her to be able to get better for her own health, and I don’t think she should ever be contact with anyone in the RFA ever again. But, that’s up to the RFA if they choose to speak with her or interact with her, not mine. I don’t want her to die, I want her to learn what she did was wrong.

It’s not Mika (Rika Behind Story Spoilers) who went through the cult. Rika had every chance to stop while she was ahead but she kept doing it. I would not forgive Rika, and I would never want to be around her ever again if I were in the position of the RFA when the truth is made known.

The only action that Rika ever took that could be looked at with the filter of self-defense was when she panicked when the boy’s mother tried to get close to her and harm her in a drunken rage. She acted to protect herself in that situation, but that’s the only thing that she’s ever done that someone could look at and say, she was protecting herself. She felt threatened. She panicked, she blacked out and protected herself from harm.

Don’t get me started on V. I love V, he’s not perfect, he fucked up a lot and he shouldn’t have gone back to Rika. It feels like he saw us love, forgive, and stand by Saeran and thought that he could be able to do the same for Rika, but that is not what will help him or Rika. They don’t need to be together again. They need to be fair away. Rika and V literally burned down the boy’s childhood home and V was wearing his sunglasses, so I can only presume that Rika harmed his eyes after he went to her.

Saeran himself says that he wants to tell everyone about Rika and V, but he needs to be able to discuss it with V. Even Saeran understands that V is a victim to some degree and he wants to help him.

That was a big fucking comment on his part and I was proud of him for that.

But, V left for Rika and we don’t know if we’ll ever see him again. So, I really don’t know how that’s going to be handled in the slightest, Anon.

I don’t want Rika and V together, like, ever again.

I want Rika to be punished for her actions and caught. I want V to get away from her and start to learn to love himself again and grow. I believe in him but he’s in need of someone to cheer him on when that abusive relationship ends. I really don’t want a repeat of V’s After Ending.

Don’t make me forgive Rika.

Don’t make Saeran forgive her, either.

That’s my worst case scenario fear. I want Saeran to be able to grow and get healthier, for sure, but his final confrontation with Rika should be the last time that he ever thinks about her. He made his mind up and he made it clear that she was wrong and he would never be tricked by her again.

I want him to stand his ground on that. I’ll stand by him no matter what he chooses to do, though. So, I want this to be about Saeran and Saeyoung coming together again, and helping V get out of that relationship with Rika, as well as Rika facing punishment for her actions.

But, that might be asking a bit too much, haha.

Ideally, I want Saeran and the player to be able to reach out to V and help him get away from Rika as she’s taken down as well. We don’t know if she left Mint Eye for sure, we don’t know if she and V ran away. Who is running the Cult? Is the cult put to a stop or did Rika put somebody else in charge? It’s hard to say on that front and I’m still not sure how that’s going to end up.

V can open up and work out everything that’s going to fall out here as it did in the events of V Route with Rika. He’ll need to work out everything with Jumin and the others, but I have hope for him to be able to face what went wrong and not only get the help he needs, but get the support of his support circle behind his back as everyone rallies behind him.

I would love he and Saeran to be able to work out everything, Saeyoung as well, because even Saeran is willing to work with Jihyun. Rika to get some therapy, get punished for her actions and that to be dealt with is great. It never happens so. That would be a nice change.

Saeran knows that V is a victim in all of this too. So, it remains to be seen how this is going to be handled. I can only pray that Jihyun is able to be rescued as we rescue Saeyoung (hopefully, fingers crossed.) I’m still so proud of Saeran for doing that.

God.

I’ve talked about Choice and Saeran before in regards to the Secret Ending and his Good ending and... well, I’ll direct you to that post. To read about how important it was for Saeran to be able to choose what he wanted to do with his life instead of having options forced on him.

Can we discuss this photo as well from the Special Believer Box that I’m nearly about to buy at this point with whatever comes out with AE cause I need it?? I’m gonna go fucking broke. For you. Saeran. For you. I was saving my money for Christmas and now I’ve got a reason to live.

