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scorpihoe1111 · 1 month

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Astrology Observations: Part 3🎀🩷

Mars aspecting the ASC can give the individual a dominating demeanor, but also mainly depends on which aspect. Ex: Harmonius Aspects (trine/sextile)=Straightforward, honest, stand their ground, strong boundaries, not one to be pushed around. Harsh Aspects (square/opp)= Aggressive, domineering, rude, blunt, obnoxious.

(TW: Death) Your 8H sign and planet may tell you how you pass away. Ex: Gemini moon in the 8H= Lungs, breathing problems, asthma. Moon= emotional turmoil, stress, heart break etc

Asteroids like Medusa (149) or Aphrodite (1388) can show you what people envy about you, what they admire, where they may attempt to bring you shame etc. Ex: Medusa in the 1H can attract envy over their appearance, their aura and demeanor. People could attempt to “humble” these individuals often. Aphrodite in the 2H can make others admire your money, your possessions, may wanna know how you have what you have so they can have it too.

Aphrodite (1388) can result in people not just admiring wherever the house it’s in, but also being malicious and petty over it since they feel they deserve it more.

Lilith in the houses is similar to this, and can result in those around you being annoyed when you do things in regards to the house and sign it is in. Ex: Sagittarius Lilith in the 2H= people could be upset when you relax, when you have fun, when you don’t play by made up rules and standards, when you’re genuinely happy, when you have nice things, when you take a break, when you indulge etc, because they have this mindset of “I never got to do that/have that, why should you”. Lilith in the 1H= people getting annoyed that you may be beautiful and they’re not, painting you as a villain because you’re pretty.

Cancer moons are surprisingly really good with holding boundaries with people in their lives. These people can be lover girls/boys, for sure; but they refuse to let people take advantage of them. Their love, effort and care is reserved for those who will appreciate them in return.

(TW: Mental Health) Take this with a grain of salt since it’s just an observation and not a fact, but those I’ve met with a combo of Scorpio/Gemini in personal planets in a chart are usually diagnosed with BPD, while those I’ve met with either Virgo/Aries/Gemini in a chart combined have usually been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder/OCD. 12H and 8H stelliums I’ve also met have had some sort of mental illness such as BPD or Schizophrenia.

Jupiter in the 1H, Sag/Pisces risings and/or Jupiter aspecting ASC/personal planets usually manage to get out of difficult situations easily. These people easily attract the help they need, the resources to do what they need, the money to get them where they want to be; very easily. Even when people with these placements/aspects get in trouble they usually manage to make it out very easily as well. Jupiter blesses and makes lucky anything it touches.

People think that Mercury in the 1H might usually talk alot about themselves, and while that may be true; it’s also true that they simply attract people who love to know about them and ask questions in regards to them. Mercury 1H individuals seem to be interesting to others and peak others curiosity about them. Others find them fascinating, thus constantly asking questions about them.

On the other hand, Mercury 3H individuals may be very close with their siblings, or their siblings can be popular/known/famous which could make the 3H person known for their siblings. This results in the 3H person consistently hearing about their siblings, getting asked questions or discussing topics in regards to their siblings. Same thing with school, this person may have either really good or really bad grades in regards to school so their main conversations with others could be in regards to school topics.

A Virgo rising individual at their worst can be obsessed with popularity/attention/validation (Leo 12H) amongst their peers. They may not come off that way, and they themselves may not even know that they secretly love being in the center. Without realizing, they subconsciously try their hardest to be the best at everything, the smartest, the prettiest/handsomest, and when at their lowest they have no issue with taking down others who they deem threatening to their spotlight. They can also be secretly judgmental of those who they deem to be lesser, or not as attractive than they are.

Similarly, I’ve noticed Scorpio Risings at their worse can be very jealous and insecure individuals as well when it comes to appearances/validation. I’ve noticed this in women with this placement mostly, but when they’re at their lowest/undeveloped, they’re the type to only be friends with or surround themselves around people they think are worse than they are whether appearance, status, popularity wise etc. Undeveloped Scorpio rising females can be very competitive and refuse to have someone who’s possibly better than they are around them, since they don’t want to be compared to the other person or not chosen/not the favorite.

Libra moon’s are the people that start the drama and then say “I don’t like drama” lol. What they really mean is they love it, as long as they’re not involved

If you find that you always have bad experiences with those whose signs fall in your 11H, check your sidereal chart. Odds are your 11H sign in your western chart is the 12H sign in your sidereal, which would explain the bad experiences.

Aquarius women are always so successful in everything they do, I’ve rarely met an Aquarius woman that doesn’t have their shit together in every category. They’re giving face, body, money, career, healthy love life and social life etc. The men on the other hand…

Yes, those with Saturn in the 7H have a hard time finding the one. They go through years of cycles and repetitive situations in love but those who find their person find their FOREVER person. People with this placement may be the last to be in a relationship/get married amongst their peers, however they’re usually the happiest and most successful once they do compared to friends or family who just hurried up and settled and usually separate/divorce. Saturn 7H’s standards and boundaries may also seem to high or unrealistic to those around them, but they’re just asking for bare minimum. It only seems that way to others around them because they were raised in a group or environment that had no standards low key.

The good thing about 2H stelliums is that you attract money, possessions and success super easily. The bad thing is that those around you could ONLY see you as your success/money, and may try to bleed you dry of what you have and take advantage. Strong boundaries and not being overly giving is recommended with these placements.

Mars in the 12H can attract people who are secretly aggressive or hostile towards them. They may never know someone is holding a grudge on them and they may attract secret animosity or competition as a result. May have issues with male figures in their life and won’t even know it.

Jupiter in the 6H, especially with Cancer or Libra there; get along with animals sooo well. These are literal pet whisperers and it’s rare for them to not have at least 3 cats/dogs. They love animals more than people sometimes.

Part 4 will be out soon. 👏🏻

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blackwaxidol · 2 years

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#viktor.txt #not indulging hostile part. i am being told everything bad that could ever happen.#because it will absolutely trigger some kind of bpd meltdown and he loves to see me in ruin.#he really really wants me to do something i don't want to do and he's using a child part to get to me...#i don't understand. why does he exist. why do i have this.#my heart is beating out of my chest.#i reiterate that i am giving up completely.#what is he going to do about it? i can be hilarious and kill us both.#complete inaction... i am letting whatever happen happen.#''everyone is annoyed at you'' i know <3 ''you're going to be abandoned'' i know <3 #''why did you do x or y you fucking idiot you've ruined everything'' i know <3 #i have the blissful feeling of acceptance that a lobotomy patient might have.#if everything is the worst it can be there is no lower point.#acknowledging his points and then not acting on them... the inertia is comforting.#i think he goes away because of it but i am not here much myself because of it.#i think i am not making sense. and that i will get a headache.#that's fine. i don't care anymore.#my thoughts are sort of slurred...#i keep thinking one thing and it's ''try killing yourself it will make him panic''.#i just want to laugh. it's quite the idea.#i feel very very unwell and i know it is because of just earlier.#he keeps trying to guilt me into feeling bad for the trigger but in hindsight it's a stupid concept.#it's not like i'd have to write a dissertation on why i would like to not see things.#i don't understand the stress mechanism behind it. it is mostly child part that reacts horribly.#i am forgetting sentences.#i conclude witb the desire to lower my blood pressure.

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miss-fortune-thinks · 10 months

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i think the worst part about bpd no one talks about is being self aware. being aware of it doesnt make it any better, if anything it makes it worse because of how frustrating it is. like i know that what im doing is a symptom, but i still cannot stop myself from doing it. yes, it does make me feel absolutely ridiculous that my entire mood and well-being depends on whether you say 'ok' or 'okay', but i literally do not have a choice.

#bpd #borderline personality disorder #quiet borderline #bpd blog #bpd thoughts

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sins0fthefather · 2 months

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Wrath.

Jeff the Killer HCs:

General HCs:

Full Name: Jeffrey Alexander Woods (Only responds to Jeff though. Best case scenario if you call him his full name is he’ll ignore you, worst case scenario is him flipping his shit on you)

Age: 22-25 (Based on where in the story a character study/fic takes place)

Birthday: September 22 (Older than Liu by 2 years)

Wasian— Father is Chinese, mother is a born n’ raised Texan

Biromantic, Demisexual

Has autism, C-PTSD, BPD (contributor to his auditory hallucinations), NPD, ASPD, and BDD

Right Handed

6’1 (185~ cm)

Covered in burn scars, most noticeably on his chest, forearms, and back

He uses white facepaint, it makes his face’s silhouette look “cleaner” in his eyes

His cuts have healed up for the most part, although he’ll have moments where he relapses and cuts at them again. The ends will also sometimes tear if he does something like laugh too hard.

Very touchy with other people, but he despises being touched first. He prefers to initiate physical contact- both because of the control aspect of it and because of his general distrust of others.

