#ok i have to admit it is crazy i have retained all this info

[hopefullystillatheatrestudent]

this might be a weird thought but the way jensen performs masculinity (and i KNOW it’s a performance cause like, have you SEEN the mockumentary?) is just.... so inherently queer to me lmao

ok. okokokokokok. you asked for this. i have a LOT of thoughts on this. it’s gonna be under a cut because i’m gonna be annoying and psychoanalyse a celebrity i’ve never met(and hope i never do) but trust and believe when i tell you i know what i’m talking about so

you want my opinion? here goes. there is absolutely no way jensen ackles is straight. i hear you, ‘how do you know that he’s bi? that’s invasive and creepy’ but may i counter that point by saying how do you know he’s straight???? why is the default for everyone heterosexual? that’s a toxic mentality to have; ‘oh you don’t know for sure so just treat him like he’s 100% straight just in case’ like....what? heteronormativity drives me wild i’m sorry

and also, um, just to, um, prove my point that this man is decidedly not straight™(i really don’t want to do this but like it has to be said) we KNOW he’s not straight because his d*ck has spoken for itself around misha, like, four times. I HATE SAYING IT!!!!!!! but, um, straight men don’t get aroused by men. ...do i really need to explain myself further???? that’s what i thought(and don’t give me the ‘it could have been for unrelated reasons’ or ‘that wasn’t a boner!’ crap because um good lord yes it was and misha caused every single one so no it wasn’t a coincidence i’m gonna move on before i collapse into myself like a dying star)

anyway, on to the topic at hand which is jensen and his performative masculinity. and it’s a juicy one.

after the unconscious amount of hours i’ve put into watching and subconsciously judging jackles, i have come to the conclusion that like, 90% of how he presents himself and talks and even moves is an act. it’s a facade. it’s a shield. he is not that person. it actually seems exhausting, because he tries to compose himself in this macho, manly, confident and effortlessly cool way, but he’s not that person he desperately wishes he was and wants to be perceived as. he’s on guard every second, even the slightest tilt of his head is like, pre-meditated in some way? if i’m going FULL body language analyst mode, i’ve noticed he has a certain posture he always shifts himself into, and it’s very ‘pursed lips, stoic faced, gruff voiced, square-shoulder, broad and manly’ but, not to be rude jensen, it kind of reads as a little kid imitating the adults he thinks are cool? oof i am going IN huh(it’s out of love though i promise)

he is trying to be this person at every second:

because that’s who he wishes he was, because that’s how he gets validation from the people around him that he looks up to; straight white guys. but to me, who he presents himself to be at conventions is just as much of a performance as this whole eye of the tiger bit is.

oh i should mention i know his body language isn’t naturally like that because how he naturally carries himself is actually pretty flamboyant? like he seriously must be toning himself down HARD

examples:

there’s no tension in his body here as opposed to the eye of the tiger gif. i’d describe it as...generally loose and free? he’s at ease when he moves like that and you can see it.

oh and dude!!! DUDE!!!! how could i not mention the fucking SPECTACLE that is his voice??? jensen. i watched season one. i know where your voice naturally sits. THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU SOUND LIKE. and there have been so many accounts of fans visiting jensen in his trailer and being surprised that his real voice is two octaves higher. again, his performance of masculinity is all encompassing. he can’t even talk normally because, in his mind, that’s a chink in his armour.

and, like you said, anon, this whole smokes-and-mirrors gong show of ‘i am the cool texan man’ is inherently queer. who are you trying to impress??? guys??? that’s pretty gay dude.(btw: gay[honorary])

i feel like i’ve already read this man for filth but i have to keep going bc i have so much to say

ok next thing i’m gonna talk about is how jensen says one thing but everything else about him tells us the exact opposite. another HUGE element of performative masculinity, ONE THAT DEAN WINCHESTER IS A MASTER OF. have i mentioned how dean and jensen are like mirrors of each other when it comes to their sexuality and queer identity??? because it is fascinating how everything i say about jensen also directly applies to dean.