I still don’t know if this is the implication of what will happen in the AE or if it’s something that will just exist as a standalone image. I still don’t know why Saeran would be dresses as his brother for some reason, unless there’s a twin switch-a-roo plot somewhere in all of this? I mean, bold choice, but I don’t know. I just think I needed to say again how cute that I think Saeran is in Saeyoung’s outfit. He’s so tiny and slender in comparison to his brother.

I’m gonna fucking smooch his forehead. I don’t know, I want the CG title screen and this photo here to imply that the Choi boys will be alive and happy together once all is said and done. I can’t say that I know where we’re heading but there is bound to be an adventure to hunt down Saeyoung, but I’m not sure where it will take us.

A wild-goose chase alongside whatever mystery is left. I can’t wait.

My ideal ending is one where we get to live in a little house by the sea with a garden with Saeran and Saeyoung where we can visit and chat with the RFA whenever we want. But, we’ll have to see what happens. If you want to read more about some of the things that I think he wants to do with his MC now that he’s free check out this post.

Anyways.

Kait’s gotta go cry now.

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cryingoverafictionalcharacter · 4 years

Text

Sunrise

Prompt: Y/N has chronic nightmares, and one night after having a particularly bad one, Bucky comes to comfort them, leading to the realization that they have a lot more in common than they thought.

A/N: Am I writing this because I genuinely had the worst nightmare of my life, and wanted this to happen instead of staring at the door for two hours, too afraid to move until the sun came up? That's a secret I’ll never tell ;)

Warnings: Swearing, scared reader, sad Bucky, cute fluffy shit

Feel free to send me any requests you may have, I’m on a writing frenzy because homework makes me sad haha.

The hallway seemed to go on forever, taking much longer to get to the kitchen than usual. I had heard a sound down the hall, and went to investigate. The lights above my head flickered, causing the hair on the back of my neck to stand up, but I kept walking. As I walked I called out to FRIDAY.

“FRIDAY is there anyone awake in the tower?” I asked, but there wasn’t a reply, only the sound of the lights of my heads buzzing on and off as they failed to work correctly.

Finally, after what felt like hours, I entered the kitchen. It was dark, the only light coming from the city lights outside, allowing me to see a silhouette of a person. It was Bucky, his back facing towards me. At first I was relived to see I wasn’t the only one awake, but something about him was off. He was completely stiff, like he was frozen in place.

“Bucky?” I asked, making my way around him to look at his face. I finally reached his left, able to see the side of his face clearly, and as soon as I did my stomach dropped.

His eyes were wide with fear, his face pale, he was looking out the window, like he was looking at something. I had been on dozens of missions with Bucky before and I had never seen him so scared in my life. I opened my mouth to say his name again, but he spoke before I could.

“They’re here” He whispered, barely loud enough for me to hear.

“Whos here?” I asked. Bucky didn’t answer, just pointed out the window. I followed his finger, looking out the compound to see nothing. Were were a few stories up, and we could see the rest of the city below us.

“There's nothing there-” I started turning back to face him to be met with someone else completely. A dark figure, like a shadow standing in the place Bucky just stood. Before I could make a sound, the figure pulled back its arm, burring a knife in my chest.

I jolted awake, sitting upright and grabbing the knife that I kept on my nightstand, holding it out as I looked around room, my eyes adjusting to the dark. I could seethe chair sitting on the other side of the room, my dresser, and the door to the bathroom, just slightly ajar.

“There's nothing there” I whispered to myself, trying to shake myself out of my panicked state, but I couldn’t look away from the door. I focused my breath, trying to slow it, all the while listening as hard as I could, waiting for something, anything. The room was completely silent, and I was just about to lay back down when I heard a sound from the door, causing me to scream and jump out of bed, running to the opposite side of the room, my knife pointed at the sound, now coming from my front door.

“Y/N?” I heard on the other side of the door, before it suddenly swung open, revealing Bucky on the other side. He quickly flicked the light switch on the wall, revealing me standing opposite of him, drenched in a cold sweat, and pointing a knife at him.

“Oh, hi Bucky” I sighed as the light came on, being able to clearly see Bucky's face in the light. My heart was still beating a million miles a minute, but I was finally able to drop my knife to my side and focus on trying my breath.