His sense of humor waxes and wanes from extreme condescension to the most morbid sentences you’ve ever heard. Half of the time it doesn’t even sound like a joke.

Reckless driver, cursed with terrible road rage

Smokes cigarettes, his brand of choice is Marlboro

Drinks vodka straight as if it were water

I feel like his favorite band would be Tool or Slipknot. His music taste is just metal and dad rock.

Was brought up in a Catholic school for most of his life, although he obviously doesn’t keep up with the practice anymore. This is a big catalyst for why he develops a god complex however since he “has authority over life and death”— something unique only to gods from what he was taught.

Very observant of the people around him. He memorizes speech patterns, demeanors, even the way people walk. He’s gotten to the point where he can read people and their intentions well before they’re explicitly stated, making it much easier for him to spot a lie. However this also makes it much easier for him to tell when he’s truly pushing somebody’s buttons, and there’s nothing he loves more than pushing people past their limit.

Always stealing glances of himself in any mirror he walks past

He’s an opportunistic killer. Limiting himself to patterns clashes with the creativity and the thrill of the moment to him. However, there are specific elements of a kill he will often repeat if the mood strikes him. An example of this would be often including strangulation (albeit usually not the direct cause of death) to reflect his acquired need for control in all moments of his life. Sometimes he will also pose bodies in a “prayer” position to call back that god complex I mentioned.

He doesn’t always kill people immediately. If someone catches his eye, usually because he finds them beautiful in some aspect, he’ll take it a step further. He has no problem with being patient when the situation arises for it- stalking the person, learning their habits and schedules, the whole shebang. He’ll then slowly start to ruin said person’s life, isolating them through the slaughter of those closest to them and destroying any sense of peace and security they once had. He’s the sound that goes -bump- in the night. He’ll toy with his food until he eventually grows bored, disposing them like all the rest. After all, how dare someone else try to be beautiful in his presence- a punishment of the highest order is necessary.

His anger can be very… explosive. He doesn’t stick around very long for enough people besides victims to see it, but it can be as unpredictable as his own kills. It’s worse when he’s silent in his anger however, since with the former you at least have enough of a warning to brace yourself.

Backstory-Centric HCs:

(TW: csa, murder, mutilation, religious trauma, general stuff)

Takes place in college. Jeff is 22 at the start while Liu is 20.

Instead of being a one-off instance, Jeff and Liu have been subjected to bullying/borderline harassment since middle school. This builds up Jeff’s gradual distrust of others and leads to him shutting himself off from his peers.

Most of said bullying revolved around their mixed race situation. It only got worse as Jeff shut himself off and Liu became a people pleaser.

The two didn’t even have peace at home, since their parents were sexually abusive and excused it through their religion. It was “all apart of god’s love” as they said. This + the bullying leads Liu to develop DID and kickstarts Jeff’s resentment towards their parents. It also led Jeff to develop a twisted belief on what love and beauty is since god apparently “favored” the beauty of his parent’s form of “love.”

On one particular instance of bullying/harassment, a small group of people he grew up with planned on jumping and mugging Jeff behind a bar. Things escalated when Jeff retaliated in self defense, beating his aggressors with a nearby pipe found laying against a dumpster. He didn’t leave unscathed however, since one of the attackers dropped a lighter into the flammable materials (alcohol, trash, etc) that had been scattered in the fight, planning on making everyone go down in that moment. Jeff managed to survive (albeit with severe burns along his body) after being found by an employee who went to go check out the noise/smell of smoke, but the others succumbed to their wounds.

While in a heavy state of shock and psychosis (paired with being drugged up out the wazoo at the hospital) his usual unchecked auditory hallucinations worsened, leading his mind to trick him into believing this situation was a sign from god- that he was supposed to survive while his tormentors burned. Paired with his already twisted concepts of love and beauty, he began to believe that his burns were part of god’s plan to make him more beautiful- because he was favored.

This only gets worse when he’s released from the hospital’s custody due to a neglect in checking his mental state. After being sent home with his family and therefore being thrown back into the abusive environment he hoped to escape when going to college he ends up experiencing a psychotic break, mutilating himself in the process.

When his parents catch him, they attack him. In their eyes he had disgraced them, no longer upholding the “beauty” of heaven that they enforced. He ends up killing them in self defense, but furthers it by mutilating their bodies in an act of defiance induced by his break. He believes he’s outdone god in this moment, deluding himself into thinking he’s on the same level (or even better) than god.

While overcome by his psychotic break, he ends up severely wounding Liu after he wakes up to check out the noise. It becomes a conspiracy on if Liu survived or not since his body was never found by authorities.

The reason why Jeff continues on his spree after these instances is the feel of control he gets. After being forced into submission by those around him for so long, he finally feels a stable sense of power over those he deems as less than him.

He ends up wandering throughout the states after this, hopping from town to town. He never stays in one place for long, although sometimes he’ll revisit his home town to give the urban legend fanatics something to fear again.

#long post woo #questions encouraged teehee #jeff the killer x reader #creepypasta x reader #creepypasta headcanon #creepypasta headcanons #creepypasta/you #creepypasta #headcanon #headcanons #jeffrey woods #homicidal liu #rewrite #writers on tumblr #the autism is autisming

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hatchetno1 · 3 months

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hey hatchet!! hope youre doing okay, could i request some angsty romantic headcanons between ticci toby and a gn!reader? maybe like if they argue about toby's behavior and whatnot

hey there darling! i’m actually doing great, and i hope you are too! i absolutely love the sound of this request, so here we fucking go (disclaimer i am not an expert on his MULTITUDE of conditions, which practically make up his whole person atp)

arguments about Toby’s behavior are not uncommon.

Toby was born with multiple diseases and disorders; though he doesn’t know his own past, you figure that if his parents did even a little less for him, he would be way worse off than he is now. in fact, you’re pretty sure this is as good as it could get.

but oh, there are so many things you simply do not love about this man.

his CIPA (congenital insensitivity to pain with anhidrosis) prevents him from feeling pain, and as such he has not felt pain since he was born. as such, completely lacking the concept of pain and never remembering that others are susceptible to it, he is often a little too rough with you, not just in bed. sometimes, he grabs you just a little too hard, and it gets to you.

you know he is as dense as he seems, but just in case, you hope hard that he never realizes you’re slowly becoming distant from him. you simply can’t do it, not with his roughness and lack of reverence on your body.

and oh, this is just scratching the surface of his behavioral issues.

Toby is also diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder). this is what you consider to be the worst part of his behavioral issues.

you had the misfortune of ending up as his favorite person (though in his defense there are not many others around him so his poor mentally ill brain pretty much has no choice).

you talk to the cashier at 7-11 for a millisecond too long? suddenly as you walk out, Toby is gone from where he was waiting for you and when you look back, the cashier’s gone too. but you know somewhere behind the store, the poor cashier’s blood is being spilled.

and even if you need just a small something from his fellow proxies, they’re not immune either.

though, you have to say, you prefer asking a random person instead.

because even though tim and brian may be punished by Toby, you feel like you are the one being punished the hardest.

he’ll give you the cold shoulder and guilt trip you and manipulate you.

it’s to the point you don’t think you know what a normal relationship feels like anymore. are boyfriends supposed to be loving? or are they supposed to scowl at you, go silent and cold the moment they notice you talking to someone else, even if it’s absolutely necessary?

and so you do the only thing you can do to rebel: argue.

you first start out gently, chiding him when he does something he’s not supposed to do. you correct him and explain to him why it’s wrong.

but you’re not sure if it goes through to him at all. you genuinely cannot tell, between his desperate apologies right after and the blatant repetition of his behavior.

for a while, it’d just been the apologies and repetition. though you disliked it, you soon came to realize that it was better than apologies, repetition and THEN arguments, guilt tripping and manipulation.

“why can’t you just love me for who i am? do you not love me after all? i was right all along. you’re desperate to get rid of me.”

and the truth is, you are.

#ticci toby #ticci toby x reader #tobias erin rogers #toby rogers #ticci toby headcanons #creepypasta fanfic #creepypasta headcanons #crp #crp fanfic #ticci toby x you #ticci toby angst #hatchet writes

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 6 months

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WIBTA for completely ignoring a very long and thought-out apology message?

TL;DR: Abusive ex sent me apology after two years of silence and I’m not sure I want to acknowledge it.

So I was in a very abusive relationship with my ex for around a year. I’m going to try not to go into too much detail, but I tend to ramble and this is a hard topic for me so I’m sorry in advance if this ends up super long.