allow me to introduce the grumpy face™. as in, the face he glues on when he’s enjoying doing something but doesn’t want to let anyone know it. and it’s ALWAYS when he’s doing something that could be seen as unmanly in any way. (and when i say manly i mean the ‘ideal’ version of manhood that doesn’t really exist but that jensen seems to be striving for[and dean too])

prime example is this video he did with daneel. the grumpy face™ doesn’t budge the whole time as he’s like,,,,playing an instrument and acting like he doesn’t want to bc i guess that’s too girly??? but i also find this video fascinating because the joke IN it is kind of that they’re both poking fun at him for being so insecure about playing a freaking flute. because, i mean, he gets into it, but he wants you to think he is not.

also this picture.

what is this. i hate them. jensen is smushing himself into misha’s forehead but noooo his face is telling us ‘i hate this’ because CLEARLY he does. also misha’s so happy ew gross

he does that face in photo ops with misha ALL THE TIME but how many times has he also literally asked the con goers if he can also have those photos on his phone too? because of course he actually loves touching misha and is actually a sentimental fool but he tries so hard to hide it and fails so spectacularly.

oh and this. and of COURSE this. actually let’s talk about the hitch kiss for a hot minute because it’s a perfect example of exactly what i’m talking about

(he is so transparent guys. he tries so hard but he’s so obvious.)

1. misha was never supposed to be onstage with him. so it’s a boldface LIE and OBVIOUS PLOY TO GET MISHA TO KISS HIM when he says ‘they’d like us to make out now’. but of course the way he says it is ‘oh my god can you believe what these crazy panel people are making us do haha but i mean what they say goes amirite’. same energy as ‘oh my god did you just dare us to kiss rn???’ ‘....no i didn’t’ ‘oh my god i can’t believe you’d ask that haha but i can’t say no to a dare lol’ it’s the SAME THING

2. the fact that he was in the worst mood before misha came onstage and FAKE KISSING HIM made him feel...SO?? much better? like not just a little better a lot better like, again, that says a lot, because if they weren’t dating he would not be in a better mood if misha kissed his cheek unprompted. bc that cheek kiss wasn’t a joke it was a genuine sign of affection and AHHHH

3. after the kiss happens. you know, the one that jensen actively leans into and is smiling like an idiot the whole time through and is quite clearly having the time of his life during....he says ‘well, that was uncomfortable’. .......my guy. um. i don’t know how to tell you that i do in fact have eyes and you are NOT pulling the fast one you think you are

like i’m so sorry jensen but i have you pegged. it’s literally no use.

god there’s so many instances of him doing this with misha specifically. the whole ‘ew gross lol’ but then everything about him tells us the exact opposite. like this(i hate this. how dare he say ‘he has though, hasn’t he?’ LIKE THAT?????)

so yeah my point with that is he really wants us to think he is one thing when he is the antithesis of what he’s trying to be. he really likes those things that he talks down about, and everything he’s loudly projecting is all to hide how he really feels. he went to a gay bar with daneel, for crying out loud. he wants to play a role in drag. he’s queer and he likes it. pov: you’re jensen ackles train of thought: ‘ok so i really like this thing that people might make fun of me for or call me gay for liking so if i just say ‘lol as if’ and make a grossed-out face they will be FOOLED. i am a genius. hey misha wanna blow on my ear lol i meAN GROSS EW’

i have two more things i want to talk about when it comes to this topic so PLEASE bear with me anon this is why you took so long to answer clearly lmao

ok so we’re now going to go over my favorite hot take of all time. which is ‘how do we know dean’s performing masculinity? because sam isn’t.’ only replace dean with jensen and sam with jared and oh my god do we ever have a case

jared is as STRAIGHT as they come. he is secure in that knowledge. and that’s why he is perfectly comfortable treating misha like this:

and not try to scream ‘i am not enjoying doing this!!!!!!’ at us. because he doesn’t care what we think of his sexuality like jensen does(because he has nothing to hide whereas jensen DOES)

something i found the other day that no one has brought up but i SCREAMED upon finding it is this one clip THAT I CAN’T FIND OH GOD but i promise i’m not making it up. i can’t believe i can’t find it guys it is gold. i need need NEED to talk about it. and if anyone knows what i’m referencing and can apply links in any way i will love you forever but here’s what happens off the top of my head:

ok so i’m a bit too braindead to explain it perfectly but um basically it’s a j2 panel and someone brings up magic mike and i think jared says ‘yeah i didn’t watch it’ and then jensen says ‘all the way through’. stupid joke. whatever. the joke is that jared is gay for watching magic mike.