“Is everything ok? I heard you scream” Bucky said, still on the defensive with his fists raised as he looked around the room.

“Yeah um... yeah sorry, I just had a... I thought you were something else” I said, hesitating on whether or not to tell him the truth about my dream. I decided against it, not wanting him to think I was childish, being afraid of monsters in the closet, or bathroom in this case.

Bucky looked at me for a while, taking in my still panicked state, before dropping his hands to his sides.

“Want to talk about it?” He asked softly, like a was an animal that might spook if he was too loud. I looked at him, his hair was a little messy, and he was still in a T-shirt and shorts, but he didn’t look too tired, like he had been awake for a while.

I don’t know why, but I didn’t want him to leave, so I nodded, allowing him to walk in to the room fully, closing the door behind him. I walked to the far side of the bed, sitting and patting the space next to me, which he took. There was a few beats of silence, before he finally spoke.

“I heard you from across the hall” Bucky started as I stared down at the floor. “It sounded like you were tossing around, like you were having a nightmare”

“It was” I said, still not meeting his eyes, but I could feel his on me, watching for a reaction.

“Want to talk about it?” He asked, causing me to shake my head.

“Its stupid” I said, before suddenly feeling a hand under my chin, gently making me look into Bucky's eyes. There was no judgement, just worry.

“If it scared you enough to act like this, I promise it’s not stupid” He said gently.

I contemplated whether or not to tell him. Bucky and I weren’t exactly best friends, but we were close. We had some missions together, and the occasional movie night. Some back and forth flirting but nothing ever happened.

I was too scared to let anything happen.

“I was going out into the kitchen to get something” I started, before jumping straight into my dream, how real it all felt, how scared he looked. The whole time he just listened quietly , nodding to let me know he was actively listening without interrupting. He listened all the way to the end, when I was stabbed by the shadow like creature.

There was a beat of silence, before he spoke up.

“Did you think it was here?” He asked, referring to earlier when I was pointing a knife at him with crazy eyes.

“I don’t know” I said honestly. I knew he wasn’t going to make fun of me, so I didn’t feel scared to tell him the truth.

“When I woke up... the bathroom door was open. And I kept thinking to myself that I knew there wasn’t anything on the other side. But still. I wasn’t sure.” I finished, looking to see Bucky nodding in understanding.

“I have nightmares a lot” Bucky started, making me look up at him “Its always the same. I’m still the winter soldier, and I’m re living everything I had done. Everyone I hurt. Over and over again, with no control of my body...” He trailed off. It was his turn to refuse to meet my gaze, staring at the floor.

I gently put both of my hands on the sides of his face, making him look at me this time.

“You didn’t do those things” I started “The winter soldier did. And you aren’t him” He nodded, covering one of my hands with his own.

“I know, it just feels so real sometimes” He said, causing me to nod in understanding. Its crazy how easy it is for your brain to trick you into thinking that the things you’re most afraid of are real.

“So” Bucky said, brining my hands off his face so he could hold them in his own. “You were dreaming about me?” A small smile spreading across his face.

“Oh shut it” I laughed, smacking him on the shoulder, the weight of the panic I was feeling earlier finally leaving my body.

“You know, I have an idea that might help to make you feel better, if you want” Bucky said, waiting for a reaction.

I looked over at my clock. It was six in the morning. It didn’t really make sense to go back to sleep at this point, so I nodded, making Bucky to smile, before taking my hand and leading me out of my room.

We got into the elevator and took it all the way to the top of the tower. I had never been to the very top, assuming it was just the roof of the building, which it was, but I wasn’t expecting what was up there.

When we got off the elevator, and opened the door to the outside, I took in the sight in front of me. There was a single couch, facing the east, with a pergola adorned with fairy lights overhead, which happened to be on.

“Its not much” Bucky started, walking over to the couch, me following behind. “Tony was planning on making a social area up here, but it never got finished because he didn’t really need it, but he let me keep this stuff up here.”