When we started dating, it was great for the first six months or so. I noticed certain things that made me question if she could have BPD (intense jealousy, sudden mood switches, impulsivity, self-destructive behaviour) and encouraged her to speak to her therapist about it. She eventually did and was diagnosed with BPD, but she wasn’t able to get on medication for another few months. After that, everything seemed to just… completely spiral. She started to control who I could speak to (I was only allowed to be with friends for an hour, and if I was even a few minutes late she’d be blowing up my phone accusing me of cheating etc. and ignoring me for days), she wanted me to cut off every friend who didn’t like her or warned me about the relationship and would accuse me of disrespecting boundaries if I objected, she would shout at me 24/7 (e.g. we’d be talking fine, she’d tell me she had a headache, I’d say I was sorry, and she’d suddenly be yelling that she didn’t need my pity and that I was patronising her), she constantly tracked where I was and who I was with, she lied to me constantly about things both major and minor, and by the end of it she was physically aggressive. This eventually culminated in her cheating on me, me giving her another chance (zoinks), and her cheating on me again less than a month later with a man she knew had SA’d me in the past. After that I just couldn’t take it anymore and finally got the courage to leave.

This unfortunately made everything worse. She split on me - basically a BPD thing where your opinion on someone goes from love to hate or vice versa in an instant - and she made it her mission to make my life hell. For almost a year and a half after our breakup, she was sending things to my house, to my family’s houses, she was stalking my social medias and sending me death threats from burner accounts, all of her own social medias became solely dedicated to talking about me, and then the worst part - she knew I wanted to go to college to become a primary (elementary) school teacher, and so she called up the college I was going to attend and told them I was a pedophile. She went all out with this accusation and was posting it all over Twitter, messaging my friends, getting her friends to post it - it was crazy. Thankfully it did not actually affect my education because I explained what was going on and I had evidence that things she was saying happened were false, but it was a super terrifying and stressful time.

While that was going on, she used the fact I was an SA victim against me - at one point she told me to “shut up and go get raped again”, and another Tweet she made accusing me of being a pedophile was followed up with “Shame you’ll never get that teaching job, I hear they’re not so kind to people like you in prison”.

Making everything more confusing is the fact that every few months it’s like she’d switch back - she’d send me an apology message, tell all her friends it was a lie, get back in contact with me and tell me she was on meds and going to therapy and everything was getting better, and then a few weeks later she’d be posting about how abusive I was again and blocking me everywhere. It felt like there was nothing I could do - if I ignored it, she’d step it up to get a reaction, and if I did acknowledge it, she’d step it up anyway because I was reacting.

Finally, FINALLY, I threatened to get a restraining order and everything stopped.

Almost two years pass and nothing. I’m now happily engaged to a wonderful girl who was my best friend throughout that whole relationship and knew exactly how affected I was by it. I’m going to therapy, was diagnosed with PTSD, and have been slowly moving on. I still have nightmares about her, and sometimes things will get me (e.g. a few months ago I saw someone who looked like her on TV unexpectedly and had a panic attack), but things are good. Much better. I was thinking of it all much less, I wasn’t dedicating energy to it, I wasn’t even angry or upset anymore, it was just a past lesson I’d learned and didn’t need to worry about anymore.

Then last week I wake up to a message. Again, it’s been two years.

Now, this message was LONG. It was from my ex, apologising for everything she’d done. It was a genuinely nice message and clearly had a lot of thought in it. She said she knew it was selfish to message me when I’d moved on but that she had things to say for her own peace of mind. She said she was happy to see I was engaged, that she’s done a lot of self-reflecting and healing. She said she tried to date again and ended up “karma’d “ - that the relationship was scarily similar to ours but with her in my shoes this time - and that it had made her realise just how disgusting her actions had been and how badly she’d fucked me up. She made it clear she wasn’t looking for forgiveness or to reconnect, just to apologise.

Part of me is mildly skeptical because of the fact she’d apologised multiple times before and it never stuck, but the two year gap and the way it’s phrased makes me believe this is truly genuine. She seems to have matured and changed as a person.

Thing is, I just… can’t bring myself to respond. Every time I go to do it, I remember things she said or did to me and just can’t. I feel like if I just responded and said no hard feelings and explicitly told her I have moved on and am doing better, I could give her the same closure that this apology might eventually give me. It would be closing this chapter for good for both of us and I could just never think about her again.

And yet I just. Haven’t. I’m scared to open the window of communication again in any way, I’m scared it’ll be taken back, I’m scared that this will take me back to square one because she’s put herself back in my life (even tangentially) and now I’m thinking about her again after so long of trying so hard to heal.

So WIBTA if I just… didn’t acknowledge it? If I let her essentially wonder forever it it was ever seen or read because I just don’t know what to do about it, even if I’m potentially keeping closure from her for my own comfort?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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moonlit-positivity · 4 months

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Healing & Emotional Work Masterlist✨

Hi, my name is Stinky & here's a post introducing myself & my blog✨

Listed below are all individual posts that I have written about my own journey with healing from an abusive childhood✨

As always, take what you like & leave what you don't ✨

Happy healing ☺️

Resources & Coping Skills✨

New To Mental Health? Please Start Here!

How To Find The Right Therapist For You

"Trauma Informed" Therapy vs Other Types of Therapy

What is a Boundary?

How to Recognize When You Need To Set A Boundary

Coping with Flashbacks & Panic Attacks & Overwhelming Feelings

An Introduction to Emotional Regulation

What is Emotional Regulation & Why it's Important (Video)

What is Attachment Theory & Why it's Important (video)

What The Actual Fuck is "Radical Acceptance" and Why Is It So Goddamn Hard (video)

Managing Suicidal Thoughts (shorthand edition)

Tips for Navigating A Crisis Situation

✨Journaling✨: What To Do When You Just Can't Write It Out

How To Stay Organized & Make Your Appointments Through Long Term Dissociation Fogs

An Introduction to Healthy Sexual Boundaries

Feeling 🤬 Destructive? 😤 Healthier Activities for Destructive Tendencies

How to Set Better Goals For Yourself

Facts About Therapy You Might Not Know

Recognizing Abuse: What is Generational Trauma? (Video)

Recognizing Abuse: Emotional Incest

Recognizing Abuse: Trauma Bonding (no, this doesn't mean you bonding with your homies about the same types of trauma y'all share)

Recognizing Abuse: Emotional Takeovers

Recognizing Abuse: Emotional Abuse

Recognizing Abuse: Love vs Control vs Obsession

Recognizing Abuse: Parentification

Recognizing Abuse: Triangulation

Effects of Abuse: PTSD Hypervigilance

Effects of Abuse: Redefining Respect After You've Been Abused

Effects of CSA & SA That Nobody Ever Talks About

Effects of Trauma That Never Get Acknowledged Out Loud

Healing Thoughts: Understanding Grounding & Dissociation on a Deeper Level

Healing Thoughts: How to actually feel ur feelings

Healing Thoughts: How to tolerate being alone with your thoughts

Healing Thoughts: When showering & hygiene is too hard

What the heck is emotional work?✨

Healthier ways to communicate

The root of all healing work (tldr it's ur childhood 🎉)

Attachment theory healing (codependency, enmeshment, & BPD FP attachment)

Attachment & abandonment wounds (BPD FP)

Three short communication tips that can greatly improve your interpersonal relationships

Rejection Sensitivity, Perfectionism, & Abandonment Issues

Am I Being Manipulative? A Checklist of Recognizing Manipulative Behaviors and Taking Accountability

Get To Know The Healing Language ✨

In order to heal you must grieve

What does it mean to "make space" for yourself?

What is "inner child healing"?

How to be kinder with yourself

Unlearn what they taught you

Reframe success & failure (if you have a fear of failure then this one is for you ❤️‍🩹)

Reframe your anger

Reframe the process of moving on

Focus on what you can control

Affirmations & things you need to hear (just trust me)✨

affirmations for reclaiming your voice around authority figures

affirmations for RSD

affirmations for feeling ur feelings

affirmations for self forgiveness

affirmations for healing from childhood trauma

affirmations for healing codependency & attachment (BPD FP)

things I wish I knew before I started healing (part 1)

things I wish I knew before I started healing (part 2)

things I learned while healing

things your inner child needs to hear

you are normal

slow down and take a deep breath

you can move now. you are safe.

I believe you

yes it was that bad

your anger is valid

you need to hear this (trust me)

How to start healing? Start with the truth✨

the very first hard reality you need to face

the second hard reality that's gonna hit you like a train

the third and worst hard reality there is

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Looking forward to updating the list as we grow 🪴

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

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dairy-farmer · 3 months

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The caped community finds out Tim is a meta by virtue of ✨something I'm too lazy to think up✨. His power? Tim can choose when he's gonna be pregnant. Like a duck that can prevent unwanted fertilization. It becomes this thing in the caped community (and rogues who somehow found out) where they try to fuck Tim and get him pregnant. The problem isn't fucking Tim. Turns out Tim is quite the slut. The problem is that he doesn't want to get pregnant. It's like a ginormous dick measuring competition that no one can seem to win. And then one day, they find out Tim is pregnant. The baby daddy? Some random civilian Tim met at a bar.