and then i literally kid you not. jared gets this like ‘jesus christ ok dude? lol’ look on his face and then goes ‘projecting much, mr. ackles?’ and jensen gets a guilty look on his face and walks away. and jared did not say it as a joke. he was being dead pan and earnest. and jensen knew it too, he knew he was projecting. i wish i could show you guys the clip i promise if i ever find it i’ll link it but IS THAT NOT SO DAMNING FOR JENSEN????? like come ON. also proves my point that when you compare how they feel about watching magic mike. jared doesn’t care bc watching it just doesn’t interest him, but he also thinks that just watching it in itself doesn’t make you gay. jensen however.......has a different mindset, clearly.

‘projecting much, mr. ackles?’ is actually a great title for my next and FINAL section(we’re almost there folks) which is how jensen projects his insecurites about his own sexuality and relationship with misha onto misha.

i hope by now we’ve all seen this video of jensen impersonating cas. it is a blatant microaggression on his part. and like obviously homophobic. it’s like in his mind if he makes fun of them for being gay it makes them both less gay somehow??? it’s self-deprecation in a way??? let’s just tell it like it is: that impression was just jensen’s overt internalized homophobia rearing it’s ugly head. he does it a LOT too when it comes to misha.

i mean:

and that whole mess where he’s making fun of misha for being a bottom in their panel in 2016? ‘so you’re saying, like with football terms, there’s a handler and there’s a receiver heheheehe’ jensen you’re not exempt from being gay just because you know football terms lmao

oh and his OTHER impression of misha where he mocks him for...bicycling...because it’s not a manly enough sport??? jensen NO ONE else has ever thought this hard in their lives about what constitutes as masculine enough to be a sport before. that’s all you bud. we don’t find those jokes nearly as funny as you do. you are reaching, sir

the good news is that misha thinks it’s hilarious and knows it’s projecting on jensen’s part and will tease him endlessly for it. many stories come to mind, like that one photo op story where they’re literally dressed in rainbow banners and pride stickers but when misha goes to hold his hand jensen said something like ‘no way’ and then misha stepped back, put his hands on his hips and went ‘that’s the part that’s too gay for you???’ and jensen LOST it

or when that whole underwear thing happened(messy messY MESSY BTW) and then a fan asked a question about what dean and cas would do in rome and misha just said ‘when in rome’ and jensen makes a face like ‘are you serious’ and then misha says ‘you can’t look at me like that anymore, because of what you did!!!!!!’

OH and that whole story about when misha suggested they put jensen in the closet for that cat video....yeah um

and then when jensen was asked to do bisexual finger guns for a photo op and the con goer said ‘he looks bisexual here’ and misha literally said ‘oh he definitely looks bisexual here. i would say he’s actually closer to the gay side of the spectrum’ so..um...make with that as you will

OH MY GOD i’m finally done. wow. WOW. that was a lot. i hope i’ve blown your minds. ty anon i really wanted to talk about this and i hope you’re happy with the outcome!!!!!!

#cockles ask #sexuality spec #jensen is bi #anti rps for ts #cockles #liz answers #ok i have to admit it is crazy i have retained all this info #i hope someone appreciates it #my analysis #mine

[rainhorn6-blog]

What I Read: July 2018 | Recommendations for Books to Read

If you’re looking for a good book to read, you’ve come to the right place. This post is part of my monthly “What I Read” series, featuring the books I read the previous month with lots of recommendations for you! All of these book pair perfectly with donuts, cookies, pasta, or pizza… And always a glass of wine.