We made our way to the couch and sat side by side. The sun was just starting to come up, and the entire city was beginning to turn a light yellow.

“This is amazing Bucky” I said, looking aver the city as it slowly came awake. “Thank you... for everything” I turned to face him to see he was already looking at me, a gentle smile on his face.

Bucky and I had known each other for years, and I had liked him for most of that time. He was sweet, and funny, and kind. He knew when to joke around and when to be more serious. And he has always had my back. Now, all those years of passive flirting, and movie nights, and missions almost gone bad had lead to this exact moment, and I was able to realize just how head over heels I was for him.

Bucky had put his arm around me, and was absentmindedly playing with my hair. Without thinking, I finally closed the distance between us and kissed him.

It didn’t take him any time to respond. The hand in my hair moved to cup the side of my face, the other moving to my waist, and I moved to wrap my arms around his neck, bringing him even closer.

He pulled away for a second, causing me to frown. Had I taken things to far to fast? Was he second guessing himself about this? I looked in his face and was met with nothing but love in his eyes.

“I’ve been waiting a while to do that” He said smiling.

“Well technically I kissed you so...” I said jokingly, causing him to roll his eyes before reconnecting out lips again. This kiss was quicker, but it still gave me butterflies.

“As nice as this is” Bucky started, breaking the kiss to look at me “I brought you up here to see the sunrise” He said, causing me to smile.

“That's true” I said, moving so I could lean my head on his shoulder and look out on the sky line, the sun already much higher than it was before, painting the city in a dark orange. “But were defiantly starting where we left off” I joked, causing a goofy smile to cross his face.

“I wouldn’t want it any other way” He said, resting his head on top of mine.

_________________________________________________________

AHHHHHH I suck at finishing these but I hope it was ok! Not as much fluff as I would have liked but I just went with what felt natural (I’m still new at writing so yeah lol). Also this story was entirely written for me bc nightmares are ass and I want Bucky to hold me! Either way I hope you enjoyed, and hopefully my grammar isn't to bad. :)

#bucky barnes #bucky fanfic #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fluff #bucky imagine #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fluff #avengers fanfiction #avengers imagine

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rivalsforlife · 3 years

Note

thoughts on aai2?

oh no I don’t know if I’ll be able to think of anything mean to say because I love aai2 with all my heart, it makes me feel so much.

It really feels like a love letter to Miles Edgeworth’s character and really digs into him and his motivations and history and then centers an entire game around that. The central question of “should he be a defense attorney or stay as a prosecutor?” is one that’s probably been on a lot of people’s minds since the first game when he makes that comment to Phoenix, and even moreso after T&T where he pretends to be a defense attorney on Phoenix’s behalf. And aai2 not only comes up with an answer to that but also gives justification for that answer in a way that’s extremely heartwarming and absolutely fits Miles’ ideals of Truth And Justice, as well as showing how exactly he would NOT be fit to be a defense attorney (that one dialogue in the Imprisoned Turnabout where he’s talking about finding the truth of the case and then Kay jumps in and says “but Mr. Edgeworth, remember we’re not just doing this for the truth, we’re doing it to save Simon!” meanwhile Miles... completely forgot about that.)

I feel like anyone reading this should already know that I’m going to be getting into very spoilery territory with this and I will tag it accordingly, so I’m just gonna go for it: Simon Keyes. What a villain. Not only is he a surprise villain but one that you can sort of see coming, his motivations are sympathetic and he’s an excellent foil to Miles (which the game itself points out) plus he is so so so good at targeting everyone’s emotional weakness, which is like my favourite thing from a writing standpoint, when you get to see the villain talking and they make some comment and you shout “YEAH HE HAS A POINT” in the audience. The game tries to brush it over, but I hear you, Simon, and you’re so right.

“You will focus on the truths most convenient to you to prove your argument?” That’s like basic human confirmation bias, but also something that the games tend to do a LOT, and Miles had done quite a bit of throughout the game. Kay’s found on the roof with all this evidence on her? It must be planted, there’s no way his dear little Kay could be a murderer. But once it turns against Simon, Miles isn’t as interested in saving him, he just needs to keep “turning things around” to fit his line of logic so far.