On Tim's part, he would love to get pregnant. He just doesn't want to carry any babies with a meta gene (he does NOT want to know if those babies can develop superpowers inside his womb and he's not eager to try it out) or carry the baby of someone with as many deep-seated mental issues like the bats (he read somewhere that babies can inherit depression and anxiety and have worse issues. His babies are about to get his, he does NOT want to get them double more). It left him with a very, very narrow pool of sperm donors. Good thing sex with these people are great.

-🦆

😍😍😍😍 tim's power being built-in birth control!!!! and tim being very logical and focused on who he wants to father his baby. because tim loves sex, he loves it A LOT despite his more...modest reputation, some might even say prudish.

but just because tim is willing to fuck a whole manner of people doesn't mean he wants them to knock him, despite how often that seems to be a fantasy of the many people he lets fuck him. sex is one thing but a baby? that's something tim does not take lightly.

before tim had been born his mom and dad had a pure bred show dog as a pet. her name had been biscuit and her picture had been higher up on the mantle piece than tim. tim had heard all about her growing up and he'd also heard about how other competitors in the show dog scene had tried striking deals with tim's parents to breed their dogs with biscuit.

"but it's not that simple timmy," his dad would tell him. "you can't just let any stud mount the bitch, otherwise that's how you get bad pups."

bad pups, like pups who didn't like to listen, who had bad temperaments, who inherited dispositions to diseases, and worst of all- pups who were ugly.

it'd been the same reasoning his parents used when they chose a sperm donor to have tim. tim supposed it was that "parent" who he had to blame for his meta abilities of being able to choose who impregnates him. he supposed it made sense they were a sperm donor since if tim had a sort of hyper awareness of his reproductive organs then it was likely they did to. after all, it was how he was able to stop his period without having to go on any medications. it was just a matter of reabsorbing the egg that wanted to descend back into his system.

so that's what tim does. he refuses to present the seas of ejaculate in his womb with a nice little egg to fertilize because he can tell they wouldn't be suitable. tim can 'feel' out the genetic material in him. can tell which sperm contains the right genes to be born a meta human (approximately 75%). can tell which ones will result in phenotypes like blonde hair or brown eyes. he can detect genetic predispositions for disease contained within them.

mental illnesses like depression, anxiety, addiction, and even bad temperaments like anger. diseases like pku, sickle cell, and cancer.

tim isn't perfect either. he has an increased risk of bpd and colon cancer, a higher chance of developing diabetes, a predisposition to vision problems and cavities. that's not even mentioning the actual problems he has.

tim's ptsd, depression, and naturally elevated cortisol levels from being so stressed all the time might have an impact on the fetal brain development.

and even though tim can't control that he can still mitigate the risk.

tim has already carefully selected a handful of eggs from his ovaries with the lowest risk and is carefully watching over them, keeping them safe until he finds a perfect genetic donor father.

which...tim is keeping his hopes realistic. the father likely won't be a cape because even if they don't have inherited issues, their accumulated issues will likely leak into the baby. plus tim doesn't like the idea of his baby having another parent that could just swing by and bother them. no, tim would much rather prefer a stranger, preferably a one night stand who would have no rights or ideas about his baby.

but until that happens tim has a large pool of willing participants to fuck him even if he wouldn't consider using their genetic material. and that's how it is. until tim has a business trip in st. paul minnesota and meets someone at a fancy lounge downtown.

not overly tall but a decent height, a nice musculoskeletal structure, a nice face, not pushy, sweet laugh.

it's after they have sex and are lazily making out in bed that tim realizes he's hit the genetic lottery jackpot.

no history of mental illness, at all. no elevated risks for diabetes, cancer, or a whole host of diseases. tim's genetics have a slight disposition for alcoholism but the donor is a rare drinker and doesn't smoke. no cardiovascular disease issues, low chance of allergy to pharmaceuticals, all blood, skin, eye, muscle, and tissue disorders appear to be low risk, and the only risk for autoimmune disease comes from tim. his donor even has the right genes for his babies to have straight teeth and clear skin through their adolescence unlike tim who had been forced to liberally use zit cream and braces throughout middle school.

yeah tim has hit the jackpot. he's so excited he gets horny again.

the donor is already more than tim ever dreamed of and the genetic material he already has is more than enough for him to get pregnant.

but could tim be blamed for wanting to widen the pool even more and give his baby the best of the best?

tim rides his donor hard and fast, bouncing and trying to thank the father of his future child for this gift with every whip of his hips.

he'll be coming back for more. all of his children will need to be fathered with this person because there's no way tim can let someone with such beautifully perfect genes slip through his fingers (also it helps that the sex is nice).

tim stares down at the gorgeous brown eyes all of his children will have (tim's light blue eyes carry an increased risk of basal and squamous cell carcinoma) as they roll back from the bliss of another orgasm, their balls clenching and cum shooting into tim's more than welcoming womb. tim's cunt clenches around the throbbing length, satisfaction purring in his chest as a fresh load of material for him to parse through fills him.

tim spends the plane ride home carefully choosing out the perfect sperm and gently guiding his egg to it. he carefully makes sure the two fuse perfectly, joining his egg and the material of his lovely donor (who tim has carefully memorized the name and address of for future reference). after all he'll be back in a few years to fuck his brains out for another sweet baby. it's what tim always wanted after all.

tim already knows he's pregnant weeks later but takes a test for his medical records, after all he needs to get started on all the proper vitamins and treatments to make sure his baby is born with the least risk possible. he also needs to inform bruce as quickly as possible so he can be benched. no need for unnecessary stress after all, it would be bad for the baby if tim's levels rose any higher.

news of tim's pregnancy spreads quickly and practically everyone tim has slept with in the last few weeks are stumbling over themselves to try and find out who the father is.

tim supposes he'll let them keep guessing for a few more weeks before their inevitable hovering gets annoying and he shoos them away.

because while tim might have the baby he's wanted for so long, he still needs help satiating his desires. orgasms always help with lowering his stress and the flood of hormones that are to come will, of course, make him too horny to function.

but at least he'll have help with that. afte rall, ever since people found out tim could control whether he got pregnant or not more than a few people showed up on his doorstep, desperate to be able to fuck bare back without any risks.

and tim, well who was he to say no?

#answered asks #asks #anonymous

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peterparkouryo · 1 year

Text

captivated habits | 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪

prompt: your unrequited love for peter turns unhinged.

warnings: mentions of stalking, f!masturbation (referenced), unrequited love, obsessive behaviour, ptsd, erotomania, attachment issues, and bpd (borderline personality disorder)

word count: 5.9k

a/n: i was feeling dark, so read at your own risk i guess. also tysm for the love on rebound ajnskafn!! part three is in the works <3

The moment you met him, you should've known something was wrong with you.

At first, you thought it was an innocent crush, always having that feeling of butterflies flying around in your stomach when you were around him. You even looked forward to going to school, having the energy that normally you never had. He had you on a euphoric feeling.

The next thing you know, you're becoming a lot more addicted than you should've. Most people say it might be limerence, but you know that's almost complete bullshit. Now, those people could be telling the truth, but there was something deep down inside you that ached, always.

You were becoming a different person in the most unhealthy way. You started to seek him out in the school hallways, got to know his schedule, and there was even one point where you followed him home (which may or may not have been an accidental occurrence that happened more than once).

He of course did not know who you were, you weren't friends but he knew you from a few of your classes (three of them to be exact), so he had no idea of your intense feelings for him.

It was unrequited in the worst way possible. How can someone so pretty, so pure and innocent not feel the same way? Possibly because you made no effort to have an actual conversation with him, the only time you did was when he asked to borrow your pencil. Let's just say you cherished his touch on the wooden object as soon as you got home from school that day.

The boy in question is Peter Benjamin Parker. The absolute love of your life. His beautiful chestnut brown hair, those same coloured eyes that shine brighter than the sun, moon and stars. His nose as crooked as a trail through the woods, the small dotted freckles decorating its presence. The boy was one of a kind, you loved him more than you loved yourself.

There were times where you would stay up at night, fantasizing about what it would be like for him to yours. Being able to embrace his warmth, letting him be the shoulder you cry on, having special dates only reserved for the two of you. Those thoughts ate away in your head, you were too down bad, but you didn't care.

Currently, you were laying in your bed, trying to get proper sleep. It had been a long day, only having a little amount of time to see him. If it wasn't for your mother who had unfortunately picked you up early because you had a dentist appointment, you would had got to see him longer throughout the day. The class she had called you out of just so happened to be the class Peter was in, so now he probably thought you had something wrong with your teeth, which wasn't the case. You only had three hours and fifthteen more minutes until you got to see him again.

You would always get up an hour before you had to attend school, picking out your prettiest outfit for him even if he didn't pay attention to you half the time. It wasn't his fault, never would it ever be his fault. Plus, you liked watching the sun rise, imagining what it would be like to be on a random rooftop of New York, watching the star rise in its wake with Peter.