Have you heard of Tsundoku? It’s a Japanese term used to describe the art of buying books and then not reading them. If you saw the piles of books in my house, you would totally know that I practice tsundoku in a major way. So much so that my husband sent me this article and was like “um hello, this is you.” But it’s not like I’m over here just collecting books. I promise! I only buy books I truly want to read and I have every intention of reading every book that’s currently on my bookshelf or sitting in a pile around my house… At some point. The problem is, the piles keep growing and my reading time is not expanding. Nine books in a month sounds like a huge amount to some people, but at this rate, I’ll never get through all of the books I want to read. I also get a lot of books sent to me and absolutely love reading new releases, so sometimes I have to remind myself to go back and grab something from one of my piles. Oh, and let’s not even talk about my “virtual piles” of electronic books. You can’t see them, so as far as you’re concerned, they don’t exist, OK?

Anyway, in this month of reading, most of my books are “newbies,” but I did grab two older books, one that I actually re-read (Crazy Rich Asians) and one that has been on my to read list for a long time (The Song of Achilles). I’m going to start making even more effort to read some of the “older” books I’ve been collecting, instead of simply grabbing the new shiny things!

Do you have an insane amount of books at your house or apartment, too? Or do you have more self-restraint than I do?

In any event, I’m excited to share my July month of reading with you! (Just an FYI that links to some of the books below are affiliate links. Thank you for supporting WANM!). And don’t forget to follow my book Instagram account (bookstagram!) at @booksontheside!

The Other Woman by Sandie Jones: If you think you have an evil mother-in-law, you need to meet Pammie. Yikes! When Emily meets Adam, she quickly falls in love with him… But then she meets his mom. Pammie is that kind of evil that is veiled behind sweetness, so not everyone sees it. She’s absolutely horrible to Emily, but in ways that make Emily question whether she’s paranoid or being overly petty. This was a page turner for me because Pammie’s behavior is so ridiculous and I couldn’t wait to see what she’d do next. But honestly, I had a hard time justifying why Emily put up with so much! Her love for Adam wasn’t totally believable to me, at least not to the point where she’d put up with Pammie’s antics. I wanted to jump into the book and shake her. I also didn’t love the ending and felt like it was a little rushed… But overall, this is a fun not-too-scary, but still suspenseful thriller perfect for a light read. Also, if you have issues with your mother-in-law, this book may end up making you thankful for her! The Other Woman’s official pub date is August 21, but you can pre-order it now. (thanks to the publisher for my copy of this book!)

Campaign Widows by Aimee Agresti: OK, I have some mixed feelings about this one. I enjoyed it because it’s a fun (very fictional) look inside a presidential campaign, showcasing what the presidential campaigns experience is like for spouses of candidates, staff members, journalists, etc. It follows five self-proclaimed “campaign widows” during a presidential election season. The main widow is Cady, who has picked up her whole life to move to DC to be with her boyfriend (turned fiancé) who is working for a presidential hopeful. As a producer on a news program, Cady covers much of the election and is also thankfully thrown into a group of other campaign widows who can commiserate with one another. My main issue with the book is that there are so many characters, it was a bit hard for me to keep them all straight and get fully sucked into the story. But I still enjoyed the story and feel like this is another one of those light fun summer books that’s perfect to read on vacation. (thanks to the publisher for my copy of this book!)

My Squirrel Days by Ellie Kemper: It’s hard not to love Ellie Kemper (in case you’re like “huh? who?? You probably know her as either a) Erin on The Office, b) Kimmy Schmidt, or c) Becca in Bridemaids). I’ve been a fan of Ellie for a long time, but was slightly worried about this book because I feel like she’s so typecast and has such a voice that, while endearing, can also be a tad bit annoying. Her memoir ended up showing me that she basically has all the good parts of her characters in her real personality (sweet, kind, quirky), but is also so much more (smart, down-to-Earth). Her “Kimmy Schmidt voice” (how I refer to it!) definitely comes out at times, but not to the point of ridiculousness. I loved this book because I learned so much about Ellie that I had no idea about, including the fact that she had such a seemingly normal childhood and one that I could relate to in many ways. She always loved performing, but wasn’t a child actor and didn’t even really get into acting until doing improv in college (after quitting the field hockey team). She’s just so normal, likable, a humble. I didn’t love every single essay in the book and have definitely laughed more reading other memoirs, but still really enjoyed the book… And now want Ellie Kemper to be my bff. My Squirrel Days’ official pub date is October 9, but you can pre-order it now (thanks to NetGalley for my copy of this book!)