“You never really cared about saving me, you just wanted to pretend to be a defense attorney like your father?” Maybe Miles did care a bit about saving him, but it’s quite clear he’d completely abandon Simon and turn against him if it turned out the truth wasn’t on his side. Plus, he wanted to explore that history Gregory left him, the childhood dreams he’d been forced to abandon. But he has changed as a person, since then, and he can’t completely go back to the person he used to be, but he can still grow and escape the worst of himself, and take that trauma inflicted upon him and use it to fight against the corruption he was molded to perpetuate!! UGH it’s so good I am feeling things about Miles Edgeworth again.

The new characters are also excellent for developing his character. Ray is the connection to Gregory and as a result Miles’ childhood that Miles hasn’t had in such a long time, and is able to provide him with guidance on his past while challenging him on if he wants to pursue it. (Seriously, get rid of the creepy jokes and Ray would definitely be one of my favourite characters.) Justine is a parallel to AA1-Miles, still believing blindly in the system and thinking it will always dispense justice (just look at how the reveal that MvK forged evidence for a false verdict shakes her) -- she still has a strong sense of justice, but it’s restricted by her faith in the rule of law. Sebastian is like Bratworth, in a way, naïve and being used by a father-figure in order to enact their own agenda, and in the end, is forced to learn that person never had his best interests in heart and learn how to move on from that as a prosecutor, despite that person being the one who put them on the prosecutor’s path to begin with... pretty much figuring out how to reshape their destiny.

And the game doesn’t just focus on these characters, it focuses on all the bonds Miles has with these people, and also explores the various ways a parent-child bond can present itself (healthily, unhealthily, complicated or not so much, biological or adopted) and the influences of that on the children. From Miles+Greg to Sebastian+Blaise, even Franziska+MvK, Kate+Jeff, John+Justine, even Simon+Dogen vs Simon+Gustavia... the game spends so much time fleshing these out and their impacts on the people involved. It’s also just a game about human relationships in general. Miles learning how to express himself properly to say thanks, or say how much people mean to him. Miles showing actual respect for Gumshoe. Gumshoe finding his own reasons for being a detective that’s not just about helping Miles. Franziska learning how to move on from what her father did to decide her own path. Miles and Kay, I hope everyone knows how strongly I feel about Miles and Kay, that father-daughter type bond has a permanent place in my heart now. Kay, who is lost and clinging to this image of her father as a Great Thief and trying to follow in his footsteps to be a hero just like him, and then deciding in the end to make her own path in life. Sebastian feeling lost and alone and abandoned but finding the courage to stand up with the support of the people who care about him. Miles being a pillar of unwavering support for these two kids, who he can see so much of himself in, trying to set them on a better path in life. And I can’t forget Phoenix, who doesn’t ever appear and isn’t mentioned by name, but whose influence you can feel through all of Miles’ actions, as the man who saved him, who showed him the value of bonds between people, who, in essence, taught him how to love and be loved and open his heart to others again!

This game has so much love in it, it’s really about love -- platonic love, familial love, the absence of love and what affect that has on people like Simon, how love can save others from turning down darker paths, the extent that love can drive people to do ridiculous things to save those they care about, how love can change people for better or for worse, how it can be a vulnerability but also a strength. It has one of the things I really love about AA, this focus on bonds that aren’t romantic, because none of the major relationships focused on in the game are romantic but you can still feel so much love that all of these characters have for each other.

WOW this is going on a while I should probably stop. I have a lot of feelings about this game. I just wrote more instances of “love” than I ever think I have before. Um, in conclusion, I love this game? Like it has its flaws (pacing issues... all the jokes Ray makes...) but overall it’s probably the game that makes me feel the most, every single time I watch a playthrough or play it myself (totaling several times now) I just find more to love and it still always makes me feel things. I honestly don’t know if I can be objective about it haha.

#aai2 #aai2 spoilers #long post #aa rants #? it's not negative at ALL this is like tonally the complete opposite of my others #I feel too much now agh I'm going to need to lie down to process these feelings #asks

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