Peter had always got to school five minutes after it's starting time, reasons you were unsure of. You always tried to linger around his locker before he arrived because it gave him a chance to see you once he cascaded up the stairway. His gaze was always straight ahead (or sometimes downward depending on his mood that morning), so you sometimes purposely walk past him after standing at his locker for five minutes straight. This became a daily routine.

Though so far it doesn't seem like you have a mental illness, but there is surely something wrong with you without a doubt.

People who just have "crushes" or are "in love" are the people you tend to avoid. Those are silly feelings. Feelings that only last for a few weeks or even months. With Peter, you knew it was more than love, it made your head spin with the possibilities that you had a chance with him.

You knew Peter never felt the same way, he didn't even know your name, which is understandable because you never made the effort to get him to know your name. But there were times that made you feel like he knew exactly who you were. He would sometimes send a small friendly smile your way, ask you for help on problems that involved the classes you shared together, and even grazed your fingertips when you gave him that pencil. It was a sign of the start of your love story.

Sometimes you wrote letters to him, none of them were sent of course (except maybe the poems), and even emailed him a few times, anonymously complimenting him on his excellent work or you would write words of affirmation on his favourite coloured sticky notes, placing them on his locker before, after, or during school hours.

You knew Peter didn't take a liking into your unwanted gifts. There had been a few times when you had sent him LEGO Star Wars sets to build with his friend, Ned. You only did that because you heard him talking about it, and you loved the idea of making him happy. You even started watching Star Wars because he was so fond of it. Sadly enough, he had exchanged your gift for some sort of technology for whatever project he was making. You only knew this detail because you were there, obviously.

It would had hurt a lot more, but you were glad he was actually happy with his barters. Doing it a few more times only proved his happiness was limited and you noticed it started creeping him out instead of doing the exact opposite.

You feared the worst if he ever found out it was you all along.

Once the timer hit six thirty AM, you eagerly arose from your bed, grabbing your outfit you had thought thoroughly about since yesterday when you had went shopping with your mom. You bought clothing items you knew he would like, you were feeling hopeful.

You even snuck into your mother's beauty kit, applying a step my step makeup look you saw on YouTube last night. It wasn't too much make up, light enough for Peter to see the glow that amplify your best features.

After what felt like ages of applying the look, you grabbed your backpack from your closet, the pictures that decorated the inside only making you smile, thinking of the day that's bound to be wonderful ahead of you.

The pictures weren't anything too special, just a few off guarded candids of Peter, either reading, walking in or out of Delmar's, or your personal favourite, when you were outside in the field during gym for one class, you just so happened to catch a glimpse of his smile. You've never pulled out your camera so fast.

Yes, it was unnatural, and borderline creepy, but he didn't suspect a thing considering you're in the school's photography club. To be fair, the only reason you joined was for the sole reason of taking pictures of Peter.

Sometimes you would remove the picture from the closet's wall and get under the covers of your bed, holding it up to your face, touching yourself as you imagined what it would be like to have him engulfing your body, having his way with you.

Those thoughts were for another time, you figured you could wait until later tonight to revisit them.

When you exit your room, you make your way out of the apartment, making sure to have the new digital camera you had previously bought with your last paycheque, inside of your backpack. Though you only did photography because of Peter, it still interested you in ways that were sometimes not even related to the boy, which is less than one percent of the time.

If you were to put all the pictures you took on the small objects into a hard drive and upload it to a computer, people would be freaked out by just how much pictures you had of Peter.

You were so glad when you arrived at school, quickly shoving your things into your locker, making your way to the second floor to where Peter's was.

Your heart did somersaults, backflips, front flips even, as you got closer to the threshold. Though you knew the boy wouldn't arrive to school for another hour, you felt that if you stood near his locker long enough, you swear you felt his presence.

Walking up the stairs, dodging the many bodies of students that lingered around, you were so excited to just stand near his locker, tracing your fingers across the combination that you knew had his hands touch every so often.

The only downside to it was you didn't know his combination and no matter what you did, you could never figure it out, even if you planned to watch him put it in one day, the numbers were just so small to see, it made you feel undeveloped that you couldn't be closer to him in that sense.

What you did not expect to see when you finally were on the second floor was Peter standing at his locker talking to his friends.

No-, not friends, Ned, his only friend, and some girl who you recognized from your Math class.

She was tall, a lot taller than both Ned and Peter, she had brown curly hair and her skin was a light fair tan, her gorgeous face only adding to her appearance.

You could feel your guts inside your stomach twist and turn, the sick feeling only getting stronger when you watch as Peter effortlessly laughed at whatever it was the girl had said.

When had Peter decided that coming to school one hour before he actually does was a good idea? And why had you had no knowledge about his sudden change of schedule?

It was unfair that the boy had decided out of nowhere to change his daily routine. It threw you way off course, and you only hoped that the boy only made a change in his morning route, opting to still go to Delmar's every Wednesday (today) after school.

Your glare only got more diabolical the more you watched the three of them interact, the sight making your thoughts whirl with things only psychotic murderers would dare think of.

"Hey." A voice greets you from behind, startling you and you thanked whoever it was before you went too far off the deep end of the sight a few meters in-front of you.

You turn around, your gaze meeting your friend since freshman year, Cindy Moon.

She was a pretty Korean-American girl, her long black hair complimenting her small figure.

If you were being honest with yourself, you were only friends with the girl because she was on the Decathlon Team with Peter, and she was the only one from the team to actually make an effort to talk to you whenever she wasn't involved with studying, or being a friend to the world.

Of course the girl is aware of your "crush" on Peter, unaware of your obsessive delusions that you would much rather keep to yourself. There were times that the girl had made plans for the two of you to talk, but you were too afraid and unprepared to actually grow the balls and do it.

It's not like you haven't planned your first encountrment with the boy in your head, but you'd much rather do it on your own accords than have someone else half ass do it out of the kindness of their heart.

"Hey Cid." You reply with a small smile, quickly turning your attention back toward where Peter and his friends would have stood, but unfortunately they were nowhere to be found.

You eye twitched at the thought, scolding the girl behind you for missing your chance at seeing Peter walk away, capturing the backside of his figure as he did.

You turn to face the girl with a frown, watching her smile never disappear.

"Ready for first period? I did the homework for you!" She cheerily says, pulling a piece of paper from behind her back, giving it to you.

You take it gratefully, looking down at the Chemistry homework you knew you weren't going to do whatsoever.

Now to make yourself clear, you weren't using Cindy for doing your homework, that was just a plus. It wasn't your fault the girl was such a pushover. You had better things to do, like develop your film from your camera, find the perfect GPS tracking devices off Amazon that costed less than at least sixty dollars, and be near the love of your life any chance you got.

"Thanks." You simply say, your hands gripping the paper slightly.

"You're welcome." Cindy replies, and you were just about sick of her smiling.

"Okay, stop smiling, it's getting creepy." You tell her with a grimace, satisfied with yourself once her face slowly falls to a neutral expression.

You really had no problem with "happy-go people", it was just when someone who you knew or not had too much to smile about, it outraged you for reasons you weren't too sure of. Nevertheless, it was one of your many pet peeves, and the more you thought about those thoughts, you realized you might just be the most pessimistic person to walk earth.

There were a few things that made you happy of course, and you had a pretty well-tamed structure to maintain those happy thoughts to yourself, so you couldn't see why people most of the time couldn't do the same.

Even if it wasn't just "happy" thoughts, you knew humans were utterly incapable of keeping their thoughts to themselves. Always finding any reason to create chaos with their deliberations.

Sometimes you could never understand, maybe will never understand why humans are the way they are, yourself included you supposed.

"We should get to class." The girl breaks you from your notions, tugging on your sleeve as she drags you through the hall.

You blink a few times, coming back into reality, staring dumbly at a almost frantic Cindy Moon.

"Alright," You tell her quickly, snatching your arm away from her hold, following the black haired girl through the hallway to your class.

Your first period went by agonizingly slow. You were just itching to see Peter for your third period, and second period wasn't any better with its slow clock, which also happened to have been broken.

When second period was over after what quite literally was forever, you hastily packed your things and made a bee-line to your third period class, sitting in your unassigned assigned seat, said place had the perfect view of Peter as well.

You pulled out your notebook, the item was pencil filled with all sorts of logs of whenever you'd see or hear of Peter, and if you were to be honest, it was almost out of pages. You made sure to be careful when in public, hoping and praying that the people surrounding you didn't take a glance to see your so called "creepy" hobby and take it completely out of context. If that were to ever happen, you would quickly come up with a lie, or maybe if god was real, they wouldn't care in some sense.

You adored keeping track of Peter, it made you feel closer to him, though yes, there are other things that you do consider as close as you can get, but you know this is a way of knowing him better without actually having to talk to him.