The Garden Party by Grace Dane Mazur: This definitely wasn’t my favorite book of the month, but I do think it’s beautifully written and I loved the concept of it from the moment I read the description- two families come together for the wedding rehearsal dinner of their children. The families are quite different (though seem much more alike than they think!) and both have worries and apprehensions about the dinner. I think many people can relate to this as there are always some nerves involved when bringing together the families of significant others. I love that this novel takes place all in one evening and that we get peeks into each unique character’s lives.  But this is another book with a ton of characters that are tough to keep straight and some I thought could have been cut all together. However, I have to mention again that the prose is beautiful (though in some spots a little too flowery) and I think this is the kind of book I’d enjoy much more were I to read it a second time and really let myself sink into every sentence, reflecting on its full meaning. If you have time to sink into this book, do so, but just know that it may leave you wanting more. (thanks to the publisher for my copy of this book!)

Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan: OK, this was actually my second time reading this book, but with the movie coming out this month, I had to read it again! Also, I let over a year go by between reading the first and second books of the series and realized that I had forgotten way too much needed to brush up. It actually kind of felt like I was reading it for the first time… So, I guess that’s one of the benefits of my normal book amnesia (LOL). I also read this along with a reading group I’m in on Instagram and that made it even more enjoyable as we got to discuss it as we read. The story follows multiple characters of a (very!) wealthy Asian family, but really centers on Nick and Rachel. After college, Nick left his family in Singapore and moved to New York City, where he meets Rachel, an American Chinese girl from a “normal” family. She has absolutely no idea of his extreme wealth (and crazy family) until he takes her to visit his family where everyone is ridiculously rich and obsessed with money and status. Sure, the book is a little bit outrageous at times and incredibly un-relatable, but that’s also what makes it fun. Now I’m even more excited for the movie and two followup books!

The Summer Wives by Beatriz Williams: I pretty much always enjoy novels from Beatriz Williams and will likely forever read her new releases, though my biggest criticism about them is that they aren’t always super memorable to me. But they are enjoyable and in many cases, that’s exactly what I want when I’m reading (as I’ve mentioned before, I’m not great at retaining lots of info about all the books I read anyway). This book jumps between a few time periods. One in the early 1950s when 18-year-old Miranda Schuyler arrives on Winthrop Island with her mother who is set to marry the wealthy Hugh Fisher. Miranda gets to know the island with her new step-sister Isobel and lobsterman Joseph Vargas. We also jump to the late 1960s when Miranda is returning to the island after some sort of accident and a long time away from the island. In between these scenes, we go back to the 1930s and learn some of the happenings and relationships on the island during those times. The Summer Wives is the kind of book that had me quickly turning the pages wanting to know how everything would tie together and what exactly happened in the various phases of Miranda’s life. Even though I haven’t been thinking about it a ton since I finished it, I still thoroughly enjoyed reading it! (thanks to the publisher for my copy of this book!)