"Is anyone sitting here?" A voice breaks you from your trance, and you smoothly and swiftly close your notebook, glancing up to the source of the voice curiously.

Your heart almost stops right then and there. You didn't want to believe it and had to blink more than twice to make sure you were seeing the person who stood before you. Suddenly, you felt this immense amount of impulse, the feeling being too reaming for you to handle.

In some fucked up way, you're sure you deserve this, having this weird inkling that the boy standing above you, almost towering you, had known about your obsession. He had only come over to tease you about it and possibly confront your creepy actions to the entire class (maybe even the entire school if you're honest). It made your head spin and you lack the proper ability to conjure up any english words, his eyes practically pleading for an answer.

"I, you,-" You start to form a sentence, scanning his attire, making a mental note in your head, and your heart beat increases to make things that much harder.

Peter was way too nice for his well-being, and normally you'd hate that in a person, but this was Peter, you loved anything he offered, and if he were to commit a violent crime, you'd be his number one defender. Hell, you'd even help him commit any crime if he asked.

Still, you figured maybe you were in some dream and Peter wasn't actually approaching you, asking if the seat next to you was available, because he shouldn't know of your existence, and it should almost be a world of fiction to allow him to ask you so.

"No." You mumble, hoping he'd heard it because you knew you weren't going to say more than just that one word.

Peter shows you a smile in appreciation and if you weren't sure you died before, you're sure you one percent died just now.

The boy sets down his bag near the free chair, and you move your stuff out the way to allow him the space he needed, watching his every move carefully.

You wonder if this was a wake up call of fate. In your head, you knew Peter was the one for you as much as you were the one for him, and maybe there was a god and the universe is conspiring for the two of you to be together. All it took was a little push.

The teacher walks in moments before the bell rings, and as quickly as he enters, the lesson starts not even seconds later.

"Sorry, do you have a pencil?" Peter has asked you in the past, of course, you remember it like yesterday and if you didn't, you knew it was probably in your 'log' notebook anyway.

You smile, a small unnoticeable one (that you made sure of), and instead of giving him a verbal answer, you dig through your backpack, pulling out a pencil before handing it to him, hearing a small 'thank you' that you surely heard.

Okay when you say a pencil, you mean the pencil, the same one you, well, had touched yourself with. Not that it was coated in anything other than your wetness, because if you were being frank, it was damn near impossible to reach climax with a object that thin.

You expertly observe Peter, your heart swelling at how tenderly he held onto the pencil, his concentrated expression doing wonders to your well-being. The poor boy had no idea of the sinful deeds you had done with the object in his grasp.

The whole lesson, you paid more attention to Peter, his scent, the way he wrote, and the many facial expressions he made whenever he was listening to your boring teacher speak. It was like watching your favourite film on repeat, learning the lines of each scene, and when you knew you had mastered each scene perfectly, you'd reenact each line word for word. Peter was your very own favourite movie, and hopefully one day he can reciprocate how you felt, perfecting you the way you perfected him.

"Here's you pencil, sorry I keep borrowing from you." He lets out a chuckle as he hands you back your (his) pencil, but you weren't up for that. As much as you would like to take it and cherish it, you knew it would mean a lot to you if he had kept it.

"No, you can, you can have it." You tell him, rejecting his hand that held the pencil.

Peter gives you a quizzical look, making sure it was okay if he did and you nod in confirmation.

"Oh, thank you." He smiles that award winning smile again.

You smile, packing your things up as the bell rings, students rushing out this dull classroom. You wanted to get out of there quickly, because you had something you needed to do and you know that if you got done in time, you'd catch Peter entering his science class with his friend, Ned.

"Hey, wait, um.." Peter calls out to you before you could exit the door and you turn around, albeit, quite desperately, seeing the boy with his backpack slung over one of his shoulders approaching you.

You feared the worst, truly. If he wasn't going to confront you in the beginning of class, he sure was now. Maybe the boy didn't want to embarrass you terribly in-front of everyone. Wanting no one around when he calls you out.

"I see you around a lot and I was just wondering if you wanted to sit with my friends and I at lunch today." Peter suggested, fiddling with the strap of his backpack.

"Not that I stalk you or anything, I just, you know, you seem cool and I guess...I don't know..." He seems at a lost for words, and you find it almost ironic how he doesn't stalk you, it being the other way around. Not that the boy needed to know that.

You stare at him, for a while, thinking of a answer that didn't seem too desperate, because had you known today was the day the love of your life talked to you for more than a second, you'd had the whole day planned out expertly.

"Sure." Was the most simple answer you could come up with, and the faltering smile from Peter grows wider.

"Cool." Peter nods in joy, walking past you, his scent ten times more stronger than it was before.

You turn around, watching him walk away, a skip to each step he took and you smile at his gleaming attitude, though you feel guilty for being the prime reason.

Guilt is such a improper feeling. Why should you feel bad for being in love with someone? Yes, it was very unhealthy with the rate you were at, you weren't even above surface anymore with the way you felt for Peter, but you honestly, didn't care.

Love came in many definitions and if you had to be delusional and down right psychotic to express that, so be it.

Michelle Jones. A fellow student at Midtown School of Technology and Science. An observant person who was well gifted in being smart. She shares your math class, the top of it as well and you envy everything about her.

Not only was she drop dead gorgeous, though she never tries to dress up at all, or even wear make up for that matter, she was also friends with Peter. You couldn't understand how or why. Peter was too good for anyone, such as Michelle herself, maybe even Ned.

Michelle didn't appreciate everything Peter did. Didn't understand him the way you did. Didn't go out of her way to send him gifts you knew he'd adore.

You couldn't see pass the logic of those two people, with much different personalities being friends.

It made your skin crawl with nuisance. What could she possible bring to the table that made Peter want to keep her around?

Of course, it wasn't like they were dating, you're pretty sure at least, but why would Peter feel the need to be friends with any other girl other than you?

You were okay with him being somewhat friends with your unknown mutual one, Cindy, but being friends with a girl you barely knew was testing your limits.

You really had no right to be jealous, Peter was barely considered a friend himself, but if you two were to be together, he simply couldn't be friends with girls much prettier than you. It may give him the wrong idea and you were terrified he'd forget about your existence entirely.

Which is why you had to give Michelle the benefit of the doubt. You studied her all math class, trying to have a decent understanding as to who she was as person, and thank goodness you were a quick learner.

All it took, really, was the entire math class to scout out exactly who she is and how she worked. Maybe you could weasel your way into her small circle, become her friend and break her down bit by bit and have a guarantee she wouldn't even think to become anything more with Peter. You'd make her insecure.

Yes, it's a patent wicked plan, you knew that, but you weren't going to risk your chances at love with Peter.

"It's Michelle, right?"

The girl incuriously glances up at the source of the voice, the math problem she was working on merely forgotten.

"Who's asking?" Michelle wondered, and you subconsciously clench your jaw, showing the girl a small, forced smile.

"I am." You tell her simply, she squints curiously at you, scanning your figure.

She was trying to reading you, you could tell. You knew you weren't really an open book, and also you were well aware that she knows you don't talk much unless talked to, so it was probably strange to her that you of all people came up to her to start up a conversation.

"Do you need help with the work?" She questions, her gaze fixated on you in a way that almost makes you feel small, but you knew better.

"Um, no, I just..." You blink in confusion, trying to think of anything to say.

It was hard having conversations with people you barely knew. The only reason you were friends with Cindy was because she literally forcing herself to become your friend, which did end up going well for you. But, overall, you weren't a people person and it was obvious, painfully so.

"I know you from Peter." You grimace, and she nods slowly, noticing your delay.

Michelle gives you a long look, a look that you could interpret as a dubious gaze, one that said she didn't quite believe the words coming out your mouth. You weren't lying, you had known her from Peter, so you really had not understood why she was looking at you like you were the world's worst liar.

You lie, but you would never lie about Peter, unless you had to.

"From the stalking perspective or because you actually made the efforts to get to know him?" You think you hear her ask, you're not entirely sure, so you blink, watching the girl's face, her eyebrow raised as she awaited your answer.

"I'm sorry?" You quiz, hoping she'd repeat the question you knew you heard right.

"I said did he tell you I needed more friends?" Michelle was calm and collected, her face almost mocking you at your delusions.

You were out of your mind, it was to the point you were hearing things that weren't actually being said.

Granted, there was a certain possibility the girl had said that and you deluded yourself into believing that's not exactly what she said, hence why you had her repeat the question she asked. There was also a possibility she changed her words for your sake.

You knew you had to get rid of her.

"Not exactly.." You trail off, your mind drifted into different possible scenarios.

"Peter," You bite back a smile when his name rolls of your tongue. "Invited me to sit with him at lunch and I know you sometimes sit with him and his friend so, just trying to make friends with his friends." You tell her, hoping to cover up your growing anxiety.

"We're hardly friends." Michelle could almost laugh at your bold assumption.

If the girl wasn't so observant, you'd let out a breath of relief at that knowledge. Your body visibly relax.

Honestly, you had no idea what to say next. You wanted to say anything, but nothing came to mind. Michelle was probably the most difficult person (aside from Peter), to talk to. You wondered if Peter considered her a friend, and that thought alone did not sit well with you.

"Oh."

"Yeah, but guess it's cool he finally had the courage to talk to you." Michelle says, and this time you know you had heard her right.

Your eyes widen in the slightest, but still highly obvious way, at her words. It wasn't right to feel this amount of joy over a sentence, but you had been waiting for this confirmation for awhile.

He finally had the courage to talk to you.

Before you could ask the girl what she meant, the bell rings and you're happiness is replaced with anger, Michelle is quick to pack her things and rush out the door, and you watch her from the window of the classroom, thinking about her words over and over again.

This was probably unhealthy, very unhealthy in fact, to think such thoughts that rushed into your head. But, no, this, this was a clear sign from the possible god above.

Peter had the courage to talk to you, which meant he had some sort of romantic feelings toward you, a stark contrast from your intense feelings for him. You couldn't believe you had not noticed the signs. Maybe because you had not had the courage yourself to talk to him, and it really flew over your head of how he could possibly develop feelings for you if you watch his every move like a hawk.

Okay, maybe not all the time, but on a occasion you would gaze at him, because you loved his face, it was memorized, tattooed in your brain. Had Peter finally come to his sense that you and him belonged together? Maybe he had knew it was you all along who sent him those gifts, which made him fall in love with you even more, the poor boy just didn't know how to approach you.

Whatever it may be, you would delude yourself with the possibility of Peter having romantic feelings for you, because it was lunch time, which meant you got to sit with him, he had asked you to and it would be a crime to deny that offer from Peter.

You couldn't see it. Actually, you refused to believe it.

Peter Parker is such an unbelievable, incredible, pure soul. You needed and wanted to corrupt him, not in the same way you did with Michelle, no, you wanted to break his innocence, let him see the world for what it truly was.

He had this facade, you could tell, that the world was all sunshine and unicorns, it annoyed you. Of course, he could be masking his own sadness, which didn't sit well with you. Peter being unhappy made your heart ache in the worst ways possible. You knew that if there was any chance of the two of you becoming two souls and one heart, you had to decrypt his positive mindset.

Though, you love that about him, it wouldn't get him anywhere in life. You had to make him see that.

The lunch was admittedly, amazing. Despite your reluctance toward his friend(s), Ned was a pretty decent person, and in the future, you knew it would benefit you if you became friends with his friends, because that's what he wants.

Ned is an easy to talk to kind of boy, and he makes you laugh, a genuine laugh, sometimes you force it if you didn't understand the joke he told, for Peter's sake.

Peter on the other hand, really didn't spare you any glances unless he was talking to the entire table, and you found it weird, he had this sort of fearful glint in his eyes each time he made eye contact with you. You were worried, couldn't read him right to have an understanding as of why he was staring at you like you committed murder and swore him to secrecy.

Maybe it was because you were awfully quiet the whole lunch period, only laughing whenever Ned said something 'funny'. Truth be told, you had no faith in your voice to conjure up a proper sentence starter, so you relied on the table, and if the topic was in your interest, you'd voice your opinion.

None of that happened, Peter fiddled with his hands nervously, like he had something he wanted to say but couldn't word it right.

At some point Michelle had come over, and he eased up from the tension he felt, which didn't go unnoticed by you, your brain ticked in irritation.

"So, uh, what did you get on your science quiz, Ned?" Peter questioned randomly. Ned was on the topic of something Star Wars related, so it confused you, but you ignored it, picking at your food.

"I dunno, dude. We literally just took it." Ned points out and you glance up curiously, just in time to see Peter give Ned a wide eyed look before catching your gaze and showing you a tight lipped smile.

You don't reciprocate it, continuing to stare at him with a blank expression. Now you could see what was going on.

It wasn't that Peter had liked you, now you doubt that very much, he had felt bad for you because you had no friends, which wasn't true, you had one. Not only that, but there was this small itching, aching, feeling that he had some sense in the know of your activities, which involved him.

Maybe not all of them, but the stalking, possibly, the gifts, probably, and that's all you know he was maybe well aware of. It didn't take a genius to figure it out, but it did take a lot of backtracking to figure out when and where he had realized you were being a creep.

Or, you could be thinking into this too much, but you're and over thinker, so you're sure that the thing Michelle had definitely said was true, and she made sure to make Peter well aware of it.

It would explain why he was so nervous when asking you to sit with him at lunch, and why the boy was so uneasy when you resided at the lunch table.

You had to get away from the trio before confirmation could be made, so you throw your plastic fork on the tray of untouched food, quickly getting up from the lunch table.

"Wait, wher-, where are you going?" Peter was frantic, and you turn around, just because it was him, seeing all three of them stare curiously at you.

"I have, something to do?" You tell him, and you know it sounds more like a question, but you didn't care.

Michelle shares an unconvinced look with Ned, who tries his best to hide it, Peter glances at his female friend for help, and she shrugs before going back to her book, ironically titled, 'Notice'.

Fuck, now you knew they knew.

Peter's mouth opens, but now you're long gone. You had no idea how you could let this happen. You thought were thorough and careful, you made sure of it. It was Michelle, it had to have been.

You wanted to curse Peter for becoming friends with such an annoyingly observant person. You couldn't, and you knew that.

Despite him knowing about your stalking habits, you weren't going to let him know you knew. You were going pretend, and become the worst version of yourself you had always feared.

Just because Peter knows, doesn't mean you were going to stop, you just had to be extra careful now. You were going to make him come to a realization that you do what you do because you love him. Peter will come to his senses and soon love you.

You just had to eradicate the obstacles in his life.

part two???

#peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n #peter parker smut #dark!reader #dark!reader x peter parker

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insxghtt · 1 year

Note

could you do more bella x bpd reader? maybe like a specific moment or symptom that they help you through? -🐞

omg you just read my mind i love this

hypersensitivity — bella ramsey x bpd!reader

Bella was one of the best people you’ve ever met. Not only because they were a great partner, the love of your life, extremely beautiful and talented and smart, but also because they had the ability to see people for who they were.

When they heard your diagnosis for the first time, they weren’t scared like everyone else. They listened quietly, nodded, and gave you one of the best hugs of your life. You cried. A lot, actually. Bella stayed there and dried your last tear with the sleeve of his green sweatshirt. Then, he held your face with his two hands and kissed your cheeks.

“You’re still my girl. Nothing changed”, they said.

And really, nothing changed. Of course, now Bella could understand you more. They were able to realize the things that bothered you. Like, for example, strong smells that made you grumpy, movies that made you more emotional, songs that made you cry, changes in your routine that made you feel stressed.

They also realized how scared you were of the judgment from other people. You always heard that you were just “too much”. Too emotional, too angry, too depressed, too intense. And some words triggered you so bad that made you want to hide from the world forever.

Once, you invited her to dinner with your friends from high school. You knew it would be hard for you and that you would need him there. School was not easy and the memories would probably hit you like a punch in the stomach.

“I can’t even believe that you found someone”, one of your high school friends said to you. “I mean, I thought you’d be single forever. You were always so exaggerated when it came to love.”

She said it like it was a joke. Well, it was an awful joke and not funny at all. Plus, the use of the word “exaggerated” was the worst part. You tried your best to hide how much that bothered you and just laughed, but the tears in your eyes were already about to fall. You hated that. It was like you were about to overflow. Your blood was burning, the pain in your chest was insufferable. Thankfully, none of them seemed to notice while you held back your cry. Except, of course, for Bella.

Without even saying a word, they looked at you and immediately knew you wanted to leave. Bella was very good at reading you.

“Shit, darling, i forgot to tell you that Pedro invited us to have breakfast with him and his sister tomorrow morning”, Bella said, interrupting your friend who was about to tell a story about one of your first crushes.

Bella really was good at acting.

“Really?”, your voice cracked a little from the tears you were holding back.

“Yeah, he said he wanted to see us before going back to LA.”

“You’re friends with Pedro Pascal?”, your high school friend asked you, her tone sounding a bit envious.

What a bitch, you thought. Now you remembered why you decided to push her away after your graduation.

“Yes”, you answered, sounding more confident now.

“Anyway, we should probably go now, it’s getting late and we need to wake up early”, Bella continued.

“Okay…”, the girl gave you a fake smile.

You and Bella said goodbye to all the people and left the restaurant, heading back to their car. Bella had their arm around your waist and you saw them rolling their eyes as soon as you walked out of the door, which made you giggle. Somehow, you forgot about how much the words of your “friend” hurted you.

Bella opened the car door for you like they always did, and after you were inside, they walked around and got on the driver's side.