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller: This one has been on my must-read list for forever since I’ve heard so much good stuff about it. I’m happy to say that it didn’t disappoint, though it’s definitely a bit different than my normal book loves and may not be for everyone! I admit, it isn’t really the type of book I’d usually pick up; war stories with lots of battle scenes aren’t quite my thing. But The Song of Achilles is about so much more than battle scenes and has such a focus on relationships and emotions that I couldn’t help but get sucked in. The book left me feeling all kinds of things and wanting to take a seriously deep dive into Greek mythology… So, I’m calling it a definite win. The story revolves around Patroclus, his childhood, and how he first comes to meet Achilles. I love how the book is set up and I feel like all the details Miller includes are so intentional and essential to the story and our emotions. As his relationship with Achilles grows, the feelings between them feel so believable and real. The decisions they make are often heart-wrenching and they deal with situations I can’t imagine myself in. Yes, there are plenty of battle scenes (how the heck did this war last for so long?!), but they’re also quite intentional and everything always goes back to the relationships. This is one that I definitely want to re-read at some point and I think I’ll gain something new from it every time I do! And now I’m extra excited to read Miller’s next book Circe (which is sitting on my shelf waiting for me!).

All Your Perfects by Colleen Hoover: I know so many people who are obsessed with Colleen Hoover books; I’m pretty sure she has some of the biggest super fans around. I definitely wouldn’t say I’m obsessed with her, but I do really enjoy her books and am happy to grab her new releases as soon as I can. Sometimes her books just feel way too dramatic to me… But I’m happy to say All Your Perfects is my favorite from her thus far. In true Hoover fashion, it’s a very dramatic book… But in ways that feel really realistic and right. The book bounces back and forth from the past (about 7 years ago) to the present. It starts with Quinn heading to her fiancé, Ethan’s apartment, only to run into a random guys sitting in front of Ethan’s apartment door. Why was he there? Well, because his girlfriend was inside Ethan’s apartment in bed with him (I promise I’m not spoiling anything). Flash forward more than seven years and we learn that Quinn and this mystery man Graham are now married (so cute!), but seem to be on the brink of divorce in large part due to trouble with infertility. The book feels so powerful because in the sections that take place in the past, we can easily see how crazy deep in love Quinn and Graham are… In some ways, you think “how could a couple like this ever want to leave each other?” But then in the sections that take place in the present, we gain a very clear understanding of why their marriage is struggling so much. This is definitely an emotional book and one that may be difficult for some people to read if only because it’s so real and spot-on. Hoover does an excellent job dealing with a very tough subject matter that’s relevant to so many people. And even if it’s not relevant to you, you’ll still be able to feel for this couple and get completely immersed in their story. If you haven’t read any Hoover yet, make this your first one. (thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for my copy of this book!)

The Masterpiece by Fiona Davis: You know this book is going to be up my alley because it’s historical fiction that takes place in NYC. For some reason, this is the first book from Fiona Davis I’ve read, but now I definitely want to check out her other releases. This story bounces back and forth between two time periods- the 1920s and 1970s- and focuses on the art school that once lived within Grand Central Terminal. In the 1920s, it’s a popular and respected place to take art classes. In the 1970s, it’s completely abandoned and not many people even know it was ever there. The school really did exist, though the story Fiona Davis tells in The Masterpiece is fictional. We follow Clara Darden, a teacher at the school in the 1920s and and blossoming illustrator striving to get her fashion-focused illustrations published in Vogue and the like. We also follow Virginia Clay, a recently divorced mother, struggling to make ends meet in the 1970s, with a new job at the Grand Central Station information booth who discovers the abandoned art school. The women are incredibly different, but both ambitious and determined and I felt immediate connections with both of them. I love how Davis intertwined the two time periods and how she managed to bring everything together at the end (with a bit of a twist I definitely wasn’t expecting!). It’s the kind of book that has you missing the characters once you’re done reading it. It also has me wanting to take a trip to NYC to wander around Grand Central Station and learn more about its history. (thanks to the publisher for my copy of this book!)

And that was my July in books! Spoiler alert… I know we’re not even two weeks in, but I think August is going to be my favorite reading month of 2018 so far! I’m also off on vacation later this week and am hoping to get some seriously good reading time in.

Tell me what you’ve been reading lately!

If you’re looking for more book recommendations, feel free to take a look at my other book review posts from so far in 2018:

What I Read in January What I Read in February What I Read in March What I Read in April What I Read in May What I Read in June

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Source: https://wearenotmartha.com/what-i-read-july-2018-recommendations-for-books-to-read/

#read more #see more #check it out #interesting #learn more