“Are you okay?”, Bella asked with a soft tone.

You smiled, looking at those beautiful brown eyes.

“Yeah”, you whispered. God, you loved them so much. “I’m okay now.”

#bella ramsey x reader #writers on tumblr #bella ramsey #bella ramsey x you #hbo!ellie williams x reader #lgbtq #the last of us #writing #the last of us hbo #tlou hbo #tlou #tlou x reader #tlou cast #bella ramsey x y/n #bella ramsey headcanons #bella ramsey fanfic #lgbt fanfic #lgbtq community

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cas-backwards-tie · 11 months

Text

Chapter One: Seed Uprooted

Heiress of Gotham

Masterlist | Next Chapter

Bruce Wayne x Daughter!Reader

Summary: After the loss of your mother, it feels as if all hope is lost. Fortunately, you’ve been placed in the care of your absentee father. The Wayne name has always been said to come with a few odds and ends that you’d have to get used to, the question is: will you?

Warnings: Angst, Anti-Police themes, Cursing, Death, Depression themes, Orphanage

Words: 1,569

A/N: This has actually been in my drafts and in my docs for... at least three years, I know. It's been rewritten at least twice, and I'm finally deciding to put it out there.

I remember that day. I remember exactly where I was when I’d found out. I remember the moment I met him.

The high-pitched ringing gives permission for us to finally leave the classroom, Mrs. Gurdept’s earlier demand that “the bell doesn’t dismiss you, I do.” did not divert anyone’s attention from packing up. Backpack already strung across your shoulders, you’re out the door along with everyone else. While your friend Daisha talks about how annoying the classmate is that sits next to her in History, it’s the uniformed men coming your way that catches your attention. It’s the BPD: Bludhaven Police Department. Parting the sea of students the police officer’s eyes scan the faces of the students passing them by. Heart rate rising, you try to keep your eyes on Daisha, determined to look engaged in conversation enough to skate past them without questioning.

“Miss?” One of the officers steps in front of you, blocking your path. Eyes immediately jumping up to his face, you scowl. “Can you answer a few questions for me?” Rumor has it they’re looking for Perdy Chapman, one of the sophmores who supposedly ran away from home once he’d been ousted as a drug runner for Marin’s gang; worst part was… he was funny, nice, and a straight A student. Officer reaching into the pocket on his breast, the white glimpse of a folded paper is barely seen before you respond. There’s no doubt it was some sappy photo of your classmate that you most definitely don’t want to see.

“No, I’m sorry, Officer. We’re late to practice!” Instantly grabbing Daisha’s hand you tug her along behind you, speedwalking toward the exit. She doesn’t question you; most of the kids know by now: never talk to the police. If you haven’t done anything wrong, then there’s no reason to talk to them. They’re all corrupt anyway.

Sitting on top of the cement blocks blocking off the parking lot from the kiss-and-ride line, Daisha playfully smacks your arm. “‘We’re late to practice’? Are you kidding me? You were so fucking quick with that!” A fit of laughter consumes the both of you, the imagined perplexed looks upon the cop’s faces bringing you practically to tears. It takes a while to calm down, the conversation turning into gossip, and eventually into Daisha sharing some of the memes she’d recently seen online.

“Do you think it’s gonna rain?” The question leaves your lips as your eyes watch the dark, ominous clouds roll through the sky. A wet smell of oncoming rain lingers in the air like the humid and hot summer nights in the Carnaveron District.

“Well… if the clouds aren’t an obvious sign, I’d say yes,” she teases. The three short honks are our signal: her mom is here. Jumping off the cement blocks we head over to the spot she’s parked in line, a soft drizzle makes itself known as the drops plunk the roof of the car. Daisha sweeps you into a quick hug before getting into the car, the duo waving goodbye before driving off. Since you don’t live far, it’s easier to walk. It’s the one part of your routine that consistently brings you joy. The breeze and gentle pitter of rain on your skin help clear your head of all the school drama. Off toward home, you find yourself beginning to get lost in thought about tonight’s homework assignments. It’s only the buzz of the cell phone in your pocket that brings you back to reality. “Auntie?”

“It’s your mother, get to the hospital as soon as you can. Cuidate, mija.” The dial tone signals the call’s ended. Frozen there on the sidewalk, time doesn’t seem to pass; thunder rumbles in the distance, it’s the only thing that reminds you that time is still moving. It starts to sprinkle rain.

~~~Two Hours Later~~~

Technically you were an orphan… at least that’s what you’d thought. Legally they were mandated to send you to a state-run orphanage. Everyone probably thinks they don’t exist today, and yet, there it was… right in front of you, open and waiting: the gates of purgatory calling your name. Though on the borders of Bludhaven and the streets that lead toward the country part of the state, the building looked like any other. Brown bricks, tall elongated windows; it would look like a ghastly warehouse to you from the outside if you didn’t notice the tricycle on the lawn, or the chalk drawings on the sides of the building and sidewalk leading up to it.

“I have to take this call, excuse me,” the social worker steps away from the black hatchback sedan. Lost in your own world, it doesn’t even occur to you to eavesdrop on her call. There’s no possible way that things could get worse than this. Nonetheless, many ‘mhms’ and ‘okay, I understands’ are heard throughout the field adjoining the driveway. The grey clouds finally starting to disperse, it’s quiet out here, the only murmur of your social worker talking and the occasional passing car fill the air. Just as the numbness starts to churn in your stomach at the thought of your Mom, there’s a knocking on the car window.

“Damn!” There’s an exasperated and ludicrous look in her eyes. “Someone’s got one hell of a guardian angel lookin’ out for you, kid. Follow me.” Even if she’s audible through the glass, she doesn’t wait to check as she turns and heads toward the orphanage’s entrance. Though thoughts of running away cross your mind, there’s no logical reason to do so. What’s left out here for me? Nothing.

Once inside of the building you're told to sit tight on one of the wooden benches by the entrance office. Though the social worker chats with the warden, you don't pay them any mind. Their words go in one ear and out the other, your fiddling fingers in your lap far more entertaining as you try and comprehend what the toll of your mother's death will have on the rest of your life. Fifteen, and no longer any semblance of security in any realm of matter toward your future. How did this happen?

It feels as if it's instantaneous, yet the wall on the clock shows over half an hour has passed. Doors creaking open with the cool ocean-ladened after-rain wind, an older man closes the umbrella he'd been holding over the younger-looking man who strides into the building with a sort of conviction that only exists through the air it permeates. They both are adorned in long trench coats and sunglasses, though the younger wears a black hat.

"Lisa! I assume this is her," the broad man addresses your social worker before turning his gaze down toward you. With the click of the door's lock as it seals shut, all noise diminishes in the halls of the orphanage aside from the faint echo of children's laughter in the distance. The building instantly warms by a few degrees and the men take off their sunglasses, pocketing them. Mouth subconsciously falling agape, you recognize him. The man standing before you is one you've only seen on billboards, television, and in magazines: Bruce Wayne. He crouches to your eye-level.

"Yes, this is-" Lisa, the name of the woman you'd only known as your social worker, begins to introduce you. What follows truly feels like some sort of grief-stricken concoction of fantasy, and though it might be dangerous, you follow it.

It isn’t until the car pulls up to the door that you snap out of it. “This isn’t a joke?” He must be tired of it: this most likely being the fifteenth time you’ve asked such a thing in the last hour.

“No. It’s not,” while one might pick up on the disappointed tone in his voice, Bruce Wayne offers a small, sympathetic smile. His hand gently comes to rest on your shoulder, leading you out of the clean, sleek Rolls Royce.

“It’s a pleasure, Miss,” the elderly man states your name in a titular way. Taken aback, he hardly registers in your mind. Too many thoughts and emotions consuming you, leaving nothing but a rapidly beating heart and a million questions tucked inside the body of a young girl. The fields had turn back into factories, factories into skyscrapers, skyscrapers into trees, and by then you’d finally come onto the property. In the dark there wasn’t much to take in; light illuminates windows upon rows of windows that span so far you wonder for a moment if they ever stop. Yet the edge of the mansion can be spotted from your place by the door, too weary to step inside.

"Are you coming?"

"I'm afraid if you stand out there all night you'll catch a cold," the older gentleman, whom you've already forgotten the name of, warns.

"That reminds me, Alfred, please go set up a bath for her. I'll take her upstairs," Bruce delegates. Though you wouldn't know it for months, he decided to give you a moment. Waiting at the door, he remembers the hours and days that followed his own parents' death. He's well aware that this is undoubtedly a big moment for you, and thus, a little patience won't hurt.

"This is..." you can barely even come up with a sentence, let alone a string of thoughts as you take in the palace before you.

"-your new home? Yes." He finishes the thought for you.

~~~~~~~~~

taglist: @ohdamnadam, @safarigirlsp, @jynzandtonic , @moonlightsolo

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